233: Updates or Bust?!

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Rock'em.

Sock'em.

Welcome.

What's that song?

No.

Welcome.

Yeah.

Do you know that song?

No.

It's giving like a football edit on TikTok.

Welcome to the kingdom.

No, not.

Okay.

Start over.

I feel like I've been getting some really weird edits lately.

No, I think it's just you.

For you page of one.

Only one like, and it is me.

No, it's all good.

My for you page has been wild, though.

I get a lot of Pride and Prejudice updates.

Updates?

I got updates.

Edits.

The case has been closed.

Updates are on the brain because of the theme I have today.

Okay.

Hi, guys.

Welcome back to another episode of Two Out Takes.

I'm your host, Morgan.

I'm Lauren.

Hey, hey.

Today's theme is a very unique one.

There is a Reddit user named Direct Caterpillar77.

They're a a really big contributor on best of Redditor updates.

Boru, as we call it.

Okay.

I am only reading posts that Direct Caterpillar77 has posted.

So essentially, this is Direct Caterpillar's theme today.

Honestly, I love it.

I love the name.

I don't understand it, but I love that I don't understand it.

So.

Update or bust?

Bust, yeah.

Update or bust.

Okay.

Wait, is the theme called updater bust or is it called direct caterpillar?

I'm not sure what it'll be yet.

If I post direct caterpillar, people might be confused.

So it might have the word update in it, but I will say, okay, direct caterpillar is also a moderator on best of no updates.

So

I could mix in one or two without updates.

It's going to be a little roulette today.

Wow.

Okay.

So you never know if you're going to get a...

Guess what?

We got an update or not.

Wow.

You don't know.

You don't know what's coming.

you ready well i'm just gonna be sad whenever there's no update

i know speaking of actually you have an update well that story that we read i don't remember if it was a patreon or a full episode the um wife that was accused of killing yeah

there was another update yes exactly i was just talking about this today with jana was this did we do this on the last episode it was on patreon oh okay so yeah so someone over there if you can see someone sent that to me and i read through it and

it maybe there's another update because it is, but then it doesn't, it still doesn't give you like a satisfying closure moment.

Did you get closure?

No.

Okay.

None.

Shoot.

Well, anyway, we're hopefully getting closure today.

That's what I'm saying.

I'm like, give me some closure.

Fingers crossed.

Ah!

I wish I had rings on.

So pretty.

That's not a boulder.

That's a rock.

What?

What?

I actually think I said it wrong,

That's not a rock.

That's a boulder.

That's some SpongeBob thing.

Don't you watch that?

Smut.

Whoa.

We are like disconnecting today.

We know none of the same memes.

We are not on the same For You page.

I know.

What's happening?

I know.

I know.

I think we need to like spend a day going through TikTok together.

That would be fun.

And then it'll clearly our phones will listen to us and then we'll start crossing over some information and we'll start being more connected.

Do you not watch any of the ones I send you?

Yes, I do.

I guess they just don't stick.

No, you don't.

I do.

Do you watch the ones I send you?

Every single one.

I watch yours too.

But do you send them to me on TikTok?

Because I don't usually look at the DMs on TikTok.

So that's the problem.

If you send them to me on text, then I'm like, okay.

But I don't look at my DMs on TikTok.

Do you want no secret?

Okay.

If you send it to someone on TikTok, TikTok will put it on their for you page.

No way.

Yeah, that's how Justin sees all the videos I send him.

Wait, that's so good to know.

At least for me and him.

It sneaks it in there.

How do I get it to do with that without DMing someone it so it just goes on their for you page?

I would also like to know because there's some that I'm like, I need Justin to see this, but not have me exactly sending exactly.

It's it's like it'd be so great to have you see this, but if it comes from me, then you'll like roll your eyes and yeah, you won't actually take it in.

You'll be like,

okay, it needs to be a subliminal message.

Yeah.

Subliminal.

Okay, let's get into these stories.

Let's do it.

Let's dive in.

Before we get into this week's stories, this episode of Two Out Takes is presented by State Farm.

There's nothing better than having friends who support you and your passions.

If it weren't for my friends, this podcast would probably not exist.

And like those friends, State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage you need.

There's so many different coverage options out there, so it's nice having the help to find the right one for you.

So go online at statefarm.com or use the award-winning app to get help from one of their local agents.

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

Okay, our first one

is about being a maid of honor.

You're a maid of honor, Lauren.

Yay.

You're my maid of honor.

Yay.

We just went on my bachelorette trip, which was combined with Justin

co-trip, which I loved.

I had so much fun.

So pretty.

It was really good.

And I do just need to give a shout out to Caitlin Conqueso for doing the tote bags for us for the trip.

It is

literally the most amazing bag.

And like

the chain stitch embroidery she did for us,

she did such a good job.

I'm going to be doing a little post on it on Instagram so everyone can like go find her because she's so good.

So,

so good.

And she was just so sweet.

But okay, this first story.

It is titled, Why I Had to Drop Out as Maid of Honor Two Months Before the Wedding.

All names have been changed for privacy reasons.

I need to vent and get some advice.

I was recently a maid of honor for my friend Jamie's wedding, but I had to step down two months before the big day and three weeks before the bachelorette trip.

Here's why.

Jamie's mom passed away six months before her wedding, which was incredibly tough for her.

Just before her mom got sick, Jamie fired her original maid of honor for being too cheap and promoted my friend friend Haley and I to be her dual maid of honors.

Given her mom's condition, we didn't bother her about wedding planning, respecting her wishes.

After her mom passed, we gave Jamie space but checked in to ensure she was okay and wanted to stick with the original dates she had planned.

On a call planning the bridal shower and bachelorette, Jamie had an attitude and was distant.

I expressed that I didn't want the bachelorette trip on my birthday over Memorial Day weekend due to travel and cost issues and prior family plans.

She was frustrated that our spending budget for the bridal shower was $200 each since it was just Haley and I in the bridal party.

Jamie expected us to cover everything, citing her mom's death.

We explained our financial situations, which were tight, but offered help in other ways.

Jamie then sent long texts expressing disappointment and saying we weren't good friends.

We tried to be understanding, given her emotional state.

Then she changed plans last minute, demanding we arrive a day early for a dress fitting.

Unfortunately, I'd been in a car accident and was dealing with nerve damage and sciatica.

The drive from New Jersey to New Hampshire is typically six hours, so I planned to split it into two days for my back.

Jamie was furious,

calling us bad friends.

When Haley and I arrived, Jamie was cold and distant.

She barely acknowledged that I'd been in an accident, replying, oh, and refused help from her fiancé to carry our heavy bags, even though he was just watching TV.

Wow.

After our long drive, they offered us three-day-old pizza, which we declined, suggesting we go out to eat.

Jamie was frustrated and told us to pick the place.

At the nail salon, Jamie excluded me from the conversation.

On the way to pick up balloons, she almost caused an accident due to road rage.

Oh my God.

She then shared she wouldn't talk to her sister-in-law after the honeymoon because she didn't want her kids at the wedding, nor her fiancé's grandma in the photos, despite how kind they had been to her.

Wow.

At dinner, Jamie's fiancé joined, and they expected us to split the bill three ways, including Jamie's portion.

This was surprising since we had traveled far and spent a lot on planning.

Back at the condo, Jamie and her fiancé accused us of being bad friends, primarily primarily upset about my split drive.

I explained my situation, but Jamie broke down, threatening to hurt herself and demanding we come two days early to the wedding.

The next day, after the bridal shower, Haley and I decided we couldn't continue as maid of honors.

We had to cancel all bachelor at trip reservations since they were under our credit cards.

This was a heartbreaking decision, but we couldn't handle the emotional and physical toll anymore.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

How did you handle it?

This is nuts.

And I'm really glad that the question wasn't like, what should I do?

But that it was actually like, no, we had to step down.

Because I'm sorry, you should not be getting married because all it's doing is pushing you away from people in your life that care about you.

And I don't know if this is just how you normally are or if it's because of the state that you're in with what's going on in your life.

But like,

it's unacceptable.

Like, I,

it's, it's just wild.

It's wild.

Beyond wild.

And it's hard because you want to give her so much grace and empathy, you know, losing her mom.

But at the same time, you're trying to support her and be a really good friend and you're just getting met with abuse.

Exactly.

Like, that, but that's the thing is, that's what I'm saying.

I'm like, I, I can't imagine how hard that is.

I, I really like, that's, that's horrible.

And that's why maybe she shouldn't be getting married right now.

Maybe she needs to work on herself, go to therapy, like, just, because all she's doing is pushing people who care about her away.

Everyone.

And, and it's like, and her requests are unreasonable, inconsiderate.

I mean, and then let's start from the beginning, even.

Like, these two people stepped up because she originally fired her maid of honor for being too cheap.

Okay, so when you have a maid of honor, the idea behind it should be because you care about that person, because they're a part of your life, because you love them, not because of their financial situation, and you don't fire them.

They still are supposed to be your goddamn friends.

Like, fire.

Yeah.

This isn't a job.

Like, this is just your friend.

And like, a mutual honor in a sense.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, it's like,

I don't know.

And you guys know how I feel.

Like, I get so frustrated with some of this type of stuff where it's like the idea of a wedding is supposed to be all love and happiness and bringing people close together and celebration.

And then when people take it to the point where it's just ruining relationships, it's she's clearly falling apart through this whole thing.

She's not happy.

No one's happy.

Then what are you doing?

Like, go elope if that's how you're going to handle this wedding because what's the fun in it anymore?

I don't know.

And I personally would not

want to get married if I wasn't completely happy.

Like if I was going through this and in just such a point of turmoil and grief, which is understandable, that's where she is.

I would want to postpone and just push it out.

Everyone would understand.

And it's really interesting to me that the fiancé is kind of supporting it.

Supporting it, enabling it a little bit.

And, you know, maybe they don't know how to handle this.

And they're just like, oh my God, I just got to make sure she's okay.

I got to, I got to do whatever it takes.

But again, it's just like at your friend's expenses, not having the fiancé help carry bags up when someone was in a car accident, has this big injury.

Yeah.

And then expecting them to split the bill three ways.

Like, and then calling them bad friends when they get bad.

Like, that's that's nuts.

It's so weird.

I just also like these type of conversations just make me think of something that would happen with me and my friends like in middle school.

So the fact that this is, these are grown adults about to get married and like start a life and they're going to be like, you didn't want to split.

Like even these people are spending money from my understanding on this person to celebrate this person.

And then they just drove up and you offer them three day old pizza.

When does it end?

Like what which all of wedding season?

Are they supposed to split things for you?

Like I don't for the whole year of planning.

Like why?

I don't don't understand where,

where they would even come up with that idea that that's just like the normal expected thing to do.

