I Need A Hero: Wednesday, March 29th, 2023

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the toast.

Happy Wednesday.

It is hump day.

A great day here at the toast because although we are, you know, transatlantically separated, Jax and I are humping each other virtually today.

It's a virtual hump.

It's still good.

I'm still getting

2020.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Virtual hugs to everyone.

Yeah.

Never mind.

NVM.

Never mind.

I'll just be hump Humphrey today.

How are you saying?

I'll just be Dan Humphrey.

You are Dan Humphrey.

I'm not.

That's like actually an insult.

I would never.

Yeah.

Who do you think you are in Gossip Girl?

Like, I'm definitely Doroda.

You are Dorota.

I

think

I am.

I'm Blair.

Let's get real.

I'm a Blair.

You're either like a Blair, Serena, or a Jenny.

I feel like I'm kind of like a Georgina, actually.

You're not, really?

All I know is I'm not a Vanessa.

No.

Hey, sexy.

Why'd you change your shirt?

I'm Lily.

I keep trying to call you sexy.

I'm Lily.

Accept the compliment.

I'm Lily, because I got, I have your answer.

Okay, you...

I saw a video of you this morning taking care of Harry wearing a sexy form-fitting shirt that made you look so sexy.

Like your breasts looked large and perky.

Your belly was bumping.

Like, why'd you change?

You looked great.

I'm wearing that shirt underneath, but I always had, like, I have the sweatshirt around my waist.

It's just, it's comforting.

And you just never know how things are going to look on the camera.

Yeah.

So I don't want to do a whole show, like, thinking I look one way, seeing it another way.

And, you know, I'd rather just be my cozy self.

That's why I try not to watch this show.

I just feel like what I look like on camera to other people is really none of my business.

You watch the show every day.

I, I.

Don't watch it every day, but a lot of days I will recap, listen, and like maybe see what we need to clip, but I don't watch it.

Like I pull it up on YouTube and then I'm on my phone.

Like I, it's in this little square at the top.

I don't really look at myself.

Got it.

I don't mind the YouTube.

It's really the reels.

There's something about like the way that the reels crop that I just hate how I look.

So I'm like, I'm not taking any chances.

Do you want us to start zooming out on the reels?

There's only so much we could zoom out.

I tried that once.

Like the frame is the frame.

I don't know what it is.

It's like how on Microsoft Word, like if you drag a photo to make it bigger without changing like

no, then it's like

fun

if you change the ratio yes it's a warped fun house and i just can't have that i want to enjoy our reels i want gen z

to love me they do as they do so sweatshirt it is

it's wednesday which means we have a fabulous show because we have dear toasters and we actually have an update from a pretty popular deer toasters that uh i think it was maybe last year I don't know any concept of time.

It could have been 2007.

For Claudia, everything is three to four months ago.

Or, or like 2015.

I really, I cannot.

Or three to four years.

Yeah, I cannot concept, like visually concept.

Concept?

Can you use it as a verb?

Conceive.

Conceive.

Whatever.

But that's also a great time to mention, if you love Deer Toasters as much as we do, on our Patreon yesterday, we dropped a podcast full episode, like 45 minutes of all Deer Toaster submissions.

We had some really funny and interesting conversations about, you know, the intersectionality of chivalry and feminism.

Where do we land?

Honestly, I don't know.

Not even using the word intersectionality.

It's kind of like one of my favorite words.

But no, you were grasping for it yesterday, but you didn't.

And ever.

No, I found it on the podcast yesterday.

And ever since I realized that's the word I've been looking for, I feel like sometimes I say like convergence or like I just make some shit up.

Intersection.

That's the word I'm always looking for.

Intersection is a known term, you know, the intersection, but intersectionality

is much more vast.

No, I feel like it's kind of one of those like buzz new age words.

Yeah.

Like when someone says like the intersection, like I'm always going to roll my eyes, but like it's kind of an amazing word.

Yeah.

Take it back, turdy.

I'm taking it back.

So there's a new Patreon.

If you don't get enough of your deer toasters fixed today, which you will because we have a great update and two really good submissions.

Head over to patreon.com slash toast to hear Jackson Claude doling out some, you know, some wonderful advice coming for Abby's neck.

Yeah, you're obsessed with taking Abby down, even though you've already killed her.

No, Abby like set the, she really opened the door for us to be able to do dear toasters.

But ever since she opened the door, it's on my mission to become bigger than her.

I know.

I just want when people say, like, you know, it's now become like a colloquial term, like dear Abby.

It's not even about Abby.

It's just about like the concept of giving advice.

And I want to replace that.

I want people to say dear toasters.

Our thing is called dear toasters because of dear Abby.

Like you have to, you have to respect those who came before you.

I'm taking Abby down.

I don't know.

Dear Toasters is only only like one

tenth of our show.

So it's not even like we invest.

It's not like we do it every day.

Like Abby committed her life to advice.

She did.

I don't know if we could say the same.

I feel like I've committed my life to bettering others' lives.

Yes, yes, I agree.

And advice is a part of that.

Just can't she have her advice?

Crowd.

I guess I'll let her legacy remain intact for today.

She lives to see another day.

But who knows after today's deer toasters?

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

So we've got a great show.

It's Wednesday.

Jax is here.

Claude is here.

And very soon, Jax and Claude will be together again.

Yes.

Tomorrow will be our last show, miles and miles apart.

Yes, and it'll also just want to remind everyone, I feel like I can't say it enough times.

There is no show on Friday.

Unless you're a Patreon member, member, we'll have a pre-recorded episode with Ben and Claude dropping on Fridays, so you don't miss out on anything.

And then next week, yeah, Jax and I are together, but we also are missing episodes next week.

It is the holiday of Pesach, Passover, happy Passover to all of our Jewish toasters.

So we will be taking two days off next week to celebrate, you know, the holiday of matzah and freedom passing over.

It's really the holiday of freedom.

Is it?

Yeah, the slaves were freed from in Egypt.

Oh, right.

Let my people go.

How does that verse go?

Moses was in Egypt's land.

Let my people go.

It's one of my favorite holidays and my least favorite holidays because you can't eat any bread, which is for like two weeks, which is so annoying.

And it's not just bread, it's grain.

So it's like rice.

It's so much shit that I love.

And it's my favorite holiday because there's so much singing.

There's a lot of singing.

There's two nights of festivities, two nights of singing.

That is mandatory.

Yeah.

Like the mitzvah is not completed.

God, God, yeah.

Until you've sung.

And there are a lot of really good Passover snacks and really good workarounds, you know.

Like you can have french fries.

Yeah, potato, potato saving the day.

Potato saves the day.

I love a potato.

You know how I feel about a baked potato.

Ha la

ha la

onya.

So many bangers that like I've known like my whole life, you know, and I really only sing them once a year.

And it's crazy how like, you know, you never forget them.

It's not like I practice them, I swear.

Sure.

I swear I own.

Sure.

She goes home.

I just practice my solo.

I just practice my solo.

What's my solo again?

Amaleka Chayam.

Yeah, if you are familiar with the Seder, you know, festivities, there's one particular part of the prayer that is so sickening.

It's so, like, it's really harmonious.

And, you know, I love my family because they've given me that part to kind of lead.

And make your own.

And make my own.

I'm really like, put my foot in.

And you do.

And I do.

Year after year.

Year after year.

She doesn't disappoint.

So it's a good holiday coming up.

It's not Yom Kippur where we have to fast.

So let's just be grateful for that.

Yeah, I'm grateful.

I'm excited.

I'm excited that you're coming.

Flamingo toast.

