211: Workplace Hazards..

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Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Are you ready? I don't know.

Speaker 1 You got this.

Speaker 1 You just went on Father Knows something across the studio here. I know.
Across the way. Across the way.
We can see it in

Speaker 1 our vision. You did really good on Father Knows.
You think so? Yeah, he was a little off the rails. He was clearly excited you were there.
He was a little hard to rein in.

Speaker 1 And I think I got excited that he was excited. So then I started saying things that I'm like, wait a minute, I'm losing myself here.
You did great.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to let you take over sometimes because

Speaker 1 there was one point where I truly lost my point and I was trying to find it. I'm like, where am I going with that? Was it because he was raising his hand on you?

Speaker 1 That didn't help, but that's actually not the area.

Speaker 1 Well, here we go. Hi, guys.
Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan.

Speaker 1 Who do I got over there? And I'm Lauren. Lauren.

Speaker 1 Lauren, rock star.

Speaker 1 Okay, we are getting into work-related stories today. We have both had quite the assortment of jobs, and Lauren is still 40 hours a week, if not more.
Her job doesn't stop.

Speaker 1 Corporate girly, so you're in the real world still, grinding away, pounding pavement. You're in the real world too.

Speaker 1 I am in the real world, but it's the too hot takeian universe, which is a little easier these days than corporate America or working at a hospital or being a server or a flight attendant or a Lululemon educator.

Speaker 1 What's a Lululemon educator? Oh, what? Oh, got it. I didn't know that that was your title when you were.
You had fancy titles. Very cute.
Yeah. I do miss that Lululemon discount.

Speaker 1 If anyone wants to send me some smooth coverage leggings at their employee discount, let me know. I'll send you a Venmo.

Speaker 1 They're so good. It's like the best pair of leggings I've got right now.
And I accidentally wore them when I was feeding the horse, and there

Speaker 1 no way they've got hay all over them and that it's it's not coming out. Oh no, that just reminded me of when we were um rollerblading to get pressed juice.

Speaker 1 This was so sad. That's what I think they were brand new, they were brand new, and literally, my favorite pair of leggings-like, they were the best fit, they had the best pockets, the best material.

Speaker 1 You handled it so well. And there was a couple of there was an audience.
We had an audience.

Speaker 1 There was literally like a lady pushing a stroller with her husband, and I tripped on a crack, uneven pavement in my rollerblades rollerblades, went down and I just heard I just hear her go

Speaker 1 like a full gasp and I'm like I'm fine I don't know why I remember that image so well do you know how sometimes when you see a friend or anyone fall just like that moment just it captures because I'm worried about you so it's startling and it just kind of like ingrained in my head but i just remembered you handled it so well and even when i looked down and saw your leggings, I was more upset for you than you were.

Speaker 1 I was sad. You were like, it's fine.
I'm fine. And I'm like, not the leggings.

Speaker 1 That was back when I was like, I didn't have any money. I'm like, buying expensive Lululemon leggings.
Like, that was a feat. You're like, this is on credit.

Speaker 1 My life was on my credit card. I financed a lot back then.

Speaker 1 But work is so fun. Like, I, I do miss being a server.
I still look back at my days serving at Perkins family restaurant, basically like a Denny's or an IHOP. Like that's my favorite job I've had.

Speaker 1 I think like to this date, it was so good. Yeah.
But

Speaker 1 you were a very good server. I was a great server.
I loved serving. I still, I'm like, I'm missing OT lately too.
I'm like really having an itch to like do something as like.

Speaker 1 at a little like hobby job.

Speaker 1 My grandma was like in the hospital this weekend and like

Speaker 1 the care that she got, I'm just like, this is fucking ridiculous. So I'm like, I just want to get back in healthcare again and like just advocate for people.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I just want to be a healthcare advocate. Like, how can I sign up for that role? And like, it's on Tuesdays because Tuesdays are my good days.
But I'm just like, you, you, uh,

Speaker 1 you never stop. No, I just, if you could be multiple versions of yourself and do all these different jobs, I honestly think you might.
I would. I would.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's a little severance. I'd have my innie and my Audi.
Exactly. There we go.
But I'm excited to get into this work episode. I think one thing about work is like it usually brings the drama.

Speaker 1 I don't know what it is. It's like we spend half of our life there.
You're forcing a lot of different personality types in one box, in one place.

Speaker 1 And it can create some interesting dynamics.

Speaker 1 What's uh, what's a work horror story you have? I don't know. I have like

Speaker 1 i have there's rumors from other people from my other past jobs that i don't think i should share but like there's just like there's been crazy stuff like that that i've heard yeah of other people being involved in but not not really me no you had some interesting like stories from when you were a server oh like people coming in and literally like trying to get a free meals oh yeah no i've had some i've had some weird server stories for sure i don't know what is in that water, but there's

Speaker 1 no, and I forget if it was you. It might have been Sarah, actually.

Speaker 1 Our friend Sarah, she like, I can't remember if it was from when she was selling vacuum cleaners, but I'm pretty sure she like couldn't get into a bathroom or something because you guys didn't have offices.

Speaker 1 You were like driving from business to business trying to like sell a product. I feel like she shit her pants, but I don't have any poop stories today.
So you guys are safe there.

Speaker 1 I don't remember this. I don't know if that's.

Speaker 1 I feel like I also feel like you shouldn't say her name. No, she's fine.
I don't know. Sarah, she doesn't care.
No, she's good.

Speaker 1 If anyone wants to take her class, she teaches at Solid Core in Charlotte, North Carolina. Oh, God.
You're just giving all the details now. Really good class.

Speaker 1 Ask for Sarah V.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. But okay, let's get into these work stories.

Speaker 1 You ready? I'm ready. Let's dive in.
Let's do it.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 we're starting off

Speaker 1 a little spicy.

Speaker 1 A little spicy. This one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It's two years old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Calling My Coworker a Nosy Bitch after she kept insisting to know my husband's salary? Ooh.

Speaker 1 My husband and I, both 33, have been together since college. Over the years, he's had quite the career trajectory.
He's a quant PM and makes like 10 times what I make. And I make a good salary, haha.

Speaker 1 As we've grown wealthier, I've learned that people become nosier. Friends, acquaintances, relatives, you name it.

Speaker 1 In the beginning, I would entertain the nosy questions, but since I turned 30, I've adopted a take-no-shit attitude. When people ask me how much he makes, I no longer say anything.

Speaker 1 I've learned the hard way that giving an exact number can have bad consequences. My coworker, 25, is new, and she already has quite the reputation.
Very chatty, catty, gossipy, you get the gist.

Speaker 1 You can just tell she craves wealth and status. She wears a bunch of flashy designer items and is always asking the ladies around the office which of the men are single.

Speaker 1 Last Friday, our office hosted an afternoon happy hour. She approached me and asked me how my husband's recent vacation to Europe went.
I told her it went well and briefly summarized what we did.

Speaker 1 Then the conversation went something like this: Her, so what does your husband do? Me, he works in finance. Her, oh wow, he must make a ton then to be taking you on all these lavish vacations.

Speaker 1 I hope you don't mind me asking, but how much does he make in a year? Me, yes, we're very lucky that he makes a good salary. Polite smile.
Her, oh come on, I won't tell anyone.

Speaker 1 How much does he rake in in a year? Millions?

Speaker 1 Me, awkward chuckle. I'd rather not say, but it's up there.
Her, what? He doesn't allow you to give an exact number or something?

Speaker 1 Me, visibly annoyed. No, I just prefer not to say.

Speaker 1 Her, laughs in my face. You would think the stuck up one one would be the one with the money, not the one without.

Speaker 1 This is a coworker saying that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Me. What?

Speaker 1 You should learn how to take no for an answer and when to quit being a nosy bitch. It's a valuable lesson.
Then I smiled at her and walked away.

Speaker 1 Later on, I had a few co-workers reach out to me and say that she was crying and left early and that I should apologize for calling her a rude name. I refused.

Speaker 1 I told my mom, and she said I was too rude to the new girl, and that she's young and might not fully understand salary talk. I think she's old enough.

Speaker 1 Husband is fully on my side, but said maybe I should fake apologize for the sake of office politics, which I somewhat agree with. But still, am I the asshole?

Speaker 1 Well, see, the problem is I like the response. I love it.
It's petty. It's fun.
Guts to the point. But the problem is you really shouldn't talk like that in the workplace.

Speaker 1 You could have just said nosy. Exactly.
That's what I was going to say. Like, you really shouldn't call somebody a bitch

Speaker 1 in the workplace. So

Speaker 1 while it was funny. Yeah, it was great for me.
It might have been a little hurtful. And I think technically, is what she's doing like crass? Does it lack tact? Is it distasteful? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But is she technically doing anything

Speaker 1 wrong?

Speaker 1 Etiquette-wise, sure, but like not really otherwise.

Speaker 1 So for you to be like, you should really learn how to not be a nosy bitch.

Speaker 1 It is a little like

Speaker 1 maybe jumping the gun.

Speaker 1 If you would have been like, hey, you know, I really would appreciate you not prying. Like it's not something I'm going to share.
Yeah, exactly. Like, I'm not going to share this with you.

Speaker 1 Please stop asking. Please stop asking.

Speaker 1 and then if she would have pushed further after you set that boundary which i guess you kind of did when you were like no i just prefer not to say and then she did come at you with the you'd think the stuck up one would be the one with money not the one without basically implying

Speaker 1 i don't know

Speaker 1 like a lot of things i don't i am i being dumb right now or why am i kind of confused what she meant by that she basically meant like you're acting stuck up not telling me your husband's salary you don't don't have any money.

Speaker 1 Your husband has the money. You would think that the wealthy guy would be the stuck up one, but instead it's you, the poor girl.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 So I guess like when she kind of chopped at you with that, I guess like nosy bitch isn't the worst thing, but I guess like for me in this situation, especially a professional setting, I wouldn't have wanted to give someone like that any power over me.

Speaker 1 Exactly. And you kind of did by like going low.
It wasn't a good idea. i will say that if you guys were strangers at a park i'd say

Speaker 1 sure just just try to avoid her next time because it's gonna be awkward but

Speaker 1 but i think in a work setting you really just got to avoid that even if somebody deserves it and even if someone is being really frustrating i you just kind of gotta bite your tongue and be professional, especially if like they said new girl.

Speaker 1 So if if you are more senior than the other person, like just ignore them or or tell them this is extremely inappropriate. And if you continue, then I'm going to have to

Speaker 1 call a manager. I don't know.
I'm going to have to elevate this. I'm going to have to elevate this.
Yeah. I feel like you're harassing me at this point.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's, if it does feel like harassing, it's not okay. I just, I don't know,

Speaker 1 I think it's okay to kind of like bring it up like if it comes within the territory.

Speaker 1 Like, for example, if you're in sales yeah talks about commute or commission is pretty open and you should talk about how much you're making in that sense because it helps everyone get paid the same amount and get paid their worth and motivated and just understand the dynamics of like okay if i do this then i get that amount so in certain industries it makes sense when you're talking about um salary but when you're just asking about somebody else's husband because they're going on nice trips that's so out of pocket to think that you deserve that information.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think maybe if it was once, that was just like, does your husband make a ton of money?

Speaker 3 Like, even that is rude, though.

Speaker 1 So, I don't even know, like, no, but I, but I'm just gonna feel very judgy because you're asking because you saw a lavish vacation, right? So, it feels like judgy and like very prying. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And we're coworkers, we're not even friends.

Speaker 1 Like, if you became friends with me and we got wine, we go into dinner and we're doing all these things, like, then maybe like I might be curious, like, damn, Lauren, like, I just Brian making it here.

Speaker 1 Like, it's

Speaker 1 different. It still is.
Like, it's just, it's so, it's just, it's tacky. And I, I think that sometimes it can come up naturally.

