200: EPISODE 200! Your Time to Shine..

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Speaker 1 Whew.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This is really,

Speaker 1 really weird. This is the first time I've ever done an episode without someone sitting in a chair next to me.

Speaker 1 It feels a little goofy,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 that is episode 200. I have no guests today.
It is just me and you guys.

Speaker 1 If you're on our Patreon, you already know, but episode 200 is really about getting the takes from you guys.

Speaker 1 The amount of people I meet at live shows that tell me they pause the story after I'm done reading and then give their takes or talk to their friend or their partner.

Speaker 1 It gave me the idea of starting to do fan cam reactions. You guys are really the whole reason this show exists, truly.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to cry off the jump, but I am just so grateful for each and every one of you listening and watching and sharing this show.

Speaker 1 And I really wanted to highlight your takes, really hear you guys this episode because there wouldn't have been more than five, for sure, 10 episodes if you guys didn't start chiming in.

Speaker 1 This community has turned into something so, so special. I cannot believe we're at episode 200.

Speaker 1 200. It feels like episode 100 was yesterday having Lauren, Alejandra, my dad, Justin read to me.
And I'm so grateful for all of my co-hosts who have helped along this journey.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't be here without them either. But it is now your time to shine.
So let's dive in.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 how crazy do we want to get off the jump? One to 10. We thinking a seven or a ten?

Speaker 1 Okay, okay, I hear you. Let's get into this first one.
So this one is coming from R/Am I overreacting?

Speaker 1 It is titled, Am I Overreacting After I Found Out My Boyfriend's Online Friend group I became a part of two years ago has been just him the whole time?

Speaker 1 I guess I should have been less obvious, but since a little before we started dating in 2022, I was added to my boyfriend's, just friend at the time, three-person Instagram group chat with what he explained were some of his closest online friends.

Speaker 1 The two other accounts seemed like real people because they had real followers and comments on their posts and drastically different aesthetics/slash looks to them.

Speaker 1 We eventually made a Discord server for us and that alone was convincing enough since multiple times we'd all be active at the same time. We never voice chatted, but I used to never voice chat either.

Speaker 1 So I didn't think twice. The group got closer though as more and more time passed since I was first added to their group chat.

Speaker 1 And last month, we got together and planned a research trip to Hawaii for August. We live on the East Coast of the U.S., like we booked everything.

Speaker 1 So imagine my surprise when I'm over at his house tonight and his computer is open.

Speaker 1 And I just want to log into my Google Docs when I accidentally stumble across, first of all, follower bot sites and also him logged in and chatting with me as one of the individuals I thought I'd become close with.

Speaker 1 And I just got this sinking feeling. I didn't jump to the idea that they could be fake.

Speaker 1 I was like, maybe he just has their login since they're all so close and is way too interested in their messages. But then I noticed their only chats were the group chats and the server.

Speaker 1 And the real kicker was the email address it was signed up under was his backup email with his full name.

Speaker 1 I quite literally snooped until he got out of the shower and caught me, which I'm not saying was right of me, but I couldn't help myself.

Speaker 1 During my snooping, I gradually became devastatingly confident that he was behind not just one, but both accounts.

Speaker 1 I've never seen his face so red, and he just absolutely panicked and started shouting at me to get out of his business. I couldn't even form the right words to say to him.

Speaker 1 In the end, I just walked out of his apartment sobbing. It's very early in the morning.
I get that. But this screenshot is what he has to say.
And I'm starting to feel crazy.

Speaker 1 Am I overreacting about my discovery? Okay. Are we ready for the screenshot or do we want to get into it first?

Speaker 1 Get in screenshot? Okay. Okay.
Okay. I hear you.
I hear you. Okay.
So it's a screenshot. Blue text at the top is her.
I just want to know why.

Speaker 1 When it finally came time for the Hawaii trip, how were you going to explain that? What were you thinking?

Speaker 1 He replies, you know, something I've noticed about you? You can never just be calm, and there always has to be an issue.

Speaker 1 I know you were raised in a volatile environment and still have to relearn a lot about healthy relationship dynamics, but it's like you thrive on chaos only.

Speaker 1 And we were going to see wicked tonight. Pft.

Speaker 1 I guess there goes that.

Speaker 1 Okay, so our writer responds back to his messages. You can't be serious.
I deserve answers. I'm honestly so creeped out.

Speaker 1 Basically, half of my life for the past two years has been a complete and total lie, and you were behind all of it. He responds: Okay, don't be dramatic.
You know, this isn't a big deal.

Speaker 1 You're just giddy to harp on this and make a bigger issue.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 am so flabbergasted.

Speaker 1 I can't believe he's actually trying to gaslight her this hard.

Speaker 1 But okay, let me hear your takes first.

Speaker 1 I have so much to say.

Speaker 5 First of all, volatile?

Speaker 1 Well, that's a big word for Emma.

Speaker 6 I don't get where he thought he was going with this.

Speaker 7 Obviously, if Hawaii was coming up, as you said.

Speaker 6 How was he planning on just saying, oh, sorry, they couldn't make it. They don't exist.

Speaker 6 I don't get what his plan was.

Speaker 1 Here's my question.

Speaker 11 And just in general, I really hope we get an answer to this, but I doubt that we're going to find out.

Speaker 13 How did it even start?

Speaker 6 Because if he said, hey, let's join this group chat with my friends, that's one thing.

Speaker 6 But if he slowly became friends with her on all of these separate accounts and then just said that he knew each other,

Speaker 4 each other.

Speaker 6 And then they were like, oh, let's make a group chat.

Speaker 19 That's even crazier because he went out of his way to plan this out it's so me premeditated it's concerning it feels stalkerish it does not feel safe it's very weird yeah it just doesn't make any sense like why do this for two whole years there had to be an ulterior motive to do that like is he trying to cut her off from everybody and like know everything that like all of her friends know because they're not even real like what exactly is going on here because this red flags all around this feels really creepy and icky.

Speaker 14 I feel like it could point to some like isolating tendencies or him trying to isolate her, especially like playing the part of two different people and like portraying them as friends and like integrating her into the group.

Speaker 14 It feels like a way to maybe take her away from her support system or yeah just try to isolate her.

Speaker 14 It doesn't seem great and it could stem from an insecurity and like not feeling confident enough to be able to be with someone just by himself and feeling like he needs to have outside validation and support, and maybe he's not getting it.

Speaker 14 I think he would benefit from some therapy or counseling just to like look at this behavior and maybe address this insecurity of feeling like he's not good enough, but um, not a cool thing to do.

Speaker 14 I think it is a good idea if OP leaves this relationship, it doesn't feel like it's right for her or for him, and ah,

Speaker 14 this is not a relationship I would want to save, especially because you could have told these friends things in confidence about your partner or your relationship, and it just doesn't seem right or okay.

Speaker 14 And if she leaves him, we're all the better for it.

Speaker 22 This man either needs to be in jail or institutionalized because his reality is quite literally not on this planet. However, you know, it is impressive

Speaker 22 just how steadfast he is in his

Speaker 23 reality and belief in his reality that he

Speaker 22 can literally look

Speaker 27 this girl in the eyes

Speaker 23 and turn it on her.

Speaker 22 I just, I am trying to understand: one, how does he have that much time?

