232: Twists & Turns

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Who let the dogs out?

Who, who, who, who, who?

You like that?

Hi.

You want to come say hi to and show the people?

Max.

Come here.

Come here, Max.

He's

likes the bed.

Come here.

Oh.

All right.

He'll get there.

He'll get there.

He's nervous.

He is nervous.

Are you nervous?

Yes.

I'm really terrified of the internet.

No, it's going to be fine.

No, it is.

Everyone's going to be really nice.

Please.

Hi, guys.

Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes.

I'm your host, Morgan.

And today I am joined by one of my amazing two hot takes team members, Jenna.

Woo!

If you're,

it's gonna be fine.

No, it is gonna be fine.

I'm just like, what am I doing here?

You're you're doing great.

If you've been over on our Patreon, you are familiar with Jenna.

Jenna's been on some really fun episodes, and you've done a great job there.

Oh, thanks.

So we figured, let's see how you do on the big big show.

The real deal.

Yeah, we will see how I do.

No, Patreon's the real deal too.

I feel like a lot of times I give harder, crazier stories over there.

There's some crazy ones.

We've had some really wild ones.

The uh, you know what?

I'll never forget.

What is it?

The uh Jolly Rancher story.

Yeah, that was a bad one.

Yeah.

That's over on Patreon for free.

If you want to figure out what that is about, totally free.

Just you don't even have to pay for anything.

It's uh it's a pretty good free one.

I think so.

It's a crazy one.

But we've had some really fun episodes.

So today, I think I've adequately prepared you for this theme.

It is all about twists and turns, stories that are just kind of all over the place.

Okay.

Feel like a little bit of a roller coaster.

You don't know what's coming.

I love that.

And something's definitely up.

You know.

But does it come down?

We will see.

Okay.

We will find out.

Are you going to have a catchphrase?

Yeah.

It's a...

I'll give you a second.

Give me 10 seconds.

Okay.

I see why Justin struggled that one time.

Let her flush.

Yeah, that was really bad.

That was horrendous.

God.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's dive in.

Before we get into this week's stories with Jenna, this episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by State Farm.

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If it weren't for my friends, this podcast would probably not exist.

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So it's nice having the help to find the right one for you.

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What a stressful intro.

Okay, hold on.

I need to.

You're good.

Stop.

Your Your stress is contagious.

You've got your emotional support dog there.

I think he's stressing me out more.

Really?

No, it's fine.

I actually forgot he was here.

Yeah.

Also, you guys, if you're watching on YouTube, please let me know if you think Jenna's dog, his name is also Max.

Max Muncie.

But he looks like the dog from The Grinch, right?

Who is also Max?

Yeah.

I like can't.

picture what that dog looks like.

Oh my gosh, I'll show you.

Is he just a white dog?

No, no.

Oh.

You wrong okay well

i don't know why okay now that i see pictures i'm glad we googled this before i am totally wrong but like i think it's just vibe maybe the vibe matches

yeah

i could see the energy maybe see see the vibe the vibe kind of matches that That's pretty perfect.

Yeah, the vibe matches.

But yeah, they don't look alike at all.

Yeah, okay.

Take the back.

They look nothing alike.

I thought the dog looked totally different in my head.

It's okay.

It's fine.

Okay, so our first story on this week's episode is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit.

Yes.

10 hours old, titled, My Boyfriend's Mom Kisses and Massages Him Daily.

I, female 30, don't know if I can handle it.

Ew.

What?

I, female 30, have been dating my boyfriend, male 35, for about two years.

I've met his parents twice for a week each time.

And the second time I started noticing some weird behavior between him and his mom.

At first, I thought it was cute that he's close with his family, but then I noticed a few things that felt

off.

She texts him every night at 10 p.m.

to say goodnight.

Excessive, but not alarming.

After spending four days with the family, I asked him if we could go out for a romantic dinner, just the two of us.

As I grabbed my bag, he kissed his mom before we left, even though we were only gone for two hours.

He also kissed her good night every night before going to bed.

One morning at breakfast, he was checking the weather on his phone when she came up behind him, buried her lips in his back, and sat there for 10 seconds.

I was inches away, and it felt extremely disturbing, more like something a partner would do, not a mother.

She randomly massages his shoulders almost every day while he's sitting at the table on his phone.

When I asked him about it, he said she's just being affectionate because his dad is closed off.

But to me, the way she expresses it crosses the line.

I also noticed she doesn't do this with his sister, and he said it's because she doesn't like being touched.

So maybe his sister already established boundaries that I feel are missing here.

For some context, his dad is a sweet man who always provided for the family and supported her in being a stay-at-home mom, even after the children grew up.

He is very gentle and, quote, Labrador type of man, and yet he gets no affection.

If anything, he gets nagged and told off for small things, and they also have separate rooms.

To be clear, I don't feel jealous or possessive.

I just feel disturbed because it doesn't seem like motherly love and makes me uncomfortable to witness.

If his mom was genuinely touchy-feely, she would do it with everyone else.

We have future plans together and want to build a life, but I don't know if I can handle being around his family with this dynamic.

He visits every two months for three to four days, usually alone, but in the long term, it's not realistic to always avoid them, especially since they always spend Christmas together.

The issue is, he seems clueless about his mom's behavior and insists it's just normal.

That worries me slightly, but he's always been a people pleaser.

Am I overthinking this?

Right now, the only option I see is to stop visiting with him, but that doesn't feel sustainable.

I would like to be more present and involved with his family, as he expressed he likes if I visit.

I'd really appreciate outside perspectives because this happens daily when we're there, and I can't stop thinking about it.

Okay, my first question.

Okay.

She says, kiss.

Is this on the lips or is this like a cheek kiss?

Or like, what are we doing here?

Because one's a lot more intense than the other.

I feel like.

I'm envisioning kiss on the lips, like, good night.

Yeah.

Kiss mommy, good night.

Yes.

I mean,

it's all weird,

but like, I'm struggling to figure out how weird it.

How deep is this affection?

She's using her son instead of her husband for that kind of affection feels...

That's where it like gets weird to me.

Yeah, and I think it's like a hug or like, I think like a little rub on the shoulders like isn't that weird, but it's a context.

That's fine.

That's fine.

But the one that like really kind of got me, and I think it's because I just did it to Justin last night, was she came up behind him, buried her lips in his back, and sat there for 10 seconds.

Yeah, that's a little weird.

That's one, a long time.

Yeah.

Two, very intimate.

Three, wear on his back because, like, when I just did it, like, I went up behind him and I like had my lips on the back of his neck.

Like,

that is a very

intimate thing.

So there are these motions that again kind of cross that line of like, did she use her son as the surrogate partner?

It feels like that.

A little bit of maybe enmeshment.

Been a while since I whipped that one out.

But it just like it feels like they're definitely close.

Yeah.

Culturally, maybe they're coming from a different place.

That's what I'm kind of wondering too.

But if she's not doing it to anybody else.

Yeah.

But also, what about her husband?

Like, I know.

If she's not giving him any affection, that feels weird.

Well, for sure.

And then she also just nags him for like little

sexual love language.

She just wants to be mean.

Yeah.

Some people are into that.

You're like, be mean to me.

I really had to take a, you and what is it, Lauren?

Talking about nagging in a Patreon.

I really had to take a look at myself.

The shoe might fit.

I was like, oh my gosh.

Oh, so that's what that is.

But like in a cute way.

Anyway, we don't need to talk about me.

What would you do, though, if this was your partner?

You've been together two years.

It's tough.

Well, like, it sounds like he kind of grew up like that if he does not think anything of it.

Yeah.

So it's like hard to kind of blame him if he's just been like conditioned that this is a normal thing.

Well, I don't know how I would like explain it to him that this is weird.

Yeah.

And that's the thing.

Like, I don't know how you would convince someone that it is weird if they don't see any issue.

Yeah.

Like, this is just my relationship with my mom.

So I'm not going to be aware of it.

Yeah.

And so you could say, like, I'm uncomfortable with it.

But at the end of the day, that's him, his choice, his relationship.

You might not be able to change that.

So I don't know if you could.

No.

And so you really kind of have to ask yourself, can you deal with this going forward?

Because then it's also like how do you bring this up of like this is not just like a friend or someone he's close to like it's his mom how do you bring that up and be like your behavior with your mother is weird yeah because he's going to be offended for sure he's going to be defensive i would assume yeah i mean and op kind of has like asked him about it already and he said she's just being affectionate

Because his dad is closed off.

Also, when you hear that, like then she said he was like a golden retriever kind of guy.

Like he is just, there's no way.

There's no way he's closed off.

No, but also in the same breath, like you, you hear that, right?

Your mom is extra affectionate with you because your dad is closed off.

She's not getting it from him.

So that, yeah, yeah.

That was the line that I was like, that feels weird.

Like

you're so close.

Like you're so close to almost being there.

Yeah.

I don't know if he'd get there, though.

I don't know.

This is, this is a really tough one for me.

I wouldn't be able to deal with it.

I don't think so either.

I'm also just like, I can't picture that kind of, like, at least me and my family were not like touchy-feely affectionate.

So to me, that's even weirder.

I know.

I would have a tough time with it.

But some families are.

