Real mail from actual adults | Triforce Mailbag #63

Speaker 1 Pickox.

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Speaker 1 Hello, friends, and welcome back to the Triforce Mailbag. I am Pyrrhum Flax, and I'm joined today by Lewis Brindley of the Oxcast.

Speaker 5 Hi.

Speaker 1 And Sips of the Ogscast. Hi.

Speaker 3 Are we ready to get cracked straight into it with another jingle?

Speaker 3 Crack me up. I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be.

Speaker 1 This is from Dale. You may remember me from such emails as The Isle of Wight is full of paedophiles.

Speaker 3 I hope you're all doing well.

Speaker 1 I thought I'd give a jingle a go. It's uh, he did this on his phone.
So a little bit of reverb. Uh, it's a minute long, but I think it's it's not bad.

Speaker 3 Okay. And we'll listen to it.

Speaker 1 You ready? In three, two, one, play.

Speaker 3 Oh.

Speaker 3 Oh, nice. I like it.

Speaker 1 I like it already. Nice chord change there.

Speaker 3 Nice chord. Yeah, nice chord progression.
Very nice. Very nice.

Speaker 6 The trifle smell bag.

Speaker 6 And it's here once again. So gather your friends and listen to

Speaker 6 the trifle smell back.

Speaker 3 This sounds it sounds like a 90s song.

Speaker 1 Sounds like Belle and Sebastian.

Speaker 3 Like an early 90s kind of yeah, Belle and Sebastian or something, yeah.

Speaker 6 So gather round and listen to the Triforce Mailbag

Speaker 6 The Triforce Mailbag

Speaker 6 And it's here once again. So gather your friends and listen to

Speaker 6 the Trifor Horse Mailbag.

Speaker 3 Mailbag.

Speaker 3 The tune sounds a little familiar, actually. Like, um, it's like maybe not exactly, but like

Speaker 3 you can almost like you know, like you could do this with hip-hop sometimes too.

Speaker 3 You can kind of take uh you can you can take a track and then you can put like a freestyle over it, or you could take like the uh like the lyrical part of one track and then put it on top of like a different track, like a different beat or whatever.

Speaker 3 I feel like we just listen to like something like that. Like, I like the song sounds familiar, but then obviously the lyrics and stuff were were totally unique.

Speaker 3 I'm just oh loads of emotions, obviously.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 3 Like rivers of tears coming out of my hands.

Speaker 3 Making it on your phone is just

Speaker 1 very lo-fi classic.

Speaker 3 It felt very personal, you know? It felt like we were in the room with you, Dale.

Speaker 1 Well, it's because Dale's stuck on the Isle of White. He's got now else to do.

Speaker 3 Of course, yeah. He's hunting paedophiles.

Speaker 3 He's hunting them. You're reporting on them.

Speaker 3 He hasn't imprisoned anyone that we know of yet.

Speaker 1 He could be, or he is himself a paedophile currently sentenced to 20 years.

Speaker 3 I hope that's not the case.

Speaker 1 I don't want to speculate.

Speaker 3 I don't want to speculate. I really hope that's not.
Dale, if you're sending songs from jail because you're in there because you're paedophile, stop

Speaker 3 making contact with me.

Speaker 1 Please stop emailing me.

Speaker 3 Stop making contact with us if that's the case.

Speaker 3 Dale from jail.

Speaker 1 We don't want to watch it.

Speaker 3 I would watch a BBC TV show like Dexter style with a guy from the Isle of Wight hunting down pedos and killing them.

Speaker 3 What would be be cool I think Bergerac is kind of like that I don't think he hunted nonces he just solved crimes I'm sure there was one or two nonces in there though it would have had to have been I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm tempted to google bergerac and pedophile yeah go on see I'm glad that's gonna be in your search history the CIA should come knocking at your door this is a crossover that cannot exist mr.

Speaker 3 Forsworth you're coming with me we're cufflum boys

Speaker 1 nope it says bergerac reboot.

Speaker 3 Yeah, there has been a Bergerac reboot. Have you not heard of this? Yeah, but they're filming season two now.
Ten years it ran. I forgot Bergerac was set in Jersey.
My parents watched Bergerac

Speaker 3 every night when I was growing up.

Speaker 3 So was it incredible for you when you came to Jersey for the first time and you were like,

Speaker 3 I mean, I say every when I was growing up, I think I was about eight by the time. It would have been once a week.
I don't think I ever watched it.

Speaker 3 That's where Jimbo's bed sit was that he lived in when he was fighting crime all the time. He would only just go back to sleep, though.
He was so busy fighting crime.

Speaker 3 It's a bit like midsummer murders.

Speaker 3 You can't possibly imagine that so many murders occur in a town of 200 people,

Speaker 3 but they do. And he's busy.
And it's the same in Jersey. Very low crime.
But,

Speaker 3 you know, I guess the cameras are just rolling for when the crimes actually do occur. But you could be fooled into thinking, hang on, there's like non-stop crime over here.

Speaker 1 Instead of hunting for like tax evasion, is he hunting for people that are actually paying taxes and arresting them? Because it's obviously against the code of Jersey.

Speaker 3 The code of Jersey, yeah.

Speaker 1 The principles of Jersey. He's paying his taxes.
Get him.

Speaker 3 He's not doing it right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
This is

Speaker 1 from Mr. Jefferson Colson.

Speaker 3 That's the email.

Speaker 1 I am seeking the mature advice from you and your compatriots for a problem that I am facing.

Speaker 1 However, I must first scold you. In your most recent mailbag episode, number 59, this email is from August.

Speaker 1 Yourself and of all people, Lewis, were attempting to think of famous left-handed people and nobody mentioned Chris Trott. I had no idea he was left-handed myself.

Speaker 3 I didn't know that Chris Trott was left-handed either.

Speaker 1 As for my issue, I am at my wit's end regarding people telling me how hot my mum is. Why? I grew up in the era of people saying I'd bang your mum, mate.
So I'm used to that.

Speaker 1 My issue comes in when people who haven't met my mum get that glazed look and afterwards genuinely rant about how hot my mum is.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 1 And how lucky I am to get to see her every day. Well, what do I do?

Speaker 3 Do I thank them as they recount their fantasies with my mom i mean yeah or do i punch them or say nothing well look there's a difference between someone say i bang your mum mayor to oh no actually i would bang your mum yeah no but you're being serious i'll put this on i know

Speaker 3 it's a really odd it's a really odd line to cross with somebody socially though isn't it it is i think you need new friends um i think you do too i think it's as harsh as it sounds don't waste any time speaking to somebody who is already throwing up red flags like that it's only only going to get worse.

Speaker 3 It's not going to get better.

Speaker 1 If they're throwing up red flags, they should see a doctor as well.

Speaker 3 I ate a whole bag of red flags.

Speaker 3 They haven't agreed with me.

Speaker 3 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think if any of my mates had a mum that I fancied. Let me think back to the mums I've known.

Speaker 1 No, not one.

Speaker 3 I grew up in an era where everybody's mum looked like they were in their 60s. And at the time, they would have been in their 30s.
Yeah, I know. I think it's like the 80s or whatever.

Speaker 3 It's just just, was just a weird time. Everybody looked a lot older than they actually were.

Speaker 3 Because I think back, if I think back to my parents when I was, say, a teenager, my parents would have been my age now.

Speaker 3 And man, they were like, they were like, they didn't even go to church, but they were like church ladies, like church people, like librarians. Like, you know, they just.

Speaker 3 They weren't fashionable or, you know, they, they didn't seem to, they just looked old. And they still do.
I mean, they, they are actually old now. Right.

Speaker 3 But like, and I'm not just, not just my parents, like other people's parents. Like, it was just, I don't know what it was.
I guess maybe it's just part of the, part of the time, the era or whatever.

