S5 Ep113: Toast True Crime: Wednesday, August 17th, 2022

Two, one, two,

good

morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy Tuesday.

Hope, no, excuse, excuse, excuse.

Sorry, you think the Streis brothers are here for nothing?

I'm so sorry because we did, you know, the Monday episode Sunday.

I'm all feclamp.

I'm all out of sorts.

Happy Wednesday, everyone.

Hope everyone's having an amazing hump day.

Don't forget to hump someone you love,

even if it's a Streis brother.

Especially if it's a Strice brother.

Especially, you guys.

I hope we're coming through crystal clear today.

Yes, there was an audio snafu yesterday, but you know what?

It's not a mistake if you learn something.

100%.

We learned plenty.

So let's talk about it.

And now we have a checklist.

We were early yesterday.

We were like, we had plans.

We're like, we're going to get in so early.

We finished.

We felt good.

Amerigo Bespoochi.

Grab my computer.

I get the audio off of our system in a little micro.

card

thank you memory card and i plug it into my computer and it's like sounding a little weird because I'm not there.

And I'm like, I probably wouldn't have even noticed if it was you, but thank God it was me because I noticed.

And I'm like, wait, my mind.

I'm like, oh, Jackie being low again.

She's so shy.

She's so quiet.

Who cares?

But then I was like, me?

So I look down at our system and I see I'm mic number two.

You're mic number one.

I see mic number two

wasn't on.

So I audibly gasp

and I look at it.

And Jackie, you say, what?

And you look at what I'm looking at and then you go.

And that's really the end of the story.

So here's the question.

Were you silent or were you silenced?

I definitely wasn't silent.

No, never, you?

The thing is, for me, you don't even have to ask that question because I'm never silent.

If I'm silent, it's because I've been silenced.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

So we did what we could to salvage the audio from yesterday.

It was fine.

Of course, you know, everyone was upset.

But again, I'm so flattered by like the influx of right.

You kind of like of when we have issues because it just shows you like how many people

need you and how many people are listening.

Cause when things are good, they're going to hear from less people.

People are enjoying.

No news is good news.

100%.

But if you want news, put out bad news.

100%.

And boy, did we get bad news yesterday?

And of course, like, you know, I hate when that happens, like for a million reasons.

Trust us, no one is more frustrated than us.

And if we could record an entire other episode, again, we would, but like, it would be fraudulent.

Like, we'd be making the the same amerigo the speechy josh krogan like how did we even work amerigo into the conversation i don't know he wouldn't have made it into take two yeah so like this is just we've done it before where we've recorded like 20 minutes and we realized someone's microphone wasn't on so we start over but you really just can't re-record the same whole episode like it's just if we didn't have a backup audio and the first audio was unusable, then we would have had to re-record.

But I think putting out like the take two watered down version would have been worse than the take one murky audio.

No, it's just like inauthentic and we're extremely authentic.

Like crazy.

You smell that?

It's our authenticity.

So it is what it is.

We have a checklist now.

Like Jackie said, it's not a mistake if you learn something.

And what we learned is like we need a routine, a checklist of everything we need to make sure we do when we're recording together and when we're recording separately so that video is taken care of, so that audio is taken care of.

And now we have two checklists.

They're pinned up on the wall.

They're quite beautiful.

And we ran ran through it today.

And so let's hope, let's pray.

Let's say, you know what, all together, everyone close your eyes.

Let's just all collectively pray

and hope and dream and wish that the audio on today's episode is premium and crisp.

That the video is so sharp you could see this pimple on my forehead.

That the smell of vision is so good you could smell my breath.

Amen.

You can smell Theo's infected foot.

Yeah, it doesn't smell, does it?

No, but it looks like it does.

Yeah, no, for sure.

But they said like his infection just kind of tinted the fur around his foot and like it'll just grow out.

It's not going to go away.

It's just like the fur is, it's useless.

We got to get rid of it.

Yeah, it's very pleny.

It's very pleny.

Understood.

Well,

we're so glad to be here today.

And if you're looking for some more crystal clear audio, we dropped a Patreon episode yesterday doing what is always everyone's favorite thing that we do on Patreon.

We do it every few months.

We did general Q ⁇ A where you can ask us any question in the Facebook group and we'll answer most of them.

We actually had some really good combos yesterday.

Yes, and we got really good, like unique, interesting questions.

and i enjoyed it except for the part where you probably like said unintentionally like the meanest thing you ever could have said to me and like really um

kind of dug in on my insecurities i didn't know i was doing any of those things i thought i was giving you a compliment as you know some of the worst insults always are a hundred percent because i would rather someone say something mean like knowing that they were trying to be mean it's like oh you were just trying to hurt my feelings right of course as opposed to like that's your truth right and it's my burden and so if you want to know what we're talking about unfortunately we can't tell you.

You just have to hear it for yourself at patreon.com slash morning toast.

Yeah.

So it's been a really fucking treacherous day for me because we had such a great evening, you and I and Zach, all the boys on the couch.

Well, Harry was asleep.

We stayed up till late, like 1130.

Late for me, yeah.

And we watched Tim Dylan's new comedy special.

We were cackling.

It's always very scary to watch someone who you like on the internet.

in real life on like stand-up because you never know how it's going to translate.

It was wild.

Honestly, it's, I've said this before on the podcast, but like the way that I like spend nights thinking about like maybe something that could be misconstrued on the podcast versus what Tim Dylan was saying in his comedy special on a, on a real streaming service on Netflix, I'm like, what am I worried about?

He used three slurs.

I was like, shook.

Yeah.

So also not to make everything, not to make Tim Dylan special about me, but I was very relieved.

It was so good.

It was really funny.

It was so funny.

I'd never seen this comedy before because when he played in New York, I was pretty pregnant.

So I couldn't go.

And I was so bummed.

And then when I saw he was recording a special, I was like, wherever it is, I'm going to watch it.

If it's on his Patreon, I'll get the Rothschild.

I'll get the Rothschild membership, like whatever it is.

But it was on Netflix, and it's called A Real, Tim Dylan, A Real Hero.

And there were like some, we were bold.

The Coal Miner.

The Coal Miner moment, I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time.

And the Little Caesars moment for me was really special.

It was really good.

I mean, if you're not into like even remotely offensive comedy, you're not going going to like it, but it was fucking funny, like really funny.

Really fucking funny.

And it was the perfect length, I think.

And I think for you too.

48 minutes, I think, I thought it was the perfect length.

And I was just feeling good about the night.

You know, you and I made popcorn.

We did.

We put them in little containers that said popcorn.

You were so cute and like, you know, kind of like giving blogger like.

But that's what happens when you move to the suburbs.

Like you become like

you become like a a mommy blogger suburban mom.

And that's like cha-cheese.

That's what's happened to me.

Except I've had those popcorn things since like three apartments ago, but now I can finally use them because I can see where they are.

100%.

And it was just a gorgeous evening.

Yeah.

Go to bed 11.30, TikTok till 12.

Fall asleep, wake up.

Oh, I got a pee.

I wonder what time it is.

Oh, I look over.

It's two o'clock.

Go pee, get back in bed.

And I'm awake, like for the day.

I'm like, there's no way.

I'm flipping and flipping.

At 3.30, I did eventually get on my phone.

And like every 30 minutes, I would like watch, go to bed, try and sleep, watch, go and sleep by about five o'clock i had given in to the fact that i was awake for the day and honestly i just couldn't get over it like it's so stupid but then my fate changed because i was on tick tock and i saw this clip from an interview and i like didn't even know what the interview was about or who these this person was but the girl looked vaguely familiar have i told you this this morning yet no i watched your story but i had no idea who you're talking about okay i'm about to blow your mind can't wait so Her name was Jordan Turpin and they were just telling this story, like this crazy story.

And I'm like, you know what, let me go find this full full Diane Sawyer because they were like on TikTok watch five minutes part one and then I'd go watch a million other videos I'm like let me just find the whole thing on YouTube it was this hour-long Diane Sawyer interview sitting down with Jordan and Jennifer Turpin

and if you're like into life if you follow like it's not true crime but like if you just follow like crazy shit that happens it's like a famous story and it's somewhat recent I had never heard of it but this girl Jackie she looked so familiar so the story is crazy Jordan is the younger sister of the two they're sisters They're sisters.

Okay.

Oh, no, they're not married.

They're sisters.

They're one of 12,

13 siblings.

And they lived in a house like condemned, like feces, hoarders, disgust in like two or three bedrooms filled with bunk beds with all the kids ranging from like 10 to 30.

All these kids who have literally never left their house.

And when they do, it's like four times in their lifetime where their parents like literally force them to act normal.

They were living in filth.

They never bathed.

They were never went to school.

They, they had such limited vocabulary.

Their parents chained them up, beat them, abused them, like the worst fucking thing you can think of.

And after a while, Jordan gets access to a cell phone.

And eventually she's the one who climbs out of a window in the middle of the night because the parents tell them, we're moving to Oklahoma tomorrow.

Jordan's like,

none of us us are going to survive.

