I Definitely Tuned Out and I Agree With You

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Speaker 1 Hey, everybody, I'm Mandy Potenkin. And I'm Catherine Grody.
And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us.
Many of you have asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

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Speaker 1 Freedom! You have to be freed. You are fucking with us.

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Speaker 1 you never you look I mean

Speaker 1 you never how you look you never how you look you never have

Speaker 1 you ever go down downtown you ever go down downtown

Speaker 1 you never go down down down you ever go down town

Speaker 1 wanted to stop every time and we would and let it

Speaker 1 go it was a good groove it was a a really good song that I really liked. A number one single, perhaps.
Why are you grabbing my trash? I'm.

Speaker 1 Trash is a euphemism. First of all, don't refer to yourself that way.

Speaker 1 I was intrigued by what this was because I'd never seen this package before. Lauren ingested something

Speaker 1 before the show. The backstory on this is you eat occasionally.
Can I say what it is for? Sure, say what it is. It's called a made-good bar.
It's a crispy square and it's strawberry flavored.

Speaker 1 Now, the o's in good they are linked to suggest the

Speaker 1 wedding rings oh yes so this is a this is a snack for married people it is i so on halloween all hollows eve

Speaker 1 um a few weeks back obviously yes holly received a rice krispie treat in her bag homemade no okay thank god she loved it Is she tracking all of her candy, by the way?

Speaker 1 Because Emmy got a bunch of candy. We let her have one when she got home.
And then I think we then

Speaker 1 like through the rest of the day. She kind of forgot about it.

Speaker 1 Her treat bag is never asked to

Speaker 1 chair and it's still full. And she hasn't brought it up in a couple of days.
But she does love candy. But this,

Speaker 1 so I went to the store and I thought, oh, I'll get her like a healthy version of a rice ice cream treat.

Speaker 1 And I bought the one that has strawberry flavor in it, and she was disgusted. And the first thing she said to me

Speaker 1 at 5 a.m. this morning, she came into my bed and then she said, mommy, don't put that

Speaker 1 strawberry thing in my lunch again.

Speaker 1 And I said, okay.

Speaker 1 And she also said, don't put fruit roll-ups. I put like these little healthy, quote-unquote, fruit roll-ups, which she normally loves.
And now I'm going to go to the bathroom.

Speaker 1 Now she's turned against them. Have you ever seen that video where it's a little kid getting off the school bus? and greeting his mom and saying, hi, mom.
Terrible sandwich today, by the way. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 The reviews are in. Yeah.
I get reviews. I find it kind of fun.
I'm like, okay, now it's a new challenge of what I'm going to put in. Right.

Speaker 1 I find it interesting that you allow Holly to go into your room at five in the morning. Yeah.
What do you mean, allow? Well, we have a, we have a, this is interesting.

Speaker 1 One parent tipped us off to it, but we the green light thing? The green light thing. So we switched Emmy into a big girl bed

Speaker 1 that she can get out of on her own. But then we also, on her birthday, gave her an alarm clock, which

Speaker 1 she doesn't really know how to tell time, but what it does is 15 minutes before she's allowed to go out of bed, the top turns yellow.

Speaker 1 And then when it turns green, originally when it turned green and she was still in her crib, we said, that's when you can call for us.

Speaker 1 So she would, like the minute it would turn green, she'd go, it's green.

Speaker 1 It's green.

Speaker 1 It's green. We were waking up going, oh, God, okay.
I do that too.

Speaker 1 So, so then we're like, now you don't have to shout out, it's green. Now, now you have to stay in your bed

Speaker 1 until it's green, but then you can get out, you can turn on the lights, and you can play with your toys. You can do it.
With a renewed paper.

Speaker 1 Yeah, make your coffee. Okay, so she's doing independent play before you're even awake.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's usually I am awake, and it's very funny to watch her on the cam, like the minute it turns green, like get out of bed and excitedly turn off the clock and turn off her sound machine and flip on the lights and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 But it's like giving her this responsibility that she really likes, you know, and is proud that she's like, I did it, it turned green, and I did the thing. That's very small, it's very cute.

Speaker 1 I've heard of that before, yeah. Um,

Speaker 1 yeah, I she stays in her room all night typically, but every once in a while she'll come into our room, but I don't mind, I like it when she gets in the bed, yeah, sweet, sweet.

Speaker 1 I feel like Emmy would too much, yeah, you know what I mean, yeah, and you'd eventually be out, yeah, you'd be sleeping

Speaker 1 in the crib, like Cool Up would say, This is actually working great, yeah, except for one thing, yeah,

Speaker 1 it's a little crowded.

Speaker 1 Now I know a way we can all have more space. Christmas sprung in your home.
Yes, the truck pulled up yesterday.

Speaker 1 So you have a storage unit with

Speaker 1 because I know Casey does that. She posted even about this, so it's not private.
It's a competition between the two of them as to how early their Christmas decorations can go up.

Speaker 1 It sounds like a movie, like a funny movie, like a vacation movie. Yes.
Oh, yeah. um,

Speaker 1 yeah. So, they, they, the, the truck pulled up yesterday.
My car was ejected from the garage,

Speaker 1 and so now the entire garage is filled with stuff, and it's, it's been a transition. I, I just, every once in a while on our shared calendar, a day will pop up that will just say Christmas load in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, or

Speaker 1 Christmas lights go up today, you know, stuff like that. I'm gonna wait till Thanksgiving week.

Speaker 1 Um, I have the week off, and Holly does too, so I figure we can do some good Christmas decorating together. Fun.

Speaker 1 That's the sensible time when it should happen. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I always think Thanksgiving is a good time to get it going. Kula says the day after Halloween.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Having just been in London, that, of course, they don't even have Thanksgiving. Right.
So, or whatever equivalent is

Speaker 1 Christmas time. Turkey.

Speaker 1 So they go right to Christmas. Yeah.
Right to Christmas. Do they have Halloween, though? Yes, they do.

Speaker 1 Halloween has really

Speaker 1 to the point where we were checking in a hotel on Halloween Day, and the staff of the hotel had like Halloween makeup on. They were

Speaker 1 all decided to do a clown theme. Oh, and

Speaker 1 you got, you understood immediately, oh, it's up to the individual person how far they want to take the theme.

Speaker 1 They'd wear their uniforms, of course, but they could put face paint. And one guy just had like a crazy tie.
And you could tell he was like, I'll wear a tie.

Speaker 1 This is as clowny as I get.

Speaker 1 It's a lot

Speaker 1 of cool guy. It's a lot to have clown makeup on at your place of business.
Yes, yes, I mean, that adds probably an extra half hour at least, 45 minutes to your prep, unpaid labor.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Well, I mean, if you saw this makeup, you would not think that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I want to. Will you buy me a ticket to England?

Speaker 1 Okay. I mean, for next year? Yes.
Well, we recently went to the

Speaker 1 Universal. What is it called? The Halloween Horror Nights or whatever.
Yeah, at Universal. Yeah.
And I haven't been in like

Speaker 1 at least 10 to 12 years. I mean, I haven't been in a very long time.
All the monsters grew up. Yeah.
Wow. I was so close to seeing Frankenstein tall now.
Some of them are retired. You just go by.

Speaker 1 They're on their porch.

Speaker 1 It was, you know, arrows.

Speaker 1 Oh, by the way,

Speaker 1 speaking of that, not to interrupt.

Speaker 1 Remember the story that I've told several times about trick-or-treating and about the gentleman that I see who anytime we go up there says, like,

Speaker 1 you know, we bought this house 35 years ago. Yes, yes, yes.
I intentionally went up to him this year, yeah, trying to maybe even goad him into it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he seemed so haggard and over Thanksgiving or Halloween, rather. Wow, wow, that he just was kind of giving out candy and going, okay, okay, okay.
Oh,

Speaker 1 so it didn't happen this year. I don't even want to tell the story anymore.
Yeah, maybe his mistress is threatening to tell everyone. Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 A private detective came by and got a picture of them together.

