PEOPLE's Ugliest Woman: Wednesday, May 1st, 2024

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Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the Toast and happy Wednesday.

Feeling very humpy today.

That's right.

It is hump day, an amazing, sort of like groundbreaking day here at the toast and at weeks all around the country.

It doesn't feel like a hump day.

I know the facts and my feelings not aligning, but until you said that, I hadn't really realized that it was the day of the hump.

I guess because

this week is just it's scattered for me, and tomorrow is my husband's birthday.

So I guess like that's hump day.

So it's just like kind of ruining your week.

No, because like that's the hump day of humping.

Oh,

Jacqueline Foley.

Okay, Folet.

Just when you think you have me figured out.

It's so true.

She doesn't stop evolving.

The evolution of Jacqueline Folet knows no bounds.

Yeah.

So the latter half of my week is busy.

I got to do a spray tense.

We eat my swirly this weekend.

We're doing a meet and greet in Austin.

Yeah, IRL.

We're just kind of like booked in busy swirlies.

So

the Austin girlies, Jackie and I are doing a Spritz meet and greet because Spritz just launched in Target, which is like so major for us.

And we do meet and greets all the time, but we've never done one at Target.

So we're going to do it while we're in Austin right before our panel at Dear Media's event.

So we have such a fun weekend planned.

We're also going to a concert afterwards.

Did I tell you that?

I got to stick us to a concert?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm excited for that.

And I also am just catching up on some of the drama that we found ourselves in.

Let's talk about it.

And I'm feeling relief because yesterday, Claudia called me to say that people were theorizing that Kristen Cavallari and Justin Anderson were talking poorly of us on their podcast.

So we went and we listened and it was about like the episode was about pop culture and then they just talked about how they don't like talking about pop culture and people who like make a living talking about pop culture.

Like Yucky, there are these two sisters who are just like.

No, let me say something.

Let me say something.

Like the descriptors that were given, sisters who talk about pop culture, like literally there are no other sisters who talk about pop culture.

I'm sorry, there just aren't.

When I listened to the clip, I was like, I feel in my heart that this isn't about us.

But I don't know who else it could possibly be.

Correct.

But I came away from it, like just holding space for the fact that there are sister pop culture podcasters that I don't know that they are talking about because I didn't feel like that was us, especially because they were like, they said such gross things about Kate Middleton, which if you know me, you know, the only thing I said about Kate Middleton was like, I'm waiting till Easter.

If I don't hear from the palace, I don't believe it.

Yeah, no, aside from like being sisters and pop culture, like nothing else was a descriptor of us.

He said these sisters are so dorky.

And honestly, like once I heard that, I'm like, that's literally not us.

There are valid criticisms of us.

Like people say we're annoying, vocal, fry.

Like I, I can, I know that that when someone's saying that, I know that they're talking about me.

Dorky?

Like, we are a lot of things, Jaque.

We are not dorky.

So I, I really thought in my soul it wasn't about us, but I had to acknowledge that maybe it is because seriously, who else could it be?

And then this morning, Justin Anderson on his Q ⁇ A cleared up that it's not about us.

Claudia found that the page of the people that it certainly is about.

Oh, I found it.

You did.

I just saw it.

It's about them.

It's not about us.

I feel good because like I really like Justin and Kristen and that would have hurt.

It's, it's hard to have beef with someone when you're like, damn, I like you.

Oh, yeah, that's like, that's happened to me.

And it's like, yeah, it's happened before and it stinks.

It does.

Like, when somebody hates you, and like, honestly, you know that they're so great that, you know, when somebody hates you and you still like them, you know?

Yeah.

It's like, okay, well, I still want to follow you.

Yeah.

That's sorry for what happened.

Talk to you later.

Yeah.

So at least this wasn't that.

We've emerged

beef-free.

And also, you know,

it just wasn't us.

It just wasn't us.

No, factually, it wasn't us.

And that's really good.

We live to see another day.

We live to see another day.

I almost didn't live to see another day because after watching yesterday's episode and seeing my posture, I was floored.

I never wanted to leave the house again.

I was literally like concaving into myself.

I don't know what I feel.

I need to be more conscious of my posture.

I looked like seriously like Nostradamus, you know, what's that?

The hunchback.

The hunchback of Notre Dame.

I was giving hunchback.

Please keep me accountable.

I will, but the way I see you is not the way that the camera sees you.

And sometimes, like, I don't, the other day I didn't even see what pants you were wearing.

And then I saw them in the episode.

And I was like, oh, I didn't realize she was wearing those pants.

Yep.

That's a nice pair of pants.

Yeah, no, I

feel like.

For me personally, like there's just nothing uglier than me slouching.

Like it ruins my whole, I spent so long getting ready today.

And if I'm just slouching, it undoes it all.

And so I'm super conscious of my posture.

Please hold me accountable.

As I said, I'll try, but I like don't, I have a different angle.

I have a different perch.

Just keep me accountable, okay?

Happily.

You need to be held accountable and you'll stay accountable.

And I'll do better and I'll listen and I'll learn.

Listen, that's where you struggle.

Big time.

I'm pretty much just learning.

Okay, wait.

I wanted to tell you that today is Wednesday and we have deer toasters and we have an update.

from a two-year-old submission that took the community by storm.

When this girl wrote in, people were freaking out.

Do you remember that girl who her and her husband got a dog?

And the dog turned one years old and she was like, obviously going to neuter the dog.

And the husband was like so against it to the point where he literally took the dog for a walk and came back without the dog and he was like hiding the dog.

Yeah.

We have a two-year update from that girl.

Cool.

What?

You know what I'm going to say.

Okay, I want to talk about something because I think a lot of people after we were talking on Monday about like the stories, or maybe it was even yesterday, being like, please don't get rid of the fast five.

We're literally not.

We just complain.

Like, the fast five is never going away.

Dear toasters is never going away.

It's never even, it's never even

an exception.

It's not, it's not

a consideration whatsoever to ever get rid of the fast five.

No.

Or dear toasters.

Like, sorry, Jackie, like, it's not happening.

No, no.

Or deer toasters.

No, that's not what I was going to say either.

What were you going to say?

I was just going to say, like, I just like.

Don't have the energy for deer toasters today.

The thing is, is...

And, and, I watched Vanderpump Rules last night.

Oh, I watched Vanderpump Rules, the two episodes I was missing out on, and not the new one, because I figured you weren't watching it because you were recording the Redhead.

So I, like, was trying to, like, I literally had the time and I didn't watch it, but I did watch our episode, which was really exciting because I have some thoughts about Lisa Vanderpump watching the toast.

They were like debating whether Jack called her superfluous or a prop.

And in the clip that they played, he does call her a prop.

If my memory serves me correctly, knowing how much I love the word superfluous, I was actually the one who said Lisa was superfluous.

And that was at the time how I felt.

Right.

But if he even agreed, then he's saying

that association.

Yeah.

It's like, there's no way that Lisa heard that episode of The Toast on her own.

I feel like someone fed it to her and was like, here's what Jax is saying about you.

You should be mad at him.

But I just want to say I'm like loving having these former castmates back on the show, like Brittany and Jax.

Like from the second he, say what you want about Jax, he's a professional reality star.

And the second he started filming, he was starting fights, like obsessed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I am all caught up.

I think next week is the finale, this big San Fran, Kyle Chan party.

Okay.

I'm so glad you brought that up.

Kyle Chan and San Fran.

What?

Like.

And by the way, and if it's not the finale, like if it should be, I'm good on this season and I really want to get to the reunion, which is making a lot of waves.

I want to talk about Kyle Chan.

Like,

who?

Great.

Who is Kyle?

Like, who did, what body did Kyle Chan bury that, like, every castmate is like, like, why do I know the name of this random LA jewelry brand?

Like, they prop him up so much.

It's Kyle Chan this, Kyle Chan that.

I feel like all we talk about is Kyle Chan.

I don't understand.

Like, Gina, will you perform at my party?

Like, what is going on?

Maybe he gives them free jewelry.

I feel like maybe they invested in his company, like, for real, because they're acting like shareholders.

Yeah, and that would explain where all the money went.

People are starting to, and by people, I mean Nick Vial, because he talked about this on his podcast and I saw it in a clip and it's something that we've been saying, like the Vanderpump rules cast members talking about

how they have no money.

Yeah.

Like, where is the money?

There is so much money that they've made, that they can make.

They've been on TV for so long.

And where did it go?

And he was saying, like, it's, you know, they obviously weren't financially responsible, but like.

Seriously, where did they even spend it?

I don't see it.

Right, they don't live lavishly.

