S5 Ep106: Kim, Pete, Rebecca and Gertrude: Monday, August 8th, 2022

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy Monday.

Oh my god, this morning has felt like an entire week in and of itself.

I didn't even realize it was Monday.

Hey, Jax, how you doing?

I'm dern good.

This is our first official toast remote in the new setup.

Of course, everything there's room for improvement, of course, but I'm really excited to see how it goes.

Me too.

Obviously, we spent the last two weeks getting your remote studio looking sickening and mission

accomplished.

And my remote studio, we like kind of like forgot about.

So this morning we have just been

Tech Girl is back.

Like maybe they should replace Bat Girl, the movie, with Tech Girl because she's real, she's sweating and she's doing her best.

So our audio should be pretty premium today.

Video, we're going to keep working on the aesthetic.

Don't jinx it.

Last time you said that on a Monday of a first setup, you know, all hell broke loose.

So true.

So I think our audio will be audible.

Yeah, hopefully.

And our video should be gorgeous because we are.

That's true.

Like at the end of the day, a video is only as gorgeous as the girls in it.

And we are.

Girls on film.

Two minute one and yeah, girls on film.

Between Claudia wearing a headset and having a microphone and being back in the studio, you know that it's on and she will be back to singing.

We'll have to see how our remote singing does if we can sync up.

But it might just be like a lot of solos from you, which I know you're really upset about.

Oh, I'm crying tears of sadness.

Not solos.

No.

Oh, you mean by myself?

No.

I'm shy.

Oh, no.

Let's talk about the weekend.

I got back from Florida yesterday, and honestly, like the chaotic nature of this morning has really highlighted like how there is such a difference in our quality of lives, to be completely honest.

Like this morning, yelling at construction workers, telling them to stop drilling for an hour.

I have the sweatiest neck on the planet.

And that's just a little bit about me.

Yeah, you are dearly missed in the Sunshine State.

And I know that you know it.

And I know that you miss us.

And so it's not like I have to convince you that you're missed or that you should be missing us.

Like, it's just a sad state of affairs.

A hundred percent.

And you know what?

I was like so emotional yesterday on the way to the airport.

And that's my level of emotion when I know I'm literally coming back in less than a week.

So I can't imagine the next time I leave where I don't have an actual set date, set trip planned.

I'm not going to be okay.

No, you're not, but I think you're officially a snowbird.

If that means being here every other week, you order, like, we have been in the process of getting my house ready for you, like, ordering all the things that you'll need, you know, from the big things to the small things.

I literally ordered outdoor furniture for you.

Otherwise, I probably would have put it off, except I'm glad that you inspired me to do it because now I'm really excited.

But down to the shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush.

So, like, if you have a set of your tings in another state, I think that you are officially, you know, living between states.

No, I think I really made it official last night when I Amazon primed a smelly pillow to your living quarters because that's really like I, home is where the smelly pillow is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Even though I think I had one for you, but sure.

You know what?

Now Ben can experience the premium, the pleasure, the luxury that is the smelly pillow.

But sure, microphone.

Sure, sure.

I got a new microphone because I wanted us to have matching ones in our separate studios for like, you know, I couldn't let your quality be better than mine.

And the brand of this company, like every 10 minutes, nobody, me, sure.

And they should really, like the Oxford Merriam-Webster should change the spelling of sure, C-S-U-R-E,

to sure,

S-H-U-R-E.

And if you're watching on YouTube, you can see that it says sure, sure,

right above our mic flags.

And every time I see these microphones, they spark joy.

A hundred.

And our other ones, Heil?

No.

They were Heil?

The brand of the microphone was Rode, and the brand, oh, I'm actually still using the mount, the thing that holds up the microphone.

My brand, H-E-I-L, feels very anti-Semitic.

I do not feel safe in this studio.

How are they not canceled, Heil?

Is that how you think we're pronouncing it?

H-E-I-L.

Hail.

It's giving Hitler.

It's giving Hitler.

It's giving Goebbels.

Sure, Goebbels.

Sure.

So I'm depressed.

I'm back in New York.

I have a lot of stuff to do this week, like, you know, work, work, work.

I have a show on Friday.

Just wanted to remind everyone, my, you know, final leg of my Not Like Other Girls comedy tour is officially

on sale.

All this, all the cities, a lot of them are gone.

Nashville, good luck.

Charlotte, best wishes.

But we still got tickets in Portland.

We got tickets in Seattle, Huntington, Long Island, Red Bank, New Jersey, Alabama.

Sorry, no, we're all out because Jackie, I don't know if you know this, like we're huge in Alabama.

It doesn't surprise me.

No, me neither.

Like we are roll tide, War Eagle.

Yeah, roll tide.

Roll tide.

Roll tide.

Exactly.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

But little update from last week.

We...

Our quest to 100,000 YouTube subscribers has not been fruitless.

Like, we are at 98.1 as of this morning.

That's 1,900 people.

That's literally 0.01% of people that listen to the show.

If 1,900 of you could just go over to YouTube and subscribe, like I could get my motherfucking plaque, okay?

Okay, so we're picking a name today.

I think it's my day.

Yesterday was, oh no, Friday was the Emily's.

Thursday and Wednesday, we went biblical.

We went Rachel and Sarah.

And I'm curious,

who have you chosen, Jax?

I think I'm going to stick with the biblical.

I'm going to go Rebecca.

Okay.

It's my name to choose and just be glad I didn't choose something, you know.

Gertrude.

Oh my God, Claudia?

That's what I was gonna say, but I didn't want to offend the Gertrudes.

I just have to say, like, I feel like Gertrude is one of those names that people are like, yeah, but it's actually like a stunning name.

And if your name is Gertrude, like, you go by Gertie, and that's so cute.

Yeah.

Justice for the Gertrude Toasters.

And you know what?

If you're listening, Gertrude Toasters, feel free to subscribe as well.

Yeah, today, I think every day we should do a common name and a not common name because

a lot of people are feeling like, especially people with not common names, are like, this is, you know, keychain trauma all over again because my name is never going to get called.

But I, I think that's why we need to include some less common names.

Oh my God.

I absolutely love the way your mind works.

So yes, today we're going with the Gertrudes and the Rebecca's.

Okay, great.

An unstoppable duo.

Name a more iconic duo.

You can't.

You literally can't.

So if you are listening to this episode as a podcast in whatever format and you find yourself being named Gertrude or Rebecca, it is your civic duty, your responsibility to get your ass over to youtube.com slash a morning toast and subscribe, like on your Gmail, your work Gmail, your school Gmail that you haven't logged into in 15 years.

Like get it done because we're 1,900 away.

I feel like we should be hitting it this week at the rate that we're going, because every time we call out a name, it's like a couple, it's like a thousand.

Yeah, we should be hitting it this week.

And so I, now you sort of just need to prepare for reaching your goal

and how you're going to celebrate.

Yeah.

I hope it's not one of those moments where I'm like so hyped and then it happens and then I'm just like, you know, over it.

I mean, that's exactly what it's going to be.

And then you're just going to be in the quest for 500K, but we can at least pretend that you'll be satiated by this.

Yeah, for sure.

And it just makes me think like in the one or two weeks that we were talking about this and we were doing episodes in Florida, we've gotten literally like 10,000 YouTube subscribers.

And it just makes me think like, where were all those other people?

You know, every time I was like, if I didn't subscribe, I need to, you know, like, where the fuck were you?

I want to hear from the people who still haven't subscribed and just like, let me know why.

Maybe it's because you listen in your car and by the time you get to where you're going like you have forgotten the call to action no there might be like a real reason why and i just want to know because you guys know how important it is to claudia and i know you guys love claudia so if a equals b and b equals c then you guys should be subscribing if a equals b and b equals c like why the fuck don't we have 100k

yeah

Oh my god, also, we haven't even spoken about how literally after Friday's episode of The Toast, like so much happened, so much news.

Chloe's baby, Skeet and Kim, like we, their timing, it almost feels intentional.

And I would be offended if I wasn't flattered that they were literally skirting us on a Friday.

Um, so we have so much to talk about today, which is exciting.

We have so much to talk about today.

Like, every story, they were clamoring to be in the fast five, and I had to be really selective about what we discussed.

