The Camper and The Counselor: Tuesday, October 10th, 2023

Good morning, Millennials, and welcome back to the toast.

Happy Tuesday.

Hope everybody's having a great day.

It's like, I don't even know how to describe today.

It's a weird day.

Let's be real.

It's a weird day.

I hope everybody enjoyed yesterday.

Oh, sorry.

Hey, Jax.

How are you doing?

I'm doing good.

Claude thinks I agree with you.

It's a weird day.

There's a lot going on here in our studio.

Of course, it is pub day for my children's book, which we are going to celebrate.

That's just a non-negotiable.

I know you're you're like feeling like it's not important.

I don't care.

Jackie wrote a book.

I'm not even feeling like it's not important.

I feel like so many people are messaging me being like, you should still like promote it.

And it's not like I feel awkward, you know, because the only person I'd be offending

is myself.

Like no one's going to cancel me.

Right.

The people who do the canceling don't give a shit about what's going on.

Right.

So it's just that like.

I just don't, I'm not feeling it.

Okay, well, I'm feeling it for the both of us.

I woke up this morning feeling it more.

Like camper and counselors stand with Israel.

The whole bunk stands with Israel.

That's so true, by the way.

It's a Zionist bunk.

It's a heartwarming book and we need some heartwarming things right now.

No, and like you should be very proud.

It's really proud, but I also feel like the book will book is out now.

You can buy it wherever you get your book.

It's also like kind of out of stock on Amazon because it's so popular.

So we really can't even promote it that much.

Well, it is out of stock.

The first printing sold out.

The second printing arrives on Thursday.

So if you get it on Amazon now, like you'll get it on Friday.

But it's crazy.

So that's what I mean.

Like the first printing sold out, like I've sold a lot of books.

I can promote the book any other time.

We have books to sell like next week, the week after.

So it just felt a little less imminent that I go so hard today.

But I am really excited.

I'm mostly excited to hear what you guys think about the book.

If you pre-ordered the book, Barnes and Noble shipped it out this weekend.

Let's talk about the unprofessionalism of Barnes and Noble.

I'm kind of obsessed.

Sorry.

Me too.

Because also, if you ordered it on Barnes and Noble, like you're not like other girls who just went to Amazon, you know, prime delivery.

You're probably like a real

patron of literature.

Because you know who ordered it on Barnes and Noble?

Dana.

And she's a patron of literature.

Like I said, patron of literature.

So she got it a few days ago, sneak peek.

So if you ordered it on Barnes and Noble, you probably have it already.

And I'm really curious to hear what people think.

Jex, it's such a ray of light.

I literally read it yesterday.

Look, sobbing.

Sobbing.

It's so good.

I'm so proud of you.

I hope everybody picks up a copy.

The thing is, it is that book.

You think it's not, but it is.

It's really wonderful.

I've sent it to a few influencers too, and they like sent me pictures of their kids reading it.

I'm just kidding.

And it's so nice to see just like kids with the book and enjoying it because it's for kids.

The illustrations are so bright and colorful.

The message is heartwarming.

It's a message of strength.

The counselor's not molesting the camper.

Oh my God.

It's very pure, and we need more things like that in this world.

I was not expecting you to say molest.

Are you okay?

No, like it's just.

I know what you mean.

It's pure and it's joyous and it's sweet.

It's good.

It's good.

It's good.

Okay.

She said what she said.

And if you want to hear like what goes down, there's kind of like a crazy moment in the children's book.

Something happens at the lake that you're not going to see coming.

And I think everyone's, we really gassed it up a lot.

The craziest thing happens at the lake.

There's a pirouette.

Okay.

Like the lake is a pivotal scene for our camper.

It's the arc of the story, some would say.

It's when she really begins to trust the counselor.

It's like the bridge, you know?

It's like, if there's a song, this is the bridge.

But it's nothing that crazy.

No, I think it's psychotic.

Except you do get to see the counselor in a two-piece.

Let's talk about the counselor.

Let's talk about the counselor.

The counselor character is extremely sexy.

Honestly, the book is kind of, like, not pure, like you said it was, because the counselor is very hot.

Like.

As counselors are.

It's so true.

And that's also like when you're a kid and you're at camp and your counselor is like this older girl who like wears makeup.

That really is the lens in which you see her.

Like she can be a beast, but you look,

you look at her, you're like, oh my God, this adult, this gorgeous.

Like you really look up to her.

Yeah, and she's yours.

You know, when you're an eight-year-old, like what 18-year-old cool girl is talking to you.

Talking to you, hanging out with you, looking after you.

But that's the beauty of camp and the bunk.

It's like.

That girl's taking care of you and she's going to show you her ways how to become like her.

It's so true.

It's so true.

I just did Stasi's podcast yesterday.

I think it's coming out this week, and we were talking about camp because she's not a camp person.

And I was just explaining to her like the role of a counselor in a camper's life.

Also, on Thursday, we have our Redheads episode about Camper and Counselor coming out.

I heard it's peak comedy.

It's one of, it's my favorite podcast.

No offense to the toes.

Okay, I won't say it's so generally, but I don't feel like we need to paint with broad strokes, you know?

Like, just say what you're going to say.

Top five, my favorite podcast episode I've ever recorded in my life.

And I've recorded thousands.

With me.

With Laterde.

And maybe yesterday's episode is also another top five.

So just a big week for podcasting.

It is a big week for podcasting.

It's a big week for you.

Congratulations.

Everyone, pick up a copy to can't printthecounselor.com.

You can buy it anywhere.

And if it says out of stock on Amazon, like you'll get it in a way.

Just know like the warehouse will be replenished on Thursday.

So it's not going to be a really long wait time or anything.

And I'm really grateful for everyone who got the book that I sold out in my first printing.