No, they don't drive insane cars, carry insane bags.

Like, where is the money?

Maybe they sunk it into bad investments like Bruno, but that's something they should share with us because they're always like

saying they can't afford this, they can't afford that.

And how is it that Tom Sandoval is the wealthiest man on the show that can just buy you out of this, buy you out of that, pay for Sheena when she's pregnant and unemployed?

But Sheena, who's been on the show just as long as him, doesn't have that money.

Right, like Sheena.

Tom Sandoval, Katie.

Are those the three?

Like Tom Schwartz in the very first season wasn't like a full-time cashier.

Was not a broadcast.

And neither was Ariana.

Right.

So the three of them, I, there is no way they're making less than $30,000 to $40,000 an episode.

Even

way more than that, Turtle.

No, no, I think I had heard from somebody like legitimate, like, and this was like four years ago, that they were making 30 grand an episode.

So that was like, but I don't know if they've had a contract renegotiation since scanning.

That seems so low.

I was going to say 250 grand an episode.

No fucking way.

I think probably now it's 50.

I'm going to say 100 grand an episode.

I think they're making just over a million a season.

Yeah.

For 10 years on reality TV.

Yeah.

I don't know because,

no, you have to think about how like there was a time a couple of years ago where like the show was kind of in a lull and they were probably just like taking what they could get.

And that's the contract they're working off of.

I don't know if they're, I don't believe their contracts have come up since Scandivall happened, which sucks because if it literally, if they all had contract notations, Scandivall, the show was in a lull.

Okay, that doesn't mean they got pay cuts.

They're still on the up, up, up, up.

I I don't know.

I actually don't know about that.

I think they're making a lot of money from the show.

And it's not like Sheena lives ever in a crazy house.

I know she had to give half her money to Shay, so that definitely like

set her back.

But Katie Maloney, I guess she doesn't like talk about the fact that she doesn't have enough money.

Okay, so that makes sense that then Tom Sandoval is the wealthiest.

It does.

Cause also Tom Sandoval didn't go through a divorce.

Katie did.

Sheena did.

Not Sandoval.

It does make sense why he's...

But yeah, it's also, it's it's like tiny violins.

Like, I can't keep hearing about these people's money problems.

When you open your Instagram, they have like a million podcasts, a million brand deals.

It's like enough.

No, and it's like, if you want to make more money, like you could do more work.

There's plenty of opportunities.

Yeah.

But so I'm not fully caught up on, but if next week is the finale, I will fully catch up.

And you're right.

I do just want to get to the reunion.

Yeah, because I keep seeing stuff very titillating.

And like this episode,

you know, whatever.

Yeah.

It was whatever.

So anyways, all is that to say, like, I'm, I was going to recap Banner Pump Rules, which pushes dear toasters off a bit.

But what I also did last night was record the Redheads, which this might be my favorite episode of The Redheads of all time.

Laughing so hard.

It was just, it was cathartic after reading a really bad book.

Like, for sure.

Whenever we have a book club, like in real life and the book sucks, it's like the best meetings because it's like we're just laughing about how stupid it was.

Yeah.

And it's like, I felt like rewarded for finishing the book that we could have that conversation.

It was so funny.

And all of us were just like picking out the parts that stood out to us for being the dumbest.

Oh my God, we were wheezing.

So that episode drops tomorrow.

And I'm really, really excited for that.

Everything's coming up, redheads.

Ain't that the truth?

I can't believe there are people out there who think it's pronounced reed heads.

Like, like, I get it because like read and red are spelled the same, but like, don't be dumb.

No, yeah.

Just take it like one step further.

Yeah.

Just keep thinking.

Just keep, keep thinking.

What's also exciting is that today is May 1st.

Happy May.

Oh.

I feel like while you were focusing on the fact that it's Wednesday, I was focusing on the fact that it's May.

Yeah, you're right.

And please, like, anyone who sends me, it's going to be May meme.

Like, you are seriously being blocked.

People I know personally.

Like, there's a few, like, there are a few things that happen in meme culture in the meme calendar.

April 25th, it's not too hot.

It's not too cold.

All you need is a light jacket.

Everybody posts that miscongeniality thing.

October 3rd, on October 3rd, he asked me me what day it was i told him it's october 3rd may 1st it's gonna be may wake me up when september ends

uh that is to me like the lowest form of comedy and i used to participate in it like i just like we the people who haven't like evolved past that type of humor i can't i think it brings us together it's gonna be may dana is someone who really participates in A couple, not all of them.

She doesn't participate in May, October 3rd or April 25th, but she does Wake Me Up When September ends.

And then October 1st, nobody woke me up.

And of course, April 1st.

Of course, April 1st.

And then also Pi Day, 3.14.

Yeah.

And then her birthday.

Those are the big days of the year for her.

Well, I would hope her birthday would be one of them.

Oh, Dana is like crazy.

Stasi season one about her.

Yeah, she is.

Yeah, it's so out of character.

I know, because she's not like an attention-seeking whore.

No, but I think it has more to do with her love for astrology, which is also out of character for such a learned girl.

Okay.

No, yeah, she's not like Allie, but like she needs to know everyone's horoscope just to kind of put them in a box and understand them.

I just want to say like the Vanderbilt Bruels producers are so shady with like every time they film at James and Allie's house, like showing the airplane above.

Anyway, I just want to say like it is really weird to live five minutes from the airport like when you make a lot of money.

Like that's not like really.

where people, if you have choices, where you would choose to live.

It's very bizarre.

And also like which airport?

Because Because they live near LAX.

That means they're like over an hour away from everyone.

I don't, I really don't understand that house thing, but like they're obviously so.

They're so proud to be homeowners.

And it's like such an accomplishment to buy a home and they're so proud of the outside.

They keep filming there.

They keep hosting there.

Like they obviously love it.

And like the way the producers are not letting anyone forget that they live by the airport is like actually nasty.

No, it's really true.

It ain't right.

We get it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Also, maybe you're used to it, but it's funny.

You get used to anything.

Like Allie was saying, like, she grew up near an airport.

So this is like nothing to do for James.

It's different.

But like, you don't even realize how much sound you live with every day.

And I guess if someone who comes from a quiet place lived where you live, they would be like, how do you live like this?

That is true.

That is true.

Did you also see James Kennedy

DJ'd at Stagecoach, like kind of majorly at the Diplo Honky Tonk?

Yeah.

I love that.

Everything's like kind of coming up, DJ James Kennedy.

As it should, he's one of my faves.

Did you feel like this year Stagecoach is bigger than Coachella?

No, but I felt like for the first year, they were definitely on the same level.

I really feel like it was bigger.

Well, I guess I follow more people.

More people that I follow went to Stagecoach than Coachella, is how I feel.

Same, but I do think that might be like an us thing.

But like, if you know the landscape and you know like how many influencers get paid to go to Coachella, how many brands go, how many brands throw parties.

And then if you went to Stagecoach like a couple of years ago, there's none of that.

There's no like Revolve parties.

There's no nothing.

There's no house.

And this year I saw like a couple of pretty decent brands.

Tarte Cosmetics was there like a couple of big brands i think we've offend also did something little like yeah people are now allotting i think some of their coachella budget to the stagecoach budget which is so crazy that means it's gonna get ruined soon but it's interesting to note i agree yeah it felt really big this year which i'm happy Do you feel protective over stagecoach?

A thousand percent mask graves.

Like you guys weren't here.

Yeah.

A thousand percent.

And there were no brands and there was no money to be made and you actually spent your own money.

Oh, thousands.

Yeah.

No, I do.

Yeah.

I guess I feel that way too.

Yeah.

Do you guys even know country music?

Right.

Like, don't

come for me if you don't know Snitchelle 10penny.

Okay.

Like.

Yeah.

You know, some of us are deep.

Yeah.

Some of us have been deep.

Some of us have respect for Allen Jackson.

And some of us don't.

Some of us don't.

And that's okay.

And that's okay.

So we've got a great show.

I feel like we should dive in because we've got some things to attend to, if you will.

We do.

So without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

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Speaking of our favorite sponsors, Spritz Society, major news coming out of Spritz Society, which is that Pickle Spritz, our collaboration with Clausen Pickles, Pickle Spritz, is back on SpritzSociety.com available to shop now.

It's giving restock.

It's giving drink of the summer.

It is giving drink of the summer.

So what's exciting for me is that I kind of missed out on all the pickle excitement because I was pregnant.

And I got, I have some like in my house still, but now I get to drink it like with everyone.

You don't have to like hide it.

Yeah, and make people jealous.

Like, oh, I'm drinking this spritz that you can't have.