I love that.

Like, it's better than the days when we have to be, you know, really selective in terms of like, should we put the worst story on the fast five or the least, the second to last worst story?

We usually go for the worst, But that's so us.

So us.

And honestly, sometimes, you know, a dull fast five leaves it open for us to let our creative juices flow.

But like on a day, like today, we have business to do.

Like we're here as really reporters.

Reporting the news.

We also have Unburden Yourselves because it's Monday and I feel like a lot of people had weekends.

Like, you know, it's one of those last, not the last, but we're in August now, final weekends of summer.

I think people are just like losing their minds.

Yeah.

And I fully expect our Unburden Yourselves to match that energy.

Things get crazy in August.

I'm using my morning toast tumbler too for my iced coffee that I really have been loving drinking thanks to your influence.

You guys know I like never drink coffee.

I am using the new weekday tumbler.

Looks like you're using the OG.

And by the way, I'm loving using tumblers.

And because I can do it, I used to bring a tumbler to the studio, but then I would have to like go home to dishwash it.

But now that I live at my studio, I ordered even more morning toast tumblers so that I could just like have a different tumbler every day and then just wash it.

Let's talk about the luxury that is living at the studio because I definitely took it for granted.

Even though I wasn't staying at your house, it wasn't like a real commute.

This morning, like just,

I think it also has a lot to do with the heat.

Like getting out of the house in full dress, like

honestly, like I can't do it.

It's not for you.

No, I've seen what it's like to truly work from home.

And don't get me wrong, I don't even have a real commute.

It's six blocks, like maybe less actually.

Like it's not a real commute.

And I'm still,

I'm not loving it.

Well, once you commute by golf cart, it's really hard to go back to the way things were.

So true.

So true.

So true.

I'm really missing you.

I'm really missing Rold.

I'm really missing Michaela.

Quick update: if you guys were following,

just kind of the arc of me and Michaela's relationship.

And I talked about it a lot in the Patreon, just how I am Eden Sassoon and she is Lisa Rina.

We made enormous progress over the weekend, and I haven't been able to update everyone, but Michaela is now fully saying Auntie.

She probably said it 25 times before I left.

And I heard this morning she woke up and said, Where's Auntie?

which just made me want to die, but also made me really happy.

Because where the fuck is Auntie?

Such a good question.

Look,

who knows?

Who knows?

It's maybe that'll be my children's book.

Where's Auntie?

Not Where's Waldo?

It'll just be like sickening pictures of me, like, like in crowds, you know?

Find Auntie.

Love that for you.

Where's Auntie looking sickening on the speech?

Oh,

gorgeous auntie.

So, yeah, I had written some things down.

Oh, you know, I watched some interesting television that I wanted to tell you about.

Oh, that makes one of us still haven't turned a TV on in my house.

That's so crazy.

I watched

the Robin Williams documentary.

It's not new, it's from 2018.

But I watched it over the weekend, and it was so good, and I just wanted to recommend it.

At first, I was so bored.

I was like, oh my God, I can't believe someone so funny has the most boring documentary.

But it really picked up, and towards the end, I was like really emotional and really sad.

And it was just really, really good.

And when you also, I feel like the details of his passing were kind of low-key as far as like what he was going through.

But he turns out he had Louis body syndrome, which is something I never heard of.

And then I started reading a book and it was in it.

What book?

Where this one I found on like Prime Free, I was like, I don't know.

Honestly, it's like the secrets we keep.

Yeah, that's what it's called.

I think I've heard of it.

I actually cried.

I'm not done with it.

Wow.

And it's not even a particularly sad book.

There's just like this tragic event that they talk about in their youth.

And when they finally tell you what it is, like, it's just like the way it's written, like, the girl who's like the victim is so sad.

Like, her name is Alice.

And she's like this chubby teenager who's like a loser, but she's like so nice.

And like something bad happens to her.

And it's like the way they were just describing Alice, it just made me cry.

Like she was like queen.

That's really sad.

Yeah, and it's only the second, I don't really cry at books.

It's only the second book I cried at, but whatever.

So with Robin Williams, basically, like, because the whole time in the documentary, I was waiting for like people who described him, who've known him for so long to be like, but he also, you know, was really suffering.

But they never really brought that up.

Like he was really always just this like fun, loving, obsessed with entertaining people kind of guy.

So I'm like, how does it happen, you know, like that?

And he had Louis body syndrome, which is basically like a mental illness where your brain is feeding misinformation to you.

Like just you're straight up lying to yourself.

Oh, wow.

I didn't know this.

Me neither.

And it was so interesting.

And I never, I don't know if that was like the first time they spoke about it or people know that.

I didn't know that.

It was a really good documentary.

Highly recommend.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Add it to the content plate.

I have multiple plates.

This is like a 10 course meal at this point.

At the quiet woman.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I have so much to watch.

Hopefully one day I will get to all of it.

And actually, I'm at the point where I need to start writing it down.

And I'm just like writing things down now.

I'm at the stage in my life where we're writing things down.

Right now I'm writing it in my notes app, but that doesn't really work for me.

I need like a pad and pen and paper in every room in my house because I'm constantly thinking of things and then forgetting them.

Should we make merch notepads where like the letterhead says mogul energy?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Forgetful mogul energy.

Because I had a.

a list of things to do on my phone that I was writing down and I had like a merch idea and it was mogul energy.

So.

Oh yeah.

We definitely need some mogul energy and so do our fellow moguls, you know?

There's toasters everywhere and every time I hear about like a toaster doing their toasty thing, they're just so impressive.

And we all, I think we're all moguls.

I think so too.

The other thing I watched was CMA Fest.

It was televised on ABC and they put it on Hulu.

And first of all, just can't recommend watching it enough: a premium experience.

Like everyone showed up, showed out, played their best fucking hits.

But the reason why I wanted to talk about it was because, do you know who hosted it?

No.

Dirks, Dirks Bentley,

and El King.

Dirks.

And El King

is

Elle King

reminded me of a conversation we had last week that I wanted to talk about about nepotism babies.

Okay.

Because I feel like a lot of people don't even realize, and not everyone knows Elle King.

She's definitely,

and I'm loving this transition for her.

She's turning into like a country girly.

She performed her song with Miranda Lambert, who wasn't there, but then she performed her amazing song X's and O's with Ashley McBride.

It was so good.

So I'm loving this journey for her.

And for those of people who are familiar with her music, a lot of people don't realize that her dad is Rob Schneider, like the iconic actor from mostly Adam Sandler movies.

Yeah.

And I feel like she's like kind of like an iconic nepotism baby because literally like her parent, like her dad is the best kept secret.

Like nobody knows.

Yeah, but I feel like, I mean, maybe I'm wrong, but just like the way that it's packaged to the world, I feel like her success is totally irrelevant from his.

And it's just a coincidence that they're related, like that he didn't open doors for her, but that's just because they're in such different worlds.

And maybe I'm totally wrong.

Like maybe he's best friends with Darks and Dark Scott Her.

Like, I don't know anything, but that's just the vibe that they put out.

I completely agree.

Like, I feel like there's literally not one iota of like help coming from Rob Schneider to L.

King's career.

I don't know that for a fact, but I just feel like

the places that he has influence are not the rooms that she wants to be in.

I completely agree.

I just wanted to bring her up because I love her.

And she also went out and say yes to the dress and chose the same dress as me.

And that's on having taste.

100%.

Also, before we get into everything, I started a new book, this book that everyone's talking about every summer after by Carly Fortune.

And so far, it's fine, but it's like not doing for me what it was doing for the rest of the world.

And same for Snitch.

Snitch and I are both reading it because she almost chose it for the Redheads.

And I really wanted her to because I love when we choose like a trendy book that's so good.

And then everybody who reads the book like will listen to the episode and millions will listen.

That's always, you know, my dream for the redheads.

But she didn't choose it at the last minute.

And I was okay with that because she actually wanted to do something different.

And we always support the snitch doing something different because it rarely happens.

And now I was like, okay, great.

Now I can read it.

And I'm so glad she didn't choose it.

It's just like, fine.

Oh my God.

You know what?

It's like, sure.

Okay, can I say something though?

Like, not to make literally everything about okay, don't spoil it or anything.