They're so malnourished.

They're not going to survive a trip to Oklahoma.

Jordan's like, tonight's tonight.

She jumps out of a window with the cell phone, runs down the block, and calls a cop.

And of course, they have all the 911 operator

recordings.

And you hear her, and it sounds like a teenage runaway.

She's like, I ran away from home.

She doesn't know.

Like, she watched a little TV.

And I'm going to get into that in a minute because that's the part I think you find interesting.

She couldn't even, she had such limited vocabulary.

So she has to wait 14 minutes for the cops.

They're living in California.

They did live in Texas for a little while.

The parents left them for three years in a trailer and would literally drop off food for them, like not even enough groceries.

They were would ration it and they would make the older siblings put the younger siblings in cages.

And the older sibling, Jennifer, was like, that was the worst part.

Because if I didn't do it, like they would kill me.

Like they were like, they would literally kill me.

Where were the parents going when they went?

Come on to Ving, doing whatever they want, party, go to Vegas.

Man, I feel sick.

No, totally.

But they were also like really religious, like Episcopalian.

It was so confusing.

Okay, just wait.

Jordan runs out.

She gets to the corner.

She's on with the lady.

The lady's like 14 minutes.

I'm like, oh my God, 14 minutes.

Like, okay.

The cop pulls up and made the body cam footage.

And they actually have the cop on the Diane Sawyer thing.

And then it gets reunited with the girl.

It's really cute.

But he's like, you know, I took this call because it was the end of my shift.

And teenage runaways are always like, you just got to bring the kid back to the parents.

And a great, it's a great way to end your shift.

It's not like a high stress situation.

And he's like, that's what I'm thinking this whole time.

And she sounded kind of weird.

They have like accents.

They've literally never been a part of civilization.

And she doesn't know like like so many of the words.

He was like, are you on medication?

She's like, what's that?

He's like, pills.

She's like, no, sometimes we get robotuscin like if we have a cough.

And then, and then he was like,

are you injured?

She's like, what's that?

He's like, are you hurt?

She's like, not right now, no.

And thank God he, like, he was suspicious because he was weird.

Thank God, this random iPhone she managed to get.

She snapped a couple pics before she left, like in case anyone needed proof, because one of the other sisters one time saw an episode of cops and they needed proof that's how they knew what proof was like that's how they were learning things so crazy she had a picture two of her younger sisters and that's why they really needed to get out two of the younger sisters had been in chains for weeks only let out to go to the bathroom even sometimes not even let out to go to the bathroom thank god you did this took this picture this cop saw the picture of these two malnourished kids locked up in chains in this disgusting filthy filthy fucking house and then he was like oh my god so the whole ordeal from the time that she leaves to the time that the cops get get there, it's about two hours.

She stays with the police officer, but she keeps saying, she's like, if my parents figure out that I left, like, we're fucked.

Two hours later, they go in for a wellness check, even though nobody called in on a wellness check.

Like they have enough proof.

These two fucking forlorn, disgusting, satanic fucks walk out of the house and are like, what's going on?

And they're like, we got a wellness check.

You have kids in here?

And they're like, yeah, you got to let us in.

It's okay.

So they go in and it's disgusting, but she says to them, you know, we're moving tomorrow, so just don't mind the filth.

And I guess being disgusting isn't a crime.

It is an unsafe environment for children, but so far they haven't seen the chains.

The chains is what they're looking for.

But I guess when the parents were being weird outside, they were telling the other kids, get rid of the chains, get rid of the chains, get rid of the chains.

So they go into the two bedrooms and there's really skinny kids in disgusting conditions, but again,

Not like that thing they needed.

They needed the chains.

So they're talking to the dad.

They're talking to the dad.

Then this cop realizes he's standing in front of a bunch of moving boxes.

The moving boxes are covering another door.

In the door is another room for the other kids.

And there's one kid locked up in chains.

And then once it's all out there, another one of the kids is like, yeah, all the chains are in the closet.

They just made us throw them in there.

And that was like the thing they needed.

They pled guilty within four days, whatever.

The story gets even crazier, okay?

And I'm sorry if you guys know the story and you're familiar with it, but I got a lot of messages.

Any of this.

Okay.

So it gets crazier she starts explaining like the context of how she knew things and like what gave her, Jordan is the one who ran and Jennifer was like her accomplice and Jennifer was the older one.

Like Jennifer went to school for three years.

No, sorry, until the third grade because she's an older kid, but then they stopped sending their kids to school and had a bunch of other kids.

So she had like a small context of how life was not supposed to be like this, but some of the kids were born into it, but she knew, she knew it was bad.

So Jennifer got this phone and she loves to sing and she was like making videos of her singing in the bathroom at night and she would post them on like this like social media account that she made and someone was messaging her and was like why are you only ever singing in the bathroom and at night well she's like oh that's how my life is blah blah blah and this guy random guy on the internet was like that's not normal she didn't know that because she'd been like that her whole life she's like wait what

so then what really changed it all is when she found justin bieber and honestly when she was talking about justin bieber i could cry and of course i googled of course she's like since met justin justin brought her to a concert because apparently the story galvanized the nation i never heard of it so she's went was this?

So she got out in 2018 and the interview, they all are, mostly all of the kids are anonymous, except for the two sisters who finally showed their faces in 2022.

This interview is like very new.

Or maybe it was 2016, 2020.

It was four years later.

So she's like, I used to watch these Justin Bieber music videos and I couldn't believe like they're at the, it's just, you know, those young music videos.

It's like they're at a bowling alley and they're having so much fun.

She's like, is that like a possibility?

Like, I want that life.

Like, look like they're having so much fun.

And so it was like these little seeds of things that she used to see, high school musical that would like when her parents were out, they had a TV, but of course the kids weren't allowed to watch it.

But the parents would leave for like long amounts of time and they were able to like get some context.

It's like, what the fuck is going on in the world?

And they never left because they were like, our parents like will actually like murder us.

Like, and Jordan knew, she's like, I, if I get caught, like, I'm dead.

But at least I know I tried.

It was so fucking sad.

And so all of the things that

led her to the place where she was able to like come to the realization and then find the courage to leave was from like pop culture in a way because that was really the only things they had access to but like also really fucked up like manipulative shit like they were bankrupt of course because nobody was working they were just beating their kids and literally they used to go drive themselves into debt going to target or walmart and getting tons of brand new kids toys for the mom They were never open.

No one was allowed to use them.

So the police walk in.

They're like, oh, all these kids' toys.

It looks like Santa's, you know, workshop.

No, they were never allowed to touch them.

So fucking weird.

Wait, it gets so much worse.

Okay.

So the kids range when they, when they get saved from about 10 to 30.

That means the kids who are under 18 have to re-enter the foster care system.

And why can't their older siblings adopt them?

Because their older siblings are under a guardianship from the government because they're not really like

fully formed adults.

They're stunted.

They would say there was 12 year olds in there who had the arms of four month olds, infants.

Like that's how crazy malnourished they were.

So wait, it gets even more fucked up.

So the kids who went to foster care, it, they, ABC News was killing it, like literally investigative calling everyone because the town is covering it up.

Council member, they're chasing council members through the lobby.

I'm like, yeah, get them.

Everyone's covering it up.

The kids who were in the foster care system, there are two kids, at least that we know of, who were in homes who were then raided for abuse.

So they went from one hell to another hell.

Can you believe that?

Then the older kids, you know, it was a story that galvanized the nation.

They raised just regular people, go fund me, things like that, 600 grand for them.

It was put in a trust by the government.

This guy, one of the, the older, the oldest one, 30, he's like, I just wanted a bike.

Like, I have a job.

Like, I want to get around.

No, I couldn't get a bike.

Like, they have no access to their own money.

They're living in squalor.

The person who's like the trustee of the account, of course, ABC News got their name, Vanessa, hunting them down.

Oh, she no longer works for the government.

Like, so fucking shady.

Nothing has changed.

The kids are living like

nothing.

Well, obviously the kids in foster care are just going to a different sort of hell and the ones who are older have no help this like task force was put together to help them and the money and like guide them through life be like how they were supposed to help them like use public transit he would call vanessa how do i figure it out

crazy like it got so fucked up afterwards even more

but the thing that really struck me was jennifer the older one

who was in it the longest and like it was just and she knew that it wasn't supposed to be that way because she lived

even when she was in school she was never getting showered, like they were not taking care of her, but she got to go to school.

She said, Diane Surrey was like, what do you guys want to do now?

And here's what was crazy.

Jordan, the one who jumped out the window, was like, I love making TikToks.

I'm like,

that's how I know her.

Because for a while, this blonde girl kept coming up on my TikToks.

And I was like reading the comments because she was so frail.

And everyone in the comments is like, you look so good.

I'm so happy for you.

And I'm like, wait, what?

Because she was literally like, they said she had the legs of like a six-year-old.

So I was like, I remember being so confused and not looking into it further.

And then they put up some of her TikToks.

I'm like, oh my God, I've seen her dancing.

Then I had to go follow her this morning.

