Mickey Mouse’s Bachelorette Party: Monday, June 5th, 2023

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Monday.

Hope everybody's having a great day.

I know I am because

you like it?

Because

I like it.

Yeah, that's right.

That's reason enough for me to be having a great day.

Jackie, that's beautiful.

Thanks, but I'm so glad you're having a great day.

It's a beautiful day outside.

It's a beautiful Monday.

We had a beautiful weekend.

I got lots of turdy loo time.

You did.

You did.

You did.

And for that, I feel blessed.

Yeah, it was kind of like an amazing weekend.

I didn't, not that this should be like revolutionary, but I didn't drink, which just makes the weekend so much longer.

Yeah.

When I woke up on Sunday, I pretty much thought it was Monday, and I'm like, um,

but it wasn't.

It was Sunday.

Yeah.

And then we had a nice girly swirly day.

Yeah, we have girly swirly days Saturday and Sunday.

Like I came over to your house Saturday.

I did go to Zay Bars, just like a quick update from Friday's episode.

I did get like a lot of backlash from the New York community being like, Elise isn't Zaybars.

Okay, so like Zaybars.

Oh my God, shut up.

Zaybars is like the original one location on the Upper West Side.

And then like different members of the Zabars family opened like grocery stores, restaurants, Eli's Marketplace, Eli's Essentials.

I do agree with that because there is like Zabars and that's Zabars and like you were taken in by Eli's world.

Yeah.

But I think you can colloquially call it Zabars without the pitchforks.

Yeah, without being attacked.

Yeah, I think that's a little extreme, but I do know what they're saying because Zabars is different than like what we saw and what we were so taken by.

No, but like they're all like the same.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, you brought me a bounty.

I thought you were saying you were got backlash from your haul because you did a little TikTok haul.

So I went to Zay Bars before I went to Jackie's apartment on Saturday.

Me and Ben just like, Ben was, Ben also like classic New Yorker.

I'm sure he's been to Zay Bars, but really until I opened his eyes to like the magic of it, he was kind of, you know, moving through life, not even thinking about Zay Bars.

And now it's all we think about.

Yeah.

How are you going to get to Zay Bars?

Where can you go?

That's close to a Zay Bars.

You can work in a trip to Zay Bars.

Our lease is almost up.

And we are heavily thinking about moving near a Zay Bars or an Eli's location.

But on Saturday, I wanted to stock my house with delicious treats.

But then I was also going to Jack's house.

And I'm like, you know, this pregnant girl needs this delicious food.

The Bebe needs this delicious food, as we're calling him, Larry, little Harry.

He needs, Larry needs sourdough.

Larry needs these cookies.

So I went so hard.

I spent, and by the way, when I went to the Zay Bars just during our doctor's appointments on Friday, I just picked up like a bagel and a bottle of water.

Like I remember getting two bagels, two waters and a muffin, and it was $19.

And I was like, I was unfazed by the $19.

You know, in this climate, inflation,

ice cream is $10.

I was like, all right.

I didn't even blink.

I'm like, okay, $19.

Then me and Ben are parading through the store.

For like the first 15 minutes, we are throwing everything in our cart.

And then we get to these delicious organic homemade jams and ben decides to look at the price of something i'm like oh yeah we should probably like see what the vibe is here jam

thirty dollars

thirty dollars for motherfucking jam and that's when we kind of took everything in our cart and we're like looking at all the prices and we did put some things back but some of the essentials i was like you know what we're paying for the experience and i i figured

you know, maybe Jackie will pay me back for the stuff I'm getting her and like it won't cost as much.

She did not pay me back.

I didn't.

I would never.

I would never.

It was a gift.

It was a gift.

It was a gift.

Okay.

It didn't occur to me, but I'm happy to pay you.

No, no, it was a gift.

I stand by my gift.

I'm not like that at all.

I'm just, I'm simply not.

It was just very jarring.

And so, you know, people on TikTok are always talking about Erewhon in LA.

I've actually never been to an Erewhon, but it's similar.

It's like an upscale grocery store.

It's supposed to be like for the essentials.

And like a water bottle is $15.

And I just figured that those people need to know about Zay bars, where a jam is $30 and a box of cookies is $25.

Yeah, but I feel feel like I've been to an Erewhon before and I do feel as though you're kind of paying for the name and the experience and like some hoity-toity like value set.

Whereas at Zaybars, like you're paying for a loaf of bread.

Like you're paying for sustenance and you're getting food.

I feel like at Erewhon, you're not getting food.

You're just getting vibes.

That's true.

I have to say though, I really can't blame a business owner for hiking their prices up during this economy.

Like if anything, it's their right.

And you know what?

I felt good about supporting the economy.

Like, I'm just trying to put a positive spin on it, you know?

Yeah, no, and I've been loving my

bounty.

I had some bread this morning.

I had sourdough and eggs.

How good is that bread?

So good.

It's like really inspired me to want to make more sandwiches.

I actually was going to do like a call out on my IG story.

Like, what are some good sandwiches for pregnant ladies?

Because all the good ones we can't eat.

Like a turkey.

Like deli meats, you know?

Oh, that sucks.

So I need to get creative and make some sandwiches before the bread goes bad.

Yeah, I had a sandwich last night too, a delicious grilled chez.

And I really love that.

That's what I was saying to Ben.

I don't really love sandwiches.

That's because I don't really like like sweaty meats.

And most people will have like a turkey sandwich, a pastrami sandwich.

I don't like, what other sandwiches are there?

I pretty much eat peanut butter and jelly and grilled cheese, which is like kids' menu.

I like a tuna sandwich, can't have it.

Hate.

But yeah, no, that's why you need to like have a capré say or something.

Ugh.

I know.

So I like love the concept of sandwiches.

Like I think if somebody were to be like, let's have have sandwiches, I would say, yes, let's.

But in actuality, in execution, I don't really like know what sandwiches are there for me.

Why can't you have a turkey sandwich?

You love turkey.

I do love deli turkey, like that you can like roll up and just pop in your mouth, but not like in a sandwich.

Well, that's because you don't like lettuce.

I don't like the accoutrement.

And you need it.

You can't just have turkey on bread.

It's too dry.

Right.

You need mustard, lettuce, pickles.

And you don't fuck with any of those things.

I do not.

That's why you don't fuck with me.

You see, you see this predicament I found myself in with my big loaf of sourdough.

Yeah, but I think you'll find your way out.

One thing about me, like, I'm going to figure it out.

Yeah.

She perseveres that turdy.

And then speaking of perseverance, something really kind of difficult that I experienced this weekend that was really hard for me.

On Sunday, I woke up alone.

Ben was golfing, whatever.

And I was like, you know what?

I was bored.

So I'm going to take myself out to lunch.

And I brought my Kindle and I was like, so excited.

And I was going to your house afterwards.

So I figured I really needed to bring Theo with me because I didn't want to leave Theo home alone all day.

And he should be able to see Bruce whenever he wants.

So I took Theo to me.

I took Theo to lunch with me.

I took Theo to lunch with me at a restaurant that I always see dogs at.

So I know it's dog friendly.

They didn't give me shit at all.

They were totally nice.

But my God, Theo is not a restaurant dog.

I see like other dogs in restaurants and they're just laying at the owner's feet, like sleeping, being so sweet.

Theo did not sit for one moment.

There actually came a point.

He was on the leash under the table.

I was like trying to just keep him under there.

There was one point where he fully barked and I was humiliated.

I was embarrassed in the actual meeting.

Oh no.

No, the actual meeting is pregnant.

In the English meaning.

Yeah.

I

imagine.

Embarrassado.

That's humiliating.

Stop.

That your boy did that to you.

He was jumping up on the table.

So then I put him in my lap and I was like, sit down.

And then the lady came over.

She's like, I'm really sorry.

You can't have the dog up on the booth.

And I'm like, you know what?

That's fair.

That's quite literally disgusting.

So I put him back on the floor.

I ate my lunch so rushed.

I didn't even get to read.

I was eating my wrap with one hand and like caressing Theo with the other, giving him little bits of lettuce.

So he would just shut up.

And I don't know at what point.

Like, is it either you like have a dog fit for restaurants or you don't?

Is it something that they learn?

Well, my theory was that it comes with age.

Like he's just a little too young and excited to be in a restaurant.

But I think some some of the older dogs can handle it better.

But I also think that there are just dogs that are trained for that sort of environment, and Theo's not.

No, and there are also just some dogs who aren't like hungry dogs.

Like, the reason why Theo was being so nuts was because he was hungry.

Like, Theo could have literally accidentally gotten into his entire 15-pound bag of kibble, and he'd still be hungry afterwards.

Like, he doesn't say no to food.

Yeah, he doesn't say no to food.

And I don't think all dogs are like that.

I think some dogs, like, eat, and they're good.

And I don't know.

they don't.

I don't think so.

Just do all dogs literally spend all day, every ounce of their brain power, looking for food.

Maybe like all dogs except like chihuahuas.

They don't have like that much space, you know?

Yeah.

But it's the, it's not the chihuahuas who are chill at the restaurant, by the way.

