The Positivity Challenge | Triforce #318

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Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Trifles podcast.

That's right.

We're back.

I thought this week, Sip Superian, since we'd been such like negative Nancies, someone said to me, they were like, well, I feel like we have.

negative negative Nancy's.

Yeah, we're grumpy old men.

We complain about everything.

We shout, we do like negative shout-outs.

We do

that.

We have some positive.

Some positive shout-outs.

We do do that.

Where do we do that?

I just think we should try and be positive this episode, okay?

Yeah, that's fair.

Give it a try.

Let's just see how it feels.

Okay, fine.

Try it off for size.

Maybe you'll like it.

All right.

No, that's good.

I like things we like.

Like this Yorkshire tea biscuit brew that I couldn't do without.

He's just sponsored.

Oh, sorry.

Well, no, no,

it feels, it feels it.

Sometimes, as a content creator, I don't know whether you get this.

It feels like if you like something, you're kind of hoping secretly that they'll promote you at some point.

Right.

Why do you think I drink Thatcher's on the street?

It's because I'm praying for a sponsorship.

Well, they did take us through the Thatcher's factory and gave you a special tour.

So that worked out.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, sometimes this does work out if you if you shout about stuff.

So I not that I want free stuff, okay.

Um, but my bose headphones are getting a bit old and i've i've enjoyed them i've used them a lot um they are they've stood the test of time so we're so we're we're transitioning from negativity to just shilling is what you you want us to you want us to to beg for for freebies now i was thinking about this yesterday because i went i usually go for lunch either in the st nick's market and get something or or or bring something in sometimes from home or sometimes i'll go to sainsbridge and just get something right and yesterday I went and got like a plastic tub of soup, right?

And I had some tomato soup for lunch.

And it just felt like

part of me was like, oh no,

I've used this like single-use plastic, right?

I think over time,

and the other day I ordered from a task.

Sorry, hold on a second.

Am I going mad here?

Or has this conversation veered wildly between like

Paul?

I don't even know what your point is in any of this.

You're talking about lunch, you're talking about single-use plastics.

You're talking about products you like.

There are headphones.

What's happening?

Louis is dabbling in classes.

I've just woken up.

I've just woken up.

I can't follow this.

I ordered a takeaway the other day and

it was just so, there was so much plastic in it.

And it wasn't really even like reusable plastic.

But I was just like, I don't want to do this.

So what did you do about it?

So instead, we went to the restaurant the next time instead.

We just actually was like, let's just not order from this place.

Let's just go there.

And then at least we're not wasting plastic,

which feels like a weird decision.

But it was the same thing with this soup.

I felt bad wasting this plastic, right?

Because I guess my normal lunch is not that.

And that's the world we live in, right?

But also, everything is so disposable.

Okay.

Like I sometimes feel like, like those water bottles, you see, people have those water bottles that are supposed to be used a thousand times in order to

save the planet.

I think they're called Stanleys, aren't they?

Whatever they are.

They're like trendy.

Everyone's got them.

And sometimes, sometimes I'll buy a thing thinking I'll use it a lot and I use it once and I feel terrible, right?

Or it sits in the cupboard or it's like, and I can't throw it away because I'm like, oh, man, this is a thing that I've only used once.

And I, ugh.

And so what I'm doing is what this leads back to is things that you've used for many years.

Yes.

You've got good value out of that are not like crap, not like single-use shit.

Because you know what it's like, people like the world,

can it?

Can I go?

I'm on a rant, gone.

So, stop, jump in.

This is five minutes to get to one question,

and I instantly forgot what the question was.

Can you, what, was it things you've got?

I want you to shout out some stuff that you have that you own that has been good, okay?

Good product.

Well, for any of the listeners that are still with us, let's let's do that.

It's let's say

trunks that we've enjoyed having for years uh my la cruso uh kettle and my la crusso um pan like a cook a big cruso yeah la crusso you know them the crusade i i don't think it's la crussee everyone says la cruso

yeah but everyone says la cruso i'm sure it's like inspector cruso it's inspector crusso he he comes and has a look at all your pots and pans yeah

those last forever uh they're very middle class

yeah um but they're not that expensive but to be honest with you if you buy these, they will last you the rest of your fucking life.

These things are built to last, which I love.

I love shit that you're like, oh man.

The other day, we were using

one of those, like a Thermos thing, but it's like for coffee.

So what you're meant to do is fill it up with coffee and then you can serve multiple people coffee.

Mrs.

F accidentally put it through the dishwasher without thinking, got a load of water in it.

She was like, we're going to have to chuck it.

We've had this thing, you know, this thing's been in the family since the 80s.

And I found out you could just unscrew it, get rid of any water that was flushing about.

Bingo.

This thing was like 1982, this thing is from.

Wow.

And it's still here.

A nice.

What's the brand?

I can't remember, actually.

It's

a long

gone.

It was a crusade.

Do you know that coffee pot we've got?

What brand is it?

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

So it's Tupperware.

Oh, classic.

Classic.

Tupperware.

Not plastic.

Tupperware that was made in West Germany.

Oh.

So it's pre-Fall of the Berlin Wall Tupperware.

It's pretty cool.

It's just a plastic coffee pot.

It's extremely good.

Okay.

They don't make them like that anymore.

They don't make them like that.

Well, this is it.

I typed in Le Crussee.

The first thing that comes up is a 400-pound signature cast iron round casserole, which

my partner has

and has had the same, looks exactly the same as this and has had it for like 20 years.

How many casseroles per minute is that thing?

It gets used.

Do you know what I mean?

And also, on the thermos thing, I bought them a Le Cruset Thermos for Christmas, and they've used that like every day.

And it's, it's been great.

Like, these products last.

Let's put that on the list.

I, I

do this.

You can put this thing in the oven, you can cook with it on the hob.

This, this shit is not made to be one single use, right?

It's it's so what are you using a single use that you're wasting so much of?

He's just saying stuff like takeaway and shit.

He's saying just

mainly just takeaways.

I can't imagine

chucking out like

appliances.

And

it's been the same for hundreds of years, right?

The people will pick the cheapest tender, right?

Like we are conditioned to do it.

When everyone goes to the shops, it's like, I want to spend the least I have to spend on this.

Even, you know, and in some cases, if it's the same thing, that's fine.

You're looking for the cheapest version of that thing.

Great.

But if the quality drops, then this is why so much, like all of these knockoff shit on Amazon.

And, you know, you buy like a sometimes stuff I've bought, like even from Ikea, has has just been absolute shit quality and it's lasted no fucking time at all right um and I think like you must have stuff that you've used for years and years hanging around that is like like for example I've got a Samsonite suitcase that I bought it was incredibly fancy which I bought must be it's like one of those first time those like plastic shell ones yeah it's the first time I ever went on holiday abroad or whatever do you still have the same suitcase and i still use the same silver shell samsonite suitcase it cost me like 250 quid.

