Kelly's Mindless Memoir: Tuesday, October 11th, 2022

Audival's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you.

When it comes to what kind of romance you're into, you don't have to choose just one.

Fancy a dallions with a duke, or maybe a steamy billionaire.

You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field.

And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm.

Discover modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Maas and Rebecca Yaros, plus regency favorites like like Bridgerton and Outlander.

And of course, all the really steamy stuff.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com/slash wondery.

That's audible.com/slash wondery.

What is it that makes the all-new Hyundai Palisade Hybrid an incredible SUV?

Is it the spacious interior that's comfy for the whole crew?

Or the capability to go off-road?

Maybe it's up to 600 plus miles of range?

What if it's all of that and more?

What is it then?

The all-new Hyundai Palisade Hybrid.

Is it the driver behind the wheel?

No.

Are you sure?

The all-new Hyundai Palisade Hybrid.

So much more than just another SUV.

Visit hyundaiusa.com or call 562-314-4603 for more details.

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the choice.

Happy Tuesday.

Hope everyone had a fabulous, fabulous, fabulous, fabulous weekend.

I think a lot of people had a fabulous weekend.

I think we all had a fabulous weekend because it was a hurla day weekend.

Not for everyone, by the way.

What I learned yesterday is that like nobody respects Indigenous People's Day.

And I think that's disgusting.

Yeah, not for everyone, though it was for us.

But we wound up working yesterday anyway because we dropped a hysterical Patreon episode that everyone should listen to.

We like recapped our weekends.

We helped me study for the permit test.

We recapped House of Dragons.

Jex, the thing about us is that you can't put us in a box, you know?

You can't put us in a box.

You tell us you're going to record an hour talking about Jackie taking her driver's test.

Like, we're going to talk about Damon.

We're going to talk about Rhaniera.

Yeah, we just had so much catching up to do.

So we did all of that really in yesterday's episode on Patreon.

We're pretty much caught up, but.

I guess I'll just recap my weekend again because I was in Atlanta on Friday visiting our Georgia toasters at Total Wine for a Spritz meet and greet, which was so wonderful.

If any of you who aren't patrons, but were at the meet and greet, I was just raving about the toasters that showed up and showed out.

She totally was.

In Atlanta.

I was also

slamming the traffic that I experienced in that town.

I don't know how you guys do it.

And also all the distracted driving that I did see on the highway.

Not going to lie.

Not to be a snitch or anything, but she did see distracted driving.

She wasn't a narc, but everyone in Atlanta was distracted driving.

I even saw someone driving on the highway.

He opened up his

door.

He was the driver.

he opened his door to spit in the to the hackaloogie have you i've seen people do that was he in motion or in motion no that's psychotic

that is quite literally psychotic but like that's how i feel about eating like if if i'm eating while i'm driving like everyone in the car is going down Yeah, it depends what you're eating too.

Something so delicious and tasty.

Yeah, if it's a salad, I'm not going to feel like impassioned enough to distract myself from the road.

If it's a nugget, honestly,

watch out.

Watch out.

Also, speaking of delicious and tasty food, I made a chili on Saturday.

It was a gloomy day here, so I thought, chili.

And also, I was looking at my time hop.

And a year ago that day, I had made a chili, so I was just inspiring myself.

And Olivia, Shapiro, and Kayla came over for chili night, and they were so blown away by my chili night.

I remember rave reviews about your corn muffins from scratch.

I made homemade corn muffins too.

They were so good.

And I'm so excited for you to come down and visit me because I will be cooking you my chili.

And you really kind of reignited the debate nationwide about cord muffins versus cinnamon buns when it comes to chili.

Never heard about a cinnamon bun and chili in my life.

And also then people were saying they have peanut butter sandwiches with their chili.

Did you not see all of the comments were peanut butter sandwiches?

Yeah, it's a twisted world that we live in.

I'm disgusted.

I'm offended.

And I'm downright

shook.

It's truly twisted.

I've never had a cinnamon bun with chili.

That just seems to me like two good things that don't need to put together that one could enjoy separately.

The thing is, the worst cinnamon bun in the world is delicious.

Like, try making a bad cinnamon bun.

I'm still going to eat the whole thing.

Cinnabun?

Is it only a Cinnabun if it comes from Cinnabon?

Cinnabun TM.

Wow, that's a great name.

It's kind of like Band-Aid.

Because it's a...

because like I'm going to call it a Cinnabon whether or not it comes from Cinnabon, you know?

It's like if it's a yes, if it's a generic band-aid, I'm still going to call it a band-aid, not an adhesive strip.

I thought you were going to say it's a great name.

It's kind of like dish issues.

Dishes.

Well, of course.

One thing about me is like, if your brand is leaning heavily into the concept of melding words together, like I'm going to be a patron, a lifelong customer.

I will respect your brand.

Like, honestly, I did stop buying Cascade dish pods when they had that commercial about dish issues and didn't call it dishes.

Because to me, that lacks creativity, that lacks innovation, it lacks inspiration, it lacks ingenuity.

And I don't personally like to align myself with a brand that doesn't take word melding seriously.

100%.

Or a brand that doesn't advertise on this show.

There's no time for it.

Well, that's the other thing.

Like if you're just going to be so dumb and ugly, I can't relate to you.

Also, speaking of brands that advertise on this show, I made my chili in my caraway pot.

Stunning.

Cleanup?

What cleanup?

Totally.

That caraway pot and the Shapiros were quaking when they saw my caraway.

I was like, yeah, they're a sponsor or were.

Because I made a chili in like a different Dutch oven the other day and I had to boil a dishwashing pot on the stove to get the crust off the bottom.

This is not even an ad for caraway.

They're not even a sponsor today.

Yeah, no, and

it changed the game for sure.

It was really like a stunning weekend.

I hope everyone is feeling good with where they're at in their hearts, in their souls, in their minds.

Are you feeling good with where you're at in your heart and soul, mind?

No, no, I'm not.

I was up all fucking night.

I could not sleep.

Even Josie B ASMR couldn't put me to sleep.

My stupid ass husband is snoring so loud, just like rubbing it in, like, yeah, bitch, I'm asleep and you're not.

And it was just like miserable.

And then I slept past my alarm and I'm just like, I'm just having a morning, you know?

I feel like it's just that time of year.

It's like winter now.

So it's like those mornings are like, we're not having good mornings anymore.

We're like, we're all doing our routines and like being cute and curling our hair.

Like Like we're having winter mornings.

Winter mornings hit different.

Because it's dark out.

And it reminds me of like getting ready for school.

But you're so contradictory.

No, no offense.

I don't mean to come for you because like you love winter.

I'm used to it.

I'm used to it at this point.

I'm used to you coming for me at this point.

It's like I sit down in this chair and I'm like, what is Jackie going to throw at me today?

This is what I'm going to throw at you.

You love winter.

Don't be too hurt by that.

Did I say for one minute that I did not like winter?

You don't like winter mornings.

That's a big part of the day.

I actually never even said I don't like winter mornings.

I said they hit different.

Once again,

I'm not listening.

Once again, I am not being heard on my own show.

I'm reading between the lines.

You said it in a negative way.

Okay, read between the lines.

Wow, McLardia.

And I'm, again, I'm the one attacking.

This is so you, like attacking me.

And then when I defend myself, she's like, I'm being attacked.

You know what it is?

It's victim mentality.

It's on you and it's a you problem.

And I will not engage in this, in this tense discourse any longer.

And here I was about to compliment your windbreaker.

Well, this windbreaker holds a really special place in my heart because I never would have bought it because it was insanely expensive.

But thankfully, I was with a pusher who pushes people.

That's me.

Her name is Jacqueline.

We were shopping at the stunning, fabulous Highland Park Village in Dallas a mere few years ago.

And we got to the store.

And honestly,

I don't know if I've told you this.

I think maybe I've said it on the podcast.

How we got to that store and like the, like the snotty sales associate was like, so up your fucking ass.

Like I might as well have been the shit on his shoe.

