S5 Ep135: Cautionary Tales: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the Morning Toast.

Happy Thursday.

It's Thuma Thursdays here at the Morning Toast because today's lead sponsor is Thuma, but we're not ready for that yet.

Okay, we'll ease our way into the Thuma of it all.

So exciting that it's Thursday.

Congratulations, everyone.

Mazzle.

We did it.

It's so exciting.

And

yeah.

It's a big deal.

It's just a big deal no matter where you are, who you are, what you're going through.

It's Thursday, unless you live in Australia, to which I believe it's Friday.

So I'm even happier for you.

Even better.

We're huge in Australia.

That's like what happens when you have a global brand.

Yeah, you make it to Australia.

100%.

What's new with you on this fine morning?

So much.

I wanted to share like a really scary situation that happened to me yesterday.

One, because it's crazy.

And two, because I feel like I wish I had listened to a podcast where somebody documented this experience.

So I would have been less scared and known that like it's not normal, but like it's, it just happens.

So yesterday I went downtown for, I told you Theo's Bark Mitzvah.

I did a sponsor, a partnership with Amazon and we threw a little party for Theo.

It was so fun.

It was all the way downtown and the streets are on fire because of the UN General Assembly.

The president is in town.

So I took the train.

And I'm on the train and I don't have a seat, which I like hate, but whatever, like I lived.

And then we stopped somewhere busy and the train kind of cleared out.

So we walked over to the seats that had opened up.

And on my way over there, I banged my funny bone, which like hurt, but it wasn't the end of the world.

So I realized like 25 seconds later, like my elbow is still hurting me.

And I turned to my side to chat with the person I'm sitting next to, not a stranger, someone I know.

And as I'm turning, I hit my funny bone again.

And I'm like, oh my God, I hit it again.

And this time it hurt like true pain, not like the tingling sensation of a funny bone that like makes you giggle true

to my core physical fucking pain and I said I was like oh my god that hurts so bad I actually feel nauseous

and once I said that

I entered into like a medical crisis I had a full-blown

20 second, no, two minute, I think the whole thing probably lasted two minutes, two minute panic attack.

I thought I was gonna vomit.

I got so nauseous.

I thought I was gonna faint.

Like I didn't even have enough energy to sit up straight.

I was like, I might have to lay on the floor of this subway because I'm not okay.

I started profusely overheating.

When the subway was actually freezing, I was sitting under an air conditioning vent.

That's why I chose the seat.

I started to drip with sweat like I had done six soul cycle classes in a row.

Beads of sweat coming out of every orifice of my body.

My clothes became immediately drenched.

I put my hand behind my neck.

I took out my hand.

You would have thought I had just washed my hands before I dried them.

It was so crazy.

I'm freaking out.

I'm like panicked.

I'm like, what is going on?

I feel nauseous.

I think I'm going to faint.

Oh my God.

I'm like embarrassed.

Everyone's looking at me.

Sweating, sweating, sweating, sweating, sweating.

I started like just focusing on my breathing.

Thank God I had a ponytail and water.

I literally just started like chugging water, put my hair up.

I'm sweating like I've never sweat in my life, focusing on my breathing.

All in all, the whole ordeal lasted two minutes and like i started to come out of it and i still didn't feel 100

but i was not as bad as i was and by the time i got all the way down to canal street like i had fully recovered i was just like shook by this thing

and it was kind of all i could think about like for the rest of the day and then last night i um I had some girlies over because we're going to talk about how we got a screener to watch Luckiest Girl Alive.

You watched it last night.

I watched it last night.

I invited some people over.

And I was telling everyone about my treacherous day.

And Dana, one of your best friends from college, co-host of the Redheads.

You all know Dana.

Her fake author of the beautiful hit song, My Judy Brown,

her face like drains its blood.

She's like, Claudia, I'm like, what?

She's like, the same thing happened to me last week.

I was freaking out.

And what's so weird is that it happened to her on the train, too.

She was going to Amy Schumer at Madison Square Garden and they got off on Penn Station and she like snapped her ankle.

And after that happened, she proceeded to have like a full-blown three-minute panic attack.

She laid down on the floor of Penn Station.

She told her husband, like, go find me some cold water.

Like, I'm going to lay here on the floor.

And it, like, was a couple of minutes.

And then she came out of it.

And, like, when I tell you the validation I felt knowing somebody else had had that experience, because I was like, I'm medically not okay.

She told me what it was called.

Hold on.

I texted her last night so I could Google like what the name was.

It's called

Vasovagal Syncope, Synope, Syncope.

I Googled it.

It's like when, you know, like something happens to your body that just causes your body to go into like fight or flight mode and like your blood pressure just drops immediately and you feel like you're having an anxiety attack.

You are profusely sweating.

You are nauseous.

You think you're going to faint.

My elbow still hurts like really bad.

I don't know what I did to like bang it up so bad.

It wasn't even that hard of like a kerfuffle.

I just want anyone to know like if something like that happens to you, like, it's normal, and you really, in order to get rid of it immediately, you have to clench your fists and like move your legs.

And they say, even singing can help just raises your blood pressure.

Not the singing.

If I had known, I would have become a subway performer.

There were nights of endless pleasure.

Yeah, they see this girl, she's on the outs.

All of a sudden, she sings herself right back to life.

She sings herself back to like life.

Now, I just want to say, I'm sorry that that happened to you.

It was so scary.

And could it have happened on like a worse place?

Like a panic attack on the subway?

Like so many people so far from home.

Oh, and by the way, as it was happening, it was like one of those situations where you're stuck between stations because like the train in front of you is being slow.

So I'm like feeling a little claustrophobic.

Like it was fucking horrible.

Yeah.

So overall, how was the subway?

Fine.

It wasn't the subway's fault that I'm literally unwell.

I don't know.

I feel like there was three factors in both your and Dana's situations.

Like one, the pain caused

this anxiety.

But I think the fact maybe that it happened underground compounds the anxiety.

Exacerbated.

You know?

Yeah, I think if I had been at home, I wouldn't have been so scared.

Like, I think the anxiety part of my anxiety attack might have been like a little lessened, but that's just what happens when your blood pressure drops like really dramatically.

And I think I would have been freaking out no matter where I was.

But I think, yes, the fact that I wasn't at home, I was in a large crowd.

I was underground.

I was like stuck between stations.

I was like thinking of maybe getting off on the next station, but like I could not fucking move.

Yeah.

Well, all I have to say also is, thank God Dr.

Theodore Fichemin was with you because if this was a medical crisis, he would have known what to do.

No, thank God I wasn't alone because like I was like panicked that like Theo would jump out of my seat and run off at the next station.

Thank God I wasn't alone.

Like I was, I would have been so, so scared if I was alone because like I just I just like shoved Theo in Lizzie's lap and like I just sat there like

focusing on myself.

Oh my god.

But if I had to care for another like living being on on my own, I would have freaked out.

Yeah.

Damn.

It was like, seriously, top 15 scariest moments of my life.

Wow.

So that's a thing, by the way.

Like, sometimes you can just randomly injure yourself and then have a panic attack.

And they say when you break a bone, you know that it's really broken because right after you break it, you get very nauseous.

That's like a thing.

Okay.

Look, we're learning so much.

So I was like, did I break my elbow?

No.

No, it was horrible.

I'm so sorry.

But I'm okay.

And Theo was bark mitzvah at the end of this treacherous journey.

Yeah, so all of that, I just think that's kind of like the Jewish way of existing.

Like in order to celebrate a simcha, a celebratory moment, you have to know.

You've got to know Sharon.

You've got to suffer.

100%.

So it was a very Jewish day.

Theo's Bark Mitzvah was amazing.

Amazon private brands threw a real soiree.

All of his doggy friends came out.

All of his human friends came out.

It was a beautiful affair, really stunning.

And I have a cute vlog coming to my Instagram soon.

So don't forget to follow me on Instagram.

You were Sheping Nachus for your boy.

Shepping Nachas left, right, center, Nachus everywhere.

Ugh, I miss that dadoo.

You know, I need to get my dew pillow.

It's across the room, maybe for tomorrow.

Oh, my brew pillow is right over there.

So Brew is very proud of his cousin.

He hopes one day to follow in his Barkmitzva footsteps.

If anyone wants to spot him, does Bruno want to, does Bruno, when the time comes, does he want to read from the the tora he does because he wants to challenge himself he said and he's interested in talmudic learnings and he thinks that doing that for his bar mitzvah might be the perfect foray into the rabbinic the rabbinical life do you ever think back on things you did like when you were younger and you're just in awe of like the fact that you did that yes

I one of the things that like I'm in awe of is the fact that like when we were all ba'mitzvah for women it's optional to do like a Torah portion not only we did a Torah torah portion we did a haf torah and we did a maf tier like we did the whole thing we studied with a rabbi for weeks and months leading up and honestly like if you put that shit in front of me right now i couldn't read it no but yeah you study for weeks and months you listen to it on tape so that you can i can pretty much like memorize it and it's pretty cool it's pretty it was cool

I'm like proud that we did that.

Yeah, and also we use trope in everyday life.

Like literally.

100%.

I'm going to explain what trope is, but it's what what we do.

And maybe if we hadn't been bat mitzvah in that way, we wouldn't know to do it.

But, like, trope is like the tune of something.

So, just like, it's pretty cool.

