235: Faulty Match

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is this a headphone day for me am I locking in

hmm I might it seems no they're too quiet too quiet I can't hear myself okay ah

okay here we go we are batch recording right now you guys as we are getting ready to head off to Minnesota for our wedding

two weeks away away.

So we are really trying to like bulk record.

So from the time I leave LA to go back to Minnesota for the wedding until the time I get back to LA after the honeymoon, I'm just like checked out.

I have not left home without my computer since I started this show.

I'm constantly editing and uploading on the road.

So I think with the wedding and honeymoon, that's like mini moon, mini moon actually.

But that's like one thing I really want to make sure is like we're just like unplugged.

Yeah.

Unplugged.

Yes.

You know that feeling you get when you have a 6 a.m.

flight and you get up at 4 and you have to go to the airport at that hour?

Yeah.

That's me.

Right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Justin's battling a little bit of a cold.

He's been taking Zai Cam, just zooting it.

Like, you know, there's no tomorrow.

Yeah.

You're really trying.

Yeah.

You're really trying here.

I'm here.

You're here.

But I think it's going to be a good episode.

We're getting into stories all about faulty matches as it is our wedding week when this comes out.

Our wedding will actually be in like two days after this episode comes out.

I wanted to talk all about like relationships and good matches, bad matches, just matches that

the episode wouldn't be that great if it was all about perfect, great relationships.

That would be boring.

Who wants to listen to that?

Oh my God, that would be terrible.

So I feel like, you know, it's always good to compare, see whatever everyone else has going on.

And, oh, gosh, yeah, okay, we do that.

That's not great.

We should stop doing that.

Or, oh, I don't do that.

Like, wow, I appreciate what I have now.

Or, you know, oh, I didn't notice that would be bad, but I could see how it is.

So there's probably a lot to take from these.

Make you realize something right before the wedding.

You never know.

I mean, I got some crazy stories.

I do have some pre-wedding stories, but I think we're safe.

Okay, I guess we'll find out.

Also, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes, you guys.

I'm your host, Morgan.

I'm Justin.

Jay Wow, Jay Pow.

Not today.

No.

Not today.

Okay.

I'll get there.

Well, let's dive in.

Let's go.

This episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by State Farm.

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I mean, if it weren't for my friends, I would be really stressed out doing some DIY flowers for my wedding.

They definitely wouldn't get done without their help.

They've got it covered with me.

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Should we start with a wedding one?

Yeah.

Just kick it off.

Yeah.

We are doing a full, full-blown wedding, bridesmaid, groomsman, officiant, whatever theme, but we figured we'd wait until after our wedding, just in case we had any drama we wanted to talk about.

Then we can speak from experience.

Yeah.

Trigger warning on this first one, friends.

It is not safe for work.

So if you're working, you're in your little cubicle playing this out loud today, maybe consider some headphones.

Or if there's little ears, little ears probably don't need this one either.

Okay, so this first one then, this is coming from our slash relationship advice posted only an hour ago.

It's titled, is it normal that my 23 female fiancé, 25 male, wants me to break my hymen before our wedding?

He asked me if I could, quote, do him a favor by breaking my hymen a month before our wedding because he doesn't want blood on his penis.

And then he said not to do anything afterwards so it can be, quote, tight for him.

He's brought this up before, but he used to only say the reason was so that it could be more enjoyable for both of us.

I didn't know he was worried about getting blood on him or whatever.

I kind of feel upset that he asked me to do that, but I'm not sure if I'm right in feeling this way.

I'm upset because I found comfort in knowing that I could go through the painful part of it with my partner.

Also, the way he worded all of that sounds immature, but maybe I'm reading into it too much and it's not that serious.

I think it sounds pretty serious.

It's like that gross male rhetoric of,

oh, keep it tight and all this.

And also, how do you expect to be in a relationship and never get blood on you?

Ever?

Ever.

Good luck.

Yeah, I mean, shark week happens.

It could be happening.

It could be coming on.

You don't know.

You get bopped in the cervix a couple of times and floodgates open.

And next thing you know, it's shark week.

Yeah.

And then what's going to happen?

Oh my God, it happened.

I like freak out and break up.

But yeah, I don't know.

This is weird going into a wedding.

And it's like, I just want it to be perfect for me.

That is the selfishness of it, too.

It's like, I don't want to have to go through that with you.

And kind of as OP said, like, I was hoping to go through that with my partner, that painful part, that scary part or whatever, like to go with it through my person and for him to just be like, yeah, you take care of that before the wedding.

And then don't do anything after.

Because

I'm going to be tight.

Okay.

It is giving immature.

It's giving a few red flags for me.

It's almost reminding me of that story we had.

It was on our original Unhinged episode.

It was me, you, and Lauren.

Classic.

And someone was writing in to be like, My fiancé wants his dad to check my hymen before the wedding, or something like that.

And that story, I feel like if the word hymen comes up before your wedding, you should run.

Like anyone talking about your hymen before you get married wants to look at your hymen, wants you to break your hymen.

Maybe we should just 180

walk away.

It just doesn't feel like

he is a male with a fully developed brain and has not been around in the world long enough to just understand how to be a normal person, good person.

Yeah.

You know, we always walk this fine line on this show between what's right and wrong or in balancing that with a preference.

This for me,

obviously is just a mismatch

because

yes, it's not great in the way he approached any of it.

Is someone wrong for things that they particularly want?

That gets into a territory where it's like,

it's not so easy to say this is right and this is wrong.

The way you're approaching the conversation and maybe treating this person, we could put in a category, but it's just like you clearly aren't on the same page.

No.

And for OP, you are absolutely not in the wrong

no matter which way you look at this.

So it's just like, yeah, honestly, it goes back to the title.

It's a faulty relationship.

And it's good that some of this is showing before we lock in.

Absolutely.

Top comment: Your fiancé has a horrible understanding of the human body.

Next comment: OP has horrible standards.

She's going to marry this, break your hymen, but keep it tight for me, man.

And next comment goes, She clearly doesn't know any better.

There's a comment here: no, literally, nothing about this is normal.

Next one down, honestly, I wouldn't stay with him after the stay tight for him comment because how is he gonna treat you after you have a baby?

Will he want you to have a C-section as well so you can stay tight for him?

It's giving disgusting behavior.

Yeah, OP does respond.

This crossed my mind when he said that to me.

I'm just really caught off guard because I didn't expect him to say something like that.

It's going to be hard to believe, but this is out of character for him, which is why I'm confused.

Someone responds to OP, he is showing you who he is, how he views sex, and how he views women.

You should not marry him at this point,

which

I don't know.

Like, I get like a lot of people are going to jump to like, don't marry him and

divorce.

Like,

we've all been there.

We've all, you know, we've all done that.

But if this is truly out of character, then maybe he's hearing a bunch of stuff from like toxic guys in his life and he's and he's like getting told like you better make sure she's ready for the wedding night haha like

i could see that especially given they do both sound inexperienced it sounds like they're both virgins like probably saving it until they get married yeah so i would have a serious conversation and be like why did you ask me this and if he can't give you a good reason or work through it and like kind of come to terms with like hey this isn't this isn't a good thing to ask me like this is pretty disgusting.

If you can't come to terms with that, then you have more of an answer.

But I would be very curious where this is coming from.

Yeah.

Well, and some people disguise demands as questions.

And I think that they think they're involving the other person in the choice and the decision when really they're kind of steamrolling them by the way they ask the question.

So it's like, oh,

can you do this when it's really coded as you should do this?

And that

I don't know, is that that fall into manipulation or what category is that?

Because

you see that a lot in different forms,

but in this one, it just feels like

no, I'm a team player.

I was asking you your opinion.

Like, it always feels like there's a cop-out potentially instead of directly saying, you need to do this or you should do this.

Yeah.

Which

none of it's good.

No, we do have quite a few other other comments from OP.

OP says, I will admit there have been other out-of-character occurrences happening recently, but I don't know if this is what's going on here because it doesn't make sense to me how someone could hide who they are for three years.

But you're also about to get married.

You're getting closer to getting locked in.

Yeah.

So it's kind of the perfect time for him to start.

testing you and pushing boundaries and letting the mask kind of like slip.