Yeah.

And then call them a bad friend because of it.

It's like, if anything, it would just be like a, kind of like an awkward situation, but to actually go back home and be like, your bad friend.

It's so strange to me.

I am in a really weird place with this stuff too.

After having just planned a bachelorette and like, you know, people traveled for me and people paid for hotel for me.

I didn't want anything.

Like, I didn't want people to buy our meals.

I didn't want people to really buy us drinks.

I was the one trying to, like, buy everyone shots and like, make sure everyone, like, felt appreciated and loved because, like, I realized what a sacrifice of their time and money and energy it was.

And I think we've gotten to a crazy point that people expect their friends to pay for everything for them on a bachelor, bachelorette trip because like, it's nuts to me.

And this is like where it starts from.

So, like.

Going back to summer, I turned pretty, for example, it's like you look at these people who are having a bachelor-bachelorette party, and it's just, it's like a neighborhood house.

That's a different story.

Yeah.

And so then they go out to the bars and they're bar hopping.

And it's like, they literally had like, I don't know, probably like Jack's pizza in like at night.

It's like, if my friends didn't pay for my Jack's pizza, then you'd have a problem.

Yeah, exactly.

It's like, and that's what I think it's like, it stems from the fact where it was normal for people to treat people because it was these really like, yeah,

easy to do things.

And so I think like now that like a lot of wedding stuff, especially like people move around so much more than they used to too and move across states and move across the country.

And so I just

yeah, so I just think that now it's like, okay, like people are, you know, paying for, there's like, they have to request offer work.

They have to, you know, pay for flights, hotels, like there's outfits, like everything that they're doing, like, you know, whole like.

three, four day weekend thing.

And then like the wedding, like there's, there's so much more now that is

put into weddings these days that I think that people like to follow the standard where somebody should be paying for their dinner for like the whole week that they're staying.

Like, that just seems there's a miss there.

There's, yeah, I think they've become a little disconnected, a little out of touch, lost the plot.

Times have changed.

We're not going out for one night of henu with a pot, soliciting tips for kisses to buy the drinks.

Like,

I actually have no idea what you're saying, but like, I'm agreeing anyway.

I don't, I've you lost me, henu, yeah, I don't know that bachelorette

Henu stag party.

No, okay.

So top comment on this post.

Sorry, OP, but if this person judges her friendships by whether people are willing to spend money they don't have on her wedding preparations, she's going to find herself with zero friends.

People have gotten the idea that the bride should expect friends to spend money on her wedding from social media.

And well, We all know how many lies there are on social media.

Someone goes, not just zero friends, but what do you think will happen when fiancé realizes she's trying to cut off sister-in-law and grandma?

This girl will end up totally alone, and I can't sympathize at all.

Yeah, that's that's why I'm like, what is she, what is she thinking?

Like, that's why I'm like, she needs to put a pause on everything and just like go inward and do some healing because what happened is traumatic.

What she's doing is making her life more traumatic.

Like,

OP does respond to that.

Her fiancé laughed about cutting his sister out of his life and talking shit behind her back.

He is still hurt that she does not want his grandma in pictures, though.

He is whipped beyond belief.

I think he is part of enabling her bad behavior.

Yeah.

Sounds like it.

So we get an update.

The Fallout, it is kind of titled.

Jamie reached out to Haley the day after the bridal shower, this past Monday, and said she wanted to check on me because I seemed off at the bridal shower.

At that point, I had my mind made up that I was going to drop out of the wedding.

I had already called both my parents who told me I should drop out as it was hard for them to see how much duress I was under.

At the shower, it was all over my face how upset I was.

I was barely able to talk and was holding back tears, only able to give one-word answers, including to Jamie's father, who walked away after seeing how sad I was without asking how I was doing, despite knowing about my accident.

I told Haley I would call Jamie later since I had physical therapy after work as well as regular therapy.

My therapist also agreed I should drop out of the wedding due to concerns for my physical and mental health.

After my therapy appointment, I called Haley and let her know about my decision and I offered to transfer all the info and reservations I had for Jamie's bachelorette party, which was in three weeks.

I told her she could reach out to me if she needed help or had questions about anything I had set up or prepared.

I was more concerned about how Haley would take it since I did not want to affect our friendship.

She was very understanding of my decision and supported me.

I tried to call Jamie around 10 p.m., but she didn't pick up.

She told me she would call me after work on Tuesday.

When we finally connected, Jamie tried to lead the call calmly.

I told her I would step down from my role in the wedding and blamed it on my back injury.

She didn't freak out until I mentioned feeling disrespected and underappreciated.

Then she got mad and blamed Haley and I for everything.

She said the thing that bothered her the most was that I told her I couldn't afford to go to Nashville, her first choice for the bachelorette, and that I didn't want the bachelorette trip on my birthday weekend.

She accused me of being lazy and only knowing how to tan by my pool.

What?

I was upset she felt entitled to how I spent my own birthday.

That's what Opi wrote.

Okay.

I said we would have to agree to disagree and didn't argue.

I apologized again for the situation and her mom's passing and left it at that.

I informed Haley of what we spoke about, and after that, Haley decided she would step down as well.

Wow.

That night, we had to cancel each reservation we had for the bachelorette trip since they were under our credit cards.

The next day, yesterday, Haley told Jamie she would be stepping down.

Jamie reiterated the same things that bothered her and ended up cursing out Haley before hanging up.

Haley didn't have a chance to finish telling her that all the reservations were canceled.

So she texted Jamie, who responded,

I appreciate you canceling the hotel last night before you even talked to me.

This reaction just confirms that Haley and I made the right decision to drop out of the wedding.

That

poetic justice.

Can I say that right there?

I don't even know what that actually means.

Yeah.

I feel like, yeah.

I know it's a song, but it feels poetic and it feels like there's justice.

So

we're good, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Should I just start this whole segment over?

No, it's not a, I totally get where you're going.

What does like poetic justice, what does that actually mean?

One, it's, it's a movie.

Hmm.

It's also called poetic irony, a literary device with which ultimately virtue is rewarded and misdeeds are punished.

Hmm.

I think you were on it.

I think that I could use it in a better scenario, though.

Okay, well, we'll see if you have another point in the scenario.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

Yeah, I think it could come up again.

But but no i

yeah i think it's kind of like it is what it is they did the right thing i'm curious if they will be friends with her or if it's just are they still gonna go to the wedding like do we have any

is it over that you have an update i have another update that's why i stopped because and that's why i like fumbled and i thought i'll say something and i was like poetic justice

but because i thought i was like waiting for more and then there wasn't more and now there is more and everything's good again.

Let's go.

Okay.

So this update is coming 13 months after the original post.

It was just posted less than a week ago on August 26th, 2025.

My mom's birthday actually.

Wow.

Happy birthday.

Update.

One year later update.

Hi everyone.

Last year I posted about stepping down as maid of honor for my friend Jamie a few weeks before her wedding.

At the time, I felt conflicted and guilty, but so many of you helped me see I had valid reasons to walk away.

I wanted to give a follow-up now that it has been a year because what happened recently confirmed I wasn't imagining things.

Yay!

Remember Haley, the other bridesmaid?

She stayed longer than I did, a few days, but eventually she experienced the same treatment I had.

On the exact one-year anniversary of Jamie's wedding, both of us received unexpected packages from her in the mail.

Oh my God.

Stop.

I haven't read this and I'm scared.

I'm scared, but I'm also angry.

It's like really on your anniversary.

Get a fucking life.

Like,

focus on your husband.

Focus on your anniversary.

You're going to really send out.

Okay.

Continue.

Well, now we got to see what is in these crazy care packages.

Inside were multi-page typed letters.

They were formal in tone and signed at the bottom with things like, quote, yours truly, and quote, your perfect match little.

These were not apologies.

They were long, rambling, and accusatory.

In them, Jamie blamed us for abandoning her, questioned our character, dragged in our families, and even referenced very private things we had gone through in our personal lives.

She compared our friendship to a, quote, performance improvement plan, said we were just a chapter in her life, and painted herself as the victim.

She didn't just send letters.

She mailed back copies of old letters Haley and I had written her years ago, returned like evidence.

She included photos of us together, and most disturbingly, she sent me her mother's funeral book, which had pictures of me and her mom inside the book from the service.

None of these packages had a return address.

The fact that she chose to do this on her wedding anniversary speaks volumes.

Instead of celebrating her marriage, she she spent that day digging up old letters, printing photos, writing pages of blame, and mailing them out.

For Haley, this was the final straw.

For me, it was the validation I needed that my instincts had been right all along.

I no longer feel guilty for stepping down.

Looking back, I see a very clear pattern, love bombing when she wanted something, guilt tripping when she didn't get her way, and rewriting history to make herself the victim.

It wasn't that I was a bad friend.

This is simply how Jamie treats the people closest to her.

If you are ever questioning whether it's okay to walk away from a friendship that makes you feel drained, blamed, or unsafe, please know that it is.

Sometimes the healthiest and bravest thing you can do is create distance.

Wow.

Yeah.

So did they, do we have anything?

Like, were they communicating the year after the wedding, or was there no communication after they stepped down from the wedding?

Like, I'm curious if this came out of nowhere.

Yeah, I'm trying to look at what else OP has.

So, this is kind of crazy, you guys.

So, OP

created an entire Google Drive folder called Bridezilla.

And if you were questioning whether this story was real or not, there is no doubt in my mind.

Wow.

There are pictures from this funeral art.

I mean,

this,

this is insane.

All of like photos of them together from like photo booths to trips.

Their text messages.

Oh my God.

Okay.

I'm going to read one of these text messages.

Wow, wow, wow.

Okay.

This is going to be a bit long, a bit long.

So this is

five pictures condensed together of a long text message that the bride had sent, also included in this envelope.

So it's kind of a condensed breakdown also of what was sent.

Five hello there cards with a note saying happy birthday, a picture of giant envelope it was sent in, addresses blacked out, a strand of hair,

and then text message pictures.

So the envelope with a pile of pictures that were included, the funeral book, the pages of the funeral book showing pictures that were included, and a letter.

And the letter is kind of what was said to OP.

It's just like, if you want to read the actual letters, we got them.

But these text messages, just, I clicked on one of them and like I saw a word and I'm like, okay, this is, this is a lot.

Let's hear it.

So this is coming from the bride.

I'm feeling really hurt and disappointed with you right now, and I need to share what's been weighing on my heart.

As my sister and friend, I expected so much from you during this time.

You're the last bridesmaid to abandon me and that really stings.

I understand that things have been challenging for everyone, but your silence and distance hurt deeply.

While others openly acted out and made their feelings known, you chose to hide away, which felt like a betrayal.