I didn't even think I would sell that many books like in the course in my lifetime.

Right.

And it was first week.

So that's so awesome.

And please let me know what your kids think of the book.

Like that's what I'm most excited to hear.

The Winding Camp Roads give me goosebumps and chills.

And you know what?

I'll give you guys a little bit more of a teaser.

Yeah, don't pick that book up.

I won't pick that book up because my drinks are behind there.

I need to stay hydrated.

Maybe you should read my favorite page.

Which one?

You know my favorite page.

The nature book.

The greenery.

The greenery.

Okay, so I don't know that I...

I've shown you guys this when Camper and Counselor level set on the bunk porch.

It's kind of a coming-of-age moment.

Yeah, the counselor, it's just like letting Camber know what's in store.

Right.

I don't want to spoil too much.

This is when she's like getting cracking on with the girlies, as they would say on Love Island.

There's highs and lows.

She's having fun one moment.

She's bugging out the next.

This is Claudia's favorite.

Oh, that's the lake scene.

Oh, oh.

Pivotal.

Pivotal.

This is Claudia's favorite page, illustration-wise.

Like, to me, that really captures the essence of the book.

Like, it's so pure.

Look how,

look at the simcha, the joy in her eyes.

The joy in her eyes.

Should I read the page?

But it's kind of like deep into the details.

I don't know if you should just be giving it away for free.

If you do want to just like know what the story is and know what we're talking about and know what happened at the lake, you can get it on Kindle or wherever you get e-books.

It's available as an e-book.

If you read it on your Kindle, it'll be in black and white as the Kindle is black and white.

But if you read it on the Kindle app on your iPhone or iPad, it's in color.

Cute.

So they put the graphics in a Kindle kids book?

Mm-hmm.

How cute.

So if you're on the road with your kid and counsel their favorite book, pull it up on your Kindle, even on your phone, on your Kindle app.

I have the Kindle app on my phone, iPad.

I have my Kindle all the time.

100%.

But if you really just want to know the plot and what your girly did and how it thickens, check it out.

Kindle e-book e-reader.

What are e-readers other than Kindle's?

Let's talk about e-readers.

I'm so glad you brought that up.

The fuck is an e-reader?

It's a Kindle.

No, I think it's, no, I know it's like an electric reader.

I'm not dumb.

But I think it, like, if you read on your iPad, like that's your e-reader, right?

Yeah, but there, I think, are other e-reader devices that aren't Kindle.

Nook.

Barnes and Noble makes their own.

Oh, cute.

It's called Nook.

Yeah, that would be be an e-reader.

Nobody has it.

Like, let's be real.

If you have a Nook, you can get Cambridge and Counselor too.

And if you have a Nook, like, maybe try Kindle.

So honestly, I have to say, I'm so looking forward to doing this episode.

I feel like I have not been off my phone in the last four days, and I'm just actually really looking forward to talking about moronic lunacy, like meaningless.

Coverage of things that don't matter.

Yeah, and I did Sassy's podcast yesterday after doing ours.

I was feeling like, how am I gonna get out of it?

Switch gears.

And I did.

And it was just so nice to chit-chat.

And all that darkness is still waiting.

But to have an hour just to bring some levity, it felt really good.

And that's what we do here.

And we're gonna try and do it.

But we're also gonna be real because, you know what?

We're not covering problematic celebrities.

Yeah, no, and the crossover of celebrities and like.

what's going on right now, it's really hard to ignore.

And like not me losing respect for everybody, like on following everybody on Instagram.

Like if you feel me being curt and short today, it's because I have no respect for this person.

Yeah, but I chose stories from unproblematic people, some people doing some great things, some people doing some mindless things.

Also good.

Also good.

Kelly Rippa has to get up in the morning, so.

Has Kelly spoken out?

Oh my God.

Has Kelly spoken out?

I'm afraid to check.

But now it could have expired.

By the way, you would know, because everything Kelly does is headline news.

It would have been a People Magazine story today.

Let me check in on our friend Kay Rips.

I don't want to.

Nothing in feed.

But I'm not going to slander until, you know, until we know for sure.

No.

Nothing.

Nothing on her story.

But maybe she posted when it happened.

Yeah,

whatever.

Like, I don't want to be that person.

Probably not.

It's just interesting to note.

Interesting to note.

Maybe on her show she'll say something.

Probably not.

But maybe.

Maybe.

So we're just going to try our best to be the girls that you know and love because honestly, I feel like I really need it today.

Yeah.

Me as well.

So anything else new with you that you want to share with the class?

Yes.

I thought you'd never ask.

I watched Beckham.

I know it literally feels like a lifetime ago.

It was like PW, no, BW, before war.

And I enjoyed it so much.

Like, I, I think maybe I was, it was a little bit before my time.

I wasn't invested in pop culture when David and Victoria Beckham like took on the scene.

You were six.

I was six.

And I was American.

So it really, I didn't realize like how much of a big deal it was in the UK.

I was obsessed.

I thought the documentary was about their family and them.

It's about David.

And of course, that includes parts about Posh, but I'm obsessed.

And I just had like so many thoughts on the whole thing.

My introduction to David Beckham, and I really wish they had spoken about it, was Bendit Like Beckham, the best movie of all time.

Kira Night Island.

Did you mention it?

Not once.

I was shocked.

Because I feel like that's a obviously he storied.

He scored that goal from the half-line.

Right.

I watched the first five minutes if you can.

Half-line.

What's it called?

Midfield.

Midfield.

I watched the first five minutes DW during war.

Oh, I was trying.

I was trying to get out.

Yeah, yeah.

Some things are a little too mindless, like, you know?

Yeah, no, but that's, it's a, it's a fine line.

It's a tough line to walk.

But he's obviously a great soccer player, would have been always.

