S5 Ep133: Congratulations, You Played Yourself: Tuesday, September 20th, 2022

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Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy Tuesday.

I was confizzled.

Miss Frizzle was frazzled because it's Tuesday.

It's my first day back in the studio.

We did an episode yesterday.

We recorded it on Sunday.

But it is, in case you were frizzled like me, it is Tuesday.

Which is exciting for us because it's inadvertently the week is off kilter, giving the vibes of a short week, though.

It is not.

It's actually very much like a week, you know?

It's giving week.

It's giving week.

Like there's so much going on in the world.

I think it's UN week.

I don't want to trigger you.

It is UN week.

The streets are barricaded.

If you live anywhere near the UN, wishing you well, best of luck, Godspeed to you and your family.

The president is in town.

It's not normal.

Like the way I always feel this way.

Like if I was the president, which, oh my God, how lucky would you all be?

I would never leave the house.

Like, I know, like, as a president, like you have to do stuff like outside of your house, but the way it inconveniences my subjects, I would be acutely aware too.

And I would, like, the way the whole city has to shut down for one motherfucking person, like, it's giving unnecessary.

I agree.

And you know who was all about that life?

The queen.

Never brought everyone to her, like made sure her homes for centuries have been palaces that she didn't want to spend all of her time in.

And the people came to her.

But now it's like all of that energy is inverted because I don't know if you watched the funeral yesterday, but the whole city is shut down for this woman, which is so, it was so gorgeous.

We'll talk about it.

Okay, but that's once every, every 75 years.

Right, right, right.

Cause she's just like a selfless queen and we love that for her.

It's crazy how I still have so much mid-September trauma.

Like I'm still thinking like, is it UN week?

You know, and I'm right.

No, that's the way your brain is wired.

And we're miles and miles and miles apart.

By the way, that was great.

Second of all, now that you just got me thinking, like, When you compare Buckingham Palace to the White House, like the White House is like tacky as fuck.

Like it's giving like gross because every four years there's like a new person, they redecorate.

Like the queen is like so old school.

Like it's only her family who's lived there for years and years.

But when I like think of the White House comparing it to Buckingham Palace, I'm like, ew.

Yeah, I think there's pros and cons to both.

From what I understand, like these palaces are old and they require so much upkeep and it's like impossible.

There's, you know, wallpaper crumbling.

I think they, they have like rats and stuff all the time.

it's really hard to keep them up.

I do think the White House, it's more modern because it's only a few centuries old compared to like thousands.

And they redecorate every couple of years.

Right.

So, you know, Kumza Fresh, I actually think it's a good thing.

Tabula Rasa.

Tabula Rasa.

That's the thing.

It always comes back to Tabula Rasa.

Yeah.

Like if I were in the White House, you know, every room would be thumba.

Thumba.

Thumba, thumma.

If I was in the White House, the whole thing deadass would be from Wayfair.

Oh, for sure.

Because I have unlimited expenses.

I could do whatever I want.

Like, I want Wayfair.

Yeah.

Wayfair.

And a sprinkle of Jonathan Adler, which they do sell on Wayfair.

Wayfair is really great sometimes.

I have to say.

But not when they're trafficking children.

Right.

Oh, my God.

I like can't ever forget about that, unfortunately.

Who could?

Everyone forgot, but like.

No, they haven't.

I actually had a really pleasant experience with Wayfair a few weeks ago.

Like, they made myself.

Tell everyone that was.

I will tell everyone.

So I ordered some outdoor furniture from Wayfair because furniture is just so expensive.

And so I was like, I'm going to try Wayfair.

I got one set of things that was like pretty meh and like what you expect from Wayfair.

Like definitely should have checked the weight limit.

But then I ordered something else and something got delivered.

And it wasn't what I ordered.

I ordered a couch and instead I got two big chairs, but they were like the same brand, the same coloring.

They clearly just like picked the wrong

item from the shelf.

But they did.

They were nice looking and they matched what I was waiting to get so i called wayfair i told them they sent the wrong thing they made me send pictures blah blah blah and at the end they were like and you can just keep that or donate it whatever you see fit it's not worth the cost to us to like bring it back to the warehouse

and it matches the thing that i'm having coming i have this gorgeous outdoor set no um i've sat in it it's literally stunning it's so pretty i only had to pay for half of it and they were so kind and they were so they were like the customer experience was so pleasant they were so pleasant on the phone i was also pleasant too so i think like you get out what you put in.

So Josh.

I was like, I couldn't be bothered because I was like, this is your guys's problem.

Like, yo, come pick it up.

I'm not dealing with it.

I'm not going to, I'm not going to stress out about it.

On good guys, they were talking about this, like customer service, you know, behavior.

And it was such a funny conversation because Josh was telling me, like, the audience, what he does.

And it's exactly what I do.

And he's 100% right that you will get so far with just this one tactic.

I've been doing it for years.

Let's cosplay.

Okay.

So you're going to be Susan from Delta or whatever.

Okay.

Oh, but I'm Delta.

Okay, whatever.

Like you're Susan from Amazon.

Well, okay, it just depends on like what the place is.

Because when you're on the phone with an airline, it's impossible to be nice because you've just had the worst few days.

Actually,

like I've used this tactic exclusively with Delta because that's really the customer service that I call them.

Okay, I'll be Susan from Delta.

Okay.

Ring, ring.

Hello, Susan from Delta.

Who am I speaking with?

Hi, this is Claudia Susan.

How are you?

Thank you so much for picking up.

Me?

Nobody ever asked about Susan.

Right.

How's Susan?

You repeat back the name and you ask how the person is.

There is so much like

disarming.

Yes, Josh was saying that he does that.

And I'm like, oh my God, I do that too.

Like saying someone's name, especially someone who works in customer service and who's used to being railroaded, just like that tiny bit of like personal touch, I think goes such a long way.

And I like pretty, I have pretty good customer service experience with a lot of companies because I'm always, don't get me wrong, I've had those moments when I'm like, hi, yeah, I'm here.

My thing is not here.

Like I've had those moments, but always try and say the person's name and just ask them how they are at the beginning.

It is seriously, it goes such a long way.

Okay, thank you for that tip of the day.

You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

You heard it from quadiatree.

And there's just something really personal about saying someone's name, especially when you're in a job where I feel like most of the people you interact with couldn't give less of a shit what your name is.

Yeah.

So what you're saying is call me by your name.

Call me when you want.

Call me when you need.

Call me by your name, I mean, who

call me by your name?

Fun fact about me, never seen that movie.

Oh, me neither.

Add it to the list of like big movies that everyone loves.

No, I don't think that's a movie.

No, that movie has so much adoration.

From like a niche audience, it's not, I don't think it's like a mega.

I've never seen it either, and people like don't care.

They don't, they don't come for you.

No, and I feel like I know a lot of people actually who haven't seen that movie.

Oh, look at you.

Well, maybe for me, it's just because Rebecca and Dana, like, it's their favorite movie.

They saw it together.

Really?

They both had read the book.

It's like their thing.

So maybe it's just like it was a book first.

And maybe it's like me feeling left out.

Maybe this is like some sort of internal, like you're, you're, this is like therapy.

Maybe.

No, a movie I've never seen like in full

is Wedding Crashers.

And like, that's a big deal.

That is a big deal because it's amazing.

No, I know.

And like, it's always on cable.

So like I'll watch it.

I always find myself watching it when I'm getting ready for a show because like I'm in a hotel that just has cable and it's like movies we love on E.

It's always on.

So I'm like watching a couple, I'll watch an hour and I'll see 25 minutes of the movie because of the commercials.

You should sit down with it, honestly.

It's really that good.

No, I know, but like I've made it this far and now it's just an interesting fact about me, you know?