And I'm like, yes, I would like some fabulous things as well.

But I was like big and fat and in luxury stores.

Like, oh, you're fat?

You're basically

a paper.

You're done.

So like he was like putting this fur stole on you, getting you bags from the back.

And I was like, hi, yes, I have a lot of money and I'd like to spend it here.

And he couldn't be bothered with my big fat ass.

And then I bought this Windbreaker and like, I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to show him the fat girl can buy two.

And he literally didn't even look at me, didn't even care, but was happy to take the commission.

And you know what?

At the end of the day, you're the big winner because the

big winner.

I know.

The Windbreaker looks so great on you.

You've gotten so much wear out of it.

It's a perfect transitional item for any season.

And I feel so good about my pushing endeavors.

If you're watching, listening as a podcast, it's Offending Windbreaker, which is like such an insane thing to do.

I do feel like I got a good price given inflation.

Like, now, if I said how much it was, they'd be like, that's it.

And every time I wear it, I feel like I slashed the price in half.

So, let's be transparent with our audience.

This jacket was $1,500, which is psychotic.

Like, I understand.

Now, I've worn it about 100 times.

So, it's about $150.

Per wear.

Yeah.

Pretty good.

That sounds like good math to me.

It doesn't.

It sounds like a dumb decision that I made, but I feel like every time I wear it, I'm remedying the situation.

You know, I feel like oftentimes you find yourself in a place where it's like, what do I wear?

There's fabulous people.

And this jacket has saved me.

But it's also like, it's a casual situation.

I can't wear, we're not wearing ball gowns.

Like, I just need like a casual, cool look.

Fendy Windbreaker.

No, it's so not me.

You know, I'm like so cheap.

Like, I,

like, if it's not a $10 shirt, like, I don't want it.

However, this jacket did speak to me, and I feel good.

You know, it was an investment.

I take good care of it.

I could sell it on the Real Reel.

Like, it's good.

It's so good.

So, if you guys ever see like a triple XL Windbreaker on the Real Reel, just know it came from your girl's closet.

Okay.

And she just, she, she finds the buyer's remorse like finally kicked out.

Should leave a note in the pocket for a toast.

I'll sew it in.

So, like, you just break open the seam, and there's like a little note being like, Hi.

Yeah.

Enjoy.

Cute.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Windbreaker.

They should be so fortunate to have that windbreaker.

It was a crazy ass weekend.

Like,

pop culture-wise, everyone was talking about Katie.

Yes.

And honestly, like, I'm

like, I'm like, literally not in the mood.

Like, I can't explain how I'm not in the mood.

I can't explain how I'm not in the mood, considering I've been thinking about it like all weekend, like the whole, his whole trajectory of his week.

It was a wild, busy week for Mr.

West.

It was a busy week for him, and

I'm not in the mood to talk about his week.

So

I we're not we're not like I just I can't yeah like I appreciate everyone reaching out it's lovely I we either like I feel like we can't do anything right like people are always like you only talk about anti-Semitism and they're like so butthurt when we talk about anti-Semitism almost to the point where it feels anti-Semitic

But today when we say like we're not going to talk about anti-Semitism, people are going to be even angrier.

Yeah.

So you know what?

Like, just eat my ass, have a laugh.

I'm not in the mood.

Like, I'm not in the mood.

I'm so tired of everyone and their nonsense.

And just leave me alone.

Okay.

Yeah.

Like, seriously.

Go bother another influencer who's never done anything in her life.

Okay.

Like, leave me alone.

No, go bother another influencer who's not been bothered yet.

It's time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's time they flew.

Leave them.

Leave us alone.

Like, enough already.

I can't.

Like, oh, my anxiety has been on bleak these past couple of weeks.

I just feel like every time, you know, like every time I check my phone, it's like, what now?

What did I do now?

Yeah.

It's when I'm just like a lovely, lovely girl.

I feel like that, what would you say is the biggest misconception about you?

Oh my gosh, there's so, uh, there are so many, but none that I really care to dispel.

Um, because there's subjects I don't talk about.

Yeah, I guess, like, my, the biggest misconception about me, oh my God, I literally have seen like people messaging me like, I saw you 500 years ago and you appeared to be being rude to wait staff.

Like one thing about me is like, that's not me.

Like I will literally like lick someone's vagina.

Like I am so like I will, that's just not me.

It's one of my biggest pet peas in other people.

So like when I see people being like, I saw Claudia in college and she appeared to be giving the waiter a dirty look.

I'm like, please shut the fuck up.

Like that's just not true.

And then I often think about how like, you know, we're so.

beloved like we are like we we don't even talk about like how like we're so famous like it's insane And the amount of, like, with all that love comes equal amounts of hate.

And that's part of the job for sure.

But, like, the way that, like, I think we keep people up at night, like, they think we're like so evil.

Like, and how everything we do here is like just a facade.

For sure, but they feel even more so that way about me.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Thank God.

Oh, my God.

Like, they fucking hate you.

And you know what?

Like, there's still hope for me.

And I'm thrilled.

I didn't know if, honestly, I didn't know if you knew that.

No, no, no, no.

I know.

I know.

So, um, but like, it's just the way way they think like everything and then they're gonna

laugh and be like she's as evil as we thought right but like when you when it comes down to it like i often think about how we're just like literally so normal and so nice and like we are you know normal people we are kind we are generous we come here and we talk about the kardashians and you know who maybe could win the super bowl and suddenly we're like alt-right activists like it's so crazy to me how like we are just like two normal girls two normal girls yeah

two normal girls Two normal girls just like going about their lives, talking about what they see.

Totally.

So what I see

is my own reflection.

And I can't really.

Do you like what you see?

I can't really put into words like how

fabulous that is, you know?

And, you know, I often think about how part of the human experience is never being able to see yourself the way other people see you physically.

Yep.

And I'm like literally so jealous of you that like you can see what I look like.

Like I'm beyond curious.

I'm beyond curious, like not what I look like, because I believe that the mirror is an accurate reflection, but just like my man, like, what is it?

Mannerisms?

Like mannerisms, your gait, like just everything about your presence, you know, that a mirror couldn't capture because you see yourself and then you change what you're doing.

But a mirror is also two-dimensional.

So like there's really a limit to how much you can really see yourself in a reflection, even if it is an accurate reflection.

Like, I would like to see a 360.

Like, I don't know what I look like.

And I don't know if that's just part of the human experience or body dysmorphia.

I'm sure that eventually, just like you go to the airport and you do that thing, like, they could take like a bust of you, 360, and you could like see yourself in action.

Yeah, but then you would see yourself like frozen in one moment.

And honestly, I'm not into it.

No, no, I think they could have you like walking.

But I don't know

if it would be an accurate reflection of your gait.

Yeah.

Like what when you look at me, what do you see?

Fabulosity, dripping, oozing, gorgeousness.

Good answer.

I take back my middle finger from before.

Thank you.

That's called healing.

When you look at me, what do you see?

Hey,

look at me.

That's what I see, honestly.

That's really nice.

No, when I look at you, I see, let me think of the perfect word.

When I look at you, I see perfection, honestly.

That's very perfection.

Claudia, that's beautiful.

There's no such thing, but thank you.

No such thing.

Except for this show, because it's fucking perfect.

Yeah.

Like, we've literally never said anything that isn't totally perfect.

100%.

It's imperfections.

And it's perfect in its imperfections.

That's the point.

Today is no exception because we've got a fabulous show.

We have such interesting fabulous stories.

Interesting stories today.

A lot of book news, memoir news, which is kind of one of my favorite sorts of news, just because it led us to reading Open Book by Jessica Simpson, which is a story.

But speaking of book news, I read, I'm in the middle of a book right now and I finished a book this weekend that I would like to share with the class if everyone is interested.

Sure.

So I started on Friday on my way to Atlanta a book called The Club by Ellery Lloyd.

And it was like a little bit murder, mystery, Soho house, you know, exclusive club, actors, actresses, artists.

