Influencer Protection Program: Wednesday, March 20th, 2024

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Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Wednesday.

It is hump day.

Agai just guided us guide just day here at Toast HQ.

I'm at Toast HQ NYC.

Jax is in Toast HQ FLA.

Hey, Carly, how's it going?

It's going good.

Happy hump day.

I feel as though it feels right to be a Wednesday.

You know, it's

the latter half of the week.

Once we're through with this episode, Claude, we're further in than we are away from it.

And I think that's really exciting.

I have like so many exciting things on the horizon for me today.

Like what?

Actually, now that I was being sarcastic, but there really is so many exciting things happening.

My final furniture delivery from Creighton Barrel, I had placed this enormous order.

It's come in installments.

And the two big items, the pull-out couch for my second bedroom where you and your family will be sleeping one day, God willing.

My bed, my bed has been broken.

I've been sleeping on a broken bed for like two years.

And I really, I finally got myself like a real ass bed.

Custom, you know, from Creighton Barrel.

I can't believe you still are using that other bed.

I think we all remember when Ben broke it.

No, different bed, different bed.

Oh, okay.

The one that Ben broke, that was a devastating loss because that was a real bed too.

Then I was like, you know what, these beds keep breaking.

I bought an actual $400 bed from Wayfair.

The fact that it has lasted me six years, I just want to say speaks to Wayfair's true quality.

And it had a storage drawer underneath.

I got a new bed, crate and barrel with a storage drawer.

I'm really excited about it.

So that's happening today.

My apartment will be done

by today.

That's exciting.

Then I have to hit up the kosher grocer, which is always just a thrill.

When I tell you, my life has changed.

Then I'm seeing.

Do you find yourself eating more protein now?

Yes.

Are you all protein died?

Every single night.

And so funny.

So last night I went to an engagement party

on, you know, on the Upper East, Jewish Communité.

Let me tell you, there were two topics of conversation going around the entire party and two only.

Well, three, actually.

Third.

The toast.

No, well, four.

Okay.

First was, of course, the beautiful couple, Mazletov, you know.

Mazletto.

Mazleto.

The second, Ozempic.

When I tell you, every person was talking about Ozempic.

Three, Ori's, the new kosher grocer.

The fruit platter for the engagement party was from Ori's.

Everybody said, oh, this is such good fruit from Ori's.

So, like, what I thought it really had only revitalized my life.

When I tell you every conversation, someone was like, Have you had the salad dressing?

And I was like, No, have you?

No, and I said, Have you had the rotisserie chicken?

I'm kind of the rotisserie chicken champion.

People have really discovered the rotisserie chicken through me.

But then, every literally, people keep starting rumors about this grocery store.

Someone's like, I heard that they're getting a frozen yogurt machine.

I'm like, Well, actually, I heard that too, so it might be true.

But then I heard from my friend Margo, and she's a really she saw it with her own eyes that they are now selling pre-made briskets

that are delicious.

So everybody's starting rumors about this grocery store.

I'm telling you, the grocery store has flipped the community on its head.

That's so beautiful, but they could serve ice cream and chicken.

You know what?

I thought about that from a kosher perspective.

As a grocery store, yes, as long as you're in like separate sections.

Separate kitchen.

But if you're in a restaurant, like with a kitchen, you're obviously only selling meat or dairy.

Yeah.

I guess unless you had two kitchens in your restaurant.

That would be, you know, a high-budget restaurant.

And different tables, too, and different serveware.

Very interesting.

I'm excited for you.

So that's just like, and then I'm going, I'm sorry, to a concert seen by Queenie, Kelsey Balor Queenie, you know?

Oh,

very lovely.

So it's just kind of an amazing.

And then by the time I'm done with the day, it's the Hurs Day.

Exactly.

What about you?

Busy day.

I'm a little queasy today.

It started last night as I was going to sleep.

I was like feeling nauseous, but I was like, okay, well, I'll go to sleep then.

What if I just took a nap?

like it makes me feel like i want to lay down so why don't i just stay laying and then as i was doing my makeup this morning i was like hmm yeah i i feel a little amiss

can't pinpoint it

so just gonna watch that oh my god something's up with jacks you guys

Nothing like crazy.

I just, I'm in tune with my body.

And I'm saying I don't feel 100%.

I feel kind of like out of focus.

You know when that happens?

Yes.

Shifty, I'm really not a person who's in tune with her body.

I'm in tune with what's necessary, but not my body.

You're not like you can't feel if something's a little different.

No, no, no.

And like, sometimes I'll like I'm completely fine, normal, and healthy, and I'm like, oh my god, something's off, and like, nothing's off.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I'm not, I'm not in tune.

I feel like if you felt this way, like, you would notice just like a low-grade queasiness.

I would say, I don't know, maybe I need a Zofran.

Are you

pregnant?

No,

okay.

Did you check?

I don't have to, it's not possible.

Okay.

Yeah.

Zofran, perhaps I don't have one.

Oh, let me tell you something about Zofran.

Gotta ask around.

Anyone have a Zofran?

They need to make that shit more accessible.

You know, every time I get on my

soapbox about Ozempic, Wagovi, Manjaro, more accessible, affordable.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Throw Zofran in there, too.

You shouldn't need a prescription for that shit.

It's like the only thing on the planet that actually gets rid of nausea and you need a prescription for it?

Yeah, because it works.

Like, stop.

Stop being like a gatekeeping girl boss.

Just go.

Yeah, now I'm craving one.

I'm itching for one.

So I was, I'm all out because I'm so generous with mine because I feel you are so generous with your Zofran.

Universal Zofran prescription.

I literally, like, you won't catch me giving my Zofran to a dying person.

Like, I, that shit is like liquid gold.

It's so amazing.

Like when you're hungover, obviously I was prescribed for migraines.

I got with my migraine medication, Zofran, because migraines can also cause nausea.

And I was just, I always got double the amount of Zofran.

And they would give me five migraine pills for a month.

Like fucking rude.

Step it up.

No, I think one of them.

And they would give me so much Zofran.

So I was super generous with it to the point that I don't have anything.

The greatest part of Ozempic is obviously the weight loss, but I would say coming in close second is more often than not, you get a prescription for Zofran along with it because it can cause nausea.

And let me tell you, like, they should sell, drug dealers should get into that.

Oh, and just to clear up some more rumors that might be started about me, I'm not on Ozempic, even though I'm nauseous.

Oh my God, are people saying that?

No, I haven't seen one person say it.

And honestly, it's a little fucking fun.

I was going to say, like, it's fucking rude.

Maybe, yeah,

can't say, can't confirm or deny if I'm on Ozempic.

No, I'm cackling.

No, but I feel like because of what I'm saying today, people could conclude that I'm on Ozempic and I'm a big champion of the drug.

But put the rumors, future rumors to rest, even though I know it looks like I am.

It does.

I'm not.

It does.

It's honestly a little rude that I haven't seen any speculation.

Okay, I'll start it.

She's literally on Ozebic.

I saw her shoot herself up when I was at her house.

Okay, I started it now.