It's exciting.

But I'm not staying at your house.

I'm staying at Olivia's house this time i know but i have tesla so i could come pick you up any day or time oh my god we will no longer whenever in the past you've lived in florida what for nine months eight months

uh and every time i've come down there i've spent a significant amount of time there probably like in total maybe six or seven weeks

We have been prisoners.

We're stranded.

Of Jackie's home, of Zach's schedule, because if Zach has the car for work, like we're not going to take the car from him.

He has to work.

Like we have been prisoners.

We like can't go to to lunch.

We can't do any of the fun things that we want to do.

We can't do like a mukbang fast food in the car.

Like nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

And if we, and if we do, it's like cut short.

Oh, I need the car.

Come home.

Oh my God.

Prisoners.

And then it's like, okay, well, maybe we could borrow the Shapiro's car, but the Shapiros literally have two kids.

Like

girls, they can't.

It's never available.

And their car is huge.

Like, I can't do that.

And when it is available, we have to drive the bus.

They literally drive a school bus, the biggest Jeep you've ever seen in your goddamn life.

Yeah, so now that I have Tesla, it's going to be a whole whole different sort of trip.

Well, you know what?

We are, we're just two girls with freedom.

Freedom is a highway.

Oh, I was gonna do freedom, I won't let you down.

Freedom, I will not give you up.

Freedom, I think mine's just like a little more pertinent because on the nose.

It's about driving, it's a little more on the nose, I agree.

And so, even though you're not staying with me, it'll feel like there's no distance between us because I have Tesla.

So, it won't feel like we're miles apart.

All

I want to do

is be with Turdy Lou.

Be with Turtle.

There's nothing we can't do.

I should make a really great car playlist for us filled with all the songs we love to sing virtually.

Toast tunes.

And then we'll Patreon.

Oh, and you know, Tesla has karaoke, which I now pay for.

Right, right, like a big dope, yeah.

No, not like a big dope.

I need all the Tesla features.

I didn't get this fucking car for nothing.

That's true.

You know what I mean?

No, I got a Tesla to say, oh, no, take your features, keep them.

Right, right.

Keep your features.

I'm shy.

I don't want features.

No, karaoke, no.

Not me.

I have to look at the road, literally.

How are the stories today?

Stories are storying.

I wouldn't say there's like the big news.

I would say it's four equally unimportant stories with one important food news item.

Is it, you know what?

I don't want to spoil it.

I'm excited.

You could ask for a clue.

No, it's okay.

Do you think you know what story it is?

Food news.

I'm not sure if you know about this, but it's extremely important that you know.

Is it a collab?

No.

Is it a new menu item?

New variation on a beloved menu item.

That makes it sound like small potatoes, but it's not.

It's big news.

Is it a new flavor of McFurry?

Yeah.

Oh Oh man, I didn't hear about it.

Don't spoil what it is.

I won't.

But yeah.

Wow.

I meant to tell you when I was in Lisbon and I ate McDonald's 47 times because it was the only food I liked

how popular and prevalent on the menu the McPlant was.

I think the McPlant is like popping in international markets.

I'm happy for the international folks that

they get to experience McPlant, even though I'm kind of like off of imitation meat.

Imitation meat.

Is that a pregnancy thing?

Well, it has to do with pregnancy because it's like I'm trying not to eat stuff that's fake, but like that stuff is crap.

No, it's really

just like anything else.

Once in a while, you know, if I'm at a burger joint and everyone's having burgers and I get to have an impossible, like, sure.

But as far as like it being a replacement for other protein, like it's not.

for me.

It's not cutting it?

No, it's just too fake.

And

I keep it real turdy.

No, we're just not trying to have like fake toxic energy in our lives.

No, like I don't deal with fake people.

Why would you deal with fake meat?

I don't know.

It doesn't make sense.

It doesn't make sense.

We're stopping that now.

Yeah, I'd rather just have like a morning star veggie burger.

Like we're so like

anti-fraudulence like in our brand and we really should carry that through to all aspects of our lives our diet included Yeah

Yeah, that's why I only eat real food from McDonald's Well, that's why you only eat like real meat from McDonald's because they have

they have the meats.

We should go to Arby's.

We shouldn't go to the middle.

For the mcbong.

But it's like the word.

What would the fuck would we eat at Arby's?

The meats?

You can't eat meats and I would literally never.

Okay,

let's pull up the Arby's menu and say what we would eat.

Why don't you put your eyes up to?

I've never had Arby's and I do know that Arby's is one of the only fast food franchises that has curly fries?

Curly fries.

Curly swirly fries i would get curly swirly okay here arby's order ahead okay see these sandwiches with like their vagina looking meats like that oh sorry crispy juicy chicken the tender bites that's what i would have oh they have a chicken slider sandwich honestly this looks fire flames they have crispy fish with sandwich meat look at jackie look at the dessert they have so many different types of cookies apple turnover chocolate shakes

Oh, kids menu.

Okay.

What do they got?

Oh my God.

They have pouches.

Oh.

Kids' menu is a chicken slider sandwich, which literally looks so good.

And then the chicken nuggets meal.

I didn't know they had chicken nuggets at Arby's.

I'll go now.

Yeah, there's really nothing for me except for a crispy fish sandwich.

Like, how is that possible?

But I'm not going to just like impose my

preferences on this whole business.

So I just don't know what that is.

I'll go with the curly fries and the loaded fries.

I don't know who would like.

All right, let's go.

Oh, wow.

I don't know who like would think to themselves, okay, let's go get fast food.

Should we get McDonald's?

Should we get Burger King?

Should we get Wendy's or should we get the roast beef gyro from Arby's?

Like, who would think that?

People would think that.

Like, and people are allowed to think that, Turdy.

Don't think that they are gums.

People would look at that whole menu and they would say, who would get chicken fingers at a place like this when there's such an assortment?

Well, anyone who says that is so toxic.

You don't need that kind of energy in your life.

And that's how they feel about you, the gyro lovers.

It's actually so true.

And they don't even have gyro at McDonald's or Burger King.

So, like, there's only one place to go.

And it's our girl.

Let's talk about gyro and people who pronounce it hero.

I don't know them.

Do you know that that's like a common pronunciation?

Is that the proper parencidence?

I don't know.

I don't know.

But like, we're not in Greece.

This is American.

Okay, I have a question.

What if you want a gyro hero?

That would that, great question.

Then you would say, hi, I would like a hero hero.

It's confusing.

No, it's a fire point you bring up.

Yeah.

A case closed.

I guess you'd have to break it up.

You'd say, hi, I'd like the hero, please.

And they're like, would you like that on a bun?

Or a hero?

And then you'd say hero, just to like, you know, for clarity purposes.

You say, I need a hero.

I'm holding her.

I'm looking out for a hero

to the end of the night.

Yeah, that's what you would say.

Love a hero.

All kinds of heroes.

What's wrong with a hero?

A food hero.

Yeah, no, I'm all for like, you know, people who do brave things.

But in terms of a gyro hero,

no.

And then a hero comes along

with the strength to carry on

and you cast your fears aside.

That's one of my favorite Mariah Carrey songs, and in my opinion, one of the more underrated ones.

It's so good.

It's so beautiful.

Hero is such a great word.

And on the one hand, I feel like it's not used enough, but on the other hand, I'm glad because it should be used so sparingly so that it maintains its pristine meaning.

We need to preserve the word hero.

I completely agree.

I'm glad it hasn't been overused to the point where it means nothing anymore.

Yeah, I could see like on TikTok being like, oh my God, that Lipkos is a slay.

