S4 Ep86: New York Times Bestselling Fat Shrek: Tuesday, May 11th, 2021

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Hey, Zach!

Are you smiling at my gorgeous canyon view?

No, Donald.

I'm smiling because I've got something I want to tell the whole world.

Well, do it.

Shout it out.

T-Mobile's got home internet.

Minutes!

Whoa, I love that echo.

T-Mobile's got home internet!

How much is that?

Look at that, Zach.

We got the neighbor's attention.

Just 35 bucks a month.

And you love a great deal, Denise.

Plus, they've got a five-year price guarantee.

That's five whole trips around the sun.

I'm switching!

It's crazy!

Yes, T-Mobile home internet for the neighborhood.

McDonald's, you still haven't returned my weed whacker.

Carl, don't you embarrass me like this, please?

What's everyone yelling about?

T-Mobile's got home internet!

McDonald's got my weed whacker!

Yes, Yes, T-Mobile's got home internet.

Just $35 a month with autopay and any voice line, and it's guaranteed for five years.

Beautiful yodeling, Carl.

Taxes of these apply.

CTMobile.com slash ISP for details and exclusions.

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Yeah, it's Tuesday.

Hope everyone had a great Monday.

Not as good as mine because I rose, groaned, and got annihilated on Twitter by the Miley Cyrus stance.

Just a regular day for me here at the Morning Toast.

Yeah, things, they got crazy yesterday.

They came for the comment section.

They came for the DMs.

I even got a little debris.

What did they say about you?

They said something.

Also, I just want to say the Miley stands are like really violent.

I know.

Sometimes violence is the answer.

That's what someone tweeted at me.

That's actually really funny.

Yeah, they were being funny.

Honestly, I didn't mind it.

Like, they're protecting their girl.

I respect it.

We're all entitled to our opinions.

But I just have to say, the overwhelming amount of people that call me fat was so, I kind of miss that.

No.

Because people have been calling me so much worse in the past couple of years.

They like forgot I was fat.

So I was just so happy because it's like so obvious.

It's really surprising that the Miley stance, like on their moral high ground, are fat phobic and resort to violence.

This is what, this is a DM I received.

Your podcast fucking sucks, by the way.

I'd flatten that ugly mud of yours if I ever saw it in the street.

So don't mention Miley again.

Wait, I also screenshotted.

I also screenshotted some.

That's so funny.

They were being so insane.

I like lived for it.

Okay.

They were mostly directed at you because I re-watched a segment and I really didn't say much.

No, it was about Miley Miley because you were just

ugly white bitch.

Instead of criticizing the wonderful Miley Cyrus, you should be worrying about losing weight, fat.

Fix that double chin before speaking out against a legend.

Someone else, hoe and fat.

Someone else, no talent, ugly fat bitch.

Miley Cyrus is a legend.

And you, a fat.

No, I was kind of living for it.

Smizers, we see you.

I respect the hustle and the clear

surplus of time that you have on your hands.

What's so crazy is that if my life had gone in just like a different direction, I don't know at what point I veered off this track, but like I would have been one of those smisers DMing you.

No, I know.

Like, remember when you literally weren't in top shop and you saw Miley Cyrus and like your whole world came crashing down?

I was the number one Smizer of all time.

I don't know of a bigger Miley fan than me, like back in the day.

So I guess if I continued on that path, like I would be DMing people, like calling them a fat.

A fat, maybe.

But instead, I'm here.

That's good.

And I think this is where I'd rather be.

Life just, you know, is constantly throwing tangents and Vers.

I'm also disappointed in the Miley stands because when the BTS stands came for us, like they gave us so much irrelevant uglies.

The BTS stands came for us, and you know what?

I kind of wish they came back for us because they don't even know how full circle we've come.

Like we were trashing BTS because they thought they should be nominated for a Grammy and I thought they were insane.

But now after Dynamite, like I fully agree.

Like that is a Grammy Grammy worthy song.

And it seems like the Grammys are going out of their way to like not even acknowledge BTS's existence.

And now I understand why the BTS stands like are upset about that and also upset at us for

propagating that narrative.

100%.

So actually, I would really love to hear back from the BTS fans, letting them know like we've changed and you were right.

But I am going to stand my ground on what I said about Miley, but I do want the Smizers to know, like, I'm a huge Miley fan.

as well.

You can keep calling me that.

That's totally fine because you're not like 100%

wrong.

And we see each other.

And, you know, maybe we will meet again and we can agree.

Maybe we'll meet again the next time Miley's on SNL.

So just like a few weeks.

Yeah.

No, that was like a fun little treat.

I was so busy yesterday, booked and busy, like back to being, back to back to back.

It was just so crazy.

We recorded the Redheads last night.

Really hysterically funny episode.

Like the book is really cute and good, but there's not like that much substance to dissect.

So we were just like off the rails.

It was hysterical.

New episode drops on Thursday and you don't want to miss it.

Oh, and it's never too late to become a Redhead.

It's not?

I know you might think that it is.

No, I just assumed that.

It's like we've done 17 episodes, so many books, but you can jump right in at any time.

Only 17 episodes?

I think that this was our 18th.

We do have a year.

One has been a year.

It's been

a year ago.

That was the dumbest thing I ever said.

I was thinking weeks.

I'm like, 52 weeks, you've only done 17?

No, one month.

It's been more than a year.

It's been more than a year, and there was two months where we did bi-weekly episodes.

Oh, right.

Okay, wow.

That's crazy.

Crazy, but it's still.

It's never too late to join.

join.

I announced my pick for the next Redheads.

I was going to do a classic, but I made the decision to just take you on the journey that I'm on.

And I just chose the next book that was on my want to read list.

Like, which was?

Oh, should I give everyone a?

It hasn't come out yet because the episode is not.

Oh, no, sorry.

I forgot the episode.

I kind of like want to give it away because it's also exclusive.

People like lost a week of reading because we pushed it back, and that's not fair for me to do to you.

Tell them.