I'm not.

No, I'm not.

I'm just saying, I read the book and absolutely loved it.

And I just like found the book scrolling on Goodreads.

Like it wasn't this hyped up like everyone's obsessed with like the summer i turned pretty vibe like i just found it and really liked it and like raved about it to everyone and not saying like i made it trendy but like i did yeah i understand that feeling because i feel like there are so many books that i made trendy

And I can't.

I can't trait

them.

It happened one summer.

You made that trendy.

Oh, true.

I got the rec from Snitch, but I read it before her.

And I was like, everybody has to read this.

I also feel like

every little.

And then you spoke about it on the toast and then I read it and we literally spoke about it for a week straight like I'm telling you like not to make everything about us but like we made a trendy that's true and also every last secret because that was a random book that I found on like Kindle Unlimited but that's not like I read it but that's not like crazy trendy no but like every time I see it somewhere I'm like oh I wonder if like it trickled down

from my influence do you think we made um luckiest girl alive trendy no it had the thing is it had its moment like three years ago and it was like the biggest book when it came out and then by the time we read it was a few years later so definitely we gave it a little kick in the pants but it was already a bestseller when you buy my book on amazon customers also buy

the funniest thing um also with the redheads books all of the like customers also bought are all redheads books but wait i actually want to go on goodreads and see what you're that's on amazon using your data no but using your data to have a positive effect like for good if you're gonna use my data like i want good recommendations I want

to be like, have an easier time picking books.

Okay, so I'm going to your book on Goodreads.

Listeners also, readers also overall rating.

What's my overall rating?

Is it bad on Goodreads?

No, I checked.

It's good, actually.

3.95.

That's strong.

That's a four.

And a four is good on Goodreads.

Okay.

Especially considering like how many people probably just gave you a one star and didn't read it.

To be like a cunt, yeah.

Exactly.

Also,

Goodreads, since it's linked to your Amazon, they should be able to see if you actually bought the book in order to give it a rating.

Okay.

Just like Spotify.

I was just going to say, Spotify, like enacting this rule where you can only rate a Spotify if they can, I mean, you can only rate a podcast if they can prove like data-wise that you've actually listened to like more than 30 seconds of an episode is genius.

And Apple should implement that.

And all other rating services should implement that too.

Even Yelp.

You have to upload a receipt.

Ooh, that's pretty good.

Okay.

What's weird is readers also enjoyed are like all books I've never even heard of right now.

from what my book on amazon on goodreads yeah oh what are they

all other celebrity memoirs all along you were blooming in his image 10 ways god in his image is that like a catholic book yeah 10 ways god calls us to reflect his character oh my god they're giving religious

not a forsaken maybe your book is like a religious self-help book love and luck Big friendship, how we keep each other close, then Luckiest Girl Alive, then Den of Vipers, Good Night Beautiful.

I've never even heard of these books.

Okay, wait, but like me being like a religious book, I am obsessed.

You being a Christian icon?

Not me being an apostle.

Is that Lucas 1216 or Claudia Ashray?

It's Lucas.

It's Claudia 1216.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

Am I a spiritual leader?

Are you Maddie Pruitt?

Everyone's quaking over her engagement.

I know.

I actually was quaking a little too.

We didn't choose it as a story because.

who cares?

But clearly us.

She's engaged and we haven't spoken about her in a while, but like she really has become like a motivational religious speaker.

And she's she's taking the Sadie Robertson pathway.

I love that for her.

From reality star to preacher.

And I'm love that charity for her, wishing her the best.

What I find so crazy about this whole thing is like Maddie Permit has not cut her hair since The Bachelor.

And I find that so crazy.

Like, as someone who has long hair and lived with hair down to my butt crack for like six years, and now I look back and like be like, oh my God, why did nobody like help me?

I just find it so crazy that her hair is that long and she lives in Alabama.

Like, it's crazy.

Like, it's too hot, you mean?

It's too everything.

Humid, hot.

But, you know, she is engaged to

Illian.

Yep, I saw that.

And you know what?

I am truly happy for her because

there's just nothing better than money.

I'm happy for her too.

Also, she would look really great with like really short hair, like a really cute crop.

A mid-length.

Yeah.

But I'm just like, honestly, like, I am in awe of her hair, the length.

I hadn't thought about it in a while, but you're right.

Because when they were on The Bachelor, they were in a really hot and humid zone.

I don't remember where it was, the location in which they were filming.

And I could not stop looking at her hair.

Obviously, it was like frizzy as fuck because she's human.

And then I just thought that maybe like she would watch that and want to cut it, but she didn't.

Yeah.

Maybe she's Samson.

Part of growing up.

Oh my God.

She might actually be Samson.

Part of growing up is realizing like it's time to cut your hair.

I completely agree.

When I look back, like...

Pretty much all of high school, my hair was literally below my butt crack.

No, me and my friend.

And thinking was just like the longer, the better.

The more, the merrier.

But no.

no i used to get a haircut and like trim half an inch and have mental breakdowns like literally crying pulling my hair out in the bathroom i can't believe i was so mentally ill back then and i'm so glad i've made a speedy recovery and i feel like when you're younger you have all this hair and you just like use it to hide because you're like young and insecure and you just think like i'll put some hair on it no it's true and i think also as like a chubby young person, you really use hair as like a security blanket and you think like, okay, it's hiding all my imperfections and you look back years later and realize, no, it's actually highlighting every imperfection.

It's just adding

more to everything.

And

you put it so far in front of your face, you look like you have a beard.

And then from the back, you have no hair and it looks like a pussy.

Like literally put some hair behind your head, bitch.

It won't hurt you.

Yeah, true.

I'm not in any position to talk because right now my hair is is absolutely disgusting and long and stringy.

Like I have to keep it behind my.

Oh, by the way, I'm not saying Maddie Prue's hair is bad.

All I'm saying is like, I cannot believe it's just still so long.

Yeah.

Well, she's also really young.

So maybe she hasn't reached the age where it's like haircut.

That's going to, you know, make me mature.

Mature.

That's what happened to me when I was 23.

I got a bob and I grew the fuck up.

Yeah, I miss Bobby Yo.

She'll be back in due time.

Bobby Oshre.

What?

Bobby Oshre.

Right now with all my hair falling out, and by the way, it's like not stopping.

It's so crazy how much hair I'm losing on the daily.

Bobby O could be back anytime soon.

Cool.

I'm so ready for her arrival.

I'll cut it myself.

Yeah.

It's just.

But you look great.

Okay.

So.

Should we dive in?

Yeah, I think without further ado, to do to do, it's time for the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

And today's episode is brought to you

by McDonald's.

Here at the Morning Toast, it is no secret that we are obsessed with Mickey D's.

After a long day of recording the show, running around doing errands, is there anything better than a McDonald's fountain dye coke, a crispy french fry, and their iconic chicken sandwich?

Here's the important question.

What's the best McDonald's crispy chicken sandwich?

Is it the standard?

Is it the spicy?

Is it the deluxe?

And you know, I think chicken sandwiches are more personal than comedy because I think the best chicken sandwich is the standard, but that's because I don't really like to take risks and I'm change averse.

But maybe you're a spicy person who prefers the spicy sandwich, you know?

But the answer really is all of them.

So personally, how I get my sandwich, which people like quake over, is just chicken bread and ketchup.

And apparently, like people aren't putting ketchup on sandwiches.

That's what I learned recently when people like blew me up on social media for putting ketchup on my sandwich.

And I thought it was like so weird that nobody else did.

So that's how I do it, but it's so personal.

Like, how do you do it?

Pickles?

No pickles?

Extra pickles?

How do you do it?

Well, go to McDonald's and be creative.

Explore your inner cravings.

McDonald's Krispy Chicken Sandwich, you can order it ahead on the McDonald's app, which is premium as hell.

And you can try the sandwich that invented the Krispy, Juicy Tender today.

At Participating McDonald's, you can download the app and registration is required.

And this is just your sign.

I don't know if you guys needed a sign.

It's your sign to get your fucking ass up and go to McDonald's.

Okay, are you ready for our first story, which is one of the big stories of the week slash weekend slash the day?

Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson break up after nine months of dating.

The Kardashian star and Pete have broken up and decided to just be friends.

