S4 Ep81: The Worst Shape of My Life: Tuesday, May 4th, 2021

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy Tuesday.

Hope everyone's having a fabulous, sickening day.

I mean, I wouldn't call it fabulous and sickening just yet.

I really wouldn't.

I thought I was going to start today on like such a great foot.

Yesterday was kind of a wash for me.

I took the day off after the toast because my allergies were bad and I'm just like, I'm going to stay indoors and try and get better.

And so I was like, today is the day.

But I already left my coffee at home.

I already forgot to put on deodorant.

That's so wait.

Did you forget to put on deodorant?

Okay, no, but I've been, I came on the show today with a story to tell about deodorant because like, oh man, that is so crazy.

That is so crazy.

And I know why, because I'm wearing a collared shirt under my sweatshirt.

So I thought I would put it on like after I put on my clothes, even though like I never want to do that.

That's crazy.

You have to do it before you put your clothes on or it's not going to happen.

Every time I do my makeup, I then go to the bathroom and wash my hands because I always get foundation on my hands.

And then I do deodorant before I get dressed.

But yesterday, so I put on deodorant in the morning.

And then I left my house at five o'clock to pay a Shiva call.

And thank God the Shiva call was outside because of COVID.

But like, I'm sitting at the Shiva call and I'm like,

I think I smell.

And then I'm like, I mean, I guess I didn't put on deodorant like since this morning and it was like six o'clock, but also I ran out of deodorant.

And I told you, I've been using like one of Ben's old ones that like definitely doesn't even work anymore.

I only use Zach's deodorant.

Like, I think that men's far superior.

100%.

Not this particular one.

That's like Roland from actually seven years ago.

So I'm like, I was so, I immediately got so embarrassed.

And like, I was like, you have to like hug everyone.

I was like clenching my armpits.

It is the worst feeling in the world yeah it is so that's me today plus no coffee even though you're now the coffee queen so yeah I just couldn't really relate to your struggle of not having a coffee you also don't have a coffee you have a milkshake okay excuse me this is a latte with an espresso shot that is coffee it just happens to look like a milkshake because of the sweet cream cold foam

but i assure you you have a coffee flavored milkshake no i have a grande ice blonde latte with white mocha and sweet cream cold foam that i got from starbucks that is in the newest installation on my TikTok series.

Make sure to head over to Girl With No Job on TikTok to check out my progress because today's, look, I never even drink more than a few sips if I don't like it, but I would say I'm 35% there.

Yeah.

Maybe more.

So is this the one?

See, the thing is, is that it could be the one, but what I'm really struggling with is like, of course, all the drinks that I've ended up liking, which is basically this and an iced caramel macchiato, are like 300 calories.

And that's not really the point of the coffee.

Like the point of the coffee is just to like, you know, 100 calories, shit, and you shit it out an hour later.

Like, but I do have to say, for those asking on the journey, update from my bowels, like, we are moving.

Things are moving and grooving.

And honestly, like, I might just keep up this series till the end of time so I can be consistently moving my bowels.

So let me ask you something.

If you are interested in a coffee that's not

so.

Would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son of a bitch you shake?

I don't want to prefer coffee.

That's coffee and not a milkshake, 300 calories.

Why do you even entertain these orders?

Because this sounds like a real coffee.

That does not look like a real coffee.

Okay, did I know the color of it before I ordered it?

Does this not sound like a real coffee?

Iced blonde latte?

A latte is a coffee.

It's a lot of milk.

Oh, it is?

That's why it's so good.

And then you also have cold cream on top of it.

Vanilla sweet cream cold foam.

That's basically just frothed milk, no?

Vanilla sweet cream.

Isn't that what makes it a lot of sweet cream cold foam?

So there's two milks, the milk and the sweet cream cold foam?

Anything that's sweet cream is just not gonna be good for you.

But it's but it's good for my soul.

Oh, you didn't say you were looking for a drink that was good for your soul.

Then just go back to your caramel mafiato.

I just want to be like, you know, like one of these girls.

You're sloshing around.

No, you don't want to slosh around with that.

Like, that is so not respectable looking.

Oh, fuck, but it's so good.

Yeah.

I'm sure it's delicious, but go get a vanilla bean.

You want a sip?

No.

Try it.

It's so good.

No, I'm like off sugar and stuff.

Like that'll just spike all my glucose levels.

Oh my god, you were literally a grandma.

Like if I didn't think you were a grandma before, this journey you went on really made you into a full-blown senile.

Well, you know what?

They know what's good.

Yeah.

The older folk.

A hundred percent.

I can't wait to age gracefully, God willing.

Knock on wood.

Not if you keep drinking those.

That's all I'll say.

Oh my God, you did not just shame me.

Oh, big time.

Big time.

Especially because you say you want one thing and then you show up with that every day.

Have you met me?

Like, I say one thing and I do the other.

Like, that's literally who I am.

I'm here to keep you on track.

You said you want a coffee.

Fucking order a cold brew.

Sprinkle in.

You could put as much skim, almond, soy, oat milk as you want.

I can't put in half and half.

You could put in half and half, but then it's like a little bit less than the others.

Yeah, I don't really like your journey.

I'm going to stick on mine.

Okay, but you said,

you said you wanted.

I said what I said.

Yeah.

And I did what I said.

And then go for some like sugar-free pumps.

That'll get your bowels moving.

The thing is, is that this is like a personal journey.

I don't tell you how to do your predicting.

No, it's literally not.

You're taking suggestions.

No, no, no, not from you.

I don't, I didn't tell you how to go on your predicting journey.

I think maybe you should just like butt out of this.

You did try to tell me.

I wanted to support you.

And sometimes support looks like tough love.

You know what?

I guess it's just, I wasn't all that supportive of your wellness journey in the beginning, and this, now I know what it feels like.

Right.

It doesn't feel good.

You know what else doesn't feel good?

This day last year.

Right.

If you know, you know, I don't really feel like getting into it.

I just, um.

No, but to me, it's not this day last year.