Yeah.

OP did respond to like someone being like, you should call this off.

And OP responds, yeah, we're pretty far into the planning.

I'd feel so guilty because of the money and also because I've formed relationships with his parents and siblings.

Yeah, but that's still not worth the rest of your life or, you know, a few years and then going through a messy divorce.

Money is one thing.

The relationship with parents, I mean, everyone, everyone does that when you're serious about somebody.

And that's just

comes with the territory.

That's no reason to stay.

No.

If everything's

a couple other comments here, just kind of highlighting that they have been intimate.

There's one comment that

mentions like oral sex.

There's another comment about him asking to do anal

because their culture is heavily against premarital sex.

He's had a previous partner though.

And when I met him, he said he wouldn't have cared if I had one, and he didn't make a big deal out of me being a virgin.

He has asked me to have anal sex with him before marriage.

And after reading your comment, I'm now realizing how weird that is, given that he's grossed up by blood being on him, but not that.

Yeah, that's always very interesting.

They've been together for three years,

and it's not an arranged marriage.

Like, OP is getting asked so many questions.

People accused OP of trolling.

She responds, LOL, I wish I was trolling.

So

tough spot to be in, clearly starting to really think through things, but at this point, we have no update.

The post is now

two hours old with a refresh.

So we're going to have to keep our eyes on this, but like OP is clearly starting to like

like the vision is cracked a little bit and clearly starting to like reevaluate things a little bit.

Yeah, I really think it's good to

I mean, have people understand that people can drastically change as you approach something like marriage.

I mean, some of the stories we've had before are just like, holy shit.

You know, they get back from the next day after the wedding, and it's just opposite.

And it's scary, but it's real.

It's almost like, you know, a lot of the times I think all the things we've learned from going through all these stories honestly should be a course

in some at some point in life that gives you all these extra tools to say oh no that's not right because i think with the experience of this show and everyone listening to it we all collectively

our radars are 10 times better as far as red flags or no this is possible this does happen you're not crazy because so many times it's The person writing in, am I in the wrong?

Am I the one that's crazy?

Am I blowing this out of proportion?

And it's like, no, this is nuts.

This is wild.

Like, this is beyond bad for so many different things.

Yeah.

And this is starting to knock on that door where, yeah, maybe the cracks are starting to show.

And like you said, it's the best, it's the perfect time to start testing that before,

you know, we're fully there.

But it doesn't seem like he has any intention of not moving forward.

He's just almost buttering it up.

For sure.

And now that I know he has had other relationships, has slept with other people,

it's not giving as uneducated as it was before, like two people that haven't had sex and are just kind of like going off tropes and whatever.

Sure.

No, this isn't his first rodeo.

Come on.

Now there's not as big of an excuse.

And it is, therefore, a solid red flag.

And you really got to have a conversation and then address it.

And if it doesn't change, like his perspective, if it doesn't come around, like I would be concerned that he has some very other

potentially misogynistic views or just isn't going to respect your body.

Or if you have a kid and your body changes and you give birth naturally and like you change, that he's going to use that as an excuse down the line.

Like that's where my head goes because we kind of see it.

Yeah.

And I think our next story kind of might dabble with it.

Okay.

I think the last thing really quick is that, you know, at the end, oh, well, he didn't, you know, he said he didn't care that I was a virgin and blah, blah, blah, blah.

And it's like, yeah, it's like that was his mission the whole time.

To me, it seems like a big reason he's even with you because of all these comments leading up to marriage.

I can see that.

Like the keep it tight for me thing.

Uh-huh.

That doesn't go along with someone that doesn't care if you had a partner before.

It seems like he very much chose you because That was one of the aspects.

And I think it's interesting, like OP looks at their virginity almost as a bad thing.

Like, he didn't care that I was a virgin.

That's so great.

And it's like, well, I think most people,

the opposite, like for a guy, especially a guy who thinks like,

oh, if a lock opens for multiple keys, that's bad.

Like, that's kind of the energy I'm getting.

That kind of trope that like men can have more sex than women and that's okay.

I think a guy like that would want a virgin.

So it's like, of course, that's not going to bother

Right.

But is that this guy?

OP will have to find out.

You're going to have to do a little bit more digging.

Get your shovel, girl.

Get your shovel.

Time's ticking.

I'm ticking.

Moving on to this next one.

Okay, this next one is coming from R/Am I Overreacting.

It is nine hours old.

Titled, Am I Overreacting for Snapping at My Husband After He Body Shamed Me Post Baby and Then Finding Out He's Secretly O Tinder?

Classic.

I, 29 female, had our first baby six months ago.

It was a brutal pregnancy, gestational diabetes, swelling so bad I couldn't walk without crying, and then an emergency C-section that left me cut open and bedridden for weeks.

My body still isn't back.

I carry extra weight, my scar still aches, and some days I can barely recognize myself in the mirror.

But I also look at my baby and think every stretch mark was worth it.

My husband, 32 male, has been cold towards me ever since the baby.

I thought it was stress.

New parent life is hard.

But last week while we were in bed, I leaned in to cuddle him like I used to, and he pulled away.

Then he said words I can't erase from my head.

Quote, we can fool around when you lose some weight.

My God.

I felt like I'd been punched in the chest.

This is the same man who watched me scream in pain, bringing his child into the world.

I told him I've been healing, breastfeeding, up all night with the baby.

How dare he reduce me to my waistline?

I told him I didn't even want to fool around.

I just wanted to cuddle.

He shrugged and said,

That's another problem, your mouth.

Then he twisted it into me being the problem, that I'm too emotional, and that he was, quote, just being honest.

I couldn't stop crying.

He's not exactly Mr.

Perfect himself, and I told him that.

He's got a beer gut, snores like a chainsaw, hasn't set foot in a gym in years, but I never once, until this argument, made him feel small over it because that's not what love is.

And here's where it gets worse.

A couple of nights later, he left his phone on the counter while he showered.

A notification popped up.

Tinder, my stomach dropped.

I clicked.

He has an active profile.

Current pictures, bio-updated this month, messages from women.

He doesn't know I saw it.

I've been walking around the house in a daze, holding our baby, wondering what's wrong with me, that the man I built a family with would rather swipe through strangers than look at me.

It's not just about his words anymore.

My body gave him a child.

My body sacrificed for our family.

And now it feels like my body is the very thing he despises.

I keep thinking, am I overreacting?

Should I just confront him?

Should I pack up and leave?

Or am I supposed to swallow this because, quote, men will be men?

I feel shattered, used, betrayed.

I don't even know how to look at him anymore.

What makes it even worse is that my mom passed away when I was 13.

So the only person I could talk to about this was my dad.

When I explained everything to him, he told me I should try working out more and eating less.

Oh my god, he basically told me to suck it up and that men are visual creatures.

I'm starting to feel crazy.

Please be honest.

Am I just sensitive?

Please don't hype me up.

I don't want to lose my husband and my marriage.

Damn, why was I hoping for dad to actually be like

a sound

support?

A sound, a good sounding board, a sound sounding board.

Yeah, no, we got none of that.

We got more shame and criticism and

gaslighting.

Is that, does that count?

I honestly feel like we're too far gone to even work through this.

He's too far gone.

Yeah.

Because

you don't say those things to someone that you even care for a future with.

The Tinder thing is one thing, but the shit that would piss me the fuck off is

just because of my experience with medical stuff, if I went through something like that and you're not literally on the ground praising me, oh my God, but now I'm the problem

because I went through, yes, it's a beautiful thing, but I went through such horrible pregnancy, birth, everything.

It was a horrible traumatic experience.

And now I'm dealing with the residual effects of that.

I'm probably feeling self-conscious.

I'm not loving, you know, the way I look and everything, but it is what it is because I got my child.

And that's the beautiful part about it.

And then for your quote unquote partner to be saying this stuff and treating you this way,

oh, that would

like

bring out an anger I don't think I've ever had in my past.

No, I know.

That would awaken some part of me that I didn't think existed.

And then the mouth, like the mouth thing, that's another thing.

And your mouth, like right then,

all of it is terribly abusive.

And the way it's worded, nothing's, there's, you have no sense of a partner.