Yeah, they're good.

They've got like a lifetime guarantee, though.

I'm not even joking.

And it's, you know, it's, yeah, it's dinted up and it's scratched because it's been thrown around across the fucking whole world.

But yeah, like I, it's, I, and I know some other people have gone through tons of them by now.

You know, I just want to shout out that.

That's a good, that's a thing.

A positive thing.

Well, when we're just saying, it's hard to reuse them when they've stored dismembered bodies previously.

Right.

You you know i see that's they're kind of like at that point i wouldn't well that's sort of recycling them though i feel and giving them another use so that's okay yeah maybe um if you're using it as a coffin yeah that's fine yeah like a little a little little coffin pod like a little pod

body pod and you know make coffins out of wood right don't make them out of plastic they make them out of wood concrete unless there's a reason unless you died of like radiation poisoning jesus you know who's obsessed with radiation poisoning ozy ozy is she Ozi, yeah, she's genuinely.

It's we the first stream we ever did together, she said so.

She loves it.

Let's talk about radiation sickness.

That's like she's she's she's she's full on to that grim.

She loves it.

She loves the idea.

I think it's because it's so real, right?

It's not like magic or made up or fantasy nonsense.

It's it's a genuine like sword of Damocles over the heads of what's all.

Damn, I thought we were the imposter.

Shout out to Damocles,

shout out to Damon, and Samson as well, because he was the guy in the strong guy in the Bible, and he makes a good suitcase.

I think God was the strong guy in the Bible, dude.

Come on, well, right.

He was the different, he was different, you know.

He wasn't like punching people or lifting rocks.

Do you know what I mean?

Did Samson punch people?

Was there a superhero arc in the Bible I missed?

Samson and Lila, a

1949 film.

Yeah, he was fighting the Philistines, of course.

Samson and Delilah.

Do you remember?

That's where the Bible is.

You know what?

This is a genre of film they don't make anymore.

Epic romantic biblical dramas.

They should bring those back.

Yeah.

Well, part of the reason is that you're not supposed to be, you know, doing that before marriage, right?

No romance before marriage.

This is Cecil B.

DeMille.

Did this.

Samson and Delilah.

Delilah, a 1949 American epic romantic biblical drama.

Budget, 2.9 to 3 million.

Box office 25.6.

Wow.

It just shows there's an appetite for it.

There's a market out there.

Yeah, there is.

Mel Gibson, get on it.

There's a market out there for some homegrown starring

Christian movies.

Yeah.

Heddie Lamar was born in Vienna.

She was 85.

She died in the year.

She was born in 1914.

She died in 2000.

Damn.

Heddie Lamar, what a babe.

What a hottie.

I finished watching episode series one of White Lotus, and I really enjoyed it.

I thought it was great.

It was real good.

There were some really great standout moments

in Series 1.

Pooping in the Suitcase?

Was that one of them?

Pooping in the Suitcase, definitely one of them.

Eating a Dude's Ass Out

was up there as well.

I was not prepared.

Not ready for that.

No, it was good.

It was really nice.

I like how short it is, too.

I like how the story just wraps up nicely at the end.

Yeah, this guy's flannel.

And also, there's no hangover of Cliffhanger of like, you know, we're going to be on this same holiday for the next four seasons.

You know what I mean?

It's like, we're done.

Yeah, you don't, I don't want to see the

hole ever again.

Yeah, I'm glad that it just happened.

You only see one of them in the next series.

Did you watch it with your wife?

Yes, I did.

Yeah,

she liked it.

She enjoyed it.

She's not mad into sci-fi or anything kind of, you know, like even Severance, she's like, she's, she's just lost with it now.

She's just like, I just don't really feel like watching it sort of thing.

Right.

But stuff like White Lotus, where it's like, you know, people with like, with, you know, like, like, nice character arcs and stuff like that.

She's, she's like, she, she's in for it.

So it's good.

It was, uh, yeah, it was nice.

Well, we'll start on season two soon.

My partner is the same about Severance.

Like, I, I'm really, must be a really annoying person to watch it with because we're like halfway through and I've like, you know, we're watching an episode and I like pause it and I'm like, I ask her a question.

She's like, I've I've got no idea what's going on.

She's like, yeah.

I think you've got to be kind of interested in

that sort of stuff.

And by that stuff, I mean,

you know, like the slightly sort of like out there, surreal kind of.

The mind bending.

You've got to have a mind.

You're willing to have a mind that's bent without any kind of satisfying resolution.

That's where I am on several

the bending of the mind.

I am am accepting that my mind will be bent without a conclusion that makes me

have a good understanding of the world.

I will say that the Severance season two was not my favorite season.

I realize there's only been two.

But I'm still going to say, if that had been the first season, I don't think I would have been as into the show as I was.

Season one was so good.

Season two was out of several points, Mrs.

F turned to me and said, they better fucking start answering some questions because it really did get a bit ridiculous.

And I was like, yeah, I know, know, look, like, this is getting a bit lost.

You know what I mean?

All right, now, positive.

We're positive.

We're enjoying it.

It's good.

Well, they did go some way in this season to genuinely answering questions that we had, having some cool moments.

And I thought the finale episode kind of made up for a lot of the fun.

I'm glad you're being so careful with spoilers here.

I ain't saying shit.

Yeah, no, I haven't seen it yet.

I'll get around to it.

I'm not like, okay, I'll finish it as well.

I'm not like hell-bent on watching it, sort of thing, but I like season two.

I'm enjoying it.

Season two, I'm sure I'll like as well.

So, hang on.

so what's on my list so bose headphones they've been great honestly still using them after like 12 years like basically i got these two things when i went away on to like blizzcon or whatever back in 2011 right and that suitcase and those headphones i still use them like every day um what else do i love i love um avocados can that can we put those on the list of things that are great big fan i buy you can put them in

my clothes from UniClow.

I just UniClo, shout out to UniClo.

I think it's good.

Again, it might be slipping.

I don't know.

Maybe Maybe the quality.

Maybe Samsonite shit these days.

Maybe Bose has like gone into the toilet.

No, I don't think so.

12 years ago, those guys were fucking popping off.

Yeah.

I mean,

it's not a general thing, though.

It's like, if you have a product that you like, then for you, it's good, you know?

Yeah.

I just, it just makes me feel good when something gets good use out of it.

Yeah.

You should write a review on

Amazon or something, you know?

I should be able to

make that one anymore.

I fucking know.

What about

Amazon reviews so much?

Oh, especially for like real dog shit products.

The thing is, my, I feel like

one of the things people don't realize is that a lot of these dog shit resellers, because a lot of the Amazon marketplace is just people, like we said before, buying shit on Timu or AliExpress and then fucking boshing it on there at a slight markup, is that they will pay these companies to give them positive reviews.