And then the older girl, and it's really interesting how the whole time, well, the two girls, I don't know about all the other kids, the two girls were like so

like strong in their faith.

Like they kept talking about God, even though their parents were like crazy fucks who like had so many kids for God and like was doing all this for God.

Like they still remained really steadfast in their faith, which I thought was really interesting.

And then the older girl, Diane, was like, what do you want to do?

She's like, I want to be a Christian pop star.

And Diane was like, who do you love?

Like, she was like, I love Kelly Clarkson.

Wait.

And she was like, what's your favorite Kelly?

I'm like, literally going to cry.

She was like, what's your favorite Kelly Clarkson song?

And she was like, broken and beautiful.

That new one, she was like, that's me from troll.

She was like, that's me.

I'm broken, but it's beautiful.

It was a, I feel like I was meant to wake up so early so I could watch.

I'm,

I can't believe I didn't know about this.

So I'm sorry if you knew that already.

I spent literally 16 minutes.

Jackie, it was the craziest.

I need to watch more documentaries.

Like I need to know more.

And like going to the sentencing, the two older kids spoke.

And then some of the kids wrote letters that the older kids spoke and like some of them were like, forgiving.

I'm like, okay, you could never be me.

Forgiving, like, we see you.

Some other kids were like, fuck you.

Like, this is my life now.

And the two parents got 25 to life.

Right.

They're in separate prisons.

The dad was like, oh, I have a statement, but my lawyer has to read it.

Like, shut up.

Okay.

This is not about you.

And then the mom read a statement.

She's like, I'm sorry that I hurt my kids.

Like, I just,

I'm not buying it.

You know, sorry, it's not going to cut it.

Sorry.

And that's really what they said.

They were like, you know, we watched her, her crying with the speech.

And, you know, we believed her.

She's our mom.

And

they were like, we don't even like to call her mom, but we will for the sake of this interview.

But they used to make us call them mother and father.

But like, I call her Tracy or whatever the fuck her name was.

They were like, we watched this apology and we like believed her.

But then it's like, we remembered she's so fucking manipulative.

Like you have to remember that.

They're like, we have no interest in like ever communicating with her for now.

Like maybe that'll change, but like for now, it's going to be a no.

It was the craziest journey I went on this morning.

That makes me so sick.

Jackie was fucking sick.

Especially the part where like it's still not going on for them.

And the kids in the foster care, the foster care systems.

And that's what the person on the expert was saying.

Like, this is a system that was literally created for the sole purpose of helping people.

Helping kids.

Helping kids.

And it's literally.

The most twisted.

It's the most like fucked up.

And so I loved that ABC was like dragging everyone, like the companies, the people, like calling out employees by name.

I'm like, yeah, Vanessa.

They were just, honestly, they were doing great reporting.

Diane Sawyer, she kills it.

But it's crazy how like one, everyone.

In general, in theory, like we're here, we need to help the children.

Right.

These kids are in trouble.

There's a task force dedicated to helping these kids.

The whole world is paying attention.

And it's still, they're not helping the kids.

No, it's so disgusting.

The government is literal trash.

And also like the girl who went to school until third grade, like showing up not showered.

Like the teachers are supposed to.

Okay, so that's what they said.

They said now they all went back to like her school records.

Was there any reporting of with apparently if it the two telltale signs of abuse are like if a kid shows up really thin and like malnourished looking and um unwashed like unbathed dirty clothes those are the two telltale signs and according to a classmate of her like apparently this guy when this whole story came out he's a doctor now his facebook post went went viral because he was like i remember jennifer because she was the kid nobody wanted to talk to they were in the second grade right like the kids obviously the kids didn't

know better and he's like we remember like the smelly kid and he's like the guilt i feel for not like acknowledging or reporting even though it's not on the kids it's on the adults and it's a failure on everyone at that school and oh by the way there were so many things so they were homeschooled because it's not legal to just pull your kids out of school there's a record they set up oh the uh principal is the dad whatever they set up this fraudulent homeschooling they never homeschool the kids and you're supposed to have monthly weekly when you're i don't know the whole thing but like when you're part of the american homeschooling system there are weekly check-ins that you have to provide you have to provide curriculum No one was ever checking in.

There was like a million ways when, like, there was a million ways that they could have

been like a tipped off to what was going on.

Never.

it took the kid the girl risking her life jumping out of the window to save her and her siblings and it was just the way they were talking about the siblings oh it was just terrible it was so so sad that's so sad you know what it also makes me sad to think about not to make it worse but like i think a lot of situations teachers do recognize signs of abuse and that's how a lot of kids are are helped and saved um but also think about how many kids

during COVID and didn't go to school.

And I know I was like, kids who like didn't have food at home.

One, a lot of kids, kids, like when they go to school, they're getting a lunch, they're getting like a meal.

And that's so important for them.

They're also getting like all these things.

If they come from a bad home life, and there's so many degrees of a bad home life, and there's obviously that extreme, but there's also, you know, lesser forms.

And like all those kids stayed home for over a year.

I know.

And all those signs of abuse

went unseen.

But you know what else?

It's like Gabriel Fernandez.

His teachers saw bruises and sensed CPS and it made his home situation worse.

So it's like

there's really no

like saving kids in that situation because only, you know, maybe one out of 10 times does it actually work?

And then wait, you know, the people

get out of the abusive home and into a foster care home that's decent

at best.

At best.

Right.

Yeah.

And I'm sure there's some lovely foster care.

This is not a general.

That's an exception.

It's the exception.

Yeah.

No, even if you're able to get the teachers see it, CPS does their job.

They take the kid.

Where do they put them?

Right.

Because with the Gabriel Fernandez situation, it was a huge huge failure on CPS.

It's so much so.

I think like Gabriel Fernandez even had a file at that.

I think the FBI even looked into it because it was so obvious.

Like they had one of the nurses in the documentary being like, I never saw anything like that in my life.

It was just, I'm sorry to like be so dark, but it was just really eye-opening and really

horrible.

But like now, like I love following her on TikTok.

Did they get their money yet?

Because of Diane Sawyer?

I don't know.

But like, we're going to need a follow-up.

We're going to need another GoFundMe.

Yeah.

Totally.

directly, or let's all just like follow them on TikTok.

Like, that's a way of supporting people, like, brand deals, things like that.

Like, Jennifer also has a TikTok.

The other ones, um, the oldest one who didn't want to show his face, but sent like a little video of himself from the back, his name is Jordan.

We don't know any of the other kids' names because they've been protected, obviously, they've chosen not to participate, which is totally understandable.

So, I think in our own ways, like, we can help.

I followed her, like, everyone should follow her.

Yeah, so that's what I did this morning.

I got on TikTok to follow her.

That's a good worthy cause.

That's what I did this morning.

I feel like it's, I've been up.

What time is it?

Almost 10 hours.

I don't know like where this road takes me.

I've never slept two hours before.

I think it takes you to a nap.

A nap.

And then we have our meet and greet.

Right.

So like I have to be on.

Maybe I'll like nap in the car on the way to the meet and greet.

I think that's like.

Why don't you nap after this?

I don't know.

I just like, I'm here.

I want to spend time with Kayla.

I want to spend time with you.

Like I want to go outside in the pool.

You don't want to waste hours of daylight.

I know.

That's how you're supposed to sleep at night when nothing's happening.

Yeah.

No, I tried that.

It just, it wasn't working for me.

I'm sorry.

So that's what I did.

How was your morning?

Obviously different than mine.

Obviously different than yours, but it's been actually a nice morning because we're moving like a little slowly and that is very helpful for me.

So it was going really well until you shared that story.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know how to pivot.

Well, I really don't.

No, I know.

I'm like, kind of like wishing I'm not.

And a lot of times you share a sad story, but it's been a few years and here's where they are now.

No, I know.

And you don't give us that.

No.

But that

the two girls who we know seem to be doing really great.

Like they both are so beautiful.

I think that the way that they were raised in terms of like health will impact their health forever.

Like I don't think they can really like realistically change that the way that they look.

Like they're both super, super thin.

But the thing is, is like we don't know about the other kids.

So like that's where the darkness lies.

Yeah.

So I'm so sorry to have done that to everyone.

But it's something that needs to be spoken about.

Like fuck that city council woman.

And the one that spoke to the retelling of it was very good.

If you ever wanted to do like a podcast about

crazy true stories, I think you had a future.

I feel like this is a general statement on the true crime genre.

And this is not saying that those people are bad or that people listen are bad.

There does some feel something like inherently weird about talking about like a very gruesome murder or a tragedy in a small town brought to you by like hell.

Like it's the monetization and like the

cult following vibe of True Crime Podcast does like give me a little bit of the heebie jeebies.

I hear that and I don't disagree with you.

I can't really speak to it because I've never listened to an episode.

By the way, it's important to share that

in every single episode.

They're, you know, they come at it from like an emotional point of view.

They're affecting change.

They're solving crimes.

Maybe, maybe some of these true crimes are donating a part of the proceeds from every episode to the person impacted in each episode.

I don't know what they're doing over there.