Speaker 1 Let's say she has a little brother who is really interested in that field and wants to make a lot of money and wants to know what the potential is. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And if that's the kind of communication, like, do you think your husband will be willing to speak with my little brother? Cause he just got out of college. He's really inspired to get to XYZ.

Speaker 1 I don't know. There's ways you can talk about

Speaker 1 compensation without being a nosy bitch.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Seriously.

Speaker 1 I'm just like a little baffled by this. I just think she has a lot of audacity.
And it sucks that the other coworkers are now like coming to defend her.

Speaker 1 And like, I get it's because like, what did she say here? She was crying and left early. Like she made it.
So dramatic. Yeah.
And now she's playing the victim. Now you look like the bad guy.

Speaker 1 And again, it's kind of like what I said. Like, I wouldn't want to give someone like that.
Yeah, that power. That power over me.
Like, now you look like the asshole when you really shouldn't.

Speaker 1 Like, she, yeah. She did start as the asshole.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 that kind of sucks. But where do you think the comments went on this?

Speaker 1 Asshole, not the asshole.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I feel like the comments are, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Overall, vote on this one. Not the asshole.

Speaker 1 The top comment says, I know women like her. The type to find out it's millions and then start sleazing all over your husband.
God, I didn't even think about that. Not the asshole.

Speaker 1 OP responds to that and says, Oh, trust me. I know exactly what you mean.
I've encountered my fair share of those too. And my new coworker is definitely one of them.
I know.

Speaker 1 Because that is another context that I forgot about in this story. I don't think about that.

Speaker 1 OP said here that she's constantly wearing flashy designer and is always asking the ladies around the office which of the men are single.

Speaker 1 So then it's like, wait, why are you asking me about my husband? I feel like I took a hard left and completely missed this whole concept. I mean, that might be jumping from A to Z.
Like that might be

Speaker 1 the worst. But

Speaker 1 I like the communication we're having in the comments here. People are really spitballing and throwing things out there.
And I think that's can't be too safe either either with someone.

Speaker 1 You know, you never know. I think it's all about the dialogue, you know, just kind of spitballing.
I know. It's giving that movie.
Um, it's with Beyonce.

Speaker 1 She's like the main girl, but she ends up marrying this guy. They like she was his assistant or something.
She has a baby. So then she's at home with the baby and he gets a new assistant at work.

Speaker 1 And this assistant is obsessed with him and starts making it look like she's having an affair with him.

Speaker 1 But he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa this lady's crazy it's a really good movie i don't even know at all what you're referring to i think it's literally called like obsessed oh

Speaker 1 i have not seen that you should watch it it's it's

Speaker 1 it's really good are you sure beyoncé is in it yes

Speaker 1 i just am surprised that i haven't seen or heard of this movie what i mean i've i've i feel i've seen it's a 2009 horror romance movie

Speaker 1 one hour and 48 minutes long How did I miss this? It's a really good movie. All right.
I know what I'm doing tonight. Beyonce's got a fight scene in it.
Wow. She's a little boss ass actress.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 There are a couple more comments on this. Someone responds to OP and goes, Honestly, I'd have said the same thing.
Her crying and acting like a little victim is proof in the pudding.

Speaker 1 What a manipulator. Hmm.
I'm going to go peek out OP's account, see if we got an update or anything else after this.

Speaker 1 No update.

Speaker 1 Ooh, we got some tea, though. What? Let's hear it.
One of my coworkers has already reported her for workplace harassment. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Apparently, my coworker revealed that her brother is a hotshot lawyer somewhere, and my problematic coworker has been incessantly asking her if she could help set the two of them up.

Speaker 1 Made my coworker super uncomfy to the point that she had to talk with HR about it already. And they were friends in the beginning, too.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Only took less than half a year of her closest friend to turn against her. You get the picture.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Man. Wow.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 OP does respond to someone and goes, Yeah, you're right. It could have been a beautiful teaching moment.
Unfortunately, I was at my wit's end with her. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't think I wouldn't beat yourself up over it at all. Obviously.

Speaker 1 I just think think that it's kind of risky to call somebody a bitch in the workplace, that's all. But, like,

Speaker 1 she was being a nosy bitch.

Speaker 1 I also love that, like, just that combo together, nosy bitch, like, just chef's guess. Honestly,

Speaker 1 it's actually nice, it was kind of cute. I think that the co-worker should have been really appreciative that she went so easy on her.
So,

Speaker 1 there, yeah, take that.

Speaker 1 No update, uh,

Speaker 1 but OP is going to go to HR just to be preemptive and, you know, report the conversation just in case that this coworker wants to lash out and be vindictive.

Speaker 1 So that is somewhat smart. Have you heard of the MRS degree?

Speaker 1 Mrs. degree?

Speaker 1 Yes. I just heard of that recently.
So. Yeah.
There are some people that like say they go to college to get that. Yeah, that's what I just heard of that.
That's why I was like, oh.

Speaker 1 And then there's that one other saying too, like for some colleges, like ring by spring. Oh, yep.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which, speaking of rings, I just have to give a shout out to Maggie, Olivine and Ivory. I did this custom ring with her.

Speaker 1 I've been obsessed with like auction websites, eBay, everything but the house, live auctioneers, you name it. I love auction websites.

Speaker 1 So I got this loose stone and made like more of a daily ring to wear. That's like a little more dainty and low profile.
And she's amazing.

Speaker 1 She, she made me a horsepin of my pony and gave it to me at the live show in Chicago. And she just makes the most beautiful jewelry pieces.
So I give a little shout out as I, ooh, as I look at this.

Speaker 1 Since we're going to give shout outs. Let's go, baby.
I didn't even realize that Cancer Zodiac sign, which is what I am, is ruled by the moon. I didn't realize this

Speaker 1 concept of all. You all notice when stuff's in retrograde or there's eclipses, you might be feeling a certain way.
Oh, yeah, for sure. But I just didn't like put it all together.

Speaker 1 and I didn't realize that each sign had this different planet. And so, um, a girl at one of the shows she made uh moon earrings for me.

Speaker 1 Was that Kira?

Speaker 1 I love those. And so, when I was in San Diego and I was at a farmer's market, out of inspiration from that, I got a moon necklace.
Aw, so I love that. Those earrings, you wore those a lot.

Speaker 1 They're really cute. I know.
And I've said this before, but I've gotten a lot of compliments. So

Speaker 1 you did a great job. You did an amazing job.
Thank you both.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along to this next one, number two here.

Speaker 1 This is also a bit vintage. It's coming from Am I the Asshole.
It is three years old.

Speaker 1 It is titled, Am I the Asshole, telling my husband's nurse that she doesn't get to dictate who is and isn't allowed in my home? My husband, male 36, has been in the hospital for weeks.

Speaker 1 He just got discharged, but he needs home care. We got him a nurse to be able to monitor his medical devices.

Speaker 1 His nurse comes over to handle stuff like catheter and cannula insertions and medication intake.

Speaker 1 I've noticed that she's been acting a bit rude and overstepping by trying to tell me when to enter my bedroom where my husband's staying or when the kids get to come in.

Speaker 1 I already told her how I felt about her attitude, and she claimed that she was just doing her job making sure my husband is getting enough rest.

Speaker 1 Yesterday, my parents came over to visit my husband since they had been planning to come for a while, but couldn't find the time. I opened the door for them and led them towards the bedroom.

Speaker 1 The minute we walked in, the nurse started redirecting us outside. I was confused.

Speaker 1 I asked what the fuck she was doing, and she told me she was in the middle of removing my husband's catheter, and this wasn't a good time for a visit.

Speaker 1 I nearly laughed, but she forced us out and shut the door. I was fuming.
I had my parents go into the living room, then came back and started arguing with her.

Speaker 1 She told me that my husband was in a vulnerable state and needed privacy, and she, as his nurse, simply provided to him and had my visitors go wait outside.

Speaker 1 I told her that this is my home, my bedroom, and those were my parents coming over to see my husband and check in on him. So they were his visitors as well.

Speaker 1 She told me it wasn't the right time for a visit, but I told her she's in my home and she was overstepping by trying to dictate who is and who isn't allowed in to see my husband.

Speaker 1 I told her I would report her for this attitude and she kept saying that she was just trying to do her job and told me to go ask my husband about how he felt about having people see him in such a state.

Speaker 1 I asked her to leave. Then after my parents were done with their visit, I tried to talk to my husband.

Speaker 1 He told me that he did feel like his privacy was violated and that I was being too harsh on the nurse. I told him that my parents were worried sick and wanted to see him.

Speaker 1 He said this wasn't the right time and basically backed the nurse up. We got into an argument over this and then he told me to let it go and let the nurse do her job.

Speaker 1 But I said that she keeps acting aggressively and like I was some outsider in my own home. Am I the asshole in this situation or is she really overstepping? You're the asshole.

Speaker 1 You are the biggest asshole.

Speaker 1 You have a stranger

Speaker 1 that's advocating for your husband more than you. Yep.

Speaker 1 She's just trying to do her job, provide necessary medical care, give her patient dignity, respect, quality care, ensure he is getting rest to recover.

Speaker 1 I can't even imagine if my partner's parents wanted to come in when I was like

Speaker 1 exposed. Of course, I'm going to be like, give me privacy.
Like, why would that even be a question? She said that, she said he wanted, he needed privacy.

Speaker 1 And why do you even want your parents in there? If he's like, yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't understand why, like, she's being like, oh, well, he was just getting his catheter removed. Like,

Speaker 1 let's talk about that. Your husband probably has nothing covering him.

Speaker 1 He is getting a tube pulled out of the tip of his penis.

Speaker 1 And you want to bring in-laws in there? Mm-hmm. This is not a little show pony.
This is someone who was in the hospital for weeks.

Speaker 1 Something very serious happened. Yeah.
And now he's home with a home nurse to manage medical devices. cannulas, catheters.

Speaker 1 This is a big deal.

Speaker 1 And you're letting the kids run in and bounce all over him, and in-laws come in.

Speaker 1 The only one fighting for him is the nurse. And then you're threatening her, trying to threaten her job.
Be like, I'm going to report you. You're acting aggressive towards me.
Ma'am, you sound crazy.

Speaker 1 Are you trying to kill him?

Speaker 1 What's going on here?

Speaker 1 It, what's what it sounds like is she's making

Speaker 1 what he's going through all about her.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 she's probably been worried sick about him. That's fair.
And I'm sure that she's been pausing her life to think about him and everything he's going through.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 to the point where she's making it as if it's about her, as if it's all about her.

Speaker 1 You want your parents to be there so bad because they're worried sick. Well, guess what? He doesn't.
You should be asking him what he wants.

Speaker 1 He's the one that's all tied up to these tests, these tubes. And you need to back off And you need to listen to him and see what is best for him.

Speaker 1 And the fact that you're even asking us if you're the asshole for this, it's like he just told you you are. Yeah, why aren't you listening to him? Why are you asking us?

Speaker 1 Why are you trying to come to Reddit and get more reassurance when the person who matters most just told you? Yes.

Speaker 1 Isn't it?

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's kind of interesting too, where she's like, My parents have been trying to come visit for a while.
And it's like,

Speaker 1 and you thought now was the time?

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, of course they're worried. Of course, they're worried.
And that's sweet. And I'm glad that they care.
I really am.

Speaker 1 But you, you gotta advocate for the person who is literally on bed rest right now, who went through something that was probably pretty traumatic. I don't know what it was.

Speaker 1 I'm curious if there's any comments.

Speaker 1 No comments, no updates, nothing from OP.

Speaker 1 It could have been even simple too, as like, okay, mom and dad, let me go in first. Make sure he's, he's decent.
Nurse, I know the nurse is here.