And it was really, really good.

It was very descriptive, which I don't.

think will be like your favorite part describing, you know, the furniture and the new club and the windows, whatever but the storyline was really good and i really enjoyed it i gave it four stars and i would recommend it for anyone who's looking for a little fabulous thriller which everyone's always asking for a fabulous thriller 100

and then i just started this book tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and it is like the book of the moment right now it is yes not in your genre it's about if i told you what it's about like you wouldn't want to read it but it's about like two

kids.

They're now adults.

They go to Harvard and MIT and they're really into video games and they're going to like build their own video game.

I know it doesn't sound good.

Oh, so oh, so it's about two nerds?

No.

Yes, some self-professed nerds.

All the redheads were reading it, told Dana to read it.

Dana read it, told all of us to read it.

It's like having a moment in the literary world, not in the spice world.

Well, in the spice world, I read Forever Never, which is a Lucy Score book.

And Lucy Score is good because I literally read a 700-page book.

Like, can you believe?

Whoa.

Did you know it was 700 pages when you embarked?

No, because I was reading it.

I'm like, this shit has to be be over soon, right?

And I look at him 67%.

I'm like, what?

So then I looked up how many pages it was, but I didn't mind.

It was a stunning tale.

You know, we had romance.

We had fear.

We had murder.

It really had it all.

Lucy Score never fails.

And it was set in a really cute.

random like place that she found Mackinac Island which is like an island off the coast of Michigan and it's like totally like there's no cars it's it was really cute um and it was adorable I loved it Brick is you know like my boyfriend now and it was was fabulous fabulous fabulous brick that's a good name yeah well his name was william but the girl who he ends up with they met when they were like teenagers and she started calling him brick because he was so big like a brick wall that's a good name you know i was watching lauren lane's story

and she was talking because she's having a baby boy imminently and she was saying how she used her favorite boy names for dutton's first and middle name and she would recommend others not do that because i think they're struggling now and his middle name is walker so i guess she would have named her second boy walker but she should name him brick

totally Someone sent this to Lauren Lane.

Um, so after the past five, we also have a little TV recap.

The Real House has a Potomac premiere this week.

Nothing really happened, um, but what's good to catch up with the ladies.

And even though we did like an in-depth recap of House of the Dragon on our Patreon yesterday, we will talk about it here because our House of the Dragon recaps are on a short list to win an Oscar.

100%.

And we can always talk about House of the Dragon, and it was the best episode of the series so far.

So it was truly stunning.

Truly stunning.

We need to recap again.

so i think without further uh did it did it

here are the fast size stories that you need to know

i think that's good

okay so like that was fine it was fine but it's not gonna like you know win any but then the crunch like has no context like the crunch is an inside joke yeah and if you know them

right if you know

you sent me that tick tock of that girl yes I'm telling you.

There was like this creative agency.

I think it's called like Sauce Media or something.

They, all the girls who work at the agency are toasters, and they put together like this little deck for us via TikTok with all these different ideas they had for our rebrand.

And like, I literally wanted to use all of them.

Yeah, some of them are really good.

And the girl was saying, and she was really funny.

Yes.

And she really pitched.

I watched the whole thing.

I thought it was so great.

Good idea.

She was saying, instead of the crunch, and we could get rid of the crunch, like things change.

It should be like a sip sound.

Yeah, I mean, I could record it myself, like, because you know, I'm really into ASMR these days.

It would be like this.

You know what else we could do?

Other shows have this.

We don't have any like buffers with music, you know, like transitional stuff.

So maybe it could be the fastest stories you need to know.

And then it's like, it goes into a theme song or something.

Well, another part of the rebrand we haven't really discussed is how does, what kind of, you know, effect does this have on welcome to the morning toast.

Welcome to the toast podcast.

That's good.

Is that good?

Yeah.

I actually used our little jingle at my show in Pittsburgh.

I opened the show, and I don't know what came over me.

I was like, welcome to the NLAG tour.

Welcome.

And everyone checking the place, it was like Ibiza.

People were lit the fuck up.

That's good.

It was really, it was a special moment if you were there, you know.

Pittsburgh toasters, no.

P.

T.

K.

Are you ready to get into those Fast Five stories that I previously mentioned?

Yes.

Then you're ready, and there's nothing to say.

I'm ready for the aforementioned.

Oh, shit.

So she's not ready.

No,

I am ready.

And if you're watching on YouTube, you'll see the rebrand has stepped up.

I got new curds for my ads that say our new logo.

We have new flags on our microphone with our new logo.

It's just a very exciting day here at the Morning Toast.

Constantly elevating.

The toast.

And the toast

is sponsored by Seeds.

Turns out everything you think you know about probiotics may be wrong.

Just like those probiotic tortilla trips sounded way too good to be true.

And the good news is that Seeds DS01 daily symbiotic is the real deal because not all probiotics.

Favorite ad copy.

No, it's true.

Like not me at Trader Joe's like getting a tortilla chip probiotic thinking it's going to solve all my digestive problems.

Boiler, it worked.

It won't.

It's not.

But thanks to Seeds,

it will.

Because not all probiotics are created equal.

So the daily symbiotic from Seeds, what is it?

It is a broad-spectrum two-in-one probiotic and prebiotic.

It is a 24-strain broad spectrum probiotic that's formulated for digestive, gut immune, and additional systemic benefits.

The capsule and capsule protects against stomach acid, digestive enzymes, and biosalts for viability through digestion.

So basically, the live probiotics will actually make it to the end of the small intestine for delivery into your colon.

If you've taken a probiotic before and never felt a difference, it's likely because the good bacteria wasn't surviving your GI tract.

Well, seed is designed differently, and that's why it works.

It supports benefits in and beyond the gut.

So of course, you've heard forever like that taking a probiotic or a prebiotic is really good for your gut digestion.

But, seed is gonna support the ease of bloating, health regularity, ease of evacuation.

Basically, you're gonna be taking nice, big, smooth dumps.

It'll also help support your gut barrier, your skin health, your heart health, and your micronutrient synthesis.

So, there's just like a list of benefits beyond your gut

from taking a probiotic, and Seeds is a brand that you can trust.

They're super well developed.

Your gut immune function is about supporting the talk between your intestinal cells and your immune cells.

And Seeds is going to do just that.

A lot of people see improvement in digestion in just 24 to 48 hours, which can include bowel movement regularity and ease of bloating.

If you struggle with bloating, you know it's kind of like this and never the never-ending uphill battle.

And try the Seeds Daily Symbiotic.

It's kind of stunning.

I've been on it for quite some time because I hear really bad face bloating, obviously when I'm menstruating, but also just like when I'm alive.

Each component of their refill system is designed to protect your DS01 daily symbiotic and be gentler on earth.

So if you are ready to take the dive into a probiotic, start a new healthy habit today and visit seed.com slash toast.

You can use code toast to redeem 20% off your first month at seeds DS01 daily symbiotic.

That's seed S-E-E-D dot com slash toast and use Code Toast for 20% off your first month of their daily symbiotic.

Period.

End of story.

Period.

First story, Some exciting casting news for a book that's turning into our movie.

Our movie.

Yes.

Jessica Simpson's memoir Open Book has been adapted as Amazon Freevie Pilot starring Caitlin Tarver and John Stamos.

Amazon Freevy has ordered the half-hour scripted pilot open book based on the memoir by reality TV and pop star Jessica Simpson, the best memoir.

Really?

They're calling her reality TV and pop star.

No, they're disrespectful and they obviously didn't read the book, which is just now a reminder for everyone, if you have not read this book, it is the best celebrity memoir aside from Claudia's in the last 10 years.

No.

It's the best celebrity memoir, period.

Like, let's be real.

Okay.

My book is really good, but it's not even close to how good Jessica Simpson says.

Sorry.

Okay.

She said it.

One thing about me, like, I'm a narcissist, but like, I'm not a liar.

She said it.

I think a lot of narcissists are liars.

I actually don't think you're a narcissist.