I'm not going to judge them.

Maybe there's some that.

That's totally fair.

If they are doing that, then I take back everything that I said.

Yeah.

But I hear what you're saying.

Yeah.

Like, because if they're not doing any of that.

It's just weird.

Like, yeah.

Creating a brand off of like other people's misery, no?

Yeah.

So that's just my thing.

But I don't.

I can't speak to it.

No, me neither.

I've never listened to True True Crime.

But let me know if they're, you know, paying it forward with this thing.

See, it's like Only Murders in the Building, like in that first season.

Did their podcast benefit the victim?

No, they like slandered that deli owner.

And like the victim's like, you know, personal

life.

Yeah.

No, seriously, like if I, you know, I'm tragically ever, you know, disappeared or murdered, like, please don't make a podcast about me.

Like, I feel like you would like that.

No, because I wouldn't be like around to get the followers.

So like, what?

You should get the followers?

No.

No, not only that, but like, you know, really personal things come out in an investigation.

Like, obviously, they have to go through your phone.

Like, what were you doing the time?

Like, what if at the time I was like pooping?

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, please.

Literally, please, like, don't make a podcast about if anything happens to me.

Like, I'm not interested.

Could I do the podcast?

Okay.

You know, I would.

Aside from calling you an influencer mentor, I wouldn't say anything slanderous.

No, and I think like you would, I trust your judgment.

Like, if there's something in the file that like is really embarrassing to my legacy, you would obviously not

speak it.

Yeah.

You would just be like, among other things.

I say it's classified.

Classified.

That would be the name of the podcast.

Claudified.

Claud's declassified.

Done.

Tiana.

And here we come.

So we have a great show, five stories, deer toasters, which are really unique.

I can't wait.

So I'm ready to dive in because I'm feeling like we need a change of pace.

Yes, we do.

So without further ado, to do to do.

Feels so good to say that when you know that, where are you?

The Strice Brothers are right here.

It's true.

The Brice Brothers.

I've got my eyes on both of them.

So without further ado, to do to do, it is time for the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

And today's episode is brought to you by Honey.

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Great.

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It's a pleasure.

Our first story.

Brooklyn Beckham is being roasted on social media for claiming his career as a quote social media chef paid for his $1.2 million car.

Have you seen this?

No, but like I did see one video where he cooked.

So I guess that makes you a chef now.

So a viral TikToker recently caught up with Brooklyn Beckham while he was out cruising around Beverly, Beverly Hills.

Daniel Mack?

Red McLaren P1.

Yes.

Okay.

The way I fucking love Daniel Mack, let me tell you who Daniel Mack is.

He's a TikToker who he started off like so cute and he's still cute, but like his initial content was so like innocent.

He would just walk around like really nice parts of different neighborhoods and see really nice cars and just go up to people and be like, hi, I love your car.

What do you do for a living?

People always had really interesting answers.

It was never like Wall Street.

Like it was always just something, I have a patent.

It was always like unique, unique tings.

Then people started reaching out to him.

So he would get like celebrities on and like go up to people and it would be like an OnlyFans model that everyone loves.

And he really like built his brand.

Then he bought himself a car and it was like so cute.

And I love his videos.

Okay.

So he, thank you for explaining that.

That's what he does.

He went up to Brooklyn Beckham and his McLaren and said, by the way, when it's a celebrity, like it's usually staged.

I don't think this was.

Really?

Because he said, hey, man, what do you do for a living?

Your car is awesome.

That's what he does when it's staged too.

Like with a celebrity he's like been um in contact with to like get in a video i think like diplo did one a million of celebrities have done it okay well brooklyn beckham responded um i'm a chef

and then daniel mack was like you're a chef really are you like the best chef in the world and he said trying to be

in brooklyn beckham's defense What does he do for a living?

You know, no, but then people are commenting.

What do you do for a living?

I was born.

That's literally what people are commenting, roasting him.

Like, okay, maybe you like to cook, but that's not how you paid for your McLaren.

no for sure but like if he was put on the spot which i i just i refuse to believe that this wasn't like a pre-organized event but if he was put on the spot like it's a hard question for brooklyn beckham he doesn't really have a job right i would have thought he would say model Yeah, I would have said that too.

I would have said model if I was him.

Obviously, he wants to be taken seriously as a chef, but like

I really hope this wasn't staged because that makes him look even worse.

If it wasn't staged, it's just like an awkward situation to be in considering like, I didn't pay for it.

I can forgive it if it's not staged.

Yeah.

But if he

chose this for himself and really is that is the tick tock in there the like the linked to daniel mac is crazy because if it's like so usually he'll go up to like five different people in a video and like get their reaction sometimes people don't want to be on it sometimes they do but if it's just like one video dedicated to the person then it's really like it's a set up thing you know okay do you want me to look it up yep We're gonna get to the bottom of this.

And like sometimes he'll like take it one step further and do yachts.

It's really interesting.

That's a really cool thing.

It's a cool concept.

I wonder that all the time.

Yeah, like what do people do for a living who have like these big houses and shit?

Sometimes they'll get invited to people's houses.

Okay, a Brooklyn Beckham here.

So McLaren, it's a $1.2 million card.

That's fucking crazy.

Yeah.

Oh, he knows Daniel Mac.

He tagged Brooklyn Beckham.

Are you the best chef in the world?

Let's see if there's anyone else in the video because if there isn't, my name's Brooklyn.

Yeah, we know.

Any advice for people trying to get into cooking?

Yeah, just follow your passion, whatever makes you happy.

It's easy to say when you have like a billion dollars.

It sounds like someone who doesn't have a job.

He's the only one in the video.

It's like a dedicated post.

I do believe it is,

it looks like it's just like a coordinated partnership.

Like maybe he tagged him.

He wants like maybe TikTok followers.

He probably does want to, okay, wait.

Sorry, the plot thickens.

So Brooklyn Beckham is like new to TikTok.

He has one video.

and 48,000 followers.

His first, this video was posted in 2021, so maybe he's like getting back into it and the video he posted in 2021 was of him cooking

um but it does feel

oh his following list is hidden he follows four people i wonder if he follows daniel mack he's not letting me investigate because i guess on tick tock you can hide who you follow

wow

i'm starting to feel like this with sage and then she just really

Jackie, here's Helen Miran, okay?

Like big celebrities do it.

It's kind of like a press thing now.

That's cool.

Video has her 50 million views.

That's really cool.

I can't believe like her car was 260K.

I can't believe he's riding around in a million.

LeBron James's is 770,000.

Like why the fuck is Brooklyn Beck,

no offense, someone who's never worked a day in his life, jealous,

riding around in a car that's worth over a million dollars.

And then honestly, like, I just feel like if this was strategic, like someone on his team, like really should have advised him against this, or at least helped with the job description.

Yeah.

It would have been funny if he if he like poked fun at himself.

Yeah.

but and i feel like maybe that's not his car could be his parents could be his wife's and he just like oh totally he just went to the coolest car in his arsenal to do daniel mack not in his arsenal coolest car that he had access to right right right to do daniel mack and then didn't realize that like he sounds kind of stupid like and out of touch well i enjoyed talking about it so to that for that i'm grateful to brooklyn and nicola and all the people who made this possible and

brooklyn and nicola are like the top of the news every single day.

There's something every single day because he, um,

she was supporting him or he was supporting her.

One of them has a project coming out.

Who knows?

Plus, like the Victoria drama.

Right.

Like she's been speaking on the Victoria drama.

She dyed her hair brown.

Did you see this?

I did.

I follow her on Instagram.

And I have to say, it's, it was great during the wedding.

And she's just like copying like other famous people's, like, no, I saw her do a QA the other day.

And like, it was like, you know, it was meant to be like an intimate QA as QA's on Instagram really are.

You learn a lot about someone.

And everything was just like such nonsense.

Like every answer, every answer was like, every question's sort of like, what inspires you sort of thing.

And like, you know, it's just like, follow your dreams.

Like, it was fucking nonsense.

Not a drop of tea.

And imagine the question she actually got.

Like, how much does your house cost?

Like, she probably got it.

How are things with Victoria?

Right, right.

Is Brooklyn good in bed?

Like, I'm sure she got extremely, if I was there on time, I would have posted a lot of people.

Instead, she like probably like chose ones along the lines of like, you know,

about her acting career sort of crap like it was and it's important to remember that like when like a big time celebrity or influencer more so celebrity than influencer but when they do q a's they're like extremely you're doing it for a reason like i know a lot of people who submit their own questions and i can't lie i did that once because i just wanted to clear something up but like they do it to either like to portray an image or to address one particular thing so like it's clear that her q a was not really like get to know me and like what my life is like it's like yes i'm an actress take me seriously I'm an artist.

Yeah.

No, it was a bunch of nonsense, hooey.

And I wanted to see if she like saved it to her highlights so I could give you an example of the nonsensicalness.

It was Brooklyn.

It was Nicola's mindless Q ⁇ A.

No, and you know what?

Like it kind of makes sense like why they're compatible because like they're both like extremely privileged and they're both kind of out of touch.

