230: Beyond Embarrassing..

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Speaker 1 Okay, you bucked up? Yep. You're ready?

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you're ready for these ones.

Speaker 2 I think I am. I think when I sit in this chair, it feels like

Speaker 2 it feels like going to the movies. And you kind of get yourself comfy because you know it's going to be a couple hours.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And it's not all that dissimilar to seeing a movie. I mean, you're seeing a bunch of mini-movies in one, I guess, but honestly, it's still kind of the same in a way.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 A little bit of drama.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 A little bit of comedy sometimes.

Speaker 2 Lots of drama. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Lots of ups and downs like a movie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, today's definitely got a lot of ups and downs. The theme I have for you, which who are you down there? Who? Who?

Speaker 2 Who? Who? Where?

Speaker 1 Who are you down there?

Speaker 2 JT.

Speaker 1 We got Justin joining today. Hi, guys.
I'm your host, Morgan. If this is your first time here, and welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes.

Speaker 1 Today's theme.

Speaker 1 Started out kind of being like, don't humble your partner, but now it's kind of like, oh, that's embarrassing your partner, or, oh, that's embarrassing your friend.

Speaker 1 And so it's kind of all these like embarrassing stories. Like, why? Oh, did you need to do that? Or you, okay, you had to do that, but it's just, it's so embarrassing.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I've been embarrassed.

Speaker 1 Have you?

Speaker 2 Yeah. I feel like sometimes, you know, you should not be so embarrassed.
But there's definitely things that I feel anyone would be embarrassed.

Speaker 1 What's something that comes to mind for you?

Speaker 2 I feel like there's different things now that will be embarrassing.

Speaker 2 And I've gotten over the lot of the ones from back in the school days when you trip and you hear people giggle and used to run around the corner in shame and just hope shame.

Speaker 2 Or like when it happens somewhere public and you just walk away really fast, just so you, you know, it never happened. It didn't happen.
Sort of an embarrassment. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Now, I guess it's only embarrassment if you really do something

Speaker 2 and right after

Speaker 2 people are like, oh, I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have done that, which doesn't happen much to me.
I usually think a lot about things I'm going to say or things I do.

Speaker 2 So I'm less regretful, but I feel sometimes regret and embarrassment can be hand in hand.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, we're going to see today. The only thing that comes to mind when I'm like, oh, I've been like thoroughly embarrassed before.

Speaker 1 And obviously there's a lot of them. But the one that really comes to mind is I was out with like classmates from grad school and I had two drinks, like a drink in each hand.

Speaker 1 And this girl pulled down my shirt on me. And I didn't have a bra or anything underneath.

Speaker 1 And I'll never forget that feeling of like literally looking at tables around and like seeing faces just like drop. And I'm just like, fuck.
And I obviously had two drinks in my hand.

Speaker 1 Like, fixing my shirt wasn't an instant, like, pull-up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what sticks with me.

Speaker 2 And that's just such a wrongdoing towards you.

Speaker 2 Yet, you have to be sat with the embarrassment of it.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 I can't think of one.

Speaker 1 Well, we're going to get to them today. So

Speaker 2 probably remind me one. Buckle up, little doggy.

Speaker 2 Situation or another.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, let's dive in. You need to say something after, let's dive in.
Lauren's got her. Let's do it.
What's yours going to be? Yee-haw?

Speaker 2 Gideon? Yeehaw is pretty good. We can have a temporary one for now, but I do want a signature one.
I don't think that's quite it yet.

Speaker 1 So, what is it?

Speaker 2 For today?

Speaker 1 Let's dive in.

Speaker 2 Let her flush.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's do it.

Speaker 1 Before we get into this week's episode with Justin, this episode of Two Out Takes is presented by State Farm. Having the right people in your corner can make all the difference.

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Speaker 1 Like a good neighbor, State Farm is Okay, this first one coming from R slash Am I the Asshole, one day old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Calling My Boyfriend Daddy in front of his mom?

Speaker 1 Hello, Redditors. I, 24 female, and my boyfriend, 28 male, have been together just shy of one year.
Like any ordinary couple, we both have our list of nicknames for each other.

Speaker 1 His range from baby girl, cinnamon bun, cutie pie, and so on. Mine range from baby, booby, handsome, and my personal favorite, daddy.

Speaker 1 Just for reference, before I get into the story, let me mention one thing. My boyfriend's mom, who we live with, calls her husband, my boyfriend's stepdad, poppy in front of us.

Speaker 1 The other day around five-ish, my boyfriend and I are cooking in the kitchen. When we cook, we like to make it fun, so it doesn't feel like a chore.

Speaker 1 So our cooking sessions often involve some light music, dancing, dancing, bad singing, and pecking lips here and there.

Speaker 1 That said, there is a small open sectional wall between the kitchen and living room. While we were cooking, his mom was standing right by that open wall and overheard me call her son Daddy.

Speaker 1 She looked offended and said,

Speaker 1 What did you call him? At first, I thought she was just joking as she is a quite sarcastic lady. But after a few seconds, I realized she was dead serious.

Speaker 1 I looked at her, surprised because I had no clue. She was there the whole time and responded with daddy.
She was in disbelief and told me to never call him that again.

Speaker 1 I had the audacity, as some might say, to respond by saying, How is this any different from you calling your husband Poppy around us?

Speaker 1 My boyfriend's jaw dropped. I think his dogs did too.
She couldn't even look at me at that point.

Speaker 1 It's been two weeks now, and my boyfriend has been begging me to apologize to his mom, but I genuinely don't understand how I'm in the wrong. Redditors, what would you do if you were me?

Speaker 2 I think, you know, it's not my term, but

Speaker 2 to each their own.

Speaker 2 I don't know if it would be outright offensive to anybody. I mean, I guess it is to the mom.
But I'm saying, like,

Speaker 2 it's not necessarily

Speaker 2 a negative term.

Speaker 2 It's just always a bit odd. I don't know.
If I was around a couple saying it, I'm not going to say something about it, but I would definitely talk to you about it. I'd be like, did you hear that?

Speaker 2 Yeah. They clearly, like, if they're doing the mommy-daddy thing, I would bring it up to you in private.
I'm not going to make, you know, I'm not going to make it a thing.

Speaker 1 So do you think asshole, though? Like, do you think she's in the wrong here for using it? Obviously, it's not our cup of tea. We don't use it.
I think thinking about kids, like, okay, maybe someday.

Speaker 1 But is she the asshole in this?

Speaker 2 No, because where I'm getting at is, I'm just surprised the mom said something

Speaker 2 instead of kind of holding it back and then

Speaker 2 talking about it later. What, not maybe not even with her son, but just like,

Speaker 2 huh, okay, guess they're doing that. That's cool.

Speaker 2 Doesn't really affect me in any way, except for, huh?

Speaker 2 Like, I don't know what you really can argue with that. I don't know why it would offend you.
It's just a term you're not going to use, but it's still

Speaker 2 like, what do we mean by that?

Speaker 1 I think it's the sexual implications that daddy has started carrying. I think the internet has kind of ruined daddy.
Yeah. Even like my dad's like, why don't you call me daddy anymore?

Speaker 1 I'm like, because the internet ruined it. So I get where the mom is coming from.
Like, please don't say that in front of me in my home. Like they're also living with his mom.

Speaker 1 So it's kind of like it's her house, her rules. Like you're 24, your boyfriend's 28.
He still lives with his mom. You moved in with his mom.
That's her house. It's kind of a basic respect thing.

Speaker 1 Like, I can imagine if I had a kid and his girlfriend was walking around the house being like, hey, daddy. Like, I don't know how it's being said.

Speaker 1 first of all, but if it's like, hey, daddy, can you grab me the salt?

Speaker 2 But that's

Speaker 2 you almost have to say it the other way.

Speaker 1 I know. It just comes out.
It's just too much. It's too like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 It's like calling someone the wrong name.

Speaker 1 So like, I don't think she was the asshole for initially saying it, but I think she was kind of the asshole for doubling down.

Speaker 1 I think it's fair to ask a question and be like, well, what's the difference between daddy and poppy? And maybe for her, culturally, it is different.

Speaker 1 And you have your boyfriend coming to you and being like, can you please apologize to my mom? Like, just apologize to my mom. And you're not.
You're just like, it's been two weeks.

Speaker 1 You're living with her. Like, that's her house.
Like, there's, there's kind of like a respect thing to just be like,

Speaker 1 we'll use it when you're not around. But, like, yeah, I get it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's just not even to the level of something that needs to be an issue in the you know, bigger picture. This doesn't need to be a defining problem.

Speaker 2 It's just, oh, okay, cool. I think as much as I'm saying I'm surprised the mom said something, I'm just as surprised that the girlfriend said it right there.

Speaker 2 I feel if that was one of our terms, which is still hard for me to get there,

Speaker 2 it wouldn't be one. I mean, I feel like I tend to not even say

Speaker 2 much besides your name or babe around other people. You know, it's just,

Speaker 2 it's something that does go through your head. I think though, like, we've all been around the couple that's like, baby, and then the one's like, baby.

Speaker 2 And it's like, oh my God, who is not annoyed by hearing that all day long?

Speaker 1 I mean, this is their home, though, too. It's just hard that they're living with the mom.
That's where like you kind of get to this hard point with like boundaries of like, and respect.

Speaker 1 It's like, okay, we're both adults. They're obviously having sex under that roof.
So like the mom does have to be kind of realistic in that sense.

Speaker 1 But like, you don't also have to have it like flouted in front of you as a parent. So I think it's just basic respect.
It's not even a respect your elder kind of thing.

Speaker 1 It's just like, hey, she doesn't like it. I'm not going to use it in front of her.
So I think in that regard and kind of like refusing to apologize, I do think asshole on this one.

Speaker 2 I mean, would you liken it to a, you know, someone who's very uncomfortable with swearing or just really doesn't like swearing? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then, you know, it's the same reason you don't go around your grandparents and start spouting off all these swear rates. I mean, some people do, but

Speaker 2 it's that kind of thought. Like, all right, let's just keep this when it's us and when you're not around a certain party.
And now it's been said, we're living in the same place.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you could get to the point where you start thinking, hey, I might have, you know, stayed in the nest a while,

Speaker 2 could fly out.

Speaker 2 But in the meantime, let's make it just a non-issue. There's no reason.

Speaker 1 You can avoid saying daddy.

Speaker 2 Like if you get down to it, yes, freedom of speech. Yes, it's her house, but we don't need to get into this battle.

Speaker 2 Let's just move forward and not blatantly say daddy because clearly there's a Rolodex of other names here.

Speaker 1 Maybe she called her ex-husband daddy. Maybe that was their kink and maybe she doesn't want to be reminded of it.

Speaker 2 Could be.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Like you're not going to die if you don't call your partner daddy in common living spaces.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it just doesn't.

Speaker 1 And until you can get your own place, like that's kind of a respect thing that you guys are going to have to deal with.

Speaker 2 Not a hill to die on. No.

Speaker 1 Top comment. We all know that that word has a sexual connotation.
You're the asshole.

Speaker 1 Based on the comments, I know people are going to downvote and disagree with me, but like nobody wants to hear that. If you're in your own house, sure, go ahead.

Speaker 1 But if you're in his mother's house, then it is not okay.

Speaker 1 I don't know about your boyfriend's mom, but poppy is used in Hispanic culture a lot as a term of endearment. It can be sexual, but not always.

Speaker 1 I've heard moms call their sons that as a term of endearment. I've heard people call their dogs that too.
Next comment down, yeah, you're the asshole.

Speaker 1 I'm sure my son and his girlfriend call each other all kinds of things in private, but in my home and in my hearing, they're respectful.

Speaker 1 And talking back to her like that, whoa, go be grown in your own house.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think it's the instant defensiveness. It could have turned into just a conversation.
But it turned into a battle real quick. Maybe she should start just using the one that was in the list,

Speaker 2 booby.

Speaker 1 Booby, boobies. Booby.
Booby. Hey, booby.
Maybe. Where are you at, booby? Maybe it's Bubby, but it's spelled booby.