Speaker 1 You only bought this house two years ago, and I know it. And I'll make everybody know it.

Speaker 1 But I was going to say, so there was one of the. Hold on a second.
Are we saying sorry to interrupt now?

Speaker 1 I thought I'd, you know,

Speaker 1 I tried it out and did not get the reception. It didn't feel right.

Speaker 1 It doesn't feel right. I didn't need it.
I'll say that much.

Speaker 1 But the theme was kind of based around the movie Terrifier, which is like a scary clown, which I don't know anything about.

Speaker 1 But so there were a lot of clown freaks running around with like chainsaws coming at you, like,

Speaker 1 you know.

Speaker 1 And I was, the last time I went was probably 12 years ago.

Speaker 1 And I remember, and I don't know if I went to that or like Queen Mary, different things where they have like haunted mazes and people trying to scare you. The Scary Farm.
The haunted hayride.

Speaker 1 Not Scary Farm. Sorry.

Speaker 1 Look, I used to work there. I thought this year, you know, I could take in what it was.
Prove it. For I could see.

Speaker 1 I think I've grown up quite a bit.

Speaker 1 And I wasn't very scared. Yes.
I was like, I was like scared because I'm like, I understand you're scaring me. And it's startling me.
And it's creepy. Yes.
I don't love it.

Speaker 1 But I'm also going like, I'm not like,

Speaker 1 but in the past, I would like scream and like cower. And I just did not really feel anything like that.

Speaker 1 But we went in these haunted mazes, which were the production value at Universal is so high that it's just.

Speaker 1 Do they still have the big plane that's been crashed? Well, that would be on the tour, right? On the tram. Yeah, I didn't get to go on that.

Speaker 1 But the

Speaker 1 mazes that we went to.

Speaker 1 To explain what that is to the listener there was a i think it was a tom cruise movie that that they crashed a plane and so they had they constructed oh the mummy right it was the dark universe mummy yeah it might have been where they where they they they built a life-size crashed plane yes and then they were like well let's not destroy it let's just use this over and over so i've seen it in so many tv shows heroes

Speaker 1 uh you know so many and then they use it every year for halloween horror nights where like there's monsters in this crash plane and stuff like that. That makes sense.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I did hear that on that tour now, like on the haunted thing, you get out and you walk around

Speaker 1 places, which you don't want to do. By the psycho house.
Yeah. There is a famous.
Sorry. No, I just wanted to say.
Are we saying sorry now? No, I just wanted to say, pardon, pardon.

Speaker 1 If I could just finish.

Speaker 1 Can't finish.

Speaker 1 There's

Speaker 1 everything's changed.

Speaker 1 So defeated and defeated. The maze is worth staring.
Defeated. And they went on for so long that you're kind of like, I can't believe I'm not out of here yet.

Speaker 1 And there's someone coming at at you from every room that's a lot of value that yeah and but the

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 the quality was so good yeah i think i've been to some of these sort of more you know not as high budget situations well

Speaker 1 it was just actually very exciting to kind of see like what was in every room it should be right like i mean this is where movies magic happens but they also i guess they save so much money on making the the jaws

Speaker 1 exhibit that sounds so shitty where the the guy in the boat and the boat are the made of the same material, like they're all just one molded piece.

Speaker 1 Well, that's like a really old part of it, though, right? Yeah, I mean, that's been around since this they could update it, though. Make it scary, yeah, they should make it kind of scary.

Speaker 1 Well, but also, I think they feel like who cares about Jaws anymore? Oh, that's disrespectful. I know it's disrespectful, but you know what I mean? Like, why sink some money? Well, then why do it?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Because it's there, and what else are they gonna do? But I mean, if it's such a main, if it's such a staple, and of course, Jaws is like one of the most famous films

Speaker 1 to this day, maybe they don't have the A-Team van there anymore. Never when you would pass that.

Speaker 1 I've never been to the Hollywood Horror Nights, I don't think. Let's go tonight.

Speaker 1 So, yeah. It'll just be regular Universal Studios, but we should go and we'll pretend.
There should be a thing where

Speaker 1 you can pay a little extra to do it off-season, and they'll just have people on reserve. Yeah.
Yes. Who will just for you.
For

Speaker 1 us who are like on call like a doctor would. Yes.
We also got to go on the Nintendo Super Mario. Oh, how was that? I haven't been been in it.
It was really fun. I'd been on it once before, but it was,

Speaker 1 I had to go at like the crack of dawn to get there at the right time and get like early passes. So you skip the line and blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 It was a whole thing, and it still took 30 minutes in the line. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This, no one was there because everyone was doing the amazing stuff. Perfect.
So we literally ran through the whole building to get to the ride. The ride itself is very silly, but it was

Speaker 1 Mike was making me laugh.

Speaker 1 I was crying. Just crying.

Speaker 1 I have been to Legoland's A Thousand Hours in Hell, which is one of the scariest things I've ever endured.

Speaker 1 Hours in Hell? It's called Legoland. A thousand

Speaker 1 hours in hell. They're Halloween.

Speaker 1 I would spend 900 hours there.

Speaker 1 You wouldn't want to spend an hour there. 500.
It's really horrible because they ask you when you go in, they ask you to say into like a, you know, sort of,

Speaker 1 you know, box. You have to say you're the worst thing you've ever done.
And then that will figure into your experience as you walk through the worst thing you've ever done.

Speaker 1 So this is like Scientology?

Speaker 1 Sort of, but I mean, they don't use it against you to like blackmail you into being a coach. Oh, okay.
It is just to tailor the experience to your specific. What would you say if you had to do that?

Speaker 1 If you said, you know, like, I lied to my mother on her deathbed. What would you say? What would you lie about? Like, she asks, did you? Did you promise me you'll do this?

Speaker 1 And I say, yeah, of course I will. I'm like, I'm not going to do that.
I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 1 Or you could say, like, I I cheated on my spouse or or I I you know my chill I denied my child you know things like that I'm asking what you would say well that's none of your business that's between that's between me that's between me and the Legoland's a thousand nights in hell

Speaker 1 Jesus is more now

Speaker 1 well you're gonna spend a thousand nights in hell because you're punished for the thing that you then you walk through there's a very realistic devil uh that's really really upsetting and the lego stuff doesn't figure into it at all.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Okay, all the monsters are made of Lego stuff. No, they shut that stuff down.
Do you even see any of it? Or is it covered with sheets?

Speaker 1 No, you can see it like through a sort of gauzy smoke. And it's like, it makes it worse because you wish you were there having fun.
Yeah. And they have actors like playing and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 Like as kids, like,

Speaker 1 yes, we're having fun. Have you been to Legoland? I've still never been.
I know there's a certain age where it's no longer fun, like seven or eight.

Speaker 1 Okay, because maybe I should do that over Thanksgiving break. One day at Legoland.
Yeah, that'd be fun. One day at Legoland.
24601.

Speaker 1 That's the zip code for Legoland. Have I told you about the Universal Studios pictures that I take?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You kept one secret from us this whole time. You take pictures?

Speaker 1 She takes some pictures? I take pictures. The first time I ever met

Speaker 1 the first time I ever met Kulop's oldest sister. She came out to visit us for maybe a month.
And she's 81. Is that correct? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And we didn't even think she had a month to spare, but she, no. So she was.
So cool. I was a bit of a surprise.
I think she was 10, maybe.

Speaker 1 I can't remember, but she came out and stayed with us when she was 10.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we went to Universal Studios, and I had like a camera, and you couldn't even see what the pictures were. You had to go get a development.
This is how long those are. Wow.
This is 90.