No, no, no.

Now people will really think so much.

That's not a rumor.

Jackie's always on Ozeppic.

That's a confirmation, Claudia.

You just have to give them crumbs.

Can't confirm or deny.

I can confirm.

I saw her shooting it up.

Good.

That's a lie.

Listen, you get what she asked for.

Okay, yeah, I'll put it out.

And now people will really be confused.

They'll be like, but Jackie, now you really need to stay on point with your health journey.

No way.

Because they're going to be like, Ozempic didn't work for her.

Yikes.

Wait, okay.

So last night at this engagement party, it was, I, of course, ended up in the room with the dessert and the older women.

That's just like kind of where I sort of gravitate.

And of course, everybody was talking about Oprah's Ozempic special.

And it really, I got to see firsthand, like how I feel.

Like the impact that it's had.

People were just like talking, everyone was talking about it so positive.

They love the special.

You know, people said it should have been longer.

And it was so fabulous to kind of see it firsthand.

Yeah.

And I was talking to my, so it was my best friend, Alicia's house.

Her mom is, do you know that Esther is the biggest toaster?

I know she listens to the show.

Yeah.

No, I didn't know.

Every single day.

Every day.

Hi, Esther.

So she picks up her mom every day.

And so sometimes her mom's like, no, I don't need to be picked up.

She's like, no, no, you don't understand.

I need to get in the car so I can listen to the toast.

And so she comes over to me and she's like, let me ask you a question.

This may be so dumb, but like, how do I listen to old episodes?

She's like, the, like, I can't get past two years ago.

And people have been saying that.

And what is that?

You know, Apple and Spotify, like, cut us off.

We're being silenced.

I feel like there's only a maximum number of episodes that they can host per show.

Or that they do host.

So I think you have to go to YouTube.

So I said, you know, thankfully the archive's always on YouTube.

But for me, that's painful because YouTube is basically like a timeline of my weight loss and gains over the years.

Yeah, but you also have said that you want all episodes to be gone.

So I have said that.

I would think that Apple and Spotify cutting us off wouldn't be a bad thing.

I think as a part of like some sort of influencer safety net, you know, podcast

influencer protection policy.

The influencer protection program is like a subscription you pay yearly that after, after content is, I want to say two years old,

it needs to be erased.

The culture changes.

We can only be held responsible for what we said in the moment, like holding somebody's feet to the fire for something they said five years ago.

Like, I don't know her.

I need a program like that.

And it needs to be called the Influencer Protection Program.

Okay, the IPP.

I love that.

I think we should start it.

Yeah,

I would do it.

Even though two years, then what about like my wedding photos?

Okay.

Gone.

Well, that's why I have to post in my brief anniversary.

No, but that's cool too.

That's what the Influencer Protection Program does.

Like they weigh fifth through.

Yeah, like anything personal wishing a happy birthday to your spouse, like, of course, that stays.

But anything, you know, topical or remote, a little bit, you know, murky.

What if you wish a happy birthday to your spouse and you're like,

happy birthday, R word

well that would then be alerted by the IPP

I don't know why you would be calling your significant other than our word but I see what you're saying like it could be a joke you guys have right right that doesn't age in a time where everyone was saying that word no I understand the IPP would flag that for sure and maybe when they felt the culture changing that flag that folder of our word content would be immediately washed away.

Yeah.

I think we're on to something.

A thousand percent.

But I don't want to limit it to influencers.

Like it's really comedians.

People who need that for their jobs going forward, you know, just a social media cleansing program.

So I'm glad you brought up rumors being spread about you.

I don't know if you know that there's like a conspiracy theory about us.

I don't need everything.

It's one of those things where people think like we're like cooler and more Hollywood than we are.

It's true.

I don't care what it is.

It's true.

Extra, extra.

What is it?

People were blowing us up on social media yesterday for not talking about Quiet on Set, the documentary.

They think we're like involved.

Like, and they're like, why haven't the girls spoken about it and it's first of all we literally spoke about it the day before yesterday and last and the day and the time before that and do i saw those comments and that's just people to me who don't watch the show no no but there's like a full theory that we're like protecting dan schneider when if you read my book you know you don't watch the show i by the way i haven't watched the show if you think that i haven't watched the documentary yet either um but i saw on tick tock yesterday and of course it's a story today dan schneider did a podcast

he did it an interview it was for podcasts like that's where it was it was that person has a podcast?

I think so, no?

I mean, they were sitting on chairs.

That's not their guide.

They were sitting in chairs with Sher mics.

Did they have mics?

Did they not?

No, they were just sitting in chairs facing each other.

I think that person, the vibe I got is that person is a friend of Dan Schneider's, and I think people probably like him.

And he felt like he wanted to

sit down with Dan to clear up some rumors.

That person.

And they gave it to the Hollywood Reporter.

Is a former

iCarly star.

Yes.

Star.

And it's from the Hollywood Reporter.

I watched it on X.

Oh, but they did give it to the Hollywood Reporter.

I watched it on the Hollywood Reporter's TikTok.

And you're right.

They don't have microphones.

It's not a podcast.

It's just a piece of content.

So funny how my brain is sort of manipulated into thinking two people in chairs looking at each other is a podcast.

No, nothing about that was giving podcasts because it was so.

quick and brief.

And if you're a podcaster, like we have the time.

That's actually so true.

It was only 19 minutes.

It was just like question answer, question, answer, question, answer.

The pace of it, it was so fast-paced to me, I never could have mistaken it for a podcast.

Yeah, there was no sort of conversation after Dan gave one of his answers.

It was just like, okay, moving on.

Yeah, thank you for claiming that up, even though you barely did.

You barely did.

And by the way, not Dan Schneider getting on the Ozempic train.

Oh, yeah.

Dan Schneider looks like he lost 200 pounds.

Yeah, he does look slimmed down.

Yeah.

And he has a goatee.

He doesn't deserve Rosembic.

It's too good for him Give it to someone who can't afford it like for real and who really needs it Well, we'll get into that interview.

So I guess without further ado, did you watch Vanderpump Rules last night?

I didn't.

I was at an engagement party.

Right.

I watched it.

I'm struggling to remember what happened.

If you want to table it for like maybe next week, we could do like a two episode recap because I didn't watch it and I do have deer toasters for today.

Yeah, but no, I didn't have any pressing feelings or thoughts, so it doesn't even matter.

Great.

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Are you ready for our first story?

I am.

Dan Schneider responds in an on-camera video to disturbing revelations in Quiet On Set.

So Dan Schneider, he posted the video to his YouTube channel at Dan Warp.

And yes, it was a 20-minute interview with Boogie, who plays Tebow on iCarly.

So

people have seen the allegations in Quiet on Set, The Dark Side of Kids TV, that has been airing over the last few days.

And Dan Schneider is being held accountable.

Held accountable.

So he is asked about some of the more egregious allegations made in that series.

He said, quote, facing my past behaviors, some of which are embarrassing and that I regret, I definitely owe some people a pretty strong apology.