Speaker 2 Oh, because I'm like, that's a unique one, too.

Speaker 1 Someone else goes, yes, I'm Mexican. And Poppy and Mommy are definitely terms of endearment.
Most people don't view those terms as sexual.

Speaker 1 I call my nibblings, athletes, and students that, as it's never seen as odd.

Speaker 1 And that's why I was saying, like, I think we don't, like, there was no mention of culture, but like, I was assuming poppy, like, was not

Speaker 1 sexual.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but to me, that that doesn't do that. It's the daddy thing that's become overwhelmingly associated with that.

Speaker 1 I know. And someone does go, daddy is not equal to poppy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So there's that. A lot of people, you're the asshole, you're the asshole.
LOL, you're the asshole. That's her house.

Speaker 1 And I think that's like the kind of like the main point for me. It's like, yeah, you're 24.
Yes, you can kind of be on the same level, but you're in her house.

Speaker 1 It's not really your place to start fighting his mom.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 that's what I got for that one. No comments from OP, no updates.
It's a day old right now. So we'll have to see if we get one.
But moving along.

Speaker 2 Moving along.

Speaker 1 This next one is coming from R/slash Wedding Shaming, three months old, titled, Sister-in-Law Freaks Out on Me because Her Fiancé Tried to Book Me for His Bachelor Party.

Speaker 2 Won't have that issue.

Speaker 1 Too long, didn't read. I'm an exotic dancer.
My sister-in-law's fiancé tried to book me. I declined, and she accused me of trying to sleep with him.

Speaker 1 Potentially not the right sub, since it evolves the bachelor party and not a wedding, but here we are. I'm a part of an exotic dancer group.
We aren't strippers, but pretty close.

Speaker 1 We perform racy group routines to racy songs in as little clothes as possible. We mostly do gentlemen's clubs and bachelor parties.
It's actually how I met my husband.

Speaker 1 We hired him as security after a particularly nasty incident at a club. My husband's family all know what I do for a living and are cool with it.
Mostly.

Speaker 1 My sister-in-law gets pretty catty whenever I'm around her fiancé.

Speaker 2 Whatever.

Speaker 1 A few weeks ago, the fiancé's best man approached me asking if we would perform at his bachelor party.

Speaker 1 He said my sister-in-law would be more comfortable with the entertainment, being people she knows wouldn't try to sleep with her fiancé. I knew this to be bullshit and declined.

Speaker 1 I gave him the contact info for a club we work with that intermediates the booking of its performers.

Speaker 1 The other night, my sister-in-law called me screaming because the best man apparently asked her to ask me to reconsider.

Speaker 1 I guess he couldn't book anyone else due to budget constraints and thought I would do it as a favor.

Speaker 1 She went ballistic, accusing me of trying to sleep with her man, saying I was always flirting with him and trying to use the performance as an excuse to get handsy with him, and threatening to tell my husband that I've been cheating.

Speaker 1 I told my husband when the best man approached me, and he's seen enough of our shows to know that we never get too close to the audience.

Speaker 1 I tried to calmly explain to her that I declined the initial offer, I'll decline any further offer, and that I want nothing to do with her fiancé. I'm happy in my marriage, and my work is just work.

Speaker 1 She barely let me get a word in, and now both me and my husband are uninvited to the wedding. I've messaged all the other girls in my group a warning not to answer a call from her number.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't put it past her to freak out on them too. And my husband called both the best man and the fiancé to tell them off.

Speaker 1 My in-laws have texted me saying they'll talk to my sister-in-law and convince her to let us come, but I honestly didn't even want to go in the first place.

Speaker 1 I'm glad none of them believe this nonsense, but that wedding would be hell for everyone involved if we went.

Speaker 1 This whole situation screams to me that the fiancé thinks I'm hot and wants to get a piece of that without technically cheating.

Speaker 1 He doesn't respect me or sex workers in general and is just generally a creep, which I always got that vibe from him. But this really nails it.
I give this marriage a year at best.

Speaker 2 Dang. Okay.
I didn't.

Speaker 2 I wasn't focused so much on the fiancé. I was focused on sister-in-law because

Speaker 2 it just seems like she's been waiting. You know, it's been a ticking time bomb.
She's been waiting to pounce.

Speaker 2 And this

Speaker 2 just gave her that moment because she fabricated it. I mean, either the best man went and told some story with the, oh, she might do it as a favor and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2 But.

Speaker 1 I don't think so. I think the best man honestly sounds like he's really dumb and stepping completely out of line.
I'm sure the fiancé is talking to the best man being like, she's so chill.

Speaker 1 She's totally going to be down with it. Meanwhile, in his head, thinking his best man isn't dumb enough to go to his future wife and be like, can you convince your sister-in-law to dance for us?

Speaker 1 There's no way. Someone I know personally and have to see at every family holiday party would be the last person I'd want to dance for you.
I'd rather have it be a stranger. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like that's way more comfortable. And it's like, I think the sister-in-law clearly has some insecurities.
I mean, she's accusing her brother's wife of wanting to fuck her husband and fiance.

Speaker 2 And that's always kind of been on the radar.

Speaker 1 It's always been on her radar. To me, it gives, she's really insecure.
She, what did she say here? My sister-in-law gets pretty catty whenever I'm around her fiancé.

Speaker 1 Clearly, clearly worried about him, which maybe there's been issues in the past. She doesn't strike me as someone that's comfortable with having dancers or going to strip clubs or things like that.

Speaker 1 So it's like, why would her fiancé embarrass her this way? The best man, embarrassing, embarrassing reaching out to someone you know like this.

Speaker 2 So that's what I'm trying to figure out is how involved is the fiancé?

Speaker 2 And yes, it would be great to have the context of what his history has been, what the history in the relationship has been, and then also what the history involving the sister-in-law has been as well.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 did it start with something

Speaker 2 he said? Did he make some comment that it kind of spiraled this? Did she get on this train? Because from the moment she saw sister-in-law, she's like, oh, wow, she's a smokeshow.

Speaker 2 So I'm instantly going to be thinking my future husband wants to get with her.

Speaker 2 You know, I want to know where it started from.

Speaker 1 I'm not seeing any comments from OP. There's no update.
Very, very active account, five-year-old account, very active in the Colorado Avalanche, subreddit, Facebook science, bad tattoos. I mean,

Speaker 1 big hockey fan, kind of, kind of all over, posting pictures of her dog. Like, I mean,

Speaker 1 very, very active on Reddit. So it does make me think this is a real account, real story.
But yeah, no other comments.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it really matters how involved he is. Like, it's clear there's a disconnect because I don't think sister-in-law would have freaked out this much.

Speaker 1 I definitely think there was a boundary of no dancers, no strip clubs.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Well, it's hard to imagine she'd be cool with any of that given this.

Speaker 2 But maybe it is kind of similar to me.

Speaker 1 Like, she just doesn't want someone she knows. And the sister-in-law, because of the close proximity and how threatened she is by our OP, her sister-in-law, maybe that's the reason she's freaking out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I just think the context would help shed light on, you know, if we knew where this all started and it has built up from,

Speaker 2 it would help to determine if this

Speaker 2 is just not a good match, if they're just really,

Speaker 2 I don't know, because it seems like we have big trust issues, or is it totally, completely centered on this one person?

Speaker 2 Trust issues regardless, right? But is it overall or is it all concentrated on just her?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's an interesting question.

Speaker 2 And because the intra-family,

Speaker 2 especially involving, because you do have family,

Speaker 2 you know, a lot of times, if you're not doing a combined group trip like we are for Bachelor, Bachelorette. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You take your friends, your close friends, oftentimes siblings, and even sometimes parents will go. You know, if like my friend Mike had his dad there, his dad was along on the whole trip.

Speaker 2 And we didn't do any of the classic strip club, strippers, dances, whatever. So I've never experienced that on any bachelor trip, but I just can't even imagine.
co-mingling that with family.

Speaker 2 Depending on what type of relationship you have with your parent, your parent could be there for that trip. But having one of the performers or someone on the other side be related,

Speaker 2 it just, I don't even know why that would be a thought to begin with. And if fiancé thought that was going to be his way to

Speaker 2 make a move or get close with her or whatever it may be, then that's good. I mean, without thinking it would ever get back?

Speaker 2 How is it never going to get back?

Speaker 1 It's It's just OP is very, very

Speaker 1 open with her husband. Husband works security for the dancing.
Yeah. Maybe not still, but did.

Speaker 1 It's very clear they're open and communicate about everything.

Speaker 2 So I just don't know if it was dumb man of best man or what. But I'm trying, I'm like trying to piece the puzzle together in my mind some way to make it make sense.
It doesn't make sense.

Speaker 2 And I can't figure out a way that it makes sense. It doesn't.

Speaker 2 And I can't find a way that they don't have relationship troubles regardless of not if they do that's why it's just one woman they literally do that's why op is saying i give this marriage a year at best right i mean she would know better than we do because she would have more contacts yeah but she also could be the one that's always

Speaker 2 looked at as the threat and whatever and i would if i was always a threat to someone i'd be like yeah they're doomed too you wouldn't really truly know from the inside but but again if you married to her her brother are a threat right

Speaker 1 i mean it doesn't matter if you're connected and you're the target like that's gonna be a lifelong it's clear like you're kind of the last person

Speaker 1 who would

Speaker 1 go after him worry about all the other people he has access to i'm good girl like she is goofy

Speaker 1 and like to take it out on the sister-in-law like you're embarrassing to uninvite your brother and sister-in-law from your wedding because your fiancé tried to get her as a dancer.

Speaker 1 You're looking the wrong direction. It's embarrassing.

Speaker 2 And it just makes things so complicated going forward.

Speaker 1 I know. I'm really glad the parents are on her side, seemingly, because it could go so south.

Speaker 2 We see the opposite a lot of times. We do.
Even when someone has no legitimate claim to something.

Speaker 1 I know. Crazy.
Tough comment on this one though. My God, what creeps?

Speaker 1 Quote, saying my sister-in-law would be more comfortable with entertainment being people she knows wouldn't try to sleep with her fiancé? How stupid do they think you are?

Speaker 1 In no world is that math mathing.

Speaker 1 Next comment down, sounds like she'd believe every dancer was after her man, even ones they don't know. That sounds like he is quite the prize, ladies.

Speaker 2 It's not all that different than the story with the guy at work who the wife kind of fabricated the whole relationship, and then the woman ended up changing jobs because she was so affected by all of it.

Speaker 2 I don't know if that was Patreon or the last episode, but some I know, some people out there will know it's just like that.

Speaker 2 So, it'd be good to know if there's actually anything that it's based on, but otherwise, it feels baseless.

Speaker 1 I think there's been issues in their relationship in the past. Like, I'm sure he has wandering eyes or whatever.
But, I mean, everyone's kind of in the boat of like the sister-in-law sucking.

Speaker 1 She's 100% the type to put all the blame on the woman when her creep husband cheats and claims he was innocent, but fell into the evil trap through no fault of his own.

Speaker 1 Newsflash, the other dancers wouldn't be trying to sleep with her fiancé unless that was a part of the deal and they were being paid accordingly.

Speaker 2 Wow. Okay.

Speaker 2 We went there.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, yep. Strippers aren't strippers because they want to fuck you.
Right. And I think a lot of people need to get that straight.

Speaker 1 I also wonder if this was a part of trying to embarrass her in a weird way. Like, obviously, not on the sister-in-law's part, but I wonder if the fiancé wanted to, like, almost like,

Speaker 1 you're going to dance for me. Like, I wonder.

Speaker 2 If he looks down upon it.

Speaker 1 Yes. I wonder if he sees it as a lowly job or an embarrassing job.
And that's why he's asking her specifically.

Speaker 1 I'm really curious about this because it, it is so confusing to me how he knows his fiancé. He knows she's not chill and she definitely talks shit about the dancing and her brother's wife at home.

Speaker 1 So for him to kind of go out of his way to have his sister-in-law dance for him, I think there is something else here.