Speaker 1 And then you go in, you say, hey, are you up for visitors visitors right now?

Speaker 1 Give him a sense of autonomy. Right.
That's something that's like really hard. And like, I know, I think what you said, you said it so beautifully.

Speaker 1 And like, you're looking at it from such an empathetic lens. And like, she is probably putting life on hold.
And a big change and caregiver burnout is very real.

Speaker 1 You know, people who take care of their loved ones go through it as well.

Speaker 1 But this is the acute stage. This is very early on.

Speaker 1 And he's on bed rest. He's been in a hospital for weeks.
Like you lose a sense of autonomy and personal choice. And so being able to give him that in little things like, hey, can the kids come in?

Speaker 1 Right. Hey, how are you feeling? Do you need rest? Or can we watch a movie? Can we, can we chat? Like just asking versus assuming.

Speaker 1 Thank God this person is so good at their job.

Speaker 1 And I feel bad because like going into work and like being threatened no matter what it is, like encountering a Karen, because that's how this woman is acting. She's, she's acting like a Karen.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And like, you see it so much on TikTok of like people recording interactions, whether it's like KFC or McDonald's. And it's like, you didn't give me the sauce in my fucking fry.
Like

Speaker 1 these people are just trying to do their job.

Speaker 1 Like, they don't deserve to be harassed or recorded. Or

Speaker 1 like, you're being unhinged.

Speaker 1 Overall vote on this one, though.

Speaker 1 Asshole.

Speaker 1 Top comment: You're the asshole. Her job is to provide care and to advocate for your husband.
The fact that he sided with her should tell you that you are out of line.

Speaker 1 Having a catheter replaced is always done behind closed doors. They kick you and your folks out of a hospital room for that.
So her insisting on his privacy? Normal.

Speaker 1 And you're acting like it was some huge inconvenience and waited ages. It was a few minutes, so chill.
Your folks will understand.

Speaker 1 She may be being abrupt with what she's doing, or she may be having to be forceful because you're not listening.

Speaker 1 If the nurse says, quote, now isn't a good time for the kids/slash whoever to visit, don't say, whatever, this is my home. Listen to her.
It's not just your bedroom, it's his convalescence room, too.

Speaker 1 He needs time, space, and privacy. And a good nurse will ensure he gets those things, even if if a wife is being a little too entitled.

Speaker 1 And if your husband agrees with her, then why are you even asking? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're the asshole. Exactly.

Speaker 1 The nurse is being the bad guy, so your husband doesn't have to. Any half-decent nurse will take the fall by throwing out anyone the patient doesn't want to see.
You're the asshole, OP.

Speaker 1 And calm the heck down.

Speaker 1 Does OP respond to any of these? No.

Speaker 1 No. No comments.
I want to hear OP be like

Speaker 1 probably ran and ran and hid

Speaker 1 i hope she ran and apologized no chance i that's that's very wishful i know i know

Speaker 1 maybe we could post a poll on this

Speaker 1 do you think wife got the message and apologized or

Speaker 1 or what she's not giving apology vibes from the post but i would like to hope

Speaker 1 i know

Speaker 1 well wishful thinking. Maybe, you know, three years later, maybe we'll get an update.
Maybe the husband will hear this story and he'll come back and chime in and say, God, yeah, my wife was terrible.

Speaker 1 That nurse did a great job. And now me and the nurse are married.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Just kidding. Weirder things have happened.
So never say never, but on to the next one. This episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by DiSerono.

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Speaker 1 This next time. This is coming from Am I the Asshole, six months old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Bringing My Degree into Work to Prove That I Graduated?

Speaker 1 Seems legit. I'll try not to make this too long.
I, 32 male, work in an office where everyone has at least a bachelor's degree. This is relevant.

Speaker 1 Most of my coworkers have their degrees framed on the walls of their office, and some also have pictures of them at their graduations. In fact, I think I'm the only one that doesn't.

Speaker 1 I'd rather decorate my walls with pictures of my wife and me on trips we've taken.

Speaker 1 I also didn't even attend my college graduation, not much for ceremonies, so I don't have any cap and gown pictures, which has never bothered me.

Speaker 1 Recently, a coworker, we'll call him John, started suggesting I didn't actually go to college and lied to get the job.

Speaker 1 The accusation was so ridiculous that I basically ignored it, but that just seemed to convince him even more. He started saying dumb stuff like,

Speaker 1 must be nice to have gotten this job without doing any real work.

Speaker 1 I wish I could have gotten this job without student loans. And if you'd gone to college like the rest of us, you'd understand.

Speaker 1 I tried ignoring him, thinking he probably just wanted to start drama, but eventually I could sense our other coworkers beginning to think John might be right since I wasn't really disputing it.

Speaker 1 I figured I'd bring in my damn degree and put an end to it. Now, here's the thing.
I did well in school, enough that I graduated with a first-class honors, which my diploma says.

Speaker 1 I've never mentioned this to anyone at work because it didn't feel that important. The degree itself is what matters.

Speaker 1 However, when I brought my diploma in, my coworkers really focused on the first-class honors thing. I kind of became the hotshot of the office that day.
I love this. Which was weird.

Speaker 1 My boss insisted I add it to my wall, saying it looked great for the company.

Speaker 1 My co-workers then began teasing John about the whole thing, pointing out that his degree doesn't say anything about honors and saying it was a dumb accusation.

Speaker 1 Now John is pissed off and calling me an asshole. How?

Speaker 1 Saying I made him look bad with the whole honors thing and saying I could have have found some other way to prove I graduated without bringing in the degree.

Speaker 1 Eat dirt. So am I the asshole for bringing my diploma into work to prove I graduated and therefore making John look bad? Not even slightly.

Speaker 1 No, this is such a like, I don't even know if this would qualify as petty revenge.

Speaker 1 It's just like, hey, it's like you've been on my ass accusing me I didn't graduate, saying I'm, I wouldn't understand and, oh, I wish I didn't have student loans.

Speaker 1 And like, I just brought in my diploma. It's just, it's so humble and hot.
And just, he's so non-problematic, you know, like the fact that he let this guy just like chirp away at him.

Speaker 1 And he's just like, yeah, for a while.

Speaker 1 Don't care what we have to say because he knows his worth and he doesn't.

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's just, I love it.
I love it. I love that the whole office is like hyping him up now.

Speaker 1 Super, even as a boss, being like, you've got to put that on your wall. And the fact that the other guy did it to himself, you know, like,

Speaker 1 he completely single-handedly did that to himself, the embarrassment. Like, he tried to dish it out and instead he got served.

Speaker 2 I love it.

Speaker 1 Bitch.

Speaker 1 It's a really good little. What was his name, John? John.

Speaker 1 John messed with the bull and he got the horns.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one. Not the asshole.
John stuck his foot in his mouth. Leave it there.
Be proud of your accomplishments.

Speaker 1 Don't downplay your accomplishments for people that want you to seem small.

Speaker 1 Hang it on the wall. Hell yeah.
I just think it makes it even more pathetic that John got mad that he proved

Speaker 1 that he proved it.

Speaker 1 You made me look bad. You made yourself a bad job.
You made me look bad. Crazy work.
Crazy work. I mean,

Speaker 1 he could have just like asked, or I don't know, like, it was just so weird. Like, what a weird thing to, like,

Speaker 1 assume a coworker didn't graduate college. And also, why do you care if they did or didn't? Well, and that's what's kind of funny too.

Speaker 1 I actually, at one of the jobs I've worked in the past, there was

Speaker 1 a girl who was rumored to have never graduated.

Speaker 1 And you're technically supposed to have a college degree. Yeah, a bachelor's.
And apparently she, like, I don't know, smudged a resume, whatever.

Speaker 1 But none of the upper management cared because she was so good at her job. She was one of the best.

Speaker 1 And when I heard that, I just thought that was baller. Like, there was no part of me that thought, like,

Speaker 1 we went to college and you didn't. I'm just like, hell yeah, girl.
Get it. Get it.
I think a lot of times. And that could have been a rumor.

Speaker 1 I never even asked her directly, you know, but like, I'm just saying, I can't even imagine ever having the audacity to just be like,

Speaker 1 how could you? Yeah. You know, it's not that serious.
And like, serious.

Speaker 1 I think a lot of times college degrees are not necessary for the jobs.

Speaker 1 100%. Like nowadays and surely not.
Like, have you seen like on TikTok, people will be like, I was trying to apply for jobs and this one wanted five years of experience.

Speaker 1 paid this and was basically entry level. And it's like, it's entry level.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You shouldn't need five years of experience like you shouldn't even need a college degree for it they were basically saying but

Speaker 1 college is a scam

Speaker 1 well no i think some cases yeah i mean i think that what

Speaker 1 because my degree did not translate to what i'm doing but at the same time i learned so much from my degree that is helpful for me in my line of work, in my relationships.

Speaker 1 Like, so I don't think that, I don't think college is a waste, but it's, but yeah, I didn't use a, a lot from my degree

Speaker 1 directly

Speaker 1 into the jobs that I've had after college. Um, I think it depends on what you're going through.

Speaker 1 It does, and like, it's hard because I think college has become kind of like a bare minimum now in a lot of cases, but I really like the trades, like plumbing, electrician, welding, like college was so pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed.

Speaker 1 And the trades are so needed. And now they're such a like

Speaker 1 short supply of like electricians, plumbers. So I didn't know that.
Yeah. If you go into that out of high school, make them bank.

Speaker 1 I also just, I, yeah, it really just depends on each individual person. You absolutely.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You absolutely can make a lot of money without going to college.
Yeah. I know of a handful of people who have done that.
So

Speaker 1 it doesn't define you.

Speaker 1 Do what makes you happy and what you got to do. And don't let a stupid John ever make fun of you.
No.

Speaker 1 In your line of work. Ew, John.
Bye, John. We're going to the next one.

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Speaker 1 I'm being so awkward right now. I don't really know how to stop.
I don't know. I'm just like.
Hi, Lauren. Don't be awkward.
I can't help it. I don't know what's going on.
Because it's a work episode.

Speaker 1 We're trying to be professional put together and we're not. We just need to drink more wine and

Speaker 1 hmm. Enjoy the episode.
This next one's going to be fun. I think I just, I wish Jerry was here for this too.
We had him on Father Knows,

Speaker 1 obviously. Yeah.
We had him. Hey, girl, you come take over the show with me.
And

Speaker 1 me, you, Justin, will be a rotating, revolving door. But now he's gone, and I just feel.
You miss him. I think I miss him.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I miss him too. It was really nice because I have to think about what to say all on my own here.
Whereas with Jerry, I had to fight.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no. I chop a liver.

Speaker 1 Fuck. No, no, I'm just saying with Jerry, I had to fight to say something, you know? So you do.
And then he'll raise his hand. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you see it out of the corner of your eye, and you're like, oh my God. So then there's no nerves there because I'm over here, you know,

Speaker 1 trying to fight to get a word in. And whereas now I have to think about things to say and I'm getting nervous.
Hey, no nerves on this next one. This is story number four.

Speaker 1 It's going to be, it's a good one. Coming from Am I the Asshole, two years old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Singling Out My Boyfriend Who Never Tips the Server at a Restaurant?

Speaker 1 My boyfriend, 40 male, myself, and three other friends went out to dinner a few days ago for some burgers and alcohol. We had a great time.
Service was great, and the experience was very enjoyable.

Speaker 1 It was time for us to pay our bills. All of us paid separate checks.

Speaker 1 When we were all getting our credit cards out to pay, I said out loud to everyone, just simply as a conversation: quote, make sure to tip our waitress. She was amazing.

Speaker 1 Don't be that type of person who doesn't tip. Come on, guys.