Oh, she's so interesting.

An interesting fact about a movie that I ruined for myself because I didn't sit down with it and I just turned it on is Gone Girl.

I never read the book.

I turned the movie on in the middle.

Remind me what movie this is?

Ben Affleck, Rosamond Pike, crazy fucking bitch.

I get that movie confused with Girl on a Train.

Yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense.

But no, she's not.

But I think I've seen Gone Girl.

You have...

She goes missing.

She goes missing.

And for the first half, it's like, is she alive?

Is she alive?

She's dead alert.

If you've never seen it, just.

She goes missing.

First half, is she alive?

Is she dead?

Like, did Ben Affleck do it?

It turns out she orchestrated the whole thing to make her husband look guilty.

But I turned it on in the middle.

So I never had the question of, I always knew she was alive.

You know?

Yeah.

I mean, that's a kind of a crazy thing to do, to like turn on a movie you've never seen and watch it from the middle.

I had no idea.

So I played myself on that.

I didn't get to experience it.

Congratulations.

I didn't get to experience it.

Congratulations.

You played yourself.

Yeah.

So it's Tuesday.

Normally we wouldn't do our House of the Dragon recap, but we were delayed because I was traveling this weekend.

I watched it on the plane last night.

When I tell you, I actually rewound and watched the wedding scene again because I was like quaking.

Were you?

When it, spoiler alert, when Damon like put his hand around her neck, I swear to God, I paused.

Oh, I

watched it last night, too.

The episode like didn't do that much for me.

Okay, we'll talk about it in the

TV recap.

In fact, I even watched the explainer at the end just to make sure I saw what everyone else saw.

Uh-huh.

It was interesting.

Well, I have questions for you because I downloaded it offline on HBO Max on the HBO Max app on my computer, which is riddled with issues.

Like, can somebody get with the program?

And I guess the director's explanation doesn't make it in that version.

Because I was ready.

I was like, great.

I have a six-hour flight.

Let me watch this 20 minutes where the director explains.

Because I was a little confused about what happened at the end of the episode.

No, so.

And it wasn't even there.

Soon I'll be listening to the podcast.

By the way, I'm down.

Yeah.

Only if they have Matt Smith on.

He should host it.

And only if they join TNN.

100%.

And that's make.

everything about us.

But somehow it always finds its way back.

Right.

And to make it about me, I just wanted to say I got home late last night, seven hour delay.

Oh my God, like kill me.

Um, from the PNW, Pacific Northwest.

And I have to say, Seattle is literally stunning.

Like the weather is, I mean, I'm sure like during the winter, it sucks, but like while it's still 85 degrees here, they're like falling into fall over there.

And it's a city by the water.

And it was so crisp, like really the most stunning weather.

I was obsessed.

Like there was like a small chill in the air, but it was still summer, you know?

It was so nice.

It was really nice and the toast is like so like popular in Seattle It's like so random to me and like whenever we're like going through demographics for tour or anything I'm always like oh yeah Seattle like we're weirdly like big there.

I feel that because I feel like if you like Seattle weather you like our personalities.

There's something chilly girls.

There's something very correlative between like people and weather and we are cold weather people.

It's totally correlative.

You know like are we big in Arizona?

I wouldn't be surprised if we're not.

We actually are.

I love that for us.

Well, because they like to party.

That's the thing.

We're just like big everywhere because this is the number one show on the planet and we're big girls.

So that kind of makes sense.

I wonder what state we're the least popular in.

You would know.

Think of ticket sales.

Well, no, it's states I've never been to.

Right.

Like, I really want to do a show in Iowa.

Like, it's my dream.

I would make you come and we would literally farm shop.

Farm

But I think it's too small of an audience to even go, you know?

You'll never know if you don't try a claw.

And maybe that's how you become big in Iowa.

Like they see you on the marquee.

They're like, okay, it's Saturday night.

Who's playing the theater?

I already sneezed on it.

It's true.

I'll go with you.

If you book a show, I will get you.

I really want to.

Okay, goals.

You have to always have goals.

It was such a great weekend, though.

You know, I've been like, every time I take like a quick, not even a quick, like I haven't been on stage since Red Bank, which was end of August.

So like about a month, I always am like, I'm a fraud.

No one's coming.

I'm not funny.

Like I have a total reset.

It's like the first time I'm ever doing stand-up and I have terrible anxiety and I can't sleep.

So just to like be reaffirmed that like it's, I'm still great.

This is literally what I was born to do.

It was so fun and it was such, it was kind of crazy.

Like I know it's still America, but there's something about the Pacific Northwest from New York that feels so far.

It feels like a different country.

I mean, it's a six-hour flight, which is just insane.

I just feel like it really shouldn't have to take that long.

And it's a totally different culture.

And I actually felt like I was playing a show in another country.

And it was like, wow, I'm so big in this country.

That's nice and delusional.

I do know.

I do know what you're saying.

It did feel like you were really far.

from me.

Yeah, and people like were messaging me like, what do you think about PNW?

Nobody ever says that about Cleveland.

They're like, it's just, it's like a city, you know?

But they were like, I'm so curious to hear your thoughts on the PNW because it is like this totally weird, different, not in a bad or a bad way.

Like, it's just this kind of remote part of the country that I feel like exists within itself.

I hope I'm not offending anyone.

I'm not meaning.

I'm saying it in a positive way.

No, yeah.

And you said that you love Seattle.

I loved Seattle.

Portland was cute too, but I didn't spend as much time in Portland.

I was there literally for three hours and I was on Robotussin, so I was asleep the whole time.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Speaking of the sick girls, we're feeling better.

Yeah.

I sounded so sick on yesterday's episode.

You did.

I like finished my illness and then I also caught a cold.

So it was like a twofer.

And then for the last since Saturday night, I like tweaked my neck.

Oh my God.

I was not okay.

I don't know if it's gone, if it's healed yet.

It's been like slowly creeping up throughout the day.

And by the end of the day, like I actually can't move.

Right now I'm okay.

But that was just,

that was undeserved.

Like that was not fair.

I'm super happy you're okay, but more importantly, how's Roldini's neck?

His neck is good.

It's good?

Yeah, his neck is getting stronger than ever, you know?

You're taking care of the neck?

Yeah, his neck, it's come really a long way in the last few months because, you know, babies are born without necks.

So don't have necks.

He went from being no neck to man with a neck.

Big, strong neck.

Big, strong neck.

So his neck is doing well, and that's actually more important.

I would take several bullets for that neck.

It's so warm and soft.

And I swear to God, like I could sleep there.

Also, speaking of you taking bullets, something that's been cracking me up is like behind you in the studio, there is a little little hole from where the neon sign used to hang.

And someone said like it looks like a bullet hole.

And to me, it's representative of all of the metaphorical bullets that you take for everyone on the daily.

Yeah, no, I could spackle it.

But it's a metaphor.

Symbolism is a cornerstone principle of the morning toast.

And what you see above my head, if you're watching on YouTube, is a physical manifestation of all the bullets I would take for each and every one of you.

Because band-aids don't fix bullet holes.

You say sorry just for show.

If you live like that, you live with ghosts.

We're like low-key really creeping up on the release of Midnights, Taylor's new album.

And it's just, it's so nice to have a life.

You know, I feel like for the last couple of years, like, I really haven't had a life.

So I basically just sit around waiting for things to happen.

But I'm so booked and busy that like things are just happening.

Yeah.

Speaking of in the words of Sheena Marie Shea,

it's all happening.

Speaking of Taylor, I watched The Summer I Turn Pretty.

Oh, yeah.

Your commentary was cracking me up.

Honestly, I forget who was I on the phone with?