He spoke about the series allegations that he continuously requested female writers to massage him in front of other writers and crew members.

He said, it was wrong.

It was wrong that I ever put anybody in that position.

It was the wrong thing to do.

I'd never do it today.

I'm embarrassed that I did it then.

I apologize to anybody that I ever put in that situation.

Additionally, I apologize to the people who are walking around Video Village or wherever they happen because there were lots of people there who witnessed it and who also may have felt uncomfortable.

So I owe them an apology as well.

He talks about the jokes that have been deemed inappropriate now that were made on the show and he apologizes for those while also saying, you know, there were a lot of people.

Whose job it was to approve that?

Whose job it was to approve that, who wrote that, and, you know, everybody gave those things the green light but overall he's saying i'm so sorry these things shouldn't have happened i wouldn't do it now i wish i didn't do it then um

okay so first of all i thought the turnaround time was really crazy almost like he knew like like this was pre-recorded like he knew what was going to be said about him like maybe he got a screener because really yesterday was i feel like yesterday

The second episode, the second part of the documentary had dropped, but I think much more of the more egregious allegations.

And literally, like while it's going viral, like the second people start talking about it, he drops his thing.

Like, I just thought the timing was kind of crazy, no?

I don't think so.

I think we've been talking about the fact that this thing was coming out for a few weeks.

So I'm sure he knew, and I'm sure they reached out to him for comment.

I'm sure they knew this was going to be a referendum on him.

And I think that his

strategy for combating it is to like get ahead of it.

Whatever they say, like, I am going to put out a statement explaining myself.

And so, he saw whatever was from the other night and immediately got on the hornet.

He maybe even had a plan for what he wanted to do, a video setting the record straight with a friend and someone who people might trust because they were also on set at these times and just sort of clear the air.

Yeah, no, that's fair.

Um, I did think, you know, first of all, what a tool.

I don't even, what's his name?

The interviewer?

Uh,

Boogie, like, probably some of the biggest loser energy I've ever seen radiating from another human being.

But, you know, and Dan thinks he's subtle.

You know, so many of the allegations were around how, you know, black actors and the, like the,

there was like a lack of diversity.

And the actors who were hired, who were, you know, diverse, who were black, were not given like any attention, any sort of opportunity.

So him sitting there with a former castmate who's also black, like, it was like, you're not being subtle, Dan.

Like, what, oh, no, never mind.

Yeah, no, as if that nullifies what other people are saying.

I feel like there are probably a lot of people who have worked with Dan Schneider who would say good things about him, who maybe had a positive experience working for him, who were maybe stars of their show, and it was in Dan's best interest to be nice to them.

Like, I don't think Dan treated everyone the same, and that everyone's going to say the same things about him.

It's not surprising to me that he has people who would champion him and say nice things about him, that there's people who say the opposite.

Yeah, and it's also like, I feel because these are all child actors, it's so,

I feel like how every each kid had a different experience is so dependent on their parents' involvement.

And like Jeanette McCurdy, you know, stating in her book, not very explicitly, but referring to Dan as the creator and how he was super manipulative and like literally like a psychopath.

And she also, her book is called, I'm Glad My Mom Died.

Like no one was looking out for her.

And then with Drake Bell and Amanda Bynes, like those are also two big stars of this documentary.

Amanda Bynes has a very

sordid relationship with her parents.

And especially at that time when she was bringing in a lot of money, it became a big issue.

Drake Bell had wanted to become emancipated from his parents.

So he really sort of like surveyed the kids who were either came from broken homes or had complicated relationships with their parents and sort of preyed on that because it leaves these young kids very vulnerable.

Yeah, but I'm sure plenty of other kids whose parents were on set who didn't fall into this web would say, oh, working with Dan launched my career.

Right, because then you think about like Ariana Grande.

Yeah.

And Josh.

And like Liz Gillies.

These are all kids who have big careers and who I think would state that they had fine experiences.

I'm sure, you know, being a child star comes with its own host of whatever.

But when it comes to this particular documentary, they would say that they had fine experiences.

And I think a lot of them would credit that to the fact that their parents were around like 100% of the time.

Yeah.

So

it's very disturbing.

And I think it like, I think a lot of people,

like for me, like the great tragedy is really emblematic in what happened to Amanda Bynes.

Yeah.

And there's so much footage in this documentary.

And I haven't watched a documentary, but I've seen so many clips, you know, unaired moments, behind the scenes recordings that are so

fucking weird and gross.

And now, of course, when you go back and watch certain scenes that were either aired or not aired, with hindsight, like it's it's weird.

But when you were a kid, you didn't think you weren't disgusting as a kid.

Like you just thought it was like funny, haha.

Like

yeah.

That's what Dan said too.

And he also said, cut those those scenes out, like take them out.

But the thing is, the damage is done.

Those actors already experienced it and they're forever changed because of it.

Like what's cutting?

No one really is watching those old shows now.

No, cutting it is not going to help anyone.

He also said, like, in an effort to make things better for child actors going forward, that there should be a licensed counselor on set whose job it is to evaluate each child and make sure that they really want to be on TV, that they're not just doing it for their parents, that they know what comes along with being a working child actor, with being famous, et cetera, et cetera.

Okay, for sure, but people like Dan Schneider should also like go the fuck away.

Yeah, no, there are so many issues with that.

First of all, like, of course, a kid who has a penchant for acting and singing wants to be on TV and they're going to do and say anything to get that position.

They have no idea what they're signing on to if you tell them what they're signing on to.

This is a child.

They can't make like actual

real serious decisions for themselves.

Also, if their parents are pressuring them to do it, like you get this job and maybe your family needs the money and the kid's going to talk to the therapist, I don't want to do it.

Like when you know your parents need you to do it, it's just dishonest.

Also, what are the odds that this counselor is an honest, good faith actor and not giving a predator?

Yeah, no.

Like, that's an easy job for a predator to get

a thousand percent.

Also, I feel like this is so crazy because there have been so many documentaries that like get, you know, so viral and it really, you know,

breaks open what was going on like Larry Nasser, for example.

Very rarely does the person then come out.

I feel like when these documentaries are made, the person who is being exposed is either like in jail, dead, off the grid.

It's so rare like that we hear from them that same day.

It's felt so weird.

It is weird, but the difference is, is

from what I've seen, like what Dan Schneider is being accused of is not like illegal behavior.

He's not incriminating himself by apologizing for these things.

Right, right.

You know, by being a mean boss, inappropriate, bad,

inappropriate jokes, like nothing that he's apologizing for or things that like he could go to jail for or anything like that.

With Larry Nasser and those sorts of people, like, no, they can't come and say, I'm sorry I did that.

Like, lock him up.

Yeah, but I also feel like, and we have been for years,

you know, if you like keep up with media, like, you know, Dan Schneider, you know the name, you know that, like, this was a very, very long time coming.

And I feel like

rumors about him are worse than the allegations that have come out from this documentary there are other things too

that we've all sort of heard

that i guess they're not addressing in the documentary which is why he was able to then you know go on and refute those claims in a in an interview because if they were the real allegations what we've all heard for many many years he could never you know speak on that because it would he would go to jail Well, he certainly couldn't apologize.