You're a hero.

No, by the way, for sure.

I hope that never happens.

But I'm also not here for the feminization.

You know, she's a heroine.

No, a woman can be a hero too.

Oh, I feel like you would have the opposite take.

Why?

Like, there's word for man and there's word for woman.

No, because to be honest, when you look at the words hero and heroine, like hero feels stronger.

Because also heroin is a drug.

Right, right.

So true.

And I think it's literally spelled the same way.

So

female hero has an E at the end.

Doesn't heroin the drug too?

No.

Okay.

I just

like, why?

Why?

Why?

It just makes, you know what?

It makes me feel stupid.

Like if I do something brave, like, I don't want the special word.

Like, I want the word that everyone uses, and that's hero.

And you think it should be a gender-fluid word.

If I rescue a cat from a tree and put my own life at risk, I'm a hero, bitch.

Do not go and call me a heroine.

Also, because I feel like when I think about a heroine, I think of like, you know, some of the books that I read, like historical fiction, and like this heroine who's just like,

she's doing really good stuff for sure.

but she's like low-key irresponsible.

No, no, she's good, like, it's all good.

But if a man were doing those things, I don't know if we call him a hero.

Like, I feel like the bar is higher for hero, and the bar is a little lower for heroine.

You know what?

That's an excellent take.

I agree as well.

That's now that I'm talking through it, that's right, what I'm feeling like.

So, I actually agree with you.

I want to be a hero.

I would like to be a hero, and then I'd like to eat a hero.

A hero, hero

bring it back.

No, a hero, hero.

So have you ever had gyro?

That should be your next TikTok video.

Where can I get kosher gyro?

Oh, I'm sure you could get kosher gyro at like an Israeli restaurant.

Oh, actually, definitely.

Like, for sure.

And, like, what is gyro?

No, such

good question.

It's like beef that's like cooked

hard.

It's like hard, no?

Is it supposed to be hard or that's bad gyro?

i don't know and it's like where is the line between gyro and jerky no no i don't think your gyro is supposed to be jerky i think that's like oh i had bad gyro jerk no because i think like

you could get your gyro crispy you could get crispy gyro but that's yeah crispy like regular gyro should be a little juicy wow i just want to say when you google gyro the first thing that comes up is arby's.com and it says this search may also be relevant to gyro's arby

it's just because it's listening to us okay gyro's is a meat cooked on a vertical rotisserie sounds like schwarma sounds like schwarma then sliced and served wrapped or stuff in a pita bread wait google now what's the difference between gyro and schwarma maybe it's just a different word for it right but like same cuisine

no like maybe in different places they call it different things salsa is salsa and in other countries it's like bruschetta yeah but like i think gyro in is greek so in greece they call it gyro In Israel they call it shwarma.

By the way, so the biggest difference is in their flavor profiles.

So I think at its core in terms of like what it is and how it's cooked, it's the same.

But gyros have like that Greek fresh taste and schwarmas have the more Middle Eastern spicy complex flavor.

Got it.

So it's about the spices.

Yeah, it's about the spices.

It's always about the spices.

Yeah.

Spices could spice anything up.

And power to the world, spice up your life.

Every boy and every girl.

Spice up your life.

People of the world.

Spice up your life.

People are going to complain there's too much singing today, but you guys, like, don't waste your, your, your keystrokes because we will make a lot of time.

We're not listening.

Stop.

We're not listening.

And actually, you know what?

There's not one.

Waste your keystrokes.

Give us that engagement.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give us the engagement, but there's not one part of that criticism that even remotely touches me, like that I absorb in the least.

Like,

I think that's what sets us apart from Abby.

Does Abby sing?

She wishes.

No.

So true.

No, that's not a valid criticism.

I rebuke.

No, like, I'm sure it's valid for you.

Like, you didn't like the singing part of this episode, but like, we love it.

So that trumps your dislike.

I don't even want to add anything because what you said was so perfect.

We love it.

Bada, ba, ba, ba.

We're loving it.

We're really bringing it back full circle to McDonald's, McPlant.

That's how this conversation started.

Got it.

So we're not, we're saying no to fake, yes to real.

We're stopping the negative self-talk and we're dressing like a whore.

And we're singing.

And we're quoting ourselves.

Who else?

If not us, who's going to quote us?

Oh, I thought you were going to say if not us, who are we going to quote?

Both.

That's what I meant the first time.

And then I'm like, but then also, who else is going to quote us if not us?

It's so true.

Like, sorry, we're out here.

preserving our legacy so that Abby doesn't come back from the dead and try and cover Claudia's neck.

Right.

Yeah.

So we've got a great show.

I think it's time to dive in because we also have deer toasters and it's just, it's a great day to be a toaster.

Tis.

So without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know today.

And today's episode is brought to you by a new sponsor that we're really excited about, Top Golf.

It's golf.

It's not golf.

It's Top Golf.

So Jackie and I had the distinct privilege of visiting the Top Golf in Nashville.

Was that last year or two years ago?

Two years ago.

Oh my God, we had the best night out.

It was a girls trip and we spent the whole Friday night at Top Golf.

The food was so good and we had so much fun playing golf, even though we're not like huge golf girls.

It was really the perfect spot for a girls night.

And I think that kind of

surprised us a little bit because again, we're not like super into golf, but the vibes were immaculate.

And the golf was so fun.

Like we got so competitive.

We really did.

Everyone played like there's a leaderboard.

I did win.

I feel like that's really important.

Like every time we do this ad to remind you guys that I won when we played top golf, but really anyone can win if you're skilled enough like me.

Yeah, it was also just like a great place to meet because we were all girls and a bunch of us were single.

Like it was a great place to meet people.

It was so much fun.

And so obviously they have a lot of stuff that makes them golf.

You know, they've got the clubs, the balls, the tees, the turf, but they also have a bunch of stuff that's not golf, like great music, giant targets, giant TVs, handcrafted food and beverage menus.

It's so much fun.

So if you don't play golf, it doesn't matter because everyone can play top golf, even if you you can't swing a club.

The food and beverages are so good.

It's the only place where you can play around and then order another.

It's also super comfortable.

They have all the fun of outside, but with the comforts of inside.

They have comfortable heated bays in the winter and cooled bays in the summer.

We went when it was hot and we were not hot at all.

They had, you know, real temperature regulation, which is somebody very temperature focused.

I really appreciated it.

So it's golf.

It's not golf.

It's top golf.

Download the app, book a bay, and come play around.

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Happy snacking.

Thank you, Claudia.

Yeah, welcome, Jackie.

Our first first story, Kelly Rippa is on the cover of Variety this month, talking about being a power woman of 2023.

She is talking about her career, and she's talking about substantial things.

She said that live executives at live banished her to a janitor's closet instead of an office during her early years on the show.

Kelly Rippa claims the executives banished her to a janitor's closet instead of giving her an office during her early years on the morning show.

the longtime co-host admitted in a new interview that she had known how difficult, that had she known how difficult her first three seasons would have been, she might not have taken the gig in the first place.

She said, it was the strangest experience I've ever had in my life.

I was told that I couldn't have an office.

She also said that she was not given maternity leave, vacation time, or a wardrobe budget when she joined live in 2001.

She said it didn't make a whole lot of sense, especially because there were empty offices that I could have easily occupied.

She said when she asked about moving one to one of the available rooms, producers told her they were reserved for executives visiting from the West Coast.

She said it was after my fourth year that they finally cleaned out the closet and put a desk in there for me.

And so I was working in the janitor's closet with a desk so that I could have a place to put things.