Like, I could do, hey, Claudia.

And that would be like, right, like in the

Torah in Hebrew, there's these things called nekudot.

It's basically like punctuation.

They're like these little symbols under different letters and under different words that represent a certain tune.

That shows you how you should sing that word.

So there's like a three-dot thing under the word, like,

uh

what can i think of a word omer so you'd have to be like omer and anytime you see those three dots it's claudia

yeah jacqueline it depends what like letter in the hebrew word it's under that's that letter you emphasize so it either could be jacqueline or jacqueline you know sort of yes sort of uh anyways it was a lot of words we use trope in everyday life so that's something that we learned for our bat mitzvah is that we carry with us and i think we don't even shout out Rabbi Plattick.

We don't even realize how much it's a part of our life.

So true.

So true.

And those little cassettes, we would like tape our lessons with the rabbi, and then we'd have to like go home and listen to it.

And like it was torture, it was so much work.

But anything worth having, like your womanhood,

right?

Being a woman of God.

That's us.

We're such women of God.

You could be a Jew and believe in God.

She's not a Christian.

Speaking of the Truckers for God have arrived.

Speaking of

God,

we are entering the time of year filled with Jewish holidays.

So just warning, like the next couple of weeks are sparse.

Wow, hush.

The God is really showing up.

The Truckers for God.

They are kind of sparse.

We've got Rosh Hashanah, which is the beginning of the new year, which is a good one.

You know, food, friends, family holiday, faith.

The Mia of Yom Kippur, which is the bad one.

It's the day of fast, the day of atonement.

It is the worst day of the year.

I'm so not looking forward to that, to everyone's breath.

Like,

except

this is the first Yom Kippur where I'm in, like, a hardcore, like, reading cycle.

And I do feel as though reading is like a really helpful way to pass time.

Yeah, because you're not going to watch TV, right?

Or you are.

No.

Yeah, no TV, no phone, no food.

No fun.

No drink.

That's the hard part.

Like, some people don't even brush their teeth, like, if you're uber-religious.

And I don't do that, not because I'm not religious, but because I cannot.

And I'm literally going to like suck the water out of all the bristles on my toothbrush when I wake up.

Yeah.

Thanks to Bruce.

Oh, even though.

Thanks to Bruce.

Thanks to Bruce.

Even though getting an IV, like the week of fasting really, really helps.

I don't know if that's cheating, but like, I think I'm going to do it.

Do it.

That's not cheating.

Okay.

I'm going to call Ivy Drips and schedule one like for two days before.

I'm just going to, Juliana, drink a lot of water.

That's

drink a lot of water.

Trope.

That's trope.

Trope, trope, trope.

Neku dote.

So yeah, that's coming up for us.

So if there's anything, you know, with the Jewish New Year, if I did anything to upset anyone this year, that's on you.

And you should stop being so sensitive.

Yeah, no, and if I did offend or upset anyone, like deal with it.

No, and it's like the time of year where you're supposed to kind of like make amends with everyone.

So I just want to say, like, if something I did or said or you know acted in a way this year that kind of bothered anyone or hurt them to their core like that's a hundred percent on you not on me and i'm not sorry no no no no no no no like you should kind of you should spend this time of year like reflecting on why you are the way you are yeah

I agree.

No, but those 10 days in between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we always tell you guys, they're like the most critical 10 days in the Jewish calendar.

It's when the book of life and the book of death are written for the upcoming sealed.

So we're on our best behavior.

You will not catch me talking crap in the next 10 days.

I don't think we're going to be able to work.

I'm not even going to shadily send like a Instagram story that I'm finding cringe.

Like,

not doing anything.

It's going to be tough.

It's going to be tough to do our jobs appropriately.

Like, if we can't talk shit.

Yeah.

So, if the episodes, like

the 10 episodes after next week are bad, like, just know it's a, it's a faith thing.

If you think they're bad, you're anti-Semitic.

And, and we're going to, we'll get back to normal after Yom Kippur.

They also do say, like, if you pass away between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, like the two big holidays, during those 10 days where, like, the book of life is being inscribed, like, you're an extremely special person.

And not to make everything about us, but our dad did die in those 10 days.

And that's like one of the few things that brings me solace.

Yeah, I think they say straight to heaven.

I think that's what they say.

Straight to heaven.

Like, no matter what the fuck you did in your life, like, heaven.

Straight to Olam Haba.

Nice.

It's a good life, honestly.

Like,

if I could schedule like, when I'm going to die, like, I would request you to die.

We do it right before Yom Kippur.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, for sure.

Because that's the way I don't have to live through another Yom Kippur.

So that's a little bit of your Jewish facts daily.

It's a very Jewish season coming up, so it's top of mind for all of us.

It's a very Jewish season coming up.

So Havanagila, Havanagila.

Lachaim.

Lachaim to life.

So, yes.

But

let's not mar the mood with Yom Kippur.

No, no, no.

We still have like 15 days and we're going to make the most out of all of them.

Every single one.

Today, we've got a great episode.

We have the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap, which I have a lot to say on.

We both watched it.

And I don't think we can necessarily recap it, but let's just quickly talk about the fact that Netflix was generous enough to hand over a screener to Luckiest Girl Alive for Us.

We both watched it last night.

We're not going to like spoil it.

We're not going to say how we thought because it's not fair.

But you guys know that's Jackie and I'm...

favorite book of all time.

We've been talking about the movie being made since its inception.

Mila Kunis is the star.

Connie Britton Britton is in it.

Connie Britton was amazing.

And yeah, we got to see it last night and we're going to be annoying about it.

Yeah.

It's very close to the book, I thought.

And I thought it was like 99% perfectly cast and perfectly set up.

Like the New York scenes, the Nantucket scenes.

Yes.

The settings were gorgeous.

The Brentley school, like everything is really how I imagined it from the book.

And I don't know that I've had that experience from a book to movie that I've seen recently.

Yeah, that's fair.

That's fair.

I don't want to give any thoughts.

Like, I want to wait till everyone sees it because I think that's annoying.

And I don't want to put anything in anyone's brain.

Like, it was so good or so bad.

Like, cause then I'll influence.

If you loved the book, watch the movie and then we'll talk about it.

It comes out, I think, on September 29th or 30th.

So next week

on Netflix.

Not sponsored, but like, thanks for the screeners.

And I'm super appreciative.

And I would love some more.

Yeah, but there's no more.

That makes me feel more special.

There's only ever going to be one.

Like, I'm so glad that it was our favorite book of all time.

And there was like someone there, like, saw us and knew that like that book is our personality is important to us yes i also um nothing makes me feel cooler or more famous and special than getting a screener they're hard to come by i mean some shows just like give them out you know yeah they're like they can't give more watch our show but good ones you can't get them no they're super hard to come by yeah

We need more screeners.

Otherwise, we would have been able to watch Kardashians and recap it today.

Right, right.

And I think like a bunch of non-influential losers get the Kardashian screeners.

And I just opened my Kardashians on Hulu PR box.

They made like a really cute video.

And I very much appreciate the screener.

Honestly, if you want us to recap it on Thursdays, we're going to need the screeners.

Or we'll just recap it on Fridays and

the recaps can be irrelevant.

Right.

That's on you, Hulu.

And like, maybe if we don't recap it on Friday, then it waits till Monday.

And then like by then, everyone's moved on.

So.

Yeah, right.

Like we're busy.

Like, sorry, we're so famous, not famous enough to get screeners, but okay.

I'm very appreciative of the PR box.

It was very

No, I'm obsessed with that 818 hat.

I made such a funny video.

I'm going to post it on the 818 hat is so cool.

It actually matches my outfit today exactly.

And I wanted to kind of maybe wear it on the show, but I thought with the headphones, it might be weird.

It might.

Also

in the PR box was the beats by Kim,

which I'm just grateful for.

That was so beyond generous.

So beyond generous because I want to talk about something.

Okay.

I want to talk about AirPods.

Okay.

So I have the OG AirPods, like my first pair I ever bought.

And about two years ago, they started to crack out on me.

And I wasn't giving up.

I'm like, oh, you want to wait 30, you want to last 10 minutes with battery?

Bet.

I'll fucking, I'm going to use you till I can't use you no more.

Mostly because I have, we used to sell like OG toasters.

We'll know we used to sell decals for AirPods.

So like my AirPods are tricked out in morning toast stickers.

It's so cool.

And I wasn't willing to give that up.

It got to a point recently where like I could not

use those as my headphones anymore.

Like they really, they're, they're broken.

So then I was like, you know what, I'm going to get AirPods AirPods Max.

And I was really excited until I went on the website and I saw they're $600.

Like, I'm sorry, that's insane for a pair of headphones.

Like, that's insane.

The ones that cover your ears.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're cool.

They're stylish.

They're out of control.

I'm not spending $600.

Like, I'm just not.

So I was like, all right, let me just get new AirPods.

And I was like, I'm obviously going to get the most up-to-date.

AirPods, like, because my old ones obviously are not cutting it.

So I got the third generation.

And I don't know who needs to hear this.

Kind of today, the theme of today's episode is just like warnings, messages people need to hear.

You do not need to get,

yeah, you do not need to get the new AirPods.

They are the most literal piece of shit product.

First of all, they're tiny.

Good luck staying in your ear.

I literally, yes, that's it.

Yeah.

Good luck staying in your ear.

They're fucking tiny.