No, I'm just like extremely self-involved and self-promotional, and I'll never let a chance slip by to promote something that I, you know.

worked on.

Yeah, no, she believes in herself.

I believe in my products.

I don't think that's a narcissist.

And that's why you should go to seed.com slash toast.

And girlwithnjob.com slash book.

And girlwithnojob.com slash tour.

I'm headed to Nashville show Thursday.

Finally, you know, after many, many months, my Nashville show is here.

I'm like literally so excited.

I just, I haven't been to Nashville in like a year.

I don't know.

I'm just.

Since the girls trip.

Right, which was when?

Over.

May 2021.

Right.

I'm thrilled.

I'm excited for you.

Back to the story at hand.

And there's not a ticket available, available, so you won't be catching me trying to promote anything.

Ooh.

Even though it sounded like you just did, but okay.

The project stars Caitlin Tarver from Ballers as Sadie Sparrow, a young singer based on Jessica Simpson, while Samos from Full House is on board as Butch, an older musician who's tasked with writing songs with Sadie.

But soon their connection is much more than that.

Interesting.

So they're deviating from the book.

She's not playing a young Jessica.

I was like,

I don't remember Butch from the book.

No, and I don't think there's a character in her book that's butch.

It's probably like an amalgamation of her dad and some of the older, like Nick Lachey and John Mayer, people that she worked with, but also had like a

relationship with.

Complicated relationship, yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

I mean, I guess it's better because when I thought they were making a series about like her life, I thought that was kind of weird and like very lifetime vibe.

And also, it's like you're going to have someone who's playing Tony Romo when he's like just down the street.

Like, it's weird.

No, the way I

still to this day ship Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson is not normal.

Not normal.

And if you need to know why, just Google Jessica Romo, Jessica, what's her name?

Simpson.

Tony Romo birthday cake blue icing.

Like those pictures, when I was, I remember like seeing them in an OK magazine when I was 14 and I was not okay.

That I will do right now because I'm not sure.

Tony.

Do you know what pictures I'm talking about?

She threw him like this birthday party that was like so all-American football and she brought out this big cake, and they were just like shoving the cake in each other's mouth.

And they had blew icing.

Cute.

I see it.

It's such like a niche pop culture reference, but one that really molded me into the podcast host I am today.

I see it.

It's gorgeous.

For me, the story about the two of them that warms my heart was when they were dating.

This is in her book.

When they were dating, I think she bought him a boat and he would take all of his friends out on the boat and play her music and sing along to it and be like, Isn't my girl so talented?

No, I'm telling you, like, there was, it was right person, wrong time.

Is that the picture?

I can't see.

It's like a selfie.

I'm sure it is.

No, no.

Are they eating icing?

Yeah, oh, I see I see.

Birthday.

It was like, oh, and they're kissing with the icing, I see, icing.

Yeah.

Remember when celebrities used to throw themselves like big 21st, 22nd birthday parties with like sponsors and the paparazzi?

That was like an iconic moment in pop culture history.

Like everyone's birthday party was like this big tadab with like a red carpet.

Yes.

And she threw him one of those and it was literally, I think like Sky Vodka was like the sponsor.

It was so cute.

so cute.

Take me back.

I would love to read that book again.

I know they're right person, wrong time.

Like, I really feel like they were a good match, even though I know Tony Romo has, like, I know, I don't know what his wife's name is, but I know she's like, people love her.

She's like a Dallas influencer.

Like, I'm not knocking them at all.

I just think they're all so happily married.

They have a beautiful life.

And Jessica is so happily married and has a beautiful life.

So, no, and I'm obsessed with everything.

I do often think about like an alternate universe where the two of them had ended up together, you know, and like he retired, she took a step back from the spotlight.

Like they would have been on like similar paths.

But he's still doing broadcasting and sports and she's like mogul moves.

And if Jessica had ended up with Tony, then Jessica's daughter would not be playing basketball with North.

And we wouldn't.

You don't know that.

We wouldn't have that.

No, because she would probably be living in Dallas.

You don't know that.

I just feel like.

And then also they would have had their kids earlier aged out of North's basketball team.

You don't know that.

North's basketball team is like kind of bigger than the NBA.

Don't you feel like everyone's always talking about North's basketball team and like they're in the playoffs and like what happened at this game?

By the way, I bet that just based on where they live, it's a lot of like famous athletes, kids on that team.

Yeah.

And I bet like I could see North going to the WNBA.

I think North's basketball team is bigger than the WNBA.

I think that North is probably the only person out there who can make the WNBA like cool and relevant.

Agreed.

Because the WNBA has a branding problem.

They really do.

They really do.

And I think we just solved it.

North.

Just another day, another sleigh.

That's us.

That's us.

Anyways, Open Book Will Be Turned Into a Show.

Jessica posted on her Instagram today that she's been so excited to announce this.

They've been working on it for years and how this book like changed her life and like, I think the perception of her in the industry to the public, which I think it did for everyone who read it, changed.

My perception of her.

And that's what a good book can do.

So remember.

My perception of her like didn't need to be changed.

It just was enhanced.

Enhanced.

Agreed.

Because I, I don't know if I've mentioned this, but me and Jessica Simpson have the same birthday.

So I've always felt this like inextricable connection.

Yeah, I feel that.

I would love to do the Birthday Buddies project now, but we've done this recently where we looked up who has the same birthday as us.

Like for me, Erica Jane.

Yeah, but when you were a child, she wasn't Philip.

Jessica Simpson.

Yeah, when I was a child, it was Sally Field.

Now I think it's,

well, Lamar Odom.

And Paige DeSorbo and I not only have the same birthday, but we were born on the same day of the same year.

Because you're the same age.

We're the same.

That's pretty crazy.

Someone pointed that out to me once and I think that's so crazy.

Yeah, no, I don't think me and Jessica have that or Erica.

That's too bad.

No, you'll find.

I think I also have the same birthday as Sophia Vergara.

I think I have like a really good birthday.

I think you do too, but also because Claudia Asher was born.

Right.

And I feel like being rewarded with good birthday buddies is what I get for having to grow up with a summer birthday if you know you know.

Yeah.

So that's the power of what reading can do.

Someone tell Ben that this is why literacy is so important in women.

For women, yeah, I agree.

Are you ready for our next story?

People are quaking because Blink182 has announced a reunion tour with the band co-founder Tom DeLong.

Have you been seeing this everywhere?

Explain the significance.

Oh, Ben doesn't.

Oh, Ben probably hadn't woken up to the news yet.

No, Ben also, like, he's just now finding out about, you know, World War II.

He's so delayed.

It's beyond.

Blink 182 surprised fans by announcing announcing that they are reuniting for a massive world tour and will put out a new song this week.

Travis Barker, Mark Hoppis, and Tom DeLong will be coming together for the first time in nearly 10 years to before perform new music all across the world.

The Punk Rockers also announced that they will be dropping their new single, Edging, this Friday.

Wait, I totally forgot that Travis Barker is in Blink 182.

Yes, and this Tom DeLong hasn't been with the band in so long and now he's back with the band.

And people are so excited.

But I thought that Blink 182 was like on tour.

Courtney's always.

Yeah, Mitchell.

But Travis goes on tour with like Machine Gun Kelly.

He does drums for a lot of people.

So I don't know.

I could see, yeah, like he wasn't doing Blink 182 shows.

He was doing like

independent work.

Independent work.

Yeah.

The Travis and DeLong like had a falling out.

They reunited.

And now everyone's coming back together.

I feel like for a lot of punk rock fans, this is like if the Spice Girls went on tour again.

No, this is fab.

I mean, Ben is not going to be okay.

He's going to want to go.

You should take him.

100%.

I feel like the tickets are kind of going to be hard to get on.

I think so.

But where are your connections?

Yeah, totally, totally.

I'll just reach out to your people.

Have your people call his people.

That's exciting.

I mean, I feel like it was like a big weekend for emo kids because it was also Lalapalooza and Paramour

performed.

And they allegedly like unretired misery business.

