S3 Ep90: Day 64: Friday, May 16th, 2020

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy Friday.

It's another beautiful day in New York City, even though the weather up had said that we were going to have like some rough weather at the end of this week.

It's gorgeous.

Hey, Claude, how you dern?

I'm good.

I still wouldn't know what the weather is because I live in a bunker where I don't open the shades and I like to keep it that way.

Definitely has its you know moments where it affects my mental health, but for the most part, I'm okay with it.

No, it really is a beautiful day, beautiful blue sky, some clouds.

It was nice.

I open my shades every morning, like take a look at the weather and sitting in my room all day, like all I do is stare out the window.

So the weather actually has an effect.

And when it's nice out, it means that I'm going to go outside and do something today.

And when it's raining, it means I'm not.

So the weather, I've really become weather dependent, which I've never been that kind of girl.

Yeah.

I mean, I haven't been outside yet, but it seems like it's like a stunning day to pre-order my comedy special.

Would you agree?

Oh my God.

Yes.

It's the perfect weather to pre-order a comedy special.

Yeah.

It's just like when you look outside, you can't help but think like, wow, I suddenly feel the urge to order a comedy special on iTunes.

You just look outside and you're like, oh my gosh, I need to laugh.

Is there a new comedy special that I could pre-order on iTunes?

Well, Jackie, I'm so glad you asked.

There is.

It's called Claudia Ashre, Disgraced Queen, and it is available for pre-order on iTunes.

And I got a bunch of questions about it.

And here, allow me to answer.

When it's released on June 30th, it will be available for purchase in a few other platforms, such as Amazon, that of

a few others.

I don't remember the names, but for the most part, Amazon and iTunes are the majeure platforms.

And I'm just so grateful for everyone who tagged me in their stories, letting me know that they pre-ordered it, left a nice review, really made me feel good.

I did leave myself for review because at first there were no reviews, and I'm like, I don't want everyone to think of a loser.

And I got to like number seven on iTunes, which like made me feel really good.

I'm like, how does everyone have thousands?

And I'm on number seven on iTunes with zero reviews.

So I left myself for review and

it didn't populate.

And then there was one review and someone left one review.

They were like, this special sucks.

And I'm like, you didn't even see it yet.

So like, you can't even make that decision.

So thankfully the toasters came in.

Now I have like 30 reviews and that makes me feel good.

Oh, good.

I'm so excited.

That's like such a great thing to have on the calendar to be excited about.

Cause, you know, there's not much that gets the juices flowing these days.

No, there isn't.

But we have that and we'll always have that.

Like once it's out, we will always have it, especially if you pre-order it on iTunes because then it's yours and you own it.

The link is in my bio and Instagram.

You really can't miss it.

And I just would like to apologize to you, Jackie, and everyone listening to this podcast for the next 30 days, because I will speak of nothing else, and you're just going to have to be okay with that.

That's okay.

I mean, that's what we're here for: to hear what's on your mind.

And if that's what's on your mind for 30 days, then so be it.

It is what it is.

I said what I said.

And that's that on that.

Um, my face is just getting crazier and crazier in the queue because of my lack of Botox.

Like I'm just making faces that I couldn't make before and I don't enjoy it.

I miss my forehead that doesn't move.

But you know what?

The quarantine is actually a great time to like learn about your favorite bloggers and like what their real hair color is and, you know, how long their real eyelashes are and how long their real mustache is.

And I feel like it's really,

it's really like, you know, also like, what size their lips really are, just like things like that.

And I feel like for the most part, I I look aside from my forehead, like I look the same in quarantine.

Yeah, we should check in and all of our viewers should check in on their friends with eyelash extensions because they're not doing well.

No, they're really not doing well.

And I feel like also quarantine has been a great time for me to prove that I'm a natural redhead and that my lips are natural as well.

I'm not convinced.

You're not.

No, I don't.

Look how long my hair has gotten.

I blew out my hair.

I saw on your Instagram story.

I'm like disgustingly jealous.

I wouldn't know because I have not blown my hair out.

I have like my hair has been in a bun for the last two months and I guess it's growing.

But that did make me jealous of people who have roots because they legit know how much their hair has grown in quarantine because you can just see it.

That's true.

It's like a ruler.

Yeah, like it's actually full of interesting factoids.

All my knitting supplies arrived yesterday.

So I have a feeling I'm about to have one of the greatest weekends of my life.

Ooh, that's nice.

You should get into this.

I'm okay.

I'm like all stocked up on hobbies right now.

And this weekend, I have to read the new Redheads book because we're recording next week.

