Elite Employees: Thursday, March 28th, 2024

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast, you dirty little whores.

Hope everybody's having an amazing Thursday.

I am.

We did it.

It's Thursday.

What we were wishing for yesterday is here today, so we must acknowledge the space that we're in.

Things we did, that things we did made it to Thursday.

That's right.

Um, hope everybody's having an amazing day.

That's far.

I didn't mean that you were dirty little whores, even though I'm sure some of you are.

And you know what?

That's perfectly fine.

And you know who is one?

You.

You.

Why?

You just are.

Is it because I'm wearing a quarter zip and like the zipper is like a little bit low on my breasts?

The zipper couldn't be lower.

You have your hair covering your neck.

Like you are literally covered.

Head to toe.

Neck to toe.

As am I.

We're very modest women.

I don't know why.

Today you look particularly modest.

You're looking very

woman on the beach of her.

you know, on the porch of her beachfront cottage, wrapping her cardigan around her body, contemplating divorce.

Well, this is a well, I'm not.

I just like, I don't want to put other rumors.

I mean, already

speculating.

I don't want all these rumors swirling about me.

Jackie swirling about the swirly.

She's tired of rumors swirling.

She's sick of being twirling.

I'm not sick of being twirling, though.

That's something.

She never will be.

But no, this is actually one thing.

Oh, it's a sweater.

And oh, oh, I like it.

It's an illusion.

It was a perfect illusion.

Illusion.

I thought that you're singing a different song.

You're singing bad romance now.

No, no, no.

I'm doing bad romance moves.

To the perfect illusion.

Okay, okay.

Okay, Joanne.

It's kind of just like Lady Gaga signature.

Okay, Joanne.

I'm a little monster.

Are you?

You are, by the way.

Totally.

I love Lady Gaga.

So today's Thursday, as we already stated, not to be repetitive, but it bears repeating, you know?

Yeah, and holding space for the fact that it's Thursday, sitting in it and acknowledging our present.

Jackie, what am I doing?

Sitting in space and holding it.

Exactly.

I didn't see you holding, though.

I just saw you sitting.

I feel as though holding is a mental, not a physical thing.

Not a physical.

Okay.

Okay, but I want everyone to know if you're not watching on YouTube, she was sitting in the space.

And holding it.

Don't forget the holding.

So we have such a great show.

It's so great to be back with my squirrel.

It's like football, like when you get called through

holding.

Number two?

Maybe they're just holding space.

Right, right.

And who's to stop, who are we to stop them from holding?

That's messed up that that would be a penalty.

Holding.

It's disgusting.

Fucking rude.

Like, seriously, evolve.

Evolve.

We're holding space now.

Didn't you get the memo?

Right.

It's necessary roughness because we're working through things.

Okay.

This is a sports podcast.

This is a sports podcast.

I so miss our football era.

And you know what?

Like, not to be such a man.

Things have to be the same.

No, and the way that we, I really do when I take a look at the year at a glance, I look forward to the end of summer because it's the best weather.

And then you tumble into autumnal Thanksgiving Christmas vibes.

And I think another thing that we can add on to us getting so excited about the end of the year, not just holiday season, but it's also football season.

Yeah.

September.

Yeah, man.

Maybe we should get into hockey.

Okay, Bob Dylan.

Booyah, Kasha.

Booyah.

What's Kasha?

That's what people say.

Booyakasha.

Wait, who?

I don't know.

I just like that.

Boo Yakasha.

You guys, sound up in the comments.

Have you ever heard that?

I haven't.

I mean, that sounds childhood.

I'm not going to say like that's a thing.

Maybe, I don't know.

Maybe it's something in my brain, but I feel like people will know it.

Boo Yaka Sha.

It's giving Israeli.

It is.

Maybe you just like were brought up around like a big Israeli culture.

You were brought up right next to me.

Boo Yaka Sha.

Honestly,

I feel that.

How many songs can we sing in one episode of The Toast?

I think we're up to four and it's been not even four minutes.

And I've literally sang one of them.

Like I just want credit where credit is due.

I'm learning.

I'm listening and I'm learning.

I'm listening, but I'm not learning.

I am not listening or learning.

You're certainly not listening.

I think we can all agree.

We are in the throes of Toastiversary Party Planning.

Such an exciting time.

We have such a busy April, actually, you know?

I can actually thank Toast Aversary Party Planning for my sweater today because I bought it in my haul for dresses for the big party.

And I think I should wear this hat to the party tonight.

I think we should wear hats to the Toastiversary party.

But, like, my hair is my best asset.

But, like, as an ode to that quote that we love.

Actually, I think you should wear a hat to the party tonight because you invented that.

Like, you are, like, that's a toast phrase because of you.

That's not one I championed.

You know, you put that one on your back.

And, you know, I feel like you said it for a while before it really caught on.

It's really a sharp, don't you think?

You know, black is this year's pink.

Like I said, you deserve each other, this hat and you.

You're both so smart.

It's a really weird part of the speech.

And by the way, it's like a show tune.

Jackie is not a showtune queen.

Yes, that.

This is an inherent contradiction within me.

I love

musicals, but I don't love shows.

I love show tunes and I hate going to Broadway.

Like, that's.

I don't, yeah, I don't like Broadway.

I love movie musicals.

Love, love, love.

Love love love

so but I did have to see Wicked on Broadway of course Broadway and because the movie hasn't come out yet.

Yeah should I get you tickets for when you come to New York in forever from now?

Sure.

So toast diversary is underway very excited.

We've got a big April, you know, it's Passover

which is such an important holiday.

And I think we might be together for that, which is fabulous.

It's Ben's birthday, but like who cares?

Also, Ben did hear what I said about his haircut.

So thanks to the assholes who snitched on me because he wouldn't have heard it.

Stop.

Stop.

If you're just girls' girls.