You know, the last time I went that really inspired me, I saw this enormous golden doodle just like chilling.

Damn, I don't know what it is.

Maybe people could give you tips.

I personally have been thinking about, and I'm not going to do it because like, because I have a baby, so So I think it's really silly But I'm kind of loving like dog strollers like when I see someone with a stroller for their dog I'm so jealous like I know that the stry sand would love it But like how can I finagle like a real stroller and a dog stroller?

No, you can't I'm sure they have like duos.

Yeah, I'm sure they do but also stry sand usually goes in the undercarriage of the stroller and he likes that but I usually just don't walk with him and the stroller because it's a mess.

But I feel like if you got Theo like a little houseboat for himself, then like...

Theo loves to walk.

Oh, he loves to walk.

See, Stry doesn't like to use those little legs.

No, he cries when he walks.

He's like, mom, can we go back to bed?

Yeah, sleeping pad.

He just like wants to be picked up.

Yeah.

No, he's literally like meant for a stroller.

By the way, the way that you feel about like dog strollers is the way that I've started to feel.

I was having this conversation with Ben and he was like, those are disgusting.

I can't believe.

I think that leashes for kids is the smartest idea.

And they're not leashes.

It's not like a collar around the kid's neck.

Yeah, it's like a hard

tether yeah it's like a backpack because when i'm i always like i have such sympathy for like moms in the streets who have like a stroller and then two toddlers and the toddlers are running ahead and you know there's cars there's street lights there's pedestrian like laws that kids don't know about i don't i don't know if i'm gonna get canceled but like if and when i become a mom like i will be tethering the shit out of my kids to my hips they can't be running around these streets yeah i don't think it's a bad idea either it's good for the mom and it's good for the kids and as long it's not around their neck like it's it's kind of like a backpack that you clip onto or something.

And I do see the logic in it as well.

No, I think that like kid leashes need to be rebranded because whoever gave them the name leash, it's like, well, you're going to treat a human like a dog.

I get it.

But there is enormous benefits.

Every day I leave the house, I see someone.

I'm like, you know, you need a leash.

Like when you have a stroller and like your job is the stroller, but then you have two little toddlers and the kids love to just run ahead, run ahead, run ahead.

No.

Yeah.

And I don't think it's necessary if you live in the suburbs, but like when I see kids walking these mean streets of Manhattan, it's so busy.

Anything can go wrong.

All it takes is a second.

I think I'm going to go on Shark Tank and I'm going to start like a business, but we're, we're kind of taking back the power.

Tethers.

Is tether bad?

Like your children should be tethered to you.

Yeah, I think tether is good.

Tether kid.

You're a tether kid.

You should have been a tether kid.

I was the exact type of kid who needed to be tethered.

And I didn't even live in the city when I was at my like height of.

But it's also good for like when you're taking your kids to the mall or like to the airport, like any type of

concert.

Concert.

Concert.

Honestly, we should use it like for friends, like the buddy system.

Like, oh, me and you are going to a concert and we don't want to get separated.

Let's tether ourselves.

I completely agree.

Let's.

Hmm.

Wow.

Makes you think.

Makes you think just a billion dollar idea on a Monday morning.

Right.

And that's the kind of ingenuity you can come to expect here at the toast.

Yeah, and we never make any of these ideas come to fruition.

So they're kind of like open IPs and you could pick one up and make it your own at any time and we'll just be happy to enjoy the product that we dreamed of.

No, and us and a percentage in royalty.

We're not stupid.

Oh, really?

How can we ensure that?

No, we're just asking to.

The toasters will give us.

The toasters, whatever toaster one of these days decides to take on one of the ideas we spout here at the toast, they will give 1% to us.

And then when it becomes a multi-billion dollar company, we'll just be like raking in our 1% in Turks and Cecil's.

Okay, so 1% for you, 1% for me?

Two each.

Two and a half each.

And then one for Bryce, one for Streis, because we couldn't do it without them.

Oh, so they literally inspired this idea.

Yeah, but they literally don't have bank accounts.

So I'm not about to like give an honorary percentage to a dog when that percentage could be mine.

Yeah, Bruno lost all his money in crypto and he's like not been okay ever since.

I've actually, I've noticed a shift.

I didn't realize he was going through that.

Yeah, he is.

So now he just has to like come to me and do his chores.

And it's just, things are different for him.

He can't take Magnolia to the Maldives whenever he wants.

You know, I think it's actually good.

He was like flying a little too high.

100%.

Every day asked me for five grand to take Knowles to the Maldives.

I'm like, what the fuck do you guys do there?

You said, Bruno, I haven't even been to the Maldives.

Literally.

So let's talk shop.

Let's talk what's going on.

Let's talk what's happening on this episode and what's happening this week.

Okay.

So I know that you are like using your bed rest for good.

You are watching The Real House Eyes in New Jersey.

And I think we should do like a full recap.

We haven't been keeping up with this season.

I have like very late though.

And I did skip like three episodes because I just couldn't.

Yeah.

We have, let's do that in the TV recap.

Okay, because I am about halfway through the season.

I'm in Ireland.

They're on their trip.

It was a dark trip.

Yeah.

Oh, I guess they just finished their trip.

It's the season is so crazy.

I'm glad to be watching it all together, though, because like I don't have that many thoughts episodically.

Like I'm just enjoying it.

And I also love the women.

I also love the way that they've built the cast now, where it's like we have our core cast, but we have like probably double the amount of people and just like friends of.

And so when we go on a trip, there's just like so many people and personalities.

And it's not like the same.

Actually, we do wind up having the same conversations at every meal about how Rachel

is a rat and Margaret is an arsenal.

Every single meal we talk about Margaret's Arsenal.

But other than that, it's like nice to see like just fresh, it's a cool dynamic.

It's not just the same five people.

Like Jackie's there and they don't have to do the most, but they add a little something.

So, I'm really enjoying the season.

So, we'll do that in TV recap.

And then I also want to talk about a show that I watched that a lot of people recommended.

I'm only on episode three.

It's called Love and Death on HBO Max, or excuse me, Max.

And I think you would love it.

And I want to talk about it in TV recap.

Okay, I'll add it to my content plate.

Is it depressing?

It's a good question.

It's like, it's not.

Okay, then

great.

But it's not, it's not like uplifting.

No, I don't need it to be Ted Lasso.

I just feel like I always go to watch a show, especially like fictional drama shows, and like that every single one is depressing.

Like intentionally

set out to depress me.

And I don't need uplifting nonsense.

I just like want a regular, degular fucking show.

So we'll do that.

And then this week, I got my schedule all together over the weekend.

I'm excited.

So today we're doing audio only.

If you're on YouTube, apologies.

Audio only Jackson Claude.

And then we're also doing audio only Jackson Claude on Thursday because we, you know, were had the foresight to realize Wednesday night is Vanderpump Rolls.

And so we need to be together for the recap on Thursday.

And then we're also going to be together on Friday because Friday is just like a special day for us.

So Monday, Thursday, Friday is audio only.

Fridays in general are special.

You're making it seem like we have like a big thing on Friday.

Oh, no.

Just like you and I have like a deep connection to the day Friday.

The day of the Friday yeah.

Exactly.

And then for Tuesday, Wednesday, we could have still done audio only, but you know me.

Like IT department has to get a video up.

So tomorrow we have just a check-in with Taylor Strecker, which I'm really excited to do because she's just been like traveling on tour with Stasi.

So we'll like get the tea.

And she's just like a great pop culture girl.

I love, and the toasters love her.

Like that, nothing brings me more joy than like a regular, degular, kind of one of our go-to fill-ins who people love.

Like Margo, Ben, and Taylor Strecker, I know like we're not going to get hate for, you know?

And then Wednesday, we have Joey Camasta coming back, which honestly, I I didn't realize how much of a movement there was within the toaster community to bring Joey back.

Joey came on a year ago during your maternity leave.

And then I think he was on like a few years before that, just with you and I as a guest.

And he was...

dazzled everyone.

And he has this new life, like this new career at Barstool that has really just given him like a new audience.

And I think the toasters are going to love the episode.

I mean, I haven't recorded it yet, but I just have a feeling it's going to be great.

And they were so happy that Joey's coming back.

Really good.

For Joey, we're crazy.

Crazy, which makes me so.

I mean, the last time he came on, he really was when he told the story about shitting his pants in the Uber.

Mal Sashini.

Mal Sashini.

If you haven't heard that episode, like, I highly suggest going back to last maternity leave.

It was, what, May?

February?

March.

March?

No, because, yeah.

We took off February.

We took off like from February to March, so it would have been like late March or April.

Go look the 2022 episode of Joey Camaste.

If you are unfamiliar with his work in preparation for Wednesday.

So I feel really good about where the schedule is at this week.

I feel good that like you're going to be here, but you're also going to get like, you know, a couple of days off to just relax and chill and eat sourdough sandwiches.

Literally to eat sandwiches.

So I feel good.

I feel good that you feel good.

It's a good balance of Jackson Claude and also like Claude thirsting out in the studio on camera being the snatcher, which she has to do.