It's,

it was just like Zach's birthday last year.

So we already, we already passed it.

Past it.

Yeah, but uh, Real Toasters know.

RTK.

RTK is one year old.

Yeah.

Because that's where it came from, right?

Yeah, yeah, because Real Toasters knew.

That like we literally did nothing wrong and Ashley Jessica wasn't even a real person.

Let alone a nerd.

Sorry, Ashley Jessica R.N.

Yeah.

I want to talk about Bethany's new show because,

first of all,

you have to watch it.

Like,

it was a journey for me.

You know, I'm a huge Bethany fan.

And the first episode, like, the first like 20 minutes, I was like, wow.

I see what other people see when they don't like Bethany.

Like, she was coming off so like unlikable.

And basically, the premise of the show, it's like the apprentice.

She's looking for her new chief brand officer.

The truckers for Bethany have arrived.

She's looking for her new chief brand officer.

So they cast like 10 people who they thought were qualified qualified to compete in different tasks, et cetera, et cetera.

Sounds like a good premise.

Literally, she gets to like the initial cocktail party and she fires half the people.

Like, it's so stupid.

Sorry, spoiler alert.

And then it's like the people that were left with, it's like, oh my God,

who did the casting on this show?

Like, none of them are qualified.

Like, for this, if this is a real job that exists of skinny girl brand, like.

That's a huge brand.

Like, that's a huge job.

And they literally have like influencers.

And like, this girl was like, I started my own sock company.

Like, it's, it was just like these people were in no way qualified.

If you, ideally, the person for the job like needs an MBA.

Yeah.

It's like a really serious job.

This person was an event planner.

Oh, I do brand.

And like, Bethany was like, she was like, this girl was like, I help, you know, celebrities and influencers build their brands.

And Bethany was like, how?

And she's like, I get it done.

And Bethany was like, well, like, how?

Like, what do you do step by step?

She's like, well, we sit down and they tell me what they need and I get it done.

And that girl got sent home.

Good.

Yeah, like, but even even the people that we were left with, like, they are so twisted.

Like, they are just not qualified in any way.

And after the first episode, I was like, wow, this is like actual trash reality TV.

They only released for the first two episodes.

But then the second episode, like, it's kind of an amazing show.

Like, it's so bad, but it's so good.

And I was left wanting more.

Like, I couldn't believe I had to wait like another week to get two more episodes and then another week to get the finale.

Like, it's so good.

But there are a lot of really weird things about the show.

And I think that the show actually does a bad job of representing Bethany's brand.

And let me explain.

She basically says, like, you know, the brand really lacks social media, like, marketing.

They're not great at that.

And that's what they need.

That's what Bethany needs.

And it's like...

So you need a social media manager that's still not a chief brand officer.

The first talent was they had like the chief brand officers like making Instagram stories, pretending they're influencers, like promoting each product.

But that's not the job of a chief brand officer.

And it was so cringy to watch.

It was like actually painful.

But it makes the brand look bad because like Bethany literally pulls out like this big ass piece of like paper with all of her different brands like the podcast like all of the Bethany isms and it's like this is a hundred million dollar brand it's a piece of paper like she just looks so disorganized and then like the people like who are her confidants like her it's her assistant her brand manager and then two of her financial managers which is like you have a personal financial manager it was just like making no sense it looked like her company was like so messy and unstructured and like even like the

Like all the products, they were just like all over the place.

Like Bethany had them like test out different products.

And one of the things was a coffee syrup like basically like my white mocha and it didn't say coffee syrup on the label so everyone thought it was alcohol they were taking shots of it like it just made her brand look so like tacky and like messy and it was really like weird and then it also made bethany look so weird because like the first episode was filmed at like one of her um investment properties in greenwich and it was just like this turnt ass house in connecticut in the suburbs and i was like why are they filming a tv show here it was so weird so it kind of made bethany's brand look like kind of illegitimate like it gave me like a really weird vibe that is really weird.

And but I did learn a lot because she was like, you know, the alcohol sold, whatever.

But I own 100% of the consumer brands.

Like they have salad dressing, the popcorn.

I love the popcorn.

She said that the biggest category for her guests, like popcorn.

You know, like all the things that she makes, like she has the jeans on HSN.

So like food would be a category, jeans would be a category.

Shapewear.

Did you even know she had shapewear?

No.

No, and that's her biggest category.

So I just felt like really, I left the episodes like feeling really confused by her brand.

Yeah.

Because it's not even about alcohol anymore.

And I also like, if I was her chief brand officer, I kept thinking I would be the most amazing contestant.

Like the social media video, easy.

Like, and then she just wants someone who's like very straight up with her.

And all these people are like so afraid of her.

I would literally be like Bethany, like, you have got to evolve.

Like, the, the logo, like, we need to change it up.

Also, like, I might recommend like a rebrand like in 2021.

I don't know if we're saying the word skinny anymore.

Like, I just, I think like the brand is a little dated.

And that's really what I took away from the show, which I don't think was

the point.

The takeaway.

The point was like, Bethany's this boss, boss, boss.

I don't know.

She came off kind of annoying.

Like, she's talking to the assistants, and she's like, I'm so detail-oriented.

Sorry, I have to get up because the centerpiece was like off-centered in the table.

It was just so performative.

It was so, like, she was bothering me a lot, but like, her life is like fabulous.

Like, her outfits were great.

And that's what we wanted when we were watching her on her last season of Roni, which was that we just want Bethany and her business.

I feel like her business is extremely legitimate.

I'm sure they had to find holes in it in order for the show to work.

Like, we need someone to come in and fix all these things.

But still, that's not a good takeaway.

The funny thing is, though, is that the whole, like, one of my biggest takeaways was that the brand is like kind of dated in the sense that they don't have their social media down.

And it's like, no, you're 100% right.

I've seen no marketing for the show.

Like, I only saw it because somebody posted about it in the Toasters group.

I haven't seen it on Bethany's Instagram.

Like, where's the promo for this HBO Mac show?