Speaker 22 What does he do for work?

Speaker 22 Because I can barely respond to texts, let alone

Speaker 22 be able to maintain three different social medias

Speaker 22 and hide it from someone that I'm dating.

Speaker 29 Honestly, I think when it comes down to it, it's about control.

Speaker 18 Like one of the known signs of an abuser is that they isolate their partner from their friends.

Speaker 18 And I think this is just like an extreme version of that, where he's like, well, if I'm all of her friends, then who's she going to go to but me?

Speaker 31 And, you know, it's a massive invasion of privacy.

Speaker 18 If he, if she's venting to them about him or if she's telling them things that he doesn't necessarily want him to know, so my conclusion is that this girl should run and leave this man because this is not normal behavior.

Speaker 18 I mean, what was he thinking when we got to get to Hawaii?

Speaker 18 I bet you that he was probably going to fake an emergency, like they can't come anymore because their family member died or something like that.

Speaker 31 Or he was going to try plan B where he puts on different hats and pretends to be other friends. Try out his improv skills, maybe.

Speaker 32 Listening to this, I was like, could I have written this? Like, did I write this? Because

Speaker 32 she literally did this to me. Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 32 Oh, well, gaming names. Blur that out.

Speaker 32 Except it was with an ex-girlfriend, and she was like, crazy, or whatever. And crazy.
If they say crazy, they're lying.

Speaker 32 We started dating like right after they broke up. And this Ashley girl ex was, you know, still feeding for him or whatever.
She added me and she would like harass me on Instagram.

Speaker 32 It was the whole time it was him? Yes. That's crazy.

Speaker 32 Okay, so it was a text.

Speaker 32 What if it's him? It's her ex.

Speaker 32 This story triggered me so much because I was like, is this my ex?

Speaker 32 It was genuinely insane. But it was like, he just wanted to test boundaries and see like how far I would believe him and stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 32 And so he just made up this entire girl's profile and then like all of a sudden one day text me back and it was like on her profile was like haha bitch you thought like

Speaker 32 I think she needs to leave him because I think if he's lying about that, I think he's lying about a million other things in her life. Like, yeah, you can't trust him after that.

Speaker 32 And you never know, you never know what he's lying about. Like, oh, what's in this food, or yeah, what my job is, or like so many different things to create friends like that.

Speaker 32 It's like, is this siring going off? Insane. It is insane.
That's insane behavior.

Speaker 1 Let's get into the top comments, shall we? Top comment on this one. Yeah, this is dot, dot, dot, not okay.
I'm blown away that this is actually real because what?

Speaker 1 How could someone do that to you, your partner of all people? And like, was he ever planning on telling you or just letting it ride out? What does he gain from this?

Speaker 1 So many things running through my mind, but the most disgusting factor is how he responded to it. And honestly, sounds so manipulative and like he's deflecting instead of owning up to his actions.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry you're going through this. Next comment after that, letting it ride out.
I mean, what was the end game here? I can't even begin to figure that out. Like night of the rehearsal dinner?

Speaker 1 Hey, babe, about my groomsmen. They were driving here and all died in a freak accident involving a flock of geese.
It's killing me. Oh, well, show must go on.
Which,

Speaker 1 good points, good points. This next comment has a big yellow box.
The why is my biggest question here. Pathological liars, though.
There's typically no real/slash logical reason.

Speaker 1 Next comment down, also yellow box, 4K up votes.

Speaker 1 I just want to point out that this level of premeditated and targeted manipulation, complete with textbook example of gaslighting when discovered by the target, is an extremely concerning behavior.

Speaker 1 If this is indeed real, then OP should be very concerned for her own safety. and put as much distance as possible between themselves and this individual.
Yeah, very concerning.

Speaker 1 Comments really go on too.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, it immediately made me wonder if it's a tactic to cut her off from everyone in her life while maintaining the illusion that she has her friends still.

Speaker 1 I'm, I'm baffled. Like, I'm honestly, it is so scary.
Like, I cannot even imagine having two years of friends, people you've told things to, confided in, grown to love,

Speaker 1 are just fake and created by your partner.

Speaker 1 Do you have any hunches on why he was actually doing this?

Speaker 1 Or do we just genuinely think he was ill?

Speaker 23 I definitely agree with the top comments.

Speaker 14 It, it one, it's weird, but it definitely feels very controlling and manipulative in a way that is not safe.

Speaker 18 I feel like I didn't touch on the fact that he was trying to gaslight her. Um, yeah, no, that's that is wild.
He's extremely immature and sounds very manipulative. Girl, please run.

Speaker 26 Yeah, I don't even think about the fact that he was manipulating even before they got together. Like when they were still friends, how he would

Speaker 3 like hype himself up on behalf of himself is really, really scary.

Speaker 27 I think there is something mentally wrong with him. Like he just wanted control.

Speaker 27 I wouldn't say control. I would say more like he wanted to be her everything, maybe.

Speaker 27 Just like, I want to to be all your friends, I want to be the one you confide to, I want to be the one you're telling all your secrets to.

Speaker 27 So, like, let me let you get close to this person who you think is your friend and see what you say.

Speaker 35 Like,

Speaker 27 are you saying things to them that you wouldn't say to me? And, like, be all-knowing. And then, just the gaslighting at the end of like, just turning it around and making her seem like she's insane.

Speaker 27 Like, that was crazy.

Speaker 36 We need to put like alerts out on guys like this because god forbid he ends up with someone else in the future and does the same thing and it gets worse i have the same thought about the gaslighting he's getting defensive because she found out your secret and now you're gaslighting her into thinking it's her fault and she's being dramatic i would be just as mad as she is because you literally lied to me and catfished me for two and a half years about who your friends are.

Speaker 36 Makes me wonder, does he have any other friends? Are these the only people he introduced her to? And did she pay money for these people to go to Hawaii?

Speaker 36 Or was he paying for their tickets or whatever, just so that she could see that there was tickets, but then not gonna have them show up or something?

Speaker 36 I don't know, the whole thing's really fishy and huge red flags that he is turning it around on her and like she's being dramatic when it is a big deal.

Speaker 1 Well, we do have some comments from OP actually.

Speaker 1 Someone is very concerned that OP is not safe and needs to leave, especially if they live together. OP responds, thankfully, we have never lived together.

Speaker 1 So it will be easy to discard him from my life ASAP.

Speaker 1 Someone else says, that is seriously so fucking creepy. He probably made those accounts to try to get with you back when you were just friends.

Speaker 1 and then just continued with a little lie after he won his prize. This is gross and unsettling.
I wouldn't even want want to be anywhere near him after that. O.P.
responds, God, yeah, that tracks.

Speaker 1 Looking back, they did hype him up an awful lot.

Speaker 1 Bruh.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 we have an update. This is posted the same day as the original post, December 30th, 2024.
So just a couple of weeks ago. It was an hour after.

Speaker 1 I honestly have the biggest migraine of my life and I haven't slept at all.

Speaker 1 Nothing similar to this has ever happened to me before, but my life has been crazy enough to where I wasn't able to prepare for the huge reaction something like this gets.

Speaker 1 I knew it was bizarre, but I didn't know it would jump to the top of everything.

