214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married

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Non-branded over here.

Non-branded, no free promo, right?

No free feet picks.

We know the drill.

But if you want feet picks, reach out.

I got you.

What's your going rate?

I don't know.

What's a good rate?

I'll sell my feet for

not much.

I have like friends that will like exchange a foot pick or two and get like a free dinner or a shopping spree in hundreds of dollars.

So they're going rate as big.

Amy's in.

I think that's wild.

When she's sleeping, I'll take her feet pictures.

You have nice feet.

You already said that you'd do it.

I'll just hit us up.

It's better than selling your underwear.

Yes.

People sell their underwear for a lot, too.

I wouldn't do that.

You know what they also sell?

Weird.

You know, the little flippity flops you get when you go get a pedicure and you accidentally wear sneakers-the little, like, flat ones, basically?

The people,

yeah, yeah, people pay money for those too.

Well, they can have, I'll wear those all day long.

You just sell those, have all the flippity flops you want.

Yeah, the underwear would be a tough gig.

A lot of people apparently want you to go work out in them,

wear them for a week.

No, thank you.

I'm in pee in them,

boxers, boxer parents.

No, thank you.

Welcome back to two hot takes.

I'm your host, Morgan.

And today I have somewhat familiar faces for you all.

Unless you're new here, welcome.

But I am joined by my sister-in-law, Amy, and her brother, Matt.

They have their own podcast, their very own show as well, called Midwest Married.

So if you can't get enough, you want more stories, relationship advice, you don't have to be from the Midwest to listen.

You can live anywhere, but you guys have your own show.

It's pretty fun too.

It's a lot of fun.

Yeah, we've been doing it almost a year now, I think.

And so,

yeah, we talk about all sorts of different things: kids, relationships, friendships.

46 weeks.

Traveling 46 weeks.

Yeah, 46 episodes.

Yeah.

So, yeah, come join us.

Check us out.

I'll be sure to link it.

But today, I'm getting into all sorts of just relationship dilemmas and marital woes,

just all sorts of quality marital chaos.

I need a title.

I've been trying to think and rack my brain for a title.

I didn't even put anything on the folder.

I just had it labeled Matt and Amy on my folder because I've been waiting for you guys for a lot of these stories.

I love it.

Marital mishaps, marital misfits.

I don't know.

We'll get to the end, and you guys will give me a title.

We'll figure it out.

But buckle up for some of these.

They're going to be good.

All right, perfect.

Let's dive in.

Up first.

This is coming from AITAH, 24 days old, titled, Am I the Asshole?

Husband and mother-in-law are bullying me into being a stay-at-home mom, but I paid for our house.

My husband is rich, like makes $50,000 a month rich.

Nice.

We agreed on three things before our baby was born.

One, if I covered the 20% down payment on our house, he'd cover the monthly expenses, including childcare.

Two, if I leave my high-paying job after my maternity leave was up, my husband would support me, focusing on building my consulting business, which would give me more flexibility with our baby.

And three, we'd get a full-time nanny so we could both work.

And while I'd work from home to get to see the baby, and outside nanny hours, we'd split childcare 50-50.

The issue came up when now my husband refuses to lift a finger because he's the provider.

He won't do any overnights, even though the baby takes bottles.

I am exhausted and burnt out and feel like I got bait and switched.

I tried to talk to him, and he blew up at me, calling me a princess and lazy.

I guess he ran to his mom because I got a message the next morning saying I'm putting the family in financial crisis if I won't be a stay-at-home mom for at least the next couple of months.

Am I the asshole for telling them no, I will not be forced into being a stay-at-home mom?

This just doesn't make sense.

Like he's making, okay, he's making $50,000 a month.

And because

she is

having a nanny and focusing on building a consulting business and taking care of the baby and doing all the nights, she's the one that is,

did it say forcing them into financial ruin?

Financial crisis.

Crisis?

You're putting the family in financial crisis.

That does not add up.

There is no way that that adds up.

No.

This was a bait and switch.

Absolutely.

It was a bait and switch.

She was bamboozled.

Yes.

Yeah, no, I think that his pride is getting in the way, which is bullshit.

He has an ego that he feels like he needs to be the breadwinner and the provider, and he doesn't want to step up and take on the role of things that I think he believes are of lesser value.

They're beneath him.

They're beneath him.

Taking care of a kid, it's woman's work.

I mean, do you guys feel like this could be about control too?

Like,

I can't even put my mind in this headspace where it's like

it feels beneath you to do something in regards to your own child.

But I feel like sometimes you see in relationships, it's a control thing.

I don't want her working.

I want her at home.

I want her where I know she's going to be.

Like, I don't know.

Like, have you guys ever encountered that?

Like, with friends or people you know, where there's like a control aspect?

Or like, I'm trying to rationalize this.

And I just, I don't understand because $50,000 a month is what some people make in a year.

So the math isn't mathing for me.

I'm like, what other explanation is there?

Yeah, I'm trying to think of an explanation for this as well because they had that agreement from the get-go, and it seemed like he was on board.

What changed?

Why the change?

Right.

And speaking to your point about like being at a control thing, I've known relationships where if the partner is not working or not working as much and the other partner is making a lot more, that they withhold things and they, you know, use that financial control and financial abuse in order to keep that person in the relationship.

I haven't necessarily seen that that with, right?

I haven't necessarily seen that with like,

I guess I don't have that many stay-at-home mom friends because I guess, I mean, it takes a lot of two-parent incomes to afford anything these days.

So this lady was working beforehand, though.

Right.

And she had a lot of money.

She paid 20% down on the house.

Yeah.

So she's not, you know, she has an income.

It sounds like she makes baller money as well.

Honestly, very career-driven, like wanting to start start her own consulting business.

You don't do that unless you're kind of career-driven or have a certain skill set.

Like that's not an easy thing to do.

Here's what fucked me up a little bit though in this.

The mother-in-law came back.

One, okay, mama's boy.

Why you'd involve your mother in this marital problem?

Rookie move.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Rookie move.

Seriously, but the mother-in-law said something along the lines of of like, if you don't stay home for the next couple of months, well, what's two months?

I don't understand.

What am I missing here?

What's the difference?

And also, I found that two months, is it a year?

Stay-at-home mom.

They want it to start as two months.

And then once they have her roped in, then it's like, oh, you're a terrible mom.

You're going to leave your baby and go back to work.

Because how many, like, there's certain generations that do believe that where they will mom shame at a mom working.

I can't, I just, I can't believe your generation is doing that, leaving your baby.

I could never leave my baby.

You're going to let someone else raise your child?

How many people have probably heard that?

It's because they're so out of touch with reality on what it takes to actually run a household and the financial tax that it takes on a household to be able to do the things and afford all the things and

pay for a house when you don't make $50,000 a month.

Yeah.

That's insane.

Here's the here's also the thing that I was thinking about.

The only reason that they were like, you should stay home, it's because of, and not have this nanny, basically, is because of financial reasons.

It wasn't any like in the, it's in the best interest of the child, or it's in the best interest of you.

You know, you're working too hard.

You're doing the nights.

You need more rest or blah, blah, blah.

It's, it was not like in anyone's personal best interest.

It was, oh, it's about the money.

Like, that was the only reason that that they gave for her to stay home, right?

Yeah, but the thing is, it's they're all they're already paying for a nanny.

Yeah.

Like, it, no, 100%.

All the reasons have been about the money.

No mention of

no shame, stay home for the baby.

It's all been about the money.

But the thing is, they're already paying for a nanny.

She's just planning on working from home to be there a little bit more for the baby.

But it's like, yes, you're already paying for a nanny right now.

Right.

If you can't afford a nanny, why do you have one right now?

Right.

So

wouldn't you be able to afford a nanny more so when she goes back to work?

Right.

Again, to me, it's really screaming financial abuse, especially because it's like, oh, yeah, put all your money down.

You put 20% down on the house and then stay home and stop.

Strain your savings account.

Is that what it is?

That's what it's giving for me.

The more I think about it, and it's like, there's no mention of prenup, but like, probably wouldn't be mentioned in this post because she's not thinking divorce.

But it's like, is there a prenup?

And what state are they in?

Because even though she's the one that bought the house, if they're in a community property state, he's entitled to half the house regardless of who did the down payment.

It's slimy for me.

Yeah.

Bait and switch.

It's giving Nickelodeon slime covered in it.

Luck.

Top comment on this one.

Do they still do that?

Yeah.

Someone like, I think Katy Perry almost lost an eye or almost like, she got really sprayed in the face.

Hmm.

She did.

No.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

But didn't you see the video?

No.

I'll show you the gif.

We're good.

I believe you.

She went to space, apparently.

Oh, wow.

She, she, like, really, and it was high velocity.

That's very high velocity.

She, I think she did say she almost like lost an eye from the slime.

I hope that was non-toxic.

Top comment on this one.

If he makes 50K a month and you working puts the family in financial crisis, there's a giant line of bullshit.

Is it mom or husband lying?

Maybe he's lost money gambling or doesn't make that much money, or maybe he lied to mom and she's lying to you.

Something's not adding up.

Uh-uh.

But OP does reply.

OP says, our expenses are quite high, to be fair.

House payments are about $14K, full-time nanny, house cleaners once a week, and various expenses like a million baby showers and weddings and birthdays, and we try to be generous.

We also had to furnish the house, which my husband mostly paid for.

I know I come off super privileged, and we are super privileged, which is why I'm not sure if I'm being super entitled.

But I pay hundreds of thousands for our house that I worked hard and saved for.

I wanted a life of balance between work and family and thought thought I paid my fair share for it.

This probably comes off super tone deaf, like, oh, poor you, and your expensive house with your child care and house cleaning, but I'd trade it for a smaller house.

We balance our choice together and freedom to work on my career and family.

Exactly.

I feel like she can do that now.

Right.

If she's not with a weird, controlling partner.

I want to know what else their relationship is like.

Like, how was everything before baby?

What else has changed since baby came along?

Like, is he feeling neglected or,

you know, that he wants her to be home so she pays him more attention?

Like, there's just something more.

There's more of a reason that he's not saying.

I think so, too.

So, someone does reply to that comment, though, and they go, it doesn't really matter how much money or materialistic stuff you have.

Your husband is not a safe, trustful partner.

He is a man that has shown you he is not a safe partner.

The money and stuff only matters if you are willing to stay with him because money and materialistic mean more to you than a safe partner and involved father.

OP responds, I think I really needed to hear this validation.

Thank you.

I told mother-in-law the insults he has said worse than I listed here, and she told me, effectively, I needed to do better, and that he's just stressed and I need to take more off his plate.