Like she looks great and you got to see her.

And I forgot to tell you this, but like Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday night of this week.

Oh, that's literally today.

Tonight, tomorrow, and the day after, I have plans to get dressed dressed and stay alert all three nights at three tailor-frequented restaurants.

Do you know that Wednesday night you have plans with Margot?

Ashre?

Yeah.

She was telling me you guys were going to a concert, and I was like, oh, I know everything about Claudia's schedule, and she hasn't mentioned it because I know your schedule.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

I figured you forgot because I hadn't heard about it.

Oh, shit.

Did she get tickets?

Yes, she said, like, I asked her what she was doing this week.

And, like, that's that's what she's doing on Wednesday.

She's hanging out with you.

Oh fuck me in the ass.

What plans did you make?

I was gonna go to dinner with this guy Blake.

I wonder if he listens to the toast, who Ben knows through Spritz and Ben was just like, you'll really like this guy.

Like you guys are very similar.

He like loves housewives.

And then I went to his Instagram and like all of his pictures are just hanging out with different housewives.

So I was like, I have to meet this guy.

But shit, I think I might have to reschedule.

I forgot I had concert tickets.

Or maybe you could like do both, dinner before the show or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shit.

Oh, I had to talk to Ben.

Ben hates fun.

I'm the worst on the calendar.

I didn't realize it was June 7th already.

Yes, me and Margo had concert tickets.

I totally forgot.

Yeah, I figured you forgot because it just sounded like a good one.

I was a good dinner with her last night, and she was talking about it like the plans were on.

Yeah, yeah, because I was asking her like what she has coming up this week.

We had pulled brisket sandwiches together.

You did?

Yeah, we did.

How was it?

I've been telling Jackie, because I got her these brioche hamburger buds from Zay Bars while we talk about the sandwiches,

I know.

And by the way, Friday's episode being called Sandwich Slot, like today's episode should have been called Sandwich Slot.

I put in our cart these brioche hamburger buns.

And I was like, you know what?

I wasn't sure who they were going to be for.

And honestly, my, my price, like my bill was already so high, I couldn't take two.

I'm like, you know what?

I'll give these to Jackie.

And it's been the biggest regret of my life.

But she was like, I want to make a sandwich with the brioche buns.

What should I do?

And I'm like, it's such a sandwich because it's so, it's such a bread for like a wet kind of of saucy meat that I thought pulled brisket.

So you did it.

How was it?

It was good, but I actually didn't wind up using your buns even because the buns from the place that you told me to order the brisket from were like perfectly good.

And so I just didn't rearrange.

So I still have the buns.

Do you have any extra brisket?

No.

Shit.

Yeah.

But I could give you the buns.

I still haven't opened them.

No, like they're for you and I want you to enjoy them.

Like it would make me happier if you would just eat them.

Yeah.

I need a sloppy Joe.

Yes, you do.

Should I have Ben make you some and I'll bring it over?

Yes.

That's what.

Well, actually, not to like ruin a surprise, but like me and Ben defrosted beef and I was going to like make a bat of chili and brigatiou.

And the second we defrosted the meat, Ben opened the pack and it smelled like raw eggs.

Like it was like a bad thing of meat.

Oh my god.

So we, that was like the plan was kind of.

aborted.

I really appreciate the effort.

Just only at Turdy's house do those things happen.

A hundred percent.

Something about your kitchen is cursed.

That's another reason why you have to move.

No, I know.

I think there's like a rogue element in your kitchen that goes around like fucking

food.

But I think that rogue element follows me from apartment to apartment because all of my kitchens and all the apartments I've ever lived in, I am unable to properly cook something.

So it's me, high, I'm the problem.

It's me, not the kitchen.

There's a little bit of like education that goes into like meat handling and stuff, you know, like temperatures.

It was Ben.

It wasn't me.

I was literally sitting on the couch.

Yeah, but like when the meat arrived, whenever you bought it, what?

Directly in the freezer.

Oh.

I don't fuck around with meat.

Yeah.

Oh man, I totally forgot about this concert.

You need to go to a meat education class.

I need to go to meatspin.com.

I think that's what I need to do.

You do.

I think that's what I need to do.

This concert just really, like, threw a loop through my whole week.

I was supposed to get dressed and say alert.

I mean, you don't have to go.

No, like, Margo bought tickets and I told her I wanted to go.

And it's, do you know who Noah Khan is?

Yeah, stick season.

And I love her, mom, but it's the season of this.

And he's like really good.

And I've actually been listening to his album a lot.

If I get too close, like, I should go.

I should go.

And like, this, I don't know if I told you this, but like, you know how this is my year of yes, which by the way, I'm kind of crushing.

Do you agree?

Yeah.

This is also like my summer of concerts.

Like I love concerts and I should just go.

Oh, that's nice.

I love a summer of concerts.

I literally used to go to a concert every three days, like before COVID.

It's so fun.

Yeah.

It's so fun.

I'm going to go.

I'm going to have to tell Ben to reschedule the dinner.

Blake, if you're hearing this, I'm so sorry.

Yeah.

You could always do another dinner.

Like, it's just Noah can't be rescheduled.

I know.

I don't think Blake lives here.

That's a thing.

I think he like came to town for a few days.

Oh, maybe a lunch.

I'll try and make it work.

Yeah, maybe a lunch.

I love a lunch.

Yeah, lunch is good.

Lunch is really good.

Just don't bring Theo.

100%.

Lesson learned.

Okay, well, I feel like now we could get into the stories.

If we must.

If we wanted to.

And I do.

Do you?

Yeah, sure.

Jaggy.

There means do you.

Jaggy.

Do you?

Do you?

What's that?

What ad is that?

We, I don't want to say the brand, but like, like probably a year ago, we got like a six ad buy from like a very prestigious brand, and their copy was just like a little cringe.

It was like, do you do you and i couldn't say it i know but i'm trying to remember what brand it was i think i i'm not gonna i'm not gonna forsake them on this platform and it was just really hard for us to not say because they supported us it's not hard it's just hard for us to not say like do you do dadu do that do like no i was like do you

do you it's just it's a trick it was a tongue twister it was well i look forward to seeing what the brands have cooked up for us today and without further ado do to do about whether whether or not you do you, here are the fast side stories that you need to know.

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Lemon, it's Wednesday.

Okay, so let's get into the stories.

First story broke kind of at the end of last week, but Natalie Portman and her husband Benjamin Millipide are fighting for their marriage amid his affair with a 25-year-old.

Okay, this is like kind of crazy, and I can't believe we know what's going on.

She's so like private.

I honestly couldn't even tell you the name of her husband before.

Didn't know she was married.

Yeah.

Didn't know any of this.

But Natalie Portman and her ballet dancer husband are battling.

Back a black swan of her.

I know.

Are battling to save their marriage after she discovered that he had an affair with a 25-year-old woman.

Sources tell page six.

They're told the pair who married in 2012 separated last year, but managed to work through their relationship woes.

Now their marriage has once again been rocked by revelations that he cheated.

New photographs from France suggest that the former ballet principal dancer has been spending time with glamorous young climate activist Camille Etienne.

Greta?

Not Greta, friend of Greta, F-O-G.

F-O-G.

A source told page six that they have not split and are trying to work things out.

Ben is doing everything he can to get Natalie to forgive him.

He loves her and their family.

So they're like working through this.

But I guess.

How old is Natalie Portman?

She is,

I guess I could Google.

Because I have a thought, but I just need to know her age.

41.

Okay.

And I'm assuming he's like around a similar age.

Let me just confirm.

Millipide age.

45.

Okay, so I really do believe that like people in relationships can like get through infidelity.

I think that like it's really hard, but I definitely respect anyone who tries to.

But there's something different about like having an affair versus having an affair with a woman 20 years younger than you.

Like first of all, it's gross.

Second of all, like I just think it's like a even more depraved level of affair to go with someone like so young and impressionable.

And

I don't think that I would be able to work through this is kind of my point.

Interesting.

I mean, I her being so young makes it literally so much worse.

Yeah.

I don't know that I would be able to either, but actually this was a conversation on Real Houses of New Jersey in the episode I was just watching because Jen Fessler like took a break from her husband because he had an affair and then they separated and they got back together and of course like Jennifer Aiden.

And the women made like strong cases for like you can work through it.

But I agree like something about this I would say get the fuck out of my face.

Right, like there are certain affairs that relationships like can't come back from.

Like kind of like, you know, Tom and Raquel, like it being the wife's best friend, like that takes it to another level.

So, like, okay, like fucking somebody at work, like, that's kind of like the

best, if you know, like, just a random, when it's somebody like in your circle, like a friend or a neighbor, like that takes it to another level.

And I think going with somebody 20 years younger than you

adds so much more insult to injury.

It's so disgusting.

And I think it shows like a

personality, like a characteristic in a person I wouldn't want to be married to, you know?

Yeah, no, you make a very good point.

It is different.

It's disgusting.

It's disgusting.

It's like you're looking for something that is.

You're never going to find it.