Speaker 1 And I know OP says, like, I think he's just wanting to get a dance for me because he thinks I'm hot. But I do think there's a lot more to this.

Speaker 2 I didn't even think of it from that angle because I didn't, I don't really see it as that.

Speaker 2 I didn't see it as like, oh, he's going to look down.

Speaker 1 And I don't look at it that way, but I'm like, I'm just perplexed why he would be so dumb.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe.

Speaker 2 Maybe. I'm also kind of curious of

Speaker 2 the brothers' opinion on the matter. We haven't heard anything about that.

Speaker 1 Very curious. Very curious.
I'd love an update on this one too, OP.

Speaker 1 Keep us posted.

Speaker 1 I mean, very active on Reddit. Posted a comment 13 hours ago.

Speaker 1 Fingers crossed.

Speaker 1 But okay, moving on to this next one.

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Speaker 1 We've got a couple wedding ones because we are in the thick of wedding planning right now. And

Speaker 1 doing our bachelor, bachelorette trip together this week. We literally leave tomorrow and we're like panic recording a bunch.

Speaker 2 Swimming upstream.

Speaker 1 What does that mean?

Speaker 2 We're just swimming upstream.

Speaker 1 Because it's hard right now.

Speaker 2 Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we got a lot going on. I'm sitting here panicking about my concrete slab getting poured and my barn getting brought in from the omission time.

Speaker 1 It's a hot mess over here.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm filled with stress. It's about to burst out.

Speaker 1 I know, but at least things, no matter how bad they go, will maybe be better than this.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.
That's helpful. Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 1 Okay, this next one is coming from AITAH, 17 days old, titled, Wife Says I Need to Get Over It, but I can't stop obsessing over a prank that ruined my wedding experience and left me furious.

Speaker 1 During the reception, we were all doing the usual wedding games. Eventually, I was told it was time to do the garter removal.

Speaker 1 As everyone gathered around us in the middle of the dance floor, my wife was sitting in a chair, and my friends brought out a blindfold and told me I would be doing the garter removal blindfolded.

Speaker 1 I should have been suspicious at their grins, but I'd had some drinks, wasn't suspecting anything, I put it on and tried to be a good sport about it, as everyone seemed like they were having a great time, myself included.

Speaker 1 As soon as I was blindfolded, however, my wife slipped out of the chair and was replaced by one of my groomsmen. He's a friend of the family I've grown up with, but I would not say we're close.

Speaker 1 Now, I literally cannot stand him, although he's not a bad guy other than my anger at this prank.

Speaker 1 Sitting in the chair in place of my wife, my groomsman was in shorts with a garter around his thigh.

Speaker 1 My wife stood behind him and was talking to me as they walked me over to keep me fooled into thinking it was her.

Speaker 1 On their instructions, I got down on my knees and began to reach for what I thought were my wife's legs. Once I found the leg, I found the garter and began pulling it down.

Speaker 1 But at that moment, I heard my wife saying, With your mouth, with your mouth. So I leaned forward and grasped the garter belt in my mouth to the shrieks and applause of the crowd.

Speaker 1 With the garter in my teeth, I pulled it down his leg, and then my wife actually came around to help me get it over his shoe because it got stuck.

Speaker 1 Once they had the garter, they told me to stand up and take off my blindfold.

Speaker 1 When I did, I was smiling because I thought I'd been a good sport, and everyone was laughing so hard, it seemed like everyone was having a great time.

Speaker 1 But when I took off the blindfold, everyone burst into even louder laughter.

Speaker 1 For a moment, the entire energy of everyone at the wedding was focused on nothing besides laughing at me, at me being the sole butt of the joke.

Speaker 2 It felt awful.

Speaker 1 I was furious. I wanted to say and do a million different things, but I didn't.
For some reason, I just felt that pretending it wasn't a big deal was the best defense.

Speaker 1 That showing anger would be confirming how badly I'd just been humiliated for their delight, and that would have made my humiliation all the worse.

Speaker 1 So I sucked it up, I sleptwalked through the rest of the wedding while doing my best to keep a smile on my face. My wife could tell I was stunned, but she kept on going too.

Speaker 1 She definitely had no idea how badly I was taking it. Everyone was standing around us, and we couldn't talk openly about how I felt.
At least, not without ruining everything.

Speaker 1 And I didn't know whether I wanted to go there after all the effort and money put into the wedding.

Speaker 1 And I kept sucking it up the next day at the brunch and for most of the next week through most of our honeymoon.

Speaker 1 At some point, I told myself that my wife didn't mean to hurt me and there was no reason to ruin her wedding memories by telling her that my experience had been ruined.

Speaker 1 But then, at the end of our honeymoon, I had had a few drinks and I just couldn't help it. And once I started talking to her about it, I just went off.

Speaker 1 I told her it was trashy, that it hurt, if not destroyed, my trust and sense of intimacy towards her. I was harsh and got carried away.

Speaker 1 After at first apologizing a bit, she got upset and left me sitting out there. I think I just kept going because I felt hurt and wanted to maybe make her feel bad as well, to be honest.

Speaker 1 Since then, it's been a difficult subject. I've told her, I don't want to hear about the wedding.
I don't want to write thank you notes, look at pictures.

Speaker 1 If it was tomorrow, I wouldn't make plans to celebrate our anniversary.

Speaker 1 My wife and I have a lot of strengths in our relationship, but I just can't stop thinking about this and the feeling when I took off that blindfold.

Speaker 1 I literally cannot stop my mind from replaying it over and over, and I get mad again every time.

Speaker 1 And perhaps the worst part of it is that it's all recorded. We had a professional photographer shooting a video, and in the video, I see at least four other people recording it on their phones.

Speaker 1 Watching the video, I find myself looking at the laughing faces of family and friends in the video.

Speaker 1 And there's a part of me that I'd never act on that wants nothing more than to punch them all in their faces.

Speaker 1 The fact I know that these videos are out there makes it feel like it's constantly happening to me.

Speaker 1 My wife says that she's sorry, that she thought I would take it better and laugh it off and that I need to move on. I think maybe I am the asshole.

Speaker 1 No good is coming from obsessing over this, but I literally cannot let it go. I find myself coming up with reasons to be angry.

Speaker 1 I tell myself sometimes it was assault because I was tricked into putting my mouth on another man's leg without my consent. But I think that's just rationalizing my anger.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Am I overreacting?

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole for refusing to let it go?

Speaker 2 This one's complex because I don't think you're the asshole for having the feelings you have.

Speaker 2 Because that's, you know, it's hard to know

Speaker 2 with the range, the vast majority of how people would react to this. I know people that would be like, oh,

Speaker 2 no way.

Speaker 2 And then turn to the video professional video care and be like, oh, shoot. Like, people that love a good prank.

Speaker 1 Some people would genuinely be into this. Like, if this was my dad, my dad would genuinely be into this and find it hilarious.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and wouldn't feel embarrassment, wouldn't be angry. Yeah.
But I think it gets down to the core, especially with a wedding.

Speaker 2 Know your partner. Do you really know your partner?

Speaker 2 Because I know with 100% certainty, the last

Speaker 2 time or place I would ever do a prank is at the wedding.

Speaker 2 And like, I wouldn't do pranks in general just because I know you don't like pranks. So I think it's a know your partner.

Speaker 2 I mean, do you guys prank each other all the time and that's your relationship? Are you like those couples on TikTok

Speaker 2 that prank each other constantly and seem to both be thriving with that. Like it just is part of their dynamic.

Speaker 2 If you're not a pranking couple, I find it pretty nuts that there'd be a prank surrounding something so

Speaker 2 and serious is the wrong word, but I don't know.

Speaker 1 Your wedding is such a special day. Like, if you're not a pranking couple, this is a big risk to take.

Speaker 2 You know, I wouldn't love for this to happen, you know, some prank at a wedding, this specific situation.

Speaker 2 I think I would be more on the side that he's on, but I certainly wouldn't hold it in until the end of the honeymoon because I think,

Speaker 2 you know, though I'd probably get through the rest of the wedding and not want to have anyone else but me feel bad about something for the rest of that night,

Speaker 2 I would certainly address it the next day. I would have a clear mind.
I would be on the same page.

Speaker 2 I would do everything I could to go and have the honeymoon that we both wanted, not suffer through it mad and angry the whole time and then towards the end, let it out.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because it's now from her position, she'll look back on that trip and be like,

Speaker 2 you know, I guess I thought I was having, we were having a good time, but clearly he had this in his mind the whole time. So I think kudos for getting through the rest of the wedding because I...

Speaker 2 it's you're surrounded by people you're gonna make you're gonna make it more of a scene you're gonna make it more embarrassing later even though you didn't cause the first thing i've seen a lot of different pranks on

Speaker 2 tick tock from weddings ones that i would say are probably less harmful but still i was even like

Speaker 2 i don't know you're taking such a serious moment and kind of mocking it and ruining it for the real moment like a lot of them they'll have the

Speaker 2 um like a groomsman dress up in like a fake like a wedding dress i saw that they'll tap on the shoulder and they turn around and he turns around with such hope and seriousness and emotion and instantly is just kind of like aha funny but like for me it's it's such a you've you've built this day up you've put so much behind it financially emotionally and just everything that builds up to this day and i just think any sort of prank just feels

Speaker 2 you have to know the person and you have to know that they would be into it otherwise steer clear because what's the what's the point?

Speaker 2 Yeah, everyone had a laugh, but now you have one of the people that the whole day was about who's going to look back on that and that's all they're going to see.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that's kind of the bottom line here. It's like, don't embarrass the person that the party is about.
And I think that's what's so confusing to me about pranks on really important days.

Speaker 1 Why would you take a chance on a wedding, at a baby shower, at a gender reveal, at the birth of a baby, a birthday, anniversary.

Speaker 1 Why would you take a chance on what's supposed to be a big, beautiful, massive, fun celebration, a special moment in time, and ruin it potentially? Why would you risk that?

Speaker 1 And I don't understand why you would want to embarrass your person. I did see that video of like the groomsman in like a dress and the groom turned around.

Speaker 1 And it was like for me, I kind of felt the same way. I was like, damn, he was like probably so excited.

Speaker 1 But you could see the different personalities personalities of the different people it happened to some would be like oh and then they'd tackle him and others would be kind of like haha but but that's like a little bit different of a prank too because it's like it's not embarrassing him it's not in front of everyone it's not in front of everyone like it's also your buddy in address like it's not embarrassing the groom yeah who the day is about and if the bride is into that and that's how she wants to prank him like for a first look kind of prank like if that's your relationship that's your relationship me personally I wouldn't want to do that because I feel like it would then take away from the gravity of our moment.

Speaker 1 It would. Yeah.
So, but that's just me. Like, if you, if you guys, if you guys are funny, haha people and you banter and prank each other, like, that could be really fun and meaningful to you.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to poop in your Cheerios, but like teach their own. But, like, this was like a step so much further.
And he's so entitled to his feelings. I think

Speaker 1 they're feelings that he might need to unpack in therapy because like I get being embarrassed and upset, but like it seems like it's really like it's PTSD now.

Speaker 1 It's genuinely eating at him as a person.

Speaker 1 So much so he's re-watching the video multiple times. Like don't give that experience that much power over you to where you're now traumatized over it.
I know.

Speaker 1 And the point that you're like, you almost sound like you regret your whole wedding. Like if we had an anniversary tomorrow, I wouldn't celebrate it.

Speaker 2 Which I think.

Speaker 2 Ouch. Which I think, you know,

Speaker 2 there's certain people who, when they have emotional conversations stemming from anger, they'll, like they said, I think

Speaker 2 they'll take it a little bit too far and say things they don't necessarily mean to try and drive the knife in and see

Speaker 2 a reaction from someone that you feel like, well, I was hurt this bad, so you need to feel hurt too.

Speaker 2 When in all reality, I think it's just a reconnecting, it's getting a true apology and it's kind of setting the baseline of

Speaker 2 we are not going to do pranks for serious things because that doesn't work for us. And

Speaker 2 it made me feel this way, but I don't think it's worth

Speaker 2 erasing this relationship and marriage over.