So we are reading The American Duchess, The Story of Consuelo Vanderbilt by

Karen Karen Harper.

I love that.

Yeah.

So, sneak peek.

The Anderson Cooper of it all.

Yes.

How is Anderson Cooper related to

Consuela?

That we shall find out.

Like Consuela's relation to Gloria.

To Gloria, right?

Yeah.

I think one of the craziest, like, fun facts about pop culture that I think a lot of people forget about is that Anderson Cooper is a Vanderbilt.

Yeah.

It's kind of crazy.

I forget all the time.

I forget again.

I forget all the time.

I actually forget all the time how

most people in Hollywood are there by nepotism.

And I'm actually, I'm not one of those people who like despises nepotism.

Like as someone who like has a lot of sisters, like I, and if I got like a movie job, I would give them a role as well.

But you just forget that, like, everyone is someone's something.

I was thinking last night, how I had literally forgotten, I forget who it was, that this person was like someone's daughter.

And I'm like, wow, really, everyone in Hollywood.

It's just like a big incest.

I wonder who you were thinking of.

I know.

I couldn't remember.

Whatever.

But that was like when that article came out about girls, how like people didn't realize the four characters on girls, like every single one of their parents was like a famous artist or writer or something that ultimately led to them being on that show.

Yeah.

It's just kind of crazy.

That is really crazy.

And my life is kind of crazy.

What's that from?

I don't know.

Hi.

And my life is kind of.

Oh, hi.

It's a TikTok sound.

Well, I literally spend so much time on TikTok.

Hi, I'm Ryan.

And my life is kind of crazy.

I remember that.

You do?

Because that sound is from

the show.

Oh.

Right?

Oh, no, when like two people like look like each other and then Yeah, yeah.

So I did the trend when Vinnie and Snookie had a baby.

That was me.

Oh, cool.

Whose baby are you?

Jessica Chastain and Ron from.

And whose baby are you?

Mean and meaner?

No, I just said Snookie and J-Wap.

No, Jessica, calling your mom Jessica Chastain, like how nice am I?

Ron Weasley.

Really?

He's a redhead.

Is that where you're going with it?

Oh, sorry.

Okay, Prince Harry.

Is that better?

No.

No, no, no.

Ron.

We have a great show for you guys.

Before we dive in, I have to give a little update on my my bull type journey.

Okay.

I watched so, I was the least productive piece of shit slob ever yesterday.

I watched so much bull type.

So much happened.

Spoiler alert.

They all went to Paris and then Richard showed up.

And like, it was honestly like too much for me.

I was like screaming.

I was just so excited.

I love Sutton.

The characters have really started to shift for me because I always loved Sutton and I loved Kat and I hated Jane.

Honestly, that hate is now kind of transferring to Kat.

She's just like so all over the place.

And like she's not really really focusing on her job.

She's running for city council, which is great, but like

you have a job to do.

You know, you're the director of the department, you know?

But then there's a lot of, you know, changes going on at Scarlett.

Like, Jacqueline is like kind of being pushed out by Patrick.

So there's just a lot going on.

And I'm like living for it.

But I really, I could use so much more Sutton.

It's disgusting.

In your opinion, who was like the main character of the show?

Jane.

I felt that way in the beginning, but honestly, I feel like it's not anymore.

Well, I think that now like the tides have turned because everybody loves Sutton so much, but I don't know why.

I just feel like it's Jane.

Yeah.

Like, because I feel like Jane has like the storyline of the protagonist, whereas like Sutton and Kat, their storylines are just written like it's not the same.

Supplementary.

Yeah.

No, it's frustrating because it should be the Sutton show.

Of course.

She needs a spin-off.

But I'm happy.

I really actually like

Jane and Pinstripe together.

I think they're cute.

And I just like, I know something bad is going to go wrong like with Richard and Sutton.

Like it's too good to be true.

I feel like Richard dies or something.

Like every time he's like on screen, I'm like, oh my God, thank God you're still alive.

Like I'm putting so many of my eggs in Richard's basket and he just like wants to move to Connecticut and have a family with Sutton, but like she's such a go-getting career gal and he's going to wait for her.

So like I don't know what's going to go wrong, but like I know something is and I'm just really upset about it.

Just enjoy it.

Okay.

Don't worry about it.

The only thing you need to worry about with Richard because he's Mr.

Cancel Your Show is that.

Oh, somebody DM'd me that the upcoming season is the final season.

It might be, but like I like when it's a final season that was planned to be the final season.

I know, but like a show like The Bull type is so so not serious, it could just go on forever.

Like it doesn't even matter.

But then it gets stupid and bad.

Like let's be intentional about the ending.

And then we can like everyone gets a happy ending.

I also really like two more things about the show.

The first is I like that a lot of the like extra characters who like were irrelevant have become more

like um prominent?

Prominent, thank you, that's the word.

And you just love seeing their development.

Like Oliver is everything, Sutton's boss.

The second thing I like, yeah.

And the second thing I like is that I feel as though they tackle, you know, difficult issues for the modern gal in a very relatable way.

Like when they had that whole episode about Sutton's gun, that was like so random and out of the blue.

And I was like, what the fuck?

But I thought they made like really interesting points about the whole thing.

And it was like, it was a very interesting conversation.

Yeah, I agree.

I forgot about that episode.

But when I watched it, I thought the same thing.

Like, there's a whole episode about Sutton's gun.

Yeah.

Betsy.

And then that other episode where that girl goes viral for writing a piece in the New Yorker about like how she was pressured into

sex by this guy, Jeff.

And And it turns out that Jeff, spoiler alert, is Alex from The Office, the guy who kissed Sutton in the first season.

And he wrote a rebuttal about how men need to do better.

So I just think they really tackle like very awkward issues in a modern way.

Yeah, I would agree with that.

It's a great show.

I'm like living for it.

I'm so, so glad.

It's the best thing that you ever gave me, like deadass.

It's second to your Kindle.

Wow.

Second.

Yeah, of course, the Kindle's number one.