Let me know what you guys would do in the comments.

No judgment if you are.

No.

No.

Text your mom every night before bed.

No, I think that one's, that one's nice.

I actually think that one's nice.

I can,

I'm a terrible texter.

Oh, I don't, I don't do that.

Yeah, no,

I would have a tough time.

But I think that that would be sweet.

Yeah, it's cute.

Top comment on this one.

I didn't grow up in an affectionate family, so physical affection was not something I was used to or experienced, which is why it has always felt weird to me when I saw it in other families.

The issue was with me, not them.

In fact, I found it odd when my friends would call their mom just for a chat.

My family only calls each other if someone dies or something else bad is happening.

It blew my mind that people called their family just for connection or for fun.

It is weird that we both just said we don't do that.

And I feel a little called out.

But I do call to check in, but I'm not like an everyday talk to my parents.

Like that is a lot with how much I have going on in my life.

You're a busy woman.

Every time you read me your schedule, I'm like, whoa.

Stop.

The comment goes on to say, in saying that, if this is making you uncomfortable, first look inwards and test your own personal experiences or perceptions, then talk to your partner about it.

But not in a way where there is blame or fault, but just to understand.

There's a reason you are weirded out by this, but you need to communicate to your partner.

Now I hug and kiss my kids whenever I can.

Physical affection is so important.

And I hope when my kids are in their 30s, we still hug and kiss on the cheek hello and goodbye.

And that they call me just for no reason other than to chat.

The cheek though.

The cheek.

Cheek?

I'm like,

I love how the French do it.

Just a little

bit.

Don't say that.

That's what I'm like.

What kind of kiss was he, were they giving each other?

Full lips still?

You still.

I mean, unless there's clarification.

So that one's tough for me.

But that's the thing.

Like, it's just what you and your family are used to.

Like, my dad's family, they are so affectionate.

Like, I'm pretty sure him and his brother give each other kisses.

Goodbye.

And I love that.

And that's great for them.

But like, I

wouldn't.

I can't.

Like, I.

I cannot.

I'm a hug.

I'll give you a hug, but.

I'll give you a hug.

And that's like pretty wild for me.

But then it's like, are we the messed up ones?

Well, that's why I'm saying that.

Are we broken?

Well, that's why I was saying that comments calling us out.

Maybe it's just us.

But I do think maybe it's a little bit of a call out.

But at the same time, I do think the mother is, there is like a bit of a step too far with what she's doing.

Even if we are a little weird.

I'm just curious if there's any other comments.

Someone goes, it doesn't sound like they are making out.

It just sounds affectionate.

Yeah.

Next one, I grew up in a super affectionate family too, and I'm all for hugs and kisses, but even I got secondhand ick reading this post.

There's a difference between love and low-key emotional enmeshment, and that line feels way crossed.

You're not crazy for feeling uncomfortable.

And then a lot of people are like, I also got the ick reading it, but I do wonder how much of it is OP projecting and describing it in a way that makes it seem weirder than it actually is.

Hmm.

That's interesting.

I know.

But I feel like some of those motions are like very hard to like

describe in a way that isn't how it actually is.

Like the coming up behind and giving a kiss on the back for 10 seconds.

Like, well, was hit her lips on him the whole time, or was it like a kiss and then like she just put her head in his back?

And we also, back to the kiss thing, she didn't clarify.

She just said kiss.

She didn't say on the lips.

She didn't say on the cheek.

She's leaving out a little bit of detail.

Maybe purposefully.

To like, because that's how just kiss sounds like

creepier than

a little kiss on the cheek.

Yeah.

A kiss on the cheek.

OP.

You're overreacting a little bit.

Hold lock and lips.

Then yeah,

maybe a little off.

That's just me.

Yeah.

That's just me.

But hey, you're out there.

You're a listener of the show.

Reddit account is three years old.

So it's likely not a fake throwaway account coming just to spam post us.

True.

So if you're out there and you're listening, we would like an update.

Thank you.

We would.

I also forgot that this was from

she's listening, maybe.

One of our own.

Maybe.

Well, we'll see.

We'll see.

Moving along to the next one here.

This is coming from our slash Am I the Asshole.

It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Shaming My Boyfriend Over His Weird Peeing Habit?

Does he like to pee outside?

My 25 female boyfriend, 22 male, is a great and considerate guy and usually extremely well-mannered.

Unfortunately, recently I learned about a really strange habit of his that concerns me.

When we were just dating and he was visiting me at my apartment, he never asked to use my bathroom.

I didn't ask if he needed to use it because I assumed, as an adult, he would let me know, like all of my friends do.

A few weeks into our relationship, he told me he would pee in the bushes behind the apartment complex.

I thought this was weird.

When I asked him why, he told me he didn't want to be rude.

I assumed he was just trying to be polite since he didn't know me well then, but it still really really didn't make sense to me.

He uses my bathroom with no issues now.

Several months after this, he visited my parents for the first time at their home.

He had already met them before, but this was the first time being in their house.

He was drinking a lot of water, so before we left, I asked him if he needed to use their bathroom since we had a long drive ahead of us.

He said he was good.

They also offered their bathroom, but he refused.

We stopped at Kroger as they were closing for drinks, which is is only a couple of minutes away.

When he got back into the car, he drove around to the back of the building, got out, and started peeing into the grass.

He said he didn't use the Kroger restrooms because they were closed.

I was baffled that he would rather pee outside than in my parents' clean and convenient bathroom.

He said he was being respectful.

I don't understand how using someone's bathroom after they offered it could be disrespectful or impolite.

We went river tubing yesterday, and rather than peeing before or after in one of the many restrooms on site, he peed in the middle of the river with tons of people around.

It was really quick, and no one noticed.

I scolded him for peeing in a public place with children around.

His explanations for peeing in weird places never really satisfy me.

I don't know how common this is for men, but I think it's abnormal.

Am I the asshole for telling him his habit is gross and disrespectful instead of polite like he insists?

I don't think so.

Yeah, I don't.

I can't think of a reason.

Other than it being maybe fun to pee elsewhere because he can.

I don't really.

I don't understand that it would be rude to pee in a bathroom.

I just don't.

It seems like he's going out of his way

to pee outside.

No, I think he thinks it's fun.

Or something creepier, but.

I know.

Now you wonder if he's got like this thing where he likes exposing himself to people.

Kind of feels like that a little bit.

Not to like take it right there, but.

I mean, did anyone else go there?

But I will say, OP does have an edit.

Okay.

Because when I heard like river, he peed, you know, in the river.

I'm like picturing him like outside of the river too, like peeing into the river.

Yep.

That's exactly what I was envisioning.

And OP does have an edit.

Okay.

He peed underwater in the river.

He did not whip it out in front of kids.

That's so different.

Who doesn't pee in lakes?

That's what I'm saying.

Is that just me?

Like, if I go in a lake and I'm sitting there bobbing in the water for a while, you're going to have to pee sometimes.

You're going to have to pee.

And then the only other thing I can think of is like, genuinely in the moment, he didn't need to pee.

Because I've had times where I've left, I'm like, I really don't have to pee.

Five minutes later, I'm like, I gotta pee.

Yeah, that is true.

Like, you've been sitting at a dinner table,

you know, bladder's been crunched.

You get up, you start walking around, then you're like, ooh,

actually.

Here it is.

i gotta go so like maybe that's it and then if the kroger bathroom was closed i would also go outside if i was a man

yeah so i don't know the river thing that clarification kind of changes things for me a little bit it's less weird it's way less weird it's less weird and it's just peeing in the river like

why did she describe it that way which i've heard is not good for you I've just pee in the river?

Yeah, I'd love for some pelvic floor people to chime in.

I've heard that it's not good to pee in the water.

I fear for my public, my public, pelvic floor.

Why?

Because are you a hoverer?

I just hold my pee a lot.

Like, why?

It's just fun.

I don't know.

What?

I get, I like, I'm like working and I'm like, well, if I stop, I'll get distracted.

I'm like, I can't go pee.

I don't know.

Well, there's a point where it is good to hold your pee to train your pelvic floor to be stronger.

Oh, then I'm going to have a really strong one.

But there's a balance.

Yeah, there's a balance.

No, it's not that bad.

It's not that bad.

Okay.

But yeah, I do hover.

No.

Oh, my God.

Sometimes.

Oh, my gosh.

Do what you got to do.

I know you've said it on here multiple times, and I take that.

I take it in, and then I say, I'm going to still hover.

Yeah, that's crazy.

I'm going to start taking like pelvic floor classes next year after I get my life back a little bit.

Like wedding planning and like just all the travel for work this year has been a lot.

Yeah.

What are the classes?

You just like, well, with occupational therapy, you can become a pelvic floor therapist.

Oh, okay.

So I just, I don't want to do it because I have this, but I just, I'm very curious about it.

I know.

Yeah.

Cool.

And you have to do continuing education anyways to maintain your, my license.

So I'm like, I'll just count towards my hours.

That's cool.

Yeah.

And you know stuff.

And then I learn more.

You can learn.

I told Justin I want to start taking like law classes to like learn how to be a lawyer.

Okay.

I'll be like Kim K, where it takes me like eight years to become a lawyer.