Speaker 1 I assumed it would collect some advice or opinions I could read and then post would get lost into the void, like how it goes with the majority of my others, but I sincerely appreciate every bit of support.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, I'm also being bombarded with hate hate and nasty messages, and my headache keeps getting worse.

Speaker 1 So I need to get off Reddit today, but I don't want to just ghost and make people think something horrible happened because I am taking the steps to make sure nothing does.

Speaker 1 He does have my address, but I live with my family in an apartment building that needs a key fob to get in. So I have at least those two layers of safety for now.

Speaker 1 But for some reason, I doubt that, at least today, there will be any attempts at a personal confrontation.

Speaker 1 And even then, I am confident I will be able to remain safe as far away as possible in the case he does come around.

Speaker 1 I have alerted some of my real friends of the situation as well, and they will be close to me as much as they can. So please do not worry when I am not active for the rest of today.

Speaker 1 I'm just getting nauseous from my headache and I don't want to start the day feeling like this.

Speaker 1 This is another little update. Same day, 11 hours later instead.
I still see people concerned for my safety.

Speaker 1 So even though I'm taking a break for today, I just want to share that I've received no communication from him today and ended up going on a hike with a friend and then out to dinner and drinks and had a nice time.

Speaker 1 I'm home with my family now and hopefully the rest of the night is uneventful. So that is the last update we have on the best of Redditor updates.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go to the account, see if we can find anything else. But that was it on Boru.
And Boru is pretty good about maintaining.

Speaker 1 So we do have comments from 17 days ago. A lot of people were accusing OP of making this up or making it up for attention.

Speaker 1 OP responds: If I wanted to make up a story for attention, I would probably at least make it well written. Please stop harassing me and making my day worse than it already is.

Speaker 1 You have been so harassing me in my messages. Why are you so obsessed with me? I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Like I said before, came from some boring mayonnaise life where nothing ever happens, but believe it or not, shit happens to people sometimes, even if you can't comprehend it.

Speaker 1 So, OP has been posting on other subreddits: slash anxiety, r slash college,

Speaker 1 but I'm not seeing

Speaker 1 any other comments

Speaker 1 about this issue. Most recent comment from OP was on r slash chat GPT and it was 17 hours old.
So

Speaker 1 OP,

Speaker 1 I'm going to need you to update.

Speaker 1 I'm a little concerned, but

Speaker 1 what do you guys think of this and the fact there isn't another update?

Speaker 5 I'm glad that they don't live together.

Speaker 26 That makes things a lot easier. But I do also wish that she would update, especially since she's active on Reddit.

Speaker 21 Kind of wish we had some closure.

Speaker 29 It is what it is.

Speaker 21 Hopefully, she's safe.

Speaker 4 That just overall, it's very scary and weird the way that he did all that.

Speaker 6 Very controlling, crazy, psycho.

Speaker 6 Not well overall.

Speaker 14 I'm really glad she got out.

Speaker 9 I'm glad she's safe. I'm glad glad she's having fun.

Speaker 14 I do hope we get another update somewhere in the future.

Speaker 27 Just be like, hey, all good.

Speaker 14 No need to worry. But for now, it seems like we have a resolution or at least a decent one.
So I'm really happy where this story ended up.

Speaker 1 Okay, on to the next one. This one is coming from R/A-I-T-H,

Speaker 1 12 hours old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Demote My Dog After My Sister Gave Her Baby the Same Name? I, 26 female, have a dog named Charlie.

Speaker 1 Charlie is a golden retriever I adopted four years ago, and he's my best buddy. My sister, Emily, 29 female, recently had her first child, a baby boy.

Speaker 1 She and her husband named him, da-da-da-da, Charlie. At first, I thought it was funny and didn't really think much of it.

Speaker 1 But then Emily pulled me aside during a family gathering and said it was confusing and disrespectful for me to keep calling my dog Charlie now that her son has the same name.

Speaker 1 She asked me to rename my dog. I told her no.
Charlie has had his name for four years. He knows it, responds to it, and it's on all of his paperwork.
Changing it would be weird for him and for me.

Speaker 1 She got really upset and said it's not fair for her son to share a name with a dog, especially in family settings. She thinks it'll lead to jokes and confusion as her son grows up.

Speaker 1 My parents have weighed in, and while my dad says it's ridiculous to expect me to change my dog's name, my mom says I should just consider it to keep the peace.

Speaker 1 Now, Emily is barely speaking to me, and a few family members think I'm being stubborn. I have no idea how I'm in the wrong here.
The world's gone crazy.

Speaker 1 I love my dog, and I didn't name him to spite anyone. I also think it's not my fault they chose a name already in use in the family.
So, am I the asshole? Come on, come on.

Speaker 1 Charlie already had his name. Technically, she named that baby after a dog,

Speaker 5 right?

Speaker 1 This is weird, but let's hear your takes.

Speaker 43 It's a busy one. Yeah, so

Speaker 44 these dumb motherfuckers.

Speaker 43 These dumb motherfuckers.

Speaker 43 These dumb motherfuckers.

Speaker 16 I think the weirdest thing is.

Speaker 43 And

Speaker 43 the mom keeps saying, yeah, consider to keep the peace.

Speaker 44 No, you fight. OP, you fight.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 44 And your dad, he's on your side. You fight.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 29 I mean, it's always weird with these parents taking the side of the person creating the problem.

Speaker 47 Just to keep the power.

Speaker 29 And yeah, just to keep the peace, it gets me so frustrated.

Speaker 27 I was literally going to say the same thing. She named her son after the dog.

Speaker 20 The dog was there first.

Speaker 27 The dog had the the name Charlie first, and she went ahead and named her son after the dog. Like, come on.
It is not that simple to change a dog's name. The dog has had that name for four years.

Speaker 27 It knows to respond to that name. How am I going to reprogram myself to call my dog a different name and hope that he's going to, you know, respond to the new name?

Speaker 27 Like, that's going to be confusing for the poor dog. Like, that's not nice.
And plus, the baby is just a baby. He doesn't know what's going on.

Speaker 27 What family member is going to make fun of the baby and the dog having the same name? Like, that's not a family I want to be a part of, quite frankly, because what jokes can be made?

Speaker 47 This is so odd.

Speaker 3 First of all, Charlie is such a common dog name.

Speaker 47 Like, I'm so sorry to break it to you. There are so many other dogs that have, I personally know like three Charlie dogs.

Speaker 47 And the way that the sister thought that the kid's going to get picked on growing up because it's going to have the same name as a dog, that doesn't happen.

Speaker 47 Like, that just doesn't happen. Two of my best friends growing up, one of them had a name and the other one had a dog with the same name.
We didn't make fun of her for it.

Speaker 3 We just thought it was funny.

Speaker 29 I have a hilarious story that kind of relates to this. I have a very good friend from school.

Speaker 18 Growing up, she had a dog named Bob. One day, we're in college and she calls me up, ring, ring, and she's like, guess what?

Speaker 29 I've started seeing someone.

Speaker 18 And I'm like, oh my god, tell me everything about him. And she's like, his name is Bob.

Speaker 18 We proceed to burst out in laughter because that is hilarious a couple of months later I'm chatting with her again I'm asking about her sister how is your sister she goes guess what I go what she says she's dating a guy I'm like oh my god tell me about the guy can you guess what the guy's name was

Speaker 18 that's right it was Bob

Speaker 18 these are all fake names by the way so yeah there was one point where there were three Bobs. One was a dog and two were boyfriends.
It's very funny we laugh about it to this day.