This episode just snuck up on us.

Um, I'm really excited to read this book.

I haven't heard much about it, but um, I haven't read since the last Redheads.

This is the first time that that's happened to me.

So now I'm grateful for the Redheads because if it wasn't for the podcast book club, I wouldn't be reading.

And it's that's really the point of the book club is to keep you reading in the queue and like keep you

interested and having thoughtful discussions.

I'm really really excited.

It's always a great series of days when we record the Redheads and then release it to the Redheads community.

And it's confusing that we call ourselves the Redheads and the fans are the Redheads and we're all just the Redheads and I'm the only Redhead.

But it works.

Yeah, no, you guys are definitely having a profound effect on me.

I read one book this week and I started a second one.

Wow.

Yeah.

So I don't know.

Things are changing, you guys.

You never know what's going to happen.

One day you're reading.

The next day you're not.

Amen.

Like this week you've read more than me.

Wow.

That's crazy.

You know what I feel is really important when it comes to books that not a lot of people talk about?

The font.

Well, on Kindle, you can choose a custom font, but like I use the font that they give me, but you can change the size of it and you can make it all your own, which is just another reason why the Kindle is everything.

Yeah.

And you know, I have a lot of problems with reading books.

Like when you're in the middle of a book, a book sits open perfectly equally, which is nice.

But if you're at the very beginning or the very end, like the heavier side is always fucking like getting in your face.

And I find myself like literally ripping the book in half, like bending it backwards so hard just so it fucking stays open.

I need the staples button.

Kindle, you don't got that problem.

For sure.

I don't read enough now.

Well, I read once, like, I need to calm down, but I don't think I'm going to read enough to warrant a Kindle, but it's a nice activity and it's really easy on the eyes.

Like some of this TV, the blue lights killing my eyes.

That's what I've been saying.

Also, a Kindle invention that someone should admit is like, every time you want to get to a next page on the Kindle, you need to tap the screen.

Like, if I just got into a cozy position where my hands are like under the blanket, that would mean I have to take my hand out of the blanket every time I need to turn the page.

Someone needs to invent a little clicker that you can just hold in your hand and just click it and it will go to the next page and the next page.

It's a small issue, but you know, since you're out here solving problems.

I guess the assumption is, though, if you're reading on the Kindle, one of your hands is on it.

No, but like I try to like let my Kindle stand up against something like i'll use like a pillow and lean it up so that i don't have to hold it because i have weak wrists um and so if i could just get like a little bluetooth clicker to tap from page to page you know what i'm sure it exists like it seems like not a reinvention of the wheel um

so let me know and that's like a selfie stick that's what they have yes exactly like a selfie okay cool

Cool.

Well, we have a great show for you today before you embark on a fabulous weekend.

If you're in a state that's opening up, and if you're like me um before you embark on a weekend of solitary confinement

i can't believe that there are people like going to bars i'm so fucking jealous so fucking jealous let us out

i'm the

i'm the sofa king i am so fucking jealous i know it's just so crazy like how each state it's just a whole different world like people are going

country There are people in this country who are going to dinner and drinks.

And there are people in this country like us who are going on our 60th day of quarantine.

We're already on day today.

Sorry, we started on March 13th.

Today's May 15th.

So it was 62 on March 3rd, on May 13th, 63,

64th day.

And next week will be week 10.

That's insane.

I am in the prime of life.

I'm in the prime of my life.

I want to fucking party.

I want to blackout.

I want to throw up at a club.

Like I've had enough.

I've had enough no i've had enough

like the quarantine so i'm not sure where i stand we did our part

we did our part let us out i want to get tested for anybody's

you should actually like yeah you should

i just don't want to go to a like a doctor's office or where they're like an urging care because i feel like maybe i'm going to get it there when like i should have just stayed home um i went to a city md last week and i was the only person there.

So I think I'm fine.

Okay.

I'll think about it.

Yeah.

They said things were so quiet they were thinking about closing, but then they got these antibody tests and now some people are coming in.

But like, I think there's this, maybe in some places, it's super congested.

Maybe on a beautiful day at like high noon, there's a line around the block.

But I went on a day.

I guess it was a little rainy.

Maybe that's why no one was there.

Yeah.

I mean, But I've heard about a lot of faulty antibody tests.

I think TPG got like three or something.

He got a false negative, then a false positive.

I don't even know what he ended up with.

Yeah, so from what I've gathered, there's an antibody test that's like a finger prick and you get your results almost immediately or within a few hours.

That one is not to be fully believed.