Hey, but then you know it.

I think it'd just be fascinating.

Yeah, lawyer speak is

unlike anything else.

They can speak and they can write.

Can't do either of those.

Really bad at both of those.

Same.

Same, actually.

How are we here?

So are you the asshole for shaming your boyfriend over his weirdness?

Now I kind of feel like you are.

The context is throwing me off now.

His excuses seem plausible.

Like his justification, like the Kroger bathroom was closed.

Yeah.

What am I going to do?

Wait, but now I'm going back to he didn't use her bathroom when he first met her and he went in the bushes.

That's weird.

It seems like he's just scared to ask people for things or like,

I've never asked someone for the, I'm like, I need to use the, but it's the restroom.

I mean, I've had people ask to use my restroom that like I was kind of surprised by.

So like if people can ask when they maybe shouldn't.

You can definitely ask when you're allowed to.

Yeah.

And like, that sounds weird.

Like I had someone like literally was like delivering a package to my neighbor and was like, hey, can I use your restroom?

And I was like,

did you let them?

No.

I was like, this is stranger danger.

I am.

But like, people are brazen.

Yeah.

No, I had.

the My Chemical Romance was happening at the Dodger Stadium.

Yeah.

And some girl dressed, she was like ready for the concert.

She came to our gate.

We were outside and she came to our gate and she was like, can I please, please use your restroom?

I'll trade you a joint to use your restroom.

Did you let her?

Well, my roommate was there and I was like, you got to take care of this.

But I was like, she looks like she really needs to pee.

I've done that in college.

Like if you're.

She looked like a college.

Like she was pretty young.

And I was like, she can use the restroom.

She looks like she's in pain.

Yeah.

But if my roommate wasn't there, or had it been a man, it might have been a different story.

Yeah.

No, that makes, that makes total sense.

I mean, shoot your shot, I guess.

But like, he's scared to ask for a bathroom.

Even when it's offered to him, he's scared to use someone's bathroom.

And you know what?

Now, this is a grown man, but when I was younger, I would be scared to ask, like, my friends were like, can I get a cup of water?

True.

I was scared to ask that.

So I can understand that, but when you need to pee, I don't, I think it's weirder to go in the bushes and then someone find out you went in the bushes than ask to use their restroom.

I agree.

He's he's also 22.

Yeah, he can ask for the restroom.

You can ask for the restroom.

But social anxiety.

But if you're dating someone,

I don't know.

Am I just being judgmental at that point?

I'm very perplexed by this.

I don't know.

I remember my little brother refused to pee inside when he was like six, and maybe that's him.

And he just never outgrew it.

Never outgrew it.

Top comment on this one: Have you ever been in his yard and stepped in dog shit only to realize he doesn't have a dog?

Oh, God.

The gross.

Ew.

Oh, my God.

Do you think he fees in his?

He, there's, no, no.

Okay.

This is crazy how much is like applying to these stories today.

So we were back home in Minnesota just now for two weeks,

and Justin was working on the fence with like, and he pooped.

This worker.

No, Justin.

Justin did not.

Justin would walk to the house.

But one of the workers that was also working on the fence like keeps toilet paper in his truck and then was just like, hey, buddy, you got to take a break.

I got to go take a shit.

And Justin's like, do you want to go?

Okay, like, okay.

Thinking he's going to the house, he grabs a roll of toilet paper out of his truck and walks to the woods.

And when he gets back, he says something like, got to do it like the bears do it.

Shit in the woods from time to time.

Meanwhile, there's a bathroom.

Like, just, you know, he just wanted to.

He just liked it.

Some people are just into it.

That's a different level because you got to dig a hole.

Yeah.

We also don't realize how much water helps.

Like if you've pooped outside and then compared it to pooping in a toilet, like water does so much for you.

Like with a bidet?

Like just the toilet bowl.

Like it contains the smell.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

Is different.

Contains the smell mostly.

Like if you poop outside, it's 20 times worse.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

That's the whole thing.

That doesn't sound fun.

Like, I could kind of understand why a man would find peeing outside fun.

I can't.

The poop is a different level.

It is.

A lot of people are like,

the comment after that is, close the thread.

We're done here.

Next one, thread's done.

Honestly, that dog shit comment sums up how weird his polite logic is.

You're not overreacting.

It's totally fair to call out stuff that's gross or disrespectful, even if he thinks he's being nice.

Next one down, what about the plants?

Leave the plants alone.

Yeah, the poor bushes.

Someone's like, if he was peeing on a lemon tree, it would make sense, but this is weird, unless he has extreme toilet anxiety and it is part of his quirks.

What would a lemon tree do?

So we had a story ages ago on this podcast where someone was writing in that their gardener keeps peeing on their trees.

And apparently, urine is really good for citrus trees.

That's so great to know.

I have an orange tree.

A lot of people...

Well, there you go.

I don't like peeing outside.

Like, guys are very fortunate to have a different experience.

But, like, to get up and you're just, like, soggy, because you never can drip dry completely.

No, and I'm not using a leaf.

No.

You never know what's on that leaf.

When I was hiking with my sisters, my oldest sister, she had to pee.

She peed outside like

a lot.

Okay.

She just had to keep going.

But she brought toilet paper with her.

So

did she take it with her, though?

Yeah.

Oh, you mean the toilet paper?

Yeah.

You know what?

I don't know what she did with that.

Because then it's like, I actually don't know where she put the toilet paper.

Because then it's like, wait, like, what do you do with that?

You leave it behind?

I mean, it's paper.

It's paper.

You know what?

Biodegradable.

I didn't even think about that.

I mean,

when you go camping and you poop, you just bury your paper.

Well, or do some people take it?

Well, I've only been on campsites where there's like a toilet.

I'm not that hardcore of of a camper.

If you are a hardcore camper and you are pooping in the woods a lot, do you bury your paper or do you take it with you?

Because I would actually like to know for like just in case I come into this.

I would like to know because I know that's one of the reasons I will never go to Mount Everest.

There's just a bunch of poop up there.

Well, that makes sense.

In the snow.

I'm more scared of an avalanche than the poop.

The poop and all the other bodies out there.

There's so many dead bodies on your.

You just hike and there's bodies.

God.

Sometimes the bodies shake loose and then they just like go down the hill.

Didn't you see the video?

No.

I don't know if you're in the middle.

One of the main bodies that people would take pictures of on their way up got loose and rolled down the hill.

Are you joking?

No.

People take pictures.

Number one, people would take pictures of the body.

Oh, they're famous, like green boots or whatever they call the one.

There's a whole documentary on this one guy that actually just went up to get his brother's body because he wanted it back.

Yeah.

Which like, no, that wouldn't make sense.

But, like, yeah, there's a lot of bodies up there.

I think I'd be pissed off if someone was like taking pictures of my loved one up there.

Yeah.

That's tough.

I didn't know about that.

Okay.

I know.

Well, now you know.

Now you've de-influenced me from ever wanting to do Mount Everest.

No, I think out of anyone I know, I feel like you could do it.

Well, thank you.

I feel like you could do it.

I think I could make it to the base camp.

I don't know if I could get any further.

I don't want to try.

I don't want to try.

Yeah.

Justin, one of his best friends, his fiancé, just like randomly was like, I'm going to do Kilmanjaro and did it.

Hell yeah.

Like, what?

She's just a little bad.

I love that.

Say you're going to do something.

Go do it.

Crazy.

Crazy.

But moving along to this next one.

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Okay, buckle up, y'all.

This is another one that was originally posted to our two hot takes subreddit.

Yes, I love these, They feel so much more personal.

Knowing that it's like one of us out there.

Yeah, and that they will really actually maybe hear what we have to say about it.

I know.

I just want to story.

That's one thing, too, when people are like, Do you think all the stories you read are real?

And I feel like, yeah, most of them, obviously, it's Reddit.

We're going to get some that are fake and spammy and whatever.

But it doesn't mean that even the fake ones haven't happened to someone because anything is possible in this world.

But when I meet someone at a live show and they're like, this happened to me.

and oh my God, you should talk about it on the show.

I'm like, uh-huh.

I'm like, if that's happening to a real person I'm meeting, then all these other ones are very plausible.

Oh, yeah.

This one, very plausible.

Here we go.

My old stalker is back and my husband is making me feel like I'm the crazy one.

Hi, sorry.

This is my first time writing in and I don't know what to do.

So I'm just going to jump in.

I'm using a throwaway because I'm sure my actual account is being watched.

Also, fake names.

So I, 32 female, and my husband, 33 male, have been arguing a lot recently over my old stalker.

For some background, back in college, I was 24, I dated a guy, let's call him Fred, for around two months.

Fred was interesting, to say the least.

To save time, he had several red flags once we started dating, so I dumped him.

Fred acted like he couldn't care less, so I thought that was that.

A few months go by, and I'm starting to see Fred everywhere.

I see him at the grocery store I go to, my go-to nail place, my favorite restaurants, etc.

I thought it was just a weird coincidence, so I left it at that.

A year after our breakup, he starts messaging me, telling me he was the happiest with me and that he misses me so much.

I called bullshit and I blocked him.

Then things escalated.

Fred changed numbers every time I blocked him, made new social media accounts, and I started seeing his car everywhere.