Is there anything worse than that?

And I'm pretty sure Code Toast is always and forever active at

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There'll be mutiny.

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Oh,

Sunday night.

Oh, my God.

Speaking of sports, I totally forgot to tell you this.

So the Knicks are like pretty good this season.

And I know that because Ben is obsessed with the Knicks lifelong.

And like, I've been getting into it because they're actually not embarrassing.

So it's the first round of the playoffs.

They're like obviously going to win.

They're the number two seat and they're playing the number seven.

Philly.

Two is smaller than seven, you know?

Who won last night?

Okay.

So it was, I think, 3-0 in the series.

You have to win four games.

Okay.

Philly has won the last two games.

The Knicks literally just needed to win one more game.

They'd lost two games in a row.

So

not to be a conspiracy theorist, but the way I feel about that is like,

why would they have four games when they could have seven and sell ads again seven games as opposed to four?

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

Not to say the whole thing is scripted, but seriously, that financially, that doesn't make sense.

It's millions of dollars on the table.

Okay, but the thing is, is that like the Knicks, okay, so they let Philly win one game.

It was at home in Philly.

Last night they came back to New York.

Obviously, they were going to win and go to the playoffs.

Like, no, they lost again.

And now the next game is in Philly, and I feel like they could lose again.

And now I have to go to Philly tomorrow.

Like, literally spent four hours in the car with Ben.

He bought tickets the second the game.

He's like, they're going to go up.

They're going to go up.

I was like, okay, okay.

Oh, I didn't realize this was affecting you on a personal level.

I only bring up things on the show that affect me in a personal way.

Well, I already thought it was affecting you, you know, because your husband's watching, but not because you have to go to Philly.

No, no, I had to like cancel dinner with my high school friends and go to Philly.

Like, how stupid?

No, that's seriously insane.

Last night on the Redheads, it was getting a little contentious because Dana is a lifelong Knicks fan, like, absolutely loves the Knicks, and Rebecca is a Philly swirly, right?

So, they were kind of butting heads.

So, it's been really awkward with Taylor Donahue and Ben, like like two same energy.

Akko Taco.

So I'm ready for this series to be over because it's kind of ruining my life.

And by osmosis, ruining mine because I feel Turdy's energy.

Yep.

You know, and I take that on as the empath that I am.

Of course.

So

just a little bit about me.

We stand with Turdy, all that to say.

Our first story in some PR, puff piece piece of the day,

People's Most Beautiful Issue has arrived.

Oh,

they're still doing that.

So the female version of Sexiest Man Alive is called the beautiful issue by people and their beautiful woman.

Let me think, let me think.

The shoes for the beautiful woman belong to.

Somebody lied to her several times and told her she was fly, hot, and sexy and beautiful, and she's nothing like that.

She's nothing of the sort.

Pretty much, I would let Gemma know that she is a fat cunt, and the shoes that she gave me were not type of shoes that I would wear.

They were old maiden type of shoes.

And she said that those shoes were meant to be worn on a beautiful woman.

So, if that's the case, she should have put them back on the rack because she was unqualified to own those shoes.

And I think Gemma's just a disgrace.

She's a disgrace to women who are actually beautiful.

Who is people's most beautiful woman?

Who's like, they always make it an older woman because they're like afraid of being called aegist.

Check.

And who's someone who's like, obviously doing press right now?

Is it like Anne Hathaway?

No, but that would be a really good guess.

I haven't seen this person doing a lot of press.

She's always around.

If I gave you enough guesses, I think you would guess it.

Okay.

But

are we going to sit here all day?

No, you can tell me who it is.

Okay.

Most, well, actually, sorry, they don't say most beautiful.

I feel like the language around their beautiful issue like is incredibly tight.

Sensitive.

I want to see the way that they call her.

All right, please just tell me who it is, Phil.

Beautiful issue, beautiful woman, Sophia Bergara.

Oh, well, she is a beautiful woman.

Yeah.

No lies.

No lies detected.

No lies detected.

Exactly.

And I feel like this tracks, like knowing who they've had in the past, of course, I need to now pull up a list of people's most beautiful women throughout history and famous couples throughout history.

I do like that they always make it an older woman.

Like, you know, Hollywood and the tabloids and magazines, it's a young girl's game, you know, maximum hot 100.

Like, it's really, so I appreciate, I appreciate that.

I do.

So, are you ready to hear historically who the most beautiful have been?

Julia Roberts, Julia Roberts, Julia Roberts.

It's always Julia Roberts.

Yeah, it really is.

I wonder why she got snubbed this year.

And they haven't done it since 2022 when it was Helen Mirren.

Okay.

2021, Chrissy Teigen.

Okay.

2020, it was Kate Hudson, Kate Hudson's daughter, Ronnie Rose, and her mom, Goldie Hahn.

So,

beauty, generational beauty.

Multi-generational.

I like that.

Me too.

2019, Jennifer Gardner.

Classic.

Classic.

2018, Pink.

Obsessed.

2017, Julia Roberts.

Do you think that there are like actresses out there who like haven't gotten it and it's their Roman Empire?

Like, why haven't I gotten it?

Like, it's such a classic.

I feel like they rotate the same couple of people.

Like, no hate, no shade to people magazine.

But no, I don't think that anyone is kept up at night trying to get this award.

And if they are, like, that's incredibly illusory.

I don't disagree.

Happy for Sophia Vergara, you know?

It's not like a really kind of hot take.

Yeah, she's a beautiful woman, you know?

Yeah.

And like, even if she weren't, no one's going to say.

It's funny.

No one's going to say

ugly.

With sexiest man alive, every year people are disappointed.

They're like, he's not sexy.

Yeah.

This guy's sexier.

And it's like, it should have been this person.

Like, if anybody did that about people's most beautiful woman, like, seriously, jail.

Do you also feel like it's a weird thing that they do?

Like, when you just boil it down?

Yeah.

It's hot.

It's the hot list, right?

Yeah.

No, it's giving like all those collegiate.

Remember in like Sydney White?

Like hot or not?

Yeah.

Sydney White where she was like number two and then she was number one.

Like it's weird.

Yeah, well, they also have a list of beauties of the year in 2020.

Right.

They're like beauties with yellow hair, beauties with dogs, beauties who work in cooking.

This list is from Oscar winners to a basketball sensation, these stars triggered all the feels.

Yikes.

Who is this for?

Maybe it's time to let AI do the writing.

I don't disagree.

I think

that's really AI's best use, I feel.

It's like writing nonsense jargon.

Yeah, copywriting.

Copy that like really nobody reads, but if you were to read it, it would be fine.

Yeah.

And that what I just read, which I probably wasn't going to read, but I was just trying to explain what I was about to get into.

That wasn't fine, what I just read.

I just want you to know.

Agree.

And I actually hope that it was AI.

So there's authors here.

There's names.

Skipping over to the list.

Are you ready for a batch of beauties?

A batch of beauties.

One, Emily Blunt.

She is quite beautiful.

Two, Emma Stone.

Also beautiful.

Stunning.

Three, Ariana Grande.

Gorge.

Four, Julianne Moore.

Ugly.

No, I'm kidding.

Like, what are we supposed to say?

5.

Jodi Foster.

Gorge.

Like, what?

6.

Annette Benning.

Beautiful.

7.

Sidney Sweeney.

By the way, is there a black person on this list?

Oh, 8, Lindsay Lohan.

9, Kristen Stewart.

10, Daveen Joy Randolph.

So yes, there's one.

That's just interesting.

11, Caitlin Clark.

Okay.

12, Lily Gladstone.

Okay.

It's just like, here's a list of women who are popular this year.

Like, the list makes no sense.

Like, everyone's beautiful.

No, this is some serious nonsense.

And also, like,

here's what's not being said.

There are women, you know, beauty is subjective, of course, but like, and I'm sure everyone has their own opinion, but there are women who are more beautiful than others.

Like, I would say, you know, A, celebrity A is more beautiful than celebrity B.

That would be my opinion.

And you wouldn't even say a name because like she doesn't want to go to jail either no of course not but like

i don't know it's just it's just giving like we're all winners you know yeah seriously what's the point of this issue it's like they can't even talk about like listen i'm gonna read the paragraph That is the top of the article before they get into each person.

Whether they're winning Oscars or conquering the court, our roundup of the awesome women who inspired us this year proves that beauty comes in many forms.

Read on for the stars who staged incredible comebacks, set

records, excelled in their fields, and were just downright radiant inside and out.

Okay, saying like beauty comes in all different shapes.

What did they say?

No, they didn't say shapes.