Sources close to the couple exclusively tell E-News.

E-News was the first to report it, and then everyone else did.

The insider shared, actually, I think the Sun was the first to report it like last week, but then E-News.

Nobody believed it.

Nobody believed it.

And then E-News came through with the source.

I thought it was TMZ.

I don't know what what TMZ has says, but the insider shared that while the pair has, quote, a lot of love and respect for each other, they found that the long distance dynamic and their demanding schedules, quote, made it really difficult to maintain a relationship.

The split occurred sometime this week.

Okay, I don't believe that for one second.

And I am shocked by this.

Like, I'm more shocked that they broke up.

after everything we've seen in the last nine months than I was hearing that they were together.

And I was so shocked by that.

I thought that this was it.

We've never seen a happier Kim.

Like, how do you go from being that happy with someone?

Like we saw on the show, like we saw, you know, they were at the Met Gala.

They've been doing all of these things together, going, you know, in the baba bikini modeling on the beach.

And just a few weeks later, like done.

Not even like they're in a fight.

He's in Australia.

She's in LA.

Maybe they're just like talking over the phone and texting until, you know, they can get back together.

And, but they're done.

I'm shocked.

And I think something happened.

Yeah, I don't necessarily think that this was going to be the end all be all for Kim, but it did prove to be way more serious than any of us had anticipated.

And I thought it would just go on for longer, especially because we just got the trailer, babe, you want to take a shower with me?

Like it didn't seem, and I know she just went to Australia to visit him.

So it didn't really seem like they had any.

you know, intentions of slowing down.

Yeah.

And the idea that like their schedule's gotten in the way is such a lie and so insulting.

Like, first of all, Kim is so busy.

So if he's in Australia working on a movie, like that works for her in LA.

She can like spend the time with her kids and doing her thing.

and then when he's done like they'll reunite also she has a plane like she can visit him wherever whenever

I really think like something happened but I can't even fathom what it could be like a cheat no not like a cheat like a like what though

like a just

I don't know Like, are we going to find out?

I don't know.

And now I'm like, I wonder if they'll take him out of this new season because she's not going to, like, she said on last season, I'm not going to like, you know, talk all about my boyfriend.

And then if it doesn't work out and then i'm just like left there hanging and i feel like it is important she's not gonna go like do a whole season glowing about how happy she is when we know they're not even together it's important to note that um

eneus then released a conflicting report saying that kim and pete are back together or like they never broke up so

I'm just gonna operate under the guise that like they are because I think that if these reports were false she would post some stuff on her Instagram stories that was like low-key you know like Kevin and Devin oh Ken Kevin whatever Kendall.

Like, you know, posting pictures with Devin, and we're like, oh, they're together.

So she would post like even one thing just to be like, shut up, we're together.

Yeah.

I don't know what happened.

And obviously now everyone is, you know, saying that she's getting back together with Kanye, but the source who provided the initial statement about their breakup also said the divorce is still ongoing.

Like nothing has changed.

That I believe.

That I believe too.

I don't think, honestly, I do think that Kim and Kanye like are irreparable, especially given what happened after the divorce.

So I don't believe that for a second.

I'm just like, I'm definitely confused because while obviously, you know, this was an unorthodox relationship, it became so serious really quickly and with the kids and then, you know, him defending her with Kanye, like it got kind of legit.

So I just feel like to go from that to a breakup, I was really shocked by.

And yes, maybe their schedules are bad and he's filming a movie in Australia, but like, okay, the movie comes to a close and he lives in America.

So right.

And he left SNL.

He has more time on his hands.

He can live in LA.

What happens to the tattoos?

What happens to the brand?

The branding.

The branding is really tattoos.

People, especially celebrities, get tattoos for people they date all the time and then they break up a week later.

So tattoos, even though they're technically permanent, are really not.

Branding is extremely permanent.

And I don't know

what you do after that.

I think this was like meant to be a longer term, more serious relationship.

And I think that like,

you know, when someone like does something that they can't take back or like just exhibits like poor judgment or something

I feel like something weird happened like that.

Do you think it involved the kids?

Oh, not necessarily.

Cause like if Pete like did something like that Kim didn't approve of parenting wise and like like maybe that maybe that's a line that yeah, but he's in Australia.

What could he do?

Right, right, right.

I don't know.

Or like, you know, when you like someone who like said like betrays you in some way, like maybe says something to some, like I something little, but that indicates like a a whole different side of their personality yeah i feel like it's something just

it's something it's not scheduling okay

no i hate when people say that like if keith urban and nicole ritchie can no not nicole richie if keith urban and nicole kidman can make the schedules work as the biggest country star and the most you know

a-list actress in hollywood like nobody else has excuses yeah

I don't believe the scheduling thing.

Like, especially when you have access and means to private planes and and things you know us lay people could only dream of off yeah i am really really shocked

yeah and i'm still mad over uh taylor kitch and

lady gaga's scheduling

is his name taylor kitch is that tim riggins yeah that is tim riggins taylor kinney what was the other taylor kinney okay by the way same thing um and taylor kinney like doesn't even work so what schedule yeah

so true so i'm still upset about that so annoying i hate the lies.

I hate being lied to, but also like your personal life is your personal life and you really don't know us like an explanation.

So I don't know if we'll get like a full detailed review of what went down.

And if this really is the end, then like let's.

Let's let's acknowledge the end.

Like I think that this was a great relationship for Kim.

I think she's probably really grateful for the time she spent with Pete.

He brought her out of like a, what could have been like a really dark place and lonely time into, I think what she says like was some of the most fun of her life.

Like she was so happy.

So for that, we're grateful.

Thank you, Pete.

Hashtag, thank you, Pete.

But why

did it end?

How does she go from being that happy?

You know, like, I felt like in this, in watching the Kardashians, it's like she figured out the key to life is how she was acting.

How do you go from that and then mere months to like, goodbye, good day, sir?

It's over.

Well, there are conspiracy theories that like this was kind of like a diversion type of press moment for Chloe.

Right, which we'll get to because that's the next story.

But I don't think it would be untrue.

Same, by the way.

And I don't think Kim is like, so they're not like as desperate as they used to be.

They're not just like throwing shit at, like, this is their personal, these are their real lives.

They're not like out here just like making shit up for the sake of, you know, press strategy.

Right.

And okay, let's get to the next story because this is what everyone is saying.

Chloe and Tristan welcomed their baby boy last week.

Very exciting.

The surrogate, as we knew, was going to happen.

Now people are saying that the Kim News dropped right before Chloe's dropped, like, gives sort of Chloe a buffer because we know that she struggles with the public perception of her and she just doesn't want to deal with that with a new baby.

And I just don't think that's true.

Like, first of all, the impact of this news came a few weeks ago when we found out they were having a baby.

Yes.

Now, knowing that

they had the baby, okay, that doesn't change anything.

Like, I don't think that these two things

were playing off of one another.

I really don't because I really don't think this Chloe news is like even news

because the news came out.

I do think, though, that like Kim and Chloe releasing this on the same day and like late in the afternoon on a Friday before a weekend, that was probably intentional, just being like, we don't want to make a big kerfuffle out of these two things.

Like, we just move on with our lives.

So, to me, that's totally fine.

Like, them kind of, kind of wanting to bury their own stories.

Because it is an odd time to release like major news.

If you're wanting like the full extent of the press, you're going to drop that shit like Monday morning yeah i agree with that but not necessarily that kim is like doing this to shield chloe i don't think chloe's on her phone just like on the show we saw that like kylie deleted all social media before she gave birth i'm sure chloe is off social media just like enjoying newborn bliss yeah i agree i am really happy for chloe like i know she's wanted a sibling for true and she got it in an unorthodox way, but life is unorthodox.

I'm loving the word unorthodox today.

That's the third time I said it.

And honestly, like, I love this for Chloe.

I'm sure we won't hear from her for a little while, like, because new mama tings, like, you know, it's very overwhelming having a newborn.

And I'm really, like, I really am wishing her the best.

And I feel like anyone who's not and who's being like, Kelly, Tristan,

shut up, like, seriously, we don't care anymore.

It's not even about Tristan, like, it's about Chloe getting everything she's ever wanted.

A hundred percent.