That I have it so easy and he works so hard to provide for us.

So, why am I making his life harder?

Of course, he'll get angry with me if I take, take, take, and he has the burden of the family on his shoulders, and I am still here asking for more.

That mother-in-law will never be on your side, ever.

It doesn't matter what you do,

she will never, ever be on OP's side.

She's in love with her son.

I didn't say it.

Simple as that.

So, we do have a little bit of an edit from OK.

I hope this is clear.

We do have a nanny.

I've mentioned this in several comments.

However, I am covering all of the hours outside of the nanny, plus emotional and mental load of parenting.

Given the sleepless nights, I have to use the nanny time to recuperate when I hope to use it to start my business, as we talked about.

Edit number two.

While my job paid well, it would not cover enough of our monthly expenses and it was very demanding, meaning we'd have to hire much more child care, or husband would have to do much more child care if I were to go back.

He believes that puts his business, which pays our monthlies, in jeopardy.

That's why it would create a financial crisis, both if I started a business and if I went back to work.

Because his business pays the monthlies, his ability to work at his best must be prioritized and protected.

But my career is optional.

This is upsetting to me because, in my view, I paid up front, but still am stuck with 100% of the off-hours childcare and not allowed to ask for help.

Payton switch, right?

We've called it that from the start.

Why did he even want a kid?

I know that crossed my mind too.

It was like, it doesn't seem like he wants a family, it seems like he just wants his career.

Also, here's the thing: you don't need a $14,000-a-month house,

$14,000 a month in a mortgage.

About a $1.4 million mortgage.

If not more, it could be two.

Yeah, roughly the house was probably 20% down.

About 1.6 in change.

I mean, I don't know what interest rate they got, but I mean, that is a lot of money.

And it's like, you're putting us in financial crisis.

I think we need to evaluate our monthly expenses then.

I don't need this big house.

I don't need it.

Our friends will understand if we're not quite so generous at the baby showers and the weddings and the et cetera.

What are you giving them?

Three grand?

Like, what does that mean?

How generous are you?

Like, that's insane to me.

A lot of these problems, like, as you were reading them, seemed

very privileged, not taking away from OP's situation,

but they seemed

they're not living in an 850-square-foot house with two kids and two dogs making it work.

No, right, it definitely is a very privileged problem to have, yeah.

But it's still like, even with the privilege,

he's not being a partner.

Like, when is he parenting?

He's not.

Right.

If it's, if it's the kid is with the nanny or the kid is with me and he has no time with the kid,

he's a sperm donor.

He's not a dad.

Yeah.

He's not a parent.

He's not a partner.

He's a sperm donor.

Maybe he watched a lot of social media, saw that the trad wife.

you know, trend was coming around, and maybe he's just old school like that, very traditional.

I think she should get divorced and then have 50-50 custody.

Then he'll have to step up.

Absolutely.

Then he would really learn what it would take, and she'd have a lot more time to do her business.

Then he'd actually, what would happen is he'd really have to pay for a nanny.

Yeah.

I think OP should sell the house, get her hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars back,

split custody, start your business.

Win-win all around.

I'm very surprised in you right now.

Give them the D.

Divorce.

Bringing it back.

I could have swore this was going to be like, you definitely need some therapy.

That's like your go-to.

Sometimes therapy is overrated when you're talking to a brick wall.

Okay.

You can convince yourself all day.

She knows what she wants.

Is couples therapy going to help this guy?

Well, I don't know.

Have you watched the show Couples Therapy?

No.

Nope.

Amazing, amazing show.

And there's one couple on there that actually reminds me of this guy.

And the therapist kind of clocks it and calls him out on it.

And

he is obstinate and just does not change and is not a good partner.

And his wife sticks with him.

And it's why they cycle through.

therapists.

It's a really good show.

Well, it probably boils down to if his firm held held belief is that he is the most important person in the family and it's not his role or his job to do any sort of nurturing, then that is just not on par with what she wants specifically, it seems.

Yeah.

So, yeah, if she doesn't want to be a trad wife, then you shouldn't force anyone to be a trad wife, right?

Being a stay-at-home mom is one of the hardest jobs, I think, that you can sign yourself up for.

Yeah, I think so.

I've got a lot of respect for stay-at-home moms.

If that's what you want to do, fabulous, right?

But also, like, a stay-at-home mom that doesn't want to be a stay-at-home mom is not going to be a great stay-at-home mom, right?

Because it's not what you want for yourself.

No, you can develop a lot of resentment.

I mean, there's so many feelings that can come with that.

So, yeah, she needs to be able to follow her passions and do her consulting business.

And

maybe, maybe if he's not going to change his underlying core beliefs yeah give him the d yeah we'll see uh you guys know where i fall there's so so so many more comments from op if i read them all we would literally be here until tomorrow so the link will be in the description of the video um but yeah op does have one last final edit good thanks for all the comments i've replied to many i'm going to try some of the suggestions offered to get to a better agreement.

I will post an update with how it goes.

All right.

However, here we are, 24 days later.

We have no official update yet.

They're still working on it.

They're still coming up with that new agreement.

Still working on it.

So in three weeks.

Going through the lawyers.

Going through the lawyers.

So we'll have to keep our eyes peeled.

But moving along.

Cheer.

Story number two.

This is coming from our very own Too How Takes subreddit, 18 days old, titled, My Boyfriend slash Baby Daddy, 32 Male, tells me, 27 female, I'm too sensitive about his humor.

Okay, so boyfriend, baby daddy, and I have been together for around six years now, and we have two young boys.

He constantly makes jokes about slash towards me around our kids, and I hate it.

When I have voiced my feelings about this, he's just brushed it off as me being too sensitive.

As an example, yesterday I came out of our room wearing this outfit in the photos.

I just bought the shirt because I recently gained around 20 pounds due to a new medication.

All of my other clothes have been making me feel like a stuffed sausage, so I was feeling pretty good in my new shirt.

When I walked into the living room, he turned to me and said, That shirt is a little small.

I replied, It's just the style.

It's supposed to be a little short.

It's cropped.

He gave me a smarmy smile and said, Eh, it's still a little small.

I then tried to explain that I had just bought the shirt and it was in a larger size, but he cut me off and told me to go deal with my insecurities.

And then turned to our three-year-old and said,

Women, right?

Am I really being too sensitive?

That's That's Christ.

Three-year-old?

Or does this seem as disrespectful as it feels to me?

She's being gaslit.

Also, look at this cute little shirt.

Look at this cute little human being.

You look absolutely amazing.

So cute.

Love the shirt.

You look so good.

Also, blown the fuck away.

Look at this other picture.

I'm like, you're going to show this on the video.

Yes, yes.

You'll see it on the video.

Ma'am,

I wish I looked at this guy.

Like,

he is trying to tear you down.

It is not in your head.

You are being gaslit.

This is not, I wouldn't even call it really cropped, though,

either.

It's great.

It's a really cute shirt.

Great outfit.

It's essentially like a mint green shirt.

Honestly, not even that cropped.

It still goes like below your belly button, has some flowers, cute little flared leggings, just just vibe, absolute vibe.

Did OP call it humor in the beginning?

Uh-huh.

I found nothing funny there.

My dear, it's called insulting.

Insults.

It's not humor.

It's not jokes.

The only thing that, like,

when he went to the three-year-old, women, right?

Like,

that's just rude.

I know.

It's just unacceptable to be teaching your three-year-old that this is how you should be treating women.

That's that's not how you do it.

That's

absolutely uncalled for.

Huge red flag.

Huge red flag.

It's terrible.

Yeah, I cannot believe that.

The entire thing, it's criticisms.

It's not supportive.

It's not funny in the least, even if he thinks it's funny.

And she's not being too sensitive.

It's just hurtful.

And so, yeah, you have a right to feel hurt by your partner calling you.

you know, calling you out like that.

I mean, I don't understand how this was ever supposed to be funny.

No.

Your shirt's a little small.

Is there a joke there?

Is there a joke?

Because I don't, I don't hear one.

You're trying to be a comedian?

Because you're not funny.

No.

Someone give them the hook.

Pull them off.

Terrible.

And I just, I think, as you said, like, you should not be setting this example for your children.

You want your sons to grow up and treat their partners this way?

Because they're learning this is acceptable behavior.

You deserve so much better.

It's not acceptable.

It's insane behavior.

And the fact that he's trying to brush off poking fun at you,

making you insecure,

I don't know how he's trying to brush that off his humor, especially when, like, this is your partner.

You gain some weight because of a new medication.

You've likely confided in him saying, I don't feel good in my own skin.

This medication is making me gain weight.

My other clothes are making me feel like I'm a stuffed sausage.

Like, you're probably relaying this information to him, and he comes at you with,

looks a little small.

Ew,

ew.

Drop him.

Drop him.

I'm going to play devil's advocate.

We just don't move on quite yet.

Can I just, as a stupid man over here, I just, I got to just like throw myself into the fire here just for a moment.

I don't know.

I don't know how you're going to.

Okay.

Let's just play some hypotheticals here, right?

Maybe they're not communicating.

I have some questions.

Would it have been possible for him to like maybe rephrase, like, rather than being so sarcastic, like, hey, babe, I think your shirt might be just a little small for like what we're doing?

But it's not.

And she replied, she said, it's just, she was like, hey, I like this style.

She said, he gave me a swarmy smile and said, eh, still a little small.

I agree.

She looks great.

I know.

I mean, also the word swarmy.

Smarmy.

I love that word.

Smarmy.

I like ingratiating and wheedling in a way that is perceived as insincere or excessive.

Can't you just picture it when someone's like poking fun at you and still like smirking at you?

I agree.

Insincere.

I stand by my original comments, but I just wanted to see.

No.

Not only does she have great

style, she also has a great vocabulary.

So I'm on her side.

Yeah, and I think, you know, there are times when you try something on and you go out and ask for your partner's opinion right hey what do you think of this dress should i wear this tonight do you like this one or do you like this one better but it was so unsolicited and it wasn't anything but negativity it was it was negging it was trying to tear her down and whether it's from his own insecurity and he's trying to tear her down so she doesn't leave him i don't know what, but I don't even think that's the most concerning thing.

I just think the way that you are raising your boys to then go out and treat women in the future is appalling.

Yes.

And as a mother, I would try to remove them from that situation if it's occurring.

Yeah.

Frequently.

It's it's no.

This is not.

This person does not deserve you.

No.

Top comment: you're not being oversensitive.

And fuck anyone that says otherwise.

Your boys are watching and learning.

Don't normalize this behavior.

You deserve better.

They deserve better.

Yes.

Next comment: Down: I literally saw Red reading this post.