Speaker 18 She used to get a little bit annoyed about it, but then she got over it and she really just saw the humor in it and it was fine. No one got confused.

Speaker 18 At most, we said when she started saying Bob's name, I'd be like, which one? It will be fine. Your sister will be fine.

Speaker 31 Trust me.

Speaker 50 I do think that the lady with the baby is a little bit cuckoo. I mean, when she was picking up the baby names that didn't cross her mind, that, oh, Charlie, that's my sister's dog's name.

Speaker 24 If she really did overlook that, that's her fault.

Speaker 50 If this name Charlie is special for any reason, she should have came to you before the baby was born and said, Hey, you know, I don't know. Grandpa's name is Charlie.

Speaker 50 It's really special to me, and I really want to name my first son Charlie. Is there anything we can do with your dog's name?

Speaker 50 I think you just either need to let your sister get over it with some time, maybe distance yourself, unfortunately.

Speaker 50 I think it's outrageous that she's asking you to change your dog's name, and I definitely would not do that.

Speaker 51 I would not recommend it.

Speaker 50 I think this could be really cool and special. Like, the kid and the dog could have a really cool bond, maybe do things together, dress up as Halloween, something to do with their names.

Speaker 50 But instead, it's kind of turned into this negative thing where I think it could be really special. So, I hope that it all works out and you guys can figure it out.

Speaker 50 And Charlie one and Charlie two, we just become best friends.

Speaker 53 The dog was named Charlie first.

Speaker 49 If only one gets a name, it's a dog.

Speaker 35 Now,

Speaker 26 more than one can have the name, it's totally fine.

Speaker 49 More than one kid has the same name, especially when you go to preschool, especially with more common names. You'll have multiple Charlies, and usually they don't

Speaker 20 nickname one.

Speaker 9 That kind of comes in later years.

Speaker 7 So they'll be okay.

Speaker 49 Kids' brains are forming very, very fast at this age. So he'll be able to tell that when you call Charlie and you're looking at him, you're not referring to the dog.

Speaker 41 Now, the dog may be confused.

Speaker 49 If anything, this tells me that the family has been excessively babying the younger sister just because

Speaker 49 why else would this even be a suggestion? I don't understand

Speaker 49 how anyone,

Speaker 7 unless this youngest sister is a lot to deal with, why they would even consider telling the sister, oh yeah, you should rename your dog.

Speaker 49 Like, that's odd behavior.

Speaker 34 I mean, this is just so stupid.

Speaker 34 It's not even funny.

Speaker 16 Peace?

Speaker 7 Are you serious?

Speaker 52 If the only way to maintain a peace is by me changing my dog's name, that I want none of it, let's bring war at this point.

Speaker 9 Like, what's the point of entertaining this idea whatsoever?

Speaker 1 What is it about it?

Speaker 9 I don't. I don't understand it.

Speaker 54 I... That would be my dying hill, quite frankly.

Speaker 55 It gives mangirl energy, the sister.

Speaker 7 It's giving you don't know what hardship is if you're that

Speaker 23 so fucking hell-bent

Speaker 35 on,

Speaker 9 well, you need to change your dog's name.

Speaker 13 Why?

Speaker 55 What's the point

Speaker 52 if it's to keep peace in the family? Then I don't want it.

Speaker 55 What's the point? What's the point of peace on a trivial thing?

Speaker 1 Okay, so the top comment on this one. There was a post years ago about a guy who had a cat named Nigel and his sister or roommate started dating someone named Nigel.

Speaker 1 So they called the cat cat Nigel and the guy human Nigel. Next comment down.
My husband's uncle has the same name as our cat. Cat came with the name.

Speaker 1 No one has been confused when I talk about either of them. Next comment down, god damn it, uncle/slash cat name shit on the floor.
This next comment has a big gold box.

Speaker 1 This actually happened to me when my dog Jenny, who wasn't feeling well, crept on the floor while my friend Jenny was over. Me yelling, mom, Jenny just shit on the floor.

Speaker 1 Mom yelling back, why on earth would she do that? Hilarity ensued. I also think this is just like not something that's that serious.

Speaker 1 I actually

Speaker 1 don't know how I didn't think of this sooner, but Justin's Justin's grandpa got a puppy a couple years ago and it came with the name Penny. Guess what his mom's name is?

Speaker 1 Penny. Yeah, she turns 100 this May.

Speaker 1 But it's like, if that's not a big deal for him, having a dog that has the same name as his mom,

Speaker 1 and this sister knowingly named the kid after her sister's dog,

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 come on.

Speaker 1 Before we move on, there is a one comment that OP responds to. Someone goes, suggest that she changes her son's name to Spot or Rover.
Next comment, adopt a second dog, name it Emily.

Speaker 1 Next comment down, complete the set, get a guinea pig and name it after brother-in-law for the plot. Then ask mom to change Emily's name to keep the peace.

Speaker 1 Or just call the dog Baby Charlie for extra fun and confusion. So OP responds to one of the comments somewhere in this thread and goes, buddy can also do.

Speaker 1 But okay, moving on to the next one.

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Speaker 1 This is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. It is six days old and titled, Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Let My Brother-in-Law Name His Baby After My Late Husband?

Speaker 1 I, 33 female, lost my husband Mark three years ago in a car accident. It was devastating.
And while I've worked hard to rebuild my life, my grief is still there.

Speaker 1 Mark and I didn't have kids, but he always wanted to be a father. And his name holds a lot of sentimental value for me.
My sister-in-law, 36 female, is married to Mark's brother Ethan, 38 male.

Speaker 1 They're expecting their first child, and recently, they've told me they want to name their son, Mark, to honor him. While I understand the sentiment, I immediately felt uneasy.

Speaker 1 Mark's name is deeply personal to me, and the idea of someone else in the family using it feels

Speaker 1 wrong. I gently told Ethan and my sister-in-law that I wasn't comfortable with the idea.

Speaker 1 I suggested they use Mark's name as a middle name or consider something else entirely, but they were upset and said it wasn't fair for me to claim the name when it's a part of their family too.

Speaker 1 Ethan even said that this would help keep Mark's memory alive, especially since they were so close.

Speaker 1 The argument escalated when I pointed out that if I ever had a child, I might want to name them after Mark, and it would feel strange if there was already another Mark in the family.

Speaker 1 Ethan said that's a hypothetical situation and accused me of being selfish for gatekeeping a name as if it were only mine to use.

Speaker 1 Now the family is divided. Some think I'm overreacting and should let them honor Mark however they want.
Others say it's my right to set that boundary given how close I was to him.

Speaker 1 So, am I the asshole for saying no to them naming their baby after my late husband?

Speaker 28 Yeah, girl.

Speaker 10 I think you're being the asshole. I think grief is hard

Speaker 10 because everybody's grief comes out in different ways, but grief doesn't absolve you from being an asshole. It's kind of like whether you intend to hurt somebody or not.

Speaker 10 Tension doesn't really matter in the end because it's still doing harm of some sort.

Speaker 40 That is his family.

Speaker 22 And if there's two marks in the family, it's not a big deal.

Speaker 10 But that is his brother.