They fall out.

Unless I have like big gaping ears, which I don't think that I do.

Second of all, they're like, they show up with these factory settings and I have no fucking idea how to turn them off.

I'm just listening to music.

And then Siri will come on.

Text from Jackie Ashre.

Hey, Claude, how you dern?

Like, shut up, bitch.

Like, shut up.

I don't know how the fuck to turn it off.

It's so annoying.

Do not get the third generation AirPods Max.

You can buy a brand new version of the old ones.

I just thought it was like silly to spend money on like the old version.

No, old version, perfect.

I just, I think different occasions call for different headphones.

There's no one perfect headphone.

I do think AirPods are good in like casual settings.

If you're walking in the street, like you don't want something that covers your ears.

You need to be able to hear everything.

I don't even want want noise canceling.

You can turn that off in settings.

You need to be aware of your surroundings.

So I would say for like

casual taking like calls or whatever, FaceTiming with headphones, AirPods are fine.

We don't use them for this show.

We don't use Bluetooth headphones because we need the connection to be as fast as possible.

So we use wired headphones.

I'm not crazy about the ones that I wear.

They hurt my head a little bit.

I think I'm going to get a pair of bows for this situation.

But then I also need headphones for working out.

And I need those to be tight and right and loud as fuck.

And I think actually the Beats Kim headphones, I'm going to try those next.

Yeah, no, like AirPods just had to go and like fuck around.

And now they found out because everyone hates everyone.

I know.

I know I'm going to get feedback.

Everyone agrees with me.

Like, I just know it.

Cause fuck Apple.

Yeah.

Well, that's, that's something else.

That's something else.

It's something else.

So we say Apple for just like Apple products.

100%.

But like, that's what happens when you own the market and like you have a monopoly and like you make the best products.

But like the way that they have to change the chargers for all their computers, iPads, phones, like every couple of years, just so we all have to buy new chargers, making our old chargers obsolete, like that is so fucked up.

And that is actually like financial abuse.

No, but it's like you really need that money so badly.

You're valued at a trillion dollars.

You're really so desperate.

Right.

As opposed to engendering goodwill.

What about goodwill?

Why aren't you, why about it?

Why not engendering goodwill?

Why not like making me love your company instead of begrudgingly using it?

Right.

And like rolling my eyes every time I walk past a store.

Yeah.

I have like three chargers here.

They are all for different things.

They all look different.

Nothing's ever.

No.

And my charge is not charging on me iPad because it's got used to your iPad instead of mine.

Not charging on my podcast.

That girl is fucking right.

And it's all your fault.

And it's all your fault.

I told you.

You're fucking right.

Because I've told mom.

And that girl is used to yourself.

That girl goes on to charger.

It does get used to charging yours instead of mine.

And all of a sudden it doesn't work.

Because Apple chargers are literal fraudulent.

Like, I'm ready for the the documentary.

I'm ready for the untold story of Apple Chargers.

Yeah.

I hope you're happy.

Claude, San Diego Chargers greater than Apple Chargers.

So fucking true.

So fucking true.

Go Chargers.

Go Chargers.

Oh, actually, I got some feedback from our football discussion yesterday, which was riddled with inconsistencies.

No, us.

Never.

Couldn't be me.

Never.

Sports?

Couldn't be me.

But the 49ers, which I've obviously put my entire

life behind, their quarterback suffered a career, a season-ending injury.

He like broke his ankle.

You know what?

They've still got Jimmy Garoppolo, who's extremely hot.

Like Kyle Juschek, like 49ers have all the hot players.

I think that sometimes when you lose your big player, this happens sometimes.

Like the person who comes off the bench one is so grateful for the opportunity and they're going to put their heart and soul into it.

And like the team sort of rallies around them and it's kind of like an underdog story.

I don't think it's

end for the 49ers.

Yeah, it gives them a ruach.

It does.

A spirit.

What team does Russell Wilson play on?

He's also like one of the highs.

I think the Seahawks.

He signed like the most lucrative contract in NFL history.

And honestly, I'm just happy for Sierra.

Yeah.

Except

I saw.

You know what's so funny to me about cancel culture?

Not that I'm like advocating for anyone to be canceled.

I'm not.

I think you're advocating for equality, though.

For consistency.

It's so not nuanced.

And like they just decide who's going to get the wrath and who's not.

And so Sierra launched a skincare line or maybe a beauty line.

I don't remember.

And she's making all this content with all these TikTokers.

And she made a TikTok with this girl that I love, Monet.

And they did it to the Sierra song, This Beat is automatic,

hypnotic, funky, fresh, so blank.

Since us, it's so Arsler.

So re

since I started.

And not only did they use

boys come on it.

No, I can't control my stuff and yes, my stuff, but yes, I fought it.

So she made a TikTok with that song.

They could have used any 10 seconds of the song.

They use the one with the R slur, and they're mouthing the words and then they just like don't mouth to the R part, which I just think is so fucking weird.

Like, not only is that not a word we use, no one really acknowledges how it's like put in that song and let's get it started.

In huh?

You're gonna use that song to promote your line and you're gonna use that part of the song.

Like, literally, nobody asked you.

Like, you could use any other part of the song.

I just thought that was so weird.

Like, where's the energy?

You know, not that I'm in any way advocating.

I fucking love Sierra.

She's a true national treasure, and I'm obsessed with her.

relationship with Russell Wilson.

I just feel like the weird thing about cancel culture is like it's not an equal playing field, you know?

It's mixed messaging.

So it's like, okay, we could listen to songs with the R word, but not the SP star Z word.

Right, right, right.

And like, if somebody had old tweets with the R word, which shout out, I definitely did.

Like the energy for me, and like I'm a Z lister.

Like Sierra's like an A.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cancel culture, like the levels make no sense.

Like why some people get so much backlash, some people get no backlash.

Some people don't even get like an article written about it, you know?

That's so true.

Like, and I'm grown enough to acknowledge, like, in high school, I use that word all the time.

Everyone I know did.

It was like, this is so, like, everyone did.

Now we're all adults who know it's like not okay.

But, like, where's the energy?

And I can't stress enough how not, I'm not advocating for more cancel culture.

I'm advocating if we're going to live in cancel culture, which we are.

Like, everyone's like, I hate cancel culture, but they all participate in it.

Like, we live in the cancel culture.

So, I want equal energy.

The culture is canceled.

I want equal energy for equal crimes.

And I also want, like, if you're an A-lister, you deserve more backlash than a B-lister.

Like, I'm sorry.

It has to be TA.

Agreed.

Agreed with that.

So I'm against cancel culture, but let's acknowledge the fact that, like, sorry, we actually, we do.

We live in a society where everyone gets canceled for things they said, mistakes they've made, things they said in the past, old tweets.

That is the world we live in.

So I want equal justice.

And like, sometimes people are, are like, you know, the pendulum is swinging the other way.

Like, oh, please, people have been saying that for five years.

It's over.

You know, it's not.

And then I'll see someone get canceled for, and I'm like, this is a joke, yeah,

right.

I'm like, this is the smallest potatoes I've seen yet,

right?

No, and like, when I always think about like our old cancellation, how like it was probably like the level of an A-list celebrity when back then we were true fucking irrelevant uglies, like the way there was so much energy for us when like we were actual nobodies, it did make us into somebodies and like that's the small part I'm grateful for.

Like I think this show is what it is because like a lot of people found out about us from our cancellation and they were like, oh, well, this is crazy, but the girlies are kind of funny, you know?

Yeah.

So I just think like that was so crazy.

And then I see, like, I feel like, I know this is going to sound so crazy.

I feel like, and maybe, maybe my perception of it is, is skewed because it happened to me and it felt like so much press, but I do believe that is what happened.

I felt like we got more backlash and bad articles written about us than literally like Ansel L.

Gord.

Yeah.

Like, is that crazy to say?

No, I don't think so.

So I just feel like with cancel culture, I've acknowledged that that's the culture we live in.

And I'm going to start, like, I'm going to petition.

Like, I want more consistency, more equality, more, more appropriate amounts of backlash to certain situations.

No, and this is what I think is.

And I love Sierra.

Sierra just is the launching pad for this conversation because honestly, people come for Sierra, like, I will defend her to the death.

Like, back then, like, you could make a song like that.

No, the song slaps.

The song slaps and like literally it went through record labels, press, like, nobody thought there was anything wrong with it because back in the day like nobody thought there was anything wrong with using that word right and like if we're gonna go after that song for that word we have to start with let's get it started because that one's in the title right the black eyed piece that one's in the title that one's in the title so that one would be like the bigger offense yeah yeah um no what i find interesting about like the media and like the inequal cancellation and whatnot is like I could do anything in this world and I will never get pressed for it like anything good we can do like ever right If I say one thing wrong,

everyone's in the budget article.

Bad thing I said.

Right, right.

So it's like, we are actually not famous enough to guard our

press.

Unless, unless we say something mildly unpopular, which and all of a sudden, like, you're the biggest stars.

Like, and

right.

But no, like, I could literally genuinely take a bullet for someone and no one would cover it.

No, we could do, like, we do really cool things like with our platform, with our podcast.

Like,

even like when news comes in, our personal life, like your tour, and nothing.

No press.

Oh, no.

Spooky stuff.

No, but the second I, you know, maybe offend a pit bull, it's over.

It's over.

O-V-E-R.