The one that they do at City MD, where they take a vial of blood and it takes, they send it to a lab and it takes days for you to get your results.

I believe that's the most accurate one.

And I haven't heard of anyone getting a false positive or negative, but I also don't talk to that many people.

But I also haven't read that in the news.

Did you faint?

Because you donated blood in high school.

And I remember seeing you in the high, in the hallways right after, and you legit looked at me, your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you fainted.

No, because a vial of blood is like this much.

Whereas when you donate blood, like it's a bag full.

Bag.

I'll literally never forget that.

Like you look so fucking weak and you like leaned on the, on the wall and you were right outside the nurse's office.

So I was like, nurse the kama, nurse the kama.

And she came out with a bag to for you to vomit into.

And the bag had a hole in the bottom.

So I just swipped all over my lap.

And that was the last time I donated blood.

I guess I'm just not really a candidate.

I tried.

Some people can't handle it.

I

the one time I went to donate blood, I had left the country like two months ago and they said I couldn't.

You tried.

So many rules.

So many rules.

Just like, let me help, you know?

Yes, I know.

Well, anyways, that's the latest on us.

Just

eager to get back to life, you know?

And eager to dive in, you know?

Not so eager.

Well, we have to recap Real Housewise of New York and let's just see what bullshit went on today.

The stories are just getting thinner and thinner.

Okay, you know what?

Here's like the, let's actually, I'm sorry.

Without further ado, it is time for the fast five stories that you like kind of should maybe need to know or if you want to before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

Yeah, that's true, for sure.

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Only.

Okay, first story.

This is really the big story of the day.

Ashley Benson kisses G Eazy during an LA outing following her split from Cara Delavine.

Ashley Benson is spending some time with G Eazy, the pretty little Iris star and the rapper were spotted out and about in LA on Wednesday.

The two were seen riding in a car together as they picked up food from the apple pan.

At one point during the outing, Benson was leaning over from behind the wheel and kissed G-Eeez, who was sitting in the passenger seat.

A video of the kiss has also been circulating on social media.

A source previously told people that Benson has been hanging out with the hipmaker, but it just, but quote, it feels like just a fling for now.

She's getting over the breakup.

I have something extremely controversial to say.

Two things, actually.

One, I don't care.

Like truly, I don't care.

I cared about Ashley Benson when she was part of Cara Televine, but now she's hitting some loser.

Like, whatever.

I can't be bothered by it.

And not that I want anyone to ever get backlash, but like, where is

the outrage?

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Ashley Benson, Ashley Benson was literally quarantined like a month ago in a house with a bunch of celebrities.

Now she's driving around with someone else.

It's like, she's obviously not taking quarantine seriously.

And I don't care.

Everyone could do what they want.

But it's like, I go see you for one minute and I get canceled.

Like, where is the outrage?

I literally lives in LA.

She lives in LA.

It's literally the same as New York.

I fucking can't.

Like, she was in a different relationship at the beginning beginning of quarantine.

So she obviously had to be like meeting up with someone that she's not quarantined with to get into a new relationship.

I personally do not give two shits how she wants to social distance and spend her time.

But if everybody wants to come for us all the time, I need the same exact standards to be applied to everyone else.

I can't fucking take it anymore.

And we're not even famous.

Like we are not.

We are nobodies.

Like,

date, every time I keep seeing these stories, like I, I can't, I can't stress enough like how much I don't care.

Like, of course I want to flatten the curve and of course I want coronavirus to end, but like, I don't, I'm just not the type of person who's going to like comfort someone else because they made a decision that they thought was right.

Like, I'm sure Ashley Benson is taking the proper precautions.

And I trust to know that she's not going around licking people's faces.

Like, I don't care, but it's like, I cannot believe the level that like.

our small family dinner got to when it's like there are celebrities every day being paparazzi like here they're around car fucking kendall jenner and your boyfriend drove to arizona like in a convertible like where is the outrage i can't like we just send each other other people who did the same exact thing as we did, or worse, bloggers who are moving now to different houses.

While they're in California, staying in new places, um, we saw like the Vanderpump Rules literally the day after we had Zach's gathering.

Uh, the Vanderpump Rules kids, like, all a few of them drove up to Palm Springs to celebrate Sheena's birthday and they're like grinding on each other, not social distancing.

Where's the outrage?

Some blogger had like a birthday party for her kid with like literally balloons, galore, like as if we're not in quarantine at all and i just i didn't hear a peep no no it's insane and it's like i i was ready for like after we got hit i'm like oh these bloggers they're videoing their kids birthday party i'm like they're gonna get killed what are they doing take those down not a peep

not a peep so you know what this teaches me it's that i am the most famous person in the world everyone put on my comedy special That's the moral of the story.