What a vile man and a poor excuse for a father.

Not only is he cruel to OP, but he's teaching his sons to be cruel too.

I don't know how she can stand being in the same room as him, to be honest.

OP deserves better, so much better than this.

I hope she takes these comments to heart.

Someone goes, father?

nah, he just provided spermatooza.

Spermatozoa?

Spermatozoa.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Biology degree for the wind.

Yeah.

Somewhere buried deep down in there.

That's a new one for me.

Big word for Elmo.

What?

You want to hear that?

Just trying to see if there's any other comments.

People were saying, like, oh, you can see your gut.

What?

OP responds, you can't even see my gut.

The shirt is barely cropped.

It's not cropped.

Right.

It's honestly not cropped.

No.

I also think the internet is the worst place

because you're going to have the people that are just assholes and just trying to be dicks.

Yeah.

I'm going to say this is not looking

good at all based on the comments.

There is a comment here from OP.

I think think someone was asking, Why are you still with him?

Like, why haven't you tried to leave?

Yeah.

And OP goes, mostly because he and his mother have me pretty much trapped until my parents move closer.

I tried to leave a year or so ago, and they threatened to take my kids from me.

I have nowhere else to go in the state I live in besides our house or my mother-in-law's.

My parents live across the country, so that makes things difficult.

They're moving closer to help soon, though.

See, that makes it really, really really hard.

And if you don't have the financial means to move out and get your own place

and to go through that legal process to fight for your kids, then

you may feel stuck in a situation like this.

What are the legal ramifications as a mother if you were just to hop on a plane with your kids and go to visit your parents and then just never go home?

I think that's like kidnapping.

Yeah.

Is it?

If you're dicey, I'm not about to pretend I'm a lawyer, but I'm not either.

But you could post on legal advice and mention what state you're in and get legal advice, but like not legal advice because it's Reddit.

But yeah, I don't think it would look good, especially if you do try to get full custody.

Right.

Yeah.

I don't think that's allowed.

Are there, I mean, maybe find a place such as

Safe Haven or there are shelter options, I'm sure.

Hopefully, that sucks.

That's a bad, it's a bad spot.

I know.

And it just can get dangerous when people do try to leave bad partners.

I mean,

it

can go very south and it does not always end well.

But luckily, OP does have like a little update here in the comments.

I've made an appointment with a new therapist, and I wrote in on my intake paper that I'm leaving my boyfriend, and I would like help in working through that.

I also spoke with my parents about fast-tracking their move so they're planning on moving closer in the next few months.

Oh, he's a

boyfriend.

No, that's great that her parents are moving closer.

I know.

You know,

sometimes we need those

that support system.

You know, it really does take a village.

How do you move and do this on your own with an abusive partner when you have two littles and you have no money and maybe there's some financial abuse here?

Exactly.

We don't know the context, but OP does say I plan on moving in with them while I get a degree and I'll go from there.

Good for you.

Thank you, THT Sub, for making me realize that I'm not some crazy, sensitive person who needs to get a thicker skin.

I forgot this was your subreddit.

Oh, that's it.

This is my family.

Yay, you guys all helped her.

Know her worth and her value so that she can leave a bad situation and go find someone who's going to be like, girlfriend, that shirt looks amazing on you.

Love it.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Moving on.

All right.

Let's do it.

Okay, this next one is a doozy.

I'm ready.

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Okay, you ready for story number three?

Because I don't know if I am.

I've saved this one for you guys.

I saw it like the day it was posted a little bit ago.

Okay.

And I was just like, there's no one I can have respond to this except you guys.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

I'm worried.

Okay, so this one is two months old, coming from Am I the Asshole?

It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Making My Mother-in-Law Return a Gift She Bought for My Six-Year-Old on Amazon?

To preface, my six, almost seven-year-old daughter has always had a fascination with babies and pregnancy.

When she was as young as two, she used to shove stuffed animals up her shirt and pretend it was a pregnant belly.

She's always pretending her Barbies or other dolls are pregnant, and she always loved playing with baby dolls.

My mother-in-law, who I get along with for the most part, has always spoiled my daughter rotten.

I want my daughter to have a good relationship with her grandparents, but it gives me pause that it seems they let her do whatever she wants when she's over there visiting them.

My daughter recently mentioned she was excited to see her grandmother sometime soon because she's expecting a package mother-in-law ordered for her off of Amazon.

I asked my daughter what she bought her, and my daughter informed me she purchased two fake pregnancy bellies for her to wear.

I don't anticipate that they'd ever let her wear these outside of the house, and this is something that would exclusively be for pretend dress-up play at home.

But I got pretty upset as I don't believe this is an appropriate gift for a six-year-old at all.

I discussed my concerns with my husband, who promptly reached out to his mother to tell her she needed to return the bellies.

Now, mother-in-law is upset because she was just trying to do something nice and thinks we're being harsh.

My daughter is also upset as this is a gift she was looking forward to receiving.

Understand that my daughter has a fascination with pregnancy, which for the record, I've always thought was strange and have not encouraged.

But I don't think her grandparents should necessarily be promoting this interest.

I have always been vocal about not wanting my daughter to watch YouTube, and I don't allow her to watch it at home much, outside of a few things I have personally watched and decided are age appropriate.

I believe her grandmother allows her unlimited access to YouTube and my daughter will watch videos where the main character is pregnant, which is what I think stemmed her fascination with pregnancy in the first place.

I've addressed my concerns with them about my daughter having unfettered access to YouTube, but I don't believe my concerns were taken seriously, and I'm under the impression they've been dishonest about letting her watch whatever she wants.

I'm uncomfortable with them encouraging my six-year-old to pretend she's pregnant, but mother-in-law acts like it's no big deal and that I'm a jerk for perceiving it as weird.

So, am I the asshole?

Yep.

I'm gonna just say it.

Yeah, I think you are.

What?

Yep.

I don't think she's the asshole, but I think that she's fishing for validation that her

opinion that her daughter being fascinated with pregnancy and babies is kind of weird and not something to be kind of even tolerated or certainly not encouraged.

When I think that that's the non-issue.

Whether you think that it's a really cute thing, which I kind of think it's pretty cute that she is so like, oh, you know, pregnancy and babies, you know, it's all about like families and creating a family.

And like at that stage, it's not about the process of becoming pregnant.

That's like, it's that's developmentally, that's not what this kiddo is thinking about.

She's thinking about imaginative play.

It's she's thinking about, oh, my baby brother.

Oh my friend's little baby brother.

I like rocking the baby.

You know, it's nurturing and like I think that it's probably founded in that and very wholesome and not really founded in something that is creepy or weird.

Regardless.

I am baffled right now.

Regardless.

Regardless.

I'll get there.

Mom doesn't think that it's appropriate.

And perhaps

you doing like a realistic baby belly might be taking a little bit too far.

I think,

you know, pillows underneath the shirt or whatever, stuffed animals or even shoving a baby doll up underneath your shirt and being like, mom, I'm pregnant.

That's play.

That's play.

It's imaginative.

It's normal.

I think that that's, that's fine.

So,

but I could absolutely see how a little six-year-old who enjoys that kind of play would be super pumped to be like, I get a realistic realistic belly to wear.

Cool.

I could see how she would be into that.

Yeah.

But if the mom is uncomfortable with the gift, then and she has voiced that to the mother-in-law.

That's the bottom line.

The bottom line is that you, as a mother-in-law, it's your job to be like, Okay, this is your child.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was trying to do a nice thing because I thought, you know, this was her interest.

If you're uncomfortable with it,

I'll return it.

So I don't think she's the asshole.

I don't think the asshole.

But, but I also just in my personal, like, I wouldn't freak out about her daughter being so, I think that she's probably going to be a great nurturer someday.

All right, Matt, you think she's the asshole?

Do you still think she's the asshole?

Or now are you kind of reeling because you're like, oh, the boundaries, just respect the boundaries.

All right.

Well, like, from the boundary standpoint, fine.

You're not the asshole.

You're a mother.

You can

determine whatever you want.

That's about us.

That's your choice.

i think you're fucking ridiculous see i find it just weird why i find it so weird i have a daughter to get a realistic belly for your kids

like honestly what if she wants to wear it out to the grocery store and then you got to deal with that you got to deal with that i assume that it's not this huge belly i'm sure it's one that they actually make for like

play

yeah and you could also make a rule okay this is only for playing at home you don't have to you know kid

here are the bellies sold on amazon for toddler put toddler they don't make toddlers i bet they do i bet they do okay

can can i can i get on there and this is this is pregnant bump belly for kids amazon They don't make them for kids.

I'm going to find them.

Because they're not.

Look, at the end of the day, okay, our daughter has played with dolls since the age of two, and they've had babies, and she's pretended.

I don't know if she's ever really.

She's watched me go through pregnancy.

Yeah, and especially during that time, I think she was very curious about pregnancy.

Absolutely.

It's not this ridiculous thing that shouldn't be, because I think OP said, I think her fascination with pregnancy is odd or.

She alluded to that, said it in so many words.

I've always thought it was strange, and I haven't encouraged it.

Right.

and i don't think you need to discourage it no oh but i i just think i i think buying a realistic bump for a child that's just kind of weird i'm totally down imaginative play and i recognize kids are going to be curious but

i'm thinking of a bump like you know in high school you had to wear one for sex ed you'd throw like the the things over your shoulder and there'd be like a belly here i never had to wear that uh-huh there they exist so

you proctor had a a really, we talked about something else with sex ed, and your high school had a really interesting sex ed class.

I'm just saying they exist.

So I'm just thinking that it's not super like realistic.

I think it's very much innocent.

And if, hey, now you don't have to take your shirt off or lift your shirt up to stuffed animals up your shirt to pretend you're pregnant.

This just made it so much easier to play

mommy and baby.

I'm so curious about this one.

I'm going to have to do a poll for all the parents out there.

Like,

would you,

would you be okay if our mom bought a realistic belly for Eloise and she wanted to wear it around all the time?

Sure, if Eloise was into like playing with dolls like that still,

we're at the age.

I think she still does, but not to the extent.

But I think being imaginative and thinking.

For little girls, it's different.

Like at six, they don't have that full understanding of how it happens.

They're not, at least my kids are not even really asking

how does it happen.

They just know that it happens.

And in their little brains, in their developmental milestones era, they're like, oh, you have a family and mommies have babies.

And once you have the baby, you know, you get to cuddle the baby.

You know, they're not thinking of how the baby really gets there.

And maybe they could abstractly be like, well, how does the baby get there?

And you can be like, well, mommies and daddies really love each other and they decide to have a baby.

And then mommies carry the baby in their tummy.

And, you know, you can be very broad like that.