I don't know.

I guess the chief brand officer that she ended up hiring did not do a good job.

That's really interesting.

If there's a season two, I think that you should go on it.

By the way, I agree.

I swear, swear, I would be so

it's like you could do all these challenges, but like a chief brand, then they're not looking for a chief brand officer.

Because I'm not qualified.

They're looking for a social media manager.

Yeah, so it's just really unclear.

Like, and then the second episode, their challenge was to photo direct a photo shoot.

Also, not what a chief brand officer does.

Like, that's what you hire a director for for a photo shoot.

Like, it was just so messy and all over the place.

But this girl, Nicole, who's like the villain, is literally putting the show on her back.

Like, you hate her, but I can't imagine.

Like, last night, well, not last night, the second episode was so good because this girl lost her fucking fucking mind.

And like, Bethany was actually very cool, calm, and collected, even though this girl was hella disrespectful.

But

like, she's everything, but she's also nothing.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, okay, well, you know what?

I think you've influenced me to watch.

I'm telling you, it's good.

And I was watching with TBG, and we were like calling each other every five minutes.

We were like, this is so, it's so good.

That is so hysterical.

Okay, I'm going to watch.

I turned my TV on again yesterday.

I caught up on Real Houses of Dallas.

So, like, I'm back watching TV.

Tonight is part one of the reunion, correct?

Yes.

And Roni premiere.

Roni Premiere.

I'm really excited.

Real houses of New York.

I like, I'm excited.

I just don't feel like they've shaken up the cast like enough after losing Tinsley and Duranda, even though I didn't really like love both of them.

Like they both added value in whatever twisted way that it was.

So I'm like nervous, actually.

It still feels like a small cast.

Did you know that Leah Maub is converting to Judaism?

I found that out yesterday on her Instagram story.

Oh my God, I'm so excited for her.

I know.

I wonder what the impetus is.

Me too.

A lot of times if you convert, it's because like you met someone who's Jewish.

Yes.

But I don't think she's dating anyone.

But maybe she is.

She actually is very interesting.

Like, I'm excited to tune in for her.

I hope she moved to apartments.

Yes.

So, what else?

Like, what's going on with you?

Nothing.

Just, you know, catching up with Brew.

Like, we have so much to, like, lost time to make up for.

So we're just trying, like, bonding, spending time together.

Isn't it like emotional?

It is emotional.

We were reading last night.

He was just being like so sweet and cute.

What was he reading?

He was reading.

Hat in the hat?

He was reading Theo's book,

Dr.

Fichemon Without Borders.

And he said it was fantastic.

Has he read Girls on John?

My book?

Of course.

Oh, okay, okay.

Of course, and he was reading the sequel.

He got an advanced copy.

I can't believe I actually haven't promoted my book in a while, even though I did yesterday very briefly.

But I don't know if you guys know, I wrote a book.

It's on Amazon, literally anywhere you buy books.

It was a New York Times bestseller.

I feel like once I became a bestseller, I stopped talking about it.

I suddenly got like coy, but I'm done doing that.

I'm a New York Times bestseller, USA Today bestseller, Wall Street Journal bestseller, kind of like all of the bestsellers in America and Canada.

And the number two overall Redheads pick, which is honestly, might be my greatest accomplishment yet.

We picked some really serious books.

And it's all genre.

It's not just like all celebrity memoir or all nonfiction.

Like, I really kind of like went up against, and I didn't even expect to make it past the first round.

And then you came to me.

I wasn't really paying attention and you were like, cause I just didn't want to have my feelings hurt.

And I was like, great, I got out in the first round.

And then you were like, you made it to the semi-finals.

And honestly, that was enough for me.

Dianu.

dainu number two and number 12.

don't forget it and like honestly the reviews like keep coming in and what's the latest everyone is just like not to be so obnoxious but like they're obsessed like it's so good like and i knew it's so good and i always think everything i do like is like my farts are like next level genius yes so good but like dead ass like this book not to compare it to my farts is just like kind of like a sickening tale of two titties

and i think that if you haven't read it yet you should get it on kindle or on audiobook or literally anywhere you can buy books.

Especially since summer is here pretty much and this is a beach read.

People are saying it's the book of the summer.

It's the book of the season.

Yeah.

And I'm the diamond of the season.

You're the diamond of the season.

This is the book of the season.

If you find yourself on a beach soon, this falls under the beach read category.

It does.

And honestly, even if you don't like to read, like the cover is kind of sickening.

And Olivia has it.

I have like a million in my

in one of my cabinets.

It's decor.

Yeah.

And then like if you're like taking a picture on the beach, like the it's a little pop of color if you know you're just Sunbathing and someone walks by and they're like ooh bathtub like oh my god girls my job like it's just a great conversation starter It's also just a great way to find toasters in the wild.

It's like a magnet for toaster energy 100% and if you use Jackie Oflo on your pictures like it's guaranteed the flow plus like the millennial pink cover double the likes guaranteed double the likes.

Have you watched the new season of younger yet?

No, is it out?

It's out six episodes on Hulu.

They all came out together?

I don't know.

They did like a weird release.

Taylor Strucker was explaining it to me because you know she hosts the after show.

They released four on Paramount Plus like as a Paramount Plus

hoopla thing and I went to go subscribe and it was literally $10 and everyone was like the interface sucks.

So I decided against it but then I found out it's on Hulu and now they've been releasing them weekly and they're up to the sixth episode.

It's so good.

Like Liza is the worst.

And like that's what makes it so good because like honestly she's just like going through it right now and I'm just like living for it.

Oh, yeah.

Debbie Mazar has a more developed role

and so does Lauren.

I didn't finish last season, I don't think.

It's really, it's, I just remember like Charles and Liza were together and then like all the problems started, you know?

Yeah, of course, like they can't just ever like let us live and be happy.

So I was just like turned it off.

Plus, since I watched the bold type and it's literally the same show, I was in bold type mode and I just, it felt traitorous.

It's the same type of show.