Something you're never going to find is no longer there, is no longer who you are.

And if that's like what you want to do with your life, then this life is never going to be for you.

Right, because the whole point of a marriage with, you know, with an equal is that you grow old together.

So if you're seeking and chasing youth, then we have nothing to discuss anymore, you know?

Yeah.

Like, this is disgusting.

And the way, like, I hate this man, and I had quite literally never heard his name.

Like, good for Natalie for trying to make it work.

It's clear that, like, she's committed to making her marriage work.

This isn't the first time that they've experienced, like, a break or whatever.

So, I commend the effort, but, like, I think some things are unforgivable.

And I'm not saying that.

infidelity is always unforgivable.

Like, I do think people can work through them.

You have to be like extremely strong.

Yeah.

But it's reminded me a lot of the show that I'm watching, Love and Death, which is all about affairs.

Oh, interesting.

So do you feel more passionately about it because of the show?

No, because in the show, like, you kind of become obsessed with the two people having an affair.

You know, you're like, yes,

toxic.

It's so fucked.

It's so fucked up.

But, like, in that situation, the people having an affair, like, they all know each other.

So, it's like a friend sleeping with a friend's husband, which is another level of disgust.

Yeah, I agree.

This makes it worse.

And I just can't believe that we know this level of information about someone who's like really so private.

I guess it's like those French photographs.

That like undo, it's always like the Daily Mail out here telling us things we really shouldn't know.

Yeah, like it's giving Dominic West and Lily James.

That was still such a crazy time in American history that not enough people like really cared about.

I kind of ship now with a little hindsight.

No, that's the thing.

That's the thing about Downtown Abbey is that once a character appears on Downtown Abbey, they automatically become my favorite character.

And he was in the most recent movie.

And when I tell you there was not an actor on this planet I disliked more than Dominic West,

because his character on the affair was the worst.

And then he did that Lily James thing.

I was like, this guy's fucking disgusting.

And then he went on the crown and then he went on Downson Abbey.

And I kind of am obsessed.

Yeah, also The Crown.

Even though he played Persons Charles, like he did a really good job with the show and he just became a part of the cast and the history.

And like, yeah, I turned a corner.

Is he on the final season or they go to an older Charles now?

I don't know.

I feel like he is because this season is like about Diana's death.

Yeah, but it's also like William and Kate.

Have you been seeing all those images?

Oh, yes, I have.

Yes, yes, yes.

It has to be someone older.

Yeah, they can make him look older.

I know, but they like to graduate.

That's like my favorite and least favorite thing about the crown, that like you fall in love.

Like the way I fucking loved Olivia Coleman as the queen.

And this new girl is not doing it for me.

Most of the time when they replace someone you love, like you still fall in love with the next person.

Like they really do a very good job.

But Olivia Coleman was a tough loss for me.

I didn't feel as strongly about Olivia Coleman.

I liked Claire Foy and I do feel like Imelda Staunton, who's the new queen, like she's getting a lot of hate.

And she?

Well, yeah, she got like people because she's also from Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings or something.

And so she's like too recognizable.

People can't

see her as something else.

And she's playing the queen in her flop era.

And I just think the odds are stacked against her.

And I want to support her.

That's true.

But I remember like loving Claire Foy Foy when I first started watching The Crown and you were like, by the way, I was like binging it late.

You were like the next two seasons, she's not in.

Like they do this thing where they, you know, cycle out characters.

And I was so upset.

And then immediately I loved Olivia Coleman.

So it's like, I'm open to loving, but she is not doing it for me.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, I don't know if she's, I feel like she's in the next one too.

Even Philip, like, I did not want to give up on Matt Smith.

Like, I, but the next guy they got, I'm like, you know what?

Tobias Menzies was good.

And then also you know the guy from game of thrones shame oh excellent the shamer he's excellent shame

well that by the way that's like another oh no in ted lasso rebecca's assistant you know rebecca's the shame woman

oh right

i didn't know that wait wait what no she's not no claudia i think she is

She was pulled from the West End.

She's like a Broadway London girl.

Claudia, I'm pretty sure she is the woman.

Yeah, Google it.

You're on your computer.

No, I believe you.

I believe you.

No, you have to see her in her shame garb.

Okay, hold on, hold on.

Rebecca Waddingham.

No, not Rebecca.

What's her name, Hannah?

Waddingham.

Actually, Game of Thrones.

Oh!

Oh, my God.

It's literally her.

I don't believe.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

That changed things.

Well, what I was going to say about Ted Lasso is her assistant, like that, you know, funny British chubby guy.

He's Sprout

from

Downton Abbey.

Yeah.

I just love this little circle of like British characters, you know?

Yeah, love Sprout.

I cannot believe that Rebecca is shame.

Uh-huh.

That this is like as mind-blowing to me when I found out that Tom Womsgam is Mr.

Darcy.

Yeah, I agree.

Wow, her versatility

is unmatched.

Unmatched.

I mean that woman was fucking horrible on Game of Thrones.

Like the most evil bitch.

Oh my God.

I'm in shock.

I'm in shock.

Yeah.

I'm sorry she even got another role after that and wasn't just typecast.

Because she's so compelling.

Holy shit.

Are you ready for our next story?

I guess I'm just still kind of digesting this news.

I know.

Sorry.

I didn't mean to like blow your mind this morning.

No, it's so important to know facts like that.

It is.

Especially at the toast.

Like, we live for facts like that.

We live for facts like that.

Our next story, someone else is responding to being typecast in one way or another.

Ryan Gosling responds to the criticism that he's too old to play Ken and Barbie.

So Ryan Gosling heard Claudia on the toast.

And he's clapping back at the trolls who have a problem with him being cast as Ken.

Not even calling me a troll.

I'm giving like valid criticism.

I don't think trolls is his word,

to be fair.

So he did an interview with GQ this week, and he said, I would say, you know, if people don't want to play with my Ken, there are many other Kens to play with.

He said that he thinks this discourse is funny, given that people didn't think about Ken before he was cast, but suddenly it's like, no, we've cared about Ken this whole time.

No, you didn't.

You never did.

You never cared.

Barbie never fucked with Ken.

That's the point.

He said, if you really ever cared about Ken, you would know that nobody cared about Ken.

So your hypocrisy is exposed.

This is why his story must be told.

Okay.

Alternate headline to this story.

Ryan Gosling is deeply unwell.

I don't know what does that even mean?

I don't know if this is like a joke.

Question mark.

Question mark.

First of all, it's like not that deep.

Ken's story needs to be told.

This honestly sounds like a satire of what actors say, you know?

Yeah.

Like an SNL skit.

Yeah.

Wait, what?

Read it again.

Read it again.

He said,

suddenly it's like, no, we cared about Ken this whole time.

Like, because he said that he didn't think people cared who was going to play Ken before that.

He said, no.

Well, maybe it wasn't a priority because we were all obviously like, who's going to play Barbie?

Because like women are more interesting and it's the Barbie movie.

So maybe, yeah, he wasn't like a top priority.

We just assumed they wouldn't fuck it up.

Yeah, he said, although no one believes, although he believes no one cares about Ken, he admitted that he feels like

he's the character's representative.

He said, quote, I care about this dude now.

I'm like his representative.

Ken couldn't show up to receive this award, so I'm here to accept it for him.

Oh my God, he's really lost his fucking mind.

I felt like, you know, I think one of the things everybody loves about Ryan Gosling is he's so not Hollywood.

Like he doesn't, you know, go out.

We never see pictures of him and Ava Mendez.

Like he's so private.

I feel like he has a really normal life and he doesn't become one of these like LA Hollywood actors with like their head so far up their own ass.

But he kind of sounds like he's just like a part of the Hollywood machine.

This is like next level stupid.

Or he's just like taking the parody of it all very seriously.

Like I feel like this whole movie is a parody and like

I don't know.

He just went down like in response to criticism.

He's just like went down a clown's path.

Right.

And it's a path.

You know, it's a choice.

It is a choice.

And I respect a choice being made.

I just want to say.

Yeah.

Instead of like him keeling over and being like, I am old.

I am wrinkly.

No, here's the thing.

What's so interesting is like to me, they could not have cast a more perfect Barbie.

Like I don't know any woman in Hollywood who could do it as good as Marga Robbie.

And she, in my mind, is not too old, but literally I think her and Ryan Gosling are the same age.

Yeah.

They're like in the same generation, you know?

I feel like when they cast her, I wasn't, I didn't think it was the best choice.

No, I remember being like, duh, who's the Barbie of Hollywood?

I don't know.

Well, honestly, like maybe Sidney Sweeney now, but like, you know what I mean.

Yeah, actually, that.

we've been talking about this movie for years.

I know.

And it's still like confounding because it's not out yet.

No one knows what it's about.

And they just like keeping it.

No, but they released another trailer.

Okay.

And it's what we thought.

Like, she has to go to the experience the real world to like be her best Barbie.

Yeah.

It's like similar to Elf.

She gets like this challenge from Kate McKinnon.

She's like, you can either keep wearing the heels or then gives her a Birkenstock or experience the real world.

