Threevisiting: Do You Hear Doodie or Poodie?

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Oh, you chiked us.

I tried to do it.

Freedom, freedom, freedom. You were last.
Freedom.

Freedom. Now I'm last.
Yes.

The first I'll be last. Actually, your first.

That's right. That's right.
Freedom. Oh, man.
Boop. Boop.

Who put that little boop in?

Who put that little in the shoe boop?

Let me say this. Hi, everyone.
This is Paul. This is Scott.

Lauren.

What?

What? You were going to say something.

You wanted to say something. Look, we were,

full disclosure to the audience. Yeah.
Listeners.

We record these two at a time. Yeah.
Yeah. This is took a little break.
Yeah. We took a break.
And it gets real fun during the break. It's like a new energy and it's sort of like a hangout.

It's like a reality show reunion show where there's all these bitter recriminations. And we bring out a host and they kind of like set us up to talk about certain things.
Yes. Yeah.

This host who makes a living by putting us on television and then talks to us like we're the scum of the earth. Yeah.
Yeah. It's great.
Yeah.

We love it.

Proud to be a part of this universe. Anyway,

Oh, get that horse out of here. Oh, sorry.
Go, go, go, go, go.

During the break, we sang some songs. Yep.
And something that got stuck in my head from the goddamn Super Bowl

is, unfortunately, a racist chant. Yep.
What? Yes. I think it's stuck in your head because it got stuck in my head and I put it in your head.

I heard you. I was in the other room and I heard you and I was like, that sounds like that, but I didn't think you were actually.
Oh, and and then you can't. No, I was actually.
Yeah.

It sucks because you'll find yourself doing it. It's so catchy.
Can't we put different lyrics to it?

I think the problem is the melody.

There's no lyrics. But I don't know.
Melodies are just no. This is from the

God. You've convinced me.

Oh, I just remembered the teams that were playing. Yes, yes, yes.
So the Kansas City Chiefs,

any team that has any sort of Native American,

like

anything at all?

Bears, little bears. Oh, yeah, you're right.
They are bear cubs. That's so huge.
Why did they decide to call themselves that?

I don't know. Maybe because the football team was first? I don't know.
Oh, the bears and then the cubs. That's adorable.
I don't know. What's the connection of bears with Chicago?

I have no fucking clue. You never saw a bear?

No.

Not even at the zoo. All the time you sharpened.
You never saw a bear.

Walking around the zoo. I'm fine at the zoo, I did.
Yeah. Well, California should be the best.
What about the White Sox? Yeah. There should be.
What about the White Sox? Well, the White Sox.

The most unimaginative name. I actually think that's one of that's a great one because it's so meaningless.
Yeah, absolutely. The Red Sox are good because they have red legs.

They use Red White for fun. Yeah.
But they mix it in with the

Chicago. Cincinnati Reds used to be the Cincinnati Red Legs.

Really? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So Reds is okay because

that sounds like a racist thing. It does,

but it actually is just about soccer. It's all throughout soccer.
Okay, great. Okay.
Of course.

So these people, I'm not going back in this story enough to figure out who they were, decided to rename the team the Chicago Bears in honor of their hosts at Cubb Park. What? So Cubs came first.

The team moved into Wrigley. The team moved into Wrigley Field, which was home to the Chicago Cubs baseball franchise.

As with several early NFL franchises, the Bears derived their nickname from their city's baseball team. Some directly, some indirectly, like the Bears, who Zacharias.
Wait, wait, wait, back up.

Back up. The sentence where it's like, as most teams do, or some.
As with several early NFL franchises. They derive that.
So there's more than one? Yeah.

I'd love to know more about that. I'd love to know more.

Some cities will have, it'll have the same name for both, I believe. What about the, yeah, what about the Eagles?

Philadelphia Eagles, and then what's the baseball team? The Phillies. The Phillies, yeah.
So that's, in a way, that's based on,

because the Philadelphia part is based on Phillies. That's correct.
Okay, so

the Washington Redskins were named the team, named the team Boston Braves after the city's major league baseball team. What?

Oh, the Redskins founder named the team Boston Braves after the city's team. So, okay, there's a list.
Honestly, I can't get into this right now. This is something that people can Google at your list.

This is something you can do in your own free time for fun. Yeah, for fun.

If you just sound like a ball.

If you think that's fun, I think you should do do it yeah if you think that's fun who are we to say more power to you yeah yeah live your life hey if you're a racist and it's fun keep going wow

they don't talk about the fun aspects of it they're having a ball well that's the thing is that

the the there's a it's so weird that these people won't let go why just stop singing it horrible and also i don't know what the chant is but it definitely sounds like you shouldn't have a chant no and then i also would say why don't you just change the name well you've already been down this road with at at least one team.

I know. Here's what really.
It's embarrassing every year when they get into this. Cleveland finally changed their name to the Guardians.
Yeah.

But like new era, all these merchandise companies will still sell Indian stuff.

Because it's like vintage? Because, yeah. Because people, because they know people still like it.
Oh, so it's not.

But the Guardians actually makes more sense for the city because of the Guardians on the bridge. Yes, absolutely.
It's a cooler.

The Guardians on the Bridge. These big statues.

It's very impressive, actually.

They're really cool.

We drove past it on tour. It's cool.
And they're called the Guardians.

But yeah, change it. I was saying to you, Paul, change it to the Jack White White Stripe song.
It's so much more fun to sing. Change it to the Jack White White Stripe song.

Change it to the White Stripe song.

Change it to the Jack White White Stripe song.

How's it going? I'm going to witch it.

Set the Nation Army.

When people chant that at a ballgame, it sounds really cool. It sounds really cool.
Just change it to that. We don't need to hear that otherwise.
What did I just hear about Jack White?

And I'm very late to whatever this is, that he and his

singing partner were pretending to be siblings.

Thank you. They were pretending to be siblings forever, but there actually were

no day one.

We're just catching up. I honestly like the news segment, breaking news.

I'm sure I learned this at the time, but then someone was talking about it on a podcast, and I was like, that's actually kind of crazy.