They're living in the clouds.

They're living in the clouds like on another planet that I would love to inhabit one of them.

It must be so nice to just not know

anything.

No.

To not know what it's like to record a podcast and realize realize that your sister's microphone is off.

And she posted like a long thing on her Instagram the other day about like anxiety emotions.

I think to tell us that like everything's not what it seems and that she has bad offs too.

I'm sure she does.

But again,

it's couched in like nonsensical language.

You know, it's like this celebrity language full of like buzzwords and empty words.

I just want to give an example because I want you guys to just like understand.

Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about, but please, an example would be great.

Yeah, the picture is of her cry, like looking very sad, gorgeous, though.

Right.

And that's what I look like when I cry.

I don't know if you guys know that.

Yeah, I'm stunning.

Sometimes I find it hard to show the sad bits of me.

Growing up with seven siblings and two very strong parents made me really tough.

They hammered it into me not to let people bring me down or hurt my heart.

It made me put up such a wall to protect myself, especially in this industry.

Actually, as I'm reading this out loud, I feel like this is her way of responding

to the criticism that she's a mean mean girl.

Like, I put up walls to protect myself because of, like, the way I grew up.

Can I tell you that when I read it for the first time, like on my Instagram feed, it felt, I literally felt like it was a direct response to like the Bella Thorne accusation all those years ago.

This accusation that she's an ice queen, that like her and Victoria are in this cold war because they're both really icy.

So I feel like that's what she's saying.

Perhaps.

We all have days where people make you feel bad and it's okay to be hurt by it.

Like that's just like nonsense, but okay.

No, and like like, that's just like, wait, say it again.

I all have days where make, where people make you feel bad and it's okay to be hurt by it.

No, we know that.

Like we learned that in school.

Like it's called processing emotions.

Like that's a celebrity thing saying the most obvious thing

in a fancy way.

And acting like it's a revelation.

Yeah.

You guys, wait, I just learned it's okay to be sad and and you could be sad too sometimes.

And then they'll make it like a trendy like it's okay to not be okay.

Right.

So

it's giving nonsensicalness.

Yeah, this part.

I just thought I would write something because I never show this side of me here.

I wanted to show you this side of me.

I'm still unsure which side of it.

This side that like could get hurt.

Oh my God, she's, she's human?

Holy shit, I didn't know that.

That's what she's saying, I think.

And I don't want to like laugh at someone saying, I mean, I actually really like her and I support her.

I just like.

Cut back the nonsense, everyone, please.

Yeah, like just show us who you are or don't be on social media.

And it's like, it's like when people only show like the highlight reel and then

are like well there's this part of me too and it's like well you're the one who only showed us the good part right if we think a certain way it's because you told us to think that way right totally that's why

that's how i feel about like erica jane and tom she's always like it was so dark i'm like you made him seem like it wasn't yeah the king it's confusing for sure but i read your book i had so much respect for him you were telling me the whole time it was terrible right and it's possible that like you're covering up but like to go so far on one extreme Would glow about him.

So true.

He was unnecessary.

Right.

No one asked.

Nobody.

Erica.

Tom is just the best.

Right.

Yeah.

But I can't wait to try some of his food.

Brooklyn.

Yeah.

He better be a good chef.

I just for all this.

After all of this.

Yeah, they did like one video on like Vogue when they were engaged, like

cooking with the Peltz Bickhams.

Yeah, that always like feels like a weird thing, like celebrities who just want to try something new, chef.

Yeah, no, and I think it's like definitely insulting to the chef community.

Like, yeah, no,

I put myself through culinary school, bussing tables.

Like, I worked so hard my whole life taking shit job after shit job, education, education, this opportunity to finally make it and to call myself a chef.

Yeah.

And you made it possible and is and you're a chef.

Yeah.

Well, by that standard, I'm definitely a chef because I make cereal all the time.

And you make dinner for Theo.

So true.

And that's not easy, especially recently.

It sounds new antibiotic.

It's been really tough.

A lot of mixing.

You're also a chemist

my cauldron

are you ready for our next story that what claudia sent to me she put it in she said she wanted it in the stories yeah and that's what you get when you follow

i'm like embarrassed like because i'm literally forgetting her name and she's like actually my friend What is Alice's name?

Ashley Green.

I'm so sorry.

When you follow Ashley Green, she's a host of the Twilight Effect podcast, which I was on one time.

Check it out.

And they always have like interesting guests.

And this time they had, I think, the director.

And he was just sharing information.

Here's what he shared.

Taylor Swift was turned down for a part in Twilight New Moon because it would have been too distracting.

I'm having like...

Hartburn?

No.

Like the lights in my head.

It's just like, I'm feeling like lightheaded.

Do you want me to read?

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Maybe I'm just like looking in too many places.

Have you had something to eat today, sweetheart?

Yeah, I had oatmeal and a Go macro bar, so I should be full.

All right, let me know if you want to do the reading.

I'm still such a good reader.

I think it's just like maybe I have just kind of a dull headache at all times.

And it's bright in here.

And it's really bright, yeah.

Taylor Swift was apparently rejected from a role as an extra in Twilight New Moon, as the director thought her appearance would steal focus from the rest of the film.

At the time of the Twilight Saga's prominence, the singer was a known fan of the books and films.

She was a try-hard.

In a new interview, Chris Weitz, who directed the second Twilight film, revealed that he reluctantly had to deny her the part of an extra in the background.

Taylor was a huge try-hard, and Taylor and I had the same agent at the time.

And he said, Taylor would like to be in this movie, not because of you, but because she's a Twi Hard.

She would be someone at the cafeteria or the diner or whatever, but she just wants to be in this movie.

Although it wouldn't have been a major role for the singer, the director believed that the surprise appearance of a major celebrity would distract from the rest of the film.

As a result, he turned down the proposition.

He said the hardest thing for me was to be like, the moment that Taylor Swift walks onto the screen for about five minutes, nobody's going to be able to process anything.

I kicked myself for it too because I was like, wow, I could have been hanging out with Taylor Swift.

I just want to say I think he's wrong.

Wow.

Okay.

And the reason why I think that is because of what Game of Thrones did, having Aaron Rodgers, Chris Stapleton in like the final season, because they were huge fans, took away from nothing.

Just a fun little fact.

She could have easily been disguised.

And by the way, like Twilight is as big of a machine as Taylor Swift was.

At that time, now she's like, you know, that would be like having Beyonce in your movie.

But at that time, she was still huge, but it just would have been like a really fun thing.

Yeah.

And I don't think it would have distracted at all.

And if anything, like New Moon would have been distracting because it was bad.

Yeah, the thing about New Moon is that it's my least favorite because Edward is in it for 45 seconds.

And Eclipse is actually the worst one because that's the one about Newborns.

No, for sure.

But like Edward's in it being sexy and like, you know, the end is like bad.

The plot is not my favorite, but like there's goodness in it.

Fucking second one, Edward's gone.

Bella's fucking depressed.

Like it sucks.

Yeah.

She's in it.

There's a possibility.

That's a song playing when she's going around.

There's a possibility.

And she's like, it's snowing.

Then there's leaves.

It's blossoming.

Seasons are changing.

Seasons are changing.

And she's just like depressed, like not leaving her house because Edward's fucking gone.

And I would do the same fucking thing.

That reminds me of the special.

I'm grateful for the seasons.

Yeah, from Tim Dylan.

You love quoting comedy specials.

I do.

I wonder what that says about me.

That you're hilarious.

That's what it says.

I think so.

I'm able to to apply comedy jargon in everyday life.

Everyday life.

I was going to say that I obviously think that like, while it would have been amazing, it definitely would have been a distraction.

But you do raise an interesting point about Game of Thrones, even though I don't think that Chris Stapleton or Aaron Rodgers are as visually as distracting, even together, as.

Also, because I mean, I guess like they were playing like cavemen and they look like cavemen, whereas like she would be playing a high school senior and she does look like a high school senior.

So she could fit in, but like Taylor's just, she's not one to blend in, you know?

Yeah, but

also like in high school musical two at the end, like Miley gets a cameo and like that just added to the movie.

It was a fun thing.

She's dancing like great.

And she was like a huge star at the time.

Yeah, that's, no, that's totally true.

And by the way, what's interesting is what they did do in.

And it's not like it was the first Twilight, where it's like, this could eclipse the whole franchise.

It's like Taylor's in the movie.

They had some good, really, I mean, good momentum, huge momentum.

It was the biggest franchise in the world.

Like, throw her in.

Yeah, especially because I think in the fourth movie, Breaking Dawn Part 1, the woman who wrote the book, Stephanie Meyer, is an extra.

She's a guest at the wedding.

So you see her in the ceremony when Bella's walking down.

And then I think you see her like eating a piece of cake.

And the fandom knew her very well.

So there is a way to do it in a way that's like not distracting and classy.

But I'm also curious about the timing as it pertains to Taylor Lautner.

Was she trying to just be with her man?

Or they were together during that movie, Valentine's Day, and that was so much later.