Yeah, if we like created and protected the space, then maybe he wouldn't have found out, but he did because you guys are assholes.

But you know what?

He needed to hear it.

So it's fine.

How come these girls aren't girls' girls?

And I'm sure it's the same people that would accuse us of not being girls' girls.

It's your cues.

And I just want to say for the record, and I know nobody thought that I was, I am not a girl's girl.

But still, you wouldn't do something like that.

No, but I just like, I wouldn't not do something because it's a girl.

Like, is it the right thing to do or is it the wrong thing to do?

I don't give a fuck who I'm doing it to.

You know?

You don't feel like sisterhood.

You say screw sisterhood.

I, much like the men who came before me.

Professor Cowan.

Victor Garber.

I said, screw sisterhood.

Damn, that hurts as your sister.

Yeah.

The thing is, like, I, and I feel like I'm getting repetitive at this point.

I judge people based on who they are, not their gender.

You want to know something crazy?

Always.

There is definitely one person listening to the show today, probably a newer listener, who does not know yet that we're sisters.

Oh my God, I was just having this conversation with someone, like someone we're working with, and they were like, wait, you guys are really sisters?

I'm like, totally.

Claudia and I are sisters, 100% full sisters, same parents.

Not just like sisterhood.

No, no, Jackie, we're sisters.

100%.

Don't let them fuck it.

And I feel like if you're new to the show, you may not know the song that we're currently singing is an original song that I released.

I have two.

And they're both available to stream wherever you stream stream music.

Yeah.

Which one do you like better?

Toast.

Yeah.

Like that was just a moment in time.

It was a cultural shift.

Yeah.

It was a cultural shift.

It was a summer pop anthem.

It was and will always be like the greatest thing I've ever done.

For sure.

But what's actually crazy is that for a sophomore follow-up song, 100% is really strong.

I agree.

It could have been your lead single.

I agree.

And it was like because I invested more money in like finding a producer.

It was a better produced song.

And if I had given like all that energy and resources to toast, like what would it have been?

Maybe you wouldn't be sitting here right now because you'd be a traveling pop star.

Exactly.

But it was meant to be this way.

You know, it's good.

I have no regrets.

But back to April.

I was like getting to like a big announcement.

Back to April.

Yeah.

So we have Toast diversity.

We have Ben's birthday.

Who cares?

Everybody told him about his haircut.

And I'm taking a trip.

That's right.

I am headed, okay, political correspondent, to the Middle East.

That's right.

I will be in Israel for about a week.

I will be gone.

Israel.

Israel.

Yeah, that's how my people say it.

Doesn't taste like someone doesn't know what you're saying.

I'm going to Israel for a week.

I will be off from the toast.

Jax is going to be holding it down, guest co-host, you know, maybe a solo episode.

No, I've got some things planned.

So I will be.

I'm reaching out to my network.

Oh, she's connected.

She's networking.

It's giving networking

while I'm I'm gone.

So major kudos to Jax for holding it down.

Major kudos to me for like, um,

like wanting, like saying I'm going to do something and then actually do it.

Like I'm always saying stuff.

And I've been saying that I'm going to plan a trip to Israel like since January.

But, you know, I'm going to go volunteer, gonna meet some peeps.

I'm really excited.

A little nervous, I'm not gonna lie, but it's gonna be great.

And

that's

everything that you've learned.

Of course.

And that's what's on deck for April.

So I just want people to prepare themselves.

Like your squirrely is gonna be gone for a whole week on the toast.

Like, try not to cry.

i will be back don't worry guys i'll help you through it i'll be here for you a shoulder to cry on it sounds like maybe in april you're going to be employee of the month i feel like maybe it's giving a late employee

uh yeah

i got to start booking you have to confirm your dates with me like you

i did you had to hit me with the confirmation you know no no no it's confirmed like i gave you the dates okay i gotta reach out to my network then oh okay her late employees get to work I need to make a TikTok.

Me reaching out to my network to co-host the toast with me.

So now I can fill you in.

Now that you know this like running joke on TikTok, I can fill you in on this joke I had when Ben came on the Patreon and then when I went on Taylor Strecker's podcast.

So the whole time we were in St.

Bart's, like I was just obsessed with a late employee.

And so remember when I went to Abercrombie, you were there with me and I bought Ben a shirt.

Yeah.

I bought Ben a shirt at Abercrombie because

I thought it was so cute for St.

Bart's.

It was like this knitted, and Ben wore it in in St.

Bart's.

I could tell he didn't like love it.

Like, I think he was just wearing it to appease me.

And by the way, it was the best he looked the entire trip.

So one, one night in St.

Bart's, we're in the back of a cab, like going home.

You know, I had some cocktails.

And this island is so small.

And we kept seeing Jason Tardick on the island.

He was on the island the same time that we were.

And we're literally driving past Bagatelle, like on our way home.

And we see Jason Tardick and we like pull over and we're talking.

And he's wearing the Abercrombie shirt that I bought for Ben.

So I'm like kind of drunk.

And like by kind of, I mean like very drunk in the back of the cab.

And I'm like trying to point out, out I don't know why I thought nobody else was noticing that he's wearing the Abercrombie shirt that I that Ben wore the night before and I'm in the back and Ben said the next morning I was talking like the lady from elite employee I was in the back of the cab like Abert he's wearing Abercrombie Ben said I was being so weird and so annoying and I was I remember talking normally I was just like Abercrombie Abercrombie Ben said I was you sound like her still you are wearing Abercrombie

I believe this they were making fun of me like the entire week for that he's wearing Abercrombie.

I believe it.

I can hear it.

And now I'm so glad that you like are degenerates like us and you can get in on the joke.

I've known elite employees for a while.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, but I did post a really fire reel to the Redheads.

You guys, you've got to be checking on the Redheads, guys.

I have to say, your commitment to the growth of your passion project is giving employee of the month.