And obviously with Tinder, I don't get how people do this Tinder thing when they're in a relationship like this, obviously ethically, but how do they actually

do it?

with no one recognizing them because the place you're on tinder is in your community.

Typically, I mean, you can set your location elsewhere, but like, but come on, like, people from work aren't going to recognize people in her circle.

How do you know she doesn't have like she definitely has friends that are single?

Everyone does at some point.

How are they not randomly?

You know what I mean?

I think people find out eventually sometimes, but also big cities.

Like, I feel like if you have someone blocked on,

like, cause you, I know you can link some dating apps through your social media.

And if I want, I'm very curious about this.

If you block someone on social media, are they also blocked from Tinder?

But how do you catch everyone?

You know, how do you make sure?

So it's just like, that's a whole nother thing.

It's just, I don't get how people actually pull that off.

With everything we have in front of us, this just doesn't make sense.

And it's so unfortunate.

It really is.

I mean, we kind of talked about it with the first one, though.

It's like the dynamic between them shifted.

They had a kid.

She's extremely locked in.

And then he starts acting terrible like this.

And I think

it's interesting how like a lot of times you could like chalk it up to like, oh, well, my body changed.

She's not attracted to me.

But

I don't know that I feel like for some people.

That's true and attraction changed, but I feel like others just use it as like ah, she's locked in now.

I can do more of what I want now.

I know I can get away with it.

She's at home taking care of the baby.

Like, I've got a little extra time.

But I also feel like in this day and age, that's becoming less common.

I feel like women are stepping up and saying, I'm not going to deal with your abuse.

I'm not going to be trapped in this.

Yeah.

I'm going to take my kid and go

because I can.

and I will.

You know, and I think that's, that's been a really awesome shift over the last, I don't know,

even sent, not even century, right?

I mean, when, because I remember my great grandma got divorced at a time where that was hugely taboo.

Yeah.

But she still did it and chose a happier life for herself, even though maybe at the time it was extremely hard.

And maybe some people look down upon her for that.

But she still did it.

So I look up to women that that do that.

And I, you know, I feel that it's just, it just sucks that it has to be that way.

And that so many people do feel trapped.

And, you know, they, they stayed home to take care of the baby.

They had the baby.

You know, they go through all of this.

And then

husband thinks, oh, now I can do whatever I want because you're,

you're stuck.

Just shitty.

I hate that.

I feel terrible for her.

I don't know if this is redeemable.

Like, I, I would be curious if there's any counselors out there that could chime in and say, I've had clients work through stuff like this.

But, like, not only do you have the body shaming, when you try to communicate it, you get told that's another problem.

Your mouth.

Being like, hey, you can't talk back to me.

You bringing up your feelings, you're talking back to me.

I'm above you.

Don't talk back to me.

Your mouth is a problem.

And then you have the cheating.

He is actively trying to cheat while withholding any form of intimacy from you.

You can't even cuddle him without him

saying comments like, Well, maybe we'll fool around when you lose weight.

I can't have a hug, a sideline hug in bed.

Cuddling is hugs.

Like, it's literally just a hug.

It's like a very long hug.

Yeah, it's just like a cozy little hug in bed, laying down.

Yeah.

But it's just like,

if you're going to withhold any sort of intimacy, love, physical affection, connection from me until I lose weight, that's extremely abusive.

Yeah.

Extremely abusive.

And he can say, you know, he's not attracted, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But if you can't even cuddle, again, it's a hug.

It's a hug.

You can't hug me after everything I did, after what I sacrificed, my body, my life, it's risky.

She had a very difficult pregnancy, an emergency C-section.

This is a lot to go through.

And to not even then have a partner who's caring.

Yeah.

I mean, I think attraction is one thing, but I really think it, when it comes down to it, you don't commit to a body.

You commit to a person.

You commit to who someone is.

You know, maybe other people commit to people just simply because of their body, but I don't think that that's ever going to be a good foundation for a relationship.

Well, hey, even if you, okay, you become unattractive, which a lot of people say, that's fair.

You know, you can't control attraction.

It changes.

Okay.

If you're in that boat, cool.

Then talk to your partner and end the relationship before making a Tinder and starting to cheat.

Of course, yeah.

So for me, this one is just a faulty match.

You've got an amazing baby out of the deal.

And now

get your shit together and get out.

I think that's a good way to look at it.

Cause I think a lot of people instantly, you know, the gut reaction is, oh my God, we just had this child together, and it's almost like a bad thing.

But if you're already there, that's a great way to look at it.

Yeah, look what I got out of this.

You're an amazing little baby, and then you can move forward and create the life that you deserve.

I think that is like the rainbow in all of this.

Like, you have an amazing little one, and

hopefully, he'll be a good dad and co-parent well with you, but like, this is not worth sticking around for.

Top comment, leave.

He's on Tinder cheating while you're crying your eyes out.

Flush, take screenshots, get evidence, take half of whatever he owns, accidentally misplace his favorite stuff, gaslight him subtly, then hit the gym when you feel ready to date again and take back your power.

Girl.

Someone goes, good sentiment, wrong order of operations.

Do not let your husband know about this until your attorney says it's time to let him him know.

First, get a probably free initial consult from the best divorce attorneys in your area, preferably several different law firms.

Pick one and follow their advice.

Some items the attorney will probably recommend, open your own financial accounts at a different bank or credit union, unless you already have this set up.

Savings, checkings, credit cards in your name alone, safe deposit box.

As far as redirecting income or moving money, ask your attorney.

Put your documents in your new safe deposit box, birth certificate, social security card, copy of income taxes, passport, professional certifications, etc.

Make a backup of information from your phone, laptop, et cetera, and put a copy on a drive.

Deposit all of that in the box as well.

Quietly put together a go bag so that you can quickly leave with the baby if he becomes violent.

Next person down, I want to add a little tip.

Call all the attorneys in your area.

Give them your name and do a quick free phone consultation.

That way, when he tries to go get a local attorney, it will be a conflict of interest for them and they will not represent him.

Is that how that works?

I'm not sure if a quick consult counts, but...

Because when I've talked to attorneys, they do a quick conflict check.

But I don't know if necessarily just even contacting.

A quick phone call like that.

I mean, if you're sharing intimate details.

Yeah, I guess if you scheduled a meeting, had a call, shared all these details, they would have heard your side.

They'd be biased.

So it probably is accurate.

I'm not a lawyer.

Lawyers chime in.

I'd be curious.

I guess it'd also be pretty hard to contact every single lawyer in your area, but

wow.

Yeah.

Never heard of that one.

Next comment here.

If he's on Tinder, he's already checked out of the marriage.

Set that man aside, get some therapy, and get your mind right.

Your body is not completely healed.

Your body and mental health should be your your priority right now.

Only when you're emotionally stable and physically stable, then you can begin the process of unloading the unhealthy beer gut weight you're carrying around.

Get ready for the battle.

It's coming.

Ooh, it feels like Game of Thrones a little bit.

Winter's coming.

Someone goes, This, I have been there, except I didn't know about the cheating until later.

I naively tried to hang on to a crumbling marriage for the sake of my baby, and I should have just kicked him out.

OP needs to take charge now, also financially.

If there are joint accounts, drain as much as you can and keep it separate.

Make sure you have all of your important documents out of the house.

Best case scenario, this is overkill.

But if he is capable of saying he won't touch you until you get in shape and telling you to watch what you say, he sounds like someone who might think he owns you and will do as he pleases.

Mm-hmm.

Well, there's a lot of other people sharing their experiences in the comments.

I think it's safe to say OP is getting a lot of

advice.

No comments, no other posts, no update yet.

This is at this time

10 hours old now.

So we're going to have to keep our eyes open for any updates.

But moving along.

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Okay.

We're going to lighten the mood a little bit for a second.

Okay.

This next one is coming from our very very own Two Hot Takes subreddit, 13 hours old, titled, I'm Watching My Ex Move On Through the Security Cameras.

Still has access, huh?

My ex and I were together for almost two years and lived together for a little over two weeks before he ended things, saying he didn't think the issues between me and his family would ever get better.

For context, his family is extremely overbearing.

They spend nearly every waking minute together, and he wasn't willing to set boundaries when it came to them.

After the breakup, I moved out and we went no contact, but I still had access to our security cameras.