They wouldn't, they wouldn't.

Right.

That's not an approved word.

Many forms.

It's just, it's giving like, get ugly.

Literally, somebody wrote that about me.

I'm like, oh, so you think I'm ugly?

Yeah.

No, I feel like the language around this, maybe like back in the day in the 90s, which is like, she's beautiful.

She's radiant.

Every man wants her.

Every girl

wants to be here.

It was probably fine then.

And they were saying something.

And now it's just like, we don't know how to talk about a woman's physical appearance.

No, and

also.

We're going to do an entire issue about it.

Jackie, I feel like they also don't know how to stop doing this.

Like, it was really popular in the 90s.

And then it's like became something that's like kind of not okay.

But then if they stop doing it, it's like, what?

So you don't think women are beautiful?

Like, they literally, it's a hamster wheel.

They don't know how to stop.

Yeah, and they couldn't stop this without stopping sexiest man alive.

And clearly they're struggling because they didn't even have someone last year.

But it's like, because we're no longer objectifying women, but we are still objectifying men.

Right.

But then if you take away the most beautiful issue, well, it's like, well, then only the men get an issue.

We're kind of, it's a CAS-22.

Yeah.

I don't like it.

I just want to say.

However, I feel for People Magazine and this conundrum they found themselves.

This hamster wheel they can't get off of.

And so they will forever be just choosing beautiful women and just women because all women are beautiful, no?

Well,

jail?

You want jail?

Lock her up.

Get the handcuffs.

Take her away, boys.

No, everyone is beautiful for sure.

Period.

Period.

Now, there are a couple lists that come out every year, and I feel like when they come out, it's like a big deal here at the show, like the Forbes list.

And this is one that we talk about every year.

And I just want to say, like, I'd like to stop.

Like, I don't like it.

I don't like the list itself, but I like contextualizing the list in the greater conversation of actually, though, I do like the men list because I can be like completely honest.

I can be like, he's ugly.

Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.

Even the copy for the men's list is probably like the sizzling abs.

And, you know, yeah.

Hunk a hunk of burning love.

Literally.

So we're stuck.

And what do you think is the way forward?

I think we need, I think we should keep the most beautiful list, but

I think they need to go all in.

How so?

Like, hot or not.

Let's rank them.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, like Yik Yak.

What was that, like, app like people used to use in college?

Like,

college ACB.

So, yeah, like, shit like that.

That was like a discussion board.

Forum Spring.

Yeah, stuff like that.

Yeah.

We should have the Yet Ugly list.

Yeah.

That list would be so long though.

Yeah, just pictures of like me, you, me, you, me, you.

Oh, my God.

Literally, no.

No.

Beautiful.

It would be people who are like, yeah, the yada ugli list because really everyone is beautiful.

Like beauty really, truly is subjective.

But it would be people who are ugly on the inside.

Yeah, because for me, when someone's ugly on the inside, they become ugly on the outside.

I actually really like that about myself.

Like I really don't care about physical looks.

Like once I know you, you only look like who you are.

I completely agree.

Like to me, your outsides.

are reflective,

but actually in a literal way of your inside.

So like if you're amazing and I love your personality, like, I will think you're hot.

If you're dreadful, I don't care how like, you know, traditionally good-looking you would be, you're heinous to me, and I can't get away from you fast enough.

No, like, in a genuine way, not just saying it, not just saying that, like, seriously.

Like, people, I think, like, someone who I would find really handsome because of their personality, someone might say, like, he's, you know, ugly.

Yeah, or when, like, a friend is like dating someone that she likes and she'll be like, but I'm not, like, so attracted to, he's not the most handsome.

I'm like,

but you like him.

Right, like, you, you are what you see.

Yeah, like, that's incongruous to me.

Yeah, I agree.

So my list would be yet ugly on the inside.

I love that.

Let's get to work.

People's most yet ugly.

Are you ready for our next story?

Switching gears to one pop icon giving advice to another.

So there has been much of people talking about Britney Spears as she spends a lot of money and people are concerned that she's draining her $60 million estate on getaways.

And Jessica Simpson was spotted by TMZ and asked about Britney's alleged spending problems while leaving LAX.

So Jessica Simpson said this, you can blow all your money on vacation if you're not careful, but memories are worth more.

Yeah, like she didn't want to like be shady,

but she also is kind of speaking from a similar experience.

You know, she was like one of those teen, and obviously the way her pop star career and just career in general turned out was totally different.

But And now she's literally a billionaire.

The two couldn't be more different.

But it is interesting that because I feel like we've been been saying for a long time, the Britney money thing, like everyone was talking about Free Brandy.

I'm like, what about the finances?

And also the fact that her estate was $60 million, like, feels so low to me.

As we've discussed via the Forbes list, making

music isn't going to make you a billionaire.

So true.

It's going to make you at best 100 millionaire.

Yeah, but I feel like having a residency is like a, it's like a different tier of musician.

Oh, for sure.

But when people are vampires sucking you dry, I'm shocked she's left with 60 million.

I do worry about her financially.

It's interesting that people are having that conversation, but like, what is she to do?

I feel like whenever if she ever wants a big payday, like someone would pay her.

I feel like she got a lot of money for her book.

If she said, like, I need to make a couple mail, like, I'll do a documentary.

Yeah.

Um, I feel like there's things that she could do.

But do you feel like she's well enough?

Like, a book you can

like work on, but like a documentary being camera-facing, like,

I think if it's friendly, team, it would be okay yeah

um she could always do more music she likes music and she actually did do a song with Elson John yeah that was like kind of a good song yeah it got like it was popular

isn't it just his song that she recorded with him yeah like they did like a revamp version but like it didn't go by the wayside like it was popular Yeah, but I think it's hard to make money that way when you're just like recording someone else's song with them.

Yeah.

They're like, well, you could skedaddle and get 1%.

Yeah.

How does that sound?

It's not a big money-making excursion.

How does 1% sound?

How does literally $1 sound?

But yeah, I think right now she's taking a break from working, period.

But I think one day if she wants to keep living at this level, she loves going on vacation.

She could do a residency.

She likes to sing and dance.

I feel like she, I'm not so worried.

I don't think she's even really perhaps ever going to be well enough to do a live show again.

I don't know.

I think it wouldn't be like what someone else's might be.

Right.

But she did it for so many years, she knows it down pat.

Yeah, that's true.

Also, I just love like Jessica Simpson and, well, just Jessica Simpson acknowledging Britney Spears.

She talked about it in her book a little bit, like how at the time, like all those girls were so competitive, Christine Aguiler, because they literally were doing the same thing, like southern girls with blonde hair being pop stars.

And they all ended up so differently.

And I honestly feel like the two could really benefit from maybe perhaps a friendship.

Yeah.

We've been through so much.

Yeah, perhaps.

I don't know.

Okay.

I don't know why.

I just like don't see them being friends.

Same with Christine Aguilar, same with Pink.

Definitely not Pink.

And but Pink, I kind of read them all to filth back in the day.

I think Jessica Sim was in her song.

Yeah, the thing is with Pink is that like she was.

You see how I just named all those girls and I didn't name Pink.

We didn't loop her in with that group literally because she had short hair.

That's literally why.

And she was sort of this like badass alternative pup.

Renegade.

Whereas the other girls were like, America's sweetheart.

Like,

exactly, renegade.

And

honestly, in terms of music, like, and, and career and performing, like, pink kind of like outlived them all.

Mm-hmm.

And then I would say Christina Aguilera.

And maybe Christina Aguilera and Pink are, by the way, they fucking hate each other, those two.

But I would say they're maybe on the same level.

Like Christina doesn't release new music.

Shame, crying, shame.

Crying, shame, but her previous catalog, like, puts her at icon status.

Oh, yeah, but just like Britney Spears, but I wouldn't say Britney Spears and Pink are.

I think Pink musically.

Christina still performs.

Yeah, she's doing her residency in Vegas.

It kind of looks amazing.

I'm sure it is.

What's your favorite Christina Aguilera song?

For me, right now, it's Fighter because it's a good running song, but not overall.

Overall, I don't know, maybe something from Lotus.

I think, honestly, something from Burlesque.

Of course, Burlesque.

What a sole.

We don't have time.

We don't have time.

Okay, but I just want to say, burlesque deserved an Oscar.

Burlesque deserved a Tony.

It wasn't eligible, but I agree.

Burlesque deserved an Egot.

Burlesque deserved a Pulitzer.

Burlesque deserved a Broadway show.

I kind of love that idea.

B.

E.

X.

P-R-E-S-S.

And the casting, that, honestly, make a list.