Cringe, but okay.

Yeah, yeah.

So I do think

I like the the premise of Elf.

I just don't like that one.

She goes to Manhattan, like she gets arrested.

Ken goes with her.

Like, there's another trailer.

Okay, so it's enchanted.

It's enchanted.

That works for me.

It's a proven formula.

It's a proven formula.

It's not out yet.

We still don't, like, know if this movie's going to be good, but I have to assume it's going to be good.

Margot Robbie doesn't, like, do bad movies.

I don't know.

She just did that other one that no one talked about, Babylon.

Which

you're right.

David O.

Russell, where like Taylor Swift was in it for a second, right?

Brad Pitt.

Everyone was in it.

Yeah.

Why didn't anybody talk about that?

Because it was bad.

Interesting.

Yeah.

It's not as good as Babel.

No, it's not.

Nothing is.

Are you ready for our next story?

The aforementioned Sidney Sweeney is sat down with Sunday Today to talk about how her grandparents feel about her nude scenes on Euphoria.

You know, it's a good question.

Sidney Sweeney says her father and grandfather walked out when the family watched Euphoria.

I should hope so.

She said her family was a little shocked when they first saw her euphoria scenes.

In an upcoming interview with Sunday Today, she revealed that her dad and grandpa weren't properly prepared to see her on the gritty HBO show, which often features nudity and sexual content.

In fact, she said the two of them actually walked out the first time they tried to watch it.

She said that her mom had visited her on set a few times, so she knew the story.

My dad didn't.

I didn't prepare him at all, so he decided he was going to watch it without telling me with his parents.

She said, my dad and my grandpa turned it off and walked out.

However, she added that her grandmother, who she describes as a big supporter of hers, wasn't as fazed by the content and didn't follow their lead.

She said she's a big fan of mine.

I bring her all over the world to my different sets and I make her an extra.

So she's like totally down with nude sick.

Yeah.

No, I mean

grandfather and father, like.

Absolutely not.

And her family should have done a better job of making sure that they didn't watch it.

Like, I know you've never even seen Euphoria.

No, I haven't.

So, I don't know.

I know that it's like nude and stuff, but I don't know what her level of like participation is.

Next

level, there's literally, Jaggie, a scene where she's on a carousel at like a carnival and she's like dry humping the carousel, and she like has an orgasm in front of all these people.

Like, that's not even the worst of it because she was fully clothed.

There's another one where she's like fucking Nate in the bathroom, and they literally, like, the camera's just like on both of her breasts.

Like, it's insane.

I mean, that's crazy, but it's also like, And she should have told her dad and her grandpa.

Yeah.

I do often think when like, you know, starlets get men and women, but it's always the women who are naked.

When they get like famous

and they're in like these sort of nude roles, like how do they protect their, you know, peace with like their family and everything?

And euphoria is another level.

It's like even, it's probably the most graphic show on TV when it comes to sex.

Like, I think actually, no, hands down, it is.

It's not the most.

And I think now the idol is going to usurp.

Which is the same creator.

Yeah.

The idol is such an interesting show.

There's been so much hoopla around it.

The reviews are abysmal.

Yeah.

It looks so graphic and pornographic and...

And disturbing.

That's the thing about Euphoria.

It's not only graphic.

It's really, the characters are supposed to be...

teenagers, so it's just even more disturbing.

The actors are not, but the characters, if you're, you know, buying into the show, these are literal teenagers.

It's really dark.

And that's that guy's thing, Sam Levinson.

And it's really, like, it's disturbing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't watch, I don't think I'm going to watch.

I mean, I'm not going to watch the idol because I imagine it's disturbing, but even just like the still images, like they just look

disturbing.

Disturbing.

But I think that's going to eclipse Euphoria, make a Euphoria look like child's play.

Yeah, but I don't think the Idol is going to be as popular as Euphoria.

That's the thing.

Interesting.

Like Euphoria is like the number one show in the country when it's on.

And it's not coming back for like another year and it's been off for a year.

Yeah, there's not much on right now.

No, and it's important that like, you know, the young people who are watching Euphoria, while this time is, you know, while they're off the air, that they watch, you know, more uplifting things, more educational things.

Or maybe they go outside.

Cat dog.

Cat dog.

Rugrats.

Such a good show.

Rugrats is on Hulu, for whoever wants to know.

For Harry?

Yeah, because I was like looking for kids' stuff because you set me up with my new TV and like Hulu was the only thing I was logged into.

So I went to kids.

They had like five shows and Rugrats was one of them.

How fabulous is that?

Yeah, so we started it from the beginning.

It's like kind of crazy.

It is a crazy show.

Like really that plot, you just really never know where it's going.

No, it's like it's...

They're always being babysat by the grandpa who's always sleeping and like there's an actual infant like running around in his diaper who changes it.

So so you're saying so you're saying it's more so a show about neglect yeah

and just like kids raising themselves which is a powerful message but they also are learning lifelong skills friendship right right

all these things adventure that's beautiful that's beautiful that's what i've surmised because before i watched 10 minutes of it the other day i couldn't tell you what rug raps was about even though we watched it every day Yeah, like what is it about?

Like, I know SpongeBob is about, you know, a sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea.

Yeah, and he's like just trying to make his way through the world.

He has a crabby neighbor he has his best friend he has his job and he's just living life yeah he's like a he's like a working class guy yeah he's a working class citizen doing his best and trying to keep it positive that's beautiful yeah

but i couldn't tell you really the plot of red rats no you're 100 right maybe it's better that way yeah the mystery remote and cat dog

So I think it's about like a cat and a dog who are conjoined at the hip and just getting through life as that.

What's the larger message?

Like that.

I think the larger message is like coexistence, honestly.

Working together, putting our differences aside.

I'm a cat, you're a dog.

And it's also just like, you know, getting through life with the cards that you were dealt.

You know, I'm sure being attached to a dog as a cat and being attached to a cat as a dog is an ideal.

And we're all kind of given things in life that are an ideal, but we persevere just like cat dog did.

So it's a story of perseverance.

I would say.

Claudia, it's beautiful.

Cat dog.

Cat dog.

Cat theme song.

Cat diggity.

Cat diggity dog.

That's Mickey Mouse.

No, but the cat dog theme song did slap.

Yeah, and what would you say is the theme of Mickey Mouse?

Like, what is he trying to espouse?

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Honestly, I think Mickey Mouse Clubhouse...

really does set like an unrealistic standard for adulthood in children because Mickey's life is like too good.

It's like he always finds himself in these situations, but he always has the exact tool that he needs.

You know, it's like, it's a little unrealistic.

Sometimes you're going to be dealt a challenge and you don't have the tools to deal with it.

There's not, you know, what's that thing called?

His

O-toodles.

Yeah, like he just isn't always going to have all of that.

You know, O-toodles is kind of a crutch.

But I guess it's, it's a show about teaching preparedness.

I think it's a show about problem solving.

Yeah.

And working with your friends, even though some of them are fucking dumb.

Beyond moronic.

And just like having to be like the one in the group who's always getting things done.

Like it's a good lesson for like, you know, one day if you're planning a bachelorette party, like it's all going to fall on you.

And you're going to have to shepherd these girls through the trip.

And you learned it from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Yeah, it's kind of a story, like a modern bachelorette party story.

It actually is.

Yeah.

Like, oh my God, Sarah's dehydrated.

What do we have in the pack?

We have liquid IV.

Like we have the tools to hell.

Yes.

But there's always the Mickey.

There's Olivia's the Mickey.

Yeah.

And you're the Sarah.

There's always, I'm so the Sarah.

I'm the Mary.

You're the Rhoda.

Are you ready for our next story?

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Our next story, like, speak of the devil, because on Friday we were asking the question, where is Olivia Rodrigo?

And literally, as we're recording, this girl is posting teasers pointing toward a June 30th revival.

So Olivia Rodrigo seems to have some tricks up her sleeves.

The driver's license hitmaker quietly dropped another hint that presumably points towards June 30th as a date to write down.

So on Saturday, fans noticed that the Spotify canvas that shows up when you listen to driver's license on the streaming platform has been updated.

And in the clip art, it now has her expiration date for her license as June 30th, 2023.

Also, her website released a cryptic countdown calendar that launched on Friday

that also points towards the end of June for some time.

And she posted like a sexy mirror pick, and in the back was a calendar with June 30th kind of circle.

So it looks like June 30th, like you're wondering where Olivia is.

June 30th, you'll find out.

This is very interesting.

One,

you know me, I'm obsessed with this like whole love triangle.

And she did release this like, you know, bombshell news like the next day after the Sabrina Carpenter thing.

It might have even been the same day.

Like, just interesting.

Just interesting.

Yeah.

No?

I think interesting too.

And this is like a very highly anticipated second album.

Like, I don't know, you know, the last time somebody's first album became as big as hers did.

And there's a lot of pressure.

And, you know, it kind of harks back to this age-old conversation we've been having, like, about Olivia Rodrigo being a one-hit wonder, if you will.

Like, I'm curious if this album will live up to the first.