And that's the level of understanding.

My guess is, like, I'm guessing that this mom is not explaining the birds and the bees for her six-year-old.

Well, this is her aversion to

pregnant, her pretending she's pregnant, right?

She's definitely not exposing her child to inappropriate content yeah well and i i mean there's so many ways you can explain everything to your kid there's a song i saw where it's like some kids have mommies and daddies and some kids have mommies and mommies and it was in the the sound of um

the atoms family i think oh yeah so there's there's so many different ways you can explain it and you know fascination aside I'm not a psychologist, a kid psychologist.

I'd love.

Yeah, let's hear them weigh in on that.

We're going to see in the comments from OP OP if it was truly like a pillow-looking

pregnancy or a hyper-realistic one.

Maybe it changes it for some people.

But I would love for a psychologist to chime in.

Like, hey, is this normal?

Regardless of like pregnant, it's cool to pretend or not.

Right.

I think bottom line, like, no, you're not the asshole, OP.

Like, how you want to raise your kids is your prerogative.

If you want to set that boundary and say, I don't want my daughter to play with that, I think that's within your right as a parent.

I don't think you're the asshole for asking your mother-in-law to return it.

Yeah.

I don't think you're the asshole for asking her to return it.

Those are your boundaries.

They're your boundaries.

I just think that it's

weird that you, yeah.

Yeah.

You think it's weird?

She thinks it's weird.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Overall vote on this one.

Let's see.

What do you think overall vote is?

No, I would guess that people are saying not the asshole because you're the mom and that's the whole deal.

but um, yeah.

Overall vote, not the asshole.

Top comment, your mother-in-law is weird for ordering pregnancy bellies for your elementary schooler to wear.

That's going a bit too far.

However, I was that kid who had a phase where I was obsessed with pregnancy and childbirth and breastfeeding.

My brother was born when I was five, just old enough for my mind to be blown by the process of making a small human.

See, I'm a perfectly well-adjusted adult today, although I honestly do wonder if i should have gone into midwifery as a career lol she probably would have been fabulous at it right like so and some kids are just like very much like into that nurturing like i have my niece who 100 is not like i love her she is so wonderful she has so many like other strengths and interests and whatever but when i had the when the kids were younger she lives right down the road and i asked caitlin caitlin will you please come over and help me watch the kids I will pay you.

I will pay you like whatever you want because I was basically losing my mind with, you know, baby and toddler.

I'm like, please just play with them and entertain them while I clean the house.

And she's like, meh, no, thanks.

I'm not interested.

I don't want to hang out with kids whatsoever.

If Eloise had that same question, she's like, I would do it for free.

My gosh.

She loves it.

She loves.

babies and every kid taking care of little kids.

Yeah.

So to each their own.

This person does go on to say: there is a way to engage your child's curiosity in a healthy way.

Treat it like any other topic of science or biology.

Get her some age-appropriate books about it.

Make sure she knows how pregnancy happens and that it's only a thing grown-ups do.

It's fine to let her indulge her curiosity in learning about it and pretend play is a totally normal part of learning for a kid her age, but she can stick to putting a pillow up her shirt, not an actual pregnancy belly.

There's a line between learning through play and whatever your mother-in-law is doing.

And I just can ask, because

come guy over here, what is the difference between sticking a pillow up there versus

a pillow that has two straps on it that you know goes onto a belly?

I think it would depend if it's truly a pillow-looking thing, because that to me doesn't.

It's a pillow with straps, like overalls, basically.

I'm envisioning a hyper-realistic belly and like a silicone

with a belly button.

Yeah, everything belt.

That's what I'm envisioning.

Isn't it a thing?

I don't know.

I don't know if a psychologist would chime in and say, yeah, like you could be conditioning her in a way or, I don't know, like inappropriately,

I don't know.

I don't, I don't know.

I, I just wouldn't, I would love from a psychology standpoint to be like, what is the line of like healthy or like, no, that's going too far.

And you're removing the innocence of play

and imagination.

And now you're doing something else.

I guess I was not thinking realistic at all.

I'm envisioning hyper-realistic.

You were thinking.

I'm going to send you the photo so people know what I'm talking about.

You're thinking basically a pillow with overall straps is what you were thinking it was.

Yeah.

So I'm envisioning the one that like when you wear it, it's a full silicone sleeve.

And if you put it on with clothes, like you genuinely could look pregnant to some people.

Like the hyper-realistic ones they put in movies.

That's what I was envisioning.

for me that's taking it a bit too far but overall like i agree with her comment no made them so real

for what i think the key to her comment though practice for people

is age appropriate you can describe it and talk about it in an age appropriate way and as long as you're doing that i think you've got your bases covered but yeah if you feel uncomfortable with the toy It's your prerogative to ask the mother-in-law to return it.

Or if it's going to your house, you can just take, kindly take it, and it can disappear.

If it looked like that, I'd have a problem with it.

Okay.

Yeah.

I didn't know they made them like that.

Yeah.

No, they make them like hyper-realistic, whether it's for movies or, you know, people to use in costumes, props, maybe, maybe you have a surrogate and you still want to experience what it might be like to have a belly.

Like, I think they make them for a variety of reasons, but...

That's what I was envisioning.

I'm like, why are you giving a kid a hyper-realistic belly?

Like, what if she brought that that home and then wanted to wear it out?

And it's like one of those things that you have to then fight your six-year-old over.

Like, no, you can't wear your pregnant belly to school.

Like,

that would be a nightmare.

And then you let her wear it to the grocery store to appease her because you can't stop her screaming.

And then you go to the grocery store and people think your six-year-old is pregnant.

That's permissive.

Nope.

It could be a nightmare.

It would be.

Nightmare.

We only have a couple of comments from OP.

Someone asked, is this a special size pregnancy belly that is meant to fit a six-year-old child?

Does such a thing exist?

And OP goes, I wondered the same.

I assumed she found a small one meant for an adult that will probably be oversized for a six-year-old.

I'm hoping they don't manufacture child-sized fake bellies.

I won't be finding out since we instructed her to send them back.

Well, we couldn't find them.

So, no, they don't exist per my Google search.

Yep.

But moving along.

All right.

Moving along.

There will be a poll for this one.

I'm so curious if you guys would have a problem with your in-laws buying your kids a fake belly.

But I think Matt did come.

You've changed your tune.

Change your tune a little bit.

If it's hyper-realistic, no.

Yeah, you have to understand what I was envisioning.

And maybe I think you really should

put it in there so people understand what I was saying.

Yeah.

It needs to be like, no, absolutely not.

We can have three options.

As long as it's Matt's version, a pillow with overall straps.

Yes, if it's realistic, it's fine.

Kids are just pretending.

We'll put all the options up.

There you go.

We shall.

It just like blasted my brain, but

I'm aging myself here.

But 10 things I hate about you.

Yeah.

Keith Ledger.

I love that movie.

Julia Styles.

Yep.

Great.

Do you remember the pregnancy suit?

Oh, yes, I do.

Yes.

Yeah.

But that one had boobs in that.

Did have boobs.

Big floppy.

That would be weird.

Whoa, buddy.

Do you remember that scene?

Yes.

Before she could go out, he made her wear the pregnancy suit to remind her to not get pregnant.

She had to wear that out on dates?

No, no, no, no, no.

Like just around the house.

Before she went out on a date, she had to wear the pregnancy suit.

That's crazy.

What is this?

The 90s?

That's crazy.

The boobs aren't floppy.

They're pretty perky.

Oh.

I mean, they're out there.

Phenomenal movie.

They're out there.

You're right.

I don't know.

Yeah.

They look good.

They look good.

They're pretty positioned.

We've given you a lot to work with here, a lot to edit.

Good luck.

Poor Morgan.

Keeping it all in, guys.

Let's see.

You get this episode.

10 Things I Hate About You.

When she's hanging out with family, here's what you get.

I need to watch that movie.

So good.

You should watch that.

He's a ledger.

I know.

Just so good.

So talented.

Gone before his time.

Yeah.

Sad.

Very, very sad.

Moving along to story number four.

Okay.

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Trigger warning on this next one, you guys.

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So please skip if you can't handle that today.

Thank you.

This

is a little vintage.

This is

five years old now.

Oh.

It is coming from Am I the Asshole entitled, Am I the Asshole for Discouraging My Wife from Getting a Sexy Photo Shoot?

Maybe.

Why would you do that?

Why would you discourage her?

Yeah, it's or why would you have the photo shoot?

Why would you discourage her?

It's probably only going to benefit you.

And her and her self-esteem.

Yeah, 100%.

Yeah, I'm pro-boudour.

Boudoir.

Boudoir.

There you go.

Boudoir.

Boudoir.

Boudoir.

Now you're French.

La flumme.

There you go.

My 29-male wife, 29-female, follows a local photographer on Facebook.

This photographer specializes in taking boudoir photos, tasteful pictures of women not wearing much, but some lingerie or a single article of clothing, such as just a t-shirt.

My wife had previously mentioned that she might be interested in something like this.

When I asked why, she said,

I thought you would like the pictures.

Anyways, the photographer is doing a session of Baudoir photo shoots in a few months, and my wife excitedly asked me if I cared if she signed up.

The fee is $250, which includes hair, makeup, and printed photos along with the photo shoot.

I feel like that's cheap.

That's a really good deal.

That's a good deal.

Go do it.

Sign up.

Now, this is where I'm going to sound like a jerk.

My wife has had major self-esteem issues and disordered eating habits stemming from her self-esteem issues.

I'm afraid if she spends all this money to get pictures done, she's going to be really upset when they don't look like some of the other girls' photos this photographer has on her Facebook page.

And it's going to bring up all those self-esteem issues again.

My wife had our son a few years ago, so her stomach isn't as toned as it used to be.

She's still hanging on to a bit of extra weight from having our baby.

I wouldn't call her fat or anything, but she's definitely going to be disappointed if she spends all this money on what she thinks is going to be amazing pictures.

I told her that the pictures on the photographer's Facebook page were probably of women who hadn't had kids yet.

She got upset and told me that was mean.

I told her maybe if she considered toning up a bit, she would enjoy the photo shoot more.

Guy, you're messing up.

Wow.

Then would be more happy with the end results.

She's been distant since I said that.

No shit, Sherlock.

I'm not trying

to be a dick,

but we have a joint banking account.

That money is my money too.

And I don't want her to spend it on something she's not going to like that could potentially cause her to spiral back into disordered eating.

Am I the asshole for discouraging my wife from paying for these?

Yes.

Yes, you are.

1000%.

You are the asshole.

The thing that's going to send her back into disordered eating is you, you fucking pig.

