S5 Ep91: Fanny Bryce and Stryce: Wednesday, July 13th, 2022

Good morning millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast and happy Wednesday.

It is hump day,

which is extremely appropriate given the fact that it's also a razins, razin, razins, razin, razins, razin, razins, razin day.

Bryce is here.

Streis is here.

Jackie's here.

Jackson and Claude are here.

Claude is here.

There's a lot going on.

Double the streis, double the fun.

Double the toast.

We have an amazing episode today, and I don't just say that lightly, you know?

You don't.

Not only is it a business.

You sound like me.

No, I know, but I never say it.

So I think that when I say it, it has gravity toss.

And when I say it, it's meaningless.

Just because, you know, it's like the boy who cried, amazing episode.

But let's be real.

Every episode is amazing.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

It's true, but I can guarantee.

or your money back that today's episode you're gonna like what you hear you're gonna like

see it here's why okay it's hump day which always just gives an amazing energy puts a little oomph a little humph

in our day.

Two, we had a very long weekend, so we are refreshed, we are excited, and we have a lot to say to each other.

Because not only were there not two episodes Monday and Tuesday, but they happened to be like earth-shattering, breaking news, life-changing days.

Which leads me to point number three, great stories.

Five out of five are 10 out of 10.

And dear toasters, which is always a good time, helping the youth.

Yes, so between those four bullet points that we have just laid out to you, I think we have made the case for why this will be a fantastic episode.

And the verdict is amazing show.

Amazing Shaw, guilty.

Ooh, Fanny, Brassenstrass.

You guys, we have so much to talk about.

Before we get into the stories, let's talk about the real stories here.

Me and you.

Before we talk about the stars, let's talk about the true stars.

And it's been so long.

We celebrated your birthday.

Oh my God, and you no longer had the birthday blues.

You had a birthday blowout.

I need to tell everyone what we we did and how you feel.

So I spoke like for the week leading up to my birthday that I hate my birthday.

I'm not doing anything for my birthday.

Which you do every single year.

And then we're all obligated to, you know, put on a tight dress and go to the club.

Please, you wore a colored shirt.

No, that's why this year was different from all other years.

It's true.

So, you know, the day before my birthday, or the day before the Saturday night, my birthday was Sunday.

So I was like...

on Friday night.

I'm like, I have to do something.

And there actually were like a decent amount of my friends in the city.

Not everyone, but a good amount.

And I wanted to be not like other girls because I'm not.

And instead of throwing like a party, like whatever, I decided to do something a little different, you know, channel my inner Seneca Lake days at Camp Seneca Lake.

They would always spring on us for evening activity, a mystery bus ride.

And we usually went to like Dougie's for food or

it was pretty much always Dougie's, which was good, by the way.

Not complaining.

Not complaining, literally.

But every time you were like, I wonder where we're going.

You're going to Dougie's bitch.

Shut up.

And if you haven't eaten Dougie's, like you haven't lived, it's like kosher, like, fast food.

It's so good.

Yeah.

Whatever.

So I was like, let me do a mystery bus ride.

Cause honestly, I love a party bus.

And sometimes the party bus is more fun than the location of the party.

It's not about the destination.

It's about the journey.

Right.

So I'm like, all right, I'm going to get a party bus.

Everyone who's in town, just come, and then I'll like find a location for everyone.

And so I went through a lot of different ideas.

I thought about maybe doing an escape room, which, because I've never done one, but escape rooms, or at least the ones I found in the city, like don't have like a bar.

So like after you do the escape room, like you just go home.

Like it made no sense.

With all your new knowledge.

With all your escapism.

So I was like, okay, not that.

I was trying to think of like fun, different, maybe top golf.

Once again, here we are advocating for a top golf in the city.

The closest one is an hour and a half away in Edison, New Jersey, which I don't want to make people be on a bus for an hour and a half.

A mystery bus ride is fun, but not that fun.

No, and like you go extra slow in a bus.

So Google Maps is like, yeah, if you're in a sedan, but they're not giving me the party bus ETA.

It was probably more like two hours.

You have to drive slower.

You can't go on certain roads, you know?

Yeah, that was like when we took a big party bus to Foxwoods, and on the way home, we took a path that wouldn't allow our truck, and we were driving around Connecticut Connecticut trying to find our way out from we took the path of most resistance we really did so I was like all right I want to keep it in the city I don't want to inconvenience anyone and I was just doing my research and this is not even sponsored I actually paid a lot of money a little too much that was my only complaint about the venue extremely expensive

to go to Bolero in Chelsea Piers which is Ballmore rebranded it is obviously a bowling alley but it's like a full bar full arcade laser tag and I was just like let's embrace because you know as I was saying on the toast last week we're all a child at heart you know yes and I start saying that and I think that was like the inspiration for my party.

So I didn't tell anyone where we were going.

We all met at my house, got on the bus.

It was like alcohol, spritz, music, and everyone was trying to guess.

It's funny how literally everyone thought I was taking them to Atlantic City, which is a good idea, but like, do you think I would really make you sit on this bus for four hours?

Like, that's the kind of friend you think I have.

And it's like taking your friends on like a mystery trip to a whole other state and city like that.

It's like, do you think you're Kim Kardashian?

Like, thank you, by the way.

Like going to Chelsea Pierce.

Thank you.

Like, I'm a podcaster.

Okay.

Like, please, times are tough.

And like, do they think they were coming back?

I would have told them to pack an overnight bag like they i think they might have thought like you had clothes for them there i know jackie literally every single person thought we were like and fully confirmed they weren't even like we already know i'm like you know that's so funny and i'm like okay if we were going to atlantic city i would have made us leave at like six o'clock not 10 p.m like it was people are so dumb okay

so then jackie actually had the great idea because i wanted to make you know the mystery bus fight a more of an adventure and i wanted people to start guessing where we were going so you had the great idea to play a song um like different songs to give clues.

Right.

So the first song I played was Bowling for Soup 1985, which just got the fucking crowd lit the fuck up.

It slapped every single person on the bus who, everyone's so different, different ages.

Everyone knew every single lyric.

I had no idea I knew every single lyric, but you did.

And then when I finished it, everyone was like, we're going bowling.

I'm like, kind of.

So then I played like the number one song by Major Laser, which I don't even know what.

Lean on.

Yeah, I don't know.

How does it go?

We all need someone to lean lean on.

So then everyone was loving that song and then they were like major laser.

I'm like, yes.

Someone said laser tag.

I'm like, yes.

Then right before we pulled up, I just typed in arcade fire and played the top song and I didn't know it, but Kristen's husband Pete was like, we're going to an arcade.

And I was like, yes, Pete, we've got bowling.

We've got arcade.

We've got laser tag.

I've got socks for everyone.

Get off the bus.

It's party time.

We went, we had so much fun because, like, if there's so many people at the bowling place, they give you like a little package where it's open bar, which just makes everything more fun so we had bowling alleys people were in the arcade we did a big game of laser tag where like I actually almost went into cardiac arrest it's like not nearly as labor as it was way more labor intensive than I remember I could have told you I sat out the laser tag because I just knew plus that vest you have to put on your chest like ugh yeah and I would have gotten a clog ducked it's way too heavy a hundred percent so for that reason you were busted out so we did that for a couple hours and then we went to the club it was like the perfect combo of like good family friendly fun partying people are saying Ben's friend Matt said that it was the the best birthday party he's been to in 10 years, in the decade.

That's what he said.

What was the party 10 years ago then?

I don't know, but like, I must murder the person so that mine actually would only make their party even better.

Like, it was their last graveyard,

right?

So, maybe I'll just

leave it as is.

Leave it as is.

It's so funny.

It was so fun.

And, like, I haven't bowled in so long.

And that's how you know that the world is healing and that COVID is over.

If I am bowling and sticking my fingers into those holes, it's really disgusting.

It was so disgusting, but I sanitized after every trip down the alley.

Yeah.

You were very good.

I was very good.

Everyone's always so surprised when I'm just so competent at everything.

And not to like be that person, but it's it's we talk about this all the time.

Like, I am not great at anything, but I am good at everything.

What would you rather be?

I would say you're great at being Bryce's mom.

You're great at being Harold's mom.

You know what I mean?

You're an amazing podcaster.

You're actually an excellent, excellent dancer, like above average.

That's true.

So don't put yourself down, girlie.

No, but I can do a little bit of everything, but I don't like

excel at one particular skill, like how you sing, you know, and yeah, and act and comedy, yeah.

Yeah, but it's nice because then, like, whenever we're doing something, I can hold my own.

And if we had gone to an escape room, even though it would kill me to play a game, like I would have cracked it.

Of course, like, you literally need to do escape rooms professionally.

You would be so good at it.

You're so smart.

Mostly because I just want to get out of there.

So, like, I'll just figure it out for you.

I'm motivated.

I'm very motivated.

Also, the funniest thing happened while we were bowling because there was a lot of food, which was delicious and gorgeous.

And in between, like, every time I was bowling, obviously, I would sanitize or wash my hands before I picked up food because it was really like finger food from the common space, right?

Which is like, there's nothing grosser than bowling.

And bowling plus eating is like, it's wrong.

It's, you shouldn't do it.

And I heard Ben say, he was like, don't use your bowling hand.

He was yelling at his friend Victor.

He's like, don't use your bowling hand for the food.

I'm like, thank you, Ben.

Please, no one use your bowling hand for the food.

It's gross.

He goes, not gross, grease.

You'll get grease in the ball and you won't be able to bowl as well.

Oh, because I was going to say, if Ben is warning us on hygiene, like we are in trouble.

He was not.

He was warning because he was worried how it was going to affect your game if you had grease on your fingers.

No, Ben.

I was like, well, at least we have the common goal.

The same.

Right.

Well, also, just major shout-out.

Like, the food was literally so good.

People are still talking about the honey mustard sauce.

Like, people are like quaking to get the recipe.