Yeah, I imagine it is so much pressure, and that's what I was saying years ago when we had this one-hit wonder conversation.

Because even when she was in her sour era, obviously she had more than one hit at the time.

But if this album doesn't do what it needs to do, she will just always be remembered as the driver's license girl, hence a one-hit wonder.

I think she's extremely talented and capable of turning out another work of art.

And I think she'll live up to her own hype.

But I imagine she's quaking.

No, it's like kind kind of horrible to like have had such success so early.

And just that's, that's always going to be your benchmark, you know, you always want to be doing better on the second, the third than you did the first, the second.

So that's like the, that should be the normal growth and trajectory of a young starlit pop star.

But to have historic, unprecedented success in your first album is kind of like a blessing and a curse.

100%.

I don't know how you live up to that hype.

I mean, that first album is literally, it's, I can't remember the the last time like an entire nation knew every word to an entire album.

Yeah, but I also think like sometimes you get so hyped from something like you might just be like right time, right place, or it's just like a song that like captivates the country.

It's not like particularly good, but it just happens to like

move everyone.

And I don't think, I think she really is that talented.

So if she has that talent in her for the first album, then there's no reason why her second album won't be just as good.

No, you're right.

Because like, yeah, driver's license took over the world, but then the whole album did, like, the whole album was as good as driver's license.

And driver's license

took over the world, but it was an amazing song.

It wasn't just like, you know, Old Town Road that was like a gimmick.

Silly.

You know, and then she like followed it up with an entire album of like bangers.

Like, you're right.

She has the talent.

It's not a question of like whether she got lucky.

Like those songs took off because they were good.

Yeah.

Like it wasn't just luck and that she's going to have to try and duplicate.

So it's just inside of her and she just needs to write how she feels.

She just needs to write how she feels.

And I know she's been going through like a lot because there was like the success of the album.

Then she had a boyfriend and I don't think they're together anymore.

So she's been through things that she can write about.

Yeah, even when she was like 12, she was writing about things like getting ice cream at the same place as Sabrina and wrote a whole song about that.

And it was a good one.

It was a really good one.

About the same thing.

You get devoo from going to the ice cream.

No.

Literally.

No, I don't.

No, I can get ice cream as many times as possible.

And it's always going to feel like a new experience.

There's always a new flavor.

There's always a new flavor.

There's always a new ice cream shop.

I actually, on Friday night, me and Ben went out for dinner, and then I got gelato, which I'm more of like a, if there's two ice cream places next to each other, one of them is like American ice cream.

Like a creamy.

One of them is a gelato.

Like I will always go American.

That's just me.

I'm a proud American.

I don't think anyone would have thought otherwise from you.

But I had delicious gelato on Friday night.

Like it was delicious.

And what flavor did you get?

One thing about me, like I'm consistent.

I'm a creature of habit.

So So, guess what flavor I got?

Cookies and cream.

Yes, ma'am.

Me too.

That's also my go-to.

It's just like

it's the superior flavor.

And anybody who tells you otherwise is lying and stupid and ugly.

Like, I like to try, like, oh, I'll try the birthday cake, but I know I'm not ordering it.

You know what?

If I am, that's so funny that you say that, because if I am going to order another flavor, it's going to be birthday cake.

Birthday cake.

That's like my runner-up.

It's too much.

Like, the sample size, like, when they just put a little on a spoon for you, is like enough of it.

It's really sugary and sweet.

You're right.

Like, it's overwhelming.

And an ordinary woman cannot take it on.

I can.

You're no ordinary woman.

What do you think?

Like when you think of the best birthday cake ice cream, what do you think of?

Coldstone?

No.

Mine's really niche.

Was it the place by my house?

No.

No, no offense.

That place sucks.

No, you're wrong for that.

Okay, let me give you like another clue.

It's not a chain.

It's like a one-on-one.

When Zach, we asked him to heat up, like to get us ice cream from the freezer.

We went and got ice cream that day.

We got like blue ice cream.

Extras.

We got extras for the freezer.

Yeah.

So then that night we wanted it.

So we were like, can you just get it from the freezer?

And so he took it upon himself to like warm it up a little.

To plate it.

He put it in a bowl.

Like it comes in a tub.

Leave it in the tub.

And it was soup.

And so then he's like, he's still fidgeting in the kitchen, like trying to get it to refreeze.

Like five minutes later, we're like, where are you?

And he comes back with a blue mouth.

Yeah.

Because he literally melted our ice cream.

He ruined it.

And then while he was waiting, he like ate the rest.

And he was like putting it in the freezer to try to get it to refreeze.

And it's like, nobody even asked you to warm it up.

Like, I can wait five minutes while it gets to the right temperature.

We're so mad.

He did that.

Oh, he did that with my McFlurry the other day.

Heated it up?

Yeah, well, at first, because McFlurries are not like meant to go in the freezer because they're supposed to be like...

So I was waiting for it to, but I couldn't even get the spoon out.

So I was like, you know what?

You could heat it up.

What it came back.

How long did he heat it up for?

I don't know how long he heated it up for, but it came back with like a paper towel wrapped around it.

And like, I heard some crashes in the kitchen.

It was, it was like a tea.

No, I heard crashes in the kitchen because I guess he tried to pull the spoon out, which I didn't ask.

Like, I just wanted it like a little bit softer.

Just like

it's,

he's just doing the most on his ice cream.

Okay, just to finish my thought, the best birthday cake ice cream I've ever had is from Gabelles.

That roadside shack near the place where we went to camp.

Like it was so good.

Yeah, Yeah, but I also.

Roadside ice cream that has like a picnic table that also serves burgers, like very like mom and pops, like chocolate shop from the 50s.

Those places have the best ice cream hands down in America.

So true, but I also think you're hopped up on the vibes.

No, no, no, I wasn't.

Like, our vibes were so high.

We were like vibrating at lightning speed.

Like, any ice cream would have been euphoric.

No, no.

Those were the days.

No.

Okay.

Agree, disagree.

Okay.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Yeah, that happened so fast.

It did.

It didn't and didn't, because it's been an hour.

Yeah, right.

And it's not really a story, just like something that's a little fucked up.

Okay.

YouTube is playing three-minute long advertisements before first aid videos, and they've already been linked to at least one death.

By the way, I saw them respond.

I saw people complaining about this on Twitter, and then like YouTube support responded and was like basically telling people to go fuck themselves.

After finding someone unconscious and calling an emergency service, a worried bystander might turn to YouTube for a reminder on how to perform CPR.

But the site is running advertisements before videos showing how to perform the life-saving intervention.

The ads are up to three minutes long, and some are only skippable after 30 seconds.

DailyMail.com found advertisements for grocery stores and shoes delaying first aid videos made by hospital systems, paramedics, and CPR trainers.

Advertisements can be personalized depending on the video consumed by users.

Who really gives a shit what you're about to watch?

Oh, I'm sorry.

And then, by the way, when YouTube responded to the person on Twitter being like, I tried to watch this CPR video and there was this ad and it feels really fucked up, they were like, well, if you sign up for YouTube Premium, you won't get any ads.

They were like, try to sell their subscription.

Well, that was their response.

A woman in Germany died earlier this year after her CPR was delayed by her helper having to sit through 18 seconds of advertisements on the platform.

Like, I could understand that.

I mean, there's no way of knowing that she wouldn't have died anyway, but still.

But I can understand why, like, it might have not been top of mind for YouTube to realize, like, oh, we shouldn't have advertisements on emergency service videos.

Like,

I'd never thought of it, but like, now that we've established it, like, fucking take them down.

Yeah, like, verified hospitals, medical services who have their channels and make like sort of preventative videos, they should not be subject to any sort of ad revenue.

And, like, you're right.

It might not have been something that they thought of immediately, but like now that people are talking about it, they should act immediately.

Yeah, no, and it's not even about like, oh, you shouldn't make money on the CPR.

It's really just about the time.

Like,

if you want to put like a purgency, you want to put a post-roll video ad, go ahead.

But like,

those seconds are crucial.

A pre-roll or a mid-roll is not cool.

No, I'm not.

It's like, or they'll show up and be like, hi, I'm going to teach you how to do CPR today.

So the first step is ad.

Like, that's fucked up.

Yeah.

So I just thought that was fucked up.

Not cool.

No, that is fucked up.

And I had seen their response being like, check out YouTube Premium for $15 a month.

I was cackling.

It's like not funny, but the way that they're handling this is like so poor.

Yeah, I feel like they'll eventually get it right.

You know, it's really not that hard task.

The thing with YouTube, companies like YouTube, similar to like Google, they're so ubiquitous.

It's not like you're going to go to Vimeo now and be like, how to do CPR?

Like YouTube is just so integrated into our lives.

Like you don't even realize like when you just search for a video, you're always going to find YouTube.

It's like they don't, like, this isn't going to stop user behaviors.

like they're just too big yeah so which is why they could just do us a solid

right but they're just like a company that's like uncancelable almost like they're too baked into our everyday no i agree but like

it doesn't change their bottom line if like well how many videos are there even if it's a thousand videos a thousand videos don't have an ad

No, but like one thing, I'm the type of person, like if I can't figure out how to do something, like I am gonna Google it.