Unlimited books.

Like, you could literally read anything that's ever been written.

Right.

Like, I'm honestly mad at you for giving me the bull type because there's only four seasons with 10 episodes.

It's robust.

No, 10 episodes is nothing.

It's robust.

No, it's nothing.

And they're not even full hours.

They're 42 minutes because they're on cable.

I think it's quite robust, but that's just me.

I caught up on the long shot with Bethany.

It's called the big shot.

And like, again, same quandaries.

Like, for me, it's just Miloxy.

Like, period.

Miloxy or bust.

Miloxy is the winner.

Everyone that they keep bringing in is, it's not even like they're bringing in people who are better than the original group.

They're bringing in like the people who were eliminated from the original group, like Brody.

The B team.

But weren't you happy to see her hire Corey?

Because he really was like a nice, well-meaning, hardworking guy, but just not fit for this role.

Yes, but like, and now Bethany, it's like we are reminded of who Bethany is, where it's like, she's so tough, she's so sharp and like cutting and she'll, she'll cut you down, but like, she like, is so emotional.

Yeah, she's all over the place a little bit.

Yeah, I'm happy that Corey got the job.

I hope that the trial goes well.

And in just

watching the group, Miloxy is the only one qualified for the position.

Like, everyone else can go home.

But I was kind of heartbroken to see Jenna go home.

Me too, because it was her first time in the bottom two.

Nicole has now been in the bottom two twice, so she should go home.

Yeah, of course, but Nicole is like the straw that stirs the drink.

And her only real...

attribute for the show is starting drama and I don't even know what we would like talk about.

But now that Nicole's like on the wagon, she's not interesting like and she's not good at the jobs.

She should be sent home.

Like, Jenna, it wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair.

And Jenna actually did a really good job in other things.

And I thought the way that she handled the photo shoot where like everyone was having a breakdown, no one knew what to do.

And she was like, Bethany, you ready?

Let's go.

That's exactly what Bethany's looking for.

I just think the problem with the show in general is that Bethany has not been clear at all what this particular job is because it's a chief brand officer.

But the more I'm seeing like from Bethany, it's like a Bethany manager handler job.

Yeah, I think it's like Bethany's stand-in almost like head of the company when Bethany doesn't want to be sort of thing.

Got it.

But I agree.

She's looking for a mind reader.

Yes.

So far, it's like kind of like who just has the best idea of what she wants.

But I just think that Maloxi is so solid and capable.

And she's the only person who's in the realm of what Bethany needs.

Hash Shag Maloxi or bust.

Hashag Maloxi or bust.

Like everyone else, it's a joke.

It's a TV show.

Yeah.

And now Brody's back.

Like, I'm good.

No, and it's like the show never ends.

I keep bringing people on, taking people off.

I think we've netted like zero.

Yeah, no, totally.

And it must be annoying for like Miloxy when she's like,

when do I cut my crap?

When's my drop interview?

When do I get my crown?

Yeah.

Okay, well, I'm so glad that you're all caught up.

I'm really loving that, but I've been focused on the bold type.

And I just didn't know what I'm going to do afterwards.

So that's that.

Well.

We'll keep you abreast.

Of course we will.

As we always do.

But I think without further ado to do to do, speaking of where is do?

I have some errands to run, so he had to stay home.

It's literally do to do to do.

Where are you?

No, it's literally do to do to Tuesday, and he's not even here.

Tuesday.

Without further ado, to do to do, here are the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

And today's episode is sponsored by the Hills New Beginnings and Siesta Key.

Siesta Key and the Hills New Beginnings are back on MTV Wednesday, May 12th, starting at 8 p.m.

So that is tomorrow.

Juliet, want to know what she's up to?

She's living the lavish life with Sam, her billionaire boyfriend, but will Kelsey remain on their parade when they clash over their rival swimsuit brands?

And this season, Brandon, Chloe, Madison, Amanda, and Garrett are trying to move forward, but will their pasts pull them back under?

While CSDK is embracing the unknown, The Hills' New Beginnings is all about moving forward.

Heidi and Spencer's relationship is put to the test as they realize they're on two different pages when it comes to having another baby.

Brody and Audrina are back in the dating pool, but as they start seeing other people, they begin to realize that

they may be ready to be more than just friends.

Justin Bobby reaches out to reconnect with his estranged family as he looks to his past in order to settle down and plan for his future.

Plus, a long-awaited reunion years in the making with a former castmate you'll have to see to believe.

Do you know who it is?

No, do you?

Like, I think so based on the commercials.

I don't know.

Will this Hollywood crew be able to begin again?

Find out during the season premieres of Siesta Key and the Hills new beginnings.

Starting Wednesday, May 12th, that's tomorrow.

At 8, only on MTV, Wednesday, May 12th, that's tomorrow.

The season premiere of Siesta Key and the Hills, new beginnings.

There's so much going on in the world of Siesta Key.

I mean, we've been waiting for the show to come back for so long because of the changing of the guards and like Juliet really having it all.

And I'm so excited to watch her.

She's been through so much the last few seasons.

Like, it's her time.

No, and I'm obsessed with her billionaire boyfriend.

I'm obsessed.

Like, I just want everything coming up, Juliet.

Like, and finally, for the Juliet stands, this is our season.

I think so, too.

It feels like.

No.

Except that Juliette and Kelsey are on the ounce, which I do not like.

No, I know, and I really did enjoy them as friends, but when it comes down to it, like my allegiance is always with Juliet, so like I really don't care.

No, no, no, my allegiance is with Juliet, but Kelsey was a really good friend to her.

I know, but until she wasn't, like, when she went behind her back to like talk to Sam, like that was so fucked up.

Yeah, damn.

Okay.

Well, first story, some crazy news.

Portia Williams is engaged to Fallon's ex, Simon Grubadia.

It took me literally 20 minutes to figure out what I was reading.

Because

when it said, Fallon and I are not friends.

Yeah.

Portia confirmed on Instagram that she's engaged to Simon after posting a photo that sparked rumors of a betrothal.