Yeah, no, the cheese flatbread was really good when it was hot, is what I'll say.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it it was great.

I feel like I did my birthday really well.

And then Sunday was your actual birthday, and we had great family time, which is just like my kind of birthday.

You sit around, cake, eating, beauty, and the beasts, yeah, rolled.

I pretty much spent my whole birthday with Rolled because I was with him all day, Saturday, and Sunday.

And honestly, I think that's why I'm feeling so at peace with my birthday.

You know what you were doing this weekend?

Rolled in,

rolled in,

rolled in on the roof.

No, actually, I was kind of rolling in the deep.

Actually, and this is actually a good segue.

I was on the roll again.

I just can't wait to get on the roll again.

And speaking of,

I am going on the road again.

Yes, you are.

Please tell us, you guys, I'm so happy that I can announce to you that Claudia's N-Log tour continues because I saw the final show and then I saw it and I was like, More people need to see this.

100%.

So honestly, when I first announced like a new tour, I was like so insecure coming off of dirty jeans.

I felt like...

DJT.

DJT.

I didn't think we could get better than DJT.

And I really felt like it was a fluke.

Like I put all my funny stories, everything into one and like it was just going to live in infamy for me.

Just so you know, that's how everyone feels about everything.

Authors and their first book, you know, the first, yeah.

With the first.

So then like when my team was like, let's put together another tour.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I really, oh my god.

Oh my God, she was so for clemped.

That's when the team said it.

I was trying to grab my lipstick.

She was for clemped.

I was, um, I was really like just being conservative.

I'm like, let's do smaller venues, less shows.

Like, I'm just not confident in my abilities.

And then, after like the first 10 or 15 shows, I'm like, oh my God, I'm literally born to do this.

I'm the funniest person alive.

Like, the fact that other comedians even bother getting up in the morning is hilarious.

And then towards the end, I was like, we need to do more.

So now I feel like confident.

So if you're, I'll,

sorry.

So it's the same show.

So if you've already seen it, you're more than welcome to come again, but it's not new material.

I'm going to finish out this year with this material because I really feel like more people should see it.

I agreed.

And

I need to see it again.

So it's seared into my memory.

So this week there will be three shows announced that are just local shows.

It's Red Bank, New Jersey, New Haven, Connecticut, and West Hampton.

Because I'm like, literally.

Say that again, I wasn't paying attention.

Red Bank, New Jersey.

Great.

New Haven, Connecticut.

Awesome.

West Hampton, New York.

The Hamptons?

No, like, literally, am I.

Who's famous in the Hamptons?

John Bon Jovi.

Terry Springer.

Am I

anything of a good?

Like, people, like, live out there.

Celebrities are always spotted.

Like Gwyneth is always clear.

You know who's been spotted in the Hamptons recently?

Amber Heard.

Dining at LaBille Bouquet in Sag Harbor.

And shopping at TJ Maxx in the Hamptons.

Oh, really?

I think at Bridgehampton Commons.

Where you got your sneakers?

Oh, my God.

So Zach went to the Bridgehampton Commons TJ Maxx for me, and I needed sneakers because I forgot to pack them because I forgot to pack everything because I have a baby.

And he was fully packed and had outfits for days for months.

He could have stayed.

And he came back with all this stuff for me.

And like, it was so premium.

I'm like so jealous of your sneakers every time you wear them.

I love them.

They're Adidas sneakers and they're so comfortable.

No, TJ Maxx is everything and obviously Amber Herd knows that.

So those are the three shows announcing this week.

When's West Hampton just in case I wanted to like make a weekend in the Hampton?

I want to say August 12th.

Oh, it's soon.

Hampton's in the summer.

Of course.

Wow.

It's going to be lit.

And it's a Friday night, so like we can go out afterwards.

It's going to be so fun.

And then the rest of the shows, I just want to get those local shows out.

No offense to Red Bank in New Haven.

Those are going to be premium as well.

As well, yes.

And then all the places I didn't go, you know, like...

Charlotte, my favorite city in the world, Charlotte.

I want to name some others, but I honestly don't want to say the incorrect one, and I can't remember which ones we decided to go with and which ones we didn't.

Okay, but just on behalf of a certain

geographical location, could I ask if there will be a Nashville show?

Oh, yes, there will.

Okay, good.

I was like,

that was the impetus behind the whole second tour.

Like the Nashville Toasters basically came to my house and slaughtered my throat and like killed my family.

So then I was like, all right, well, I have to add Nashville.

So let's add a bunch more.

Great.

I'm so happy for the Nashville Toasters.

I never stopped fighting fighting for you.

She didn't ever, not once.

Nary, not once.

Yeah.

I was like, you can go back on the road as long as you're going to Nashville.

So all those shows will be announced coming soon, but this week there are some local shows.

And I'm really excited, even though like now, like, the pit starts again.

Yes, but you live for the pit, you know, and you live for the drama.

Um, I resent that and I don't.

No, but you do.

It was just like how even with MSG, like you were so nervous, so nervous, you were pooping.

I can't wait till I'm pooping and I don't have a show to me.

And then you were deeply depressed when it was over.

That's actually so fucking true.

So you like it.

And that's part of being the performer.

I love it.

That's why you are born to perform.

Only, I only get like a really big pit when I haven't performed in a while because people are always like, do you get nervous to be in front of the amount of people, the scale of what I'm doing never like gets me.

It's always, will I remember what Joe comes next?

Like always the structure of the show.

Even though I literally wrote it, it's embedded in me.

I'm always nervous.

I'm going to like literally just blank.

And I have blanked before, but you would never know because I'm such a consummate professional.

Well, that's because you're just funny.

So even if you didn't remember, you know, the thing you were supposed to say, you say anything, it's funny.

Right, right.

But I just like, I'm really hard on myself about like remembering everything to go in order.

Yeah, and that's really hard for you considering you.

My memory.

I should have literally gotten into any other business, you know?

Yeah.

So Nlog is coming back, and that's kind of like the breaking news of the day, you know, like kind of the week.

I feel like that's really what everyone's talking about.

I agree.

Now they will be, now that you told them.

100%.

Great.

Well, I feel like we've covered everything from the long weekend.

Yeah.

Oh, I read such a cute book last night.

Oh, I actually read like in one night?

Yeah, I probably stayed up till three finishing it.

Like, it was so good.

I was on a really big reading kick, and I'm so proud of you.

And I, I, I'm

actually shocked that it's lasted this long.

Usually, you go like a week, you read a lot, you read enough bad books that you go back to TV.

And then I don't read for six months.

Right, but you're still on your reading kick.

And I actually finished my book and started a new one, so I have some updates in this video.

This is like a classic book everyone's been telling me to read.

And like, I started it, and it was so dumb.

I'm like, this is embarrassing.

I got 3% in.

I was like, I can't.

And then last night, I just could not find something to read.

So I just, I was like, let me pick it back up because I hate having unfinished books.

What's it called?

The love hypothesis.

Oh my God.

That's all over Goodreads.

And it's one of those books that I just won't read for the sake of it.

Jackie, it was so cute.

Like Ben, at midnight, Ben was like, could we please go to bed?

I'm like, yeah.

I couldn't go to bed.

I'm like, I had, I was like maybe 75%, but I still had an hour and a half left.

And I was like, tossing and turning.

I'm like, let me just finish this fucking book.

And I literally stayed up till 3.

It was so cute.

It was a...

The ending bothered me a little.

Like, she was just like dragging it out a little bit.

And like, everyone in the book was scientists.

So, like, there was like so many science like metaphors and like it was like a like a little too much science but it was really cute like it was adorable i loved it so it's worth all the hype and every list that it's on and why goodreith is always pushing it and it's like always everywhere yeah okay good i'm glad i'm glad that quality books are the ones that are being pushed forward like that not books like no offense the people you meet on vacation agreed I hated that book and now I won't read Beach Read or her new one, Book Lovers, because it just wasn't for me.

And there was so much hype.

And I finished it and it was like cute and whatever.

I'm like, but this is the book everyone's quaking over.

I was reading the whole time.

I know.

Oh my God.

It was like kind of gross.

Yeah.

What did you read?

So I finished Tom Segura's book.

He's a comedian and a podcaster and a parent.

So it was a perfect thing.

And he's, I think I spoke about this.

He's married to Christina P.

So I'm like now such a big fan of theirs.

No, we just keep talking about them till.

Tom reaches out because Christina already has.

And it's funny because like we podcast sort of in a vacuum like and actually we're friends with a lot of the other like female podcasters, but we don't really know any of the other comedy podcasters.

Yeah, because we are a pop culture comedy podcast and when it comes like our social life, we know the other pop culture podcasts.

Yeah, we really don't know the other like comedian podcasters.

Right that are on the charts alongside us.

Except for Heather McDonald.

Yeah, but when I she's pop culture.

Yeah, when I

picked up his book and it's like he has two podcasts one your mom's house which then I looked at the cover art I always see it and the other one two bears one cave that's always on the chart always on the chart so so it's so nice to like now know the people and appreciate their work you're knowing your neighbors we sit alongside them so i and then the other people are like conan and those guys from the office yeah um tim dylan tim dylan who i love yeah actually my favorite him

so to be alongside him it's simply an honor it's just an honor to see our photo side by side sometimes no when i think about like the male comedy podcasters like you'll send me clips of like things you find funny or i'll just see them on tick tock or instagram reels and they're always saying like crazy outrageous things and like of course i find it so funny but i also find it shocking that like they say the most crazy things like completely unaffected and like we are like I'm like kept up at night by like one thing I said six months ago that like I didn't mean and it was like did people think I take it the wrong way?

Is BuzzFeed gonna write an article about it?

And these other like mostly male podcasters are just off saying the most fucking insane like controversial shit.

And I'm like, I wonder if they like are kept up at night.

No, I think we just have really different audiences.

I think so too.

You know?