Speaker 1 This is the year 2000, I think.

Speaker 1 In the year 2000.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 we took a bunch of fun pictures in the parking lot of her sister doing all this crazy stuff. Like there's a,

Speaker 1 there's, you know, like being scared at the Frankenstein parking sign. And

Speaker 1 all sorts of, just a lot of random pictures. And I sent them to her.
And then

Speaker 1 she had a baby who is now who

Speaker 1 eats a boy, of course.

Speaker 1 We've talked about him on this show many times. He had the sneaker.
He's He had a baby eats. He's the entrepreneur.
So over the years, I then had... Who was that? It was David.
They had a baby.

Speaker 1 It's a boy.

Speaker 1 Over the years, I have taken him to Universal Studios and had him reenact the same pictures that his mom

Speaker 1 took over the years. Exactly to see about genetics.
Right. What they can tell us.
And so anytime he comes to visit, he's like, do we have to do the pictures again? And so I take him.

Speaker 1 So now Emmy, I've started taking them with Emmy as well. And then sometimes when her sister comes out with him, I'll have the both of them reenact.
And is he cool to do it then?

Speaker 1 Oh, he's always cool to do it. Yeah, he enjoys it.

Speaker 1 And we made like a photo album of them all of like, this is now a 25-year process of me reenacting these pictures that we took for fun. Jesus.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 it's very cute. That's cute.
How cute. How cute.
Yeah. It's a cute little thing that you sing about.

Speaker 1 Lauren, you're being very cute right now. I'm trying to sing like that thing.
You're a terrible. It's a cute little silo.

Speaker 1 I met a guy who was so young. Stereophonic, there was

Speaker 1 an actor who sang like that.

Speaker 1 And it kind of bothered me because it was not very

Speaker 1 period. Oh, my God.
What? She's right out the window of you. You can see her.
You could stand up and look.

Speaker 1 No. You got to be more over this way.

Speaker 1 I see her. You see her.

Speaker 1 I see two dogs.

Speaker 1 There she is.

Speaker 1 That was

Speaker 1 thrilling.

Speaker 1 That was thrilling, wasn't it?

Speaker 1 Oh, so yeah,

Speaker 1 this actor had a voice that was too modern sounding. It did not capture.

Speaker 1 70s enough. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because she was supposed to be this sort of Stevie Nick stand-in.

Speaker 1 And Stevie Nick sounds like this.

Speaker 1 That's like when Conan is trying to sing earnestly, that's what it sounds like.

Speaker 1 Conan the Barbarian. Yeah.
Conan. The lamentations of the women.

Speaker 1 Drive your enemies before you.

Speaker 1 I've never seen that movie, Conan the Barbarian. Oh, yeah.
I just watched it for, I mean, a couple of years ago. Oh, God.
Oh, Jesus Christ almighty.

Speaker 1 We have to take a break. We'll be right back.
But I do have to, I have an exciting announcement. Oh, this is exciting.

Speaker 1 I can't wait.

Speaker 1 We'll be right back.

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Speaker 1 Shand, we're back. We're back.
And guys, I said I had an exciting announcement. You did.
Now, let's see if that's true or if you were having us on. I actually think you'll

Speaker 1 be very intrigued. Is it gonna be, though? Is this part of Lauren's topics, though?

Speaker 1 Well, I don't know. Is it? Do you think it can be retroactively added to Lawrence Topics? It can be, or yeah,

Speaker 1 what's that's a, of course, we all know Lawrence Topics is one of our

Speaker 1 blowing my mind right now. I'm just if it's what I think it is, I'd love it.
Just keep talking. What do you think it is? Oh, that was just quoting Donald Trump Jr.
Okay, what is it?

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 no longer

Speaker 1 live in a beep house.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Wow. Okay, cool.
Wow. How did you resolve it? First of all, I thought you were going to say you had, we're having another baby.
Yes, because that's famously impossible.

Speaker 1 I just threw away my sperm. Okay, just one time into the trash.

Speaker 1 I always jerk off into a trash can. It's just the most efficient way to do things.
No,

Speaker 1 the ones that they harvested on the table, they'd been keeping in

Speaker 1 the lab or in the refrigerator or whatever. And we finally just said, like, no, we can get rid of it.
Yeah. You can always make it.
You can drink it, do whatever you want with it.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's absolutely disgusting. So let's get back to the beep house.
People are going to be very relieved to hear this. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 In fact, I noticed when we were looking for voicemails on the last episode, you found where the beep was going to be.

Speaker 1 No, a lot of people were like, hey, if you, if you're looking for the beep, do this, do this, whatever. So what'd you do? Okay, so Lauren, as someone who constantly looks in this room for new things.

Speaker 1 Yes, I love to look around. You have not noticed the big new thing right over there that.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Let me just create.

Speaker 1 Turn your head to over there.

Speaker 1 Underneath the television? Is that like a DVD player or something? Or is it a record player?

Speaker 1 Yes. That whole system is new.

Speaker 1 I see. Yes.
There was not that. There was not a bookcase.
Nothing was there. Yes.
There's a

Speaker 1 bookcase with records.

Speaker 1 There's a phone. It's very nice.
It's actually better than the other thing you were trying to do. It looks very nice.
This is very high quality. I like it.
Yes. So I finally got a new phonograph.

Speaker 1 It's been a,

Speaker 1 I've been on a quest to get the right system. I got this new Victrola, which plays via Bluetooth to whatever speakers we want.
It's very nice. That's nice.
And so I had my.

Speaker 1 That's a cool feature. Yes.
It's very nice. So I had my AV person come.

Speaker 1 And this is, by the way, someone I've used for years and years and years that I've recommended to all my friends, and they all love him. Oh, my friend.
friend.

Speaker 1 Shout out to Scott Amarelli.

Speaker 1 Great guy. And

Speaker 1 so he came over to install it as well as do a couple of other things.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 he said, when he was here,

Speaker 1 well, no, when he was here, it just popped in my head. I said, I wonder if he could figure out where this beep is coming from.
So I said, hey, weird question.

Speaker 1 For almost a year,

Speaker 1 we've heard a beep every 60 seconds in our house. Would you? I don't know how you've handled this.
Is that something that you think you could figure out?

Speaker 1 And he took, and he's the kind of guy, and I love this about him, where he took it on as a challenge. He was like, hell yeah, let me go look for it.
And so he went into the

Speaker 1 room where we hear it the loudest. And he called me in there and he's like, I feel like I'm going crazy because anytime I hear it and then I go stand by where I heard it,

Speaker 1 it then sounds like somewhere else. I said, this is the exact problem that we're keeping.
Yeah. It's a moving beep.
So he went up there and there, it's it's a room that has exposed uh ductwork

Speaker 1 and things like that so there's a lot of crevices up there and you just

Speaker 1 kept going with a flashlight

Speaker 1 explosive

Speaker 1 yeah yeah um he went up there

Speaker 1 i like nooks but i don't like crannies see i'm more of a cranny girl yeah i get that

Speaker 1 so he he looked everywhere couldn't find it

Speaker 1 And I said, maybe it's up in the crawl space in the garage,

Speaker 1 which is not even an attic. It's just a crawl space.

Speaker 1 He went up there. It's fun to crawl up there, though.
I love it because you can hit your head. It's a space where you can crawl.
It's a space for the family to crawl. You can get claustrophobic.

Speaker 1 It's great. He went up there and

Speaker 1 I was sitting in this room and suddenly I hear the beep super loud. Oh my God.
What the fuck was it? And I, and then the door swings open and he's holding a smoke alarm in his hand.

Speaker 1 That was in the crawl space. That was in in the crawl space.
Apparently, right before we bought the place, they renovated this place and they dropped down the ceilings or something like that.