Speaker 3 I don't know. But

Speaker 3 I just remember everybody looking really old and not

Speaker 3 fashionable in any way.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know what it was genuinely.

Speaker 1 I know there's all kinds of speculation about, I mean, if you look at, there's loads of websites that show footballers, and this is from at the peak of their career at like 28, and they look like a 50-year-old dude.

Speaker 1 Like, people just used to be weathered back then.

Speaker 3 I don't know what's why, but yeah, I think it's all the second-hand smoking.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I think smoking probably did play something.

Speaker 3 There's a lot of the hairstyles do a lot of

Speaker 3 it's a whole phenomenon, actually, this thing you're talking about. Um, but it is uh a thing to do with photographs and how things have changed

Speaker 3 in lighting and all these other things that make you think of a certain age.

Speaker 3 There's a there's like a geo-guesser where you can uh it's funny that I don't apply that to myself, but i suppose i do wear track shorts a lot no i don't know i don't feel like i actually look that like like like old old i i don't feel like i look like like too old but i guess maybe all those people probably thought that as well at the time yeah but here you go i think as soon as you put a flat cap on you look 10 years older right because people associate it with like an older look right and i think yeah

Speaker 3 certain types of clothing or or fabrics of clothing of an era you know you can't help but putting like an age on it.

Speaker 3 Even certain names, like I was watching some video the other day and it had an old lady called Enid in it and I was like, are Enid still around? Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Is that still an old lady name? Enid was an old lady name 30 years ago. Do you know what I mean? Is it there's a bare naked lady song called Enid

Speaker 3 from way back in the day. I don't know if you're familiar with it.
I think it's one of the worst names.

Speaker 3 Imagine your mum's called Enid. She's not hot.
No one's saying that they're hot mum Enid. What about Deirdre?

Speaker 3 What about dolores those are old names deirre enid dolores you know i i knew a kid at uh my my my my eldest's in the in uh in their year there was a kid called enid a kid called enid yeah oh my god a little girl called enid

Speaker 3 this is from my son had a kid called headley in his year which is an headley lamar this is uh

Speaker 1 this is from jacob uh i want you guys you you probably already know this are you you guys are going to do this with me you can play it at home if you're sitting in front of a keyboard hold down shift yeah then control yeah then alt uh-huh then windows and then press l right you haven't done it i'm waiting for to hear what you've what what has happened have you not done it it opens link it opens linkedin right i don't want to open linkedin isn't that weird yeah there is a windows keyboard shortcut for linkedin does microsoft own linkedin

Speaker 3 yeah they might have some some uh sort of uh agreement with them or something

Speaker 3 would you like to give period flex access to your computer It says.

Speaker 3 And it's clicked yes. And now it's going onto my bank account.
Deep. Now it's transferring.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is going on with your internet?

Speaker 3 I don't know. Sorry.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 3 I'm at home. I tried so hard.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 I tried to pretend it wasn't happening, but it's awful.

Speaker 3 Pretending.

Speaker 3 I don't know where

Speaker 3 it is.

Speaker 3 It sounds like an old modem or something.

Speaker 3 I I have no idea. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Is there internet down in your area or something?

Speaker 3 Well, it's not down.

Speaker 3 It's like buying, maybe. It's dead.

Speaker 3 Oh, man. Oh, man.
Sorry. Well, they, they, every listeners.
We can't hear your explanation. No, no, no.
It's really cutting out a lot now. It's very strange.

Speaker 3 Just it's just going to be more one-sided than normal.

Speaker 3 That's what it sounds like. like.

Speaker 3 Oh, man, oh man, oh man.

Speaker 1 He's gone. Oh, he's gone.

Speaker 3 He's going to fix it.

Speaker 1 I do not think restarting Discord is going to help, sadly.

Speaker 3 No, I think it's like it must be, it must be like an ISP thing or something. Yeah, it must be.

Speaker 1 Must be.

Speaker 3 It's really weird in this day and age. I'm just so used to having, man, touch wood, but reliable internet.

Speaker 1 I have bad, bad internet problems routinely. And I also understand that uh virgin who i've been with for years and a

Speaker 1 are upgrading the cables in my area to fiber proper fiber right and i'm like that is definitely going to go wrong and i'm definitely going to be without internet for like weeks at a time because of this because they're so incompetent so i'm very very very concerned crazy i was i would jump ship to another provider instantly if i could um and anyone that's ever watched my stream will know that virgin media we have a bunch of commands i have contacted everyone imaginable from various ombudsmen, Virgin Media, my MP, people at the council to try to resolve this issue because they have a fucking monopoly in the area.

Speaker 1 Like the next alternative is so much worse.

Speaker 3 Why, what is the next alternative? Yeah, I want to do my job.

Speaker 1 I think it's fucking Sky or someone like that. It's like, it's the internet that they could offer you is so shit.

Speaker 3 Over here is really weird because we have Jersey Telecom, which is like the main provider. Right.

Speaker 3 But because it is a monopoly, essentially, they've had to make it seem like there are competitors

Speaker 3 in the market space. So we have Airtel Vodafone and we have another company called Sure.
And then

Speaker 3 we had another company called Newtel, but I don't think it exists as Newtel anymore. I think it's rebranded.
Newtelo.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 they rent circuits from Jersey Telecom. So Jersey Telecom basically build all the infrastructure and invest in the infrastructure.

Speaker 3 And then then they resell some of the unused bits to these other third-party providers. So you're still, you're still, you're still basically,

Speaker 3 you know, paying Jersey Telecom. So you might as well just go straight with Jersey Telecom.
Like, you know what I mean? Like, why, why bother with a middleman?

Speaker 3 Like, when, when it's just, it's, they're just using their stuff anyway. It doesn't, it doesn't really make any sense.
But I think it gives the illusion that there's some competition.

Speaker 3 And, you know, some people do use these other companies as well. Occasionally, they do like a sale or whatever.
It's a little bit cheaper, but I don't know if there's much in it, you know? Fair. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Fair.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's do another email.

Speaker 1 I guess we'll just Lewis is just going to have to wait. I don't know where he's gone, actually.

Speaker 3 He just messaged. He said,

Speaker 1 Is he on his way into the office or something?

Speaker 3 No, he said,

Speaker 3 Discord isn't loading now. Gonna have to restart.
Just carry on without me. Okay.
Okay. All right.
Well,

Speaker 3 when the cat's away, the mice will play.

Speaker 3 Let's go.

Speaker 1 All right. Here's one.

Speaker 1 I'll post the news story for you. I'll post a link in here.
This is from Wendell. This can't be a real name, but it's a great name.

Speaker 1 So the story is that a Swedish guy got stuck in his car. He was snowed in.
He was trapped for two months.

Speaker 3 Okay. And he lived.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He survived for two months.

Speaker 3 Well, I suppose he could because you can get water from all the melting snow on your car.

Speaker 1 Right. But you're not.
really meant to go without food for two months.

Speaker 3 No, but I mean, I guess he had no choice. He had to.
Maybe. I understand that.
What if he found like a little like a bag of peanuts or something?

Speaker 3 There had to be something in his car. No, there's nothing.

Speaker 3 There's always

Speaker 3 50 degrees. I have

Speaker 3 three messy kids. So, you know, if push came to shove, there'd be like an old raisin or something on the ground under the car.

Speaker 1 But that's not going to give you a month, is it? It's not a bad thing.

Speaker 3 I just raisin. I can survive another month.
Something at least. It's better than nothing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, he was 45. They thought the car was just a wreck.

Speaker 1 They dug through to a window, saw movement, movement, and he was in a sleeping bag on the back seat. Jesus.
Very, very, very, very poor state.

Speaker 1 He just survived there, survived just eating a little bit of snow to get some water. He hadn't eaten anything since December.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, it's pretty incredible.