She said, Our relationship began a month ago.

Yes, we are crazy in love.

I know it's fast, but we are living life each day to its fullest.

I choose happiness every morning and every night.

Tuning out all the negative energy and only focused on positive wishes.

He makes me so happy.

And to me, that's what matters most.

She said that she had nothing to do with their divorce, which they filed in january she said fallon and i are not friends and simon's divorce has been settled our relationship is a positive loving step forward in everybody's lives no and i'm sure that's like fair i'm sure he was divorced or whatever but like this is just so close for comfort and i'm literally thinking like could she not have found anyone else than like a castmate not castmates but she was on the show and it seemed like they were prepping her to be like a friend of or maybe eventually a housewife but i don't know now that she's not married to simon is she like no longer interesting i don't know or did she just become interesting?

But like I think it was his money.

No, but like now it's Porsche's fiancé's ex-wife.

Oh, yeah, by the way, this is what we need.

Like, yes.

We were just recapping the Atlanta reunion yesterday, just feeling, at least for me, like it's just kind of stale with this whole Kenya Porsche drama.

Since day one, they haven't met.

Like, it's just like, they haven't jived.

It's just like kind of old and boring at this point.

But this.

Now, this is a real find.

This is a real story.

Yeah.

It's really crazy.

And I liked Fallon when we met her briefly this season.

I thought she was stunning.

Yeah.

And she kept her composure for the most part when Toya was saying like the most vile things about her.

Yeah.

So between Toya, Fallon, Portia, Simon, I think we've got a really good next season, but this is just really shocking.

I'm happy for Portia that she found love.

I just fucking love Portia.

Like nothing she could do could make me

not like her.

So I trust her judgment here.

I'm sure there's more to the story, and I can't wait to find out on season 13 of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

I know, but you'll be waiting a long time.

I know.

Almost as long as we waited for Siesta Key.

I know.

But we waited for Siesta Key for so long.

But Mazletovs are in order for Portia Williams.

Yes, and Mazletov is also in order for Laverne Cox, who's taking over as the host of E's Red Carpet after Juliana's exit.

Things are shaking up at E.

The network announced on Monday that Laverne Cox will take over as host of E's signature red carpet coverage.

She will assume the role beginning with the 2022 awards season.

In addition to hosting live from E, the advocate, actress, and Emmy-winning producer will host a series of celebrity-based interview specials, spotlighting major players in the entertainment industry who are making waves in Hollywood.

She said, I'm so excited and deeply humbled to be hosting E's iconic red carpet coverage.

For many years, I would wake up early on award show days.

And I accidentally clicked on an ad.

For many years, I would wake up early on award show days, get my snacks in place, and watch E's coverage all day long, she said in a statement.

I dreamed of walking red carpets.

Now, not only have I had several fun and amazing personal red carpet moments, I also get to be a red carpet guide for E's discerning audience and and chat with my colleagues and folks I deeply admire for these very special events in their lives.

I can't wait to get started while hopefully serving up fashion fantasies for the ages, honey.

Okay, I have so many thoughts.

My first thought is that I love this selection.

I think that like these jobs are so iconic in entertainment history.

You think of Joan Rivers, you think of Juliana Rancic.

And so I think for it to be Laverne Cox, who is a trans woman of color, is like everything of the sort.

I do feel like Laverne Cox is like a little too famous for this job.

That's like

Jennifer Anniston taking the job.

but like she's talent my question is like yeah she's the one that's usually walking the carpet is she gonna interview herself so it does feel like in a lot of ways this like might be like a step down for her not in fame but just in like in like the work like it's a she could just walk like now when there's an award show she used to just like show up and like have a great time but now she's like working the show yeah i feel like it would be more preferable to just like sail down the red carpet no and like keep winning emmys like she's an actress by trade yeah now the other thing is that like, you know,

there's so much that goes into being an interviewer, you know?

And I think it's actually a lot harder than a lot of people think.

And most people who have found success in like a Julian Romantic have been interviewing people for years and years and years.

So I hope, I imagine there'll be some sort of

like learning curve with Laverne because you have to retain so much information.

Like he puts together these binders.

You have to know everything about everyone.

And it's just, it's not just talking.

Like it's

a real skill.

Yes, it's it's like the practice of it plus that X factor talent.

Like, can you talk to people?

But it is also like the studying, memorizing the producer in your ear, like having your next question ready.

Like, it's also a job.

Right.

And those jobs, they're so rare when they come up.

They usually go to like the next person in line waiting who's been doing it for years.

And that's not Laverne.

So I'm just, I'm very curious to see how we start.

I know she'll be great, but it'll be interesting.

It will be interesting, but we also won't see it till 2022.

And like, I just, that's in so long.

And also, I don't know if this is a story today, but there's like awards drama.

There's awards drama because NBC will no longer be airing the Golden Globes.

I like feel that.

I feel it too.

Like, I hope this is a trend.

No, I think it might.

When I saw it, I'm like, oh, this is, we've been talking about it for years, how award shows are so like out of touch and outdated and they're on cable.

Like, Gen Z doesn't watch award shows.

Like, nobody fucking cares.

So I think that this might be like the initial descent into whatever the next phase of award shows is because because they just feel so outdated.

Yeah, or just another network will pick up the Golden Globes and it will just be.

I really don't hope so.

I really don't hope so.

I hope everyone's like, yeah.

Well, can you imagine NBC like on a prime Sunday giving up three hours of their telecast for five people to tune in?

No.

That sucks.

That's just bad business.

Yeah, but it's not about the shitty numbers, which it really should be.

It's about controversy within the HFPA.

What's the controversy?

That there's a lack of diversity within the members of the foreign Hollywood

foreign press association and other

like statements of controversy and stuff like that.

Yeah, so not about the ratings, but like I said, award shows are just kind of not like so out of touch.

You know who should host the award shows?

Elon Musk.

He should host everything.

Is this a piece of ice in my mouth or a strawberry?

I can't see.