Speaker 2 You know, it's a one-off.

Speaker 2 It's not a pattern of

Speaker 2 her hurting your trust in this way.

Speaker 2 But yeah,

Speaker 2 I can sit there and think about the replays going through your mind, having her be the one that's essentially coaching you and guiding you through it because she's talking the whole time.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, and like, imagine flipping the genders. Imagine.
the groom doing this prank on the bride and having the bride run her mouth up one of his groomsmen's legs.

Speaker 1 If you flip the genders, you can really feel how violating it is. And someone comments, like, imagine if the groom was a victim, like the PTSD and anxiety would be overwhelming.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The top comment on this one, my husband played a prank when he took off my garter. He pulled a baby doll out of my dress.
I'm a labor and delivery nurse, so it was genuinely funny.

Speaker 1 It didn't embarrass me, and I actually thought it was cute to incorporate him participating in my job. Everyone laughed, but not at me.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure he was not super comfy about being that intimate in front of everyone, so they gave him the diversion he needed. And I mean, it is kind of weird when you think about it.

Speaker 1 Any pranks shouldn't be used as an excuse to hurt people and then be mad about it. Also, was it her idea or the groomsman?

Speaker 1 Just wondering if she trusted your friend and what you would find funny, which is a great question.

Speaker 1 Great question.

Speaker 1 A lot of comments just be like, no, you're not overreacting.

Speaker 2 I'm really curious if they took it as far as to have that guy shave his legs. I'm very curious.

Speaker 1 Or like, you know, I feel like they went

Speaker 2 through commitment. You would, I feel like you kind of know your person's leg, whether she shaves or doesn't.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But I feel like you would, if she does shave her legs, then I feel like, did he go that far? Because even on the first touch, it would be like, what's happening here?

Speaker 2 You know, instead of getting all the way to that point.

Speaker 1 Maybe, yeah, I could see him shaving or maybe he's just not a hairy dude. There's a comment here.

Speaker 1 To put it bluntly, the reason you can't get over it is because you felt disrespected at an event that's supposed to honor you and your wife and your union, and your wife was behind it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a really bad time to pull a prank and shame on whoever thought it up and thought that was a good idea. Weddings are not there to humiliate the bride and or the groom.

Speaker 1 You need to express to your wife that you feel disrespected in your relationship. You want to feel love and respect from her, just like she wants to feel those from you.

Speaker 1 And you didn't feel either of those when she made you feel like a joke.

Speaker 1 There's a comment here that has a couple awards on it. It's really, really long.

Speaker 1 So I'm not going to read like the full thing, but it just says, this is something I've been thinking about a lot for the last year or so.

Speaker 1 Autonomy and agency are way more vital to the human experience than a lot of people realize.

Speaker 1 Each one of us needs to feel like we matter, that we have a right to exist and thrive for ourselves, not just be background players in the lives of others.

Speaker 1 It's a very poor judgment by everyone involved. I don't think their intention was to traumatize OP like this, but I also don't believe OP's wife is giving this the attention that it deserves.

Speaker 1 In the history of relationships, I doubt that just get over it has ever had the magical powers that its wielders think it does.

Speaker 1 Instead, it acts like a spotlight on the person who says it, revealing that they don't grasp the weight of what they did, either because they are dense, lack empathy, or both.

Speaker 1 OP is going to continue to feel this way until his inner child feels heard because only then can he feel the safety and reassurance needed to heal.

Speaker 1 And that can only come from OP's wife's sincere contrition. If she truly loves him, she'll find it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, imagine someone telling you, just get over it. And you're like, huh, yeah, true.
I'm over it. You're right.
Yeah, makes sense.

Speaker 1 Does not work like that. So we do have an edit.

Speaker 2 An edit.

Speaker 1 Wow. Thank you all for the responses.
I'm digesting, and I have to say, I'm genuinely feeling better just sharing this, even if some of you don't think I'm in the right.

Speaker 1 I'm definitely not as angry as I was when I wrote this, so there's that. Although it does come and go in response to some of the questions.
One, yes, I created this account to share this.

Speaker 1 I'm not AI or a bot. I genuinely don't know what karma farming is, but anyone who wants my karma can have it.
Two, it was the wedding planner who originally proposed the idea.

Speaker 2 The one who knows you the least.

Speaker 2 Literally.

Speaker 1 She had done it at other weddings, apparently, and she coached my wife and friends on how to do it. To drape her dress over his lap and to stand behind him talking to me.

Speaker 1 He was wearing the same groomsman's shirt and coat, but had changed into shorts, a stocking, and flip-flops. So that's why he didn't feel any leg hair.
He had like a full stocking on. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Three, my groomsman is now my brother-in-law because he's married to my wife's older sister. What I meant to say is that he's a good guy.

Speaker 1 We grew up together and I like him, but I didn't consider him a best friend at the time. And now I'm no longer even thinking of him as a friend, in large part because I'm mad at him.

Speaker 1 I don't think there was a reason they picked him other than he's thin like my wife. Four, I believe my wife when she says she thought it would be funny and that I wouldn't mind.

Speaker 1 I just don't think she thought of it from my perspective when it came to concluding this was a funny thing to do. Sometimes I tell myself, this is what I'm mad about.
It keeps changing, really.

Speaker 1 Five, a lot of people asked what I expect my wife to do about it now besides apologize. I don't have a good answer to that and need to think about what that means.

Speaker 1 Six, my favorite comment thus far is a guy who told me to wash the sand out of my vagina. Ha, fair play.

Speaker 2 You're going to have people look at this from all different angles, but, you know, and maybe they're the type of people who would be like, oh, yeah, that would be funny. I'd stand up and own it.

Speaker 2 Like, get over it, whatever.

Speaker 2 But it's also not their day. It's your day.
It's what you and your partner want both.

Speaker 2 And I just, it's interesting that

Speaker 2 she was really thought this was a good idea because I just so clearly know what both of us would want without even asking.

Speaker 1 Even if you're getting this idea from a wedding planner, don't you think you'd like evaluate it against what you know of your partner? And I get like she's saying like, I thought you'd find it funny.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I get it's embarrassing, but like maybe there's like something else here he's not sharing. Either way, I think he's entitled to his feelings.
I think this is a really cruel thing to do.

Speaker 1 As you guys know, I don't like pranks, but

Speaker 1 I am curious, like what more context is behind this one and like why it's hitting so hard.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I feel like the wedding planner, if she's done it on other couples and it's been funny, but like, I don't know. It's quite wild.

Speaker 2 She also may not know. Because no one's, you know, I would say a lot of people would not show that.

Speaker 1 Or tell her. Yeah.
And so that's like, yeah, well, some of the comments say that. They're like, you need to tell her that this was really a negative experience for you.

Speaker 1 Like, she can't keep bringing this up and interjecting this into couples because it would feel like there maybe was some weight behind it.

Speaker 1 If you have this wedding planner who does a bunch of weddings, you don't. It's your, your only wedding, your first wedding.
I guess. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like maybe you're going to be like, oh my God, yeah, people love it. That's hilarious.
Let's do it.

Speaker 1 So you could get lost in that. It's really tough, but that's all we kind of have from OP.

Speaker 1 I don't see any other updates.

Speaker 1 OP does respond to some people. I kind of find it funny.
You're the asshole and whiny. Do your wife a favor and pick up your Prius and leave.
And OP responds, I actually do drive a Prius,

Speaker 1 which just kind of ironic in that.

Speaker 1 OP does have another comment here. Like people are asking, like, what do you want your wife to do besides apologize?

Speaker 1 And that is a good question because, like, you're obviously hurt she's apologized so how do you move past it and i think i think op does need individual therapy like i think there's a lot of big big feelings he needs to unpack here this was traumatic for him it was really you know sad embarrassing all the above but op goes i don't know i think this is why i get so mad about it i don't know what can be done to take away the feeling of taking off the blindfold seeing him instead of her everyone breaking out laughing at me looking up to see her laughing at me realizing I was the butt of the joke, and everyone had been laughing at me instead of along with me the whole time.

Speaker 1 But you're right, what do I want now? I don't know. Maybe there's nothing I want other than to forget about it.

Speaker 1 And when I think about it, part of me wants to be a good sport, and a part of me gets so mad, and I can go either way. I hate it.
OP does say, like, having this conversation on Reddit

Speaker 1 is making them feel better. Like, talking this out is making them feel better.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But this is a really tough one. I'm really curious for an update on this one.
I hope they can make amends and like he can shift his mind a little bit on this and not

Speaker 1 be so

Speaker 1 impacted because like you don't want this to determine your whole future. Like this one little blip in time that like

Speaker 1 doesn't feel like it came from a cruel place. Yeah.
And I know intention is like half the battle with these, but I'd hate to see them get divorced over this when everything else seemed to be so great.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, they had literally just given their vows and, you know, and you kind of, I guess, as a, when you become married, you look at a lot of things that come up as ways to grow and get closer.

Speaker 2 I think you do it in a serious relationship at a certain, at a certain point, too, where, you know, it's not.

Speaker 2 Something happens that's obviously not to the lengths of cheating or something. And it's not your mind goes to, oh, break up the wrong person.
It's more, okay,

Speaker 2 this is a big disconnect. How can we use this to make us stronger? And how can we grow from this? And that's what I see here.
It's like that memory will probably always be there.

Speaker 2 But A, for him, how can we learn to live with it? And B,

Speaker 2 how can he feel that she's heard him?

Speaker 2 has apologized like has been mentioned a bunch of times. And then I think the best thing you can do is just go forward and

Speaker 2 not do any pranks. I mean, because it's going to be a sore spot for a long time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, pranks are kind of off the table with this one for sure.

Speaker 2 So just, I think, just stay true to what's gotten you to this point. You obviously had a reason to get married.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And just keep looking forward because time will help too.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. But okay, moving along.
Let's all keep our eyes peeled for an update on this one. This episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by DiSerono.

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Speaker 1 Okay, so this next one.

Speaker 2 Buckle up.

Speaker 1 I feel like

Speaker 1 everyone kind of knows about this girl because of the viral headlines that have been going around.

Speaker 1 But there's this sex content creator named, I think it's Bonnie Blue.

Speaker 1 And she slept with a thousand guys in a day.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 this has to do with that, which, like,

Speaker 1 this just, that's wow. I think even doctors were coming out being like, you can't do that.
It's not safe for your body.

Speaker 2 It's just, wow.

Speaker 1 It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Heavily Pregnant Friend Her Fiancé Was in a Documentary?

Speaker 2 What documentary?

Speaker 1 Okay, it's currently 4 a.m. and I feel so guilty right now, I can't sleep.

Speaker 1 So myself and a few girlfriends decided to watch a documentary that's been trending not gonna lie i was expecting a documentary showing a human side of a certain person but yeah as anyone who has watched the documentary knows what it was on to the issue my friend's fiancé was one of the 1000 and i wasn't the first person to notice Two other friends were first to notice.

Speaker 1 I didn't believe it at first, but with a second watch, it was definitely him. Even though his face was covered, the body shape and especially the tattoos were undeniable.

Speaker 1 We debated until the early hours of the morning if we should tell her or wait because she's eight months pregnant. But in my opinion, if someone cheats like that, it's not their first time.

Speaker 1 And I would rather lose her friendship for telling her straight away than her finding out I knew and hid it.

Speaker 1 Because let's be real, when you tell someone news like that, there's a huge chance they'll hate you and not the cheater.

Speaker 1 So, this Sunday morning, I asked my friend to meet up to talk. I showed her the evidence, and the minute she looked at the picture, she knew it was him and broke down.

Speaker 1 I expected her to be angry at me, but she thanked me for being honest, as multiple people have hinted that she should watch the documentary instead of being upfront like I was.

Speaker 1 I ended up driving her to her mom's house.