I'm so happy for her.

I'm so happy for her family.

I'm happy for True.

And

Tristan is just irrelevant.

Like, sorry.

Sperm bank.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bye.

Bye.

Tristan.

But story two, subset B, and that this is the news that I'm actually taking really personally, is that Chloe and her private equity investor have broken up, quote, things fizzled out.

The Good American founder has reportedly ended things with her mystery private equity investor boyfriend, according to multiple outlets.

Quote, Chloe and the private equity investor broke up.

They split a few weeks ago.

Things just fizzled out between them.

Can I say something?

The private equity investor sounds like a made-up character.

like i just and by the way i don't think that he is but like the way that everyone keeps saying like the private equity investor like it's almost like he's an invisible boyfriend yeah no it's i agree because it's like there's other ways to describe him like go to thesaurus.com financial person businessman businessman like why didn't they call him her businessman bo once they used to say it about everyone whose husband had a job They did used to say that.

Until we like co-opted it and ruined it.

And now it's a joke.

I have to say, say like Chloe having a fling with someone and then like welcoming a new child, like if the fling wasn't going anywhere, like obviously they're going to break up.

Yeah, because even if like unless they're super serious, she's not going to have him around while she has a newborn.

And so if they're, if he's not going to be around, then she's not going to see him for a few months because she's busy with new mama tings.

Of course.

And I feel like kind of how when Valentine's Day comes around and you've been seeing someone for like a short amount of time, how Valentine's Day can either expedite your relationship or like show you that it's not a relationship.

Make or break.

Make or break.

So, kind of like a baby, like if you guys were actually like vibing and thought there could be a future there, you like a baby might, you know,

speed that up a little bit and be like, oh, like, look, we're a family.

It forces you to take a hard look at things.

Yeah.

So, if it really was just like fun fling and now she's going to focus on her babe, I think breaking up is obviously the right choice.

And obviously, I'm sad that they broke up because I want happiness in Chloe's life.

But

sometimes flings are just that.

Like, flings, they bring you, you know, from one relationship to the next and they get you on your path.

Yeah.

I do hope that Chloe enjoyed, you know, the financial partner experience and maybe we'll go down that route again.

Maybe it's encouraged her to seek out more private equity investors.

Yeah.

Or she just like knew that's what we all wanted for her was just to date someone like average Joe.

So she put citizens.

So she was like, there you go.

Yeah.

And maybe, you know, she did it for us but ended up like doing it for herself yeah oh my god like a hallmark movie she's like i'll shut them up i'll just go out with this guy right right and then like she pretends the whole time it's literally a hallmark movie and they fall in love what's it called

from strangers to lovers to enemies it's called the businessman bow

everything is called the businessman bow that's the truth That's the truth.

Are you ready for our next story?

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Great.

Our next story, other big news of the weekend.

Teresa and Louie got married in New Jersey this past weekend and the bravo lebridies came out.

So here are the deeds.

Teresa Judice and Louis Ruelas tied the knot in an extravagant ceremony and reception Saturday in front of family, not that much family on Teresa side, friends and co-stars.

The festivities unfolded in East Brunswick, New Jersey on the sprawling 15-acre grounds of Park Chateau, Estate, and Gardens.

The picturesque venue boasts a palatial mansion and adjoining chapel with an all-around white façade inspired by the romantic ornate style of 17th century Gothic French architecture.

So, the venue put out this press release.

Yeah, this article just has all the details.

You know, the dresses, the bridesmaids, the co-stars.

So, Teresa's four daughters, Gia, Gabriella, Melania, and Audriana, served as her bridesmaids along with her co-stars, Dolores and Jennifer.

Also, the wedding was a veritable who's who of housewives.

Margaret Josephs was there looking like the snatcheler.

It was a collaboration between Caviar Dreams and the Snatcheler because, oh my God, she looked amazing.

Margaret looked so stunning.

I was obsessed with her hair and her dress.

If I didn't want to chop my arms off, I would wear that dress.

Yeah, no, she looked incredible.

Jackie Goldschneider was also there.

So was Jill Zarin, Dorinda Medley,

Chanel Ayan from Real House Eyes of Dubai, Alexia from Miami, Lonnie Love was there, Phaedra was there, Cynthia, Kendra.

Yes, so it was a star-setted affair, and we also need to talk about the hair.

Okay, so let's talk about the wedding first, and then we'll talk about Melissa and Jo not being there.

Okay.

So, I actually thought that the wedding, I'm not talking about the way that she looked, the wedding was really beautiful

and pretty tasteful for Teresa's taste, which can be like, you know, tacky jersey vibes.

And I think she would agree with that.

I'm not saying that as an insult.

I'm just saying that's like her personal aesthetic.

Like, you know, remember what her house looked like, you know?

Yeah, it was, the wedding was, you know, the wedding version of her house.

Yeah.

And that, I really, like, I don't, do not like, you know, speaking negatively about how someone looks on their wedding day.

Like, I do think it's really mean.

But I feel like because I can acknowledge that I looked like a fat rat at my wedding, I'm allowed to judge others.

Yeah, I think that's fair.

And I'm going to start with the positive.

She looked really happy.

Yes, she did.

Her dress was very pretty, very simple.

Her body is, you know, fit it like a glove.

It was a really pretty dress.

I didn't understand the gloves because they were like pearl gloves.

She looked like she had, you know, pimples all over her arm.

And then it really matched the aesthetic of the dress.

And I love, like, one of my favorite, favorite like bridal trends is gloves.

Everyone's doing gloves.

I love it.

It's so classy.

It's so jacky-o.

Like, it's so gorgeous.

So for me to hate your gloves, they must be ugly.

And they also just like, they just didn't match, like, whatever.

Yeah.

But the thing that's, you know, on everyone's lips is the hair.

She wore her hair down.

She has very long hair, very Matipruitt energy.

Okay, but it was also clearly a lot of extensions.

Like this was five women's worth of hair.

It was a lot of hair.

It was, you know, wavy down to down all the way down.

And then she wore a tiara, which is so tree.

And in the tiara was, you know, a beehive of sorts.

I don't really even know how to describe it.

It was giving, I mean, if you guys ever used to watch my Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding, which was the best show of all time on TLC, like all like the like 18 year old brides used to wear their hair like that and they would wear it like so high above their crown and the crown would get lost lost in the beehive.

Um, I just thought it was a really interesting choice for tree.

And the more I think about it, like, first of all, it's like kind of iconic because, like, it's so like it's so jersey, um, and so is Teresa.

So, Teresa is arguably the most jersey, and also, arguably, even though they probably, you know, don't want to admit it, like the icon of the state of New Jersey.

Yeah, her and Bruce,

Bruce,

Springsteen, Springsteen,

Literally, like, when I, I think it's a generational thing.

Like, when older people think of Jersey, they think of Bruce.

When younger people think of Jersey, they think of Tree.

Yeah, sure.

Bruce and Tree.

I think it's just like, or maybe like men and women.

But see, the thing is with Teresa is that like she gets full glammed probably three or four times a week, either for filmmaking.

She goes on Watch Heavens Live.

She does appearances and events, photo shoots.

So it must be hard to then want to look your best on your wedding day when you pretty much look your best every day and top that and do something different.

So I think that was like what she was trying to do, but she really did fail abysmally.

But in a sense, like I'm kind of obsessed.

Like it's so Teresa.

It's so jersey.

And like, I don't know, it's kind of working for me.

Yeah.

Like the more I think about it.

It's kind of iconic, but it is my personal philosophy that like you should obviously look gorgeous and feel amazing on your wedding day, but you should still look and feel like yourself.

So like if I were a tree, like the watch what happens

like live hair that's just like waves

classic traditional, like that's what I would have gone with.

It doesn't need to be much more than that, but not when you're a Teresa Judice and like you're having,

by the way, this is a special that they're doing on Bravo for the wedding.

Like it was pretty star-studded with Bravo lebridies.

I think people who are like obsessed with Bravo were following the wedding weekend the way that like we back in the day followed Andy's baby shower.

Like it was an event like that was iconic for people.

And she gave the people what they wanted, which was the absolute most.

And she gave us something to talk about because I have not stopped thinking about that hair since I saw it.

And at first I was like, what the fuck?