But I feel like having a movie makes your name and the title and such a great movie

adds to your legacy.

100%.

It was really and they didn't mention it.

I was shocked and disappointed that they didn't bring it up.

I did want to say, like, my takeaway though, and I don't know if this is everyone's takeaway, I didn't realize how much David Beckham had been through.

Like, did you know that thing at the World Cup?

No.

So he's like the best player.

He's literally 12 years old and he's the best player in the entire world.

And so England taps him for the World Cup team.

They make it all the way to the finals.

They're playing Argentina.

Argentina versus Britain.

There's like history there in history, but also in soccer.

Like it's a big matchup.

Some like ass hat player who actually ends up being filmed in the documentary.

He gave his take on it.

Like shoves him to the ground, like whatever.

And David gives him a little kick, gives him a little thrust with his leg, gets thrown out of the game.

England is distraught.

They're furious at him.

Like, talk about being canceled.

Furious at him.

At David being like, that's so petulant and immature.

He was literally 22.

And like,

the other guy started it.

So, you know what?

And it was such a minor offense.

It's really, they say, worthy of a yellow flag, not a red flag that gets you thrown out.

Did the other guy get thrown out?

No.

But the other guy was in the documentary.

I smell a conspiracy.

The other guy was in the documentary, and at the very end, he was like, Did you feel like they overreacted and he shouldn't have gotten a red flag?

And he was like, Yeah.

It was like a really big deal.

It was like, if you know the history.

Oh my God, was he canceled?

He couldn't, he could not like he couldn't even fly into the country like he was so hated i had no idea about that so whatever i'm learning all this about his career and what i learned and i don't feel like this was the intentional takeaway from the documentary but like what a losery way to go out do you know how he ended his his career in la right okay in la which isn't losery it's like he made 250 million dollars to play for like a year um But what he didn't know at the time is like while the LA Galaxy was pouring money into their team, the Major League Soccer League, like wasn't pouring money into the league.

He was literally playing on like in parks.

Like it was like it was like low budget energy and it was so weird to see like this prolific player playing on like former football fields they had like the numbers the yards like etched in yeah and

he he moved his whole family there Victoria's so happy she hated living in Spain.

Spain media hated her.

She just hated it.

Did she want to go back to the UK?

She wanted to go like anywhere else, but she ended up loving LA the second they moved there.

She's like, somebody once told me when I moved there that LA is like rehab for famous people.

And like they could take their, like in, in Madrid, when they live there, they would literally walk their kids to school and with a camera right behind them.

Like so crazy, no privacy.

In LA, they have like private yards for the kids to do drop-off.

She was like, it was just amazing.

And after playing there for five minutes, he was like, I hate it here.

Rightfully so, because it was Loserville Central.

And

he goes to Milan.

I guess it's like the offseason now in LA.

He goes to Milan, leaves his team high and dry.

His teammates are like speaking out against him, being like, what the fuck?

Victoria's not leaving.

She stays with the kids.

Like they're so happy there.

He ends up playing in Milan and being like, this isn't right.

Like I, he comes home, he makes it right with all of his teammates who are like speaking out against him.

And he ends up playing there for five years, I think really just to keep Victoria happy and to obviously make a ton of money.

The LA Galaxy doesn't even exist anymore.

It's called like a new team at the LA Football Club.

It was like such a flop.

That's how his career ended.

And then he retired after that.

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

After that, he went to Paris.

played for Paris for 30 seconds and retired in Paris.

Wow, well, I actually have a lot of respect for him for choosing his family life.

Okay, but if you see it through the lens of the documentary, like he never once chose his family life, like until the end.

When that was the only thing that was left for him, yeah.

And honestly, like Victoria put up with a lot.

Yeah.

Just as for Victoria.

But at least he didn't make them all move and he like moved to Milan, moved to Paris.

He wasn't even there for the birth of a second child.

Like, he really was like, and he said, like, I love my, he said it in press conferences at the time, and he said it now.

He's like, I love my family, family's everything, but football's number one.

Oh, wow.

Because the way you're describing it, I could say, like, he chose chose to play for a losery team to set his family up financially for the rest of their lives in a city that they would love.

So he left Madrid because they were starting with him.

Like, there was in fighting with the coaches, and he's like, fuck this, I'm taking the 250 mil.

So he didn't even leave for his wife.

He left because of his pride in Madrid.

Oh, wow.

But it all kind of worked out.

I just didn't realize how many like scandals he kind of went through in the very small insular soccer world.

Yeah.

And also, I didn't realize, what a man.

What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.

So hot.

Like, you never in your life saw a man that looked like that.

Like shaved his head, so hot.

Grew his hair to his shoulders, so hot.

Buzz cut.

Like, and his hair was like a thing.

And every time he did something with his hair, it was major, major news.

And I understand why.

Like, it's his face.

Because you could have any haircut and you're the hottest man alive.

Yeah, even now.

So good looking.

They did the, like, a lot of the filming was like so close up.

Yeah, because so they had David sit down and watch old footage.

Right.

And like literally zoomed in on his face to get his reactions, which was so.

It was just unnecessary.

It was unnecessary.

They didn't do that to Victoria.

But I feel like there are so many sports documentaries right now.

There are so many documentaries.

And you have to set yourself apart.

Like with your filming, you need to be creative and artistic.

You want to win those awards.

It's competitive.

So they're trying something new.

It was really good.

Like I highly recommend.

I will continue watching it at some point.

I think I was enjoying it and I was learning a lot.

And he also put some, like...

Soccer's always been like huge, but not really in entertainment and in pop culture.

And when he started dating Victoria, like, they said that they were like just as famous as Charles and Diana at the time.

They were like soccer's as Charles and Diana.

And they put a target on his back.