I think I was on FaceTime with my friend Abe.

When you had texted me about the Summer I Turn Pretty, and I was literally cackling.

I was like, Jackie is so fucking funny.

Like,

I feel this way.

Like, I obviously suck the air out of every room.

Like, I suck the air out of the podcast.

Like, if I wasn't around, everyone would be like, oh my God, Jackie is funnier than Claudia.

Like, you are so fucking funny.

Jackie was sending me text messages.

If you watched the summary, I turned pretty of the scene where Belly gets drunk off those like cranberry margaritas and ends up pushing the woman with cancer down the stairs.

And her commentary was so fucking funny.

But tell me what you thought.

Okay, I'm really happy for the campers that they have like content like this.

I personally, I'm double Belly's age.

So I was feeling like just a little too old to be watching it, but

It was really she's really a sweetheart, but like I just can't relate to her and like I please explain to to me why they call her Belly.

Like, if I was 15 years old and everyone was calling me Belly, like, I would be like triggered.

Well, if you, I mean, I don't know what most normal 16-year-olds have in terms of like self-esteem or like body image awareness.

I guess, like, okay, if anybody called me Belly right now, like literally, you're taking a bullet.

She's taking a bullet.

Jail.

But I think like 16, you're like young enough to still be like carefree about your body.

Oh, what a time to be young.

Yeah.

so it was just interesting but her name is isabelle yes right so it's isabelle isabelly it was interesting just to watch it from the perch of like an older person it's like okay this is what the kids are up to this is really like wholesome content for kids to be watching like i'm i'm here for that but um i find myself like watching it more from like the parent perspective which is so crazy and i'm like These kids some of the some of them like Belly is such a good kid and like you can only hope that you know your kids like her stays the child she's like that she is just you know the model child but like the boys were being like so moody and mean.

And I was like, ugh, is that what I have to look forward to?

Like, but you know what?

That was like a, and I thought they did a good job.

That was like such a palpable thing in the book.

It's like her family, like they're so fucking mean to her.

Like her brother, I wanted to kill.

Like he was so mean to her in the book.

And like you end up feeling so bad for her, but that's really what it's like to be a teenage girl who's like surrounded by like cousins and brothers.

Like they leave you out and they're mean to you and they throw you in the pool.

And it was like, you feel so sorry for Belly.

And that really did translate very well to the show.

It did, but then it's also like she gets to go to the Debs with all the girls who are obsessed with her brother and her cousins.

And like, she's the cool, she's automatically.

She's that bitch.

She's that bitch.

So, like, I didn't feel that bad for her for that long.

I also found myself like, I'm more interested in the love story between Steven and

what was Shayla.

I don't know.

I watched a show like six.

The brother and his girlfriend by the end, like, they're fully in love.

Like, they're actually going through stuff throughout the show.

And I'm like, I want their book.

Yeah.

Well, I don't, did you, you didn't read the book, did you?

No, no.

And I'm glad I didn't.

Yeah.

So the, it's really kind of

really similar.

The only few things they changed were Jeremiah is not bisexual in the book.

And there is no debutante ball.

And even though it was like this big thing in the show, it's not, it didn't, it's like not that big of a deal.

I don't really feel like it changed that much for me because it was like the show needed like benchmarks.

Yes.

Like and in summer, what are we, yes, I agree.

I'm, that's shocking that debutante wasn't in the book.

I know, but like it didn't bother me.

And okay, so like, yes, you thought it was like childish and a little immature.

But like when he gets up to dance with her at the Deadball and they play that Taylor Swift song, like you died, right?

I actually did die.

And I'm very Team Conrad.

Duh.

And I like him as a person.

I like him for Belly.

And I just like, he's very handsome.

And you don't know what happens, right?

No, I just watched the first

season.

So this is the first season is the first book.

Okay.

And they end on the beach and spoiler alert, Conrad and Belly kiss.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like the way

it's not like a traditional, like, happy ever happened.

Like, what happens is fucking crazy.

Oh, I can't wait to hear.

But I don't think that it's going to be like, they honestly shouldn't have kissed because he's about to go to college and like meet real women.

And...

It's going to make Belly look even younger.

Like, if they're ever going to have a chance of being together forever, like, she needs to get a little bit older because he's on the precipice of adulthood and she's a sophomore.

You just have to wait.

Like, you'll say.

The show covers a span of, I think, like 10 years.

Wow.

That's so they grow up.

That's like tell me lies on Hulu, which you really need to watch.

I know.

I need to read the book.

No, wait.

I heard that the show is so different from the book, but the show is amazing.

And I feel like if I read the book and then the show was different, I would hate the show.

Just watch the show, I think.

Okay.

Okay.

I will then.

And did you start a new book on the plane?

I did.

So I finished the series by Abby Jimenez, which is so fucking good.

Like,

I want to recommend this book.

Like, first of all, there's a major trigger warning.

It's like really covers a lot of infertility and it was so fucking sad.

But like, the name of the book is called The Friend Zone.

And on the cover, it's like...

two cartoons.

And so I thought I was getting ready for like some porn, you know?

Not only was there like no porn, which I didn't mind.

It was like the most sad serious book.

I cried two times.

Why the fuck is it called The Friend Zone?

Like at no point are they even friends?

Like it's

it was, like, really misleading.

And I feel like if people knew what it was about, they would want to read it more.

And then there's a sequel, which was like silly and cute and fun, whatever.

Um, but the first part, it's called The Friend Zone, and then the second one is the happy ever after playlist.

And then there's like a playlist that goes along with it, which is really cute.

Um, The Friend Zone by Abby Jimenez is incredible.

Like, it was so good.

I think I finished it, and I swear to God, 30 minutes, I was obsessed.

Um, then on the plane, I started City of Likes by Jenny Mullen that you told me to read, and it's super good, except like the protagonist makes makes me want to kill like myself like she's so fucking depressing um she literally makes me never want to become a mom the way she like talks about motherhood i'm like this is what it is

she's like stressed to the nines she's so fucking stressed and she's like not helping her case and honestly her husband fucking sucks yeah

um but i i see the makings of a good book like you're totally right it's someone i like i hate when people write about like social media or just like a certain thing

which is totally you could tell is from an outsider's perspective yeah she writes it's about influencers and social media, and like she really nails it, I think.

And she nails like that, like Chelsea House is obviously SoHouse.

I'm a member of Sohouse.

Like, she nails everything about like these membership clubs.

Like, she's totally right.

Yeah, so that's why it's really good.

Dana recommended it to me.

I would recommend it to anyone City of Likes, and I read it so quickly.

Like, it was really just an enjoyable read.

So, maybe I will just watch Tell Me Lies on Hulu before I

read the book.

Yeah, it reminds me of Sex Lies with College Girls.

I don't know if I told you that yet.

You did.

I love sex lives.

I know.

It was good to be back there.

Okay, good.

So content plates are full.

I still have a watch Man Tai Teo, but it's totally on my list of things to do.

I'm just like so busy, like I said, booked busy.

I have another show this weekend in Long Island.

It's my last show in New York, and I think everyone should come.

Tickets available at girlnojob.com slash tour.

I love performing in Long Island, like on Long Island.

Sorry.

There's really nothing like it.

I'm excited for everyone and for you.

Thank you.

And it's Rosh Hashanah next week, which means we're encroaching upon Yom Kippur season.

So everyone, just keep that in mind.

But first up, we have Rosh Hashanah, which is a nice holiday.

It's the Jewish new year.

We're going to reset, renew.

And it's going to be nice.

It is going to be nice.

So I think without further ado,

we could get into the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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You're welcome.

Okay, our first story.

The queen has been laid to rest.

Monday morning was her funeral procession in the UK.