Ice.

Okay, good.

I'm like, I'm drinking this strawberry refresher, and it's good, but like these strawberries.

I don't like live fruit in my

period.

No, I agree.

I've had to like live fruit due to my pretty and eating plan.

What's dead fruit?

Dead fruit, I guess, dried.

Oh, yeah.

You know, but I like fruit flavored.

Like, for example, I just had a blueberry yogurt, and this brand did not put blueberries.

Did you see my finger?

That's the sugar from your dry.

Oh, my God.

Did you see that?

That's the sugar.

I'm tremoring.

Oh, my God.

I cannot.

This whole journey with the Starbucks is like really fucked me up.

That was weird.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I did not like that.

What was I saying?

Fruit.

Not myself.

Pretty camp.

Oh, fruit.

So some yogurts, like they put fruit in the, like, fruit pieces in the yogurt.

And, like, people really like that.

That's disgusting.

I think it's so twisted.

Soggy.

I can stomach a blueberry in the blueberry favorite yogurt, but a strawberry, sick.

No, also,

that's like

those fruit bars, like popsicles that have real fruit in them.

Like, I'm not picking up an ice cream bar for real fruit.

Sick.

Sick and twisted.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story, a little podcast news?

I'm always ready.

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Love it.

Okay, welcome to the podcast industry, Dave Chappelle.

Yes, I saw.

His new podcast dropped at 12:01 a.m.

on Tuesday called Midnight Miracle.

The comic hinted on social media that the podcast is coming out May 11th, but we hear more specifically it'll be available Tuesday, one minute after the clock strikes midnight.

So that would have been like 10 hours ago.

The luminary podcast from Chappelle, Talib, Quelly, and Yassine Bay was recorded during Chappelle's 2020 summer camp in his hometown of Yellow Springs, Ohio.

The venue where it was recorded was dubbed The Shack, a mechanics garage retrofitted as a clubhouse.

That's fine.

So this is very exciting news for the podcast.

It's huge.

I mean, the king of comedy and stand-up is entering our little, you know, industry.

Like, so, so exciting.

So exciting.

I think this was a great idea for Luminary or whoever.

It's a great get for them.

Dave Chappelle is like a cultural icon.

And honestly, there's so much going on in the world, and you never really hear from Dave Chappelle, but he's so smart.

And I always like, when things are going on, I'm like, what would Dave Chappelle say about this?

And I think this podcast is hopefully moving forward going to be that, just that.

So

I think this is great for a multitude of reasons.

It's great for the industry.

It's great for the consumer.

And it's just fabulous.

Yes, competition rewards the consumer.

This is great.

It's just really surprising.

I don't know why I'm so surprised because I really, he's so talented.

Like he, he does not need to serve up episodes once a week.

Yes.

Here he is about to do it.

It's surprising because Dave Chappelle's whole image is like this air of mystery.

Like he doesn't.

really have a social media.

He does shows every now and then and they're always kind of underground.

He's very low-key living in Ohio.

his whole brand is like, you can never find me, you don't know where I am.

But a podcast is very, here's where I am.

It's very exposure.

Yeah, which I think is, it's great.

But you're right, it does seem like an off-brand thing to do.

But podcasting, for the most part, is mostly comedy.

Like, there's, every comedian has a podcast.

They kind of go hand in hand.

Like, when you say comedian and podcaster, that's like one job.

You think so?

I feel like not for the icons.

Like, no, not for the colours.

But for like the people on their way up and the people on their way down yeah i don't know at the top i don't know if i'm on my way up or down i think it depends on the day for us 100 after the miley thing yesterday i'm like so relevant i'm so relevant like the gems here

they didn't even know who i was and now they do like can you talk about a successful pr stunt yeah toast to the moon baby yeah no you're right but it just it is a natural thing for people who are funny podcasts that's like a natural next step whether you're huge or not so it does make sense i'm just just like surprised

in a good way.

In a great way.

Can't wait to listen.

Can't wait to listen.

Have you been listening to the Jame podcast?

No, I listened to some of it,

but I didn't listen to all of it.

So if you guys don't know, Chris Lilly, who is an Australian comedian who wrote Summer Heights High, Chris, James, Jame, Private School Girl, Jonah from Tonga, he's super funny.

He has all these different characters, and he has a podcast now as one of his most successful characters, who is Jame, Private School Girl.

She's like this really bitchy high school Australian teenager.

And the podcast was, I listened to the first episode only.

I need to like catch up.

I loved it.

Like it was just so stellar and it was hysterical and I miss Jumae all the time.

Miss Jame all the time.

No, I don't listen to that many podcasts

because we're constantly podcasting.

There's not that much time left.

And if I'm ever working out, I listen to music.

Like, but yesterday I got my eyelashes tinted.

That's a great time for me to listen to podcast.

podcasts.

And the one podcast that I like so much that I'm always telling you is so funny is Sophia with an F.

Yeah.

I feel like you guys have similar sense of humor.

She's just so, so funny.

And so whenever I get a chance to listen to a podcast, I usually go with hers or Joe Rogan, depending on

the guest.

By the way, Dave Chappelle was just on Joe Rogan.

But for me,

like if a podcast has a video component, I'm watching the video.

I'm not listening as a podcast.

So his video only plays in the Spotify app on your phone.

And if you close it.

No, but like I want to watch it on my TV because if I'm watching a video, I don't want to watch on my phone.

I want to watch on my TV, but you can't watch the podcast video on the Spotify app on your TV, so it has to be a really specific instance, or I have to really go out of my way to be like, I'm going to sit down in front of my phone for three years.

No, you can airplay it.

You have Apple TV, you just airplay your phone.

Airplay Spotify app?

Yeah.

No, just like screen mirroring your phone to the Apple TV.

Oh my gosh, call me Tim Cook, baby.

No, call me Tim Cook.

I gave you the idea.

That's actually a really good idea.

Yeah, that is a good idea.

So, yeah, I really like Joe Rogan and Sophia with an F.