I tried getting a restraining order against Fred, but since he hadn't done anything to me, they couldn't do anything.

A few months later, I was walking in my car at night.

Fred, coincidentally, saw me walking alone and offered me a ride home.

I said no, that I had my own car, and I kept walking.

Fred proceeded to get out of his car and tried pushing me into his car.

I punched him and ran to my car.

Hell yeah.

I drove away, and luckily, he didn't follow.

I tried again to get a restraining order, but it was basically his word against mine.

They gave me a temporary restraining order, but that's it.

I was terrified of even walking outside and deleted all my socials.

Thankfully, a very close friend, let's call him Pete, stepped in to defend me.

Pete ended up threatening Fred, and I finally stopped hearing from Fred.

I felt free and slowly got back into my normal life.

Now to present day.

I'm now married to my husband.

I've graduated from college and live alone with my husband.

We moved to a nearby city and bought a house together.

Sadly, a month ago, Pete died during his sleep, and I was absolutely devastated.

I've known Pete since I was in high school, and he was my closest friend.

To be honest, I'm still not over his death, and sometimes I can't believe he's gone.

But guess who heard about his death?

That's right, folks.

Fred found out and is now back.

I received texts from Fred a few days after Pete died.

I now see him everywhere, and he's insisting that we talk.

I just walk away and ignore him.

I've reported him, but nothing has happened.

So I deleted my socials again.

Friends have been telling me Fred has been asking around about me.

He's asked if I moved, what I am doing lately, if I have other social media accounts, etc.

I'm honestly terrified.

I've moved since I finished college, but somehow I see him at my gym, grocery store, park, et cetera.

It honestly makes me believe he never stopped watching me, and it's terrifying.

Ew.

I've told my husband about everything, and he says I'm overreacting, or just plain ignores my concerns and changes the subject.

I've argued that he doesn't care, and he argues back, asking, what do I expect him to do?

He says that Fred doesn't know where we live and that we'll just change gyms.

My husband is telling me to change my regular routine and stop going to certain places.

He says it's no big deal, and Fred is harmless.

I'm like, Fred tried to force me into his car.

How is that harmless?

My husband has been distant ever since this started, and I feel alone.

I don't want to tell my friends in fear they will tell Fred.

I can't go to my family because I'm in no contact with them.

And of course, my husband could not care less.

I need advice.

What do I do?

Am I crazy?

Should I just change my gym and my routine, like how my husband says?

Part of me just wants to move completely, but another part is basically asking myself: why do I have to uproot my life and change everything because of him?

Can't he just leave me alone?

It's been like 10 years already, and I want to move on from this.

Should I just talk to Fred hoping he'll finally leave me alone?

No.

That's really tough.

This is terrifying.

Also, well, number one, your husband sucks.

Absolutely.

What?

At the very, like, even if you don't understand like the idea of someone stalking you, you should still like

feel her fear and like be supportive of her and help her out.

It's insane.

If I told Justin, I have a stalker and I'm scared.

The last thing he would be like is, oh, well, change your team.

I guess you shouldn't get your coffee anymore and you shouldn't do this and you shouldn't do that.

Like, he's, he's fine.

They're fine.

Also, what do you think is like, he's just going to relearn her routine.

He's learned it now.

Why would he not relearn it?

How is that going to help?

Stalkers adapt.

Like, Paul Hondra has talked about having a stalker way in the past on an episode.

And like, they adapt.

They find different ways to get to you.

Like, when they're that unhinged in the head, it doesn't matter what you do.

They are going to find a way.

He also clearly knows where they live.

Why would he not?

Oh, he does.

He has to.

All All he has to do is watch her come out of her house and see what her new routine is.

I just don't think that would be that hard.

I mean, if he already knows what gym she's going to, you just follow her home from the gym.

Exactly.

Like, it's so, so unhinged.

To say he doesn't know where they live is actually crazy.

Yeah.

And, like,

he definitely knows where you live.

If he's finding you at the gym, he probably already put a tracker on your car.

I see.

I'm not even thinking that far.

You're right.

Yeah.

She's, there could be a tracker anywhere.

Yeah.

You, you immediately have to start like getting those those little scanners and making sure there's no hidden cameras on your stuff.

Like

I don't think she's being paranoid.

I don't think she's overreacting.

Coincidence.

No.

No.

There's no coincidences with stalkers.

No.

That he gets threatened and then wants also sorry for your friend.

Yeah.

So sorry for that.

And that you have to deal with this as well.

And the fact that then you're going through this insane, tragic loss of your best friend and you have your stalker reach out days later.

That's like almost

it like overwrites.

Like you're already sad about this and then the fear is just going to be like even worse.

Completely overwhelming.

I mean the fight or flight response, your nervous system, like I would be,

I would be crashing out.

Like I would be really, really difficult for me.

And the thing is, I don't know what the solution is.

I mean, because the police are no help.

Until something terrible happens, which sucks.

It's like, what are they, I mean, they've already told her they can't do anything, which is stupid.

I know.

It's really, really

unfortunate how bad our system is at dealing with restraining orders and protecting people, especially women.

There was just a double homicide in, I believe, New York.

And this woman was a veterinarian.

Her ex-boyfriend was a cop.

And he kept harassing her, kept stalking her.

She tried to file a restraining order after restraining order.

It's going to be harder because he's in with them.

Yeah.

And so she didn't get it she started dating this new guy who was either a firefighter or like volunteer firefighter and the cop ex-boyfriend came in and killed them both

like believe people like if you're out there in law enforcement like take the report like i would rather be safe than sorry like but can they like legally just not take like what i don't understand i don't i don't know i don't know i don't know and i i wonder if there's anyone out there like who's involved on this side of things whether law enforcement or lawyers like do you say like, I want you to then document that you're not filing something?

Like, can you ask for that?

Yeah.

Like, does that help?

Can you get a report that or a statement that you came in and attempted to file?

Like, just by the time, like, there's enough evidence to file, it's kind of already too late.

I know.

And it shouldn't be like that.

Like,

I mean, what, what harm does a restraining order cause?

Like, if someone's coming in genuinely out of fear and saying, hey, can I have a restraining order?

Or even like something maybe not as serious, like a temporary protective order.

I'm not sure in the scale of things, which is

ask for the less severe one and just

something.

To have documentation at the very least, but like, but you need the people on the other side, the law enforcement agencies, to like, there needs to be an initiative there where people are believed and helped.

Yeah.

It's really frustrating.

Really frustrating.

Because, like, the only thing that I can think of is somebody somebody else in her circle threatening him again.

And I don't know what the relationship between Fred and Pete were.

Like, yeah.

Clearly, Pete's threat was like severe.

Like, he was scared of Pete.

I mean, he stayed away for about 10 years.

Supposedly.

That had other comments.

Which is also really spooky.

I know that comment from OP, where it's like, I don't think he ever really went away.

Like, that's a good idea.

That would actually

have your whole sense of peace just like shattered.

Because, like, if he wanted to to stalk her and not be seen, he could do that.

He clearly wants to be seen.

Yeah,

insane.

Top comment on the post.

I would actually consider divorce over this.

The way he is completely dismissing your very valid fears would be a deal breaker for me.

He says Fred is harmless.

Ask him what makes him believe that.

The fact he is telling you to just change your routine makes my blood boil.

If you change your routine, the stalker feels satisfaction because he is able to control part of your life by what he is doing.

I didn't even think about it like that either.

That is terrifying.

From a psychologist, he knows he's getting to you.

Yep.

And then next comment down, yeah, quote, husband, if Fred is harmless, as you say, why should I change my routine?

Those two things don't go together.

I don't think he cares at all.

No.

I don't think he believes her.

Someone goes, I've been around long enough to be suspicious that maybe Fred wrote the husband a letter or met him somewhere and had a brief conversation.

And that's why he deemed Fred as harmless.

Because a man talks to another man and therefore he is harmless.

That would, if I was a husband, that would weird me out.

I know.

What?

What?

Yeah.

A lot of people are just irate at the husband.

I'd call husband on his bluff and demand we move states or even countries.

Okay, darling, your idea is really great.

Let's change our routine by moving away from Fred.

But realistically, divorce.

I think just the way he like doesn't care at all is like

divorce-worthy.

Yeah.

It's insane.

We do have a couple comments from OP.

People are asking, like, what does your husband like actually think?

And OP goes, my husband thinks I'm overreacting and says if anything happens, that Fred will end up in jail.

And I hate when he says that because what does that even mean?

If anything happens,

what if she dies?

That is a very real reality when you have someone this unhinged.

Right.

And OP goes on to say, do I have to end up in a ditch before I can finally be left alone?

That's what I'm saying.

What do you mean?

I think this man just has, like,

I don't even know what it would be called, but you know how men are just not scared of like

being harassed the way women are.

He just has like no concept of what it would be like.

Yeah, and I think that's like, that's kind of a common thing, maybe.

But you should still have empathy for what your partner is saying you absolutely should and I'm really curious like because I've asked Justin about this and I'm like do you ever think about getting kidnapped and his answer is no and so maybe that's kind of the same thing where it's like a lot of you know guys out there can't really conceptualize the fear from a stalker because it's not a real fear for them or it's not an everyday thing you're gonna leave your house and have that thought thing yeah and i know there's always exceptions to the rule but like if you're a guy out there listening, like, I don't know, like, can you be empathetic even though it's not a real fear for you?