Speaker 3 That is incredible. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that is nuts.

Speaker 3 What was it? That magician. Remember, he sat in a box and didn't eat anything

Speaker 3 for 40 days or something.

Speaker 1 I bet that's bullshit. It's probably.
I don't know why, but I think it's bullshit.

Speaker 3 Probably.

Speaker 1 Because his ice thing where he was frozen in on ice,

Speaker 1 he swapped in and out. He had like a body double and he swapped in.

Speaker 1 seriously so he didn't happen to that guy you don't you never hear about him anymore i i assume he had some las vegas uh residency he just fucking hocus pocused himself off the planet and now for my final act i will disappear forever so in september 2022 he was a las vegas resident with his david blain live show um so yeah that went to 2023 and then he went at the win from 2023 and is still going so yeah he just three days of three shows on three days a month.

Speaker 1 He does it, right? So there you go.

Speaker 3 He just, he just literally works for three days a month. Apparently, not bad.
It's pretty good. Pretty good going.
Pretty good gig if you can get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So he doesn't need to tour.
He gets paid a bunch of money.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he probably gets paid loads. Yeah.

Speaker 3 He always had that style.

Speaker 1 He had that style where he'd go, watch.

Speaker 3 But I suppose he probably, he probably doesn't even live in Vegas. He probably just lives there for his three nights and then just goes back home.

Speaker 3 I mean, you could, I mean, for three nights, you could live anywhere. He probably still lives in the UK.

Speaker 3 yeah i mean christ you don't want to live in las vegas no i wouldn't have thought so i mean i know people that live there and they say it's nice but uh i wouldn't want to live there i don't think although i guess it depends what neighborhood you live in you know true hello i'm back hey he's back i'm back i had to restart i don't know congratulations did you run to the office no no

Speaker 1 you should have man that would have done you should have run football manager and age this is uh from dan right hearing you guys talk about uh age the other day reminded me of a similar chat I had with my friends.

Speaker 1 We're all late 20s. So deep down, we know we are not old at all, but still dreading 30.

Speaker 1 My friend said he knew he was getting old when he realized he was at an age where he would not sign himself on Football Manager. Right.
I like that a lot. That is definitely something that comes up.

Speaker 3 I didn't even have myself in my Football Manager games.

Speaker 1 No, no, what he's saying is, imagine if you were 30,

Speaker 1 you wouldn't sign a 30-year-old in Football Manager.

Speaker 3 You're like, he's too old.

Speaker 3 He's like, oh, he's a bit old oh i thought he created like his own no no no he's like if i was me in the game if i was a player at my age i'd be like i'm not i'm not signing him he's over the hill yeah he's 30.

Speaker 3 no you want you want young bucks with good uh with good building skills exactly you don't want i like that occasionally though you can get like a 30 year old that's like uh a kind of like a almost like a placeholder you know that they're not going to progress much uh you know they're only going to get older and

Speaker 3 get injured more but they could still fill a gap until some young buck gets better.

Speaker 3 I mean, I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 1 There are some sometimes the exact player you need is 30 or 32 because their mental stats are really good.

Speaker 1 So you need some wise old head to put in the middle of the park, put his foot on the ball, look up, ping that.

Speaker 3 Goalkeepers, I find goalies. Yeah, you can get an older goalie who's just got incredible stats and it can just kind of carry you through

Speaker 3 part of a season or whatever. It's great.
I'd never considered adding myself either,

Speaker 3 Like

Speaker 3 at any point in these football manager. I think I'd just be constantly disappointed by the player.
Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. Are you just going to agree with me because you can't hear me? Yes.

Speaker 3 It's like that time. It's like that time period you recorded your own audio in a Civ game just without us on it.

Speaker 3 And there was a whole track of you just doing your own solo commentary in a multiplayer Civ game. Bizarre.
That's what I do remember.

Speaker 1 Wait, did I Audacity record just myself?

Speaker 3 You would just meet us and talk yourself. You'd be like, I don't know what these guys are talking about.
I'm just going to do my own thing. I'm building a temple.

Speaker 1 But I'm pretty sure I did that because I was fairly sure that we were meant to record our own audio the way we do for everything else.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I had to record the other day. I played some TTT with these guys and I hadn't recorded in years.
Like, I just, I wasn't set up for it at all. I had to go, I had to do all this stuff.
Yeah, it's tough.

Speaker 3 It is tough. Yeah, you're just like, I never used to use OBS to do any recording, though, back in the day.
I used to use, was it Shadow Play or something?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Shadow Play.

Speaker 3 Which was a lot easier. You could just mark it with Audacity and away you went sort of thing.
And before that, I used to use,

Speaker 3 fuck, what was the name of that program? There's a couple of a couple of capture programs that you could use. I can't remember the one that I

Speaker 3 were. They were Fraps.
That's the one. Yeah, Fraps.
Jeez. Good God.

Speaker 1 Fraps used to burn like a frame rate into the top corner.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you'd always know it had been fraps.

Speaker 3 Something like that.

Speaker 1 All right. This is this is from George.
This is a good email.

Speaker 1 This guy is a narcotics investigator in the U.S. He's a cop.
He's been doing it for a few years now. He's a plain clothes investigator with the drug unit.

Speaker 1 His job is to arrest drug users, convince them to purchase drugs from their dealer, who I investigate and build a case on.

Speaker 1 Usually resulting in a search warrant at their home or a dramatic traffic stop after they return from a major city where they resupply their drugs.

Speaker 1 So, when somebody is arrested, I lay out their choices. They can either work for me as a snitch and potentially earn enough credit to work off their charges, or they can just go to jail.

Speaker 1 I've found that most of the time, the higher up the drug food chain you go, the more willing people are to work.

Speaker 1 The only people that say no are low-level dealers and users who still believe that street cred actually means something. Right.

Speaker 1 We've had one guy that was arrested for selling kilos of cocaine and immediately agreed to snitch on one condition. He wanted to call his drug boss for permission.
We agreed.

Speaker 1 And the man placed a call to Mexico and told his boss, likely a Mexican cartel, what his charges were.

Speaker 1 The boss hung up and a few minutes later called back and said, yeah, you can burn this guy, this guy, and this guy only. If you need more, let me know.

Speaker 1 So they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can turn these three guys in because they don't want to lose him. He's too valuable.

Speaker 1 And it's better for them to know he's turned and who he's burning than for him to just do it of his own volition, I guess.

Speaker 1 One of my favorite methods to catch them is to use my Hot Girl Facebook account to communicate with known dealers, then agree to meet them to buy drugs.

Speaker 1 After a few days of flirting, the horny bastards agree and will show up at the mall or area of my choosing with a bag of drugs.

Speaker 1 Only instead of meeting with Facebook Hot Girl in her van, they are greeted by a van full of plainclothes cops.

Speaker 3 That's pretty awesome, dude. That is kind of cool, actually.
It'd be good. It would be good if that was just like law enforcement just like across the board was just cool like that.

Speaker 3 Like I said about the Isle of White guy, I love the idea of flipping the script, you know, having the scammer be the good guy.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Like the fact that having the catfish be doing it for good.
You know,

Speaker 3 it is so juicy because you get to see all of that kind of hacky, scummy like behavior, like, you know, sneaking around doing this like naughty thing, but with a, with a good outcome.

Speaker 3 Not that being a vigilante, like Dexter is a good outcome. Yeah, yeah, let's not say this.
Let's just within the law. Yeah, exactly.
Love it. Love to see it.

Speaker 3 That's that's it's a it's a neat way of doing it, isn't it? That sounds like a real person with a real job. That I know.

Speaker 3 It's almost unbelievable that that is from a trifles listener. I know

Speaker 1 every time I get emails like this from people and they're like, hi there, my job is as follows.