Wow, definitely Redhead of the Month.

Like, no offense, the others, slackers.

Yeah, I mean, your face, like, is at the front of the logo so like you should be doing more of the work well I mean if someone wanted to like step up pitch in they could even change the logo change the they could could be a coup

a rou

a redheads coup no the thing is about the redheads it's a delicate balance and every one of us and in our roles is incredibly necessary to the harmony of the redheads so true And the little that they do is also important.

Not the little that they do.

Yeah, like the, like, the absolute way in which snitch could give a rip is so important to the ecosystem.

To the ecosystem and to the brand.

Like, it's hysterical.

I wouldn't want her to change.

Okay, that's so good.

Even though she did make me a piece of content for the IG, so stay tuned.

Yeah, she made a content for the Graham.

You know, I feel like

some of the passion that you have for your passion project, while I admire it, like, you know, you could give it like to the Cho social if you wanted to.

I feel like not as creatively free.

Is that a dig at me?

Like, I'm stifling.

I think there's a stifler.

Oh, please.

Oh, if you ever came with a content idea, I'd be like, please do it.

There's a stifler in our midst.

No, no.

By the way, why don't you feel free to spend some of your creative energy on the toast?

We are a little stalled at 311,000 followers.

Totally.

But you have up until now been very committed to the grid.

That's fine, by the way.

Like, I feel there's this fabulous feature feature that I feel like we've been utilizing a lot where you can remove content from grid.

But not for still images.

No, no, no.

I'm not suggesting you take a selfie and post it.

So you're only giving me clearance to do half.

Again, creative juices are being stifled.

That's all I'm saying.

You've seen it in action.

You've seen stifling.

Oh my gosh.

I should tell you.

You are not one of my elite employees.

And you are not acting like one of my elite employees right now.

And you maybe, maybe,

are not an elite employer.

Oh, I think everyone would disagree with that.

But by the way, feel free to have like your dumb thoughts.

Not true.

I'm an extremely elite employer.

Everyone saw the stifling in action.

I rest my case.

Okay, just for shits and giggles, Jackie's going to post a selfie of herself on the Toast Instagram today.

The thing is, I would never do that to you.

Because you know how hard I work on my grid.

Yeah, and yeah, no, I don't think it's a joke.

Thank you.

Because

we're supposed to be the making jokes.

Like, that's what we do.

Let's go back to making jokes.

He was wearing Abercrombie, and you're wearing a cardigan slash shirt.

From Stodd.

Yeah, I'm fancy.

That is fancy.

Just casual Stodd on a Thursday.

I'm just crying myself out today.

Say it.

Stodd going up.

On a Thursday.

Oh, she's crazy.

She's literally crazy.

I think that's where, like, I can call it now.

Jackie, when do you think the next time, oh my God, my favorite TikTokers just announced that they're pregnant?

I was watching this video this morning and Ben came in and was like, are you crying?

It's like a couple.

Yeah, it's like a husband and wife duo.

Alex and John.

I guess that's what you say.

They're pregnant, you know?

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

I take it back.

They are not pregnant.

She's,

they are having a baby.

But they're like a family channel?

Not a family channel.

They do like, and you know what?

I'm like kind of upset because their content was so relatable to me because they were like a couple in their like late 20s, early 30s like who didn't have kids yet and like who made content still about like, you know, drinking.

So I definitely feel like I'm like being left behind, but i'm really happy for them that one's a tough one to swallow that by the way it is every time somebody has a baby jacket comes to me she's like is that a tough one for you to swallow i'm like yeah is this like really

moving my needle yeah or like hard for you to get your head around and sometimes it's like nodding you explain why i'm like oh yeah it makes sense alex and john honestly is a tough loss

so what were you gonna say about them

nothing what was i saying before

That they are pregnant.

No, then right before that.

Because you said it's gonna be a while before after i said stogged going up on a thursday start oh what do you think the next time you're gonna be in a club is you know what i mean

and when was the last time you were in a club was it the one-year toast anniversary party yes no it was my birthday last year yes that was so fun attack me

yeah so it could happen like even we're gonna go out GNO in a few weeks.

It wouldn't be like crazy.

Because also where we're going is club like perhaps where we're going so now these days the lines are blurred it's true lounge go all you are in you go to dinner at a restaurant all of a sudden it's a club i love that you go down the hall you go down the stairs

blurred lines

yeah we're gonna get jacks to a club that's the goal for 2024

okay and like dream a little bigger honestly oh okay oscar

we're gonna get an oscar for what i don't know.

For being bad bitches.

Or for our documentary that's forthcoming.

Right.

We're documenting our road to Toastiversary Party.

It's going to be groundbreaking.

Yeah.

Oscar worthy.

Yeah.

Okay.

So tell me about the stories today.

We have, you know, a regular show.

No, no segment today.

Really good stories.

I think I might even have some whittling to do in the ad break.

You know what?

If you feel compelled, like just

throw in the extra story.

I mean, we are negative one because last Friday we did four.

It's true.

And I feel like that way, if I do six on days where it begets six, that way, like, I could do four on days where it begets four.

It begets four.

Today it begets six.

I love that.

I really do.

Do you want to feel right, Jax?

Thank you for the permission.

Sorry, I didn't mean to stifle your creativity.

No, I was giving you a compliment.

Bitch.

Bitch.

I call him like I see him.

Oh, okay, Katie Maloney.

Call it as I see it.

But either way, I watched Vanderpump Rules last night.

No, I didn't, and I'm so behind.

What a mess.

Give me time.

I'm going to try and watch.

I'm two episodes behind.

I'll try and watch today and then we can recap tomorrow.

Okay.

Because I heard it's really good and I don't want you to spoil it for me.

Okay.

Without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

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Thank you, Claudia.

It's an absolute honor.

Nay, a pleasure.

You're a registered registered broker dealer.

I'm actually not, but Robin Hood is.