This year has been incredibly tough for me, especially with losing mom right before the wedding.

I can't describe how devastating it's been, and I've been looking for support from people closest to me.

At the wake, I felt completely invisible.

You sat in the back talking to everyone else while I was left there feeling isolated and alone in my grief.

It broke my heart to see you there, but not with me when I needed comfort the most.

I know I might not get a response, but I had to get this off my chest.

I really thought you'd be there for me during one of the hardest times of my life.

I just wish I could have felt your support instead of feeling abandoned.

I hope one day we can talk about this, but for now, I need to express how I feel.

Hello?

I know you've seen these.

I can see.

So there were just a bunch of other messages that, like, clearly OP didn't respond.

Yeah.

By now, I know you've opened my letter just to see what I would say, not to feel it, not to hold it.

You wanted to peek like a child child shaking a coffin before the lid closes.

Do you think I'm dumb?

What?

I could hear you laughing already before your eyes even moved across the page.

Your silence was never silence, it was knives.

Every time you didn't text me, I heard the echo of your teeth grinding like the church bells when my mother was lowered down.

Do you think I wouldn't notice?

Did you think I wouldn't know?

You're sitting there with your checklist, ticking boxes.

Redacted cries here.

Redacted mentions casket.

Redacted sounds crazy.

Ha ha.

They must have been like using their real name.

It's all a little puppet show to you, isn't it?

Well, let me tell you, the strings are around your neck too, and they get tighter every time you smirk at me.

Oh my God.

One day you will remember this and you will choke on it.

Choke, choke, choke.

Because grief doesn't die.

It grows teeth.

You think you're safe behind your screen, but I see you.

I see you.

All caps.

Stop pretending you don't read me like a story.

I'm not a story.

I'm the fire in the walls.

Yours, not truly.

Perfect match little, but you never deserved me.

What just happened?

What just happened?

I think she

is having a serious mental health crisis.

The first one, I'm like, okay, you're basically expressing your feelings.

Like,

okay, you were at general.

You felt isolated.

Yeah.

I started to like really be like, okay, well, whoa, maybe there's a second side to this.

But after these like other messages, I'm like, oh, nope, nope.

I, yeah, wow.

Like, clearly going through something very intense.

Well, it's like, I mean, even if there was a second side to it, it still doesn't mean that the treatment would be.

No, no, no, no.

I'm not invalidating OP at all.

But I'm like, okay, maybe like.

Obviously, there's always like three sides in these things, like OP side, the other person that's out there, and like what really the reality is.

Yeah.

The big picture.

Maybe there's four sides.

Someone's commented that on the episode where I've said it before, but this is clearly someone that's like,

well,

I'm scared for OP.

Like, there were a few things in there that sounded threatening.

And

honestly, it feels very gone, girl.

Like, the whole, all of this whole second half is very creepy to me.

Yeah.

I mean, the letters, like, looking at some of the letters that each person got, Haley, the other bridesmaid, and OP, the letters are

more

put together and cohesive.

Like they truly seem well written and just expressing feelings.

But again, even to like send all those on your year anniversary of your wedding is just like, yeah, so odd in itself.

Yeah.

I think there's some context like the end line that OP did, perfect, match little, but you never deserved me.

I think one of the girls is

that bride's big.

Like it seems like they were in a sorority together.

So that's why that terminology is used.

Because in the letter, dear redacted, as I sit here past the one-year anniversary of my mother's death, rereading our old letters from Big Little Week, I'm writing to express my deepest disappointment in you.

So clearly there's a sorority connection.

Yeah.

And that's why that makes sense.

Because it goes, it signs off with yours truly, your perfect match little.

And then the next one is to the other girl, yours truly, your non-blood related sister.

Then there's another text message.

I know you got my package in the mail.

You think I don't see it?

So clearly sent those packages with like

tracking info, assigned acceptance or something to know that they got them.

And it just goes on.

that's a lot.

Fuck you.

The silence of friends hurts more than the words of enemies.

I'm very curious.

I will definitely post the link for this one because there's a lot here.

I think, you know, I'll include some pictures from the Google Drive on the YouTube and I'll make sure they go on Instagram.

But there is

a lot here, a lot to unpack.

I mean,

clearly this person is hurting.

And

speaking of poetry,

it was some of those lines in there were actually

a little poetic.

So you called it with the poetic, whatever you said.

I did.

Like, I was like, if this wasn't so scary, it would be like a very

powerful type of message.

Yeah.

I'm like, is this coming from a grief book, a grief poetry book?

Because

it is very, like,

very poetic.

Yeah.

I see you.

I see you behind that screen.

I mean, honestly,

you can run from me, but you can't hide.

Very, very, very good poet.

Yeah.

I'm like looking at these other lines.

I'm trying to scroll up and find the line I wanted to read, but there's so much context here that I actually do feel like there's there's some stuff kind of missing because the bride in a text goes, then the shirt.

God, the shirt.

Custom match made in heaven three months after my mom died.

Are you sick?

So I'm like, for something for the sorority, was there like a match made in heaven, like shirt they gave each other?

And like, ooh, okay.

I mean, I don't know if that's, I mean, it could be something the whole sorority plan.

Exactly.

It's, it's really.

And I, I also don't think like there's going to be phrases that are going to be triggering to everyone based off of their experience.

For sure.

And so I think it's like one of those things where instead of trying to get the entire world to change for you, you know, like if that was a sorority thing where everybody was doing that, that's a cute phrase that has been around for a long time, match made in heaven.

That's not like a negative phrase.

Yeah.

And so I, you know, I think

obviously there's.

It's triggering for

her.

Right.

But like at the same time, it's it's, that's work that you got to do instead of trying to control, you know,

hundreds of people around you.

For sure.

The line I did want to read before we move on.

Your silence was never silence.

It was knives.

Every time you didn't text me, I heard the echo of your teeth grinding like the church bells when my mother was lowered down.

Yeah, that was a wild line.

Clearly going through

some very, very difficult things.

Yeah.

And

no, I mean, I feel just feel bad for this girl.

Like, I know.

You just like don't even, you don't know where to go from here as a friend.

I would, I would feel sad.

Honestly, I would be in a really tough spot because you, you still care about this person.

Like, even a friend that I cut off because of how toxic she was, like, you still on days, I don't know, when you're thinking about times, like you still miss them.

You still hope for the best for them.

And so to get this, to be met with such anger and grief and just

chaos, it's hard to not feel bad and want to reach out to make sure she's okay.

But at the same time, you're not responsible for someone else's mental health.

And she's clearly going through something and needs help from a professional.

She needs to talk to someone, clearly dealing with grief from losing her mom still, maybe not happy in her marriage, maybe.

overall struggling because she lost friends.

Right.

But that's on her to go address now.

Right.

Because she also pushed you guys out by her behavior.

Yeah.

It's all on her.

Like, exactly.

She's creating this life that she is living.

And it's hard when you're in the thick of something tragic and terrible to realize it's my responsibility.

Like, I can't really blame anyone else but myself for this right now.

Yeah.

So I hope she gets the help she needs.

What?

I just remembered that

I said

so many many times from the last episode.

And so, and I recognized it too while I was doing that.

And then I just recognized it right now again.

And I'm like, fuck.

Well, you can only do better from here.

Story number two.

Mm-hmm.

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Okay, story number two.

It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Yelling at My Boyfriend to Just Shut Up when He Tried giving me a corporate finance lecture during sex.

Whoa.

My 23 female boyfriend, 24 male, works for a bank.

He does stuff like financial modeling all day.

I don't really understand it despite some basic accounting concepts.

Anyways, I work for a mid-sized company that is going to be taken over by some private equity firm.

My company is public, and so is the acquiring private equity company.

I mentioned this to my boyfriend as a passing point of interest and told him that I hope it didn't have a huge effect on me.

After that, my boyfriend, who's working from home, said he'd look into it.

And holy shit, he will not stop talking about it now.

He took all of my company's public financial statements and created this Microsoft Excel model about the probability of the deal working out.

At first, I was pretty interested.

He taught me something like what a leveraged buyout is.

That was a week ago.

I'm dead serious when I say he won't stop talking about it.

He talks about it all the time, constantly updating me with new information about how the deal may fall through, what the private equity company might do to cut costs, who might lose their job, how much profit the private equity company could make, how his and his friends' interviews went at that private equity company, and how he didn't get the job, the current interest rates climbing, quote, J-Powell and the Fed, how the private equity company may benefit from waiting to privatize my company, etc.

It's literally all he talks about now.

We were having sex this evening when we, while pretty tipsy, was talking about the whole waiting to privatize thing.

I was literally having sex with him during this.

Eventually, I just had enough and yelled at him to shut up about it.

He seemed really hurt.

and didn't say much after that.

He went back to his apartment and after not answering some of my texts, said I was being really harsh and that he wants some alone time.

He's not answering my messages now.

Was I actually overstepping by yelling at him to stop?

I guess maybe I could have asked more nicely, but this was literally during sex.

No, why, what's so wrong with telling someone to shut up?

I don't know.

I got yelled at in the third grade by someone's mom.

We don't say shut up in this house.

Okay, but that was third grade and that's what he's acting like.

Yeah, I mean, I think it would be normal to be able to separate and realize, like, hey, we're being intimate right now.

It's not attractive, or it's not going to make her horny.

If I talk about her private equity, buyout, firm, leveraged, buyout.

An average person would think that and, you know, common sense, maybe.

But he is clearly very excited.

This is his shtick.

He loves finance.

He loves modeling and whatever he does.

It's giving someone who, like, this is their specialized interest.

And OP hadn't said anything until this point.

Right.

You're, you've been buying in.

You've been talking about this.

You've been encouraging him.

I feel like you could have just been like, hey, you know, I don't really want to talk about this anymore.

We'll see what happens.

Yeah.

I mean, there's definitely a million other better ways that she could have gone about it.

But I also just think that like,

if I were to tell the person, my boyfriend, to shut up and then he like needed some alone time for like a couple days, I would be like, Jesus Christ.

I, I don't think, I don't think OP is the asshole, but I'm kind of in the boat of you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Yeah.

That's the same, right?

Um, you know, I have no idea.

I think it is.

And I just, I just feel like if you want a strong, successful relationship, like you need to be able to communicate basic things with your partner.

Yeah.

It didn't need to go from zero to yelling, shut up.

But granted, it's not something I would want to hear during sex.

So maybe this was the breaking point.

Yeah.

And she just had had enough.

Like she couldn't contain it.

She's trying to,

you know,

get some.

And he's focused on her work and still talking about it.

So it just seems like they're kind of in two very different spots right now.

Yeah.

And I guess like, I mean, you can tell that he's very excited about it.