Oh my god, yeah, every like stroller car seat, like how to do, they actually, there are a lot of brands that make really good videos.

Like, um, they should.

I tried to fucking put Harry in a fucking high chair at a restaurant.

I swear to God, I needed an engineering degree.

It was so complicated.

Then it turned out that it was broken.

So, like, it wasn't me.

Yeah, there was something weird.

Similarly, like, I'm literally my, my IT department, we're just on YouTube.

Like, every new piece of equipment that we get for the toast or an issue I'm having with a microphone or a recording device, I love those guys.

Those guys who put together like these kind of like geeky nerds who have like these channels being like, here's how to sync your camcorder and your Roadcaster.

That I'm their number one fan.

I love those videos.

Yeah, just like sometimes they just take too long, you know?

Yeah, yeah, of course, of course.

Like, or it's like, how do I get GarageBand to do this?

And it's like a whole video, an hour-long video about GarageBand.

And it's like, no, you're not looking in the right places because I find that shit in 30 seconds.

No,

I've struggled.

And they also, like, on the one hand, they go too slow.

You know, it's like, oh, I know how to open my computer and turn it off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like, open up GarageBand.

That's clearly where I'm at already.

Yeah.

No, that's fair.

That's such a fair critique.

But still, all to the good.

People helping each other.

Helping others.

Helping others is key.

And that's what we learned from Rugrats.

From the past five today.

From Rugrats.

Yeah, and the Past Five.

Let's do a little TV recap.

Let's do Jersey.

I'm really curious to get your thoughts.

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Okay, so Real Houses of New Jersey.

I'm in Ireland, so I'm pretty much like halfway through the season.

I'm starting to get a lot of fun.

By the way, how forlorn is that house?

It's like not glamorous.

Oh, I like it.

But like just because I like it.

And that would be like a fun trip.

That's like my vibe these days, you know?

But like the house looks like, like haunted.

Like it's like bare and like barren.

No, I think it's nice.

Okay.

It didn't feel that way to me.

What's funny to me is like when they take, they're in, they go all the way to Ireland, they get all dressed up and they take like a bus just to go to a dinner where they have like salmon and wine and then go home.

And it's like, you can do that in New Jersey.

I've actually never the first night they got there.

No, it was like one of the middle nights of the trip.

But I've actually been never been someone who like thinks like that.

Like, cause you know, I just want to do like the same things that I like to do, just in other countries.

But like, you came all this way.

But then the next day they did do that like hen party and they chased around the chickens and stuff.

And so that seemed more

authentic.

I just like don't understand why they chose Ireland.

Like I know Dolores' man is Irish, but like isn't this trip like really for Teresa's bachelorette?

Like it makes no sense.

No, it's so random, but I don't dislike it.

No, me neither.

I actually loved when the OC Housewise went to Dublin.

Like I love when they do something different.

And I love like a

water situation because they're so Italian.

They're like so.

And they're always going to like Jamaica, Dominican Republic, like classic vacation destinations for like the eastern coast yeah but i i liked the setting you're not gonna get me to knock it no no i agree i like that fish out of water like when the new york housewives went to morocco like something so so different yeah and we get to see something like different and interesting and and culture shocking and the fact that they're staying in a castle not like a hotel in town like it's nice

yeah no i don't i don't disagree that's that's fair um so overall so give me your takes like from start like the new girls give me everything oh my god the new girls girls are so hard to keep separate.

And like I really wasn't even giving any of them the time of day until like a few episodes in when I established like my alliances.

I really like Rachel Fuda.

Like really great head on her shoulders.

I can't believe that she like started filming this season with a three-month-old.

Like and she's just she's so like stunning and she's so like stunning put together snatchler.

Like I literally was in shock.

I think her family is just so nice.

And I just, I like her rationale and her way about her.

Like and I also like she has like a good head on her shoulders.

And I like that, like, her inclinations make her gravitate towards Margaret and Melissa because those are my people.

Like, they are team rational, and

Teresa and Jennifer, and bringing in Danielle, they are team, like, just like crazy emotional, like, no sense is made.

Sometimes I understand where they're coming from and, like, why their emotions are so high about stuff, but Margaret and Melissa just always fucking make sense, you know?

I know.

And to be honest, like, I could never not be on that side of the the couch like i am so margaret melissa and jackie too and okay but by the way like jackie did not have a good season i know she's not even a housewife but like she really pissed me off like when she came in so hot i don't even like danielle but like when she just came in hot like being so rude and like it was clear that like Jackie had just gotten demoted and then this new girl comes in and has like a higher position on the show than Jackie and like Jackie was clearly just like jealous and bitter and that was she was being so mean girl for no reason and i don't even like danielle yeah for no reason it was just like weird um they didn't even know each other and she was like would you pull your shorts out of the hamper like don't be freaking rude so what does that mean did they look dirty i think that her shorts were wrinkly but they're jean shorts no it was like she was just looking she she didn't even have a chance to speak to her and then when she was like at dolores's house to i think it was to rachel being like you're not even looking at me in the eyes right now she's just like so insecure about her demotion that she's lashing out to like make a statement, be like, look, Bravo, you shouldn't have fired me.

And she's taking it out on these two new girls.

And it's not fair.

Yeah, no, she's irrelevant.

And the rest of the season, she's just like there as like a friend and a sounding board.

And she contributes nothing to the show, except like Evan obviously is a big part of the husband's crew.

And that's why I'm glad that they like keep everyone in the fold because we meet all the husbands.

And like, I love, like, they go have a party at Melissa's house.

And they don't even need to invite other people.

It's enough people.

It's like 20 people and you have a party.

Yeah, no, I completely agree.

And I think like Evan is a great part.

And what's so funny is like at the end of last season, I had so come around on Jackie.

I was like, really didn't agree with her being demoted.

Like, I think she really laid it all out.

I, I had a full 180 on her.

And my God, she just came in like so wenchy

with like jealousy and insecurity.

I didn't like that.

Also, the whole conversation about Rachel Fuda's nose is probably like the rudest and most fucked up thing.

And like the fact that like nobody stopped.

What's wrong with her nose?

Like throw stuff around.

And also because like Rachel Fuda's a beautiful girl and like,

you really couldn't insult her looks if you tried.

No, and she has like, she has it all going on.

She's got like a big house, the family, the looks.

Like, she, I'm sorry.

Like, I hate Danielle.

No, I hate her.

Like, I, I was, for the beginning, first of all, I thought all the new girls' names were Jennifer and they were all the same to me.

It wasn't even.

That's so crazy because Jackie, I had the same.

Like, I literally was looking for Jennifer Food on Instagram and I was like, oh, I guess she doesn't have IG.

That's funny.

Yeah.

So, and they just call everyone jen because like jennifer aiden is jen jen fessler and so i was like jen jen jen um jen jen jen so i didn't even like have a a care in the world between danielle and rachel and i really wasn't like trying to get invested in who i care about more but then the chips fell where they may and rachel you know came to the correct conclusions and also danielle is just like she's kind of the caricature of a new jersey housewife like she is too much and she talks such a big talk in her confessionals like she literally acts like she is tony soprano and then every time she gets into a convers confrontation with the girl, she cries and she walks away.

And it's just about like her brother.

It's not even about like girl and Margaret's arsenal.

And she can't handle that conversation, but she's the one you don't want to mess with.

Like, I think I'll be okay.

So I was like, wait, what episode are you on?

Ireland.

Okay, I need to just spoil something for you, if that's okay.

Sure.

So her whole gripe, they talk literally non-stop until the finale about Danielle being so hurt that she said something to Rachel and Rachel told Margaret.

And Margaret, and Rachel was like, I wasn't doing this as gossip.

I was quite literally just telling a friend what people were saying about her.

Like, that's it.

Jackie, she doesn't stop talking about it till the finale.

And in the finale, Danielle is the one who sits down, Melissa Gorga, and is like, this is what's being said about you.

I just wanted to tell you about like this cheating allegation that's going around about you.

So she literally does the same exact thing in the final episode that she's met at Rachel Fuda for the whole season.

She just tells

Melissa something she heard, you know, under the guise of like, you know, know, wanting to be there for her and look out for her.

It's so hypocritical.

No, it's so hypocritical.

And also, like, Jennifer Aiden, who I actually has my sympathy, and I, and I do like, like, I feel like oftentimes she's wrong in arguments and like she gets too emotional and clearly everyone like has an issue with her.

But I do like her and I feel like she doesn't do a good job of explaining to Margaret, like, yes, I forgave you and your apology was heartfelt in that moment.

But there have been aftershocks

all the time since that happened.

And it makes me mad again.

Like, I feel like she just needs to say that once.

Like, yes, I forgave you, but like, now my daughter wants to be a love therapist.

And, like, and I would understand hearing that and being like, fucking Margaret, you know?

Yeah.

No, I agree.

But, like, I also feel like it's really important.

And she doesn't do a terrible job at this.

Like, Margaret is to blame, sure.