The only thing he could say is I didn't do those things.

That's all he could say.

And that's not even, that's not the tone of this interview.

He's not saying I did not do the things that they're saying in that documentary.

He said, I did them.

It was wrong.

And I'm sorry.

Right.

But there's more.

Right.

But cool.

You're sorry.

The damage is done.

Sorry.

We don't give a fuck, like, for real.

Yeah.

Sorry that you're embarrassed today and that you're having a bad week.

I don't give a shit.

No, like, not going to find me caring.

It was an interesting strategy, though, because it definitely has you being like, hmm, if he's being so candid and taking accountability,

maybe he's not as guilty as you would think.

No, I think it's like,

I think what his strategy was, but I'm seeing right through it, is like, yeah, let me take accountability for all the things that won't put me in prison that, you know, aren't the greatest things, but they're not as bad as what I've really been accused of.

Like, oh, yeah, I yelled at some writers and I made weird jokes.

Pale in comparison to what, you know, we've all heard for years.

So taking accountability for those things makes him look like an honest person, but we can't be fooled, you know, especially when just the rumors have been around about him for so long.

Like, so long.

Yeah.

No.

No, it's.

But I guess in the same breath that people are talking about quiet on set now, they're also talking about this Dan Schneider interview as opposed to it just being about like these nasty things about Dan Schneider.

He's just like really gross and he needs to just go away, like for real.

He had gone away though, yeah.

Right.

So him.

He's not like a person who works is public facing all the time.

Like he didn't even really need to respond.

He's extremely wealthy.

He could have just continued like living his private life.

Yeah, he could just be like a freak who's obsessed with the attention and like can't let people talk about him without him coming out and clearing his name.

For sure.

Even though like people have been talking about him for so long.

He's never

not mainstream.

No, not mainstream.

But former castmates, remember when Jeanette McCurdy was on Vine, she was making all those.

She was clearly having some sort of like

episode and she was like making all these cryptic TikToks about Dan Schneider.

Like there there have been many, many moments over the years where we've talked about it, never to the point you're right where it became like mainstream and viral content.

But it's been spoken about for so many years, and he really has just

dip, dive, duck, dive, and dodge, you know?

Yeah.

He's such a freak.

He's so disgusting looking.

Like, hey.

Yeah.

So I haven't watched documentary, but now I want to, but I wanted to watch this before just so that we could speak on it so that people don't think we're covering up for Dan Schneider.

When I see those comments, like that's a person who has never watched the toast a day in their life because we've been talking about Dan Schneider since 2017.

Jackie and I, when our show was owned by Verizon, we were like, obviously talking about Dan Schneider like two girlies would, like talking about how he's a freak and a pedophile.

And we literally got called, right?

We got called in by Verizon, like legal team.

We had to sit through like a two-hour presentation.

You guys can't say stuff like that.

We're like, what do you mean?

It's true.

We literally had to sit in like a two-hour presentation like about compliance and defamatory language.

Like it was so boring, first of all.

And I was like, you're kidding me.

You're kidding me.

It was actually probably really helpful.

I agree.

Not for dancing.

I'm not sure in doing what we do.

It was a good lesson to learn.

Just throw allegedly in front of anything you say and you're totally safe.

Yeah, that was really the lesson.

But just it goes to show you that we were called in in 2017 over this.

So if you think we're part of the cover-up, you haven't been paying attention.

And if you're not fans of this show, like, I don't know how you stumbled on yesterday's YouTube episode, but go away.

Jackie, literally, how many days can go by before I bring up Jeanette McCurdy's book?

Like, what are you guys talking about?

No, literally.

And the thing is, I'm talking to them right now, but they're not listening because they don't watch this show.

They just commented on yesterday's episode.

No, and by the way, Jackie and I, like, we're pretty wishy-washy on certain things, right?

You know, one day we hate this person.

We're always changing our minds.

I don't want to say wishy-washy.

We're open-minded.

One thing I feel like we really don't move on from is like child stuff.

Like, we're never going to be back on Valencia.

Like, the kids stuff, like, we, we can't be bought, you know?

Yeah.

No, there's no turning a new leaf.

So like

on kids stuff.

I agree.

Like I don't care how sorry you are.

Like for real.

There is no absolve absolution.

Yeah.

You've been absolved.

Absolution.

You've been absolved.

Absolution?

Absolutely.

Feels wrong, actually.

Absolution.

Abstinence?

No.

Absolution.

Formal release from guilt.

Oh, yeah, there is none.

Like, seriously, once you meet your maker, you can work it out then.

Yeah.

So, that's what's new with Dan Schneider.

He's got a turkey neck.

Are you body shaving?

I am.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I really, really am.

Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Beyonce says her new album, Act Two, Cowboy Carter, was born out of an experience where she did not feel welcome.

So Beyonce has announced her next album called Act Two, Cowboy Carter, on social media.

She shows, it has a picture of herself wearing a red, white, and blue outfit on a horse and holding up an American flag.

As we know, this next album from Beyonce is going to be a country album in the elk of her two songs that she's released called Texas Hold'em and 16 Carriages.

She put out a statement yesterday with the announcement saying, thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the supporters of Texas Holdham and 16 Carriages.

I feel honored to be the first black woman with the number one single on the hot country country songs chart.

That would not have happened without the outpouring of support from each and every one of you.

My hope is that years from now, the mention of an artist's race as it relates to releasing genres of music will be irrelevant.

She said, this album has been over five years in the making.

It was born out of an experience that I had years ago where I did not feel welcomed.

And it was very clear that I wasn't.

But because of that experience, I did a deeper dive into the history of country music and studied our rich musical archive.

It feels good to see how music can unite so many people around the world while also amplifying the voices of some of the people who have dedicated so much of their lives educating on our musical history.

The criticisms I faced when I first entered this genre forced me to propel past the limitations that were put on me.

Act two is a result of challenging myself and taking my time to bend and blend genres together to create this body of work.

I have a few surprises on the album and have collaborated with some brilliant artists who I deeply respect.

I hope that you can hear my heart and soul and all the love and passion that I poured into every detail and every sound.

Okay, so many thoughts.

Well, people then figured out like what

things she was talking about when she entered the genre and didn't feel welcome.

Unwelcoming is that she was.

I remembered that too when she did that CMA performance.

I thought it was fabulous.

Like I loved it.

I loved it.

She did a CMA performance with the Dixie Chicks.

The chicks.

At the time, they were called the Dixie Chicks.

Singing one of her songs.

I don't remember any of this.

Oh, I do.

And I actually remember talking about it on the toast.

And I wonder if she's talking about not feeling welcome by like the fans or by like fellow country artists.

The vibe I got was backstage unwelcoming because I think then I I saw an old article that Beyonce talked about like not feeling welcome at the CMAs and she felt like backstage everyone was like kind of giving them looks because the

chicks are also sort of they're like a lightning rod.