God, my God.

Did you take crack tonight?

I'm just cracking myself up.

I feel like you have a case of the cracks, like for sure.

When you just make yourself giggle, and to be honest, like there's nothing better than having that case.

But then, like, if you're with someone or talking to someone who's like kind of bringing you down, and I hope I'm not doing that, am I?

No, I wouldn't say you're bringing me down.

Oh, God, what?

What?

What?

No, no, you're just here.

Well, you're still here.

You have to be.

No, I'm still in Crackville.

So you haven't brought me out of it.

Crackville, population, one.

Population, cracky.

But she's sipping on.

So I really love my protein shakes.

This is like not sponsored.

And I happened to like this one particular brand.

And they come in like cardboard bottles, which is weird, but I enjoyed it.

And now they've switched to plastic and the formula is not the same.

Are you against spot sick usage?

No.

You're kind of anti-plass.

No, I'm not.

It's giving sustainable.

You guys,

she's so sustainable.

She's so cracky.

You.

Are you ready for our first story?

I'm trying to think, like, what's the big story of the day?

Nothing is the big story of the day, but like six interesting stories, genuinely interesting.

Okay.

The first one is a little bit of an update on the Diddy saga because 50 Cent, who's just been sort of like living for this takedown.

50 Cent every now and then gets a big case of Schadenfreude.

Yeah.

And it happened with Randall Emmett, and it's happening with P.

Diddy.

And he saw that his ex, 50 Cent's ex, Daphne Joy, has been accused of being Diddy's alleged sex worker in a lawsuit.

So Diddy has a child with this woman, Daphne Joy, and a son that was born in 2012.

They were.

They were together for a year.

And now, according to court documents obtained by page six, Daphne was accused of being a sex worker involved in the rapper's alleged sex trafficking ring.

She was allegedly one of three women that Diddy bragged about paying a monthly stipend for their sex work.

She has not publicly addressed the allegation and did not respond to a request for comment.

But Diddy, of course, has taken to Instagram to say.

No, you mean 50, not Diddy.

Sorry, 50.

He posted a picture of himself smoking a cigar in the rain saying, I didn't know you was a sex worker, you little sex worker, LOL.

Yo, this shit is a movie.

By the way, is he okay?

You know who he he gives me like the same energy as?

Like Dave Portnoy.

Like, you know, Dave Portnoy has like this wall of enemies, and anytime they like self-destruct, he like opens a bottle of champagne.

Yeah.

This is what 50 Cent reminds me of.

It's funny, but I don't understand how her being a sex worker makes her like

culpable in the lawsuit.

Right.

Like, wouldn't that make her like a victim?

Well,

no,

I don't know.

Also, like, sex work has become like Sex work is illegal

for both parties.

Okay, but it's like if you're a sex worker, like people who make content on OnlyFans call themselves sex workers.

Right.

So like,

I don't know, like, prostitute, yeah?

Prostitute.

Yeah.

Like, prostitution is illegal.

Prostitution has been rebranded as sex work.

I, but sex work is also like.

There are legal forms of sex work.

Right.

So it find it confusing because standing on the corner with your thumb in the air is prostitution and that is illegal.

Yeah.

Which I never really understood.

Like if everyone's consenting and like, this is how I want to pay my bills, like why is that anybody's business?

Like why should that be illegal?

It's like making it illegal to be, you know, like a traveling salesman.

No, but it would be like making it illegal to be a surrogate.

How?

Like, because it's your use of your body.

Yeah.

Selling your body in a way that you want.

Oh, I like that comparison much better than my dumbass traveling salesman one.

But you know what I meant.

I just meant like illegal to be a cashier.

Like it's a job.

Like how I choose to make my income, I don't know how you would file your taxes, but I guess it's illegal because it's a cash only business.

But like let's legalize.

It wouldn't be cash only if it were legal.

It's cash only because it's illegal.

Oh, so true.

But like, let's get, you know, the sex workers set up on, you know, H ⁇ R Block.

Like, why?

I don't get it.

There is a big like debate about this and there are people who do feel this way.

Maybe I don't know enough because I would love to hear someone's like anti-sex work.

I think there are strong arguments against as well.

For sure, but I don't need to hear that.

But it's still like my body, my choice.

Yeah, I don't need to hear like a moral argument against prostitution.

Like, you think it's immoral?

You don't have to do it.

But, like, I don't know.

I need to hear more.

Yeah, but I think also

it's right for people being taken advantage of.

Of course.

And also, I don't think a lot of the times it would be someone's like first choice at a job.

It's, I feel more often than not, a last resort and therefore

ripe for, you know,

predators.

Yeah.

No, I don't know enough about the control.

I think we've waded into an interesting debate, Turdy.

That's been raging long before us.

Oh, it has.

Okay.

Okay.

I don't really like, you know, like, hence why, like, I think one step in.

that is calling prostitution sex work.

But it's confusing because people call themselves sex workers and they're just like content creators.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

I don't get that.

Anyways, now Diddy has a personal

interest in the, like, he is personally involved now.

50.

Listen, two syllables.

What can I do?

You have two syllables mixed up.

You know what?

Okay, you know what?

I realized today while I was reading these stories that Sean Diddy Combs has the same last name as Luke Combs.

They're cousins.

Really?

You know that?

Yeah.

Are you messing with me?

Of course I am because you're grandma.

No, they're not related, but yeah.

But I don't consider Sean Combs like a Combs because his name is P.

Diddy.

Right, right.

But I just thought that was funny.

It's like when I read a story about someone named Jackie and I'm like, oh my God, that's my name.

Well, Beyonce and former president Jimmy Carter have the same last name too, you know?

Well, that's Jay-Z and former president.

Well, they're married and she's Beyonce Knowles Carter.

Yeah.

Oh, Cowboy Carter album.

That's a story.

Oh.