I just, I really, I just can't believe it, like the standard that we're held to and the way we were made to feel like such coronavirus deniers when we were literally going into week 10 of quarantine and we chose to, I just, I can't go over like the facts again.

I just can't.

And I, and I can't believe that like celebrity stories are popping up like this about new relationships.

Isn't it cute?

And it's like, no, no, it's actually so cute, but I just need to make sure that the people who came so hard and fast for us are reading the same People magazine story that I'm reading.

Trolls, I have more content for you.

I have more people whose addresses you should publish online.

I have all the information for you.

Come follow me.

Oh my God.

It's making me so mad.

Like

making my blood boil.

Margo keeps DMing me like blogger stories of bloggers who are like taking like staycations to like different houses or hotels like in California and New York.

And I'm like, I can't stress enough.

Like I don't care.

Like, of course, I genuinely, I believe Verona Caranis.

I'm not a denier.

I want it to end and I want everyone to do what they can.

But at the end of the day, like this is a free country.

And if someone feels like it's okay to take a staycation, like that's their business.

That's none of my business.

And I don't feel like,

right.

And like, we've been now in quarantine for nine weeks.

And if you want to take a staycation, like, I don't see that there's anything wrong with that whatsoever.

But I keep thinking about it.

Like, if we were able to get a house, say, in the Hamptons or Long Island or upstate and like, we all, like, our whole family went and quarantined together there.

No.

I know in my brain and my soul, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

But like, we would be walking on eggshells.

Like, no, we would.

We would get sponsors dropped.

We would get like gigs canceled.

Like, I like we would be, it would be like another version of trying to cancel us because that's just what happens.

Like we've somehow become these people and I'm not entirely sure how, but

it's that I just can't help but like get so outraged.

And it's not for the reasons that one of my things, like I'm not outraged that she's not quarantined because I'm sure she's taking proper precautions.

Like I'm just outraged that like I'm not even considered a famous person.

And it's like, I am.

like vilified we are vilified for doing something that everyone is doing and that like when you use common sense, there's absolutely nothing wrong with considering none of us are experiencing symptoms and we've all been quarantined for nine weeks.

Like everyone is now just like operating out of fear and outrage.

And it's crazy.

Yeah.

So I'm so glad you had the same reaction to this because like, do I give a shred of a shit who Ashley Benson's dating or who GEZ is making out with?

You couldn't pay me to care.

But I'm like, how did they get in the car?

How did they get to each other?

She was in a house the other week.

She was with this person.

Then they broke up.

So it's like, there's a lot of movement.

There's a lot of movement.

she must have been walking past people on the street and through crowded lobbies yeah i can't

i can't i really can't oh my god okay well let's switch gears here because the next story is like more fun more fun kyle mclaughlin aka or same from desperate housewives aka tray from sex in the city was angry at his sex in the city character tray Well, so were we.

He was the fucking woke.

Right.

But now here's what he thinks about Trey.

On paper, Trey appeared to be the unicorn Charlotte York had been searching for so long on Sex and City, a handsome, wealthy cardiologist who seemed doted on her.

But as fans of the show know, their marriage ended up being a disaster with an overbearing mother-in-law, problems in the bedroom, and ultimately a disregard for Charlotte's desires to become a mother.

Kyle McLaughlin, who played Trey on the HBO series, understands why a lot of fans didn't like Trey and says he wasn't too fond of his character either.

Quote, I was angry at the character, actually.

What's this cardboard baby?

When the couple couldn't conceive, Trey infamously gifted Charlotte with a cardboard cutout of a baby and couldn't understand why it upset her so much.

Quote, I asked the writers and they said, oh, it's funny.

So I went, okay, I'm not sure I think so, but okay.

There was definitely a side to Trey that was a little oblivious to certain things and viewers had every right to be angry with me if that's the case.

I was angry with me.

That is so funny.

I forgot about the cardboard baby, but to me, that's not why Trey was the worst.

The Trey was the worst because, of course, erectile dysfunction is not ideal, but he was just so unwilling to like talk about it and be a man and like try and find a solution.

He was just acting like a child, being like, No, no, and it's like that's not a husband.

So, of course, every marriage has its problems, erectile dysfunction may be one of them.

But if your partner is willing to like try new things, like Charlotte taping together the magazines, like put her face on the porn, like you have to try.

And he was just so unwilling and so stubborn and like such a mama's boy.