Yeah, I feel like there's dynamics within they might have enemies too in

they're definitely like you know I don't know what the right word is, but yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah, so

again, then also maybe the the fans and I think the reception to the performance, the performance has been scrubbed from the internet.

You can't even watch it.

Wait, that's so crazy.

I remember thinking, like, thank God, like, when somebody so cool as Beyonce like gives her sort of approval to the CMAs, like we've been trying to get people onto country for so many years, like Beyonce has that power.

I remember being like, yeah, the more the merrier.

And I do remember the fans being like lame about it.

Yeah, I feel like it must have been a bad reception because you can't even watch the video now.

Cause of course now I want to go see and be like, oh, what'd they do?

oh i didn't realize it was scrubbed yeah it's not losing energy does anyone have an old ti vo

yeah not the ti vo we could watch it well

then she's sort of teasing in this caption you know working with people

collabs and we have to sort of sit here and just guess

can you chris stapleton well read again who she said she was collaborating with because it sounds like it might be mostly black artists.

I have a few surprises on the album and have collaborated with some brilliant artists who I deeply respect.

A few side sentences up.

I did a deeper dive into the history of country music and studied our rich musical archive.

It feels good to see how music can unite so many people around the world while also amplifying the voices of some of the people who have dedicated so much of their lives educating on our musical history.

Oh, okay, maybe not.

Maybe not.

That just felt like sort of the genesis and the research for this project.

And like,

and also country music is really for everyone.

Like, yeah.

Okay.

As far as collaborations, oh, I feel like she might be collaborating with some big country artists.

Okay, I would not mind a Beyonce Darius Rucker collab.

Like, I feel like Darius Rucker has kind of put the like black country music fandom on his back for so many years.

And I think Beyonce should reward him for his good work, you know?

Yeah.

I don't see it.

I don't see it musically, like sonically.

I agree.

They're very different.

I do see Chris Stapleton.

because he collabs.

He loves a collab.

He collabs.

He's DTC down to collab.

But also, I feel like sound-wise, he's very soulful and very,

I don't know.

Soulful is a good word.

And I also feel like as far as like the mixing of genres, like there's a...

Crossover.

Yeah, I think it would sound really beautiful.

I feel like that could be.

And then maybe some artists that we don't know as well yet.

I don't think it's going to be like, you know.

You know who who I feel like she's going to do

and Luke Bryan.

Please, no.

Do you know who I feel like she's going to do a collab with?

100%.

Actually, I'm calling it right now the Warren Treaty.

Remember, I told you about that wife-husband duo?

Yeah.

Oh, I saw it at the same time.

They're really, they just did a collab with Zach Bryan.

I feel like they're really up and coming.

And they have, they're amazing, like vocally.

And I feel like Beyonce is going to platform them.

And I think that would be sick.

Well, also,

Marin Morris had commented on Beyonce's statement saying, drag them, queen, because, you know, she's on the outs with country music.

So do you think?

No.

I don't think Beyonce is going to work with her.

I think that's the antithesis.

Marin just left country and Beyonce's entering.

They're two ships passing in the night.

Yeah.

But do you think it sounds like from this statement like Beyonce's like coming into the world of country music like wants to be a part of it?

Yes, wants to like really sort of unite all different fandoms.

I think she's coming into it like peacemaker, like with, you know, waving the white flag.

Not coming in and being like, I'm mad about five years ago, I'm going to do your genre better than you.

Oh.

That's like what I'm getting from this statement.

No, no, it's getting like really like music heals, music unites, and I'm going to be that force.

Yeah.

Agreed.

That's what I had thought.

That's what I had thought too.

But then like Marin Morris, I feel like is feeling like drag them.

I think Marin Morris read it differently and I think Marin read it incorrectly.

Unless she's like saying drag those who made you feel unwelcome.

Well, yeah, yeah, but I felt that the overall sentiment of Beyonce's caption, and I actually really appreciate her giving, I feel like she doesn't really give us like this much insight ever.

Like, she just releases her music and it speaks for itself.

But I feel like her, she definitely left it in a very sort of positive, uplifting tone.

Yeah, I agree.

I'm excited to hear the album.

No, let me tell you, I'm on my way.

to Stanhood.

Like, seriously, all aboard.

I cannot wait.

Oh, and it comes out kind of soon.

Also, I love the name Cowboy Carter.

Yeah.

The artwork,

perfection.

Gorgeous.

Obsessed with, like, that's so my aesthetic.

Like, I just, I'm loving.

Beyonce's doing country and she's doing it right.

Yeah.

So far, so good.

I think it comes out in 10 days.

Thank you.

Like normal lead time.

We appreciate it.

And you love it.

Love in the normal lead time.

And you've given us two songs.

Thank you.

Yeah.

So that's very exciting.

See you in 10 days.

Next Friday.

Do you think she would do a Casey Musgrapes collab?

Like, I'm thinking of who's who's really hot right now in country music and, and not sort of mainstream.

Like, obviously, Morgan Wall and Luke comes, but I'm thinking of like Casey Musgraves, Zach Bryan.

So, I think that Casey Musgraves, like, I see what you're saying, but I don't think that will make it onto the album.

Because I also feel like, you know, Casey's very

like progressive within the community of country, but still remains country.

No, I hear what you're saying.

It's a good call, but I don't think it will be.

Okay.

It's a good call i'm so curious drop a comment who do you think beyonce is gonna collab with or should collab with

i feel like i mean it's a good call should

should we could be here all day will

should luke combs will

it's chris stapleton but she should chris yeah yeah honestly really chris stapleton yeah

okay ready for our next story one number three yeah

kate middleton's medical records have been part of a hospital security security breach.

The hospital where Kate Middleton underwent abdominal surgery in January is reportedly experiencing a security breach involving the Princess of Wales's medical records.

An investigation is underway at the London Clinic over claims that at least one staffer attempted to access her files, the Daily Mail reported.

Quote, this is a major security breach and incredibly damaging for the hospital, given its unblemished reputation for treating members of the royal family.

No, and this is truly why we can't have nice things.

Like, this people got too insane and it was all fun until it wasn't.

This is so disgusting.

And like, this is what I was saying yesterday.

The party's over, the buck stops here, and people can't let it go.

They, you, you know, they can't just like let something, bygones be bygones and let like a good thing have happened.

They have to ruin it.

And that's what happened.

So good job.

Congratulations.

You played yourself.

This is absolutely insane, but also makes me feel like ultimately.

The version of the story that we're getting is a version of the truth because the staffer accessed her medical records.

If there was something wild in there, I feel like they would have made it public.

Otherwise, what were they doing?

And I want to say, like, I feel as though a lot of things, nothing in this world is sacred, like nothing really.

But I feel like the oath of the HIPAA oath, for the most part, like people really, really take seriously and they respect it.

And you don't hear a lot about like, and the celebrities, you know, are human beings.

So they have all sorts of health issues, pregnancies, things like that.

And people in the medical field, I'm sure, you know, who live in, you know, work at Cedar Sign, I know plenty.

And I feel like it's kind of this oath that's really sort of respected.