The very day I left, another girl, his little sister's 19 best friend, was already there.

I had noticed her hanging around a lot right before we split.

Since then, I've watched her coming over, staying the night, and the two of them having flirty conversations outside at 3 a.m.

It honestly felt like a bad reality TV, and I couldn't stop watching.

But I finally saw enough.

Last night, they shared a lover's embrace, not even a week after we had ended a two-year relationship, and he's already moved on.

So let's just call it what it is.

His family wasn't the reason for the breakup.

He just needed an excuse to move on without the guilt.

Yeah.

That's it?

That's it.

Yeah, Yeah, I mean, he didn't move on that quickly.

It's been probably going for a while.

Just been good at hiding it.

Yeah.

Which is so scary.

I think there's well, people out there who can be very trusting and vulnerable.

And, you know, this is the shitty side of doing that.

Yeah.

Is you can get hurt because people can be very sketchy and slimy and basically move on while putting on a good face for you

and already have their their next and you know their next situation set up meanwhile the whole time you're still going you're still trying your best every day you're still going in with good faith and doing what's best for your relationship and meanwhile the whole time it's just like it's just so terrible it's like you you make someone believe something

and how can you see that person every day and do that and then meanwhile you're you're just over here.

I don't know.

I just, I'll never understand

the people that are such cowards that can't just break up when things are wrong versus stay in them, cling on to them, yet do all this shit on the side.

Like, don't fuck with people like that.

It does sound like because, like, OP did watch all of this unfold on the camera, which

girl, that's a little creepy, it's giving a little bit stalker-ish, which is hard to not, though.

I get why.

We can also see that.

Oh, I get why you could fall into it, but it doesn't make it not creepy.

Right.

But it does seem like they had issues.

The boundaries with the family were in issues.

It was probably a constant fight.

So they move in together, family stopping over all the time.

And it was the final straw.

They tried to make it work, but they only lived together for two weeks, which is kind of like, it seems like the move-in was maybe a band-aid to see if we could work through it.

And then two weeks, and you're out, you're breaking up.

It does seem plausible.

And like, she started hanging around a little bit more, but it doesn't seem like she saw them making out on the camera right away.

Like, it does seem like it was a slow intro into a new relationship.

But he was definitely,

he definitely wasn't broken up and heartbroken when they broke up.

He hadn't been so.

He had been mentally pulling out for a while.

Which a lot of people do.

A lot of people, especially, I think women, typically you see it more so with women, emotionally check out

before they break up.

Like it takes a lot for a woman.

I get that.

Or like some people to finally hit the breaking point where they're like,

okay, there's, there's no fixing this.

I tried.

Okay, I'll find, I'll fine, fine, I'll break up now.

Yeah, I mean, because just when we've

talked about it through, I think maybe on the show and whatever in the past, We both are like, no, we'd be so fucked up in a breakup that we can't even fathom that.

We can't even fathom this happening where it's just like

we would just both be in caves for

a long time.

Just like, you know,

I don't know.

I

guess someone could start checking out and then build up the courage to eventually.

break up but yeah i think that's what happens quite a bit is that right or wrong well what do you think about this like I feel like for some people,

you almost need another person to show you the difference between like, oh my God, the relationship I'm in is so bad.

And like, oh, this person is treating me really nicely.

Sure.

Does that mean you need to cheat?

No.

But I think like for a lot of people, they almost need a little crush, whether it's a coworker or a friend or whoever, to like get them.

over the other relationship.

Sure.

I'm not saying you should cheat.

I'm not saying you should make out.

I'm not saying you need someone else to move on, but I think there are certain things that make it easier to break up.

Well, if that's honestly, truly what happened here and it wasn't so malicious like I was thinking, I mean, we don't truly know, right?

But if that is what happened here,

then

I guess they he kind of went about it in the right way.

It's hard because you need the context.

I know, and I wish we had more.

Like, I don't think their relationship was a match.

Like, we hear the line, like, he had unhealthy boundaries with family.

He was super close.

They spend every waking minute together.

Yeah.

But, like, what does that actually mean?

Maybe they are just a close family, but, like, the boundaries are okay.

Is it exaggerated, right?

Like, exactly.

Is mom still picking out his clothes or does mom just enjoy a family dinner every once in a while?

And does she not just not like the family?

And they are just simply a mismatch.

That's what I'm getting here.

That's what I'm getting.

And then I think OP just just really got sucked into a bit of a creepy thing watching the cameras.

Well, and that would rile you up too, having to see that, even though you low-key get addicted to it.

Yeah, I think that was an addiction.

It's like watching Big Brother.

Creepy addiction.

It is kind of like that.

Especially the Big Brother After Dark, where you can log in and see those cameras at any time.

That's what that gives.

Man,

take people off your security cameras, people, when you break up, remove their access or start a new account.

Top comment on this one: Let it go, Elsa.

You got your closure.

Now delete the feed.

Next comment, girl, you need to disconnect from those cameras like yesterday.

I get the morbid curiosity, but this is just going to mess with your head even more.

Also, yeah, he was definitely already checked out before the family issues conversation.

That timing with the sister's friend is way too sus.

I guess that could turn legal too, couldn't it?

I wonder.

Because if you are still logged into a system that you rightfully had access to at the time, does that expire then when it's not your residence and you are technically just spying?

We need so many lawyers this episode.

We need lawyers stat.

We need like a little phone a lawyer button.

Because then could you get a restraining order for camera access?

Because it's not like you're physically showing up unwanted.

Well,

it's not like you hacked into the camera.

You were given access.

But according to

quick Google search,

yes, accessing someone else's camera can get you into serious trouble, including criminal charges for invasion of privacy, fines, and even jail time because it violates their right to privacy.

Okay.

But I guess that would start to apply because it's not technically her residence anymore.

Yeah, but she was given consent,

But you would think it's automatically revoked upon a breakup.

It's messy, it's messy.

I don't know.

Legally, I don't know.

I don't know what the legality of that is.

Chime in lawyers.

Pop off lawyers.

OP does respond to that comment about it being way too sus.

Yeah.

And they go, yeah, I know.

It's like, I can't stop watching.

And the family stuff was 100% bullshit.

The family is over with the new girl celebrating like they planned this, which

I don't know why.

I don't know why with this one.

I'm really just kind of like, I do want to give him a little bit more benefit of the doubt.

And maybe it's because of the camera watching, but like, this is also his little sister's friend.

Yeah.

Like, she's probably been around for forever.

So the family's not like, who are you?

No.

And OP failed to mention their ages, but happened to put this girl's age of 19.

But we don't know if boyfriend is 21.

Right.

We don't know if boyfriend is 30 and this new girl is 19.

Like good context.

It does feel purposefully withholding information.

Redacted.

Yeah.

Given the fact you put in her age as it had meaning to us.

But what is his age?

What's yours?

Because instead of us having all of the facts, you're trying to give us just certain ones to make us think a certain way.

But who knows?

Until we have all the facts, it could be any one of those scenarios we've talked about.

Because I would imagine my family or your family, if we split up and then two weeks later or three weeks or a month later, one of us had a new partner we were walking in the door.

I feel like they'd be like, what the fuck is this?

Yeah, no, they'd be a little surprised.

Like, it's just...

But again, I think a lot of people too, like, if you don't like the ex, you're kind of like, thank God, he's moving on.

Like, sure.

My little brother, his ex was very, very toxic.

Like, actually insane, like

a little goofy.

Well, not the last one, the one before.

The last one I liked.

He's had some good ones.

If you're listening, like the last one I really liked, but he's like got a couple exes now, but he like bought a house with this girl.

Like they got a dog together.

And literally a week later, she was like, I'm breaking up with you.

I'm done.

And then had to sell the house.

All of a sudden, she didn't want the dog.

They got together.

She's like, nope, get rid of the dog.

You keep the dog.

I don't care about the dog.

And it's like, what the hell?

The whiplash of this.

Yeah.

That would make sense.

Like, that is goofy.

So, like, for Taylor, when Taylor started dating then, his next girlfriend, I was so excited.

I'm like, well, for sure.

This is great, Taylor.

Like, you're moving on.

Maybe this will be happier and healthier.