Speaker 1 And so this crawl space was just where

Speaker 1 a ceiling used to be and it was hardwired into the ceiling. That's why it's been going for a year.

Speaker 1 We just thought that when it first started, we were like, oh, the battery will last a month, maybe two, and it'll. It's been hardwired into the system.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 But not our actual alarms and smoke detector system because we've checked that already. And they said, no, you don't have anything beeping.
This is in the old electricity. It's electricity.

Speaker 1 That's insane to leave it there. They've just left it there.
And I would hunt these people down. Yeah, they deserve to be punished.
In the town square.

Speaker 1 Hopefully they're the town square because that'll aid with the hunting. You know, if they leave the town square, it would be pretty helpful if they stayed there until we find them.

Speaker 1 But so he's. Oh my God.
Were you jumping for drive? I love it.

Speaker 1 And he goes, do you want me to switch the battery and go hook it back up? I said, no, there's no reason for it to be up there. Those wires.

Speaker 1 ah, it was so, and so it's just been

Speaker 1 a hard time. So he threw it.
He's like, Do you want to keep it? I said, No, just throw it into the trash, please.

Speaker 1 I'm genuinely happy for you. Thank you so much.
I'm so relieved. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 Also, it's nice to hear this is where it was because there's no way Paul or I would have been crawling our asses up there to help you. Oh, hell no.

Speaker 1 We forgot to go look. We forgot to go look, and we were going to do what he did for the first hour of this quest to stand there and be confused.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was going to get the ladder out and force one of us up there. Yeah, exactly.
You should have kept it as a trophy, though. Yeah, and bronzed it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, no, mounted it like a deer head or something. Or you should have kept it outside so you could still hear the beep if you ever miss it.
That's a good point.

Speaker 1 Although it wouldn't be hooked up to the electrical system. When we got home from London last night, we came home to a beep house.
No.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we

Speaker 1 transferred it to you. We solved it very quickly, but it was the annoying process of because our home is small.

Speaker 1 and so we have a smoke alarm a CO2 detector and another smoke alarm like within very close proximity to each other in three different so it's hard to tell which one it is so you have to go and stand then you're like standing in the

Speaker 1 between them yeah between and seeing so we finally got it and put it in there and

Speaker 1 I pressed it and it seems to be okay but i i feel like the different devices should make different noises so you always know which one it is. It should also say, I'm the one over here.

Speaker 1 I'm the smoke detector.

Speaker 1 I'm the other smoke detector. I'm the CO2.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Beep.
I'm CO2.

Speaker 1 Beep. I mean, also, that'd be helpful if it was like carbon monoxide.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or is the beep of a carbon monoxide? You'd rather know that because you need to know what you're supposed to do next.

Speaker 1 Your battery is low. They could play songs.
The least it could say is your battery is low. Or a song that has your battery is low in the lyrics.
Oh, I know a few.

Speaker 1 We moved my mom out of her place recently, and she. Did she stop beeping? No, we.
No, she's still beeping. We found that when any of her smoke alarms would beep, she would disconnect them.
Sure.

Speaker 1 That's the way to do it. Who needs this? Great.
Great job.

Speaker 1 Well, that's great. Great job.
Did she impart this information very casually? Like, oh, I just disconnect them. Something like that effect.
Yeah, yeah. Gotta love parents.
Gotta love parents.

Speaker 1 Gotta love them.

Speaker 1 You're contractually obliged. Yeah.
You know what? Even if you're trying not to, sometimes you do anyway, and it's hard.

Speaker 1 Do you think our kids will love us more than we love our parents? Wow. No, no, you're not.

Speaker 1 You love your parents. Yeah.
I love my parents. I technically love my parents.
I love my parents. They're both dead.
It's easy to say.

Speaker 1 No, they were great. Yeah, they were great.
Perfect.

Speaker 1 Fine. They did the best they could.

Speaker 1 Perfect. That's all anyone can do is the best they can now.
They were freaks from a different time. Some would say one should expand one's knowledge so you can do better than

Speaker 1 you were able to the day before even. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But some people do the best they can and they stay there at that level. It's funny.
I think about, when I think about my parents' parenting style

Speaker 1 and how I wish it had been a little more modern,

Speaker 1 then I think about their fucking parents. It's like, how did they grow up?

Speaker 1 And this was better. They probably thought that they were doing their

Speaker 1 everyone just hopes, like, well, I'm not going to make the mistakes that I hated. Yeah.
Although I do think some parents say, I'm going to make the same mistakes because that's just what parenting is.

Speaker 1 I think people settle into that. Yeah.
You know, forcing people. They go like, well, I survived it.
Yeah. Well, that's always the argument for hitting your kids.
Yeah. It's like, I turned out fine.

Speaker 1 No, you didn't. You hit kids.

Speaker 1 You're a kid hitter right now.

Speaker 1 Fucking lunatic.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I, you know, you don't want to make the mistakes of being too, not, not giving enough discipline, but I feel like everyone tips too far into the discipline thing because you don't have to like give angry discipline to kids necessarily.

Speaker 1 You just need to tell them what I know. I don't know.
It's hard, man.

Speaker 1 I can't imagine. You get frustrated.
I can't imagine. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. It's easy.
Because you're dealing with somebody you can't truly reason with.

Speaker 1 What are you saying? Well, it's, it's, you, one can get frustrated. And you understand.
It's easy to get frustrated

Speaker 1 and and like snap. Oh, yeah.
Well, I sometimes I'm like, I, whenever I've had to be firm, I'm like, I can't believe I just sounded like that. I know, but it's like something is dangerous.

Speaker 1 I'm like, stop doing that.

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh my God. We started doing a thing of like serious voice means

Speaker 1 like it is important. Yeah.
You know what I mean? So, like, when we, when we put on serious voice, it's, it's because you're in danger. What does that sound like? Or

Speaker 1 it's, it's like, honey, I'm, you know, oh, yeah, you need to step away from that right now, you know. It still sounds kind of nice.
Like, I was like, This still sounds nice.

Speaker 1 I'm saying, honey, she was like, nicest word in the world. She was like, I'm sliding my seatbelt off or something.
Like, I was like, but I don't even know if she even was.

Speaker 1 I couldn't see what was happening. But I go, do not do that.

Speaker 1 I'm like driving, like, stop that right now.

Speaker 1 But if you use this, she was like, okay, mommy. You can have 10 more tries to do the thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Stop doing that.

Speaker 1 That's not good to do.

Speaker 1 I mean so emmy kicks the back of cool ops chair a lot and we've tried just every way to get her not to do it so it's like explaining it to her like okay so honey when you kick the back of the chair it feels like this on our chair and and mommy doesn't like to feel that okay and then the next day of course backed up boom boom but what's this you know i'm glad you mentioned this and i would like to address all little kids right now yeah

Speaker 1 stop kicking the back of chairs i don't know what you get out of it yeah but whatever it is it's not not worth it for the pain and discomfort that you're inflicting.

Speaker 1 Minor pleasures there are to be had in kicking the back of a chair. And you honestly, I love kicking the backs of chairs.
Yeah. I would do it all day.
Yeah. I like to do it from a standing position.

Speaker 1 Sure. Just kick a chair.
I love it. I like kicking a guy in the back.
Yeah. That's something I do.

Speaker 1 I love kicking. Okay.
But as adults, we realize. Let's start there.
First of all, I love kicking. Yeah, just kicking anything.
Anything. A can, a rug, a table.
Sure. I like to buck.

Speaker 1 Yes. But then if I see someone in a chair, I think I could affect them.

Speaker 1 And so I think, well, that's even more exciting. It's a different sense of that.
It's so pleasurable. We love it so much.