Speaker 1 I'm guessing she told her fiancé I told her because he's been blowing up my phone, calling me an evil little home homewrecker who ruined not only his life and calling me out on social media for trying to ruin his relationship and wanting his unborn daughter to grow up without a dad.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because she did that.

Speaker 1 My friends are angry with me for telling her straight away and not waiting until she had the baby in case the stress would cause issues to her health.

Speaker 1 I don't give two shits if I'm being honest about her fiancé, but I feel so bad about putting my friend in this situation while heavily pregnant.

Speaker 1 And I'm worried if something does happen to her, it will be my fault. Like maybe she would have watched it herself and found out on her own.

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole for telling my pregnant friend her fianc was in a documentary?

Speaker 1 One,

Speaker 1 I think she should know that her fiancé cheated on her immediately with,

Speaker 1 I don't know what order he was in. I don't know how safe they were.
What if condoms broke and they didn't show it? Was he number one or was he number 999 out of a thousand people before him?

Speaker 1 Like she should know because if they're still being intimate or had been intimate after, what if she has necessary?

Speaker 2 Of course they've been. 100%.

Speaker 1 That's probably more dangerous to a baby than stress.

Speaker 2 Like, maybe, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Just what?

Speaker 1 What? What delusional? What an embarrassment. What?

Speaker 2 What the hell?

Speaker 1 What the hell?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I just, it's actually unbelievable. Yeah, obviously that he went, but that he was in the documentary.

Speaker 1 I literally, this is so crazy. And I don't know if this was a fucking skit, but I saw a couple on TikTok fighting because her boyfriend got a ticket to Bonnie Blue.

Speaker 1 And I, because I think she gave out tickets or something. I don't know how she did it.
Okay. But like her boyfriend got a ticket to Bonnie Blue or got invited to be a part of this 1,000

Speaker 1 sex in a day experience. I wonder what everyone in the comments were like, you mean ex-boyfriend? Like, girl, what? Yeah.
And he was like, this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 I mean, are guys like seeing this as not cheating because it's set up to be such an event and a thing that, oh, it's not cheating?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like, I'm not sneaking off with some woman that I'm going to see all the time. It's just this one time.
Like, what? How is this being rationalized? I don't know.

Speaker 2 But the fiancé also,

Speaker 2 you know, I guess we're not super shocked that he's lashing out at the friend saying you ruined because he's now sitting there and with his whole life in pieces. He knows he did it to himself.

Speaker 2 He knows. You have to know.

Speaker 1 No, I think he's a self-centered piece of shit.

Speaker 2 100%. For exposing something you did wrong.

Speaker 1 Literally, so that's where I'd pop off. You're going to call me out on social media for being a little homewrecker.
Guess what? Screenshots of you.

Speaker 2 You can play that game.

Speaker 1 Screenshots of you in that documentary are going up, and people are going to see exactly what you did to your pregnant fiancé. You want to mess with the bull?

Speaker 1 You're going to get the horns straight up the ass.

Speaker 1 I don't understand how he has the audacity to play with this fire and not expect to be burned.

Speaker 2 I don't know. It doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 I'm so perplexed. So perplexed.

Speaker 2 It's almost like, you remember when the Ashley Madison list came out?

Speaker 1 Oh my God, yes.

Speaker 2 It's almost like this list will come out. Like, who was on the Bonnie Blue list? Who showed up? Because how many married or fiancéed people are in that engaged, in that line? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or boyfriends, all alike, you know? But the other side of this that's interesting is whether or not to tell her. And I think my gut.
was aligned with OPs and saying you should, but I'm also very,

Speaker 2 very unfamiliar and have no knowledge of how certain things can affect someone that's in late stages of pregnancy.

Speaker 2 I don't have that knowledge, but now that you've done it, we can't undo it, she knows. I think the best course of action going forward is

Speaker 2 to go above and beyond, to spend time with her, watch movies with her. go kind of fulfill

Speaker 2 not the boyfriend role, but fulfill

Speaker 2 fill a place, a void in her life to be there. So she's not alone stirring on this.

Speaker 2 So she's not alone thinking, constantly, you know, getting super stressed, super anxious about, wow, I'm about to have this child. And,

Speaker 2 you know, at this point, probably wants nothing to do with the fiancé.

Speaker 2 And I thought I was going to get married, thought we're going to have this family. Because you're the one that told her, I would be the one who's also

Speaker 2 there to support as much as I possibly can. You know, the same reason you wanted to be a good friend and tell her,

Speaker 2 be a good friend and step up when she really needs you now. And I think that that's not too big of an ask.

Speaker 2 And I think that'll also maybe make you feel better with all the stress you're having now about, oh my God, should I not have told her? Cause all the comments are saying, or all the people

Speaker 2 have been saying, I shouldn't have told her. You should have waited.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I will say, like, STIs, STDs, like can significantly impact pregnancy and the health of a baby a lot of them like hiv syphilis hep b can be passed from mother to baby during pregnancy at delivery through breastfeeding yeah i mean like

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 should know as soon as possible like it doesn't matter if i was if i was seven months six months i could be ready to pop i would want to know as soon as you know sure and i do think it's kind of pathetic that people are like You should watch the documentary.

Speaker 1 You should watch it. You should watch it.
Like multiple people, like, just tell me. Yeah.
Just tell me.

Speaker 1 I feel like if I watched it and then discovered it, I'd be like, well, why didn't you just tell me? You knew.

Speaker 1 Like, why'd you want to set me up like that? Rather than making sure I'm in the right headspace and just tell me.

Speaker 1 I find it goofy. So I have my comments sorted by best.
The top. doesn't really even address OP.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 So someone goes, you wrote, I'd rather lose her friendship for telling her straight away than her finding out I knew and hid it.

Speaker 1 And I expected her to be angry at me, but she thanked me for being honest. So why does anyone else's opinion matter?

Speaker 1 Well, P responds, our friend group are afraid that the stress would harm her as she has head issues during the pregnancy and suffers from panic attacks.

Speaker 1 And if anything were to happen to her or the baby, I'd never forgive myself. And this is somehow worse than encouraging her to watch it by herself without any support while she's pregnant.

Speaker 2 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 Literally did not read that, but that's what I was envisioning.

Speaker 1 Like, imagine her watching this by herself with a fucking bag of popcorn next to her, just expecting to like watch a documentary because multiple people are telling her and maybe it's interesting and good and she should watch it.

Speaker 1 And then bam, she sees her fiancé.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's why I think OP is the true friend who has her back. Yeah.
Because it's kind of like you wouldn't want someone to walk around the corner and see something horrific, no matter what. Like,

Speaker 2 it's like oh you don't want to this blah blah blah like i wouldn't even want her to watch it and have to go through it like that that's terrible

Speaker 1 so someone just says here just to be clear since op wasn't the dude was in a porn video banging a random chick with 999 other guys apparently while already with his fiancé i'm pretty sure this is cut and dry lol and op does respond Edit, people were saying I was very vague in the post, but I didn't know if saying the name of the documentary was against the rules and I didn't want to give too much information away for my friend's sake.

Speaker 1 I'll edit the post later when I've gotten some sleep and my anxiety isn't as bad. He was a part of the 1,000 Bonnie Blue lineup in January.

Speaker 1 They got engaged on Christmas Day, and my friend would have found out around January she was pregnant. She didn't tell us until she was three months pregnant.

Speaker 2 Dang. And how old is the post? Did you say?

Speaker 1 Post is.

Speaker 2 Because she's eight months later, right?

Speaker 1 I mean, the post is from August 3rd, just a couple days ago.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 the the he was in line at this thing doing this.

Speaker 1 Literally got engaged.

Speaker 2 A week.

Speaker 1 Fucked Bonnie Blue, got his girlfriend pregnant same, same week, maybe.

Speaker 1 It could have been same same weekend.

Speaker 2 Dang.

Speaker 2 And it's been that long.

Speaker 2 Wow. Because I guess they had to make this documentary or porn video or whatever it is.
I can't really tell at this point.

Speaker 2 I didn't even know there was a documentary, but it took time to make that and now it came out. And that's why I wonder who noticed first? One of the friends.

Speaker 1 I like want to watch it now to see like how recognizable people are. Like I'm so curious.
Like, I'm going to find him in it. I'm going to verify the tattoos exist.

Speaker 2 We're going to have to go. I've talked a lot about people with tattoos.

Speaker 1 But I'm like, oh, I don't want to engage with that.

Speaker 1 Someone does go not the asshole. But I got to ask, was he in a porno or are pornos now being called documentaries? Right.
The Bonnie Blue documentary, documentary, it's basically a porno.

Speaker 1 We literally thought it was going to show a human side to her or anything else than whatever that documentary was.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 And people are just like, Yeah, I was expecting to see some human side of it, like kind of more analyzed, like why she did it, but I guess it's literally just

Speaker 2 that. I don't know.
Matter of fact, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I wonder, I'm like, can I find a picture of the guy with tattoos without watching watching it?

Speaker 1 I'm just like, how recognizable were the tattoos? That, like, literally, that's how you found out. I'm just, I'm so, I'm so curious.
But that's besides the point because you know why?

Speaker 1 Huh. We have an update.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Just a baby. Oh, can I say what I would have done? What? I would have put on, I would have said, hey, glad you're home.
All my friends have been telling me about this.

Speaker 2 We got to sit down and watch this

Speaker 2 and see how he reacts. reacts.

Speaker 1 You've been like, No,

Speaker 1 that is gold. No, not I know it.

Speaker 2 That is gold.

Speaker 1 The only update: my friend's fiancé wasn't the only one of our partners to do the lineup. My boyfriend of three years was one.
So, another friend's husband's two hours ago.

Speaker 1 He posted screenshots of a group chat and photographic receipts no one could deny.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 oh my god, it's all of them. They're all going through it together.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 Hey guys, I got an idea of what we should go do.

Speaker 2 I have to.

Speaker 1 My friend's fiancé wasn't the only one of our partners to do the lineup. My boyfriend of three years was one.

Speaker 1 So was another friend's husband.

Speaker 1 Your whole...

Speaker 2 Are the

Speaker 1 he posted screenshots of a group chat and photographic receipts no one could deny. Other men in relationships are involved.
He said in the caption, quote, I wasn't the only one there. Tags me.

Speaker 1 Maybe check your own man before coming from my relationship. Tags five other women.

Speaker 1 He is going out. If he's going down, he's taking everyone out with him.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 1 I'm not taking the blame alone and being seen as the bad guy while tags the men did the same.

Speaker 1 There was a lot more said, but I stopped reading and just deleted my social media account and then blocked my now ex.

Speaker 1 I don't want to hear his explanation. I feel so humiliated and physically sick.
I don't know how I'm going to face the coworkers or clients at work tomorrow. I wish I could just disappear.

Speaker 1 My phone is going crazy, so I'm going to turn it off, go for a long shower, and then see if I can get any sleep for what I'm sure will be hell tomorrow.

Speaker 2 Tough to lose a three-year relationship, yes, but you are on the good side of this. You didn't go cheat.

Speaker 2 There's not much people can say.

Speaker 2 How much can people really wrong you and make you feel embarrassed for your partner going and doing this? You don't control them. You don't have control over that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, people are going to be like, oh my God, like, can you believe this? But it'll die out. You just got to get through it.
I think the worst part.

Speaker 2 is that you lost the three-year relationship, but the best part is that you lost the three-year relationship with someone that is not your person. So it's like,

Speaker 2 I get the shock and, you know, the humiliation you must feel, but I really don't think in the end you have anything to be ashamed about because you did nothing wrong. But wow, did not see that coming.

Speaker 2 You thought you were just helping out a friend. And meanwhile,

Speaker 2 it's all you. You kind of helped.
the whole circle of gals here.

Speaker 1 It's insane. It's absolutely insane.

Speaker 2 Because you had the guts to actually say something.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then in turn, you found out who you were actually with, which, like, does this suck? Is it painful? It's horrendous.
It's so hard. It's miserable, brutal, heartbreaking.
I'll tell you later.