And if there was a topic that I was very excited about and was doing all this research on, and I do get really excited about certain things and I like to like learn more and that's what I like to talk about.

And so I understand that.

So I do understand, you know, feeling like, whoa, you didn't need to speak to me that way.

And that hurts my feelings because it's something I'm very excited about.

And it's something that is a part of me.

So I don't know what all their conversation was around that.

You know, she might have just been like, you're so annoying.

Stop.

Like, there might have been more than just a shut up.

But if it was just a shut up, like, I feel like I would be like, that was really mean, but I feel like we could communicate about it in that moment rather than having to like have a lone time.

But, you know, everyone deals with things differently.

So

if that's what he needs, great.

I just, if I, I would, I would get frustrated if I had a boyfriend who would.

Oh, this would drive me nuts.

So like, I get where she's at.

I, I do get where she's at.

And hey, maybe she thought shut up would be hot to him.

Who knows?

Some people like being told off in the bedroom.

Yeah.

It just didn't pan out for her.

Yeah, totally.

Top comment, not the asshole.

I find it perfectly reasonable to snap if your significant other talks about finance while having sex.

Next comment down, definitely.

I can't think of a faster way to kill a ladyboner than by mentioning J-Pow and the Fed, not the asshole.

I don't even know what that means.

I'm like so illiterate with finances.

Yeah, I don't know what that means either.

J-Pow is, that's probably like a

nickname for what's that big financial institution?

Like

the Dow?

No, I don't know.

I'd have to look it up.

Jay Powell.

Sounds like what Justin would want his nickname to be.

J-Pow!

Jay-Pow!

So good.

Wait, what is it that he wants us to start calling him again?

JT.

JT, that's right.

Next comment.

JTJ Powell.

JTJ Pow.

Next comment down.

I was once called Ma.

I guess that works for some people, but as soon as he said it, I saw his mother and then mine.

He never called me Ma again.

It was actually kind of traumatic, and I'm sad just thinking about it.

Whoa.

Have you ever been called something in bed you didn't like?

No.

No.

Someone goes, I had a guy start talking about what his ex-girlfriend liked during sex while he was mid-thrust.

Then couldn't understand why I refused a second round with him or to see him in anything but a group setting.

Oh my god.

Next comment down: What a weirdo.

Why are people so weird?

I don't know.

But this comment says, people are stupid and don't have any idea what to do until they royally fuck up sometimes.

I once managed to avoid getting laid on movie night when the movie I wanted wasn't available.

So I got some movie about Will Smith killing himself to give his organs to people.

I didn't know that in advance.

Then I showed her my gun collection.

Whoa.

In my head, this was all random, unrelated, and perfectly fine.

Whoa.

That's looking really dark.

I was stunned when months after we stopped dating, I bumped into her and she said it was because I was creepy.

But I'm not creepy.

Uh, sure.

Oh,

oh, yeah, that was creepy.

Dude, this guy one time helped me move in.

I was alone.

I didn't have movers and I was moving in my stuff

from my own U-Haul.

And I was waiting for a friend to come eventually.

And a neighbor just started helping me bring stuff in to my apartment, to my home.

And then he like invited me over to his place for.

a drink afterwards and I was like yeah sure thank you so much for helping and he had axes all over his walls

and he tried to explain why it wasn't weird or wasn't scary or that i shouldn't be nervous and i was like i gotta go

i feel like he knows where i live he knows my bedroom and everything

but i on he probably was nice but yeah that definitely can freaks freak a girl out you know i'd be terrified yeah

um we do not

have an official update on this one.

Just one little line that says, update.

Apparently, somebody posted this on a finance website that my boyfriend goes on a lot and he saw it.

Ooh.

Okay, but what happened after that?

Yeah.

We don't know.

No other updates.

Otherwise, Direct Caterpillar definitely would have found it for us.

Yeah, I just think that, like, unless there was a lot more to it, like, if she's freaking out on him, I think that, I don't think that saying shut up is like that big of a deal.

I don't know.

No, I think there's worse things she could have said.

Yeah, I don't know what they are.

Maybe a finance burn.

There's so many worse things.

What do you mean?

She could have been like, you little weasel, you suck at everything.

There's a lot of that.

Like, shut up is not that deep.

Like, it's not very nice, but like, it's not like that.

It's not that big of a deal.

Hmm.

Speaking of deep, we've got another.

Okay.

That's fine.

No.

I was going to say, let's keep it on.

We'll just keep going on the sex trade.

Oh, God.

I was hoping it wasn't going.

I was hoping that's not what you meant.

I'm just, we have another sex story.

Okay.

Pause for a brief interruption for me to get a glass of wine.

Okay.

Okay.

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Okay, Justin just came and gave us wine.

Yay!

Turn the bottle.

No free promo.

If a wine company wants to sponsor two hot takes, I would really, really love that.

My people at Spotify are Megan and Paige and Matt, and they can help you.

Okay,

here we go.

This next one is also about sex.

Oh, God.

It is titled, My Wife Had Her Wild Phase Before Me, and now that I'm Finally Thriving, I feel like I missed out.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Finally thriving?

He had the husband glow up.

Oh.

Got it.

I've been married to my wife for five years, together for eight, and we have two beautiful children.

She's been my first everything, my first girlfriend, my first real relationship, my first in every sense.

I didn't really date in high school or college because honestly, I didn't take care of myself.

I lacked confidence and didn't feel attractive, so I stayed focused on other things.

My wife, on the other hand, had a more typical college experience.

She had a few relationships and had her phase as she was extremely attractive.

She even did stuff with two guys at the same time.

She was upfront about it when we started dating and it never bothered me, although I tried to not think about it too much.

Now, here's the thing.

Over the years, she's become quite reserved when it comes to intimacy.

She says she had her wild side during college, and now that she's done with that phase, she prefers a more traditional approach to intimacy.

She says she's tried tried everything she wanted to and knows what she enjoys and what she doesn't enjoy in the bedroom.

And she wants to build intimacy on love, not wild lust.

And I completely respect that.

I'm not trying to do something which doesn't excite her in the bedroom.

But lately, I've changed.

I'm in the best shape of my life, physically, mentally, emotionally.

Even my family and friends are kind of shocked with how I look now.

My wife loves the new me and says she finds me more attractive than ever.

But to be blunt, I don't care that my wife finds me attractive

because I know I look good now.

And it's not like her finding me more attractive will change anything in the bedroom department.

My hormones right now are all over the place.

And I can't help but feel like I missed my chance to experience that same fun side of life.

I never had the exploration, the experimentation, the freedom.

Now that I finally feel great about myself, that door seems closed.

I brought it up with my sister, we're close, and she was surprisingly blunt.

She said it's unfair that my wife got to have those experiences and now expects me to settle for less than what she once enjoyed.

That hit me harder than I expected.

But my sister also loves me to death and said some crazy stuff like, I deserve to have an experience with at least one other woman in my life, else I'll keep resenting my wife.

I love my wife.

I don't want to hurt her.

I'm not thinking of cheating or anything like that, but I do feel stuck between respecting her boundaries and acknowledging my own desires that never had the chance to exist.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Has anyone else been in this situation?

How did you cope?

I mean, I have a few questions.

One, he's talking about his hormones are going crazy.

I'm like, are you,

are you taking anything?

Taking supplements.

Yeah, are you taking anything to help with your

glow up, sir?

Just curious.

Giving testosterone.

It's giving testosterone injections or something.

I know a few sad stories about

guys who started taking steroids in very long-term relationships and basically like

changed in very negative ways.

And so that's why I'm asking.

I don't know.

It's like a very, it's a simple little comment to me so it's like just i'm not trying to like put that assumption on this story but just out of curiosity is that allegory is that a part of it and then two okay the sister saying that that's not fair what what like he could have done that too he he should have done that if he wanted to do that when he was in college like to say that that's not fair that she lived her life before dating him i agree you seemingly could have had the same opportunities.

Just because you didn't feel your best doesn't mean you couldn't have put yourself out there and also tried to date, tried to do things.

Yeah, it does feel a little unfair.

But the sister said that it's not fair that your wife got to do that and you didn't.

That just bothers me because to say, like, that's not fair.

What do you mean that's not fair?

You guys knew this going into the relationship.

Don't say that that's not fair.

That's that is what's unfair to say that about your wife for living her life before she got in a relationship with you.

And it's like, sure, okay.

Maybe if I was wife, I wouldn't be like, I did all the crazy things before you.

Like, I, I don't need to do that anymore because that almost feels like it's kind of rubbing it in.

I was going to say, it feels like it's rubbing it in his face a little bit, but maybe she doesn't even recognize why he's talking about these things,

where he's coming from.

She's like, no, no, no, babe.

Like, you're enough.

Like, I don't need all that crazy, wild sex and threesomes.

I want my relationship to be built on love and intimacy, which that's what we have.

Right.

She in her head is probably trying to make him feel better.

Right.

But all he hears is she had a threesome with two guys.

Yeah.

Like, you got to do all this stuff.

And like, you don't want to do it with me.

You wanted to do it with other people.

Like, and I want to do that stuff.

And now you don't want to do it with me.

Like, that sucks.

That's probably what he's hearing.

But she's probably, yeah, exactly what you just said.

Um,

so anyway, I mean,

where do they go from here?

I don't, I don't know.

I don't really like this.

It's like, oh, I love her, but I also, I don't,

yeah, I don't know.

I will say, I do think it's a little odd.

And maybe this is just me.

But if I was like, oh, I wish I would have got to experience more and have sex with more people.

I don't think I would first go to my sibling no matter how close we were.

I do think that was an interesting choice.

I think some people are like that on that level.

So, I mean, I agree.

I wouldn't either.

But I think that some people do.

Like, I have, I have like friends that are very close with their siblings.

They're all similar in age, and they just kind of,

I don't know,

grew up that way, and it doesn't really phase them.

I don't know.

I guess it's maybe just how biased the sister feels

against the wife.

That's what makes it weird.

It's like, did you go to her because you knew what reaction you would get?

Why aren't you really like openly talking to your wife about this?

Because I think her being like,

I don't want to try all that crazy stuff or, you know, whatever she kind of said, I'm paraphrasing here, or her being like,

wild lust, she wants to build intimacy on love, like you can still have that, but you can also still spice up your love life here and there, whether it's role-playing, go out on a date, pretend like you don't know each other, like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Like if your husband wants to explore certain things,

He can ask.

He can have that conversation.

You can decide whether or not you want to do it.

But at at the same time, like, I do think it's healthy to be exploring with different forms of intimacy or acts and things like that.

To me, my advice would be like, you guys should go to couples therapy and maybe look into a sex therapist.

Oh, yeah.