100%.

I would assume so.

100%.

Especially when it's your partner.

Your partner says, I'm scared.

And you're like, meh.

And

Fred will go to jail if anything happens.

What?

You don't understand.

the law at all or our justice system at all.

That is a lack of knowledge.

What has to happen, babe?

Yeah, something illegal.

Why do I have to be collateral damaged?

Because Fred can't get a clue.

Right.

I hate him.

Dumb man.

I know.

OP does go on to say in another comment, I do have a protection pack and I carry a bat in my car just in case.

Ooh, she's ready.

I've been changing up my routine, hoping I won't see him.

And it's worked a bit, but not entirely.

Yeah, because he's still going to figure it out.

It might help.

It might work for like a couple days until he relearns.

So we do get an update.

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I'm stressed about this update, actually.

Yeah, so this update came a day later.

Small update and some information about my stalker situation.

I'm still new to posting on Reddit.

So for the first part of my post, it should be on my account.

My friends don't talk to Fred and they are aware of the situation.

Fred has reached out to them randomly asking about me.

They have reported and blocked him as well.

Now for the update.

Last night, I decided to have a serious conversation with my husband one last time.

I sat down with him and explained the whole situation again.

Told him how scared I've been and that he needs to take this seriously.

I wanted to show him how terrified I was, how small I've been made to feel, not just by Fred, but also him.

How his lack of support and concern for my own safety is making me question our marriage.

I asked if he'd even do anything if I was found in a ditch.

That is sad that you have to say that.

Yeah.

He was silent the whole time while looking at the floor.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I got up to pack my things.

My husband proceeded to cry.

He apologized and said he'd make this right.

Good.

He said he didn't want to overreact in fear of scaring me more, but when in reality, it made me feel alone.

My husband has been looking into Fred without my knowledge and has found out where he works, lives, and even Fred's family contact info.

He wanted to gather more information about Fred before contacting a lawyer.

I'm like so shocked by that.

I'm confused.

Buddy, you don't have to keep the tough front up.

Tell me.

Tell me you're on my team.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

What is he thinking?

Like, no, no, no.

Great.

I'm so glad you're doing this.

I'm so glad you're doing this.

But come on, man.

Make her feel good.

Like, make her feel safe.

Make her feelings feel validated.

That's what everyone wants in a partner.

Like, at a base level, like, just cheer me.

She's going to help you look into him, too.

You don't got to go do this by yourself.

You're not Batman.

Come on.

But, like, thanks for doing that, man.

We're both taking a few days off of work to get our ducks in a row.

We're getting a lawyer and gathering evidence of Fred's harassment.

We're also currently looking for a therapist so we can both talk about this whole situation and other issues we have in our marriage.

I also have some voicemails Fred has left me, and I officially think he's lost it.

I have an Apple iPhone, and you're able to see voicemails from blocked numbers.

Some of the messages are of him saying straight-up gibberish, while others are as if he's having a conversation with me.

He says things like, quote, oh yeah, babe, I get off of work late, so tonight is a no-go, or quote, I'm off, so you can come pick it up right now.

No,

yeah, I don't know.

I can't do this anymore.

There's a lot of fashion in my life.

It sounds like he's having a conversation, but it's no one else, just him.

And it's terrifying.

Well, he's probably on drugs or something.

Or having an act of psychosis.

Yeah, that's true.

My husband does feel bad and is trying his best to console me.

He has apologized repeatedly for making me feel lonely and has been more supportive and open.

Currently, he's looking through my car to check if there's anything that might be giving my location to Fred.

I'll keep you all updated if we find anything or if anything else happens.

Thank you for all the advice and support.

And OP ends it with: I've posted another update.

I think you can find it on my post.

I was just be like, I just need the next update.

So the first update was coming from May 23rd of this year.

The second update is June 6th.

So,

13 days later, almost two weeks later?

Update number two.

Wasn't sure if I should make an update, but decided to, anyways, to maybe get some more advice.

Thank you to everyone who gave me advice and encouragement.

I finished listening to the book, The Gift of Fear, and it really opened my eyes to a lot.

Now, on to the update.

After my husband didn't find anything in my car, I still felt something wrong, so I took people's advice and took my car to a mechanic.

Told the mechanic about my situation and if he could take a look at my car.

And to my horror, a couple of days later, my mechanic found a small little cube that was placed under my car.

At first, I really wanted to believe it was just a part of my car or something, but my mechanic explained that it wasn't and it was deliberately hidden.

The cube is really small and magnetic.

I called my lawyer right then and told them everything.

I got pictures of the GPS and where it was placed.

I thanked the mechanic and drove to my lawyer's office.

At this point, I was shaking and wanted to cry.

How long had the GPS been there?

How long has Fred been following me without me knowing?

Was he watching me at that moment?

Is he going to add another one?

I called my husband to meet me at the lawyer's office and told him everything.

At the office, I just wanted to disappear.

I wanted to run away and not look back.

I was terrified and I felt so violated.

Knowing I was being watched for who knows how long, with everything we had gathered, my lawyer was able to get a temporary restraining that same day.

Thank God.

We are currently going through the process of getting a restraining order while I will have to go to court and see Fred again.

That sucks.

My lawyer says the process can be long and draining, but it's something I need to do to get for my own safety.

I got a bit scared and had my husband's car also checked for anything.

Thankfully, nothing was found in his car.

I started feeling watched at home, so I had my whole house turned upside down looking for anything maybe Fred had placed there.

Again, thankfully, nothing was found.

I've told neighbors about what we found and to keep an eye out for anyone suspicious.

I've also started my safety training for handling a gun and shooting and still trying to get my CCW, but it can be a long process.

Thank you again for everyone who has given me advice, and I'll keep you updated if Creepy Fred tries anything.

Wow.

Wow.

That sucks that she has to do all of that.

But I think, I mean, you said it from the beginning.

There was probably something on her car.

I mean, and I do know, I did know that they like to hide those.

Like,

you can't just like, oh, what's this?

Well, and the hard part is too, like,

this wasn't an air tag.

So if, like, if someone places an air tag on your car and you have an iPhone, your iPhone notices

the two following you and will say, like, unknown air tag, is this yours?

It even does it with AirPod Pros if they're in the case.

Oh, yeah, mine will be like, left behind.

You left them behind.

Or like, if I have Justin's like in my bag, because I borrowed them, and I'm driving all over town, like running errands, it will be like, Apple device following you.

Is this yours?

It'll even prompt me with the AirPods because people were leaving one AirPod behind as like a trick.

So Apple has like, seemingly

put in measures that help protect people from their devices getting used inappropriately.

Yeah, but this wasn't an air attack.

No, and it was clearly.

Why are these a thing?

Like, why are these being made?

It's really crappy.

And they're not, like, looking here, they're not even expensive.

Like, you can get a tracking cube like this for $24.95.

There's no way.

What did you search?

Tracking cube?

Small tracking cube magnetic.

Nice.

And there's so many.

It's literally, there's a product called Cube Tracker, one-year battery life, 4G LTE real-time tracking, $74.99.

So he just goes in every year and replaces his cube.

Magnetic car GPS tracker, one-year battery.

Like, there's multiple of these things on the market.

And why does somebody need that?

I mean, I get it if you're going to like put it on your car as a safety feature.

Like, if you have a brand new car and it's prone to getting.

But then people can disable the air tags.

So it's like, they have products like this.

But that's the hard part.

Like, there's so many products on the market that are meant for good.

It's meant for good.

And then the evil, they find the evil.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just like AI, but that's a whole other topic.

Yeah.

I just saw, though, that companies are like scaling back their AI because it hasn't made them any money.

It's like just had a huge loss.

Good.

That's stupid.

I haven't, I hate AI.

I

don't understand it.

Like, I think in certain regards, it can be used to increase your productivity.

Like, I know someone that uses it constantly to help with their schedules or meal plans or things like that.

It's also really bad for the environment.

And there's that, but then some people will argue and say, well, if you eat cow, if you eat red meat, that's way worse than AI.

No, I do.

I think AI is the worst, but yeah, eating meat is also terrible for the environment.

Yeah.

Factory farming is a big contributor.

Listen, I was a vegetarian for eight years.

I tried my best.

Wow.

That is a big commitment.

It was.

See, I don't, I'm off the cow for the most part.

Not I'm off the cow.

I'm off the cow, except like around my period, all I crave is a chasburger.

Okay.

So I have an occasional burger.

That's fine.

Dude, habit burger, you should sponsor me because those little grilled onions on those burgers, ooh, ooh, they're good.

I, yeah.

I'm really hungry right now.

But

yeah, I mean,

seemingly like positive update.

That's the last update we have.

Oh.

So I expected another one.

I'm not going to lie.

OP hasn't posted anything in.

Well, I wonder if she like just shouldn't be sharing information about what's going on as well.

Is that?

And a lawyer might have told her that because OP hasn't shared any new information in three months.

She's probably just going through it.

Yeah.