Yeah, maybe all the comments that you made for, like, up up until this point.

You should consider toning up, and then you'll like the pictures.

You just implied she's got a problem.

You might as well have called her

disgusting,

ugly.

He did.

He did.

That's what he said.

He did.

You heard between the lines.

That's exactly what she heard.

Oh, tone up a bit before you're

valuable enough to take these photos, before you're worthy enough for these photos.

To make it

like

maybe you would feel better if you had toned up no you're being you're dude you're fucked up you done fucked up you just kept it's about it's about him it's not about her at all at this point and let's get real my friend um i was a broke college kid and i spent

loads more money than 250 on more stupider things than like jeans from the buckle photos yeah shit one pair of jeans right there or consider that she has probably spent hours and hours researching this one photographer's website, right?

She has seen probably many, many different kinds of women in many, many different body shapes.

And she's recognized that these women who have different body shapes in these boudoir photos are magic and they're beautiful.

And that probably surprises her because the real people taking these boudoir photos and she probably has recognized herself in some of these other people, which has given her the courage to book this session or to think about booking this session because she thinks that it's probably going to be empowering for her.

Because that's

we have a local boudoir photographer from

a couple of them.

And like I have.

joined their Facebook pages and followed them because they're very much about women empowerment and self-esteem and beauty and finding the beauty in just in each other.

And they're a big proponent of,

you know,

finding the beauty in each person.

Yeah, I honestly feel like that is kind of the goal of these shoots to make people feel as comfortable and sexy in their skin as they can.

Like they know how to position, they know how to pose a arched back on a bench with a I don't know, whatever they wear.

Like they make these photos so good that even if you don't feel 100% secure in your own skin, which news flash asshole, no one does.

No one feels 100%,

at least no one I know.

If you're out there, please correct me.

I'd love to hear how and share your tips.

But a lot of people don't feel confident or,

I don't know, like perfectly comfortable every and every day.

And oh, I'm just so flabbergasted and frustrated.

So it's like this photo could have been that for her.

This could have been a way for her to like have that hot, sexy moment after having a kid, and you just told her she's not good enough for it.

It's also a way for her to go out and get the photos, and obviously, he's going to see them and to then solidify: like, you are attractive, you are worthy of doing this, you are sexy, you're hot, you're damn, this is a celebrate, celebrate her.

You know, I've seen a lot of boudoir, boudar, but

boudoir.

I can't, I can't, I'm struggling with it too.

I've seen a lot of photos of

there are women who are not skinny minis.

You know, they are normal.

Save lives.

I've been saying in the past couple episodes, it keeps coming up.

Yeah, exactly.

And they are very tasteful and good-looking and attractive.

I need to look up some of these photos.

I just think

this guy missed his opportunity.

Can you just imagine if she came to him and I'm guessing she was a little bit vulnerable and being like, oh my gosh, I'm thinking about doing this.

What do you think?

Can you imagine if he would have taken a pause and been like, oh, my goodness, I would love for you to do this.

I can't wait to see your pictures.

You are going to look so beautiful.

I want you to go and spoil yourself.

And actually, you know, why don't you take a little extra money?

And on that day, maybe you get a pedicure beforehand.

You know, like, can you imagine that situation?

If that had gone down, how different your relationship would have been with her following that.

Yeah.

You missed a real good opportunity.

You blew it.

You blew it.

I'm going to throw this out there.

Okay.

As you started to read the story, I was like, ooh, because we had that little combo right in the beginning.

Yeah.

I was about to change my tune when he said that it was a local photographer.

And maybe it was.

I thought that the story was going to go like.

Local people are going to see you in this intimate situation.

And I'm very like, well, connected.

And I wish it would have gone.

Or I'm comfortable with that.

And I'm uncomfortable with that.

Not that at all.

Then I would have been like, all right.

Because, you know, I have seen pictures from the local

places around here that I know people.

And

it feels like you're seeing this person.

When I see those people, I would never bring it up.

I would never say anything.

No, but it does feel so, it feels intimate.

It feels like something like where you're like, right?

But yeah, it's an intimate thing because a lot of people give these photo books to like their husband on their wedding day.

Like some people do this as a very intimate personal gift.

So yeah, I'm like, I'm on Facebook or not Facebook, Google, looking at these pictures.

And a lot of them are super intimate.

People do them like as couples, like when the wife or whoever is pregnant.

Also,

There's a lot of guys on here doing these shoots, and I love that.

I think if you're getting married, you're a guy, do a shoot and give it to your partner.

Like, these are really hot.

These are really hot.

This one, I'm obsessed with.

I want to recreate this one.

There's like a person here.

Where'd it go?

There's a person here standing, like, totally lit from the front, like sun blasting through a window, veil on, and you see like ass.

That's beautiful.

Looks great.

Yep.

But that's the

Right.

Yeah.

But it was not that.

Right.

It wasn't.

Somebody might see you out and be like, I would have preferred that were the problem.

You also don't have to share your photos online.

You know, you could just have you carry private with the photographer and be like, okay, my photos are only mine.

This is

a closed

studio.

Right.

So it can be just for you.

I've known women who do these boudoir sessions literally just for themselves.

Not for their partner, but for themselves to feel good, to feel empowered, to feel beautiful, and to remind themselves that they are worthy.

Yeah.

So I think that's probably what her thing was too.

Top comment on this one.

They quote OP, my wife has had major self-esteem issues and disordered eating habits stemming from her self-esteem issues.

And they go, kudos to her for breaking out of that shell and building the confidence to go through the photo shoot.

And then they quote OP, I told her maybe if she considered toning up a bit, she would enjoy the photo shoot more, then would be more happy with the end results.

She's been distant since I said that.

They go, You don't say

you're the asshole.

Yep.

Someone replies, because the person put you're the asshole, massive, like-sized font.

I've actually, I don't know if I've ever seen it that big on Reddit.

And they go, I completely agree with the gigantic font, you're the asshole.

Next person, max that sucker out.

The The bigger the better.

She wants to get them done.

She has self-esteem issues.

It's OP's job to gush over them and tell her how much he loves them and how good she looks, unless he's just so shallow of a human that would involve lying through his teeth.

You're really picking some stories tonight with a lot of shitty men.

That's what the stories were.

Someone commented here, you're the asshole.

You are personally going to give her an eating disorder again with your attitude.

Right.

Embrace it and tell her how sexy she will look and mean it.

The photographers who specialize in bourdoir photo shoots know how to make a woman look amazing and how to pose them in the most flattering way.

Plus, my understanding of these shoots is that the woman with six-packs abs don't do them because it's not the point for that.

Next one, you're the asshole.

Your wife wants to take these pics for her, she knows what her body looks like.

She lives in it.

Yes.

Yeah.

We do have an edit from OP.

Okay.

Edit.

She's currently probably around 5'1 feet tall, 107 pounds.

Are you kidding me?

So not overweight.

Also, it doesn't matter.

Like, we didn't even need to know those stats, but are you kidding me?

Something's wrong with him.

So not overweight, but I think it would be worth it for her to start eating better and working out more before getting these pictures taken.

This dude is so awful.

He doesn't get it.

Edit number two.

Wow, okay.

I didn't expect to get this much hate.

Oh, he's still just not open to any sort of feedback.

Why post on Reddit?

First of all, it's our

money, all caps.

I wouldn't spend $250 on something without consulting her.

And if she had any doubts, I'd listen to her.

Second, I was never harsh or mean.

We pride ourselves in having a very honest relationship.

What I said was honest.

She's got some extra meat on her from having a baby.

I never said I thought she was unattractive because of it.

I would hate for her to be so excited about these photos only to hate them.

Third, yes, I know her height and weight.

I go to many of her appointments with her.

The stats I gave were from her most recent checkup in August.

Fourth, we've been together 10 years.

Prior to getting pregnant, she was around 95 pounds and was healthy, not starving herself.

This was her post-eating disorder weight, I believe.

So I'm not being a bully by telling her maybe she wants to wait until she loses some of that weight.

12 pounds is the difference here.

This dude sucks.

Also, 107 bones is like,

I'm not a dietitian.

I don't know whatever, but I'm like, that is.

I'm dumbfounded right now.

I'm dumbfounded at how many times he doubled down and tripled down and quadrupled down and still doesn't get it and has zero room for any sort of introspection.

Yeah.

Edit number three.

Okay, so I guess majority wins and I'm the asshole.

For the record, I never told her she has to lose weight.

I told her the photos might look more what she wants to if she does.

Oh,

tomato tomato, bitch.

Also, I used to be very muscular six packs abs when we first started dating.

I'm admittedly slightly softer now than I was back then.

Still muscular, invisible abs, just not as cut as I was in my early 20s.

If someone took professional photos of me bearing it all, I would probably be unsatisfied with them and start being harder on myself.

That's just the way I feel.

This whole thing is about

him.

Sounds like he has some self-esteem issues that he needs to work on.

I was just trying to save her from embarrassment and self-consciousness after seeing the photos because she isn't isn't a skinny toned 21-year-old anymore.

That's all.

He doesn't get it.

He doesn't get it.

He really doesn't get it because he gives another update after this.

Oh, God.

Dear Lord.

I'm scared.

Update.

I thought about what you guys all said and realized I needed to talk to my wife and explain myself.

No,

probably not.

Don't

do it.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

At least not unless you have a licensed counselor sitting between you.

I'm so scared.

I don't even want to read the rest of this.

Go on.

Go on.

I sat her down and said she should get the pictures taken.

She said, no, that's okay.

You're right.

It was a bad idea.

I told her I think she's perfect and I just want her to see herself that way too, and was afraid she was going to be overcritical of herself when she saw the pictures.

She agreed that she probably would be.

And right now, she's not as confident because her words, not mine, she isn't as thin as she used to be.

She said she wants to lose some weight before she gets the pictures taken and she will hold off scheduling until she gets into a gym routine.

I told her I will support her no matter what she decides to do.

And yes, I told her I'm an asshole and I needed to think before I speak.

I'm hoping I didn't trigger her old bad eating habits, but I guess that's a post for a different sub.

You probably did.

You probably did.

I mean, the damage was done.

I don't think that there was anything saving it.

You missed your opportunity.

It could have been really, really great for her.

And

I feel really sad for her.

I do too.

Same.

Just absolute bullshit.

We

never got an update.

He has a lot of other comments here, just basically being like, she's not underweight.

She was healthy at 95 pounds, though.

Maybe according to BMI, she's underweight, but she was eating healthy and working out.

Her doctor was never concerned.

But

I don't know.

This one is like absolutely atrocious to me.

And I think if there's anyone out there that's making these comments to you, you need to run.