Like, if you feel like you're missing out, but you love your wife, then like maybe there's ways you can see eye to eye and grow in that relationship together.

True.

But if you constantly feel like you're missing out, I do think

then your wife is not.

Then you should, should, yeah, you shouldn't be together.

Yeah.

And maybe it's a separation.

Maybe it's a go and see if the grass is really green or if she's okay with that.

Likely not.

I mean, we see this tale is old as time.

Guy asks for open relationship.

Guy is unsuccessful.

Wife is more successful.

Guy wants to close the relationship.

We've had multiple wife says too late.

I'm done with you.

You just

applaud wife for making the smart decision.

Yeah, you never know.

Tale is old as time.

The one line where I was like, ooh, this kind of like was like surprising to me.

To be blunt, I don't care that my wife finds me.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I hated that line.

Sorry, there's so many things that I forgot to mention that one.

What

I want Justin to find me attractive.

I think I forgot about that because

at the end, when he was like, I love my wife.

And so then I'm like, okay, he wants to stay with her.

But that comment made it seem like he doesn't really care.

But he's indifferent.

Yeah.

I know.

That confused me.

But let's get into some of the comments.

okay?

Okay.

So, top comment, I would be careful taking your sister's advice about your relationship.

The right thing is to have an honest conversation with your wife.

Be direct.

Next comment down, this guy's sister hates his wife.

Yeah.

Next one.

Yep, sister would not plant that seed against another woman without ulterior motives.

Yeah.

Not enough info to know if sister is justified.

True.

This next comment.

The way most Reddit posts go, I half expect an update where his sister calls him one day because she got her head stuck in the washing machine.

Stop.

Please stop.

Wookey.

Someone else has a constructive comment and goes, The grass is never greener on the other side.

It is just different grass.

From someone who is in the kink world, get really, really, really clear on what it is you actually want.

Every fantasy sounds great in your imagination or in porn, but whatever it is you want to explore, it will not be the same when played out with your wife or any other woman if you break up or whatever.

That's good advice, actually.

It is a tale as old as time for a married person to have tons of ideas of what leaving their domesticated problems will be like.

They think they will be swimming in pussy or men will be lining up for them, and reality is very, very different.

That was a really hard line to read.

That makes me, I need to tell you something after this.

They are often disappointed and wish they could have their marriage and family back.

It would be better to talk to your wife, likely in therapy, that you feel like you need to spice things up.

You won't get anywhere by just being mad at her.

Dude, so on my way over here, you know, I had to take a detour downtown LA.

Yeah.

I was at a stoplight with a guy holding a sign and the sign said $10 and I'm thinking like asking for $10,

but no, he's holding up a sign that says $10 and I will eat your dirty

i'm just gonna say pusse because the other word sounds a little too aggressive right now i know i just had to read it it was terrible and i i'm like what get me out of downtown la like every time i'm here i'm angry ten dollars

no that instantly like that's no no

but the fact that like he had to make sure it said dirty too like it not even no like he might have been dirty he

actually, I don't even think it was dirty.

It was something like, like, stanky or something.

I don't know.

It was, yeah, it was something smegma-y.

It's something that was making it clear that it was something that would smell really bad.

Oh my gosh.

Maybe that's a kink for him.

But maybe that's a kid.

On a street corner with a cardboard box.

I feel like it was a social experiment made just for me.

Just to freak me out.

Probably.

You don't like bodily fluids.

So we do get an update on this one.

Hi, everyone.

I posted this last night and went to bed.

I woke up a couple of hours ago, read through a lot of the replies.

Thank you all for the honesty, and decided to have a conversation with my wife this morning.

My wife and I are usually very honest with each other.

I was upfront with her about how I've been feeling, specifically that I haven't been feeling very desired lately.

She was surprised at first and even a little shocked because we're usually pretty lovey-dovey with each other.

At first, she thought I was joking, but I told her I was serious.

She reassured me that she loves me more than she can ever put into words and that she finds me incredibly attractive.

I asked her why I have to initiate intimacy most of the time and that seemed to hit her.

She got quiet and then told me she would make an effort to initiate more often and even kissed me then to show me that she meant it.

She wanted to do it there, but I rejected her and told her that I wasn't done.

I told her that initiating more was a start, but what I really wanted was way, way, way more than that.

I opened up about how she had the chance to explore her fantasies and experiment in her past, while I never had that chance.

I told her about the attention I've been getting from other women recently, like for example, three women at the library I go to regularly who have been very upfront with me and how I've turned all of them down, but that it still made me think.

Oh no.

I told her I don't feel desired at all at home, and in fact, I feel more desired at the library or park or even at work when I talk to women.

Then I told her directly, I want to seriously spice up our bedroom life.

I'm not talking about just small things.

I told her I'm in the best shape of my life, and right now I want to feel that kind of wild lust that I never got to experience.

Not in a reckless way, I just want that passion and fire, at least for the next few years, while I feel this good in my skin.

To my surprise, my wife was very receptive to what I said.

We sat down and talked more openly than we have in a long time.

I told her some of the fantasies in my head that I would like to explore, and she actually listened and took me seriously.

But then something happened that I wasn't expecting.

She broke down in tears.

She asked if I still found her attractive.

That hurt to hear, because of course I do.

I hugged her, comforted her, and told her I still find her beautiful as ever.

Yes, she's gone through some body changes since giving birth, but that doesn't change how I feel about her at all.

He's pissing me off.

So, yeah,

that probably is my final update.

We still have a lot to talk about, but for the first time in a while, I feel heard and hopeful.

Thank you all again for your input.

It really gave me the push I needed to be honest with myself and with my wife.

I don't like him.

It's really something.

I mean, this is just coming from the other day, August 16th.

We'll see if we get something else.

Like, if my husband, my partner of eight years was like, and he even said she was shocked because we're so lovey-dovey together.

It's not like she's cold and just shutting him off.

And from my understanding, if my husband came back and was like, I feel happier at the library with these three skinks.

I know, that was quite wild.

And also, like, sorry, I just added in the word.

He didn't say that.

But,

but, like,

it's weird.

Like, what?

Like, there's three girls who are very, tell me exactly how they feel about me.

Well, don't they see that you're married?

Don't you tell them that you're married?

Like, and the fact that he's like, things need to seriously change.

I'm not talking a little bit like

really, really, really change.

It feels like a threat to me.

Like, it feels like he's like, He's like, hey, I have women all over me.

And if you don't become my exact perfect little doll that I want you to be in the bedroom,

that's what's going to happen.

Like, that's what it felt like to me.

I don't, I mean, it did feel like he was being like, I have women lining up to replace you.

Yeah.

If you don't perform, yeah.

And that feels a little like maybe some are going to be like, oh, you're jumping to conclusions, Morgan.

But no, not really, because he was telling her this as a way to motivate her to spice things up.

Yeah.

Hey, I have these other hot women hidden on me at the library.

You should be thanking me for being such a good husband and turning them down.

Literally, that's how I deserve, I deserve a medal, actually, for not cheating on you because I'm so hot now.

And I'm so hot now.

And just in general, like to be a woman in the first place, like she probably turns down men left and right her entire time being with him.

Like now he's getting it for the first time and you think you deserve a fucking award.

I don't know.

Whatever.

I get that he's also being honest, which is better than not being honest.

So he is just saying what's on his mind.

And I guess it's good to get it out there.

So maybe I should reel it in a little bit on him.

But, um, but overall, um, yeah, he, I'm not, I'm not the biggest fan, to be honest.

No, and I, I do think it's odd

that he mentions how attractive she is and, you know, all of this.

And, you know, mentioned we've been married eight years, have two kids.

But like one of the last lines on this to almost like justify him and his feelings.

Yeah, she's gone through some body changes since giving birth, but that doesn't change how I feel about her at all.

Yeah, that really.

Why do you even have to mention that?

Yeah, why do you have to mention?

Like, of course, she's gonna have body changes after giving birth to two children.

Oh, it makes me so mad.

Can you do that again?

No,

that was really crazy.

You look like Wreck-It Rolf, just like gearing up.

Oh, God.

And I am, yeah.

I

um,

I just,

it really pisses me off because it's like, oh, well, you were working out

like she was having your baby and now now you think you're too good for her like

I don't know I don't know what people are gonna say but I don't like him

no what are people saying

I feel like people were really supportive of him based off of his response I think people were just like dude you gotta talk to your wife yeah Top comments.

I have a feeling this is definitely not over.

Next one, quote, hey guys, talk to my wife about it.

And it went great.

She broke down in tears and asked if I still found her attractive.

I think that's a great sign.

I'm about to have so much hot sex.

Literally.

Thank you.

Thank you for that comment.

I thought that I was like on this island by myself for a second because of the fact that he was like, thank you guys so much for being so supportive in the comments.

So someone who's delusional will sort through comments to find things that fit their narrative.

Yeah, but I think that in the beginning, he people were more accommodative.

Yeah, be a little bit.

Yeah.

So I think that makes sense and for sure i'm glad that people are feeling the feels that i'm feeling so that i'm not feeling alone yeah feels let's see how you feel about this next one okay with the he didn't no response from that it was the end

opi has actually deleted his account so i don't know if we'll get any updates beyond that but if we do i'm sure direct caterpillar 77 will be on it nice on it i'm just like people like that i'm like what about about what's gonna happen in your relationship when you guys are like, I don't know, 80 years old?

Like, are you gonna be going after some young 20-year-old just because your wife is 80 now, like, and doesn't want to hook up with you as much?

Like, oh, it's so funny.

I actually like know someone

through like a mutual connection.

It's very loose, but she ended up cheating on this guy and getting together and then got engaged to this guy that was like 40 years older than her.

And she literally like turned 27, aged out, air quotes there.

And he broke up with her, ended their engagement, and then started dating someone that was like 22.

Wow.

And like, keeps like, break up, date younger, break up, date younger.

Like, it's kind of like that running joke on Leonardo DiCaprio that whenever his girlfriend turns 26, he breaks up with her.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah.

I don't know.

But this next one has me intrigued.

I also have not read any of these today.

I was just trusting Direct Caterpillar.

Okay.

The titles are really enticing me, and that's what I'm picking based on.

Good.

Okay.

I am so excited for this spa day.

Candles lit.

Music on.

Hot tub warm and ready.

And then my chronic hives come back.

Again, in the middle of my spa day.

What a wet blanket.

Looks like another spell of itchy red skin.

If you have chronic spontaneous urticaria or CSU, there is a different treatment option.

Hives during my next spa day?

Not if I can help it.

Learn more at treatmyhives.com.

Okay, I'm gonna give you a choice on this one, actually.

Option number one:

I, 20 female, saw my 22 male boyfriend's apartment for the first time and it creeped me out.