I like it in a funny way.

I liked it. Yeah.

They like

keep it murky. So they pretended they were a brother and sister.
It's a siblings are dating situation. They were in X,

which is a very fun Instagram account. Oh, really?

Siblings are dating. Have you ever seen it? I think I have.
Really peaked your interest. I'm really interested in taking you on a new Instagram class.

You don't have a way to think of it. You don't like that.
You don't have a follow-up to your followers. No, I keep the same.

The day I sign up for anything, it says, Do you want us to look for people in your email who already are on it?

Whoever is on on it that day, I'll follow and then no one else ever again. That's so weird.
Wow.

Don't you ever think, I wish I could see one of my great friends. I was a cool op signed up for a service after you, signed up for a platform.
You would not add her. I would not.
No, never.

Thank God she's always.

Yeah. No, but I thought that the other day.
I was like, oh man, I miss this person or whatever. I wonder what they're up to.
I'm like, I could just follow them on one of their social media. I should.

But I have the rule. You do have the rule.
But I also, it's like, it's too bad. What am I going to just be on Instagram all day looking up like a bunch of people?

Well, that is what you're supposed to do. No.
Yeah. I mean, right? I'd rather, I'd rather

see old clips of the Pete Holmes show every time I turn it on.

That'll, I mean, you know,

if you keep the numbers low, it keeps you out of the Instagram. Here's what's so funny.
It's like, I've never seen that ever on Instagram.

It's at the top of my Instagram every day because Pete's one of the people who was on it when I joined. My search, like when you go to the search window, it's always

a bunch of babies and dogs.

And that's almost exclusively it. And then once you click on one thing, like I clicked on a Doctor Who picture, then there's also 30 Doctor Who.
Yeah, yeah.

I'm not that interested. Yeah.
I clicked on, I can't remember what it was, but I was like, who is that person? I clicked on it. It was like an old sitcom person or whatever.
I was like, who is that?

And then suddenly for like a month, constant stream of content regarding that person that did not care about that. I don't care about that.
That is a

problem where they kind of inundate you with one person where you're like, I'm not actually close with them.

I follow them because I like them and they're a nice person, but it's like, I don't need to know everything they did every day. Wait, so you're saying your explore page is all babies and dogs?

It often is, yes. Mine is all like.
Right now I have a lot of Valentine, like a weird.

I don't want that. Mine's a lot of celebrity drama.
Mine's all just YouTube influencers because those are the people that are like, Why do I have so much Hello Kitty in here?

It's like a bunch of Hello Kitty Valentine's. Oh, cool.
Let me see. Maybe you stay late and a dollar short.
Hello. Yeah, that's right.
Hey,

kitty. Yeah.

Goodbye. I started getting the baby ones a lot because Kulop was like, hey, take a look at this tip.
Right. And now everything is babies.

Yeah. It's kind of good when you get tips and you're like, you can lead you to other tips and stuff.
And then sometimes it's a wormhole of tips. I don't need so many tips.
I'm doing great. Yeah.

I don't like when they say things like, if your baby's hot, put her in the refrigerator. Yeah.
It's like, no, take her out of the refrigerator. It's cold.

It's cold in there and she shouldn't be in there. Yeah.
And it's or he.

Okay.

Paul, have a daughter with us. Good catch.
Have a daughter with us.

With a

go in on your children? No. No, we shouldn't be able to do that.

A new one. No, contribute your semen to us.

well okay you're obviously implying that i have to use it yes

no you can be an egg donor and then he and i will both okay will both contribute the semen we don't know why you because it's a threedom baby so we don't know whose it'll be no we should have twins or each one is blue yes

it made me sick as i was saying

we want to see by the way if you we want to see you uh your freedom babies out there. We want to see them.
No, we don't. No, I don't want to see 3-dom babies.
What are you talking about?

I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is because it makes me uneasy.
AI is where our faces all merged. The ugliest thing that anyone's ever seen.
Can you do that with three people?

I don't know, but don't try. Okay.
And that's my mandate. It is very funny that.
Does that make any sense? No.

I always wondered.

Oh, I wonder what our baby's going to look like me and Kulop. Like, is it going to...
I was praying.

It wasn't about you and Paul.

is it gonna look like paul

am i gonna be mad if my baby looks like my friend

but i was sort of like praying like please look like cool up please look like kulap yeah she's a beautiful woman but it's very weird that it depends on the angle but she looks exactly like me or exactly like it's honestly fascinating that sort of thing as you watch it unfold like as they get a little older and stuff and you see that similarities at certain times or certain expressions or whatever it's and then sometimes they're just completely themselves or you can't even see either of you And that's very interesting too.

Yeah. So cute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like when somebody, like if Jane and I are looking at a baby and she'll say, I can see both of them in there.
And I'll say, not me. I only see her.

And it's, I don't know why, it's funny that we are looking at the same thing, but we're perceiving it differently. But it's the, it's the whole, is this blue or yellow pants? Was that what it was?

It was a dress. Is this blue or is it yellow pants? It was a blue and blue.
Do I keep kicking it? Oh, is it? No, you don't. No, it's a cord.
Would you like to? Yes. I'm sorry.

I'm going to remove this cord so I can kick it. It was a blue and yellow dress.
No, it was a blue dress or a gold dress. No, it was blue and black.
Black or gold. White and gold.
White and gold.

Like I said. Laurel Yanni.
Laurel Yanni.

Do you guys remember?

That's a beautiful name for a baby. Laurel Yanni.
My daughter will be Laurel Yanni. Yeah.
One word. Laurel Yanni.

And I only hear Yanni Yanni. That's right.
And I'm only saying Laurel Laurel.

Oh, have a baby. That came up where I was.
Why are you trying to force it to have a baby so that you... Because I want our babies to be friends.
Janie and I were

with another couple recently. And we were with another couple.

You lulled me into a false sense of security for like four episodes.

It's back, baby. But we, who had not heard the, who knew the blue dress, gold dress thing, but did not know Laurel Yanni.

And I played it for them. And it was fun to revisit that.