Speaker 38 He does want to honor him in some way.

Speaker 14 I don't think it's fair

Speaker 27 to

Speaker 41 gatekeep that from them.

Speaker 9 It feels harsh.

Speaker 36 Initially, when I heard the title, I instantly thought, yeah, you're the asshole.

Speaker 5 But...

Speaker 36 Knowing that Mark's brother wants to use the name is completely different. I I was expecting it to be outside family members who aren't related to Mark in any way, but it's his brother.

Speaker 36 That's his family. Yes, it's

Speaker 36 important to you, but that's just important to them. That's their entire life.
They've been brothers and he should be able to honor his brother in that way.

Speaker 36 I feel like it's more of just a courtesy that he told you. Now, if Mark and him weren't related, then the strike would be different, but they're brothers.
That's his family too.

Speaker 36 And I don't think you should be able to tell them that they can't name their baby after their baby's late uncle.

Speaker 26 I think, first and foremost, it was really respectful of the brother to reach out to OP, the wife, and get her thoughts on naming his son Mark. I understand where the wife is coming from.

Speaker 26 It's difficult because, you know, this was your person that you were supposed to spend your whole life with.

Speaker 26 It's difficult to have someone else in the family with that name. I can understand that.
I can understand how that would weigh on you heavily.

Speaker 23 But I find it interesting how she mentioned that she might want to reserve the name mark for a future child of hers.

Speaker 26 So you can't really have both. You can't say that it would make you emotional to have someone else in the family name mark, but then at the same time, possibly want to reserve it for your own child.

Speaker 35 Hearing someone's name that you love that has passed away is so hard.

Speaker 35 But then to associate that name with the baby that's not yours,

Speaker 39 I truthfully feel like that's harder.

Speaker 35 We played around with the idea of

Speaker 35 my dad's name for my sister's baby, and it just didn't seem right.

Speaker 35 And while we loved his name,

Speaker 35 we just couldn't imagine us and my mom constantly calling this little baby my dad's name. Like, we wanted to honor him in some way,

Speaker 4 but that wasn't it.

Speaker 35 And I hate that they're using this to kind of hold over her. Oh, well, we're just doing it to honor him.

Speaker 35 Well, okay, there's so many other ways to honor him. Like, let's find one together that makes me comfortable and you comfortable and is equal for everybody.

Speaker 35 But then the audacity to be like, oh, what if I want to honor that name? I feel comfortable enough to then give my child that name. Okay, well, that's her right and her comfortability.

Speaker 41 So absolutely, she should get to do that.

Speaker 35 But no, that's a hypothetical situation. God forbid that you fall in love again or doesn't even

Speaker 35 need a man.

Speaker 35 In vitro,

Speaker 35 adoption,

Speaker 35 something of that nature. You don't get that name.
Not, not, nope, no name for you. That's not for you.

Speaker 16 Mm-mm.

Speaker 35 It's all about us. We just wanted to

Speaker 35 use this name and try to look good in the eyes of other people. And now you're the bad guy.

Speaker 35 So, no, they're assholes and they shouldn't be using your dead husband's name if it makes you feel uncomfortable and they claim to care about you.

Speaker 24 I think if it was any other situation in the way that these people were related to Mark, I would think they were pushing boundaries. But this is his brother.

Speaker 24 Like, at least from my perspective, if one of my sisters were to die, like, I would definitely want to be able to name my future child after them.

Speaker 24 And if they're partners, because obviously we don't know

Speaker 24 how close that they all were as a family, like, maybe, like, OP wasn't close with a brother, maybe they were.

Speaker 24 but I just think that, like,

Speaker 28 if

Speaker 24 my sister's partners were like, no, you can't name your child that, like, I'd be so mad and I would do it anyway. Like, I get that it's very difficult for OP.

Speaker 24 I don't think they're being unreasonable because I understand where they're coming from. But I personally think they just need to back down.

Speaker 24 And like, nothing's stopping them also using the name Mark, but also nothing's guaranteeing that they will in the future have a son.

Speaker 24 And it could potentially go the other way when no one ends up honoring him by using his name.

Speaker 12 I find it kind of hard to use the word asshole on someone grieving their dead husband and having feelings connected to his death.

Speaker 56 I wouldn't.

Speaker 26 I don't.

Speaker 12 I think that they're in their rights to honour Mark in their way.

Speaker 12 They've grown up together, and it's obviously a loss for Ethan as well,

Speaker 37 as well as OP.

Speaker 26 So,

Speaker 12 no, I don't think she's the asshole for having conflicted feelings about that name being used and expressing those to Mark and his wife. I think they're also in their rights to ignore those wishes.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one. I am so sorry for your loss.
Respectfully, you are overstepping here. Mark was not only your husband, he was a son, a brother, a friend, and likely so much more.

Speaker 1 He had a role in so many lives, and each of those lives has the right to grieve and remember him in their own way. If you do adopt, I hope you use whatever name you feel is right.

Speaker 1 Adoption is an indescribable blessing. I am an adoptive mom.
Let them live their lives how they see fit.

Speaker 1 Because you almost never see them, any choice they make will only be as big as you allow it to be in your own life.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 solid point

Speaker 1 for me hearing this,

Speaker 1 I feel very

Speaker 1 torn because I understand like where OP is coming from, and I can't even imagine dealing with that loss.

Speaker 1 But having like your partner's name kind of taken, that option taken from you, I would be really distraught.

Speaker 1 I do appreciate the fact that the brother-in-law and sister-in-law are coming to her first and like having this conversation.

Speaker 1 And at the end of the day, it kind of is their choice. Like that was his brother,

Speaker 1 but it's a tough one.

Speaker 1 And you want to be sensitive. But,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 we do have an edit and get a little bit more information.

Speaker 26 Edit.

Speaker 1 I'm adding an edit here, although it's only been a little bit since I posted to add some info that could be important. Apologies, I didn't include it before.

Speaker 1 But thank you, everyone, for your insights. It's given me a lot to think about.
First, Mark and Ethan have been almost zero contact since Mark turned 23 for a much longer reason.

Speaker 1 They've only spoken a few times since then, at Ethan's wedding, our wedding, and most recently, about a year before his death at a funeral.

Speaker 1 Ethan and his wife didn't attend Mark's funeral, giving no reason about why, but the rest of the family dismissed it, and I'm still not sure why. They didn't even send so much as a card.

Speaker 1 I only found out that they were expecting and intending to use the name at a family holiday party that I go to every year, which they attended for the first time.

Speaker 1 Apparently, every single person at that party, and it wasn't a small one, had known about the pregnancy, but not their plans for the name.

Speaker 1 At the party, Ethan and his wife, never been very chummy with her, announced their intent for the baby's name. So I asked them about it later, and that is where the argument began.

Speaker 1 The thing that set me off was that Ethan said he wanted to use Mark's name since they were so close in childhood, but hasn't spoken more than a few words in ages.

Speaker 1 So I mainly feel that he has no right to use the name because of his relationship with Mark before he passed and the apathy to me when he did die.

Speaker 1 Secondly, adoption was always the plan for Mark and me, and we were in the process of figuring out the steps to adopt in our area around the time he passed.

Speaker 1 As an adopted child, I would have it no other way. And I'm also infertile, so this was pretty much the only route I've been able to take.