Or option two,

a girl, 23 female, I, 21 male, went on a a date with, made some very hurtful remarks about me and my sword/slash weapon collection and my martial arts that have been liked and shared on Facebook dozens of times.

Do I demand an apology?

You're, I don't even want to hear that guy.

Shut up.

So, option one.

Okay, no airtime for you.

Again.

Should I demand an apology?

Well, now I'm going to make you read it on Patreon.

Oh, God.

Just kidding.

I don't really know what my evil laugh would be if I became a supervillain.

I just need to say this because I don't know when to say this, but

the last episode that came out,

we were talking about Taylor Swift.

Yeah.

And how she's coming out with an album.

And then she got engaged.

And then she got engaged within that time.

Like a week later.

Yeah.

And

people were like, I can't imagine how you felt if that's how you felt about the old.

I was like, don't.

I literally, I texted you to you immediately.

Yeah.

No.

I was like, she's engaged.

It was like, I found out within like two minutes of it happening.

I know.

I'm excited for her.

I'm obsessed.

I'm so excited for her.

That is literally my king and queen.

I drafted him on my fantasy league this year.

Oh, yeah.

Love that.

Yeah.

My number two tight end.

If I did that, I would draft him for every pick.

And I'm sure that's not allowed, but you know what?

I would make it a thing.

I literally picked everyone that I love watching this year.

I've got Joe Burrow as my quarterback.

I tried to get Josh Allen, but he went a little too early for me.

I've got Travis Kelsey.

I just kept picking people that I like really

enjoy watching.

I'm not personally a fan.

I think there's other quarterbacks that are better, but that's just me.

That's my take.

I'm not a Chiefs lover.

You know, I'm not, I just like watching Travis Kelsey.

Yeah, that's fair.

He's fun to watch.

Tight end, tight ass.

Celebration.

Good stuff.

Oh, I'm not allowed to say that.

Whoa, careful.

That's our, that's our girl's guy.

Whoa.

He's he's a killer.

No, I don't even know what his butt looks like.

I just, I liked the playoffs.

I'm sure you don't.

I don't.

I'm obsessed with them.

I'm not obsessed with him individually.

Yeah, no, I'm obsessed with him for her.

Exactly.

I'm just like really excited for someone that's been like ridiculed in the media from the time she was like 16 about boys and who she's dating and very asked very inappropriate questions.

It's, it's just nice to see her happy.

It makes me so emotional.

Like when I see clips of them, when I see clips of her speaking about things that she wants in life and in a relationship in the past and seeing her get that now, it's like it literally makes me choke up and cry.

I know.

It's a little manifesting.

Never, never doubt that your person is out there and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve.

Yeah.

You'll find, you'll find the one.

So this next one, again, I, 20 female, saw my 22 male boyfriend's apartment for the first time, and it creeped me out.

Hi, Reddit.

I'm making this on a throwaway because I'm scared my boyfriend is a serial killer or something, and I don't want him to see this.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year.

Let's call him Michael.

Why did you pick a serial killer name?

I've never visited his apartment before.

He's always stayed the night at my place on date nights.

and whenever I asked to go visit his, he just said he prefers it at my place, and I never really thought anything of it.

Anyways, about a week ago, he got really drunk and incoherent, so I told him I was going to take him home.

He asked to go to my place, but I said no as I didn't want him being sick in my apartment.

I had to drag his address out of him, but I assumed he was just drunk, and it never occurred to me he didn't want me to know where he lives.

I took him there, and he lived in a real nice part of town, like seriously, the type of apartments rich businessmen live in.

I knew he had a good job and made a lot of money, but I didn't know it was this much.

I took him into his apartment, and this is where it gets weird.

I don't know if I'm just overreacting and he's just non-materialistic, but it was just too weird.

He had literally no furniture.

He had a mattress in his bedroom with covers, but no pillows, which he immediately passed out on, leaving me to look around.

Next to his bed, he had a giant pile of books, almost all of them on sales and people skills.

I get he's into the whole self-help thing, and I am too, but really, only books on making people do things you want.

He works in sales, so it makes sense, but some of them didn't seem as much to do with sales as they did manipulation.

Like there was genuinely a book with manipulation in the fucking title.

Hmm.

The rest of his house was out.

I could find.

The rest of his house was empty.

He had a built-in wardrobe full of expensive clothes.

I knew he always dressed good, but when the only thing you own is expensive clothes, that's kind of weird.

Also, he had his phone charger plugged in and nothing else other than cosmetic stuff, so bathroom essentials, cologne, that sort of thing.

It just amazed me he could live like this.

I checked his fridge, and it had plenty of food in it, and he had a few cooking stuff in his drawers, so he clearly lived there enough to justify some sort of furniture.

No TV, no laptop, not even a fucking chair.

The only room that looked complete was the bathroom.

It had everything you'd need: toothbrush, toothpaste, a mirror.

That room seemed complete enough.

It was just so creepy, I started thinking back to all the weird things he's done.

I know he's lived there since I've known him because I don't recall him mentioning he lived in that block early on.

But then it got me thinking, okay, he's always being dedicated to his work and I love that about him.

He's ambitious and passionate about something, but that's pretty much all I know he cares about.

I've never met a single friend of his.

I've seen work buddies, but I don't recall him ever once seeing anyone out of work.

I've never met his family and barely know anything about them other than he's never met his biological mom.

He's very good at making people like him.

All of my friends love him, but I've never known him to be interested in anyone other than me, I guess.

He's always kept me at a distance, saying he needs a lot of alone time, especially with him working all the time.

So I see him a few times a week, but the rest of the time, he's on his own in an empty apartment.

I know this is wrong of me, but I asked a friend to follow him one day after work, and she said he went straight from work to his apartment.

I even went to visit him without warning one of those days, and he was there all alone.

From what I could tell, he wasn't even reading, as all the books were still in a pile.

So what the fuck does he do?

I don't know if I'm being ridiculous, but I'm convinced he's either a vampire who's adapted to sunlight or some sort of psychopath.

I haven't talked to him about it, and he hasn't acted like it's weird or needs explaining.

What should I do?

What does this mean about him?

I feel like there has to be some sort of explanation.

This isn't normal.

He has enough time off work, but never seems to go out.

So he can't just be sitting in an empty apartment doing nothing.

It doesn't make sense.

I don't find it that weird.

Really?

Let's hear why.

I mean, yes,

it is odd, but to wonder if he is a vampire who's adapted to sunlight.

Unlikely.

To me, I mean, I guess I don't know how long he was living there, but if he's so focused on work, and why don't you think he has a laptop somewhere else?

Like, maybe it's just in his closet.

I don't know.

I mean, maybe he works when he gets home from his bed.

And yeah, that's weird.

Maybe he stands at his kitchen.

I don't know.

Like, it's maybe he just goes on TikTok for hours at end when he's done working and just sits on his bed and looks at TikTok.

Like, sure, these are all weird things, but like, I don't, I don't know if it's the level of what she's looking for.

I just feel like there's a lot of guys that I've known of.

Specifically, how old are they again?

22.

Yeah.

And 20.

Yeah.

Like, come on.

Like at that age, like there was so many people, guys that I knew that just like didn't have, they don't care about their furniture.

They don't have anything in there.

No, there's, there's like a running joke about guys not having a headboard and having the same blue comforter.

Yeah.

And gray sheets.

Yeah.

It's a running joke.

Yeah.

They like,

specifically if this guy's like super into his work,

That's sounds like that's what he's focused on and doesn't really care about what else.

He probably realizes that it's embarrassing that it doesn't have furniture.

So that's why he didn't want you to come over.

I mean, I will say it's a little crazy.

He doesn't even have a chair.

Like, but there are you.

But they're 20 and 22.

Like, but like, where are you sitting?

On the bed.

All the time?

You gotta mix it up.

Are you sure there's not like a chair around the island table?

She said no chairs.

No chairs.

No TV.

No laptop.

No chairs.

Beds are for sleep and sex.

If you want a healthy sleep routine and good sleep habits, good sleep hygiene, sleep and sex.

I'm not a chair.

It's weird.

I just don't think it's the level of weird of what she's trying to figure out.

Also, I eat my bed, you guys.

Like, I'm disgusting.

I wear outside clothes in my bed sometimes when I'm really tired and just need a nap.

So I will say I don't follow the good sleep hygiene rules, but no chair?

Sir, go to Ikea.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't

find it that weird.

Like I do, I find it weird.

Like I personally would not want to date someone that was doing that.

But if I was like in my young 20, if I was 22 or 20,

I would be like, this is weird, but I wouldn't think like, are you a serial killer?

Like

it was quite the jump.

Right.

That's what I'm saying.

Also, they've been together for almost a year.

If my boyfriend didn't let me come over to his house for almost a year, my guess wouldn't be serial killer.

I'd think married.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, I'd think married, and that's his second house.

That's the fuck apartment.

Right.

Like, I wouldn't think serial killer, but...

And if he was older, I might think that too.

Like, if they, if they were, like, in their 30s, I'd be like, maybe that's his bachelor pad.

True, he is 22, but hey, sounds a little bougie, given the where the apartment is and the nice level of apartment close to work makes a lot of money he can be trust fun kid he can yeah it there's a difference between like getting a spot and then to live and then decorating it you know true and maybe he maxed out by getting such a nice apartment and does not have anything for furniture yeah i know people do that too a lot of people i've seen on tick tock are like please watch my video so i can get furniture for my house like we spent everything getting the house and and with how things are nowadays like that is the reality for a lot of people like to be able to afford a house the down payment all of this stuff like people do become air quotes house poor and you might not be able to get furniture right away when you get your keys like that's the reality yeah

so

and then once you get used to it too like i feel like it can be just like a he normalized it like maybe he was like i'll get to it eventually but then he just normalized it but i agree i think it's weird more weird that he didn't ever invite her over in a year.

In a year.

Yeah.

That's a decent amount of time to be dating someone.

It's not three months, a year.

A little fishy.

So

sorting by the best comments,

it doesn't mean he's a psychopath, but it's definitely weird.

I've known dudes like this.

That's what I'm saying.

It's off-putting at best.

He's highly driven, highly compartmentalized, utilitarian man who has no need for aesthetics, like an alien who came to Earth undercover, trying to blend in.

I find it insanely troubling that you have been dating for a year and this is the first time you ever went over to his place.

That should be a first month activity.

Keep that in mind.

Yeah.

It's like exactly what I said, just extremely condensed.

So there's next time.

So there is a comment that OP responds to here.

This person goes, The guy is 22, works in sales, and this is probably his first apartment.

He may not know how to furnish the place and make it nice.

He may not have had time because of his job.

Deciding that he's a weirdo is going too far.