And also, I had the exact same experience that I had before where I heard, I hear Laurel if you're most of the time.

Well, I'm just saying Laurel. I'm listening to it.
It's like Laurel. It's Laurel.
Now you just say Yani, right?

And then

there'll be one Yanni that gets in there. And it freaks me out.
It gives me the chills. I'm going to play it now.
Okay. Yes.

By the way, I can play it on here. Oh, that'd be better.
Yeah. Yeah.
Laurel. Laurel.
Laurel. Yeah.

Laurel. Laurel.
All I'm hearing is Laurel. Laurel.
Me too. Laurel.
Laurel.

Laurel.

Some people hear yanny. Laurel.
Some people hear yanny. Laurel.

Laurel. I heard it.

Not this time. Not yet.
Laurel.

Laurel.

Laurel.

Laurel. You're going insane.
Laurel. This is podcasting.
Laurel.

I only heard Laurel. Me too.
I only heard Laurel that time. Is that one that's just Laurel?

Yeah. Okay.
Listen to this. Laurel.
We tricked you.

Okay, maybe this is, maybe that was a different one.

Laurel. Laurel.
Laurel.

Laurel.

I feel like I'm going insane. All I hear is Laurel over and over.

But I've done it. I've done it twice where I heard one yanni in there.
Okay. Oh, really? They slipped a yanny in there.

What are you looking at? I'm posting about me and Paul in my podcast.

So you're posing on social media while we're doing the show. I could do that while I hear it.
Laurel, Laurel, Laurel. You know what? That's a good point.
We can't keep giving her these excuses. Yeah,

we have to go watch her like a hawk.

Are you almost done, Laurel? I hear Yanni. Laurel, Laurel, Laurel, Laurel, Laurel, Yannin, Laurel, Yannon.
Yanni, duty.

Duty, duty.

Ditty, booty, booty, booty. Okay, here, I'm going to do a trick.
You tell me what you hear. Okay.

I'm going to do a trick.

Watch me. Watch me.
Don't look.

Duty.

Duty.

You're saying duty. I was saying pooty.

Do you hear duty or pooty?

She's dying laughing.

Sodom.

Great stuff. Classic.
Really? We need one of these once a year.

How many old things can we revisit?

Have you done Jack White

being married to his sister.

Should we see which section the city characters we are? Yeah. Oh, Aiden's coming back.
Oh my god. Who is that?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, my God, oh my god, okay, you have to watch the whole season from one to now.

No, Carrie fucked him over hard two times, yeah, but okay, Aiden, okay, amazing John Corbett, wonderful actor, love him to pieces. The hunk from Northern Northern Exposure.
Yeah.

The hunk from Bad Big Fat Greek Wedding. Oh, yeah, that's right.

From

the Iranian things.

What other thing we're thinking of? Oh, Serendipity. He's in Serendipity.
I love that movie.

Which one is Serendipity? Serendipity is John Cusack and Beth.

I've never seen it. Would you be on Scott?

Stop making everything a podcast.

I have a podcast. No, I love that movie.
I'd totally do that.

It's good for Christmas time, but whatever. What's the one where Julia Roberts wears a fat suit for a little while? No.
She's like, yes. She's like Catherine Zeta Jones's assistant or something.

Hold on. Can I take a second?

And then she becomes attractive. And

I'm going to throw it out there that Aiden. Okay, don't start there.
But you know what comes up? What? Julia Roberts' father.

Okay.

So the internet is healthy. Is Julia Roberts' father Jeff the killer? Can I just say? You're right.
She has a fat suit and something. Aiden is coming back.
America's sweethearts. And she posted

Sarah Darker. That's the movie that they were watching the night of

the staircase killings. Oh, show us.
Show us a picture of that. And then, oh my God, that story, that documentary remains one of the best there ever was.
Absolutely.

Okay, why did she do that? Still would bang. Well, she's beautiful.

Would smash. Yeah, that's what that's.

That's how we want everything to be black based on whether whether you would bang her or anyone.

That should just be movies now. Like, would you bang this person? Yeah, because that's all we're selling these tickets for, sweetie pie.

Anyway, Aiden's coming back. I'm so excited.
I'm actually extremely excited about this. This is for N, just like that.
But weren't there already pictures of them kissing? That's what they revealed.

That's how we know. And it's like, well, that's a big

thing, Mr. Brown.

Because we want to see how it comes together. They kissed when she went to Morocco on her trip.

She ran into him and kissed him while she was completely not available. She was married to Big.
Yeah. And she was like, should I tell him? And everybody was like, no.

And then she did anyway. The answer was no, though.
Wait, she shouldn't have told him? No. Given the circumstances, I would say.
He didn't need to know.

It's so random. Aren't they married? Yeah.
But she cheated on Aiden to be with Big. Wouldn't you want to know if Janie and I kissed? I think.

ew i might be wrong about that you know what absolutely not

ew that would be so gross but i would want to know

wait you'd want to know okay you're the first person

if mike kissed somebody oh i would want i would want to know but i'm saying i'm talking about carrie and big i'm not talking about

you're not talking about if mike kissed somebody i wouldn't want to know you think i shouldn't want to know that

you think it's an unnecessary complication i'm not saying you shouldn't want to know that i'm saying i would not want to know if some if if janie like fucked up, you know, and it was that kind of like it was definitely a one-time thing they only kissed.

Yes, it was a mistake. It's like, I don't want to, I don't need to hear that.
Leave me out of it. I would say, rather than tell me that, why don't we figure out if there's a problem in our marriage?

Yeah, well, that's true. That's true.
And work on that. Yeah.
Without that horrible information that would haunt me for the rest of the day. Well, that's true.
I'd be very haunted. Yeah.
Yeah.

Would you kiss a ghost?

Is that okay to do that? I would miss

one.

I guess, is that a demon though? If you get

so. Suck you?

Yeah. Suck you what? Suck a who? All right, we have to take a break.
I would suggest, yeah. We have to take a break.
Bye.

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No, Christmas Mint Mobile died?

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Oh, that's half. That's a huge amount, right? You can get three, six, or 12 months of unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month.
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Yeah, exactly.