Maybe I should watch bold type.

Like I'm really craving more younger.

You would love, hate.

bold type.

No, like.

I hate being frustrated watching a TV show.

It's so conflicting.

There's so much to love and there's so much much to hate i think you should watch it i think it would like i think you would be really invested i just love like you know shows about like fake workplaces like no it's it is that like nobody ever looks ugly or tired and it's like they're all just magically fulfilled by their job and they had time to like get breakfast before work yeah and like and then walk to work oh and then have their coffees and then like also meet up with the guy that they're talking to and like return his sweatshirt no these people don't get tired they do not get tired they wake up at 5 a.m and then they go to sleep at 2 a.m and they're so fulfilled they're so fulfilled but you should watch younger okay and you should not watch of all type.

What is it on?

Hulu?

Oh, yes, it's on Hulu.

No, Younger is so good.

And it's also the final season.

So now it's like basically like Aiden and Big.

You know, it's like a whole thing.

With Charles and Liza, period.

I

literally can't understand or relate to people who think

Liza and Josh.

People think like that's what's going to happen in the end.

Taylor Streker would not tell me what happened, but there's a lot of people who think like she ends up with Josh.

Like he was the OTP all along.

No way.

Charles was the OTP all day.

Actually, though, now like seeing how monstrous Liza is, her and Josh are perfect for each other.

Charles actually, like, the fact that Charles is slumming it with Liza is like so,

it's so upsetting because, like,

Charles, like, he should just,

I don't want to spoil, but, like, it's just not the right fit.

Okay.

Talk about two people who, like, are not compatible.

Okay.

Wow.

I went, and, you know, I'm such like a, I always go for like the traditional, I was such a big girly.

You know, I love dating.

And what's going on with Daphne Bridgerton?

Oh, she's, like, not really there.

There's just like a lot, a lot of weird things going on.

I guess because of COVID, Daphne Bridgerton, like literally is irrelevant.

Diana, literally my favorite character, is not in this season.

Not watchable then.

No, I know.

But then I guess like Lauren kind of gets her airtime.

And Lauren is really like.

The star of the show.

Like I'm dead serious.

Like she's just each season she gets like funnier and funnier and she's really so great.

She's the star.

And also Debbie Mazar gets like more of a developed storyline and I just live for her.

So it's good.

I just need less Liza, like for real.

Like she's so intolerably.

and i'm watching the show i'm like how did anyone not to be mean ever think this girl was 25 like

how are these people blind

she's not when i watched it like the first seasons when she everyone really thought she was 26 like i really thought the casting was so perfect because she really could be 26 but this lie was not sustainable because by season six like yeah she She couldn't pass her 25.

But I agree, like the crazy thing was, it was like, who is this woman?

She's literally 40, but 25.

Like, yeah it was kind of brilliant they casted it perfectly but i'm so glad they got over that whole lie storyline liza

because by season five and six like it's so not believable but we're past that what's going on with kelsey literally nothing and she's also becoming like really annoying like the show isn't about kelsey and liza anymore like it's about everyone else and i feel like they did a good job of like it's almost like sex in the city like of course carrie was the most interesting at first but then it's like i kind of find myself wanting to hear what's going on with charlotte and samantha and miranda more than I even give a shit about Carrie.

And it's the Darren Star effect.

Like I literally care about the tiniest characters more than I care about Liza.

And guess who's a new character this season?

Who?

Heather Mooney.

Oh,

from Romeo Michelle.

Romeo Michelle.

She plays like a college professor who.

Does she play an entrepreneur who invented quick-burning cigarettes?

No, but that is kind of her coming-of-age story.

That's like before she became a professor.

That was what she did.

Oh, okay, cool.

Yeah, it's like her prequel.

Okay, I'm going to watch.

Wow, okay, I guess I'm not getting anything done today because I have to watch Bethany Show Younger.

Bethany's show will take you five minutes.

Like, it's literally two episodes and they're 30 minutes.

Okay, fine.

I think Brew will be into that because he doesn't really know Bethany because he was born after her time on Roney.

Wow.

Imagine growing up in like a post-Bethany Rony era.

Can't relate.

Can't relate.

So, Brew will be excited about that.

And now, I think, without further ado, it is time, you know?

100%

time.

Princess has stories that you need to know, yeah, you, before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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Okay, are you ready to get into it um i think i feel ready like i had a coffee you know i'm just like a coffee girly

can't relate first story bill and melinda gates are ending their marriage the gates are getting divorced after 27 years the pair announced in a statement on their twitter accounts they said after a great deal of thought and a lot of work on a relationship we have made the decision to end our marriage

This is so crazy, and let me tell you why.

Tell us.

Obviously, it's crazy because how long were they married?

37?

27.

Whatever.

um

a huge accomplishment so happy for them but at some point it's like

just see how easy you know like yeah like what are they gonna go and do now no like 27 like i don't know i just can't imagine there's so much at stake here too but see that's the other thing is there

what do you mean didn't they pledge like all their money away

half their money they pledged to charity and they gave their kids like a dollar each Did they do that?

Like they gave each kid a million dollars, which obviously is a lot of money, not for the Gateses, but if if I was a kid, I'd be kind of pissed.

Like, really?

I feel private my whole life, and now all I have is a million dollars.

Well, I'm sure there's like more to it.

Trust in that.

Yeah, trust.

I'm sure they have like credit card.

Oh, you think?

Gates.

100%.

Because these kids would be like protesting.

No, but that is crazy.

I'm sure it's just like it's a good look for them to be like, we gave our kids

$1 million.

But I'm sure they have a credit card and...

access.

But what about the foundation?

Like that's kind of...

The charity world is quaking over this.

It's a lot.

It's a big deal.

It's a big deal.

Is it going to become the Bill Gates Foundation and the Melinda Gates Foundation two separate foundations, or is it going to remain the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation?

I want to say it's going to remain, because I would think that

the charity world is everything to them.

No, and like the charity takes precedent over personal matters.