However, after original host Regis left the show in 2011, Kelly assumed she would finally get an actual office, only to be snubbed once again for her incoming male counterpart, Michael Strahan.

They said, oh no, we're saving that.

And I said, saving it for what?

And they go, well, for when the new guy comes.

And I looked at them and I said, I am the new guy.

I just moved my things.

I forced my way into the office because I couldn't understand how I would still be in the janitor's closet and somebody new would come in and get the office.

She said the experience was just another reminder to Kelly that female anchors were viewed as sidekicks rather than the main talent.

She said it was like watching the same movie all over again.

All of those offices that were not available to me were suddenly made available.

with walls knocked down to make them twice as big.

It was fascinating for me to watch the need to make the new guy comfortable and respected, but I couldn't use those offices.

I had to use the broom closet.

She said, not only that, but she was not given her own bathroom and had to share a public restroom with the live studio audience, despite the male co-anchors having their own stall.

She said, picture this.

We have a studio audience, like 250 people, and I have to queue up.

She noted that it was extraordinarily exhausting to have to wait in line while she was pregnant.

Okay, them not giving her maternity leave is like the craziest thing I've ever heard and like grounds for lawsuits.

But it's also what we were just talking about.

Like how do you host a live show and go on maternity leave?

A daily live where you are 50% of the show.

There's no, that's us.

Not that like we're live with Reaches and Kelly.

We're obviously so much bigger, but 100%.

She really, I guess, is a good example to look at.

And there's the answer.

She didn't have maternity leave.

No, but she's not a good example to look at because she's an employee of like a major company.

And legally, companies like that have to provide

some sort of maternity.

I don't know.

I don't know what the law is.

I don't think that they have to.

Well, I find a lot of what she says really interesting, and I think the maternity leave thing is like beyond disgusting.

But I don't necessarily agree with her how it's like women are women anchors are viewed as sidekicks.

No, actually, she was just a part of a show where the template was, it was Regis' show.

And now...

And the women were sidekicks.

And now it's Kelly's show and the men are sidekicks.

Like she has a rotating crew of people who come in every few years.

And then she has all these guests.

Like it's Kelly's show now.

Whereas before it was Regis' show and Kelly was the side.

When it was Regis' show, I think like, yeah, that what she, you know, she sat and didn't have an office and sat in the janitor's closet.

But then when Regis left

was getting the Regis treatment, and it's like, well, you're the sidekick.

Yeah.

And she interpreted that to be because he is male and she is female, that he was getting the male treatment, not the male.

Maybe that's what the network's.

Maybe that's what the network's goal was.

Like maybe their intention wasn't to make it like the Kelly show.

It was to have to, to continue having Kelly as that sort of, because that's what the show's format was for many years, like Kathy Lee and Regis.

Like, it was a man, it was really like the man's show with like a female kind of Vanna White co-hosty vibe.

But Kelly really, you know what?

She really did make it her own.

Yeah, but they also changed the name to live with Kelly and Michael.

And I think that if they meant for it to be Michael's show, it would have been Michael and Kelly.

No, that's true.

I think there was probably a lot of confusion at that time.

I think Kelly had been waiting 10 years to take Regis' spot whenever that time came.

And I'm sure the network saw it a little differently.

So I understand how there was friction.

We also know that Regis and Kelly did not have a good relationship.

So it's very possible that that

toxicity was kind of the environment of the show too.

Like the people who worked for Regis were team Regis.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I mean, when you look at it at a whole, like she's been doing the show now for 22 years.

Like it's still top of the ratings.

She still has so much energy.

Like like she really is a staple in everyone's morning like i feel like she really fought her way there yeah and she obviously took her what is the phrase where you take your

lemons no

like when you

to it's to mean like

make the most of what you get no no

It's kind of like hazing like you take what your licks.

I don't know pay your dues.

Sure, but there's a take your phrase as well.

But she paid her dues and, you know, she didn't get the star treatment for 23 years.

Yeah, no, that's, it's actually really shocking.

Yeah.

It's also a nice change of pace to read something from Kelly that actually has substance and it's not just about how many times, you know, Marcus Wales eats her ass a month.

Yeah, well, they do have crazy FaceTime sex, apparently.

Not in this interview, but that's the other headline about Kelly this week.

Get you a girl who could do both.

Get you a girl who could do both, preferably more of the former and less of the latter, but sure.

Yeah, but I think also it's I feel like she if she had to

You know everyone sees their own career and like their own troubles differently than how the world sees them I just look at Kelly and I'm like she's Kelly She's every morning like yeah, she's at the top of the industry, but I feel like for Kelly I feel like she might have like a hard time getting taken seriously a little bit and so she does those like little people magazine hello magazine pieces of crap because like that's what's available to her but like variety gave her power of women like she got respect she gave a respectful interview That's actually so true.

Wait, are we flipping this Kelly's Mindless News on its head right now?

Like, you're right, people really Kelly Rippa is a maven of talk television, and she's an OG.

And she was like, she really brought her show into the 21st century.

Like, that Regis show was like so old school, and

she kind of gets like no respect.

No, no, like when you think of like female titans of television, you don't think of her.

You don't think of her, and you should.

No, you're 100% right.

And I think that's probably something that she struggles with.

Being taken seriously, like even, you know, when you first read this thing, I like rolled my eyes like, oh my God, she's on the cover of variety.

But like she is exactly the type of person who should be on the cover of variety.

Yeah.

Why not Kelly?

No, she's really, the show is a major stop like for every major celebrity and press tour.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Shows get canceled all the time.

Like it's so hard to get.

Especially talk shows.

Yeah, to get viewers, to retain viewers, to compete in that space.

Like, that morning programming is so...

We've seen Good Morning Morning.

We saw Morning Glory.

We know how hard it could be.

Right.

And it really is like this cycle.

Even people who you think are going to slay the house down, Meredith Vieira, Chris Jenner, Bethany, it doesn't work out.

Yeah.

So

I think we need to put a little more respect on her name.

I agree.

She like fought her way out of the janitor's closet.

Literally.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

I'm seeing, I'm seeing Kelly through a whole new lens.

That's what a great interview could do.

You're so right.

But also a great podcast discussion.

But it's also what the right platform, like, you know, being on variety will give you that sort of reputability.

And maybe if we read her book,

we would feel even more so

this way.

Yeah.

But I'm reading so slowly these days.

Me too.

It took me three weeks to finish my last book, which was decent.

I'm dying to read Paris's book, but I have to start the Redheads book we record next week.

Like, I'm booked and busy, literally.

Booked and busy.

That's a good name for a reading podcast, booked and busy.

What about for your book club?

Because we are so busy.

And you're booked, obviously, once a month.

I like it.

You could say, you guys, Jackie came up with a really good name.

Yeah, another way for me to like bring up.

No, you could say, oh, hey, you say, I have the name for the book club.

Like, don't even mention me because I feel like that'll take away.

Actually, like, a lot of members of my book club listen to the podcast, so they'll see, like, the, the natural or authentic genesis of the name.

Okay, I think they'll like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you kind of had to be here.

And luckily, you all were here for that.

Yeah.

Thank God we record this.

Are we still?

My cards are good.

Okay.

We're still recording.

Thank God.

Are you ready for our next story, which is some more TV news?

Yes.

Bachelor creator Mike Fleis is exiting the franchise after 21 years.

Oh, wow.

Mike Fleis announced the news on Tuesday in a statement congratulating season 27 lead Zach Shalcross and his new fiancé, who, by the way, this is who won the show, Katie Bigger, on their news.

