Content Week at ToastHouse: Wednesday, June 5th, 2024

Good morning, millennials, and welcome back to the toast.

Happy Tuesday.

No,

what day?

Oh my god.

That's what happens when you come on a Tuesday.

We give ourselves a false short week.

We're going up.

The illusion of a short week.

On a Tuesday.

And it's an extra special week because it's content week here at the toast.

Content week is kind of like Toasty Shark Week.

Okay, so obviously you and I have been churning out content left, right, and center.

Like we've gone viral four times yesterday and you guys don't even know the stuff like we filmed that we haven't even shown you yet.

Like I'm so excited.

so we're living in a content house yeah what is the name of our content house I think Toast House okay especially with all the bread it's toast house yeah it's so true there's a lot of bread so just quick update from yesterday we had an amazing day we killed it on our health journeys we did we were so active we got so much work done we filled you know this place with so much love no literary zero complaints.

Full day.

I don't think that we even went our separate ways until like 10 o'clock.

And we weren't even watching TV or anything or anything.

Like we were, we had a day meaningful time.

We had a late dinner, which is such an adult thing to do is to like cook dinner after the kids go to bed.

I don't usually do it.

Sometimes I'll eat after they go to bed, but I'm just like Taylor Farms or Miracle Noodle.

I want to say I didn't like it, like eating at...

8.30.

Yeah, me neither.

And then that cut into pickleball time and we never got to play pickleball.

Yeah, I'm going to eat with the kids, but the kids, like, I think we need to meet somewhere in the middle.

The kids eating at 5.30 and us eating at 9.

Like, why don't we all just eat at 7?

Well, these days, the kids eat earlier so that that they can go back outside yeah because it's cooler at that time so that's why they eat so early they don't usually eat so early but they're inside until dinner and then they can go outside because it's nice and shady what did we even do yesterday like well i did redheads new episode drops tomorrow get excited we went a little grocery shopping right right oh did anyone win the powerball last night jackie and i went to the grocery store and we didn't have any cash and i was feeling really upset because i felt like it was like a moment like

like you know when you feel something special like with the lottery in particular, and I was like, I'm with my swirly, it's Tuesday, the numbers come out Tuesday and Friday.

I have a good feeling.

But we didn't have our wallets on us, which I felt like was a sign.

I always had my wallet on me, like we could go and get cash.

And I feel like because the one time I didn't meant that like it was not for us.

And I know that like it's the law that you have to buy lottery tickets with cash.

And I actually don't understand it.

Well, what if you buy them on credit?

You don't pay off your bill and then you win.

Does the bank own it?

Oh, that's that's why I think.

Okay.

That just seems logical to me.

I guess you could pay off your bill when you win, but then they're like, hey, that was our money.

Whose money is it when you use a credit card?

No, by the way.

Thank you.

Yeah, that's it.

Okay, cool.

Cause, you know, we were, we're Apple Pay girls.

I'm like, can I buy some louder ticks with Apple Pay?

No.

Now, I don't think anybody won last night, right?

Because we would have heard about it.

And don't they usually say when a winning ticket is sold?

Before even like the numbers get announced?

It's the mega millions.

It's at like 500 mil or something.

Every time I come down here, the mega millions is like hitting a new.

I do not know.

We could go back, but I was also saying, because you were saying, and that's crazy to think that that's not like meant for us.

You know, what's meant for you won't pass you by.

But the lottery curse is real.

Jackie, we're too smart to fall into that trope.

Like, seriously, we would do such good things with our lottery.

And we always end up talking about the lottery when I'm in Florida because I'm sorry, like winning tickets only get sold in Florida or California.

Yeah.

Cause,

you know, California is obviously the elk of dreamers.

Floridians are the elk of lotto winners.

Like that's just what it is.

I don't make the rules.

And I feel like if I, if there's ever a chance of me winning the the lottery, it's when I'm staying down here.

Okay.

But you know, with family like mine, I've already won the lottery.

Turtle squirtle.

That's so sweet.

That is so sweet.

That is so sweet.

So yeah, we had a big full day yesterday.

I made another loaf of sourdough.

It rose.

So that's two correct loaves.

I haven't cut into it yet.

We'll find out today if it proofed correctly.

Yeah, it rose.

It rose, you know, because turdy's here.

She's just kind of like my lucky charm.

Totally.

And it looks good.

I'm ready to eat it.

It does look good.

I know what i'm having for lunch what

sourdough with butter and salt yeah you love that i've been dreaming of sourdough with just some scrambled eggs okay i'm a simple girl so however the eggs i didn't they're not from my farm so that's the next stop on jackie's journey so you can't have chickens in my county oh and i have to move on from that dream not that i because your county is not the elk of dreamers my county is not the elk of chickens and i actually as much as i'm going down this path like i'm not

i i support animals like i love brew i love romeo um

animals like scare me a little bit

just magnolia oh sorry i was thinking of the ones that are here and now sure sure theo thanfully margo doesn't listen to the show thankfully i love magnolia i know bruno loves her but i obviously have beef with her because like he's kind of spent all his money on trips to the maldives for her and i feel like she's a big reason for his financial ruin are you taller than me Why do you say that?

Because my feet don't hit the floor in this chair and you're like fully size.

I'm sitting up more than you.

Sit up.

No, no, this is the most up.

No, no, no.

Like move your back.

No, no, no.

Like your back up a little bit.

That would bring you closer to the floor, no?

It brings me further away.

Sometimes I don't hit the floor and sometimes I do.

Interesting.

Just be the way we're sitting.

Okay.

We're like really the same height of nothingness.

Yeah.

And like at this rate, like I feel like.

people are competitive.

Like who's taller?

Who's shorter?

Like, do I want to be taller or shorter than you?

Like, I literally don't even know.

At this point, we're so short.

it's like an achievement i kind of want to be the shorter one i have to say not the one who's more like other people i don't think that this is like a hot take and i think we've said this before like i love being short like whenever people meet me and they remark on how small i am i'm like yeah i'm just so small yeah like i love it yeah i don't think that's a hot take i think like no i think everybody i mean i guess some people don't like their height but i think most people do because it's actually something you can't change about yourself so i hope that you like it like you better embrace it yeah even if you're an extreme but like dana's an extreme short person.

But how does she feel about her height?

Loves.

It's who she is.

Yeah, no, I mean,

but I feel like being really, really short.

And I'm talking about like not, you know, like dwarfism.

I'm talking about just like you're still,

you're still just like short, you know?

Like Dane is super, super short.

I think like most people as a girl would prefer that over like being super, super, super tall.

But like the four, eight, what's the average height for a woman?

I feel like five, four.

No, I think like five six.

Really?

I feel like Margo, our sister, is average height.

Woman.

Look, let's do a little math.

A little in America, by the way, I feel like it's probably different thanks to big food.

Oh my God, you're right is 5.35.

So

let's call it 5'4.

We're literally average.

So let's call it 5'4.

Okay.

That would mean the Dana equivalent on the tall side, an extra eight inches, is 5'12.

Six foot.

5'12?

Are you okay?

Six foot.

Oh my God.

I'm so glad we got that on camera because that's something I would say.

512.

You know what else I do sometimes?

Like if I see the number like 605,

like we got to get on the 605.

What I say.

Oh, you mean a time or like 605?

605.

Okay.

I read it as 65.

That's weird.

Yeah.

And then I realize that that's actually misleading.

Because that thing's of 65.

Because that's also a different number.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's weird.

I don't relate to that.

Maybe you have like a form of dyslexia.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

Why can't I just like be a dumb bitch?