Speaker 3 And I think that sounds like a responsible job that a grown-up would do while I'm a head of state for a small African country.

Speaker 3 I just wanted wanted to correct a point you guys made about anuses. Like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 3 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 This is insights from an engineer. Okay, so this guy's an engineer.
This is Alex.

Speaker 1 Longtime fan of the podcast here to give you guys yet another email that goes, I'm an expert. Here's why you guys are big, idiot, dum-dums, and I'm a big brain.
Only joking. You guys are great.

Speaker 1 On a recent podcast, I found it funny. When you guys complained about how ludicrous it was that ammunition companies had to ask for more than three years to remove lead from their bullets.

Speaker 1 This was a few months ago now.

Speaker 1 I was talking about the fact that in the UK, they want to remove lead from bullets because all the shotgun hunters that go out and hunt, the lead goes into the environment and gets into other animals, and it's just bad.

Speaker 1 So they want to replace it with a non-lead metal. Yeah.
Thinking that it was some way by these companies to try and postpone and weasel out of the agreement.

Speaker 1 While I agree that those are factors to a certain extent, I think the request is much more reasonable than you might think.

Speaker 1 I work at a large train building company as a manufacturing engineer, which means that I'm the guy who takes the designs that the designers come up with on paper, figure out how to build them for real.

Speaker 1 When you look behind the scenes at a product development and manufacturing, there is a hell of a lot more work involved than you would expect.

Speaker 1 If I were to suggest that a single screw on the train be replaced with a size up, it may take a month or two of back and forth work before that change actually happens because of how many things are affected and need to be adjusted for that change.

Speaker 1 Now compare that tiny change with this request to entirely replace the main component of the bullets. Between material research, design changes, supply chain, factory, and infrastructure changes.

Speaker 1 I could easily see the job taking two to two and a half years. Add in the usual business delays, and you start cutting it close to that three-year mark.

Speaker 1 So, adding on a few years just to be safe is not too unbelievable. Um, that's very interesting, Alex.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 I um, I suppose I'm just ignorant for a change about the complexities of making bullets. I figured it was just like, well, the factory buys in lead pellets.

Speaker 1 Now they just buy some other ones in and put those in. But yeah, you're right.

Speaker 3 It's obviously much more complicated. Very cool.
Thank you. Nice email.

Speaker 1 A good email.

Speaker 3 A good email. I saw a thing about how I think the new Apple, one of the new Apple iPhones, is using like titanium 3D printing.
Wow.

Speaker 3 Like to make some of the components, which is kind of fascinating that that is happening on a, in, you know, on a, on a scale of millions of things, you know, because I thought it was a very niche sort of thing, make like 3D printing stuff out of titanium.

Speaker 3 Apparently, that's that's just going on. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 Do they melt the titanium? Like, is it like a vat of melted titanium or something somehow?

Speaker 3 How does it print it? I don't, I have no idea.

Speaker 1 Is it little beads of titanium? How do they glue it together? Does it heat it up? Is it welding? Hey, if you know, email in and let us know, please, because we're not going to speculate.

Speaker 3 Yeah. It's not like an inkjet.

Speaker 1 This is from a guy called Marco, and I think his last name is Shit Post, but it's probably misreading that. Right.

Speaker 1 In episode 315, you asked who would be the greatest grave robber i can't believe we asked that question that's easy the british museum very good market

Speaker 3 yes very good yes known grave robbers the british of course um they have their museums are full of other people's um cultural relics and stuff uh and and and uh riches from uh from from ages past, right?

Speaker 3 Oh, god, you guys. Well, tons of them.
Maybe they should have talked about.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Here we go.
In Wade's Lewis Reform Brindley.

Speaker 3 Louis Farage is on the case. With a hot take.
Louis Farage.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 3 I'm fully on the side of giving back. Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 Except to the countries that are still currently war zones. Right.

Speaker 3 So you think that we just

Speaker 3 left. All the wars have been solved, didn't you hear?

Speaker 3 Trump solved like seven wars this year already.

Speaker 1 He deserved the Nobel Peace Prize and all the people.

Speaker 3 If we are really concerned about keeping them safe, we should move them somewhere

Speaker 3 even safer, like New Zealand.

Speaker 1 The moon is quite safe.

Speaker 3 One of Zuckerberg's bunkers. Put him in there.
Yeah. He's building a ton of.

Speaker 3 Maybe he can do something that we don't

Speaker 3 buying them off the British Museum.

Speaker 1 Do you know what, actually? The bunker thing is wild because if you were incredibly rich, as Mark Zuckerberg is, and you were used to living an amazing lifestyle, as I'm sure he is.

Speaker 1 Um, if there was such an apocalypse that you needed to retreat to a bunker, your life is going to suck so much. Wouldn't you just rather die with everyone else?

Speaker 3 Mate, you should see his bunker. It's like, it's like better than oh, yeah, can he go jet skiing? Five-star hotel you've ever been to.
Can he go jet skiing in it?

Speaker 3 I don't want to live in a world where I can't jet ski.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the man lasts.

Speaker 3 He's probably got his own like 3D

Speaker 3 VR jet ski. Yeah, but it'll be massive.
It'll be shit.

Speaker 3 It's all like self-powered. There's like food and everything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it's still a bunker.

Speaker 3 You can't go outside ever again. You're still in your bunker.
Why are you spending so much money on it?

Speaker 3 All the ghouls are prepping. The biggest prepper is going.

Speaker 3 Wouldn't you just rather die? Just kill me.

Speaker 1 If the world's going to end, I don't want to be around for the finale where we all peter out into some cannibalistic ghoul existence.

Speaker 1 Just kill me. Just kill me with the initials.

Speaker 3 They're ghouls right now. They are.
They're ghouls.

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Speaker 1 On with the show.

Speaker 3 This is.

Speaker 1 Hi, howdy, period. Learned something recently that might interest you and Sips.
Brackets and Boar Lewis.

Speaker 1 Close brackets the Jersey Bulls FC play in a Southeast League because the Jersey Bulls is a football team in Jersey. So every away game, they're paying for flights to the mainland.

Speaker 1 And what's even crazier is that for home games, they pay for the away team to fly to them, along with linesmen, referees, etc.

Speaker 3 how can a lower division local football club presumably with a few fans afford all the transport fees and the answer he gives is jtc what is jtc uh the uh who knows jtc let me look it up really quick uh jtc jersey jtc is uh jtc group which is uh providing a wide range of corporate and private client administration services that's a just a fucking corporate wank yeah does that sound about right?

Speaker 3 Because I don't even know what it is. Global business.
Owned by its people, apparently.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what do they do?

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Oh, private equity, real estate, credit. They're just VC.
They're a bunch of, they're money wankers. Yeah.
So JTC pays it. Presumably, so he says, presumably.

Speaker 3 Well, so what did you think the Island of Jersey was about?

Speaker 1 P flat. Yeah, but I know, but I thought maybe this company was something decent.

Speaker 3 But of course, Simps used to work for money wankers. That's why he was there in the first place.
That's it.

Speaker 3 That's why I came over here. I wanted to get in on the action.
You know, the tax

Speaker 3 The tax action.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So

Speaker 1 apparently JTC are probably using this as a tax dodge or something like that to try and get a bit of PR to make themselves not look like cunts.

Speaker 3 Interesting. Yeah, probably.
But no, well, it is a bit bullshit that they have to pay to go to the other place, but also pay to pay for people to come to them. That's just, that's not on.

Speaker 3 It should be like one or the other, right? What? You know?

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 1 if you live on an island by choice and you've asked to join a league which is not on an island, nobody else is on the island and they're all poor clubs, they're not going to fucking pay.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 3 Every season they have to pay to fly everyone else. Sorry, no, let me pitch you a different idea.
Imagine you join a club and you're in Cornwall, right? Right.