That's why I didn't like it.

Like the cardboard baby thing, I actually didn't think was like that terrible.

Yeah, he was just insensitive, and also at a certain point, he was making Charlotte feel like it was her fault

when it was like something going on with him.

And he just like was too full of shame to

like take ownership.

Yeah, but like in an ideal world, like they, I mean, her and Harry were like OTP perfect forget for each other.

But for a while, it was like that life with Trey McDougal and the Scottish Sling, like that was the life Charlotte.

like wanted and you as a viewer wanted for her.

So it was really disappointing when it didn't work out.

But she got that classic six on the upper east side and that's all.

He gave her that apartment, which was really so generous.

and he brought her like this is I know it's a show but like the relationship between Trey Charlotte and then Harry is like a it's a message to women it's like because if she didn't meet Trey they never would have gotten divorced and she never would have met her husband who was her divorce lawyer Harry and then it's like that's life it's like you wish you didn't date someone but they bring you somewhere else and then you find someone new everything happens for a reason Everything.

So I don't know why this story is like being spoken about now, but it's cool.

Cause Cause he's like in a new show and he was just doing press and he was talking to PH6 and they asked him about Trey and I just thought it was something.

I mean,

he's one of my like favorite actors.

Like he's up there because he's in all my favorite shows and he's always just like rearing his head like randomly.

And I'm surprised he like wasn't in Ugly Betty, you know?

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Everyone is popping up in Ugly Betty.

Literally everyone.

I was just watching and who came through.

Shit, I forget, but like, it's just beyond star-studded.

Okay.

Next story, a little cute news.

Katy Perry bears her baby bump and more in the new music video for daisies.

So Katy Perry released a song today and a music video where she's bumping out.

The song is so good.

I was listening to it and I couldn't even appreciate how good it was because I was just trying to think of what song it reminded me of.

It reminds me so much of a song.

I can't identify which one yet, but I'll get there.

I think it might be an Ingrid Andres song, like just the way.

Have you listened to the Daisies yet?

It's it's really it's such a beautiful song um but it just it's just reminding me of something else and so until i until i scratch that itch i can't move on katy perry is just really she's doing things you know she she's like had a period of her career where she was like an ann hathaway where she couldn't do anything right and she wasn't necessarily doing anything like evil or bad she was just annoying the out of everyone for no reason um but now i'm like really loving her i hope this song is good i mean we were obsessed i mean the first concert i ever went to was Katy Perry.

And then we became so obsessed with Prism, the album.

Like, she was such a an influence for us.

And then her music just kind of faded out.

I'm hoping she can get back to, you know, the Prism tour vibe because that was.

Yeah,

this is more of a Prism vibe.

She really lost us with like Swish, Swish and Bonapetite.

And that whole era was.

She did chain to the rhythm, which like, isn't a terrible song, but like her whole vibe then was just so off.

Was so off.

That song is only good if you're in a soul cycle class and you're all changed

because you're legit chain to the rhythm in a class like that what was the first concert you ever went to john mayer at jones beach

oh with who

um with some camp counselors and olivia oh that's cute yeah the counselors took us we were the campers The first concert I went to was

Katie Perry at Irving Plaza with my friend Alex Brazell, who I've spoken about on this podcast like more times than I care to admit.

And I think she listens to the podcast.

Like, what up, Alex?

Miss you.

You had never been to a concert before we moved to the city.

No.

So I was in the eighth grade.

Me and Alex, I was in a new school.

We really bonded over our love of Katy Perry and we were allowed to go alone, which was like such a big deal.

That's like such a crazy place to go alone.

Yeah, but, and this was like when Katy Perry was like on the warp tour.

She was more of like an emo star than she was a pop star.

Like

her vibe was kind of dark.

That was I kids your girl.

Oh, yeah, that was your vibe too.

That was like so my vibe.

I was like, so emo.

And I just remember we like, we were GA like it was so messy like I couldn't believe I was just an eighth grader at a GA concert and we were like right in front and I had the best time and like I really felt connected to her ever since but she there was a few periods of time like a few years where she was just constantly letting me down.

Yeah but I think that she's in a new phase of her life and I look forward to to seeing what she does.

Yeah, you know how they say like celebrities or famous people get stunted at the age that they became famous at?

I feel like for a while, like Katy Perry, whether it was just like trying to keep up with her image or like the younger pop stars, I just feel like she was doing things like, not because she thought it was what she wanted to do.

It was just because she thought it was what she had to do to like keep up and like be crazy and funny.

And like, I don't know.