Why do I have to have like a thing and take away from people who actually have a diagnoses?

I am so glad that I just remembered that I just said the word dyslexic because it reminded me of something I've been dying to talk about on this show.

Hacks.

Okay.

Now, I have watched all but one episode and honestly, the most recent episode I watched left me never wanting to watch this show again, which is shocking.

I have longstanding been like the number one advocate of this show.

I think it's the best show on the planet.

And this season, they are very much leaning.

Have I said this on the show yet?

I feel like I'm having deja vu.

I'll let you know.

They're really leaning into the fact that the show is about Joan Rivers.

Like the entire, the entire season.

And I think a lot of people have speculated for a long time that Deborah is loosely based off of Joan, but this season is so Joan.

It's all about the

nighttime talk show hosting gig she lost in the early 80s or whatever.

That literally happened to Joan.

And this season, like the Jimmy Fallon equivalent is stepping down and they're casting the new one.

And Deborah goes on this like PR journey, like saying, I want this role.

I'm, I could be amazing, whatever.

And there's like a lot of momentum.

Like Gen Z's starting to like love Deborah and she's going to give a talk on a college campus.

And as she's like arriving on campus, this like video is going viral.

It's like a supercut of all the offensive things she said over the years, you know, jokes about every community you can think of.

And in the beginning, Deborah was like, fuck these kids, like eat my ass.

And, you know, Ava comes in being like, you know, you really should think about your impact and accountability.

And like, I'm waiting for Deborah to like laugh in her face.

But seriously, like the kids start like doing a walkout, they're boycotting and they hold a town hall to talk about like their feelings about Deborah's jokes.

And Deborah decides like she really thinks about it and Ava's, you know, monologue has a real impact on her.

And she goes to the town hall and she just sits there while all these kids get up and tell her what's wrong with the jokes that she made.

And this one girl like actually stands up and is like,

Deborah, I'd like to talk about your ableist jokes.

And Deborah's like, what's ableist?

She's like, well, you said that

dyslexia or, or how you call it, lystexia, literally hilarious joke and like really smart.

And that, do you know how hard it was to grow up with dyslexia?

And Deborah just sits there and then like apologizes and then gets written up in like, you know, variety.

Like, she's amazing.

She's Gen Z.

She's learning and listening.

Jackie, it was so offensive to Joan Rivers

legacy.

Like Joan Rivers would never attend a town hall.

If she attended it, she would only show up to spit in the faces faces of the students.

Like, Jackie, I, I don't know if like,

it felt so off-brand for Deborah.

I don't know if in the final episode of the season, which I haven't watched yet because I can't bring myself to do it.

Me and Ben looked at each other.

We're like,

Deborah would never.

Deborah would never.

I don't know if like in the last episode, they undo it because it literally, Jackie, it makes no sense.

That's really crazy.

She goes to a town hall.

Well, I can understand her going just to eat them alive.

That's what I thought she was going to do.

Like read them to them.

She didn't even apologize.

No, she didn't even apologize.

She sat and she listened and she learned.

Yikes.

Yeah.

Jackie, I was shocked.

I was in tears.

I'm so glad we were able to just talk about that.

Did anybody else feel like that was so off-brand?

And I guess like it seems like the show is turning into like Ava, this like distressed millennial who's like, you know, offended about everything and Deborah, like these two polar opposites are going to like meet in the middle and Ava's going to change Deborah and Deborah's going to change Ava.

But Deborah hasn't changed Ava.

Ava has only changed Debra for the worse.

No, and I also think when people reach a certain age, like they are who they are.

Yep.

Deborah's fabulous.

Ava's the one who stinks.

A thousand percent.

No, Deborah, the job with Deborah is the only thing that she's got.

No, I was so.

I think Ava needs to evaluate her life and her choices because things haven't worked out for her, like not Deborah.

No, I agree.

Jackie, it was really upsetting.

That's upsetting.

Now,

maybe the last episode like puts things back in its place, but I don't know opposite day.

They made like, they like took a left turn.

I was shocked.

Interesting.

oh my god i'm so glad we brought that up yeah so that's something i've been wanting to talk about also we've got stories today we also have deer toasters and there's a deer toasters that's so us it's about an aura ring

aura ring drama oh wow yeah well you they could never make me hate my aura ring the way turdy and i are like what's our activity score today how did you sleep last night i can't believe i lived so long and i was actually thinking about this yesterday just reflecting on a time where like you would come on the show talking about your aura ring and seriously like i couldn't have given a flying fuck about anything less and how silly I was, how wrong I was, how sorry I am.

Well, that brings up something from yesterday because you read a new book yesterday.

So I've been reading all these children's books because, you know, the kids, nobody reads a book like me.

I've got such, I really should go on that radio show, like ludicrous.

I've got such timing.

And I read a couple of books.

The first I read was If You Take a Mouse to School.

Yeah.

Sequel to If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.

Oh, okay.

I haven't read the first.

I don't know if it's the type of thing you need to see the original.

If you take a mouse to school, it's such a bad book that sends such a bad message about like codependency.

I really didn't like it.

And no rhymes.

Like I just felt every page fell flat.

It's so clunky to read.

Clunky, yes.

Yeah.

So then I was delighted when somebody brought me Green Eggs and Ham because I know Green Eggs and Ham.

Now I didn't remember, you know, the actual story and plot, but I did remember Sam Mai Yam, Green Eggs and Ham.

Like I knew I could sing the shit out of it.

And I did.

And when I got to the end of the book, I had this sort of realization.

And is that the Grinch in Green Eggs and Ham?

Or it's just like a green guy?

He looks just like the Grinch.

It's just a green guy, but it's Dr.

Seuss, so the illustrator is similar.

They all kind of look like.

I think you should take a second look.

I think it's the Grinch.

Who plays Sam I Am or the guy who's supposed to be eating Green Eggs and Ham?

You want to get the book?

It's right outside.

Yeah, I get it.

Okay.

It's definitely Grinch.

I'd like to cite the source.

But a lot of the Dr.

Seuss characters look like the Grinch.

Like, if you've read the Sneeches books, they all...

The star-bellied Sneeches and the plain-bellied Sneeches, they all have bellies like the Grinch.

I think that's just...

Claude, I really think it's just how how Dr.

Seuss illustrates, because think of the Sneeches book.

Have you read that one?

No.

They look like the Grinch.

Also, the cat in the hat.

Look at him with his pot belly.

He looks like the Grinch too.

He's just

so Grinchy.

Yeah, this is just Dr.

Seuss characters.

Okay.

Well, well, he doesn't have a name, but his name now is Claudia Ashre.

Well, that's what I kind of learned towards the end of the book.

I'm like, I'm having so much fun, you know, rhyming and bumping and grinding with these words that it took me a second after I closed the book to say, oh my God, this book is about me.

Is this play about us?

Like,

I am the Grinch.

Cause the whole book, this annoying fuck, Sam I am is like, Do you want to eat green eggs and ham?

Like, would you eat it here?

Would you eat it?

And Grinch is like, Fuck off, dude.

Like, I don't like green eggs and ham.

I don't care where I eat it, who I'm eating it with.

Like, it ain't happening for me.

And the little Sam I am bothers the Grinch so much that by the end of the book, the Grinch says, Will you permanently fuck all the way off if I just try your green eggs and ham just to prove to you I don't like it?

I don't like it.

And he takes a bite and he freaks.

He says, oh my God, everything I've, it's giving ora ring.

It's giving reading.

It's giving down to Nabby.

He says, I do like green eggs and ham.