Like a lot of the coaches and the managers didn't like like he was doing fashion shows and he became a brand and he was making so much money as the faces of watches and athleisure companies.

And they didn't like that.

It made a lot of coaches dislike him.

And he was naming names.

I love that.

It was really good.

I really enjoyed it.

Okay, I'm going to finish watching.

And so hot.

And when they covered their wedding, they were like, They were just like a little crazy at the time.

So they did this big wedding and they told everyone to wear black or white.

And they're like, why would they tell people to wear white?

They both showed up in bright purple.

And they were like sitting talking about it now in the documentary being like, yeah, that was like weird.

Victoria stood by her decision, but they were like, yeah, we don't really know why.

What is she like?

Not what I expected.

And you know what?

They have a lot of behind-the-scenes Spice Girls footage.

And I think the POV, when we were like obsessed with the Spice Girls, is like she was cold, right?

No, she was like, I was really awkward and I didn't really know how to deal with a lot of what was going on with the Spice Girls, but then also with David.

So I just like stayed silent.

And so many of the other girls were so outgoing.

So I I just like let them do their thing.

And she got, and that really translated into a lot of how the media talked about her, like stone cold ice queen.

But she's really not like that.

And she's, she was fiercely defensive of David.

And she's like, I hate football.

I hate soccer.

She was literally calling people out by names, like, shame on you, shame on you, shame on you.

Like, she was very involved in everything.

But also, oh my God, and he just loved her so.

Like, he would be in this training,

driving seven hours to London, because he was in Manchester.

driving seven hours there and back to hang out with her for 20 minutes.

Like, and it made a lot of his teammates really mad, but but he wasn't focused, he didn't care.

Oh, he loved her so, and still does.

Then there was the infidelity thing, and we talked about it last week.

No, they pretty much said he cheated, and that's why she hated Madrid because Madrid caused him to cheat.

Because she was like, I'm not going until you have a set.

My kids are in school, so I'm not going to leave until you set everything up for us.

So I think she waited like almost a year to come.

And in that year, and in that year,

yeah.

And she's a queen, she didn't let, and so that's why, that's why they stayed in LA.

She's like, bitch, after everything, I'm finally happy.

Sit down.

Yeah, it's her turn.

Take a seat.

Yeah, it was interesting.

It was complex dynamics.

Nicola was in it for half a second.

We need a documentary about her.

Yeah, so I thought it was going to be more about them.

And I found the soccer stuff interesting, but I needed more posh.

But that's also because it was called Beckham.

So you think it's about a family, not a person.

Yeah.

It was great.

I loved it.

Great.

Well, thank you for your recap.

Oh, and David Beckham, Jewish king, proud supporter of Israel.

So I feel good promoting his Netflix documentary.

Everybody should watch it.

Love that.

Yeah.

Okay, so without further ado.

I think so.

It's only been 20 minutes.

Let's get into the fast five stories that you need to know.

We're using, you know, we're playing fast and loose with the word need.

Oh, yeah.

We always do.

We always do.

Yeah, that you're gonna, here's the fast five stories that you're gonna hear today.

Whether you like it or not.

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First up, Gwyneth Paltrow uses her Oscar as a doorstop.

I saw.

She said it works perfectly.

No more sliding doors here.

That's funny.

By the way, like we invented sliding doors.

We did, but you still haven't watched it?

No.

I think it's actually better to keep the mystery alive.

It is because the way I had it in my head, it was a really good movie, but the way I had it in my head, it was a better story.

It'll never live up to the hype of your brain.

It's true.

So Gwynneth Palchau was caught using her Oscar trophy to prop open an outdoor gate on her property.

In a new video, interview with Vo, she did 73 questions.

The interviewer said, what a beautiful Academy Award.

She said, it's my doorstop.

It's literally in the dirt.

It's outside.

It's so funny.

Do you think that it's really there all the time, or it's just like an Easter egg for the video so that, you know, people watch it.

I don't know.

I could see Gwyneth like not giving a fuck about Oscars she's like Hollywood royalty like yeah oh this old thing got it in 99 and also really what else are you going to do with it other than display it at least now it serves a purpose no I also feel like Kim is Kim Gwyneth is very into like the decluttering lifestyle like she doesn't have shelves with shit on it you know yeah That's just how I feel like her design aesthetic to be.

So I could see people being like, this is such an affront to everyone who's ever wanted an Oscar.

Like, you don't respect the arts.

And to you, I'd say, get a grip.

And I love this.

Like, oh, this thing that so many people covet, it's in the dirt.

It's the shit on my shoe.

It's the shit on my shoe.

That's Queen Gwyneth for you, putting life in perspective.

As much as people find her so unrelatable, I think a lot of people will find this relatable because a lot of people like look at the Oscars and these things as just like so painless and stupid.

And so for her to treat it that way,

queen.

No, I love Gwyneth Paltrow, and nothing she does would make me dislike her.

So

when I win my Oscar, I'll be wiping my ass with it, which would be extremely painful.

Ow.

Yeah.

But you know what?

Shows them.

Sure, sure.

So yeah, she's doing 73 questions.

She's done it before, correct?

I'm sure she has, but I actually love 73 questions.

I feel like so much of the content.

Oh my God, I ended up on this TikTok.

I totally forgot to say this on the toast.

Marga sent it to me.

This girl was like, I am watching a Vogue beauty

video.

You know, they've like, what's in my bathroom or whatever.

And I clicked on one of the links in the YouTube description and it took me to to this Google Doc that was like publicly, and it was a Conde Nast Google Doc where they had basically kept a list of all the videos they've done and how, because I guess they use like commission links.

Affiliate.

So they post like, oh, here's Rihanna's skincare routine.

And then they link all the products and they make money off of.

And so they have a list of whose videos generated how much.

This girl was like, I feel like this is illegal.

I don't know how I got here.