This is so weird.

And now that I've really been able to marinate in it, I think it might be unintentionally one of the most iconic things she's ever done.

Yeah.

Also, like, maybe this is just one of those things that's like before it's time, you know, like right now.

She's not appreciated in her own right now.

Like, we we don't get it.

It was like those jeans Kim was wearing.

It's like, I don't get it.

I'm not, I'm not forward thinking.

And then in a few years, like all the girls are going to be wearing this hairstyle.

And it's like, and we didn't get it when she did it first.

I don't think that's the case.

I just think it's like really camp.

Like, it's almost like

it's too much.

Like, I actually think like it's amazing.

If now that I've like really been able to sit with it, of course, my initial reaction was that of everyone else.

It's like, what the fuck is that?

But now I'm like, I'm thinking like this might be the most

iconic thing Tree has ever done.

Like her daughters must be so proud.

Yeah, I agree.

Like this is now, she has like a few things that are like so tree.

This is the table flip, then the hair.

Yeah.

I love it.

I'm so glad.

No, I really like it's been a journey for me to get to this place, but now, and I'm glad we didn't speak about it, like if the wedding was on Friday, because I would have roasted her on Friday.

but now that i've really been able to you know look at it from the big bang theory i think it's

i think it's like amazing here's the thing and it's so big you could see it from the big bang right no no no comes out this isn't one of those things that gets lost in the big bang theory perspective no it's really not it's literally a meteor i'm just praying for her neck today

I know it must have been heavy.

And imagine like dancing, kissing, like Louis did you and your neck snatched.

And you tumble over.

Yeah.

You stumble under the weight of it.

All all her daughters looked beautiful um their dresses were really pretty their glam was glam their hair was great it looked like a you know a nice affair it was kind of sad though that like jennifer aiden was a bridesmaid because

like bridesmaids are people like you're like true lifelong friends and of course like if you have a new friend you know maybe you'll make her a bridesmaid but for her

two

bridesmaids besides her kids to be Dolores, obviously, and then like a girl she met two years ago, three years ago.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know.

Like, I won't, I just don't think Teresa has a lot of like deep, meaningful friendships, and that's because she's not a deeper, meaningful person.

I agree with that, sort of.

First of all, I'm curious where Dina Manzo was.

She was supposed to be a bridesmaid.

She's Teresa's really good friend, but then she wasn't there.

Some people don't really know why, but some people said maybe it's because she didn't want to be on the show.

Unclear, but I do think that's weird.

I also, I thought that like Louis' sisters were going to be bridesmaids.

Yeah.

And then obviously the elephant not in the room is Melissa Gorga.

She should have been a bridesmaid.

But I just want to say before we talk about Melissa, like I'm fine with Jennifer being a bridesmaid.

Like her and Teresa really are that close.

Sometimes you just meet people in your life and even though you've only known them for a year, but now with Jennifer, it's like four or five years,

you just know that that's your, that's your person.

And I, and I like that for her.

Okay.

But Melissa and Joe not being there, first of all, like.

And I'm the first person, like, I'm super family oriented.

I'm the first person to be like, you know, work it out, work it out, family first.

But you you do reach a point with, with someone as toxic and narcissistic as Teresa, where like there is no talking to them.

And you have to put your own like mental health, your own sanity, and your own family first.

And so while I'm never like supportive of like families breaking up, I actually am extremely supportive of Melissa and Joe not going to this wedding.

It is a huge statement.

Yes, I'm supportive of that.

But the details are that a few days before the wedding, they had their season finale event and like something bad happened and Teresa and Louie betrayed Melissa and Joe in like a whole new way.

I guess there were rumors about Melissa and Joe's relationship

flowing at the party and Theresa and Louie like did not behave as family should.

And that was the line for Melissa and Joe and they're done.

Oh, that's interesting.

And what I had heard was that Melissa and Joe and Teresa and Louie got in a huge fight because Melissa and Joe were really urging Louie and Teresa to sign a prenup.

Oh, but I don't think they wouldn't go over that.

I think, especially after everything that Teresa has like done to them, both subconsciously and consciously.

And consciously.

I don't think, I think the fact that they put their foot down like right before the wedding, it's like you put up with all this for so many years.

And now like this woman is really having like a simcha and she's so in love.

And I actually think that Louis is like the right guy for her and that their relationship is good.

And I think that Melissa and Joe would say the same and probably endorse their marriage.

like now is when you're gonna take a stand like

you know what i know but i'm very here for them like you know protecting their person but like their kids weren't there and like that's their cousins and

but you know what like there's really no way to get through to teresa to like show her that you have hurt them yeah and maybe the way that like they thought would would do that is something so big like not going to a wedding and you know what like i

i don't like i just i do i'm with joe and melissa i am with you i'm with Joe and Melissa too by the way 100 I know and I know what you're saying like why now and like it's such a big event and it's such a big deal but like maybe that's the only way they thought they might get through to Teresa like we are actually so mad at you we're not gonna come to this and we're not gonna bring our kids either yeah that's very true but just for me I'm like we could all fight after like you could be done with her like after her wedding it's just you can't ever take that back in a few years if you all make up and if that's even possible you will always not have been at the wedding will was Joe supposed to walk her down the aisle did that was that a conversation i don't know that's something that he would do she would love that right yeah well that would be like even more serious then right

um i'm just like i'm here for this like i i have first of all i think it's going to be great for the show obviously and two like as someone who watches the show and like sees how

horrendous it is to be related to Teresa Judice, like I'm actually proud of these two for like putting themselves first for the first fucking time.

Yeah.

And not just swallowing it because family, family, family.

Like eventually, like, you have to put up boundaries.

And like, when it comes to family, I think it's really tough for people to put up those boundaries with toxic people and people live with those toxic relationships like forever.

Yeah.

But you know what?

Like, it's time.

I agree with that.

It's time.

It's just like kind of a weird time to finally make that choice when it's, it is, you know, a big occasion for Teresa.

But in general, I'm, I am here.

I'm, but something might have happened.

Yeah, they said it's a quote unforgivable betrayal.

I'm so curious to see what it is.

And talk to me once we've watched it and let's see if I've changed my opinion.

I had seen, and I don't like to like give light to like Bravo theories because they're always wrong.

But

what people had been saying online was that there were rumors recently about infidelity on Melissa's part.

That's the rumor that I think Teresa and Louie are giving light to.

And the way that they confronted it at this season finale party was the unforgivable betrayal.

Well, if anything, this is just great promo for the new season of Jersey, which never disappoints, really, true.

Really, never disappoints.

And I'm super surprised Margaret and Jackie were both invited and both attended.

Yeah.

We'll see.

We shall see.

But yes, it does make for interesting fodder.

I just think it was time, honestly.

I agree with that.

Okay, our next story, another crazy story.

Ann Haish is in stable condition after being severely burned in a car crash.

A Rep for the Actress told people in a statement on Saturday that Anne is currently in stable condition.

Her family and friends ask for your thoughts and prayers and to respect her privacy during this difficult time.

So

Anne crashed her blue mini Cooper into several buildings before it caught fire a few days ago over the weekend.

According to TMZ, bystanders tried to help the actress out of her vehicle after she crashed into a parking garage.

However, she allegedly backed up and drove off before crashing to another home where her car became engulfed in flames, as did the home that she crashed into.

The woman lost lost all of her worldly possessions.

Aerial shots of the incident show the actress being taken away on a stretcher.

Her clothes and her back look visibly burned.

It is presumed that Haiti was under the influence of alcohol as a bottle with a red cap was spotted in her car shortly before the accident.

However, LAPD could not confirm this detail.

Then this morning, I saw that they did get a warrant to check her blood alcohol levels

from the crash, a blood sample from the crash, so they will know more soon.

By the way, this is such a crazy story.

And people,

like, witnesses are saying, you know, she was riding around town, speeding like an animal through like residential neighborhoods before she ended up in a garage and then in someone's house.

And I have to assume nobody drives like that if they're sound of mind.

So she must have been under some sort of influence.

And I think this is so fucked up.

And honestly, I've never been in Ann Haish stand in my life, and I never will be.

And I think I don't really know like who Ann Haish is.

I just know like a lot of people know her because she used to be married to Ellen, right?