But if they were able to just like put things aside and work on things, then they wouldn't be getting divorced.

Right.

So I think maybe, but this might be an opportunity for the charity world to get the Bill Gates Foundation and the Melinda Gates Foundation.

And that would be sensational, but this is going to be one of those things where like they're so rich, even them giving away half their money, like when they get divorced, they're still both going to stay on like the Forbes list, you know?

Yeah.

It's like

easy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So.

How much money do they have?

137 billion is his net worth.

Shut the fuck up.

And I read that there's no prenup.

Well, of course, because she met him when she was 27 years ago?

Was he a nothing?

They were both working on it.

They were both working at Microsoft.

Oh, yes, Melinda.

Okay, here's the thing.

And this might be like one of the most controversial statements I have ever said.

Okay.

But honestly, like $137 billion just doesn't add up.

Like Microsoft is a losery ass company.

Like I haven't used Microsoft since literally 99, like when paint was everything in the solitaire, like Minecraft world was just so important.

Like,

so I don't know.

That's just like a really loser company.

And I don't get how you go from that.

Of course, you'll be rich if you invented Microsoft 100%.

But 137 billion just doesn't add up.

I think it has a lot of different.

I agree.

I hear what you're saying.

It's kind of like what we were saying yesterday.

About like AOL.

Yeah.

But like he literally invented the internet.

But like how?

I don't know.

I don't know.

But then also he has his hand in a lot of things.

Yes.

Like I like how he's like...

He has become the face for like internet jokes about just like Illuminati.

So like I think the Illuminati crowd is quaking.

Like what does this mean?

He's become the face of internet jokes like about like vaccine conspiracies.

Illuminati, you know?

No, but that's like, Illuminati is a bigger umbrella of, like, conspiracy theories.

And he's the face of this pod of, like, vaccine pandemic conspiracies.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know why people would say that because, like, when I got my shot, I felt totally fine.

I just like dreamt about Bill Gates for three years straight.

And I was just like a little bit of a drink.

Oh, and then you found yourself walking to the Microsoft floor.

Oh, my God.

I can't stop my arms and legs.

No, so he's just like a funny guy.

And like, honestly,

I'm just, I think that the Illumina, like the 4chan crowd, like whoever makes up all these conspiracy theories, like, they're freaking out.

Like, what does this mean?

What does this mean?

Because like Bill Gates is more pertinent than ever right now.

And by the way, did he even have anything to do with the vaccine like creation, like money or anything?

I think that he has like money invested in pharma companies.

Got it.

I don't know.

Like, why him?

I'm not too deep on it.

Why not Dolly Parton, you know?

The conspiracies.

The scale is different.

Plus, there was that TED Talk he gave that, like, where he talked about

where he talked about the inevitability of a pandemic.

And then.

People thought he started it.

Yes.

It was kind of like a little on the network.

Not at all.

Not at all.

No, but by the way, people have been saying that forever.

Like, the gross, like, we were disgusting.

We still are, but like.

No, and if you watched, there was a Netflix show that came out like right before COVID called Pandemic that was like kind of like a docuseries about like studying different

diseases.

And it became clear like this was not a an if but a when yeah yeah so that was just like a bad TED Talk for for Bill Gates's reputation yeah so and then plus like the divorce it's like what does Mackenzie know yeah no and what did she find out no and it's like if McKenzie no not Mackenzie Melinda

if Melinda like mysteriously disappears then we know something's up yes yes just keep an eye spooky keep your eyes on melinda

this is some pretty spooky stuff no but this was like a shocking notification to get because like at some point it's the Karen Huger institution.

It's like you just don't even realize that Bill and Melinda hypothetically could get divorced because like they're just not.

Yeah, I agree.

Well, prayers for the kids.

Hard to be a child of divorce, even with $1.

No, I think actually $137 million just about covers.

Nothing can hurt your feelings.

Okay, are you ready for our next story?

We have a lot of men in the news today.

Men?

Men.

Ugh.

Will Smith is saying he's in the worst shape of his life.

That this might have been my favorite thing Will Smith's ever done.

Will Smith got real with his Instagram followers on Sunday in a pic that he said shows him with a berry the stars.

They're just like us.

Look, the action hero looks super relatable in the candid shot of him hanging outside near a lake wearing just spanducks, workout shorts, and an unzipped track jacket.

He said, I'm going to be real with y'all.

I'm in the worst shape of my life.

Let me tell you why it was so funny.

Because of course, like I'm scrolling and I see the picture and My first thought, because I'm like a judgmental person, I'm like, oh my God, wow, like he's put on weight.

Like not, not in a good or a bad way, but like that was my thought.

And I just never expected him to be so direct in addressing it in his caption.

And it just like made me love him so much.

Like, everyone is in the worst shape of their life, even Will Smith.

100%.

It made me feel like so, it really, like, that was a moment for the first time in a while where I'm like, wow, stars, they're just like us.

Yes.

And I feel like at every corner, stars are just so desperately trying to communicate to us that they are just like us, but in fact, they are not at all like us.

And Will Smith, like, I just had a lot of respect for this because first of all, the caption caption was so funny and second of all like Will Smith like can literally have like a chef a trainer like a gym in his house and even he's not working out so like why should I yeah no it definitely like was

nice to see and very relatable and I appreciate the honesty 100% and just the way he like worded his caption was very funny hysterical what was it again I'm gonna be real with you I'm gonna be real with y'all

by the way like literally you know there are these companies that um like frame, print and frame and like laminate iconic tweets from celebrities.

Like, need this one hanging over my bed.

Yeah, totally.

And also, speaking of

male weight gain news, Mark Wahlberg.

No, it's part of the same story.

Mark Wahlberg is sharing before and after snaps of a 20-pound weight gain in three weeks.

He's gained 20 pounds.

He's gained 20 pounds in three weeks.

On Tuesday, he showed off his 20-pound weight gain in three weeks on Instagram after revealing last month that he planned to gain 30 pounds in six weeks for his role as a boxer turned priest in the film Father Stew.