It was fascinating.

Let me tell you, not one of those videos made more than like $1,000.

Isn't that crazy for Conda Nast?

Yeah.

And the person who you would think wasn't even like a big star.

It was like an influencer because those are people with actual influence.

Yeah.

It was really interesting.

Who was the most?

Do you remember?

It was somebody so unremarkable and like,

I don't remember.

Was anyone surprisingly low?

Literally all of them.

I feel like it was like a YouTuber, like Eliza Koshi or something.

Like who had done really well.

Got it.

It was very interesting.

I love when people in like with high jobs like make big mistakes.

Yeah.

And then we get to enjoy, like, I know that they get fired or like literally like it ruins their lives.

And I have a lot of sympathy for that.

I really do.

But like the joy I feel like reading this thing.

Yeah.

Yeah, or like information I would never get.

When the social media manager accidentally posts like her personal picture to the company Instagram.

I don't feel like that should be a fire roll offense.

And it does bring me great joy.

It does.

I'd be like.

It's just funny.

It's just funny.

It's so relatable.

Especially when it's just like funny, something funny.

Like when the Pope's Instagram like liked a bikini model on Instagram.

Like, I'm sorry, that's funny.

And there's some.

And you know it wasn't the Pope.

Like the Pope.

I don't know if I know that.

I don't know if I know that.

No, I'm totally kidding.

One thing you can like guarantee about Jackie and I is like like, we will never stop talking about the time the Pope's Instagram liked that OnlyFans models picture because we never got down to the bottom of it.

There was really no resolution.

There was no accountability.

There was no accountability.

And the Catholics deserve better.

They really do.

From their leadership.

It's just such a funny thing.

That's just so, you know, the Pope has been a thing, a fixture for centuries.

And OnlyFans has infiltrated that.

impenetrable structure.

It could only happen in 2023, you know?

So chose 2022, I believe, but I know what you mean.

You know, like, if you had told,

if you had told years prior

that their legacy,

when it comes to the toasters, would be liking that bikini, blah, blah, blah, bikini model, I wouldn't have believed it.

Yeah.

It's so funny.

And especially as two girls who used to work in social media management, that's like your biggest fucking follow-up.

Oh my god, you literally wake up in drinking and you're like,

no, you wake up in the middle of the night being like, like literally,

what did I post?

Like it'll, it'll, it gives you night terrors.

Yeah.

I don't think that ever happened to me, though.

No.

Or at least not in a way that was like catastrophic.

You know?

Yeah.

But it's frightening.

It's just not good, no matter how you look at it.

It's really not.

I don't know how we got here.

Oh, Connie asked.

So I just love Gwyneth.

Like,

unrelatable, inaccessible, rich, out of touch, and I want nothing else but that.

And keeping it real.

She doesn't change.

It's not like they're like, Gwyneth, you're not reading relatable to people.

Like maybe try going to McDonald's.

Right, no, she has built a billion-dollar brand off of being completely inaccessible.

It's beyond inspiring.

Yeah.

I love her.

She's like so scrupled in her unwillingness to adapt.

Yeah, no, it's amazing.

And you know what?

Like, there's proof that, like, I feel like they're always saying, especially when you work as like an influencer or a celebrity, like you have to be relatable to like sell anything.

And she's just a testament to that not being true.

More than that, you need to be true to yourself.

Authenticity reads more than relatability.

Authenticity reads more than

relatability.

Who to thunk?

Me.

Gwyneth.

Gwyneth.

I love her.

That's the lesson of the day.

Yeah.

And also

the lesson of the day is if Gwyneth Pouch was doing an Instagram Q ⁇ A, tap through every story.

It's the funniest shit you'll ever see in your life.

That's the type of person, like, she has nothing to lose.

Like, she can't get canceled.

Like, she doesn't give a fuck.

Yeah.

Love.

Love.

Are you ready for our next story?

I guess.

A little tea on Chris Jenner and Caitlin Jenner.

Oh, I saw this.

So

Caitlin sat down for a British Daytime program called This Morning and revealed the sad truth that she no longer has anything to do with the famous momager, despite having been married for 22 years and sharing two daughters together.

So, Caitlin's remarks were said to have caused some family drama between the Kardashian Jenner clan.

A source close to the pair has shed light on her reasons for their rift, claiming that the exes no longer have anything in common aside from a lack of desire to fix their broken relationship.

The insider exclusively added to dailymail.com that Chris believes Caitlin to be a completely different person to the one she married in 1991, and that despite

putting it mildly.

Sorry.

It is like Chris believes her to me.

No, like she is a completely different person to the one that she married.

And despite once sharing a life together, they would now have trouble maintaining a conversation without it becoming awkward.

I imagine it's awkward.

The thing is, I wouldn't expect these two to really ever be friendly, except for the fact that they co-parent two kids.

And I'm sure that's actually really hard on Kitland Kiley.

However,

I do feel like Caitlin

talks a little too much.

Chris never talks about Caitlin ever.

She doesn't need to.

Caitlin kind of does.

And it just, I feel like every time she's like, Caitlin's in this documentary about the Kardashians, like she, she does a little too much and it drives a wedge even further between her and everyone.

But I do wonder like how they

deal with the kids.

Well, the kids are grown.

So it's not like it's

your parents and they're looking after you and they have to communicate about dropping you off for soccer practice.

So it's like Kendall and Kylie can spend time with whomever they want and move on with their lives.

It's just like it adds an element of awkwardness.

Yeah, it does.

But here's the thing: both Caitlin and Chris are staunch supporters of Israel.

Therefore, I'm staunch supporters of both of them.

And that's where my loyalties lie to me.

And it seems like they're not trying, like this person said, they're not trying to make it work.

They are both, only thing they agree on is that they don't want to fix their relationship.