Yeah, I saw a clip of them talking and it was really, really special.

I saw a photo, like a headline and a photo of their proposal with like a get the deets on the ring.

Oh, I forgot.

No, I watched on like a TikTok.

GMA did like, they gave them placards and it was like, who is the later sleeper?

You know, and these people like so know nothing about each other.

It was painful.

It was not.

Do you think that they are in love and will last?

I don't, I actually, based on what I got from them and based on what people have said, it's like Zach is a robot.

He's so vanilla.

And you know what?

She's like a really kind of beautiful, simple girl.

I actually think it could work.

I really like want them to work.

I'm like in the mood for bachelor succession.

Yeah, and a little redemption.

Like it it would take a lot for me to start watching again, and the shows would have to be like cut down to like one hour,

45 minutes.

Yeah, like I can't do two hours.

But I don't know.

They're making changes.

I can't believe Mike Fleis is leaving.

Like that is, that would be like Andy leaving Bravo.

It's, it's so monumental, and I think it's a real indicator that the show is on its last.

Like, I mean, tell me, tell me this is not an indicator.

Ready?

I was mind blown.

I came across that girl we were talking about last week who made it to the top four, who was Jewish.

I came across her Instagram and she was so, oh, no, I came across, yeah, her Instagram.

And she did this like cute get ready with me.

So I went to her page.

Guess how many followers she has after being on the top four?

Less than 50,000.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Oh,

what?

120.

Yeah, that's low.

The bachelor himself, I was looking at his.

Like is so low.

I think it's less than that.

For guys, it was always like less.

I remember

81.

If you made it to the top four, like, I remember back with like Nick Vile's season, a lot of those girls ended up after the season reaching a million followers.

So, to be a top four and to be a favorite, everyone loves this girl, Arielle,

and to not even crack 200, I think that's like a huge indicator of how much of the show's audience has fallen off.

Yeah, the girl who won has 218.

That's crazy.

I remember distinctly, like

the Raven Gates, Rachel Lindsey, like those,

they would be really near a million.

Vanessa, they all were in like eight, nine hundred thousand, and eventually they hit a million.

I wonder what they have on TikTok.

Maybe like, because these girls are millions of people.

That's a good question.

Like, because like they're just younger girls.

They're younger girls.

And I think younger girls are watching and they gravitate towards following people on TikTok now.

That's a good question.

She has 40,000 on TikTok.

What does Zach have or Katie?

How do you spell Zach?

What's his last name?

Shall Cross.

Okay.

He shall cross.

I don't know if this is his page, but he has one post with 6,000 followers.

Okay.

Yeah, no, it's not doing what it was.

But I don't think Mike Fleis leaving means that it's over.

I'm surprised Mike Fleis has been around this long without getting canceled.

He's so problem.

Like, we have heard crazy stories.

Yeah, like he's just like textbook, like the show Unreal.

Like, yeah, they get their inspiration from Mike Fleis and his ways.

So I think he's quitting while he's ahead.

And the franchise is slowing down.

So it's a good time to go.

I can't believe he lasted this long without like actually having a major scandal canceled.

Yeah.

But see, that's how you, like, that's why it is like Unreal.

Like, it's so, he's so powerful.

Like, you know, contestants would never speak out against him.

Producers would never.

He's the almighty being.

Like, if you want a career, if you want to go on dancing with the stars, like remember what he did to caitlin bristow like yeah he could blackball you in a second yeah i also think some contestants don't interface with him that much like i feel like his power like just

comes from on high and then like he that culture like disseminates from him to like top producers and then like the producers produce but it all kind of spreads out and there's no one person to blame it on you know what i mean yeah but it starts from the top yeah and he is the top so if there's a toxic culture at the bachelor like it comes from him i can't believe he's leaving yeah so we put out a statement saying first and foremost, congratulations are in order for Zach and Katie.

I wish them a long and happy life together.

I want to thank WB TV and ABC for 21 extraordinary years.

They found the perfect creative team for me to entrust the Bachelor franchise and keep this lightning in a bottle bold and moving forward.

He will be replaced by new showrunners, Jason Ehrlich, Claire Freeland, and Bennett Graebner, who all have lengthy ties to the show.

So I think it's just people getting promoted.

Yeah.

I mean, if they really wanted to shake things up and compete with like the Love is Blinds, Love Island, they would bring in like a whole new creative team.

It sounds like it's just going to be more of the same watered down episodes until the show eventually ends.

Yeah, but I think their ratings, like as far as they're not what they once were, but they're still got million in the million.

You know what I mean?

Like their ratings are still enough for advertisers and

all that.

I think it would have been better to like bring in one new replacement who could.

Freshen things up, but it sounds like they don't want to freshen things up.

Like they think their formula works and maybe it works for them.

It just doesn't work for you and I, Turdy.

Okay, wait.

So, in terms of ratings, this season averaged 0.81.

That's 800,000 people.

In that demo.

In the 18 to 49 demographic.

Which is key.

That's low.

That is low.

Hold on.

I feel like I'm not reading that right.

It's impossible to read ratings.

Oh my God, with the decibels.

Just tell me how many people watch.

Literally.

literally I cannot read this

oh okay wait so explain okay so yes so the episode that was on literally two days ago in the 18 to 49 demo 0.63

but they had 3.4 million viewers how does that make sense

who else who else is 18 to 49 you know well the 49 and up would be the majority of viewers

so many people well it says 3.4 million viewers you're right which is still for a cable show excellent yeah but maybe it's like 0.63 households but then they account for like a number of people per house it's all fraudulent i really don't understand ratings ratings are fraudulent well

in march

or

and like last week the bachelor so i'm part of that Last week,

Variety wrote an article, The Bachelor hits multi-platform ratings high with their season season 27 premiere so it had a 2.39 rating which i believe is 2.3 million

okay

and that was a outperformance of the show's prior season hmm

well that's good yeah

see

yeah it's still it's still considered good ratings like when you think about how many people watch like shows on bravo They're lucky if they hit like a million.

But this is like basic cable value.

That's

something something else.

But yeah,

okay, are you ready for our next story?

Yeah,

Tristan Thompson buys a mansion three houses down from his ex Chloe Kardashian.

Yeah, Tristan purchased a home just three doors down from his ex-girlfriend, Chloe, with whom he shares two children.

An aerial photo obtained by Page Six.

The NBA player's new mansion can be seen within walking distance from the Reality Star estate in the Hidden Hills.

He signed the deed for the $12.5 million house in December 2022.

That is last December.

Okay.

Last Christmas, he bought this new house.

I don't know why I feel like Tristan like doesn't have nearly enough money to live in the same neighborhood because he's not a great basketball player.

So I'm just looking up what his salary.

Okay.

His, oh, salary.

Let's see what his contracts were.

Also, his house.

Like from the aerial photos, his house looks bigger than Chloe's.

Much bigger.

Like it's huge.

So in 2021,

when he was on the Kings, his salary was

one year of $6 million.

That's pretty good.

And then he, I guess, got moved to the Bulls and he got a million dollars.

And then prior to that, wow, actually, I take it back what I said.

Excuse me?

This can't be right.

What is it?

Justin Thompson.

Okay, from his, he started his career on the Cavaliers.

That's where we met him, remember?

Yeah.

2011 to 2014.

And

he got $16 million in those three years.

Okay.

Then he signed another contract with Cleveland for another four years, five years, excuse me, $82 million,

which he literally, he played with them the full contract.

So he got everything.

And then in 2020, for one year, he went to

two years, excuse me, he went to, what's that little Irish thing?

The Celtics.

Celtics.