Because what do we talk about is the most perfectly cast movie of all time.

Hairspray.

Honestly, burlesque is number two.

Okay.

Let me check.

I wouldn't change a hair on the head of burlesque.

Except for that scene where Cher sings her song.

Oh, agreed.

The Cher solo.

And I love Cher, but it wasn't the vibe.

Perfectly cast movies.

I do have a list.

You do?

Yeah.

Hairspray.

Of course.

Beauty and the Beast.

Live action.

Pretty unique.

Sleepover.

Agreed.

Burlesque.

No, burlesque.

I wouldn't touch a hair on the head.

Who is the actor who plays like the mean developer?

What's his name?

He's like so classic.

Eric Dane.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

And he's now in, he's super famous now because he's in Euphoria.

And Grace Anatomy.

Oh, yeah.

That's just like something about us is that we don't watch that.

And we never will.

And we never will.

Like, every day we get further away from ever watching it.

Yeah, I feel like I'm close now to getting to a place.

I am going to watch the Sopranos.

It's been like on my

me and Ben have been talking about it for a while.

And I started episode one, like a couple of years ago and I didn't like it.

And it's not fair to give a show only one episode.

And also like maybe I just wasn't mature enough to appreciate, even though I know how it ends, which is so annoying because I saw TikTok about it.

Okay, don't say it.

I won't.

But Zach and I are going to watch together some points, Sopranos and Breaking Bad, because I never saw that.

That's really crazy that you haven't seen Breaking Bad.

I also feel perhaps this autumnal chilly season, maybe the spirit would move me to watch Gilmore Girls.

I also watched the first episode of Gilmore Girls and I didn't dislike it.

I have no desire to watch Gilmore Girls, except for the fact that everyone and mostly like a name that I really, a person that I really trust, who I have so much in common with, Stasi, like says I would love it.

Really?

Yeah, love.

Those two shows are on my, like, my upcoming watch list.

Also, I never really updated everyone, but I did not finish watching the OC because it's actually a bad show, and that's what I've learned.

Rip.

Gossip Girl withstood the test of time.

Desperate Housewives withstood the test of time.

The OC literally didn't.

Yeah.

Damn.

Yeah.

Well, are you ready for our next story?

I am.

Something else that fizzled out.

Odell Beckham Jr.

and Kim Kardashian's.

relationship has fizzled out.

After less than a year of dating and following months of speculation about their relationship, the two are no longer doing whatever they were doing.

This update comes just one month after they were spotted hanging out at the Van Day Fair Oscars party.

Crazy how low-key this was.

Like when it was announced, there was speculation.

I feel like nobody cared.

I feel like nobody cares now that they're broken up.

I don't know if that's reflective of, you know, his celebrity status or the Kardashians generally, I think, being in like a little bit of a flop era right now.

But just interesting to note when you think about like all the hype for like her and Pete.

I just like still don't really see that they were dating.

Oh, you think it was a conspiracy?

I think it was just much ado about nothing.

I don't think they were dating, honestly.

I don't know why.

I just like don't believe it.

Okay.

She's doubtful.

I'm glad that they're like giving the jig is up and they're going to stop with this and I don't have to like keep like seeing stuff.

I just feel like if they were dating, we would have known.

How do you date someone for just under a year and like you actually are really never seen together when you're the most photographed woman in the world.

There was a photo of them

in Vegas at the Super Bowl.

Yeah.

And like, they were in a group setting.

Yeah.

He's at the Super Bowl because he's a former football player.

And does he still play?

I think so.

Remember, they were saying he might have been being traded to the Kansas City Chiefs, and people were like, oh, right, right, right.

And it's like, and she never went to a game.

I'm sorry.

Like, they're not dating.

The thing is, she couldn't have gone to a game.

She's okay.

I know because Taylor games are Taylor's thing now, now, but like Kim doesn't give a rip the way and like Kim is older.

She's mature.

Like if she wants to go to a game, nothing about what people are going to say is going to stop her.

I guess they both were at the Super Bowl.

Right.

And if that was Taylor's domain, she wouldn't have gone.

She was not dating Odell Beckham Jr.

Seriously.

Like I agree with that.

I don't think he met the kids.

No, no.

Sorry.

She was not dating Odell Beckham Jr.

period.

Seriously.

Period.

Oh, not in a serious manner.

Definitely not in a serious manner.

But like, you don't date someone for, say, it's like eight months, ten months, and

stay at that level of non-seriousness where we're just like spotted out here and there for 10 months.

Yeah, it's long.

It's long in the tooth.

Who, and we'll add her to the list of eligible singles.

Hmm.

On my way.

Is there anyone we could ship her with?

Let's go to the list.

There is.

Jason Mamoa.

Perfect.

Kim Kardashian.

Joe Manginello.

Okay.

I just want to say I do ship Joe Manginello and Chloe Kardashian.

I think I've said that previously on the show.

They're both eligible singles, to my knowledge.

And oh, actually, no, he's not single anymore.

Take him off the list.

Yeah, no, he's not.

No, he'll stay.

Until you're engaged.

I agree.

I agree, actually.

Who else is on the list for Kim?

Michael B.

Jordan.

Okay, I do think he's a little young for her, but I like it.

Pete was young.

Right.

Trevor Noah?

No.

Shaq.

Oh.

No, actually.

So hard.

I see.

I don't see so hard.

What other women are on the list for Shaq?

Women for Shaq.

Let's see.

Chloe.

No, I like her better with Joe Manginello.

Women for Shaq.

Hmm.

I don't really have anyone that I could see other than.

It's hard to visualize someone with Shaq just because he's so enormous.

Like, yeah,

yeah, and he's older.

I think we forget Shaq is like in his 50s.

Most of these women are like

20, 30s.

It takes a whole lot of women, I think, to handle a man like Shaq.

And honestly, I don't know who, honestly, I don't know who could handle it, honestly.

Like, do you think his penis seriously is like 12 feet long?

It's just statistically, it has to be.

He could kill someone.

Yeah.

So

back to the drawing board.

Pool for Kim Burley.

Remember when they said that she was hating Brad Pitt, but also like Courtney was too?

Courtney was.

You know who's not on the list that needs to be on the list?

Who?

The most eligible bachelor in the world.

Gary?

No, Gary is over partying.

A thousand percent.

The most eligible bachelor in the world.

Think globally.

Who would you say is the most eligible bachelor in the world

just now don't even try and guess what i'm thinking who would you say oh okay who do i think is the most eligible bachelor in the whole world globally

like glenn powell totally um second to elon

oh my god okay no not even because of not because like i love elon but like i think of the top 10 of the richest men in the world like he's one of the few that's single yeah it's hard to picture someone with eight kids as a bachelor, but yeah.

Yeah, I think it's more than eight kids at this point.

That's so fucking crazy.

Yeah.

I guess like when money's not an issue, you know?

Yeah.

Neither is tuition.

Neither is what?

Tuition.

True.

But I don't know what's up with him, who he's seeing.

But all I know is it's not you, and that's wrong.

Oh, are you ready for our next story?

What number?

Four.

Yes.

Kyle Richards' daughter, Farah, had $1 million in goods and heirlooms stolen from her Hollywood home.

Okay.

Have you seen in the last, I saw a few, like a week ago that Kyle Richards' daughter, Farah, was her home was burglarized.

I didn't see that.

Now it's come out that more than $1 million worth of luxury items were stolen, including precious family heirlooms from her Hollywood home last week.

The star was not at home at the time of the robbery, which saw brazen thieves gain access to her LA pad around 1 p.m.

on April 23rd.

Not in the middle of the day.

In the middle of the day, among the pricey items snatched from the property were air maize bags, luxury watches, designer suitcases, and high-end jewelry, law enforcement sources told TMZ.

Other items that carry sentimental value included heirlooms passed down from her stepfather, Mauricio Yumanski's family, before he passed them down to Farah.

Her high school and graduation gifts were also stolen from her home, as well as expensive presents from past birthdays.

It's understood that the burglars shut the Wi-Fi down at the home upon upon entry.

They both spoke with LAP, I mean, Farah and her mom both spoke with LAPD investigators at her West Hollywood property after the break-in.

Law enforcement sources told TMZ that she wasn't targeted and the burglary, well, I guess not targeted specifically, but obviously she was targeted.

The burglary is just one of several that a group in the area has carried out recently and no arrests have been made.

Oh my God.

First of all, crazy that it's happened to both Kyle and her daughter.

daughter.

Like, and this, the way the description of the, like, incident that you just read reads just like Kyle's.