Speaker 1 Not going to lie, I gave my boyfriend a blank stare when I said it. My boyfriend never tips.
He is one of those people where he only wants to pay what is on the bill. No more, no less.

Speaker 1 Well, you can't pay less, you bitch.

Speaker 1 I have had conversations in the past with him explaining to him on the etiquette of tipping your waitress, since they only make $1.37 an hour where we live, and they literally rely on tips.

Speaker 1 But he does not care. Anyways, back to the restaurant.

Speaker 1 None of our friends caught I was looking at my boyfriend because they were all focused on grabbing their credit cards and they simply did not know that he is not a tipper.

Speaker 1 As usual, my boyfriend did not tip the waitress, but myself and everyone else did. We said goodbye to our friends and went home.
My boyfriend and I took the same car home. He brought

Speaker 1 The topic changed from there. I've been thinking about this situation all week.
Am I the asshole for doing this? Or do you think everyone sucks here?

Speaker 1 How long have they been together? No mention.

Speaker 1 Only mentioned that he is 40. No mention of how old OP is.
See, I don't want to jump the gun because I understand. Jump it.
Jump it.

Speaker 1 Jump it. Jump so high.
I just think it might not be a match. That's all.

Speaker 1 there's a quote and i

Speaker 1 i'm usually like it's a quote but it's so unlike me to even say but it's like if you're broke just say it like have you heard that like if you're broke just say it i don't know where it came from whether it's a bravo reality tv but like if you are not going to tip a server and you know you live in a place that tips are what count You know, it's not like France or even France.

Speaker 1 You're supposed to tip now. It's a common misconception.
We asked our server there last time.

Speaker 1 But if you're not in a place where you know your server is getting a livable wage, or you're at a restaurant and they add a 5% surcharge to pay for health care for their servers, whatever, you should tip.

Speaker 1 And if you're not going to tip, stay home and cook your own fucking burger. And that's maybe a hot take.

Speaker 1 But I think if you're not going to take care and like commend good service, you should be making your own burger at home. You shouldn't go to a restaurant.

Speaker 1 When I was serving, I definitely felt that way. Go home.
Go home.

Speaker 1 I would have people, like, I would have people, like, when I worked at Perkins, we had like, I forget what night of the week it was, but we had something where if you bought an adult entree, a kid's meal was free.

Speaker 1 So that's amazing. Like, that's so great of a restaurant to offer that.
And so I'd have people come in.

Speaker 1 them, their kids, they'd get the adult entrees, all the kids' meals for free, and then not leave me a tip. And it's like, you literally, I took care of like six people.

Speaker 1 You guys got three meals, and your kids then ate for free, and you're not giving me a tip at all. Like, you saved how much money by your kids eating free, and you can't tip me.

Speaker 1 A high school student struggling, I just want to go buy my jeans at the buckle. My bedazzled ass jeans.
That's why they didn't tip you. They were like, no more of those buckle jeans, girl.

Speaker 1 Fuck you in those miss me jeans

Speaker 1 but it's just like god like you have people that are just like everyone's trying to eat and i do think eating out

Speaker 1 is somewhat of a luxury now

Speaker 1 it's expensive i would say so it is expensive to eat out and you could argue like oh well these restaurants should be paying their servers more fairly But like, honestly, if it's a small business, if it's a small restaurant, they're not making that much either.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's so because the restaurant industry can be difficult. Yeah.

Speaker 1 From what I've heard, especially since COVID, too. Like a lot of small business restaurants shut down.
But just in general, I heard that they just don't have very big margins. They don't.

Speaker 1 Only on like alcohol.

Speaker 1 That's where like a lot of restaurants and bars or wherever, like, that's where they make a lot of their money is alcohol. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But like food-wise, like, look at the cost of food when you go grocery shopping. Like,

Speaker 1 they're not, there's not a lot of people. Well, just a lot there.
I mean, paying for everything that it costs, I've just heard that the restaurant industry can be difficult.

Speaker 1 So I think that's probably where that started happening with servers,

Speaker 1 where the, they,

Speaker 1 in certain areas, can pay like $2

Speaker 1 an hour and they don't really actually make the money from the restaurant, but they're actually making it from the tips. Yeah.
So I know my money at Perkins, actually all of my serving jobs.

Speaker 1 I would get like zeroed.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because I made too much in tips.
Well, yeah, because you, they take out the taxes, and so you, I, yeah, I wouldn't get a paycheck where it would be really, really small.

Speaker 1 But, but no, it is, it's just, it's, it's different than everything else, the restaurant industry and serving. So that would be hard for me.
I would cringe.

Speaker 1 If I were to be dating someone who never tipped while sitting down and getting like a service,

Speaker 1 I just, it would be, I,

Speaker 1 it would be too uncomfortable for me. I, I don't, I just,

Speaker 1 we'd either have to

Speaker 1 go our separate ways. I would hurt the ick.
Yeah, I wouldn't like that. I wouldn't be able to go out to eat with him either.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because if he was the one paying, like, I would always feel the need, like,

Speaker 1 God, I gotta, I gotta do the tip. Which, hey, maybe that's fair.
Maybe that's the compromise you get to pay for the meal. Yeah,

Speaker 1 but how tacky? And it's just gross. I'm trying to look at OP's account and see if they've had an update on it or if I can find any more comments on the post, any more info.

Speaker 1 This is a very real Reddit account. They're part of the three-year club, verified email.

Speaker 1 And let me tell you, the whole time we've been talking, I've been sitting here scrolling.

Speaker 1 So there is a lot on this account. And I'm having a hard time getting to the bottom and even finding comments on this post.
However, I do see that eventually they did post an update on this.

Speaker 1 However, it was removed by the moderators of Am I the Asshole.

Speaker 1 I'm going to see if somehow I can find it on another sub.

Speaker 1 Oh, also,

Speaker 1 I don't know how much times have changed, but I worked at Coldstone for $6 an hour when I was younger. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it was like a lot of work to the point where I got stronger because sometimes you'd have to make cakes and it's a lot of work. Oh, explaining that.

Speaker 1 Coldstone is for people that might not know.

Speaker 1 Okay, so it's just a big slab of a stone that is cold and you mix together the ice cream and all the ingredients in it, but you do it with these two metal, huge spoons and you do it all the whole shift.

Speaker 1 So it's, it is a lot of work. Like you're, especially when you have to make cakes, they're huge.
It's like, it was a lot. And I mean, you guys, I literally sang for a tip.
So.

Speaker 1 You, you definitely deserved every tip. Thank you.
Every tip. And it wasn't that much either.
No, like people would drop the remaining change in the jar. Tip, tip.
Hooray.

Speaker 1 They would literally, people would come in and like harass me and put like a penny in the jar and be like, sing a song for me. That's really scary, actually.
I know.

Speaker 1 We do have a little bit of a glimmering light here, though, after looking through what feels like 2,000 comments.

Speaker 1 OP does have something that says, I recently broke up with my ex, 40 male, due to the fact that he always goes to mommy and daddy for money. So he doesn't tip.
Oh.

Speaker 1 And he's suckling at his parents' financial teeth. Wow.
I love how you said that.

Speaker 1 People are going to be like, ew.

Speaker 1 But overall vote on this one. Not the asshole.
Top comment: at this point in time, the U.S. is fucking insane.
Next comment down, I love Reddit posts about tipping.

Speaker 1 You'll have one lot saying, we need to tip because our servers basically have to pay their boss for the privilege of working there.

Speaker 1 Then you have people saying, I worked in a restaurant to pay for medical school and dropped out because I make more in tips than I could ever be in a doctor. Whoa.

Speaker 1 That is wild. No, I'm just saying, like, that's such a good point.
The conversation around tips is just really

Speaker 1 on different opposite scales of things. Well, and you think about it too, like, there's restaurants here in LA that like are kind of like known celebrity restaurants like Nobu

Speaker 1 or Mastro's or what like places like that, Manny's. I don't, I don't know.
I don't really go there. Catch, you just hear about these places.

Speaker 1 And like, you could have a server there that maybe makes like a thousand dollar tip from like Jason Derulo coming in. I don't know.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you have someone who's working in like Gulfport, Mississippi as a server making maybe a hundred bucks an entire shift. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I actually, what's so crazy is that I always felt when I was working at this nicer restaurant, it was always the people that were the most difficult or needy or just

Speaker 1 all these different like criterias kept forgetting that to ask me for another thing. So I'm running around sweating for them that would give me a small tip.

Speaker 1 And then it was the people who just like were the made it so easy where I barely had to do anything that would give me the largest tip.

Speaker 1 And I just remember thinking like, what is going on with this trend? Uh-huh. I kind of experienced it at this restaurant I served at on Lake Minnetonka, which is like this bougie place in Minnesota.

Speaker 1 It's like a bunch of millionaires live on this lake. They have hundreds of thousands of dollar worth of boats and like whatever.
And I remember like, I grew up in Duluth.

Speaker 1 Like I didn't have like money growing up. And I remember I got this card from one of my customers and it was like a metal card.

Speaker 1 And I remember like going to like the host stand or like the aloha, we called them to like check out his bill. And someone was like, whose card is that?

Speaker 1 And I was like, it's my table, like, 43. And they were like, do you know how much money you have to have to have that metal card? You have to spend like $500,000 a year with Amex to have that card.

Speaker 1 Wow. And I was like, what the fuck? And I brought him his card back.
And I think he tipped me like the worst out of anyone I had. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So it's like, sometimes the people like with

Speaker 1 seemingly all the money. Yeah.
I think they'll get someone who's just like nice and modest. Yeah.
Oh my God. Yeah.
It's great. It was.

Speaker 1 I just, i just do i love that comment though because it's like the conversation around tipping can be so dynamic in so many different ways and it's just everyone has a different feeling about it i know it's goofy yeah but we're moving on okay

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Speaker 1 Okay, this next one coming from Am I the Asshole, two months old, titled, Would I be the Asshole if I bought a motion-activated door chime for my office? Because my partner keeps scaring me.

Speaker 1 Me and my partner both work from home. During the day, I work out of a spare room and he works out of the living room.
So during work hours, these two spaces essentially work as two offices.

Speaker 1 I will refer to the room I work in as my office for simplicity's sakes, but it is not the exclusive use of that room. And there is a second bathroom that can only be accessed through this spare room.

Speaker 1 I scare extremely easily. I usually keep the door open unless one of us is on a call, but very frequently, my husband will walk into the room and scare me really badly.
Like, I'll scream and jump.

Speaker 1 And for a few seconds, I genuinely cannot control my reaction. Like, I feel like I almost white out for a second sometimes.
It scares me that bad.

Speaker 1 I don't handle it very well. A good scare will leave me shaking for a few hours after.
I know I'm very weak to being scared and that it's an unreasonable reaction, but I genuinely cannot control it.

Speaker 1 I have some trauma in my past that contributes to this, but I'm working at it with a therapist.

Speaker 1 My partner takes a great deal of offense to my reactions, even though I try to explain that I can't control them.

Speaker 1 Sometimes when he startles me like that, I'll say something like, quote, why did you do that? Or, quote, why do you keep doing that? As a reaction, and that hurts his feelings.

Speaker 1 I always apologize and try to assure him it's not personal. It's just what comes out of my mouth when I'm scared.
But I can tell it really bothers him.

Speaker 1 I asked him to just pause and knock before he comes in, but that's not really fair to make him knock and stop in his own house to enter a room that isn't exclusively for my use.

Speaker 1 The scares are bad enough that they can greatly impact my workday.

Speaker 1 I know this seems extreme, but a good scare makes me feel like my brain turns off for a while after until I get a hold of myself again.

Speaker 1 I suggested this morning after a good scare that maybe I should get a motion sensor door chime like they have at shops.

Speaker 1 I could install it in the hall just before my door and put the noisemaker on my desk so that I'll hear the noise and know that he's coming.