I just think it's interesting.

And I agree.

Like there's no sense in being anti-cancel culture anymore because like you lost.

So now that we live in cancel culture, now that we live in cancel culture, I've accepted it, but I'm going to advocate for more equitable distribution of the assets.

Yeah.

That's it.

That's it.

Okay.

That's it.

And I'm so glad we had this conversation because it's crancing culture is extremely nuanced.

Every situation is so different.

And I feel like the energy doesn't match for some situations versus others.

I would actually say it's more nuanced and it should be more nuanced than it is right now.

Yes.

Right, right.

And like, whatever, I wrote about it in my book, girlwithnojob.com slash book.

Also, I'll see you guys in Long Island this weekend.

Saturday, I feel like this part's going to get clipped out and like passed around.

So I'm going to

promote everything.

Okay, so I am a touring comedian.

I have a show.

I only have like eight shows shows left.

This one is in Long Island, New York, in Huntington.

Saturday, seven o'clock, it's going to be super fun.

There are very few tickets left.

My last show in New York, and then I'm hitting

Pittsburgh, Alabama, Nashville.

All those shows are sold out.

Honestly, this one in New York has like 50 tickets left, and that's the only one.

So if you're missing out on the funniest show of your life, that's on you.

That's on you.

So

yeah, that was really everything I wanted to talk about before we started.

What about you?

I think I'm good as well.

I finished my drug and alcohol abuse course

and I'm feeling really passionate.

They let you break it up.

You don't have to do it all in four hours.

You can log out, come back in.

You're still there.

It actually wound up me taking me like four hours and 45 minutes.

Not bad.

I'm feeling really passionate about the issues at hand.

Good.

So good.

Yeah.

Like you have to think about it.

Like I feel like shit like that, like everyone knows drinking and driving is wrong, but then then, like, you, you become a mom and you realize, like, Harry's going to be driving one day.

And you want everyone on the road to be on their best motherfucking behavior.

Yeah.

They better.

They better act right.

I'm literally, like, when Harry gets his first car, like, I will wrap my body around it and be like a force field of protection.

Like, that's how I would lay my life out on the lawn.

At the rate I'm going, he's going to get his car before me.

Before you?

I'm working towards it.

I'm working towards my goals, but.

They're just like not happening as fast as I want.

But they're just so hard.

They're so hard.

Like,

it's crazy.

And even in the, in the course, it was like all these reasons you could get your permit or license suspended.

And it's like, if you miss 15 days of school, unexcused absences.

Like, and I'm like, girl, I'm 30.

Wait, by the way, first of all, I didn't know that that was a thing.

That's so interesting.

At least in Florida.

Two, two.

Not you taking your courses, your course with the 16-year-old.

No, and it's like, and if you're still 14, you just need a parent to sign off.

I'm like, I'm 30.

If I'm still 14, I'm literally turning 40.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I'm turning 30 in November, you guys.

So

in lieu of gifts, just follow me on Instagram.

In lieu of gifts, just cancel Sierra.

No, I'm kidding.

No.

I'm totally kidding.

I cannot stress how I'm not advocating for that.

Like, she's one of the few celebrities I literally would take a bullet for.

I love her, and I love her husband, and I love their wedding.

It was literally the most stunning thing ever.

Yeah.

Okay, now let's jump in to the fast five stories that you maybe could stand to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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Okay, thank you, Claudia.

Yeah, what?

Come.

Our first story, though, we did not watch the Kardashians last night.

Chloe Kardashian has shared a first look into her son's birth as she puts her Tristan Thompson trauma behind her.

Chloe is focusing on better days ahead and with a new little one by her side.

In last night's season two premiere of The Kardashians, she gave fans the first look from inside the birth of her son, who arrived months after her ex Tristan's paternity scandal first surfaced.

The emotional moment was captured on camera by Kim, who was able to join her in the hospital for her surrogates delivery on July 28th.

Chloe and that makes me like so emo that Kim was there.

I know.

Well they couldn't have everyone there because of COVID stuff.

So Kim was there.

Then they FaceTimed True and Chris and then Chloe.

Was Tristan there?

Chloe let Tristan come after

Kim was there.

It's like all of his affairs are just like always tinned up with like

the third trimester, the birth.

And she's like always having to be the bigger person and it's really fucking annoying for her.

Yeah.

Well, so she said in the episode, ever since December, it's been this dark cloud looming over me.

Every single day, I've been feeling depressed and sad.

And now that my son is here, I get to move on and I get to enjoy.

It's almost like I get to close that chapter and be done with this trauma and put it behind me, she continued as a video montage of her and Kim holding the baby flashed across the screen.

She said, now I finally get to start the healing process.

Now I get to start enjoying my life with two kids in it and figuring this out.

This is going to be day one.

And this is going to be the start of something positive and happy and beautiful.

Oh my God, I'm like so emo over the fact that like it was her and Kim.

Like, cause that's literally that line from friends.

Like, boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go, but this is for life.

Like, family is for life.

Family is always there for you.

And even though, like, your husband, like, is supposed to be your family, um, he was never her husband.

So, I just, I'm like really happy for Chloe that she has that support system because she's that support for all of her sisters.

Like, she's always that one showing up for everyone, supporting, like, putting her needs on the back end.

And I love that she chose Kim.

I'm like, loving how close they are recently.

And I feel like Kardashians on Hulu really highlighted how, like, it used to be like Chloe Chloe and Courtney, like, always leaving Kim out.

And now, I feel like Khloe and Kim are like in just like similar places in their life and they're really connecting.

And I love how close they are.

Yeah, it is so sweet.

And I feel like that was our sort of take

when everything came out about Chloe and the surrogate and like in light of Tristan's everything.

Like now that she has this baby, that's all she wants.

And like Tristan, obviously he can go fuck off.

Like I'm, and she'll always be so respectful and bigger person and like much kinder than I think.

Much kinder than most people would be.

Couldn't be me, but

this is what matters.

And

this episode, like, they focused on the whole journey.

Like, I think it, you know, probably starts in December and ends in July.

You end with the birth.

They didn't tell us what the name was, but it will start with a T, they said.

Okay, so our guess of R.J.

Jr.

is not correct.

Okay, but did we guess any T names?

Thuma?

Thuma.

Or it could be,

I mean, if she was in a good place with Tristan, he could be TJ.

TJ, right?

But honestly, she wouldn't desecrate the beauty of birth by naming someone after Tristan, which just sucks because TJ is such a cute name.

So cute.

Okay, but like, I never would have been able to guess True because up until True Thompson, True was not a fucking name.

Yeah.

Now it is.

Now it is.

So it could be Tree.

Oh.

Wait, it's a boy.

Sorry.

True and Tree are also too similar.

And there's only one famous Tree and her daughters, so that's not going to work.

But let me think.

Let's Google T-names.

They did this on the show last night.

Yeah, but it wouldn't come up if it's anything like True.

Oh, Theo's the name of the other one.

Who?

Narri Lee Nichols.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Wow, the fact that she has a T name too is like her fault.

Yeah.

Tom.

Even though, like, she has every right to.

Yeah.

Thomas, Tiago,

Tyler, Tucker, Tatum, Taylor.

I feel like like it's just going to be like a new name.

I know.

Tyle.

Yeah.

Tyson.

Tyre.

Tobias.

Tyson.

I actually like Tyson.

Tobias Funke.

Tobias Funque?

Titus.

Andromedon.

Andromedon.

That's a good name Titus.

It is, but there's really only one Titus, and it's Titus Andromedon, the greatest character in television history.

Treasure.

Even though I think often about how like Titus Andromedon is literally me.

Like I'm obsessed.

And Titus Burgess, who's the character who plays him, like, is like low-key rude.

Like, have you ever seen him on Watch Happens Live?

It's like my favorite thing to talk about.

I feel like I talk about it all the time.

Uh, yes, and yes,

he was so rude, and I also met him one time when I was an intern, and he was also so rude.

Yeah, he's not.

I asked him if we could, like, reference in, like, I was like, my job was to like meet the celebrity and like make them take a picture.

And my, I was like, can you do Pinon Noir?

Like, a bit from Kimmy Schmidt, and he was like, no.

And I felt so stupid and ugly and fat like I was just I was literally 17 I was so nervous I was obsessed with Titus Andromeda and I was like okay like hi I'm Claudia I'm like the social manager like can we just get some photos maybe like a video of you doing Pinotoir and he was like no

I was like okay I'll just die thanks yeah he's not the type that loves the thing that made him famous and that just couldn't be you And like he was mean to me, like a lowly intern.

And then he was also like fucking rude to Andy on Watch Happens Live because like Andy didn't know like every single thing about the play he was currently in, which it's definitely annoying when you're like doing press and the person like hasn't read your book or

like clearly didn't finish it because they ask you a question that's like in the book or in the play.

But Andy's question was like not that

crazy.

Like, and it set him off.

He was so rude.

That's like one of my favorite clips to watch.

Great.

Our next story is a little more Kardashian news because Kanye is sitting down with ABC's Lindsey Davis for an interview.

The whole thing airs tonight on ABC at 8.30, but a preview was shown on Good Morning America This Morning, where he's talking about fatherhood, apologizing to Kim, talking about, you know, father's rights.

He said that he had to fight for what are father's rights?

That he wants to say in how his kids are being raised just as much as Kim.