I do.

I like them, Sam, I am.

And I would eat them in a boat and I would eat them with a goat and I will eat them in the rain and in the dark and on a train and in a car and in a tree.

They are so, so, so, so good, you see.

So I will eat them in a box and I will eat them with a fox and I will eat them in a house and I will eat them with a mouse and I will eat them here and I will eat them there.

Say, I'll eat those bitches anywhere.

I do like green eggs and ham.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Jackie O.

That's literally what the book is giving.

Yeah.

Well, what's funny is I heard you're reading it upstairs.

I was cooking dinner and I've read this book a few times and I toggle between two things.

Like, of course, you want to be open-minded and try new things and not be closed-minded.

And I think that's the overall message, but I do think there's a conflicting message about respecting boundaries.

Yeah, because you, if you're like a negative person, which we are, like, you could take a look at this book and say, indoctrination.

That's literally what's going on.

No, I feel like it's like, I know i don't like this thing stop pushing it on me respect my boundaries however he did wind up liking this thing so his boundaries were false boundary i guess we would need to know grinch's relationship with green eggs and ham up until this point had he never tried it and you're just saying no he's just being closed-minded like he looked at it he judged a book by its cover and he said no yeah i think that's the message i i think this is actually an amazing book like this and i feel like i've been clowning on a lot of children's books and haven't really said what i'm loving and

this goes in the books hall of fame like this is excellent from all cylinders.

I am so glad you like it.

I mean, Dr.

Seuss, he's the goat for a reason.

Yeah, one fish, two fish, red flesh, bluefish.

That one's good too.

Do you have that one here?

I do.

And Cat in the Hat is also really good.

And then, of course, the Grinch.

We love the Grinch.

Of course.

And then all these other ones on the back.

I'm not, I'm not familiar with these.

You don't even know the Sneeches, but the Sneeches are really good.

Now, Seussville.com.

I guess Seussville is like the name of the Dr.

Seuss Empire.

What do you think the Dr.

Seuss Empire is worth?

50 million.

Well, I guess if you include movie rights.

Right.

Dr.

Seuss is now worth 75 million.

Salay.

But he is no longer with us.

So who

Google knows, like when I ask a question, related question, people also ask, who inherited Doctor Who's estate?

Doctor Who?

Dr.

Seuss's.

Audrey Stone.

Okay, wait.

According to the New York Post, the estate is currently owned by the University of California, San Diego, which received the property in a donation by Dr.

Seuss's late wife.

Hmm.

Did he have children?

That would be kind of weird.

Well, his name was not Dr.

Seuss.

It was.

It was like Theodore Streisand, no lie.

I think it was Theodore Fichemin.

By the way, Theodore Geisel.

You're right.

It's Theodore Streisand.

Theodore Geisel.

He was an American children's book writer.

Let's see what Wikipedia says.

Although, after Chernobyl, I know how unreliable Wikipedia is.

He had a spouse.

I don't think that he had any children.

There is one Dr.

Seuss book that's not good, though.

He died at the age of 87.

Hmm.

What is it?

King.

The Zacks, something like that.

It's not good.

Oh.

Yeah, it comes in the series and it's a must-skip.

You have to read the Sneeches, by the way.

Do you know that Dr.

Seuss also had an illustrious career as a political cartoonist?

I could see it.

Yeah.

There's a lot of satire here, a lot of commentary.

Yeah, there's a lot to, you know, unpack in the world of Seuss.

Give me the back of the book.

I want to see the other one.

Yes.

I give Seuss, I mean, this is like the least hot take ever, but tens across the board.

No, but you see with the children's books, like sometimes you're like, oh, why did that get, why does everybody read that book?

Even Give a Mouse a Cookie, like, we bought it because it's a classic.

Is it?

I think it's a new modern classic.

You could definitely skip it.

As we said, Rainbow Fish.

A lot of the ones that kind of live high on the hog and are exempt from

exempt from critique aren't that great, but then there are the ones that are so great.

Yeah.

And they're cliche for a reason.

So I'll read more.

More places you'll go.

That's also Dr.

Seuss.

He also it's like a happy birthday to you book.

Love that.

Yeah.

I'm going to keep a list, maybe like a Goodreads or something, of my Aptorni Approved books.

I actually have been meaning to make like an Amazon storefront of all of the favorite children's books that I've read.

And also, we've been reading like in the living room and upstairs, but the best ones are in the bedroom.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You haven't even seen the best ones.

No, I haven't.

I do love that.

I think it's like four books.

It's the baby beluga.

It's like classic songs.

Oh, baby beluga.

Down by the bay.

Down by the bay.

That's a song.

Yeah, it's a bop.

I don't know who was working in the studio, like, getting that shit off the ground.

Rafi.

Fire.

Fire fucking song.

But it's also a little bit like, what were you on?

Down by the bay where the watermelons grow.

And it's like, have you ever seen a goose kissing a moose down by?

It's kind of like random.

Yeah, no, and I think one plus one equals sock.

When you're a teenager, that's like a classic song you like change the words to and make it dirty, you know?

Oh.

Interesting.

Yeah, like, have you ever seen your mom?

Like, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

At least that's what I was doing.

And then the other board book in that series is Wheels on the Bus, which I don't think anyone owns.

You do.

No, no, no, owns the song.

Oh, oh, oh, I thought you meant the book.

I'm like, I think a lot of people do.

Yeah, clown.

So, yeah, just like

fascinating stuff.

Truly.

Truly.

But the best children's book of them all is The Camper and the Counselor by me.

Me.

You have to read Camper and Counselor now again.

I've read it extremely recently.

Okay.

Like in the midst of all these other books to kind of see where it ranks.

You'll really enjoy it.

You don't need to sell me.

I know.

On the magic of TCATC.

TCATC.

Also, I'm doing a book signing this weekend speaking of TCATC in Miami at Books and Books in Coral Gables.

So get your tickets on their website.

Just, you know, Google it.

I'll put the link in my stories again.

If you want to come see me, tickets are limited.

The ticket price gets you a book.

that I will sign.

If you want to come see who?

Me.

Now we've got a great show, lots of stories and people in need.

Dear toasters, this is the end of today's episode.

So if it fancies the lady,

it does fancy the lady to deliver the fast five stories that you need to know.

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Let's talk about bedtime.

It's 10 p.m.

Your TV is saying one more episode.

Your phone is begging for your attention and your to-do list is keeping your mind distracted.

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Our first story, some hair news.

Rihanna announces a launch of Fendi Hair Care Line.

Fenty, sorry, with new blonde pixie cut in the promo.

So just, you know, trigger warning for me.

But Fenty Hair is almost here.

On yesterday, Rihanna took to Instagram to share the news that her beauty empire is expanding into hair care, and it's coming soon.

In a campaign video showcasing a variety of hair types and textures, the Fenty Beauty founder gives fans a sneak peek into her newest product line.

She said a new family is moving in.

Fenty hair is pulling up and it's time to finally have the hair experience you've been waiting for.

So I don't think anybody was necessarily surprised that Fenty was going into this space.

They recently did skin.

So like it's just a natural progression for a billion dollar beauty company.

I think what really made this newsworthy is, you know, Rihanna's blonde pixie cut.

Oh, you think so?

Yeah.

I think it looks great.

Okay.

So if anyone can pull off a pixie cut, it's obviously Rihanna.

I don't think Rihanna looking great in it is an endorsement for the pixie cut because like she could look great in anything like with a duty on her head, you know?

Right, right.

Maybe that's next for Fenty, Fenty Duty.