Yeah.

So it was a really good book, five stars, book book of short stories.

If you're into comedy,

recommend highly.

I actually recommend it to you too.

And then I started two nights ago, The Hotel Nantucket by Ellen Hildebrand.

It's her new book.

And I'm 6% in.

And she hooked me.

Yeah, that one's on my list.

The writing is just like fast.

You will like it in the first chapter.

I really like Ellen Hildebrand, but like, Homegirl could cut a few pages if it wouldn't kill her.

It wouldn't kill her at all.

Yeah, I guess.

But she, you know, she does what she does, and it's working for her.

Yeah, obviously.

Like, she's like, who the fuck is this?

Shut up, girl.

You wrote one book and it was literally five pages long.

Oh, um, Prime Day is over, but I hope you guys were able to get a copy of my book on Prime Day.

What did you get on Prime Day?

I got

the fuck did I get?

I finally, all day, I was looking for things, and this happens to me every Prime Day where I'm like, I need stuff, so I invent stuff that I need, and then I put it in my cart, and I usually don't get anything.

So, I'm like, I don't need this crap.

Why would I buy it?

Then I did buy like two things yesterday, dumb things, nothing primey even.

By the time I clicked to buy, the deal was over.

Right, right, right, because there's like a little countdown.

But I had a really good idea for Prime Day that I shared with you yesterday.

Because Prime Day, like the lead up, it's overwhelming.

And then people have things that they think they want to get.

And then I think a lot of people like quake under the pressure.

It's so much pressure.

And don't end up really fulfilling their Prime Day dreams.

So here is what I propose to Amazon, if anyone's listening.

Prime Day is too much pressure.

Everyone's shopping at the same time and like we're all for clamped.

And I think that every Amazon Prime user should have their own individual Prime Day whenever they choose.

choose.

One day per year, they say, Jeff, put me in, coach.

I'm ready to prime.

I know what I need right now.

I'm in a place where I need things, and I want to use all my Prime Day savings today.

Yeah.

Well, then also it creates like this.

So I got a new Kindle.

I took a lot of recommendations and I ended up getting the Oasis.

Did I wind up getting a new Kindle?

I meant to.

Right.

Well, here's my...

Dilemma.

I have the Kindle paperwhite.

I love it so much, but it's crapping out.

I had to restart it the other night because it looked like, you know, a TV static machine.

I restarted it and now it works.

But I do have a Kindle Oasis that was meant to be Zach's that he didn't use, so now it's mine.

And I could always move to that.

So I do have a backup Kindle.

I don't need to get a new one.

But I kind of want a new paper white because I did read two books on the Oasis and it wasn't enough to hook me.

Yeah, so I got it, and I also got a new knife set because I was literally cutting an apple the other day, like a chain, like a saw, like it was a piece of wood.

It was like back, forth, back.

It was like a piece of wood.

It looked like a piece of wood.

Honestly, shaz of sunset getting canceled is a disgrace to humanity it's a disgrace to the culture and it's a disgrace to women who are actually beautiful and to women who look like piece of wood you look like there's so many like literally when i'm with my friends from high school all we do is quote shaws of sunset it's so funny you look like piece of wood your cans look sick when mj got to the altar her husband looked at her and was like your cans look sick i know you know what other cans look sick spritz society yeah by the way i just want to say i was drinking spritz society at your birthday and i bomark turn this off if you're listening I snuck a few cans in for myself because it was just my drink of choice and I didn't want to have a watered down vodka soda.

That's not going to happen.

Like I never get out.

I want a fucking Spritz.

And I put it in my purse and everybody was jealous of me.

Of course.

And it was so delicious.

I haven't had a night out on Peach yet.

I've like had one, tasted them.

We had the influencer event, but like to party on Peach.

No, this is like the third time I've been out with Spritz.

Like in the party bus, when we did,

when we were in the Hamptons, we went to Bounce.

Bounce was carrying Spritz.

Like we had it at the club.

It's just a perfect drink, like for a club.

It's a great chaser for a shout out to Kila.

It's a great thing to drink when you don't want to keep drinking hard alcohol.

Yeah, and it's a great when you're like the granny in the group, but you want to drink, but just like not aggressively.

Right.

Oh, my God.

It was a delight.

I had such a great evening.

I didn't have a hangover, but I was like with everyone partying, and it was so...

T-tit-ta-ta-taste tasty.

Code toast.

Also, peach is now in total wine.

Oh, yes.

We're rolling out in stores now, so check your local total wine.

But if you don't have a local total wine, go to spritzsociety.com/slash spritzsociety.com toast.

Um, also,

this is so random.

I just found out like a piece of trivia that I wanted to share.

You found out a piece of wood.

Do you know what RSVP stands for?

No, really.

And have you ever thought about what it stands for?

No, respond

soon.

Very pleased.

Literally, I thought the same thing.

No, respondes, sibouple.

Oh my god.

I didn't know RSVP was French.

I know.

And it's funny how RSVP has become a verb, so nobody even remembers that's an acronym.

And like, maybe we should be thinking about what it stands for.

Oh, my God.

Respondes si vouple.

Respondes si vouple.

Oh my god, thank you for that volunteer.

I think actually RSVPBN, respondes si vouple, bonnui.

Thank you for that fun fact.

You're welcome.

Now I feel like maybe it'll come up in like jeopardy or something.

I didn't know that I spoke French.

Precisely.

In my case, the morning Christini.

Yeah.

We should do a fun fact of the day.

Like Snapple.

Since they changed their can.

No, let's talk about the whole thing.

Let's talk about the things people need us to talk about.

So Diet Snapple, which has been literally the greatest beverage on the planet since Earth's Genesis.

Since literal Genesis.

Literally.

Has gone through a change.

Now, the first change is that if you go to your store, you will not find Diet Snapple.

It's called Diet Snapple Zero Sugar.

No, it's not.

It's called Snapple Zero Sugar.

Sorry, Snapple Zero Sugar, because I guess the word diet is like a slur now.

um

so don't be confused because i did instacart and these things arrived and on instacart it said diet snapple and then when it arrived it said snapple i'm like oh my god i i would never drink not that i care about like calories like it's really too sugary i don't even know what it tastes like because to me it's like drinking acid like you just you obviously drink diet snapple what sociopath drinks regular snapple like it's psychotic to me yeah And I'm like, oh my God, I can't use this.

And then I looked on the back and it was like local, big flav, five calories.

I'm like, wait, snapple was diet snapple was zero calories is this the new diet snapple they added five calories to be like to appease like diet culture it's always had that oh

uh no it's always had like negligible amount of calories right okay whatever so I was just like oh my god I had to do like the the research on my own to realize that Diet Snapple doesn't exist anymore it's Snapple's aerosol you had to educate yourself I had to humble myself and educate myself and I just think it's really dumb because like if something's perfect don't change it I agree.

And by the way, we miss glass bottles.

Nothing was tastier.

Nothing.

Like, these, this still tastes good.

Yeah, they do still taste good.

It doesn't taste the same if you can't go

and get a little glass in your bottle.

No, yeah.

And breaking the bottom.

I mean, have you ever dropped a full 12 case of Snapple on your kitchen floor and it shattered completely?

Because I have.

Oi, maybe that's why they stopped doing glass.

It's worth the risk.

It's worth the risk, but I will say, it still tastes pretty good.

And the new bottles have a saying that has just taken over my life, which is locale big flav locale big flav and I think they mean flavor yeah flav or flave but F L A V is

flav

so that's added a lot of joy to my everyday every time I see it I chuckle I just feel like this whole like diet culture conversation has taken on like a life of its own because like yes are there parts of diet culture that are so toxic yes but is having the word diet in your like beverage title like gonna

have a negative impact on people like no no and there are parts of everything that are so toxic did you see those accountants cheating on their CPA exam I did like either the ethics part no less either engage or disengage yeah some people like diet culture right that's true some people like diets have helped them right no for sure it's just like it's and I just don't think like the problem with diet culture is going to be solved with snapple changing their name at least they kept big flob

so true for those of us who love flav for the the flav culture, which is so toxic.

For flavor flav.

Flavor of love.

Oh man, don't get me started.

I'll go into my Tiffany Pollard monologue.

I prefer flavor of love, but that's just me.

Me too, because we're women of taste, obviously.

Yeah.

And you know what?

Like, maybe we should get into the fast side story.

Sure, I just want to say I didn't meet Flavor Flav.

Did you?

Yeah.

Yeah, at a wedding.

Simon's wedding.

He wasn't even at the wedding.

The wedding was at a hotel, and he just happened to be at the bar, and I went to the bathroom, and he was standing there with the clock.

And I'm like, is that Flavor Flav?

And did you say, what time is it summertime?

No, I said, what time is it?

Flavor time.

It's a vacation.

What time is it?

Flavor time.

Time of our lives.

Sweet chap.

Let's shop.

Okay, we could go on, but I think maybe you're right.

Right?

Like, there's so much to talk about today.

I'm sure people are tuning in because they want to.

I'm going to skip, skip, skip.

I hope you didn't because everything that we said needed to be said.

So important.

No, but actually.

But actually.

You think I was joking?

I don't know.

You think I don't take this seriously?

You like rolled your eyes, so it's hard to say.

No, that's my new personality, you know, like

quirky girly.

Oh, cute.

Yeah.

I like that.

I'm trying out new personalities for size.

Yeah, I like the original recipe, but I'm sure you'll realize this at the end of your journey.

That's so true.

But you still have to go on it to realize who you really are is enough.

So true.

Okay, without further ado, do do do,

where are you?

He is sleeping soundly.

Do to do to do.

So is Brew,

right next to his mommy.

That was good.

Ended there, like on a high.

It is time for the fast-fied stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

And today's episode is brought to you by Spritz Society.

SpritzSociety.com.

You can use code Toast.

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sparkling wine-based cocktails.