Actually, you want to, should I bring it up?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll bring it up.

Moving on up.

Beyonce

announced her track list for act two Cowboy Carter, including a cover of Dolly Parton's Jolene.

Which there had been rumors about.

Yes.

So we had said there were going to be some big country collabs.

It seems like her covering Jolene is one of them.

But also there's a sticker that says Smoke our Willie Nelson.

So that's giving collab.

Yeah, I have to say, I feel like Beyonce kind of like teased us a little bit too hard with like big collabs.

And there's one, which is fine.

I

and I feel like country music fans like don't like me because I don't like know or

enjoy Willie Nelson's music.

I'm sure the song is good.

I mean his collab with Casey Musgraves on pageant material.

Yeah, the album you hookers know nothing about was beautiful.

I don't know.

I just, it's not my vibe.

You you know, the pigtails in the pot.

Like, that's not my, that's not my country music.

Do you know what I mean?

My country music is like red solo cup beer, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And his is very,

even his collab with Casey Muskers, which was so sweet.

Someday we'll find it.

The rainbow connection.

And that's a cover.

The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

Very, you know, he's very Woodstock country.

Yeah.

So I like more stagecoach country.

She posted what seems to be the song titles, but I feel like there still could be other collabs in here.

Why?

Why would Willie Nelson get like?

I don't know for a hype and because it's Willie.

Willie-nilly.

So the other songs, I guess these are all songs, are called American Requiem, Blackbird, 16 Carriages, Protector.

My Rose, Smoke Hour, Willie Nelson, Texas Hold'em, Bodyguard.

Then there's a sticker that says Dolly P, and then another sticker that says Jolene.

Oh,

then daughter, then spaghetti, then alligator tears.

Wait, wait, wait.

Did you say bodyguard?

Yeah.

I feel like maybe this isn't the track list.

Really?

I feel like it's giving like Easter egg like something because, and I know this sounds so crazy, like so stupid.

But the bodyguard is the movie where Whitney Houston covers Dolly Parton's I Will Always Love You.

And now Beyonce is going to be covering Dolly Parton's Jolene.

I don't know.

I feel like maybe this is more of a roadmap than a track list.

I would like that.

I think it's been confirmed that it is a track list, but I like to have fun with things.

Or she just has a song named Bodyguard, but I feel like it would be just kind of a coincidence, no?

Yeah, that no, it's an interesting theory.

I feel like this could be a track list and a roadmap.

Because I don't see Beyonce having a song called Spaghetti.

Yeah.

Also, Alligator Tears, Smoke Hour 2, just for fun.

Okay, also, every time there's like an I.

I Hour and Smoke Hour 2 are two different songs.

So, no, no, sorry.

It's just Smoke Hour 2, but every time there's an I,

it's two I's.

Like, it's misspelled, but also because it's like Cowboy Act 2.

Right, right.

It might just be a branding thing.

So, it's like I most wanted, but it's I I

most wanted.

Leave I I's jeans.

No, No, let me tell you, I'm like hyped for this.

I hands, I ain't heaven.

I'm curious if you're doing hands to heaven.

She's doing a big genre change.

I feel like this is like a really big deal.

And I'm curious because I'm not a member of the Bayhive.

Are they like, is this exciting for them?

Are they like eye-rolling it?

I think they're really excited.

I'm like, so excited, especially if the first two songs are any indication of what, what's to expect.

Like, this is an album I will be like rooting for at the Grammys, I assume.

Well, it comes out tomorrow.

Oh, my God.

No way.

Okay, that's so good because I've kind of been like in an album drought.

I've been listening to Ariana a lot and I really like it, but I've weirdly spent like the last 72 hours exclusively listening to Chemistry, Kelly Clarkson's slept on album.

And it's like

amazing.

It's perfect, actually.

Things Kelly did, that.

Yeah, it's like funny.

If you listen to the lyrics, I hate love

and the notebook lied.

And it's like, I forget, I'm going to botch how it's sung, but it's like, life's more like, it's complicated.

You can keep Ryan Gosling and I'll take Steve Martin.

Like, Kelly's funny.

She is.

Oh, okay.

Are you going to cry?

Yeah, it's just after all these years, people finally seeing.

Is that something you feel like, and you don't talk about it a lot?

And in our family, we're like so annoyingly obsessed with credit, like I invented Casey Musgraves and Luke Homes.

You 1000% invented Kelly.

No, and I just never set her down.

I feel like for a while,

everyone knew Kelly.

She won American Idol activity.

Break away.

But everyone left Kelly when times got tough.

It's true.

But not this girl.

No, it's true.

And you like, you saw her perform where?

Somewhere turnt.

I've seen her a couple times.

Radio City.

She loves a Radio City.

No, where did you see her?

It was like a weird place.

You like, you and Margo took a trip.

Did we?

Yeah.

Satchel, good times.

I don't remember.

Like, that's definitely

a point in your column.

For sure.

Like, before Kelly Clarkson show, like, before this, like, resurgence of kelly it wasn't cool to be a kelly fan no not at all i i remember we did uh the morning breath live remember this yeah and someone asked us like who are your dream breath guests you have always said and i like ragged my brain and i was and you said andy cohen i think and i was like for me kelly clarkson everyone was like what but like and by the way that's like how steadfast you are because now i would not say andy cohen like and that and you still would say

right who else do you feel like you're like

og like so many people are like bandwagoners to different things like i'm definitely becoming like a beyonce bandwagon like that's me um like i feel like i am og taylor who do you feel like you've been there for through thick and thin besides elon

no i was gonna say like like luke homes i'm og yeah og i'm luke

but i feel like but it's easy to be a luke fan like it's just hit after hit the amount of years like to be an og luke fan is like shorter kelly's had a more long for Oh, so

going

back.

Rascal Flats.

Yes, you really have been.

I'm OG.

I'm still OG.