So I think it depends on the relationship.

Again, we're only getting one side of this, but maybe I'm reading this totally wrong.

Maybe you guys are going to be like, hey, no, like she had access and he was sus and probably cheating and blah, blah, blah.

So none of us can really know, though.

You tell me what you think in the comments.

No, we don't have enough info.

You tell me.

But we're moving on to the next one.

OP has since deleted their account, though, by the way.

I think after getting told they were creepy and a stalker quite a few times in the comments, they decided to

peace out.

Maybe a lawyer chimed in.

It's like, you're in some trouble.

Maybe.

Delete, delete, delete.

Maybe.

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But moving on to this next one.

It is coming from our slash Am I Overreacting, two days old, titled, Am I Overreacting for Being Upset My Boyfriend Upgraded His Seat to First Class and Left Me in Economy on Our Flights?

My boyfriend, 32 male, and I, 29 female, booked flights for vacation together.

We bought economy tickets.

At the gate, he got an offer to upgrade to first class for a discount, and he took it.

He looked at me and said, quote, sorry, babe, I'll see you when we land.

I ended up sitting in the back, squeezed between two strangers while he enjoyed champagne and legroom up front.

When I told him afterwards that I felt hurt, he said I was overreacting and that he, quote, deserved to treat himself because he paid for his own ticket.

It honestly felt so inconsiderate, like he just ditched me.

But now I'm questioning if I'm blowing this out of proportion.

Am I overreacting?

No, this is fucked up.

I, so if I, and this is, this is basically almost happened before we had status and kind of were on a similar playing field.

If I were to get offered an upgrade, even if it happened automatically like it does now,

I would then 100% have you take my seat.

I would put you at the front.

I'd be like, go enjoy.

Is that chivalry?

Would you call that chivalry?

I would call it being a good partner and wanting the best for your partner.

And yes, the ideal is to stay together, especially you're going on a trip for a vacation.

You know, when it's like when we were flying all over for the podcast and doing the tour, if one of us got an upgrade, I feel like I'd be like, go take it, enjoy it for the rest of us because we were just so, you know, traveling.

Yeah, we were grinding.

And it's like, you go up there and enjoy so one of us can versus like a trip.

It's like we're doing this together.

We're enjoying this whole vacation together.

We should stay together unless there's two upgrades he's still had to pay for it by the way yeah it's not like he just got it oh i'm not gonna not take an upgrade for free you still paid for it you paid to go be away from your partner essentially and so that's how i view it so i think at the very least you should pay and then go back to her and be like hey guess what

you're in first class at a very minimum but i wouldn't even do that with you necessarily if i had to pay for one

to split us up because I know you would probably rather just stay by me no matter where we're sitting.

Yeah.

So I think if it's automatic, I would 100% my first thought is Morgan's going up to the front.

Yeah.

I think it's interesting because in our relationship, like that would be like the dynamic kind of assumed.

But

I'm like, okay, well, that's chivalrous, right?

Like, and I had to look up chivalry and it's emphasizing courage, honor, justice, and courtesy, and a duty to protect the weak.

It's often a term used to describe an ideal modern gentlemanly behavior,

particularly concerning courteous treatment of women.

So I'm like, okay, in our relationship, it's like, okay, you get an upgrade and it's kind of like, it's courteous, it's gentlemanly, it's chivalrous to let me take it.

But in a relationship where it was

two women or two guys, like who

would get it?

Like, is it more, is it as chivalrous?

Does does the person that automatically gets offered the upgrade need to give it up?

And so it's like this weird, like, code of conduct.

Like, how does it work with upgrades?

And that's where I'm like, it's hard because it is such a luxury.

If it's free, I wouldn't want to waste it.

I think one of the people should take it or like, hey, you switch back and forth, maybe, which some flight attendants wouldn't like, I know, but.

It's not something I would mind.

Like, you're only going to get one meal for that seat.

It's not like you can have two.

So like use the experience how you would.

I don't know.

That wouldn't bother me.

But I feel like if it's not free, I feel like I would rather stay with my partner and be on the trip together

than be alone by myself up front.

Well, and then have your partner be alone in a middle seat in the back.

Which, yeah, like they then gave away his seat, which

I don't know why when he upgraded, they didn't then move her to either the window or aisle that he had.

Like she really got doubly screwed screwed over.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't think chivalry, maybe by definition, is classically man-woman, but I think that it really just comes down to the person.

No matter what relationship, what type of relationship you're in, I think it just comes down to the person.

If no matter what relationship I were in in a hypothetical world, I feel like I'd still be the person.

who's like, oh, no, you take it.

My ultimate thing is seeing my partner happy happy and having those little things, such as an upgrade, watch someone enjoy that.

I love seeing people enjoy stuff, especially if I can give it

like an amazing gift.

I love gift giving because just for that moment, like you get so excited for them to open it and see it.

And, you know, that's just the best feeling.

So I think it just comes down to the

person, you know?

Obviously, he is one of these people who's like, oh, yeah, I'm taking it for myself.

I deserve this.

I paid for my ticket.

It's like, okay, but that's not what this is about.

And so now we've started off our trip on this great foundation.

Thanks.

Because what else does this extend to?

You know, I mean, that is a good thing.

There's so many different things in life where someone has a chance to essentially be unequal to their partner, where it's like, upgrades are an obvious one, but I'm sure it applies in many other different social situations and whatever.

Oh, you can move up to this seat at the football game or you can do this.

Are you just going to like, where does this?

How considerate or inconsiderate are you?

Which is kind of what the top comment gets into.

So the top comment says this.

I fly a lot for work and get frequent upgrades.

Flying is so second nature to me.

First class is infinitely better, but the flights go by really quickly.

When traveling with my father, I was offered an upgrade and I gave it to him.

He said he didn't want it and would rather sit with me.

I convinced him to try it and said I would visit him.

He still talks about that fancy flight and all the free snacks.

It was so easy for me to treat someone in a way that they will always remember.

I get your boyfriend wanting that cool experience.

I get him thinking it's no big deal.

I understand where he's coming from, but also your feelings are 100% valid.

If this is a good illustration for how he treats you regularly, take note.

If you don't like this feeling, break up.

Everyone saying he should have offered it to you or at least consulted you is right.

That's basic travel partner etiquette.

Yeah.

Well, and one thing he doesn't understand is how great it felt to be up there and have that experience.

It's 10 times better to give that to someone and watch them enjoy that experience.

It's just, maybe everyone doesn't have that.

I don't know, but that's for me, it just feels so much better to give that to someone.

I agree.

It is really fun watching someone like get to sit in first class.

When I was a flight attendant for Sun Country, this was back when Sun Country had first class.

They had meals.

They gave you the hot little towels.

Like

Sun Country used to be very different when I worked there.

And when we were traveling, if we traveled, it was usually like.

If you wanted to pay to confirm your seat, it was like a $75 ticket to go anywhere.

And then if by the time you were like boarding, basically, if there were still first-class seats available, you could then get a first-class seat for $25.

That's cool.

So, me and like a friend, we went to Seattle and like, we did this.

And like, being able to do that for someone was so, so fun.

And I remember I'll never forget the first time we sat in the pods.

Yeah.

And I got it for us by some like crazy point hack on United.

And I like ended up like buying a bunch of points for equivalent of like $500.

And then I put both of us on the upgrade list with those points, and we both got upgraded to the pods.

Yes.

And that was like the first time we'd ever experienced anything like that.

The best travel hack ever.

And I was just like,

wow.

Oh, we're in heaven.

This is so fancy.

Like, we, we couldn't even sleep.

We were so excited.

No, like, we were coming from a place of like, this is a luxury we have never, ever had.

And like to experience that for the first time, like, I'll never forget that feeling.

Like, that was so magical and special.

And it's just like, well, this is how the other side lives.

Oh my God, it was insane.

Like, we were coming from like insane credit card debt and just like, I don't know, it was insane.

It was so special, which thanks, United, for the point hack.

Also, but we're delta people.

We're delta people now.

But two hot takes is on United.

So I might, I might be willing to switch if, you know, if I status match.

If If they status match, we just

say.

No, I'm going to get, I like United too.

They've got really nice planes and their lounges are really nice if you're a lounge person.