Speaker 1 Three is a long time, but thank God you found out before you got married. Now you can go get yourself tested.
Like,

Speaker 1 it's just insane. So we do have a little bit of a note here.
Again, people are just like, how does this work?

Speaker 1 So these men go into a room where there are five cameras all set up to record and thought a balaclava, like a ski mask, would prevent positive ID, along with the caveat, they had to agree and allow themselves to be filmed because it was going to be public.

Speaker 1 If you want a brief thing about this, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 To really sum it up, how this is for those that don't want to click the link, seven men ruined their relationship for 45 seconds of sex. They got to stick it in, pump a few times, and then leave.

Speaker 1 And if you read the article, it's from the tab titled The Niche Logistic Details of How Bonnie Blue Managed to Sleep with 1,057 Men in 12 Hours.

Speaker 2 Daniel, quite at a thousand.

Speaker 1 What is the math on that?

Speaker 1 How many it's probably about

Speaker 1 one a minute?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a little less.

Speaker 2 What? Probably closer. It's probably the 30 to 45 seconds.

Speaker 1 12 hours times 60 minutes an hour, 720 minutes divided by 1,057 men.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like 48.

Speaker 1 60.68 of a minute.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 so it's, you know, it's 40 seconds a person.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 40 seconds a person.

Speaker 2 But not even like, you got to think about, you know,

Speaker 2 see, I also don't understand why anyone would want to do this because you're here. There's a line of guys behind you because you, you can't take a lot of time switching.

Speaker 2 Not to get graphic, but you can't.

Speaker 2 The transition's got to be pretty quick. So you're talking less than that.

Speaker 2 And in front of five cameras with five people standing around operating those cameras and a bunch of dudes in line getting ready behind you and you were just in line watching this happen does that really get you going are you really like wow i love all these guys watching me and i just watched them like 50 people in front of me i think it's just a flex like i think it's a she's one of the biggest OnlyFans creators.

Speaker 1 Like, I think it's just a flex. Like, this is kind of how it went.
Like, she shared her location live in London and handed out free ski masks and condoms.

Speaker 1 She invited people on Twitter, bring your friends, your family, your neighbors. She shared her location throughout the day and posted updates about how many men were in the queue.

Speaker 1 The event required 16 members of staff. There was a complex one-way system floor plan to get so many men to her.

Speaker 1 A whole floor was turned into a nightclub so people wouldn't get bored waiting, didn't use a bed,

Speaker 1 they could sleep with her alone or choose to join a group of five.

Speaker 1 What

Speaker 2 didn't use a

Speaker 2 are you not using some sort of bed-like thing? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I've already learned too much.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 What are you on the on the floor?

Speaker 1 Maybe a massage table. I was envisioning a massage table easy to clean.

Speaker 2 You don't need to, whatever this is, you don't need to clean it. Just throw it away.
You know what I'm saying? Like,

Speaker 2 use a bed. I don't know.
It's not the point. It's not the point.

Speaker 1 This post is now eight days old.

Speaker 1 We don't have any other comments or updates since then, but I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Like, this would be,

Speaker 1 this would be devastating to find out about a long-term partner and someone you just loved so deeply. I mean, three years is a decent chunk of change.

Speaker 2 Gotta say, though, this one goes into the record books. I mean, from start to finish, you find your super pregnant friend's husband or fiancé doing this.
Then you find out the whole circle is in.

Speaker 1 I mean, multiple guys.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 1 Multiple of your friend group. At least you can kind of go through it together.

Speaker 2 Like that. You can all go support her now.
Everyone can go over for movie nights.

Speaker 1 I mean, OP needs help too. But yeah, I mean,

Speaker 2 we all like mutually do this together, especially with eight months long.

Speaker 2 This is actually, this is good. Because,

Speaker 2 yes, it sucks, but this is actually a very good situation because you all found out. Hopefully there's no

Speaker 2 none of that going on.

Speaker 1 I mean, it sounds like they used condoms. I mean,

Speaker 1 God, you hope everything worked and nothing broke and yay all around.

Speaker 2 But like.

Speaker 1 I think someone said in the comments, like, get tested because if he cheated on you with Bonnie Blue and a thousand dudes, like,

Speaker 1 this probably isn't the first time.

Speaker 1 Like, you don't go from loving, supportive partner, having a baby with your fiancé to I'm gonna go sleep with Bonnie Blue, unless some people just did it because it was that easy.

Speaker 1 I mean, it doesn't sound easy, sounds like there was a lot of people waiting in the queue, right? But I'm saying the accessibility was this is crazy, it is a thousand 57 people in a day.

Speaker 2 What's up? Why the extra 57? All right, okay.

Speaker 1 She really, I don't know, how to get the record, I guess.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Yep. Moving along.

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Speaker 1 You actually found this one last night and you were reading it to me and I'm like, oh my God,

Speaker 1 gotta put it in.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is turning into a little bit of a cheating episode kind of. It's like a lot of interwoven themes today.
Weddings, cheating, embarrassment, obviously. Trust.

Speaker 1 Always trust. Always communication.
Yes. So this one is coming from True Off My Chest, three days old.

Speaker 1 It is titled, My husband is leaving me for a younger woman, and all I can think about is the house decor.

Speaker 1 I made this account because my main one has my friends on it, and I'm way too embarrassed to be known as the cheated on wife.

Speaker 1 I'm 34 female, married for seven years to my husband, 41 male, together for 10. I love my husband and always thought he felt the same about me.
We built a life together.

Speaker 1 Eight years ago, he had severe anxiety and couldn't sleep. so I would stay up with him, holding his hands and doing breathing exercises until he could finally rest.
I'd go to work exhausted.

Speaker 1 I helped him find a therapist. I encouraged him to grow in his career, even though he was afraid.

Speaker 1 Six years ago, I quit my job to take care of his mom who had cancer because he had the potential to earn more than me.

Speaker 1 While I was job hunting again, I got pregnant and he suggested I stay home to take care of him and our daughter. So I did.
I cared for him and I loved him.

Speaker 1 In December, he got a promotion, which meant more hours. I gave birth to our daughter in March.
I went through a phase where I felt horrible, fat, ugly, and it was just me and the baby at home.

Speaker 1 He barely talked to me, always said he was tired and that I wouldn't understand what he had to say.

Speaker 1 If it wasn't for my mom staying on video calls with me, I think I would have felt completely abandoned. I've been suggesting couples therapy since June.
He kept saying everything was fine.

Speaker 1 Now I feel like I'm nothing more than a mother. I used to read, study, be interesting.
I wasn't sexually frustrated or insecure back then.

Speaker 1 I used to have conversations about politics, music, books, art. I decorate our house myself with my own savings, and it's everything I ever dreamed of.
I love my house.

Speaker 1 The colors, the furniture, my kitchen, it took me years to make it exactly how I wanted.

Speaker 1 I have the garden I always dreamed of, a vegetable patch I adore, and a hanging chair where I love to sit with my baby. Last week, he came home later than usual, and I was happy to see him.

Speaker 1 I was in the living room playing with our daughters. He asked the elder one to go to her room.
He seemed like he had been drinking and then said,

Speaker 1 I love you so much, but I don't want to be with you anymore. He told me I wasn't the person he fell in love with anymore.

Speaker 1 He said he was in love with a girl from work and that she was everything he'd ever dreamed of, and that he needed to give himself the chance to live that love without guilt.

Speaker 1 Yes, he cheated on me with a 22-year-old. When I finally managed to speak, the only thing that came out was,

Speaker 1 but what about my home decor?

Speaker 1 At some point, I picked up my baby and started shouting things like,

Speaker 1 I put time into this house. I did everything it needed.
This house is mine. We argued because apparently I didn't value his suffering enough.
I don't know why I kept talking about the house.

Speaker 1 I guess I'm disposable. I'm 34 with a four-month baby and a four-year-old daughter.
I don't have a job. I'm going to lose my dream home.
I feel ugly, fat.

Speaker 1 And he told me he's not attracted to me anymore because I gained too much weight during my last pregnancy. That's how this post ends.

Speaker 2 Abrupt ending. Abrupt.

Speaker 2 What I thought reading this and hearing it now, too,

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 we set this up. You know, you did

Speaker 2 everything right.

Speaker 2 You were

Speaker 2 the best teammate someone could ask for. You know, you, you literally took care of his mom.

Speaker 1 You did that.

Speaker 2 You went sick. You went above and beyond as a partner, which, you know,

Speaker 2 you should do when you're with someone for the long run. You know, we talk about seasons where someone needs more than the other.
And I mean, you stepped up in ways that people wouldn't even expect.

Speaker 2 You did everything right. You stayed home when it made sense.
All I heard in this whole post was how you were a great partner.

Speaker 2 And then all we hear about him is, yeah, he's good at going to work and making the money,

Speaker 2 but there's no mention of what he is as a partner. It started to go downhill and she

Speaker 2 suggested couples counseling. Obviously was met with resistance.

Speaker 2 And it all culminates to this,

Speaker 2 well, I'm going to leave you for the 22-year-old at work.

Speaker 2 And not to mention, you're decently younger than him to begin with. And now we're going to go for someone that's

Speaker 2 so regardless of what his life and his wants, whatever, he's irrelevant to me in this

Speaker 1 for you. I mean, this is going to be a pattern for me.

Speaker 2 I love your response because you were the one who decided to stay home.

Speaker 2 You decide to be the one that's going to be there. And yeah, maybe it was a team decision, but you're the one that's really doing it.
You're being the kick-ass stay-at-home mom, right?

Speaker 2 You then went out and made, if you're going to spend that much time in this place, you're going to make it perfect for you. And I love that.
And yes, you said it's with all your own money.

Speaker 2 So I would have the same concerns because it feels like a little bit that this wasn't incredibly shocking. It feels like you had some sense that things were obviously going downhill.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can feel it.

Speaker 2 You know, it does kind of hit me where you say, and I was happy to see him. Like, he was coming home.
I was playing with the girls because you're still clinging on to this

Speaker 2 hope that this will turn into that perfect family unit and that

Speaker 2 you will have the truth.

Speaker 2 But it just.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I love her response. I love that you didn't get upset upset about him because

Speaker 1 if he's willing to cheat after you guys have been together for 10 years, you've made all these sacrifices, so many sacrifices.

Speaker 1 And like to have a baby and be so alone and just feel utterly abandoned because your partner won't even talk to you. So you're like, thank God I had my mom on a FaceTime.

Speaker 1 But like, I used to be this whole person. And you, you do hear that a lot from moms, especially, you know, stay-at-home moms that are kind of in their little bubble in their home with their kids.

Speaker 1 I used to read. I used to be interesting.
I used to have a life.

Speaker 1 And you still kind of see where, like, the person who is going out and working, they get to remain that person. They have a job.
They have interests. They have all of these things.

Speaker 1 And I love that for someone who so clearly does not value her,

Speaker 1 does not love her in the same way she loves him, you know, making all these sacrifices. I love that she's like, what about my house? This is my house.

Speaker 2 It's not even the house. It's the decor.
And that leads me.

Speaker 1 It's everything in it. It's everything.
And I love that.

Speaker 2 Yes. And that leads me to,

Speaker 2 let's just not go after the decor. All right.
No, girl, let's go for everything.

Speaker 2 Let's go for everything

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 you made the sacrifice. And because you did,

Speaker 2 you don't have that financial stability that he does because he's built the career. He's built up to the promotions that you talked about.
Yeah. The job he's in.

Speaker 1 Because of your support.

Speaker 2 You have a huge part in. And that's why,

Speaker 2 you know, these divorce, all of these situations get very complicated, but for a reason, because it needs to be equitable at the end of the day. And I think you go for it.
Also, the line about

Speaker 2 she's everything I've ever wanted.

Speaker 1 She's 22.

Speaker 2 You are at such different late stages.

Speaker 1 You're 41.

Speaker 2 She like probably doesn't even really know fully who she is yet.

Speaker 1 And you think she's a 22-year-old want to be a stepmom to a four-month-old baby and a four-year-old?

Speaker 1 Sir, this is a fantasy. She probably wants a sugar daddy in a new Dior bag.
Like, what are you doing?