Speaker 1 At this moment, since I've gotten back on my feet after the loss, I've been considering adopting as a single mom because fortunately, I do have the means and the support system, mainly my side of the family and some friends, to raise a child alone.

Speaker 1 As of right now, I'm not sure if I'll ever remarry, but chances are I will adopt before I do.

Speaker 1 Adopting a child and naming him after the man I'd always planned to adopt with seems like the best way to honor him and keep his memory alive. Thank you, everyone, for your comments.

Speaker 1 And so sorry if this is a long edit with quite a few spelling errors.

Speaker 1 You guys,

Speaker 1 why didn't OP include that context at the beginning? For me,

Speaker 1 totally changes things. Totally changes things.
But I want to hear from you first.

Speaker 32 That was a lot of information to leave out. I'm just going to say that.
Screw that.

Speaker 32 You had us in the first half.

Speaker 32 Screw that brother. No.
He didn't even go to the funeral.

Speaker 32 I hope OP adopts a baby and is able to name this baby Mark before her sister-in-law gives birth. And then Mark is already used.

Speaker 32 And if they want to be the one using the name twice, then they can go ahead and be the one using the name twice.

Speaker 32 But I hope OP steals it right out from under their feet because this just makes me so mad.

Speaker 32 If he hasn't even had a relationship with Mark, screw that. That's out the window.
Yep. Bye.
Baby needs to name her child Mark. And you know what?

Speaker 32 Actually, go ahead and name said child Mark middle name, last name, the second.

Speaker 32 Like, now we're not only using Mark, this is Mark Jr. Like, I don't, we're going all the way there.
I'm using every single one of his names, and the rest of you can kiss my butt because

Speaker 32 now none of the names are available. That's, that's how I feel.
Yeah.

Speaker 19 I'm so flabbergasted at the second edit of that one. Hasn't spoken to him in years and now wants to use his name.
That just seems like an attention-seeking kind of thing.

Speaker 19 Like, oh, it was named after my deceased brother.

Speaker 36 Oh, it makes me so angry. They do not deserve to use the name of someone and act like they're honoring them if they literally have had no contact in years and didn't even come to the funeral.

Speaker 36 You just want to say you're honoring him so that it looks like you care when it's very obvious they don't.

Speaker 17 I'm gonna play devil's advocate here for Ethan.

Speaker 17 I can't remember if she mentioned how long it's been since her husband passed, but what if Ethan is feeling guilty and remorseful and is now reminiscing on their childhood and he feels that naming his son Mark is a way to almost like

Speaker 17 make up for lost time, make up for the things he now feels guilty for.

Speaker 57 I mean, grief hits everyone different, man. I mean, yeah, maybe they weren't close, but maybe it is hitting him and he does really miss his brother.
We don't know.

Speaker 57 It's hard to make a call.

Speaker 11 In the end, if you're not close to them and you're never going to see them really after this, let him name him Mark.

Speaker 7 Name your baby Mark.

Speaker 10 There's so many marks in the world.

Speaker 38 Maybe that's insensitive.

Speaker 11 You're not an asshole.

Speaker 9 Maybe nobody's an asshole here. There's just not, I just feel like they're still kind of missing context of like why they were not close.

Speaker 13 She's not an asshole for feeling the way she does feel. Like I was gonna say no assholes here.

Speaker 13 I was gonna say she's still in the wrong, but because she's facing grief the way she's facing it and the brother would be facing the grief the way he's facing it.

Speaker 13 However, it doesn't with that edit, it doesn't even sound like this is a form of grieving for him. It sounds like it's a form of attention grabbing.

Speaker 13 Which if I were her, I'm impressed because I if I wrote that original post I would have said they're doing it for attention and this makes me mad.

Speaker 13 And I told them no because of that reason, on top of the fact that she wants to adopt a kid and have that be the kid's name.

Speaker 1 Now, for me, I feel like

Speaker 1 this totally changes it. And Ethan naming his child after his brother that has passed feels so performative.

Speaker 1 He didn't go to his brother's funeral. He didn't go to his brother's funeral.
Come on.

Speaker 1 Didn't send a card?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 if you didn't go to your brother's funeral, I don't think you should be naming your child after your brother.

Speaker 1 Just me, just me.

Speaker 1 Some of you might disagree. If you do, please tell me why.

Speaker 1 But this feels very performative and

Speaker 1 it doesn't feel genuine. I mean, granted, okay, they were close as kids and whatever reasons, they stopped being close, but you weren't close when he passed and you didn't go to his funeral.
So, no.

Speaker 1 I think, regardless, if OP adopts and has to pick a name, I think OP should still go with Mark.

Speaker 23 I think that...

Speaker 1 Even if there's two Marks in the family, whatever, like you have the closer proximity to Mark, I think at this point.

Speaker 1 So just go with it. Don't let someone else squash it for you.
I think names are so deeply personal and it doesn't matter if Ethan and his wife decide to use it. Like you're going to have more meaning.

Speaker 1 You're going to be able to tell this story to your adoptive child, but

Speaker 1 adoption can happen in so many other ways. Like OP might not even get the opportunity to name a child.

Speaker 1 So I think it'll be interesting to see how this plays out, but I wouldn't let Ethan ruin this for me.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm going to peek and see if there's any other comments from OP since this. None.
No comments from OP after the edit.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 and before the edit. No comments from OP, just so, just so you guys know.

Speaker 1 But I'm very curious how this one plays out. It's only six days old, so we might get another update on this one.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 1 On to the next one.

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Speaker 1 This is coming from AITAH. It is a month old at this point.
Titled, Am I the Asshole for Breaking Up with My Girlfriend Because of a Caught Cheating Prank?

Speaker 1 I, 26 male, broke up with my girlfriend, 25 female of two years because of something that happened recently. And now my friends are saying I massively overreacted.

Speaker 1 So a few days ago, my girlfriend and a close mutual friend decided to play a prank on me.

Speaker 1 The prank was that they filmed a scenario where I caught them in bed together, pretending they were hooking up.

Speaker 1 They set up a hidden camera in the bedroom, and when I walked in, I saw him in just boxers and my girlfriend in a bra and panties straddling him, acting like they were mid-hookup.

Speaker 1 To make it more realistic, they even made some noises and tried to act like it was happening for real.

Speaker 1 I was shocked, furious, and immediately confronted them as I thought it was real at first, like an actual betrayal. And then I walked out of the room and started leaving the house.

Speaker 1 When they followed me screaming, it was just a prank and then showed me the video they had been recording.

Speaker 1 To be honest, I felt completely betrayed, not just by the idea of the prank, but also because of how they had gotten undressed to film it.

Speaker 1 I know it's meant to be funny to some people, but for me, it felt disrespectful and I was hurt. The whole thing felt like a violation of trust, even though I know they weren't actually cheating.

Speaker 1 I told her I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who would do something like that, and I ended things right there. She's devastated, and our friends have been telling me I overreacted.

Speaker 1 They think it was just a harmless prank and I should have taken it better.

Speaker 1 But I can't shake the feeling that it crossed a line for me, especially with how intimate and uncomfortable it felt to see them them in that situation, even if it wasn't real.

Speaker 1 Now I'm left wondering if I made the right decision. I'm starting to doubt myself because everyone else seems to think I blew it up out of proportion.