Like you can buy Chinese review farms that will just put positive reviews in.

So a lot of the time you just can't believe what it says.

But here's a there's a there's this product called regain which is supposed to help you crow hair um oh

and uh no this is re regain oh oh this is called regain extra

knockoff rogame i assume uh not enough people are aware of the side effects this is from matt right when i say not enough people i'm including myself in this group when i bought this product it was somewhat of an impulse purchase i was losing my hair and i was panicking about it I knew if I did nothing about the hair loss the situation wouldn't improve so I turned to the internet to research potential product This lad's written a fucking essay.

Oh, I think Rogan has rebranded to regain.

Oh, really?

Makes sense.

And it's called, yeah, it's still minoxidil.

It's the same stuff.

I know a few people who are actually on this

regularly, and they've told me things about if you have a hair transplant, you're supposed to have this as well.

And

a few people, go on, carry on reading though.

Tell me, tell me.

I mean, no, no.

I mean, he just says that after he stopped using it,

his hair loss accelerated.

Really?

Yeah.

So I think the point is, as long as you're using it, it's like, he's saying that it just doesn't work the way people think.

Like people think it's just going to stop stuff.

But he's like, as soon as he stopped using it, all his hair falls out.

I imagine the day after he stops using it, he's just Homer Simpson instantly.

This guy says it's expensive, long-lasting hair gel.

Somebody else's review just says, poison in all caps.

This is a poison.

Sexual dysfunction, erectile dysfunction, low libido, mental health issues.

FDA got millions of pounds from billionaires investors to approve this poison.

Same like antidepressant drugs.

You use once, now you have to use forever.

Now we are repeating customers and patients to these billionaire drug mafia.

I fucking hate this.

Kind of base.

Stupid fucking unhinged people.

Fuck off.

No, no, no.

That's a, I kind of agree with that though.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, because this is the, this is, those symptoms are exactly what the people I've spoken to who are on Monoxadil have reported.

And some people have said that, I mean, I, again, all I have for my own response here is the people I've spoken to in real life.

I don't, I'm not allowed to have scientific studies, but I think it has, you know, you can't take a thing that fucks with your hormones and not expect it to like have side effects of some description, right?

Like, and everyone's different.

Everyone's body is different.

Everyone's going to respond to this thing differently.

Yeah.

And I think that if you, you have to be very aware of what's going on in your own body when you take these things because sometimes they can fucking be dangerous, you know, for you.

That's why the doctor says if this is causing weird side effects, stop taking it immediately.

Like, you, you might just be the 1% on that stuff.

So be careful.

Two seconds, I'll be right back.

That's all right.

Name a banal product.

Something utterly banal.

The most banal, banal product.

Like fucking windeline.

It's basically just vinegar in it and water.

I'm talking about not like

something like that.

Just imagine a thing

in your house.

A spoon.

A spoon.

Well, that's a little too generic.

Think of something else.

A candle.

That's too fast.

No, no, no, not a candle.

A notebook.

A notebook.

My fridge.

Notebook.

All right.

A banal product.

Yeah.

Like a notebook is this podcast.

Very few people are going to leave a review for a notebook, right?

But I guarantee you, someone will leave a really negative review.

Here's one.

This is a notebook.

We've got some reviews here.

In fact, I might do this next time is find a bunch of funny reviews.

Here's a one-star review.

Right.

Too small.

that's the headline too small

too

do you know what though i bought a notebook and it was too small right it was like half the size i thought it was going to be it was like one of those scams like this just says you the one star too small and disappointing i think you could you could get that on a t-shirt to sell it as triforce merch that's what she said yeah the elastic on this is too tight resulting in the book constantly bent i guess what you get what you pay for it was cheap that's debbie thanks debbie hudson thanks debbie patricia Yeah, very disappointed.

What other reviews

pay?

Well, not all.

Bag ripped apart before I could the chicken in, as you can imagine.

Unimpressed.

That's another one of her reviews.

Oh, well.

They're very dumb.

They're very dumb reviews.

Yeah.

But I think the thing is, if there's less of like 100 reviews on something, I assume most of those are fake or made up by the person selling the item.

Yeah, exactly.

If there's like five reviews and one of them is like, this worked perfectly.

all of my hair grew back, right?

Um, then it's like clearly, this is not um

a real fucking review, is it?

Exactly.

So, no, have you got a you got to shout out?

Come on, guys, you must have things.

I want you to be positive today.

What are your favorite things?

Think of things that you couldn't live without, okay?

Um, uh, my computer, which I'm sitting at right now.

What about God bless it?

I wish it didn't crash so much, but um, well, wow, that's not recently, but but actually, you know what?

It's been like it's been better.

It's been better.

Shout out to my computer who has been crashing less more recently, immediately.

Are there any components that you like?

Any brands that you use?

Like, like that you always like, they're your go-to.

Have you got a mouse brand or a monitor brand that you like?

Not really, you know.

If it works, great, you know, I'm not really

you're not, you're not a loyal

to one brand customer.

You're just a, I'll fuck you.

I don't think I'm really like that with anything.

Um, and and actually thinking about it, I don't really buy that much stuff.

I buy games

on my computer to play, but I can't really think of anything that I like.

I don't think I've ever bought a notepad before in my life, for example, talking about notepads.

I don't think I have.

Apart from that, one time I got one, it was too small.

My kids get a lot of stuff.

And my wife buys a fair amount of stuff, normally just for the kids and stuff.

But me personally, I don't really buy that much stuff.

I would never read a product review because

I'm rarely ever shopping for anything.

I just don't really,

how often do you like like, okay, let's use a friend of mine as an example who will not be right Simon.

Yeah.

Simon

is

he's not he's not got, you know,

he's not hard that hard up.

Okay.

But for the last like two years, he's been using a laptop where the W key on the keyboard broke.

Right.

Okay.

That's interesting.

So he swept over to using ESDF instead instead of WASD.

Right.

Right.

Right.

So instead of just getting the key repaired or instead of getting a new keyboard, which costs, I don't know, 50 quid.

Yeah.

Right.

And so he

is so used to this that he could, he, it took him a long time to readjust when he, because he would come in and play Minecraft in the office and stuff.

And for a long time, he was just pressing the wrong keys because his hand was so used to being

in a different part of place on the keyboard.

And it doesn't take time to to re-learn that.

But like, that's him.

I think that's partly him being,

I can work around it.

And I like things as they are, you know, and

I can't be asked because it's a big faff to get a new thing and order it in and all that crap.

Especially if it's a laptop keyboard.

Yeah.

You know, you like, who do you get to fix that?

Or do you get a new laptop or whatever the fuck, you know?

And so, but some people, some people do it because they, you know, almost like a challenge to themselves.