Speaker 1 So pleasurable. Yes, yes, yes.
It's so

Speaker 1 pleasurable. I love it so much.
So

Speaker 1 what? Kids need to stop. You have to be old enough to do that.
You have to know what you're doing and why you're doing it. Once you turn 18, you can kick every chair you

Speaker 1 can. Everybody.
And let me tell you something, kids, it's worth the wait. Oh, boy.
Oh, you'll love it. You're You're going to be glad you did it.
Oh, you're going to be in hog heaven. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But right now, you need to stop. You need to stop doing it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're abusing the privilege, which you don't even have yet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anytime that the back of my chair is kicked and I turn around and it's a child,

Speaker 1 if it's an adult, I laugh and I go, feels good, doesn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And, but if it's a child, they haven't earned the right to do that yet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I remember,

Speaker 1 you know, a guy leaning back in his seat in front of me on the plane.

Speaker 1 And I said, hey, man, could you not do that? And he said, how about this?

Speaker 1 I'll do it halfway. I'll do it halfway.

Speaker 1 You go fuck yourself. I'll do it halfway.
And I'll laugh. I'll do it halfway.
And you can kick the chair the whole rest of the flight. I said, deal.
Deal. And we were both happy.
Oh, you loved it.

Speaker 1 You loved the chair. You got to kick back to the chair.
Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.

Speaker 1 Anytime you kick the chair. I take flight attendants, like if they're coming down the aisle, I'll just like stick my foot out.
It's not tripping, it's kicking. So like if they fall, that's on them.

Speaker 1 That's on them because who falls from a kick? Right. It's a trip that would make you fall.
Yeah. So I'm kind of like pulling back, pulling back.
That's why we say have a nice trip, see you next fall.

Speaker 1 We don't say have a nice kick, see you next fall. Yes.
And we don't say, hey, I just kicked you. It's autumn time right now.
Right.

Speaker 1 No one would say that. Yeah, we don't say that.
We don't say it. We don't.
No one has ever said it, including me just then. You could,

Speaker 1 I didn't hear you say anything, and I don't think you did say anything.

Speaker 1 I definitely tuned out, and I agree with you.

Speaker 1 Yep. That's how I feel about the soul podcast.
I definitely tuned out.

Speaker 1 I agree with you. I agree with you.
I know my title is Soul Podcast. I love soul podcasts.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it's the disciplining thing is like, you just want to be the cool parent or whatever, but then there are, you know, look, there are dangerous things.

Speaker 1 And then sometimes there are annoying things when it's like,

Speaker 1 you know, sometimes you just have to go, don't do that, or you don't get to have any fun ever again. I have talked about previously of like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 letting Emmy yell.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? And even if it's annoying to me, like

Speaker 1 having, it's more important to me to have a child who like wanders around the house yelling and play acting and being loud and boisterous than it is for me to have a, you know, a nice sane morning.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, no,

Speaker 1 I pretty much don't stop anything like that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's only when it's extremely annoying or on the phone.

Speaker 1 That's what's started happening lately: is like when Kulop wants to talk to me about something important and then she wants to interject herself and go, blah, blah, blah, you know, because she wants attention.

Speaker 1 And then we have to say, like, put on serious voice and say, honey. Honey? That's.
We're talking. Yeah.
And you

Speaker 1 don't talk. Not that harsh.
I think that's what I'm saying. It's like, honey, that's what you did before.
So, honey, it's rude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're talking. And we need you to stop.
That sounds too much like non-serious voice. Okay.
It's more like like

Speaker 1 honey.

Speaker 1 Oh, that would be scary.

Speaker 1 It's like when they tell you, you're supposed to talk to a dog, like with a low voice, to like,

Speaker 1 no, listen to me, you bitch. Also, I feel like when we first got Rocky, our first dog,

Speaker 1 um, there was some TV program like Cesar Milan or set or something who said, like, dogs like consonants.

Speaker 1 So, always remember, you remember, like, always try to put like, what a good boy, or you know, oh, okay,

Speaker 1 good dog. Yeah, I would just use the consonants.
I feel like any

Speaker 1 we don't know what dogs like. Stop saying that dogs like consonants.
I know what dogs like.

Speaker 1 I know what dogs want.

Speaker 1 But, you know, everyone's just guessing. So, so, when instead of going out there with authority and saying, like, dogs like consonants, just go like, I don't know, my dog responds to these consonants.

Speaker 1 Try this, the K sound.

Speaker 1 I think it's cool.

Speaker 1 You're using a lot of consonants to be able to do that.

Speaker 1 You should let your kids yell. And I'm cool with it.
Yeah. In public, too.
Because some people. No, no, no.
I mean, you two, your kids. Oh, oh, oh.
In your homes. But I guess.
I'm cool with that.

Speaker 1 Oh, great. I guess what I'm trying to say is like, some people, some parents would look at us and say, like.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're not teaching them how to act in social situations or whatever. Yes.
You should slap them across the face at the store.

Speaker 1 Who is that

Speaker 1 person who there's some parent out there who thinks that you need to like have a million kids or whatever and a and a paper writer followed them around and he just smacked his kid right in front of the paper writer the journalist and

Speaker 1 anyway paper writer yeah sorry sorry journalist sound more specific and yet I don't know anyway but it is specific but no I think it's I think it's I think it like we even went I went to the I took my kid to the doctor yesterday and the doctor was saying like by the way when you when because I wasn't there for the checkup three months ago or whatever when she came in I couldn't believe how much she was talking she's like at a fourth grade level fourth grade sorry four-year-old level

Speaker 1 can you imagine if you were in fourth grade and don't like her um but but you know I think it's better to encourage them to be expressive of course of course oh my family's very expressive oh they can't stop expressing

Speaker 1 we love it we love it we love it don't we folks we love it don't we folks it's such a blast it's such a blast, and I'm so glad. And I'm so glad.
I'm loving it. I'm so glad for your wonderful children.

Speaker 1 And thank you for sharing them with us.

Speaker 1 Anyway, she says beep, beep, beep every 60 seconds. Okay.
Now you're still in the beep house. Three beeps?

Speaker 1 Three beeps.

Speaker 1 Three beeps. Three beeps every 60 seconds.

Speaker 1 What? Three beeps of raisins in Kellogg's

Speaker 1 of raisins. Three cups.

Speaker 1 Three scoops. Three scoops.
A scoop is a cup. Two scoops.

Speaker 1 Two scoops. Let's see.
Narrow it down. When I was a kid, I hated raisins so much.
Yay. Kulop hates raisins.
They're great. I'm fine with them now.
I liked raisins as a kid.

Speaker 1 I'm actually a little less into them now, but I'll eat them.

Speaker 1 I will tell you, I don't. I still don't eat them on their own.
Yeah. I don't have them in the middle.
No, do you don't like that feeling of sticking your finger in a little raisin box and going,

Speaker 1 no, I don't have to eat it. I don't like having them on like a fruit salad with mayonnaise and stuff like that.
That sounds like shit. I know, but I'll have them go to my church and a pot look.

Speaker 1 I'll have them eat.

Speaker 1 I can eat like a raisin muffin, sort of, not muffin, but a raisin, like a cinnamon raisin. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can eat that. I like that.
It's not my go-to, but I can eat it.

Speaker 1 We got some cinnamon raisin bread recently and just you know, in the fridge, it was like a nice change. You gotta make some toast.
It was a nice change. You know, how about this?

Speaker 1 My toaster, which I love. It's a kind of fancy toaster.

Speaker 1 It smells like plastic now when I'm doing shit in there. And I'm thinking I'm going to have to.
By the way, is it possible to get rid of it? Is it possible? It's possible to clean toasters.

Speaker 1 It's a Belmuda. So much like crumbs down from the triangle? Belmuda triangle.
Is there a different way to clean out toasters than unplugging them and just shooting?