Like that he's not just a spurned donor.

Like he should be able to say like where they go to school.

Like he said, I agree with that.

Why is he talking about it on ABC News?

Talk about it with Kim.

Yeah, well, I think one, Kim gets to do her long-form thoughts on the show so and it's actually better but she doesn't really talk about it no she does like it takes months until we really hear from her whenever he's having an outburst but then like she sits down on kardashian zulu and talks about it

you know i don't know why i don't really know why he went to gma or whatever but i guess it's i don't know if it's any better or worse than doing it on instagram as he normally does but it definitely seems like it's more thoughtful And he's just talking about it.

Right, but I also

had.

I also think about GMA being on ABC, right?

ABC is a part of the Hulu family.

The Kardashians had to have gotten a heads up about this.

Or like, I feel like they could have,

like, they could have stopped it.

Yeah, but so far from what I've seen, like, there's nothing

nefarious, disrespectful, or anything.

Like, he's always crediting Kim as a mom.

He just, like, wants more say.

He said he'd had to fight for a voice in his kids' upbringing, which had left him feeling hurt.

He said, I'm their dad.

It has to be co-parenting.

It's not only up to the woman.

Like, men have a choice also.

Men's voices matter.

And then he showed a video of North at donda academy um

having a great time dancing to music and this and that right it's like he wants his say in his kids education not like should we go to this private school or this private school he wants the kids to go to his own school like it's not a balanced conversation well it's it is the difference between this private school and this private school and i i agree with him i think that it's so nice that like he wants to be so involved but then you think of someone like tristan and like he doesn't deserve equal say in what chloe's doing so i think it's a case-by-case situation well actually like

he does deserve it.

No, I don't think so.

He's the dad.

I know, but like,

maybe it's just like as a mama bear now.

No.

Really?

Like,

I think, yes, okay, if the person is a murderer or like a sex offender, like, okay, great.

Yeah, you obviously like don't get a say, but like cheating is terrible.

It's terrible.

Yeah, but like you're not a mature adult.

You don't put your family first.

You don't think about your kids and your and your lady love before you think about your penis.

Like I'm not leading you with the big decisions.

And if we disagree on something, like I'm getting my way.

Well, I think just in general in hetero relationships, like if we're disagreeing on something, the mom wins.

Like

that I agree with.

Like you can have your opinion, but at the end of the day, if we are not going to come to a compromise, I win.

Like moms win.

No, but like, and then he lied about knowing that he had a kid coming on the way.

He has Chloe going forward with surrogacy when he knows that he has a kid coming.

Like that's not a person I would leave big decisions to.

And you don't get as much say as I do.

No, not in this moment.

But I do think this is the official end for Chloe and Tristan.

And like, years from now, when she's in a relationship, he's in a relationship.

He's doing whatever he wants.

And there are big decisions about like, where's True going to go to college?

Like, I think they both have equal say.

Not in this moment, obviously, but when the dust has settled.

Okay.

You don't, yeah, like you don't not get a fair say in your child's life forever because you were a dick.

It's not not having like any say.

And you have he obviously will see them and whatnot, but like

the mother is like the heavy.

The mother is the heavy.

I completely agree.

But I think other situations are different.

You know, and you see moms.

Yeah, it's like cancel culture.

Everything is nuanced.

We have to judge it on a case-by-case basis.

Right.

And so I think for Kanye, who wants to be so involved, and I think he is a good dad when he's not, you know, putting all the family drama on Instagram.

And he wants, like, he's very involved and interested.

And so it's just a balancing act.

But, like,

yeah, I hate when stuff like this is done publicly.

Like, this is really, truly none of our business.

Like, we shouldn't know that Kim and Kanye are arguing about which school to send their kids to.

Like, it's so personal.

But honestly, this conversation feels less personal than everything that came before.

Yeah, of course.

And he said, like, I'm just really curious.

Like, I always just associate Kanye doing press with Kanye not doing well.

He, this, like, this is what he said in, and this is just a clip, but so far, it really seems like he's fine.

He said, this is the mother of my children and I apologize for any stress that I've caused, even in my frustration, because God calls me to be stronger.

I need this person to be less stressed and of the best sound mind, as calm as possible, to be able to raise those children at the end of the day.

Like, and he's, um,

he said he has a new respect for Kim and that he's always wanted to be, be calm.

And, like, he's the one who's like making her not.

And he's sorry.

Right, right, right.

Oh, that's sweet.

That's actually really sweet.

Yeah.

So it's like, it's.

I need to watch the interview before I really like say anything.

Also, speaking of Kanye, like he's been in the news for this gap and Adidas stuff.

Yes.

He's no longer doing collabs with either of them.

And he's posting everyone's LinkedIn to his Instagram page.

Honestly, like when Kanye goes like so random deep dive like posting all these businessmen, like it does, I know I sound fucking crazy.

It does make me feel like one day like he might like reference our close on Sunday like partnership with him.

Like why?

Because like he's obviously like he knows about what goes on in his business.

He doesn't just design like he gets to know like the fact that like someone from Yeezy had reached out to us and gave us an unreleased Kanye sound like that was sanctioned by Kanye.

Like I know I sound crazy.

I just feel like one day he'll like post the clip, you know?

Do you know what I mean?

And just pray that day never comes.

Is that delusional?

No, I never, I've literally never thought about it, but it's not that crazy.

Because when he's like referencing like the lawyers who did the deal and this one guy who works at Gap Corporate, like he's not just like this type of artist who does partnerships and doesn't like he knows everything that goes on in his business like that's my takeaway when he's posting these random people's fucking linkedins like that's my takeaway so the fact that we had like an official communication with you know a yeezy employee who obviously had gotten approval from Kanye to give us his unreleased song to sing on our podcast years ago.

It makes me think like in some way, like we could come back on his radar another time, like when he's on an Instagram spiral and like like blowing people up.

Yeah.

And it's, I think it would only be like if we're saying like something completely supportive or completely detracting.

Right.

And so that leads me to say, like, I think the kids should be going to Donda Academy.

And I think they should live in Chicago.

Donda Academy, it looks like great time.

I'm actually thinking of sending my kids to Donda Academy.

They have a Jewish program that's really, it's on par with Chabad.

No, the Donda Academy stuff, like, I think it's nice, honestly.

Like, yeah, for sure.

We'll have to do a tour.

100%.

Are you ready for our next story?

Speaking of press, Olivia Wilde is making the rounds and talking about some of it.

She was on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

Let me guess.

Let me guess her answer.

I just didn't think this would be a conversation we'd be having if I weren't a woman.

Amongst other things, yes.

She doubled down on her claim that she fired Shia LaBeouf from Don't Worry Darling, now alleging he gave her an ultimatum with Miss Flo.

She said, quote, we had to replace Shia.

He's a fantastic actor, but it wasn't going to work.

When he gave me the ultimatum of, you know, or of, or when he gave me the ultimatum of, you know, him or Florence, I chose Florence.

I can't say Florence.

Did she say Miss Florence?

I was about to say, I can't say Florence without saying Miss Flo, but I realize in this context, it is important for me to get it right.

In response to Shia's claim that Olivia had begged him to stay on the project, she clarified, quote,

that was him feeling he was stepping away and me feeling like we were moving on without him.

She said, Early on in the process of making the film as the director, I tried to mediate a situation between people to try and see if they could work together happily.

Once it became clear that it was not a tenable working relationship, I was given an ultimatum.

I chose my actress, which I'm very happy I did.

Also, in this interview, she's going hard for Florence.

She said, At the time, was I bummed that we weren't able to make it work?

Yes.

Did information come about him come to light later that made me confident we made the right choice?

Yes.

She said

about Florence, she's sensational in this film and it is about her being brave enough to listen to the brave people who come before her, who everyone else has ignored and trust her instincts.

She said, Florence is a good, is as good at dramatic work as she is at action.

I have nothing but respect for Florence's talent.

She's fantastic.

She's on the set of her movie Dune Part 2 right now.

There's nothing cooler than a busy actress.

I have nothing against her for any reason.

No, so Margot, our sister, had actually seen the movie.

I spoke to her about it last night.

She said, it's literally Flo.

Like, Flo's the whole movie.

It's like, not even Harry.

It's Flo.

And that she was marvelous, like really incredible.

So I think, you know,

regardless of their relationship, like press-wise, like she has to praise Flo.

Yeah.

And it's like, why should she have anything against Flo other than the fact that Flo kind of blew up her spot?

But if she were mad at Flo about that, it would also be kind of like saying, yeah, what she said is true.

I think taking the high road in the relation to her beef with florence is really like her only course of action especially because florence clearly did such a great job in the movie now the stuff with shia i could actually see how some of it was taken out of context i think that like she's been a little bit villainized in the sense that i think that that um Obviously, when she was begging him to come back to the movie, that wasn't the last thing that happened.

They must have been trying to make it work.

And then after that video, he gave her an ultimatum and she chose Florence.

But I think the reason reason why it's murky is because she acted like she fired him based on allegations because it wasn't a safe work environment.

When that

used a movement

to like make herself a hero.

However, I do think, like, I can see a world in which you're a director working with famous celebrities with big egos and you like let them down in certain like kind of manipulative ways to let them think that they walked away, even though like behind the scenes.

I actually can totally see how like she was happy to let Shia think that he was the one making the decision, like giving him that power, just to keep like actors' egos in check, even though like this was some sort of calculated plan to get rid of him in a peaceful way.