Fenty Beauty.

Yeah, right.

Well, I think this is exciting.

And as you said, like, yeah, beauty, skin, hair, all in one.

It just goes to show like the umbrella gets larger.

And it's also really crazy how like the hype for Fenty Beauty like really didn't die down.

No, it reached like a level where it's just like, this is what people incorporate into their routine.

It's not like we're just trying things anymore.

Like it's very much here to stay.

Yeah, and they did like a good job of like embracing Gen Z and TikTok.

Like they're super relevant on TikTok, but they're not like the most obvious like chuggie like brand.

They really like brand of the moment.

Yeah, which you don't want to be because like you're a brand of the moment and then you go out of business.

Then the moment changes.

Yeah.

It's just really, it's such a testament to like Rihanna's, I think, like celebrity, but also like probably the quality of the products.

I've used a bunch of Fenty stuff.

Like it's all good shit.

Yeah.

Same.

So this is not shocking, but you know, you love to see a billionaire getting richer, especially when it's Rihanna.

Especially when it's like, you know, consumer products that we get to benefit off of as well.

Yeah.

We all win.

We do all win.

We feel like I literally am a spokesperson for capitalism right now.

Like the consumer benefits too.

Yeah.

Thanks, billionaires.

you you know i could use some new hair stuff i feel like my hair is in like a a lull because it's just like growing out your hair is so long it's insane no i mean like my regrowth like the underneath by the way i have regrowth too you do yeah from like my hair loss journey when i put my hair in a bun i have like my bun hair and then i have my back hairs like yeah the ones at the back that are that don't fall five inches long yeah that's where i'm at i need to i kind of like them like you do i don't know like i like to twirl them in my hands and it's just a reminder that like your hair is growing back yeah but it definitely gets in my way

100 i think i got like a few more months of this before it fits nicely into my pony well if you cut your hair

to the length of my regrowth yo you're just bridging the gap you know i guess you have to meet your regrowth strands where they are that's so true you know i don't see a haircut in the near future for me like a drastic haircut one day yeah but i'm not sure i'm no one to talk i'm always like trying to convince other people like olivia rodrigo and our sister margo to get drastic haircuts but you couldn't pay me seriously two billion to cut my hair drastically.

I guess if somebody said to me, Turdy,

here's a winning lottery ticket and a pixie cut and you can't take one without the other.

Thousand percent.

Cause then I would buy the best wig money could buy.

Of course.

Yeah.

Of course.

Because I know they say like, you know, what's that quote?

It's like my favorite quote.

And start writing down my favorite quotes.

That's what Tinks does.

And it's like, she's always like remarking on her quotes.

I'm like, how do you remember them?

She says, she has a list.

But my favorite quote is like, everybody wants to be rich and famous, but make them rich and see if that doesn't solve their problems.

Like fame is not like everybody like looks out for like fame, but like literally money.

And I know money can't buy happiness, but it can solve like almost all of your problems.

Got a pixie cut.

So the message is like, the fame is, fame is worthless.

Don't spend your time wanting it.

A thousand percent.

That's what we were saying yesterday.

So you must have read that quote and then you moved on from.

No, I've always thought that.

I had never, you know, like heard the quote until actually I read it in Josh Peck's book.

Got it.

And I was like, oh my God, yes, that's like exactly how I feel.

It's like, it's the money that's good, not the fame.

Like we look at celebrities and we're like jealous, but we're like, you don't realize you're not jealous of their fame.

Like it's really not that great.

You're jealous of their money.

I feel like attention too.

Yeah, but it gets old quickly, I think.

Yeah, but like if you're with someone and like they're getting a lot of attention and you're not.

Okay, well I need more information.

Where am I?

And who's the other person, you know?

Yeah.

Like sometimes like if somebody else gets attention, like it depends who it is.

Like I can be happy for them.

Yeah.

But do I hate this person?

Like you can't just make like a generalization like that.

Got it.

Got it.

No, but attention is like a form of currency and that's what fame is.

I mean, you're telling me I literally started running for attention.

Right.

And look where it got you.

Good things came.

A thousand percent.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Dakota Fanning reveals she has a massive shoe collection courtesy of Tom Cruise.

Have you heard this yet?

The story sounds familiar.

Wait.

So Dakota Fanning, maybe she told you it in college when you guys went to college together.

That wasn't Dakota Fanning.

She went to NYU.

At the same time as me?

Like she's 30.

I don't like remark on her as one of my classmates.

Dylan and Cole Sprouse were.

Anna Sophia Robb was.

She's literally your age.

How would you feel?

If your father married someone, you're out of turn 30 in February.

Oh, so she's not my age.

She's much older than me.

Anyway, she revealed on the Kelly Clarkson show, of course, where everyone goes to spill the beans.

Christian Uscheck was just on the Kelly Clarkson show.

That Tom Cruise has gifted her a new pair of shoes every year for her birthday since they starred together in War of the Worlds.

He's gotten her a birthday present every single year since she was 11 in that movie.

Kelly said, I find that amazing that every year on your birthday, Tom Cruise still sends you a present on your birthday and says, happy birthday.

That's so nice, even though they worked together so long ago.

She said that she had just turned 11 when she first worked with him on their 2005 film, War of the Worlds.

And to celebrate, he had gifted her her first cell phone.

She said, it was a motorolar razor.

I didn't have anyone to call, but I just wanted a razor so bad.

And I just wanted to say that.

I wonder what your parents thought of that.

That's kind of a big thing.

Yeah, I feel like now it's kind of a bigger thing, but like back then,

the impact of cell phones wasn't like, it was just,

I guess.

that's what I because I was saying the same thing like that's a kind of a presumptuous gift to like give someone their first phone, but I think back then it just like meant less plus it was a not a smartphone.

It's just like you want to make a flip right anybody needs to make a call and you want to do the flip.

I've got a phone.

Right.

So she said I must have been talking about it a lot because that's what he got me.

It was such a great memory.

However, since then he has honored her birthday every year by sending her a new pair of shoes.

So the thing is they could never make me like Tom Cruise.

Like, and Dakota Fanning is trying.

Like, she's really trying hard.

They could never make me like this man.

However, you know, hearing a story about an 11-year-old on set who had a positive experience with an older gentleman in this industry, like, you know, we can't take that lightly.

Like, sorry, that is definitely a point in Tom Cruise's column because,

you know, I don't know.

Sorry, no, they can never make me like him.

I'm trying to put a positive spin.

I can't.

Okay.

Well, I mean, it's sweet, but I don't think they have much of a relationship now, but like he still acknowledges her birthday every year.

Also.

He's like not sending it, you know.

But he has made it a point to his people to do this.

Actually, this is another storyline in hacks and i i have to assume it's based on what actually happens in real life but like tom cruise i guess is known for like sending a like a group of like hollywood elites and his friends every christmas this like divine coconut cream yeah 300 people he sends it to at christmas oh so it's an episode because um deborah gets one oh that's funny um so he's obviously like known for his gifts which is cute but he's also like known for being a scientologist like Yeah, he also paid for Glenn Powell to get his pilot's license.

Okay.

Well, if there is anyone who can make me like Tom Cruise, it might be Glenn Powell.

And Miles Teller, and they both really like him.

Yeah.

I don't know.

The thing is for me with Tom Cruise, like, I definitely missed his peak.

Like, he was a movie star, and like, he still is, but like, there was like a couple of years where he was it.

And I just kind of came into consciousness after that.

Yeah.

And so I only know like, like, the negatives.

I don't remember Jerry Maguire, you know?