She lost, of course, like the Birkins and stuff, but more importantly, like, her mother's jewelry and like ram like heirlooms.

Oh, my God.

I,

I don't know if she, I, I don't, she probably wasn't targeted in the sense of like, cause you wouldn't look at her social media and be like, that's someone I want to rob, you know?

Yeah, I'm sure.

But she lives in a neighborhood that somebody, and she was just the unlucky one.

Yeah, but I think it's also been happening in her area.

Also, just Los Angeles in general.

Yeah, lawlessness energy.

yeah i feel like so many of the celebrities and then also reality stars that we talk about like this is a story very frequently yeah it's crazy how it's sort of just like a rite of passage as a celebrity to like be robbed

and it's crazy that no arrests have been made like

hello new year job yeah

Well, sending her well wishes, that's so scary, first of all.

Like freaks in your house.

Oh my God.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Oh, such bittersweet sorrow.

But we still have dear toasters.

So yeah, I am.

You're ready?

Okay.

They know.

No, I'm not.

Oh my God.

I totally forgot to tell you.

Oh, oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

My table of things like by next to my microphone, which is just filled with necessities for the show, it's become chaos.

Things in which to podcast with.

Things in which to podcast with.

But kind of major is that an OG iconic sponsor has returned

i don't want to guess in case i'm wrong this episode is brought to you by state farm when you get a new car or a new home the first thing you might find yourself saying is literally what or okay how is this real it's giving homeowner vibes but really the words you need to be thinking or singing are like a good neighbor state farm is there State Farm is there with the coverage you need for your car, your home, even boats and motorcycles, RVs, and other things that matter to you.

With a State Farm agent, you know someone is there to help you choose the coverage that you need.

With so many coverage options, it feels good knowing that you can find what fits for you.

And when you need ways to get help, State Farm gives you options there too.

You know, obviously moving up in this life is amazing.

Getting cars, homes, things we should be so proud of, growing your family, growing up.

But there are things you need to do to protect yourself.

And State Farm is one of those things.

When you need help protecting the things that matter most, remember just to sing it like Jackson Claude.

Hit it, Jax.

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

If you're like me, you're a tech-friendly girly, loves doing everything on my phone, State Farm can help you get started with statefarm.com or on their award-winning app.

Or maybe you're like Jax, you prefer to handle things like a grown-up in person.

You can do it on the phone, perhaps with a local agent.

That's what we love about State Farm.

No matter what kind of toaster you are, State Farm lets you do things your way.

So when you need help protecting things that matter most, remember to sing it like Jackson Claude.

Like a good neighbor.

Oh my God, flat.

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

Not my best, but it'll have to do.

Today's episode is also brought to you by Mary and George, our new favorite show on Starz.

Mary and George is a stars original show inspired by the story of Mary Villiers.

She molded her beautiful and charismatic son George to seduce King James I and become his all-powerful lover.

Through outrageous scheming, the pair rose from humble beginnings to eventually become the richest and most titled slash influential players the English court had ever seen.

So the show is starring Julianne Moore and Nicholas Galatsy and obviously playing mother and son.

Critics are calling it sexy, witty, darkly rewarding.

They're obsessed with it, as are we.

Love a period piece, especially about a unique story and time perhaps you hadn't heard of, and then you find yourself googling like during the entire show.

So watch Mary and George only on Starz and in the Stars app.

Jax and I are truly obsessed with period pieces.

Mary and George is no exception.

Mary is, the character is played by Julianne Moore, and Mary pretty much.

finds herself at this place where she has nothing to her name.

She's feeling desperate, needing to elevate her social standing.

I feel like we've all been there at some point.

And Mary takes sort of a radical route, you You know, she has her husband become lover, I mean, her son become lover to the king.

It was definitely giving creative.

It was giving, you know, she pulled herself up by her bootstraps and she did what she had to do.

So watch it now on Starz and in the Starz app.

That's S-T-A-R-Z.

You can download the app or just watch it if you have the channel Starz.

It's called Mary and George.

Again, it is starring Julianne Moore and Nicholas Galatin.

You're going to love it.

We have been loving it.

Thank you, La.

Yada, come.

Our fifth and final story, which was going to lead into a bit of a TV recap, is that Banner Pump Rules is pausing production and won't film this summer to give cast members a break.

So, fans will have to wait a little longer than usual for the next season of Vanderpump Rules.

An insider told Page 6 on Tuesday that production for season 12 was put on pause despite typically filming in the summer months.

The network felt like the cast needed a break from the cameras in the wake of Scandivall, which resulted in additional filming over the last two seasons.

The source said, everyone needs a moment to decompress after two very rough, intense seasons.

The cast is looking forward to a break from filming the show.

Yeah, I think that sometimes when things like this come out, you're like, oh my God, the show is getting canceled.

Like it's always like red flag.

But I actually think it'll serve the show better if everybody, like sometimes I look at Ariana on the show and she doesn't even say much.

I'm like, she looks so tired.

I think everybody really does need a break.

I also think it'll help the drama for them to like live their lives normally.

Yeah.

And I feel like when people want to do something maybe salacious or whatever, they'll do it when they're not filming.

And I think also we always talk in hindsight, like the Jersey Shore kids needed a break.

And we always like learn from that, but then nothing ever changes in the moment when the break is needed so i don't know who actually allowed for this break to happen because i feel like it's always like more more more no the views are so high we have to keep filming yeah but i think in the long run it will be really good for the show and i feel like as viewers we can tell that the storyline has run dry yeah they need a break i'm fine with a break and i i i'm here for a little fall vpr i feel like summer

filming in the summer is just like summer vibes are nice and fun and like everything's like lit and crazy but i'm kind of here here for like fall, fall trips.

Let's see what they do in the fall.

Um, you just reminded me of, because I was thinking about how Sheena also reminds, like, feels like someone who might need a break.

Like, she's obviously like going through a lot, talking about like postpartum OCD.

I didn't know that was a thing.

Yeah.

Um,

she seems like someone who's like kind of on the fritz.

And it's not just Ariana.

And of course, like, Sheena makes everything about herself, but I do feel like a lot of them could benefit, especially like Lala now getting pregnant.

Like, I think it'll be really good for everyone.

Yeah.

And when they resume, hopefully people will have new things going on, just feel refreshed.

I think this is really for the best.

And I'm impressed that they can recognize that.

Same.

I also, now, speaking of Sheena, because when I was watching last night, it's so funny to me because I, even though I think like she's going through a lot, I think her life and her relationship with her husband, a lot of it is so relatable.

Like they're not fighting about anything monumental.

I don't think they have marital problems.

I think they fight about like the dishwasher, things that normal couples fight about.

And honestly, I find it funny when she was like yelling about him in the laundry about the laundry and Tahoe.

And it makes me like them so much it's so relatable but every now and then i remember that brock has those two other kids it's like a anvil on my head i'm like oh because he seems like such a good dad and husband i'm like how can you be both somebody who literally like abandoned two kids but also was like this amazing dad

well maybe he sees this as a second chance that's what he says like rejection even if he lived in Australia where he's from, like, does his ex allow him to be around his children?

I don't know.

At first, when they, they had said, like, when this story first came out, that he wasn't allowed to be around his children because he was behind on child support.

Yeah.

But I believe he's gotten that taken care of.

He sold his gems or whatever.

Yeah.

It's like, I mean, if it's out of his control that he can't be with his kids, the only thing to me, it's like, how does that not just like weigh on him?

Yeah.

That he has two kids, you know, like that two kids that you can't see.

Yeah.

And I think that he he chose to leave the country um and that's why like people say like he abandoned and yeah he went to like you know for a better life or whatever he lived in australia not like you know the desert but um

it's weird like it's like the one thing that holds me back on like fully standing i literally forget about it and then it comes up on the show i'm like oh my god right i forget about it not saying that's right but like i fully stand and ship and um

no and when you say that like it's hard for me to hold space i know and so i've chosen to to just not hold space because it was getting too heavy.

Okay, that's I don't know what that says about me, but I just, it's a show.

So it's so important to remember it's a show.

But it's there, real lives.

Also important to remember.

So what happened in the episode that I watched?

Well, tell me what happened.

You can spoil the episode from last night for me.

Okay.

Well, they go to San Fran.

They took a very, very choppy, windy boat ride that was really freaking me.

Boat?

Yeah, they went on a boat because they

cruised under the they didn't cruise it was chip chop chip but I think that's like par for the course in San Fran they went under the Golden Gate Bridge and they drove past Alcatraz they were just like taking in the sights on a boat that's like kind of crazy I didn't know you could take a boat from LA to San Francisco no no no no no no they got to San Francisco Oh, oh, they went down to the docks and took like a little cruise.