Like, I'm going to use this until it absolutely is fucked.

And other people

are just like, I can't be asked.

But at what point do you make site fix something?

Are you a person who is proactively improving stuff?

Or are you like, I'm just going to leave this until it's literally falling off?

Like

in that example, the keyboard, I would just order a new one.

Like immediately, I would order.

I mean, that's literally what I did two weeks ago.

Yeah.

Or maybe even a little more than that.

I got a new keyboard.

It's lovely.

And my old one, which I loved, literally, there were keys just falling off it.

Like it just broke.

And eventually one of the little you know it's like a little sort of uh x that the key slots onto snapped off just it's just through wear and tear i use this keyboard a lot yeah a lot of mashing buttons when i'm playing doter and stuff and one of the keys broke so you know you can't fix that that's just the way it is yeah um and so i i think that's fine but yeah i i do tend to if something's broken it really annoys me but there are things that i will have broken in the house for months and months and months and just work around until eventually i'm like why haven't i fucking fixed this yet?

For example, we had a fucking hole in our kitchen floor for the better part of 18 months.

And it was like, we had a leak in the house.

I'm sure I talked about this previously.

The guy came and put a nozzle in our radiator and blew air through it with a bit of water and it makes this kind of

noise that you can hear.

Found the leak.

He knocks a hole in my wall.

He knocks a hole in the floor.

He fixes the leak.

Great.

But then he's like, I don't do repairs.

And I was like, yeah, yeah, I know, that's cool.

But finding someone to come out and repair such a small task was almost impossible.

Yeah.

So I had no idea about this thing called Air Tasker, which is like a website where you post a job

and a price and people will say, yeah, I'll give it a go.

And we hired a guy

and then

some fucking guy.

What kind of tasks?

Anything.

Anyone wear the hair?

Why do you always go to the bold things?

You go to.

It's like, I know.

I don't know.

It's because you've got hair and I haven't.

I get it.

I got an email.

I told you this where a guy was like, I just, you know, remember Minnie Muka did a hair transplant, a brand deal.

It was like his first brand deal in years.

And he went off to Turkey to have a hair transplant.

I wouldn't do that.

I got an invitation for a hair transplant brand deal and I didn't know how to feel about it.

And also, why did they ask me out of all the other people in the Yogscast?

Why are you not asking me?

What's going on?

You know what I'm saying?

Like, I'm the baldest member of the Yogs.

I would say.

Well, no, but they have to get it from somewhere.

You have to have it.

You can't, you know, be fully bald.

Now you made me forget what i was talking about what was i talking you were talking about that air job thing you posted a job on the air job

so i went on air job uh and i i posted this and i got immediately like eight responses um can you post picture of the problem blah blah blah and i was like yeah yeah yeah so he did that um and this lad gets in touch young lad and he's like i'll do it and i was like i looked at him looked at his simps yeah he'd done like five jobs before.

And I was like, yeah, sure, I bet this guy's fine.

He comes out and he's so young that he's shy, even just talking.

Do you know what I mean?

And I said to him, How old are you?

He's like, 20.

And I was like, okay.

And I said,

I said, where's your car?

And he said, I've got the bus.

So

he got the bus over.

And I was like, well, I might not have all the tools you need.

He goes, oh, no, I've got the tools.

I was like, okay.

So he does the job.

He does, he does fine.

But it's like three days.

He has to come in and and do stuff.

He has to buy, he has to look and figure out what he needs to buy.

Then he orders it and I pay for it.

And then we have to wait for it to arrive at the BQ, go and pick it up.

And I tell him it's not here yet.

So he comes back another day.

Finally, he does the job.

And

you just click job complete and Air Tasker, which has had the money in escrow, pays the guy.

So it's like much, it's safe.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, first of all, they agree to do the job and there's no money up front.

It's literally, but equally, I guess they're right there with you in the room and you have to click OK and then it goes through so it's it's pretty good and you can increase the amount or or uh reduce the amount of money as you need it was decent but this lad i mean jesus we got him to do three things one of them was to replace a dimmer switch because i'm not an electrician i'm not going to fuck around with that yeah so replace the dimmer switch he did that it was fine One of them was to fix his hole in the kitchen floor and retile it and fix the wall.

He did all that.

Fine.

The third one was to fix our shed door.

Now, the shed door was broken for about about 18 months, not even that, maybe a year, because I had kicked the fuck out of it and destroyed the door.

Why did you do that?

Were you angry?

No,

I wasn't.

What happened was we had the door replaced and the guy that did it didn't finish it and wouldn't finish it.

He basically did it and he was like, oh yeah, yeah, I'll come next week.

I never came again.

I was like, fuck it, whatever.

So I needed the door to open so I could take a load of rubbish from my garden out to the front because this lad was coming to clear it it all the way.

We had like a big garden clearance and rubbish cleared out.

And I couldn't open the shed door.

And I was like, this guy is going to be here in 20 minutes.

And I really thought I could just open the door and I can't.

So I just fucking kicked it until it broke and then it opened.

Right.

Okay.

So there were bits hanging off it.

And I was like, fuck.

This is a common thing to have as a homeowner.

Yeah.

You just like get locked out of something.

Yeah.

You're like, well,

this is my door.

I'm smashing the door down.

Like, I need to do this more than that.

I'm just going to boot the door.

So I tried to plane it down first so it would, it would open, didn't work, so I just fucking booted it.

So, this lad comes in.

I was like, Can you repair this door?

He's like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can repair the door.

If you get the lumber, I'll fix it.

I was like, Okay, so ordered the stuff, got everything.

He does it, and he's like, There you go.

And at first glance, I was like, Oh, cool, he's actually fixed it.

I was like, Thanks.

Finish the air task, off he goes.

When I open the door, there's so many nails just jamming out of everywhere.

He's obviously tried to go through and like missed a bunch of times and then bent the nail to conceal the fact that he's missed.

like the inside of an Iron Maiden is what my fucking shed will look like.

Jesus Christ.

And I was like, oh, God, I shouldn't have got this lad to do the door.

Like, he did everything else fine, but he was like, yeah, yeah, I could do that.

He couldn't fucking do it.

Like, at night, he's like this young lad.

He's literally just turned 20.

I was like, man, fair play to him.

And I said, where did you learn all this?

My dad taught me.

I was like, well, your fucking dad didn't teach you about doors, did he, mate?

But I didn't.

He's like living like

like playing contract bill, but like IRL.

He's just

doing all these little odd jobs and stuff.

Is your dad free to fix this door?

That's what I should have said.

Could you send your dad over to fix this door, please?

Man, it's so hard with tradespeople.

Like, we're lucky because we're just off the back of a really big job where we've had all sorts of everyone in, but we've been able to use word of mouth from those people, which is the best way.