So they performed it.

And I don't think they perform it a lot.

And I was seeing videos.

Like it looked like I never wanted to go to Lollapalooza in my life, but actually it looked so fun.

That does look fun.

I'm sure you were upset when they weren't performing it because they are shunning the thing that made them famous.

Yeah, I actually, um, I've been thinking about that a lot lately.

One of my biggest pet peeves, as everyone knows, is like when people don't acknowledge the thing that made them famous.

And with singers, like if you're not going to sing your number one hit, like even Harry Styles sings, That's what makes you beautiful.

Still, like honor your roots.

And I was, I somehow ended up on this like twisted side of TikTok where people were going to the Tyler Childers concert in Red Rocks.

Red Rock?

Red Rock.

Do you know Tyler?

I don't know Tyler Childers, but I know Red Rocks.

So Tyler Childers, like I've, I've learned so much from TikTok.

He's like this prolific songwriter.

He's country, but he's also like more alternative and he's not mainstream at all.

Like very,

I don't know if I would say country.

It's like it's alternative.

It's Mumford and Sons vibe.

Like, you know, alt.

Alt.

And

so Tyler Childers.

I actually, for my lovely lady.

Okay, wait.

That's like not how it goes.

Sorry.

Lady Mae.

I don't know it, but let me search.

Do you know Lady May?

No, I don't.

Yeah, my buckle makes impressions on the inside of her thigh.

You know that?

No, I don't.

But this is all new to me.

Okay, so like he has like this cult like following.

He has these iconic songs that like people are obsessed with.

And

he recently just released an album so that's why everyone was talking about him and he's at Red Rocks and people were like literally not leaving the stadium because he didn't play like feathered Indians like his iconic songs

and he didn't come back he's like no bitch I'm done and normally that's like my biggest pet peeve however

It's because a lot of those songs are about his addiction and he's now sober and he I think he thinks it would be like too Traumatizing I do feel like in a few years maybe he'll go back to playing them but right now I think his sobriety is kind of new not the time so that I'll I'll allow it then like if you have a good reason but if you're just being a snob like not wanting to play you know your number one hits like even miley she's back to playing the seven things i hate about you yeah took her long enough took her long enough because she denied had a for as long as she you know who's so good about that and another reason why we stand as hard as we do kelly clarkson yes but gavin degra

I've been to his concert for every album that he puts out and in every single concert, he talks about the song that changed his life, Chariot, you know, One Tree Hill, the big hits, while still promoting like his new stuff.

Right.

So sorry.

I didn't.

No, it's okay.

Just move on.

I

agree.

I love that.

Kelly Clarkson is great about that, too.

I was just watching.

She's Kellyokeing actually today on her show with Sam Smith.

They're doing this like iconic harmonizing cover of Breakaway.

I saw like a little clip.

It looks so good.

Ooh, can't wait.

I love a queen who respects their origins.

Like, I really do.

Her history.

It all comes back to history.

Let me tell you one thing that I'm that's not working for me.

Got a whole lot of history.

Uh-oh.

Let me tell you, I love winter, but something about the new season

has started to have the sun shine directly into my eye while we're podcasting.

If you're watching on YouTube, you can probably see this glare of light.

It's pissing me the fuck off.

Yeah, no, your eye is looking a little funky.

I think you're keeping an eye out for Selena.

Gorgeous hat, fabulous lady.

Not to sound like Lisa Rinna, but my my friend kendall janet sent you that hat for the party tonight sent me this hat for the party tonight so i hate the studio like i'm done with it

or you could get a blind installed yeah like that would be much easier than you know breaking my lace but that wouldn't um solve the truckers and the ambulances and the horns so true but they add charisma to the show they do and they always make their opinions known 100 are you ready for our next story a little galactic intergalactic news is it a little galactic intergalactic news that's brought to you by Stamps.com?

Yes, it is.

If you're a small business owner, you know how important it is to be ready for the insane holiday season.

If you haven't started preparing for the chaos of holiday mailing and shipping, you're already falling behind not to give you anxiety.

But luckily, stamps.com has everything you need to make your whole life a lot easier.

It's the 24-7 post office that you can access from anywhere.

No lines, no traffic, and certainly no hassle.

For more than 20 years, stamps.com has been an indispensable resource for over a million businesses.

You'll get access to USPS and UPS shipping services, all the things you need to run your business right from your computer.

With inflation on the rise and it's hella rising, every dollar counts.

Protect your margins with major discounts from USPS and UPS rates.

They get up to 86% off.

It is a stress-free solution for every small business.

Use stamps.com to print postage wherever you do your business.

All you need is a computer and a printer.

And if you need a package pickup, you can easily schedule it through your stamps.com dashboard.

Rates are constantly changing, but with their switch and save feature, you you can easily compare carriers.

You can compare rates.

So you know that you're getting the best deal every time.

And if you're running an online store, stamps.com works seamlessly with all the major shopping carts and marketplaces.

So get ahead of the holiday chaos this year and get started with stamps.com today.

Sign up with promo code Toast for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale.

There's no long-term commitments or contracts required.

Just go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page, and enter code Toast.

Again, you can get that four-week trial, free postage, and a a digital scale at stamps.com/slash T-O-A-S-T.

Thanks to stamps.com for sponsoring today's show, stamps.com/slash toast.

Great.

Okay, our next story, William Shatner describes his overwhelming sadness he felt for Earth in his Blue Origin flight to space.

So we talked about how William Shatner went to space aboard the Blue Origin spaceship last fall.

It seemed like the perfect opportunity to strike profound joy and celebration into a man who had played a space traveler for on TV for decades.

But Shatner, who was 90 at the time of his flight and is a long-time environmental advocate, writes in a new book that the experience was among the strongest feelings of grief that he had ever encountered.

In an excerpt from his book, he said, I had thought that going into space would be the ultimate catharsis of that connection I had been looking for between all living things, that being up there would be the next beautiful step to understanding the harmony of the universe.

He said, when he went there, I had a different experience because I discovered that the beauty isn't out there.

It's down here with all of us.

Leaving that behind made my connection to our tiny planet even more profound.

It was among the strongest feelings of grief I have ever encountered.

The contrast between the vicious coldness of space and the warm nurturing of Earth below filled me with overwhelming sadness.

So he had a bad time is what he's saying.

He had a bad time.

He said space is depressing.

Like you think it's all fun and games out there and it's a whole new world.

But the real world and the great world is the one that we're living in.

So why don't we fucking appreciate it?

No, to take care of it.

Focus on that instead of spending millions of dollars taking assholes to space.

Yeah, to see this.

Well, actually, maybe it's a good lesson to have these people go to space, especially someone like William Shatner, who was, he's an intergalactic king.

And now he's coming back down here to tell us, no, this is where it is.

This is where it's at.

And this is what we've been saying.

Everything comes back to us, not to make literally everything about us, but we've kind of been saying how like shit on earth is like lit and they need our help down here.

And we should be focusing here.

Right.

And not worrying about what's going on.

I mean, I do think, you know,

space space explanation is so important.

I think

experts should keep doing the work that they're doing.

But I think for everyone else, like, I don't think we should just

tear shit up down here and then be like, oh, it's okay.

I'll go live on Mars.

Right.

Like, drop everything now.

Meet me in Saturn.

Meet me in Saturn.

Yeah.

I love William Shatner and I love getting wisdom from like clearly someone who's lived a long, you know,

I think this is very interesting and wise and not that I ever had the space itch, but I certainly don't now.

No, it's true.

Like

you're like literally so far from home.

Like, yeah, and you it's like kind of psychotic.

It is.

Also, you saw that Pete Davidson is no longer going to space.

Did we talk about this on the show?

Yes, we did.

We did.

Or I think it might have been a day that you weren't here because I remember talking about it with like Shannon or something.

Oh, okay.

I just remembered him going to space again because of the Kardashians episode.

Oh, which did you watch?

No.

Oh, I forget what happened.

Oh, it was good and bad.