Speaker 1 I sort of think there must be something in the back of it or something.

Speaker 1 That's the only way, right? It's like a toaster oven. It's not a toaster.

Speaker 1 But I can see that it's all clean inside, but I feel like there's something happening in the wires or something. I'm a little nervous.

Speaker 1 I remember the fear of something getting on the element when you would have a toaster oven. The element?

Speaker 1 Yes, the heating element. Yeah, the thing underneath that if you could get something on there that would then destroy it forever or permanently make things smell like that, whatever.
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Plastic was the big fear, of course. Well, yeah, I don't know what's going on.
I don't know, it's definitely weird. And I googled it, and it's just a whole thing, you know.
And so part of me is like

Speaker 1 out the door with you, but the other part of me is like, I should call someone. You know, I'm not a big

Speaker 1 pastry person. Yeah.
But when I go to I don't like fruit pastries, I can fuck right off. I don't mind some of them.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah.
But I

Speaker 1 chocolate croissant.

Speaker 1 I'll have them at hotel. Would you like a chocolate croissant?

Speaker 1 Would you like a chocolate croissant? Would you like a chocolate croissant? You'll have them, but then what happens? I only throw them. I mostly just get them at

Speaker 1 like a hotel breakfast. They're always fucking stale.
I know. When they're bad, they suck my breasts.

Speaker 1 When they're good,

Speaker 1 they rock my orbs.

Speaker 1 All right, we have to take a break. You have to take a break.
Forever.

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Speaker 1 Hello, I'm James Corden, and on my new show, This Life of Mine, I sit down each week with some of the most fascinating people on planet Earth. From Dr.

Speaker 1 Dre to Julianne Moore to David Beckham to Cynthia Arrivo to Martin Scorsese to Jeremy Renner to Denzel Washington to Kim Kardashian.

Speaker 1 We talk about the people, places, possessions, music, and memories that made them who they are. These are intimate conversations full of stories that you've never heard before.

Speaker 1 This Life of Mine premieres October 21st, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 We're back,

Speaker 1 Chen. We're back, and guys, I have some more movies to give away.
Yay!

Speaker 1 Paul's giving away movie! Oh my god! I've replaced some DVDs with Blu-rays. Wow.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I have some movies that, if you would like them, let me know. We'll start with this.

Speaker 1 Meredith Wilson's the music man. Oh, the music man.
This is just a DVD. Just a DVD.
No.

Speaker 1 I don't need it. I don't mean to be rude.
I don't mean to be rude, but I don't need it. It's not rude at all.
It's not rude to not need something. Okay.

Speaker 1 I want it.

Speaker 1 The Lion in Winter, Peter O'Toole. Oh,

Speaker 1 we have this in our house for a hat that says Peter O'Toole right now. What's that? You're wearing a hat that says Peter O'Toole.
Oh, my God, I am. I forgot.
We have this in our house for months. Yes.

Speaker 1 And I still have never seen it, but Coolop, but you loaned it to Kulop and said this was your favorite movie or one of my favorite movies. I said it was one of my favorite movies.

Speaker 1 Well, somehow we got to talking about this movie and said, oh, you should really see it. It's great.
And I believe she did, right? Yes. I believe she did.
Without me, I

Speaker 1 would like to see it,

Speaker 1 but that's DVD quality. This doesn't interest you at all.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, no. Yeah.
But it is a vintage classic. It is a vintage classic.
Let me look it up and see if it's in better of

Speaker 1 health.

Speaker 1 i mean that's we're gonna put a pin in that one there is now a blu-ray version which is why i'm giving oh i see

Speaker 1 then i'll just borrow that from you at some point okay it came out last year on keeno lorber

Speaker 1 what

Speaker 1 never mind it came in last night on kimonobo came in last night

Speaker 1 i have the godfathers one and two i have i have 4k versions of it i

Speaker 1 don't have you ever seen i've seen both you've seen both i'm okay you're okay Yeah. Paul just made you an offer that you can't refuse.
And you need to know on this. You want to know on this.

Speaker 1 Kyle's not doing great. No, it's not.
I have

Speaker 1 the two-disc collector's edition of There Will Be Blood. Your movie? My boofy.

Speaker 1 I already own it. You already own it.

Speaker 1 Lauren?

Speaker 1 I don't have it, but I'll take it. Yay!

Speaker 1 Are you just taking it so Paul doesn't feel bad? Yeah. Are you ever going to watch that? No, I'll watch you in it.
I'll show you. Turn it off.
You know what?

Speaker 1 It'll be great because you can, you won't have long to wait.

Speaker 1 I'll drink the first. I drink your milkshake.
This is bloody son. That's not Paul who says that, by the way, Paul goes.
You're going to be disappointed. Paul goes, I'll drink your milkshake.

Speaker 1 And then he just whispered it. You can hear a voice in the background go, Me too.

Speaker 1 I'll also drink it. Save some for me.

Speaker 1 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid on Blu-ray. On Blu-ray?

Speaker 1 That is, for me,

Speaker 1 going to be

Speaker 1 a take.

Speaker 1 Wow. I would love it.
Don't already have it. I don't already have this.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 This is sealed. Signed, sealed, delivered.
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, digital HD. Has a Blu-ray and digital HD.
Has a digital HD, meaning

Speaker 1 that's the same thing, isn't it? Blu-ray and digital HD. Watch this movie anywhere with digital HD.
That means a download. Oh, I see.
I have it. Yes.
You have it? Yep. I

Speaker 1 will take it. Yeah.
Whoa. That's brand spanking new.

Speaker 1 All right. Thank you.
And then finally,

Speaker 1 the piece de resistance.

Speaker 1 This is hot off the presses. 4K Ultra HD.
No, I haven't seen this. I give you first stibs on it.
I want it. Take it.
Sinners.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 Wait, is that the Blu-ray code or is that the digital code? Sinners.

Speaker 1 Sinning.

Speaker 1 Do you use it? This is 4K Ultra HD plus digital code. Can I ask you, Lauren? Do you use the codes? Because I'll just take the code.
I don't use the code. I don't.

Speaker 1 Everybody wins. Let's open it up.
Here, you can figure that out. I will.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Paul. Thank you, Uncle Paul.
You're welcome. So nice of you to give us gifts.
Thank you, Uncle Paul. We love you, Uncle Paul.
We love you, Uncle Paul. We love you, Uncle Paul.
We love you.

Speaker 1 Wait, what was the song from last week's episode?

Speaker 1 I think it was this week's episode. Someone

Speaker 1 gave them a samamakus. Have you ever gone down, downtown? What was it? No, it wasn't that.
There was one even earlier. We started off the last week with it.

Speaker 1 It was just a thing that we were almost a chance. Yeah, it was.

Speaker 1 Have you ever gone downtown? No, no, no. It was something else, Scott.
It's not all about your downtown song.

Speaker 1 We can't always be singing that. But look,

Speaker 1 guess what it's time for, guys? What?

Speaker 1 It's time for a buster. It's time for Umbustero.

Speaker 1 And this is one we haven't done in quite a while. This is one we haven't done.
This is a physical game

Speaker 1 of cards that was sent to us by Hearts. Sent to us by Xantor the Magician.
And we thank you again, Xantor. Thank you, Xantor.
We love you. Thank you, Xantor.

Speaker 1 This game is called Conversation the Game, the party game. We're going to have a conversation.
By the way, you have a 4K Blu-ray player? Because this is 4K. I don't know.
No.

Speaker 1 I have a PlayStation or whatever it is. That might be 4K.
I think it works. I think it is.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you about the game.

Speaker 1 Just follow the one rule on your card and have the most ridiculous conversation you've ever experienced with cards like ask only questions, imitate another player, or speak in an appropriate volume.