Speaker 1 My partner thinks that that's over the top, but I want to find a solution that will work. Would I be the asshole if I bought a chime and set it up?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Set up the chime.

Speaker 1 Why is the partner so unsupportive of this issue? I mean, it very clearly is a trauma response. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why aren't you trying to meet your partner halfway on this? Like,

Speaker 1 why aren't you trying to comfort and support your partner? I don't know. It's, why are you against like the door chime? Well, and it's weird.
He keeps getting so offended when he does.

Speaker 1 Yeah, why are you offended? Why is he?

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 I feel like for me, it's it's like i wouldn't want to deal with scaring my partner it's like it's not enjoyable for either one of us like i don't want to stress you out i'm watching you have these bad reactions and then it's like oh god you made me feel so bad and it's like it's clearly not fun for this person it's clearly from some issues and they're working on it with a therapist yeah

Speaker 1 like you would think he would be more accommodating yeah

Speaker 1 This is weird.

Speaker 1 I don't understand the reason not to be. I also have random random moments of jump scares, not to this extent that is being described, but

Speaker 1 I'm just trying to picture if this was me. And I would be so annoyed if my partner wasn't being more

Speaker 1 adaptable to help me out. I'm a big jump scare.

Speaker 1 I'm like very jumpy. Yeah.
I don't know if I've told

Speaker 1 my...

Speaker 1 I was like, I worked at like Hollister or Abercrombie or something when I was younger. I don't know if people know that.

Speaker 1 Did you get scared a lot there?

Speaker 1 It's really, really dark. And the music is really, really loud.
Oh my God. And the perfume.
Yeah. All senses, like the perfume.
It's just like your senses are overwhelmed. You're overwhelmed.

Speaker 1 And so, anyway, I was in my own world in my head and I'm folding and I'm bending over. And all of a sudden, I feel somebody leaning over me.
Oh.

Speaker 1 And I know I can like see a little bit in the corner of my eye. And all of a sudden, I was realizing they're not, they're not moving.
They're just standing there. And so I turned around.

Speaker 1 I'm kind of like hunched down. I turn around, I put my hands up and I scream.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 And it was the mannequin.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you need a door chime for your

Speaker 1 office. So I can relate to this.
But, and thankfully, no one was around. I looked around and I, there was no one there, but I just laughed at myself.

Speaker 1 But that's how like jump scary I can be to the point that like if I were to have a partner and if this were the level of

Speaker 1 scare that happens to me, I would expect my partner to work with me a little bit on that.

Speaker 3 Help me out. Help me out, bud.

Speaker 1 I think this is a reasonable ask. And the fact that he's pushing back on it, kind of odd.

Speaker 1 I would make him wear like a cat bell around his neck or like keep the door closed when you're working and then knock. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I know OP mentions like like a weird kind of aside at the beginning of like, there is a bathroom that you can only get through in the second bedroom, but it's not the only bathroom.

Speaker 1 So why doesn't he just use the other during the workday?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Osh. I'm kidding about the bell, by the way.
I don't want anyone to think I'm that crazy. No, he should wear a bell.
Fuck it. It honestly would be hilarious.
What word was I trying to say?

Speaker 1 I just said osh. I think I was trying to say odd.
Odd? But I said osh. I think we should change odd to osh then.

Speaker 1 Okay. Top comment on this one.
Not the asshole. But why is he coming through your office so frequently? If it's for the bathroom, why can't he use the other bathroom? Thank you.

Speaker 1 Get a sensor. There's no good reason not to have one.
And if there's no good reason for him to be walking through your workspace so often, then he's trying to undermine you.

Speaker 1 This person went directly to sabotage. I mean, what if he's being sketchy that he doesn't want to have bells because he does some sketchy stuff at night.

Speaker 1 Hmm. Opie responds to this.
Okay. Usually it's to come chat with me, but it can also be to grab something since the room has storage in it.

Speaker 1 He used to come through to use the bathroom when he has to go number two, but I put my foot down on that because it felt so awkward for me to try to work like six feet away from where he was using the bathroom.

Speaker 1 Also, the smell would linger for ages. So now he uses the other bathroom pretty much exclusively.

Speaker 1 Why wouldn't he start with the other bathroom? There's nothing,

Speaker 1 there's nothing worse than hearing, and I get it's natural and everyone does it, but if you're in like a small combined space and you just hear the plop in the water when someone you love is pooping nearby,

Speaker 1 it's not the best sound. So why would he go out of his way to come poop in there and stink up her office?

Speaker 1 Someone replies to OP and goes, he's doing this to you on purpose. Next comment down, yep.
I have a very overreactive startle response to my husband, though.

Speaker 1 He'll call out to me before coming up to me unaware. He actively tries to minimize my stress.
As one should. Actively.

Speaker 1 It's almost like he finds it fun. That's, that's what I, I honestly thought that's what you were telling me at first, that he was going to say he finds it fun.

Speaker 1 So that's, that's where my head was at.

Speaker 1 I think now that I'm on, I'm on this boat of like, he's actually doing it on purpose, finding it fun.

Speaker 1 I mean, we're getting joy out of like some regard of this. I don't know, because I thought that was going to be the punchline.
I thought you were going to end the story off being like.

Speaker 1 He said that he thinks it's funny and cute or something weird like that. But we didn't get that.
We're left hanging. So I don't really know why he is deciding he doesn't want to be supportive.

Speaker 1 That's just not really a good recipe for a long-lasting, happy relationship. No, it's kind of a lack of respect.
It's 100% a lack of respect. I mean, overall.

Speaker 1 Specifically when your partner's telling you that they have trauma by it and that it's ruining their workday.

Speaker 1 Well, and if it's going to impact her job to the point where like, what if you have a big meeting and then you get startled and you have this response that you're shaking for hours after

Speaker 1 and you literally can't facilitate a big meeting. Yeah.
What if you literally lose your job because you just won't respect my space? And it's hard when you're working from home.

Speaker 1 Like, I know a lot of people went through this because of COVID, and like, a lot of jobs have stayed work from home or remote, but like, you do need to respect like office hours, even though it's your home.

Speaker 1 And like

Speaker 1 kind of give a little because you're both working from home. Right.

Speaker 1 So it's either door chime or door shut and you knock. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Boom. There is a comment here, too, highlighting this again.

Speaker 1 He's 100% doing it on purpose.

Speaker 1 Your best option here is that he's just an idiot who thinks it's funny to make you jump, but you should be aware that there's a possibility that he gets off on you being scared or is using it to break down your self-esteem via gaslighting.

Speaker 1 It's your fault for being jumpy. How dare you act like he doesn't belong in his own home? You're clearly just dramatizing and being mean to him, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 1 Either way, the fact that he's angry that you're getting a chime is proof that it's deliberate. He's actually angry that he won't be able to scare you anymore.

Speaker 1 I'd bet in real life money that he sabotages your chime every chance he gets. And for the people who think I'm dramatizing, I suffer from paranoia as a symptom of bipolar.

Speaker 1 And I've encountered many people who have used it in this way that I didn't realize were doing so until later. It's not their fault I'm jumpy, right?

Speaker 1 Except that it's obvious that scaring me when I'm paranoid makes me spiral, making me both unstable and more paranoid.

Speaker 1 And when you know you're paranoid, it's very easy to be persuaded that you're overreacting. You don't have to put up with it.

Speaker 1 Someone who actually loves you will do everything they can to put you at ease.

Speaker 1 My current partner has made a point of learning my indicators and adjusting his behavior to put me at ease while I'm having an episode, doing things like texting me instead of coming over to speak to me or calling me if it's urgent, checking before touching me making a point to stomp his feet when he moves and even calling out before entering a room i'm in if i'm particularly bad it's amazing how fast they pass when there isn't someone scaring you for their entertainment

Speaker 1 wow boom i'm convinced me too let's see drop

Speaker 1 we do have an edit oh i'm reading everything as it comes in This is just a lot of messages, but thank you. Edit two.
Sorry. I'm like a little overwhelmed.

Speaker 1 A lot of people are saying he's doing it on purpose, and I hadn't thought of that. And I'm more than entertaining that idea.

Speaker 1 I'm going to try my best to reply to the comments. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Those curious about the Brad story, it doesn't have an interesting conclusion, but if enough people care, I will post a fact over on Ask the What Story? I don't know.

Speaker 1 OP must have another post on their account.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 well, they are married as of 21 days ago. OP did use partner in the post, but they are married because OP has another post 21 days ago.

Speaker 1 Do I, 33 female, have to forgive my husband, 35 male, for things he said/slash did during a fight?

Speaker 1 Hello, Reddit.

Speaker 1 I'm currently, see, this is the problem about having a work episode. I want to read this story.
Do it. It's not work-related.
Don't care.

Speaker 1 I'm currently learning about relationships and re-evaluating the relationship I've been in for 14 years and could really use some outside opinions.

Speaker 1 TLDR, I came home after three weeks away to a messy house and no groceries, but I didn't criticize my husband.

Speaker 1 While planning meals, he made a sarcastic comment about having to cook and then shut down.

Speaker 1 When I brought it up, he dismissed me and said I do basically nothing around the house and called my struggles with disabilities excuses.

Speaker 1 I ended up crying and he later apologized, but I still feel really hurt. Do I have to forgive him?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 That's there's not enough. There's not,

Speaker 1 there is a really

Speaker 1 long post. Oh,

Speaker 1 but I don't want to get too far off track. Like, it's definitely

Speaker 1 a read. Okay, got it.
But there's clearly

Speaker 1 some interesting dynamics going on here between the issue he has with the door chime. Now, this,

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 It is interesting. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The other thing about Brad was a post OP made 13 years ago titled, I've Created an Imaginary Person 10 Years Ago, and now he's become completely integral to my life. What do I do?

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Again, I'm very curious. But maybe we do a deep dive on this account over on Patreon or something to keep the episode a little more tidy.
But

Speaker 1 yeah, I mean, OP is definitely going through it with this partner. I think you got to do the door chime, and

Speaker 1 this is work. You got to do work, you got to be able to work.
And

Speaker 1 I think do the door chime. And if he gets mad,

Speaker 1 weird. If he tries to sabotage it, weird.
On top of the other issues you might be having, you might have some answers about how to proceed forward. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along.

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Speaker 1 This one might get a little heavy on us. It does include the word essay in the title.
So just fair warning. I know it doesn't have to do with essay.

Speaker 1 It's about someone giving their coworker the Heimlich maneuver, but

Speaker 1 it's fair warning for everyone, just in case. I don't know.
So let's get into this.

Speaker 1 This is two months old now. I've been saving it for this work theme.
You don't know how many times I've wanted to read it. It's good.

Speaker 1 So this one is coming from AITAH, two months old again, titled, Am I the Asshole for Treating My Coworker Differently After She Accused Me of SA when I saved her life?

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 I'm a quiet guy and genuinely friendly. I treat all of my coworkers as friends.
About two months ago, during a work lunch, one of my coworkers started choking. So I did the Heimlich thing to help her.

Speaker 1 After she's in the clear, the others cheered, and I asked if she was alright. She just nodded and headed to the bathroom without a word.

Speaker 1 So I didn't think much about that until two days later when I got a call into HR for my inappropriate behavior. I was confused and asked for more details.

Speaker 1 That's when they told me that my coworker had filed a complaint stating that she felt my touch when I was helping her was inappropriate, my body was too close, and that she felt my private touching her.

Speaker 1 I gave my statement and they put me on ice. I was still working with potential to be removed while they investigated further.
After a week, I was in the clear.

Speaker 1 I returned to working normally without fear, but I started distancing myself from this coworker.

Speaker 1 She tried to apologize, which I accepted, and tried to explain that she has to tell me that she has trauma, but I still take precautions and only treat her as just a colleague.