We got peach, we got grapefruit, we got lemon, we got pineapple, we got blood orange.

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alfresco dining love you available in select locations in chicago illinois in california in massachusetts in florida in texas we're at total wine we're at bevmo so check the store locator on the website if you want to go into the store but you could also order it online yeah super simple super simple our first story the big story of the day though there are many big stories i would say i'm curious what you consider the biggest Real House Eyes of Salt Lake City star Jen Shaw pleads guilty in fraud case.

I actually would consider the fanny story the bigger story, but maybe that's just because I'm so invested in it.

Perhaps.

I just feel like this is it.

This is the big news.

Jen Shaw pleaded guilty on Monday in her federal fraud case, according to court documents obtained by page six.

Shaw appeared in front of U.S.

District Judge Sidney Stein at 10:30 a.m.

Eastern Time in Manhattan federal court for a surprise hearing, during which she changed her previous not guilty plea.

She pled guilty to count one conspiracy to commit wire fraud in connection with telemarketing.

The U.S.

attorney agreed to drop count two conspiracy to commit money laundering.

The judge made sure Jen understood the change and that she faces a maximum penalty of 30 years in prison and five years of supervised release, but her plea agreement called for only 11 to 14 years behind bars and restitution of up to $9.5 million.

Prior to the one count being dropped, she had faced 50 years in prison and was scheduled to go on trial July 18th.

Her sentencing is now scheduled for November, so we continue to wait.

But she has pled guilty.

So, I mean, when you plead guilty, I think mostly that's because you agree to a deal, it lessers your sentence.

So,

I think it's pretty much certain now she will be doing some time in prison.

It's just a matter of how much

time that is.

And if you plead guilty, that means there's no trial, there's no cross-examination.

Like, she just gets sentenced, and her sentence will be in November.

Yeah.

So, this is so unexpected and so crazy.

Not because I don't think she's guilty.

I think there's literally no shadow of a doubt in my mind that she is guilty, but because she's so like indignant and like so

almost like patronizing in her innocence.

You know, she's going to fight for all the people who've ever been wronged.

So the fact that she admitted to herself, let alone her lawyers and the government and the world, that she's guilty, that's what's so shocking to me about this.

Not the fact that she's guilty.

I wouldn't be surprised if she takes the

route of saying that she took a plea deal because she like couldn't win and that she's still innocent, but you know, she didn't have a choice

and made the best choice.

And I would not be surprised if she maintains her innocence socially.

Right.

But in the court, it just was the best sense legally, the best decision legally.

Though I agree with you, like, I think she's guilty.

You know, Stu was going to testify against her.

Like, even if they went to trial, likely she would have been proven guilty, but somehow like admitting guilt.

Just, you know, for

she's so stubborn.

Yeah, I mean, the odds were so stacked against her.

Like, the case against her is so strong.

And then her assistant/slash partner slash whatever he is turning on her and agreeing to testify against her to save his ass was like the final nail in the coffin.

And even then, she didn't even blink or act like it made a big deal, made a difference because she was so innocent.

It's it's really so crazy.

And I'm just curious, you know, what her sentencing is going to be.

Yeah, because

the plea deal calls for 11 to 14 years.

So she's going to jail for a minimum of 11 years, right?

Or like a maximum of 14 years, but still, it's going to be even one year, two years.

No, she will be in prison.

She will be in prison.

And her crimes, like, I can't help but compare them to Teresa's.

Her crimes are way worse than Teresa's because Teresa's were self-serving.

The only person Teresa was frauding was the government.

And honestly, we've all thought about it once or twice, you know, evading your taxes.

They weren't stealing money from other people.

Like, Jen was taking, not only was she stealing money from innocent people, a lot of them, it was particularly vulnerable communities.

I can't imagine a judge feeling sympathetic

to a person like that.

Right.

And I don't think her presence on the show helps garner sympathy because she doesn't seem apologetic.

You know, she's very indignant.

And the life she was leading was so outrageous.

And when you really think about like these just poor people.

Like that's what someone's retirement fund was your handbag.

Right.

It makes it so much worse.

And like even with Teresa, like what you really could see a world in which she's not the brightest bulb in the shed.

Like you could see a world in which she was taken advantage of by her husband.

And at the end of the day, the only people they were defrauding were the government.

Like I can't imagine, even if she had gone to trial, I think it would have been so much worse because you don't know who a jury is made up of.

Someone has a mom who was taken advantage of, you know, like, so I can't imagine a scenario in which a judge doesn't impose like a maximum sentence because not only are they financial crimes and there's no like, you know, nobody's dead, but it's so egregious.

Like the targeting of vulnerable communities, the disabled, the elderly, like it's so fucked up.

It's so fucked up.

And so, I think we've all known, you know, she was likely guilty.

Now she's admitting guilt.

And my question is, what is Bravo going to do?

Here you have a housewife who just said that she is guilty of defrauding these vulnerable elderly people.

Are you still in the future?

Does that cause

are you going to film her tomorrow?

Like, really?

Does that make a good TV?

That's so fucked to me.

Like, I can't help but think of Jenny Wen, you know,

because they're the same franchise.

Like, she got fired for her political opinions and unsavory opinions, whereas Jen Sha has just admitted that she did these things, these terrible things.

Crimes.

She's facing up to 14 years in prison, yet still they're gonna keep a camera on her.

That's a really interesting point.

I totally literally, if you never brought up Jenny Wen's name ever again, I would never have remembered her because she was still irrelevant and she should have been fired for being irrelevant.

She popped into my head this morning, and I was like, hmm.

Right.

And now the Jen thing has totally eclipsed Jenny, so like nobody even remembers Jenny, but that's a fair point because

Jenny Wen was just guilty of

not speaking correctly.

Right.

Whereas like, yeah, Jen Shaw, but see, like, Jenny Wen also wasn't adding literally any value to the show.

I know.

So it's more nuanced than that.

No, but it's not.

When it comes to like hiring and firing based on

crimes or perceived crimes, it's not about who's more entertaining.

Otherwise, Leanne would still be on the show.

That's so true.

Okay, it's like so hard to argue with you because you're just like right.

But nevertheless, she persisted.

Let me just continue.

No, but I do agree with you, but also at the end of the day, like Bravo's bottom line is ratings, is entertainment.

And that's the whole,

literally the story was breaking news.

Okay, so then why was Leanne fired?

Why was Stasse fired?

She's ratings.

She's entertainment.

Yeah, yeah, no.

Well, no, because well, Bravo released a statement with Jenny Wynne, and they released a statement with Stassey too, is that they don't want to be associated with those types of behaviors.

But they want to be associated with this.

I think, yes, I think they do, actually.

That's the, that's, that I actually think they do.

Okay.

Like, for real.

Like, it, it's salacious.

And people don't look at it the way that we look at it, which is, like, so unethical, like, so immoral what she did.

They look at it as, like, this juicy.

Same with Erica Jane.

Yeah, but I think people are able to separate it because it was Erica Jane's husband.

If this was Sharif, we would not be having this conversation.

Of course.

Right.

But also, no, I feel like

Teresa, it was Joe.

More.

Yes, I don't even...

Teresa kind of is like irrelevant to the conversation to me.

But

I think that

people are more angry at Erica than they are at Jen.

Then they are at Jen.

I agree.

But I think also people like want to see Erica fail.

Go down.

And like they have a reason now.

Yeah.

A real reason.

Yeah.

No, I think the conversation is particularly nuanced.

And I'm not sure what the right answer is because this is what we talk about all the time when it comes to cancel culture.

Like there's a difference between you know saying something bad and doing something bad.

You know, one of them is a crime and the other is just like, you know, unpopular.

So

the energy that we reserve for people who have old tweets or people whose political opinions we don't like or people who have posted things that we don't agree with like is so much bigger that energy we have to cancel them is always like so much bigger than the energy we have for people who actually like do horrendous things, like illegal crimes, who hurt other people.

And that's where cancel culture is flawed, because if only we had the type of energy for,

let me think of a good example, hold on.

If only we had the type of energy that we have for Dave Chappelle, that let's channel that energy towards like a Chris Brown, you know, who actually like hurts women on the daily, as opposed to...

Chappelle, who considers himself an artist and this is his art, you know?

Yeah.

So it is complex.

It is.

Not to me really, but I can see how Bravo might find itself confused.

And I think Bravo has no problem associating themselves with

crime, honestly.

Like, I don't think they find it nearly as abhorrent as Jenny Wen or Stasi.

That's insane.

Yeah.

That's insane.

And I, I mean, I'll,

I'm curious to see what they do.

They probably won't do anything, but they have to do anything.

No fucking scruples.

No motherfucking scruples.

They're not going to do anything.

This is the biggest story in the world, and they're at the center of it.

And they're not going to, you know, put their morals on blast and be like, oh, no, we couldn't possibly.

Like, everyone's talking about it.

It's a new franchise.

Like, for networks, like, the bottom line is the bottom line, you know?

But I think they've hurt their own bottom line in the past in, you know, service of their so-called values.

Yeah.

Perhaps.

Perhaps.

So that's that on that.

We'll see you in November.

Keeps getting pushed back.

Like, I just, I'm ready to bring this story to rest.

I know.

And the more it, like, gets pushed off, it sort of desensitizes you to the

magnitude of the crimes.

100%.

That's how I feel.

100%.

Okay, our competing big story of the day.

Leah Michelle is taking over for Beanie Feldstein in Funny Girl on Broadway.

The news came out this week.

Leah Michelle is set to take over Beanie Feldstein's starring role in Funny Girl, the Broadway production announced on Monday.

The announcement comes on the heels of Beanie's shocking Instagram post late on Sunday, in which she revealed she was leaving the show earlier than expected.

Leah will begin performances on Tuesday, September 6th, alongside the cast and Tony nominee Tova

Feldcha, who will be taking over for Jane Lynch.

Didn't even know Jane Lynch was a part of it.