Right, but so like maybe she was like into him and like that was like her first and it didn't work out.

So she like forgot about it But then later on they happened to be casting a movie together Maybe she was like had a crush on him for many years and of all the men Taylor has dated I don't think anyone, you know, has more glowing review than Taylor Launer back to December It's like the only song where like she's wrong, you know?

Yeah, and she goes back to December all the time

Beautiful turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine

I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind.

She's mad at herself.

She like literally like bounced.

And he was just like, this is such a nice guy, you know?

Yeah.

But now I'm happy for him because he's engaged to a girl named Taylor.

So we all win.

We really do.

Especially Taylor, who gets to marry Taylor Launer.

Right.

We're all winners.

Are you ready for our next story?

Julia Louis Dreyfus's son Charlie has joined the Sex Lives of College Girls cast.

Wait.

Julia Louis Dreyfus' youngest son, named Charlie, has been cast in season two of Sex Lives of College Girls.

That show, which I adore, is literally a breeding ground for nepotism.

Timothy Jalami's sister, everyone, you know?

So true.

But he really looks like a regular college guy.

And he's an actor and he's in other projects too, but it looks like a perfect casting.

Now, I don't know this man.

I'm sorry to this man.

But when it comes to nepotism, I very much judge on a case-by-case basis.

And I will not be judging in a negative way because Julia Louis Dreyfus, you know, has contributed so much

to

pop culture, to television, to entertainment.

She could do whatever the fuck she wants.

And honestly, her son's kind of hot.

So how old is he?

What?

How old is he?

He's 26, 25.

I don't want to be out here calling like 14 year olds hot, you know?

Kids these days, they're like 12 and they look 25.

Yeah, but they're also 25 and they look 12.

It's

so confusing.

And yet I'm 28 and look 24.

How old do you guys think we are?

Sound off in the comments.

Actually, sure.

Jackie, I'm not interested in hearing what anyone thinks about how I look, honestly wow yeah what if it's a compliment

no because it might be a compliment that you

think

it's an influencer mentor yeah because people are always like oh my god and it's so nice like ever since i've like lost like 25 pounds actually um people are like you look amazing but like so i didn't I didn't look amazing before.

Okay, I just want you to know if you go back to before you started dieting and you look at pictures from like the show, post-show pictures, like everyday people are like, your skin's glowing, your hair's amazing.

Where's your amber from?

Okay.

No, that's fair.

Yeah.

It's just interesting, but like, you know, it's not like you're only getting compliments.

But that's life, you know, like somebody says something and you internalize it in a different language.

Right, but also you do look good.

Like leave it at that.

Take the compliment.

Take the win, walk away.

No, for sure, for sure.

Being gorgeous.

It's a lot of mental, you know, gymnastics.

Anguish

anguish.

Do the flip.

You have to stop quoting a special.

Nobody knows what we're talking about, Jackie.

Okay, I'm quoting Patim Dylan's special.

Go watch it.

Do a flip.

I love Sex Lies of College Girls.

I think it's so good.

Waiting for season two with bated breath.

Excited about Julia Louis Dreyfus.

Me too.

I hope that he's great.

I mean, Timothy Chalamet's sister is great.

So sometimes nepotism can open you up to a great talent.

100%.

I'm open to it.

And Timothy Chalamet's sister is the best part of the show.

She's so fucking funny.

And I love Renee Rapp.

I've been like keeping up with her post-show.

But her brother isn't on season two.

Like

her brother on the show.

Yeah.

That guy who was fucking Kimberly.

Yeah.

Which was just like a real

ego.

I know.

He got like another job.

That show is going to be like the next girls.

Like, I don't know why anyone would leave it.

Moron.

People are so dumb.

Like, it's fun to watch.

It boggles the mind.

But it could never be me.

Like, I get on a hit show.

You don't have to drag me off the set.

My cold, dead body.

You'll be doing like the reboot.

You'll be doing the rewatch podcast.

I'm the first one to sign up.

I'm doing it all yeah are you ready for our next story like really special i'm lucas grabiel for sure sorry you were the first one in the reboot yeah first one to sign up the first one posting on social media it's in my bio like no you know who you are who

bart johnson

you're on cameo 100

i'm bart johnson

100

because i'm still really good looking um even after the show is long over and i will be the first one on set when

the reboot happens.

You're commenting on all the cast members happy.

I'm commenting on e-news' posts every time they post about something even remotely Disney related.

You are doing cameos in character.

I'm motherfucking Bark Johnson.

What are you two doing in a tree?

Evil fucking laugh.

Okay.

Are you ready for our next story?

Tamara Judge is closing Cut Fitness after nearly 10 years in business.

Quote, it's sad.

That is sad.

Tamara and her husband Eddie are saying goodbye to their business.

People can confirm that the couple have officially closed Cut Fitness, the gym they own in Rancho Santa Margarita, California.

The pair opened the studio in March 2013.

Unlike big box chain gyms, the fitness studio focused on personal training,

nutrition coaching, and Spartan race training, among other things.

Sounds horrible.

Don't know if you know this, but cut stands for cardio unique training.

And I just...

It's doing sir.

No, but that's your favorite word.

It's unique.

Yeah, no, this definitely feels like a ripoff of sir.

Like, no, but they had a 10-year run.

She talked about it on her podcast with Teddy Mellon Camp, which we haven't discussed the fact that they have a podcast together.

I know.

And I feel like I'm always seeing it around the church and stuff.

I feel like it does pretty well.

I love that for them.

Can't, like, it's surprising that they're friends.

Yeah, but you know what?

It's the recipe for perfection.

Like,

two housewives, two fired housewives who will literally do anything to stay relevant on their respective shows.

It's literally like, you can't create more chaos than that.

Like they're both clinging on to what they once had.

But I feel like that's

even if other housewives like tried to do this, it would just be sad, but there's something like pretty respectable about their podcast.

I don't know why I feel that way, but I feel like

they actually do it.

They do it and it's always charting.

Sometimes they make news.

It's called Two Teas in a Pod, a really cute name.

And I guess because they're like an unexpected duo.

Anyways, they're making news once again.

But Tamara is sad about the gym.

I think it's really the end of an era.

But she also talked about her CBD company.

You know, they have a CBD company.

They were on our podcast talking about it.

Vena CBD.

They're sold at Sally Beauty stores.

And Tamara said

their CBD success business is very successful.

It pays her way more than the show.

So I thought that was interesting.

That is interesting.

And you know what?

Like having a brick and mortar store for 10 years is not easy, no matter what you're selling.

No, and to own a gym in COVID was really hard.

So to have made it this far is an accomplishment.

It's an accomplishment.

It is the end of an era.

You know, it's like kodo insurance.

It's iconic.

But, you know, when she came on our show to talk about her CBD, like they pitched her for the CBD and we were like, yeah, sure, but we just wanted to talk to Tamara.

And then the more I spoke to her about it, the vibe I got was like, she was running like an actual, like, legitimate business.

And I think she must have like invested a lot of money in this like really early on and it's paying off.

I do believe that her CBD company is like legit.

Yeah.

I mean, to be in Sally Beauty is not easy.

Yeah.

So good for her.

Yeah.

And I have to assume assumed she was making about a million dollars a season on Housewives.

So that means she's making more than a million dollars.

Yeah.

I thought that was, you know, a little bittersweet news.

Yeah, no, it's sad, but it's time.

Yeah, but also maybe it's like it was time to move on from the gym because these other ventures are just more profitable.

Or it was time to move on from the gym because she didn't have the show to really supplement like marketing wise.

Like no one would have heard of Cut Fitness.

It just would have been like another nice gym in Orange County.

But like being attached to the show and having all the events there and all the girls going to train there, like it's good marketing.

Right.

But she is going back on the show.

So I feel like she could have held out if she wanted to.

Yeah, but maybe it just wasn't worth it.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

So I hope everything's okay.

Speaking of another institution that's shutting down, but some good news.

So I don't know if we spoke about this or if you guys knew that the Central Park boathouse is closing.

Oh.

You knew that.

I told you.

I don't remember.

Which really is like.

Iconically sad.

Iconically sad.

Yeah.

The New York Post had written like an op-ed about why we need to save the boathouse and a secret billionaire has made a $6 million offer to save the Central Park boathouse after reading the post.

I wish a secret billionaire would just like save me.

But that is so cute.

Gotta know who he is just because like the more billionaires I'm aware of, the better.

But I love that, you know, it's important to invest in your city.

And I'm glad someone else is.

So I don't have to.

And I've never been to the boathouse.

So I know it's iconic.

It's where Carrie and Big fell into the lake.

Like I know all about it.

I've just personally never been there.

So.

Yeah.

So the operator had said he had no choice but to close the Central Park restaurant on October 17th due to skyrocketing costs.

Then the secret billionaire approached the operator with a deal to finance the renovation of the iconic property and keep it open under his current contract with the city.

The original author of the New York Post op-ed said, however you played it, this is bad news for the city.

A darkened boathouse would leave a heartbreaking hole in the park at a time when when New York's green lung needs all the wholesome, law-abiding human traffic it can handle.