Speaker 3 And you have to play a game against Newcastle. Yeah, Newcastle doesn't fucking way.
It doesn't happen.

Speaker 1 because the leagues are regional.

Speaker 1 The leagues are regional at the lower level.

Speaker 3 I think in the lower levels. Jersey gets lumped into the southwest.
Yeah. Southeast.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, southeast, like you said. Yeah, so they're in the southeast.
So the point is,

Speaker 1 if you are from Truro, you don't then have to play a club in Carlisle. Because, first of all, the club would not be.

Speaker 3 So I was going to say, they probably fly.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 the cost of flight from Truro to Carlisle is probably more than it is from Truro to Jersey.

Speaker 1 Right. At the non-pro level,

Speaker 1 it's regionalized. There's like the north, the south.

Speaker 3 And lower the height, it's like the south, the south. So you're not engaging in an international match.

Speaker 1 You don't have to travel. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 You only have like a two-hour drive instead of a

Speaker 1 eight-hour drive or coach or whatever.

Speaker 3 But yes, once you get to the professional leagues, you do have to do it. No, I'm sure it's not.
It's going to be a logistical nightmare, but it's already tough enough

Speaker 3 being on an island.

Speaker 3 Let's just do something.

Speaker 1 Booking.com, flights to Jersey from, let's say, LHR,

Speaker 1 going to Jersey.

Speaker 1 No, not New York. Jersey Airport, San Helier.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 For one adult, a travel date i'm gonna say let's say november no put a whole football team on no no no no don't put a whole football team 20 22 adults can you imagine imagine like uh imagine that the the sort of like pre-call comes through for that one oh my god somebody is trying to book 35 seats on the plane

Speaker 3 like

Speaker 1 i i don't need to bring 22 i don't need to bring 22 because 11 of the players are already there that's the team i'm flying to play against right so i need to bring no no no no

Speaker 3 bring it in the five, six. And they said the linesman and the ref as well.

Speaker 1 So it's £131 a pop.

Speaker 3 Yes. That's per person.

Speaker 3 That's not accurate, by the way.

Speaker 1 That says, if I fly out on the 1st of November from Gatwick at 6.25 and return.

Speaker 3 On what flight?

Speaker 1 On what flight? A one-hour direct flight from Gatwick to Jersey?

Speaker 3 What carrier?

Speaker 1 E. It's just an E, easy jet.
Right, okay.

Speaker 3 It's pretty cheap, actually.

Speaker 3 For Jersey, that's cheap. That's pretty cheap.

Speaker 1 So if I did it with BA from London Heathrow, it's 181. Yeah.
So So, let's say we're doing that. So, we're doing that.

Speaker 3 They're football.

Speaker 1 I'm getting a calculator. They're going on BA.

Speaker 3 They're worth it. You can't go business class because it's only a small flight.
You can't do business class. There is business class, but there's only like 10 seats.

Speaker 1 So let's say 25 people. That allows for

Speaker 3 one of the 11 do you leave out of first class?

Speaker 3 It's four and a half grand to fly there. Four and a half grand for the floats.

Speaker 1 So JTC can fucking handle that.

Speaker 3 It's a lot. That's not too bad.
It's a lot.

Speaker 1 A couple of buffet-related emails now. This is

Speaker 1 Johan says, Hi, I was standing in line for pancakes at the breakfast buffet when the kid in front of me put her hand into the bowl of rainbow sprinkles, or hundreds and thousands, as they are for many of our listeners, and grabbed a handful.

Speaker 1 Her mother, horrified, took the child by the wrists and proceeded to pick and scrape the sticky sprinkles from her palm back into the sprinkles bowl.

Speaker 1 Yeah, putting them all back for the rest of the queue to enjoy.

Speaker 3 that is what all of these things are like they're not little nuggets of gold either you can just wipe them into the into the bin that's fine like what

Speaker 3 what what is who benefits from those going back in there's so many of them like they're just a pair it doesn't work hundreds of thousands is probably the same bowl that's been there for like 10 years you can never get through that many um hundreds of thousands it's there's no way i was in a garden center the other day and there was a little girl who was just going going through putting her fingers in like all the different dirts of the different pot plant pots and pushing them over and just covered in it, covered in dirt.

Speaker 3 And the parents were just like, yeah, just allowing it to happen. Yeah.
That's the same girl who's going to be putting her fingers all over those brownies in the garden center cafe buffet. Reach out.

Speaker 3 Indeed, good lord.

Speaker 1 Nathan has emailed in with what sounds like. So it says, Your dream buffet is what this, the title of the email is.

Speaker 3 Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 Ahoy there, Flax. Your talk of germ-riddled buffets and mailbag 60 got me thinking.
I may have encountered your dream buffet scenario, sort of.

Speaker 1 During COVID, the mining industry was considered essential, but operations were constantly at risk of being quarantined or shut down, so extreme measures were taken to keep everyone healthy.

Speaker 1 As a result, our dining experience at my mining camp went a bit like this. We were to wash hands and use sanitizer immediately upon entering the canteen.

Speaker 1 Those who didn't were warned and repeat offenders were fired. We then donned rubber gloves, which we wore for the duration of the meal.

Speaker 3 At the buffet.

Speaker 1 A plate was selected for us and the chefs would put whatever food we selected onto our plates for us. We were not permitted to touch the plates, the counter, the tongs, or anything.

Speaker 1 We would then take our plates and sit alone at a table meant for six and quietly attempt to eat whilst wearing the hand condoms, as he's called them.

Speaker 1 This was the only time we were permitted to remove our masks and phones were not allowed in the mess hall. It was a rather depressing affair.

Speaker 1 After the second night, I elected to get takeaway and eat dinner in my room instead. That is fair enough.

Speaker 3 I'll be be honest with you.

Speaker 1 That does sell at my dream buffet. No other people.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And just clean.

Speaker 1 No one's fucking kid is slapping the chicken before I decide to eat it. Like, it's just perfect.

Speaker 3 Can you imagine a restaurant except it was like some sort of radiation clean room? Yeah. God.
You come in and they close you down with

Speaker 3 while you're in that suit. Puts the rubber yellow jackets on of the rebreathers.
They go in there. It's everyone's like bumping into each other.

Speaker 3 Because they'll still cram it full of as many people as possible. That's good.
Man, I used to love

Speaker 3 it. This is the Pizza Hut lunchtime buffet.
Oh, man. I could eat so much pizza at Pizza Hut.
There's not even one over here anymore. It's gone.

Speaker 3 You do become immune to the grossness of everything. Yeah.
And then that ironically makes you ill

Speaker 3 and gives you immunity, I guess, later from all the germs that you consumed. I mean, I'm still sick right now from my getting whatever I have had.
Right.

Speaker 3 Again, I think it's, I don't know if it's COVID that I can't do. Too many beef injections.

Speaker 3 I have like this weird cycle of

Speaker 3 sniffles for like 24 hours,

Speaker 3 very, very sniffly and snuffly, runny nose, and then I get very hot and cold.

Speaker 3 And then for like a day or two, and then I get like, not a cough, but like a sign of just like a phone call with my mum, flammy throat.

Speaker 3 it's the same symptoms i get every time yeah it's called a cough so consistent yeah do you have a hot water bottle of an evening i my flat's warm enough at the moment but i would do if it were winter right and do you have one of those old style like iron cast iron ones or like a ceramic ceramic one or do you have you gone for the more modern sort of uh like the rubbery one with a cozy fuck i've got a long worm style one actually oh nice

Speaker 3 long like a big hot round hot worm that lives in your Worm worm. Yeah, that's called.

Speaker 1 Wormworm. Yeah, check it out.
I don't know if I like the sound of that.