Oh, you didn't know that?

And so now another element of this extremely layered story is that Leah Michelle and Jane Lynch will not even overlap at all, even though they were technically supposed to because of Jane's date.

Do you think that Jane hates Leah?

So, okay, let's start from the beginning.

Let's unpack the glee.

I read a, like an expose.

People are, there's not like a,

nobody knows really the truth of what happened, but there was this big expose that came out this morning, and I did read it.

And essentially what it was is...

Who put out the expose?

I don't want to say their name because they're discussing publication who should rot.

Oh, okay, cool.

But nevertheless, and if it's probably filled with as many lies as the article they wrote about us, then I shouldn't believe a word of it.

So

basically.

Beanie was cast and almost immediately the reviews were a bit small.

She is not a great singer and not only is it Broadway where you have to be a great singer, the role of Fanny, all the songs, of course Don't Random My Parade, when you think of all the songs, it's like the, it's really a role for one of the greatest singers in the world, not a girl who can sing.

Not a girl who can carry a tune.

Right.

And I feel like a lot of us didn't even know that Beanie could sing and it's just one of those things like a party trick, you know?

Like she has a nice voice.

She probably performed in the talent show.

So

it does feel like, you know, when Funny Girl was announced and they were doing the casting, you know, the directors went out of their way not

to cast Leah Michelle.

She's so the obvious choice.

First of all, she looks like Barbara Streisand.

She is notorious for being obsessed with Funny Girl as Leah Michelle and also as Rachel Berry.

There's a generation of people who only know what Funny Girl is because of Rachel Berry and Leah Michelle.

So it's like they really went out of their way not to choose her.

And of course, you know, business is business.

They didn't want to be associated with someone who's having like a big scandal at the time.

And I do think that was a mistake because Beanie was a flop almost instantly.

And it's not for lack of trying.

I think what I read was that in the beginning, she was a delight to work with.

She knew the reviews were negative, but the, you know, the production rallied around her.

It was always really warm.

But where things got really icky is like Beanie got COVID and then she took a break a little bit.

So the understudy, Julie Benko, played, who was unbelievable because she's a Broadway star.

And people started coming for Julie Benko.

And I think a lot of people thought when Beanie left, Julie would replace her because she was phenomenal.

And that's just always like an, your understudies like should be good, but not better than you.

Yeah.

And so that's where things started to get icky.

And then in June, early June, there was an article from Gawker that Leah Michelle was in talks with the production to take over once Beanie left.

And when Beanie read that, she became like incensed.

No one from the production was allowed to talk to her.

They only had to talk to her team.

She was going to leave early.

She was always going to leave early.

And then randomly posted on Instagram that she's leaving even earlier.

Nobody even knew that she was posting that.

Like something about the Leah Michelle like set her off.

I'm sure.

Which is funny because when she got the part, she was doing press for the Monica Lewinsky show.

And of course, Andy, being like the shady, shady Shaderston that he is, asked her about it.

And she was like, oh my God, I didn't even know this was a thing.

I don't know this woman at all.

Like, she had no, well, she said she had no clue about the drama.

So if you don't know her and you don't know about the Rachel Berry of it all, like, why did the Leah Michelle news bother you so much?

You knew you were only doing it for six months.

Someone else was going to have to do it.

Yeah.

So

Leah being the person after her, like, allegedly

made her really mad and caused even more strife within the production.

But they had an inside source from the production team talking to this insider article.

And essentially the takeaway was like, Beanie was horrendous.

The reviews were abysmal and embarrassing, but they decided to stand behind her, you know, stick with her and just ride it out.

But then ticket sales were dropping so low.

And like a production is has investors.

It's a business.

This is a business.

So they were making, you know, plans for a big star to come in.

And obviously it was, it should have always been Leah Michelle.

Um,

and that really pissed Beanie off.

But now I want to talk about the, the decision to go with Leah, because I, for one, am absolutely overjoyed.

The good news, like, Leah Michelle was meant to play this role.

Say what you want about her.

Leah Michelle is one of the most talented singers, actresses, and Broadway stars of our time.

This role couldn't have been written, was written as much for her as it was written for Robert Streisand.

Like, it's literally, I do have to say, I love that they're, even though Beanie didn't work out, I do love that both of the girls are Jewish because it's a Jewish role.

And, like, I just love that it's so authentic um

and Leah's gonna be marvelous and people on Broadway and like the theater space are like in enraged they hate it but talent is talent and nobody can sing like Leah Michelle I'm sure she knows the play by heart already she didn't even have to go to her social to show up on the first day and do everything she's ever done she's gonna be sensational and you can either fight it or you can lean in and try and get to it.

I'm gonna fight it aside from Beanie.

I guess the Broadway people, but like Leah's a Broadway girly.

No, people people who think she's extremely difficult to work with.

That was like her big scandal.

Right, right.

Her big scandal on Glee was that she was a nightmare.

And we knew a little bit about it from Nya Rivera's book, but it didn't really blow up until a lot of the cast members started to talk about it.

And now it's just like a general thing.

Like Leah's a diva and she's mean and she's a bitch and she hides people's wigs.

I do believe the scandal has humbled her to no end.

I have to imagine she will be an absolute delight to work with this time around to prove everyone wrong.

And I'm like, you know what?

It's going to be great.

And that's literally all that matters.

Like people come to a Broadway show for the singing, the dancing, the acting, and nobody does it better than Leah.

So you can fight it.

But as Kurt Hummel once said, she might be difficult, but boy, can she sing.

Totally.

And you know what?

Like, you're...

There's no one better.

I'm sorry.

There's no one better.

People were disappointed it wasn't Julie Banko, the understudy.

And you know what?

She probably would have been great too, but they need a star.

Beanie was supposed to be.

They need to breathe life into this production.

Beanie was supposed to reprise the role, win the Tony, like be that girl, and she was not even close to being that girl.

And they should have done Leah from the beginning, and now they're making it right.

And I'm sure Leah wanted to be the one to reprise the role and be eligible for the Tony and have it be her thing, but I'm sure she's just fucking grateful to be getting the role now.

And she'll be great.

And if you hate her, then that's fine, but you can't deny that she's going to be excellent.

And I would be shocked, really shocked, if she behaves in the way that she did when she was younger agreed after everything that has happened no she's gonna be heavenly I imagine she has learned a lot yeah and will be singing a different tune literally though in the same gorgeous pitch yeah I'm the and by the way the production must be happy with their choice literally the resale value on their tickets is you want a shitty seat it'll cost you $800 for opening night of course you have to go I'm trying everything that I can if you watch Glee like you know the if you don't know what we're talking about like you don't know why this is a big deal but if you watch glee like you know the cultural significance of Rachel Berry, of Leah Michelle, of Fannie Bryce, of funny girl.

And like the fact that literally art, well, life is imitating art right now is just so crazy.

And the fact that really it's like the fans and the outcry that probably played a really big role in this, I do feel like oftentimes, you know, we'll all say so-and-so should be so-and-so.

And they're like, shut up.

You don't make a decision.

But I do feel like the fandom really helped sway the decision here.

I would have been also really happy if it was Shoshana Bean, another Jewish queen who has one of the best voices I've ever heard in my life.

But I'm happy with this decision.

What happens next?

You know what I did think was interesting about I read in the article,

just like a conflict of interest thing is that Beanie and Lee and Michelle have the same talent agent.

So like, it's kind of like, like a conflict of interest.

That is weird.

Yeah.

I'm sure.

Like how can you represent your client to the best of your abilities when you also have the interests of another client who you want to represent to the best of their abilities?

Damn.

It's weird.

Yeah.

This whole thing is like so dramatic and I would love to really, really, everything I've said here is purely like speculation.

Speculation.

I was going to say skepticism.

But there is so much smoke here from not even that article that you read.

I heard many similar things.

You know, there's Dumois, there's other insiders saying this and that.

There is so much smoke.

And by the way, just looking at it on its face, it's like Beanie was cast.

There was a lot of, you know, excitement for Leah Michelle, and it kind of eclipsed Beanie's casting.

And everyone said should have been her.

Now Beanie's stepping back, she's announcing too early, and then they also announce Lee Michelle.

Like, no, there's

a fire.

And, you know, for a role like this, reprising a role, Beanie would have ordinarily, in this situation, done it for a year.

And then a couple weeks ago, it was like, there's only a few more months to see Beanie.

And

then people put together that she was only doing it for six months, which is just bizarre.

And now she's ending early.

She will have done it for four months.

Damn.

Yeah.

And, you know, I do kind of feel bad for Beanie because it's like so awkward and whatever.

And I do believe she tried her best.

And I don't think she's a mean person or a bad person, but it just wasn't the right role for her.

And she was miscast from the very beginning.

Like, the one thing about Fannie Bryce is like, you have to be able to sing.

And all the reviews were about her singing abilities.

And I do feel bad for her.

And it must be, like, so awkward these remaining, like, 15 shows, because there's still, like, 15 days till the end of the month.

You should go see it because then you can really care.

And then you could come here and tell us, and don't go by the reviews because, honestly, reviews

are so subjective.

We never agree with the reviews.

That's true, actually.

But you know what?

How are we going on luck?

I'm about to expose myself hard.

I've never seen Funny Girl the movie

or the play.

I don't even really, I know like the plot of it.

So the first time I see it, like I really want it to be Leah.

Like, that's why I feel like it would be so special.

Because my only real association with funny.

If you should watch the movie, I think you should see Beanie, and then you should go see Leah so that you can come here and be an expert on the matter.

You know what?

I think you're right.

That's a fun activity for you.

Hey, Mr.

And by the way, like, ask me how upset I was that I wasn't even considered.

After Shoshana.

After Shoshana.

Hey, Mr.

Ronstein,

here I am.

I'll watch march my band

out.

I'll be

my

drum.

And if I'm fed

out,

your turn at bat, sir.

At least I didn't fake it hat, sir.