And I love that.

And so when I hear situations like this, remember Scott Disick

when he was in that rehab Zoom thing, HIPAA violation, one of the, for the most part, people really respect it, both people who work in the medical field, but also people in the waiting rooms, you know, fellow patients, people really respect it.

Though they haven't taken the oath, but yeah.

No, but that's what I'm saying.

Like even regular people, I forget who I was having this conversation with, but you know, like celebrities have to go to the OBGYN.

And, you know, when they're pregnant, they're hiding a pregnancy.

But even if they see someone, for the most part, there is this sort of unwritten thing.

You see celebrity in the doctor's room.

Like you're not going to really share that.

So when something like this happens, it's always really disappointing.

Yeah.

No, this is insane.

I hope that Staffer is found and fired.

Mostly.

No, and like, you know, walked through the streets.

Shame.

Yeah.

Because what are you doing it for?

So you could sell it to TMZ?

Like, you're disgusting.

Yeah, which makes me feel like there was nothing to sell.

Just if we're going to get back to the

yeah, get back to the conspiracy, like

they didn't find what they were looking for clearly.

Or she wasn't able to access it because it's, you know, like you said, they have an unblemished record.

They're obviously very secure.

And some, you know, low-life nurse can't get access to everyone's files.

Yeah, attempted to access.

Right.

Okay.

It's giving low-life nurse.

It is.

I kind of love the term low-life.

It's so insulting.

And I don't really use it a lot because if you're not.

That's why it's insulting because it's not overused.

Yeah, but like being called, if somebody ever called me a lowlife, like I just, I seriously, I would just end it.

Like

it's horrible.

Yeah.

But don't do something that warrants being called a lowlife nurse.

You don't think it was a doctor, administrator?

It's got to be a nurse.

I'm sorry.

Did I assume?

You read it.

Yeah.

One staffer.

Okay, I'm sorry for assuming, but it was 1,000% a nurse.

No?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I totally assumed and I made an ass out of you and me.

I'm so sorry, but it was.

But you stand by the assumption.

Yeah.

And I, let's not get into it, Ashley Jessica, R.N.

I respect and adore nurses.

They are, you know,

our society's lifeblood.

Our brave i respect but it was definitely one of them

and i think

and i think

real nurses i think an honest nurse would agree with me yeah but this wasn't an honest nurse it was a low-life nurse

hi okay ready for our next story no because i forgot to tell you how cute you look today oh my gosh thank you i got this favorite daughter sweatshirt from fashion pass so did i fashion pass one of our sponsors it's definitely i would never wear it in front of you because it's like beyond rude, but I see you obviously had no qualms about wearing that in front of me.

No, because

I like it.

And

it's cute.

I like the color of it because I feel like it's a nice color to wear on the show.

Brings, I feel like it's one of my colors.

Yeah, I need to start wearing more of my colors.

I wore my color last night and everybody said it looked so gorgeous.

Like everyone's colour.

What color?

Like it was like a wintery blue.

That's everyone's color.

No offense.

It's such a gorgeous color.

I feel like, you know what?

Yeah, it's more so like, is this an ugly color?

Yeah, is this a flattering color for the human face?

Right.

That's a beautiful color for anyone.

Honestly, I've not seen someone look bad in it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Before we dive in, and I'm actually not ready because I want to tell you that the last two stories are brought to you by Hero Bread, a brand that Ben Soffer is so obsessed with.

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Our next story.

Tired Kyle Richards is reacting to her niece Paris Hilton bashing Mauricio Yumanski.

Yes.

So we spoke last week about what Paris Hilton said about the clip from buying Beverly Hills.

And now Kyle is on Amazon Live talking about what Paris said.

She said, I'm just kind of tired of hearing about everything over and over again.

She said that she thought, she was like, for me, it was like, oh, Real House has Beverly Hills reunion is done.

Thank God I can exhale and relax a little bit.

And then I was like, oh, not too soon, Kyle.

There's more stuff coming.

She said, my family's all in the public eye.

And it's weird to think that I'm on television.

My niece is on television.

My sister's on television on her show.

And she's been on my show.

My family's on television.

My daughter's.

It's a lot.

Yeah, I mean, it is a lot to keep apart.

Like Paris and Lives and Love,

Real House Ives.

Kathy's on Real House Ives and Paris in Love.

Then Mauricio is on Buying Beverly Hills and Kyle's daughters are on that show too.

And it's like everyone has to keep track of what everyone's saying all the time.

And you have to keep talking about what everyone's saying.

And she's so right.

Like with the Richard sisters, like they've been fighting since season one, and they have really been fighting about the same sort of kind of Roman Empire moments in their family.

Like they keep rehashing the same five things.

You know, you stole my goddamn house, Rick and Maurice, you know, like the same couple of things.

And I feel like that's so classic family beef.

Yeah, well, I just watched part three of Beverly Hills.

Kathy came out and what they said was, it's like, it feels like Kathy and Kyle are always fighting, but they both, without, you know, looking at each other, were able to say the exact amount of fights that they've had in their life.

Right.

It's three.

It's three topics.

as well.

No, and it's also like three blow-up fights that are kind of the reason for all of the other ancillary bouts of not speaking, but they've only had three fights in their life, which is pretty good for sisters.

No, and I feel like it's really actually relatable to

family arguments.

Oh my God, she got her Zofran, you guys.

Are you feeling okay?

No, I was feeling queasy.

I asked Zach to just go into my medicine pouch.

I thought maybe I might have one.

Because it's good to have one of everything in a medicine pouch.

If I could give it a picture of you.

It looks like you have three.

I had three.

Well, this is going to change the speedy recovery.

Oh, I mean, Zofran is fast acting.

It's literally magic.

I'm obsessed with it.

Maybe we could get a Zofran

sponsorship.

I mean, I've been waiting for an Ozempic sponsorship, so those are the companies.

Or have the sponsor who does the television.

I do, but I meant like with the real company, like Ozemp, with Novo Nordisk.

Free product.

Right, for life.

You need to be like what Chloe does for that migraine company.

Okay, let's talk about that migraine company.

Nurtech OTD.

Their commercials with Chloe and Lady Gaga are so insane.

How much money do you think Nurtech OTD spent on those two celebrities?

A good amount.

Like if Travis Kelsey got paid 20 million for Pfizer

and

10 million, maybe?

That's a lot.

Oh, I was going to say less.

A national commercial.

I would say when he signed that Pfizer deal, he was less famous than Chloe Kardashian and Lady Gaga.

That's true, but that commercial plays more.

Really?

Nurtech OTD?

It's fucking everywhere.

Damn, I got the piano.

Lady Gaga got on the piano.

Nurtech OTT.

Oh, and they got true in there.

And they got true in there.

Oh, I think about Nurtec OTD money constantly.

So interesting.

And I'm sure, I hope she actually uses it.

Like, I wonder if it's actually good for her migraines.

I know, because if anyone wants to put it in.

We've spoken for years about migraines.

If anyone wants to put me in a Rise of Triptan commercial, I'll talk all day.