Speaker 1 I no longer talk to her unless absolutely needed, Always keeping distance, no longer inviting her out unless there's others.

Speaker 1 She could feel my hesitation towards her and how I no longer treat her the same as others. She tried to say that I'm being ridiculous and petty, but I told her that I'm just looking out for myself.

Speaker 1 So, am I the asshole? Whoa.

Speaker 1 I'm just speechless. Like, I,

Speaker 1 I mean, okay, she was choking, right? Yeah, it's not like she just had a sneeze, she started choking, so I did the Heimlich, right?

Speaker 1 And I'm just wondering, I'm like, in her head, did she just cough or sneeze? And she thought that he took that as an opportunity to take advantage of her, or was she actually choking?

Speaker 1 Because how could you, how could someone, if, if this is how it's written, if this is how it happened, how could someone save your life and then you

Speaker 1 try to get them fired? And

Speaker 1 also, that's a really, really serious.

Speaker 1 It's a very serious accusation. Yeah.
Accusation to make.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 this is not good. No, I do not think the asshole.
I know. You have to protect yourself.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, if this is exactly what happened, if you were giving the Heimlike and if you just saved someone's life and now you're at risk of losing your job and then being labeled in this way,

Speaker 1 then of course you're going to distance that person. And for them to call you petty because you distance yourself from them.
Ridiculous. That's wild.

Speaker 1 I mean, it seems like he's still like inviting her to stuff. I no longer invite her out unless there's others there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fair. Right.
She's not being totally ostracized. And like, hey,

Speaker 1 I imagine there were very serious signs she was definitely choking because like, you don't just do a Heimlick. Like, there's times where I've been choking and like others like don't even step in.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, damn, I was like, I was a little close there like

Speaker 1 so it's clear like she needed it and like others were like

Speaker 1 cheering right the co-workers were cheering so she was probably really choking and struggling and like this was kind of a last resort so like good thing he did step in see that's why I'm saying this sounds so crazy to me that I'm like

Speaker 1 is there another version of what happened I don't think so. Was she just sneezing and she felt like he took an opportunity to see? I don't know.
Because otherwise, I don't understand. I just,

Speaker 1 this seems wild to me. Yeah, I think it is.
And like, she did try to apologize and say she has trauma. So, like, she was, you know, maybe really triggered from this event.

Speaker 1 But you still have to look at it and like realize like your triggers are kind of your responsibility to deal with.

Speaker 1 And in that moment, he was acting on his best judgment as a good Samaritan. Right.
He was trying to help, trying to save you from choking, dying, and

Speaker 1 he acted in good faith and didn't do anything wrong. You know, it's, I don't know, fortunate he stepped in.
Unfortunate that it wasn't a woman stepping in.

Speaker 1 Like, would it have been the same reaction from someone else? But, like, when you give someone a Heimlich, you do like. You have to get close.

Speaker 1 It's saving your life, though. It's not.
No. And you're like picking them up against your body to like, you use your body as leverage.
Like, it

Speaker 1 is this like taut

Speaker 1 maneuver to save people. And it does involve going up behind the person, basically hugging them tightly.

Speaker 1 And like, yeah, you might feel something like you're up against someone else's body, but like it's not for fun. Right.
It's to save you. Right.
And it did.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And regardless, like, I don't even know if like how it was interpreted by her is like wrong.
All he's doing now is just distancing. And that's fully within his right.

Speaker 1 Like, he is not the asshole. Of course.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And this, it concerns me because you don't want people to be afraid of giving life-saving services either.
Yeah. Like, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, if this story was mainstream, like, if it got big, if he got fired. He got fired.
And then if it, like, they went on TikTok, they start talking about it's on the news.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, now, like, there's other people out there that are afraid to do these like life-saving procedures. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I just think that you're right. Like that's horrible that she has trauma and that something happened that she would

Speaker 1 think that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it is important that she deals with it in the correct manner. I think that's a great point to make, but I will say, like, a lot of people might not know about this.

Speaker 1 There's what we have called good Samaritan laws. So these are laws that are in place in all states in the United States.

Speaker 1 And it's essentially like, if you are trying to to help someone that's in an emergency, ill, incapacitated, like whatever it is, if you try to help them, you are like safe from being prosecuted.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 they didn't, she doesn't have a case. And like HR did its job in a sense where like it investigated.
So maybe what she did, like wasn't necessarily the wrong course of action.

Speaker 1 Like, hey, you didn't feel great. You go to HR, let HR decide.
They investigated. They probably asked other people as witnesses in the room, like, what happened?

Speaker 1 And they did their job and said, hey, no one was harmed here. Yeah.
And I think now it's just like, this is the dynamic going forward.

Speaker 1 It's not wrong. He's not in the wrong.
And this is just kind of what you have to do. It's just an outcome of the situation.

Speaker 1 But at the end of the day, like everyone can feel rest assured that they did the right thing. Yeah.
And they handled it how they saw fit in that moment. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's tough with work. Like getting in trouble at work is like, no one wants to do that.

Speaker 1 Getting written up by HR, like having HR approach you like at Lululemon, I remember had some drama with like one of my like key holders and she like felt that I was fancy names. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like we have like fancy names for managers and she felt like I didn't listen to her. I was always like questioning her authority.
And that's how she felt.

Speaker 1 But for me, I was like, I was just asking clarifying questions.

Speaker 1 But we just didn't see eye to eye. Like, she felt I was insubordinate to her, and I felt like she didn't like me.
So, she always gave me the shit jobs. So, like, it just wasn't a great relationship.

Speaker 1 But it's like, I had to get talked to from like the upper manager. And I was like, I was like, what the fuck? Like, and I was like,

Speaker 1 at that age, I was like, I was in college. I was like, I'm scared.
I don't want to get fired. I'm like,

Speaker 1 it's target. It's really hard getting

Speaker 1 scolded at work. I had, I, it was so dumb.
I had friends, not me, I didn't do this, but like I had friends that took some bracelets from a store that we worked at. And also,

Speaker 1 not like it matters because they did steal and that's wrong, but like the bracelets were literally like $4. So it's just kind of funny.
They're like the cheapest little things. Yeah.
And

Speaker 1 they posted pictures of it on Facebook and the manager saw it and like brought me into the back room with like an investigator, like a guy in a suit, and were basically interrogating me.

Speaker 1 And I was so flustered because I didn't do anything and I was getting pinned.

Speaker 1 It was, it was dumb. But no, I understand what you're saying.
You were taking the fall. They wanted you to take the fall.
No, they questioned those, the girls who did it too.

Speaker 1 But just like I was like, by association, they were questioning me. And it's definitely doesn't, it's, I,

Speaker 1 that's

Speaker 1 definitely an intimidating like yeah to go through, especially at that age, too.

Speaker 1 It's a fine line at work, but top comment on this one has since been deleted and it had 12,000 upvotes. I wish I know what it said.

Speaker 1 I'm curious if any accounts on Reddit have screenshots of it when it did exist. So let me see if we have any.

Speaker 1 I'm not seeing any screenshots, so I'm not sure what the top comment said.

Speaker 1 But in response, someone goes, if what the OP did was was SA, then every single person who has saved a life by performing the Heimlich maneuver would also be guilty of SA.

Speaker 1 It's an absolutely insane situation.

Speaker 1 And that's a solid point.

Speaker 1 There's a comment here. That's true, especially like

Speaker 1 because a lot of times that involves putting a mouth to mouth on somebody too. That's one of the other ways of.
For Heimlich? Not Heimlich, but I'm sorry, resuscitation. Yeah.
So

Speaker 1 a lot of these life-saving procedures, I mean, people are supposed to be instructed to like cut their clothes off with the scissors, stuff like that. So, a lot of them are, yes, like very invasive.

Speaker 1 And I will just say, like, if you ever are needing to give someone CPR, mouth to mouth is a part of it. Like, obviously, people need oxygen.
You're supposed to give breaths.

Speaker 1 However, I took a CPR class from the American Heart Association. And if you're not comfortable with doing mouth to mouth, the chest compressions are the most important thing.

Speaker 1 Highly recommend everyone take a CPR first aid basic training course. It's so important to have.
It could literally save you, a family member.

Speaker 1 It's just, it's so good to know how to do basic things like apply a tourniquet

Speaker 1 or CPR, Heimlich. It's, it's very valuable.
But I haven't even done CPR since I was a kid in health class. Yeah.
And I actually was looking into doing it again because

Speaker 1 my next certification for scuba diving, I want to get Rescue Diver. Yeah.
And so you need to have

Speaker 1 that course before. Yeah.
Yeah, you should do it.

Speaker 1 I'd re-up mine if you want to do a class together. Okay.
I'm actually so down. Let's do it.
Yeah. It's not, it's like literally, you go in, it's four hours.
It's really good.

Speaker 1 And you can buy these little pocket masks. So then you can put it on your keychain if you ever do need it.

Speaker 1 And it's like good to have. You just whip it out and then you have a barrier between your mouth and the other person.
Perfect. Yeah.
Really good. There's a comment here with 20,000 upvotes.

Speaker 1 You have to avoid her now. That's the answer.
You weren't fired this time, but she has the power to get you fired. And you do not sacrifice yourself in this situation.

Speaker 1 That will not solve anything and only cause you harm.

Speaker 1 Someone responds to that. Big yellow box, quite a few awards.

Speaker 1 I'd also suggest approaching HR about her subsequent actions and complaints that OP has taken steps back in order to maintain a professional distance.

Speaker 1 She doesn't get to create a hostile environment or pester/slash harass OP.

Speaker 1 And my concern is that if he doesn't get ahead of this, guess what her next steps will be?

Speaker 1 That is so true. Because she could go back to HR and be like, he's discriminating against me now.

Speaker 1 That's so scary. It's, it's, and it's so like he said, she said.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 This story is,

Speaker 1 it's, is it stressing you out? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It really is.

Speaker 1 Lauren's like, what the fuck did you give me when we just came from father knows nothing to this?

Speaker 1 And it was, there was so much light and

Speaker 1 just,

Speaker 1 I don't want to say cute problems, but like, yeah, not as heavy, not as heavy.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so I just wasn't prepared for this. And I just, I feel it's, no, it's

Speaker 1 a very serious dilemma. And like, it's a serious topic.
Yeah, yeah. And like the comments are taking it very seriously too.

Speaker 1 Like, she falsely accused you of SA when you saved her life in front of a crowd using a widely known medical technique.

Speaker 1 I would hope your company is looking for a way to let her go because this lunatic is a massive liability to have around.

Speaker 1 And hey, that comment might be a little aggressive for the words I would use. You know, she did say she has trauma.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 yeah, but like, again, I don't agree with how she handled someone saving her life.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 that's why I kept asking. I'm like, is there a chance that this,

Speaker 1 you know how, guys, I'm still scarred from that time where we had a story and then we just talked about this on an episode. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then somebody came out and said that's actually the complete opposite of what happened. The daughter saw the post.
The daughter saw it and then explained what did happen.

Speaker 1 And so now sometimes when I hear these stories, I'm like,

Speaker 1 instead of just taking it for face value, sometimes I get in my head. But I, if the story is what the story is,

Speaker 1 there's nothing else but to say then he does need to avoid this person. It's a very serious accusation and

Speaker 1 that's all you can do and he really should get hr involved if she is giving him a hard time calling him petty yeah you have to distance yourself from somebody if they are going to hr about you 100

Speaker 1 she should want that

Speaker 1 i mean it protects both people hopefully like it keeps a cordial working relationship ensures everyone's being heard and respected

Speaker 1 i'm just saying that if I were to, for whatever reason, ever go to HR

Speaker 1 because of something that someone did, then I would expect to have a more distant relationship from them. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I wouldn't expect them to be inviting me out after work or any of the, you know, I would.