I guess I did make it get ready for me, love, cause I'm a comer.

I've simply gotta march my heart to drum and know.

Buddy, no, nobody

is

gonna

rain on my

So it should have been me, but I'm happy for Lee and Michelle.

Happy for her, and I'm happy for Fanny Brassenstrass and Brass.

Brassenstrass and Brassenstrassen, Brassenstrass, and Brassenstrassen.

Brass and Streis are also like devastated to have been overlooked.

It should be Fanny Bryce.

Also,

Streis is the understudy.

Yeah.

But I was dying this morning, had an epiphany.

When we were talking about Fanny Bryce, I was like, Fanny Bryce and stress.

But also, he's dry sand.

No,

literally, if we don't get tickets, I'm going to die.

Yeah, no, you need tickets.

You need to watch the movie.

You have homework to do.

Yeah.

You do.

I do.

Because I want to know from an expert, not from the reviews, not from the articles.

You know what I would love to know?

Hmm.

Barbara's opinion.

Who does she think?

She's obviously so close to the role.

Like, who does she think should play it?

And what are Barbara's thoughts on Leah Michelle?

Because when Leah Michelle was up and coming before the disgrace,

she really was like the next Barbara you know she didn't get her nose done neither did Barbara and she didn't get it done because Barbara didn't get it done like she was like

the modern Barbara Streisand like what does Barbs think yeah they either have a very close relationship or none at all yeah I could see Barbara like thinking Leah was annoying but you know what like I think Barbara's annoying totally I just

annoying people don't like annoying people no and like I'm sorry if you want to be like a theater girly like you are annoying like you have to be singing all the time like

People think I'm annoying because, and I don't even, like, have that good of a voice.

Like, literally, in order to be Rachel Berry/slash Leah Michelle, like, you have to be the most annoying girl in the world.

You can't be like a shy little wallflower,

like, no, it doesn't work.

Yeah.

It comes with the territory.

Except for Gabriella Montez, but then she really broke out of her shell.

And you know what?

Hot take her voice wasn't that good.

No, it wasn't.

But that was like the point.

Yeah.

Okay, let's move on.

We have exhausted.

If we must.

We have exhausted.

And now it's time for the Emmy nominations, which have been dropped.

And here are the complete list of nominees.

We are going to react and share our votes.

Okay.

As we always do, even though we don't watch the Emmys, it's always nice to hear what

people think is popular and good.

And I watch way more TV than I do movies.

So when it comes to the big award shows, I think the one I probably have the most invested in is the Emmys because I haven't seen a movie.

Well, I saw Top Gun and it was so good, but other than that.

Yeah.

Best Comedy.

Abbott Elementary.

So good.

Barry.

Unfamiliar.

Curb Your Enthusiasm.

So good.

Hacks.

Oh.

The Marvelous Mrs.

Maisel.

Season Stunk.

Only Murders in the Building.

That's tough.

Ted Lasso.

Oh, shit.

What We Do in the Shadows.

Okay, so I do think as much as...

I don't think Hax is going to win.

I think it'll be between Abbott Elementary and Only Murders in the Building.

Abbott Elementary is so good.

Yeah, you know what's funny?

You love it, by the way.

All the shows that I've seen here, they're amazing.

So that would just say to me, like, then I should watch the other shows in the category because I'd probably like them too.

You should watch Abbott Elementary.

It's all about the campers and it has like such camper counselor energy.

She's like doing the best for the kids.

I have so much on my content plate.

I still haven't watched the summer I turn pretty.

Okay.

It's like literally 30-minute episodes.

It's good to watch like mindlessly.

I haven't turned my TV on aside from homework and Southern Charm in weeks.

Okay.

One day.

Just put it on your plate.

Next,

best actress in a comedy.

Rachel Brosnahan, Marvelous Mrs.

Nasel.

She wasn't good.

I'm sorry.

I love Mrs.

Mazel.

This was not the season for any of them to win that.

Okay.

And they had their time.

And their time, I feel like, has passed, and maybe when their final season, they'll have another time.

Or when they do something noteworthy, because this last season was literally atrocious.

Yes.

Keeinta Brunson, Abbott Elementary.

She's going to win.

Kaylee Cuoco, the flight attendant.

No.

Elle Fanning, the great, Showstinks.

Issa Ray, Insecure, Gene Smart Hacks.

Gene Smart won last year.

And honestly, like, if Hacks wants to keep winning Emmys, they have to give us more fucking Deborah Vance and no more Ava.

But I think Abbott Elementary is going to get this one.

Okay.

Best actor in a comedy.

Donald Glover, Atlanta.

Bill Hayter, Barry.

I don't know.

Nicholas Holt, the Great.

Steve Martin only murders in the building.

Martin Short only murders in the building.

Jason Sudekis, Ted Lasso.

Oh, Jason Sudekis.

But Ted Lasso swept last year.

We hadn't watched Ted Lasso yet, but they won everything.

Will they win again?

I'm fine with that.

I'm fine with that, too.

Interesting that Steve Martin and Martin Short are up against each other.

That's like always awkward and cute.

Yeah.

And if I had to give it to one of them, it would be Martin Short.

His character is is so fucking funny.

Yeah, he's he does it the most, yeah.

Even though Steve Martin's also great, but his character's just not as you don't look forward to hearing him talk.

He's like kind of dreadful, like yeah, but that's the point.

Yeah, yeah, the contrast, yeah.

Supporting actress in a comedy, Alex Borstein, the marvelous Mrs.

Maisel, Hannah Einbender, hashes it's funny that she's supporting, considering they're really 50-50, but um, I think, like, and especially this season, she was really 50-50.

Last season, there was more Deborah than Ava, and now they're equal, and it ain't right.

Janelle James, Abbott Elementary, Kate McKinnon, SNL, Sarah Niles, Ted Lasso, Cheryl Lee Ralph, Abbott Elementary, Juno Temple, Ted Lasso, Hannah Waddingham, Ted Lasso.

Hannah Waddingham was great.

Yeah.

They all are great.

I don't have a winner.

Yep.

In my mind.

Supporting actor in a comedy.

Anthony Corrigan, Barry, Brett Goldstein, Ted Lasso.

Toheib Jamo, Ted Lasso.

Nick Muhammad, Ted Lasso.

Tony Shaloube, the Marvelous Mrs.

Mazel.

Tyler James Williams, Abbott Elementary.

The worst character in Marvelous Mrs.

Mabel is Tony Shaloub.

Like, he is the actual definition of full of dread.

Like, he's so miserable and so annoying and, like, literally, like, not a good dad.

Also, when they put this list together, they should say Sidney Sweeney, Cassie, and Euphoria.

Like, I don't have these actors' names.

You know, I'm sure that there is a list with that, but the RPost had no time for that.

Okay.

Henry Winkler, Barry, and Bowen Yang, SNL.

I know.

Happy for him.

I know.

Happy for him.

Best Drama Show.

Okay.

Better Call Saul.

I feel like I'm so fucking over that show, even though I never watched it, never watched the first one.

You just freaking bad?

No.

Oh.

It's just like, that time is past.

I know.

It's like, move on already.

Euphoria.

Yeah.

Ozark.

Severance.

I've never watched that, but it sounds good.

Squid Game.

Stranger Things.

Succession.

22 nominations for succession matches.

I heard 24.

Oh, wow.

They snuck two more in.

And Yellow Jackets.

Also, I've heard good things about that.

This is a very tough category.

Who would you give it to?

It's hard to say because I would only give it to the ones that I've wished.

The ones that I've watched, which is not fair.

I mean, because I don't watch Ozark, but people say it's the best show of all time.

Also, like, where the fuck is Yellowstone?

Where the fuck?

Where the fuck is Yellowstone?

Because that's who she got it.

100%.

Because honestly, not succession.

Why?

Because succession is like

good.

For how bad it is, you know?

No, no.

Like, they have all the makings of a good show, except everyone is dreadful.

Yeah, but like, each episode is, like, slower than the next.

It always feels like the rug is about to be pulled out from under them, yet they're still afloat.

It's so good.

Like, you know, Kendall goes off the deep end and exposes his whole family, yet they're not exposed.

Right, right, right.

There's like no real consequences.

Yeah.

Maybe that's like a metaphor in the 1%, you know?

Perhaps, but like, it's like nothing happens yet.

Every episode, they're like, it's so tense and everything's about to happen.

Yeah.

Except the last episode of the season was incredible because those little shits got what they deserved.

100%.

And Tom is everything.

Yes.

No, that last episode like saved the whole show for me because I couldn't keep watching the likes of Kendall win.

Yeah.

Best actor in a drama.

Jason Bateman, Ozark.

Brian Cox, Succession.

Lee Jung-jae, Squid Game.

Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul.

Adam Scott, Severance.

Jeremy Strong, Succession.

Happy for all them all.

Best actress in a drama.

Jodi Comer, Killing Eve.

Laura Linney, Ozark.

Melanie Linsky, Yellow Jackets.

Sandra O, Killing Eve.

Reese Witherspoon, The Morning Show.

Zendaya, Euphoria.

Zendaya.

Okay, Yellowstone has to be in a different category because

where's Beth Dutton?

Where's Kevin Costner?

No, it's giving snub.

It's giving big fat fucking snub.

Totally.

I'm continuing to look.

Maybe it's, you know, at musical

because I don't see it anywhere.

Bro, it really was a great year for TV.

It really was.

And there's a lot.

There isn't like a one show, like...

I always think of Queen's Gambit because that was like the last time we had a lot of money.

Well, that's limited series.

And by the way, that is,

there's a lot of them.

White Lotus got so many nominations.

No, but I mean, there isn't like one show that I feel like is going to sweep every category.

But you might feel that way about the limited series because those are buzzier.

There's Dope Sick, The Dropout, Inventing Anna, Pam and Tommy, and White Lotus.

No, I don't think any of those swept.