You know, like, oh, yeah.

You get somebody good, they're they're always going to recommend somebody good, or they'll know somebody good.

So it's like

it's a sure shot.

But man, cold calling somebody like, you know, out of like a directory or whatever.

It's so hard.

Holy shit.

It is such a crap shot.

You don't know what that is.

And the other thing is, I'm not being funny, but post-Brexit, right?

Not to get into politics.

This is literally just the reality of it.

It is genuinely harder to get plumbers, electricians, and all the rest of it because there just aren't as many.

Like a lot of those guys have gone back to Poland and Romania and Latvia and all the rest of it.

And so when you do try to get them, I've had them say, yeah, I'll come out tomorrow and we'll check it out.

Never turn up.

They get some other job.

Or they're like the amount you have to pay has gone up.

The size of job, they don't take small jobs.

They're like, it's too small.

Not worth my time.

I'll take a big job because there will be one.

Yeah.

It's pretty nuts.

So little jobs, like I've got a relatively small hole in my kitchen floor.

Can you fix it?

And the problem was this was behind the fridge.

So the fridge just had to be out from the wall, literally for 18 months, because I could not get anyone to come and fix this.

And there's no way I'm fucking around with tiling the kitchen.

No, god, yeah.

So it was just like, why didn't you just cover it up with a bit of plastic bag, you know, and just

a bit of plastic bag?

Yeah, just satisfying the bag.

How's that going to support?

How's that going to support the fridge?

The fridge is resting on this thing.

Like it's the corner where the fridge goes.

That whole corner was just fucked.

Oh, I see.

Yeah.

Right.

Well, maybe maybe you could have gotten like a

wooden base for it or something that you sit the whole thing on.

Right, I mean, when you're a homeowner, you can come at me with this shit.

How did he fix it?

Did he fill it with like rubble and stuff?

Or what?

Rubble!

I didn't, I don't know, is it like a sinkhole?

I'm not sure how big it is.

What are you imagining?

Describe to me what's happening.

That house in Fallout 4 with the crater out of the house.

The gaping hole in the death clock filling the human cave.

It's like a cave down there.

Yeah, but I'd love to you turn up on Air Tosco.

And it's like, yeah, there's a hole in my kitchen floor.

Yeah, we'll get some rubble down there.

That will fill it in.

It was so imagine that beneath the kitchen floor, that, you know, there's all the joists and all the rest of it and all the

foundation for the floor.

And there's like an air gap before you get to the ground.

And that's where the brick foundations of the house and everything are.

There's like a slight gap.

So, when the lad smashed through the floor, what he essentially did was he went through the tile and then he went through the whatever board, like the plaster, whatever, that was there as the base of the floor and the insulation.

So, it's like a proper smashing.

Uh, and what it needed to do was have uh some kind of plank or

board put onto the supporting joists beneath the floor, and then that needed to be made good on top, and then that needed to be retiled on top.

Okay, and then the wall that it also had a hole knocked in it, that's plaster board, that needs to be repaired, So, you need to cut out the smashed bit and repair it, secure it in place.

What kind of tile do you have in your kitchen, like ceramic tile?

Yeah, it's like a big tile, right?

It's like quite a large tile.

So, you needed to also cut the tile to fit the holes.

I don't know how to do any of that.

No, yeah.

Um, so he did it.

I mean, if it's small tiles, you can do that thing where you just score it and snap it essentially and then file off any loose edges.

But these are like big tiles, these things are big, it's like a piece of A3 fucking paper.

Yeah, we used to have we used to have like hard ceramic tiles in our kitchen, but um the people

have soft tiles soft bouncy tiles well kind of yeah there's like that amtico like the uh like the vinyl stuff it looks like big ceramic tiles but it's uh but there's like a like a latex uh self-leveling thing underneath and then uh they just they just lay that tile um it's like a click sort of thing they just lay it on top of that so it's pretty um it's pretty hard wearing it's good like because we we found with like with the with the hard tiles the hard ceramic tiles the people who put them down before we bought the house and moved in didn't do it properly.

And one of the tiles

snapped at the corner.

So there's like this really sharp bit sticking out.

Like it was like, there was like some movement or they didn't put enough,

you know, adhesive or whatever at the bottom.

And it was just a mess.

But then.

to get it redone was a fucking mess as well because they had to come in they had to like jackhammer like all the fucking tiles out um you know know, they had always like all of these jobs.

It's always a mess.

And then underneath the tiles was like old kitchen flooring that had just been laid directly onto the foundation of the house.

It was like concrete and then that straight on top.

Yeah.

So it was like, but so instead of bringing it up, they were like, we're just going to put the self-leveler over it because it's, you know, it's this, it's this really thick liquid.

And when it sets, it's like, you know, hard.

It's basically like having a layer of concrete, but it gets into all the little cracks and stuff.

Oh, yeah.

and it's perfectly flat like it's incredible stuff put your liquid foundation deep into my back but so underneath all that is lord fucking old tiles from like the 1970s like that had been over tiled and oh it's a mess the the issue that we had was that we got these lovely big tiles when we had the kitchen redone but because it was a lot of work and like new foundations and everything, there's a bit of settling time when the house literally creaks and groans and settles and wobbles a bit, and then it's like poof and sort of settled back down after the work.

Yeah, because when you put this kind of like new floor, new foundations, it's not just locked in place, there's movement, there's always movement, yeah.

And especially wood, like we've had the same thing in our loft.

We had um, the walls were all plastered, like you know, like

wet plaster, not like dry lining.

So they plaster over the whole wall, but then the wall could, the wall that they plastered connected to basically another little wall, but it was just like MDF because it's like, like, you know, like the very ends of the roof, you know, like the cornery bits, they often just sort of square those off and make them into like a little crawl space.

So it's like, it's like a little bit of extra storage sort of thing.

So where this MDF meets the plastering, it's moved.

So all the painting and everything's cracked and it looks like shit.

So they have to, I have to get somebody back in to basically fill it and put some tape and repaint over it.

The thing with us was because the tiles are big, as the house settled, they cracked.

Yeah, like, so there's like a hairline crack running through some of these tiles.

Um, it's okay.

I mean, you can look at it.

It's annoying, but if there's any movement, like you can get your, you can, like, slice your toe on it and stuff, you know, like with like oh, yeah, you could.

I mean, but this isn't annoying, like, it's more like a literal hairline.

Yeah, if you get down and look, you can see a line through the tiles, but it was just literally where the house moves.

It's all this kind of shit you don't notice if you rent somewhere.

You're only there a year, yeah, or two, hopefully, and then maybe you've got to get a new place and you sort of notice there's a couple of things busted, but you know, you're not going to fix them.

You don't really care about some brickwork on the outside.

Once you've got a house, you're checking the pointing on shit and like that pointing's looking a bit bad.