And some celebs turned out, making this a toasty story.

Totally.

Bear Grylls and Sandra O and more celebs attend Queen Elizabeth II's funeral.

Who's Bear Grylls?

Like, that sounds familiar.

Man versus Wild.

Is it Bear Gryllis?

It's spelled with a Y, so that's probably

you know man versus Wild.

And like then Zach Efron's always trying to like be Bear Grylls.

But he, Sandra O, and Sophie Winkleman were among the celebrities who attended Queen Elizabeth II's funeral at Westminster Abbey on Monday.

A lot of people were very confused as to why Sandra O was in attendance, but she

has won a medal for

in as a

member of the Order of Canada, and she went as a representative, which was exciting.

And Bear Grylls represented the scouts at the state funeral because he is chief scout.

Of course he is.

I mean, if he is not chief scout, there's nefariousness.

Okay, I mean, the fact that Sandra O got to go and Sandra O also happens to be the actress who said, gup, dup, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, the queen is coming, is really art imitating life.

Yeah, no, that's how you know, like, there's a God and he's making things make sense.

Or that's how you know that we're living in a simulation because like that's simulation tings.

Yeah, it is.

Someone's fucking with us.

Yeah, it's like a little too on the nose.

It is, but it was wonderful to see her there.

The funeral's actually like not that star-studded considering what we've seen like from royal weddings and such, but it was very, very serious, very focused on her majesty.

And I know it's like not about this particular thing, but like the royal women looked like it was for the history books.

Like there's a picture of Kate going viral where she's just like wearing her hat and her veil and she's looking forward and her glam is like sickening the palace down.

And that photo, like, remember how when Harry and Megan like had their last royal event and that she wore that blue dress and it was raining and there were all the lights and they took those like movie star textbook pictures.

This picture of Kate is in the textbook too.

Like it's so stunning.

Yeah, she's also wearing the queen's pearls and

earrings and I think a brooch as well.

Speaking of photos, the one of Princess Charlotte crying after the funeral, like.

No, kids are so real.

Like, they're going to keep it real, you know?

Yeah.

It was really a beautiful 10-day procession.

The funeral itself and all the

fanfare.

Fanfare.

It was, it was.

Very moving.

It was a funeral fit for a queen.

It was.

It was moving.

And, you know, I feel like there hasn't been a lot of, like, there's tabloid stuff because people pick apart everything.

But as it pertains to, like, Harry and Megan, like, with the family, I feel like there's really nothing happening, which is good.

Like, no news is good.

There's nothing real happening, but like every single headline is about so-and-so was sitting here.

They were in the second row.

Right, right.

Like, Harry doesn't salute because, like, well, I actually thought that was interesting.

Like, when they all, all the family in their uniforms, like, walk by and they salute because Harry is not a working royal.

He doesn't salute.

And he's not in his uniform, so he doesn't salute.

Right, but he was in his uniform for some of it.

For one thing.

Yeah, he looked really hot.

Like, I

was feeling it.

Uniform maketh man because.

No, and now I know what they say, like, why they say there's something about a man in uniform.

Like, there is.

No, there is.

And it's working for all of them.

Every single one, especially because, like, you know, the hat covers William's head.

Premature was like balding.

No, but he.

You know, Harry's also premature.

It's obviously a genetic thing.

and if i thought that james hewitt was his father i now um don't because i've really noticed through all these pictures that he's balding could be coming from diana's side because charles has a nice head of hair

so that doesn't change anything

that's so true

yeah yeah it's happening to harry too how much younger is harry than william uh that's a great question let's get some answers he's 38

who harry sorry that wasn't clear.

Helpful.

And William is

40.

Oh, so they're like super close in age.

Yeah.

William looks much older.

Yeah, I don't know.

Not with that uniform on.

No, he should walk around in that all day long.

Yeah, and I think now he has to.

Also, everyone in the family is moving on up.

Like Charles inherited Queenie's estate.

William inherited Charles a billion-dollar estate.

They're all getting houses, jewelry, the works.

Sickening.

Sickening.

Sickening.

So it's really genuinely, quite literally, the end of an era.

Yeah.

And I saw, I think that now that the public mourning period is over, like the family will now mourn in private.

I think King Charles is going to Balmoral.

So hopefully they get some time off to actually, you know, deal with the loss in their life and things might be quiet.

Yeah, I'm sure Harry and Megan are running back to California.

I don't think, I think if anything, like this whole saga reinforced for them, but like probably specifically Megan, how like happy they are to not be working royals.

Yeah, well, I think maybe in this one moment, they maybe,

if there was ever a time to

be working royal, yeah, because they would have been in the front row and he would have been wearing the uniform and not everything would have felt like they were

second in line.

Yeah, they would have been more a part of everything.

That's true, too.

But I think, like,

it's probably like traumatizing.

Like, when you're back in it, it's like reminding of all the reasons why you left.

Yeah.

And I'm sure it's worse than ever now because of everything that happened.

Yeah, ever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So

I will miss seeing, you know, the gang back together, but it's time for everyone to go back to their separate sides of the earth.

The pond.

The pond.

Yeah.

Pond.

Thank you.

Yeah, no, I'll miss, I'll miss Adal.

I'll miss her.

Yeah.

The new era begins.

King Charles, Cavalier Spaniel, Bryce is the king of the UK.

Never thought we would see it.

But here

he has risen to the challenge.

Actually, Theo's older, so he would probably be the king.

Yeah, that's true.

I mean, every time I look at Bryce now, I'm just like, King Charles.

I'm just like bowing my head, curtsying.

I wonder what kind of dogs King Charles has and why they aren't King Charles's.

We don't know if they are.

They aren't.

We wouldn't, but the thing is, we wouldn't know if they are.

Like, everyone would be sending it to us.

So true.

So they're not.

So they're not.

Which just is amazing.

Another opportunity.

There's another ex in the Charles column trying to remain positive.

But it's hard.

100%.

He makes it so hard.

Oh my God.

And these temper tantrums he's throwing.

Girl, stop.

No, it's low-key embarrassing.

Girl, the queen would never.

It's giving toddler energy.

73-year-old toddler.

73-year-old toddler.

Are you ready for our next story, which is really the big celeb news of the day?

Yes.

Model Sumner Stroh claims she had an affair with Adam Levine.

An Instagram model is going viral on TikTok Monday for accusing Adam Levine of having an affair with her.

The woman Sumner Stroh did not identify the cheating party at first, only calling him a man who was married to a Victoria Secret model and then showing screenshots of DMs with his whole last name.

The Maroon 5 front man has been married to former Victoria Secret angel Bahadi Prince Lu since 2014.

She said, Sumner, quote, at the time I was young, I was naive and quite frankly, I felt exploited.

I wasn't in the scene like I am now, so I was definitely very easily manipulated.

However,

she told Paige this.

Okay, but sorry, at the time, it was 2022.

So was it 2022?

Like a lot of her screenshots were from this year.

Oh, okay.

So yeah, at the time.

So I guess she became in the scene like in the last five minutes.

Last week, yeah.

Yeah.

She said that the affair took place last year when she graduated college in 2021.

And she posted in the video, you know, that they had an affair.

It was whatever.

She wasn't going going to say anything, but that Adam Levine then DM'd her saying, okay, serious question.

I'm having another baby.

And if it's a boy, I really want to name it Sumner.

You okay with that?

Dead serious.

There's so much to unpack here.

Let's, let's unpack the part that like Adam.

Levine had an affair.

Levine cheats on his wife with women he meets on Instagram.

I'm sure there's more women because you don't just like do it once.

No, and you don't act like this casual about it when it's a one tick big deal.

And of course that makes me hate Adam Levine.

I never particularly like was obsessed with him, but like I was into him.