That's what Scrooge did. Yep.
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Can you hear those sirens? Yeah, I can. Boy, they're here to lock me up for what I'm wearing.
I can get you out of this situation. On bail?

Even better. I won't have to go to fashion jail in the middle.
Full exoneration. Oh,

if you listen to me.

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You're going to be very proud of me. I already have a Mongolian cashmere crew neck sweater.
Nice. I'm a big fan of that.

It's great for when you want to feel cozy, but still look, you know, at your best. I wear it all the time.
And honestly, I would wear it even more if my wife weren't borrowing it all the time.

Girl, I hear you. My wife keeps stealing my Quince items.
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And she has claimed it as her own, which that is honestly very aggravating. My wife has also been going into our bank accounts and stealing money from my own bank account that I have kept secret.

And I'm really concerned about that. My wife has literally taken food out of my mouth.
Oh, no. Like, I put a fork full of food in my mouth, and she's taken it out of it.

That's the right amount, as far as I'm concerned. A forkful mouth.
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We're at.

Speaking of, speaking of, you know what, intimacy. Yeah, okay.
Penn Badgley, real name.

I guess he doesn't want to do

Penn and Teller. Yeah, he's Penn for Penn and Teller.
Cool.

Penn Badgley.

Pen Badgley is the star of you. He's the star of you.
That's funny.

Let's get these guys out. They have to at least.
Does funny or die still exist? They have to at least present an award together. And then you choose Penn and Teller.
That would be really funny.

Ladies and gentlemen, you've been asking for them ben and teller and then miles teller can't and then these idiots come out and then miles

speaking exactly

um

so he he's in the news right now because he said he will no longer do sex scenes yes or he requested that no he requested this showrunner we want to see him have sex well that's what a lot of people are saying yeah um that's direct quote but um

yeah what do you what are your thoughts paul i might come out with a press release saying by the way i'm no longer going to do sex scenes in anything I'm ever cast in. My thoughts are.

Everyone's like, woo. I mean, I can't, if you're at the,

if you're at the level where you can make a request like that, like, fucking, why not? You know what I mean?

Did he say it publicly? That's the part I well, I don't know that he's, I think it came out.

I'm not sure how it came out originally, but he said he's a very monogamous person and his, he doesn't want to be doing that anymore.

And I'm sure, I haven't watched a lot of that show, but I'm sure there's a lot of sex in that show. And I feel like...

cutting off, though, the storylines you can do. Well, possibly, or maybe we don't have to see them have sex in order to know that they're doing it.

Yeah, cut to a curtain blowing like they used to do in black and white days. Or like he's in bed with somebody, but they're not, you know, full-on doing everything.

Yeah, I will say that he was full-on doing stuff.

I feel like sex scenes are so gratuitous. They don't really do anything for me.
Well, wait. You know what I mean? So

I thought that the discussion lately is that when a sex scene is in a movie, it is you haven't, like some people are saying, I did not give consent to watch that.

Oh, well, some people are saying, but that's absurd.

That's taking you to an absurd thing. But I mean, I feel like the character, I'm violating the character's, you know,

boundaries or whatever. It can't be a real perspective.
Right. No.
No, it is.

Yes. Then what? Then don't watch anything.

That's my. The Lord of the Rings don't want you to see them to go on their travel.
You're spying on them. Yeah.
They didn't consent. It's also the flip side of like, I didn't consent to

have sex thrust in my face. Yeah, but you did if you're watching a show in which that happened.
You can turn it. Turn it off.
They have warnings. Turn off.

You can see Tom Cruise's little butt in that.

The first one. Okay, I am going to watch that.
I have not seen that movie.

I plan to watch both of those movies.

Don't make me go on Scott Hasnstein. No, no.
I want to go on Lauren Hasnstein. Okay, well,

I'll just tell you what I thought afterwards. That's what I'm talking about.
Okay, we're going to have to talk for an hour.

My? Talking for an hour. I also have a hot take about.

I mean, maybe I will have a lot to say. I also have a hot take about nude scenes.
Oh, what is that? Which is that they're never necessary. We just like to see people being nudes.
Yeah, of course.

But it's not, the people, people go, it's necessary to the pod. They're trying so hard.
It's like, this was justified. It's never necessary.

He has every right to say he doesn't want to do that anymore.

He did it for a long time with many, I'm sure many of his shows and things, he was doing that. Yeah.
And he just said, I'm not gonna do anymore. They could have said no, they could have, they agree.

This is a private discussion, it seems like I'm not sure why we are being asked to weigh in on it. No, and I think people's reaction is very like, um, I'm asking you to weigh in.

People are like, I'm willing to. Well, now you know why.
I feel like it sounds like a relief, I'm sure, to him. He goes, Great, I don't do anymore.

Here's my thing: if you're a comedian that I know, stop writing your own shows and making me look at your butt.

Like writing your own nude scenes. Stop it.
Get out of here. Is

Is this an epidemic?

It's happened. I think it's been like two people I know have written their own nude scenes.
It's like, I don't want to see this. I guess I'm not watching those shows.
Okay.

Yeah.

I'll tell you who later. Okay.
Well, anyways, yeah, big news. I feel like every day I'm seeing a new update about that.
And I'm just kind of going. Update.
People are still. What show is he on? You.

No, no, him. I know.

This is a whole Fox News thing, by the way. When we watch the show, this is like a Guttfeld bit, I think.
uh gutfeld we love you i'm like i am committed to learning everything about you

do you think gutfeld's a piss pig i'm sure he listens so i'm sure he listens gutfeld let us know are you listening yeah

but um when we watch the show i like to pretend that i think the the main character is named you

i say uh oh you has got himself in some trouble this time yeah how's you gonna get out of this

you is you is always into something and you is no longer going to have sex scenes you is kind i don't He was good. I don't even know what this show is about.

It's about a serial killer named Penn Badgley, who kills himself. James Penn Badgley.
He plays himself.

Wasn't someone else in there playing this?

No.

Yeah.