We might have to get new flashing on the roof.

You know, you notice all of this shit.

Well, you notice it because the thing is, small problems always turn into big ones.

So yeah,

when you own a house, you notice something small.

You're like, right, I have to get that fixed because if I leave it, it's going to be a fucking nightmare.

And

oftentimes it does become one.

It does.

But there's a house on my road and I walk past this bit of their outer brick wall and I can see this white bloom on the brick and that is water damage.

Yeah.

Because the water gets into the brick and any minerals or any salt that's stuck in the brick pops out and dries on the surface.

And I can see that there's discoloration on these bricks.

And every time I walk past a house, I hope that

I have the courage to knock and say, I'm sorry to be a pain.

I'm not not a builder, but you've got water damage.

Sorry to be that good.

Sorry to be that

bad news.

Come with me and look at this brick damage.

But I'm genuinely tempted to do it.

Because

you know a guy.

Hi, I can fix that.

Just send him round.

Do them a service.

Post up a job saying, I need to fix this water damage on my bricks and then send that young lad over there.

Like as a surprise.

I don't think I'd send him.

I trust him on floors.

I trust him on light switches.

I don't trust him on bricks and doors.

I don't know anything.

I don't know how he's doing with that.

I'm Scott Hanson, host of NFL Red Zone.

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So, actually, interestingly, this is a part of the lose news.

We can transition.

Let's not do that.

Let's lose ourselves in the news news.

Lose yourself in the newsment.

After After complaining for the better part of the last two years that

Gen Z grads are difficult to work with, right, which fits into the bracket of that young man.

Bosses are starting to fire them instead.

So six out of 10 employers in the U.S.

have said that they have already begun sacking some freshly hired Gen Z workers

after experiencing a raft of problems.

And they are one in six bosses says they're hesitant to hire college grads again.

Wow, wow.

So this is just old men saying young men have no, or young women have no, have a lack of motivation or initiative.

I wonder if that's because they get paid shit.

It's almost like these jobs are all fucking boring and don't pay.

Their jobs suck and they get paid shit.

Ten Z is unprofessional, disorganized, and having poor communication skills.

So I don't know.

This has always been the case, hasn't it?

It's not.

Fuck you, you boomer cunts.

This is not news.

Sure.

Well, there you go.

That is not news.

That's loose news.

It's loads more.

It's loads more.

Jeff Bezos,

famous cunt, is sending Katy Perry into space.

Oh, are you serious?

I thought it was a joke.

No, it's not serious.

Don't send my beloved Katy Perry into space, Jeff.

What's happening?

Is he bringing her back?

I fucking love Katie Perry.

Of course she's going to come back.

It's an all-women squad going on the 11th flight.

This doesn't seem very

current America to me.

It's sending up his fiancé as well.

Lawrence Says.

This is his America.

He's rich enough to have his own private American bubble.

He's just unaffected.

He's just going to send

a parry into space.

A bunch of women on a spaceship?

That sounds like some DEI space initiative.

Wow.

Shut that shit down.

They're sending goddamn women into space.

It's bullshit.

Send men into space.

So these, we didn't do it last week, so I've got some from last.

I think this is a bit old anyway.

Apparently, the Super Nintendo, you know, the Super Nintendo Jamas

games console, they have been running slightly faster recently than they did 35 years ago.

It's something to do with

the crystal or something in the

clock speed.

I don't know.

People aren't sure why, but apparently it's relevant for speedrunners, right?

Who are still playing.

Are you serious?

But like on the they play these games still on the consoles?

They sure

emulate them, though.

No, no, no, no, no.

You've got to do it on the original.

The emulation will always be different.

And I think a lot of the speedrunners are like, this is emulated, so it's not like it doesn't count.

It has to be on the original hardware.

Yeah, but there's variance, isn't there?

How that's like, there's a bit of variability with emulation.

If it's the actual original hardware, we know that there's a baseline where it's all the same.

You can do emulated runs, but I think in general

hardware old consoles are running faster.

As in the tip rate is higher on these things.

So apparently it's got a 24 megahertz AP, some sort of

thing that's people have been testing it, and the sample rate should be 32,000 hertz, but actually it's closer to 32,100 with some of them running even faster, which is not

inconsistencies, though, right?

In

the field that needs to be

very consistent, yeah.

Yeah, can't afford it.

There was a guy like putting his, there was a guy putting his snares in like a freezer to do something run some tests and see.

I don't know, it's quite quite fun.

People are, you know, the Super Nintendo is my growing up console, you know.

I'm kind of

very affectionate for you.

I still remember how excited I was to play Super Mario World for the first time.

Oh, my God.

And it was so good, too.

It was such a great game.

What a game.

Just joy.

Just the PSA.

A cat in Plymouth named Mischief has gone viral on social media after a woman shared the absolute mayhem he has caused across the city.

Oh, there's like a have you seen this cat?

Like they people will post locations of what he did.

Yes.

Yeah.

I love this cat.

He's like a black and white cat that has been doing all sorts of stuff.

He just went to a vet on his own.

He's like been around the various parts of the town, including a city.

He's just running errands.

As church, you know post office he went into a ladbrook's and made a bet i don't know there's a bunch of random stuff um and it's very british and very adorable so yeah i'm sure you've seen that if you've been on social media he just he just literally gets all over plymouth like i know plymouth quite well i went to university there i lived there for three years and this cat gets everywhere pubs he got into the naval base he gets into people's houses police stations he just literally goes everywhere goes it gets into a morrison's he falls asleep on the counter where where people are trying to pay like he's just literally he's sleeping on a pool table in a stupid building he's in a college covenant room he's in a juicen's he's in a train station he just gets

sociable he just wants to get around he just wants to meet new people and sleep in new places and stuff i mean this lad sees plymouth as his entire domain he's just going to wander about and i i just think it's fascinating that this cat has just literally taken it upon himself to explore the entirety of plymouth there are plenty of residents of plymouth that don't know plymouth as well as this cat does i'm telling you he knows all the he knows all the alleyways.

He's an alley cat.

This alley cat's a goddamn alley cat.

Hold on a minute.

Sorry about Marshall's.

Sorry, I saw him in the library.

He was in a library left.

He can't read.

What's he doing in there?

Thank you, President, Mr.

President.

Mr.

Former President, actually.

Speaking of former president Schlo Brighton,

Speaking of animals in shops,

CCTV has recorded shoplifters using Pythons to distract a cashier before stealing $400 worth of CBD oil from a petrol station.

Yeah, there was a guy on the news the other day who stole like three boxes of 50 Cadbury's cream eggs and was shoving them into his coat and

was arrested and banned from going into a Morrison's ever again.

Right.

Yeah.

Banned for life.

What a weird thing.

I like cream eggs enough, but I mean, I know, I don't like them.