I'm now I feel like she's pregnant.

Her like priorities are set straight.

And she's just like being a mom, being a woman, being everything of a sort.

Yeah, but she actually got famous like relative to other.

singers and celebrities.

She got famous like late or for a singer.

Yeah, but her whole vibe was like kitty cat, kitty purry, you know, like it was so silly.

Yeah, that's true.

Her Each or Hollywood story is actually, I remember when it was on, it was actually Catherine Hudson.

Yeah, Kate Hudson.

It was actually such a very interesting.

She grew up in like a very religious family and she tried to become like a Christian singer because that's what her parents wanted her to do.

And then when she decided to become a pop star and like couch surf, you know, through LA, her parents weren't entirely happy with her.

But in the end, they obviously supported her.

Love a happy ending.

Okay, ready for our next story?

Mary Kate Olson loses the bid for emergency divorce during coronavirus court closures.

Mary Kate Olson's emergency petition

seeking a divorce from Pierre Olivier Zarkozi, despite coronavirus court closures, won't go forward after a Manhattan judge ruled that it wasn't an essential matter.

Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Michael Katz made the ruling Thursday, putting a halt to Olson's case.

New York court spokesman Lucienne Chalfin confirmed.

Olson filed the case Wednesday, claiming that her 50-year-old banker hubby was trying to kick her out of their apartment by next Monday, forcing her to try to look for a new home during the coronavirus crisis.

The actress had attempted to divorce Sarkozy on April 17th, but was blocked by the courts, which have been closed to all new non-emergency cases since late March.

We didn't get a Mary Kate, didn't get a win.

Very sad.

This fucking sucks.

This is what we were talking about a few weeks ago, like getting divorced and quarantined.

Like you're stuck with this person that you obviously now hate.

He's trying to take her apartment away from her.

Like there needs to be a better way.

And also, like, she's a celebrity.

I'm sure she has like connections and friends and resources, but like, what about everyday people?

Right.

It's like, I'm not necessarily going to shed a tear over Mary Caden Ashley, who has the means to like shell, just rent a

fancy apartment in a fancy building, but it harkens to like an actual issue of people who have like shared finances, live in the same house, are getting divorced.

It might be like a scary or abusive situation.

Like, you just can't get out.

Yeah, there needs to be a better way.

Oh, you know what?

I saw this refinery 29

like interview video they did with Melissa Benoist from Glee

from Nico

from uh Supergirl allegedly, but she's really from Glee.

And she

remember she released that video a while ago about um the toxic relationship she was in and she was kind of like trapped in for all these years.

Um,

and then they did an interview with her and they were splicing between the interview and the video.

And I just, I didn't like her in Glee, like she was my Lucy character, but I just like Stan Melissa Benoist, like Marnie, not so much, but Stan Melissa Benoist, like she's so well spoken.

And I just like, I got chills watching this whole video, like just explaining how, like, what it's like to be in that type of relationship and like all the lies you create, and you're like lying for other people.

And she like really documented some more details of the abuse.

And it's horrifying.

And I think we assume that it's Blake Jenner from Glee, right?

Yeah.

They got married.

Yeah, that's been

the assumption.

Is that not a confirmed thing?

I'm not sure.

But, like, I think we know, but right.

We know what we don't know.

Yeah.

Anyways, thank you for sharing that.

Everyone should go watch that.

We'll get someone wise here at the toast.

Feminine.

Fifth and final story, a little Broadway news.

That's very appropriate that it's Broadway news because it's brought to you by a sponsor that really adds a little pep to our step, makes us want to sing a particular song.

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He just took a DNA test.

Turns out he's 100% Russian.

Even when he's fleeing countries, yeah, he's got health problems.

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Then he saw some - that's a doctor in him.

He could have had a bad tig's non-committal.

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Sorry, Theo.

He wants to kill me.

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Nick, I'm going to do the song at the end.

Yeah, please.

I'm like not well running and holding him.

I'm so sorry, Theo.

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The process of getting an embark kit is so easy.

They just like literally send you a box.

It has a q-tip.

Well, not a q-tip, like a medical grade thing, swab, and a prepaid label.

Put the swab in Theo's cheeks, up, right, down, left, put it back in the box with the prepaid label, send it out.

And then like two weeks later, I got a text message and it was like, Theo's DNA test kit is here.

And it was fascinating, actually.

But Theo's a purebred, so like he wasn't that interesting.

But if you have a rescue or a mix, I don't think the

yeah, or a mix dog with different breeds, it's actually really, really fascinating.