Speaker 1 You felt uncomfortable. Like, I would want to have some distance.
Yeah. And obviously I wouldn't want them to treat me poorly or like be mean to me or anything like that, of course.
So

Speaker 1 if that was the case, that'd be different. But creating distance, that

Speaker 1 should be what you want. Yeah.
We do have an edit from OP. Wow, this blew up.
I'm not very active here, but I've read several comments and DMs. I won't make updates, but I have some clarification.

Speaker 1 I'm not from or at any English-speaking countries. Me and the coworker did have a talk with our colleagues nearby, and she agreed to just limited necessary contact that's related to work.

Speaker 1 I won't sue her because everything is resolved. And to be honest, it would just bring up more problems while wasting money.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I also received several DMs about people with similar experiences as me, which made me sad and relieved that I'm not the only one.

Speaker 1 And I also saw comments about how I'm not considering and don't understand her trauma, which is fair. If you've been harassed for real, then you should protect yourself.

Speaker 1 But I just hoped she came to me about her uncomfortableness since we've known each other for a couple of years.

Speaker 1 That's it again. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Moving on. Moving on.
Moving on.

Speaker 1 Do we have something like fun? And I know. I'm trying to like

Speaker 1 wonky. You want to get wonky? I know.

Speaker 1 I mean, after the Heimlich, Heimlich's a serious conversation, so we might have to get a little wonky here. I was thinking it would be a fun test to post on Instagram and say, does anyone have a wonky

Speaker 1 and but you have to send it within the next 10 minutes and then see if we we get anything at the very end.

Speaker 1 Oh, I did have like some interesting work things that people did respond into from Instagram because I was like, Does anyone have any crazy work stories they've seen lately?

Speaker 1 And someone goes, I was like, Wait, what?

Speaker 1 But someone goes, A kid chased me with a hook, and my boss just told me to chill. Oh my god, a kid chased me with an axe one time.
Where?

Speaker 1 When I was a kid, it was at one of my neighbor's houses,

Speaker 1 and I was literally so terrified. And the sister who I was friends with, she was just laughing,

Speaker 1 like running and laughing. And he was running after both of us because the sister made him mad.
But I'm like,

Speaker 1 this is so concerning. That's insane.
I know.

Speaker 1 There's another one here from someone. A woman with a snake around her neck cornered me and screamed at me.

Speaker 1 Someone suggested reading this one. Hair stylist has been taking slash keeping my hair.
Whoa,

Speaker 1 that's wonky. Let's go find it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 This is coming from True Off My Chest titled Hairstylist Has Been Taking Slash Keeping My Hair.

Speaker 1 I'm weirded out. I'm going to be vague because obvious reasons.
I'm 30s female and my stylist is 40s. I got my haircut today at a stylist I've been using for about nine months now.

Speaker 1 I think this is my sixth appointment with them. I usually do a trim or cut and style.
Today, I went from long hair, high lower back, to an A-line bob.

Speaker 1 Again, since I started seeing this person, I usually get current style or maintenance and trims. This time was a dramatic length adjustment.

Speaker 1 So they took a picture of the cut length on the floor to add to their social media, then intending to add before and after of ours, too.

Speaker 1 That's all totally fine. And normal.
They go grab a broom, sweep up the hair, and place the dustpan on the counter for a bit. Again, normal.

Speaker 1 They grab the broom and pan and head to the back of the shop. They're gone a few minutes.
No biggie. Then they go out to smoke.
But here's where it gets weird.

Speaker 1 That's where it gets weird.

Speaker 1 The bathroom is in the back of the shop, too. I need to go and I step into the back.
I don't really notice anything on the way into the bathroom. Besides, my hair in a jar.

Speaker 1 I go and I start to head back out, but I notice my name on a small, clear tote on the table. It has no lid and it has my hair in it.

Speaker 1 At first, I didn't really think much of it, but I looked closer and see it's not just today's discarded hair, but looks like at least a few of my trim sessions mixed with it. it looks like pot paris

Speaker 1 and a little sand. Pot Paris?

Speaker 1 They spelled pot paris.

Speaker 1 And a little sand or something. And printed pictures of the cut hair with dates.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Ooh, I don't like that.
The printer is sitting right next to it with today's discarded hair pick in the tray. There didn't seem to be any other containers like this when I looked around.

Speaker 1 It was fucking weird. So I took a picture on my phone.
I honestly didn't know what to think or do and went back out into the salon.

Speaker 1 They came back in, and I mentioned that I went to the restroom, and they seemed to freak out a little bit, but didn't mention it.

Speaker 1 I didn't really know what to say, so I just let them finish styling my hair, paid, and left.

Speaker 1 As a socially anxious introvert, this was my nightmare. I got home, and the more I looked at the picture, the more ick I got.

Speaker 1 I ended up texting them an hour ago, sending the picture, and requesting they remove the weird box of me and asking for an explanation.

Speaker 1 I said, quote, hey, so I saw this and didn't know what to make of it. Can you help me understand what this is and why you have it?

Speaker 1 I'm not comfortable with you having this and request you please discard the contents. Also, even though I loved my cut, I believe it's best if I find a different stylist.

Speaker 1 They haven't responded. LOL, what the fuck? fuck?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Why did you have to put it all out there? You should have. We need answers.
You should have been more sneaky about it.

Speaker 1 Who? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Does this? No, this is actually crazy, but I'm just like, I'm just sad they didn't respond. I wish there was a way that you could have answered or like asked.

Speaker 1 Somehow catch them in the lie. I just, I need to know.
I need to know what's going on. My face is fucking tingling.
I don't know what to do. Me too.
I got like chills. I feel so uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 I'm like, call the police. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I need an ambulance.
Yeah. I can't drive home from this studio after this.
I need an ambulance. I'm just, it feels like a voodoo jar of hair.

Speaker 1 Why is there sand? And what the fuck is pot parie? Potpourri?

Speaker 1 But it's spelled pot. They use the word p-ot

Speaker 1 p-o-u-r-r-i.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. I don't know.
Hmm.

Speaker 1 What? That's how you spell potpourri. Okay.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 I'm just, I'm just so sad. Like, obviously, OP, your text was perfect and fantastic, and you should have said all those things.

Speaker 1 But, like, I wish we could have been a little sneaky first to try to see if we can get an answer. You need to go back to the salon.
They're never gonna respond after that. Like, you just fired them.

Speaker 1 They're not gonna respond to you.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 Lauren. What?

Speaker 1 We have answers? Do we have an answer?

Speaker 1 What's the answer? We have an update.

Speaker 1 I just totally hurt my elbow.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. It's okay.

Speaker 1 Are you okay?

Speaker 1 Did you smack your funny bone? No, it's

Speaker 1 okay. I just feel stupid.
If you read the update, will it make you feel better?

Speaker 1 No, fuck. I don't want to read it.
Read it to me.

Speaker 1 Update. I've never done that before.
Oh, God. Out of all the reactions I've had from these stories, I've somehow not.
That's a work-related injury, Laura.

Speaker 1 You don't even have workers' comp.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Update. It's been about a week.
And with the holiday, I've been all over the place, but I ended up going to law enforcement to make a report last Monday.

Speaker 1 I'll likely end up going back if this person keeps contacting me like they have been.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 I'll give a little timeline.

Speaker 1 Last Saturday, haircut and discovered the weird tub full of my hair. Texted stylist about weird tub and said I'll be finding a new stylist.
Hair stylist didn't respond.

Speaker 1 This is where I left off in my last post. A lot has happened since then.
Sunday, I woke up to a bunch of texts from the stylist.

Speaker 1 It woke me up because even though I have do not disturb on on my phone, I have a setting that overrides that if there are repeated contact attempts over three in case of emergencies.

Speaker 1 Here's what I got copied and pasted. 3.49 a.m.

Speaker 1 I don't recommend going to a different stylist because of this. It's not a big deal, small town, and people talk, and you may not find anyone that will take you after this.
So I'd reconsider.

Speaker 1 I don't like threats. What?

Speaker 1 3.51 a.m. So I have your biological material and it's my property now.
What? I can do what I want with it. I kept it because I can and it means a lot to me.

Speaker 1 You're kidding me.

Speaker 1 3.54 a.m. Why you send the pic? I know what it looks like.
It's mine.

Speaker 1 Freaking hell.

Speaker 1 4 a.m.

Speaker 1 You need to respond to me because I think it's a misunderstanding about what this is and it's no big deal. And you saying you're switching stylus has me triggered.
I do good work. Clap emoji.

Speaker 1 You said so.

Speaker 1 4.04 a.m. I also charge a $350 client separation fee.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, you can't just say you're switching stylists. Kidding me.
With more consequences.

Speaker 1 And no, you said you already tried a few people before me, and they are not as many beauty people in the area. 4:11 a.m.
Asking for an explanation for a stylist having hair in a salon is crazy.

Speaker 1 Where else would you find hair? And I didn't do anything wrong, but I will get rid of it if you are gonna cry about it. But only if you say you won't be switching anyone else for your hair care.

Speaker 1 You mean a lot as a client and always tip well, and I do good work, so it doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 And you know that, so maybe don't threaten someone who does your hair or hurt their heart by making accusatory statements.

Speaker 1 I didn't respond to any of those that morning because it was so insane to me. I need to process things fully before I make a decision on how to deal with it.
So I just didn't respond.

Speaker 1 Sunday afternoon, I started getting phone calls. Oh my God.
This person called me 14 times that afternoon. About every other call, they left a voicemail.

Speaker 1 Most of the voicemails just said, call me back or text me back, but two of them were unhinged. I'm going to paraphrase, but the gist of the first one was: it sounds like they're crying.
Call me back.

Speaker 1 I'm getting scared you won't come back to me for your hair, for real. I just like how your hair feels.
That's why I kept it. Call me.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 The second unhinged message was left late Sunday night at 11:38 p.m. and it said, I got rid of it except for one lock.
I found out I like watching your hair burn more than I liked keeping it.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 I am so scared.

Speaker 1 This is crazy. I didn't respond to any of those messages, calls, or texts.
The whole thing had me freaked out now.

Speaker 1 I'd decided by that time I was taking Monday off of work to go to the police, even if they couldn't do anything. I wanted to file a report

Speaker 1 of this weirdness. I woke up Monday to an email from the stylist with an invoice of $375

Speaker 1 for client breach of contract fee as the chargeable line item. Again, copy and pasting here.
The email body was, quote, for being a bitch.

Speaker 1 This is crazy. Wait, is this a popular post? Like, are you, I have not seen it until just now.
This person put it in the Instagram question. I asked.

Speaker 1 This flew under the radar for me.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 This feels like I'm like, oh my god.

Speaker 1 I'm having heart palpitations. Well, it's like, it's, I'm having multiple feelings at the exact same time.
Like, one, I'm terrified. Two,

Speaker 1 it's comical how ridiculous it is. Like,

Speaker 1 first of all, you said 350.

Speaker 1 Just kidding. But like,

Speaker 1 I know, now it's 375. Now it's 375.
You're out of your mind.

Speaker 1 No chance. I paid that today for my horses to get fresh shoes and cuts on their toes, their hooves.
I can't even imagine. Like, what is going on?

Speaker 1 To leave you as a stylist? I don't think it works like that. It doesn't.
I don't think it works like that.

Speaker 1 We have so many hairstylists, eyelash extension experts. We have so many salon

Speaker 1 people in the field. Like, you guys, oh, this is your time to shop in, baby.

Speaker 1 I want to hear your salon horror stories in the comments. Yes.

Speaker 1 It goes on to say, it was sent from their business email too, so they're really doing everything they can to ruin themselves.