But

okay,

moving on to this next one.

Yes.

Do you think, do you think they're a match or do you think this is just a mishap and maybe I think

this is one where it may not cross the threshold too far that I think let's see where

how the future goes.

If you notice this becoming a pattern, then yes, but

it could just be a misjudgment.

We all make mistakes one-off.

Yeah.

So give it that shot.

But if anything feels like this as you progress through the relationship and you notice that again,

then I'd really start to think about it.

Okay.

I'm with you on that.

I think this could be work through.

This could be just one of those

silly.

We all do stupid things.

We all connect with me.

It went over my head.

I'm a dumbass moment.

Exactly.

We all have them.

If that's the sentiment.

If, yes.

Okay, this next one, though.

Let's see what you think about this one.

Also, coming from our very own Tua Take subreddit, six days old, titled, I caught my fiancé writing vows that sounded like they were about his ex.

My fiancé, 34 male, and I, 31 female, are getting married in two months.

We were both working on our vows the other night, and I accidentally saw a part of what he was writing when he left his notebook open.

It said, quote, I knew I loved you the moment you stepped into that coffee shop wearing that yellow dress.

Here's the thing.

I have never

worn a yellow dress.

But I know for a fact his ex used to wear one all the time because he told me a story years ago about how that's how he noticed her.

When I brought it up, he got defensive and said I was, quote, reading too much into it and that it, quote, doesn't matter who the memory was about.

It's about the feeling.

I feel sick.

Am I about to stand up at my wedding and listen to vows he basically recycled from his last relationship?

Yeah, that's super.

I don't get it.

Why?

What do you mean it doesn't matter who the memory was about?

It's about the feeling.

Of course it does.

That feeling wasn't about me.

I wonder if he's just being defensive.

Like, I wonder if he's genuinely forgetting how he met OP.

I was thinking that.

Like maybe he genuinely forgot how they met, which is kind of concerning.

It's confusing the two timelines, but I don't know.

Know your person, I guess.

Pay attention.

The yellow dress.

I've never worn a yellow dress.

I've told you many times the first time we met, I still can picture every aspect of that in in my head.

There's no way in the world that if I ever had another partner, I would ever confuse that

with someone else.

It's so ingrained.

How do you confuse that?

I'm very confused.

I mean, were you about to get engaged to the yellow dress girl and then you just met this girl and we're getting engaged within like a few months?

Are they overlapped?

Why is it that confusing?

I don't know.

Oh, man.

I'd be curious.

I'd have to start asking some questions.

We don't have any comments from OP in response to this story.

OP is pretty active on the Too Hot Takes subreddit.

Nice.

Yeah.

But as far as the top comments are concerned, the top comment, the feeling, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, of loving another woman?

Seriously.

Oh my God, what kind of response was that?

Who cares if I'm talking about the moment I fell in love with my ex during our wedding bows?

You're reading too much into it.

That's not the convenient excuse he thinks it is.

I mean, I wish I was still with her, but you're a good backup.

So it's all the same feeling.

I know.

And next comment down is like, dude, was embarrassed.

He didn't know his fiancé never wore yellow.

But, like, again, like, how did you guys meet?

True.

Me and you, we met on Hinge.

I'm not going to forget that.

I'm not going to be like, oh my God, it was love at first sight when you walked into that bar.

No, we.

Oh, my God.

If you said that

at the wedding,

I'd honestly probably stop you.

I'd be like, wait, what?

Wait, what?

Do you because you don't.

Did you bump your head?

Seriously, because you would not make that mistake.

No.

And so I'd be like, is this a joke?

Yeah.

Is this a skit?

Like, what's happening?

Where are the cameras?

Am I getting punked?

Who's filming?

Yeah.

No, I'd be very curious.

It just, I think it shows if he doesn't come like clean and kind of like adjust, it kind of shows he's a bit disconnected in your relationship.

I feel like vows, like some people,

some people don't think too much of them.

Some people just want to do the traditional vows and like they think, like, hey, we know we love each other.

We don't need to like put stuff out there.

But I do think it's pretty to like

have

certain things that you value about your relationship or you love about your partner or you vow to maintain for your partner because of your love.

Like, I do think it's really beautiful to showcase those, especially at a wedding.

Like when I go to a wedding, I just want to witness love.

I want to know their love.

I want to know what they love about each other, what makes them as a couple tick.

So for me, when I only get just like the traditional vows to have and to hold in sickness and in health, like that is like,

it's not, it's their wedding.

So it's not really about me, but like I'm just like a little bit like, fuck, where were the vows?

Like, I really appreciate that.

Some people take them very seriously.

Some people don't is what I'm trying to get to here.

So, I mean, a lot of people are upset right now about AI and their partner using AI to write their vows.

So, that's like a hot topic, too.

I think we're going to get into that one after the wedding because I do have an AI vows story.

Okay.

So, we'll touch more on that then, but I do think vows are like a reflection of how deeply you know the person and love them a lot of times,

which is why it's then concerning when you get vows from people that are like, I love it when she sucks my dick.

Did you see that one go viral on TikTok?

They read that out loud.

Yeah.

This guy basically was like, I'm going to keep filling you like a cream puff till the day I die.

They were the most disgusting, volatile vows I've ever witnessed.

Yeah, it was horrendous.

Horrendous.

And so obviously some people don't take them as seriously, but I'm curious.

I'm curious curious about this one.

Like if you sit down and have a conversation.

That's not even just not taking it seriously.

That's just.

Yeah.

What is that?

I don't know.

A crazy person, a misogynist.

And like that was in front of everyone?

Family, their daughter, or at least her daughter.

It was a crazy video that went viral.

I'll see if I can find it and link it in the description for you guys.

And then like you can watch it and comment on the YouTube videos.

That was real.

You can be like, Morgan, this was bat.

Yeah, it was real.

It was absolutely real and like she it because it went so viral then of course she's making her own videos defending him really bad maybe they're a match made in heaven maybe they're not a faulty match I don't know true but they just have faulty

you know social awareness they got something

wow they got something but I would love an update on this one OP like did you have a conversation with him and he was just embarrassed that he was getting timelines and things mixed up?

But you almost made it worse.

Your defensiveness, I don't know if you're trying to justify, whatever you're trying to justify, you made it worse.

You doubled down practically.

I feel like defensiveness makes just about every problem worse.

Yeah.

But it's easy to jump to.

Like I myself, I can be guilty of getting defensive and trying to just like defend myself.

Like, oh my God, that's not what I intended.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Like it's an easy thing to do.

But you can just have a good rebuttal.

Like a lawyer, they're not necessarily defensive.

They don't have defensiveness.

They just have a great argument going back the other way.

They don't dig themselves a further hole.

They pull themselves back out.

So it's like, if you can do that constructively,

then great.

But don't double down.

You just made it harder to get out of that hole.

I know.

But

keep us updated, OP.

Moving on to this next one, which is coming from R slash Am I the Asshole, six days old.

It's titled Am I the asshole for calling my boyfriend an idiot because he won't get a colonoscopy even though his mom had colon cancer So my boyfriend 33 male has a family history of colon cancer His mom was diagnosed in her early 40s and it was really bad She survived, but it was a long awful ordeal He was old enough to remember it because of that his doctor told him he should start colonoscopies earlier than most people He's technically overdue for his first one, and lately, he's had some weird stomach problems.

I've been telling him for a year to get it checked out.

He keeps saying things like, quote, it's embarrassing, quote, I'm too young, quote, what if they find something bad?

Like, yes, that's the point of the test.

The other night, we got into it because he mentioned again that his stomach has been bothering him.

I told him point blank, quote, you're being an idiot.

Your mom went through hell with this and you're ignoring your chance to be healthy.

I also said that if he won't take care of himself, I don't know if I can plan a long-term future with him because I don't want to lose a partner to something that could have been caught early.

He got really upset and accused me of being controlling and dramatic.

Now he's barely speaking to me.

I feel like I was too harsh, but honestly, I'm scared.

The news has story after story of people dying from this because they ignored it for too long.

People his age, too.

I'd rather him be mad at me than bury him in 10 years.

Am I the asshole for calling him an idiot and making this an ultimatum?

I think it's justified.

It makes sense to me.