Run.

Like if he wouldn't have said anything, she would have gotten that shoot done and probably felt great.

And now she's back on this.

I need to lose weight.

Like and celebrated her post-baby body, which babies change your body.

That's just how it is.

Like her body is not going to be the same.

No, no matter what, No matter what.

She did this miraculous thing and gave birth to this beautiful baby.

Yeah.

Craziness, craziness.

But moving,

moving along.

Here we go.

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So this one is coming from Am I the Asshole?

It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Walking Out of the Hospital After Hearing My Wife's Diagnosis?

Ooh.

I, 33, got a call from the ER on Friday saying that my wife, 32, drove herself there because of searing pelvic pain.

I'm on a business trip until Saturday, but I drive back in time to be there Saturday morning before she woke up.

A while after she wakes up, the doctor comes in.

My wife says to stay with her, so I say okay.

He takes a deep breath and said that from the transvaginal ultrasound and CT scan results, she has ovarian cancer.

My wife starts sobbing, but at first, I stay still because I don't even know what to make of it.

My wife asks what that means for her, and he says that she'll likely at least need a full hysterectomy and they'd have to remove the fallopian tubes as well as the ovaries.

That news jolted me from my chair because the doctor was effectively telling me that she wouldn't be able to have kids after this.

And after years of work, I thought we'd finally have a family.

I'm overwhelmed with emotions of anger, not just anger at the disease, but pent up anger from the fact that I had begged her to have kids since we were 26, but she refused for her career.

And now, instead of becoming a real family, I didn't even know if she would remain the woman that I married, whether the last picture of us together would be the last time I'd remember her looking beautiful, young, and carefree.

Because the wife that was in front of me was already a different person.

My wife started to grab grab my hand and say, we'll fight this and we'll adopt, but I shook my head and turned to walk out the door.

I still had my suitcase in the car, so I drove to a hotel because I didn't know if my wife was going to end up being discharged or what.

At the hotel, I was at least able to get out of a reactive mode, but I was still so disappointed that our dream of a family was over.

I was finally able to get a grasp on all of my emotions and feel more like my normal self in that I knew exactly what I felt about every aspect and how I would react to it from here on out.

I get a call from my mother-in-law saying that if I was at a hotel or wherever else, I should just stay there.

Am I the asshole for walking out?

I admit it was done on impulse, but this diagnosis just sliced my life and my wife's life wide open.

I wasn't going to expel the cancer if I stayed that night, but I did at least make myself aware of my situation.

And I feel I have a right to be angry that my hope of biological kids, the only kind I ever wanted, is rapidly fading away.

Yes, you absolutely are the asshole for abandoning your wife in the moment that she found out that she has a cancer that could kill her.

And I don't know if the medical team was not forthright and did not educate you on the severity of ovarian cancer.

But you first and foremost, beyond any

sort of,

honestly, beyond any sort of grieving for any future family that you could have had, like you're allowed to have those feelings, but have those feelings later.

Your priority should have been your wife and your wife receiving the news that her life,

her living, her being with you and married in order to, you know, let's not even talk about a family was in jeopardy at that moment.

And you abandoned her.

Literally raced out, smacked her hand away, and went to a hotel.

And like, in some of the wording, like, I almost got the feeling like he's blaming her for having cancer.

I know.

And it's about him and his view for his life and his and okay, you know, I understand that you can have some of those feelings and grieve the loss of a future that you may have had later.

Yeah, this is not the time.

Not the time.

Not the time.

You need to put any sort of

selfish, self-serving emotions on the back burner so that you can care for your partner.

I can't believe you abandoned her.

Yes, you're absolutely the asshole.

Should I play devil's advocate?

No.

I'm kidding.

No, absolutely not.

This guy sucks.

This guy sucks.

It's super disappointing.

There's no

devil's advocate.

I agree with 100% everything you said.

People make choices within their relationships, whether you thought you wanted kids at 21 or 26 or 30, and you're just, God, we're just going to work for this one more milestone until we're 32 and then we'll try to have kids.

Or you were a team, you were a partnership, and those are the choices you made together.

And here you are.

And

yeah, you left her to

deal with some really heavy shit

on her own.

And you suck.

Yeah, I mean, I think that's like what's crazy, too.

It's like, he's like, well, I begged her.

And it's like, yeah, you did, but you still then chose to stay and like sign on and wait.

If you wanted kids at 26, you had the option to divorce her and find someone who did want to have kids young and immediately and not focus on a career.

Like, that was a possibility for you, sir.

That is true.

And something I was curious about is: can you potentially freeze eggs?

Could they pursue other options to still have

genetically their two of them kids?

Biologically.

Biological kids, right?

And it might not be possible given ovarian cancer because of the hormones that they need to give you in order to like stimulate your ovaries to produce eggs and follicles.

And so that might not have been an option either.

You know, like sometimes with, for example, testicular cancer.

What if you, dude, got testicular cancer?

Are you going to feel the same way about yourself, right?

Like, put the shoe on the other foot.

What would you want your wife to do?

I know in that situation.

However, a lot of times they preserve sperm in order to, you know, have fertility later on after chemo treatment.

I started holding Amy's hand.

She keeps slamming it on the table.

I'm like, stop.

Oh, sorry.

I thought you were just like, you're going on a tangent.

No, like, I know.

No, I would literally.

I'm sorry.

I distracted her i was holding it just for sound quality friends um but yeah completely agree it's like you are not guaranteed anything in this life except death and taxes That's it.

I had a teacher always say that.

And so it's like you could be faced with that.

I had a friend from high school.

He got testicular cancer right after we graduated, it seemed like he was like 20, 21,

and he was able to freeze stuff.

You can potentially potentially freeze your eggs with ovarian cancer, but yes, it's crucial to discuss this with both your oncologist and a reproductive endocrinologist because of the hormones.

Like, I think it depends.

Totally depends, case by case.

How serious is your cancer?

Is it an immediate, we got to get this out now?

And the hormones are a serious business.

I've got friends going through the egg retrieval process right now, and it's a big deal.

It can take a lot of time.

So, when you have a cancer where time is of the essence, you might not have that luxury.

But he didn't stay to hear any of that.

No.

He doesn't know what's going on.

And he abandoned someone he

supposedly took vows to stand next to, to love, to have, to hold sickness and charity.

And I think honestly with people, like, if you can't sign up for that, why are you getting married?

Like, do you love this person?

Like, what are you doing?

Put your own shit aside.

I get you're scared.

Your feelings, you can have them later.

But right now, you need to buck up and be there.

And what you did was shitty, super selfish, shitty, unbelievable.

Overall, vote, asshole, asshole, yeah.

Top comment as of this point, because the very top has since been deleted.

You're the asshole.

All your wife seems to be is an incubator.

You have no regards for her feelings and abandon her at the worst moment.

You're the asshole.

You're the asshole.

You're the asshole.

The top comment was removed by the moderator for whatever reason.

It did have 53K upvotes at the time.

I feel like it, based on the comment after, had something to do with like, you should go back, grovel, apologize, you're the asshole, something along those lines, right?

Because the next comment down says, he should not go back.

Cancer patients have a better success rate and recovery if they are surrounded by positive influences around them.

My mother had that operation and it took years to heal internally.

This high-stress situation revealed his true character.

And I honestly see no coming back from this.

What's there to excuse?

Sorry that you ruined my hopes of a real child because you got cancer?

I feel less attracted to you because your oven is being ripped out and we can't get a bun in anymore.

Not the positive influence OP's wife needs.

And I doubt he has anything more to offer her than seeing her as a baby maker.

That's the way it feels.

Yeah.

I agree with that comment.

And if he does go back or did,

hopefully he had a completely different story about what he thought he heard and what was transpiring and how he had to go and deal with something completely different than what he explained in this story.

Really trying to look on the bright side here, buddy.

I don't think there's any going back.

Brutal.

Brutal.

All right.

I kind of want to hit him with a baby snowmobile.

We got one in the back.

I know.

Just want to put his face under the tracks.

I'm just kidding.

Violence is never the answer.

This next one involves a little domestic labor.

It is our favorite.

It's coming from Am I the Asshole?

And it's titled, Am I the Asshole for requesting that my wife stop asking me to help with dinner?

Hello, Reddit.

It's me, a throwaway.

So she has a harder time finding this post.

I am 35 male.

My wife, Glenda, is 34 female.

We do not have any children.

I work from home, so I'm usually on dinner duty.

It just makes logical sense because I can defrost and prep while she comes home, and we can eat early so we can sleep early.

The job I had in college meant I was cooking twice a day, so I'm a pretty good short-order cook.

My dinners are not usually elaborate, but they feed us healthily.

My wife has never been big on cheffing, so that task leans on me, which is fine.

She's good at other things.

Here's the conflict.

When she does cook, she constantly asks me questions.

She'll shout from the other room that she needs my help, and it's questions about how much salt to use or whether X or Y is done yet.

So I'm just never off duty for cooking.

I can never take a mental break.

Her argument is: one, cooking makes her anxious, and also two, that I'm just better at cooking, so I really do know better.

And I find it hard to argue with those points, but I just want a mental break some nights.

This empathetic and direct discussion happened last night, and she is mad.

I don't want her to be mad, but I also don't want to be dinner guy until we die.

Am I the asshole?

Why don't you take this one first?

No, you're not an asshole.

I can understand not wanting to be the dinner guy all the time.

I hate cooking.

This would be exhausting.

We

not in the same context, but yesterday

actually had a similar situation.

And

I get anxious when I have to order somebody else's Subway for them.

Oh.

And I have to decide on

what veggies they want

and what sauce they want.

They didn't specify no they don't specify so we've just been married for 10 years and together for 20 years and he knows what kind of veggies i like and if he gets it wrong that's fine too and they had to make sure subs and they have you know hot honey subs i had to make sure the two hooligan kids were not like creating a mess in the gas station and you're not the only one you're not the only one though i had to recently go and get a subway for our general contractor that's working with us yeah and he's like yeah just get me a spicy italian Like, cool, spicy Italian.

Thinking, it doesn't have a sauce.

It's a pre-order.

No, it's not.

Yeah.

It is stressful getting people stuff because you don't know if you're going to get a picky eater and then they're like, I don't want it.

I'm not eating it.

Whatever.

Yeah.

This would drive me a little bonkers.

And I just think that when he is describing chefing, like

cooking things, it's not baking.

So he needs to ensure to his wife that it's okay.

Whatever, however much, like put a dash of salt in, put a tablespoon of salt in,

we'll just roll with it.

It's not baking.

You're not going to fuck it up.

Okay.

If you're cooking a meal, you're fine.