Right.

I don't even know what movies I've seen him in besides Top Gun Maverick.

I feel like that's literally it.

And I saw Top Gun Maverick two years ago.

Yeah.

We've definitely seen him in other stories.

No, I actually don't think we have.

Let me Google him.

Tom Cruise is a very good thing.

Is it all like mission action?

He kind of like does his own stuff and like is always.

He created his own genre, like for real.

Yeah, it's true.

I'm just saying, like, you know, just interesting to note, Tom Cruise is very generous.

Also, I would love to get to a place where I'm like known for my gifts.

That's like such a rich person thing, you know?

Yeah.

You can have like lists that go out annually and everybody knows you for it and like the elites get it i guess that might be how some people feel about our tn holiday baskets i think so they're really great they are we don't skim we don't and we send it like we send them to ourselves yeah that's the best part sending it to ourselves to unburden ourselves right okay all of these movies are like action movies oh rain man

we've seen rain man oh my god wait hold on tom cruise was in rain man that definitely changes things Who was the man himself?

Dustin Hoffman?

Or what's that guy's name?

yeah dustin hoffman dustin hoffman yeah and then tom cruise is like the brother who's like always trying to keep him out of trouble yeah okay you know that's an excellent film yeah okay

seems like you're trying to make me like tom cruise

no i'm just i'm just having you question your biases that's all okay to confirm them yeah but biases are there for a reason you know yeah no like of course i'm like just like nicole kidman that's what i you know thank you what kind of man is turning ice cold you know yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Is it about Alec Baldwin?

It is.

I need to talk about this.

Alec and Hilaria Baldwin announced their reality show featuring all seven of their kids.

So Alec and Hilaria Baldwin are getting a reality show on TLC called The Baldwins, and it is a family dynamic show about their family.

And I feel like this is crazy.

And let me tell you why.

Because obviously Alec Baldwin, oh my God, I'm getting choked up.

alec baldwin is a star

and we know him he's incredibly famous 30 rock but this is coming off the heels of me just watching and i forgot to mention that alec baldwin is in pearl harbor

alec baldwin is so a-list and i think we've all forgotten how a list he is over the last couple of years because he's been marred by scandal first you know the spanishization of his wife this thousand kids the shooting So we haven't really talked about his status as an A-lister in a while because we've been talking about other things.

The voicemail,

caparazzi, the anger.

He was roasted on Comedy Central a little bit, you know, a couple of years ago.

Like we haven't talked about his, you know, discography

in many years.

The work itself.

And if you would do our favorite thing, please pull up Alec Baldwin's IMDb because I don't know how somebody who is in Pearl Harbor.

ends up on a TLC reality show.

Well, it's not just about Pearl Harbor.

Like, it's everything.

No, of course, but Pearl Harbor, like,

as far as, and how I see it, it's like when you think about Jennifer Gardner, Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Kate Beckinsale, Jamie King, like, these are all people.

They are, they were, you know,

what's the word?

Propel, catapulted?

Thank you, catapulted, into this very elite level of fame.

Alec Baldwin included.

And he went on to do great things.

We obviously know 30 Rock.

What else?

It's complicated, of course.

We have

I mean, I'm looking at the movies that I love.

He was in the aviator.

Oh, yeah.

He played

the head of Pan Am.

Blue Jasmine.

Again, movies that we've watched.

The cat in the hat with Dakota Fanning.

Yeah.

The cat in the hat.

Like literally the best of me.

This is a deeply accomplished person.

And I...

Actually, I do know because we've literally watched it all unfold, but it's really crazy how you go from that to having your own show on the same network that launched the career of Mama June and

the Duckers.

Like, it's really crazy.

Even without Pearl Harbor, like, he's been a, he's

dirty rock.

It's crazy that the show is on TLC.

And it just makes me ask one question.

Like, why?

I think they need money.

Really?

This is what you do when you need money.

They have seven kids, which just in and of itself is an enormous financial undertaking.

They've recently, you know, had a lot of

legal, you know, those things are expensive going to trial and things of that nature.

Um,

I'm sure she spends.

I am sure she spends.

Yeah.

I think also,

yes, he has this amazing, but like in the last couple of years, even think about the last movie he did, which was Russ.

Like, that was an independent film.

That's something you make like a per Diem per day of.

Like, you don't.

Or you make it like when you're doing it for the art.

He was in Boss Baby, which that those sorts of things make money.

There were two of them.

I'm sorry.

That's probably one of his most lucrative.

No, it's true.

Like the voiceover work.

Yeah.

When you get in with one of those animation, oh it's over still alice which was recent and critically acclaimed so if he doesn't need the money which is what i immediately thought why would he do this and i also think like 30 rock is a show that like pays forever sorry yeah 30 rock is a show that pays forever it's on netflix i think it's also on max and i think there are other things that you can do for money like when you're very well connected no invest in something no you're right you're right you're right i don't think it's about the money like i think maybe hilaria wants to be on tv you think it's like a fame thing i don't know i seriously can't imagine why anybody who's like maybe because she's on instagram like maybe like she wants more than just influencing and i love tlc this isn't me clowning like i watch a lot of their programming you guys know that i don't um i think it's important to know like yeah there's reality shows there's different levels of reality shows you know bravo y

and then there's tlc which like is you know the circus yeah

Like you're on the same network as like sister wives and the duggers, you know, 19 kids.

Like it's, it's like for like freaks, dogs, like, you know?

yeah no i know so i'm confused sound off in the comments like why do you think they did this show yeah and will you be watching this show honestly it's tempting

i wonder if they'll address you know like what would you say is the biggest scandal in alec baldwin's career the shooting See, I really feel like it's Ilaria.

Like to me, like that was so much more shocking.

Yeah.

Then there's also Thoughtless Little Pig.

The voicemail.

But I think we're past that as a p like that was ireland is but i think she is i think she is too and ireland's like in her mom like trad wife era yeah it comes for all of us also what i was thinking about when you were saying like all the things that i have been like green eggs and ham does it ever make you wonder of the things that i'm doing now that like eventually you're gonna fall into because don't push it okay no no i'm not pushing anything i'll make my own bread when i'm ready i don't think you'll i actually don't think you will ever make your own bread me neither okay but so what exactly are you referring to no nothing it was a question it wasn't an agenda Oh, okay.

No, I don't think about it.

I just think about like, you know.

It's funny to think about, though.

There's definitely something that I'm doing now that you're like, I roll.

Maybe there's something that I'm doing now that you'll be doing.

Maybe, but I endorse everything you do.

I endorse everything you do.

There's nothing that you do that I think is crazy.

Yeah, or that I'm just like not paying attention.

It's so dissimilar to myself.

But I could see you becoming like clean one day, just like products-wise.

I don't know.

But it happens like a big impetus is like when you have kids.

Yeah, of course.

Yes.

Good enough for ye, but not for they.

Yeah.

So the Baldwins on TLC one day.

Coming to a circus near you.

Yes.

Next up, Lady Gaga

is

making waves on TikTok.

Making waves.

I guess she's been kind of like low-key recently.

Even though like her Chromatica Ball came out on Max and like, I don't know why I've seen like no hype for it.

I mean, sad even she like did her concert dvd okay released it when was chromatic ball years ago like before covid okay and it came out on max and i've been like seeing clips of it somewhere but like there really has been like no energy for it well she's been doing like fallet ado and i also think she's a celebrity that when she's not wearing hair and makeup she looks like a lay person and can make herself look like a lay person i so i think she's like pretty low-key i also think she's a celebrity who when she's not actively working on something like she hibernates like you don't see her right but she had her sister's wedding and she was spotted with her mans they're still going strong her which man is this regular degler his name is like michael is he the audio engineer guy is he i don't know he's just like a lay person yeah yeah yeah um but they're still together and maybe some of the pictures sparked pregnancy rumors anyways she wrote on tick tock not pregnant just down bad crying at the gym register to vote

okay So many layers to this.