Their means of getting to San Fran was a choppy cruise.

No, they took a plane to San Francisco.

Everyone's excited for Kyle's party.

Oh, what I wanted to post on my story and take a picture of my TV screen, but my media console beneath was too messy.

So I.

Oh my God, that's so fucking relatable.

And so I never do because my media console beneath my TV is always messy.

No, I put the text box over the clothing.

Yeah, but I have this like new media console that I want to show off.

I feel like I can't just like ignore the fact that it's new.

Anyways, all is that to say, I never post my TV thoughts because my media console is always messy.

That's so funny.

And that's why I'll never be a successful influencer because I can't clean off my media console.

Literally just put it on the floor.

No, no, it's so true.

All is that to say, what I would have posted about was there was a conversation between Brock and Ariana that was so funny to me because it was Brock like trying to talk to Ariana about how she kind of needs to like let go of her anger towards Sandoval.

for her own

betterment, for her own betterment.

And how like Sheena's kind of in the middle of it and it's hurting Sheena and Ariana's like oh Sheena the person I love the most in this world who Tom Sandoval just yelled at last week no I'm not going to forgive him like when he's hurting her too like he's hurting everyone whatever and then they got into a conversation about like male and female rage and like Ariana's just like going off about how like why is it that females aren't entitled to rage and

just you know

talking like that.

And Brock, you can just see Brock is just like regretting ever.

Yeah,

these two people are speaking two different languages, and he just kind of ends with, like, oh, well, I'm not a woman, so I guess I can't say.

And he's just like, he was shut the fuck down.

That is so funny.

It was so, so funny to me.

I find the most interesting part of the season, and tell me if you agree, to be the relationship between Katie and Lala.

Like, and they, they've fought like a couple of times, and I find it to be so, they're not fighting about nothing.

And I feel like so much reality TV is like fighting about nothing.

The way they both see each other,

I can see how they both, how they got so far apart from where they were because they used to be so tight.

And Katie, like really resenting this soft era that Lala's in, and Lala really like, you know, wanting to shake Katie and being like, come join me on the soft side.

You don't have to be angry all the time.

It's so true how like two people can go through like similar things.

Both of their like relationships fell apart and come out of it so differently.

And I never would have guessed that Lala was going to come out of it as a sort of like sensitive, forgiving, soft person.

Yeah, it's really interesting.

It's true.

And yeah, you can see the friction, but they also like, I think, look back on those days when they were so close, like at China's wedding, they used to do everything together.

And that, they'll like go back to that and be like, oh, I miss you.

I love you.

But I feel like they're really every day getting further and further apart.

There's love there, but Katie and Ariana are so bonded.

And what's so crazy is when they were the Tom's, wives and girlfriends, the Tom Tom wags, they never really got along.

No,

they did friends because they like had to because of their husbands.

And they like talk, they didn't dislike each other, but there wasn't like a deep friendship or connection there.

And it's really so crazy.

I think they were such an unlikely duo, but now their levels of like rage have matches each other.

And so when you're in that space, you want to be with somebody who matches that.

Yeah.

And now they're business partners.

We did get us something about her update in last day's episode.

Basically, it's kind of gone to shit because they had to demolish their front patio.

They have a bunch of codes that they need to get up to code on.

And the woman who they brought in, that food chef lady was doing interviews, they kind of reached a sticking point with her because she wants to be partner and like she wants a percentage of the business.

And they're like, no, we're not the three musketeers.

This is our business.

And we'll pay you a salary and then you can get like 10% of profits from this restaurant.

And that doesn't work for that lady.

And I guess if they...

If they don't move forward with her, she was doing really everything, running back of house, COO, whatever.

Oh, so that's why she wants to be a partner.

right she works with lisa too i wonder if she gets percentages of like if this is what she does as a restaurateur it's giving greg from shorts and sandies and how they clowned on greg so much because greg's telling them to do this and greg and it's like okay but they have a restaurant with greg right um here if they don't do what she wants them to do then she won't work there and then they they don't have anything so i i do feel like they should abandon ship like for real like cut their losses i do close they're they're not though because this is what a year ago like and nothing has happened since then there's still no front porch i feel like they got a lot of momentum if they could have gotten it up at the time it would have been worth it now i feel like they should cut their losses no i think they should keep going i saw something that it's opening up may 24th or something and then i went to the something about her page and still there was only like the one picture from a few years ago about like shop something about her.com or whatever.

So I guess what I read was wrong otherwise would be on the page.

They said I don't watch what happened live last night.

They said I don't watch what happens live last night.

That it opens May 22nd.

Oh, okay.

So what I read was right.

Why isn't it on the Instagram?

Literally.

It's exciting.

I think that once it opens, if it's really good and people are excited about it, we'll forget how long it took, honestly.

And it'll be on the next season.

And then if they start filming in the fall, they'll have had like five to six months of sales and it'll be really bussing.

Okay.

I'm an internal optimist, Hurdy Lou.

Yeah, she's talking about sex and she's an eternal optimist.

It's crazy.

I wouldn't say I'm a pessimist though.

I wouldn't say I'm an eternal optimist.

I'm a realist is what I am.

I'm such a realist.

But I come to that

realist view with like an extremely negative outlook on life.

So that's important to note.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, speaking of things Jackie's negative about, let's dive into Deer Toasters, which I'm super excited about.

Our weekly advice.

Jackie's real about.

I love our weekly advice segment, Deer Toasters, where you can write in if you need advice from your girls, like anything, marriage, work, whatever it is, it's totally anonymous.

You can email us deartoasters at gmail.com, or you can head over to our website, the toastpodcast.com.

There's a submission box there.

Both are totally anonymous.

If you've written in and it hasn't been read on air, you know, there's still hope.

Maybe it was too long.

We don't like to read submissions that are too long because it's like a podcast, not, you know.

a model reading.

I was literally about to say that.

So yeah.

Our first submission is actually an update.

So in 2022, we had this submission from a girl and I will read her original submission and it really took the community by storm.

People like couldn't get over it.

The community or the community?

At that point, it was the community.

Okay, okay.

But today it will take the community.

Community.

So this is what she had written in.

Hey, Jackson, Claude, I'm desperate in need of advice urgently.

I don't want to get my friends or family involved in this mess.

So I'm running to my cyber friends for help.

I've been married for seven years.

We got a dog a little over a year ago.

My husband didn't think it was a good idea to get a dog.

He said I would have to take full responsibility of the puppy if we got one, meals, walk, training, etc.

Fast forward a year, of course, he's in love with the dog and has been helping him, helping me out here and there.

Let's say the dog's name is Theo, she said.

So since I got Theo, I had planned on getting him fixed, neutered.

As soon as he turned one years old, my husband is now feeling really strongly about not fixing him.

We've been talking about it for months in hopes of convincing him, making lists of pros and cons, etc.

But still neither of us was budging.

I went ahead and made an appointment for Theo to get fixed today on Tuesday.

And last night, Monday night, my husband said he was going to take him for a walk and came back without the dog.

He said he wouldn't let me, quote, mutilate Theo rather than giving,

and would rather give him away than let him go through with the, with the neutering.

He said he won't tell me where Theo is and I'm heartbroken so much so that I packed a bag and left our apartment for the night to stay at a hotel.

What do I do?

I'm sure Theo is fine and I'll see him again, but this is crossing a line, right?

Divorce is not going through my mind, but a simple fight and giving up sounds wrong too.

As much as he is helping out, Theo is my dog and I feel powerless.

What should I do?

I don't even know what options should be on the table.

Police report, divorce, folding and just not fixing Theo.

Am Am I being overly dramatic?

And we said she was not being overly dramatic, that this was like a seriously like serial killer thing to do.

Like, and also where the fuck is the dog?

Like, you need to find out immediately if he's okay.

Did you leave him chained up on the street?

Right.

Everybody was like theorizing about this man.

And everyone pretty much agreed that like this wasn't like a simple, this wasn't a normal thing to do in like a vengeful or spiteful, like marital spat.

Like this was really sort of

serial killer.

Okay.

Update.

Boy, do I have an update for the girlies?

Besides being a dog kidnapper, it turns out my husband was a big-time cheater as well.

The first time he got caught was when this poor idiot with the worst luck ever actually butt dialed me and left me a three-minute voicemail where I heard him with a girl.

I finally came to my senses and filed for divorce a year later.

Or no, filed for divorce last year.

I'm writing to let you know because I'm seeing someone new and he just surprised me with a toe sweatshirt this week.