I'm still waiting for the tour that was canceled by COVID.

Like so unfortunate.

The farewell tour.

Of all the things COVID took from us, the farewell Rascal Flats tour might be the most egregious.

And the Kelly Clarkson Las Vegas residency tickets.

That we literally literally had front row.

We had VIP bottle service.

We literally spent like so much money.

We're like, this is going to be the trip of our lives.

And she never rescheduled that.

No, she did.

It's happening now, but like

now?

Yeah.

Should we go?

Oh, I'm so down.

I don't know when the next one is.

But yeah, no, she, she made it happen.

But by then, we were at different places in our lives.

Okay, but like if there was one in the next couple of months, like, would you leave your kids for the weekend or no?

To go to Vegas.

Vegas is kid-friendly.

Oh, my God.

I love your kids more than anything.

Like, I seriously would lay my life out on the line for them time and time again, but like, they can't come.

Okay.

Okay.

As long as we could stack it.

Like, I could do Kelly, Adele.

Sure, sure.

No, we'll have like a full.

Carrie Underwood.

She's another one.

I'm always by her side.

Yeah, but she hasn't been through anything tough, you know?

She's always kind of been like a country darling.

I don't know.

She went, like, MIA for a while.

Yeah, and then like the facial reconstruction thing.

Yeah.

I think she's been through more than you think.

She's very proud of her.

I'm saying trad wife.

She makes her.

In the Las Vegas residency.

I love that.

Goals.

Get you a squirrely who could do both.

Goals.

Oh man, I ran into a toaster on the street today and she was like, no, I'm freaking out.

I literally moved here yesterday and I was like, the day I move here, I want to meet Turdy.

I'm like, she met me the day after she moved here.

That's so funny.

I was grocery shopping yesterday and I ran into a woman who was like, are you the sister that talks?

I was like, yes.

She's like, no, I'm the sister who never talks.

Literally.

No, but that's literally how she said it to me.

I meant to like text you and say, like, she's like, she was, she was like, my daughter just told me to start listening to your podcast.

I just started listening.

Like, I can't believe I'm seeing you.

Isn't it so funny how people refer to you?

Are you the, for me, it's always the job girl?

Oh, stop.

I've never gotten.

Are you the sister that talks?

By the way, I love that.

Love.

You are the sister that talks.

You talk.

That's me.

I'm a sister and I talk.

That's it.

I don't need it more than that.

I love that.

Yeah, it was really funny and cute.

Are you ready for our next story?

We absolutely, like, this is technically story number three out of six.

Okay, sorry.

I'm so excited for Beyonce.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

we'll talk to you guys tomorrow about it.

So it's like, just press pause on that.

I might wait up till midnight.

Like, I'm excited.

Ooh, crazy.

Keenan Thompson has broken his silence on Quiet On Set documentary Revelations.

So Keenan says he had a tough time watching the Quiet On Set documentary.

He addressed the series for the first time on the Tamarin Hall show on Wednesday, nearly two weeks after the March 17th release made headlines.

Tamarin is always getting headlines.

She like, nobody works harder than the Tamarin Hall production team.

Yeah.

He claimed he, quote, wasn't really aware of a lot of the documentary's revelations, which included Drake Bell's alleged sexual abuse and Dan Schneider's alleged inappropriate behavior.

He said, because quote, these things happened after I left.

However, he urged the network to investigate more.

He said, it's supposed to be a safe place, you know, it's supposed to be a safe place for kids.

And to hear all about that, it's just like, how dare you?

He added that his heart went out to anybody else that's been victimized, as well as their family members.

He said, quote, I think it's a good thing that the doc is out and puts putting things on display that need to be, stories that need to be told for accountability's sake.

But it's definitely tough to watch because I have fond memories of that place.

I have fond memories of my co-stars and stuff like that.

So to hear that they've gone through terrible things like that, it's just tough.

It's really tough.

He went on to then address the allegations about Dan Schneider.

He said, quote, Dan wasn't really on Keenan and Kel like that.

I mean, he got accredited by credit, but it was a different showrunner.

So our worlds weren't overly overlapping like that outside of all that necessarily.

It's tough for me because I can't really speak on things that I've never witnessed.

So I read Keenan's book and he spends a lot of it talking about his time at Nickelodeon.

And he was a little bit older.

And he, and I feel like the documentary does a good job of explaining that like Keenan's time.

on Nickelodeon, Keenan and Kel Goodberger, was kind of setting the foundation for Dan Schneider to become the powerful boss that he was.

He wasn't the boss back then, but he had success.

He's in the Goodberger movie.

He has like a cameo.

He was always like putting himself in.

Yeah, he was in all that too.

You said he was an actor previously.

Yeah, that's what they said in the documentary.

And that's, I was like, okay, ew.

So I believe Keenan.

And also, I read his book, and he looks back on that time so fondly because it was just like, you know, he made such good friends and they would spend all day, you know, acting and being funny.

And then they would get to go to Universal Studios for as long as it was like the best time of his life.

And, you know, and this is something I think of like a thread we keep talking about.

He had a very, very, very smart mother.

Both of his parents, like very, very smart.

Dad worked so hard, but his mom was really involved, almost to the point that I think like it bothered Keenan because he was a teenager just wanting to run around with his friends.

So if there was nefarious behavior going on,

I don't know if a predator would have, would have looked at his mom and been like, that's someone I can, you know, take down because she was really, really tough.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that's probably a lot for him to wrap his head around like this place that he he had the best experience and yeah was so good for him was not that for other people but when you're a kid like there's no way to know these things and so it's just really sad it is we had been saying last week like wanting there are people we want to hear from yeah honestly like and everybody i didn't really feel like i wanted to hear from keenan maybe because i read his book and i knew that he was not there during like the dan years um he predates that everyone was like yelling at josh peck wanting to hear from him i like if there's anyone who I really would love to hear from, it's Ariana Grande.