I know her because she was on Joan Rivers' season of Celebrity Apprentice.

And she was mean as fuck to Joan.

So

goodbye.

I don't even remember on that season.

She got out early.

She got out early.

She was mean to Joan?

It's disgusting.

Everyone was fucking mean to Joan because they were so threatened by her talent and charm.

Of course, and she won, so they should.

They were right to be.

What was that other woman's name?

Annie.

Annie.

The poker player.

Annie Duke.

Yeah.

Annie Duke, who came runner-up.

She was fucking mean to Joan, but Joan was so fucking mean to her.

I think the meanest thing I've ever heard anyone say is something Joan Rivers said to Annie Duke on,

she said, she's so self-centered.

Hold on.

Actually, I don't want to botch it.

Just hold on.

Joan Rivers.

Also, I thought you would want to know that Peter Fochinelli spoke out about the Ann Haish

accident because they co-starred together on something that we've never seen, and he was sending his thoughts and prayers.

So, I thought you wanted to know where Peter Foch's thoughts were today.

No, that's very interesting.

I also saw an article: like, a lot of celebrities are getting shit for like commenting, you know, words of support, like, for, for

Annie, and Haiti, like Alec Baldwin.

Oh, yeah.

But, I mean, what she's done is atrocious, and especially if she was under the influence.

I'm glad that she's okay and that nobody was hurt, but she destroyed that woman's house.

No, it's terrible.

Okay, wait, this is it.

Hold on.

The movie they're in together is 13 minutes.

Excuse me?

Peter Foch.

What's it called?

13 minutes.

Oh, I thought you said the movie was only 13 minutes long.

I can't.

You said the movie they're in is 13 minutes.

I'm like, oh, what movie is only 13 minutes long?

You would love it.

It would be your favorite movie.

Yeah, of course.

Ugh, I can't find it, but

it was just very, like a very clever way of insulting someone you fucking hate.

Okay, well, you'll have to find it at a later date and put it on a Canva porographic.

She said, oh, she said Annie Duke is the type of woman to spit on the ground and drown her mother in the puddle.

Yeah.

It was rough.

Like, queen.

Queen.

Queen shit.

So, Anne Haish, you're on my list.

You guys know how I feel about people who drive under the influence.

And this is really bad.

Yeah, really bad.

And I've never thought of Anne Haish.

Like I've never thought of putting her on any of my lists because she's irrelevant.

To you, yes.

I've just looked at her catalogue.

And to the

just looked at, she has so many movies and TV shows that she's done.

I actually can't find one that I've seen.

Irrelevant.

Okay.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story about movies that are not irrelevant?

Yeah.

Top Gun Maverick has now flown past Titanic at all-time domestic box office.

However, this headline is misleading, but it still is, you know, a big deal.

Tom Cruise's sequel, Top Gun Maverick, is now the seventh highest grossing movie of all time at the domestic box office.

After adding to its ticket sale totals this weekend, the Tom Cruise sequel has now made $662 million at the domestic box office.

Again, that's domestic, not global, surpassing the Titanic's $660 million according to Bariety.

However, Titanic's number includes both its original theatrical run and several subsequent re-releases in theaters, which makes it more, but it hasn't been adjusted for inflation.

Right, right, right.

Of course, like when Titanic came out, a movie was a nickel.

Not a nickel, but maybe like $10 in the 90s.

And now a movie is like

$30.

So it's different.

But I thought it would be interesting to go through a list of the most highest-grossing movies of all time in our fifth and

our fifth and final human interest story.

Can I guess some?

How many movies are there on the list?

Seven.

Okay.

And so Titanic and Top Gun are in there?

Yes.

Avatar.

Yep.

That would be.

Yep.

That's in there.

The most recent Spider-Man.

No Way Home.

Yeah, with Zap.

That was.

Oh my, wow, that's really big.

Yeah, it's here.

Let me think, let me think, let me think.

What else does James Cameron produce and direct?

Oh,

Thanos, you know that one?

Avengers Endgame.

Avengers Endgame, number two, yes.

Okay, that's really all I know.

Okay, so number one is star wars the force awakens okay two avengers end game three spider-man no way home four avatar five black panther six avengers infinity war seven top gun maverick and now eight would be titanic

oh my titanic got bumped but i really don't think it's fair to like you can't compare movie sales in the early 2000s with

No, you really can't.

You really, really cannot.

And if they adjusted for inflation, Titanic would be be on that list.

Yeah, they need to adjust the list for inflation because what are we talking about otherwise?

Yeah, no, that's dumb as fuck.

Sorry.

But it is a big milestone.

This is Tom Cruise's first movie to cross over to the $1 billion

box office.

And so I'm sure he's feeling pretty pleased with himself.

I'm like annoyed because I loved Top Gun and I wanted it to be successful, but I didn't want success for Tom Cruise.

I feel like, I know you have to say that when you're talking about Top Gun, which you loved, um but i feel like you say that you don't like tom cruise and then privately like you like him oh my god do you really feel that way i feel like you feel like you have to say something negative about tom cruise when he comes up because you've watched all the scientology docs and like but then like privately you're fine

oh that's so funny uh no like i i watched going clear i watched leo reminiscing like he's literally like a monster i haven't watched any of those things so i just go off of what you say and it just doesn't it hasn't like stuck for me yet.

And like, so many people love him, like, and everyone who is-I don't think they do, honestly.

People who like the top gun castmates, like, Kelly's always posting like the cutest TikToks with like him and Miles on the red carpet, and it's like

it does things to you.

I know, no, I know, but like, I'm from all the research I've done, like, no bueno.

And you feel that way about John Travolta?

Okay, that one is really difficult for me, like

to separate the art from the artist because I'm like obsessed with look who's talking.

I loved Greese.

I loved his work as Edna Turnblad.

Like it's, it's actually harder for me to like understand.

And also like all that he's been through, like he lost his son and then he lost his wife.

Like I have like a soft spot for John Travolta.

Yeah.

Even though I, but see, when it comes to Scientology and like the rankings, like I do think John Travolta is like, you know, a part of it and he's all in there, but Tom Cruise is like administrative.

Like he's gathering, he's donating money.

He's raising money.

Like he's a part of the foundation of Scientology.

Do you know what I mean?

Like he's one of the top, top executives, whereas like John Travolta is like a member, you know?

I think John Travolta is pretty tops, but okay.

No, I definitely have a hard time.

Like the way you think that I feel about Tom Cruise is actually how I feel about John Travolta.

Like I actually forget sometimes that he's a Scientologist because, like, I have, like, I have deep love in my heart for Adele Desi.

You know,

it's that's challenging for me.

No, it's hard.

There are some things that you just can't reconcile in life.

And that happens a lot with celebrities.

Kim and Taylor.

Either like Kim and Taylor, celebrities who like do and say things that, like, I vehemently disagree with, but like, I still love them, you know?

And I think that's okay.

Yeah.

I think it's okay.

Yeah.

No, not everything is just going to be tied up in in a neat little boat.

Like some things pose like a moral contradiction for you.

No, it's so true.

Like, especially when it's like, you know, something that contradicts like my values.

Your scruples.

That's what scruples are all about.

Yeah, my scruples.

I'm a scrupled bitch.

Yeah, you try.

We all try.

That's really all we can do at the end of the day is try our best

to uphold ourselves.

And that's what everyone.

And that's what everyone who wrote into Dear, Unburden Yourselves is trying to do.

So those were the past five five stories.

You definitely needed to know, like, each and every one of you.

You did.

You really did.

I'm hoping, I hope you're still here listening.

And our next segment, the show is not over, is Unburden Yourselves.

If you ever want to write in every Monday, we do Unburden Yourselves, where people can write in and just kind of admit and just like kind of verbal diarrhea things that are holding them down, embarrassing things they did, falls they took.

You know, unburden yourselves at gmail.com, and it is brought to you by seed.

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Now, unburden yourselves.

Jackson, ready?

Hey, girly girls.

I need to unburden myself.

This incident happened last week, my first week at a new job.

My coworker and I were going to lunch, so I went to the bathroom on our way out of the office.

I felt rushed, so I decided to try and use the little pee hole in my spanks shorts.