Here are the pictures.

Oh my gosh.

So everyone's just like getting really real with us.

Can I tell you something?

I didn't realize this was for a role.

I thought this was like by accident.

Do you remember when we were talking about Morgan Stewart had gotten like some backlash for like her post-baby body?

For being the snatcher.

For being the snatcher.

And I was just like, well, when Morgan Stewart does it, like it doesn't bother me.

But maybe if Em like if someone else did it, it would have bothered me.

So Will Smith being real with us like doesn't bother me.

I'm empowered by it.

But like Mark Walberg, like, shut up.

Like

do you know what I mean?

Like he essentially did the same thing, but like I find Will so endearing.

I'm a bigger fan of Will Smith than I was before and Mark Wahlberg, like seriously, like shut up.

No, and also like having to gain weight for a role.

Like talk about not relatable.

Imagine having that much control of your weight that you can gain and lose for work.

No, getting paid to gain weight.

The dream.

If that were the case, I would be the next Melinda Gates.

Totally.

But everyone's just getting real.

We're all just getting fat.

We are.

Some of us are trying to turn the tides.

Some of us are also not having the success.

And some of us are drinking milkshakes.

You know, wellness looks different for everyone.

You know what else looks different for everyone?

What?

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Okay, next story.

Adam Sandler has a hilarious response to being turned away from IHOP.

Yes.

So last week, a 17-year-old Long Island hostess, Diana Rodas, didn't recognize Adam Sandler and told him it would be a 30-minute wait for a table at IHOP in Manhasset.

After she realized her mistake, she made a TikTok about the experience garnering more than 9 million views.

She found the security footage of her literally turning Adam Sandler away, and he was so cool and he was like, okay, cool, bye.

Yes, she said, not realizing it's Adam Sandler and telling him it's a 30-minute wait and him, of course, leaving because he's not going to wait 30 minutes for IHOP.

I want to.

Okay, so let's say she knew it was Adam Sandler.

Right.

I was in line first.

Like, why do you get to cut?

Like, no, I agree.

It would have been cool, but like, oh, you're Adam Sandler.

I love your movies.

It's 30 minutes.

Like, I don't understand whether or not she knew.

Because if they're famous, why don't you have to wait in line with the rest of us?

Stars, they are just like us.

Get in line.

You know, if that's the rule like

i would like to skip some lines like i just

i think it's funny that she didn't know who he was but i don't like the assumption that like right what would that have changed what would have been different yes you know i totally i agree with you um and so he responded to the viral tiktok saying for the record i only left the ihop because the nice woman told me the all-you-can-eat deal didn't apply to the milkshakes well he should have hung out with you and

and he'd be fine i hop is milkshakes i didn't know that honestly this is like just great pr for i hop because now I need a pancake and a milkshake.

Do you remember when IHOP rebranded to IHOP?

Yeah, it was like an April Fool's prank.

Unclear

they never cleared that one up.

So like in my mind, I keep like, whenever I see an IHOP, I'm like, oh, they haven't changed their logo yet.

Like they never like followed up.

Untold the joke.

Or like made it full circle.

That's the danger of April Fool's jokes.

Your announcement of the joke has to be as big and as well received as the actual follow-up of the joke.

Yeah, I totally agree.

But in the meantime, Adam Sandler didn't eat at IHOP.

And that's a tragic story.

It is.

It's a tragedy.

You know, Adam Sandler lives near NYU and he plays basketball in like the there's like two gyms.

One of them is like, obviously, like some new sponsor just put it in because it's like sickeningly stunning.

It looks like a Planet Fitness.

And then another one is called Cole's and it's like an actual dump.

Like there's rats everywhere and nobody uses it.

But Adam Sandler goes there every day to play basketball and he walks around NYU like in his basketball shorts.

So I actually have seen Adam Sandler.

So this story is kind of of personal to me.

Okay, he's definitely thinking of you when he wrote that tweet.

Oh, he responded in tweet form?

Oh, I don't know where he responded.

Probably not a tweet.

I just assume everything is.

Are you ready for our next story?

Because finally, some respect, well, it's not finally, sometimes it happens, but some respect is being put on Pink's name.

Finally.

She's receiving the Icon Award at the Billboard Music Awards.

She says that she feels humbled and honored.

As she should.

Pink is set to be honored with the Icon Award at the Billboard Music Awards on May 23rd.

People can exclusively announce the singer will also hit the stage for a hit-filled performance.

Oh my god, it's gonna be like her.

Has she done the Super Bowl?

Yeah.

No.

She should.

Oh, you said that before.

That she should.

Yes.

Maybe that's what I thought.

She 100%.

She feels like a good first step.

Yes.

Because she is, people don't realize, like, hit after hit.

She's literally the hits start coming and they don't.

Don't stop coming.

Come to know them.

And I hit the ground running.

People don't realize, like, for literally every phase of my life in the last 15 years, like, there is a pink song associated with it

and she does not get enough respect, but she like is so

Like she doesn't care.

Do you know what I mean about any of that shit?

Yeah, she doesn't need all these awards and accolades.

She sells major tickets like her songs perform so well.

Like she doesn't need any sort of

validation, but I'm sure it feels nice.

Yeah, and it's nice for the fans, you know, because we got, you know, a pink medley performance of the Billboard Music Awards and now I have a greater chance of watching.

You know what I think it is with pink?

I think there's probably like millions of people who are like fans of hers, but she doesn't have like a lot of like number one fans.

Like stand.

Everyone just like likes pink.

Nobody like would get hit by a bus for her like they would like Ariana Grande, you know?

But I think that that is probably a part of her longevity.

And like her mental health for sure.

It's super toxic to have like that type of

adoration.

It's not sustainable.

It's not sustainable and it can turn.

Yeah, So, I think that's what it is.

Like, no one, if I had five tickets to a pink concert, I don't think I would find one person who would say no, like everyone just like likes her, you know?

Yeah, yeah, like someone couldn't come, right?