$10 million, excuse me, $20 million.

I take it back.

Wow.

I don't know why Ben.

Ben always said he's like not a good basketball player, but what the the fuck does Ben know?

I think he's not like Michael Jordan, but like Michael Jordan slash Kobe

and

LeBron, they make hundreds of million dollars.

And like, but he's a good enough basketball player to like be on the court.

And like, that's what you make when you're like actually a playing NBA player.

That's literally crazy to me.

Crazy.

And I think people just like to clown on him.

So even if he was old, like we wouldn't know about it, but that is crazy.

And can I take it back?

He can certainly afford.

He can certainly afford.

And he bought a really nice house.

And even though I don't want him and Chloe to be back together, I don't know if they are back together.

I don't care.

I personally think this is so nice for their kids.

Of course, for the kids, of course.

But people read this headline and they're like, he's stogging Chloe.

Get away from Chloe.

And that they think it's like a bad thing.

Even when Kanye did it, I didn't think that that was a bad thing.

I think it's the best possible case scenario for children with separated parents.

And by the way, I am sure he didn't spend $12 million on a house without getting Chloe's blessing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because he's so like, you know, grovelly, up her ass.

Like, yeah.

But I think.

He wouldn't do anything to make her mad.

I mean, he does a lot of things to make her mad.

Well, of course, of course.

But when he's in his groveling phase, like he's such on the show, he's like, I just want to earn your respect back, earn your trust back.

Yeah.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Why don't you just keep your dick in your pants and everyone will respect and trust you?

Literally.

This house is so nice, Claudia.

I think it's so nice.

Like, I'm never going to, you know, be mad.

I never want these two to ever be together ever again.

But that doesn't mean that like now they have two kids together tristan has other kids he needs like a nice house for all his kids and to live you know next door to your half siblings is lovely yeah it's really nice it's nice i'm not gonna clown on him me neither are you ready for our next story some unlikely fashion news unlikely fashion news

Succession fans are going wild for the ludicrously capacious Burberry tote that was mocked in the HBO show and now everybody wants one.

So when we did our succession recap, we talked about how Tom mocked Greg's dates, big ass Burberry tote.

And it turns out people were influenced.

The search for Burberry tote has increased 300% since the episode aired.

Wow.

I mean, you know what?

They weren't necessarily making fun of like the brand or the style of the bag, merely the size.

Like he said, it was so big, it would be slid across the floor in a bank robbery,

which is so funny.

And you know what?

Like, good on Burberry, you know, taking a negative and look what happened.

Yeah, it's not a great look for Burberry because even though it, yes, it's its popularity, like they do pride themselves on being like a very serious brand.

And like an elite

like Shiv should be wearing, Shiv should be wearing the bag, not this interloper.

Right, who was like widely considered by everyone as like a poor person at the rich person's party.

Yeah.

So to associate that with Burberry, it was a choice.

It was a, it was a choice.

And I actually, it's not the choice that I would have made, thought to make.

Well, I think it's so, you know, obvious to do like Michael Kors or Coach.

No, even like Louis Vuitton.

Yeah, because these are.

You wouldn't wear like an LV bag.

Right, because these are like, these aren't rich people.

These are like 1%

next level

who would never be caught dead wearing a Gucci bag.

It's like maybe Air Maze, but that's it.

Yeah, Air Maze is kosher.

I would have even thought like Burberry in some respects would be.

Because like if there actually are like, you know, more like muted, the very gaudy label first brands, rich people would never be caught dead wearing that.

Yeah.

So they actually could have used anything.

You're right.

And Burberry isn't even, Burberry actually can be like a very muted, understated, like elegant,

tasteful brand.

Yeah, I agree.

So it's surprising, but you know what?

I actually, I don't know what this says about me, but I like the bag.

I feel like they actually should have done like one of those Louis Vuitton Neverfulls.

Yes.

Because it's so big, first of all.

It's so commercial, like not commercial, pedestrian.

Everyone has that bag.

And it might have been like a little bit more on the nose.

Yeah.

Because

it's not so bad, but it is the size of it, you know?

Yeah.

But I guess what they were saying was that like it wasn't even that big, but they saw it as big.

It was too big.

Yeah.

It wasn't even that big and yet it was too big.

It's a hilarious saga and I enjoy to see, you know, looking forward to see what happens, what happens next.

Yeah, agreed.

But for now, the bag is doing well.

Good, good, good, good.

And now it's time for our fifth and final much anticipated and hyped up story.

McDonald's drops a new McFlurry flavor.

Let me think.

Because they have Eminem and Oreo, right?

That's it.

And do they have Reese's summer?

That's what I was just thinking.

Sometimes I feel like it's a seasonal addition.

Yeah.

So that means they go candy.

Candy is their theme.

Or not candy, like a, it's like a collab with like an Oreo.

I would love for them to do like a Snack Wells devil food, but I doubt that.

Too random.

Too random.

This isn't meant to be like a capsule thing.

It's like the mainstay on the item.

What is the item?

What is the menu need to be balanced?

Something like sweet, like sugary?

Like sour watermelon or something?

No, freaky.

No.

What's a classic flavor?

For what is a McFlurry, really?

A Sundae.

No.

A milkshake?

Yes.

A sweet milkshake?

Okay, I don't know.

Just tell me.

Strawberry shortcake.

Ew.

No,

like a strawberry milkshake is so good.

And the new flavor is strawberry shortcake, which features their signature creamy vanilla soft serve, strawberry-flavored clusters, and a crispy, buttery shortbread cookies.

I'm sorry, but that sounds really good if that's what you're into that day.

Like either you want chocolate milkshake or

chocolate vanilla or strawberry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and Oreo is actually like black and white because it has the cream and the.

Yeah, and M ⁇ M McFlurries should be taken off the market.

I don't agree.

Because M ⁇ Ms should not be in ice cream.

Because M ⁇ Ms should not get so cold that they're so hard.

And then when you're having a a soft ice cream and you have these tooth-breaking items, you know where MM should be.

I just disagree.

You know where MMs should be?

MMs should be in popcorn, where they get really hot and they melt a little and they just sort of blend into the popcorn.

It's so delicious.

I think they're both good.

I actually, when I get like tasty delight, I will often get mini MMs.

I like when they get hard.

It's like a crunchy little snack.

It's soft.

It's hard.

It's like a fucking jawbreaker.

I like it.

I like it.

Wow, it's cold because

starving.

No, because I like it.

No,

because I like it.

No, because I hate it.

Yeah.

Cold.

Literally.

Ice cold.

Okay, strawberry shortcake.

Not for me, but there's definitely a market for this.

And it does make sense thematically.

Yes.

There definitely was a hole in the menu that I didn't see.

There's a hole in the menu.

Yeah, there was.

But I think not enough people talk about the pies from McDonald's because I only had one for the first time a few few years ago.

Not a few years ago.

Sorry, it was last year.

And I actually tried it on the Patreon for the first time when I was in Vegas because I ordered a McFurry.

And of course, on Uber Eats, the machine was broken.

So he's like, I got you a pie because, you know, you paid for dessert.

And I was like, okay.

And it was like this strawberry pie.

When I tell you, it was so good.

I dropped it on the floor and I kept eating it.

It was so fucking good.

Well, that's a really good endorsement.

Yeah, so good.

Even tastes good with flora on it.

Yeah.

So it will be available starting April 12th.

Maybe you'll still be here and we couldn't move Bogin.

Yes.

That's what the people need to see, our review of the new milkshake.

Right.

We'll let you know.

I'm sure it's delicious, by the way.