Speaker 1 It's easy to see why everyone's been talking about this game. Come join the conversation.
It's easy to see.

Speaker 1 Everyone's been talking about this. What happens is

Speaker 1 everyone picks a card.

Speaker 1 And then they have to do the thing that is on the card as we have a conversation. And everyone has a different thing during our one conversation.
Is that what it is? Yes. Oh, yes.
I remember this.

Speaker 1 Now, this is the most exciting part of the game, is picking the card, is it not? It is. It's so exciting.

Speaker 1 Because how many of these cards are there? A lot of people are out there thinking, oh, there's probably two cards. No, there's 375.
375 cards. There's also, now there's two types of cards.

Speaker 1 The vast majority are just the sort of prompts that give you the thing you're supposed to do.

Speaker 1 Then there's these other cards, and it's not explained anywhere on the box. Of what they're called, friends.
Friends. history.
What's your game called?

Speaker 1 I guess that's just you could just have a conversation about these things. No, put those to the side.
I'm putting them to the side.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and Xantor, if you're listening, refresh our memories as to what those cards do. Yeah, because you can get a hold of us somehow.
I think we've kind of walled ourselves off from the public.

Speaker 1 We don't know how to get into the email. I think we can get into the email.
Well, the voicemails are the one way that people can get a hold of us,

Speaker 1 although we don't like we, I just looked at them for the first time in a month. Xantor, leave us a voicemail at HagclaimJate.com.
Your voicemail will shoot to the top of the pile. Sure.

Speaker 1 Leave us a message. Say your name

Speaker 1 shows up in a transcript. See, it ain't shows up.
It shows up in a transcript. All right, we'll just do this for no reason.
Find Xantor search.

Speaker 1 Where in the world is Xantor the magician? Okay, so this is exciting. Oh, you're handing me a card.
I thought I got to pick a card.

Speaker 1 I would prefer to pick a card, Paul. I do apologize.
Oh, gosh. So many choices.
I'm going to do this one. Oh,

Speaker 1 I've looked at my card, and I know what my prompt and my instructions are. I like this.
Your secret instructions. I like this.

Speaker 1 I also have my secret instructions.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Here we go.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. We met earlier, but I don't remember your name.

Speaker 1 My name is Paul. Paul.
I don't know if you noticed I was taking a breath. I was going to speak.
Okay, it sounded like you were sighing exasperatedly.

Speaker 1 Sorry to interrupt that you were about to speak, but I just wanted to refresh my memory as to your name. I feel like you can't tell from a sharp intake of breath that someone's going to speak.

Speaker 1 Look, I hear sharp intakes of breath all day, every day. And it's usually people just having to.
Who are you?

Speaker 1 I'm

Speaker 1 protesting this conversation. You're protesting? I'm kind of anti, like, whatever it is you two have going on.

Speaker 1 Okay. I mean,

Speaker 1 the two of us obviously have something going on, but now it's three of us. And so I'm just kind of wondering what you add to this conversation.
Why are you even here then?

Speaker 1 Well, I'm kind of anti-Uber right now, so I'm not taking an Uber, even though I want to leave. I have to walk, so I'm just kind of sitting here until.

Speaker 1 How many miles would you say you walk, like four or five or like a day?

Speaker 1 How many steps are you getting in each day? Like, so how many are you supposed to get? 700 steps, or is it supposed to be 10,000? 10,000 steps usually get,

Speaker 1 but I'm kind of anti-people, like saying that, like, what you should get. Uh-huh.
How many steps do you get? Paul, was it?

Speaker 1 Is it? I bet you get, I'm just looking at you right now. I bet you get

Speaker 1 8,000 steps a day. Like, you need to bump that up to 10,000 steps.
8,000 is not that bad.

Speaker 1 It's not that great either. But you're wrong.
How many steps do you get? Do you get 15,000? I get 10,002 steps every day. 10,002.

Speaker 1 Have you ever thought about just stopping right at 10,000?

Speaker 1 And then wherever you are, just sitting down and going to sleep for eight hours, nine hours. I'm not counting them as I go along, like in my mind.
Why not? I would do that.

Speaker 1 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20. I'm anti-interrupting, but you're not even walking right now.
So you're just counting.

Speaker 1 I'm giving him an example of how many steps I would take. Oh, it doesn't count if you just count and say, that's my steps.
Oh, you have to be taking the steps as you're doing the counting.

Speaker 1 So if, like, watch me, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Speaker 1 I look like E.D.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm coming back 50, 16, 17.
Why do I look like ED? Because

Speaker 1 your feet and then your torso and your legs are being like kind of funny. Just because my heart is glowing, also, you're wearing a wig and a hat.

Speaker 1 I'm anti-I mean, Tion, how's we describing people, actually?

Speaker 1 All right, and then what happens? We just stop, we just stop, and I think we get. I think your thing is that you're exasperated, it's very close.
You sigh all the time. I sigh heavily.

Speaker 1 I think you're supposed to be anti-things. I was supposed to say anti-ones per turn, right? Anti-Oh, anti-once per turn.
Say anti-once per turn. What's my thing? I couldn't tell.

Speaker 1 Your thing is you're pedantic.

Speaker 1 You're didactic. You're just talking about it.
You're fastetious.

Speaker 1 My thing, and honestly, I did it more than instructed.

Speaker 1 It says use a number during your turn.

Speaker 1 And I decided to constantly do it because otherwise you would never have. Because I did it so early.

Speaker 1 I did it so early on.

Speaker 1 Very subtly.

Speaker 1 Michael Souple. Michael Souppley, as he's well known.
All right. I mean, I don't think it was subtle.

Speaker 1 I was counting one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine times. It was subtle.
We didn't get it. All right.
This is fun.

Speaker 1 Now, the most exciting part of the game is happening again. I'm picking a card.

Speaker 1 I now know my instructions. Lauren is picking her card.
This is thrilling. You got it.

Speaker 1 And now Paul is dealing himself from the bottom of the deck.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Much like the race card played in the OJ tribe.
You two beautiful women are here for the makeup tutorial?

Speaker 1 You think I'm beautiful? Thank you. I need a little red kind of like coloring on my cheeks, I think.
We call it blush. Oh.

Speaker 1 But it's wonderful that you didn't know. I actually think that's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1 Is it okay if I've never done the makeup ever? You don't need a stitch of it, but.

Speaker 1 Do you really mean that? I do, and it's totally fine you've never done it. But I'm excited you're willing to learn.
You have a magenta lip kind of, I don't know what to call it.

Speaker 1 Which color is it? Like a stick made of.

Speaker 1 Yes, we do have that. That would look beautiful with your skin tone.
Yeah, my skin is kind of peach. I would say that.
You're both

Speaker 1 two of the coolest people I've met.

Speaker 1 Is that true? Drewing with envy right now, I can tell. Yes.

Speaker 1 You're both just

Speaker 1 so perfect. Are you sure you're not just flattering us? No, and I saw you both driving separately and you both drove really well.
Yeah, I have a blue Audi that I drive.

Speaker 1 And you have a blue Innie, and you're both doing really, really good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you think that it's permanent? Because my baby was born

Speaker 1 21 years ago. Yeah, I think it is permanent, but we, you know, I think it's cute, and I think we can make it

Speaker 1 more, you can match your skin tone with some makeup. Yeah, your skin tone, you're, you're, to be honest, you're kind of turning green around the edges.
Is that, do you have some sort of sickness?

Speaker 1 Does it look a little avocado? Because I eat a lot of avocados.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's probably it. You're really smart.
Yeah, like a cucumber green, maybe? Do you eat like a sea cucumber? Like a sea cucumber, like a yellowish sea cucumber. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you think that too? I do. I think it's beautiful.
I think it's perfect.