And her talent, like, is there the singing, the dancing, the tricks in the sky, like the acrobatics, the acrobatics, thank you.

That's the word I was looking for, they're there for sure.

So, BBMAs, maybe I'll be watching an award show.

We shall see.

The BBMAs are usually pretty good.

They usually are good because they just like play the songs that like

charted.

So, the songs that actually do well, not the songs that like the Grammys decide are good.

Yes, agreed.

So are you ready to get into our fifth and final story?

Is it the fifth and final story?

Yes, it is.

Yeah.

NYC's bougiest restaurant, 11 Madison Park, goes completely vegan.

11 Madison Park, one of the world's most acclaimed restaurants, has announced its menu is going vegan, according to a statement by chef owner Daniel Hum on Monday.

In an exclusive interview with the Wall Street Journal, the Swiss-born chef said, if 11 Madison Park is truly at the forefront of dining and culinary innovation, to me, it's crystal clear that this is the only place to go next.

This is crazy.

So 11 Madison Park is like the fanciest restaurant in New York City.

Have you ever eaten there?

No, but they did a pop-up in the Hamptons and I ate at that one.

I ate at the one in New York and I got so sick because the food was so rich and like everything's coming out.

Literal gout.

I got gout from, well, allegedly from a lot of people.

We don't want any electricity.

No, but like the food is so rich.

There are so many courses.

Everything comes out hot, cold.

It's just like

it's tumultuous on the stomach, but they're going vegan.

And so I feel like I have, like, I don't know, maybe I should try it again.

Plant-based?

Plant-based.

It's the same thing.

Yes.

The relaunch menu is described as an.

Well, no, it's not the exact same thing because vegan also cuts out other stuff.

You could be plant-based and not vegan.

But if you're vegan, you're plant-based.

Got it.

I know that didn't make clear.

The relaunch menu is described as an 8 to 10 course menu in the main dining room consisting of entirely plant-based dishes.

The Three Michelin star restaurant at 24th and Madison in Manhattan will reopen for service on June 10th.

Let me say something.

I'm really happy that the vegans have a fancy place to eat.

Like, they deserve it, 100%.

They work so hard.

But...

I just hope this doesn't become a trend.

This is the kind of meal you can look forward to at 11 Madison Park.

It's a literal garden in a place.

It's a literal bowl of just lettuce.

Oh, and that will cost you $67.

And some apples.

Yeah, no, it's $355.

Oh, no, it's the average price tag is $500 because you have to buy, you buy the experience.

And so it's hundreds of dollars per person.

You're getting like 10 courses.

So I just hope, like, whatever, great.

Like, there are very rich, fancy vegans who might want like a night out on the town and they deserve that.

I just hope this isn't a thing that like popular restaurants start to do because like us carnivores, like we still got to eat.

I don't know.

I'm, I'm not, not here for it.

Like, I do feel for the carnivores, of course, but like for me personally, if everything were plant-based, I would, if I could look at a menu and order anything I wanted from it, that would be a whole new experience.

But most people can't do that, whether it's religious, allergies, taste.

I pretty much, I eat like mostly, like, I don't have that many restrictions, allergy-wise and kosher-wise.

Like, I have a few, but like, I literally, I go to a menu and I'm like, where's the chicken and where's the salmon?

That's the only two things I'm going to do.

Okay, so say, like, the world was trending towards like only serving chicken, salmon, french fries, and chicken nuggets.

Like, and they were going to make all different versions, like, with those ingredients.

Like, wouldn't you look forward to that?

Thrilling.

Like, you'd eat, like, sorry, everyone.

But this is my time to shine.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

No, you're, now that you put it in that perspective, you're 100% right.

That sounds amazing.

And then you could look at a menu and literally anything.

You would like anything that's on it.

You know, like, that's why I love going to McDonald's.

Like, the menu is really just like claudia friendly.

Yeah, there's so many different types of chicken sandwiches and types of different nuggets.

Spicy, tender, like, it's just, it's thrilling.

Yeah.

And the sides, oh my God, I can't even get, like, get into it.

So exciting.

So the Love in Madison Park story is interesting.

One, it's like the fanciest restaurant but also like could they be a trendsetter is this the way that the world is going in churasson it's considered the fanciest restaurant like in the world right or in the city in the city actually one if by land is the fanciest city one if by land is actually considered the fanciest in the city you think so

um before we wrap up now they're gonna have to just cut it one if by plant base two if by sea yeah not even by sea because that's not plant base two if by farm raised fish right because you know that i was having farm raised fish for the past two weeks and it tasted amazing do you feel like you raised

farm to table fish?

Wait, farm-raised fish?

Fish don't live on farms.

That's why it's crazy.

They like fish tank and create them in the fish tank.

Sounds like you're making this up.

I'm not, I swear.

Farm-raised fish, look it up.

Before we wrap up today's show, I do have a little mindlessness that I would like to share.

No.

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It comes in this very chic.

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So it's like, you, oh, I accidentally left my surface cleaner out when I have company.

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Of course.

So it's just nice to know that I don't have to worry about any of that, you know?

No, 100%.

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Okay, little

Kelly's mindless news like the 4th of July.

This segment is in no way sponsored by Kelly Rippa or any of her family, friends, or acquaintances.

We apologize in advance for any offense we may cause, but Kelly just makes it way too easy.

No, Kelly's PR team just makes it way too easy.

Kelly Rippa wows in gorgeous swimsuit for sun-soaked anniversary selfie with Mark Consuelos.

So just with that headline, tell me an oxymoron, because how are you wowing in a swimsuit when you're taking a selfie?

Precisely, but just if you were a typical consumer who wasn't abreast on on the mindlessness, that is.

Okay, so I'm going to say, even though it's a selfie and she's wowing in a swimsuit, maybe they did that zoom out feature on selfie.

You ever do that where you're taking a selfie and then you press that button, it zooms out a little bit?

Maybe she got a high angle and so she's wowing in her swimsuit next to her husband.