And then you can know more about like how to keep them healthy, things that they're predisposed to, like medical conditions.

Theo's breed is actually predisposed to heart conditions.

So his weight is very important.

So that's why he's on a strict diet.

Yeah.

You have to find out what level of wolfiness your pup possesses.

Theo is 3% wolfiness, which is pretty low, but something.

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Okay.

Fifth and final story, a little Broadway news.

Frozen officially concludes its Broadway run.

The Broadway production of Frozen will not reopen as a result of the industry-wide shutdown and resulting economic fallout.

Their production's final performance was Wednesday evening, March 11th, having played 825 performances and 26 previews.

Guests holding tickets for Frozen who purchased via Ticketmaster will be refunded automatically within 30 days.

That's really sad.

I kind of wanted to see that.

No, it's just shocking.

I felt like, of course, every show has its run, but certain shows become like Lion King is, it's a.

family classic.

I really felt like Frozen was going to be one of those shows that's just on forever.

Yeah, I think they really just couldn't withstand this economic turmoil and disney has uh two other shows on broadway lion king and aladdin and i think frozen is probably like since it's the newest one it just doesn't have the chops to survive um

this pandemic yeah

i'm shocked that it outlasted i mean that it didn't outlast aladdin because aladdin is obviously older and it's a great show but kids like frozen is a was a cultural reset Like it was like Barney for us.

Like kids and adults around the world are just fucking obsessed with it.

So I just really thought it was going to be one of those like lifelong Broadway hits, but I guess not.

Yeah, I guess, I mean, it might have been in a different time, you know?

Right.

Not in the sad times.

That's very sad.

Speaking of sad, I would love to recap the absolute dumpster fire trash that was last night's episode of Real Housewives of New York.

Let's do it.

Can I just tell you how you know we're in a bad season filled with women who are not what I aspire to be?

Like

they were just so like focused and impressed and like even made it a point to mention how fancy like the Sprinter van was.

You miss that part.

Like

when they went to the van, Luann was like, isn't this fabulous?

And it's like, this is standard housewives.

Like every

city, Beverly Hills, when they Atlanta, when they go on a trip, they get a fancy stretch limo or a fancy like van.

And it's like, they were just impressed by that.

And it's because none of the women, the show, and I can't stress this enough the problem with this season is that this is supposed to be an aspirational show it's about a certain level of woman in New York or woman in Beverly Hills that is supposed to be luxurious and whether it's through their apartments the things that they say the trips they take like it's just not giving me that vibe That's always like the cherry on top of house vibes is, you know, the level of glamour.

And some franchises like don't have it.

And it's not that important.

Like, I don't think that that's what's wrong with this season.

Like the personalities of the women are what's wrong like first and foremost dorinda the meanest woman i've ever seen last night like talking to tinsley as if she is the on her shoe like so rude it's uncomfortable to watch it is not enjoyable like watching her try and come up with new one-liners to like i don't know go viral by being a mean person it's just

It's not enjoyable.

And then, of course, like you want to root for Tinsley, but like her comebacks just fucking suck.

And she's like wailing and just being

And it's just like she, you can't root for her because she's not like a real contender.

And the whole, and like, honestly, Ramona is the one making the most sense in her interviews.

And it's just like, what has this world come to?

Then the whole episode was just a fucking mess.

Like, what was going on between the conversation with Dorinda Luan all talking about like burying husbands and losing husbands?

Like, I understand that that is so traumatic, but it seems like every single meal and conversation and drinking event devolves into that.

And it's like, okay, we weren't like watching you guys seven years ago.

I don't know these people that you're talking about.

Like, I don't know JP Morgan's grandson.

Like, what are you referring to?

I just, I feel like

I'm uninvested.

And if we didn't, I've said this before, like, truly, if we did not do this show, I would have stopped watching the season.

I think Leah is a great addition, but like, she can only do so much to save the show.

Luanne, judging Leah's apartment when her apartment is a two-bedroom apartment in in New York City.

It's the same one that Ramona's living in.

Sonia, Dorinda.

Like, it's excuse me.

She has the nerve to comment on someone else's apartment when last season she had to move out of Tom's penthouse, alleged, which I heard wasn't even on the top floor, and move to that sad rental on the Upper West Side.

And by the way,

where is Luann even living right now?

Unclear.

In her cottage in Sag Harbor, please, these women are such so full of shit.

So full of shit.

Like, I

just,

I did not enjoy myself.

It took me two hours to get through the episode.

They were just, every time I pressed play, I was like, eyes rolling to the back of my head.