But I mean, restraining order was granted.

Yeah.

And then lawyer said, you're going to have to go to court.

And it's just a process.

And that is really hard.

Like, imagine being so scared of someone and then you have to go face them in court.

Like that's horrific.

I remember when I was working at one of my mental health facility jobs, I had boiling coffee thrown on me.

Yay.

And the police showed up.

They took my report and they were like, do you want to press charges?

And where did they throw it on you?

Like all over my arm and like my, my like neck and chest.

And I was wearing like a sweater and like still got like second degree birth.

No, that's, it's, yeah.

It was, I mean, it was boiling water.

Yeah.

And I remember them just being like, you'll have to go to court.

And like, she might show up to court, but like, she's, you know, obviously a resident of this facility.

Like the chances of her showing up aren't even good.

They're like, you might not even want to press charges.

And that

like they really discouraged me not to.

And I do understand that because it's like, oh, I would have had to deal with her again.

I would have had to face her again and all this stuff.

And I'm like, at the time, I was younger, like in grad school, didn't really know what to do.

And in my head, I'm like, well, these police are telling me not to press charges.

And like, yeah, I don't, I don't want to see Janet again.

Like,

I guess I better not.

But in this regard, like, this is someone

who has truly tormented her.

And I can't even imagine how difficult that would be.

I think just like, that sucks that she has to deal with this.

She didn't ask for any of this.

She's just like, like, you either get stalked or you have to go through all of this.

Yeah, added salt in the wound or another layer of trauma that you did not need and is not your fault, but are getting put in.

But you have to deal with it.

Especially when the husband was not on board at first, because then there's this added layer of like, I mean, the original title.

My old stalker is back, and my husband is making me feel like I'm the crazy one.

Like your person who's supposed to believe you, love you, protect you, isn't doing any of those things.

I would love to know what he was like thinking in his brain to be like, hmm, this is a good idea to like pretend I don't give, I don't care.

And that's so strange because in the background, he's doing all this detective work into him.

So it, it just goes against what he's saying because he does believe her.

Yeah.

So just tell her.

Tell her that.

Yeah.

What?

I know.

Don't try to play it cool, you guys.

Like if

your partner is out there and you just, just be on the same page.

Like, I hear you.

Yeah.

What can I do to support you?

Like, even if you don't know what to do, because I find like me and Justin, sometimes like I'll be venting.

I'll be so stressed.

I'll have this big issue.

And he'll try to like

give solutions, but like then it just like makes me feel worse.

In those times, like we've kind of come up with this like strategy because of things I've learned.

And it's like, do you want help, a hug, or support?

Like, what do you want?

And, like, if he, he'll start to ask me that now, and I'm like, I just want to feel like I'm being heard.

Yeah, just listen to that.

That's it.

Like,

that's it.

Sometimes there's not really a solution.

It's just like, this is just, it is what it is.

Yeah, like, that's super shitty, babe.

Like, I'm so sorry you're going through that.

Do you want to go get a burger?

Nice little distraction.

Are you on the cow this week?

Yeah.

And also, like,

maybe I'm wrong, but I just feel like if they had investigated together, it would have maybe like strengthened their relationship as well.

If they were like doing all this work together.

So I'm just confused about him.

I think that absolutely would have strengthened their bond.

Because then it's like, she feels supported.

She feels hurt.

She's got an ally in this fight.

Cause like, I mean, the main thing was, is like, I have nobody in her original post.

My friends aren't close to him.

I don't want to tell them.

I don't want it to get back to Fred.

Don't have a relationship with my parents.

My husband, like, her husband really just like added that extra layer for no reason.

Absolutely.

Damn.

Don't do what he did.

OP, if you're out there listening, I hope all is well.

If you can't update again because of legal stuff, totally understand.

Feel free to send me a direct message on Reddit.

But I really hope you're doing well and are safe and Fred is no more.

Yeah.

screw Fred.

Fuck Fred.

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Okay, I'm going to give you a choice.

Okay.

Oh, okay.

This first one is titled, Husband is Leaving Me, but Won't Give Me a Reason.

Big, okay.

Option number two:

Me, 26 female, and boyfriend, 29 male, of three years, just had our first baby.

We're white, baby is black.

I have a close black ancestor, but significant other is furious and accusing me of cheating.

Hmm.

Probably that one.

There's more going on there.

There's a lot going on here.

As the title says, me and my significant other just had our first baby.

We're over the moon when we discovered the pregnancy, and we were both really excited to have a child together.

We want, or wanted, to get married next year, and everything was going great.

We were happy.

We both look very white, pale skin, blue eyes, brown, and blonde hair.

However, my great-great-grandpa was black, and some of his features have popped up here and there in our family.

Textured hair, darker skin, more

quote, black-looking facial characteristics.

My significant other knows this and has seen some of my aunts, uncles, and cousins who have these features.

I don't have any myself, and neither does my mom.

Our daughter was born five days ago, and I guess she just got all of the dormant genes in me because she's really dark-skinned compared to us with really curly hair.

I think she's adorable, but my significant other flipped.

He accused me of cheating, that the baby couldn't possibly be his.

I've never given him a reason to suspect me of infidelity, and I've certainly never cheated.

We argued about it.

I pointed at all of my cousins and other relatives who have these features, and he absolutely refused to listen.

Said our daughter looked too black for that to be plausible.

Ew.

He stormed out of the hospital, sent me a text an hour later that we were over, and when I got home from the hospital the next day, he wasn't there, and most of his personal belongings were gone.

I tried to reach him, but he didn't answer my calls or texts until three days later, when he told me he demanded a paternity test to prove that I was a liar.

And I bet it came back correct.

And if I refuse, I'll never see him again.

I feel like I would get the test just to like shove it in his face.

I'm completely broken down and hurt over this.

Our entire relationship, he's been so sweet and rational.

This is completely unlike him.

If he had just calmly asked for a paternity test to begin with, I would have been hurt, but I guess I could have understood the concerns.

Our daughter looks nothing like him.

But I don't think our relationship can survive this, even when I prove to him I wasn't lying.

Should I go through with the test or just cut my losses here and raise her alone?

I would do both.

One to shove it in his face, two,

don't go back with him.

You have to get this done now.

Yeah, no, no, for sure.

Just because, like, what do you mean?

It's...

Genetics are crazy.

Yeah, I was like, I don't know that much about genetics, but if...

There's family history.

I mean, you have your ethnicity.

You have your family tree.

You know what your genetics could potentially be.

And

you're not surprised.

Like you have other family members that share these features.

And like, it's very clear that OP understands it.

So it probably was a conversation before.

And it's clearly a conversation now.

So

the fact that he just like storms out, goes home, packs his stuff, leaves, ignores.

He's pissed that it doesn't look like, but it's also giving like,

I mean, it feels racist to me.

It does feel racist.

And to just jump from that to that, like

babies look so different when they're born anyway.

Some babies are born with bright blue eyes and then their eyes turn completely different colors.

Alejandra, when she was born, was pale, pale.

Oh, really?

Like, really pale.

To where,

I forget, she's talked about it on an episode, but her mom was like,

whose baby is that?

How did this happen?

Because her mom is a Latina.

Like, so she, she was confused.

She's like, why is that baby so white?

Like, they called her Casper when she was little because she was super pale.

And I'm pretty sure she had, like, red hair.

Red hair.

That's right.

I know.

So it's like, you never know what you're going to get.

That little thing was just smushed up in a, in a belly for 90 days.

She just popped out.

Give her a break.

It can be flat.

Like, they can come out with cone heads.

They're not looking their best.

You don't know what you're going to get.

You got to give it some time to like, you know, cook out of the oven.

Yeah, I think like the

first view of a baby when they come out is not what they're going to look like even in a couple months.

No, have you seen that trend on TikTok where I deleted my TikTok?

Oh, good for you.

Well, there was this trend, and it was moms, parents, sharing pictures of their baby, and they were like, I thought my kid was so cute when they were born, but wow, was I like mom blind or whatever they call it?

Sure.

Yeah.

And cute picture, and you swipe, and it's an alien.

It does not look like the same kid.

Yeah, babies are

babies are kind of ugly sometimes.

If babies are

ugly, there's something.

There's something.

Yeah.

So to have that initial reaction of just like,

I don't know, just to accuse it.

Like he just wanted a reason to get away.

Like he wanted out.

Well, from parenting.

It seems like that.

And imagine, like, even if this is the case, like, this is still your partner of multiple years, you planned on getting married.

They're postpartum and you're just going to do this to them.

And granted, if there was cheating, I know,

you know, he's hurting,

but don't jump to conclusions before you have all the information.

Like, just take a breath.

Yeah, but don't you think like

if she had cheated

and she was prepared for the baby to come out looking like the man she cheated with,

it would have gone differently.

Like she would have maybe been like, don't be there when the baby's born.

Yeah, like she would have been mentally prepared for such a thing.

Like, you hear of that happening, though.

But then that story,

was it on Patreon about the guy,

the woman calling her husband, and she like heard him having sex on the train, and he was just like, yeah, no, no, no.

Oh, my God.

I guess she could have done the same thing, but

people, yeah.

Well, this episode was twists and turns.

But I believe her.