She was a, first of all, she's by far the most famous person to come from Nickelodeon ever, period.

Two, she was a huge subject of the documentary.

And a lot of the

huge topic of conversation was the inappropriate content being put out on the Victorious YouTube channel on the TV shows that now, in hindsight, as adults, we look back on and realize, like, oh, is that a cum shot?

Like, is that a hand job?

Like, really disgusting.

And she was a part of a lot of it.

So if there's really anyone I would like love to hear from, it's Ariana.

but i think ariana maintains like that that was a great time in her life too

yeah

no she's never said anything to the opposite effect and even if she has things that she wants to like stories that she could tell i don't think she will and no and a lot of people um there's like a conspiracy theory on the internet that if you're like a super famous actor now like keen and ariana josh And you don't speak out or you don't have anything negative to say, it's because you took hush money.

That's what, and like that money looking at you, now you're famous, like you signed a deal with the devil like that's what people think and it's just not true like it's not it doesn't surprise me that people think that i've not heard that i i've never even thought that yeah it's like a dumb conspiracy theory that needs to be debunked yeah

so yeah keenan is speaking out and and what about his uber driver did his uber driver say anything no but his uber driver does corroborate that you the story that keenan is a very good guy oh good good good yeah i love keenan like i need to meet keenan just for like the story That would be like a good dream guess for you.

Yeah, especially, even though, like, I feel like he would never come on because I read his book and I maintain and I stand by what I said, but it was really bad.

Like, I would not recommend it to anyone.

I think I gave it like two stars.

And you know, I love celebrity members.

The way you talk about it, though, we'd never know that.

Like, the way you talk about it now, you're always referencing it, to reference or reference.

It's enormously helpful when we're talking about stories like this.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Ariana Maddox is replacing Sarah Highland as the Love Island USA host, says a report.

So according to TMZ, Sarah Highland is out for the Love Island USA hosting gig and Ariana Maddox is in.

Now, Sarah Highland just did confirm that she is not coming back.

She posted to her Instagram, well, just got a text, which is, you know,

funny Love Island joke.

I got a text.

I'm disappointed the news had to break this way, but it is in fact true that I will not be returning to the island this summer.

I have committed to an exciting project that will be announced soon that conflicts directly with the shooting dates for Love Island USA.

While I'm sad I can't return, I hope to see lots of love this summer on Peacock this upcoming season.

So it sounds like it's all good.

Like she wasn't fired or pushed out.

It sounds like she signed on to another project and they needed someone.

Yeah.

And then it's like, okay, who do we bring in as the host?

Ariana did make a cameo last season because

in those scandal episodes when she was fighting with Tom and she was like, you never like watch Love Island with me on the couch.

And then Love Island got involved.

So she's tapped to be the next host.

It's funny.

I like it.

At the end of the day, hosting is a a skill.

And I think this is like a good marketing thing, but you got to be able to read the teleprompter.

Like, I hope she does a good job.

For sure.

Love Island, though, the host only shows up every few days, every few episodes.

Like you forget that there's a host and then literally six episodes later, it's like, Ariana's here.

And it just means there's going to be like a breakup ceremony.

Who was the...

Oh, what about that girl, Arielle?

Yeah.

Arielle?

I don't know what happened.

I thought she was good.

I thought she was good, too.

I feel like they change it a lot to make it buzzy, like who's of the moment, you know?

Yeah, but I think I prefer like a stalwart Chris Harrison type.

One host, but it doesn't have to be someone so serious, just consistency.

Like I like that.

Maybe Ari, maybe they wanted that too with Sarah Highland, but it's not working out.

But I just feel like.

But Live Island USA is also just like a shit show, and it's like not popular.

For sure, but they've started to really put everything they've got.

towards that.

As they should, there's literally no reason why the UK version should be so much better.

Like there shouldn't be that big.

I I know it's like better because of UK culture.

Like so it might always be better, but there's no reason like the disparity should be so large.

Yeah.

Also, Maura Higgins had been like the digital correspondent for Love Island USA.

I wonder why she's not a contender for host.

There are even like from the first American season, I feel like there are a bunch of like

girls who are pretty decently influential and have big platforms who would be good hosts too.

Yeah.

But I guess Ariana has this pre-existing Love Island tie-in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's good.

Yeah, it's good.

It hasn't been confirmed, though, but it seems to be that's the way it's going.

I don't know why she wouldn't do it.

It's a dream.

Imagine like being a huge fan of a show and then getting to be the host.

Where do they film U.S.?

In Hawaii?

No, I think like Fiji.

Oh, it's not even in the U.S.

No.

Well, the one season I watched, one of them was in Vegas, but that's because it was COVID.

Okay, the season I watched that like we recapped and we had Shannon and Josh on, remember them?

Yeah.

I feel like that was in like Maui.

I don't think it has to be in the U.S.

because I know the UK one is not in the UK.

I think it was in like Portugal.

Oh.

What I watched.

What'd you say?

They've all been in different locations.

Okay.

Well, that's exciting.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

So Bethany Frankel says that she was randomly attacked amid an insane New York City punching trend.

So two things.

One, there's this trend in New York City that young women are getting punched in the face at random.

Yeah, a couple of days ago, this one big TikToker like posted video that went so viral because it was so crazy, but also she had this welt on her head.

Looked like literally under her skin, there was a golf ball.

And she was like, oh my God, she was like on the verge of tears.

She's like, I have no idea what just happened.

I was literally just walking.

I was on my phone and somebody just clocked me and I fell to the ground and I lost consciousness for a second.

And everyone was like keeping up with the story.

It was so crazy.

And then like two other videos that day, other women telling the same same exact story they were walking on their phones and some guy came over and just punched them in the face yeah and so for the first creator she said that she like blacked out and fell and then just like freaked out came home and The other girls also had like bruises.