And

which is fine.

Like, communication and relationships are not for everyone.

No, not every relationship is meant to last forever.

Or meant to be fixed.

Like, just leave it broken.

Move on.

Yeah, better than, like, honestly, sometimes trying to fix shit just makes it worse.

And also, the dynamics here are so complicated.

Yeah,

it's so true.

Between like the money and the fame, like no, and the transition.

Of course, being married to one person who then becomes a different person.

100%.

I can't pretend to know what that's like.

Right.

This insider said, Chris is still trying to deal with the transition.

A man she fell in love with and had kids with is no longer around.

It's as if he is dead and she already has one dead husband to deal with and all those emotions.

It's easier to separate from it than to meet it head on.

For sure.

I can sympathize with that.

Yeah.

They say like when someone transitions, it's really considered like a death of that former person.

Right.

Even when you use their own name, it's called a dead name.

Right, right.

So I don't think these two need to really work it out.

I'm not, I'm not holding out hope for that either.

No.

Wishing them well.

Wishing them well as well.

And speaking of some Jenners who don't seem to be problematic today, Brody Jenner is making coffee with his fiancé's breast milk.

Okay, I saw this.

And I wanted to get your thoughts.

Well, here's the thing.

My thoughts are really complex because you know my ass tried Olivia's breast milk one time just because like I was curious, you know?

It's not something I'm necessarily proud of.

I just thought it's like important context before I drag someone.

It's gross and it's weird.

But they ran out of almond milk.

What else were they to do?

Oh, I don't know.

Regular milk?

No, like

have your coffee black.

2%.

Run to the store.

Creamer.

Go puff.

Half and half.

Like, I could go on.

Yeah.

Like, don't they live in Malibu?

There's farms everywhere.

Get some unpasteurized They probably have a cow out back.

No, this is weird.

However

I'm aware of the you know medical benefits of

It's a good for you.

It's there's no more nutritious product on the planet full of vitamins and nutrients.

Yeah, so I love someone putting their health first.

I do

But we were just having this conversation is like we were talking about breast milk like being dairy

so it's definitely has dairy properties, especially especially if you eat dairy and then nurse.

But some mothers will find that their babies are lactose intolerant.

Right.

So they cut out dairy so that it's not in the breast milk, and then that milk wouldn't be dairy.

Right.

So I don't feel like it would even make it.

I don't think it would even make for particularly good coffee.

Yeah.

I think it's a good thing.

I don't know how it tasted.

It was definitely like Instagram shtick.

It's a bit of a bit, and I'm just finding it very interesting.

I'm just obsessed with breast milk, you know?

And it's no, we know.

And if you have, wow.

Oh, shut up, mama, victim energy.

Yeah, why can't I be obsessed with breast milk?

I asked Shacky to move her water, and she was like, I need to stay hydrated.

I'm a breastfeeding mama.

Like, don't weaponize your breasts.

Like, no,

I need to stay hydrated.

I'm a breastfeeding mama.

Weaponizing your breasts.

Period.

Weaponizing your breasts.

It's just,

it's so fascinating to me.

I know.

And I feel like it should be to everyone.

It's a medical, not medical, it's a natural marvel.

Marvel, for sure, for babies.

And I'm just glad to see like brody jenner he used to be the talk of the town drinking tequila out at ledue

and now he's at home having a cup of joe with some breast milk with some titty milk

it's nice to see how people evolve that's for sure it's a beautiful story of evolution and i love to see like his respect for breast milk like that's just a fun it's a cute picture also the thing about brody jenner is like he's really hot and he always has been and i feel like maybe he always will be and you can just get away with more stuff when you're when you're hot

and a man.

So

wishing you well, wishing them well.

They have a nice

he really has like a nice life,

and he's gotten serious.

Yeah, settle down.

We respect.

We do.

Be careful.

Also, like, she must be a super producer because in your house, you're just not giving away milk.

No, well, now, like, round two, I have more to spare.

But no, she obviously is doing well in production because if she weren't, I would not spend a drop on anything.

I will never forget, never in my life forget.

Last go-around when you were breastfeeding, we were doing a photo shoot

and you were literally pumping in the trailer.

You put all your milk in the fridge in the trailer.

We go to the photo shoot, we come back and they switched our trailers.

Like they literally drove the trailer away and like brought in a new one.

I don't know.

I don't fucking know why.

It seems like an incredible waste of money.

Break down.

Break down calling the driver.

Literally got the driver to turn back around on the highway to bring her back her two bags of breast milk.

Yeah.

That's liquid gold.

Yeah.

No, like imagine leaving $100,000 in a trailer.

Like you would go get it too.

Yeah.

No, and that's just like wrong.

They were wrong for that.

Yeah, no, like, what if I left, like, what if you left your son in there?

Like, yeah.

It was just like a crazy thing to do.

Yeah.

That wasn't my fault.

Like, that was.

No, I wasn't saying it was your fault.

I was just showing your dedication to the breast milk.

Yes, yes.

For sure.

Even this time, if I and I have like more breast milk to spare, like, I would still make them bring it back.

Of course.

That's mine.

That's mine.

I worked hard for it.

Right.

It was just like kind of like a manipulative thing for them to do.

Yeah, I remember when we ran a photo shoot, we did one photo shoot once.

I don't know.

I feel like I've done like three.

I've seen like three.

Yeah, so one of the many photo shoots that I've done, don't be rude.

Yeah.

No, we love doing photo shoots together.

We are models for, actually, we hated it.

Our takeaway was that models are severely underpaid, and it's the worst job in the world.

Yeah.

And honestly, like people who are, it's like a general thing.

Like something people always say, like modeling is easy, models are dumb.

It couldn't be be me.

I could never be a full-time model and I've gotten many offers.

I'm fielding them constantly.