Speaker 2 I mean, regardless, the relationship's done. You know, I mean, that's like,

Speaker 2 he's a lost cause.

Speaker 2 Whatever happens with him and the 22-year-old, it just seems like it's not good.

Speaker 1 It's, it's probably not going to last.

Speaker 2 No. So the reality is,

Speaker 2 look at what's in front of you, not just the decor. Come on.

Speaker 2 Let's go for everything.

Speaker 1 It is. It is everything.
Go for as much as you can get. And I know a lot of people are going to be like, well, just need to be a gold digger.
Like, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, no, like.

Speaker 1 this is her life raft like the plane is going down that's why i love this response like she can see it the plane is going down we've lost both engines. There's no getting engines back.

Speaker 1 Engines are out with a 22-year-old. So, what matters at this point? My home, my life raft.
Where's the life raft at this point? I need to secure my oxygen mask before I can assist in helping others.

Speaker 1 Like, she is getting her oxygen mask. And, like, I would be reeling too because when you felt so utterly alone, and your home is your safe space, it's this

Speaker 1 little sanctuary you've built, you and your little babies, and your garden and your swing. That is your peace.
And to have your only peace ripped from you,

Speaker 1 I would be going nuclear. I would not leave that house.
Call me a squatter because I would not leave ever.

Speaker 1 Ever. Doors, locks, all getting changed.
This is my house. You don't have to leave.
Go move in with your 22-year-old.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 yes.

Speaker 2 That's where get the lawyer. Get everything moving

Speaker 2 because you ain't losing your.

Speaker 2 You're not losing your decor, okay?

Speaker 1 No, every candlestick is yours. Top comment, I think that your first reaction being about your home decor tells you everything that you need to know.

Speaker 1 Your relationship with him was dead, and now you can move on to better things. He doesn't deserve you or the lovely home you've created.

Speaker 1 I think the next comment down was like, why do you only care about your home? Why don't you care about your relationship?

Speaker 1 And someone goes, because it's the only thing in her life that makes her happy aside from her daughters. She has the home of her dreams, which is obviously worth more than her soon-to-be ex-husband.

Speaker 1 And everyone's like, to be honest, I feel the same in her shoes. The home isn't the one that abandoned her and then cheated with someone nearly half his age.

Speaker 1 So I kind of understand why that's upsetting her the most.

Speaker 1 No, I'd be going nuclear.

Speaker 1 My house. Get out.

Speaker 1 So we do have some edits.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Edit, I'm going to talk with his mom and brother about about the divorce today.

Speaker 1 I'm starting with them because they're close to me, and his brother went through a divorce over infidelity early last year. Also, his mom is very attached to me for obvious reasons.

Speaker 1 I was there for her during the worst part of her life, and his brother and I are also very close. I also texted my mom, and she's coming here to stay with me and the girls.

Speaker 1 I hope she gets the visa to visit, and my dad, who's American, will be coming to my state in two weeks. Edit number two.

Speaker 1 I talked to his brother about the affair affair and him leaving. He told me to find a lawyer.
The same thing you all said.

Speaker 1 Now we're talking to a few lawyers today. I accepted the help because I have the girls with me, so it's hard to do everything alone.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love that she has their support.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that is so true about the mom. Like, she helped take care of the mom when she was going through cancer.

Speaker 2 Probably more than her son did.

Speaker 1 Of course, she's going to be appreciative and more attached to to her for obvious reasons, as O.P. put it.
Like,

Speaker 1 I hope, I hope, hope, hope we keep getting updates on this one.

Speaker 2 Next update. I got the house.
I have my decor.

Speaker 2 Me and the.

Speaker 2 The daughters are so happy. I don't know.
It was a daughter or daughters. Was there two?

Speaker 1 Two. Two.
Four-year-old and four-month-old.

Speaker 2 Me and the daughters are thriving.

Speaker 2 Ex-husband,

Speaker 2 you know, lasted with the 22-year-old for three weeks. He's now begging to come back.
He wants his old life back.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know, and he'll get there. He'll realize he messed up.
I feel like a lot of people that end up in those situations do eventually realize they made a mistake.

Speaker 2 It just depends if they're too prideful to say anything.

Speaker 1 Exactly. But even when they're prideful, there are signs.
It might be one year. Yeah.
It might be 15 years.

Speaker 1 But it eventually bites them in the ass.

Speaker 1 OP does have a couple other comments here. I spoke with three lawyers today for emergency consults, and tomorrow we're seeing two more.
But I liked one lawyer.

Speaker 1 She was my brother-in-law's attorney and also represented another friend of mine who went through a really tough divorce.

Speaker 2 There you go.

Speaker 2 There's people out there to support you and get you through this.

Speaker 1 He slept in the guest room talking about her husband, ex-husband. I don't think she has been in the house from what he said and from what I saw on Instagram.

Speaker 1 She has roommates, about three from the looks of it. And what group of 22 to 23 year old girls would want to have a 41 year old guy staying at their place?

Speaker 2 Dude, it just puts it in perspective. Like she's just done with college.
She's still living with roommates, probably from college.

Speaker 2 Thinking about me at 22,

Speaker 2 man,

Speaker 2 you are so far from

Speaker 2 anything like this.

Speaker 2 This is just a thing for her.

Speaker 1 I know. And when you see more of her comments, like in the post, she didn't really share about a lot, like of details.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But people are like, How do you have a four-month-old if like you have a dead bedroom? People are just like going so weird in the comments.

Speaker 1 And she's like, Do you think my daughter was made with a finger? We used to have sex until he didn't want to anymore. I had the postpartum period because it's necessary.

Speaker 1 But in June, when I bought a nice lingerie set, he called me a piglet because I'm 33 pounds heavier. Okay.
Which is also the average weight when you have a child. I think it's actually 34 pounds.

Speaker 1 So you're under the average, my gal.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So when that shit's happening, I'd be long checked out too.

Speaker 2 I can't believe it shows the quality of a person she is because she even said I was excited to see him, even after all of that.

Speaker 1 I know. Well, and there's a comment here that like does make me really,

Speaker 1 really sad for OP, like just given the current tensions in our country with ICE and how scary this whole situation is. Like on top of it, I've been living in the U.S.

Speaker 1 for 16 years, but I'm from South America. Honestly, I'm scared, even though I'm here legally.
And like, I think that's what's so hard.

Speaker 1 It's like everyone's like, well, like, if you came here legally, and it's like, ICE is taking people that have green cards. ICE is detaining legal citizens for weeks.

Speaker 1 There's a person in Minnesota right now that ICE detained two weeks ago, and the courts have ordered them to release her back to her two little girls, two children, and she's not released yet.

Speaker 1 Like, it is such a scary, volatile time, and the laws are not being followed as they should be. Due process is being violated.
And so

Speaker 1 this

Speaker 1 is really scary, especially when you have a four-month-old and a four-year-old involved.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it honestly feels like we're, you know, Great Britain when the people broke off and went to the U.S. to get away from all the crazy shit.
That's what it's starting to feel like.

Speaker 2 It's like, well, we've just created our own bullshit.

Speaker 2 I just don't get what's happening. I think that no matter what, you go and you get the lawyer, you go through the whole process and get your life back.

Speaker 2 Truly your life back. Get it for yourself.
And then eventually down the road, you'll find someone who really, truly appreciates you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And OP is starting to get on board.
Like people are like, why don't you try to lose the weight?

Speaker 1 And OP is like, try getting back to normal weight after being a primary caregiver for two children after a difficult pregnancy and only four months since the baby was born. I'm very healthy.

Speaker 1 You know, it's not healthy. The 600-calorie diet I was doing to try to lose weight and passing out.
There's nothing lazy about taking care of a child alone.

Speaker 1 The people who help me are his brother and his mother because he's never home. I can't go go to the gym.
I can't do restrictive diets because breastfeeding requires me to eat properly.

Speaker 1 He may not be attracted to me anymore, but I know no 22-year-old girl will want him when his show-off lifestyle is cut down due to alimony and child support.

Speaker 2 There you go.

Speaker 2 Yes. Are they saying lose the weight to get him back?

Speaker 1 People are like, why are you lazy? Lose the weight.

Speaker 2 Literally. Like, what? Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Insane.

Speaker 1 Insane. She just had a baby.
OP goes like, I had this intrusive thought yesterday.

Speaker 1 He actually looked kind of hot taking care of my baby, but then I snap back to reality and reminding myself, I can't make any wrong moves until the divorce is finalized.

Speaker 1 I'm also feeling a bit starved for affection, which is clouding my judgment.

Speaker 2 Dang. Yeah.
Yeah, let's not go down that path.

Speaker 1 Someone said such a stupid comment. I'm not even going to read the first half.
She responds to it.

Speaker 1 And OP is like, he can have the child support reviewed if he keeps the kids 50% of the time, but I highly doubt he'll do that.

Speaker 1 He doesn't like hearing our baby cry, and he's always asking me to tell our toddler to be quieter. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Get that bag, girl. Get that bag.

Speaker 1 OP has been commenting as of a day ago. I read basically all of them,

Speaker 1 but let's keep our eyes peeled for an update on this one because I really want to make sure she's good.

Speaker 1 But I got one last one for us. Okay.

Speaker 2 The grand finale. I need to find my drum.
It's in the other room.

Speaker 1 It's in in the office over there.

Speaker 2 With the sticks? The sticks? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm going to give you a choice on this one. Okay.

Speaker 1 Two very different problems. Okay.

Speaker 1 Wife, 35 female, doesn't want me, 39 male, making a cake for our daughter's daycare birthday party.

Speaker 2 Or,

Speaker 1 from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit, I will add, I accidentally sent my sister's husband to the ER after he jumped out at me as a joke while I was holding a kitchen knife.

Speaker 1 Now my family is divided and I don't know how to fix this.

Speaker 2 Yep. 100%.
You kidding?

Speaker 1 We didn't need a coin flip for that one.

Speaker 2 Finally, no cake.

Speaker 1 Let's go to the age. Cake one.
Cake one is juicy, though.

Speaker 2 Don't stop.

Speaker 2 I don't doubt it is, but yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 This happened three nights ago and I still feel sick to my stomach. I can't sleep.
I can't eat and I can't stop replaying it in my head. I've always been a pretty jumpy person.

Speaker 1 I survived a home invasion five years ago and ever since I've had a severe startle response. My therapist and close friends know this, but I don't talk about it much with my extended family.

Speaker 1 I try to avoid situations that could trigger me. My sister, 33 female, is married to a guy, 35 male, who thinks of himself as the funny one in the family.

Speaker 1 He loves pranks, jump scares, and filming reactions for social media. I've told him before that I hate being startled, but he always seems to brush it off with, come on, it's just a joke.

Speaker 1 I've laughed it off at times just to avoid making things awkward, but inside, my heart always races and I feel this horrible, icy rush through my body.

Speaker 1 Three nights ago, my sister invited me over for dinner. She told me she'd be running late from work, but her husband would be home.
I figured we'd just hang out until she got back.

Speaker 1 I offered to make dinner, so I'd be ready when she arrived. I was in the kitchen, chopping vegetables, when the lights suddenly cut out.
Total darkness. I froze.
My chest tightened instantly.

Speaker 1 Then, from somewhere behind me, I heard fast footsteps. Before I could even turn around, something lunged out of the pantry, screaming.

Speaker 1 I reacted before I could think. My hand jerked, the knife slipped, and the next thing I knew, he was on the floor holding his side, screaming in pain.

Speaker 1 I dropped the knife and scrambled to turn on the light. It was him, my sister's husband.
There was blood spreading across his shirt.

Speaker 1 I remember yelling his name and pressing my hands over the wound while fumbling for my phone to call 911. The paramedic said the cut was deep, but missed any major organs.

Speaker 1 He needed stitches and a night in the hospital for observation. The doctor said he'd recover physically, but my sister's face when she arrived at the ER is burned into my brain.
Shock, then anger.