That's the one thing I know about the show. That show is very watchable.
It is. Very watchable.
That's what a show should be.

It's not fun. It is not something I would have watched

on my own.

And then Jane knee started watching it. Knee is her

So, when you think of her name, you have to imagine her knee before you remember. Jay.
Yeah, it's a mnemonic device. Jay, I picture a blue Jay, and then I picture a knee.

Do you love those? What are those called? Not rhombuses. Hold on.
Rebuses. Rebuses.

Not rhombus, but Rebus. Yeah.
Do you like a Rebus?

I guess I do. I thought they were very fascinating when I was a kid.
Yeah, sometimes I feel like I've seen some, you know, more recently. They're so difficult.

I'm going, what the fuck am I trying to figure out here? It's like a couple of people. Come on, guys.
Just tell tell me. They're apples.

But no, my button. What's going on?

That's very nice. I like that.
Do you like this? Thank you.

Yeah, thank you. This is from and Other Stories.

Oh, that's a racist store. What?

Stand up.

Oh, that's the anti-Maxis.

Stop. Oh, my God.
You're right. Oh, they're still giving money to apartheid, even though it's not there anymore.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

How dare they?

But I look, the thing is also, I've been lucky in my career to not be considered objectively attractive. So I've never had to do a sex scene.
Oh my God. No.
And I hope I never.

It happens even if you don't put yourself in that category. I hope I never

that I write and direct a movie where I make you do one. No, don't.
Yeah. But please do put me in a movie.
You've never had to do that.

I've only, I think I've only had

two

kisses on screen. Oh my God.

All my kisses were comedy kisses, I feel like, but

that you wrote?

Yeah, no, the grossest one was with

the hot dog one. The hot dog one.
Yeah. With what's her name? Yeah, with what's her name.

Clara Peller.

Who's that? Is that a character she plays?

Clara Peller. I want you to look up Clara.

Wait, I know this. You know this.
I know this name. Yeah.

I'll let you look up.

Great.

Yep. Where's the beef? Do you know that name? No.
The Where's the Beef Lady? Do you know Where's the Beef? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You would have been like a little kid. Where's the beef?

Where is the beef? They should bring that back.

They should do.

She could be a hologram. Come on.

Clara Peller hologram.

Where's the beef? And you know what? Since we were making holograms, here's Clara Peller. We had some money left over for this hologram.
Here we go.

Where's the beef?

We had some leftover pixels. We made a Clara Peller.
She's small.

Thanks, Tupac. Where's the beast? Did she pass?

Of course she did. She was a thousand years old when we were children.
She was born in 1902. Does that answer your question? She was?

Dang. No, it doesn't.
She could be 180. But I'll tell you what.
She passed away in 1987. Do you know where?

In a beef farm. In a beef farm.
Did you mean to say a biza?

No, she died. Hold on, no, yes.
Okay. Give me a clue.
Chicago. Yeah.

The only thing you're interested in. Well, they have a lot of beef.
That's true. Hog butcher to the world as well.
She's like, where's the beef? Like, it's all around you. She's like, I'm going.

I'm going.

Her movies include Moving Violations and WWE WrestleMania 2.

Great. The end.

And you know where she's buried?

I would guess somewhere in Chicago. Forest Park, Illinois.
Oh, I would have said next to Dave Thomas. And do you know next to Dave Thomas, the SCTV person? No, the Wendy's.
The Wendy's dad.

He's no longer with us. He passed away, yes.
Do you know? He died of being adopted. Oh, no.

Do you know how tall she was? 5'1.

4'11.

Paul, you win. Although you did go over, you didn't go over quite as much.
She's 4'10.

That's nice. She is.
Isn't Natasha LaGeral? Elizabeth Taylor's husband, Larry Fortensky.

Fortensky?

Oh, my God. Elizabeth Taylor at one point married a construction worker, a guy who was doing work on her house.
Yeah.

Hey, when you're Liz Taylor. Right? Why not get married? Why not? And do you know how many children she had? Clara Peller? I'm going to say six.

Two.

And do you know who her spouse was?

Roger Peller? Very close. William Peller.
Divorced.

No, they divorced. They divorced.
Oh, she probably let Hollywood go to her head. Let me see when she got divorced.
Because if it was late, let's see.

It would be funny if it was the year after she did those commercials. She doesn't have a personal life thing.
She just has, well, she has life and career. Look at her controversy.

She married at age 20 to a local jeweler, William Peller.

Baddest. Well, what was her maiden name? Her maiden name.
Beef.

She spent her whole life trying to find it again.

She was one of eight or nine children born to Wolf. Of Sword Love.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. One of eight or nine children? Yes.
That's what it says. The details are fuzzy.
It was a long time ago.

These are the sword loves, Paul. These are the

sword loves. That's my new sitcom.
These are the sword loves. She spent most of her early life in Chicago.

Beef.

Wow. And then she married this Jewish.
Wow. He sent me a picture.
They had a son, Leslie. Most of her early life in Chicago.
Wow. Wow.
And a daughter, Marlene, but later divorced. She never remarried.

Oh.

She worked for 35 years as a manicurist at a local Chicago beauty salon and later moved to the suburban North Shore area to be near her daughter. That's sweet.
We want French tips.

What do you think of all this, Lauren? It seems like we've given you an easy one. I'm looking at her.
No, I'm looking at her. I'm looking at her on top of a hot dog sesame seed bun.

I mean, a hamburger bun.

You know, are you looking at her saying goals?

I'm saying goals, sweetie.

You know, she passed

85. Girl beef.

Girl beef. I feel that was a great life lived.
I think it was a great life.

To have that be. I mean, she died in 87.
I think Where's the Beef was, what, 83? To have that be in the final years of your life. That's pretty fun.
That's amazing.

And then to be able to be in all these movies and everything. I hope she got a lot of money to leave to her family.
I think she was like on the Tonight Show and shit.

She made an uncredited cameo appearance on Saturday Night Live. But how did this happen?

That she was a manicurist and ends up saying, where's the beef? Well, let's see. You didn't include Dave Thomas loved getting Manny Petties.