If you're baking a meal and you throw in a pound of baking soda, you're done.

Okay.

It's two totally different things.

Cook away.

Throw some things in it and you can play with it because you're going to cook it again.

Yeah.

You'll be fine.

I agree.

Give the guy a break.

Don't ask him how much salt to put in.

I have two thoughts.

Okay.

First thought is, is it the scenario?

I need a little more information.

Is it the scenario where she just really has never learned how to cook and she's trying her best, but perhaps he's being hyper-critical of the result of her cooking?

Is that the situation?

And has he ever, it sounds like he has, but has he ever really taken the time?

Okay, let me teach you how to make this meal.

Let me teach you how to make this meal.

Let me teach you how to make this meal.

Okay, you're set for three meals.

You got this.

You can take it and you can run.

All right.

Here's the thing.

Or, wait, I'm not done.

Or is this a case of weaponizing competence?

Thank you.

Where she just doesn't want to cook.

And if she like intentionally sabotages it and makes her just miserable every time that he is just going to want to be like just let me do it.

Yeah,

which is the case.

That's what I want to know.

That's what I want to know.

And I'm like, okay, it's, it can be like if they have a closed off kitchen and the rest of the house is kind of far, does she want company in there while she's cooking?

And then she's trying to get them to come in there.

Like, what is this really about?

Because if it's not company or like she doesn't like, you know, being bored in there by herself, like it is weaponizing competence because, and this might be my hot take of of the day.

I don't know.

If roles were reversed and you had a woman writing into Reddit saying, I cook about every meal, and my husband has to cook one meal, but every time he cooks that one meal, he brings me in to ask for help and all this stuff.

People would be being like, not the asshole,

weaponized incompetence.

I feel like they would be very quick to say that, but there's some comments on a lot of this post being like,

Have you taught her how to cook?

Have you, which is not really his responsibility, he could also be like, Hey, honey, I'm gonna eat whatever you make.

Here's a you

not even here's a YouTube video, go just give it a try.

Yeah, I mean, people are being like, This is how it usually feels to be a woman.

Congrats, bud, but that still doesn't make it necessary, like, yeah, okay, that's kind of misogynistic commenter,

but it also, it's like, it, this is their relationship dynamic, this is how it's established.

He cooks, she gets one meal.

All you have to be is like, hey, babe, it doesn't have to be perfect, just cook.

It's no different than like you sending your partner to the grocery store and you have to make them a list, and you have to make them a list with pictures, and you still make them a list, and they call you and say, Hey, what chips do we get?

I don't know, probably the ones we've bought for the past four years.

Same chips, baked lays.

That's what they are.

Why are you calling and asking me?

You know, it's weaponized incompetence.

If you want to talk to me on the phone while you're grocery shopping, just say so.

Right.

If you want me in the kitchen when you're cooking, just tell me.

I'll bring a glass of wine.

It's cool.

But don't pretend like you're bad.

And then I have to do the mental labor of basically cooking.

I don't think it's fair.

I don't think you're the asshole.

Yeah, I don't think he's the asshole.

I said that, right?

He's not the asshole.

That's what you said.

I actually,

prior to starting this house project, I used to cook much more than what Amy ever did.

Yeah, you're excellent chef.

So I she's offended.

Did you just say that was a lie?

Yes.

Since babies came along.

No, you would cook for like when we have people over to our house before we had babies.

And since babies came along, mama is the number one person who is cooking all of the meals.

And it's rare for you.

I do love the cheffing.

He's out there on the Blackstone every time I come to town making that chicken stir.

I know your guests.

This episode theme has turned into family.

The family is fighting.

That's the vibe of this whole episode.

Oh, my God.

Family is fighting.

Top comment on this one, not the asshole.

A 34-year-old woman can learn how to cook.

If she wants to know how much salt to use, she should add the amount she feels is appropriate.

And if it comes out bad, she'll have an idea of what way to adjust it for the next time.

Most cooking is learned through trial and error.

Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Overall vote?

What do you think?

Not the asshole.

Not the asshole.

It was actually an asshole.

What?

I'm just kidding.

Overall vote is not the asshole.

Holy cow, people.

Not the asshole.

Yeah.

Moving on to our very last story.

All right, here we go.

This episode is brought to you by HomoGlow.

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two hot takes.

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I'm going to give you a vote.

You can either vote or

we can let the coin decide.

Choice number one:

Am I the asshole for being in the delivery room while my sister gave birth?

Or option two, I don't know if I should change or keep the baby name after finding husband's affair.

Oh,

I kind of of feel like

we should do both but

those are people are screaming very interesting i hear them

very interesting very interesting topics okay uh the first one i would say probably

not because that's just messed up why do you want to see your sister's vagina

um

you don't but perhaps you want to support your sister doing a very here we go

families fighting.

Here we go.

Find friend.

Moment.

So

this is coming from r/slash dusty thunder.

It's only one day old.

All right.

Titled again.

Am I the asshole for being in the delivery room while my sister gave birth?

I don't think I am, but my girlfriend thinks otherwise.

For some context, I am 27 male.

My girlfriend is 26, and my sister is 30.

About two days ago, my sister called me and told me her water broke.

so I left work and took her to the hospital.

I told my girlfriend and she met us there.

My sister asked me to be in there with her because her husband is deployed and she didn't want to be in there alone.

I obliged and was in there the whole time with her and she gave birth to a healthy baby girl.

My girlfriend thinks it was weird and incestuous that I was with her while she was in such a vulnerable state.

I didn't think it was, and we've been arguing about it for the past two days and I'm getting tired of it.

I think she wanted my sister to ask her instead of me, but we haven't been dating long enough for my sister to feel comfortable while she was in that state.

I keep asking her what the real reason she was upset about, and she won't tell me.

The situation sucks because my sister loves her and wants her to be included in everything.

So, I don't know where this all came from.

I told her that she needs therapy, and very soon.

She is an only child, so I don't think she she understands the bond of siblings.

Am I the asshole?

I got to backtrack on what I had previously said.

I guess if you, you know, don't go below the curtain, it could be a very supportive thing and a very supportive role, regardless of what family member you are to that person.

So in that aspect, you know, husband's deployed.

It's not

giving birth to scary truly is not a sexual thing at all.

It's not

incestuous.

That's big words.

It's a big word.

So,

yeah, no, I think he might be in the clear in that aspect.

If sister didn't have,

you know, other people to support her or felt that this person was the best person to get her through

that ordeal because.

Giving birth is no joke.

I've been there for two of them and

scary.

Yeah, you had you the second one was a little dicey there, Amy.

Got dicey.

Sure was.

But we all made it.

So that was that was good.

I agree with you.

I

understand

how at first glance and at first feeling like your knee-jerk reaction might be like, oh,

that's different.

That's odd.

That's intimate.

I mean, when I

heard the title, I was like, right?

In with your sister?

Right?

Okay.

But like a brother supporting a sister

while she is giving birth, but then you get the context, then you get the context.

She's been deployed.

That's a huge deal.

She needs somebody with her, someone that she knows and trusts.

And actually, I think the reason that the friend gives to argue that he shouldn't be there, her being vulnerable, is the entire reason that he should be there.

He clearly is such a trusted, respected person that she is open to being vulnerable around him and trusts him to take care of her and to advocate for her during this scary, beautiful time of her life.

So, really, what I would say is, it doesn't matter what she thinks, the friend thinks, it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.

If you are okay with it and you were your sister's support person and she's, that's what she wanted.

Yeah.

That's the most important thing.

Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, some people people nowadays will have their dad in the delivery room with them.

I mean, I think you can keep it, you know, you stay up by the head, you hold my hand, you encourage me through breathing.

It's not, you're not seeing anything.

And as you said, Matt, like birth is not sexual.

It's not, it's a

miracle of laugh.

The miracle, the miracle.

But it's just like this beautiful, amazing thing.

I just southern accent comes out of me sometimes.

I was kind of like the miracle.

Miracle and dabedis.

Y'all.

Dabidis.

When I go down south, y'all.

Y'all come down.

It's a good.

It's a good one.

Top comment on this one.

You are not the asshole.

Your sister needed you and you were there for her.

Giving birth is not sexual.

Next comment down, as a mom of three, if my only options for support during labor were my brother or his girlfriend, I'd choose my brother.

Yes.

I'd like to repeat that giving birth is not sexual and my husband agrees.

Next comment down, what perv even even thinks birth is sexual?

Girlfriend is gross.

You know,

again, if you look at my initial reaction to this, I think that you're like, oh, whoa, you're going to have your sibling in the room.

I get where people come from

on that.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, you're a new girlfriend.

What makes you think you'd ever be invited into the room?

Well, that's also true.

It's weird.

That's weird.

That's weird.

That's a weird thought to think it should be you.

You're thinking too highly of yourself in that regard.

I do want to say, I was going to say, like, obviously, like, birth is not sexual at all.

But there's a rumor I see on TikTok all the time that, like, King Louis actually

kind of like had the shift of women going from like.

leaning on a chair or more like on their hands and knees to a supine laying in bed feet in stirrups position because he liked watching his wives and mistresses like give birth.

And that popped into my head.

So I had to Google it.

I was like, do women lie on their backs during birth because of King Louis?

Like, just

to make sure.

Because there are other, probably, more effective methods.

So he did have a preference for observing deliveries while women were lying on their backs.

And it did influence the shift to supine position for childbirth, but it's not the sole reason.

Other factors like medicalization, the use of interventions, and the desire for better fetal monitoring also played a role.

But

he kind of did.

So

influenced it.

Not great.

That's an interesting piece of history that I did not know.

It was on TikTok for a while.

Hmm.

My algorithm.

Clearly.

But last but not least.

All right, here we go.

Coming from our slash relationship advice, five hours old.

I love it.

Brand new.

Hot off the press.

I, 26 female, don't know if I should change or keep the baby name after finding husbands, 29 male, affair.

I'm not exactly sure if this falls in line with relationship advice or not, but I don't know of very many subreddits, so apologies if this is out of left field.

I'm expecting my second baby this summer, and I had a name I absolutely loved picked out.

It's been a name I've had on my mind before even having my first child, who is three now.

We even had a perfect middle name to go with it.

My toddler even calls the baby the name while talking to my belly.

Now I've recently found explicit messages between my husband and a coworker of his, and this has made my life completely implode.

For starters, I don't know if I will even be staying with my husband, despite them both claiming it was never physical and that he has no love for her.

The issue is that her name happens to be the same name I've been wanting to name my daughter.

No.

I've had no other name in my mind because to me, I found the name perfect.

So do I have this name stolen from me like so much in my life right now for my possible only daughter?

Or do I keep it?