It's so true.

Like if it were to officially close, it would just be like reflective of the state of the city, like, you know, exiting the pandemic, just not doing well.

So you know what?

Alas, there is hope.

Yeah, so I think that's some good positive news.

If you were hoping to get married at the boathouse one day, like the dream is still alive.

Recreating the carry and big like kiss thing.

Yeah.

Also, if anyone happens to know like who the the secret billionaire is like i'm just like curious and nosy so write in the comments or if you like don't want to like out yourself feel free to send me a dm i'm just like beyond curious like there's so many billionaires and why must it be a secret i feel like owning the boathouse would be you know a crown jewel in your portfolio so it's probably like a billionaire who's not famous and like doesn't want to be famous he likes being rich like he knows that like maybe he looks out on the park and wants to see it flourishing he's probably smart enough and like experienced enough to know like people want to be rich and famous and really if if they were rich, it would solve 99% of their problems.

Like, fame does nothing.

Yeah, but there's so much ego.

Yeah, but so I'm saying, like, a normal billionaire might not do it, but we happen to find like a humble billionaire.

Sounds like he would make great, great husband.

We're disgusting saying he.

Let's be real.

It's probably

he.

Unless it's Mackenzie, you know?

I'm like, that is so terrible of me.

But like,

maybe it's Kylie.

Can you, Let me just Google something really quick.

Like, how many female

billionaires?

Maybe it's female billionaires,

percentage, male billionaires.

I never know like what to say into Google.

Like, I just type the whole thought.

How many female billionaires are there compared to?

Thank you as of 2022.

Number of billionaires around the world in 2019 by gender.

Okay, so statistics are on my side.

I'm not just being a bitch.

But this is also in the world.

Male, 2,489.

Billionaires.

Yeah.

Female, 336.

So it's like, it's apples into oranges.

And that's not to say women can't be billionaires.

I just know the world we live in.

So I'm not saying I don't believe women can be billionaires.

She never said that.

I was sitting here the whole time.

I never said that.

I know statistics because, you know, I'm always watching those videos.

Like, now this, you know, that like weird, like, that was like putting shit together.

And it's like always sharing random shit.

And it's like, here's the, you know, the richest person in every state.

And This is just the statistics, not me.

There's like two women and they're either like an heiress or a widow.

Yeah, or a divorcee.

Right.

So, sorry, I'm not just like being a bitch against women.

It's just what the thing says.

Facts are facts.

And that's because women aren't given opportunities and that's not my fault.

Don't fucking put that on me.

You fuck niggas.

She's creating opportunities for women all the time.

100%.

To have a great, I'm creating opportunities for women to have a great time at my show.

Tickets available at girlnowjob.com slash tour.

So I can be the 397th.

Female billionaire.

And you know what I would do?

Keep it all for myself.

And for Theo.

Of course, of course.

And of of course, give to charity.

Only he could get his foot fixed.

Of course, I would give it to charity.

The charity world is everything.

No, my charity is

cookies for Claudia.

The Turpin family.

Thank you for bringing it back.

You get a big house.

Oh, no, actually, that might be.

You know, I was actually thinking when Diane was telling us all about this.

I'm like, Diane, buy them a house.

Like, seriously, like, just pay the mortgage for the rest of your life.

Like, come on, you have so much money.

Like, I know it's not on her, but I can't imagine she wasn't so moved by everything she learned.

And, like, I'm sure they sat down for the interview ready, just like to see how life was going and wasn't expecting to find that, like, it's still going on.

And I'm just like, come on, Diane.

Or Justin Bieber too.

Like, come on.

Agreed.

And I think that, you know, when you're watching, yes.

And maybe she does gift, but I think also part of her job being her job, like she probably has to draw a line somewhere.

Cause if she was moved by every single.

case.

She'd own like 11 homes.

She would have, yeah.

So that's just not sustainable.

Yeah.

But it was just like, Diane was like, oh, no, what can we do?

I'm like, I don't know.

Aren't you like the most powerful woman in the world?

Like,

we do.

You're chasing down this like moronic chairwoman of the council of this local board.

It's like, Diane Swear is here.

Like, Diane, like, make a call.

We're saved.

Make a call.

Like, start another fun.

Put on your Instagram.

Call your friends.

Yeah.

I just thought it was like,

oh, no.

I'm like, Diane, like.

That's like when.

A lot of celebrities get backlash for posting like GoFundMes for their family members or their friends and the friend's family.

And it's like, well, you could pay the bill.

Yes, I do think that it depends on the celebrity because there's this general, like, I think a lot of people overestimate the type of money certain celebrities make.

But like, Lady Gaga posting, like, save my dad's restaurant.

Like, you fucking saved your dad's restaurant, bitch.

I just bought your album.

Like, go fucking do it.

That was weird of her.

Like, low-key.

Yeah.

Not cool.

Not cool.

Are you ready for Dear Toasters?

Yes.

Dear Toasters is brought to you by Noom.

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So I know a lot of people find a lot of different beneficial things from Noom.

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Like when you're eating stuff, like if you're not really thinking about it, you're not thinking about what's in the food.

So they have a really extensive database that just lets you know like what exactly is in everything you're eating um and you can track your day see your day at a glance at a glance which i think is really helpful yeah noom i'll catch you in three weeks when i'm weaned off of breastfeeding we're getting back to work me and noom and you can stay focused on what's important to you with noom waits psychology-based approach sign up for your trial today at noom.com slash toast that's n-o-o-m

dot com slash toast to sign up for your trial today excuse me what do you have to lose sorry it wasn't in the copy actually i think maybe they've moved on from that sentiment.

Dear Toasters, our Wednesday weekly advice segment.

So if you're looking for advice from your two favorite gal pals, you can email deartoasters at gmail.com.

Dear Toasters at gmail.com.

And we'll keep it anonymous.

You can change people's names.

We'll never know.

And if you write us an email and then you regret it and you follow up, like, please don't read this.

We do get those emails too.

So don't worry.

We're never going to read something.

Nobody wants us to read.

We have three really good ones today, okay?

I'm going to go.

I'm going to go like

least crazy to most crazy.

Okay, good.

I need to work my way up.

I need to turn these lights off so I can think.

Okay, ready?

Hello, beautiful stunning and smart queens.

I'm a long time male toaster.

Breather.

Toaster.

Breather, guange Instagram follower, comedy tour guest.

Who is this man?

I've recently come across some news regarding one of my close friends that I just cannot shake from my head.

My friend, let's call her Margo, has recently shared with me that she only showers once a week.

This came up when we were at a fair and I said to her that I was going to go home and shower for the second time that day after walking around the heat and the fog of the barbecue smoke for hours.

She then shared with me that she only showers on Sundays.

Mind you, it was Friday.

She tried to explain to me that her lack of bathing is the reason for her skin being so soft and that the reason she hates showering is due to some unresolved trauma from her childhood.

Apparently, her parents would make her shower every day and she absolutely hated it and it would cause conflict in her family.

This then created some resentment from her towards showering.

I've heard you both talk about this on the podcast before, so I just wanted some input on how to navigate this.

She doesn't ever really smell and I'm not sleeping with her yet but i just can't shake this every time i see slash think of her please give me your thoughts slash advice sincerely a clean toaster who usually showers twice a day but at least once okay so two things first the fact that she showers uh once a week and then i'll get into like the reason the trauma the trauma but the first thing Showering once a week, yeah, not most of us do it, but if you're saying she doesn't smell, she has this like gorgeous skin and maybe she's on to something.

Okay, so she's like barbecue for the next two days, but if you're not going to be with her and it really doesn't bother you, that's just like a weird thing.

I would also just double check that she didn't mean she washes her hair once a week because there's two different types of showers.

Um, and girls, like I have like three different types of showers, you know, like one, full immersion going in, hair, everything, shaving.

Second is like a light body between washes, you know?

And then the second is like a, the third is like a deep body, no hair.

It's like everyone has their own.

I just really have two.

I have three.

Showering without hair, showering with hair.

But there, I I think there's two different types of showering without hair.

Okay, but say she's talking about like she really doesn't shower, shower.

I mean, back in the day, people only took baths whenever they could carry all the water.

No, I'm sorry.

Taking a shower once a week is not normal.

So we have to get to the root of it.

And it sounds like we're at the root of it.

I do feel like she's probably holding back on.

She wasn't going to share like her deepest childhood trauma, like all the details at the barbecue.

I feel like there's probably more there.

Yeah, I would assume there is because just being forced to shower every day, that's like what parents make you take a shower.

That's like growing up so i feel like there's more probably unresolved trauma there and i honestly would take the route of encouraging her to explore that with a therapist yeah that's what i was gonna say that's being a good friend honestly like yeah you can't help her yeah just be like i thought about what you said and it's really stuck with me um and i want i care about you yeah and i just like want to see you thriving i don't want any you to be like held back and not like showering because of something from your childhood like have you ever thought of talking to someone yeah i haven't heard the soft skin thing um so as far as i know that's not true no i showering dries out your skin.