It was just like some shtick that was annoying.

I'll catch up this week and we'll recap in full.

Okay, cool.

Kim was talking about how he is going to space in the episode.

So it was top of mind.

And then I saw that.

Was she worried about it?

She was just saying how she could never.

Right.

Because like she has, maybe she said maybe if I didn't have four kids, I would.

Of course.

But she could never.

And that is not something that interests her.

And I very much related.

Yeah, like if they seriously, I think we've spoken about this.

If they wanted to, everyone wants like the first, you know, oldest person, youngest person, I think they have a cancer survivor.

Like everyone wants to be the first, everyone.

If they wanted the first podcaster to go to space, like would we say yes?

How much money are we talking?

It also depends, like, who's fleet.

Honestly, I don't have like that much faith in Richard Branson.

It's like I'm going Elon or Bezos.

Like, I'm, because you know what?

I'm American.

I'm going Elon, even though Elon's not American, by the way.

Oh, right.

But he lives in America.

Yeah.

No, I think I'm going.

That's like low-key, so true.

I totally forgot he's not American.

Yeah.

I think I'm going Elon.

Though, honestly, Jeff Bezos is getting people there and back quite safely.

No, I feel safe with Bezos.

I mean, my packages arrive safely.

Why wouldn't I?

True.

I would feel comfortable going on Blue Origin, but I don't know what the Virgin one is called.

It's probably called Virgin.

I don't know.

I don't have a good feeling about it.

Okay, good thing nobody's asking us.

Right.

And that's the thing about these kind of of hard decisions that are hypothetical scenarios in my head is that they're never going to come to fruition.

Right.

And you could just let it go.

Like if they seriously wanted the first podcaster, like it would be Joe Rogan, right?

Yeah.

And Elon would take him up in a minute and be over and done with.

I'm sure it's already happened.

Right.

I don't think he would go Blue Origin because Amazon Podcast is a direct competitor to Spotify.

Yeah, and Elon's like his best friend.

Oh, right.

He went on his podcast.

Oh, by the way, I could see a world in which Joe Rogan goes and like records something.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Science, man.

This hat is like one of the most unflattering things.

I think he looks so cool.

Maybe like from the way you're looking at me, but in the camera, like I look like a grandma going to play pickleball.

There are worse things.

Are there?

Yeah.

You could be playing tennis.

True.

Are you ready for our next story?

I really, honestly, and truly am.

Okay, it's a little more book memoir news because we haven't even talked about how Kelly Rippa has dropped a memoir,

Kelly's Mindless Memoir.

But

Kathie Lee Gifford is defending Regis Philbin from Kelly Rippa's memoir claims.

Yes, Kathie Lee.

KLG, the thing is, I love Kathy Lee.

In her upcoming book titled Live Wire, Rippa said it was a basic misconception that she and Regis were close friends outside of work.

It's also so confusing to have a story about William Shatner and then Regis Philbin because to me, they're the same person.

I hear hear that.

I don't have the same experience, but I respect you.

Especially because in Miss Congeniality, William Shatner played that host.

Who was supposed to be Regis Philman?

That's why you confuse them.

It's just a lot.

So it's giving Regis.

Rippa said in one passage of her book, quote, my name had to be smaller than Regis' name on the live title card and branding, a game,

a game of inches, which speaks for itself.

But on that, we agreed, seniority, after all.

She also claimed from the very, very beginning that Regis didn't like her and even dubbed her as, quote, it.

In contrast, Kathy Lee Gifford said she shared a special relationship with her former co-host, calling him the best partner she could have had.

She said, I know what Regis was to me.

He was 15 years the best partner I could have had professionally.

He was my friend.

We were dear friends.

And after I left the show, for the next 20 years, we became better friends, dearer friends.

She said she never

replaced Kathy Lee Gifford.

Yes.

And Kathy Lee Gifford said she never knew Regis to be anything but so kind to everyone.

Yeah.

I mean, I feel like it's very easy to write your memoir

when, like, about a person,

like he's, he's gone.

Like he's not going to defend himself.

So I think it's nice that Kathie Lee Gifford is there to defend him.

Sharing her experience.

And like one thing about me is I was really deeply

affected

by Kelly Rippa, Michael Strahan saga of like 2018.

Like it made me change how I look at Kelly Rippa so deeply.

Like I am like, I am extremely doubtful of her intentions.

I really am.

Yeah.

I wonder if there's a short story in her book about that.

Well, there should be, and it should be a big-ass apology to Michael Strahan for how she acted like a toddler.

Right.

And, and I'm sorry, uh,

her being all mad that, like, Regis' name was

like, you're kidding, right?

Right.

And, like, like, you're kidding.

That's really, like, of course.

That's like the entertainment industry.

It's like, there are stars that are bigger than others, and the bigger stars get better.

And when it's been someone's show for 15 years, like, they are the headliner, and then she comes on and she establishes herself, and eventually it's her show.

But like, that's what you do.

You work your way up.

Every time I hear Kelly Rippa talk about like the genesis and just the overall arc of her career, it's giving ungrateful, like always.

Not ungrateful.

Like she got the show from Regis.

She had a host of different

co-hosts.

She had a breakdown with Michael Strahan.

Like every time we're like talking about the arc of the live with whoever show, it's always like Kelly Ripa like rubbing me the wrong way.

Yeah.

And this is like the one part of Kelly's life that is not mindless.

No, no.

So hopefully that's what's in the book.

Put it in the book.

It's a book of short stories, which is always a great digestible way to consume a celebrity memoir.

No, and it's literally everywhere.

Like every celebrity is talking about it.

People magazine is like literally not going to be okay with how much content they're turning out.

It's really, it's a lot.

Yeah, it is a lot.

But you know that like they were doing the most when there was nothing to talk about and like now there's a whole ass book.

We're not going to see it.

Like now something happened.

Yeah.

We'll be hearing about it.

I'm just, I feel like I haven't heard enough bad things about Regis to like totally write him off.

Like I feel like Regis was a PJOM and I want to continue to believe that.

I feel like Regis was a PJOM too.

And what I know about Kelly is like she's kind of a diva.

So

But diva is like, we're flipping it on its head, McLurd.

Yeah, she's the traditional meaning, not the alternative, new media meaning.

Well, our she doesn't mean, I'm not meaning it in the way that Mariah Carrie means.

Yeah.

Or even we were just saying last week about you being a diva, right?

Didn't we say that?

Yeah, I don't mean it in that way.

I mean it in like the old school way of like throwing water at your assistant, you know?

Yes.

Naomi Campbell.

Naomi Campbell.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story, someone who is not a PJOM?

Bill Murray.

Some anti-PJs.

Anti-PJM news.

Have you heard all this?

Which Bill Murray is not a PJ?

There's major drama with Bill Murray.

He's been accused of paying a female movie staff for $100,000 after he, quote, kissed her body, pinned her down, and straddled her, leaving the woman unable to move.

On set of a new movie that he was working on that was supposed to be on Aziz Ansara's, Aziz Ansari's new movie.

They got through 50% of filming.

This incident happened.

Bill Murray paid this woman $100,000 to sign an NDA and not talk about it.

And now like the movie's on hold.

So here's the story.

The woman claims she was unable to move because of his weight.

It is alleged with Murray later paying the woman $100,000.

The April incident on set of the $20 million movie, controversial comedian Anzi Zansari's directorial debut, is he controversial because of that one thing, that story?

Yeah, I've, you know, it's so funny.

Like I was just thinking about this the other day.

I don't think I will ever get over the time literally two weeks ago where

we were reading an article about Ansel Elgort and not once did they mention the fact that like a year ago he was accused of rape and we were just talking about how like people just decide who to move on from.

And I feel like Aziz Ansari like never really got like a full reset.

And I think of all the people who might deserve one, like Aziz Ansari might be one of them.

I think

I honest to God think like that whole situation was like really unfortunate, but not malicious.

I agree.

And I think most people agreed.

And there was a big op-ed in the New York Times in defense of Aziz Ansari.