I just think they're actually like both not lying.

They're just like not telling the whole story.

Like she did fire him if he gave her an ultimatum, but Shia is saying like, you also, you wanted me to be in it, but I couldn't make it work, you know?

Right.

And I think that was actually probably an intentional thing that Olivia did.

Like, Like, let him think this is his decision, even though, like, we want to get rid of him.

Yeah, I just think there was more stuff that happened after that video.

But the video Vindicates Shia because it's like, no, she wanted me to be in it still at a certain point.

That video was really bad.

Yeah.

But I think it might be a little frustrating for her because

there was more that happened afterwards.

Nuance.

And now she's like doing the press tour.

She was on Kelly where her conversation was a bit lighter where she pretty much was like, because Kelly was like, I'm not going to ask you about it, because I think Kelly, you know, knows what it's like to be misunderstood and in the press and everything.

And Olivia just sort of skirts around it and saying, you know, there's people who are living without water and like that's more important.

Oh my God.

I mean, there are people who are living without water and we all need to like really be helpful and talk about that, but that's neither here nor there.

Yeah, no, like make a movie about it.

Like you have a platform.

Use a platform.

But this is the movie that you made, so we're talking about this movie.

Right, and you're actually doing press for this particular movie.

That's why we are talking about it and not the water crisis.

But if the movie was about the water crisis, we'd be talking about the water crisis.

Of course, we would.

And maybe you should have thought of that before you made a movie, not about the water crisis.

It's just, oh, and of course, she said

to Stephen Colbert, quote, I think what's funny is like, I don't feel like my male director colleagues are answering questions about their cast.

I hate that shit because, first of all, no, she's right.

We're not because I've never seen a video of a male director.

Shia, shy, shy him look like a big fucking liar.

Shya, shya.

If there was, just, you know, if there was a video of James Cameron going around, like lying to Kate Winslet about Leonardo Capio, you bet your ass would be talking about it every single day on the show.

But there's not.

So you're a woman, yes, but you're also a woman who found herself in a situation that I have not seen from another male director.

And I feel like there's actually a lot of, like, a decent amount of drama with male directors, like that, that guy,

James, I mean, that James Gunner, or whatever.

Yeah, Guardians of the Galaxy.

Guardians of the Galaxy, which I don't know enough about the situation, but I remember everyone was talking about the fact that all these actors penned a note on his behalf, even though I think he might be a sex offender or something.

There was weird shit.

So I feel like there's actually a decent amount of drama.

Directorial drama.

And especially,

by the way, it's a director getting involved with anyone on the film.

Kristen Stewart, Snow White, and the Huntsman.

We were talking about that director.

But also, most directors aren't famous.

She is a actress celebrity first, a director second.

Maybe that won't be the case at a moment.

Most directors aren't going on Stephen Colbert.

Most directors are fucking irrelevant.

I wouldn't know them on the street if they took a dump on my chest.

Like, yeah, that's a really good question.

I wouldn't think.

That's actually probably.

She's a celebrity first, and that's why we're talking about it, not because she's a woman.

I hate that shit.

Yeah.

Agreed.

You're famous.

Like, literally, Jason Sudakis, Harry Styles, like, there's a lot going on.

No, and she's a front-facing person.

Like, she's B2C.

Right.

Most directors are B2C.

Most directors are B2B.

She's B2C.

Yeah.

Therefore, it's in the press.

We are talking about it.

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Okay, our next story is actually some canceled culture news.

Let me finish reading it before you comment because there's been an update.

Tiffany Haddish claims she lost all of her jobs amid the child molestation lawsuit.

Tiffany Haddish claims she, quote, lost everything as a result of the now dismissed allegations of child molestation and grooming made against her and fellow comic Ari Spears.

She told TMZ, all my gigs gone, everything gone.

I don't have no job, bro.

According to IMDb, she has two products in post-production, but none that she is currently filming or listed as in pre-production.

She also has no upcoming tour dates for her comedy tour per Ticketmaster.

Haddish and Spears were accused of grooming and molesting a brother and sister when they were 14 and seven years old, respectfully, in a lawsuit filed earlier this month.

The alleged victims claim that she coerced them into participating in explicit comedy skits.

The suit, the siblings who made the accusations dismissed the lawsuit this week.

They said, quote, my family and I have known Tiffany Haddish for many years, and we now know that she would never harm me or my brother or help anyone else do anything that could harm us.

She told TMZ on Tuesday on behalf of herself and her brother.

We wish Tiffany the best and are glad that we can put this all behind us.

What?

Yeah.

Oh.

But wait.

But those videos were made.

Yeah.

I don't, I really am so confused.

When I read this story, like I felt.

It sounds like seriously someone's holding a gun to their head.

Like say that.

I know.

And I don't want to like accuse anyone of anything, but like I'm so confused because I felt so sick reading this story.

Like, genuinely horrified for the case to be dismissed and for the woman to say like she would never harm us.

Never mind.

Maybe they like chatted offline and came to an understanding.

Right, because at the end of the day,

this is hearsay, obviously.

Like you're supposed to, you know, believe the victim, but and that can lead people to be doubtful.

Like there's no like full proof, but those videos still like you can watch it.

It's disgusting and I wouldn't, I wouldn't and I know people have, but like there is video evidence of extremely inappropriate content being made.

made yeah

so maybe it all happened but

they're just moving forward in a different way i i'm so confused i i honestly that's fucking weird yeah

because part of me is like well if they're you know saying it didn't happen and the case is dismissed then like that's not right that tiffany haddish is of course

but then i think about how

Those videos still were made by Tiffany Haddish.

But

these statements, they don't say that it never happened.

It's just like, she's just singing a different tune now.

And I just feel like maybe they have, like, they've spoken and

figured something out.

She said, my family and I have known Tiffany, excuse me, ads,

Life Station.

She said that?

No.

The ads just are.

coming in front of my quote.

Okay.

My family and I have known Tiffany Haddish for many years.

And we now know that she would never harm me or my brother or help anyone else do anything that could harm us.

We wish Tiffany the best and are glad that we can put this all all behind us.

Well, the interesting thing is that they're saying Tiffany,

not Ari Spears.

Yeah, Ari Spears, for his part, slammed the claims and called them extortion.

Well, the thing about being a comedian is that like your career is what you make it in the sense that like, you know, Louis C.K.

was widely canceled and he's still one of the most popular comedians.

He doesn't do anything mainstream.

He doesn't go on the late night shows.

He doesn't have a special on Netflix.

He tours all around the country.

He does huge venues.

He sells his specials directly to his listeners.

As a comedian, like you can have a very prosperous career.

That's why, you know, people who do stand-up and become really, really famous, they never stop doing stand-up because the day that all those movies and everything stops, you can always go back to making a hundred grand a night selling out a stadium.

Well, stadium, you probably make that, right?

No, no, sorry.

You make a hundred grand a night like selling out like like a big ass theater, like a like six to ten thousand person, which like the Dolby, Radio City, Madison Square Guard, like that's the type of venue.

So

that's what's interesting about being a comedian is like, as a comedian, you can truly, and that's why I think it's kind of a safe career for people to say whatever they want.

Because at the end of the day, like even when Chappelle was like

so on the outs after Chappelle's show and was considered like this radioactive, he was still one of the most successful touring comedians because people don't care.

Oh, you're not a Comedy Central anymore.

I can buy a ticket to your show.

Like, you don't need the industry behind you or to have, to necessarily even approve you because you sell tickets directly to your fans.

You sell your comedy specials directly to your fans.

Patreon is a new wave of that.

Like all these comedians who aren't really

Hollywood are still some of the most like successful comedians in terms of touring sell out just as big of a venue as like a Jerry Seinfeld.

Yeah.

No, and the money is there too.

Like Amy Schumer literally sold out Madison Square Garden Theater and like so did I.

You know that's actually a really good comparison.

Something like so many of the um

comedians like comedians who come from podcasting digital world

are doing just

are doing the same venues as an Amy Schumer as well not there's there's but then there's like another level of like Chappelle Sebastian Manascalco those are the whole

heart I'm really talking about like podcasting comedians who are like they're not digitally native but have like used the internet to

who are big on patriot give themselves a career you read Tom Seguro's book right like he no it's on my list He couldn't get a special at first, like filmed it himself, sold it.

I think it was back when like he printed

DVDs, I think.

Yeah.

I'm crying.

So, yeah, there is big money in that, but it's funny because I feel like there are some comedians, not the Chappelles and Sebastian, those are like, and Kevin Hart.

Those are like, they have the industry and they have the audience.

There are so many comedians that just have the industry.

I know.

I don't know who you're thinking of, but like, I'm thinking of literally one person in particular.

And it's like, I don't think this person has any actual fans, but it's like Netflix special.

Put her on late night.

It's like,

who is this person?

What are you thinking about?

I'll tell you later.

I'm not going to say, I'm not going to like dog fellow female comedians.

I just find it interesting.

Yeah.

And so,

and that's how I kind of feel about a lot of SNL cast members.

Not all of them.

Some of them are genuinely funny and have audiences, the standout ones, but like a lot of them are just like...

The thing is about SNL is like you actually don't need to have like a huge fan base to do your job well.

No, no, but you just need to be funny, do good impressions, be a good writer.

Like,

yeah.