I'd like to take a moment to talk about your actions here.

First, you had this guy followed.

Yeah.

What?

Who's the weirdo?

You had him followed?

That's a big deal, ma'am.

It's not a minor thing.

Second, when you went to his house, you decided to check on one, how much money does he make and what does he spend it on?

Two, what kind of furniture does he buy and how much does he have?

Three, how does he prioritize clothing, work versus personal?

Four, what does he keep in his fridge?

Five, does he know how to cook?

Six, what's in his bathroom?

Seven, what kinds of things does he read and think about?

And then decided to draw your own conclusions and interpretations on every item above.

I understand you are probably intensely curious as this is an important relationship to you.

The way you are going about figuring this guy out is awful.

Having him followed, snooping around through his stuff stuff when he's passed out, and drawing your own conclusions, 100% giving him no opportunity to explain, that sucks.

If you want to understand someone, talk to them.

I strongly urge you to stop having your boyfriend followed and stop snooping on him.

That behavior is really sketchy.

Yeah.

Opie responds.

I get that having him followed was a step too far, but do you not really find this peculiar if you were me?

Would you not want to look around his apartment to try to figure him out once you saw this?

I didn't check how much money he makes.

I have no idea.

I just know these apartments are expensive.

I didn't have to check furniture.

It was obviously not there.

It didn't take a detective to figure out it was empty.

I checked the fridge purely to see if he even lived there.

If it was empty, that would be a good clue.

He's been renovating or something.

Do you not know how girls look around a guy's apartment when they first visit?

Even if it's normal, we just like to be nosy.

True.

Honestly, true.

In some sense, I wouldn't have the person followed.

Yeah, like I don't, I think looking through drawers feels a bit invasive, but like looking in the fridge, that's not, that's, I'll do that at any house, like with a

without even thinking, without even being hungry, just open the fridge door, close the fridge door.

The amount of times I open my fridge.

I know, for no reason.

I honestly, like, I should have to pay a tax or like have to do a jumping jack every time I open it because I'm constantly, oh, anything good?

No, shut it.

Walk back.

Nope.

Now is there nothing?

Nothing good?

Still now.

No, does anything look appealing this time?

No.

No, same.

So there is another comment.

Someone goes, I don't think he's a serial killer.

I think he's probably living somewhere else permanently with a girlfriend, maybe.

And this is a spare place.

You haven't met his friends because, well, he has someone else.

Same with his family.

His alone time?

Probably with his other girlfriend in the place where he actually lives.

You should never be dating someone for almost a year and not know their address or meet their friends.

Huge red flag for the future.

I know.

OP responds, My first thought was he doesn't actually live there, but I don't think that's it.

Why would he rent a really nice apartment and make it so sinister if he's trying to live a double life?

Wouldn't it make more sense to rent a reasonably priced apartment and decorate it with cheap furniture?

If this was a fake place, I definitely doubt he'd have the huge stack of books or be there when I randomly called.

Plus, my friend followed him and he went straight there after work.

I know if he was going to pull some double life shit, he'd be smarter than that.

So I'm going to have to assume it's genuinely his place until I find evidence to say otherwise.

The family and friends thing, I never really thought about until this.

I know despite him being so charismatic and lovable, he isn't actively very social.

He's a very good listener, but when I think about it, he's always the one asking the questions and listening, but never really talking about himself.

I actually asked him about why he doesn't talk about himself much, and he told me that everyone likes to talk about themselves more than they like to hear about others, which is like a common tactic in a lot of those books, I will say, because it was in a masterclass, like how to engage with people socially, continue to ask them questions.

Side note.

I'm doing a bad job at quoting him, but it did sound very sweet the way he explained it.

He said that through working in sales, he'd learned to care more about other people than himself.

He also said he already knows everything about himself, so it's become more enjoyable to learn about others.

If it wasn't for all the books on people, I'd think that was sweet.

But knowing he's clearly researched how to get to people to do what he wants and like him, it's kind of sinister.

Also, the fact that so many people like him, but he never wants to go out with anyone if they ask is kind of weird.

I feel like I need to ask.

I don't really mind if he has a bad relationship with his family and isn't very social, but I gotta know why.

Sinister.

Again,

OP is very aggressive with these words.

Unfortunately,

we do not have an update on this one.

Here's the other part about this.

Killing me.

Well, here's the other part about this episode that's kind of wild for me.

I was just looking at Direct Caterpillar's account, picking the best titles.

I didn't even look at what subreddit it was coming from.

If it was coming from best of Redditor updates or best of no updates.

I played myself.

I literally was fully reading this about to get an update, and now I'm pissed.

I played myself.

Saying how it feels.

Welcome.

Yeah, no, that's that's really a buzzkill that there's no update.

None.

I just checked the account.

None.

I also just think, like, maybe you guys should just like break up and go your separate ways.

I don't know.

Just throwing it out there.

Just throwing it out there.

This post is also eight years old.

So we are not getting an update.

Wow, they're like

30 now.

I want to know if he has furniture.

If he finds this, please let me know if you got furniture.

And if you did, please send pics.

Love to see how you decorated.

Yeah.

Please, please update us.

Someone does say on this post from Direct Caterpillar in best of know updates.

LOL, he was the embodiment of a young man just needing a mattress and TV, and she thinks he's a serial killer.

That's what I'm saying.

Someone does go, to be fair, it's the state of the apartment plus everything else.

She didn't know where he lived for about a year dating, hasn't met his family, no friends outside of work friends, doesn't ever talk about himself.

Those are all yellow or red flags.

So once she saw the apartment, it set off her concerns.

Yeah.

Wild.

I will say you're a bit of a goofball for having him stalked.

Don't do that again.

Yeah, I would say don't do that unless you have a valid reason to do so.

Goofy.

Don't, I don't know.

I don't know if there are, well, there might be a valid enough reason.

Yeah, if you cheating,

people hire PIs.

Yeah, not even cheating.

If you think that somebody's genuinely doing something really

actually horrific, you could save some people's lives if you have them followed.

So I don't want to say never do that.

There you go.

Always, always the exception to the rule.

So this one is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit.

Making sure I haven't read it so no one yells at me.

Wow, I didn't even realize making sure I haven't read it is the same

as Reddit.

I think that's why it's called Reddit.

No, that makes sense.

And I never thought about that.

Yeah.

Wow.

So I haven't.

It's not in my master spreadsheet.

So if I have,

I'm sorry.

This is titled, My Neighbor Thinks I Hexed Her Because Her Sourdough Starter Died.

And now she's staging counter spells in my yard.

Hmm.

That'll happen.

So I live in a duplex, and my neighbor, let's call her Linda, is this 50-something woman who's really into witchcraft, crystals, moonwater, the whole deal.

I don't care.

She's harmless or she was.

About a month ago, she came over ranting that her sourdough starter died overnight and that she could feel my energy was bad that day.

I laughed because it's bread goo.

I told her maybe it was just mold or she forgot to feed it.

Big mistake.

Ever since, she's convinced I hexed her kitchen.

She started doing these loud cleansing rituals in our shared front yard at like 3 a.m., burning sage, chanting in what I think is bad Spanish, and sprinkling mystery liquid around my plants.

One morning, I found my basil covered in glitter.

Last week, she escalated.

I came home and there was a raw chicken, not even packaged, just a raw, slimy chicken sitting in the middle of my welcome mat with a note taped to it that said, The curse is returned.

Oh no.

All caps.

I literally had to bleach my doorstep.

I've tried ignoring it, but last night she knocked on my door holding a mason jar of cloudy water and told me to drink this so we can be friends again.

Oh my god.

I said, no, Linda, and shut the door.

She started screaming that I, quote, don't respect the balance, and that, quote, the bread gods will punish me.

Now I'm wondering if I should call the police, but how do you even explain?

My neighbor thinks I killed her yeast and is retaliating with poultry-based magic.

See, my toxic trait is that I would have drank the cloudy water and been like, okay, Linda,

balance has been restored.

Oh my gosh.

What?

What?

You don't know what she put in there.

What if there's bleach in there?

Yeah, but I don't know what the consequences are if I don't drink the water.

There is no way you'd actually drink it.

There's no way.

I don't know.

I wouldn't.

There's not a chance.

You're right.

I wouldn't, but I would be, I would like lay up at night and be like, what's going to happen that I didn't drink the water?

There's no way, Lauren.

You're scared of fluids and you didn't drink the breast milk.

There's no way.

Yeah, that's because you guys wanted it all to yourself.

You keep telling yourself that.

No, I'm kidding.

I definitely didn't want it.

You were gagging at the thought.

Yeah.

So there's no way.

Yeah, no, but like, I don't know.

I have such a bad,

I hate coming across those things like on TikTok, for example, where they're like, oh,

click or write yes on here if you want to have a good day.

I'm like, oh shit.

Okay.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

I just, I hate it.

I'm like, leave me alone.

Don't do this to me.

I really, because I don't want it to get in my head.

They do get in my head.

Yeah.

So I don't, I like to avoid all those things.

And so I would hate having a neighbor like Linda because I'd be like, damn it, Linda.

Got to drink this nasty water again just to restore the balance of the world.

Just get out there at 3 a.m.

and whip some sage around with her.

Yeah.

No, I would just ethically sourced sage only.

I would have to move.

Which, like, a lot of people are like, you can't get ethical sage.

Use other things if you're not indigenous.

I will just say that now, but yeah.

You'd move?

I think Linda would be too much for me.

Yeah, I think there's a couple different routes you could go.

You could traumatize her back and go harder and really start chanting and doing your own chicken spells.

You could do a wellness check, try to contact her family.

Three, ignore, four,

move.

That's kind of police, though, is a good call as well.

Well, a little wellness check could be good.

I think there's, if there's like a mental health crisis going on, if you have a mental health agency in your area versus the police, I would recommend calling them.

I know there's a lot of cities that are making initiatives to have mental health responders instead of police for instances like this.

Yeah.

Because it's safer for everyone.

But that's not very common.

It could be hard to find.

It might not exist.

But maybe look into it if it's available for you.

Top comment on this one, with only 299 upvotes.

I had a neighbor with delusional thinking and had to have the police talk to her and explain where she legally can do her crazy.

She took their instructions seriously.

It didn't keep her from standing in the street and yelling at me, but she never came onto my property or talked to my kids.

Well, that's not that big of a win, but okay.

Yeah.

Someone goes, oh my God, yes, exactly like that.

Having the cops set clear boundaries can totally keep things from getting crazier, even if the weirdness doesn't stop 100%.

Definitely the way to go before things spiral any further.

Next comment, I can just imagine the scene.

Two very put-upon-looking officers drawing a chalk line on the sidewalk.