Speaker 3 It's got a little face on it.

Speaker 1 This is from Jesse. This is a follow-up email from a couple of years ago.
And I've got another follow-up email after that that might just blow your mind.

Speaker 3 Follow-up email from a few years ago. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So Jesse says, I emailed in a few years back with a list of things that annoyed me.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 1 It's been a minute, but this list still haunts me to my core. I'd like to believe in the past few years I've grown as an individual.

Speaker 1 And these days, the list of things I'm annoyed by is largely limited to my cats.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 1 So the things that he complained about were wonder bread trucks, people who use boiling water in Weetabix instead of milk, co-workers wishing you a happy birthday, people confusing venom with poison, lettuce leaves, and six, pharmacists pretending they know better than your doctor.

Speaker 1 These are Jesse's come right.

Speaker 3 Some of those are fairly reasonable. These are all fantastic.

Speaker 1 I would like to take the opportunity to apologize to any pharmacists I offended and any Australians I misrepresented.

Speaker 1 Right, these days, I work at a job I love as a console and controller refurbisher, and I have a kid on the way in October, so I have a lot to be thankful for.

Speaker 1 I appreciate you all having been a formative part of my younger years. Fun fact, there are companies that sell cheese made from dog milk.

Speaker 1 There you go. Great email, Jesse.
Thank you.

Speaker 3 Thank you so much for the follow-up. Good to hear from you again.

Speaker 3 So, is he saying he's reformed and are these things that used to annoy him? So, these things

Speaker 3 no longer annoy him.

Speaker 3 No, no, he's only annoyed by cats now that's good to know that is good to know what is it what is annoying i thought cats were supposed to sort of enhance his cats your life his cats yeah the only thing that annoys him in other words life has improved he's not an angry fella anymore right there's no need to be

Speaker 3 jump on your keyboard or they'll knock cups of tea over you know the usual kind of things what he's saying is that's what you pay for having for no no yeah but that's what he's saying is nowadays the only thing that that annoys me is my cats in other words occasionally they'll do something silly rather than him getting angry about pharmacists or wonder bread trucks you do you understand yeah look can i tell you guys this story about what terry did the other day please quickly oh i can't wait for this right he it's too cold for him to be outside now so he's inside and we're just getting him ready to hibernate um but so he's in his little cage with his basking lamp on and stuff and in the mornings especially when the light goes on he's a little bit feisty so he paces around a bit and he's trying to to sort of escape because he wants to go outside he wants he wants if if the sun's out and he goes outside, he's fine.

Speaker 3 But if he's stuck in his cage, he's a bit pissed off.

Speaker 3 So he does this thing now because he's a bit bigger where he can kind of like climb up the cage part of the way, like, because his front legs are very strong.

Speaker 3 So he kind of like loops them into the cage railing things

Speaker 3 and will lift himself up so that his back legs aren't even touching the ground anymore. Okay.
He's like fully suspended in the air. And but then this shocks him, and he realizes he can't do that.

Speaker 3 And then he just immediately falls backwards in slow motion onto his back and gets stuck. And like, okay.

Speaker 1 God,

Speaker 3 it's unbelievable. Like, I don't know why he does it or how he even does it, but he does it.
And it's crazy. Well, he's definitely a Lovett, is all I could say.
Okay.

Speaker 3 That's how you know he's one of yours. Right.
You know, I mean, he's not, we didn't give birth to him, though.

Speaker 3 No, but you've adopted him. He's,

Speaker 3 he's proven himself one of the family. It's impressive how he does it though.

Speaker 3 But then when he's on his back, he does this thing where it's almost like he looks like he's like dabbing, but it's like a very quick dab, you know, like, and in like successive quick dabs, you know, because he's trying to like wiggle to get to right himself, but he can't.

Speaker 3 He's huge. Like if he's on his back, he's just stuck on his back until one of us flips him over sort of thing.

Speaker 3 It's funny. My daughter thinks it's like the most hilarious thing ever.
Like she's just anytime he falls on his back. It doesn't even matter where she is.

Speaker 3 She'll just come running from like miles away just to see him because

Speaker 3 she wants to see him do this like this dab move that he does. But it's like very quick, you know, like because he's like.

Speaker 3 He's panicking, but he's not really panicking. He knows like he's going to get flipped over.
But I think his instinct is to just sort of like

Speaker 3 goes a bit crazy. He's flipped over before and he knows that he can figure it.
It all works out. He's learned that it does work out

Speaker 1 clearly these animals have been around an exceedingly long time yeah they kind of know i mean this reminds me i i think i told this before when i went to the bristol zoo and it was still there and there was a beetle on its back in the insect house and it had been there so long it had worked like a little moat around itself where it had just been digging out the sand because it had been waving its little legs for so long that it had moved all the sand away from itself and i went and knocked on the door the office of the lad that worked in the beet house and said one of the beetles is stuck on his back.

Speaker 1 And he said, Well, that species of beetle has existed for like 200 million years, so I think he knows what it's doing. I was like, I'm sorry, I'll leave you to it.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then left. I guess there is

Speaker 3 the same thing with turtles. Yeah.
Wow. It's true.

Speaker 1 This is from Amber. All right.
Now, I'm going to tell, I'm going to read you the email and then I'll give you the surprising fact that I thought was worth reading out about.

Speaker 3 Are you ready for this? Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hello, Pyrrhian. I'm sorry if you've answered this question in a video before, as I am a new viewer over from Yogscast Civ5 videos.

Speaker 1 But what is your accent? A friend and I were wondering. We couldn't quite pinpoint it.
Sorry for the trivial question.

Speaker 3 Thanks. Amber.

Speaker 1 Hi, Amber. I'm English and was born here and we have lived here for the last 30 years, but I lived in America until I was eight, so my early accent was an American one.

Speaker 1 Sometimes it still leaks out a bit. Thanks for your email, PFLAX.
Hi, Pyrrhion. Thanks very much for taking the time to reply and answer my silly question.
That was very nice of you.

Speaker 1 I passed on the email to my friend too. She'll be glad we finally got that mystery figured out.

Speaker 1 I have that kind of exchange all the time on email with fans, but my reply email was sent on December the 28th, 2013. Right.
Amber thanking me for my reply was spent on September 24th, 2025.

Speaker 1 A gap of 12 years.

Speaker 3 Okay. Oh my God.
Wow. What a lady.

Speaker 3 She necroed the hell out of your

Speaker 3 12 years. Where was Amber?

Speaker 1 What was she doing for 12 years? It meant that

Speaker 1 she didn't reply was she in prison she she spent 12 she took 12 years to re forward that on to her friend yeah finally cracked it you know i mean what i i just i i really want to know was this was her reply email actually lost on a server for 12 years no way someone plugged it in and suddenly started sending all these emails no way what's the deal No, she probably...

Speaker 3 I don't think emails fall down the back of... I think that's what happened.

Speaker 3 I don't even know how you would have that in your memory. like you know, like even as a trigger activator where it's like, oh shit, I forgot to respond to that email from 12, 12 years ago, right?

Speaker 3 Like, it just tell you what. She must have just been going through correspondence or something.
She must have

Speaker 3 listening again or something, and she went through because she wanted to see that reply.

Speaker 3 She shocked her memory and she typed in and said, I remember writing a letter to P Flax back in the 50 years ago.

Speaker 3 Incredible. That's awesome.

Speaker 3 I love that.

Speaker 1 I just don't know how on earth she found that email again to reply. You'd have to

Speaker 3 address it in the reply either. No.
She just didn't.

Speaker 1 So, because I thought it was, your response took 12 years. How have you been?

Speaker 3 Like, I hope you're well.

Speaker 1 And what the fuck?