Speaker 1 Even if I had a contract with this nutter, which I don't, the original amount was for $350. They can't even get their extortion fees right.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 I did email them back stating we had no contract and to cease all further communication with me from this point forward.

Speaker 1 I got ready and started heading to the police station around 9.45 Monday morning.

Speaker 1 I live in a rural area, so there are portions of my drive to and from our main town that doesn't really have cell reception. When I finally got to town, I had four voicemails.

Speaker 1 I knew immediately who they were from. I talked to one of the officers on staff.

Speaker 1 They took my statement, a copy of the email, asked me to forward all texts and screenshots of the numbers and of the calls.

Speaker 1 They said, at the least, the calls and texts could be considered menacing and harassment. But the voicemail, where they mentioned how they liked burning my hair, was potentially concerning.

Speaker 1 The officer advised I contact a legal representative in case this person tries to take the bogus invoice to a civil suit court.

Speaker 1 And they said I'm welcome to change my number, but have the filing evidence if they continue to contact me after I explicitly told them not to in the email, and this would only help me.

Speaker 1 I reached out to a lawyer Tuesday and left a detailed message regarding the situation. They are apparently out of the office until next Wednesday for the holiday, so we'll see if they have any advice.

Speaker 1 I have since received many texts and calls from the stylist. They sent a happy Thanksgiving text on Thursday morning as well.
Happy Turkey Day!

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Fucking kidding me.

Speaker 1 Regardless, they're giving me a lot of evidence to work with.

Speaker 1 But I'm so unsettled. I can't wait to hear hear from my lawyer this week.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 We have one last final update. Okay, not to be dramatic, but I would change my name.
I would

Speaker 1 leave the country.

Speaker 1 Triangle.

Speaker 1 You like watching my hair burn?

Speaker 1 What if you like watching me burn next? I can't even dial in on what is most concerning. Like, probably my favorite part is the line item being for being a bitch.

Speaker 1 But like, most concerning part, $375 for being a bitch.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 But like most concerning part, I don't even know where to start. This is absolutely wild.

Speaker 1 Last, final update here,

Speaker 1 which is like, I hope he calls it a mini update. I woke up to new comments and requests for updates.
First, I am okay and safe for now.

Speaker 1 The person has continued to contact me on a regular basis via phone and email. I do have personal protection that I'm comfortable with.
I hope it's a gun and can wield with accuracy. It's a gun.

Speaker 1 But I'm nearly certain this person does not know where I live, so I don't anticipate any type of confrontation here. Our house and property has complete camera coverage as well.

Speaker 1 If anyone, anything shows up, we're well aware.

Speaker 1 I will be posting a more in-depth update with more texts and emails up to this point and regarding a specific incident that happened on Friday, on Tuesday.

Speaker 1 I have an appointment to speak with another officer, then to discuss the potential of criminal action and legal consequences for the stylus as a result.

Speaker 1 Thank you all for your concern and the validation that this is absolutely insane. Yeah.
I'll leave you with a text from this past week. One I think you'll all enjoy.
Question?

Speaker 1 Use for a model of how not to make friends, question mark. Once again, this is copy and pasted.
5.12 a.m.

Speaker 1 Don't never say never. You're never coming back.
Don't make me laugh. I don't want your ass back.
You can beg me, though. Might help.

Speaker 1 Got her.

Speaker 1 Well, guess what, Lauren? What?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 I think we have the final update. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 We do.

Speaker 1 We got it.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. I didn't expect the amount of people following this.
Here's a long-awaited post. The situation update may not be as satisfying as many would have hoped for, but here it goes.

Speaker 1 I met with law enforcement again this past Tuesday. My husband and I drove over early that morning because I was also meeting up with the lawyer I'm working with.

Speaker 1 Aside from the near-constant texts, calls, and emails, I wanted to pursue legal action for a specific issue. Allegedly, the stylist had tried to have my credit card canceled.

Speaker 1 Apparently, they used the last four digits of my card, called the customer service line for the card, and tried to cancel it.

Speaker 1 I got a call from the fraud department shortly after this person attempted to do this, trying to verify everything to see if I actually wanted to close my account and dissolve my credit line with them.

Speaker 1 She's trying to bring down your credit score.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you need to sign up for credit karma stat.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 To be clear, the stylist was not successful in their alleged attempt.

Speaker 1 They couldn't provide the basic info they needed for such things like my actual last name, it's unusual, and they gave a name that was almost similar, date of birth, address, etc.

Speaker 1 Apparently, they thought they could accomplish this with just my name, phone number, and the last four digits of the card. I didn't cancel the card, but did request a new one for obvious reasons.

Speaker 1 I had no clue why they would want to cancel my card. To inconvenience me? Yep, that's exactly why, allegedly.

Speaker 1 When I spoke with the credit card company, they agreed to send over the recording of the person that called,

Speaker 1 as well as the phone number the call originated from, as long as the request came from law enforcement with a warrant.

Speaker 1 They gave me a phone number and reference number for the police to call and reach out directly. The officer began working on that immediately.
So it's in progress. Yeah, he's curious too.

Speaker 1 I went to the phone company over the weekend. I had my phone number transferred to an old phone so I could still receive calls and texts there, but I got a new phone number for my actual phone.

Speaker 1 The old phone and number has been turned over to the police assigned to my case. They did go and speak with this person yesterday.

Speaker 1 Apparently, they are horrified that I went to the police and had no idea any of their crazy could be chargeable offenses.

Speaker 1 According to the officer, there have been no further communications via texts or calls since their visit, and I haven't received any other emails. Oh, good.

Speaker 1 A temporary protection and no contact order has been issued against them until the first court date. I've also reached out to the State Board of Licensing with all this information and my complaints.

Speaker 1 All I can say is they are investigating. Outside of all of that information, I'm limited on any other information I can share since a legal process against this person has officially begun.

Speaker 1 We're just waiting to see how this all plays out. It's been a long few weeks.
I'm hoping for the best here. I'm already so relieved to no longer be getting calls, texts, or emails constantly.

Speaker 1 Thank you all for the concern, advice, and good wishes. This was meant to be an outlet for me to vent and process.

Speaker 1 And I'm so grateful that you have allowed me to do that with a huge amount of support. Thank you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, like, obviously we're laughing at some of the most ridiculous things that are being messaged, but in all seriousness, this is such a scary situation.

Speaker 1 And I'm happy that it sounds like it was resolved as well as it was. But it's still, it's like, what was this person doing with the hair? And who else?

Speaker 1 What else are they doing with the hair? And why are they, and is it a fake? Like, it sounds like a stalker obsession. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 And so I'm just so glad that OP took all of the right actions and is taking care of herself because this handles so well. This could be so scary.

Speaker 1 so well yeah i mean it is really scary and i would be so scared i'd be overwhelmed like you're getting stalked harassed bombarded with calls emails pay me for being a bitch like it

Speaker 1 is overwhelming and like thank god the police believed her and took her seriously because sometimes that doesn't really help that much no it sounds like they were really helpful No, and happy ending.

Speaker 1 I'm sure because OP has been so responsive and given so many updates, I'm sure after this is all resolved, we'll get another update. So, we will be sure to post the link.

Speaker 1 If you want to go to their Reddit and follow the account, you can. Links will be in the YouTube description.
But also, being able to, I didn't know that that was a thing.

Speaker 1 Being able to turn your number over to the police. Yeah, I didn't know that was a thing too.
That's amazing if you think about it.

Speaker 1 Because it's like, if you're being stalked like this, then it's painful every single time that you're getting this message.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, you don't want to block that number because you want to build on that evidence. You want the evidence.

Speaker 1 So you want to make sure that you can have that somewhere so that you can take action if needed. Yeah.
So I didn't even know this was a thing, but that's. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It sounds like she transferred her number to an old phone and then gave the police the old phone. Right.
Which amazing. Wonderful.
I didn't know that was a thing either.

Speaker 1 And maybe it's just

Speaker 1 because it was a really small town or something. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
The resources to do it.

Speaker 1 But that's great. Fantastic.
But like back to the coworker and work aspect of this.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine if that was your coworker cutting hair next to you all day?

Speaker 1 Also, the fact that she swept up the hair and then put it on the counter in the dustpan and she was like, oh, it's normal. I'm like,

Speaker 1 no, they go in the bin right away.

Speaker 1 So odd. Not to shame.
I'm not shaming OP by any means, but like I. Wow.
Yeah, I guess I was thinking that

Speaker 1 when you first started saying this story, I was thinking you were going to say like maybe she makes wigs or something like that.

Speaker 1 So if there's really big haircuts, then she, oh, you know, something along those lines. I could see the making wigs thing.
Yeah. But, but, like, that's what I thought in the beginning.

Speaker 1 And now all the harassment. Clearly, there was some type of like stalking, fixation, obsession,

Speaker 1 which is clearly, yeah, very scary. It's crazy, too, when she, like, was confronted by the police that they basically said, like, I don't know.
This was chargeable. What, like, I did something wrong?

Speaker 1 Crazy. Crazy.

Speaker 1 Crazy. Oh, but I just, I literally thought that we weren't going to have any answers.
I thought it was just going to be like, hey, I quit on you. It was really sad.
And

Speaker 1 because if you would think if someone said, hey, I don't want to use you anymore, that would be a good reason for them to be like, all right, and never respond again.

Speaker 1 So I was floored that we got not only a text back, but all of those texts back. I was not expecting that.
That really like

Speaker 1 threw me. It same.

Speaker 1 This has been a really fun episode. I think it's going to continue over on Patreon because I have so, I have like literally 15 other work story tabs open.

Speaker 1 And I just was peeking at my notes from people too. And someone else messaged me and goes, I found messages on my mother-in-law slash boss's computer that changed my entire view of her.
It's juicy.

Speaker 1 Whoa. So I just messaged her.
I'm hoping to get that. Okay.

Speaker 1 Covering for coworker and emails to her are rude. A patient starts playing his porn video while I'm still in the room.
IVF life, a personal story.

Speaker 1 I had a patient crawl out of the nurse server, attached supply closet to the room, and sprint.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole for telling my coworker I can't attend her funeral because I'm busy that day? What? What is that about? So we're gonna, we're gonna have to look into this one too. What?

Speaker 1 Wait, I'm gonna message in the back and be like, post a personal story.

Speaker 1 How

Speaker 1 How does that work?

Speaker 1 Maybe she's. A big trend now is to host your own funeral before you die if you're terminal, which I really like.
Oh. But like, I never have heard of that.
Wow.

Speaker 1 But I feel like that's something you should make time for.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I would agree.
A woman told me her nose starts bleeding when she sucks dick.

Speaker 1 That doesn't sound like an appropriate work conversation.

Speaker 1 My first day as a housekeeper, a massive purple dildo rolled out from under a bed.

Speaker 1 Period hot dog, someone said.

Speaker 1 I don't want to know what the period hot dog is. And I think everyone is going to be happy I don't.

Speaker 1 Osha was called onto my job because the bathroom keeps overflowing. So we're going to get into some work, really good ones.
I'm messaging these people back. I've got...

Speaker 1 quite a few little stories to read here. I'm going to message them back and gather it up for Patreon.
But

Speaker 1 that's all I got for today.

Speaker 1 That's all I got, too. It was a wild ride, everyone.
It was really all over the place. I hope your workday is going well.

Speaker 1 Wherever you're at, on the job site, at a computer, in a cubicle, headphones on, blasting to the office.

Speaker 1 Cutting that hair, burning that hair, putting those eyelashes on at the gym, in a car, wherever you are. I hope you're enjoying your day, night, morning.
I love our little bakery workers.

Speaker 1 I am craving a sweet treat right now. So I need to go home and eat my Starburst jelly beans that come out around Easter time.

Speaker 1 But love you all. Thank you all for being here.
And until next time. Until next time.
Bye, guys. Bye.