I wouldn't sacrifice so much for a couple of boxes of cream eggs.

Yeah.

I was walking through Bristol town centre, and this guy came sort of hurrying out of next.

And like the, you know, the like the doorway beeper thing.

It started beeping, you know, he obviously like triggered something.

Beep beep.

And that beeping like made him speed up.

And then he started sort of, you know, running.

And the, there was like some local security there.

And they obviously just yelled at him, like, stopped straight away.

And it was like, wow, I'm just, I was impressed by how quickly they were like responding.

And they started chasing him.

There were like two of them.

And he turned and saw them.

And he just like threw like from under his shirt the thing he'd stolen, which was like a pink dressing gown, like a woman's nighty dressing gown thing.

He threw that on the floor and just ran off around the corner.

And they didn't chase him any further.

Um, but like, I could see the whole as I walked through the rest of uh Bristol, I could see like more security people kind of coming, almost like they'd called for backup, yeah, and so they were all coming to the yeah, they were closing the net, um, they were triangulating.

But I mean, he, he was, he was like, he was, he was long gone, but I mean, it's, it's, um, he wasn't really running that fast, but I, I, I thought a couple of things.

First thing I thought was,

why, what, look, I don't know why people steal things like that.

Maybe he's hard up and he needs needs a present for someone or whatever.

Or maybe he's a pervert.

God knows what.

Maybe he was shopping with his wife and he got so bored that he had to steal and run out of the store and cause like a big commotion just to get out of there.

I also, yeah, well, this is it.

Maybe I, maybe there's some, maybe it was some distraction to some other guy.

Yeah, right.

You never know.

And he was deliberately just pulling everyone to him because it felt so bad the way he like was so nervous and ran out and like started running and stuff.

Like, surely you just act like you belong you know you just you just steal the thing you walk out it beeps you just you go oh and then you just walk off you know but i think if he hadn't been like kind of hurrying and rushing and looking around like as if he was like the guiltiest man on the planet um he looked like a kind of comic book shoplifter you know i don't know whether that's just what people are actually like or whether he's just a dumbass and

it made me start to think that conspiracy theory idea of it has to be something more oh it's like oh there's a bank heist going on and he's

distracting all the mold cops over

like a lot of this uh comes up and you just think i don't know if people are smart enough to to do to do all this stuff you know like i think occam's razor right it's the it's probably

the simplest um explanation you know you know that occam's razor right you know for there's a there's a whole bunch of movies where people explain what occam's razor is like it's obviously these writers discovered occam's razor and they fucking put it in every fucking movie.

And it's like, you don't need to explain Occam's Razor with this, but we've all fucking heard it.

It's been in every fucking movie.

I tell you, watch a movie, and if Occam's Razor comes up, some fucking idiot has to have the line, what the fuck is Occam's Razor?

And then some guy who's meant to be clever is meant to explain what Occam's Razor is.

We fucking know what Occam's Razor is.

Shut up.

Anyway, carry on.

Yeah, you're welcome.

That's a very common thing.

Look, I didn't know what to do.

And I was just, I was, I was kind of, it was was almost like, I know, sometimes when this stuff happens in front of people, there is like a bystander effect where you just kind of feel like you're watching telly, right?

And you don't realize it doesn't feel kind of, I guess I see stuff like this all the time.

You know, sometimes people get, are in a fight or someone gets mugged or, you know.

Anyway, let's do the next one.

So I've got more stuff.

Hit me.

Hit me.

Not literally, figuratively, hit me.

Hit him with a rhythm stick.

Volkswagen.

Their best-selling product is not a car.

Have we done this news before?

I feel like I know this already.

Say it.

What is their best-selling product, Volkswagen?

Think?

Is it car-related?

No.

I have no idea then.

I just thought they did cars.

And maybe

they make us a Bratwurst, I think.

What?

They make Bratwursts.

They make VW-branded sausages that sold

1.5 million.

The Volkswagen Curry Vurst.

So it's a brand of sausage.

I've been buying Volkswagen since 1973 at the Wolfsburg Volkswagen plant.

Sold in Russia.

I went in to buy a new pepper grinder the other day, and I noticed that there's

Peugeot make them.

Right.

The car companies.

Sausages.

No, the pepper grinders.

They make pepper mills.

But it's not uncommon for big multinational corporations to have something they also make in-house, sometimes just for them.

Do you know me?

Maybe the Volkswagen sausage.

Yes, they sell 8 million a year, but I think it's mostly used up in their cafeteria.

Yeah, I would like to say that.

Company barbecues.

Companies like that.

Do you know what I mean?

Right, so

here's the deal according to Wikipedia.

Okay.

The sausage is branded as Volkswagen Original Teal Volkswagen Original Part under part number 199398500A.

It's listed as a part because obviously they make it at a plant.

So they sell them in the six German factories in the canteens, like you said.

You can get them in supermarkets and they're sold at football stadiums, presumably ones that have either Volkswagen sponsorship or because Germans love sausages, they boss them in all the Bundesliga teams' stadiums.

So they have made more sausages than cars, but it's way, it's much easier to make a fucking sausage than a car.

And also, it's pretty fast

than it is to eat a car.

They sold eight million sausages, but five million cars.

That's way more impressive.

Like, all right, eight million sausages.

I mean, Jesus, who cares that's a that's a silly fact i'm i'm annoyed by that next a silly fact but it's fun uh uh new zealand's entire public health department has apparently been running on a single excel spreadsheet oh my god which is which is quite quite good it works it works

yeah i don't find that too too much of a problem although i guess the entire public health department does sound what is the population of new zealand 47 like 47 million no it's tiny I think it's like 3 million, isn't it?

I think it literally might be 3 million.

A very small country.

Let's have a look.

Population

is at the 2023 census.

Sorry, 2025, they reckon 5.4.

So it's really not an egg.

Is that Excelable?

I see what you mean.

Can they have 5 million rows?

Is that what you're asking?

Yeah.

Max rows, Excel.

Depends on what you're saying.

Excel says, oh, gosh,

maximum number of rows per worksheet is 1,048,576.

Right.

So no.

So there's a level

multiple pages.

Oh, per page.

Yeah, that's pretty.

I'd be interested to see how they separate out the pages to get everybody lumped in, you know?

Do it by age.

Babies, they get a page.

Babish.

And then the next page.

And then babysh.

The babish.

And then when it gets to the bottom of the page, when the age gets to a certain point, the macro moves it to another sheet and you just filter everything through like that.

That would be a system.

Oh, my God.

But this is how they got all that bogus stuff about all those people being on social security who were 150 years old or whatever.

It was all bogus because that's the if they didn't have an age, they would just put in as it would default to 150.

Yeah, it's right people as stupid if they didn't have the name.

Yeah, Irish police have spent two years searching for a criminal who does not exist.