I mean, we've been very close to this.

You know, we've talked about this on the show a lot as well.

And that's kind of our plan not long after the wedding.

I know.

This was going to be our colonoscopy year, but obviously it's just been.

I think we're going to do it in November.

I think November, like after honeymoon, we can really get set up because we both have stomach issues.

Why not?

Why not have the peace of mind?

I don't get it.

It's like you're going to be embarrassed.

I think a lot of guys are embarrassed about getting a camera shoved up their ass.

I think a lot of guys are weird about their assholes.

A lot of guys are weird about their assholes and their prostates and anything to do with their butt.

But imagine if he waited 10 years and then did it because his problems got so bad and then there's no turning back.

And he's like, I wish I would have, I should have.

I mean, obviously you can't control someone.

You can't force them to do something.

Absolutely.

But your mom is a great example because I'm like, your mom needs to get a colonoscopy and she just won't do it right now.

And I'm like, what the hell, Chris?

But I think.

My mom too.

Get your colonoscopies, everyone.

I just, I think if you're in a relationship with someone, then,

you know, teach their own.

They can do whatever they want, but you can also react and do what you want based off of that.

Yeah.

Because I would feel the same way.

It's like, I care so much about you.

I want to see you live a happy, healthy life.

And I want to spend all of that time together.

And I want to have the most time we can together.

Yeah.

And to watch you just kind of throw that away when you could have this peace of mind and just make sure.

Yeah, it would be incredibly frustrating.

It would be.

It would be hard for me to stand by someone like this because no matter how much you love them, you have someone who doesn't love themselves enough to like just do basic care.

And it's like, okay, well, you know, you can have 10 years, but this is super preventable if they catch it.

If they just, all they have to do is literally they cauterize it and they snip it and they pull it out.

Like it's, it is so simple.

And we'll talk more about that in a second.

But it essentially is like.

You're signing up then for a lottery where you could end up with a partner with cancer that you then have to support them through cancer.

They might not make it out.

And having watched my mom do this with her partner, it is horrible.

It's colon cancer, it is one of the worst things I've ever seen, ever.

I worked in a neuro unit in UCLA.

I saw brain cancer.

I've seen strokes.

I've seen a lot of stuff.

Colon cancer is so, so, so bad.

It's just really frustrating when it's like, it's all, it's so preventable.

And it's like, it's, you're embarrassed.

Why?

Because someone putting a camera up your ass.

Why?

Do you think that's gay?

Healthcare is not gay.

Nothing about that.

Like, what are you so threatened by?

And that maybe is some toxic, you know, masculinity playing out.

Maybe he's truly just scared because he also does say, what if they find something bad?

So I know he's scared.

Better now than later.

But again, going in and getting a colonoscopy, it can be so simple.

It can be so easy.

Justin's friend, he has to get colonoscopies like once every year, every other year.

Like once every six months right now.

Yeah, because he found something, but he actually stays awake for his colonoscopies because he doesn't like getting put under.

It's really scary for him.

And so on one of his last ones, they found a big mass.

And he had just been in a year before.

And within a year, he developed this huge mass.

And he has Crohn's.

So he is like very susceptible to this.

But now he's got to go every six months because of this.

But if he can do it and like stay awake during it, like you guys, we can all do this.

Um, colon cancer awareness month.

We need to do this.

We need to do this.

Like the incident rate of colon cancer in young adults is going up.

It's, it's rising so, so, so much.

And we've had people reach out because of the podcast, because of talking about this, because of, you know, mentioning colon cancer awareness month.

And they've said, like, I went and got a colonoscopy and they found stage three colon cancer, but I'm going to be okay now.

Or I had stage four, but I'm okay now.

Like, we need to keep talking about this and making sure we're all looking after ourselves.

And if you have a doctor that says, ah, you're too young.

You don't need a colonoscopy yet.

Find a different one.

Find a different one.

Find a different one.

And mention the symptoms of colon cancer.

And you will find someone that will do a colonoscopy for you.

Like you might need to advocate for yourself.

And that is so hard.

It's so frustrating, but it can literally save your life.

My mom's husband, who passed away, he went

for quite some time to the doctor.

I'm bleeding.

I have a lot of pain when I pass stools.

I'm really uncomfortable.

My stomach hurts.

And the doctor kept brushing it off as hemorrhoids.

Oh, it's just hemorrhoids, just hemorrhoids.

Refused to do colonoscopy, said, ah, just poop in the box.

It's easier.

He got a false negative.

And sure enough, when they did the colonoscopy, riddled with cancer.

And then they did chest x-rays.

Cancer had spread to his lungs.

I mean,

don't wait.

So, yeah, I think this is a huge grievance.

And I do think it's a fair ultimatum.

And maybe that's because I've just been so close to it.

I'm obviously listening to the story with my own triggers.

But I would say this is a faulty match if you can't align on big issues like this.

Especially as he's complaining about his stomach issues.

I know.

I mean, it's hard to watch someone sit there and complain and then do nothing about it when you can go do something.

I know.

You know, so like, that's another thing.

And also, who's going to know if you go get a colonoscopy?

No.

The doctor and the few nurses and the check-in person at the desk.

It's not like it gets plastered on your forehead for the rest of your life.

Hey, I got a colonoscopy.

And honestly, that's a badge I would wear proudly if it did get displayed.

Yeah, I did go get a colonoscopy.

You know, I care about my health and my future and being here for the people I love.

This is frustrating.

So

this,

interestingly enough, the username it's posted by is AutoMod.

And then shortly after this post, AutoMod posted another post labeled, Do You Have Butts?

Read this.

And it's like every year, thousands of young people hear the words, you have colorectal cancer, cancer of the colon or rectum.

It's terrifying.

It's the deadliest cancer in men under 50, and second in young women.

And we'd be assholes if we didn't tell you the truth.

It doesn't have to be this way.

It is the most preventable cancer with screening and highly treatable if caught early.

So, why is it upending the lives of so many young people?

In a word, stigma.

And they just go on to share like a bunch of stats and things like that.

But I mean, it's so, it's so important, you guys.

So I see where OP is at.

And this post is really interesting.

I'm not sure what the mods of Am I the Asshole are doing.

I'm not sure if Auto Mod took the post over under their own username to make sure it didn't get removed because the pinned comment right now is this from Am I the Asshole mod team?

We know conflicts regarding medical situations are not allowed, but this time it's different.

Am I the Asshole is approaching 25 million members?

Ugh, why is this gonna to make me cry?

It's just like such an amazing thing to see like such a big community raise awareness in this way.

To celebrate, we the mods have partnered with colorectal cancer alliance to raise awareness and funds to help defeat the second deadliest cancer in the U.S.

Here's how you can help.

Learn the symptoms.

Bleeding, persistent change in bowel habits, unexplained weight loss, abdominal pain.

Don't ignore them.

Advocate for yourself.

Get checked starting at 45.

If you're at risk, you should be getting checked.

At the age of 45, some people need to get checked earlier.

The Alliance screening quiz can provide you with recommendations.

And three, support the mission.

I think the actual top comment on this post is this: I'm watching a friend slowly die from colon cancer.

He resisted getting a colonoscopy for years.

And when he finally had one, they found stage four.

I fully support your ultimatum.

Yep.

So real.

None of this is hypotheticals.

This is real.

No.

This next comment, 100%.

My dad was dead before 50 because he self-diagnosed himself with hemorrhoids and refused to go get an exam until it was too late.

He was stage four.

He died a few months later.

He left a widow alone to raise two teenagers.

Get checked, you guys.

Ugh, this is our year.

This is your year.

Get your ass checked.

It's not a big deal.

I've heard it's the best nap you'll ever have.

So many people have been like, it was not that bad to do the prep.

You drank the drink, you pooped a little.

Oh, it's gotten way better.

It's gotten way better in recent years.

Way better.

And then they were like, it's the best nap I've ever had.

Need that right about now.

Same.

After the wedding, we're going to go in.

We're going to hold hands as we do our prep.

You'll be in one bathroom.

I'll be in the other.

Imagine if we had toilets that close.

Side-by-side toilets.

I'm not there yet.

Soon, though, maybe.

I'm starting to pass gas a lot more.