And he was visiting Chicago. This is not that far off.
She was hired as a temporary manicurist for a television commercial set in a Chicago barber shop.

Impressed by her no-nonsense manners and unique voice, the agency later asked her to sign a contract as an actress.

She must have been so funny yeah like that they were all sitting around going oh my god she's fucking hilarious so hard of hearing and suffering from emphysema which limited her ability to speak along lines of dialogue she was quickly used in a number of tv spot advertisements wow quickly but all for wendy's right quickly note she did the massachusetts state lottery

but then

First airing on January 10th, 1984,

Where's the Beef? Wow. Finally premiered.
The ad that shook the world. We should do just a Clara Peller docu podcast.
I think you should play one clip of her saying it.

We should do it called Finding Clara Peller and

the pretense that we don't know she's dead. And I'm going to say she's disappeared.
I'm going to say

Finding Clara Peller, colon, the Clara Sward love story.

It certainly is a big bun. It's a very big bun.
Big, fluffy bun. It's a very big, fluffy bun.

Where's the beef? Yes. Some hamburgers.
There is a lot less beef on a lot of buttons. Some hamburgers.

Wendy's demonic voiceover.

Commercials.

This has such a sort of

low-key energy.

Like, if this commercial would be so cracked out now.

It would be like so like

Wendy. Yes.
Fuck you.

Where's the fucking beef?

No nonsense. Legend.
Clara Peller. She's amazing we salute you here in freedom freedom salutes clara peller you are an honorary piss pig

i'm sure her family is grateful to know hoist her wig into the rafters

oh

please tell her two children that she's an honorary piss pig. If you know Clara Peller's children, who are probably dead themselves out,

that's not true. She was 80 something.

She died in 1987. Oh, wait.
They would be in their 80s now. I was confused.

No, they would be 100 or so. Really? I think.
Wow. I can't do math.
Isn't it right now? But here's the thing.

Because we were born before the 20th century, before the 21st century, it you get to a point where you lose the sense of how long ago certain things were. Oh, definitely.
So like the

70s will always be like 30 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do think the 70s are 30 years ago. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

That's confusing. But it took Karen Miller's children being in their hundreds.
Well, because that really just threw me for a loop. I was like, well, she just died.
She was 85.

Well, it wasn't just now. It was when

I was two, she was 85. Yeah.
And those people were 50 at least. And

now they're mouldering in the grave. Yeah.
It's, it's depressing. Like, you watch a movie like Jurassic Park and you go, like, wow, it's Jurassic World.

Well, it seemed, well, the first Jurassic Park, you go, it seems so recent, but then you realize, like, every single actor in it has passed away since then. It's like, it's crazy.
I know, it's wild.

Do you think there was a curse in that movie? None of them are there.

From Newman to Samuel L. Jackson, they're all dead.
Yeah, in the film. Yeah, that's what I mean.
Yeah, I watched the movie. They're all dead.
Wow.

Samuel Lauren Dern escaped, but I presume they died off camera.

They're still stuck on an island.

It's wild to me that there's, it's one of those movies where there's a generation of people that grew up on that movie. And it's a very

like a sacred movie to them. I love it.
And for me, when I was however old I was, what, in my 20s or something like that? You were 38, I believe, when the first one came out. That's not possible.

I don't think so. What? It was like 1984.
Narr. Narr.

It was 1993, so you must have been. Yeah, I was 24, right? 24 years old.
25, maybe. And it was like

going on 25. It was 25 years.
I was 25 years old when I left here. Going on 25.
I don't care about these dinos.

That's the song you said. What were you going to say about these dinos?

Well, just like when I saw it, I was like, oh, that's a fun movie.

But it didn't have any impact on the movie. Of course, it's like just kind of

a bit of a lark.

Oh, so you did love the book. I loved it.
I saw it three times. Did you read the book?

I read the book. I'm stupid.
I read a bunch of Michael Crichton's. Yeah, Michael Crichton's disclosure.
Disclose you. What if a man?

What if something bad happened to a man?

Thanks, Mikey.

A great thought experiment.

Lauren, what do you want to talk about? You obviously don't care about what Paul is saying.

I really want to play a game. Well, let's take a break.
What? Is it break time? I mean, I would say two more minutes. Do you want to run down the clock somehow, Lauren? Sure.

What is it from again? I don't fucking know, a hamster or something? A hamster? Hamster dance? A hamster wrote that song? Something like that. They all went down to hamster dance.
Hamster dance.

You want to

have dance, dance, dance? Do you want me to look up hamster dance? I don't even know if that's what it is. What if we all look up hamster dance and we got three different results? Oh.

I looked up Hamster Damn. Season four of The Wire came up.
Of course. Hamsterdam.

Bunny Colvin and the like. Of course, all the Colvins.
Yes. Are you watching The Bachelor? Sean Colvin.
Am I watching the bachelor's? Yeah, I am. Reality.
I'm actually not watching it.

This is the first time since high school I have watched. Boring

year.

I'm not. What makes this year different than other years? Oh, it's he's he's actually doing really well in cutting out anyone who would ever start drama.

He like, the minute anyone goes like, I heard she was interested in her Instagram followers, he's like, later, and just cuts them off. So before any argument.

Is he cutting the tattletale or he's cutting the person? Cutting the person who is being tattled upon. It sounds like he's being led by his nose like a bull.

But usually they are the ones who would start drama. And so like any of the fights that would occur.
with people going like, I can't believe you told him that aren't happening.

Because he's like, bye bye. Good for him.
Who's this Iago that's going around telling him all these things? Oh, his uncle is Patrick Warburton. And I'm like, oh, okay, I understand.

Everyone else, like, I don't want any drama. Well, that's good.

Hey, Elaine, we're going hometown.

That's fine. Have you ever been in a helicopter?

That's a fun uncle to have. Yeah, it was fun, but obviously, like, ABC asked him to be in it.
Like, hey, please.

And then they had like the after-the-show credits bloopers with Patrick Warburt and doing all this kind of stuff. But anyway, but you guys fuck it.