I don't think she cheated.

Let's see what the update says.

But my vote is

you got to get the test done and then be done.

Yeah, you just do it to prove your point and show him that he is an asshole for doing what he's doing.

But like, he's out for sure.

Yeah.

There is an edit on this post.

I decided to get the test done.

I'll update you all when I get the results.

I'm still angry, but I guess I understand him a bit better now.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We don't understand him at all.

Yeah.

A lot of people were like, like, hey, his feels are valid.

And, you know, it's hard when a baby comes out not looking like you.

I mean, I could understand an initial shock of being like, hey, this baby doesn't look anything like me.

But like

to jump to cheat, I don't know.

That doesn't feel right.

Even if you jump to cheating, it's a huge overreaction.

to abandon your partner in the hospital and move your stuff out before when they get home from the hospital.

Because you have to, until the test is done, I think you still have to assume it is your kid.

A rational person

probably would.

Him?

He doesn't seem rational, yeah.

He seems dumb.

Doesn't even stupid.

Doesn't even know how a big punis square works.

I don't think I do either, but like, I know it better than he does.

A lot of other comments.

OP does reply to a couple of them.

Someone goes, you're going to need a DNA test for child support, so you may as well get one now.

What you choose to do about the relationship is up to you, but you're going to need the child support.

And OP goes, Wow, I've been so caught up in this whole drama and taking care of baby, I hadn't even thought about child support.

You're right, I'll get the test done.

If only to make sure baby gets the best life possible.

Yes.

Someone else goes, People are surprisingly ignorant of how genetics work.

Anyways, get the paternity test just for his peace of mind, but understand that your relationship is irreparably broken and that he may sadly never show your daughter the sort of love or affection a father should show his child.

This is a heartbreaking situation.

I feel most for the baby and you, of course.

But that little girl is going to face a lot of challenges in life looking like a black child to white parents.

Talk to your more black-looking relatives about this and do research on how to talk to your daughter about her ancestry and prepare her for some of the more stupid, bigoted, ridiculous things people are bound to say.

And I hate that.

That's so stupid.

It's just disgusting.

Who cares?

Just people are people.

Like, what?

I don't, the hierarchy, I don't know.

Like, it's still a thing all over the world.

And like, certain

class systems are still a thing, places.

And it's just like, it's,

I want to get to a place where world peace like is actually like a thing.

It's crazy.

Yeah, we gotta, we have a lot of changes to do before we get some world peace happening.

But yeah, world peace sounds great.

World peace.

Love it.

So we do get an update.

Thank God.

Comes five days later.

Hey guys, first off, I want to say thank you to all the original commenters who helped me see my significant other's side and calmed me down enough to take the test.

Well, the results are in, and of course she's his.

The whole process was absolutely ridiculous.

I got an appointment with the doctor and texted significant other the time and location.

He didn't answer, but showed up.

And the entire time, he didn't say one word to to me and he didn't want to touch or even look at baby and left as soon as they'd taken his sample, despite the doctor asking him to stay so we could go over a few things.

Once he left, I just broke down and I must say the doctor was really nice, didn't judge me or accuse me of anything, just calmly went over how the test works and told me babies are often born darker than they actually end up being.

Baby was an absolute champ, barely fussed when they drew her blood.

I got the results yesterday.

I texted significant other the news and asked if he wanted to come over and open it with me.

After almost half an hour, he finally responded: yes, he'd like to come over.

I'm thinking he either sent it while on his way or he's not staying very far away because he was here in about 15 minutes.

Well, we opened it and read the positive test together.

He turned white like a sheet and then just started bawling.

I had to shush him because he was crying so loudly.

And finally, I got an explanation for his flipout.

I mentioned in a comment on the old post that he was an only child to very old parents.

His dad died a few years ago, and his mom lives alone a few hours' drive from us.

I haven't met her often, but she seemed pleasant enough.

Turns out, she hates me.

Absolutely hates my guts and always has.

I had no idea about this.

She always acted kind of snobby, sure, but I had no idea she disliked me this much.

When Significant Other called her to tell her the good news eight months back, when we discovered the pregnancy, she started crying.

He never told me this.

And as the months passed, she continued being super negative about the whole thing and saying she doubted the baby was actually his.

I was below them.

Poor people cheat because they're raised in a fucked up environment.

What the fuck?

And instead of talking to me about this, Significant Other kept silent while constantly doubting me more and more.

Baby being black just put the final nail in the coffin that his mother was right and I was a good-for-nothing cheating bitch.

After telling me all of this, we just sat in silence for a while.

We're just taking his mother's

accusation with no proof or anything to heart like that.

I'm so confused.

Also, fuck her.

Yeah.

Poor people cheat because they're raised in a fucked up environment.

That was like, that was her reasoning.

I don't understand.

Okay, lady.

Finally, he asked if he could hold the baby.

I was still angry as hell, but decided that holding her was his right.

He's her father after all.

I went and got her from her crib, let him have her, and he started crying again, which scared her, and she started crying too.

So they were just sitting there bawling together for a while.

Finally, he stopped, handed her back, and asked if he could come home.

No,

don't do it.

I was kind of taken aback.

I didn't expect him to just flat out ask that already.

I laid out everything, I said said in the last thread how insanely disrespectful and childish he'd been, how he'd horribly broken my trust, hadn't talked to me about his mom's poisonous and ignorant comments, completely ignored me for three days, not telling me where he was or if he's even alive.

And then he just waltzes in and wants to start living here again.

I told him if he ever wanted to have some inkling of a chance of mending the relationship, we had to go to couples therapy ASAP.

From now on, he will answer my calls and messages unless there's an emergency.

He will not be staying here for a while.

And finally, he needs to tell his mom to back the fuck off.

She will not be seeing baby until she apologizes to me in person.

He immediately agreed and finally told me how sorry he was for this whole fiasco.

I'm not sure if I can forgive him for this, but I'm going to try.

We had an amazing life before this, and I hope that with a lot of work, we can have it again.

Significant Other also finally told me that he was staying in a hostel, but it's not very expensive, so he can stay there for a while longer.

Good.

Baby is doing great considering how many stress hormones she must have been drinking from me these last few days.

Her hair is falling out.

But the doctor told me it was normal, and babies often lose most or all of their hair when they're born.

Okay.

Thank you for all your help on the last thread.

My mom agreed with many of you and thinks I'm absolutely nuts for trying to work things out, but I think it'd be best for everyone if we at least give it a shot, especially baby.

Too long didn't read.

I'm not a lying whore because mom is a bitch.

We're trying to work things out.

That was really good.

I really liked that.

And that's the bottom line.

I'm a nut.

Okay.

Well, okay.

I'm like not on his side at all.

I don't care like

why he did what he did.

I'm like, there's not really any redeeming qualities.

However, I like that she put her foot down.

She has very like strong boundaries.

Yeah.

And I understand wanting to make it work because it would really suck to raise a kid alone.

It's definitely harder.

And I mean, he's got his answers now.

There's no question going forward.

There's no holding anything over her head because

baby's yours, dude.

Nothing to this is just genetics.

Yeah.

And you now have it all out in terms of the mom.

Would I be able to forgive this?

No, but I'm not in her shoes.

So, you know, I would say no too, but if I was in the relationship, you know, it'd be a lot harder to just like cut it off.

It would be.

I mean, I've seen a lot of really bad, toxic relationships in my life and a lot of them growing up.

So it was, you know, for me, it was, it was hard, like.

finding out what a healthy relationship was because I'd never seen it really demonstrated for me as a kid.

Yeah.

And

it's hard because I think, you know, people find reasons to stay.

And

it's easy to.

It's easy to find those reasons.

It really is.

So for her to be strong and at least say, like, no, you're not coming home while doing couples therapy.

Her boundaries are great.

Her boundaries are really good.

And I commend that because how easy would it have been for her to be like, yeah, move in because I need help.

New mom, postpartum,

dealing with that on your own.

Yeah.

And it does make sense.

Like, if your relationship was amazing, perfect, everything was great up until this one,

granted, huge

thing,

you wouldn't like to look back and be like, rose-colored glasses.

I want to get back to that.

We can get there.

His mom was the problem.

His mom was the real thing.

The problem is the easy thing to push off to the mom.

Yeah.

I still hate him.

She should consider divorce.

I think she should think about that a little bit more.

Yeah.

But

that's not my decision.

No, no.

I'm curious what you all think about this one.

What you would do if you were in OP's shoes.

And OP, if you're out there listening, I'd love another update.

This original post is 10 years old now.

Oh.

10 years old.

Oh, I don't know if we're getting an update.

You never know.

You never know.

That'd be cool.

They could be out there.

That was so long ago.

Yeah, they could be out there like, hey, yeah, we've got a 10-year-old and we're doing great.

We've had two kids after.

Like, you never never know.

So, OP, if you're out there and you hear your story, let us know.

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But moving along to one last one for us here.

Okay,

this is.

This is an interesting one.

Threw me for a loop when I first read it.

Scary when you smile before when you say you smile and you say, This is interesting.

It's coming from Best of Regger Updates.

Titled, I found out how my roommate treats my cats when I'm not home.

Oh, I'm stressed.