Speaker 1 By the way, I love what you're wearing right now. This thank you.

Speaker 1 Where did you get it? I got it. It was actually from the local prison and I dyed it.

Speaker 1 Now, I. Was that like how when the warden would dye all of the oh, yeah, are you? Are you Sheriff Joe Arpaio? I'm more of a Paddington too.

Speaker 1 But you both, by the way, I have to say, you're both hilarious.

Speaker 1 Are you Sheriff Joe Arpaio? Tell us right now, or we're going to be red with anger. Yes, I am.
I think we can stop because you have to say colors

Speaker 1 every turn. Sure.

Speaker 1 And you are sweetly bashful.

Speaker 1 You.

Speaker 1 That'd be a great product.

Speaker 1 Is it the southern part of it? No. Okay.
Because that seemed to be added on the

Speaker 1 question.

Speaker 1 Everything's a question.

Speaker 1 Everything's a question. Everything's a question.

Speaker 1 Okay, and then you are flattering us all that.

Speaker 1 I compliment players.

Speaker 1 Great. I like it.
One more? One more. Let's do it.
Let's do another one.

Speaker 1 Now, this is exciting. Paul has grabbed all of the

Speaker 1 cards. He's picked them up.
And there's so many here, it's hard to even fathom how many there are. I've picked my card, which

Speaker 1 has given me my instructions. Upwards of 300.

Speaker 1 I am now completely clear on my instructions. Me too.
I understand my instructions to a T. Meanwhile, Paul is.

Speaker 1 I have it. Paul has now grasped his card and the information contained on it, and we're about to start.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 I just, I really need your advice

Speaker 1 on something.

Speaker 1 Do you? Oh, you know what? Actually, forget that.

Speaker 1 What I want to know is, did you take out the trash? I did. I did.
Yeah. I took it out.
I took out the trash. I took out the recycling.
Yeah. Oh, that reminds me.
Did you see that

Speaker 1 story in the newspaper about our neighbor? I did. I saw that.
It was very fascinating because I've always thought he's a very nice guy, but I don't think he is after what I saw.

Speaker 1 I can't believe this is happening. What?

Speaker 1 We're just

Speaker 1 the conversation, you two.

Speaker 1 We haven't talked in years. We haven't talked in years.
We've been living together for a long time and we have not been talking. Oh, that reminds me, by the way, I'm so glad you're here.

Speaker 1 But I ate something the other day that disagreed with me. And I thought you would, because you're a doctor, obviously.
You're wearing the stethoscope and the. You can tell I'm a doctor?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
And actually, I don't know if you realize this. You walked up and slipped a card into my hand.

Speaker 1 I have these business cards and

Speaker 1 I'm just slipping them in a hand. Oh, you know what? Business cards are so fun

Speaker 1 is the business cards that

Speaker 1 I once went up in a,

Speaker 1 it was like a giant business complex, and I went around every floor. A building.
A building, yeah. And I went around every floor and I said, Do you have any cards?

Speaker 1 And I collected hundreds of business cards. Okay.

Speaker 1 And I

Speaker 1 and then I mounted them all in a frame. Sure.
And you know what? This is boring. What?

Speaker 1 Can we just talk about real stuff? This is not boring. Can we just talk about real stuff between us? I'd love to.

Speaker 1 I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes.

Speaker 1 You have to change topics every second. Yes, I have to change this up every season.
You're incredulous

Speaker 1 in disbelief? Close, yeah. What? I have to speak in a surprise tone.
Surprise tone. And then you are annoying.

Speaker 1 You're

Speaker 1 inarticulate.

Speaker 1 I had to move my head while I talked.

Speaker 1 So the listener didn't get

Speaker 1 a headache. I was doing a lot of moving my head.
Sometimes they're physical. It's true.
Sometimes they're physical. All right.
Well, Xantor, thank you again.

Speaker 1 That's a fun game. That's fun, Xantor.

Speaker 1 That's fun, Xantor. As the kids say, that's fun, Xantor.
Did you return your cards to me?

Speaker 1 No, I'm not going to. No, I need these.
These are my cards now. Oh, that is fun.
I'm the captain now. It's a weird loophole of the game.
Once you pick your cards, they're yours forever.

Speaker 1 That was fun. That was fun.
That was fun.

Speaker 1 Can we talk about

Speaker 1 music? No, I'd love to plug. Maybe people didn't stick around to hear

Speaker 1 that we have new merch items for the holidays. Yeah, we do.

Speaker 1 So I just want to talk about this. And so if if they didn't stick around before, they're definitely sticking around.
They're definitely sticking around now. Freedom holiday cards are back.

Speaker 1 Buy them for anyone you think needs to go to hell this holiday season. These, of course, are based on Lauren's neighbor who sent Christmas cards that said go to hell.

Speaker 1 Yes, they did.

Speaker 1 And you know what? I think it's great that you're monetizing this. Yes.

Speaker 1 My trauma is my income. That's right.
Yes. My lifestyle.
That's comedy.

Speaker 1 It determines my death style.

Speaker 1 We also have two new shirts. We have the new Freedom shirt.
We promised we would make this for you. We did.

Speaker 1 We put our hands on our hearts and held our other hands up high and said,

Speaker 1 We formally promised to make these shirts. So these say on the front, they say, I work here

Speaker 1 so that anytime you go into a business like Target or whatever, people will see you and ask you questions about like, oh, hey, what aisle do I.

Speaker 1 Even if this shirt doesn't look anything like the uniform of the place that that you're in. Well, we made it the font friendly and

Speaker 1 plain enough,

Speaker 1 approachable enough so that it definitely looks like

Speaker 1 that you do work there. We also have

Speaker 1 one featuring the corporate lady, How to Talk. And this was, by the way, Paul, you were right.
Nathan Defee did the artwork. Diffy? Yeah.
Defee. Why do you say that? Like, I'm crazy.
I've never.

Speaker 1 Defee. Well, first of all, I said his name earlier and I did not pronounce it.
A full hour and a half ago. I don't know.
You guys, guys, you're both gorgeous. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I've never, how am I supposed to know what syllable to stress? What else are we selling?

Speaker 1 My thing is if there's two F's and two E's, I think you would err on the side of Diff. My thing, Paul, is I'm not crazy for doing it that way.
So you don't need to react that way.

Speaker 1 You can just go, oh, it's Diffy.

Speaker 1 Okay. I disagree.
You disagree that I am Diffie. I think you are crazy.
I think you're crazy for pronouncing it that way. Look, I got to jump ship in a second.
So let's wrap it up. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Both of these are available at kinshipgoods.com/slash three.

Speaker 1 Kinship Goods. There are great t-shirts and the great carts.
Okay. And do you guys want to plug your things? I don't know what I'm doing.
So check out my Instagram. What date are we in?

Speaker 1 This is November 20th. Oh, my God.
Yes. Please come see me on tour with Amy Mann and Ted Leo

Speaker 1 starting the day after Thanksgiving, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Then come see me at Lodge Room in Highland Park

Speaker 1 with the off-book holiday show featuring Nicole Parker as well. And then Sunday, November 21st, please check out the Variatopia Holiday Show live in person at Lodge Room or streaming to the world.

Speaker 1 November 23rd, I think maybe. Sorry.
December 21st. December 21st.
Got it. December 21st.
December 21st. Yeah.
That's going to do it for us.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Next week.
Might really be doing it for Scottish. Next goodbye forever let's see who's live bye

Speaker 1 story pirates is the number one podcast for kids and families in the world and the newest addition to the Lebanon Media Network We take stories written by real kids and turn them into sketch comedy and songs, featuring professional actors, famous guests, and original music.

Speaker 1 So get ready to light up your kids' imaginations with a show that you will also enjoy. The Story Pirates Podcast, new season coming November 6th.