Anyway, congrats for finally shaking it off. I know, you know, it's like I deleted Twitter and I'm not watching The Bachelor.
I feel like I'm a whole new person.

What can I say? Yeah, I don't like this new person. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll go back. Okay.

Let's take a break.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Well, it's here, folks.
The holidays.

That's right. A time of tradition, but also a time of stress and chaos.

Oh, boy, a look back at the whirlwind of a year before diving into another one.

You know, one of the things that helps me through knowing that all of this is coming up is just talking to someone about it all.

In fact, I have my own tradition of reflecting on the past year with calm, clarity, and compassion. And these conversations with my therapist help help recenter me during the holiday mayhem.

So this December, consider online therapy with BetterHelp. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

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This December, start a new tradition by taking care of you. Our listeners get 10% off at betterhelp.com/slash threedom.
That's betterhelp.com slash threedom.

Hello, I'm Gretchen Rubin, and I'm Lori Gottlieb. We're two friends, one, a happiness researcher, and the other, a therapist.
And we are here to tackle the problems of everyday life with all of you.

From big issues to small, we'll share advice and fresh perspectives. And we'll also highlight responses from you, our listeners, to the questions we discuss.

Whether it's that pet peeve that's been bugging you for years, a tricky dilemma, or just something you've always wondered about, we'll talk it through.

The Since You Ask podcast from Lemonata Media premieres on September 23rd, wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back.

And we're going to do a three church. Yeah, man.
People love it. And they beg us to do it.
They beg.

They stop us on the streets and they get down on their hands and knees like dogs. They say, please, I'm a little piss pig.
Won't you do a three?

Please.

Come on. Come on.
No one's said it. Come on now.
Come on now.

No one's fun. Speaking of Patrick Warburton, we started to watch this movie called Inheritance, I think, on Netflix.

And

early on in the movie,

Patrick Warburton has a death scene in a car, which is unfortunately very funny. And it's not supposed to be.

But he's all coked up or something, and he's driving, and then he's like suffering a cardiac event.

And then he slumps over on the wheel, and he hits, it seems like he hits the wheel pretty hard with his head, and then the car bumps into something,

gently bumps into something, and then the horn just starts going off, even though he's already leaning on

the horn has not been going off before.

Well, that can happen, can it? If it gets triggered, but no, okay,

all right, we're gonna play hitting the post,

yay, y'all know how we do this, it's like radio DJ style.

We each pick songs on our phones

and we play it for one another

and we try to

end

what we're talking about right as the lyrics start on the song. Let's do it.
Yes. Where do you plug in? Don't rush me.
We're not plugging in.

As mentioned during the break, we're holding it up to

this because I do not have an adapter. Okay.

As of yet, that will fit into your phone. Great.
Who would like to go first?

I can play the song.

I will be the DJ. Amazing.
All right, here we go.

Coming up on the 11th hour, and it is still pretty smoggy out there. So make sure you don't breathe in anywhere you go.

If you're in your car, you should be fine, but keep the windows rolled up all the way.

Wow.

Not bad. Not bad.
Not bad. Wow.
That was Teenage Fan Club with Feel. No, I knew.
Okay. Yeah.
I knew. You knew.

All right. My turn.
Paul. Yes.
I find a song for you.

I find a song for you and then you do it. I find a song for you.

And then you do it. What about that song?

It started with lyrics, so I don't think that's. I find a song for you.
I don't think it's going to work. I find a song for you.

And then you do. Hey, if you're one of the

football fans, sing that song instead. Yeah.

I find a song for you.

And then you do it.

I'd love to hear a stadium singing that. It's easy.
It's fun. You ready? Yeah.

It is officially autumn. The leaves are falling.
They're going all underneath your feet, going crunch, crunch, crunch. But you know what that means? Daylight soothings.

You failed. Wow, I really did fail.

Hitting the post fail. That was a bad fail.

Okay, Scott.

Ready? Yep.

Just want to make sure everyone out there knows to wear rubber shoes in case you're around any kind of electrical charge this afternoon, because you all know you can get electrocuted if you accidentally.

Shit.

That was a tough one to figure out. It was tough.
That was called Please Don't Hide Yourself Away by Bears Den and Jade Bird. Please don't.
I like

please in the title. Me too.
Yeah, it's plight. Plight? Plight.
Here we go. It's Plight.

Sad news today as the president is still alive. I don't know what's going on.
He's in his eighth term, and that's supposed to be illegal, but.

But.

How was John Kale with Darling? I need you.

I like when they call you Darling in a song, too.

That's so nice. Or are you ready? Yeah.

We've got the contest winners all lined up around the block, waiting to see who wins this final contest. They are competing in a hot dog eating competition starting at 12 o'clock.

We will be live streaming that on our YouTube channel, and I hope you tune in right now. But right now, I got a number one song for you.
This is called Brother Don't Let Me Down by the Pee Pease.

Pretty close.

Close to the title of the song. That was The Emperor's New Clothes by Sinead O'Connor.
Oh, nice. Okay.
Ready, Scott? Yep.

All right, everyone. We're taking callers right now.
Caller number 143 gets to call three more times. And if you are the eighth caller, every time you call back, you win another phone call for me.

But this time I'll be calling you. And this time you're the receiver.

And

we also wanted to say that we have a free concert out there in Central Park today. You have to find it.
There's a treasure map underneath every trash can in Central Park to find the stage.

And if you find that stage, then you know who's going to be playing. That's right.
It's all your favorite Marvel characters. They've started a band.
That's right. The Submariner from Black Panther.

Unfortunately, Black Panther is no longer with us.

But Angela Bassett, she'll be singing lead vocals.

Is that an instrumental? No, they started singing. Did they start? Yeah, right.
I heard the singing. Yeah.

That was In a Daydream by Freddie Jones Band. I need a plug for this.
It's more fun when we can hear the song a little better. Yeah, well,

I'm sorry. Okay, you ready? Yeah.

You are ready? Yeah.

Okay, here

we

go.

Well, that snow is still coming down. So here is a list of school closures.
Catholic school, closed. Public school, closed.
Private school, open.