I started to pee while holding this stupid pee hole open, and pee not only gets all over my hand, but soaked my spanks.

I had to take them off and go commando, and obviously I had to hold the wet spanks when I walked out of the bathroom to my new coworker who was waiting for me.

I rinsed them in the sink.

She obviously noticed the folded spanks in my hand.

So I told her it was so hot I couldn't pull them up and then grabbed my purse from my desk and stuffed them at the bottom.

Fuck my life.

Thank you for listening.

XOXO, a toaster who peed herself.

I don't know.

I just feel like women, no matter the workplace, like women understand.

Like you didn't even have to explain to her whether it was hot or whether you peed yourself.

Like there's a general under, like if a girl I was with went to the bathroom and came out with like literally like a dirty tampon, I'd be like, girl, I've been there.

You know, like we've all been through something.

Yeah, this this is very relatable.

I think at the end of the day, it might foster a connection between the two of you.

And then, in a few months, you'll look back at drinks at happy hour, and she'll be like, Oh my god, I knew you were a real one when you just took your spangs off.

And then you could tell her, Oh no, I actually peed myself.

And by the way, this is just a PSA, like those holes are not meant to be peeved through.

Useless.

I never use pee holes like that.

I never, even when I'm wearing a bodysuit, like I actually take it off.

I know a lot of people pull it to the side, but like

it's not worth it.

Pulling to the side with like a bodysuit or a hot control top underwear is a flawless system.

I've actually, ready for this, I'm going to unburden myself.

I have pooped pulling to the side.

Like, pulling to the side is an extremely valid method.

It's just too risky.

It's not.

But I do want to say, like, if this girl is like judgy and weird, she's actually doing you a favor by letting you know she's not a girly girl and really not someone you should like invest in a friendship with.

Because if someone's being all weird and judgy, like even if you did fucking piss your pants or let's say you fucking shard it, okay?

Shit happens.

So she's going to be all weird and be like, eh, you're taking your spank.

Bye.

Like, you don't need to spend time with this bitch.

Go find out.

It's a good litmus test for

female friendship.

And I actually think more people should walk out of the bathroom holding their spanks and see if you're surrounded by real ones or not.

This really isn't that embarrassing because either you've made like a bond with a potential new friend or she's given you like a telltale sign that she's not a ride or die.

Yeah, and she's not a woman who supports other women and she's definitely not a beautiful woman.

Right.

And she's kind of a disgrace to women who are actually beautiful and classy.

And she just doesn't have the vernacular that she thinks she possesses.

Somebody lied to her several times and told her that she was fly, hot, and sexy and beautiful.

And she's nothing like that.

She's nothing of the sort.

I hope we unnap for you.

Yeah, no, you have really nothing to be ashamed of.

Next up.

Morning, Jackson Claude.

Every week, my daughter's school sends home their sheets and blankets from nap time to wash.

The sheet is a fitted sheet, so things get all caught up in there in the dryer.

Uh-oh.

Anyway, I sent it to school.

I sent it to school with one of my thongs lodged into the corner and was really confused when my thong came home in her school bag.

It took me a few hours to connect the dots, but I wanted to crumble into a ball from embarrassment.

I mean, listen, real teachers know.

And these

was it a male teacher or a woman teacher?

And how did the underwear look?

And you know what?

I think it's better that it was a thong and it's like cute as opposed.

And it's like, oh, this girl's like cute, sexy mom versus like a big pair of bloomers.

Okay, so like, obviously, I'm putting myself in her shoes.

Like, if a pair of my underwear made it out into the wild without my guidance, um, like, I would, I would literally have to like enter the witness protection program because

yeah, it depends what because my personal style of underwear is like the bigger, the better, you know, the more it looks like a hospital garment, the better.

Yeah, also, it's like underwear that was like once white and is now

top top mustard what yeah mustard

like yeah i would just hope it was one of the good ones one of the good ones one of the good ones okay so like you really are fine jackie's totally right and my only concern is that like Did the teacher think that like you are putting your child in a thing?

No, the teacher obviously saw it in the bed sheet.

I think the teacher probably has seen a lot of stuff.

And I think that the teacher is gonna let this one go don't that's just honestly really funny just find someone that you can laugh aside with

this is one of the things you have to learn the hard way like oh shit gets caught in my folded fitted sheet the corners of my fitted sheet like now every time I wash it let's just triple you know shake it out make sure nothing nefarious got in there and you had to learn that the hard way you did and it's just like a really funny story you could go tell it at like the PTA over drinks and everyone will want to be your friend I really don't think it's a big deal especially if the teacher is a woman.

Like, she understands, you know, Laundrane is.

And when the teacher smiles, teacher is happy.

Teacher is happy.

I think this made teacher smile.

For sure.

Like, you know, being a teacher is such hard work.

And every now and then, you just got to laugh.

And you gave her that kind of reprieve.

Or,

or the teachers.

You know, the teacher's just like tired of like putting up with kids, tuties, peas, like they're snot, they're boogers.

And it's like, this thong is the last straw.

Last straw.

Like, maybe you're the one.

Yeah, no, like the final nail in the coffin that broke her.

Push teacher to the end.

You pushed teacher too far.

Okay, ready for our third and final?

Hello, Jax Claude.

Brass and the Brass brothers aren't here today.

How can we unburden ourselves?

Thank you guys for being the highlight of my week.

We can't wait to see Claudia again for the second time on her N-log tour in Pittsburgh.

Can't get enough.

Need to unburden myself.

I can't stop thinking about what I did, and I need to atone for my sins.

I feel as as if there's no better place for me to do that than here.

I was in Trader Joe's this week and was very focused on completing my grocery list.

Due to my intense focus, I spaced out and grabbed another person's cart and rolled it to the other side of the store.

I realized shortly that it wasn't my cart, and without thinking, I just went back to find my cart and planned to return the stranger's cart to the location I found it.

Well, as I went to find my cart, this woman, probably in her 70s, was making a huge scene and aggressively raising her voice as her cart about her cart being stolen.

As soon as I saw her causing a scene, I literally ran to the opposite side of the store and grabbed and decided not to expose myself as the cart thief.

I literally pretended to shop all the aisles I already shopped to actively avoid this woman.

I could literally hear her from the other side of the store making a huge commotion.

I couldn't expose myself.

About 10 minutes later, she found her cart and was on her way.

Am I a huge asshole?

Only if her purse was in there.

That's what I was thinking too.

If it's just like food, it's really that's like a neutral territory and it's like you don't own it because you have to hold it.

Yeah, no, it's not hers yet and it's inconvenient and annoying, but I understand wanting to like protect your peace.

But if she thought she lost her purse and you had her purse and you didn't like bring it closer to her and show her how to get warmer

and instead like really gaslit her and thinking her cart was stolen, then that's that is mean.

Yeah.

But I have to say, just from reading it, I get the vibe that there was no personal items in either.

Okay, then then it's just like an inconvenience and she'll be okay.

Yeah, but if there was like a wallet in there,

like I would definitely, you know, think twice about feeling.

Yeah, and I just would have placed it closer to her, not on the other side of the store, or just like return it to the front or something.

I'd be like, if only if there was a bag in there, but you know what?

Like when you zoom out from the big bang theory, like she'll be fine

completely.

Like it's fine.

It's not like the best thing a person can do, but it's definitely not the worst.

It's not even no.

The good thing about the grocery store is like, you're all strangers, you know?

It's not like this is like someone you work with.

It depends.

Is it a small town?

She'll probably never see this bitch again.

It can't be that small if there's a Trader Joe's.

Okay, fair.

So just go to Whole Foods now.

True.

Trills.

Thank you all for opening up, being honest and vulnerable with us.

This is a reminder: if your name is Gertrude or Rebecca, it is your day to subscribe on YouTube from your burner account, your work account, your mom's account.

And that's our show.

Anything else we need to remind people to do or to promote before we wrap up?

I mean, you can always head over to the the Redheads.

You can always follow me on Instagram at Jackie Ashre and you can always tune back in tomorrow for another amazing show.

You can.

Thank you so much for listening to the Morning Toast, The Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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Hope you guys all have an amazing Monday.

Don't forget to rise and grand with Braz and Stras, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Bye.

Bye.

Boom.

Yes.