Speaker 1 She didn't even look at me when she said, You could have killed him.

Speaker 1 Half my family says it was an accident and that he was stupid for jumping out at me while I had a knife in my hand.

Speaker 1 The other half says I overreacted, that I should have, quote, known it was just him, and that this is exactly why they, quote, don't trust me around sharp things.

Speaker 1 I can't believe I'm being talked about like I'm some kind of danger when I was literally attacked in my own home years ago.

Speaker 1 Now my sister won't answer my calls, and her husband from his hospital bed texted me, quote, you ruined the joke. I don't even know how to respond to that.

Speaker 1 My therapist says it's not my fault, but I feel this crushing guilt, like I've destroyed my relationship with my sister forever.

Speaker 1 Do I owe him an apology for injuring him, even though he caused the situation? Or should I stand my ground and make it clear that his prank could have ended much worse?

Speaker 1 How do I fix this without compromising my own safety and boundaries?

Speaker 2 I think he got lucky because he finally got what was coming to him. Are you kidding me?

Speaker 1 You're so embarrassing. You're going to attack a woman, shut off the lights when she's holding a knife chopping vegetables.

Speaker 2 If this had happened to me, I don't think we're talking about a knife slip. Oh, it cut you situation, especially if I've been through a house invasion before.

Speaker 1 I mean, this is just, this is self-defense. This is a normal reaction.
Even if you're holding the knife and you just turn your body to face where the sound is coming from, they run right in.

Speaker 1 They run right into you. Like, he shut off the lights.
How are you going to see? It's not like, oh, the lights are off. Put down my knife.
Hands up. Okay, freeze.

Speaker 1 Like, and then someone's coming, screaming at you.

Speaker 2 I was struggling.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't have assumed it was him. I wouldn't have assumed someone is so dumb.
I would have done the same thing, honestly, because it's already in your hand.

Speaker 2 And it's probably pretty goddamn dark, okay?

Speaker 2 We're talking sun's down, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, and it also takes a second for your eyes to adjust.

Speaker 2 Like, I mean, how stupid do you have to be? It's like, oh, if I go step off the cliff, I'm gonna fall down it.

Speaker 2 Oh, if I attack someone that's cutting up in the pitch black dark, they have a huge knife in their hand. I could get cut.

Speaker 2 I feel like his text to her, you ruined the joke.

Speaker 2 I don't think he

Speaker 2 is blaming her

Speaker 2 because that to me says like

Speaker 2 you ruined the joke. Like not, it doesn't feel serious.
Like you almost killed me. You almost did this.

Speaker 2 That is true. I feel like he kind of recognizes

Speaker 1 big of an idiot, but also still like

Speaker 1 kind of blaming her for ruining his joke. Like to me, it actually kind of feels serious.
You ruined the joke.

Speaker 1 You think he's joking still?

Speaker 2 When it's compared with how his wife is reacting.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 And also, come on. I get, yes, it turned into a very dangerous situation, but I could justify the wife's reaction if she had pranked him and he accidentally got cut.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 If he was the one doing the vegetables, cutting up stuff, and she jumped out and popped and he somehow slipped and cut himself.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Reaction justified. But because he was the one to turn off the lights, especially with the context of the home invasion, and then do this, yo, what planet are you living on?

Speaker 2 I get you're afraid for your husband, and it was scary,

Speaker 2 but he did it to himself.

Speaker 1 Well, and I think that's the thing about us in our relationship. Like, if this were me and you in this, like, I wouldn't be with a princess.

Speaker 2 It'd be a different planet, like, a different universe.

Speaker 1 Obviously, I'd get to the hospital. My first reaction was like, oh my God, thank God you're okay.
Like, wow, that was, that was scary. Don't be dumbass again.
Don't do that again.

Speaker 1 Don't ever, don't ever, don't do that again.

Speaker 1 And then,

Speaker 1 like, I don't know. Like, I feel like for me, I would actually probably be apologizing to my sister to be like, I'm so sorry.
Like, thank God it wasn't worse. Like, good thing you didn't kill him.

Speaker 2 Like, I know what you've been through. I don't know why he would ever do this.

Speaker 1 Exactly. And as the sister, you need to put your foot down with your husband and say, hey, my sister is not a target.
Like,

Speaker 2 don't be clear again.

Speaker 1 Don't jump scare her again. Like, she's been through something really traumatic.
It's been very clear. Don't.

Speaker 1 And I think I'm most saddened this by OP being like, I feel so guilty. I maybe ruined the relationship with my sister.

Speaker 2 That's all. Oh,

Speaker 2 that's awesome.

Speaker 1 But that is so sad. Like that's really heartbreaking because this is not your fault.
This is such an accident,

Speaker 1 one that he put you in, that never should have happened.

Speaker 1 And if your sister can't see the reality of this situation and see it for what it is.

Speaker 1 That's not your fault. Like it's incredibly sad, but it's not your fault.
And you don't deserve to be blamed.

Speaker 1 And I honestly would be more open with other family members to be like, I was attacked in my own home. I don't talk about it.
I try to avoid situations. That's what happened.

Speaker 1 Like anyone that's shaming you, saying you overreacted, and that's why we don't trust you around sharp things. they would know exactly why.
Like terrorize them back. Make them regret saying that.

Speaker 1 And I think if if you're comfortable, of course, it's not something you have to do. But like, I do think people need to be put in their place with information sometimes.

Speaker 1 And this could be one of those times. This could also prevent further issues.
And you can very clearly then set the boundary once you give that information.

Speaker 1 Just so you all know, I was attacked in my home. It is a boundary for me.
I don't. want to be scared.
Do not scare me or I will not talk to you again.

Speaker 1 Lay the boundary down. Reiterate it with the brother-in-law.
And if he does it again, you don't want to be around him, which unfortunately might make your sister collateral damage.

Speaker 1 You might not have a good relationship with her anymore, but it's worth it for your own mental health, safety, your therapy journey, and PTSD likely.

Speaker 2 I feel like there's no way that her sister

Speaker 2 and her sister's husband don't know about the home invasion. That's not something you just keep to yourself with your family.

Speaker 2 I think they very clearly know what happened. And

Speaker 2 I would think that they would know that that's probably one of the most traumatic things that she could have ever been through. And he essentially went and recreated the exact same situation.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think this is karma.

Speaker 2 Listen, it's a hot take. Yeah.
She put her foot down and told him very clearly in the past,

Speaker 2 I'm not comfortable with this. Please don't do this to me or around me.

Speaker 2 He did it in the worst possible way.

Speaker 2 Maybe you cannot call that a fucking joke. That is recreating someone's trauma, putting them back in that exact situation.
What do you expect? You got lucky that it ended up this way.

Speaker 2 This was karma coming to tell you, stop messing around. This isn't a joke.
It's never been a joke. You can't keep explaining all these dumbass things away by calling them a joke.
It's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 So you got lucky, but you had it coming to you. Whew.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one. If this is real, then your family is fucking stupid.
Next comment: they quote the brother-in-law, you ruined the joke. Nah, bro, you ruined your own spleen.

Speaker 1 And OP does reply to the top one: Yeah, it's been really eye-opening seeing who thinks this was just harmless fun.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna go see if there's any other comments from OP. No update on the post yet.
Let's see if there's anything else.

Speaker 1 OP goes, it's common sense not to startle someone holding a knife, yet somehow I'm the one being treated like I overreacted.

Speaker 1 OP goes, it really did feel like I was reliving a break-in and my body just reacted. I wish more people in my family understood that.

Speaker 1 I've told him before that I hate being startled and he still thought it would be funny. I wish people would understand that jokes like that can have real consequences.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Exactly.
I'll buy you the Coke.

Speaker 1 Ditto. Yeah, Ditto, right? No.
Jinx. Jinx.
Oh my God. I haven't said that in so long.
I used to say it all the time.

Speaker 1 That's all I got on this episode of Too Hot Takes. I feel like it turned into like a that's not funny episode.
Like, that's not funny. Like, I don't know.
Just jokes. Bad jokes.
Bad jokes.

Speaker 1 This whole thing. Bad jokes.
Embarrassing.

Speaker 2 I'm fired up, man.

Speaker 1 Bad jokes. I know.
11-11 p.m. I'm fired up.

Speaker 2 Big a wish. 11-11 p.m.
Ooh, if I was the one holding that. Woo!

Speaker 1 Easy. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Dude, I am so, it's like every night we set the alarm system.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, oh, my God. It's like the last thing on earth.
would be for that alarm to go off in the middle of the night.

Speaker 2 It's just, it's such a fear.

Speaker 2 You have it for peace of mind, but right, because it would alert you. But at the same time, that would be the worst thing ever.
So I'm just like...

Speaker 1 That's why we

Speaker 1 got guns.

Speaker 2 If I'm standing there with a knife and the lights go out and something's running towards me.

Speaker 1 No, it's my biggest fear.

Speaker 2 There is not

Speaker 2 any ounce of me that's thinking, hmm, could be a prank. Could be.

Speaker 1 No, that would be my absolute last reaction.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. Dude, it's karma.
I'm telling you. That last one's got me fired up.
Yeah, Justin. I'm ready to go.
Heated. I'm ready to go.

Speaker 1 Justin will be on one of August's bonus episodes on Patreon this month. Lauren is on two.

Speaker 1 So it's going to be a good month over on Patreon. The Unhinged tier, our top tier, now gets three full bonus episodes a month.
And I dropped the price down $5.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 it feels like a pretty good deal. And there's also a bunch of free stories, a free mini episode from a couple months ago.
A lot of free content as well.

Speaker 1 And like, I just always put stuff out to the community about upcoming episodes. So come on over.
Even if you, you know, don't have it in your budget, come on over. It's an amazing community.

Speaker 1 There's so much fun stuff. And like, I love seeing everyone chat and just keep connected and share their stories.

Speaker 1 And it's a really great place for you if you have a personal write-in that you have a question or you're like, I just need some support or I need to know if I'm the asshole.

Speaker 1 There's so many different chats, especially once you are on a tier, like the unhinged tier has a very private, small chat for you to go and ask your problems.

Speaker 1 Um, and I just think it's a great place to turn to with people that are going to be unbiased and supportive, and probably really similar to you.

Speaker 1 So, if you need a little extra support right now, whatever you're going through, and you don't want to put it on Reddit, Twitter Takes Patreon is a good spot.

Speaker 2 And if you've never done it, you get all prior content,

Speaker 2 not just the three bonus this month?

Speaker 1 You get everything.

Speaker 2 All the way back. Everything.
So if you've never done it, we should add up how many it would be.

Speaker 1 I literally was going through hard drives today because I literally keep all my hard drives. And I was going through them and I was like, I have made a lot of content.

Speaker 2 I mean, do you think there's 100 bonus episodes?

Speaker 1 I know there's at this point, I think there's over

Speaker 1 600 posts, but I mean, bonus stories, bonus episodes. You know, we've shifted.
We used to do bonus stories.

Speaker 1 Now we're all bonus episodes on all the tiers. So it's really shifted what we're doing over there.
So we're pumping out two hot takes, does seven full-length episodes a month. It's a lot of content.

Speaker 1 So you don't want to miss it. So come on over to Patreon.
It's a lot of fun. But other than that, that's all I got for you this episode.
I've got some amazing guests coming up.

Speaker 1 But if there's anyone else you want to see, go tell them. Go on their page and put go on two hot takes.
Because I'm telling you, I see some of your favorites that you comment when I ask for guests.

Speaker 1 And I've asked a lot of them. So you guys, if there's someone you want to see, go out, get in their comments and let me know.

Speaker 1 But it really helps if you spread the word about too hot takes and get the word out in their comments, their DMs. So thank you guys for doing that.
Thank you for being here.

Speaker 1 Another episode, another week, another month. Our wedding's coming up.
It's just crazy. It's going to be crazy rest of the year.
So really appreciate you all and appreciate any patience.

Speaker 1 If an episode is late here or there, it gets up eventually. But I love you guys.
Until next time.

Speaker 2 Until next time. Bye.
Bye.