Like,

it sounds good.

Yeah.

So those were the fast five stories.

You certainly did not need to know them.

But have no fear.

It's Wednesday and that means Dear Toasters is here.

Our weekly advice segment every Wednesday where we, you know, help out some girlies who are in need of our advice.

If you ever want to write in, the email to write in is deartoasters at gmail.com.

Try and keep it brief.

You know, need to know information.

Don't write us a Holmogilla because we're not going to read it.

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Got it.

Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, turdy.

I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, turdy.

Oh,

Dear Jackson Turdy Lou, love you girls.

Started listening during Jackie's maternity leave, and I haven't stopped since.

I'm getting married in May, and I'm doing all of the pre-wedding things: hair extensions, nails, tan, Botox, etc.

But here's my question: I've never gotten any injections in my lips, but when I smile really big, which I'm assuming will happen a lot on my wedding day, you can see all my gums.

I'm planning on getting a lip flip exactly one month from my wedding to solve this issue, but again, this is something I haven't done before.

Do I experiment four weeks before the big day, or do I just just look at my gums in all of my wedding photos please help a toaster with small lips i'm inclined to say wait till after your wedding you've went this long with your gummy smile and it didn't bother you enough to do something about it there's no guaranteeing that you're gonna like how you look and then on the off chance that it's not what you want it to be all of your wedding pictures are kind of like ruined by this instead just like You'll never regret looking like yourself.

Do you know what I mean?

No.

I think you must.

I speak from explaining.

You want it.

Yeah, you should change something that bothers you, but it's different than like having something removed.

Like you can easily imagine, but I don't know what a lip flip is going to do for you.

Well, here's the question.

Here's the question.

What do you think looks worse?

Your gummy smile or a potentially weird looking upper lip?

I think bad

plastic or bad injections or whatever is worse than God's big gums.

How much time do we have?

Can you get a flip now and try it out?

What about that?

i'm all for like doing the most before your wedding because i did the least before my wedding and i hate my wedding photos not i'm not for doing the unknown four weeks before your wedding when you it didn't bother you enough to do it any at any other time in your life i'm kind of here for it

do it after but look like yourself like it's it's much less risky to just look like yourself the girl you know the girl you love the girl your husband fell in love with than to maybe show up looking like some clown you also could show up looking amazing but you could look crazy i don't know lip flips are so routine and they're really not are they made you i've never seen a person that i know with one i'm sure that you have it's like a step below lip filler like it's just if you have like an upper lip that curls up so what do they do i don't know what they do but like it flips your lip just like a little bit more up i've seen a lot of people get it and it's like really not a big deal

Maybe I don't know much about it.

Maybe, I don't know.

I think if you do like a ton of research, I don't know.

I'm kind kind of here for it.

I say do it.

I say wait.

Okay.

Well, you have your answer.

Are you with Jax or are you a Claude?

Yeah.

Set off in the comments.

What should this toaster do?

Jax and Claude are split.

They're headed for Splitsville.

No, but it's like

you,

I don't know if that's helpful to have both answers because you can like listen to either one of us and just go forth.

You have our permission either way technically.

So that's good.

Yeah, you have our permission either way technically.

And the thing is, either scenario, you might end up regretting doing it or not doing it, you know?

Like, maybe you do it after your wedding and it looks so good, and you're like, shit, I should have just done it.

I think the chances of the regret levels will be higher if you do it and it doesn't go well than the regret levels of if you didn't do it and you do it after and you're like oh I wish I had done that for my wedding but like

it's better this amount of risk is better in my opinion yeah no if you want to be conservative go with Jax

if you want to be kind of crazy go with me I don't get crazy before before a wedding.

I don't know.

Weddings are overrated.

It's like not that big of a deal.

I know you just have like some

regrets.

Yeah.

Regrets.

She has a few.

But then again, not too few to mention.

No.

Shall we?

I am always am.

One.

Not getting my moles removed.

Two.

Not getting my chin surgery.

Three.

Not like stopping eating one fucking thing that was in my way.

Like I just ate my way up until my wedding day.

I didn't give a shit.

And in a way, I'm like in awe of how little I gave a fuck.

I actually like have respect because you know, no matter who you are, everyone wants to look their best on their wedding day.

And, you know, everybody, you know, cuts out, you know, a few things here and there.

Not me, bitch.

I was just coasting.

And now I look back because I look so different and I'm like annoyed.

But a part of me is like, I was so free.

Like, I really didn't give a shit.

And you know what?

There's such power in that.

I really actually believe that.

Like, I had so much fun.

Like, I don't know.

Well, that I was going to say, what's for?

Sorry, I didn't have fun at my wedding, but I'm just talking about at that time in my life.

Like, I didn't, I wasn't self-conscious about how I looked.

Like, I was really happy.

Yeah.

And I didn't let, I think a lot of people, when they, you know, get to a higher weight, they let it start to like impact their life, their ability to live a full life.

You know, they stop going to things or like, they don't put themselves out there because they feel self-conscious, which is totally normal.

And I'm just in awe of the way, like, I didn't give a fuck.

Yeah.

The way I acted, you would have thought I looked like fucking giselle like yeah and i'm sorry like that's fucking cool like i i respect myself for that agreed so there's there's you know beauty in in the in the chaos and then another regret is like just not having fun at my wedding i was so like

involved in the planning it's like bitch you have a whole team of planners back off Yeah, and even like, you could be, you should be so involved in your wedding planning, but you have to on the day of your wedding, let go.

Tell everyone around you, do not bother me with one thing.

I don't care if the venue is on fire, don't tell me about it.

This is not my problem.

This is everyone else's problem, and you need to enjoy your day.

That's my advice for brides.

Yeah, it's some of the most amazing advice you'll like.

The venue's on fire, call the fire department.

Like, not my problem.

Figure it out.

Also, like, what am I supposed to do?

Am I supposed to do that?

Use deductive reasoning.

Okay, the place is on fire.

Should I A, call 911, B, tell this useless girl who's not going to help the bride, or C,

none of the above.

A.

Yeah, and you either have a bridesmaid, a wedding planner, someone on your team who is in charge of things

that day.

Yeah.

And it's not going to be you.

So let someone else decide where we should have it instead of this burn-down venue.

Yep.

What about where you're sitting right now?

Yep.

It's not on fire.

Right.

All right, next up.

Hey, Jackson Claude, obsessed with both of you.

Thanks so much for giving us premium content every day.

It truly gets me through some days.

Here's my dilemma.

I'm 29 and my hair has been going gray since my early 20s.

I'm at the point where my roots are almost fully gray.

I've made as much peace with it as I can because it's genetic and there's really nothing else I can do, but it's still a big insecurity of mine.

I get my roots dyed every six weeks to keep it looking like my natural color.

My issue is that one of my best friends always points out my roots once they've grown in for like a month or so and asks me when I'm getting them done.

I don't think she does it to be mean, but it's like, bitch, I am aware that it's grown out and she knows I go to get it touched up frequently.

What would you say to your friend to get her to stop pointing out the grays without coming off like an insecure wench?

Also, I know you have, you guys have perfect hair, but have any of your friends dealt with premature graying?

What tips and tricks do they have?

Any advice would be so appreciated.

Love you girls.

Sincerely, a gray girly.

On the latter half, I personally don't know anyone who has dealt with early graying.

So, if anyone in the comments has personally dealt with it or like has good tips and tricks, I feel like root spray is like such an easy way to touch up, like, you know, before you see, before you have your appointment, but you're like going out to lunch.

Root spray, I've heard is great.