You're so strong.

So brave.

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Are you ready for our next story about someone who's actually strong and brave?

Yes.

Netflix's Fauda star, Lior Roz, joins his brave brothers in arms on Israel's front line to help rescue trapped families near bombarded town of Steyrote after Hamas's bloody invasion.

So I've been seeing this on Instagram because Leora Raz is on the show Fauda, which I don't watch yet.

I know I need to watch it.

It's an Israeli show that's like so popular here in America.

Yeah, and it's about, I think, situations similar to what's happening in Israel right now.

It's like Mossad, Mossad energy, tribes, whatever.

And he is arming up to help rescue innocent civilians in the isolated town of Steyrote, which is right near the border, and is constantly hit heavily during these

conflicts, and especially this week.

Not to make everything about us, but he did speak at our high school.

He did.

It was like such an affair.

Like it was for the students and like literally alumni were breaking down the door to get in because people love him so much.

Had I graduated already?

Yeah, like two years ago.

Oh, okay.

It was such a big deal for the community.

I love this man.

I respect this man.

I would lay my life out on the line for this man.

And this is true heroicism and bravery.

And we stand.

I got to start watching Fauda.

Yeah.

I also heard it's just like a great show.

Heard that for years.

Life's imitating art.

You know what I was thinking about last night?

Bar Raffaele.

I feel like for so long, she was like the only Israeli representation in American entertainment and media.

She has a dartboard with Gal Gadot's face on it.

Yeah, no, like Gal Gadot came, snatched her image up.

But then Bar Raffaele went through her own sort of like distressing times.

I think she evaded taxes, understandable, and was facing some jail time in Israel.

Yeah.

Queen.

What's she up to now?

I don't know.

Let's check her Instagram.

Yeah.

No, I agree.

I feel like for so long she was one of the faces.

No, and then there was that song about her.

Really?

Like Bar Raffaele, Giselle, no d'Es Brazilian.

Bar Raffaele.

What song is that?

Oh, she's she's popping off.

Of course she is because she has a duty to outdo Gal Gadote.

Follow.

Our next ring is about Gal Gadot, though.

Of course, Queen because Wonder Woman is on set with Jason Momoa filming a movie tied up on a rooftop in Venice.

They're filming a movie called In the Hand of Dante.

Okay, I want to say something.

Please.

And I hate, and I would never speak speak ill of my Israeli queen Galagadot, even though what she did with that Imagine video, she should be.

I think she's thoroughly ashamed.

No, honestly, like, has she not been punished enough?

I assume she hasn't.

But it's important to remember, like, I don't want to send hate her away, but like it was her idea.

But I also, but I feel like it's misogynistic to put it all, and maybe anti-Semitics, put it all on her.

There were a number of celebrities in that video.

Oh, no, for sure.

But she, like, started the group chat and like told, she gave out the parts.

She was kind of like the choreographer.

I know, I hate to, in times like this, to send any hate her way.

Because she's a queen and I love her.

But I had something else to say, not even about Imagine.

I have like a hot take.

I think I know what it is.

Like, besides Wonder Woman, like Gaga Dot's movies are not good.

Well, you obviously didn't see Keeping Up with the Joneses.

No, I didn't, but I saw Death on the Nile and like she was just not giving good acting.

Yeah, that's what I did.

I'm sorry.

You know what?

I feel like this is really not the time for me to hate on the Israeli actress.

I take it back.

Like, I really take it back.

No, she's a queen.

I like her movies.

She's the most beautiful woman in the world.

I would take a bullet for her.

And it's as simple and as complicated as that.

Well, now she's in a movie with Jason Momoa, which got me thinking about Game of Thrones because I feel like since like all the Sophie Turner stuff and everyone's like evaluating her career and TMZ is like she hasn't worked since Game of Thrones, like who would you say is the most successful Game of Thrones actor?

Jason Momoa.

And spoiler alert, he was killed off in season one.

Like maybe that's why, because he had to go and find other work while the other actors were like resting on their laurels of this eight-season show they thought might go on forever.

The thing is, I would say he's the most successful, but I would say him and Sophie Turner are like equally famous.

Yeah, but Amelia Clark's also really famous.

Yeah, but she's not, I think she's on a lower level.

Yeah, just so far

Mike doesn't seem to be interesting, right?

No, and like she did that one movie with the guy in the wheelchair and like

what else after that.

She did a holiday rom-com for Netflix.

Even I didn't watch it.

Yeah, that's yikes.

And I love her and I love holiday and I love watching stuff on Netflix.

That's true.

So I don't know where it went wrong.

It's Yikeso.

Yeah.

If you're not even watching it.

Honestly, it's just the category is too saturated and inundated, and it became overwhelming for me.

And I had to back away from the whole thing.

Toxic environment.

Dare I say Netflix ruined those holiday movies?

They dare say.

They commercialized them too much.

And Hallmark had this amazing thing going on.

And Netflix just straight out copied it with bigger budgets and bigger celebrities.

And honestly, the beauty of Hallmark is the lack of money and the lack of celebrities.

Yeah.

It was wrong.

It was wrong what they did.

No, and they have all these huge movies with like the Brook Shields one.

We watched that recently.

Horrible.

Horrible.

even they got Lindsey Lohan to come out of retirement back into Anthony I didn't watch it I liked it I'm sure it was good I liked it yeah oh they have that one with Vanessa Hudgens that was like the one thing that they did they're like let's test out let's steal Hallmark's whole brand and see if it works for us and they did it with princess diana story whatever it's called with vanessa and don't forget the ann and it popped off and they also did that other royal right

a christmas prince a christmas prince and those were two nobodies and it was hugely successful i think they need to go back to the nobody i was happy for vanessa and like for real but I was sad for Hallmark.

I can't lie.