Ma'am, in the future, the chicken must stay on this side of the line.

Is that clear?

I don't know if you can put the chicken there.

It's littering.

Hmm.

That's an interesting take.

We do get an update, luckily.

Nice.

Finally, some satisfaction.

Thank the Reddit Lords.

The night that I posted the story, I saw her last night burying a Ziploc bag of cooked spaghetti under my car and yelling that she has to do this to confuse the bread spirits.

I thought that would be my last last straw, but then last night I saw her in my backyard, my fenced backyard, shaking what looked like a salt shaker over my lawn while mumbling something about restoring the bread line.

That was it.

I called the non-emergency police line.

Two officers showed up about 20 minutes later.

I explained the whole situation: the dead sourdough starter, the 3 AM chanting, the raw chicken, the jars of swamp water, the spaghetti burial, all all of it.

I try to make it sound serious, but not too insane.

They go to talk to her, and within about 30 seconds, I hear her yelling,

She's lying.

The doe told me what she did.

Then she drags them in her kitchen to show them the evidence.

Ten minutes later, the officers come back out looking like they just survived a hostage negotiation with the Pillsbury doe boy.

They said, She has

unusual beliefs, but as long as she's not physically harming me or damaging property, their hands are tied.

They suggested I install a fence, I have one, and avoid engaging.

As they were leaving, Linda stood on her porch, holding a loaf of bread over her head like the Lion King baby, and screamed, The curse will turn on you.

So now I have police documentation, zero solutions, and a neighbor who probably thinks she won that round.

Linda, you're insufferable.

Linda!

Linda, listen.

Do you remember that meme?

Listen to me, Linda.

You're so cute.

Was that that?

That was the name, wasn't it?

Linda.

Right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay, I can't end it on that note.

So I've got one

last one for us.

Dude, that was it.

Like, I would have to move.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, I think if you're renting, unless it's like an insanely good deal that you just like cannot pass up,

I would probably try to relocate.

I even if I wasn't renting, I feel like I would try to move.

Yeah, that would drive me crazy, honestly.

I luckily have like really, really good neighbors, but like, it is interesting how like you could literally buy a house without knowing who you're going to live next to.

Yeah.

Like and you're locked in then.

Like that is a crazy concept.

I'm surprised.

Like I don't know.

I feel like there should be, I feel like there should be like an interview process to be like, hey, are we all gonna, are we all gonna drive here?

I haven't even thought about that.

But if you're buying a house, like if you bought your house unknowingly in a neighborhood that was the opposite political party as you, and then everyone kind of like turns against you and you make the odd odd man out.

Everyone has those long signs, and you're just like, I don't belong here.

Scary.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We had, we had one sign on the corner, and the guy got real fucking crazy.

And luckily, he's not my neighbor because I'd have a hard time with him.

But

he literally was on the corner and had all these like crazy political signs that I do not align with.

He was very clearly a Trump supporter.

And people were messing with his signs so much because, like, that's not my neighborhood.

And he literally had to install a camera on the street sign pointing at all of his political signs.

And then my other neighbor across from him put up like kindness signs and like love signs and a love garden and like was combating all of that negative energy.

So it was like just a battle between the two of them, it felt like.

And battle between the signs.

Yeah, it was, it was interesting to watch.

And I really appreciated my neighbor with the kindness garden.

But this last one, okay?

Me too.

It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Suggesting My Seven-Year-On His New Stuffed Tiger Tig Biddies?

Okay.

Pretty much the title.

My son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him Tig.

He asked me what its last name should be.

I couldn't help myself and just instantly replied, Biddies.

Then I turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names.

But my son insisted that he liked biddies.

So now his tiger is Tig Biddies.

My wife thinks it was completely inappropriate.

I think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications.

Am I the asshole?

See, I would be the stick-in-the-wife, or wait,

stick in the wife?

stick in the mud, wife, and I'd be pissed.

I would be so mad.

I mean, imagine this kid bringing it to show and tell.

Hey, this is my tiger tig bitty.

I would be so pissed.

It is a really good story to tell down the road.

Yeah, like really funny on the outside, but I could just see myself being in these shoes and my husband looking over at me with a smirk and me just like Arthur Fisting.

Like, are you kidding me?

Yeah.

Like, can you be appropriate for a second in front of our child, like our impressionable child?

Seven-year-old.

Yeah.

So what do you think?

Asshole, not the asshole?

I mean, like I said, if I, I would be in, I would be mad too.

But like, at the same time, it's not that deep.

Yeah.

Overall verdict, not the asshole.

Top comment, not the asshole.

Inappropriate?

Yes.

Still funny?

Also, yes.

Not the asshole.

You jokingly suggested a name.

It's not your fault.

Your son happened to like it.

There will probably be no ramifications, but you and your wife can probably convince him to change the name if she dislikes it that much.

Just think of a new last name and tell him in a really excited way that you just thought of an even better last name.

And I bet he'd really go with it and change it.

No, I think he's set.

Once he saw the resistance, I think he was like,

I need this.

Yeah.

Kids are so funny for the rest of the

rest of his life.

That's going to be his emotional support teddy.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I want more stories like this from you guys that are parents out there.

Like, what's the craziest thing you've convinced your kid of?

Oh, I love that.

What's like something you've openly talked about with your partner that's like gone over their head?

I feel like I traumatized my nephew when I was home in Minnesota last week.

We went out for Justin's birthday.

And my sister-in-law asked me, like, oh my God, like, I heard about your friend that's in,

you know, in Mexico in prison.

Oh, my God.

Forgot about that.

It's the whole thing, you guys.

One of my friends from high school, bad, bad, bad.

And my little nephew, Emmett, like, heard and he's like, prison, Mexico?

And like, the whole time was like, why is she in prison in Mexico?

And me and Amy were like, drugs.

This is why you don't do drugs.

You can't do drugs.

What's a learning lesson then?

Well, then he goes, what are drugs?

And they were like, learning lesson a little too soon.

Yeah.

And it's like, how do you explain what drugs are to a kid?

It turned into a whole thing.

I think you guys handled it pretty well.

It was chaos.

Chaos.

And so every time I see him, he's like, Mexican prison.

Oh my God.

No.

I know.

No.

I know.

So I dug myself a hole with that.

But I would love to know what you guys have gotten over your kids' heads or any crazy stories or names like Tig Biddies.

Or for those who are not parents

like myself

share a story about things you thought or that you really picked up on when you were a kid because when I was a kid

I thought that when you ate that it went down to your feet and then filled up

up to your knees and like you got full when it was like up to like your head like I

don't know how

Actually, no, no, no, I wouldn't say head.

I think that I thought it went up till here.

Because you could feel it.

Yeah.

When you were really small.

Yeah.

I had my uncle scare me really bad when I was little.

And he told me if you eat watermelon seeds, one will grow inside of you.

I totally was afraid of that as well.

Oh, yeah.

That traumatized me.

I wonder why they did that to us.

Was it like, was it because it was bad to eat the watermelon seeds?

No, no.

A lot of them you can eat.

Well, I thought maybe, maybe it's like harsh on a little kid's stomach.

I don't know.

I feel like a lot of times adults just like fucking with us.

It's kind of mean.

It's kind of messed up.

What else did I believe?

there's other things that were stupid like my sister was eating frosting out of a jar and told me it was her medicine chocolate frosting that's why i couldn't have any and i was like i was like yeah that tracks you need you need the meds you need help

just kidding shoe fits no i'm kidding but tell us in the comments i'm excited to read them i i love reading all your comments i love hearing your takes even if they're different It's like really cool having conversations in the comments and being like, oh my God, I didn't think of it from that way.

Or I totally missed that detail.

Like sometimes people will be like, I didn't even touch on blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I'm like, oh my God, that totally went over my head.

Yeah.

Thanks for pointing it out.

Cool.

Yeah.

No, I know.

I like whenever I, whenever I see a conversation happening about something that we did miss, but it's like

not an angry conversation.

Save in a nice way.

Yeah.

It's just like a, it's like, for example, when we forgot about the aspect of what he said with his wife in one of those stories and we were like, oh, that's right.

He said he didn't even care if his wife found him attractive.

So it's like, I like when I come across stuff like that that you guys bring up.

I think it's kind of fun to be like, that's right.

Yeah.

When you point out like what sticks with you about each story because like I read it and like that line like gripped me.

Yeah.

But then you read it and you're like, oh no, it wasn't even that line.

It was this line.

And I'm like, oh my God.

Wow.

What was that voice?

You're right.

My vocal fried voice actress after that.

I'm like losing my voice right now.

It was like hot.

Like you just turned yourself into like a sexy like 40-year-old woman.

I don't know.

I'm going to have to play that back.

But on that note, head over to Patreon.

I'm continuing with the direct Caterpillar 77 theme because there's a lot of other good ones.

A lot have updates.

And it'll be me, Lauren, and Justin again.

So see you over there.

JTJWOW.

Jay Powell.

Jay Powell.

Jay Powell.

It'll be good.

There's a lot of free content too.

So So come over, join us.

Just be a part of the community.

We're rolling out some really fun new stuff over there very soon.

I'm working with Patreon, starting to work out their new quips program and like a new change they're rolling out.

So it's a lot of fun.

So come on over.

All of the quips and everything I'm doing with them will be totally free.

And I'd love to have you guys.

So.

See you soon.

See you over there.

Wait, one last thing.

Oh, I thought that there was going to be nothing I could grab onto to bring up Taylor Swift, but then you gave me a sourdough story.

Is she a sourdough girly?

Oh my God.

Have you not heard?

No.

Yes, she on the podcast said that she's been making sourdough left and right, but a lot of people think that it's an Easter egg for the fact that she's going to perform at the Super Bowl because their mascot is sourdough Sam.

There we go.

49ers is the host this year.

Yeah.

San Francisco.

And I think she's doing both.

I think she's baking bread.

Oh.

And then I think she's

performing the Super Bowl.

Her being the Super Bowl performer would make complete sense.

It would be awesome.

It should be no one else.

Absolutely.

Zero people would be able to afford those tickets to the Super Bowl that year, given how expensive it already is.

But you know what?

I'm going to be watching it from TV, so I don't care.

Honestly, I've heard the sound is better from the TV.

So, hey, I'm down.

Yeah.

Unless my Vikings are in it, then I

will be selling a kidney.

I will be going one way or another.

Wow.

I don't realize it's a bribe that level, but yeah.

Justin will make out with whoever he has to make out with to get us there.

Justin's going to hold the sign of that guy I saw downstairs.

$10 will lick your dirty pussy.

Just kidding.

No.

No.

Okay.

We got to go.

We got to go.

Until next time, guys.

Till next time.

Bye.

Bye.