Speaker 3 When did we start? I haven't heard back. When did we start doing stuff with you, Flex? Well, no, you'll, no, no, no.
You'll heal back, P-Flex, in 12 years.

Speaker 1 In 12 years, that's what I'm thinking. It's 12 years time.

Speaker 3 Was it 2013 that we started doing stuff with you?

Speaker 1 It might have been. It was probably before that.

Speaker 1 We've spoken about this.

Speaker 3 I started in 2011.

Speaker 3 But I can't remember what the circumstances were for you

Speaker 3 joining us and stuff. Was it through Dota?

Speaker 1 No, it was not. So there was a video 12 years ago that I did of Guns of Icarus, which is on my channel.

Speaker 3 And the crew that I had on my ship... Was that through Polaris at the time? Yeah.
The crew was...

Speaker 1 Oh, these are different people. I did another one.
I did one with some of the Yogs anyway. It was like Simon and Lewis.

Speaker 1 I think Total Biscuit was on one of the other ships with a bunch of guys.

Speaker 3 It was like, Crendor was there.

Speaker 1 And for some reason, they'd pulled me in. And I think I was on the same ship as Lewis and Simon.
And maybe we just had fun hanging out.

Speaker 1 And maybe Lewis looked on my channel and was like, oh, this guy's not a complete maniac. We could probably work with him or something.

Speaker 3 Right. I don't know.
Yeah, I was a fan. I was a P-Flax.

Speaker 3 He was an OG P-Flex. I was an OG fan.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What a lovely guy.

Speaker 3 What a P-Flack fan, still. Not so much a P-Flex fan.

Speaker 1 This is.

Speaker 1 You say that, Lewis, but Jorge.

Speaker 3 Jorge. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And, oh, apparently, sorry, George.

Speaker 1 He's Portuguese, and their J sounds like the English one. So, yeah, it's Jorge or something, I think.
Because

Speaker 1 people say Jose Mourinho, it's Jose.

Speaker 1 José Mourinho, I think. Anyway, him and his girlfriend Ellim, they have watched peculiar portions.
Could the Yogs survive on a desert island?

Speaker 1 And I was placed in the B tier. Oh.
And they asked for my take on that. And interestingly, I watched that segment in order to respond to this email.

Speaker 1 And Simon said correctly, didn't P-Flax do some stuff in the cadets when he was at school? And Lewis, with total authority, looked straight into the camera, said, no.

Speaker 1 Even though we've spoken at length.

Speaker 3 multiple times of this podcast. That's about Lewis has like a thing.
He's been in the cadets.

Speaker 3 Lewis wants to be the only person who's ever been in the cadets is something I learned about Lewis over the years.

Speaker 3 You can't claim to have been in the cadets or have any sort of like extra like military sort of focused training because Lewis was in the cadets and you're not going to steal that.

Speaker 3 I keep assuming you spent longer in the States than you did though. I always forget.
Look, we also, you can't expect me to remember anything we talked about.

Speaker 3 Age is a long time to have lived somewhere though. Like my daughter's nine.

Speaker 3 If we lived, I mean, we've lived here for her whole life and then we moved somewhere else. Like, she's got a

Speaker 3 full British accent, everything.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. Where did I put sips?

Speaker 3 I can't remember.

Speaker 1 I couldn't see.

Speaker 1 The video is very long.

Speaker 3 I tried to scan through to find the final placement.

Speaker 1 You had Lydia down in the very bottom tier, which I actually agree with.

Speaker 3 Well, you don't think Lydia would be any good on a Desert Island?

Speaker 1 Have you ever seen the woman cut a carrot? No.

Speaker 1 It's like the most dangerous thing I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 She cannot use a knife.

Speaker 3 So I think that's a very good idea. Well, there's nothing going to be a knife on a desert island.
She's going to have to fashion herself some sort of tool out of stone and wood.

Speaker 1 She's also got a gammy knee from falling down the stairs and breaking her knee.

Speaker 3 Oh, I remember that. Yeah, that was crazy.
I mean, obviously,

Speaker 3 there's already a scale. Like, none of us are outdoorsmen, really.

Speaker 1 Right, but this is the tier list based on what we've done.

Speaker 3 Have you guys ever done a portage before? Exactly. Because I have.

Speaker 3 so you are quite high up on the list.

Speaker 1 I should be a high up.

Speaker 3 Technically, I should be way up on the B tier, actually. Yeah.
I should be.

Speaker 1 Duncan was put in S tier because he goes to Glenn. Duncan is

Speaker 3 Glastonbury

Speaker 3 annually.

Speaker 3 I wouldn't say that that's the same thing. He does like five or six.
He does drugs in a field for

Speaker 3 a week every year.

Speaker 3 He eats those

Speaker 3 same thing. You know,

Speaker 3 soil-flavoured sprinkle buffets that kids have had their fingers in.

Speaker 3 He's got such high constitution, Dr. Dr.

Speaker 3 Whereas I have no constitution. I'll go outside and the wind will make me wheezy.
Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Whereas

Speaker 3 Hat Films as well, they can go off and

Speaker 1 absolutely. Smithy

Speaker 3 of the three is probably

Speaker 3 the most outdoors.

Speaker 1 Dav as well. I think Dav would be the lad who's just, you know, you wake up, he's already chopped three trees down for firewood and everything.
I think him.

Speaker 3 Dr. Simon Clark.

Speaker 1 No, I wouldn't trust him. He's a bookish nerd.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but he'd probably

Speaker 3 know a thing or two about wild

Speaker 3 dorky dweeb. No, he'd be like, actually, it's a berry of the sound.

Speaker 1 So Bush is quite delicate. Quite a delicacy of the surface.

Speaker 1 I'd fucking kill him with a rock.

Speaker 3 I think some of that information

Speaker 3 would be useful, though. No?

Speaker 1 No, he's a dead man.

Speaker 3 Dead man walking. Right.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 We were not sure where to put. We don't want to offend people, but I think everyone knows they'd be pretty hopeless at some point.

Speaker 1 So you can't offend your friends by tier listing them based on how much you think they'd survive on a desert island.

Speaker 3 Like if you were ranking us, do a tier list based on all the people that you know by how much you like them, okay?

Speaker 3 Okay, do that too.

Speaker 3 Yeah, do that. That would be an interesting one.

Speaker 1 How much do we like

Speaker 3 people that you

Speaker 3 within your sort of immediate sphere of influence? You know, that would be the most controversial, but the funniest funny mini.

Speaker 3 These are the kind of tier lists that I think we should be pushing people to do, though. No, you're like, we don't need to, we don't need to know about what your favorite cereal is and not and stuff.

Speaker 3 Let's get down to the nitty-gritty. Let's start ranking.
Let's really, you know what, let's get some controversial shit out there.

Speaker 1 Get all the women associated with the Yogscast and rank them by looks. That'd be fine.
Just do that.

Speaker 3 That's 2024. That's a great tier list to do as well.

Speaker 3 Okay, what about ranking all of the guys in the Yogscast by how big or small you think their cock is as well?

Speaker 3 followed video the proof

Speaker 3 yeah it could be like naked attraction we could you could get you could get everybody

Speaker 3 behind a screen where just their cock is hanging out and then you have to guess whose cock it is as well as we could do like a gory hole video as well moving on this is from willow uh a gaping vagina haver right um while recovering from

Speaker 3 such a funny name to have you wouldn't associate somebody called willow with having a big gaping gaping, cavernous vagina, would you? Probably not. It sounds like

Speaker 3 a dainty sort of petite name, you know? It does. It does.

Speaker 3 We're like calling a man with like a with like a nine-foot python pee-wee, you know?

Speaker 3 Yeah, but that's ironic, you know, just ironically the hat or whatever. Yeah.
Doesn't wear a hat.