I, 24 female, live with my cousin, 30 male.

I have three cats, one adult cat, and two 12-week kittens.

And whenever I am home, he will be mean to them in a very joking and light-hearted way.

He'll call them names, fat ass, dumbass, etc.

But it's in that bullying as a love language type way, and I have never been afraid of him actually mistreating my cats, especially because they clearly adore him.

He plays and rough houses with them, he pets them, but he never gets all lovey-dovey the way I do with them.

Or, so I thought.

I live in a two-story townhouse with my bedroom being on the second floor, and I always keep my door open so that the cats can go in and out.

Yesterday morning, I had woken up but not gotten out of bed yet, and my two kittens were playing on the landing just outside of my bedroom door.

I hear my cousin start to walk up the stairs, and I stayed as quiet as possible.

I knew he thought I wasn't home because when I I am home, he always calls up to ask me if he can come up.

I have given him permission to go in my room when I'm not home to play with my cats.

My door was cracked open about a foot, and I see him reach his arm.

He says, scoop, and grabs a kitten.

Then I hear about a minute straight of kissy sounds and baby talk.

Mmm.

I'm just quietly watching from my bed, trying not to let out a giggle, when he suddenly stops, slow turns, and makes stunned eye contact with me through the crack of my door.

When he realized I heard/slash saw the whole thing, he got embarrassed and said, quote, oh, I uh, I saw them running around up here and thought I'd come play with them.

I laughed and said it was totally fine, but he retreated back downstairs to put his tough guy persona back on.

The photo above is one he just sent me having a cuddle session with baby George.

T-L-D-R, my male roommate pretends to be indifferent about my cats, but secretly baby talks and loves on them when I'm not around.

As you should.

And then

she.

The kitty pictures.

Yeah.

It's like the cat laying on his lap.

And he texted this person and said, he's been here like this for 20 minutes.

Very cute.

He's so sweet.

OP responded.

So sweet.

So adorable.

I mean, how can you not love a cat?

Multiple cats.

Kittens?

Kittens?

So cute.

Oh my gosh.

Okay.

Remind me to tell you this because I do.

Well, I'll just just tell you now.

I was like, because I might forget.

So the other day we're at the farm working.

Like, and you guys, I went from our bachelor, bachelorette trip that Justin and I took.

We went to Minnesota straight after that for two weeks and just worked on the farm two weeks straight from the time we woke up until like midnight, 1 a.m.

That's crazy.

I am sore in places I did not know existed.

I slept for like 24 hours yesterday to like basically recoup after this trip.

I was so wiped.

But my grandma pulls up and we're sitting there and we're like, oh, what is that noise?

And she had made a comment.

She's like, I think there's a cat here, like on the farm.

Like a cat must have showed up.

And all of a sudden we're like planting stuff.

And I'm like, I think I hear a cat.

And I'm thinking Justin's punking us.

I like assume he's in the woods meowing.

Uh-huh.

And I hear this cat noise.

Is he really good at meow sounds?

I have no idea.

But in my head, I'm like, we're planting these planters kind of in the parking area of the farm.

My grandma's car is nearby.

And I'm like, grandma, that meowing

is coming from your car.

It's coming from your car.

I open all her doors.

I pop up on the car.

Is it in the engine?

We're looking everywhere in the engine.

We can't find anything.

Sure enough, my mom calls me a couple hours later.

You were right.

There's a cat in grandma's engine.

How does that happen?

This kitten must have been hitchhiking with her for at least a day or two.

How does it survive in the engine?

I don't know because it gets hot in there.

Yeah.

And how far was she driving?

She doesn't go too far.

Okay.

She's 81.

So, you know, she's doing great.

She goes to like church and like, you know, bops around.

She's not taking road trips.

Yeah.

Okay.

But my mom was like, it must have been stuck in there for a while because it's pretty skinny.

I'm like, oh my God.

So we don't know where she picked it up.

And my mom.

It picked itself up.

My mom like really tried to get it out of there and like brought out cans of tuna and yeah, all sorts of stuff.

So

is it got out of grandma adopting the oh I wanted to adopt it, but it got out and they ran away.

Oh no.

So it's out there somewhere.

Oh, that's a bummer to that story.

That's a bummer ending.

Hopefully it sticks around.

The cat, I thought, I literally thought the cat distribution system had finally worked for me.

Yeah, you would hold it.

It runs away.

Oh, I'm.

That's actually the most disappointing, heartbreaking story, ending to a story I've heard all day.

Well, we have an update on this one, though.

Oh, pretty.

So it might, it might shape up okay.

Okay.

Why do you look so traumatized?

Because the ending to your story was sad.

Yeah.

And then you said shape up.

I don't know.

I thought you were going to go somewhere else with it.

My roommate killed my cat.

You never know.

You said this was ups and downs.

And we're up right now.

We're up.

Then it's up.

Then it's up.

Then it's up.

And it's stuck.

Have you seen the Cardi B trial clips?

I think I'm offline.

Oh my God.

I'm going to send you a recap.

Okay.

So bad.

So this this update is coming two and a half months later.

A while back, I made a post about how I caught my roommate baby talking my cats, and I have a new adorable development.

A couple of months ago, I went on a family vacation, so my roommate took care of my cats while I was gone.

During that week, he accidentally started a new routine with them.

Uh-oh.

Each time he would fill their food bowls, he'd stand there and give them pets and scratches while they ate.

After a couple of days, they decided that this is now a requirement.

Only with him, though, they don't make me do this.

Now, every day when he gets home, they run to the door to excitedly greet him and then they run to their food bowls.

They'll sit there and yell at him until he goes over and give them their pets while they eat.

The funniest part of it is that they free feed.

I just keep their bowls full so they can eat whenever they're hungry.

I know some people frown upon that, but with my work schedule, it's too unpredictable to keep them on a consistent feeding schedule, and none of them are overweight.

So it works for us.

Even though they have constant access to food, they'll wait for him to get home from work to have dinner so that he can give them their scratches.

That's so sweet.

So sweet.

I love kitty so much.

And we ended on a happy note today.

That's really nice.

Thank you for that.

I know.

I think a comment that really

has stuck with me lately is on the Angela episode.

Someone came over.

They were a smosh viewer.

It was their first time with two hot takes.

Uh-oh.

And they were like, damn, these stories are a lot darker over here.

You got to be careful here.

Watch out.

Watch out, guys.

You know what?

I'm immune now.

Are you?

I think so.

Yeah, you've edited a lot.

And I also have the paranoia brain.

Like, I'm like, oh, what's they're cheating.

Someone tells me something.

Oh, they must be cheating.

Okay, do you want a happy update?

And again, I know we've talked a lot about Patreon on this episode.

Just encouraging you guys all to come over because there's three full bonus episodes a month now.

It is so fun over there.

It's so fun.

So we had an episode.

It was me, Justin, and Lauren.

And there was a story about this woman who was writing in after her husband accused her of killing his sister.

Oh, yeah.

Someone sent me the update, the last

update that I couldn't find.

She ended up, and I need to like patch this in for my Patreon people.

She ended up getting into the iCloud, went through all of his messages and couldn't find anything.

So we don't even know what the

so we have no idea.

So he was just making up stuff?

Yeah.

We initially on like Patreon, we thought incest.

Like a lot of people were like, they must be hooking up.

Like these messages would be really bad if he thinks that OP would kill his sister over finding them.

But OP didn't find any messages of the sort.

So even more confusion.

Well, what if he deleted?

He deleted.

That's what I'm saying.

Because like maybe there's a way to go like see deleted things, but maybe not from there.

I know.

I'm going to be doing a full updates episode very soon.

From stories we've read in the past that have since had updates to updates we might have missed or didn't have access to, but someone had a screenshot and sent me.

Whoa.

It's coming.

It's very, very hard to put together.

And the last time I did it, we kind of gave a quick recap of the story.

And some people didn't like that.

And so people were like, if you could just include the reading and then read the update again, but that's a lot of editing to put on you.

Yeah, guys.

Don't make me do that.

Don't do that to Jenna.

So I'm still working out the kinks of doing it.

And also just finding these updates is really tedious when

we've read I'm on I'm on my master like master Reddit spreadsheet that I have

and on the stories tab and it hasn't been updated in quite some time

There's over

scared There's over 1300 stories we've read.

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, every time I edit a story goes in one ear out the other.

Well, I know

it really trips me out when everyone's everyone's like, you've read this.

You've read this.

And then I search it in my document that has all the links and all the titles and I can't find it.

So then I start going crazy.

And I'm like, have I?

No, I feel like if you bring up the story, I would remember it.

But like, if you would be like, what were the stories last week?

I don't know.

Couldn't tell you.

Couldn't tell you.

Couldn't tell you.

Just enjoy the ride, my friends.

But that's all I got for this episode of Two Hot Takes.

Thank you so, so, so much for being here.

And head over to Patreon if you want even more content.

Price for the top tier did go down.

You get a whole extra bonus episode every month.

And

yeah, you do.

It's been good.

It's been really good.

This month is going to be wild.

I'm like knocking them all out before the wedding and traveling for a mini moon after.

So it's going to be good.

It's going to be good.

But until next time,

bye.

Bye, guys.