Yeah, here are the drugs that I would like put my weight behind in terms of their efficacy.

Ozempic, of course.

I'm literally the poster child for it.

Zofran, obsessed, goes in tandem with the Ozempic.

Advil.

When I tell you, oh, I fucking love Advil, there is not a problem in my life Advil hasn't solved.

I feel like that's really it.

Like, those three.

Like, I love a tum too.

They really work, but.

Xanax.

Not prescribed, but I like it.

Yeah, of course, of course, of course.

Opioids.

No, I haven't taken a Xanax in so long.

Me neither.

Like, I don't really like two drugs.

No, not since before and my pregnancy.

Yeah, before mother.

Now, like, what am I doing?

Like, barred out?

No, you couldn't be, like, zonked out.

Like, no.

Unless like you had a real prescription for it, which you literally don't.

No.

How did we get to Nertech?

Oh, you were talking.

I was like, my Zoe friend, but we were talking about Real House Nice at Beverly Hills.

Anyways, what's good to know is that Kim and

Kathy are on good terms right now.

I feel like they have been for a while.

Like, I think once Kathy came on the show, it became kind of clear that like Kyle and her, you know,

history of being on the show and talking about the family stuff was really sort of like a polarizing thing and a huge reason why the sisters could really never get on the same page for very long.

Yeah.

But then they had the falling out from last season.

about the Aspen night.

Yep.

And now they've worked past that and now they are good again.

And Kathy's really like just was supporting her and standing by her when she was talking about all the stuff with Mauricio.

And she really just needed a sister.

And Kathy was being a good sister.

No, I love Kathy.

Yeah.

No, it was, it was really nice to have her back.

It's funny.

She wasn't on the season for one minute and she's at the reunion.

Because that's queen behavior.

Like when no matter how like quote unquote irrelevant you are to the storyline, like you're the most interesting part.

Yeah.

It's true.

So yeah, everyone in the Richards, Hilton, Yumanski family on their reality shows, shows, it's like kind of funny.

It is.

Like, you can't keep track of what everyone's saying.

I guess that's like us with our podcasts.

Totally.

You know, and then you hear, like, Ben said something on his, and you have to respond to it.

And, like,

I said something on Redheads.

And I will respond.

Margo's always saying crazy stuff on Redheads.

Is she?

Kind of.

Like, now it's where she goes to make her announcements.

I know.

That's like really huge for your brand.

I know.

I'm very excited about it, and I plan plan to exploit it.

As you should.

Like she told Redheads Exclusive that she was moving.

If you guys didn't even know that, you should listen to the new episode of Redheads.

Exactly.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Yeah.

It's not a goodbye.

It's a see you later.

And we still have dear toasters.

It's actually the perfect fifth story because Travis Kelsey is in talks to host Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader reboot.

Obsessed.

Travis Kelsey is capitalizing on his newfound fame.

The Kansas City Chiefs star is is reportedly in talks to host a reboot of the Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader, which would stream via Amazon Prime video.

Two insiders told Variety on Tuesday that the game show would feature celebrity guests rather than children.

Despite his interest in the program, producers are hesitant to extend an offer over questions of his availability.

Rather than the children?

How do you have Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader without the fifth graders?

Rather than children.

I don't know.

Like, you need both.

You need...

I mean, you don't really need the fifth graders because you have to

learn

right.

Yeah.

But that the kids were so funny and snarky.

Although I do love, you know, putting less children after we were just talking about quiet on set, like getting children off of those sets.

I do like that.

But when it comes to the show, like those kids were hilarious.

That was the whole point.

Yeah.

And that Travis, like interacting with little fifth graders, like that's the magic, no?

Yeah.

It's a really cute idea.

And I'm sure he's trying to branch out.

I think there's a very intentional team behind him as he like makes enters a new chapter of his career.

He's still playing football, but one day he won't be.

And just like he did SNL and he does his podcast and now there might be other hosting opportunities for him.

We know he's a TV star.

He did Catching Kelsey, great job.

100%.

And this show,

Are You Smarter Than Fifth Grader?

It's like a beloved, huge American classic.

So, and that's so him.

I think it's actually really brilliant.

I just don't know the creative of the show if I agree with it.

Without kids, you mean?

Yeah.

Like, it was so like very young Sheldon energy.

Yeah.

I think it could work without kids.

They should really have that kid host the show.

Young Sheldon.

Even though he's old Sheldon now.

Teenage Sheldon.

I'll just really never be okay with like, you know, specifically young boys like going through puberty on television.

It's really,

it's just never, it's really uncomfortable for everyone.

Brad.

We know.

It's like one of my least favorite things.

Imagine how they feel.

No, I know.

And I imagine like they,

you know, years from now will be like, why the fuck were my like most horrible, awkward years broadcast for all of America to see?

And then they'll look at their bank account and they'll say, okay, that's why.

That's fine.

Yeah.

I'll allow it.

So true.

Okay, so those are the fast five stories.

And we're going to get into Deer Toaster's our weekly advice segment where you can write into us either head over to thetoastpodcast.com.

There's a little submission box there totally anonymously, or email us, deartoasters at gmail.com.

What are you going through?

Do you need advice from your two favorite squirrel friends?

We'll help you.

And today, we've got a note from a sober mother.

Hi, swirlies.

I'm a sober mother of two.

I recently started making some mom friends at my son's preschool.

Nobody knows that I'm sober, and on play dates, when somebody has offered me a cocktail, I've always tried to defer while not disclosing my situation.

I am not ashamed of my sobriety.

I'm actually very proud.

It will be 12 years in May, but I also just met these women and I'm not sure how much I want to tell them.

I got invited to a mom's night out next week and I just, should I, I just, sorry, I got invited to a mom's night out next week.

Should I just tell them when they offer me a drink or should I just keep making excuses?

Whatever you're comfortable with.

I feel like there's so many fake excuses that you could come up with.

I also feel like most of the times when I'm hanging out with moms, we actually don't drink.

Like someone's always pregnant, someone's always breastfeeding, like some I don't drink.

Like, I feel like it's okay

to say

no, especially when you have such young children, like they're in preschool.

It's not like everyone's getting lit up.

Like, you got to be up early the next morning

changing diapers.

Like,

I don't know.

I don't think you should worry so much about it.

And you can be honest if you feel like you want to open up to these people.

And if you just don't feel like having that conversation, there are so many reasons why you could be like, oh, like the truth for me, I get such bad hangovers, I can't be a hungover mom.

No, but also, I feel like you can and should be honest, but you also don't need to say like, I'm in recovery.

You just say I don't drink.

Like, plenty of people don't drink.

Plenty of people don't drink.

You don't, and then once you know these people, you can tell them your story and how you're at 12 years, but just say, no, I don't drink.

Like Margaret Josephs doesn't drink, you know?

It's like people don't drink.

Yeah.

So just, I would say, like, I don't drink.

Yeah.

And I just, I feel like drinking is germane to like motherhood friendships and like friendships for like new moms or young moms.

Like it's not a huge part of the equation.