Secret school, closed.

Goth school, open.

Arctic school, open. You got to go to school.

Very nice. That's a good challenge for yourself.
Susie Quattro.

Susie 4.

That's right. I never realized that's what it stands for.
Lauren, you fucking ready? Yeah.

In other news, Johnson Johnson is recalling every single product on the shelves. And if you've got one of them on your body right now, it's toxic to you.

I hope you can go take a shower wherever you are. And if you can't take a shower and filtered water, then God bless you, honey, because it's over.
I love you all. Thank you so much for listening.

By the way, this is is my last day.

Of course, I would have held my Akadaka. Oh, Akadaka.
Are you ready? Yep.

Am I ready? I don't know.

I'm ready. Piggybacking on what Lauren said, it is her last day.
We're going to miss her.

But unfortunately, she is moving to Anchorage, Alaska, because she.

was five and dine by Hazel English. Good stuff.
Hey, what if we took one more phone call? I love it. Yeah.

And

this is from No Name. Oh my God.
So this is pretty exciting.

You don't think it's Jeff the Killer?

Go to sleep. I hope he doesn't.
I hope I think go to sleep. All right, here we go.
Hi, Presto gang.

This is a question that I was asked in a Spanish language class, and I thought it was an interesting

topic. When was the first or last time that you danced all night? Okay, thanks.
Danced all night? Danced all night? Never. Play all day.

I danced a lot at Arden's birthday party in December. But all night? Well, I mean,

it was all night.

I danced for at least an hour. I would say that's pretty good.
That's pretty good.

That's not all night territory. That feels like all night.
I mean, are we taking all night literally, or do we mean like a night of dancing? I don't know.

I have to take her at her word.

The longest I can remember dancing is probably at my friend Julie's wedding many years ago in England.

And it was a really fun wedding. And I remember dancing a ton at that wedding.

Most recently at Janie's birthday party.

Oh, yeah. I danced a little bit.
I don't believe I danced that night. That's okay.

It's all right. It's okay.

We don't need you anyway. Yeah, they think they were fine without you, is what they're trying to say.
Yeah, I mean, I'm a shy dancer. I don't really get, I'm not the first person on the floor.
Yeah.

I need a little liquid courage and then I'll get out there. Oh, yeah.
Well, liquid courage changes everything. Liquid courage changes everything.

How does the U.S. enter world? If I got a little bit of that inside me, I'll do pretty much anything.
I think the last dancing I did was our friend Matt and Michael's wedding, I think.

And then people, everyone started like jumping into the pool. And then some people felt peer pressured to jump into the pool.
Wow. And jumped into the pool, and they were not happy about it.

What a weird thing. I don't want to do this, but I feel like if I don't do it, people will get mad.
No, no, there were people in the pool going, like,

you have to come in. Man, I remember when I turned that corner where that wouldn't work on me anymore, where somebody's saying, come on, do it.
Get into this pool. Yeah.

Okay.

I'm about to practice. Well, one of us is going to end up in there at some point.
It's been one of the rules we've had.

You know, the last time, and this was kind of just, I feel, I feel a little bit bad about this, but not that much, was when we were on tour and it was Kevin Bartelt's birthday. Oh, and

there were shots passed around. I was like, I'm not doing a shot.
And I didn't. I am famous for turning down shots.
Yeah. I don't know if I do it.
People barely even offer

me to do that. I only do a shot if it's like a lemon drop or something.
I don't like the taste of a shot. Yeah.
No. Oh, man.
Just tequila shots. Good.

We were out to dinner in San Francisco, and it was an Italian restaurant at the end. They gave us limoncellos, and they were so good.
Let's get drunk right now.

You promise?

I swear. We will get drunk right now.
Oh, fun.

This absolutely is the time that I danced the most was at a, it was at my sister's wedding when I was a little kid, and me and my cousin Joan danced the entire reception. We danced together.

Yes.

And we were like polka-ing around the

I won that dance marathon contest, I guess. The one that's in the Guinness book.
Oh, right. Professional dancer.
Oh, yeah. Well, I've actually been dancing through every record we've ever done.

Oh, that's right. It's so natural.

These shows are only like you don't really notice. Yeah, yeah.
Well, yeah. And we do tape them at night.
And we do do one back-to-back. So it's kind of

like you stay up all night. By the way, we've taped every episode back to back five years ago.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, by the the way, yeah. And we've been guessing

what the Super Bowl. So stuff that we're talking about that seems old news.
Yeah, like Jack White.

Pretty prescient.

Yeah. And the fact that we knew about you is actually kind of amazing.
Yeah.

Yeah.

Guys, Lauren has to go. She's got a, she's got a,

there's no other way to say it, but diarrhea issue. I have the diarrhea in my car.

You have active diarrhea? I have to do it. Yeah, I have it.
It's happening now. I have passive diarrhea.

I'm not allowed into a hot tub right now. I can go to any of the people.

It's passive. I'm going to show my card.
I love that. All right.
Thank you, Piss Pigs. We love you.
If you want to call us, it is

hagclaims8, the number eight. And if you want to write to us, send us a free chair.
It is threedomusa at gmail.com. And we are threedomusa on the socials.

And if you want to listen to ad-free versions of this show, why don't you head on over to Stitcher Premium or CBBWorld.com? That's right. And if you want to go fuck yourself, hey, go ahead.

We're not going to stand in your way. You don't have to do it.
We're not telling you to do that. No.
With regard to that. But we would want to.
Enjoy. We would prefer you don't, as a matter of fact.

Please don't go fuck yourself. I don't care.

You don't care either way. I don't.
Okay, Lauren doesn't care if you don't go fuck yourself. I really don't.

Paul and I would prefer you don't, but if you really want to,

what the hell? Listen, if you want to commit murder, I don't think you should. I don't, I'm going to go even even further.
I don't think it should be against the law. No, I think

individual choice. Because laws haven't prevented any murder that's ever occurred.
So, why do we even have laws? The nanny state has failed. Look, my drive time is going up.
All right. Okay.
Bye-bye.

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