Speaker 5 Thoughts,

Speaker 1 concerns.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 46 I'm really trying not to have my inner New York, New York City side of me pop out because that was just absolute disrespect.

Speaker 46 And like a disrespect in the the block would be would run very differently and so I just think that he just stood up for himself and

Speaker 46 his friends his so-called friends that are saying that he's overreacting if I was a friend and I heard that you that someone did that to my friend I would be like no you are so in your well in your right to to not tolerate that to say yo I'm this is done i'm not i'm not taking this as this disrespect this is absolutely wild you you have me all the way messed up That is not happening.

Speaker 53 What the actual fuck was that? First of all, obviously, OP is not the asshole.

Speaker 53 And I think 2025 should be the year where we stop doing these pranks that are just like emotional abuse, disguised as a prank. I feel really similarly to pranks as you, Morgan.

Speaker 53 Like, I think a lot of times they're just like hurtful and unnecessary and at the expense of somebody else. And so, I don't know.
I have a lot of thoughts on this.

Speaker 53 My biggest question with this story is: who is this mutual friend that pulled the prank with her?

Speaker 53 I wonder if her and him were friends first, or if the boyfriend and him were friends first, or like, just what their general dynamic is as a friend group.

Speaker 53 Um, because I'm getting the vibe that the girlfriend and this mutual friend who she pulled the prank with are secretly in love with each other, and that this was like a desperate attempt to like have a lone time together, or like an excuse to get naked in front of each other and do all this slimy shit behind the scenes.

Speaker 9 I'm sorry, but you don't just like

Speaker 52 plan

Speaker 13 a prank faking to like have sex unless you've been like actively thinking about it prior.

Speaker 51 Like how did you pick the friend

Speaker 4 and essentially you're bumping and grinding on your mutual friend.

Speaker 51 After two and a half years, it's just super disrespectful and you're also just dumb to think that that's like okay.

Speaker 51 How do you not know your partner's boundaries after two years?

Speaker 23 Personally, I do not think that OP was overreacting in there.

Speaker 34 I would have reacted the same way.

Speaker 23 When a line is crossed that you cannot go back from,

Speaker 1 it's

Speaker 23 honestly just best for both parties if you cut it off. And I feel like that is such a betrayal of trust.
Even if it was a prank, a prank is supposed to be funny. And that's just not funny to me.

Speaker 23 Because even if after everything's said and done, like, oh, we were just kidding, that feeling is still there, and the feeling is very real, and the feeling is very valid.

Speaker 23 And if you can't move on in your relationship with that feeling still there, weighing on your chest,

Speaker 23 then like it's better for both of you to end it.

Speaker 41 I just really am not buying that it was an innocent prank.

Speaker 53 Like, I think, regardless, like the girlfriend and this mutual friend guy have some sort of ulterior motive because I don't see how any part of trying to see what your boyfriend's reaction would be to you cheating on him could result in a funny outcome.

Speaker 53 Like he's either going to scream, get angry, cry, be heartbroken and depressed, or have like a major anxiety panic attack. Like, I don't know.

Speaker 23 Like, there's no path that that situation could have taken where any rational human being would be like, hee, he, so funny.

Speaker 53 Like, oh, and like, it's already crossing so many boundaries that like she was like in her brawn panties, like straddling the sky.

Speaker 20 Like that alone would be enough for me to like leave somebody.

Speaker 1 Okay. That doesn't feel like just a prank to anyone, right? Like it feels like they were setting it up so that if they did get caught down the line, they could be like, oh, it was just a prank.

Speaker 1 Who thinks of that?

Speaker 1 Also, who wants to even be that close to their partner's friend? I can't even imagine ever, ever, ever, ever, like getting undressed and straddling someone that's not Justin.

Speaker 1 Like the thought of that honestly repulses me. So, to even set this up as a prank and record it and strip down into underwear, panties, brought, like, I'm perplexed.
Top comment on this one, though.

Speaker 1 Not the asshole. How does your girlfriend of two years not know you well enough to know what you'd find funny?

Speaker 1 Like, even if you prank all the time with each other, she should know you and what you would actually find funny. If you're not laughing, it's not actually a prank.

Speaker 1 It's just them hurting you and then blaming you for being hurt. OP responds to that one.

Speaker 1 Yep, I told her that. She says she wanted to try something new and unexpected and didn't think I would feel so strongly about it.
Someone responds after that,

Speaker 1 but she should be trying something new and unexpected with you

Speaker 1 and not the friend.

Speaker 1 Yep. The fact that she didn't know you'd feel so strongly about it means either she doesn't really know you or she doesn't care about your feelings.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know how you would expect that to end well,

Speaker 1 to make it seem so real.

Speaker 1 Also, like, what happens if OP would have like forgotten something in the car and would have gone back outside or not walked into the room right away?

Speaker 1 Like, would they have just kept going for the plot? Well, guys, we do have an edit from OP. Edit.
I did not expect this many responses. Thank you guys.

Speaker 1 She posted here earlier and sent me a link to her post.

Speaker 1 I know she wants me to watch the video to prove it was all set up and planned, but I feel like she still doesn't get that I'm upset about her disregard and disregard for me and our relationship.

Speaker 1 Anyways, I'm going to sign off for the night.

Speaker 28 Well,

Speaker 1 I guess we got to go find that other post. Her version.

Speaker 1 I didn't know it existed until just now.

Speaker 1 Let's see if we can find the other side. Okay.

Speaker 1 We got the girlfriend's post. Has been

Speaker 1 deleted. Coming from AITAH.
I think my boyfriend is overreacting for breaking up with me over my caught cheating prank. Am I the asshole?

Speaker 1 My boyfriend posted here a few hours ago and shared the link with me to show me what people thought about what I did and that he is not overreacting.

Speaker 1 I thought I'd come on here and give my version of events for a more nuanced take. I planned the cheating prank with our close mutual friend several days ago.

Speaker 1 We were hanging out and scrolling through TikTok videos and came across prank shorts between couples. We went down the rabbit hole and ended up watching YouTube videos of cheating pranks.

Speaker 1 And I mentioned it would be funny to try a cheating prank on my boyfriend to find out what his reaction would be.

Speaker 1 He said he would do one with me and I agreed because it was someone my boyfriend liked and trusted, so I thought it would be harmless.

Speaker 1 It started out as a hypothetical plan, but over the course of the conversation and while hashing out details, it turned into a real plan.

Speaker 1 And we agreed to the day we would do it when my boyfriend would be out and come back home and find us together.

Speaker 1 We set up a camera and filmed ourselves talking about the prank and set it up on top of the dresser in the bedroom and got into position. We were laughing throughout, and it is all on video.

Speaker 1 To make it believable, I told him to take off his shirt. He said I should probably do the same, so we did.

Speaker 1 Then he thought it would be even even more believable and provide that shock factor if we also took off our pants. In hindsight, this was a terrible idea, but I agreed to it.

Speaker 1 You know how the rest of the story went from his post, but what he didn't mention is that he refused to watch the video I recorded showing that it was a planned prank, that we only took off our clothes and got into sex position when we knew he was home.

Speaker 1 I understand that this prank was extra and hurtful to him, and for that, I am sorry, but I am not cheating on him, and I did not mean to disrespect our relationship.