What have have I been saying lately?

Not audibly.

But what have I been saying?

Then I all I picture is the room feeling filling with green

like they do in the cartoons.

I've literally, you guys have literally been farting, and then Justin will like come walk into the room.

I'm like, nope, can't come in here, gas leak.

And then I imagine like the hazmat suit and the mask, the respirator coming on.

Oh my god, it's so bad.

It's so bad.

But okay, one last one for us, okay?

So this next one is coming from AITAH.

It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Snapping at My Husband That He Needs to Get Over His ADHD quirk?

I have some ADHD quirks.

Depends what it is.

Could you name some of them right now?

The sounds thing's probably my biggest.

Oh, yeah.

Repetitive noises.

Well, I think you've made that one of mine.

Because I'm doing it as a preventative,

preventive before

you

say something about it so something starts rattling in the car i'm like oh my god what is it i have to figure out what what what it is before and i don't say that but i'm like trying to figure it out before morgan's like what's the rattling it needs to stop

because i just focus in on it preemptive preventative yeah i think both yeah let's see what this one is I really try to understand my husband's ADHD quirks and sensitivities, but this one made me snap.

Apparently, I blink my eyes too loudly.

It annoys him so badly that he's raised his voice telling me to stop and will storm out of the room if we're laying in bed, watching a movie, or trying to sleep.

He says I don't do it all the time, but he cannot handle the noise of my blinking most nights.

I finally snapped at him last night after he told me to stop doing it, saying something along the lines of, quote, you need to get over this or take responsibility of your ADHD and stop thinking this is normal.

For context, he's been at therapy and has been on medication for ADHD, but has since quit because he doesn't like it.

So, am I the asshole for snapping at him?

Well, I think you met a snap with a snap.

You know, it's not like, it's not like he went about this all nice and whatever, raising his voice and basically asking you to stop an

involuntary human function

that you can't help.

I mean, it's just bizarre.

You know, it's like asking someone to stop.

Have you stopped breathing?

Can you stop breathing?

Literally.

Like, oh, yeah, sure.

All right.

Let me just not blink ever again.

You can't.

And now you're going to think about that all the time.

You're going to try and not blink and then you're probably going to blink harder because you're not blinking.

Do blinks actually make noise?

I think they can blink if you have big eyelashes.

Okay, like try blinking into your microphone real quick.

Let's see if it picks it up.

No chance.

Not with this.

These won't pick that up.

You know what I mean?

Like, I don't know if I've ever heard someone blink.

I know there's like the blink sound effect that we all know from like,

uh, what's that Perry the Platypus guy from that Disney show?

Phineas and Ferb.

The platypus always blinks.

Blink.

Like, there's the noise.

Oh.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, I'm, I'm, I think it's possible he probably has really good hearing, similar to I do, because I feel like I hear some things that nobody else hears.

Yeah.

But it's kind of crazy to think that they should blink light or stop blinking.

Yeah.

It's like, all right, if we were truly in a happy, amazing relationship, you would not be mad about my blinking.

Well, and then it begs the question: like, is that truly ADHD?

Because mine is a sound thing too.

I don't really like repetitive noises.

But

how is he hearing the blinks?

Then I'm like, what are you, daredevil?

You have like crazy, insane hearing.

Maybe, but

if that is true and it is linked to ADHD, then yeah,

you're going to have to work on it.

Otherwise, we're not going to work out because I can't stop blinking, dude.

Yeah, no.

And then at that point, I'm like, okay, faulty match.

Top comment on this one, whatever this is, it isn't ADHD.

Someone goes, mesophonia, maybe?

Top comment responds, maybe, but that requires an actual sound.

Blinking does not make any sounds.

Sometimes air can can be trapped under eyelids and that will make a very subtle noise, but the act of blinking itself is silent.

Someone responds, it can make that little wet clicking sound, like when you open your mouth, but tinier.

Oh my God, I like hear it in my head now that I'm blinking.

OP responds, that's exactly what he describes it as.

Wet glass clinking together.

Okay.

This guy's got crazy hearing.

Someone responds, yes, I have autism and sometimes this bothers me, but I can only even hear it from my own blinking.

It usually means I'm dehydrated too.

Either way, he should not be screaming at you about this.

Right.

If it's bothering him that much, earplugs may be a solution.

I had a roommate with severe mesophonia and she'd wear them to sleep.

Just seconding that I also have autism and can hear blinking, it can be so frustrating.

He still shouldn't shout at you.

Right.

Which I get, like odd ADHD is a thing.

So like maybe he falls into that category and he's actually like autistic.

And maybe the ADHD was like a diagnosis that when he was diagnosed like fit at the time, but he's actually autistic.

Yeah.

I think those little loops, they're called loops earplugs or like any little earplugs that like just dampen the sound but still allow you to hear and not take away from the world are great.

That could really help him.

Yeah, or maybe get like a California king-size bed and at night you're as far apart as possible.

Spread out.

Maybe the blink doesn't travel that far.

Spread out.

How can you hear them while the movie's playing?

I don't know.

Because I think you could hear it if it was quiet.

Dead silent.

Once you get tuned into a noise, though.

That's true.

That's true.

And then I'm like, OP, like, maybe you should get your eyes checked and make sure your eyes are good.

And maybe you're dehydrated.

Like, I don't know.

Like, it's not your fault at all, OP.

But if it's that loud.

And other people are like, I'm usually dehydrated.

I'm like, drink some water too.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Yeah, but that's hard to think about that all the time.

Like, oh, are my blink's too loud.

No, that's crazy.

It's gotta be a lot.

It's crazy.

So, we do get a little bit of an update.

I really appreciate everyone's comments.

I had my husband read them over as well, and he agrees that taking his frustration out on me was not okay.

Yeah.

While he hasn't raised this concern until recently, our best guess is that a traumatic birth back in June is likely causing a ton of stress and making it worse.

We did test it out, and he can certainly hear me blinking or some sound that aligns with the timing, even if his eyes are closed or I'm turned away.

I agree with the folks saying it's likely mesophonia and not an ADHD symptom.

He says it's like wet glass clinking sound, similar to other people in the comments.

He has apologized and agreed to go back to therapy, see his doctor for a potential diagnosis, slash full psych evaluation, and try some earplugs.

It could also be brought on by suddenly stopping his medication, so he's going to speak with his doc about that as well.

In the meantime, he's agreed to sleep on the couch if he can't cope and to not even bring up the blinking to me.

Fingers crossed, it lasts.

Thanks again, everyone.

Okay, so we end on a not faulty relationship.

That seems like a good resolution.

Yeah.

He's working on it.

He's trying his best.

So there we go.

There we have it.

There you have an actual partnership.

Yeah,

that's how it's done.

Yeah.

That's how it's done.

Well, Justin has to run to the airport to get back to Minnesota to prep for our wedding.

You set it all up by myself.

No, I'm coming back in two days.

I just have a bunch more recordings to get done.

So I will be there soon.

But I'm going to patch in a happy, feel-good relationship story just so we have even more of a glimmer of hope because you can find your match.

I do think there's a good match, a perfect match, a left shoe, a right shoe for everyone out there.

So don't settle.

I think the bottom line on a lot of these stories we read week after week is: don't settle.

Find your person.

And I'm going to find a story to show you how good it can really be.

And that's not to say there won't be faults.

Like we just saw a fault.

Yeah.

But

not faulty relationships can work through the faults and figure them out together versus let the fault take you down.

Well, on that note, Mike drop.

Thank you guys for being here.

Another episode.

Appreciate all your support this year.

It honestly has made a lot of my dream wedding wishes happen.

Like I really, we would not be able to have the dream wedding we're having without you guys and you guys listening.

So I appreciate you all being here and wish us luck.

Tune in for the wedding video that's coming.

We have such an amazing team.

We're putting together a really fun video.

I'm so excited about our pictures.

I'm so excited about the day and just how much fun it's going to be.

And I'm excited to share with all you guys.

If you want more, head over to Patreon.

We've got three amazing bonus episodes in September, two trio episodes: me, Justin, Michaela, and then me, Justin, and Lauren.

And then the third one, third episode, I'm going to let be a surprise for you.

But other than that, until next time.

Until next time.

Bye, guys.