First is I love when celebrities like comment on rumors that nobody was making.

Like I never heard this and I I hear everything.

Okay.

That's first of all.

Second of all, living for the Taylor Smith reference.

Like I think a lot of people are like, you know, creaming their pants.

Like, is this an Easter egg?

No, I just think she's like commenting on something that's big in culture and that's fine.

Three, this is probably one of my least favorite celebrity tropes.

Like the performative activism, it's like everyone's talking about me when we should be talking about this.

It's like, first of all, no one's talking about you.

Second of all, like, we're talking about voting anyway.

Like, it's an election year.

We're not stupid.

Like, one of my least favorite tropes, it's like, it's a little like condescending.

It's like, well, you guys are so so caught up in such unimportant things like my pregnancy rumors, you really should be thinking about voting.

And it's like, we are.

We can actually think about two things.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Like, I think you're pregnant and I'm also going to vote this year, you know?

I just hate that.

Like, and it's, I think people like, it's, we were talking about it with that Reformation collab.

It's like, you just put like vote.org on anything and you're, it's like, I'm a savior of the people.

This is meaningful.

Yeah, I don't like it.

No, I don't like it either.

And I really hope that as a society, maybe it it won't be in this election cycle because it's already starting.

Yeah.

But at some point that we move past it.

It's so performative.

Like you're not making anyone vote.

Yeah.

Rare.

Like I wasn't going to vote, but then Lady Gagana TikTok told me to.

And actually,

if that's your level of intellect, you probably shouldn't vote.

Like, seriously.

I'm kidding.

I don't vote.

Like, please.

Yeah.

I just, this is probably like one of my least favorite celebrity trips.

A, about voting, but B, just about like the sort of intellectual superiority.

Like while you're all doing this, I'm over here talking about, you know, the Sudanese.

And it's like, okay,

me too, but I'm also talking about the other thing.

Like, yeah, yeah, we can hold space for a number of things at one time.

Cause one of our, you know, favorite sayings, which is, you know, of the absolute truth, two things, actually, maybe even three can be true at once.

Not three.

Yeah.

Not three.

Certainly not four.

No.

I draw the line at four.

Well, Lady Gaga has emerged.

Well, that's just like the overall positive outcome.

And does anybody else feel like the hype for Chromatica Ball has been like so...

I don't even know what you're talking about.

Okay.

It's like her era store.

It's her Beyoncé's Netflix.

Like she did a Max concert DVD.

I don't know why I call it DVD, but that's just like.

Yeah.

When somebody films their concert, it's a concert DVD.

Of course.

Of course.

And when it's on Max, it's on Max.

And I just feel like no one cared.

I didn't even know about it.

So I can't say that I didn't care because I didn't know.

Therein lies the issue that I'm asking people about.

Like, why is nobody talking about it?

Because I'm a big fan.

Does this include like Stupid Love?

Yeah, that's the Chromatica era.

I'm sure she's saying Stupid Love.

I've been listening to Stupid Love a lot recently.

She's really good.

Because I resurfaced some old 2020 playlists because, as I said, like, I, weirdly, there's so much new music, but there's nothing to listen to except for Shibuzi stream Shibuzi, everyone.

I get into Jackie's car.

Like, she's knee deep in the Shibuzi album.

The Shibuzi album is so, so good.

I did like what I heard.

It's so good.

He's so talented.

So right now that's carrying me, but it's definitely not for working out.

So I've gotten back to my 2020 workout playlists.

Stupid love.

So good.

Rain on me.

That's, that has always been on my, every playlist, I like keep making new ones.

Rain on me is always the first one added.

It's so good.

Because I would rather be dry, but at least I'm alive.

Rain on me.

Hey, hey.

Our fifth and final story.

Cricket.

A little more celebrity news, some hopeful but frightening news.

Halsey, Halsey, releases a new single, The End, as she reveals her secret health struggle.

She said she's lucky to be alive.

So on Tuesday, she shared The End, which is a first new single from her forthcoming fifth studio album, along with a caption revealing that she's been suffering from serious health issues.

On Instagram, she wrote, long story short, I'm lucky to be alive.

Short story long, I wrote an album.

It begins with the end, out now.

So

she said that she was suffering from leukemia as well as lupus.

Yeah.

Frightening.

So scary.

I've actually been listening to a lot of palsy from my old out, from my old playlist.

You know what this just reminded me of.

Did that Charlie Booth song ever come out?

Hero?

Yeah, I listened to it.

You did?

How was it?

Not good.

Not bad, not

bad.

Just like it didn't change my life like I was hoping a song called Hero would.

Damn.

It wasn't like, I need a hero.

I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light.

Gotta be.

He's gotta be cool and he's gotta be fast and he's gotta be fresh for the fight.

And it certainly wasn't.

And then a hero comes along

with the strength to carry on.

And you cast your fears aside.

But you know you can survive.

So when you feel like hope is gone,

look inside you and be strong.

And then you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in

you.

No, it wasn't that.

Oh, that's disappointing.

I had like hopes that Charlie P.

Pooth would be a bigger artist.

Yeah.

No,

I listened.

I was like excited because I meant what I said when I said it sounded good and I wanted to give him a shot.

Taylor should have like reposted it or something, like given it like a little bit of a leg up.

Not if it's not worthy.

It's so true.

Our queenest taste.

Yeah.

Not like a pity share.

I mean, what's literally what you can always tell when like a big artist is like friends with a littler one and the littler one puts out like a piece of shit and the artist is like, I'm obsessed with this song.

It's like, no, you're not.

Stop lying to us.

Yeah.

But Halsey's putting out new music.

That's great.

And she's been through a lot.

Wishing her well.

Yeah.

If Washley Ma.

Me as well.

I think she's doing better now, but I think she went through a hard time.

I mean,

that's terrible.

Yeah.

So those are the fast five stories.

I enjoyed them.

I know you said at the beginning of the show, well, actually, I think maybe you said this offline, like you weren't sure about the stories.

These just like light celebrity stories.

I enjoyed them.

Not super chewy.

Not super chewy.

Chewy.

I'm hungry.

What are we having for lunch?

Something light.

Sourdough.

Oh, yeah.

We're having our slices of toast that are easily digestible, so they're healthy.

And there's, I feel like people are worried about deer toasters.

That the show's over, but it's not.

Oh, it's so not over.

By the way, guess it's never really.

Oh, KP7 is coming.

Okay.

What do you think about that?

I'm open.

I'm open as well.

I'm open, Sam.

I am.

She seriously, like, will go down.

She will be studied by like for the flip, flop, the flip, the flip,

like, she's.

Every other album is either the best album I've ever heard or the worst.

And she will be studied for, like, having probably one of the biggest impacts on pop music,

like five different times.

And then releasing two albums that seriously, I think, got five downloads.

Yeah.

I don't know how you can do both, but get you a girl who can do both.

And it seems like she might be in a huge redemption era, which I am really here for.

Me as well.

What was I going to say about her?

it's just so crazy like at one point her and kelly clarkson were like neck and neck for my love no and i think she's also a great example of hair theory how like your hair can really change your output like for real because i think some of her best hair days were her best music

and then some of her worst hair days the bleach blonde pixie cut was some of her like worst shittiest music chain to the rhythm

bone appetite correct Yikes bikes.