Like, any of those.

Are going to sweep.

And White Lotus is coming back for season two, so how is it a limited series?

Because it's like an all-new cast.

I don't know.

Oh, actually, that kind of does make sense.

But also, some other people were nominated for a limited series, such as Sarah Paulson for impeachment, Margaret Qualey for Maid.

Sarah Paulson in impeachment was incredible.

Like, you literally wanted to murder that woman.

She was so pathetic.

And Margaret Qualey was sensational in Maid.

Yeah.

Having her.

And she's engaged.

Good time to be Margaret Qualey.

Totally.

So that's, you know, the gist of it.

Happy for everyone.

Nice to see people achieving their dreams.

And it's great.

I'm ready for my daytime Emmy for outstanding performance in the greatest web show of all time.

Yeah, I'm ready for my Webby.

I think it's time actually that the Emmys like embrace digital.

There should actually, like, not to make everything about me.

Be a podcast award.

Yeah.

It's such a big category.

Yeah.

There could be a whole show, the potties, you know, comedy, drama.

But then it's like, nobody wants a potty, you know?

Like, there should just be like one category in the Emmys that isn't, it really should.

Like, in the same way that like the view and the business.

But it's not fair to compare all the the pod just one category for podcasts because like the biggest categories which would be like news comedy

like whatever uh what else is on there and maybe like um

what's like story you know like yeah like fictional yeah yeah true crime like there should be like three or four because the same way like and it's obviously not at the real emmys like at the daytime emmys the same way that like the view can win and ruPaul wins and Nicole Bayer got nominated for nailed it like the more abstract versions of television

but I guess like podcast is literally not television.

Right.

So there needs to be the potties, but they need to be distinguished.

And so that you would want a potty and that you are a pigot, you know?

Yeah.

Or a pre-got.

That's the penultimate.

I heard somebody say, excuse me.

Pre-got.

We need potties,

Razzie, Emmys, Grammys, Oscar, Tony.

If you can get all of those, then you are an icon and not before.

I was reading about someone and they were so close to an e-got and we forgot to to mention them.

And like,

I think the only one he's missing as an Oscar is Ben Platt.

He's a Tony Agramme and an Emmy.

Isn't that interesting?

That is interesting.

I don't know how he'll get an Oscar because he's really into music now, not so much acting, except for the politician.

Well, he could write a song for a movie.

He could be in a movie musical.

Right.

He'll do it at some point.

Yeah, I think he'll be an egot coming up.

Will he be a pre-got?

Actually, though, definitely,

Ed Dierbury Hansen was eligible for a Razzie because because it was terrible.

So, he's actually a reader.

He just needs a podcast now.

Right.

And an Oscar.

Yeah, no, someone like, work on the potties.

Why not?

You guys love award shows.

Yeah, because, like, a lot of.

Why don't you do it for shit people actually consume?

Right.

And a lot of people.

Because more people listen to certain podcasts than watch these shows.

TV shows and that's true.

But also.

Especially in the late-night category.

Woof.

Yeah, that's true.

But also.

Not to wake the Streis brothers, but woof.

He's like, yeah, no, it's hard to talk sometimes.

Yeah, terrible.

And I don't even remember what I was wanting to say.

This is my experience.

Yeah, wait, hold on.

What are we talking about?

And then I always lose my training.

Podcasts.

People actually consume

before that.

Pre-GOT.

Ben Platt.

Oh, because there are a couple podcast awards that are put together by iHeartRadio, but iHeartRadio produces their own podcast, and it's literally fraudulent.

No, it's not merit-based.

100%.

Okay, are we ready to move on to some of our lighter fare for the day?

It's been a heavy day so far.

I know.

And I feel like we've been podcasting for heavy girls two hours i know we are heavy girls heavy heavy

you got so heavy baby

do you think there's any two people on the planet who can like include more different random show tunes songs commercial jingles into their everyday vernacular conversations no and we're holding back because we know it's not everyone's favorite when we sing that has to be like some sort of talent right i totally agree you said you're not excellent at anything.

That's wrong.

No, like grabbing musical references at the drop of a hat.

Right.

That's why we deserve a potty.

100%.

Our next story.

Pete Davidson says he's definitely a family guy and wants to have a kid.

He said, quote, that's like my dream.

So Pete Davidson is on Kevin Hart's Heart-to-Heart series on Peacock, and a new sneak peek has dropped in which he talks about his desire to become a father, admitting that he's looking forward to eventually starting a new, quote, chapter of his his life.

Quote, my favorite thing ever, which I have yet to achieve, I want to have a kid.

That's like my dream.

It's like super corny.

And then Hart said, that's not super corny.

That's the best goddamn thing you could do in your life.

This is such a precious conversation.

Precious.

And Davidson said, it would be so fun, dress up the little dude.

That's kind of what I'm just preparing for now.

It's just trying to be as good as a dude, develop, and get better.

So when that happens, it's just easier.

I mean, apparently this isn't the first time he's said this, but obviously now we're all looking at it through the context of Kim because we've said many times as much as we ship so much, like the age difference is a real thing.

And Kim already having four kids

and Pete, you know, being so young and not having kids of his own, maybe it's something he wants and now we know that's something he wants.

Like it does make you think.

And it's not just something he wants, it's the thing.

And it seems like everything that he's doing and working towards is so that he can be the best dad when the time comes.

And this isn't like a negotiable thing.

No, and it's like, not like, oh, I could be a dad if I wanted to, or maybe being a stepdad would fulfill me.

He's saying, I want my own kid.

And now you have to look at the lady in his life.

And Kim wants more kids.

She said it in April when she was asked, when the whole family was asked who's going to have as many kids as Chris, like, that's six kids and Kim has four.

I think they're going to have kids together.

Kim has frozen eggs because she did use surrogate for Chicago and Psalm.

And Saint.

Was she pregnant once or twice?

She was pregnant once.

Twice, yeah.

So if you read, if you put it all together, Kim and Pete will be having a family.

I hear it here first.

You want to hear like a crazy take?

I do, I love that for sure, for sure.

But I kind of like wish Pete like already had a kid.

Do you know what I mean?

And like maybe like,

I just think he should have a baby with Carly Aquilino.

I can't explain it.

Okay.

But I just watched that Pete Davidson and friends thing and like she was on it and like they're obviously really close and they used to date so they obviously have love for each other.

They've had sex before.

And I don't know.

I just feel like that's who he should have a kid with and then get back together with Kim hmm I wonder if Kim would be open to it but like if Kim really wants more kids if she wants more kids just as badly as he wants kids why the hell not they love each other they're obviously committed to each other I know just and as much as I love them and I don't want to be a naysayer at all like the age difference just does give me pause that's it but what part of it because for most people it's like an age different really becomes a difference becomes an issue when someone wants kids and either the other person doesn't want kids or already already has, or if you know, she's of a certain age and she doesn't have her eggs frozen, like that could pose an issue in actually getting pregnant.

But like, everything is there.

No, I know.

I guess it just seems like too convenient, you know?

I'm sure they thought about these things before they all went public and said, We want more kids.

I mean, we love each other.

How long have they been together now?

Eight months.

Let's also talk about the trailer that drops.

Sorry, I have no clue what time it is.

When was Knottsbury Farm?

October.

Because SNL was when we were in BBIs, where I'm not going to be able to do that.

Which was October.

Okay.

so it was a little later than that.

So say they started, they got serious in

October, November.

That's 10th month.

Now we're in the seventh month, nine months they've been together.

Yeah.

Perhaps the kid is coming next month.

And let's also talk about the trailer for season two of the Kardashians that dropped, which made me excited that we're getting a season two so close to the end of season one.

I was a little annoyed that like we're seeing Met Gala content and it's coming out in September.

So like we're going to be watching May

at the end of the year.

Like it's, it just feels slow.

But obviously everyone is quaking over the one scene where she's like, babe, do you want to shower with me real quick?

And he like throws his cigarettes on the ground and walks away from Chloe and like runs into the dressing room.

Really cute.

So cute.

I'm really excited for more.

Me too.

I'm just like impatient.

I want my Kardashians more.

I really do want my Kardashians now.

No, I really do.

I want more.

I want them every week.

I want them never to be off.

Like I'm sure that would be really hard for them, but it would be good for me.

Yeah.

So that's all that matters.

yeah especially when the show like you're gonna make a premium show we're gonna be addicted yeah sorry i just can't guess that's how people feel about the toast oh my gosh you know because people always say like i'm so happy the girls are taking off but like i'm not okay right right so you're basically saying we're the digital kardashians is what you just said i think like anyone would have said that just the way that like we feel about the kardashians people feel about our show isn't that so like nice and humbling nice because we just like sit here and like fart like talk and we got the streis brothers sleeping and like they're only audience and they're asleeping.

How good could we be?

It's so offensive and disrespectful.

But they're so gorgeous when they're sleeping.

I'm a gorgeous sleeping man.

You'd love to come to work with mama.

Oh big stretcher, my angel.

You'd love to come to work with mama.

You look so good and delicious.

I want to eat you for breakfast.

Bruno's sleeping on some holiday merch and he told me, Mom.

It's your best work yet.

This is gorgeous merch.

Thank you, mommy.

You said brew many times.

You're welcome.

You're welcome, Fanny Brass and Stress.

So Pete wants kids, and that's just not something I expected, honestly.

Yeah, but I think he should have them.

I think he should have them with Kim, assuming that's what all interested parties want, and they love each other.

Yeah, you know, it makes me think of obviously Travis and Courtney from this season trying to get pregnant.

And then I was just thinking how Courtney didn't freeze her eggs.

Yeah.

Which obviously makes sense because she got pregnant by accident and then just like kept getting pregnant.

But I just feel like they're so like good about that.

You know, like Chloe was freezing her eggs a couple seasons ago.

I just figured Courtney would have some on ice.

Yeah, but she has three kids.

And she didn't need to.

