Non-episode-isode-isode-isode-isode-isode

Hello, this is not an episode.

We're just quickly popping in to say it's not an episode.

Because we are having August off, as we always do.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm not actually taking the time off.

I'll be working on other more worthwhile things.

Oh, really?

You're furthering the solo career?

My manifesto.

Okay, okay.

Oh.

Project 2026.

You're standing for President of the United States.

That's right.

Biden has stepped aside.

There's room on the ticket for

a Maverick choice, isn't there?

There is.

There's room on the ticket.

Well, by the time this goes out, they would have, I imagine, decided, or certainly, I don't know, actually, will they have waited out?

I don't know.

I don't know.

It's in August, isn't it, sometime?

But I don't know when.

But yeah, as we record, Biden has just this moment.

Freaking news.

Biden has stepped aside.

John Sopal is literally wetting himself 24-7 with this.

They've had to put the Sopal nappy back on because he's so excited that he just simply can't control himself.

I literally don't know anything about any of the people who...

Gavin Newsom?

I like that Steve Butterjeg guy.

Pete Butterjeg?

Is it Pete?

I think of him as Steve.

Do you like him less?

Now he's called Pete.

No, I think I like him the same.

Again, Pete doesn't sound really American, does it?

He should be called Chuck Beaver.

Exactly.

Well, I think if he were to change his name to Chuck Beaver, then I think he'd bring both

all the people together.

My sister came up with a great idea yesterday.

She thought that the one person that could actually do it for the Democrats to the point where it would just be like, it's all over, would be The Rock.

I know, so

he needs no security detail.

Exactly.

Because he could just take everyone out himself.

Yeah.

What about

Paul Giamatti?

Oh, now you're talking

on a double ticket with Clemens, imagine,

and maybe a sort of Sarandon as Secretary of State, yeah.

Secretary of State, Sarandon, yeah, yeah, I'd donate to that, or set up a troll farm or something to help

approach Sarandon troll farm from a different

sovereign state.

Why not?

You do what you can, you take an interest,

get involved.

Um, yes, sorry, anyway, so yeah, we're not, we're not, here, so none of this is worth listening to at all.

But we know that we miss you and we'll be back soon.

Yeah, and if you uh if you want more three bean salad, you can find it on our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash three bean salad.

There's loads of hot content on there,

not so hot.

There's hours of the stuff now, isn't it?

Hours and hours of it.

Um, so if you fancy it gets stuck in, either do that or if not, we'll see you in September.

Lovely.

Oh, say, can you see?

Defense.

And here's a little taster of a bit from our most recent Patreon-only Extra Beans episode.

It's an extra bit from our episode about archaeology.

Enjoy!

Oh, and I should say, it's a little bit racy.

So, you know,

if you're listening with children or a vicar or amazing aunt, just bear that in mind.

I think archaeology is a really hot, hot, hot area.

We're discovering this.

You know why?

Is it because everyone's bending over all the time?

Just two things.

Uh-oh.

Lewis content warning.

Lewde content and content content.

I think I tell you it's the bending over, it's the little shorts.

It's the fact that you have to dust something very, very gently in the same way that you might dust the thigh of a lover very gently with a little brush.

You've put the little shorts in, by the way,

that's something you've imposed on the situation.

A little khaki, little khaki little shorts, a little pocket, you know, little pockets on which didn't really serve any purpose.

Slightly dusty buttocks.

Slightly dusty buttocks.

Dusting off those buttocks.

Declaring it a vase.

also also let's face it being bored when you're bored you're thinking about you know food or sex food or sex or the roman empire for a lot of people

well that's how you know if you're an archaeologist because you're taken to a dig and they say what you're thinking about food sex other and if you are thinking about the roman empire then you're in you see That's why the rest of us wouldn't be able to do it.

But Mike, what I would ask you is, why are they thinking about the Roman Empire?

And I think what's happening is with digging.

So with digging,

you probably work at university.

It's a fairly dry environment.

And you're living in a Judeo-Christian sort of value system, right?

But what you're doing is you're digging down to the filth zone of human society.

Pre-Christian.

We're talking Babylonian shit, mate.

We're talking Nebuchadnezzar.

Yeah.

We're talking orgies for breakfast.

We're talking about a breakfast orgy as standard.

We're talking a thousand concubines.

As standard.

They're trying to dig themselves to a a Babylonian Soho.

Exactly.

We're talking a thousand concubines means you're basically single.

Yeah.

I think that's what they're digging down to.

They're digging down to a more filthy...

Everyone's in tiny little leather jerk, little leather skirts.

No one's got any morals.

Everything is just about looking good, eating grapes in a sexy way.

People sit down and eat grapes.

Eating grapes today is, I would say, a completely sexless act.

You're standing in the corner of a Pretamonger, you spent £3.50 on a little plastic bowl with like seven grapes in it, you're effed off, and you're worrying about the meeting you've got coming up, whatever.

There's no chaise long.

There's no chaise long.

Contrast that to eating grapes while sitting on the toilet in a room with 20 other people on the toilet.

Exact and mundo, Ben.

Waiting for the anus brush dropping away.

And yes, I'm grinning as your final bloodied tooth falls onto the shit covered floor.

I think that's part.

I think there's some some truth in that.

I think that's why there's a sort of obsession with ancient cultures in the kind of like uptight British university sector.

Picture your average British academic, Dr.

Timothy Plimpington.

He's horny as hell.

He's recently been sacked.

No, but

he's clad in, he's obviously tweed clad at all times.

He's completely bald.

The nostril hair on this guy is interfering with the tweed lapels on his trousers.

And 5G.

You cannot get 5G

during this guy's seminars, which means it's almost impossible to Google, is this appropriate?

Do you know what I'm saying, though, about archaeology being a bit hot?

Totally.

Yeah.

It's a bit like if we dig down deep enough, we'll get to a whole different value system where I can actually be the real real Dr.

Harold Nimblington,

whoever he is.

You know what I mean?

Primal fish with legs level of sex.

That's what I'm talking.

I'm talking 60,000 concubines, more than I could ever possibly even meet in my own lifetime.

That many concubines.

And not just women, concuboons as well.

Concubines and concuboons.

Was that a baboon concubine?

Oh, God.

I'm never happier than looking at the glowing red ass of my concuboon.

My favorite concuboon.

And there's no value system to tell me that this is wrong.

Because I dug deep enough.