And then it's also like, I think

a statement on authenticity.

I didn't feel like she was being her authentic self with Bonapacita.

I think she was like putting out what either the label wanted her, put her to put out or what she thought people wanted her to put out.

Like that wasn't Katie.

Well, I feel like a criticism that she often gets is that she's not been authentic her entire part of her successful career because I think she started out as a Christian artist, as we know.

She didn't have success until much later in life.

And I think

people say, and I don't feel this way necessarily because I don't know her on a personal level, but like all of that was just like put on,

you know, the teenage dream.

Like it was all phony, never.

But it was good.

Yeah.

No, not saying it was good or bad, but like who is the real Katy Perry?

I don't know.

I don't know either, but I think there was a time where she didn't know.

Right.

Even as someone who's like been a true fan of hers over the years, I don't know who she is.

And that's the problem.

Now, as like Kelly, like an older, wiser mom, I actually think she knows who she is now.

And like, maybe.

Maybe she did Harley's in Hawaii and I think she was a mom when she did that.

Yeah, that wasn't good.

And wasn't giving authentic true self, but like that song Daisy's and her daughter's beautiful.

Yeah.

Maybe we could just chalk it up to you know, mismanagement.

I guess she also doesn't have a Grammy, that's what I was gonna say, even though she's been like such

one of those people, Miley just left that bucket of people who are like so famous and like have so many popular songs and have never won a Grammy.

I think it's more of a crime that Katy Perry has never won a Grammy when you think about like Teenage Dream, California Girls, I Kissed a Girl, you know

the one that got away, waking up in Vegas.

Like, she has Firework.

The fact that Firework doesn't have a Grammy is really emblematic of the issue that I have with the Grammys.

Yeah, like when that album came out, Teenage Dream is her biggest album.

I think it like smashed everything.

What year did it come out and what one even pop vocal album that year?

You know?

Yeah.

Like what was she that's where her dream, her Grammy should have been.

Pop vocal, yeah.

Teenage Dream album came out in 2010.

What a great year for music.

I was in the 10th grade.

Was that a great year for me?

I think it was

2010 Grammy winners.

Oh, I think Taylor Swift had a big year that year.

Is that Fearless Year?

The 53rd annual 2010 Grammy Winners list.

How fun.

Yeah, Taylor won.

For Fearless.

Wait, where's the winner?

Oh, You Somebody was record of the year.

Fearless was album of the year.

Single Ladies was Song of the Year.

You guys, these

guys.

It was the best pop vocal album.

She's She's not nominated.

This must be the wrong year, but it was The End by Black Eyed Peas.

Also good.

Really?

Black Eyed Pease?

The End?

What's unless you're not.

I'm sure you know all the songs.

I got a feeling.

If I got a feeling,

okay, then fine.

So wait, maybe it's the 2011 Grammys.

I just want to put this to bed.

Yeah, like who is she up against?

Like, has it just been unfortunate timing for Katie, or are they out to get her?

Record of the year in 2011 was Need You Now by Lady A.

Love.

Oh my God.

Okay, Grammy winning queens.

Wait, this is what it was up against.

Nothing on you by B.O.B., amazing song featuring Bruno Mars.

Love the Way You Lie, Eminem and Rihanna, amazing song.

F.U., CeeLo Green, amazing song.

And Empire State of Mind, amazing song.

Yeah, by the way, I can make a case for any of those songs winning, but Need You Now winning isn't that crazy.

Like that song was so big.

Here's where she was snubbed.

Album of the Year went to the suburbs by Arcade Fire.

Now, I know I'm biased because I'm not an Arcade Fire fan, but Teenage Dream should have won.

Was she a nominated?

She was nominated.

Recovery by Eminem was nominated.

Need you now by Lady A was nominated.

And The Fame Monster by Lady Gaga were nominated.

But I think it's easier to say that now, like in retrospect, seeing how much, you know, that album by Katy Perry, like still lives and the one by Arcade Fire, like doesn't.

Right.

So in retrospect, it was wrong.

Yeah, in retrospect, yeah.

Wait, best new artists, this is crazy.

Nominees were

Mumford and Sons, Drake, Florence and the Machine, Justin Bieber, and Esperanza Spalding.

Esperanza one?

Who's that?

Yeah, and they almost always never, I feel like it's actually a curse to win best new artist.

And I think when you're like a really successful artist who doesn't win it, you're not like that upset because like, I think Christina, it's like famously, Christine Aguilera was snubbed for it.

Christeline Dion, like many people.

All of these people.

Florence and Eugene, Justin Bieber, Drake, and Mumford and Sons.

Yeah, like it's almost something you don't want to win.

Yeah.

And then best pop vocal album that year, she was nominated.

for Teenage Dream, but it went to the Fame Monster by Lady Gaga.

Like when I think of new artists, I don't know why I always think about Alessia Cara, who had such a big year and won and then was never heard from again and she still works it's not like she stopped making music she's still releasing and like whatever machine was behind her like broke yeah they broke the machine florence i think fame monster yeah that's tough they are both mad like either one yeah okay damn um well we have to your toasters our weekly advice segment that's brought to you by GNC.

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All right, Jackson, you ready for Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment where everyone can email us deartoasters at gmail.com or head to the toastpodcast.com to submit anonymously?

Yes.

You know, I had four.

I had four because I couldn't whittle whittle it down to three.

So let me just see.

Do your whittling.

Okay, this one's funny.

And it's like sisterly, so we can do it.

Hey, swirlies.

My sister and I are very close and I love my nieces so much.

I got my niece a present she really wanted for her third birthday.

I didn't assemble it.

I'm pregnant, but I dropped it off for her a few days before in case she wanted it to have,

in case my sister wanted to have it ready the day of.

My sister shared that this was a selfish gift as it was not assembled and ended up making more work for them.

Is this a rule I didn't know to assemble before dropping off a gift?

Is my sister being nuts or am I?

Well, I need to know what it was.

But like, what kind of toys need being assembled, you know?

All the toys, pretty much.

Like, most things, a dollhouse, say, um,

a bicycle, like things just need assembly.

But no, most people, when they give someone a gift at a party, they bring it in the box.

They wrap it.

Most people don't assemble something.

It's nice if you do, if you're dropping it off, but you're pregnant and you gave her enough time.

I think she's being a little crazy.

Like, yeah, if someone dropped off a gift that we had to assemble, I would like be like to my husband, oh.

But I would never think like they should have assembled it.

They bought us a gift.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

If you're in a situation where someone's given you a gift and you are like complaining about something, you are 10 out of 10 times in the wrong.

Yeah.

You can complain about it to like your husband being like, oh, she couldn't have wrapped it or she couldn't have assembled it.

But I never thought, like, I've gotten a lot of children's gifts.

They don't come assembled.

And I never really think, damn, so-and-so should have assembled it.

And especially if you are complaining about a gift that came from a pregnant person, this pregnant person didn't do enough physical labor for you.

Like your sister is 1,000% wrong.

So you can rest easy knowing you're in the right.

Yeah.

How you want to handle it is up to you.

Like, I don't know how you and your sister handle things, but you should tell your sister, seriously, to shut the fuck up.

Like, this is the best part about having conflicts with sisters.

Like, you can say something to them and like you can speak your truth, you know?

Yeah.

You don't have to mince words.

You can be like, first of all, I'm pregnant.

Second of all, you're being an ungrace in great.

Third of all, fine.