You know, Marun Five is a good band.

I have literally no respect for him.

I think he's disgusting.

His wife is pregnant and he's still DMing this girl.

This is like musician tings.

This is not surprising.

This is what people in Hollywood do, et cetera, et cetera.

What I found to be so interesting was this video.

And this video came up for me naturally on my for you page and then I like watched it, digested it.

And then my for you page became inundated with commentary on this situation because the the girl's energy in the video is so bizarre and cavalier for someone who's admitting to having an affair with a married man who has a baby on the way, you know?

A third.

And I hate a third.

I hate to be like this girl.

And it goes without saying, like, Adam Levine is literally deplorable.

Like, this is disgusting, unethical behavior.

Some, like, I literally have no respect.

I have just as much respect for this person as I have for the shit on my shoe.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

But like, low-key, like, you are part of it too.

Like, you, everyone knows he's he's married.

He literally tells you he has a baby on the way, like, like you should not be like making videos.

Like, this is embarrassing for you too.

Like, ew.

And, like, she didn't seem apologetic.

She wouldn't even like say Bahadi Prinslou's name.

She was like, this model.

Like, very dismissive.

And it's like, it's a very bizarre video because you're exposing yourself

and Adam, for sure.

But you're exposing yourself too.

And like, nobody asked.

And then you came out here and said you literally like homewrecked.

right and i feel like it takes two sorry it takes two people to wreck a home right i feel like she's trying to position herself as like a victim sort of it was giving victim men and like that's that's not gonna work for me because again like you engaged in this yeah and like and by the way there is totally totally totally a power imbalance with like a mega megastar and a girl who's clearly trying to become famous whether it's through instagram through modeling like there's a power imbalance

but you had an affair with a married man.

Right.

And so and so that is what it is, like asking them sort of like for sympathy.

And

that's where it doesn't land for me.

And then like, you know, obviously now people are inundating her socials.

She updated the caption on her most recent Instagram post.

to be like, you know, you know where to find me for more content or whatever.

Like very promoting.

So it's just, I don't know what to make of the situation.

I just think like Adam Levine, like my respect for him is completely depleted.

I think he's gross.

But I also thought it was just like a weird fucking flex.

Like, I agree.

So you're out here making this video, like admitting you did this horrible, unethical thing with Adam Levine.

But we're not supposed to like focus on that.

We're supposed to focus on the fact that he wants to name his baby Summoner.

But it's like, wait, wait, wait, what did you just say?

What did you say?

And maybe someone could explain that to me.

Like, the discourse is very much like, not us blaming the woman.

No, I'm blaming both of you equally.

Actually, maybe a little bit more, Adam Levine, since you're the one with the wife.

But like, you're a woman.

You're supposed to like support your fellow woman, not fuck her husband.

Yes.

I.

And so a lot of the discourse is like, well, why are we focusing?

Like I saw Sarah Foster posted a photo, a posted a TikTok and it was like, men who cheat are disgusting.

So are the women who cheat with married men.

And the comments are like blowing her up.

I guess you're like not a woman who supports other women if you don't at least acknowledge the fact like if you acknowledge the fact that like it takes two people, a man and a woman to break up a marriage.

Like if you even say that, like you're not a woman who supports other women.

And this is is why I don't support the whole like journey of women supporting other women.

Like, I think a good way to support women is holding them accountable for their mistakes.

No, and to like not sleep at their husbands.

Right.

And not just like blindly like, oh, well, she's a woman.

So she's, like, I actually think that mentality like makes women weaker.

Like, well, she's a woman who got caught up.

What women aren't capable of making their own decisions?

Right.

I don't know.

I'm not into this at all.

And I feel like it's really highlighting for me

this, like, what's wrong with the concept of women supporting other women i also think like this

sort of harks back to like this attempt to like go viral and you don't even realize you're exposing yourself and how terrible you look because at what cost right so i just

i i don't i don't think she did what she thought she was doing it's giving ble from everyone involved big

loser energy he is like majorly exposed and i do think that for a lot of people adam levine and behavior prince who were like couple goals in like in a real way?

Yeah, everything that I've seen of their relationship so far is like so sweet.

And they're, you know, they're three kids, they're in Hollywood, they're both huge stars, and like they seem truly in love.

Like, okay, so that's not what it seems.

I think a lot of people's bubbles have been burst.

And a lot of people like love Adam Levine.

I'm gonna have to talk to Dana about this because she loves Maroon 5.

And I need to know, like, obviously, this is going to change how she looks at him.

Yeah, no, for sure.

That's a really good point.

I think if you're someone who like

consumes a lot of celebrity media,

it's obviously, you know, it's not great news, but it's not surprising.

Like, he is like a rock star.

I know, but that's why, when it does seem like it's a real, the real thing, and like that these, it's a real marriage and that they're in love and they're committed to each other.

That's why we ship so hard for couples that we think are that.

I just, I, I wouldn't put Adam and Bahadi for me in that category.

I feel like I've heard things about him before.

Oh, I never had heard of him.

At the Victoria Secret fashion show, like being nefarious.

Like, I feel like I've heard things.

I never heard anything.

This is like if I heard something about,

I don't even know who seems so great anymore.

Like yeah, no, nobody.

Like everyone's letting us down.

Yeah.

Oh, do we have it as a story that Kelly Clarkson got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?

No, I meant to.

If you want to bump one, that you can get away with that.

I will bump it out.

I have a story that is just, I picked it for its losery energy, and I was excited to share it with you.

Or we could just talk about the fact that Kelly Clarkson has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Which is so long overdue, but the reason why I wanted to talk about it and why I was like deeply moved was because, you know, when you get a star on the Walk of Fame, you invite like a couple select celebrity friends.

That's what makes the thing like a photo up.

And she had Simon, Randy, and Paula, the original OG judges of American Idol, standing behind her.

And I swear to God, I could cry.

Like, it was so.

It was so moving.

So moving.

And we love that Kelly like never forgets where she came from.

And even though I do think a lot of the American Idol post-fame and the work was like kind of really toxic for her like the record label that you and automatically sign on to and everything that comes with that like they own all your craft yeah i think she had a hard time transitioning

uh but still she

and like remember so much of where she got to so much of how she got to where she was like yes american idol was a huge launching pad but like she worked so hard she went through highs she went through lows like there are people carrie underwood of course they don't have a morning show like she's really gotten to where she is so much in due to the fact because that's just like what she was meant to do and she works hard and she has stark quality.

And American Idol was helpful in discovering that.

So it's very cool that she is paying homage to where she came from.

It's why we love Kelly.

She's a downhome girl.

She remembers her roots and I thought it was beautiful.

Kelly, that's beautiful.

Kelly, that's beautiful.

Are you ready for our next?

Oh, no.

And last week, I misspoke.

I don't think the Kelly Clarkson show is permanently moving to New York.

I think they did like Premiere Week for her season, like big promo in New York.

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

Sad for New York.

So I guess we can't get tickets.

Tickets, tickets, tickets.

Tickets, tickets, tickets, tickets, tickets, tickets, tickets.

Are you ready for our next story?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, wait, no.

No, she's not.

Is it the next story that's brought to you by Canva Pro?

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Love it.

By the way, Adam Levine has denied the affair.

He just spoke to TMZ.

He said, quote, I use poor judgment in speaking with anyone other than my wife in any kind of flirtatious manner.

I did not have an affair, nevertheless.

I crossed the line during a regrettable period of my life.

He said his interactions in certain instances became inappropriate.

Quote, I have addressed that and taken proactive steps to remedy this with my family.

He said, my wife and my family is all I care about in this world.

To be this naive and stupid enough to risk the only thing that truly matters to me was the greatest mistake I could ever make.