Apparently, there was a notorious reckless driver who crossed the country stacking up numerous speeding fines.

This sounds like a somehow episode.

Yeah, it does.

Somehow managed to avoid the law.

And his name, he was stopped many times, giving a different address each time he was caught.

See if you could figure this out.

So he was stopped like 50 times across the country.

Right.

He gave a different address every time.

And every time he was put in under his name,

Prowo, Praro Jadski.

Jad Jaskdi.

Oh my God, I cannot read Polish at all.

See if you can read this.

It's like a really simple name.

I'll post it in general.

This name.

Pravo Jazzdi.

Pravo Jazzdi.

What do you think?

I reckon that means something like private driver or something like that.

Correct.

Yeah, it means driving license.

Right.

So obviously the police would write down their name, Prauro Jazzdi, write down their address, and he just started,

you know, getting so many.

Um, but so I'm assuming these are all different people, yes, of course.

So, basically, every time a Polish person was stopped in Ireland, their name was accidentally written down as Prero Jazzdi.

Oh, because they'd look at the driver's license, exactly.

Where it says driver's license, it says Pravo Jazzdi, and they just exactly.

Oh, that must be

his name.

Oh, man, number one, most wanted,

oh, Most dangerous criminal.

That's great.

That is funny.

A director has been arrested after spending $17 million budget for a failed Netflix show on crypto sports cars and divorce fees.

That is amazing.

That's incredible.

Is it Steven Spielberg?

Is it Steven Spielberg?

Yes, it is Steven.

How did you?

You guessed it correctly.

It is Steven Spielberg.

Oh, my God.

Could you imagine?

He's broke.

Netflix originally paid $70 million for the series during a competitive bidding war for the 47 Ronin director.

So he directed 47 Ronin.

This is a Keanu Reed's movie, I think.

The project was titled White Horse and was aiming to tell the story of a scientist who invents a human-like species that turns against their creators.

I mean, it's pretty formulated.

Is this Carl Rynch?

That's his name.

Carl Rynch.

He's R.A., he's my age.

So, what did he waste all of his money on?

Divorce fees.

Crypto.

Crypto.

And what was the other thing?

Crypto cars, two mattresses, failed stocks.

Just nonsense, really.

This dude can be looking at a very long time in prison.

Yeah.

Well, it's basically, but he bought five Rolls-Royces in a Ferrari.

Good lord.

That is.

So here's the thing.

He's 90 years in prison.

Yeah, here's his indictment.

He was arrested in LA and indicted in the southern district of New York in relation to the Netflix project, charged with one count each of wire fraud and money laundering, each of which carries a maximum of 20 years, and five counts of engaging in monetary transactions in property derived from specified unlawful activity.

It's a catchy name, in violation of the Money Laundering Control Act, each of which carries a maximum of 10 years.

And according to an unsealed 12-page FBI indictment, he's accused of missing his using $11 million that Netflix gave him.

That's crazy.

So he'll be the

Secretary of Commerce in like two weeks, probably.

Yeah, trump is like i think he's a great guy it would have been a great show

oh uh it's my birthday it's my birthday on in two days time happy okay

thank you thank you congratulations so you won't be the same age as that director going to prison

i'm i'll be 49.

you got so much time to buy up a bunch of crypto and failed stocks and get yourself a risk and then buy a bunch of

triforce money yeah yeah I really do.

It's all there.

You got like two days.

You feed in

frightened?

No, I'm

just very tired all the time.

That's what 49 feels like.

Just old and tired.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

Fucking hell.

I mean, part of it is I've got a cold.

Right.

But it's okay.

No, you weren't too tired.

So you weren't too tired to kick in your shed door, though.

Yeah, well, you know, that's true.

Kick it to smithereens.

I literally crowned it to the smithereens.

People in my road were looking.

I was like,

no, I just kicked the door in.

And they could talk about it on their podcast.

Yeah.

I saw this crazy old guy kicking in his

shed.

Smashing up his own house.

He just sort of yells.

He just smashes up his own expletives out the window

at Daff and people.

I'm really interested in planes flying overhead as well.

Sex crazed monkeys

high on sugar have invaded a town.

Now, again, this is an article from The Sun, so

it could be bollocks.

An army of sex crazed monkeys are terrorizing a town after indulging in buffets drinks and snacks uh business owners on the streets of lockuri thailand indulging in buffets

indulging uh

dare i i do

go on then one more one for the rest one more sugary suck just one more sugary snack i'm being feeling very indulgent today

indulgent, yeah.

This is the result of feeding them sugar, provided to them at an annual festival.

I don't know if sugar really does this.

But what is this festival?

The monkey begins.

Attacking photographers.

There's a yearly festival

called the

Monkey Fest.

The Monkey Buffet Festival.

No, it's not.

I would 100% go to the Monkey Buffet Festival.

It's called to see what the fuck is.

Ape out!

Exclamation mark.

Sugar adventure.

Okay, so, okay, this is again a man-made thing.

So basically what happened was these monkeys in the place were a major tourist draw.

Yeah.

So popular that an annual monkey buffet festival was introduced and it's been going for 30 years.

Wow.

For decades.

Holidaymakers have flocked to the city to watch the monkeys gorge themselves on fruit and vegetables.

At the festival, 100,000 spectators watched monkeys monkeys fill their bellies with two tons of food.

However,

it has caused this massive population boom.

What, in the people or the monkeys?

In the monkeys.

Oh, I thought the viewers of the festival were breeding.

And ever since, when the COVID-19 pandemic hit and

without the usual mountain of food to keep them fed, the monkeys went feral and began attacking locals.

Oh, my God.

To keep them away, people threw out junk food, including sweets, soft drinks, fruit drinks, chocolate and cereal.

But this only made them more violent.

They are now.

Listen to this.

The thousands of animals are now so invigorated that they're stealing cars and causing chaos on the roads.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

It's like fucking GTA Thailand.

God.

That sounds amazing.

I just love the idea of people running around.

Like, this is the thing.

When you live alongside actual animals like monkeys, not just squirrels and pigeons, you You got to be careful.

Shit gets very real, very quickly.

I saw

a video of

a monkey attacking

like a baby, and the parents were like trying to kick it away and stuff.

But it was, I mean, they're fast and unpredictable, you know.

Like,

yeah, they're strong.

Yeah, they're pretty strong, too.

Like, you, you would.

That baby's like a Capri son.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Capri son.

Yeah, you wanted to drink the baby.

Exactly.

Fucking get in there.

Right.

Well, that is our podcast for today.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for joining us.

Cheers.

We will be back next week.

Yeah.

With more.

Yeah.

See you then.

Why not?

And a new positive attitude.

Yes.

Hey, this was a good episode.

This was so positive.

Thank you for watching.

Bye.

Bye.