You know, if you were going on spring break and you weren't like, that's something else.

But I feel like it's not even a major factor.

I also also think, and correct me if I'm wrong because I'm literally not a mom, but I feel like having mom friends is really germane to survival of, you know, motherhood, like having people to commiserate with.

And, and I don't know, I would tell them this part of you, share that with you, with them, you know, it could lead to like real connection.

Yeah, I don't see why, why not to share, but everyone's different.

So if there's a real reason why you don't want to share, there's other things you can do, but I think sharing would be nice.

I think sharing would be nice too.

Okay, dear Jackie and Claudia, recently I went on my final spring break trip of college with my five five closest girlfriends.

We stayed at my friend's dad's private resort, where we were literally the only people there besides a security guard and a house manager.

After the house manager left for the day and the guard wasn't there, we went skinny dipping in the pool.

We laughed and giggled the whole time.

It was so dark, you really couldn't see anything on anyone.

However, when I told my boyfriend about it, he seemed upset with me.

I told him it was about the act of feeling free and comfortable with my five closest girlfriends, but he still seemed annoyed.

Did I violate the respect between us?

Should I have opted out of the skinny dipping?

No, your boy's a a fucking loser.

Like, grow up.

Yeah.

Unless you guys are like hella religious or something, and it violates sort of like your code of conduct for each other.

But if you're not, like, literally, who cares if he's, what, jealous?

You're not a lesbian.

No, I don't think he's, I don't know.

I can't under skip into his frame of mind.

I think he's overreacting.

Don't feel bad about it.

You did nothing wrong.

You literally did nothing wrong, but like, how do you resolve this?

I think is the question.

What are you going to pander and apologize?

No, because I feel like that sets a bad precedent.

Just because you have a feeling doesn't mean I need to apologize.

Your feeling is wrong.

Yeah.

You could say, like, I'm sorry that we weren't on the same page about something like that.

Oh, I love,

I love that.

I love a skirt around apology where you say, I'm sorry, but like you're not really taking responsibility.

No, I'm not sorry for the thing you want me to be sorry for, like, but I'm sorry that that was

not something that I understood that you would be upset about.

And next time I just won't fucking tell you, Nark.

That's, I think, a real lesson here as well.

Like, not everybody needs to know know everything.

Even the person

you're like closest to in this world, you know?

Yeah.

Like, it's a real, like, nothing about what you did affects him whatsoever.

No, no.

And this is like a special girlhood memory.

Like, leave it alone.

Yeah.

Loser, he's giving loser.

Don't tell him next time.

Yeah, no, that's the lesson here.

Like, you know, he can't handle certain information, so he shouldn't get the security clearance.

Much like Oppenheimer.

He doesn't have the clearance.

And neither did Oppenheimer, because you want to know why?

He was a snitch.

But he was was a communist, but same thing.

No, like he was really smart, but he was like low-key communist energy.

So they weren't going to give him the highest level of security clearance because like, you know, do the work, but we're not going to give you that sort of level.

Yeah.

It made sense at the time.

Okay, our third and final we have from one of our Gen Z toasters.

And I love one of our Gen Z toasters right in.

Hey, Jackson Turd, I'm a high school senior.

And I need a prom date.

I have a little over two months and I have no prospects.

Please help.

Advice needed.

Thanks.

A swirly looking for a prom date.

Promise so hard.

Promise so hard because either like you have a boyfriend, which like nobody does, by the way, like normalized not having a boyfriend in high school, or you like go with a friend.

And it's like, that's not fun.

You just want like your crush to ask you out.

And that never happens.

Yeah.

I don't really know.

What I'll say is,

which it doesn't, it's not going to feel this way right now, but ultimately it doesn't matter.

You know what I mean?

So true.

Don't put too many eggs in this basket.

Like you will never remember who you went to prom with.

Even if you ended up marrying him, which would never happen either.

Even if you're crush asking you or you go with a friend or someone you're not that excited about, like it doesn't matter.

Your life is going to start after prom.

No, but also a prom date is just like a means to an end.

Like you just need to go because that's like the societal standard.

Like you go with a date, whatever, find some, someone to go with.

And then like once you get there, like you just hang out with your friends.

You literally don't even hang out with your date, you know?

Yeah.

I would just like choose someone at random and know that it's really not that serious this has no bearing on your romantic future it's just simply a means to an end like you need to do the pictures you don't want to like you know you can go without without a date but then like in the pictures you're sort of like you need some arm candy yeah and i don't believe in like not having a date because like women empowerment like you need a date okay yeah it's still a problem yeah you need a date and i'm sure like you and if you had told me this i would i would say shut up I

it means more than anything.

It does mean more than anything in that moment.

And I understand that.

I'm just letting you know, like zoomed out it doesn't mean what you think it means but i understand in this moment like it means everything i would just look around the cafeteria

look see what you're looking for yeah and someone at random and you i'm gonna make you my prom date and i wouldn't like you know obviously we watch so many movies you want to go with the coolest guy The girls who go with the coolest guys and never have any fun.

The coolest guys are like dumb and moronic and can't hold a conversation.

I would seriously go with like, you know, the nerd who takes off his glasses and everybody realizes he's handsome.

One, that's like the type of guy you actually have like the most potential to actually marry and those guys like always end up making a lot of money you know the jocks like always end up you know with with no sort of career prospects the nerds they start companies you know they get patents that you know generate a billion dollars in revenue like i would go for the the nerdy guy you honestly probably would a have the best time and be the most potential yeah

I like it.

And

he's just as worried as you are that no one's going to ask him, you know?

So true.

So just strike up a conversation and just like drop the hint.

Like guys like that need to be pushed a little bit.

So, you know, if you wait around for him to ask, like he might not, just go over and be like, do you have a date for prom?

And then he'll be like, no, and then you say me neither.

And then he'll be like, oh, I should ask this girl, you know?

Yeah.

Love that for you.

Yeah, that's exciting.

And prom is so exciting.

And this is what I always say to our Gen Z swirlies who write in, like, you're a high school senior.

Oh, my God.

And what month is it?

Oh, my God.

It's like the second half, second semester, you know?

You don't have any work to do.

You know where you're going to college.

This is the most fabulous time of your life.

They write, you know, epic novels about and movies about this time of your life.

Enjoy it.

Don't be bogged down by insecurities.

Oh, who am I going to go prom with?

Nobody fucking cares.

Like eventually, like people forget about it literally the next day.

So just enjoy this time in your life.

Like you're obviously a toaster, so you have an amazing head on your shoulders.

You probably already know this, but just like enjoy.

Live in the moment.

Get off your phone, you know?

I'm so happy for you.

Enjoy.

Yeah.

I love that.

I love you.

Oh, love you too.

I have, you know, got to start my day, you know?

Busy, Busy, busy.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast and the Lane I'm Morning Show, where we love the five stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us a video a thumbs up.

We're also bellows, podcasts, and we're podcasting.

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by Starbuck, but I'm a beautiful standing and wickedly talented.

We are.

Love you.

Love you.

Bye.