Like, I think he, he came close to like, to, you know, being a Me Too, but I don't know if that's really who he is.

Um, so the fact that they still call him controversial comedian, and then literally, like, Ansel Elgore gets to run around and like not even be mentioned that, like, he was accused of rape.

Like,

people are so fucked.

I don't know, like, how anyone can trust the media, honestly.

Like, this is so insane.

Like, I have not not stopped thinking about that Ansel Elgort thing for months.

Yeah.

Anyways, this incident caused Disney to shut down production, and there's no indication as to whether the movie will ever be completed.

Murray had been overly friendly and allegedly sexual with one free male production staffer whose name has been kept anonymous.

The actor claims that he believed the woman had been flirting with him, and at one stage, he and the woman were close to a bed.

It was then that he allegedly began kissing her and straddling her, leaving her unable to move because he was on top of her.

He then moved in to kiss the woman on the mouth.

The pair were both wearing face masks, it is claimed.

The alleged action took place in front of witnesses.

Yes.

Also, this week,

hold on.

Give me one second.

Gina Davis's memoir came out and she also was talking about an experience she had with Bill Murray where he like berated her when she was a young actress.

So Bill Murray is

going down.

That's so unfortunate.

And it's just, I feel like we were just having this conversation.

Like,

honestly, in a lot of ways, when it came to like Times Up in Hollywood, like it was a farce.

Like really nothing changed.

And we're all just talking about it now, but there's no actual like systemic.

And like so many people who are still in every room are bad people and they were just like holding their breath the whole time, like

just hoping the spotlight wouldn't land on them.

And now that it's over,

They've gotten away with it.

And I really don't think anything is going to change.

Right.

And I just personally don't believe that men like Aziz Ansari are the problem.

Like, I really really don't.

Like, Aziz Ansari just sounds honestly like a freak.

And if I went on a date with him, I'd be like, you're weird.

Like, go away.

But I don't think he's like a predator.

I really don't.

So it's like you read articles, controversial comedian.

And then it's like,

this is not like the actual problem.

Like, this is not the problem.

Yeah.

No, there's like real

big tier one problems and predators still out there.

Yeah.

So it's just like, I'm really sick of Hollywood and their shit, honestly.

Like preaching, shut the fuck up, okay?

Shut up.

Yeah, speaking of Harvey Weinsey's trial is starting this week in LA.

But I also feel

like I know, but I feel like people feel like, okay, we got Harvey, like it's solved

problems solved.

And there are so many Harveys.

There are so many people who enable people like Harvey.

And they're still working.

Busy, busy as a bee.

They are.

I thought Harvey was like in jail.

He is.

He is.

But perhaps awaiting trial.

Perhaps the trial.

Awaiting trial.

Perhaps.

Intercontinent.

Where it's another trial.

Because there already was one trial.

In New York.

This one's in L.A.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Got it.

Got it.

Well, wishing him the worst, always and forever, XOXO, gossip girl.

Let's dive into the TV recap.

We're going to talk about House of Dragon and a little bit of Potomac.

There's not much to say, and I know you didn't watch it, but like it doesn't matter.

Okay, yeah, I didn't watch it, but I want to hear what you think.

And we'll resume official recaps next week.

Yes, the TV recap is brought to you by ZipRecruiter.

Did you know that there are over 2.4 million podcasts in the the world, including the one you're listening to right now?

And you might not know that the one that you're listening to right now is the best out of those 2.4 million.

Just a fun fact brought to you by ZipRecruiter.

And it takes a team of people to bring together a podcast.

And whatever it is that you do, whatever your passion is, it takes a lot of people to make your passion come to life.

So needless to say, hiring the right people for these roles is super important.

Whether you're hiring for a podcast or you're growing business, there's only one place that makes it easy, and that's ZipRecruiter.

Right now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com slash toast.

ZipRecruiter uses its powerful technology to find and match the right candidates up with your job.

You can easily review these recommended candidates and invite your top choices to apply.

Additionally, ZipRecruiter has a complete suite of tools that makes it easy to filter, review, and rate your candidates.

Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.

So, if you're a fan of this podcast and you want to try ZipRecruiter for free today, you just need to remember this link: it's ziprecruiter.com/slash toast.

Once again, that's zipziprecruiter.com/slash T-O-A-S-T.

ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

Thank you, McClured.

Okay, the Real House West of Potomac, like you just need to know the only one who's made any sort of like change in their life is Ashley Darby.

Like Giselle's still talking about her house.

Wendy's still talking about like being a professor and having her titties out.

And now she's opening a restaurant.

Like it's the same thing.

I just, I do it all.

Like it's

still doing the candles and now she's opening a restaurant with Cynthia from Real Houses of Atlanta's ex-husband, Peter.

It was crazy to see him there.

He's like kind of hot.

Does he live there now?

I don't know, but he was just like a smooth talking.

Like I was really like, I was feeling his vibe.

I'm like, yes, I'll give you the 300 grand.

Like he was really like making an impact.

It's a Nigerian lounge.

Then Robin, I'm getting married.

I'm not getting married.

Wait, I think I am getting married.

Oh no, I'm getting married.

So boring.

Ashley Darby is actually making a change.

She is getting divorced.

Candace Dillard Bissett,

I want to have kids, the schedule, the schedule, the kids, the eggs, the schedule, the kids.

Like, it's the same shit from everyone.

And the only thing anyone could talk about is Ashley Darby because she's the only one actually making progress in her life.

Oh my God, that's infuriating.

What's up with Karen Huger?

It doesn't bother me that she's up to the same old shit, like just being a queen, talking about Ray, talking about Raven, Ravens moving to New York.

Like, I don't care.

It's the same shit, but it's Karen.

So it's enjoyable.

That's really crazy.

I feel like

usually there's so much movement from season to season.

And I feel like we haven't seen Potomac in so long.

I don't even remember when it was last on.

And that's disappointing.

Mia had some health updates that all the women were being rude about because she was like being thirsty on social media, talking about how she has cancer.

And then she edited the caption.

She doesn't have cancer.

She had to go to Jens Hopkins Cancer Center.

So it was like a little bit confusing.

But there is actually a lot of interesting things going on in Mia's life in real time.

Did you see that?

I saw that her husband's brother like stole all their money.

Bankrupt.

Like they have no money.

I saw that just just.

That's terrible.

Yeah.

I don't know the details, though.

But that's not on the show.

Maybe it'll be on the reunion, but it's not currently being spoken about.

So the only thing that, like, Karen threw a party and all the women are bent out of shape that Ashley is separated, but her and Michael are buying a home together in the name of their LLC.

Like their LLC will be on the deed.

And it's because, you know.

Michael lives in this townhouse.

He wants to go out and party.

Ashley doesn't drink anymore.

She now has two or three kids.

Two.

So she has her kids.

She doesn't drink.

Michael's like very into like the party life, you know, like when they were having threesomes, like he still wants to do that.

And she's a mom now.

She's growing up.

Like they're just really on two different planets.

But, you know, she wants a house for her and her kids that's good.

And currently,

in order to get that, she needs it to be in her and Michael's name.

So all the other women are like cracked out of shape, like,

not bent out of shape.

Like, I don't know what.

And it's like, I understand.

Like, she's playing the game.

She's doing what she has to do to get the house that she needs for her and her family.

and if that's what she has to do It's what she has to do.

Yeah, it sounds pretty it's really not a big deal to me

No, but like Giselle is like out of her mind

like that's not a divorce like shut up Shut up But she did kind of like read Wendy to filth which was like a glorious moment.

I'm like so I like don't like Wendy and when they all came to Karen's party like her and Wendy have not spoken since the reunion and like Wendy took a big dump on Giselle during the reunion and so Wendy comes into the party is giving everyone's hugs, is being so fake, gives Giselle a hug.

And Giselle's like, do not touch me.

Like,

she literally was like, don't touch me.

Like, I don't, no, goodbye.

And it was fabulous.

Ooh, okay.