Kelly Rippa had all the feels on Saturday.

Don't forget that there's major sun as it is sun-soaked.

Yeah, and it's like crystal clear and like sickening.

Yeah, like

when you're standing directly in the sunlight, like you have, yeah.

Like, honestly, like a Kylie Jenner selfie, like when she stands in the sun and somehow like doesn't squish.

She's like, yeah, yeah, right.

Okay.

Yeah, That's Kelly.

Okay.

Kelly Rippa had all the feels on Saturday as she marked her 25th wedding anniversary with husband Mark and Suelos.

And even though we're making fun, that is a huge feat.

Bill and Melinda

tap down to 27.

Let's see how they go.

The Live with Kelly and Ryan Star and her actor spouse each shared a variety of photos to publicly celebrate their love for each other on social media.

This one stood out to Hello Magazine because one in particular posted on Kelly's Instagram saw her and Mark display their age-defying looks as they soaked up the sun surrounded by palm trees.

Kelly looked phenomenal in a monochrome swimsuit as she posed makeup-free on her knees, bending towards the camera and flashing a beaming smile.

Mark looked equally incredible, rocking a pair of black swimming shorts and a baseball cap as he displayed his toned physique.

Writing across the image, Kelly said, happy 25th, baby.

So I just have to say, before I show you what this like blurry ass like piece of shit image looks like, it's worth noting like Kelly Rippa and Mark Enzuelos are literally like probably two of the people in the industry who look best for their age.

Like, I can't tell who looks better, him or her.

Like, they both are snatched and like are just like stunning.

I just don't really feel like this image was newsworthy.

And I'm going to show it to you, and of course, we will post it on our image.

In my head, I'm just thinking of the two of them, like on a beach, direct sunlight, like sickening her and her monochromatic.

Yo, this is literally taken on an Android.

And it's a story.

It's a story.

Like, so her shitty quality story makes news.

Make it make sense.

Make it make sense.

And she's like not even in the picture and her monochromatic suit she's bending over you can't even see her bathing suit that that ain't right and the screenshot like

this looks like the same person who's running Bethany's like social media like it's just not it's not it it's just not it and it like is an otherwise cute photo there just doesn't need to be an article about it no exactly and it's like that's what makes Kelly's mindless news so frustrating it's like

there's There is actually like stuff to talk about when it comes to Kelly Rippa, but they're just choosing like the most mindless.

Yeah, no, but it's definitely an effective strategy because now I associate Kelly Rippa with mindlessness as opposed to like controversy.

Yeah.

Could be worse for Kelly Rippa.

Yeah.

That's true, actually.

Maybe that's the whole thing.

They're like inundating us.

And the more we talk about it, like the more we're fueling this machine.

But we are onto something.

100%.

No, this is the PR strategy for Kelly Rippa's team.

Like

inundate them with mindlessness.

And I just hate, it's like...

It's like in the middle of the moment.

And they'll get so sick of hearing about her and talking about her that they won't spend time talking about the things we don't want them to talk about.

That's true.

But it kind of feels like, you know, in Josie and the Pussycat Todds, when they were like putting the subliminal messaging through the music for the youth, like I just don't really feel like good about the fact that like Kelly's PR team has like decided to kind of subliminally, subliminally message us and like mess with our mind.

So that's why I do the work that I do when it comes to Kelly's Mindless News.

Nope, calling it out.

But I also think that the first step is like knowing that you're being messed with.

Exactly.

And we've taken that step.

And honestly, that's like all we can do.

You know, it's out of our control.

Call it out when you see it.

Call it out when you see it.

So that's a little Kelly's Mindless News, and we hope that it was mindless enough for you.

We do.

Anything you want to like say?

Oh, we actually have a great guest on the show tomorrow.

Yes, we do.

So that will be really fun and exciting.

Tomorrow's Humpty, Deer Toaster, so exciting.

Ronie Premiere tomorrow's going to be a big day.

Dallas reunion, I mean, it is going to be a long show tomorrow.

And also, I have so much TV to watch today.

So if I thought I was going to be like, you know, up and out and working out, like cleaning out my closet, maybe tomorrow.

Well, tomorrow, actually, I am cleaning out my closet with my favorite home organizers done and done.

They're like a fabulous, hilarious mother-daughter duo.

And I'm going to Patreon vlog it because, like, I just feel like, at least for me, I don't really get as much done unless I'm vlogging.

Because I have something to prove.

Like, I want to want people to think I'm disgusting, like, I'm dirty underwear everywhere.

No, it holds you accountable.

Right.

Yeah.

So that'll be on the Patreon and a bunch of fabulous things happening this month on the Patreon.

Patreon.com slash the morning toast.

$7.99 to get five extra episodes from Jackie and I a month.

Their vlogs, their podcasts.

They're really anything you want them to be.

And you can request personal episodes because once you become a member, you get access to the Facebook group, which is the last remaining Facebook group, The Toast After Dark.

So $7.99,

five episodes, five

fabulous memories, and access to the Facebook group, and a great way to support your favorite gals.

Yes.

Also, last month was such a bang up month.

Content, content, content, content, content.

No sleep.

If you have like so many questions about my retreat, like go to the Patreon.

Every single one of them is answered in my vlog.

We did a Q ⁇ A.

Like, I'm getting to the heart of the matter.

If you you just, like, want to know what I was up to in the last two weeks.

It's so important to get down to the heart of the matter.

It's so important.

Is that what I said?

That's our show, you guys.

Thank you so much for listening to the show.

Our show.

No one else is.

Don't get it twisted.

Do not get it twisted.

Like, no one else is taking credit.

No one wants to be associated with us.

Thank you guys so much for listening to The Morning Show's The Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast fact stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as a podcast anywhere podcasts can be found.

So, it's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Radio, IHOR Radio Cast Box, all the places.

So, wherever you listen to podcasts, find us.

Morning toasts leave a five-star review about how beautiful, stunning, and smart we are.

We'll see you guys tomorrow for Pump Day.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.