Like, this was their homegrown idea.

Yeah.

Just completely stolen.

Like, their intellectual property snatched.

You hate to see it.

You hate to see it.

But I feel like they came out on the other side.

Yeah, they still do what they do.

Like, for Netflix, it was a trend and they were just like hopping on in the band.

So it wasn't authentic.

It was not authentic.

But Hallmark is still doing what they do best.

Yeah.

What were we saying?

Game of Thrones.

What were you saying?

Amelia Clark.

Oh, yeah.

No, she like kind of like fell off the face of the earth.

Right, so who's the most successful Jason Mamawa?

Because who else?

Because who else?

Even like Jon Snow literally hasn't been in anything.

No, there was a moment there because he married the

wildling.

Yeah.

There was excitement there.

And he was in Downton Abbey.

Yeah, but you're right.

Small part.

What happened there?

Oh, Hottie McGee.

Hottie McGee.

Jamie Lannister.

He's good too.

Other Hottie McGee.

I think his name is Richard in Real Life Madden.

Yeah, the bodyguard.

Oh, yeah.

Hottie McGee.

What happened to you?

He does stuff.

He should be in Bridgerton.

Yeah.

As one of the brothers.

It's a little late for that.

No, for sure.

He works.

I'm sure they all work.

Jon Snow doesn't work.

But Jamie Lannister works.

He was just in that show on Netflix.

And he's in the best movie of all time.

The other woman.

And when you've done that, you can just.

Honestly, when you've done that,

you can only go down from there for real like no but you can sleep easy knowing your legacy is intact it's protected even though he made it through all through eight seasons of game of thrones but nothing he does will ever be better than the other woman it's kind of like a curse to be on game of thrones i feel like you could say that about a lot of really big shows like what

i have to think like what are the succession people gonna do next nothing amazing question i saw shiv in some turnt apple tv show like it looked so bad sending prayers and thoughts to her and her whole family and it's also like lightning doesn't strike twice for most people.

For Jason Momoa, it did.

Yeah, but maybe there's a person who got struck by lightning twice.

It's Jason Momoa.

Let me tell you why it happened for Jason Momoa.

And I think it's like, here's the lesson of the day.

Don't be afraid to be different.

Like Jason Momoa's hair, unlike other hair, like his whole energy, like he could have conformed to Hollywood, buzz cut, you know.

He just like was so himself in such a unique way.

I've never seen someone so good looking and so different looking than other men.

You know, I don't think there's anybody who looks like him.

And his looks, I'm sorry, it's not really his talent.

It's his looks that that took him as far as he did i'm sorry um and he just like stood with his look you know which was which was unorthodox yeah that's the lesson be yourself that's what we're saying that's what we said about gwyneth stay true to yourself those colloquial like cringy things are so true sometimes yeah like the thing be yourself everybody else is taken everybody else sucks that's more that's better yeah that's more better that's more better the things that like the teachers have what's popular is not always right and what's right is not always popular If that's the truth,

it's so true.

I need more, like, quote cards, inspirational quotes in my life.

Maybe for my next apartment, that'll be like my design aesthetic.

Teachers, we have so many teacher toasters.

Send me your best, most oh, teachers, where do you get those things?

Scholastic fairs for sure.

I don't know.

They always have them like right in time.

I got another one.

For back to school.

I got another.

Wait, it was just with me.

Of course, the golden room.

That's what I was going to say.

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

I don't love that one.

Easier said than done.

No, it's so true and also like who is this other yeah what have what's their history with me right

context do unto others as they deserve to be treated by you that's bad i also don't love an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind if i'm blind bitch you better be too i completely agree and it's just one eye really so you could still see out of the other so true but actually if you came for my eye i'm coming for both of yours like yeah fuck around find out

that should be on the teacher inspiration mess around and find out

You know what?

I absolutely love the toes.

You know what else the teachers need?

The camber and the counselor.

And

that's called a callback, you guys.

It's called full circle.

Teachers, mamas, grandmas, grandpas, dads, caretakers, aunties, godmothers, godfathers.

This is for you.

If you're not watching on YouTube today, you dismiss like an A-plus joke.

The godfather with Nita.

You come to me on the day,

On my pub day.

So this is my fault.

My nose is running.

So that's a wrap.

That's all she wrote.

That's all I wrote for my first book, The Camper and the Counselor, my children's book.

It's here.

I've worked so hard on this book.

This story has been living run-free in my mind for five years.

And I'm so glad that you guys will be getting copies in hands today.

And if supporting Jackie isn't reason enough, let me give you another reason why maybe you should buy this book.

It's no secret that there's kind of of this divisive energy here at Toast Headquarters.

The fact that your first book was written about our other sister, like not me.

Right.

The other sister who doesn't work with you every day.

No.

And I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hurtful, but I understand how the story came to fruition in a very organic way.

And if there's any hope of a sequel, of course, inspired by me, Olivia can fuck all the way off.

She has not

been campaigning like that.

Okay, good.

This one has to be successful because if this one flops, and this book already is a success, like I said, we're out of printing, but if it's like such an enormous success and there's so much demand for a sequel i can't not turdy lou goes to the zoo except she will be trudy lou because i'm not going to write a children's book about turdy i'm just not going to do it why i feel like it's a really good way of um

introducing young people to the joys of bowel movements perhaps but maybe trudy lou makes a turdy lou maybe

if but she's got to be trudy well

you know what we'll talk we'll talk my people we'll call your people and let's see how this one does then we'll give you a call.

Zach looks forward to answering.

So, that's our show.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast of the Monday Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five-stars 80 to do everybody through Friday on YouTube.

So, if you're watching this on YouTube, please make sure to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

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Hope you guys have an amazing day.

We will see you tomorrow for Hump Day.

Love ya.

Bye.