So moisturize it afterwards.

But like, if you don't, I mean, I shower.

How can water dehydrate your skin?

Oh.

Because it takes away from the oils, because water and oil don't mix.

Oh, okay, whatever, Bill Nye.

So what was our advice?

Talk to her about it.

Encourage her to

recommend help.

Yeah, like dig into that.

It's something that should be resolved.

Yeah, even if she gets to the bottom of the trauma, but still only wants to shower once a week because she likes how it makes her skin feel, that's fine for her.

Right.

She'll be clean on the inside.

All right, next up.

Good morning, ladies.

First of all, thank you for always delivering premium content no matter what.

Obviously, this was written before yesterday.

I'm in a giant pickle.

For some backstory, I had a boyfriend in high school who was my first everything.

His name was Jack, and we really loved each other, but we had some different goals and plans at that point in our lives.

We've talked maybe three to four times in the last 11 years.

Never wanting to commit to, never wanting to commit otherwise.

He lived all over the country and really focused on building his career.

He was engaged at one point, but called it off.

Fast forward to this weekend, I woke up at 6 a.m.

on Sunday to go to the gym and I had a Venmo notification on my phone.

It was for $1 and it was from Jack.

It had his phone number in the comment part of the notification.

I've recently been thinking about him and he reached, I had recently been thinking about him and he reaches out like this.

The notification came in around 5 a.m.

So he obviously had been up drinking all night.

I don't know if that's a fair.

He was up thinking about you.

He couldn't sleep.

He also was going to the gym.

He was doing a documentary.

I had to work after the gym, so I waited to call him.

I called in the afternoon and we talked for almost two hours, just catching up as if no time has passed, which was how this worked with him every time we caught up.

When I told him that I was engaged, he seemed genuinely happy for me.

He's not on socials at all, so he had no way of knowing that.

In this conversation, he told me the other efforts he had made in the recent past to get a hold of me.

I'm obviously very in love with my fiancé and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but Jack has always been in the back of my mind.

Am I making a mistake to not see him next time he's in town?

End of October?

Or do I block his number and not even entertain it?

I struggle with living the rest of my life with a what if in the back of my mind.

Please help.

I will take the dragging through the mud if that's what's warranted.

Love a forever loyal toaster.

Oh my God, this is like a movie.

I was going to say, it sounds like a book.

I mean, I would have to really know what your fiancé is like, but like, is there a world in which you could be like, I need to have a conversation with someone like before we move forward?

Are you open to that?

Like if he seemed like a really jealous type or like a protective type, like you would know immediately that that's not something he would be open to.

But it reminds me of this book I read, Once Your Love Z.

You know, her new fiancé really understood.

She was like, you need to spend time with your ex-husband.

Like make sure that, like, I don't want to be like your runner-up.

Like, I want you to choose me because you want to choose me.

Yeah, that's very, that's a fantasy.

Yeah.

What I would say to you is, you know, he could always be the one that got away, but I do think we have a tendency to romanticize the past.

And I think you had like a high school relationship.

He probably seems really good.

And, you know, every time you talk for two hours, it's easy, you know, you have like a cute, probably a little flirty conversation and it's like fun and exciting.

But to live life with someone every single day and to find a person who you enjoy doing that with

is a huge feat.

And maybe every day in and out of Jack, it's not going to be those two hour conversations.

And I think, you know, the bird in the hand is worth two in the bush in this case.

And it's not like you were having doubts about your fiancé before.

And I think like Jack in theory is like, ooh, so exciting in practice, you you know, it's another tough relationship that you got to work through.

And I just don't think that I think, you know, it's like cute and fun and sweet right now, but

you have the real thing with your fiancé right now.

And there's no way to know if you would have that with Jack just because every few years you talk for two hours and reminisce about the good old days.

We were just talking about this on the podcast about how like.

A lot of people look back and like romanticize that like last year of high school, the summer before college.

Like, and in actuality, like it wasn't really like that for anyone.

We just like look back on that time now through like rose-colored lenses, whether it's because of like movies we've watch or just like our youth and nostalgia.

So you're probably right in the sense that like you're remembering him better or more romantically than it was.

Not even that.

It's like, so say you meet someone who you enjoy for like an afternoon and then you start thinking like, oh my gosh, like every day would be like that if, you know, we were together.

But it's like, no, think about the first time you met your fiancé.

Like, but the fact that you do have a life that you love with your fiancé, like it really doesn't get better than that.

100%.

And the odds that it's going to to be better with Jack, considering it's pretty good right now, are extremely slim.

And considering like you really don't know him anymore, like a couple phone calls over 11 years is not a friendship made.

Yeah, no, that's not a relationship.

That's not living with someone like, I think you found it.

Yeah, I'm with Jack.

And I think that if you actually went down the road of exploring things with Jack, it would not work out just because most relationships don't work out.

Hashtag, I'm with her.

She's right.

Listen to Jackie.

Don't listen to anything I say.

No, I think you were agreeing with me.

No, for sure, but like your phrasing was just more on on point all right this is the one i really wanted to get to okay oh gosh because honestly i don't have any expertise in this at all do i i don't think so but again i've never looked up your butthole so oh hey jackson clown hey i've been dating this new guy for a few months and i have yet to tell him about a personal issue i have hemorrhoids I try my best to not let them be seen during sex, and I don't think he has ever seen them.

If he has, he's just being nice and not mentioning it.

So my dilemma is that I have to have a procedure done next week where I have to be put under.

It's basically a colonoscopy, and I don't know if I should tell him about it or not.

I've never been put to sleep before, so I'm nervous, but I'm just too embarrassed to tell him.

Do you think I should just get this procedure done and keep it a secret?

Or should I go ahead and tell him so I don't have to keep hiding it while I simultaneously work on incorporating more fiber into my diet to shrink the roids?

If so, how should I go about telling him?

A toaster in distress.

How long have they been together?

A few months.

I think that you should tell him.

Now, there's something about the word hemorrhoids that's like, I don't know, maybe it was in a movie or something where it's like...

You know, it's like a gross word yeah so when the when actual hemorrhoids are just like actually extremely common occurrence for many people yeah so if you want to go full hemorrhoid go for it i always think honesty is the best policy if you're having a major surgery and you are seeing someone like you have to tell him you're doing something you could like lie and say that it's something like gynecological and then he won't ask any more questions or you could just be honest um

yeah i'm okay with like a lie bio mission like yeah i'm getting the thing done down

like but i think like you don't really have to go into like a hundred percent detail like first of all

you'll learn a lot when he's when you're out of surgery and like he's the one taking care of you if he is like that's what husbands do so you'll really be able to see and you know if it's going really well maybe you can just be like

okay like i was a little embarrassed but like honestly you've been so great i actually just have hemorrhoids that kind of big deal but if you got through it he didn't know you see like and no but then like what if he's like acting like a child and you're like oh wow i'm so fucking glad i didn't tell this guy i have hemorrhoids He's obviously like so immature and not husband material, you know?

Right.

Right.

I think we should see how he acts like before.

It's a good test.

Yeah, it really is.

Cause that's what happens.

Like when you're married, like your husband sees you at your fucking worst norovirus.

Like you birth.

Well, I haven't been there yet, but yeah, like you're like

flesh everything.

Like, so if he's going to be a fucking pussy about some procedure, like.

He's actually doing you a favor and saving you a lot of time.

But if he's great.

It's a good test.

I would use it as a test.

Yeah.

Test him.

I would tell him of some version of the truth.

And if it's going really well, I think he'll think, I don't think he'll find it like deceptive of you.

I think he'll find it cute of you, like that you didn't want to like.

There's nothing deceptive.

And it's not like it's a big thing.

Like it's, and it's not like something that's like contagious.

You have hemorrhoids.

Yeah, it's so common.

It's like a

mount from the lens of the big bang theory.

Yeah.

You literally can't even see him.

That's, I mean, it depends how big the hemorrhoids are.

That was your toasters.

Thank you to everyone for being particularly vulnerable this week.

Dear toasters at gmail.com for next Wednesday's show.

That is our episodes.

This is a very long episode, and I'm glad because after yesterday's audio, everyone deserves it.

So fingers crossed that when we take this SD card out of our.

No, we're fine.

We're fine.

You never know.

So that's our show.

Our show.

No one else is.

Even though the Strice Brothers are here, it's not their show.

It's our show.

We have a great day ahead of us.

We're headed to our Spritz meet and greet in Fort Lauderdale.

So we're excited to see everyone there tonight.

And then we're back tomorrow with another fabulous show.

I think that's it.

Thank you so much for listening to the Morning Toast, the Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you are watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as a podcast anywhere podcasts can be found.

So that's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Radio, iOTRA, Cast Box, all the places.

So wherever you listen to podcasts, find out some Morning Toast and leave a five-star view about how beautiful, stunning, and smart we are.

Hope you guys have an encréab hompte.

I'm so French.

Encréab hompte.

That's not French.

Hompte.

You need babble to figure that out.

100%.

And we'll see you tomorrow.

Goodbye.

Bye.