I will never make it again.

I take full responsibility.

We will get through it and we will get through it together.

Well, I guess that's interesting in the sense that her video had, you know, rock-solid proof that they were communicating, not that they were having an affair.

Yeah.

So then he's calling her a liar.

Well, he's saying what you saw in the video is true.

I did message inappropriately and in a flirtatious manner, but she didn't have any proof that they were ever physically together.

Maybe that's her next video.

Like he says they never had an affair and then she's like, boom, picture of us in bed.

Yeah, maybe.

I mean, so I right now, like, he has the benefit of the doubt because there's no

proof of the affair.

There's just proof of, you know, flirtatious messages, which is not okay to do if you're a married man with children also like

it's not just flirtatious

it's not just flirtatious messages no of course not of course not but he is you know leaning into the fact that that's the only rock solid proof that she had yeah perhaps but so we'll have to see

anything i just hope that

he changes you know but it's up to bahadi and him uh they don't care what i think i know and it's like pregnant women don't need this stress no

Like as a husband, you're supposed to be doing everything in your power to make your pregnant wife life easier, not more difficult, and adding stress and making her blood pressure go up, which is not good for the baby.

Yeah, totally.

Dick.

Dick.

Dick.

Next up, Don't Worry Darling premiered in New York last night.

Miss Flo and Chris Pine were not there, but Margot Ashre was there to save the day.

So Florence Pugh has skipped out on yet another event promoting Don't Worry Darling, this time in New York City.

Her and her co-star Chris Pryne pre-taped a message for fans saying they were unable to attend Monday's screening because she is busy filming Dune Part 2 in Europe, and he is in production in L.A.

She said, we did not want to miss this opportunity to thank you for coming to experience Don't Worry Darling in IMAX.

Chris Pine concluded the videotap by telling audiences they were in for a thrilling ride and that he hoped they enjoyed the movie.

So for me, like the big news of this premiere in New York is not that Flo and Chris Pine aren't there.

Like at this point, I don't expect her to show up anywhere.

And like Chris Pine is a working actor.

Sometimes people have to miss things.

It's called Spark.

And I do think it looks better for everyone if two people are missing.

That Chris is two people are missing.

So it's like everybody's working as opposed to just Miss Flow.

For me, the takeaway I had from the photos that came out from this event is like, and Margo put something in my brain a few weeks ago,

and now like it's all I can think about.

She's like, you know that scene in Elvis when like he's literally worked so hard, he's can't get up and they shoot him with something and make him go on stage.

Like, Harry Styles is doing a residency in Madison Square Garden.

He goes to Venice Film Festival.

He's doing all this promo.

There's so much stress.

Like he looked so tired at this event.

Like he looked much thinner, like he's just been like running on empty.

And now I'm like seeing it through the POV where it's like literally he needs to take a nap.

Yeah, I feel that.

Everything he does at MSG is just like so physical.

Now there's this, he has another movie coming out.

I think it's called The Policeman.

Yeah.

So he's doing

so he's been doing press for that.

And no wonder he gives us worries.

No wonder he gives us quotes like the movie feels like a movie.

Yeah.

He's gotten like that was a cry for help.

He's done nothing.

It was a cry for help.

It was a cry for help.

Like seriously, somebody needs to like, Harry's being overworked.

Like, that's really how I feel.

Those shows are so much work.

It's hours of, like, singing, dancing, like, giving everything that you have, traveling, Venice, press, policemen, premieres, screenings.

Like, it's too much.

Yeah.

And it's like this residency at MSG, which I'm thrilled about and I hope to be able to see a show.

It's hella unnecessary.

He just did like an American tour.

He ended it.

And then it was like, surprise, 10 more shows in New York.

Why?

The tour's over.

Money.

Not that he needs it.

Someone.

Someone is behind the scenes shoving injection, injecting his ass with steroids.

Like, let him go to sleep.

Yeah, that's a good point.

And him and Olivia, like the pictures and the footage is like giving, it's giving no chemistry.

I'm so convinced that they're not together.

Do you think that any of the recent drama has changed things between them?

Yeah.

I mean, because I don't know if this is how it works when you're in a relationship, like with a fellow public figure.

But if there's like drama from the public figure and it's like, it's the backlash is kind of splashing on you.

Don't you have to evaluate like, is this relationship worth it?

It reminds me of Sabrina Carpenter and Joshua Bassett, you know?

Yeah, I agree.

And I think for a lot of fair weather celebrities, it's like, get your stain away from me.

I don't think Harry Styles is like that, though.

I don't know how to do it.

I think he's scrupled.

I think he's scrupled.

And I think he's like, if I love you, I believe you.

Like, we'll ride this out together.

But what if, like, he didn't know about, I mean, he got Shia's part.

What if all this time Olivia was like, it was you, I had to fire Shaya?

Oh my God.

And Shia totally exposed Olivia to the public and to Harry.

Yeah.

So that's the only thing.

I don't think he cares about bad PR.

Like he has enough goodwill PR like for the rest of his life.

People love him.

But there's also just the notion and the possibility that they're not being even remotely in love as in public for the film

because they're being professional and this is Olivia's directing, not her debut, but it's like a huge deal for her as a female director.

And maybe they're just sticking with that.

Yeah.

But I don't know.

If you were truly in love, even if you were being professional, I would see a twinkle, you know?

Yeah.

Also, it's like an elbow, a shoulder show.

Now we're going to be professional after like Miss Flo had to direct the movie because you guys were nowhere to be found.

Also, I didn't realize until I watched the trailer like last week how big of a movie this is.

I thought it was going to be be like one of those movies of like two people just like fighting in bed for three hours, you know?

No, this is like

Stepford Wives meets Mad Max.

It's like, right.

It's honestly, it's one of those films that's like a film.

Yeah, so true.

And

it's not like an indie.

Like, I think the reason why there was so much press around Olivia

Wilde being a director is because it had like a big studio behind it.

Like it had a huge budget.

So it's like, that doesn't happen a lot for female directors.

And that's why Variety was sitting down with her.

Like it's a huge thing.

It's kind of like

Wonder Woman.

What's her name, Patty?

Yeah.

Patty Lapone.

What's her last name?

I'll look it up.

Patty Stanger.

What is her name?

Oh my God.

My typing.

Quander Woan.

Google Wonder Woman Patty.

I was trying.

That's what I was trying to do.

Patty Jenkins.

Jenkins, Jenkins.

So that's why it's a big deal.

Yeah, it's like a big-ass film.

And by the way, it looks so good.

Like, I definitely will see it.

It does look good.

It's not what I thought it was going to be at all.

No, me.

I thought it was going to be like a marriage story, the one with Scar Joe and Adam Driver.

Because all the pictures that were coming out were just the two of them in bed looking at each other.

So I'm like, do they leave the bedroom?

But yeah, no, it's like this whole world.

Yeah.

It looks good.

It does.

It's giving Stepford wives.

Yeah.

so we'll have to ask Snitch how it was, and if she picked up on anything at the premiere, we'll have the exclusive for you, or you could check it out on The Snatcher.

Yeah,

totally.

Are you ready for our next story, which is giving such loser energy?

I just couldn't, I couldn't deny you.

I couldn't do it to you.

I would never.

Love is Blind stars Deep D Vempati and Kyle Abrams are no longer dating just days after they confirm their relationship.

Deep D.

The hate I have in my heart for everyone from the second season of Love is Blind, like it knows no bounds.

It is a deep, deep hatred.

Yeah.

Yep.

But Deep D

and Kyle are going their separate ways.

She announced, he announced on Instagram Monday that he and his co-star are no longer dating.

He said, I understand many of you are curious as to whether Deep D and I stand today.