But it's not going to make you a rock star comedian if you don't have like that galvanized audience and you're not like something special.

But I also just feel like those days are like kind of over where like you're becoming like a

nationwide, the biggest comedian after doing SNL.

Like I feel like Pete Davidson was super rare because that hasn't happened like since Keenan.

Yeah, but I wouldn't even say he's like the biggest comedian.

I don't know.

No, no, no, no, but he's famous.

Like honestly, Michael Che and Colin Joe, like, they do stand-up together.

They go on tour.

They sell huge venues.

I, that just doesn't happen anymore.

They've been on the show for 10 years.

So the thing is, like, when you get canceled as a comedian, it's not the same as being canceled as an actor.

You're canceled as an actor.

You're fucked.

Because in order to be a successful actor, you need the industry to be able to.

Well, you need to be in the green.

You can't just go to a theater and do a one-man show.

Right.

So with a, that's why like so many people just like, you would think, like, why does Jerry Seinfeld still do stand-up?

It's It's because, like, it's just built into like the DNA of a comedian.

Like, never give that up because, like, you could lose everything, and you just have to go back.

That's how Chappelle built it all.

He got so canceled.

Chappelle's show was canceled.

He was so irrelevant, literally excommunicated by Hollywood.

So, he just kept touring, touring, touring, and then he became so big at touring, they couldn't ignore him anymore.

That's really good.

And that's half the beauty of being a comedian.

Yep, yep.

Yeah, like to half the world,

he's like dead, and the other half, he's like the best comedian alive, right and he's making money hand over fist yeah

people just love him so i am confused as hell about this tiffany haddish situation but what i mean to by why i brought that up is that she's gonna be fine there's no shows on ticket master that's not because ticket master won't have her go on tour

yeah uh

yeah Ticketmaster will sell your tickets.

But do you think at this point, I mean, people love her like in movies and stuff, but can she sell tickets?

Yeah.

We'll see.

Yeah.

I think she can.

Okay.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Someone else is selling something.

Brad Pitt debuted his new skincare line.

He credits his ex Gwynneth Paltrow for getting him to wash his face.

Okay, every time Gwynneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt even remotely reference each other, I fall so head over heels into ship dumb, even though there are a few couples I love on this planet more than Gwynneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk.

I think they have like a really strong marriage and I'm really happy for them.

But when she referenced like that whole Harvey Weinstein with him, him, like they always just like maybe like once every few years will reference their relationship in such a positive light.

It's like it makes me want to cry.

It makes me want to cry that I wasn't present for it.

I was alive, but I was six.

Right, right.

I was four.

Brad Pitt has entered the skincare chat.

The actor and director announced his new collection called Le Domain Skincare in an interview with British Vogue and opened up about his own skincare routine and which one of his famous exes influenced his brand and his beauty routine.

He said, I love what Gwyneth's done with goop.

She is still a really dear friend and she has built this empire.

She has always had that in her as a curator and it's been a lovely

creative outlet for her.

In fact, come to think about it, she was probably the first one to get me to wash, even wash my face twice a day, maybe.

Brad wanted to make it clear though that despite this being his brand, which he created with the help of the Perrin family of Vint Neurs, oh, I feel like Moira Harose, he is not the face of the brand.

He is, however, the driving force behind the product's creation, which use grape-based antioxidants from Chateau.

I'm sorry.

Grape.

What are you saying?

It's the skincare uses grape-based antioxidants from his

vineyard, Chateau Marival, which has allowed him

contentious.

It's a huge asset in his

face.

What I'm trying to say is that he was using these grapes on his face at his vineyard, and now he's bottling it and selling it.

And he's just like one person in the chain.

And I don't know why you wouldn't be the the face of a skincare brand when your face is Brad Pitt.

When you're Brad Pitt.

But he really believes in this stuff.

He said he's gotten sent like so much stuff over the years.

It's all crap.

And that if this didn't work, he wouldn't bother with it.

But it's the real deal.

Okay.

I'm like really beyond like shook that like we're having this conversation.

Like Brad Pitt releasing a skincare line is so beneath him.

Like it's giving

like it's It's so weird.

It is weird.

I'm not here for it.

I'm sorry.

Do I believe the grapes are great for your skin?

Yes.

Do I believe it's better than anything that's currently on the market?

No.

I don't know why he's doing this.

It's so bizarre.

And it makes me think he's hard up for cash.

I think maybe he said in an interview a few months ago that like he's in,

I don't want to say, I don't know if I'm misquoting, but kind of like the final chapter of his life.

And

he's an actor and a director, but like those sorts of things, like you need to work to get paid.

And maybe he's just at a point in his life where he's like, I want the checks to come in.

Like I want to build a business and

not have to work for every paycheck directly.

100%.

And if that was the case, I can't imagine that he would land on skincare.

I feel like he would invest in like a couple like liquor businesses,

maybe like tech.

I feel like when you're that famous, you get opportunities to invest early in companies that are no doubt going to make you money.

Like that's how the rich get richer.

Like they get those opportunities that nobody else gets.

I feel like he probably could get a hundred businesses wanting his money that are 75% going to make it.

You don't think like he sat down with his team and they were like, Well, Brad.

Why would he start like from inception?

That's more work.

Well, Brad, what are you known for?

And he says, That's more work than just writing a check.

He has to come up with the name, the branding, the formulas.

Like, write a check to Spritz Society and we'll do the work for you.

You know what I mean?

I think he's not someone who doesn't want to work.

I think he just wants to.

But you just said he wants the checks to come to him.

I think he wants to work smarter, not harder.

And I don't think skincare is going to be that.

No, it's surprising.

It makes me think that this grape stuff must be the fountain of youth.

Right.

Maybe Angelina was using it too.

Maybe we need to, because like that could be the only reason why he's doing this because we absolutely have to have this product on the market.

Right.

But it's giving like 4 a.m.

infomercial.

Yeah.

Anyways, do with that information what you will.

I feel like you needed to know it and we all need to chew on it.

100%.

But what I really need to do is talk about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills because the blow-up of all blow-ups, we finally kind of sort of got it.

Not at all.

We got absolutely nothing.

We got the saddest party I've ever seen in Beverly Hills.

Oh, it was giving basement hangout in the eighth grade.

Yes, and that's what every single party on all Real Housewives have turned into.

I think since COVID, but they obviously don't care to step it up.

It's only the women getting together in like a house or a sad venue, getting dressed to the nines in a theme and being pathetic.

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So yes, we got the blow up even though we got nothing.

You're telling me the blowup happened in the sprinter.

The sprinter is strapped with GoPros at all times.

We watch all the women, like, do nonsense, and they didn't have the footage.

It's too convenient.

I honestly, I don't really, I think maybe Kathy said some stuff, but they're making it seem like it was so crazy with Lisa Rinna as our only reliable witness and she won't even like say what was said.

And I understand like Kathy was mad at Kyle.

She probably said mean stuff about Kyle.

Okay.

Yeah, and although, you know, we have only Lisa Rinna for the sprinter, but all the women said Kathy was being like nuts.

Kathy was probably drunk and fucking mad at her sister, and she was acting weird with the conga line and wanting to leave and screaming at her sister.

I believe all of that.

Only Kathy, only people who want to see Kathy taken down are saying she was acting so wild.

Crystal, who is a friend of Kathy, said she didn't see anything.

If Kathy's making this whole scene at the cafe.

But not, but Jackie, not everyone went.

Did Crystal go to that club?

So that Crystal said she didn't see anything.

Sutton said Kathy didn't want, like, wanted to do do a conga line.

Nobody wanted to do it.

And then Kathy said to Sutton, Come home with me.

If you don't come home with me, you're not my friend.

Okay, like not a girl, like fine, neutral, messy drugs.

Like not anything that's like World War III and Beverly Hills.

The only people who are saying that Kathy was so insidious, never seen anything like it before, is Rinna,

Diana, Erica, Erica,

Kyle.

Kyle is going off of what Rina told her.

Yeah, so here's the thing with Kyle.

I

now kind of like getting the whole picture.

So when Lisa Rinna had the absolute gall to say that Kyle is more successful and richer than and more famous than Kathy Hilton, like I had to just laugh.

Like that was funny.

I don't think Kathy thinks of herself in competition with Kyle, but I think Kyle thinks of herself in competition with Kathy.

You can't even compare the two.

I do think that they haven't accurately really told us what their

Kathy, before this, Kathy and Kyle had not been on good terms for years.

And they never really told us what that was about.

It's not really about American women.

It all stems from the agency.

Kathy's husband is like a maven of real estate in LA.

Kyla Mauricio get married.

Mauricio starts to work for Rick.

They really kind of gave Kyla Mauricio a life, like a something.

And then years later, he works his way up the company and he goes out and makes his own company, the agency.

I think he takes a lot of business from Rick's company.

I think it hurt Rick's company.

And that's something to get into a real argument with your sister about.

Taking away someone's livelihood, hurting their livelihood when you went out on a limb for Kyle's husband.

That, I think, is what this all stems from, honestly.

That's why they weren't friends for many years.

They've never really spoken about it.

I was surprised they even alluded to it last night, Lisa.

And Kathy has every right.

I'm sure Kathy's husband fucking hates Kyle and her husband.

I'm sure he does.

Yeah.

So that's what it's really all about.

And they can make us seem it's about like American woman and mom.