But then one video, a TikToker posted, a video by she's a fashion student who said that she was walking home when a random man punched her.

And then Bethany commented on the video and said, this is insane because this happened to me a few months ago, but I was embarrassed to say I was on the Upper West side, insane.

I was taking video of a bakery.

Her comment was later deleted, but it's there.

It was there.

That's weird.

Yeah.

Maybe people were being like nasty to her for like trying to make this thing about her.

I don't think that's it.

Like hop on a trend.

I don't think that's what it was.

She didn't like make a video about it.

She just commented.

Honestly, ever since I saw this a couple days ago, my phone has been lodged in my pocket.

I am like so alert.

It's not like it's in one area of town.

It's all over upper west, flatiron.

It's been everywhere.

What the?

And And by the way, I don't know if it's all one person or if it's this trend of like, you know, savages doing this.

Yeah.

But the original girl who had the golf ball on her forehead posted a video like update that she worked with the police and the guy has been arrested.

How did they find who it was?

She

surveillance footage, they like CCTV, you know, there's cataracts everywhere.

Big brother's always watching.

And in instances like this, it's actually immensely helpful.

So they were able to like follow him to where he was.

Or like get a photo of him got it and maybe he had like a previous record and they could probably facial recognition recognition and it's so scary and so if it's just if i don't think it was this one guy doing this to all these women because if that was the case great they got him and it's over i think it's like a thing people do now and it's disgusting and they're targeting young women specifically young women on their phone do not walk with your head down on your phone like that's making you vulnerable and what's so moronic is like great they got this guy but like bail reform in new york like he's probably sleeping at his house now.

Yeah.

Like arresting someone means nothing these days in New York.

It's so,

so crazy.

And like someone like this, like who like absolutely needs to go to prison.

Like it's so, if you just, you harp, like you act on every instinct you have, you're a savage.

Like I see people I want to punch in the face.

I don't because I'm civilized.

Yeah.

Like there's a difference.

And so if you're going to be an animal, like you can't be here without being able to be able to be able to be

among civilized people.

No, you can't.

You can't.

You have to go.

Yeah.

So upsetting.

Like, what the fuck?

And so if you are even walking right now and listening to this podcast, this is the only time we're ever going to say this.

Turn it off.

Take your headphones off.

Put your phone down.

Yeah, headphones is like.

You have to just be like eyes in the back of your head.

No, it's so nutty.

Yeah.

We're living in nutty times.

We are living in nutty times.

Very upsetting.

And really be careful.

Do not.

At the bare minimum, look forward when you walk and just be aware of your surroundings.

Yeah.

Are you ready for a fifth and final story?

Sorry, sixth and final.

Oh, we are ready at six.

Yeah, I'm ready at six.

We crushed this today.

It's a little random media news.

RMN.

I feel like you might have not heard this yet because I hadn't heard it till this morning, but Carly Kloss revealed that she's relaunching Life magazine with her husband, Josh Kushner, more than 20 years after it was shut down by Time.

Wait, I'm kind of obsessed.

So her and her husband have a company called Bedford Media.

That's like a new media company.

And they've acquired Life magazine, which was first published in 1883, but it was shut down more than two decades ago by Time Inc.

And they said in a statement, they will relaunch the brand as a print magazine with a digital and video presence.

Quote, we see life as an uplifting and unifying voice in a chaotic media landscape.

Wait, I'm surprised they were able to so easily acquire it because even though it's not valuable like monetarily, it's

historic and there are so many like famous life magazine covers.

I'm surprised Time Inc.

would be so willing to give it up.

I'm sure it came with a price tag for the name.

For sure.

I don't know why.

I just found that shocking.

And I feel like Time Inc.

revamping Life Magazine is something I could see them doing.

Yeah.

But this also makes sense.

They could have started their own new magazine, but I think to buy like a storied name is with has, yeah, it has a great name.

Better move.

No, this is kind of really smart.

I look forward to seeing what they do with it.

Even though, like, I don't know how many like fake digital magazines we need.

Every celebrity on the cover of Couch magazine, like every celebrity

makes up like fake ass magazines and that's on the cover of Wonder Wall but that's why this is different because it's like oh someone's gonna be like I'm on the cover of life magazine oh shit okay let me check it out yeah it's like most likely um like not gonna have like insane circulation and readership well let's see what they do with it dirty yeah no that um I'll be I'll be watching Yeah, also, like, Loki, I didn't know life wasn't in circulation anymore.

I did.

But that's because life gives time energy so they're the same you don't need both yeah but now same red logo yeah it'll be interesting to see what they do with it because it used to be just like the pictures like you get a cover of life or it's like an amazing photo

coming in like it's not like vogue where it's like there's a cover star right

no it's like a cover story cover yeah giving huberman i guess it comes back to you they could also do whatever the hell they want you know right do you think carly will be on the inaugural cover that'd be kind of nutty yeah but also like why not why not me why not buy life magazine just put myself on the cover i'm gonna say it before anybody else does like my current word of the moment is nutty it's a good word i like it too because like things are nutty everybody's nuts lots of things are nutty things in which you're nut

right

so

keep you posted that's interesting It is.

And that's what's going on, guys.

And that's the way the cookie crumbles.

That's our show.

And what's so exciting is the next time you hear our insanely gorgeous voices, it's going to be Friday.

That's something to celebrate.

Let's give them something to talk about.

So we'll see you then on a great day.

Thank you guys so much for listening to The Toast, The Millennium Morning Show, where we deal with the fast side stories that you need to know.

Everybody's Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as podcasts anywhere podcasts can be found.

So that's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Video, iHeartRadio, and Cast Box.

Wherever you find your podcast, find us the Toastleton Five Star View about how beautiful, stunning, and wickedly talented we are.

Hope you have a great day.

Love ya.

Bye.

Love ya.

Booyakasha.

Booyakasha.

Goodbye.