But, like, so is the man who cheated, you know?

Oh, of course.

No, but the thing is, it's.

There's two things here one like the cheating which Jennifer like had made peace with at the time It's about her kids and clearly her kids are suffering but also it's like the fact that their home life in general it's not so peachy right now so it's all compounded it's not good and like Margaret played a small role in that and I know Margaret feels bad because when she apologized at that coffee shop last season like it was real she was seriously regretful and remorseful for what she did so but I think that and I understand wanting to move forward we can't always bring up the past but I think Jennifer doesn't do a good job of explaining like it still affects her every single day She's not a good communicator.

She just like screams and yells and gets drunk.

But then Jennifer goes and shares a rumor that Melissa had an affair and now nobody's going to feel sorry for her ever again because that is literally exactly what Margaret did to her.

No, it's literally the same thing that happened between like Teresa and Jackie.

Like Teresa brought up this Jackie cheating thing like and she under the guise of being like, I have funny hair and I didn't say anything.

And then

the analogy, it's like

Teresa and Jennifer are just immune to logic.

And it's so frustrating to argue with people like that.

Yeah.

And like Danielle came on the show and she was like, you know what?

I'm going up Teresa's ass.

Like that was clearly her MO.

I think she, she's been on reality TV before.

This is her dream.

This is her dream.

She saw it work out for Jen.

What show was she on?

True Life.

True Life, I'm a Staten Island girl or something.

Like she wants to be a star.

Okay.

And you see that like with the way she dresses.

Her kids also extra.

That is her attempt at being a star.

And I think she wants to stay on the show for a decent amount of time.

And she saw how it worked out for Jen Aiden, just like immediately beelining for Teresa's butthole.

And that's what she's doing.

And I just like hate, I just hate people like that who don't like act on how they truly feel or like what they think is right.

They just like want to be on a side.

Yeah, but I also can appreciate someone coming in being like, I have an established relationship with Teresa.

So I'll, or Melissa, because I think Rachel Fuda somehow knew Melissa.

She knew team logic for some reason.

And so you're like inclined to believe them, but like you're open to all eventualities, you know?

But I honestly, I think Rachel Fuda had an amazing first season.

I agree.

I'm really enjoying her and her husband.

What made me crack up is they waxed her husband at Melissa's house.

And the whole next day, everyone's like, Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Like, people were worried about him.

It's like, women do that every day in much more painful places.

Yeah.

And I don't have like a team checking in.

What's your thoughts?

By the way, Dolores is like so interestingly not on a side.

And that's because she has the brain of team logic, but the history with team non-logic.

Yeah, and she's kind of like stayed out of it.

But what's your thoughts on the Frank of it all?

Okay, Dolores is 100% right.

Like 100%.

She gave Frank everything for all of these years.

She's like, when she was saying how the girls they used to like make fun of her relationship with David because he wasn't there for her and like, what's the future and this and that.

And like, now she has that relationship.

And now they're like, but what about Frank?

When it's like, when she was with David, like Frank was coming around all the time and they're like, but where's David?

So it's like, shut up.

You guys said that you wanted this for me the entire time.

I understand that Frank is upset, but it is Dolores's turn in life.

Like she no, and Paul's not wrong.

Paul's not wrong.

Dolores wanting all of Dolores.

It's sad sad because like we love Frank and everybody loves Frank and Frank is Frank is hurt.

But

Frank is the star of the show.

But like this is the first time in Frank's life like where he can have his cake and eat it too.

But like typically for regular people, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

So, you know, his good fortune ran out.

I'm sorry, but it's Dolores's turn and she's right.

I hope that I think that like Britney should be more involved in like cast stuff just so that Frank can come around more.

But like

what Paul is asking for is not crazy at all.

No, not at all.

And it's like Dolores doesn't even, it's not even like Dolores misses Frank.

Like, you know, no, I know.

She's not even.

It's not like Paul's asking her to do it.

And she's like, no.

She's not broken up about it.

No, she wants like a full life.

She finally has a boyfriend who like wants her completely and she doesn't need the crutch of Frank to show up at events with her.

Yeah.

So as a francophile, of course, I want only what's best for him.

No, it just makes it more difficult now because of the show.

Yeah, but I think that they're the way that they're doing it is going to be fine because Frank is like a guy friend and then even they had that like couples night and Brittany and Frank were there like I and Brittany's friends with Jennifer Fuda So I don't need her to be full-time but just like when there's events Frank and Brittany should be there and that works for me yeah yeah yeah um

so it's been a good season I mean I we both started the reunion shit is so bad between Melissa and Teresa and like now everyone's like there's like pretty much a general consensus from the fandom that Melissa's gonna be let go and fired.

I don't think she will be.

Like this is now we're back to like 10 years ago.

The whole cycle starts again of like them them all fighting.

The only, my thing about Melissa and Teresa, obviously I'm more team Melissa.

I think like Teresa, even when she recaps her conversation that we saw, she'll recap at that conversation to someone else.

I'm like, you missed like the actual points of the conversation.

You just like heard when someone said, fuck you, but like, what were they actually saying?

No, completely.

Her sense of reality is so distorted.

Right.

So it's like, I'm not going to take your word for every other thing that you say happened, but okay.

But my

question mark is Louie.

I can't get a read on him.

I don't know what his intentions are because sometimes he's the peacemaker.

Sometimes he is so fucking rude to Teresa, like not letting her speak, shutting her down, making her like listen to everyone.

And so,

and then other times, he's you know, gassing her up and enabling her and making her the worst version of herself.

Like, what is he trying?

What position is that?

But then every now and then he's like a true voice of reason.

It's so weird.

You know, like with Margaret, like anytime he has so much respect for Margaret and he has Teresa, listen to her.

But then he like flips when it's it's about something else but even when he was talking to like Joe and Melissa he was like weirdly putting Teresa down but then when he's alone with Teresa he gases her up and then so she goes off on Joe and Melissa and then Louis like whoa whoa right no no he has like multiple personalities I do like psychotic I can't understand him and his motives right and I think that means his motives are not good.

Yeah, no, there's something nefarious there, but I can't identify it.

I can't say what he's trying to do with her.

But I imagine like for her friend, for her friends, especially for like Joe and Melissa, it's like, what the fuck is this guy doing?

Scary.

Yeah.

Scary because he's also like nice to them.

No, he's psychotic.

Like, that's how a serial killer acts.

Like, how do you think they lure people to their houses?

Like, they're nice.

Like, what is he trying to like?

What is his end game for Teresa and her relationships?

I do not know.

No, I don't know.

It's fucking weird.

And like the way that they all just talk about therapy all the time, like, it's really a bad endorsement for therapy.

That's funny.

Like, seriously, the worst, most dysfunctional couples are in therapy, telling all the good couples that they have to go to therapy.

What to do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's funny.

Okay, so that's our show.

We'll keep you abreast.

I know you're going to keep watching that.

Oh, Love and Death, really quick.

I mean, I only watched two episodes.

New Max show starring Elizabeth Olson and Landry from Friday Night Lights.

Oh, you'll follow him till the ends of the earth.

Whose real name, Jackie, I refuse to learn.

And I don't want to learn it.

It's about, it's apparently based on a true story, but I haven't been able to to Google it yet because I don't want to find out how it ends.

But it's about like all these couples living in like the 70s or 80s in Texas, like this conservative town, like the church is their life.

And two of the couples, like one of them starts to have an affair with the other.

And I don't know how it goes sour, but like it clearly does.

But it's a very good show.

Like Elizabeth Olson's an amazing actress and her character is like cute as a button.

And Landry is just kind of this like oaf who like finds himself having an affair with like a much more beautiful woman.

And I don't know where it goes but like somebody ends up getting murdered and i don't know who it is and the whole time i think you're supposed to like be figuring it out who gets murdered who's the murderer oh i'll watch yeah no i think you'll like it it's also just like really kind of beautifully done the way they like paint like this 70s time in texas it's like it's adorable it's like aesthetically pleasing oh and your favorite girl is in there like elizabeth olson's kind of like confidant and best friend is the girl from don't trust the bee christen ritter

Kristen Ritter.

Oh my god.

That was like, what's her name?

I couldn't remember.

She doesn't have like a starring role, but I love to see her out here

getting booked and being busy.

Also, she's one of those people, it's like if she signs on for something, it's a good show.

Yeah, she has like a high bar.

She's a good picker, or she just has good,

I don't know, luck.

It's only $7.

But it will get canceled once I like it.

But I think it's a one-season kind of thing.

It tells the true story and it's over afterwards.

That's a safe venture for me.

I think you would like it.

So far, I'm really, Ben is loving it.

Okay, great.

I'm influenced.

That's our show.

Tomorrow we are in studio with Taylor's Trekker, so make sure you catch that.

And we love you, dearly.

Thanks so much for listening to the Justin Millennium Morning Show.

We love the best day stories and you tune into everyone in the fridge and watching this and YouTube.

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We are.

Have an amazing day.

Happy Monday.

Don't forget to rise and grind.

And we'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah.

Love you.

Bye.