Since after the altar was filmed, we had decided to go our separate ways in early summer.

I've since embarked on a new relationship, which I intend to keep private for a bit.

So they were like

kind of teasing everyone about like, are they, aren't they together during the they were being fucking annoyed.

During the reunion, there was like some sparks happening, but they wouldn't really speak on it.

So I guess then they did start dating and now they're not dating.

And I truly don't care.

I, I hate.

All of these people.

Like when I see them doing interviews on podcasts, like I will make a mental note to never listen to that podcast again.

Like I, like Natalie, I, Shane, like I hate all these people because there's, and you know what?

What was so so beautiful about season one of Love is Blind is the people who participated really did not know it was going to be Netflix.

They didn't know it was going to be this big old thing.

And then when it became literally bigger than the Bachelor, the biggest show of the year, you attract the wrong type of people.

And that's exactly what we got.

Like Deep D and Kyle, like after the season, like being so fucking annoying on social media.

It's one thing to keep your relationship private.

It's another thing to use it as clickbait and drag it out and like giving thirsty energy.

And that's what they were doing.

And I just started to hate and you know who i started to like the villains shana okay because she wasn't being annoying and thirsty just is for shayna justice for shayna also this guy is just red flag central first of all the fact that he proposed to shana a woman he had nothing in common with who was like not interested in him whatsoever and even once they got together he like wanted to stay engaged to her like just to be on the show like so thirsty and like 100 that is i'm so glad we're having this conversation like how i i feel like deep d really came out like the hero of the season and so one like how does she not see that in him being like, you really tried to stay engaged to a girl who like you have nothing in common with just to stay on a TV show?

Who's mean to you?

Sad.

And two, the other thing about Deep D was like the whole season, you really thought she, I forget the name of her, Shake.

Shake.

You really thought she was trying to make it work with Shake.

And like, obviously, Shake was extremely problematic, even more so towards the end.

But like, Deep D felt, it looked like she was really trying to make it work.

And that she really liked him.

And that, and at some point that they were, like, getting along in Simpatiko.

And like, are they or aren't they going to get married?

And at the end, like, she denies him and chooses herself.

So it's like, so were you acting the whole time?

Like, she acted like this was a big surprise for us, which it was.

But it's like, we're not supposed to be surprised.

We watched your love story.

Right.

He was an ass.

Right.

But, like, you were committed to it.

And then, no, it's like,

but like, you're not an actress.

No, the second season, like, made me hate the whole franchise.

And like, after the altar, after the altar part two, like, we don't care.

Yeah.

We don't care.

Yeah.

So they were dating.

Now they weren't.

Care we do not.

Um, nope, care.

We, us.

We don't care.

And that's what you need to know.

Happy for them.

Don't care.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

A little sports news.

I could tell I got big loser energy.

Are you ready for a little sports news?

Yeah.

Tennis great Roger Federer insists that he is retiring.

He says, quote, I am definitely done.

The 20-time Grand Slam winner tells today's Savannah Guthrie that he will walk away from competitive tennis following this weekend's Laver Cup in London.

Roger Federer is definitely done playing tennis.

He said in an exclusive interview that he is firm on his decision to end his playing.

Savannah said, you know, unretiring is a thing now.

Tom Brady, now Serena seems to be wavering a little.

Are you done?

Does she?

I guess so.

He said, by the way, I'm so here for Serena to unretire.

Like, I don't think she has anything.

I think she has something left, especially because when you go out losing, it's not a way to go out.

Yeah, so this actually I'm very interested in because I'm reading Carrie Soto is back, the new Taylor Jenkins read book, which is about a tennis player at the top of her game.

She eventually retires and comes out of retirement.

And that's what the book is.

And now I have like a whole, I actually have like thoughts on this as opposed to being like, why do people retire?

Why do they unretire?

I don't know why he retired.

Hopefully it takes a big person to come out of retirement.

Like and to.

No, it kind of takes like.

like a loser.

Like honestly, like for Tom Brady, like I just hate people who are wishy-washy.

Like retire or don't?

Like stop playing with us.

I know, but it's like when your whole life has been committed to one thing, like, it's how do you

know?

That's fair.

And especially when you feel like you have more to get.

Like, so, say, Carrie Soto retired because she got injured, but then she got her ACL repaired.

And a few years later, like, why not play again?

See, the thing with tennis is like, obviously, all sports are physical, but like, tennis is so physical.

You're not on a team.

It's just you.

You got to run.

You got to jump.

You got to serve.

You got to swing.

Like, it's really so labor-intensive.

There's no hiding like an injury.

No.

And so with, and you can't rely, I mean, unless you play doubles, but like you can't rely on a teammate.

So I feel like, especially with the men's, I feel like all of the greats are like getting up there in age, like Raphael Nadal, Roger Federer.

Those are the only ones I know.

Nova.

And Jokovich, like he, he's old too.

Like, I feel like we're ushering in like a new wave of like big tennis players.

Like I, I didn't watch U.S.

Open, but everyone was obsessed with this guy.

And I'm so sorry because i do not know his name but like i know his story let me just find it because like honestly i'm not going to disrespect his story by like not knowing his name all right he's from maryland tennis player us open maryland

francis tiafo his story is incredible so his him and his family uh where do they immigrate from he was from

his parents were from okay whatever i'm butchering this whole story whatever his dad was a custodian in a a tennis facility.

They lived at the facility.

In exchange, his son got to like play and train for free, became one of the best tennis players in the world.

He made it so far in the U.S.

Open.

I don't think he won this year, but like he's

the next wave.

Yeah.

So I feel like all these guys, like, they're like they're getting old.

Yeah.

How old was that guy?

Francis Tiafo is

24.

Like, it's his time.

It's coming.

It's his time.

That's exciting.

Anyways, but I wanted to talk about this new Taylor Jenkins Reed book, Carrie Soto, because we love Taylor Jenkins Reed.

She's like probably one of the premier authors of our generation.

Yeah.

I know.

Claudia's like mesh because she loved Evelyn Hugo, but Claudia didn't like Daisy Jones and the Six, and that's all you've read, right?

And I started Malibu Rising.

I'm like, oh, this stinks.

I read Malibu Rising.

I actually just think the books of hers that get popular aren't the best ones.

Like, One True Loves was so good.

And it's like, no one ever even heard of it.

I actually read a different book by her.

I did, it was a DNR for me.

It was like After I Do or something like that.

It was one of her like romantic books.

Now she writes really historical fiction about like

interesting historical figures.

And when I first started Carrie Soto, I was like regretting it because I was like, I don't want to read a whole book about tennis and like watch the whole match over like in the pages, but it's so good.

And her writing is just so easy to read.

And I'm already like 55% and it I was reminded why she is that author like I am caring about tennis and she's not making it like painful like love love okay I hit it then he hit it then I hit it out

but did go out so I would recommend it so far and it's making me like care about what's going on in the tennis world

but you just missed the US Open your timing couldn't be worse that's true

but I do have my morning toast

country club merch that makes me look like the part

so true also now that you live in Florida like go play tennis I know my neck is wow

oh right

we still have the game of thrones recap which I just like need to talk to you about so was that the fifth story that was the fifth story do you mind if we die please

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All right, House of the Dragon.

We had a wedding.

Rhenira is marrying her cousin, whose name I could not remember for the life of me.

Lenor.

Lenor, who is Sir Loric's son,

Hilarious.

And it's a pretty good match because, like, they seem to have a nice arrangement.

Like, they meet, and she's like, Listen, I got a man, you got a man.

Let's just do what we have to do, be friends.

I actually think of all the ways you could be like set up, it's not a terrible way.

Like, of course, everyone wants a great love, but back then, you had to be able to just stand the person you were married to.