I won't buy your mini skiffs anymore.

Is that what you want?

Like, what's your fucking problem?

What's your fucking problem?

This is a situation where like, I think directness is of the utmost importance and you can feel good knowing that these two sisters told you you're one thousand.

You didn't do one single thing wrong.

No, you did not.

You dropped it off even.

It would have been above and beyond to assemble it, but like so not wrong to not do it.

And then you're setting a precedent for like every gift having to be assembled.

No.

A gift is a gift.

Fuck all the way off.

Yeah.

Um

which one do I want to do next?

Oh, this one.

Another sister one, okay?

Okay.

Hey, Jackson Turd, Turd, longtime listener of the show, huge fan, and love you both.

I'm in a bit of a pickle.

My sister is staying with me while her new house is getting built.

And out of curiosity, I went through her journal.

In it were some, I'm, I'm, oh my God, I'm having a stroke.

In it were some unsavory things about me, about how she isn't enjoying staying at my house.

I'm passive aggressive.

I'm overly critical, etc.

In an unhinged rage, I sent her pictures of what she wrote, telling me, telling her how bad it hurt me.

And now we're not talking.

Can you believe she is the one mad at me even though she's the one who wrote all this horrible stuff at the end of the day i miss my sister and this feels like a huge fight but i'm unsure of how to move forward am i the asshole yes yeah you're seriously so toxic like why are you going through your sister's journal i don't care if she admitted to a murder in there like there's nothing in there for you and then to instead like if i feel like if i if i did that you uncovered i went through your journal and i found these thoughts about me my I wouldn't take pictures and say, why do you think these things about me?

I would be like, oh my God, I've been passive aggressive.

Like, I would try and change my behavior.

Maybe that's just me, not saying you need to do that, but the fact that you would be mad at her about her private thoughts, like seriously, what do you want to control?

Everything and everything, everyone, it's giving Mao.

Yeah, no.

First of all, reading anyone's journal is so

it's what?

She's guilty of thought crimes.

It's such a betrayal.

Like you are so wrong for that.

Like you were going to be wrong in this situation.

10 out of 10 times because you did that.

Like you should never do that again.

And like you need to learn about like boundaries and privacy.

It's so hard when somebody writes in when they're the toaster and they're in the wrong.

It happens sometimes where like, you know, you need a third party to to tell you how crazy you're being, like you're being nuts.

So not only is reading it like such a betrayal, especially of a sister, like, oh my God.

But Jackie's right.

To then start a fight, she didn't say these things to you.

She wrote them down in a journal, which is never meant to be seen or read or published.

And a lot of times people write stuff down like that to like get it out, expel it so that they can move on from it.

So it wasn't meant, like she's not festering in it, probably.

She's probably putting it there so that she doesn't have to bring it to you.

And the fact that you're like, this hurt me, it's actually your your fault that those things hurt you because you were never meant to read them.

So she literally owes you nothing.

You owe her an apology, actually.

Or like if someone, like if someone less crazy, no offense, read it, like they would, and saw that their sister wasn't happy staying at their house and was having these feelings, like you could then have like a, a talk with her being like, are you happy here?

Like, what can I do?

Um, you could even pretend like you just had a feeling, but you could have like had a referendum with her as opposed to a fight.

Right.

And so the fact that she wrote these down and didn't like say them to you just means they're her thoughts.

Like they could be meaningless.

She could be justified.

She could not be.

But reading it was wrong.

And you now open like this whole can of worms that you shouldn't have opened.

Like, and what even compelled you to read her journal?

It's not like you were in a fight or anything.

So like you just decided to like invade someone's like utmost personal thoughts.

Like what for fun?

No, I think you need to work on yourself like for all.

But I love you.

And I'm sorry to have been so harsh with you.

But if you miss your sister, like it's 1000% on you to repair.

And I guess you feel like she's staying at your house, like you're the one who can like,

like you're doing her this big favor.

Like, how can you be in the wrong?

But you are.

Yeah.

You really are.

No, and like, don't do a favor for someone if you're just going to hold it over their head and feel like you can treat them

however you want.

That's not how it works.

You're doing it because out of the goodness of your heart.

Yeah.

Our third and final deer toasters is the Aura Ring aforementioned submission.

Hello, my swirliest, twirliest girlies, I need your help.

My husband and I went to Florida two weeks ago for our third wedding anniversary and during the trip he lost his wedding band which is devastating.

We haven't gotten him a replacement yet because my ring is the only one on the insurance policy and we just really keep hoping that it's going to show up somewhere.

Last night he comes home and he claims he has the best idea.

He can get an aura ring as his new band and as a bonus he can use his HSA to pay for it.

For some context, we can't afford to get a new ring.

I've been so sad that he lost his ring because I really thought he'd have that ring forever.

Now with an aura ring, not only does it not seem sentimental, it'll also need to to be replaced once again later down the line am i being too sensitive or should i let my husband replace his beautiful original band with an aura ring um

you're not being like too sensitive but no an aura ring is not a wedding band and

also

he'd like wear it out to a bar and be like no i'm not married it's just my aura ring yeah no it's not a wedding band Yeah, and if you can afford it, like get it.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't like this whole thing where people like skirt around wearing a ring.

Like this, you know, a lot of

guys who golf wear that like rubbery one.

And let me tell you, when I golfed, my aura ring was bothering the fuck out of me.

Like it's a valid complaint that they have.

So they wear these like temporary like rubber band.

No, bitch, put your own bag.

So you're leaving all day.

You're taking your ring off.

Like, yeah, I don't care.

And what am I doing here?

I just want to say, it's a completely valid complaint.

And you need a reminder that you have a wife at home and

your finger is going to pinch.

And if he wants an aura ring, that's a completely separate complaint.

And his HSA, great.

He should get an aura ring ring and a wedding band yeah i'm not of this culture what do you think about people who tattoo rings on their fingers

sure i don't have an opinion on instead of wearing a ring

because it's so permanent i don't have an opinion on it it's not my wheelhouse yeah like if that works for you and your partner great

if zach wanted like that just wouldn't happen around here yeah yeah you know yeah i don't mind it

I don't have an opinion.

But I don't think you're being too sensitive.

Like wedding rings, like we're all wearing them.

We're everyone in the marriage should wear the ring.

Like Our Ring never even said, like, hey, get one so you don't have to wear it.

Like, they never said that.

No one said that.

It's two separate things.

Also, I don't know what type of ring he had before, but like, I actually, um, Ben and I, Ben has lost his ring.

And also, you should just get used to not being super attached to the man's ring.

Ben has lost his ring twice.

They're so much cheaper that, um, like, thank God, it's not me losing my ring twice.

But I would try and lose a little bit of your attachment to it because, like, the actual ring that he got on the day, like, men lose their rings all the time.

Like, and I feel like at some point I'm just going to start buying fake ones like from like a three dollar.

Well, I'm not going to tell him.

Oh, that's good.

He doesn't listen to the show.

So

I would just like come to terms with the fact that probably this one that you are about to get him, he's not going to have forever either.

Yeah, but it's not a big deal.

But an aura ring is not a wedding band.

Oh, an aura ring is not a wedding band.

And don't get us wrong, aura rings are amazing, but a wedding ring, a wedding ring, it does not make.

No.

If you would need advice from two people who are seriously going to tell you the truth, like, sorry, whether you like it or not, do so at deartoasters at gmail.com.

That's the email you can write us.

We'll keep all your shit anonymous.

And if you have an update for us, let us know.

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Dear Toasters at gmail.com or the website is the toastpodcast.com.

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