Oh my god, by the way, I will definitely, when I have some time, listen to Dave Chappelle on on Joe Rogan.

That probably sounds fabulous.

Yeah.

Do you ever listen to other podcasts?

No, but I did

listen to a few episodes.

I think it's called Hey Babe with Chris DiStefano from Guy Code.

He hosts a podcast with Sal from Impractical Jokers.

I think, no, no, sorry, no, no.

By the way, everyone's going to laugh at me.

That's not, I wish I didn't say that.

Like, I actually want to die.

Sorry.

That's not who it is.

That's not who it is.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Just like, oh my God, I'm so bad.

Sal.

Oh, no, Sal.

Sal and Chris.

Sal Volcano, is he from?

Yeah, he's from.

Okay.

Is he from Impractical Jokers?

I don't know.

Hold on, let me just look it up.

Sal Volcano, a comedian.

Yeah, okay, okay, okay.

He's, okay, oh my God, I feel so much better.

And they had this sound go viral on TikTok because they put clips of their podcast up on TikTok, and it was so funny.

Chris DiSefano was talking about how he's like packing something up in Tupperware, and he called it Tupperware.

And Sal was like, go back.

What did you just say?

And he's like, Tupperware.

Tupperware.

And he's like, Tupperware.

And he's like, Tubb.

And he realized his whole life he's been saying Tupperware instead of Tupperware.

And that's what got me into the podcast.

This is a very long answer to your question.

So I listened to a little bit of that podcast, but I really don't listen, besides TNN, I don't really listen to a ton of other podcasts.

It's just based on the guests.

Because between all the time we spend recording podcasts and listening to our editing in our wheelhouse, like that's just all the podcast time you've got.

100%.

But Lauren has a new episode out, I think, from last week that I haven't listened to yet with like a millennial dating coach, which I am married, but I think I need to listen to.

Yeah, I want to know like what the millennials need to know about dating.

Like, what's the latest and greatest?

I have no idea.

Because I'm always giving dating advice to people, but I'm not sure if it's outdated.

100% it is.

You're literally the most like traditional person.

And I'm always giving dating advice to people when I have absolutely no right to be, seeing as how I've been on one date in my life.

But you could argue that you're so good at dating that all it took was one date for you and all of a sudden snatched up, married.

You could argue that, but you would be wrong.

Why?

Because it was just like

so good.

But I didn't, and it was like messy.

And like, honestly, it was just like the universe really helping me out, you know?

You think?

Finding Ben on like day one.

That was just like a huge win from God.

You don't think it could have been anyone on that dating?

You just would have like knocked it out of the park and married.

No.

I don't think so either, honestly.

Yeah.

But it's a fun fact about you.

Yeah.

It's my

perfect dating record.

One for one.

100%.

One for one.

Okay, ready for our next story?

It's a little fashion news.

As the fashion, well, as a Maxinist and myself, I'm ready.

No, you're going to be excited about this because House of Harlow, Nicole Ritchie's brand, just launched a collab with Sophia Ritchie.

They're finally collabing.

Thank you for their first ever collaboration.

The Ritchie sisters co-designed a spring collection for Nicole's fashion and lifestyle brand, House of Harlow.

The line available exclusively at Revolve.

I didn't know that that was exclusive.

I did because it's the only place I wear a lot of House of Harlow.

It's very size-inclusive, and I have only seen it on Revolve, and that's where I get it.

I didn't know that that was like a decision that was made.

I know it's smart, coincidence, offers pieces that reflect Nicole's signature 70s bohemian aesthetic and effortlessly cool designs inspired by Sophia's personal style.

Like two of the most stylish gals on earth, but very different aesthetics.

Yes.

Like, Sophia is very, like, Gen Z, like, like modern, Instagram modern, and Nicole has maintained this, like, flowy bow.

That's why I like it.

All the clothes are flowy.

Boho, you know, gold jewelry vibe, bangles since she started the brand.

So I'm interested to see what the final product is going to be.

Yes, Nicole said, from the beginning of House of Harlow, I imagined it a place where my family would come and create if they ever felt a desire to.

Sophia has an incredibly unique, cool, and effortless sense of style, and it felt natural to incorporate that feel into the spring collection.

This is one of those things that now that it's happened, I'm like, how did this not happen sooner?

How did this not happen sooner?

I'm so excited to check it out.

Yeah, me too.

Speaking of Nicole, reaching out to make it about you?

No, I think that we should make it about me.

So tell us what happened to you.

So I know you guys know I've been doing this coffee review, and I've told you guys yesterday how I meant for it to blow up on TikTok, which it hasn't yet, but I'll get there.

But it's really blown up on my reels.

Like almost all of them have been like hitting a million views, which is really great.

And it's, you know, kind of...

attracting a lot of celebrity viewers one of them being Nicole Richie who asked me to try her beverage which was a plain black hot coffee which I did try this morning the video is gonna be Nicole Richie says it you'll drink it of course Nicole Richie could literally tell me to eat duty pureed with a splash of milk and I'd be like, yum, this is delicious.

I love milk.

I love milk and duty.

Yeah, I know.

I just like thought of duty in a blender.

Stop.

Stop.

And then like splash milk.

So that video will be up like a little bit later, but yeah, I don't know.

I might be getting too famous for this show.

Oh, okay.

You might have to start finding my replacement.

Okay.

We should host a show, like The Big Shot with Jackie O.

That would actually be like a really cool, funny thing.

Yeah, where you like try out different people for a host and like the different activities are like reading from a teleprompter, reading ad copy.

No, but like, or like we are vlogging together, like just like some really fun stuff.

That's a good idea.

Such a great idea.

Are you ready for a fifth and final story?

A little biz news, merger news.

Okay, but it sounds like since the fifth and final story is a little biz news, you do not have the Beverly Hills taglines as a story today.

No, I don't.

You're right.

Can you just go through them really quickly?

I feel like that's what people want to talk about.

No, you're so right.

I'm so RDH.

That's okay.

And I'm so sorry about that.