Speaker 1 So while Willow was recovering from food poisoning, a friend recommended putting on the talking triangles, that's us, to make me feel better.

Speaker 1 I've played played some bits for the podcast before for her, and here is her impression of you guys.

Speaker 1 So, this is Willow's friend, a non-fan, a non-listener, who's only heard bits and bobs of the podcast. This is their impression of us.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're guys with clarinets, and we have kids, and we make it our whole personality. Also, we play a DD in the basement, even though we have wives.
Also, we hate this thing.

Speaker 1 That's the impression of

Speaker 3 the podcast.

Speaker 1 I think that's very unfair.

Speaker 3 First of all, we don't play clarinets. I don't know whether you're playing.
Oh, you have played

Speaker 3 No, that's that's spot on it, and I'm relieved that that's all it is. You know, it could

Speaker 3 be much closer to the truth, which is that we're angry.

Speaker 3 I love the comment about playing D and D in the basement, even though we have wives.

Speaker 3 Yeah, apparently, nerd stuff's only for single.

Speaker 1 Sorry, sorry, D and D fans out there, but you fucking virgins fucking.

Speaker 3 They could be fucking their wives, but they're playing D D in the basement. Isn't it wrong fucking

Speaker 3 three careers?

Speaker 3 career why are they their wives all the time go your wife nerd well i haven't got one yeah because you play dnd in the basement like a nerd like a single virgin nerd that's the implication it's unfair yeah it's unfair i mean i the reason i'm not is because sometimes i just get tired of all the i'm doing you know like i just need a break Yep, this is from Minic.

Speaker 1 In an old video,

Speaker 1 Lewis casually mentioned that he had a thing for caravan hooks as a child. Right.

Speaker 3 Could you please ask him about it i can't stop thinking about it now explain what is a caravan hook a caravan hook is something which you would attach to the back of your car yeah like a like a trailer hitch i see it's like a little knob shaped it's like a little doorknob yeah thing that's around it's round as a crawl like a oh yeah i know i know the thing you mean yeah yeah yeah yeah in the uk they attach to the back of a car and it looks like a ball kind of thing and for some reason either me or my brother i can't remember which i think it could have been either me or my brother, would anytime we were like, you know, off, we would, uh, in a, you know, walk in anywhere, like through a car park or whatever, we'd have an keep an eye out in case there were any caravan hooks on the backs of cars and we'd have to touch them.

Speaker 3 That's weird. I used to work with a guy who used to describe women he thought were was attractive by uh whether or not they would be able to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
Indeed, yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh my god, or suck a basketball through a garden hose was another one.

Speaker 1 There's another tier list for the young people.

Speaker 1 Could she suck the chrome off a trailer?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, let's do a tier list

Speaker 3 on people that you've worked with and their misogyny. That would be a good tier list as well.

Speaker 3 Some great sayings in there.

Speaker 3 Some really good ones.

Speaker 3 I don't know where it started or why it was like that or what, you know, different time. Different time.

Speaker 3 Next.

Speaker 1 Do you want some coffee facts or would you like something more interesting?

Speaker 3 Let's just have a couple of quick coffee facts and then we're done. I gotta go.
We'll take whatever. We'll take whatever.

Speaker 1 This is from James.

Speaker 3 Hi, Lats.

Speaker 1 I'm a coffee roaster in Western Australia, and the company I work for gets a wide variety of coffee beans from around the world.

Speaker 3 Nice.

Speaker 1 Basically, anywhere along the equator can produce coffee from China to Hawaii.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 1 And I'm lucky enough that we have 16 different beans for sale at any given time. Presumably, he means variety of bean.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 do you ever mix the beans and try to make your own cool brews?

Speaker 1 Not part of the email, right?

Speaker 3 Right, okay.

Speaker 1 Sorry. I thought I'd compile some interesting facts I've learned when researching the origin stories for some of our coffees.

Speaker 1 Vietnam is the second largest producer of coffee in the world, after which country?

Speaker 3 Colombia. Brazil? Brazil.

Speaker 1 Brazil.

Speaker 1 So Vietnam produces 29 million 60-kilogram bags last year. Another way of saying that would be, well, let me think.

Speaker 1 30% of some, I don't know. A lot of bags.

Speaker 3 Carry the three.

Speaker 1 India's coffee production predates the country's tea production by about 170 years. Wow.

Speaker 1 It's believed the first coffee seeds were smuggled into India from Yemen by a saint called Baba Boudin when he was returning from a pilgrimage.

Speaker 3 Curse that, Baba Boudin.

Speaker 1 Baba Boudin.

Speaker 1 The French played a large part in introducing coffee to various parts of the world, notably Mexico and Vietnam, where coffee production has grown into a thriving industry.

Speaker 1 One of the largest issues facing the coffee industry in Peru is transportation.

Speaker 1 Growing takes place deep within the Amazon rainforest, where environmental conditions often cause delays in transportation, along with political and civil unrest within the country.

Speaker 3 Interesting.

Speaker 1 Ethiopia is believed to be where coffee originated and today is an integral part of their economy. There's believed to be about 2 million households who produce within the country.

Speaker 1 That's just that's households. So multiple people within that house.
Wow. One final thing for gross eating habits, which I didn't want to do again, but since you've given us all these facts, James,

Speaker 1 place I work at has a cafe and a build your own bagel system, like Build a Bear, but with a bagel.

Speaker 1 The worst worst bagel I've seen is a fruit bagel with Nutella, peanut butter, double jalapeno cream cheese, normal cream cheese, pickles, salami, and ham.

Speaker 3 That sounds disgusting.

Speaker 3 Was the person who ordered that pregnant at the time? That sounds like

Speaker 3 I'm pregnant and I'm craving all sorts of outlandish food.

Speaker 3 Yeah. That kind of order.
That sounds disgusting, man.

Speaker 3 There's way too much going on there. That's impressive.

Speaker 1 Also, one quick final email. Since that one wasn't funny, this one made me laugh.
This is from S.

Speaker 1 I was talking to my 18-year-old cousin about TV when I mentioned the breaking bad Betaclesaw Mexico filter, which they apply a sort of yellow filter. Yes.

Speaker 1 And S says it makes everything look like piss. Yes.
And he agreed and then added, Oh, yeah, I also hate the grey UK filter.

Speaker 1 I asked him to clarify and he said the filter they put on UK TV shows to make it look all gray.

Speaker 3 And there is no such thing as the UK filter. It's just a very grey place, I'm sorry to say.

Speaker 3 That's funny.

Speaker 3 I love that. that.
Oh, that's funny.

Speaker 1 I wish there was just a filter, but no, sadly, it is literally just very gray.

Speaker 3 It's pretty, it's, it's, it's quite green and floral in the countryside during the summer

Speaker 3 for the week of summer that uh we get, but otherwise, yeah, it's pretty, it's pretty gray and dreary. It's a dreary place.

Speaker 3 I like it, though. It's kind of comforting at the same time.

Speaker 3 It is. Yeah, well, you know, it's reliably

Speaker 3 dingy, I'd say.

Speaker 1 I know that when I first moved here, when I got off the plane, I honestly thought, gosh, I hope the weather gets better than this. And it was just, it was damp.

Speaker 3 Yes, there's a feeling of dampness and cold and greyness in Britain. It's just a it's a very, it's a very big island, isn't it? So you are going to get some damp.
Yeah, we are.

Speaker 1 Anyway, hey, on that cheerful note about the grayness of our beautiful nation,

Speaker 1 we're going to have to bid you guys adieu until next time.

Speaker 3 Stay for us.

Speaker 1 Keep them coming. Keep them coming.

Speaker 3 Keep them coming. Yeah.
And see you next time. Thanks so much.
All right. Thank you.

Speaker 5 Goodbye. Goodbye.

Speaker 3 Goodbye.

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