And it seems like they had a nice respect for one another.

But then,

her future husband's boyfriend had to fuck around and he found out, like, I don't know why he was going around threatening to Kristen,

but that's what happened, right?

Like, I couldn't really figure out what, because first we're focusing on this gorgeous moment between Rainiera and her mans.

I love that her and Damon only speak in Valerian.

And she's basically just like, you have a problem with the wedding?

Great.

Whisk me away to Dragonstone and let's fuck.

Like, let's just do it already, uncle.

And I think she's, like, making some headway with him.

But then chaos erupts, and I don't even know what happens.

Yeah, so I think it's just that I think that um

Layner's lover provoked Sir Kristen, he like lost his mind.

He's also just like kind of in love with her, and Yira like wants to give it all up for her, so he's not in a good headspace.

No, he's not in a good headspace, his mental health is suffering, and as right, he was about to kill himself.

So

I think he burst and he attacked that man.

Yeah, he attacked that man.

It was so sad that, like, what is

that Lenor's like one true love is gone?

Like, that was so sad.

And then he had to, like, get married to Rainira in the pool of his boyfriend's blood.

Like, it was fucking terrible.

Um, I'm shocked that they actually got married.

I thought the wedding would be stopped.

I think, you know, the king dropping dead in the middle of your wedding.

He's not dead.

He's not dead.

You don't know.

He's not dead.

He's in the previews week.

Next week jumps a few years.

The king is looking fucking rough as hell.

oh he's still alive still alive and that's when we get new so are they a new actress yeah they're married oh so this was officially the last episode with the queen rainera um

and i know it just like feels that way because like i'm averse to change but like she's my only rainira and i don't know if i'm gonna be as like obsessed with her her uncle when it's some other bitch like i

i'm obsessed as it is now.

But like how there's no point in them fucking if they are not going to be married.

So, no, totally, totally.

When I say fuck, I mean like.

Did Lee have to die?

Oh, yeah, by the way.

Like, if they're going to end up, and I do believe that they're OTP, Damon and Rainera, like, Lanor is going to be killed in one way or another.

Speaking of dead spouses, the way I was not expecting Damon's wife to be so cute, like, the way he talked about her, like, big bronze bitch, I'm like, oh, she's like this wench

who's stuck in the veil.

But she was cute.

She was athletic.

She loved to hunt.

She definitely had like a thing with her cousin.

I was shocked.

She deserved better.

She deserved better.

And that, what a way to die.

Oh, terrible.

And you still love Damon.

Obsessed.

Like, if only like someone would do that for me, you know?

Yeah, what's not to like?

What's not to love?

It's literally like, I'm obsessed.

Wow.

Okay.

Are you not?

No, I am.

But like, she didn't have to go like that.

No, it was bad, but you know what?

Like, that's what they did back then.

Like, I can't hold Damon to a higher standard.

Like, terrible things happened all the time back then.

It was just like the way of life.

Yeah.

And the queenie's coming out.

She's really pissing me off.

She's entering her villain era.

I'm glad she found Sir Kristen because I didn't want him to go.

Um, and he needed someone.

And I actually feel like they should get together because, like, why not?

He already broke his chastity and she's so fucking miserable.

She needs a good dick.

She needs a good dick and down.

And Sir Kristen could get that, but he's so in love with Rainiera.

I don't know if you can.

Can you blame him?

No, I literally cannot blame him.

So next week,

it's a few years in the future, maybe like 10 even.

And there's a lot of kids.

I don't know whose kids they are, but there's a lot of them.

And I have a theory.

I do like that they move really fast.

I have a theory.

I do like that, but it makes it difficult to get comfortable in a certain space, you know?

I think after this jump, they're done moving because the kids, like Aegon,

Allison, how old is he?

He must be 15.

So he's like Joffrey age, you know, like could take the throne if the king died, you know, all that jazz.

He gives Joffrey energy for sure.

Yeah.

I know you have a theory and I like I want to encourage theories, but like your theories are always right.

And like I do like to be surprised.

Okay, I'm sharing my theory.

Okay, I'm taking my headphones off.

Because Because you're totally right.

Like, you're always right.

You're so smart.

Like, I honestly.

No, I'm always surprised.

I like being dumb.

I like being dumb in this show because I'm always surprised.

No, share with the people.

I'm going to take my headphones off.

If you don't want to hear it, they don't want to hear it.

No, I want you to share.

No, it's like not that.

It's fine.

Okay, she took her headphones off.

Next week, there's a ton of kids running around and a lot of them are black of hair, which means that they're not the kids of Rainira and

Lehnor Valerian, or else they would have, you know, very light hair.

So I think, like, her affair with Sir Kristen has resulted in babies that are not her husbands.

And

I don't know what that means for the realm.

Okay, girly, I'm done.

That's my theory.

Not really a theory.

You ready?

Yeah.

How did you feel?

Like, you feel like you're right?

Yeah, I don't know what it means, though.

It's just something that I saw on from next week.

It signals something.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm just like so obsessed with this show.

I can't, like, I'm so excited.

I'm so grateful to be like, like, to have something, you know, that we're all a part of to live for.

Something to live for.

It's so good.

It is good.

I didn't love last night's episode, though.

I'm not going to lie.

It didn't like do a lot for me.

I mean, for me, like a good episode constitutes how much screen time I get with Damon and Rainiera and how physical they are with one another.

But that like end scene made it worth it.

I thought it was a fine episode.

It's just painful to watch the king.

It's like, bitch, just die already.

Like between the nose and the hand and the eyes, like just die.

Yeah.

And what are you doing, big dope?

Taking a big trip to visit the Valerians when you're not well.

It's so funny.

He doesn't even try and conceal it.

No,

like, I actually do like that.

I know me too.

And like, every time he coughs, it's like, oh, this is the end.

But no, he's still around.

Got it.

So I guess the fact that he didn't die and he just like fainted makes the scene at the end like kind of hilarious.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because it's like, what else could go wrong today?

And were they supposed to be getting married like in a private ceremony?

No, they rushed it.

That's what I saw in the director's thing where they were like, this king, he keeps like having these grand plans for his tourney and then his wife dies and for the hunt and he can't kill.

And for this wedding, he's like, fuck it.

Just get married.

Goodbye.

Yeah.

You know what?

It's a very Jewish way.

It's just very superstitious.

Like, don't, just go.

Just go.

Yeah.

But now they're married.

And I didn't want them to be.

I know, and like, I think that Rhiniera's husband is like probably fucking pissed and bitter about his man being killed at the hands of her man.

Um, and I don't think it's gonna be this great relationship where they both, you know, balance each other out and respect one another.

I think he's gonna be really resentful.

I think that they thought that they fooled everyone and that they figured out life and they played themselves.

Congratulations, you played yourself.

No, and I do like that they skip ahead because now it's like next week, we'll

know the status.

We'll know what happened.

Yeah, so I do like that, but it's like, you're just conditioned to watch TV shows and like find out what happens the next day, you know?

But I guess we'll be moving into that sort of, I don't even know what the new Rainera looks like.

I'm sure she's great, but like, I just love this actress like so much.

You should watch A Place to Call Home because she's in it.

Yeah, I should.

That's also a really good way to, like, I remember when I was watching Nashville, and spoiler alert, major spoiler in case you're watching Nashville, Rayna James dies.

But at the same time, I had been watching Friday Night Lights, and so she was still alive to me.

And I never had to grieve.

Yeah, I never had to grieve.

You're keeping her energy, her spirit with you.

So TV recap

was that.

And that's our show.

That is our show.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Morning Test Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Have an amazing Tuesday.

We'll see you tomorrow for Hump Day.

Bye.