And I have a lot to say about that.

All of them, because I was like a little uninspired by all of them.

Me too.

Okay, here we go.

Kyle Richards.

This town is a game of chess, but no one's taking this queen down.

It's fine.

It's very Kyle Richards.

For me, it's perfection.

10 out of 10.

Hits every point.

Like, references.

References old taglines, references old storylines.

Being friends with you is like playing chess with Bobby Fisher.

Yeah, like in this town, da-da-da.

Yeah, no, it's so, Kyle, it's not a Kyle tagline if it doesn't reference the town.

Right.

I would have maybe liked to see her reference like family because her sister's coming on, but it's fine.

Oh, that's true.

I didn't think about that.

Still, I'm giving it a 10 out of 10.

Do you think that's a direct threat to Kathy?

Actually, I'm going to give it a five out of five because I think there should be five criteria and she hits them all.

Okay, five out of five.

Lisa Rinna.

Oh, zero out of five.

I hated this one.

My lips are legendary, and they will never gloss over the truth.

I will give it a two.

Yeah, it's just like so played out at this point.

And honestly, for the past few seasons, you actually have glossed over the truth because you you like didn't want to be like the big drama queen anymore.

She made a conscious decision to kind of pull that back in.

So it's not entirely factually accurate.

Unless she's not glossing over the truth when it comes to action.

Erica, we'll see.

We shall see.

Garcel, if you want a starring role in my life, you better drop the act.

That's pretty cute.

I feel like I'm going to give it a four.

It's a nice play on words.

I'm going to give it a three.

I just really liked hers last season.

Life's an audition.

And honey, I am getting that part.

Yeah.

It was just great.

So this is like a little bit of a step down for me.

Dorit, this one hurts.

Yeah.

Dress like there's no tomorrow and then tomorrow, do it again.

So I would have given this a four if I hadn't given Dorit the most perfect tagline on a silver platter.

And I'm just in her comment section.

I'm just going to assume, and I know that she saw it because she didn't use it as a caption.

I'm going to assume that they had already recorded their taglines and it was too late because mine was better.

Mine was, I may not always be on time, but I'm always on point.

No, it's really good.

Because she's always late and she always looks amazing.

This Darit one, like, honestly, I think you're giving like way too high high scores this is also like a three out of five they're not bad but they're just not great they're yeah they're not great sutton anyone who doubts my exquisite manners can kiss my exquisite derier

okay i didn't like the way she pronounced deriere in the thing it's like deriere

and i don't know i just like didn't like it either like i like the homage to her southern roots i just think it could have been worded more playfully it doesn't sound right more playfully and like more eloquently yeah it sounds weird i agree and also like if she's talking about her manners she's also talking about her dairy air.

It's like a little oxymoron.

Hello.

Yeah.

Hot, you're the kettle.

You're black.

Crystal.

Yeah.

Oh, Crystal, yes.

Hollywood is full of pretenders, and I slay them all.

What's with the sleigh?

Like, is that an ⁇ is her husband...

Like, I'm trying to think there's a reference there.

I don't know.

I feel like that's like, we have to see the season to know, like, are people pretending around in the season?

Maybe because that sucks.

And she's slaying them.

That sucks.

Okay.

But maybe if I understand

slay context, maybe they own a sleigh company.

Like, I don't know, I'm trying to figure it out.

Fifth, I'm sorry, it's not the fifth, fifth and five.

Final story: Erica Jane.

Oh, the strongest substance on earth isn't diamonds, it's me.

Okay, I also have to give that like a one out of five.

What does that even mean?

And I like the message because it's gonna be a difficult season for her, and she is very mentally tough and strong, and she will get through it.

Message of Erica Jane is strong.

I enjoy it.

Execution, I approve this message, but execution zero, it stinks.

Like, and, and the thing is, is that Beverly Hills, it's the crown jewel.

Like, and they, the editing, the outfits, the trips, the teasers, like, it's all always top tier.

And this was like

for me.

It's okay.

I would say overall, the taglines get a three out of five.

Yeah, I agree.

Also, whenever we talk about taglines, and I don't know why, like, you know what?

Tagline is living in my head rent-free.

Which

I may be cut from a different cloth, but it's top quality fabric.

Every time I hear that on housewives, I cringe a little.

I literally chuckle every single time.

Speaking of New Jersey is on tonight, can't wait.

No, there's so many ones that live completely rent-free in my mind.

And a lot of them are from Beverly Hills because they really set the standard.

I fought too hard for this zip code to go home now.

That is the most desperate time

of all time.

I'm an enigma wrapped in a riddle.

Riddle and cash.

And that was such a straw.

This year it should have been, I'm an enigma wrapped in a riddle with no cash.

And legal bills.

No, I'm an enigma wrapped in a riddle and lost cash.

So sad.

No, I mean, I feel like Erica is going to be fine.

Going to be fine.

I feel like the buzz around it is probably bigger than what she's probably going through.

But I feel like she is really.

stronger than diamonds.

No, she's, I feel like she really is the strongest substance in the world.

Sounds like she's just putting together like a science equation, you know?

Just as for the science fair, just as for the science fair.

Maybe that'll be one of her storylines.

She's entering in the science fair to prove what the strongest substance in the world is.

It's just like really literal, you know.

And then Jaggie Goldenator is also and she shows up and she's like, you might have the strongest substance in the world, but I've got the top quality fabric.

Why does that one make me laugh so hard?

Because it's also the way that she says it.

Like, you can hear she's like smiling as she's recording it because she's so proud of herself.

And it's top quality fabric.

It's honestly so lame.

It's so lame.

Lame.

But like, no, they're all so bad also.

Ever since we did a deep dive on freedom never tasted so good.

What, oh, Teresa?

Yeah.

By the way, if you guys are interested in this conversation, we actually did a little while ago on the Patreon

a like deep dive on housewives taglines.

I told you.

I'm a free housewives tagline of all time.

We did two episodes over 100 minutes of us talking about housewives taglines.