It's not.

I think those things don't help.

And when you're on the outs with a sister, it's clearly.

Like if we're on the outs about like a real, whatever business, just like the agency thing that happened, and then you're going to go make a show about our life.

And I don't agree with the way that you're depicting things.

Like that is problematic.

And Lisa being like, she's jealous of American woman, like

American woman's not on the edge.

Why would anyone?

No, and I think like Lisa's really forgetting that Kathy Hilton is one of the richest women in Hollywood.

Her daughters are two of the most famous iconic socialites

of all time, and they're still at the top of their game and the most relevant.

I think she's forgetting like the Hilton Enterprise, while it doesn't still, you know, own the Hilton hotels, is one of the biggest names in real estate.

Like, Lisa Renault really needs to get a grip.

That was like a crazy, delusional thing to say.

Yeah.

And just made it seem like so obvious that what they're trying to do.

And I think Kathy probably has a temper.

I think, you know, we everyone has.

She's a rich woman.

Everyone has a side of them that most people don't see.

Exactly.

And, you know, you go on a girl's trip and you're drunk and people are disrespecting you day in and day out and you reach your

system breaking point 1000%.

But I don't without proof or quotes or anything, like nothing that Lisa Rena is telling me makes it seem like anything other than like she had a really bad night.

And that's

Yeah, and it's very possible that Kathy said horrible things that I wouldn't agree with, but until I have any sort of proof, Lisa Rinna is just not known for being an accurate storyteller.

She's known for being a drama queen, she's known for being extremely

literally

such a soap opera actress.

Whoever said in the last episode, I think it was Garcel, like you would need an exorcism to remove the soap actress from Lisa Rinna.

Like that, when she was leaving Crystal's last night, I just, I just feel like I need to go home.

Like,

she still wouldn't say what Kathy said.

Like, Crystal had no idea what the fuck she was talking about.

Like, it was giving Crystal being like, she said something so dark, but I can't say it.

Yes.

And everyone was coming at Crystal being like, you can't say something like that and not give us details.

Lisa, you can't say something like that and not give us details.

Even the text messages to Erica were extremely vague.

We never, what did she say?

Okay, she wants to take down NBC and take down Bravo.

Okay, like, so she's angry about

the show.

That's Sister Tings.

Yeah.

No, that's like, she's having a really bad bad night, but nothing in there is like she's this evil plotting.

No, and everything that she's met at Kyle for like seems innocuous, but when you put it all together and like you, you know how a sister should be there for you.

Like if Kathy's having a bad night and she's wasted and something's like wrong and she's like, Kyle, I need you to take me home.

And she says no, if you ever came up to me at a club with a group of friends and you're like, Claudia, I'm not okay.

Like you need to come home with me now.

I'd be like, all right, I'll call the Uber.

Like that's what friends do.

And that's what sisters do.

And after, I mean, I would hope you would never

be disrespected.

And like, I know the conga line.

And Kathy's older.

Kathy's older.

You respect her old.

The conga line sounds stupid, but it was just like one more thing where it's like, they're knocking Kathy.

Everyone is just dismissing her.

Everyone's dismissive of her.

The Costa del Soul dismissive.

Everything is like Kathy's crazy.

Kathy's cuckoo.

They're making her out like she's a mental patient.

Justice for Kathy until I see anything that even remotely disproves otherwise.

I'm so not convinced.

It would take a lot to convince me because

I don't trust these people.

I don't believe a word that comes out of Lisa Renee.

So that's a problem?

Right.

So I'm definitely biased.

I can't believe that.

And then also Erica's biased.

I'm very ready for it to be someone else's turn as she's plainly stating.

She's basically saying, like, all right, my worst moments, but you know what?

Your worst moments were caught on cameras.

And I don't think Kathy would have said any of that if the Sprinter had been wrapped up in cameras.

They were officially cut for the day.

And I think Diana is interested in being the number one girl in this group.

And I think Kathy's really the only one giving her a run for her money.

In terms of

prestige.

Yes, and money.

The more they try to take Kathy down, the more tacky and gross they all look and poor.

And the more elevated and sickening Kathy becomes.

The way I would lay my life out on the line for Kathy is not normal, considering I actually, I have met her twice.

And both times I was really impressed with what I saw.

Also, next week, Lisa Renna, like goes to Kathy's house and is like, why do you have a black heart?

Like,

I don't need to show up with my

also Lisa Renna.

I'm going to tell you something about Lisa Renna.

If Lisa Renna finds herself in a situation where someone's exposing themselves and there's not a camera, why isn't Lisa Renna pressing record?

Right.

Just on her phone.

And if you ever find yourself between two sisters, just know you are in the wrong.

This is none of your fucking business.

Get out.

Yeah.

And I love how Kathy in her confessionals was like, yeah, no i was being like drunk and crazy i didn't think that and you know lisa was so great she was so sweet to me and understanding it was a great conversation like i love her serenity and calm when lisa's like i think i have to go home yeah

i loved it it's like making lisa look like such a drink yeah i just think that if lisa rena heard what she heard like she would have recorded it because that's lisa rena

she's texting erica she can text on her phone but she didn't hit record true

So true.

And I love Kathy.

Like, yeah, I'll get my own plane.

Yeah.

I'm Kathy Hilton, for fuck's sake.

Fuck's sake.

And it's about time everyone starts fucking acting like and stop treating her like, you know, crazy old grandma.

Like the way I'm so team Kathy, like, and I don't want anything bad to come out because I'm obsessed.

Yeah, that would be hard.

But it's at this point, they actually are doing themselves a disservice because now what needs to come out needs to be so bad, unforgivable, and excusable.

as opposed to if we got like some quotes and I was like, okay, Kathy, apologize, move on.

She threw a cup.

She threw her glasses.

I'm going to take the pajawas down.

Yeah.

So I need more burger until I was a big

burger and the party made me sad.

And it kind of makes me want to re-watch

the Kim and Kyle of it all because back then, like, Kim was so painted as the villain because she was the one like going through stuff.

So it's like, how can Kim be wrong?

I mean, how can Kyle be wrong when Kim is the one, you know, who's drunk?

And now I'm just like, I feel like I might have been seeing like the Richards family dynamic so wrong.

I had, when all, I never cared, honestly.

Like, I, I wasn't, I really didn't like Kim as a housewife, but I was never like a Kyle Stan.

And I feel like it wasn't until like everyone took down Lisa Vanderpump and like Kyle like engendered herself into like this next generation with like Dorit and Erica that I was like, oh my Kyle's like a great housewife and a great gal.

Right.

It's so fun.

So you always like really loved Kyle.

I just like, I never really cared about that drama back in the day.

It wasn't my beat.

No, I didn't care either.

It just like made me sad.

Like sisters,

like fighting like that is terrible on TV.

It's terrible.

And I feel like Kathy's very much like our like our line of thinking, like old school, like very Caroline Manzo.

Like you don't portray the family, even if there's something wrong, you handle it in private.

Whereas Kyle's like, well, I'm going to be a good housewife and I'm going to pay for it.

You know, it's like,

no.

No, some things can be kept private.

And I think family discourse is for nobody's ears but the family.

But that's just.

So

hopefully someone will start bringing us some information soon.

Yeah, I need proof.

I need proof.

And how Kyle, I think this is how it plays out.

How Kyle's going to let Erica and Lisa like try and destroy her sister, that is unforgivable.

Those are her best friends.

If she said stop, they would stop.

No, like, that's Lisa Ridden wants to take down Kathy Hilton.

And Kyle's going to let her do it.

Yeah.

But I'm not.

And Erica's going to help her.

I'm not.

I'm not.

We need to show out in full support for Kathy.

I actually didn't even look last night to see what people were saying.

People, I believe, are firmly team Kathy.

Lisa Rita does not make a good hero.

She is not the hero of the the story.

She has never been the hero of the story.

People do not believe her.

Even the ones that like her know she's crazy pot stirring drama.

Yeah, it's the soap actress.

We need an exorcism.

Oh, I did want to say how much I really appreciated Garcelle owning the fact that, like, perhaps she should have just given a heads up.

She wasn't sorry about what she said, but she could have given her friends a friend a heads up.

When they were spending the weekend together, she's like, you know what?

I should have said that.

I also like the way Erica handled it.

I think like last season,

she would have been like, I'm coming for you and your children.

She didn't even get into it.

She She was like gritty about what she said.

I would have liked a heads up.

I thought we were bonding.

It hurt my feelings.

And Garcelle was like, Yeah, you're headed.

And I think, yeah, and I think Erica understands, like, this is just her job and not to take it personally.

Like, I'm sure Garcelle wanted to talk about this like she wanted a fucking hole in the head.

Like, it's not comfortable.

And I think she was really mature about it.

And I love that, like, she just took umbrage with the not getting a heads up, which I totally

were talking about in Aspen.

That was the time.

You didn't do it.

You can't do that.

I loved that.

And I love, I love the whole exchange.

I was just like, mature dialogue.

Queens.

Mature Mature Queens.

So that is the recap.

That is our show.

We have one more show

on Friday.

That's our last show of the week.

And then we have no show Monday and Tuesday, right?

So tomorrow is our last show until Wednesday.

So just keep that in mind.

And I'll see you guys on Saturday at my show in Huntington, Long Island.

Thank you so much for listening to the Morning Toast and Millennial Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Bye.