Um, but any comments who can help just help this girl out with like the, with the aesthetic part, but now with the friend part.

Yeah, too, yeah, because actually, so funny, like literally two days ago, Zach and I were sitting next to each other.

He was like looking at my hair funny.

He was like, I was like, what?

And he was like, I think you have some grays.

And I was like, oh, that's not what I thought you were going to say.

And I never, like, I.

I've never noticed them.

I think I was trying to then see them, but I also had just put a lot of product in my hair that was white.

So I think that's what it was.

It didn't bother me, though.

I would have been more interested if I had grays than insecure because it's not something that like is one of my insecurities, but clear for this person it is.

And what a fucking bitch your friend is.

It's like, does she not have one insecurity or one thing that like is off about her, not conventional, that she doesn't know how it feels to be told like, oh, you're this is bad?

Like she must be so perfect then, really, because I can't understand someone who would call out someone else's flaw.

Like I really,

and it's not like you don't have eyes.

Yeah.

And I don't think this is a situation where you need to like sit down and tell her.

I think it's a tit for tat.

Oh, you have some hair growing in.

Oh, thanks, Rachel.

You got a big pimple on your nose.

You're going to do something about that?

I know a great facialist.

Okay, but that's also, that comes off a little

bit.

Sometimes the only way to make someone see

themselves is to hold up a mirror.

Literally.

Yeah, but like an eye for an eye and the whole world is blind, turdy.

Good.

If I'm blind, everyone else should be.

I know.

I'm just...

I'm trying to think how we could be effective here.

Because she's also your friend.

No, but she has hurt you.

And I have all for revenge.

Like you hurt me.

I hurt you.

I know, but you could also hurt her by like

turning it around on her and being like, girl, you think I don't know.

You know that I touch up my roots every six weeks.

Like, okay, so you caught me on the one day that my roots aren't in.

I do not need your reminder.

I see myself in the mirror more than you see me.

Can you please shut the fuck up?

Like I would just put her in her place.

Just maybe come at her.

Come at her.

Not don't sit her down and be like, it really hurts my feelings.

Come at her.

Yeah.

And like, be a little aggressive be a little aggressive while also like you're the victim in this situation like make her feel bad because there's nothing worse than feeling like you did something wrong like than knowing that you did something wrong that you hurt someone and you just have to sit there with your bitchiness yeah yeah yeah

yeah and be like if it really if you really can't help but say something then i guess i won't see you until after i've had my root touch up appointment i'll see you every six weeks yeah like what a fucking bitch honestly right

No, I'm like mad.

Write back in.

What are her flaws?

No, her life is so perfect and face and her hair and her body so perfect that she's not.

You're not telling me it's like she obviously doesn't know how it feels to have someone like call out your insecurities.

She's obviously like a deeply insecure person because really only miserable people do that.

Like I would never, there's a difference between calling it out when you think like

maybe if you like, okay, if Ben has like a pimple on his back, he can't see it.

So I have to tell him.

But it's like your roots, you have a mirror.

Like you, you're, there's no way you don't know.

Yeah, but I don't know.

I, I, I'm, I so am, cannot relate to someone who would do who would call something out like that that I actually think that it because like I would know how it feels to

be told like there's something awry that you clearly know about.

So I actually think it must be because she doesn't know how it feels to have someone say that to her.

So say it.

No, she doesn't know how it feels to have someone like call out an insecurity where you like feel weird and then you never do that to someone else.

So she should do it to this girl so this girl knows how it feels.

That's the only way she'll learn.

No, I like I like just giving, like, just fucking lighting her up.

Yeah, like give her a knife.

Yeah.

You turn, you whip your head and you say, girl, you think I don't have eyes?

I know.

You know, I've been going, you know, I've been struggling this with this since my early 20s.

Like, I don't need you to tell me every single time that you see a gray hair.

Cause by the way, we won't be able to have other conversations.

Cause duh, I've got a lot of gray hairs coming in.

I get my roots touch up every six weeks.

If you can't help, but say something every time you see gray hair, then I guess I can't see you until the day I have my root touch up and I'll see you that afternoon.

Good day, sir, bitch.

I said good day.

Got him.

Got him.

All right, our third and final is an update.

So I will read her original submission.

For those who remember, a little while ago, this girl wrote in she was humiliated that she had met her and her.

husband's extended family at a wedding and it was going great but she found out afterwards she had been walking around with like a big old period stain the entire time everyone knew her husband didn't tell her and she was just mortified and she didn't know what to do um We then told her that, you know, perspective is everything.

Shake it up the way you look.

Maybe, okay, it's not embarrassing that you had a period stain.

You were flaunting your fertility.

You are a showing

amongst commoners.

You are his wife.

You are going to give him babies.

Like, it's a power move just to change your perception, you know?

Mm-hmm.

Here's what she wrote in.

Jackson Turd, reaching out with a very happy update.

I am the toaster who unknowingly got her period while meeting my husband's extended family for the first time.

My husband thought it it was best to not tell me and let me prance around with the bloody stain on my dress all day, which was humiliating.

And I didn't share this in my original post, but getting my period also sucked because it meant I sadly still wasn't pregnant after trying for almost a year.

Well, that was the last time I got my period.

I got pregnant right after that trip and I just delivered a beautiful baby girl.

So now I'm not the wife with a period stain, but rather the wife who delivered the family's first grandchild.

You guys were right.

I guess I was flaunting my fertility.

Love you too.

Thank you for going through this journey with me.

Oh man, not me crying.

Oh my god, that's so beautiful.

At first, I was feeling bad because I was like, oh, you're flaunting your fertility, but she was having a hard time getting pregnant.

Right.

But no, plot twist.

There's a babe now.

And you know what?

That's life.

You can't have a baby without a period, okay?

So next time everyone gets a period saying, oh my God, yeah, I'm a human.

I'm a woman.

I'm taking care of repopulating this earth.

Eat my ass, bitch.

What are you doing?

Yeah.

What are you doing, slob?

Sitting on the couch eating Netflix?

Yeah, eating Netflix.

You know what I mean?

yeah totally love a happy

nothing turd love a toaster uh giving birth to a baby crouton it's everything it really really is and now i'm sure you miss that period and now you have your dress you can look back on

what you could take your dress out of the closet

because you miss it because it's stained from your period I get it.

Like you have, like, now when you don't have your period, like you have your baby, like you miss like not being pregnant.

Yeah.

Now you can look back on your last period on your dress.

Right.

No, you should frame it.

Like, don't take the dress to the dry cleaners.

Do what Monica Lewinsky did when, you know, Bill Clinton ejaculated on her dress.

Keep it as a memento.

Memento.

Yeah.

The last time it was just the two of us.

Oh,

yeah.

Give it to your husband for his birthday.

Yes.

I love it.

It's so romantic.

It's so romantic.

That's everything.

We are romantics, Turdy and I.

At the end of the day, we are nothing if not hopeless romantics.

Maybe we're the new romantics.

Come and come along with me.

Toasty is our national anthem.

We sing it proudly.

We're too busy toasting to get knocked off our feet.

Maybe we're the new romantics.

No, I got it.

The best people in life are toasty.

It wasn't great.

I was a little syllable off.

Best people in life are Arsteen.

So much better.

Shit, I should have just let you do it instead of bulldozing over you with my bad idea.

It's okay.

That's how the collaboration process works.

100%.

And maybe you need like a truly bad idea to appreciate a good one.

Yeah, you need to hear it wrong first so you can be certain that what you've got is right.

Jax,

that's beautiful.

Oh, thank you, turd.

And that is also our show.

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