I'm absolutely in love with this PJOM.

So excited for what life has in store for me.

It's never too late to join the redheads and it's never too late to find happiness.

And about my dog, I told him, I'm keeping the dog, dumbass literally but i did keep the dog thank you jackson turd so i don't know where the dog was but she found the dog the dog is in a new loving home with this man who obviously respects the toast respects his lady respects women and it was important that i brought up like there are like whatever situation you're in right now i know it seems so dire i mean look at this girl like her dog was literally stolen from her and her husband was cheating on her husband of seven years

and she literally ended up happier than ever.

And so can you.

So that's just proof.

Like listening to the toast is gonna make your life immeasurably better.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's really, really positive news.

I'm so glad to hear it.

Do you remember the impact that that submission had on the community or no?

Yeah, everyone was like thinking about where he could be.

I feel like she had given us an update shortly thereafter that he was that the

dog dad like booked a rover and like dropped him at a sitter's.

Yes.

Oh my gosh.

That's right.

And we were like, who is this stranger?

Right.

Nutty.

Nutty.

Nutty.

And so it really was a red flag.

It was just a tip of the iceberg for that freak.

Yeah.

Good riddance.

Bye, loser.

All right, next up.

Hey, Jackson, Claude.

I love the toast.

I listen every day and I'm really in need of help.

I slept with my best friend's brother.

It was a drunken night and we've known each other forever.

It was about a year and a half ago.

My sister has been dating him for the past year and now they're engaged.

She has no clue that we slept together and I feel like it may have meant more than just a drunken hookup.

Do I tell her or let it be?

Sincerely a toaster who slept with her best friend's brother and soon-to-be brother-in-law.

Okay, like it didn't mean more.

Maybe

calm down.

He's literally engaged.

No, no, maybe it did to you.

Like, maybe you, but it didn't to him, and he's engaged to your sister.

And so,

therefore, like, it's not gonna mean more.

We're gonna nip that in the pud and we're gonna take that out of the equation and you're gonna let that go.

I, by the way, the best advice ever given onto your toaster, even if you're like holding a candle for him, like drop it, drop it before you burn it down.

Okay,

extinguish the flame.

Okay, yep, okay.

Now, let's deal with the matter at hand.

You have secretly had relations, sexual relations with this man who is engaged to your little sis.

I don't know how close you and your sister are.

I could never, like, if we were in this sort of situation, we are so close.

I could not hide anything from you.

I talk to you every single day.

It would be at the forefront of my mind.

Like, we cannot have a real and honest relationship if this big secret is looming.

Do you have that sort of relationship with your sister?

Or is she like some people like see their siblings when they see them?

And we don't talk every day and we live in separate states and that never stopped us.

But I think you need to think about to what degree is it really affecting your relationship, if any.

And the thing is, is that

I would say yes, if you can go to your grave, both of you, ensuring that the secret never got out, then do that.

But secrets have a way of getting out.

They just do.

And I also think it's wrong.

to let your sister marry someone without knowing this big secret.

That's not very sisterly of you.

However, like, it shouldn't change her decision to marry him.

It won't.

No, but it's important that she has all the facts.

Yeah.

And to let her make this big life decision while withholding something pretty major.

It's not going to change.

It's not like something she needs to know about her husband.

He's allowed to have had sex with her.

So whoever something she needs to know about her life.

Yeah, something that's going on that she needs to know.

But like, I don't think it's not like she needs to know everything about him.

It's not one of those situations.

It's just like

she should know.

Just

you know the fool for the rest rest of her life.

I know two sisters

who both slept with one of the husbands.

Or maybe not slept, maybe like made out, whatever.

They're all completely fine.

Yeah, but did they know it before they got

so it's always been the truth as opposed to like it being a bombshell?

And like there's just no way to guarantee that this doesn't get out one way or the other.

Like who else knows?

Obviously, does your best friend whose brother it is know?

Yeah.

No, I don't think it's gonna, I don't, my issue isn't that it's gonna get out and she'll be mad that she didn't hear it from you.

It's just like, it's just a dishonest thing.

And how

for someone you love.

So if it were me, I would have to tell, if it were me, I also wouldn't be waiting until they were engaged.

Right?

Yeah, no, you've waited a long time.

Why did you wait so long?

Why not tell her like when she started dating maybe like, oh, I'm so happy for you.

Like, just so you know, though, just so you know.

The

age-old proverb applies here.

It's not the crime.

It's the cover-up.

Now you act like you're doing something wrong.

And it's the fact that you've lied for over your time.

You didn't even commit a crime.

You guys are totally fine to have had sex when you had sex.

A thousand percent.

Unless, was he dating your sister then?

No.

No.

She was just your best friend's brother.

Yeah.

That's why they didn't tell at the time.

And now it's like, you can tell her when they're engaged because if you wait even longer, then they'll be married.

And it's like, why didn't you tell her anytime before they got married?

So tell her now.

Agreed.

And And then it'll shake her.

And that flame that you're holding for him.

Oh, girl, you sound crazy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Goodbye.

I'm really very curious about our third and final submission, what your thoughts in particular are.

Okay.

Okay.

Jackson and Claudia need some advice.

My husband and I just bought a condo.

We live in a two-unit HOA.

The couple below us had a baby about a month ago.

At our last HOA meeting about two weeks ago, they handed us a schedule of their baby's nap times and asked us to only vacuum slash workout and limit our walking during those times.

Okay, wait, question for you.

A two-unit HOA means like there's two apartments and they meet with each other?

They have a meeting of two people?

I'm not entirely sure.

But doesn't that sound like that's what it is?

What's a two-unit HOA?

Hold on.

Two-unit HOA.

I never heard of that.

HOA in a two-condo unit building.

We're considering buying one of the two condos in a new unit.

The listing doesn't list HOA, so I'm guessing.

Yeah, it's like you self-govern.

You and your neighbor just get together and call yourself the HOA.

I guess.

Got it.

So it's just the two of you.

Okay, great.

So they handed out a schedule.

What did she say?

No, of their baby's nap schedule, asked us to only vacuum slash workout and limit our walking during those times.

Is that crazy or am I being dramatic?

No, that's extremely extreme.

Like, they should be a little more self-aware to not look like so crazy.

And I guess if you guys are, it's two people.

If you're close enough where it's like, hey, can you just like not vacuum?

That's kind of fair.

You don't, it's not something.

I didn't think it was so crazy until the walking.

Like that's really not also babies sleep with sound machines, right?

Like it's also on these people to build a safe sleeping environment for their kids.

You can't control whether a siren's going to go off outside.

Yeah.

People get like really, really crazy about like the sleep environment and like we can't have any noise.

And I think that's a little bit extreme for the walking.

Like what I would do, I think this is actually an amazing idea.

They just had a baby, so you got them a baby gift.

You should get them like the best sound machine.

And no, seriously, be like, I got your letter.

We'll do our absolute best, but like on the off chance, you know, I happen to have a work meeting or whatever.

Here's a sound machine.

Like it's a solution.

I'll do my part within reason.

Yeah, you could be accommodating.

You obviously don't have to be.

It's not your problem, but you want to be neighborly and say like, of course, like I will mind the vacuum and and stuff, but definitely a sound machine.

Aces.

Also, you know, when you live in a two-unit building, like, this is your only neighbor.

This is the person you're going to rely on.

If they hear something in the middle of the night to call the police, like, you know, there are many situations where a neighbor has literally saved a life.

Like, you want your neighbors to like, you don't, you do not want to have like crazy hatred with your neighbors.

You want to be neighborly.

So doing the bare minimum within reason, the walking is absurd.

I think coming over with a gift and just being like, we'll do our best, but in case we fuck up, here's a sound machine.

I think that's super nice.

Yeah, I agree.

And I don't think sound machines are crazy expensive.

Like a good one.

I mean, I use a sound machine on my phone.

Like, oh, get a hatch and use Code Toast.

Yeah, you could get a hatch.

You could just get a hatch.

You could get any sound machine.

What if you just got a hatch?

So thank you so much to everybody who wrote in.

And thank you, Jax, for another amazing, you know, hour and 15 minutes.

I loved it.

with all my heart.

To me, you are people's most beautiful woman.

And to me, you are people's most beautiful woman.

And you're always right.

So, I guess I am.

And I just feel like we're all people's most beautiful women because what are they going to say?

We're not.

I dare them to.

They want to go to jail later on.

Lock them up.

Throw away the key.

Thank you guys so much for listening to The Toast, the Millennial Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Have an amazing Wednesday, and we'll see you tomorrow for the latter half of the week.

Ladder, love ya.

Bye.