Yeah.

And she, I don't think she ever thought she would be at a place in her 40s where she wanted to have kids with her husband, you know?

Yeah.

She never even wanted to get married.

Wow.

Yeah.

Just goes to show you, man plans, God laughs.

Man plans, God laughs.

Man plan, God laughs.

You know what?

I know what it really goes to show you.

You'll never regret freezing your eggs.

And that we're all just kids.

At heart, yeah, that's true.

I'm glad you brought that up.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

I really, honestly, and truly am.

A little sports news.

A little SN?

SN.

Derek Cheeter admits to the 2001 interview that led to a fallout with his friend A-Rod.

He said he's, quote, not a true friend.

Wait, who did this?

So, who's Derek Jeter?

Okay, like, I literally think of them as the same person.

So you're like, A-Rod had a falling out with A-Rod?

Okay, here's the deets.

Derek Jeter has a new docuseries coming out about himself called The Captain, in which he talks about like the end of his friendship with A-Rod, who was also a shortstop in the industry.

For them, at one point, they were close.

A-Rod, at the time, was playing for the Texas Rangers, and Derek Jeter was playing for the Yankees.

Now, they had a long-time friendship, and now he's detailing how it came to an end.

In The Captain, a new ESPN docuseries about Derek Jeter's Hall of Fame career, the former shortstop says his friendship with A-Rod soured after A-Rod was interviewed for an Esquire story in 2001.

During the interview with Esquire, the interviewer asked A-Rod whether he thinks there was a rivalry between him and Derek Jeter outside of their friendship, because they're both like these amazing shortstops.

And shortstops, I guess.

They played the same position.

I would have thought Derek Jeter was a pitcher, but that's just me.

We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher.

Honestly, I want a pitcher.

I want a belly itcher.

Same.

I want a belly itcher.

Anyway, what did he do?

Okay, so this is the quote from the 2001 Esquire interview that Derek Jeter is holding on to.

Obviously, Derek Jeter is the kind of man to hold a grudge.

Yeah, but you know what?

And I might have said that before

events unravel, but now now it just seems like A-Rod is the fucking worst.

Well, no, it does seem like it's funny when you think of them side by side because I don't really think of Derek Jeter much because he retired like a hero.

He got married to the most gorgeous Sports Illustrated cover star, Hannah.

And now he like lives a quiet life.

I think he made good investments.

He's very wealthy.

He's not being thirsty at all.

Whereas like A-Rod's post-baseball career has been just like one disgrace after another.

Yeah.

So here's what A-Rod said in 2001.

No, there's not a rivalry at all.

Not even.

I mean rivalry.

Like ours is such a brotherhood that there's definitely no rivalry there.

And it's weird because even with my brother, we have a little rivalry.

But with Derek, I'm his biggest fan and I think it's vice versa.

While A-Rod continued to compliment Derek Jeter during the interview, the interviewer continued to press him on the subject.

And A-Rod said he's reserved, quiet.

Jeter's been blessed with great talent around him, so he's never had to lead.

He doesn't have to.

He can just go and play and have fun and hit second.

I mean, you know, hitting second is totally different than hitting third or fourth in a lineup because you go into New York trying to stop Bernie Bernie Williams and Paul O'Neill and everybody you never say don't let Derek beat you that's never your concern okay that's like shady and mean yeah but he it sounds like he started out trying to say only nice things and he was continuing the journalist was being a pest right but then he ultimately you know gave him what he wanted gave it and I don't think he didn't feel that way you know it's not like the crazy meanest thing to say and I think but to say he never had to lead and like his docu series is called the captain oh right and that I think was like his whole thing he's a leader and by the way when you think of the Yankees you think of Derek Jeter

When I think of the Yankees, I think of George Costanza.

Okay, but if you had to think of a player.

Let me actually think.

Probably Derek Jeter.

You know what it is?

I don't think of the Yankees.

Literally, like ever.

I think of the Mets because Ben's friend Pete plays on the Mets.

When you think of the Mets, who do you think of?

Pete Alonso, King, VIP.

No, MVP.

Mike Piazza, please.

No, put some respect on it.

When I think of the Mets, like pre, you know, knowing the star player and like being best friends friends with him and his wife, um, what before that, when I think of the Mets, I think of, oh, when I think of the Yankees, I think of Tamara Judge.

Of course.

And her son.

Aaron.

Aaron.

Yeah.

No, you think of Derek Jeter.

I'm sure if I asked you that before this, like now it's in your head.

Anyways, that's the quote that upset Derek.

I hope they,

I mean, you don't have to be friends with everyone forever, but like this isn't like a real reason to like literally hold a grudge for 21 years.

Yeah, I guess it's been a long time.

But what I wanted to say is reading about Derek Jeter and just like his personality, especially now reading that interview from A-Rad reminds me of Mariah Carey's book when she dated Derek Jeter.

You know, I never finished that book.

It's so good, but it was written very

dense.

Very dense.

The author had a lot,

every sentence, like there's no wasted word.

Right.

And there's a lot in there.

So what did she say about Derek Jeter?

Just that she, like, she really loved him.

He was such a great guy.

He was so sweet.

And they had a really great relationship.

She loved his family.

Really, nothing negative to say, just like wasn't a match.

Yeah.

But that he kind of like was this like soft-spoken happy guy.

Yeah.

And I like love him and his wife.

Like she's a great follow on Instagram.

Can't recommend it enough.

Love.

And I don't know.

I, if you had never said, like, said the name Derek Jeter, he probably wouldn't have popped into my mind for at least 15 years.

And so it's nice to be reminded of a New York hero.

And now you could go like when you have dinner with Ben and you could be like, oh my God, I hear about that Jeter docu series.

Crazy about the A-Rod tea.

Totally.

Maybe I'll actually watch it.

Ben would love that.

Yeah.

Oh, that's a nice thing.

Even though, like, I love ESPN and their, you know, thirst for cinema, but I have watched, like, two of their documentaries, and they were two of the most long and dreadful things.

Like, the O.J.

Simpson one, which I could never tire.

Like, the O.J.

Simpson story is one of the craziest stories in American history.

The Kardashian involvement, there's so Robert Shapiro, like, there's so many things.

Oh, my God.

I couldn't keep my eyes open.

It was so long.

Then I watched the other one that everyone's talking about.

Class Dance.

Thank you.

And by watch, I mean, like, I gave it 15 minutes and it was good, but I was just like, they're moving so slow.

No, the only one I watch is the 30 for 30 about Nancy Kerrigan and Tanya Harding.

That's the only one you need to watch.

It's a literal, like the most important piece of art made in the last 20 years.

So if they need to do all this other crap just to once more make something like that,

that's fine.

Yeah, no, and I actually don't really know a lot about Derek Jeter.

Like, and now that I'm like thinking about him, like, hot.

Who's authentic?

Yeah.

What does Derek feel?

What does Derek want?

And like his name is Derek, you know?

Yeah.

He's a firstie-lastie, so I never think about the fact that his first name is Derek.

Life with Diego.

He's a jeter.

Right.

They call him jeeter.

And now saying jeter a lot

sounds weird.

Yeah.

Jeter, jeeter, jeeter.

Jeter, jeeter, jeter.

Life with Derek.

We have so many episode title names for today, but that.

Let's talk about life with Derek for a second, about how literally that girl wanted to fuck her stepbrother so bad.

It was so fucking inappropriate and weird.

That's what they should have called this docusary.

30 for 30 colon, life with Derek.

P.N.

will never be it.

Right.

Because they're hung up on the captain.

They'll never be that girl.

No, but here's what Derek said.

Feel in love with Derek.

Just in case you're curious, let's just wrap this up because here's what Derek said about the quote.

As a friend, I'm loyal.

I just looked at it as I wouldn't have done it.

And then it was the media, the constant hammer to the nail.

They just kept hammering it in.

It just became noise, which frustrated me.

Just constant noise.

You can say whatever you want about me as a player.

That's fine.

But then it goes back to the trust, the loyalty.

This is how the guy feels.

He's not a true friend, is how I felt because I wouldn't do it to a friend.

Yeah, like even if you're being pressed, like the fact that you can get to a a point where you'll say something nasty about someone who's your loyal friend is not something you want to be friends with.

And I could see Derek seeing that and being like, oh, this is a friendship I want to shy away from.

Not holding a grudge for 20 years and waiting for A-Raw to apologize.

It's like, oh, when someone shows you who they are, believe me.

It's like if a fellow podcaster was being interviewed about like people and, you know, someone was like, and how do you feel about Claudia?

And they were like, oh, yeah, she's great.

She's nice.

And then they kept asking.

And then they said something like really nasty and shady.

And something they obviously had to think through.

You would be so completely fucking done with them.

We wouldn't give them a second thought.

And it was someone that I'd spend a lot of time with privately and like was my friend.

Yeah.

And then in 20 years, if you were asked about like why you guys fell out just be like they said that and I understood that we're not friends right like I would never do that so I just wasn't interested in pursuing the friendship any further right which is fine literally when people show you who they are believe them right and he wasn't wrong about a rod at the end of the day no you know at the end of the day all right so i have a hot take we've been podcasting for so long i know i can't do deer toasters because i have to pee so badly no end like we have

pump like another show tomorrow

and i feel like we had so much to catch up on today i actually i was gonna say the same thing because you have to pump because i have to pump.

And I just think it's better to like, so what?

We should do an hour and a half today and then 40 minutes tomorrow.

We know.

We gotta spread it out.

So we're gonna move deer toasters to tomorrow.

I just think it'll be better for everyone.

That's our final show of the week.

And then we're back next week.

Tomorrow is our final show of the week.

Yes, tomorrow's our final show.

And they're back next week, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

The schedule is on our Instagram.

We love you guys.

Thank you so much for an amazing show.

And thank you so much for listening to the Morning Toast, the Millennial Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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We'll see you tomorrow.

Bye.