It's just, it's not it.

And I really think that Dorinda is like spoiling the group camaraderie because she's so negative and so mean and no one will stick up to her.

To me, the most egregious part of the episode was watching Sonia and Leah pee in that man's cornfield.

Like I actually had a pit in my stomach.

Like this local guy, business owner, let these like trash bags into their fucking beautiful farm and they take a piss on his fucking corn.

Are you kidding?

Yeah.

That was gross.

But I

like, does he crop all that?

Does he harvest all that corn?

I don't care.

They don't know whether he does or doesn't.

It was really upsetting me.

Yeah, that's really fucking gross.

I just want to really quickly just go back to the whole like luxury money thing, because while I hear what you're saying, not every franchise has like like that factor but I feel like every franchise has a level of wealth for the city do you know what I mean it's like most of the houses even though I know like some of the finances of some of the Jersey women are a little murky they all live in big houses and they all drive Range Rovers you know what I mean

their houses are really nice Atlanta they live in huge literally palaces everyone candy like everyone has a huge house even Kenya more manner is like a little weird but it's still a fucking nice house like I like every house.

Yeah, no.

And that video, I'll never forget of her running out of her house with a gun to chase off some robber.

Like, she was being so funny.

Like, that house is iconic.

Like, and they're nice houses.

Like, there's a level, even if a lot of it is a facade, which I totally agree that it is.

Like, some of the houses are rented, the cars are leased.

Like, I totally get it, but there's none of that.

They're not even trying to fake it anymore in New York.

And that's what's upsetting.

Yeah.

And also, the style is, there's not one stylish woman.

And like New York is supposed to be the epicenter of style.

Maybe it's just like a reflection of how New York, the city itself has gone down the tubes.

Like even New York Fashion Week is not really a thing anymore.

And so maybe it's just a reflection of the city.

That's possible, but you're right, especially about the style.

It's like, do I think everything that the Real Housewives of Dallas wears is stunning?

No, but it's really like a reflection of Dallas society and Dallas culture and Dallas style.

And they're, you know, they all have nice houses and they all have nice cars.

Like I refuse to accept anything less.

I'm sorry.

That's like the one bar, the one requirement for being a real housewife in New York is being a woman and having some money.

And these women just don't collectively, like they don't have enough, they collectively don't even match what like one Beverly Hills housewife has.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

And something that was just frustrating me, like on a logistics level, was Tinsley carrying a major, like a work.

tote bag like the Louis Vuitton on the go that you have.

She was wearing it to like a winery and I just don't know.

And it looked like the bag was kind of empty.

So like, what did she need it such a big bag for?

And just like, I just didn't understand why she couldn't go with some sort of smaller.

Actually, that would, the winery would have been the perfect situation for a crossbody.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

If you were asked to be on Real House, I live in New York.

Like we live in New York and we're both married.

Like we would say yeah, right?

I think so after some consideration.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, just putting it out there into the universe.

Yeah.

That's part of the reason I got married in the first place, just so i could be like a contender even though none of the women are married right

oh and i guess the big news of the day was that dorinda and john broke up oh don't care yeah me neither

that's our recap

you know what's so funny is like i was on a zoom with my like high school friends and we were talking about stuff and my friend anna like we have me and my high school friends have been watching bravo since like before it was appropriate like we are diehard bravo fans and anna was like can you believe this season of new york housewise i'm like i know it's such a piece of shit she goes are you kidding me it's incredible i'm like what I literally couldn't believe that she said that.

We could have like such differing opinions.

So I don't know if what we're saying is necessarily like a popular opinion.

I'm sure people are going to tell us, but I couldn't believe that she said that.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Well, I'm not enjoying it.

So, especially when it's put on, Juxtapose, with Real Houses, Beverly Hills.

They should really put it on the same season as Real Houses of Orange County, and maybe you'll get a fair shake.

They should just switch the days.

The fact that we have to go from Wednesday, Beverly Hills, glamour, to Thursday, New York trash.

Like, it's such a downhill spiral.

Like we should just switch them.

We work up to the glamour of Beverly Hills.

Yeah, I agree.

Okay.

I'm officially ready for the weekend to start.

So if it's okay with you, I spoke to her.

She said that's all she wrote.

And I'm going to wrap this shit up.

That's what she had said.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Morning Tells of Millennium Morning Show.

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Curl with no job.

What's it called?

Claudio Ashre, Disgrace Queen.

Curl with No Job.

That's bye, guys.

Love you.

Oh, are you going to show us your curl?

There she is.

Curl with No Job.

Bye.