I tell myself to be strong and that this was her name before their affair even started and to not let it be taken away.

But on the other hand, will I regret it and only be triggered of the whole thing from now on?

Oof.

Um

gosh, I go ahead.

I honestly think that only she can answer that question for herself because I think that she needs to make that decision of like

exactly what she said.

Nope, this is her name.

It's not gonna, going to, I'm not going to associate it with him and

this act and this affair.

And it's going to be an empowering thing because it was my name to begin with.

What is a chance?

That is a possibility.

Now, if it's me, I would not be able to do that.

I wouldn't be able to either.

And

knowing myself,

I would be thinking about that, at least surrounding her birth, at least surrounding her infancy for i don't know how long so i think you got to know yourself and see what kind of person are you because i've got some friends who are some badass bitches and who are like nope that is my name

and they they would they would sarah they would do it out of spite sarah would be like nope no matter what happened that's my name and she should change her name honestly is what how like it would it would be in her brain right so that's her brain, so she could she could do that.

I could not get past that.

So for me, I would need to

go back to the books and I need to soul search and find something that maybe within this situation is even more beautiful, more perfect.

It'd be the same way.

I wouldn't be able to do it because I think no matter how you end up, like whether you get past this emotional affair and stay with your husband, it's a reminder.

If you divorce, it's a reminder of what you lost and you could resent it.

Like, it's just find a new name.

There's so many beautiful names out there.

Don't do this to yourself.

But here's also the beauty of the whole thing:

is that if you do choose to go with this name or any other name, and maybe

three months.

Well, yeah, no, you pick a name or you go with the name, but I know three or six months down the road.

It's a bad joke.

Okay, I missed it over my head.

Okay, well, anyway, three or six months, however long down the road, you say, I made a bad call.

You can change it.

You can absolutely change it.

Nightmare, payment.

Does everybody know Jen Hamilton?

I follow her on TikTok.

The nurse?

The nurse.

Oh, I love her.

I know.

I love her too.

I think everyone loves her, right?

She's so cute.

There is not a person on this planet who probably doesn't.

Anyway, so she changed her baby's name.

Did she?

Yes, like

I don't remember.

Forgive me for like...

Jenner changed her baby's name.

Oh, really?

I didn't know that.

I don't remember at like what point, but like maybe before the year mark, they like had a beautiful name picked out for this kid and it just did not end up matching this kid's personality.

I saw a video on this.

Yes, yeah.

And so they changed it.

So that's a possibility.

So it's not set in stone.

So

if you pick the wrong thing, it's okay.

Adults changing their name all the time.

Yeah.

How does that work on a like birth certificate?

You just go to the courts and you change the name.

Really?

Yeah, file name.

Name change.

It's a lot of paperwork.

Yeah.

Something I have to do.

Yeah.

So that's.

Yeah.

Kay,

your turn.

Yeah, I think a name.

Just say one.

Say a name.

Clyde.

Got it.

Okay.

I immediately can think of four or five Clydes that I know.

Yeah.

It just brings me right now.

Do you know that many Clydes?

Yeah.

I work with one.

Okay, well, Claude.

Do you know any Claude's?

Claude was just in town last weekend.

I love the name Claude.

I also love the name Frances, and I'm so sad.

It's on my baby name list.

And Lauren just named her fish Frances, and now I can't use it.

I'm like, what would I tell my kid?

Oh, yeah, Frances.

We named you after Auntie Lolo's fish.

So, Eloise?

One of my besties.

Matt and I had picked out the name for Eloise.

And we love her name.

And, but we hadn't told anybody, right?

Like, we kept it a secret until a baby's born, yeah.

Um, and meanwhile, while I'm pregnant, one of my very good friends comes and is like, meet our puppy, Eloise, and she's like, One of my best friends, and I was like, I love that name, it's so good, and you still went with Eloise.

And we, we, so then I turned to Matt after that, I was like, Can we still name her kid Eloise?

I mean, the fish will be dead by the time.

Yes, yeah, fish that don't live that long, I don't think, but They call the dog Ellie, so it all works out.

There you go.

But there you go.

So for me, yeah, a name

just

rolls around to all the other people of that name that I know.

And if you're not in good standing in that name,

yeah, no, I could not name my child after your affair lover or something.

I mean, I love, love, love the name Elizabeth.

And in high school, I had a friend named Elizabeth.

We called her Betsy.

Her name, she went by Betsy.

But then, and Elizabeth was also my high school bully.

So ruined it.

I love that name, but I would never be able to name my kid that because it would, it honestly would remind me of being traumatized.

So I would not be able to do that.

I think there's so many other beautiful names.

And while you might not have considered anything else, now you gotta,

you gotta.

I think the majority of people would be like, you gotta

get back to the drawing board.

Yeah.

And the top comment does say that.

Top comment is: I'd change it.

If it's already on your mind, it will always be on your mind.

Next comment down, yep.

She is already asking this question on Reddit.

Just change it.

One less shit to hunt your brain with.

Okay.

Yeah, Cloud Builder 44.

One less shit.

to haunt your brain with.

That's probably what you meant.

But you said hunt.

Plus, F that B.

You don't want her saying you named your baby after her if she ends up with your husband.

Oh,

I mean, that's a good thing.

Also true.

That's a good thing.

That could happen now.

She could claim that, even if she's completely wrong.

A delusional one would.

Oh, yeah.

She'd spread that rumor around like wild.

She was so obsessed with me.

He loved me.

And she, I could hear.

He didn't love her.

And she's so obsessed.

She even named her baby after me.

Okay, listen, guys.

Even if you're a badass bitch and you could still like get over it, you probably should just go back to the drawing board, pick a new name.

Yeah.

Comment goes on to say, thank God you found out before the baby was born.

Now take your time and find the actual perfect name.

Best of luck to you and congrats on your baby.

What made you think of Claude?

I love the name Claude, also on my baby list.

I know one Claude.

He's not...

Like, he's really just an acquaintance to me.

I love the name Claude.

Yeah, he did come in town last weekend.

I only know one, but very random.

Random.

There are a couple comments from OP.

What do they plan on doing?

A lot of people are like, there's a comment here that says, one, it was physical.

Two, leave the husband.

Three, change the name.

Four, live your best life.

Next comment down.

Five, when your kids ask for a rodent, use the name then.

Next comment down

or a snake.

Wow.

Next comment: I'd name the snake after my ex-husband.

Next comment: don't insult the snake.

But we do have some comments from OP.

When we talked about the fact that a fair partner has the name we were planning on using for our daughter, he said he never associated them together.

That when he hears the name, it wasn't something that made him think of a particular person in a given moment.

That it was more coincidental and only happened because she made him feel wanted when he felt so distant from me.

Bruh.

That's what OP said.

Bruh.

Bruh.

Unfortunately, we bought a house together, so we're staying there but in separate rooms.

I've gathered support as well through my family and therapy.

It's only been a few days, but trying not to drown.

So support is a big thing for me right now.

He's definitely cutting her out of the picture.

ASAP while quitting his job is almost impossible to say the least.

Not working in the same department is already something being looked into.

I told him if and big if I even am going to stay, there's there's no way in hell I can if they're still working together.

I think that's reasonable.

Yeah.

I told him I don't care if he says it wasn't physical, that I want him to get tested.

I'll likely get it done myself.

Yes, you should.

I've started looking at alternatives and seeing how my toddler reacts.

Nothing has felt quite the same.

I've almost felt like I've been mourning the name, but no, I need to get over the grief before I can truly decide.

I appreciate your comment.

That's fair.

My toddler already has my last name.

I never changed mine in the first place.

Always knew I'd keep mine regardless of who I ended up with.

Yeah.

I think she's made her decision.

I think so too.

I think she's going to leave him.

She's going to pick a new name.

They're going to go live happily ever after.

And he is going to

not.

I do.

Now I got a lie on it.

I do think this is so badass of her.

There's a comment here that goes, we had the name picked long before meeting or even knowing a fair partner.

And she is most definitely a horrible person that knew he was married with a second baby on the way.

I confronted her in person the morning after finding out just to get some questions answered and for her to see the person she helped in hurting.

She said it was never physical, only started a little while ago, and that it was on random occasions that they just text.

Again, can't take his or her word for it, but that's what info I was given.

There's almost things in motion to get him out of the same work environment.

Good, good news all around.

Badass

is with it.

If, if I stay big, if, get tested, I have my last name.

I loved my last name too much to ever let a guy think he could change that.

That's one comment.

So, I think she's going to be okay and will come up with a new name.

Yeah.

Situation sucks.

I feel bad

for her.

She doesn't deserve it.

She's worth more than that.

And

her not like him not getting enough attention is never an excuse.

No.

It's not valid.

No.

So we had a roller coaster.

That is a roller today.

Roller coaster.

Yeah.

That was a lot.

Thanks for having us.

Yeah.

Thanks for being here.

Well, actually, you're here.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Thanks for coming to our house.

Coming on over, having supper.

You know, great.

Hanging out.

Where can everyone find you?

How can they listen to your podcast?

Midwest Married podcast on YouTube specifically.

Please like, follow, subscribe.

Okay.

You can find us everywhere else where you listen to your podcast and Instagram.

Midwest Married.

Midwest Married.

It'll be linked in the description, you guys.

Don't worry.

You'll find them.

But thank you guys so much for coming on.

I think, what title comes to mind for you when we think about all the stories we now encountered today?

Men suck.

God, we suck.

But

we had the woman who couldn't cook.

That was like a freebie.

All the other ones, though?

You really did us dirt.

Does it offend?

Do you take it personal when people say all men suck?

No.

Okay.

Would you be offended if the title was putting the Y in X Y?

No.

Okay.

okay, that wouldn't bother me.

I'm not easily offended, I feel like that's okay.

Which is why I can just like run my mouth on here thinking that I won't offend anybody, but

yeah, we'll see.

We'll see if I did offend you on this episode.

I apologize.

I'm so sorry.

And go over to Midwest Married and tell them what you think.

Okay, and this is what it comes down to: is my intent versus the impact.

All right.

My intent was good.

Maybe the impact ended bad, but I intended it to all be good.

And here's what I love about this fine, Matt.

You know, you're open to hearing other points of view, and then you're also open to reconsidering and changing your stance.

You're fluid.

One of the things that I love about you.

Yeah, you're very fluid.

So, wonderful.

Well, everybody, two hot takes.

Thank you for listening.

Like, follow, subscribe.

We got to go eat a pizza now.

All right.

Love you.

Bye.

Until next time.

Bye.

Mama, Papa, my corporate a rimo alarm, and the rope that I understand, I wanted to very peas, very prompt.

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