Dissecting the person, the tagline, their journey,

their family.

Remember Lynn from OC?

Like there's just so many you forget about.

Yeah.

So if you want this conversation to go into the archives, patreon.com/slash the morning toast.

It's also just a great way to support the toast.

Always.

Are you ready for our fifth and final?

The little business news that's brought to you by BetterHelp?

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Love it.

Okay, the final story.

It's a little biz now.

It's a little mergers and acquisitions.

Oh, who's merging and acquiring?

Barnes and Noble owner is buying

stationery retailer Paper Source out of bankruptcy.

Not Papyrus.

Oh, that's what I was going to say.

Papyrus is cousin, Papersource.

Papyrus is cousin, Papersource.

Is Papyrus still in business?

I feel like we reported in our old studio.

I know looking good.

I haven't seen one that's up and at them in a while.

I mean, we talked about.

Since Papersource is so similar to Papyrus, like, obviously, Papyrus hold a special place in my heart, but I just need to make sure that there is a stationery.

There can only be one.

I think it should have been Papyrus, but Elliott Investment Management, the owner of Barnes and Noble, the owner of Toaster Trudeau, said Tuesday it will acquire gift and stationery retailer Papersource.

The acquisition will provide Papersource with the funding it needs to emerge from Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

Well, talk about a tough business to be in selling books and stationery via retail.

I mean, this guy just has a death wish.

Like, he must be the most stressed man in America.

You know what?

He's definitely the least stressed man in America because if he's working in a Barnes and Noble, then he has a definite sense of calm.

And

I think with this move to buy paper source shows that he's like a man of taste.

Like, I'm sure that this man is actually the most calm man in America.

No, that's fair.

I hope that the Barnes and Noble corporate office emulates the same kind of vibes that the Barnes and Noble retail stores do.

Because as a published author myself, who has spent many time in the last couple months in Barnes and Noble's, where my book is available, Girl with No Job, The Crazy Beautiful Life of an Instagram Thirst Monster, I can really speak to how peaceful they are.

Yeah, so I'm here for this.

Like, we need stationery stores.

They're so beautiful, stunning, and smart.

And like the Pinterest bombs, like, they need it.

Like, there's a real community of people.

There really is.

And I would just be sad if all of them went out.

I mean, hopefully, someone can rescue Papyrus.

I hope it's not too late.

Honestly, like, Jeff Bezos should buy it.

Like, just throw us a bone here.

I throw a bunch of bone.

Throw me a freaking bone here.

I totally agree.

Like, just do it.

Just do it.

No, he's going to start popping up Amazon stationery stores.

Like, how they put so many Barnes and Nobles out of business and then, like, slapped in the face with an Amazon bookstore.

Yeah, but, but like Amazon stationery would never have the heart and soul of papyrus, no matter how many, how much he tried, no matter how many Chanel bags you have.

You borrow, you will never

be a lady.

That's such a good point.

I'm so glad you brought that up.

I just feel like every now and then I remember that I'm a New York Times best-selling author, and it's just like a nice feeling.

You know, I feel like we don't talk about it enough.

And you guys probably think I talk about it so much, but I don't know.

I just feel like I wanted to mention it again today.

I don't know if you guys know I'm a New York Times.

We might have someone watching for the first time, maybe a Miley Stan.

And just know when you are calling her Shrek.

and a fat, that you should also add New York Times bestseller.

Best-selling Shrek.

Fat.

New York best.

New York Times best-selling fat Shrek, okay?

And I will be referred to as nothing else.

Don't get it twisted.

Honestly, you know what?

Justice for Shrek.

Totally.

He was a nice boy.

He was so nice, thoughtful, landowner.

Paid his own rent and minded his own business.

Didn't need help from anyone.

Didn't have rich parents who owned another local swamp.

No.

He took over that swamp all on his own.

And he took that annoying ass donkey under his wing.

He rescued animals.

Protected him.

He cared about our furry friends.

What more could he want out of a man?

And he loved Fiona no matter what she looked like at the night and the day with the green skin.

You know, he didn't care.

He didn't care.

Love is blind.

That's what Shrek said.

Shrek was blind.

Yeah, no, I'm just like done with like Shrek being like the punching bag for fat people, you know?

No, I think Shrek is a compliment.

I think he is a wonderful man.

He has layers.

And you know what?

Like he is cutie.

Major cutie.

Major cutting.

Sorry, like Chubby Chaser.

No, and it's like, what I'm supposed to want, Lord Farquad.

No, yeah, like the short,

egotistic, male hair.

Karen haircut.

We had the Karen haircut?

Yeah, wants to talk to the manager.

Always.

No, like, please, like, let's stop using Shrek.

Stop shaming Shrek.

No, let's stop using Shrek as a projection of our fat phobic rhetoric.

Well, you know what?

Here's it from a different angle.

What if that Miley Stan feels the same way about Trek?

And it was a compliment.

And it was a compliment.

Look how negative we are, just assuming it was.

It was a beautiful landowner who loves her furry friends.

Oh my God, that is me, even though I read.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, for sure.

That is our show, correct?

That's our show.

It's nobody else's.

People might try and say, I don't know one person who would.

They might want to be associated with this.

They might say, like, no, that was my show.

No, it's our show.

Our show.

Thank you so much for listening.

To the morning toast, the millennial morning show, where we deliver the fast fast stories that you need to know every morning before you wake up in the morning.

Wait, what?

Before you wake up and take a bite.

Of your morning toast.

You can, I just fucked the whole thing up.

Basically, just go leave a podcast review.

The Miley Stans attacked our reviews and are probably writing mean things about Fat Trek.

So if you're a real toaster, can just write a review because they're going to try and take us down things.

Yeah, that would be actually really kind of you.

And you could also watch this on YouTube and airplay it to your TV.

Yes, I don't know if you guys knew that.

Have a great day, everyone.

We'll see you tomorrow for Hump Day.

Camp Hump Day

Friday.

Oh, no.

Good luck.

Sorry.

Bye.