I can't wait to watch and get into the season.

And the real television news everyone is talking about was Sunday night's episode of House of the Dragon, which was monumental.

Spoiler alert.

It was, you know, the official last episode with the king.

He did pass away, but not before ruining everyone's lives in the process by being, you know, classic old, scatter-brained old man.

Allison thinks that Aegon, not the conqueror, but her moronic son, should be king when that's just not the case.

And somebody lied to her several times and told her that Aegon was fly hot and sexy and beautiful.

And he's nothing like that.

He's nothing.

I don't even know why she would want him to be king.

Like she sees him for what she is.

And she's actually like, you know, she's not even being like full Cersei about it.

She's really like trying to discipline him as best as she can like trying to make right as best as she can all of his errors like why would he be a horrible evil king and like she knows that that's so true like she's she's not blindly she's not blind to the fact that like a joffrey like cersei was like she knows her son is fucking evil and he literally just attacked and the next one kid is even worse it's worse Yeah.

It was a beautiful episode though.

Like for, I got like super emotional when the king showed up for Rhiniera.

Like, and it actually made me feel bad, like, that she had, like, kind of left him over these last couple of years because, oh man, I'm literally going to cry talking about it.

Like, he really was, like, he loved her so much.

And, you know, everyone wanted him to name Aegon as the heir.

And he never, from this moment he decided on Rhiniera, like, he never wavered.

And she was, like, kind of like a brat.

She was a brat.

Remember, like, when we had the old Rainier and they had all those like dinners and stuff, and she was just being like a stubborn teenager.

I know.

And, like it was never good enough, but he was so loyal to her and like he showed up for her always like even at the end when he couldn't even get out of bed and half of his face was melted off like he got up out of his bed.

He did not drink the milk of the puppy and he showed the fuck up for his daughter and like I was so I was like deeply moved by that like really me too and put the whole thing to bed because it would have sent the whole realm and obviously Raynera's

position

everything into disarray if the high towers had gotten away with what they wanted to.

It would have caused major problems because also it would mean that Jace couldn't inherit after Rhae Nira.

Right.

And the king was like, not today.

No, and I loved that, even though I did feel bad for the man stepping forward because he was not lying.

Like, he was literally speaking truths about everything.

And he got his head shut up, cut off for literally speaking truth.

Yeah, but he wasn't honoring his brother's wishes.

No, he wasn't.

And at the end of the day, I would have been like sad for the

Valerians Valerians if Luke had taken the throne and then really no more Valerian blood would be on the throne.

But now that he'll be marrying his

darling cousin, it will once again be Valerian.

And they are the only Valerian children.

So they would have been on the throne.

Anyway, honestly, it really works out nicely.

No, it was an inspired deal on Rhaniera's part to have her kids marry Damon's kids.

And it's really just blended.

And it was a great idea because like as much as I wanted, you know, Rhiniera's kids kids to get what they deserve, like it's a whole, it's like the bloodline ending with them.

And like that sucks.

So now it doesn't.

So it's a, everyone wins.

Everyone wins.

They still have Targaryen blood, Valerian blood, and a little strong blood.

And Damon's daughters get really nice husbands because Rhiniera's boys are good kids.

Yeah.

And that's not really

common in

Westeros.

You never know what you're going to get in like a husband.

No, even when they they were just like sitting at dinner, like they knew they were betrothed.

And it was just like, it was so cute.

And I think like,

you know, of all the guys that they could have ended up with in their position, they could end up with an Aegon or an Aemon.

Of course.

And they got a Jace who's so, they're P.

Johns.

They are.

I'm very happy.

Rhiniera's situation aside from now that she has to go to civil war with.

Allison and the High Towers.

She's really living like such a great life with her mans, her blended family.

She's got two kids with her mans, one on the way.

I think we count total, they have like

eight kids and it's beautiful.

Oh, and four of them are marrying each other.

It's absolutely stunning just watching them like, because now like it's six years later, so they're not like in the honeymoon phase, like they're just married.

So like watching them in their classic everyday married life, just like holding hands, my love.

Like it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life.

Yeah.

And Rainira on her own and her claim to the throne, like she's a little, I don't want to say like shaky, but i think we yeah but with damon unstoppable and with all these different kids we've got targary yeah what kind of double targary

we've got valerian we've got them all we've got them all we've got harron hall right anyone's looking if anyone's interested

i just love the show so much like it's it's really very good me and ben were saying like i don't recall game of thrones season one being this good like it got really good the last episode and then like, but I don't recall being this invested this.

No, I don't think that we were.

I think it has to do with the passage of time.

Also, Game of Thrones season one, there were...

literally seven storylines.

So we would be going somewhere that you don't really care what's going on there yet.

You would maybe in some episodes not even see your faves.

It was hard to feel connected to the characters, but they were setting a larger scene.

It was like the war among kings.

There was a million wars being fought.

So we needed to get to know everyone.

Now there's just the one war.

And so I think it's a little easier to fall in love with your fabes.

When at the end of the episode, the king dies and he's like, my love.

Was that his last words?

Yeah.

I feel like he saw his real wife.

Well, he was always calling Allison Emma.

Emma.

Yeah, no, like Emma was OTV.

For sure.

But Allison was a good wife.

And I feel like people think she's so evil.

And she's definitely...

She was.

She's definitely got an evil streak.

But she's not all bad.

I think after this episode, maybe she turns and is going to be like pure evil.

This was her villain origin story.

But But up until this point, like,

she was just trying to do what's best for her kids.

And Rainiera, like, really, was so, obviously, you know, she slept with her dad, so that

changes things.

Wasn't it?

But for years, she was trying to bring Rainiera into the fold, and Rainiera wasn't interested.

And it wasn't her fault.

And also, she was also just a product of men just using women to get what they want.

Yeah.

And like now,

when we came back six years later, she's like deeply religious and she like loves

to take care of the king.

Like I really didn't hate her that much this episode, but I do think my hatred will have a resurgence next week.

But the religious stuff and all like the seven symbolism, it was harking back to Cersei when she brought in all those fanatics.

And.

Oh, yeah.

But also because like in King's Landing, like they don't believe in that shit.

No, they believe in the old gods.

It's not a Targaryen thing.

No, it's not.

So I think it wasn't meant to be a a positive thing that she's become a woman of God.

I know.

Oh, that's true.

And it was her way of like bringing her shit into

know

what the seven are capable of from.

Oh, I didn't realize that was the Cersei girlies.

Shame girlies.

Yeah.

That was a crazy fucking episode.

The shame one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like that'll go down in history as one of the most crazy episodes.

Who do you think?

Did you see Cersei got married this weekend, Lena Heat?

I did.

Who do you think from House of the Dragon is going to be nominated for an Emmy or a Golden Globe?

People were saying Visaris.

The king, yeah.

So I think it'll be, I think it will probably be ensemble.

I think it will be Rainiera, Damon, Visaris.

Because Rainiera's only been in two episodes, and the total, she's only going to have been in like four.

So Damon and Visaris.

I think Damon will.

Even though Damon literally said one word this entire episode, actually, four.

He can keep his his tongue.

Five.

And it was the best moment of my life.

Literally.

Literally, like, chop my head off.

Do it.

Do it, Damon.

Do it.

No, he's.

And that's just, that's that on that is what he said.

Like, yeah, call my wife a whore one more five.

Okay, so maybe if Raynera's sons got to keep the throne, this guy would always be chirping, running his mouth.

No, he had to.

That's that on that.

Period.

End of story.

It was a gorgeous episode.

It was a gorgeous day here with you.

I love you dearly.

I love you dearly.

We've got another fab episode for you guys tomorrow.

So we'll see you then.

Thank you so much for listening to The Toast, the Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the Fast Five Stories dating each one every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us a video a thumbs up.

We're also available as a podcast anywhere podcasts can be found.

So that's Spotify, iTunes Stitcher, Public Radio, IR Radio.

I got to make a little jingle out of that.

Love you guys.

Have an amazing day, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Bye.