Speaker 1 I thought him breaking up with me is a massive overreaction because, other than this incident, which I now massively regret, our relationship was great.

Speaker 1 We shared two wonderful years together and moved in together over the summer.

Speaker 1 I plan on deleting the video and won't be sharing it on social media, but I will share with him first for proof of my intentions.

Speaker 1 What would you do?

Speaker 1 What's to say they didn't record that video after he ran out?

Speaker 1 I don't know if you could ever get the trust back with this person.

Speaker 1 And therefore, the reason feels over.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I don't know, like, would you guys forgive your partner? Would you watch the video and make sure it's legit and then forgive them? Would you be able to do that? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I need to hear what you guys would do.

Speaker 5 You're fucking weird.

Speaker 1 What type of response is that?

Speaker 55 You're weird as fuck, girl.

Speaker 16 Like, why would you think that's funny?

Speaker 9 One, why are you sitting with his friend and watching TikToks and YouTube videos or cheating pranks together?

Speaker 10 It feels like a setup.

Speaker 35 Two, yeah, of course you'd be like, oh yeah, take off your pants now.

Speaker 40 That would make it shock shock factor loser weird Take off your shirts.

Speaker 10 It seems like you guys were joking and then it was like

Speaker 25 You got like hot and bothered about it and you're like actually yeah, let's just like take off our clothes.

Speaker 10 It'll be funny video doesn't matter intent doesn't matter.

Speaker 9 You hurt the person.

Speaker 8 Take the L move on.

Speaker 42 You fucked up.

Speaker 27 Like

Speaker 13 Don't care if it's a prank.

Speaker 4 Don't care if I know for a fact that you guys didn't sleep together.

Speaker 12 You're gone. You're we're done.

Speaker 15 You're both out of here.

Speaker 19 Fuck your prank.

Speaker 19 It literally sounds like the guy that said his girlfriend's sister tricked him into sleeping with her.

Speaker 19 For them to get to the point where it's like, ooh, let's make it more believable.

Speaker 15 You take your pants off. You take your pants off.
I take my shirt off. You take your shirt off.

Speaker 15 No.

Speaker 47 No.

Speaker 47 I think she's missing the bigger picture here because she mentioned like how she thinks that he doesn't believe that this was set up. It was planned.

Speaker 47 it was a prank, like they, she wasn't actually cheating on him.

Speaker 18 Yeah, we got that.

Speaker 47 Doesn't change the fact that it's still weird. Like, why did you do that?

Speaker 29 They still did that.

Speaker 47 They still got undressed and were all over each other. Whether it was real or not, that's a weird thing to do.
And she still did it. I think she's missing the point of

Speaker 48 that.

Speaker 47 He believes her.

Speaker 46 But she wasn't really thinking at all when she did it or she wasn't thinking about him when she did it i i just i don't know i feel like these are probably like one of those things that is really tar really needs to be talked about before you get into a relationship like what do you consider is a prank or not or what do you consider cheating or whatnot and all this kind of stuff because this is those conversations where like you can have good intentions but the impact is still there you had good intent

Speaker 46 very questionable good intentions that it was just a prank, but the impact was still there. You still made the impact of making him feel what he felt.

Speaker 46 And so to him, the impact was that you did not care. If you cared, you would not have done that.
And

Speaker 46 I think that's what a lot of times what people find a hard time forgiving. And so like, I would, if I was him, I would forgive, but I would not put myself in that boat because

Speaker 46 I don't, they was just, it was. They were just way too comfortable.
And I don't think I'd like that.

Speaker 46 It was, it was too comfortable for them to be in the bed together, take off 90% of their clothing, and then just really have a conversation like that or a prank like that.

Speaker 46 I can forgive, but I don't think

Speaker 46 I can go back to something like that.

Speaker 1 So going back on OP's post, a little bit of an update. My ex-girlfriend was really upset with all the hate she received online and blamed me for painting her in a bad light.

Speaker 1 I told her I did no such thing. She just didn't like that she got called out on her behavior.

Speaker 1 The mutual friend who was a part of the prank is now also pissed off at me and saying I went way overboard. I told them both to fuck off and have blocked their numbers.

Speaker 1 Our friends have since started taking this more seriously after reading some of the comments on here, with a few taking my side and saying what my girlfriend and the friend did was horrible.

Speaker 1 Others still think this was all unnecessary and I should have just laughed it off and moved on.

Speaker 1 And I don't agree with that. I think this is something that's very traumatic to walk in on.
It would really damage me and how I saw those people I loved and trusted.

Speaker 1 So this doesn't feel like an overreaction.

Speaker 1 And he's entitled to his feelings. If he can't trust her, if he is hurt, doesn't want to be with her anymore, that's fair.
You can't force someone to be in a relationship with you.

Speaker 1 And I feel like these friends would be saying a different tune if this happened to them.

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Speaker 1 Okay, this next one coming from Am I the Asshole? It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Getting Engaged After My Brother's Wedding? My brother and his now wife got married three days ago.

Speaker 1 A very small destination ceremony, under 15 people total.

Speaker 1 My now fiancé and I extended our trip after everyone went home and and spent a couple of days exploring the Grand Canyon, a couple hours north of the wedding, where he proposed.

Speaker 1 When I shared the news with my brother and now sister-in-law, he responded with hostility, saying that it looked like we were competing.

Speaker 1 I apologized, quickly realizing that he was advocating for my sister-in-law and that she felt hurt, although I'm truly failing to understand why.

Speaker 1 I also texted her a separate apology and explained that it was not our intention to encroach and just wanted to share share the news with family.

Speaker 1 And that it's my belief that there's room for happiness for everyone. She did not respond.

Speaker 1 In response to my apology, my brother doubled down and said the timing and location were hurtful and that we shouldn't have planned around the wedding. Am I the asshole here?

Speaker 5 Okay,

Speaker 59 as someone who just got married this year,

Speaker 59 you get one day, all right?

Speaker 18 You get

Speaker 59 the big day, it's all about you, Spotlight's on you. Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 59 Three days later, yeah, no.

Speaker 56 You're out of line.

Speaker 59 You don't get a location. You don't get a week or a year or a month.

Speaker 59 You get a day.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 4 You are not the asshole for getting engaged.

Speaker 9 Congratulations.

Speaker 3 This is a recent relation for us because we got engaged on the 21st of December.

Speaker 30 I'm excited.

Speaker 50 I've been insufferable since.

Speaker 1 But anyway, they did their best to separate as much as they could.

Speaker 51 They went a few hours away. They extended their trip.
Everybody's gone.

Speaker 20 And he said, okay, we're doing this really special thing.

Speaker 1 And we're on a really, in a beautiful location.

Speaker 51 And I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Speaker 50 I'll do it here.

Speaker 23 Cool.

Speaker 50 I feel like that's fine.

Speaker 51 For me, I guess it kind of depends on how soon after.

Speaker 4 It was three days.

Speaker 24 Three days is kind of soon.

Speaker 23 I would have waited like a week and let them have that week of marriage, being a new married couple, and then kind of started saying things.

Speaker 50 But I can understand the excitement.

Speaker 51 You know, I do commend the brother for standing up for his now wife.

Speaker 28 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 57 There was effort. Like, go to the source.

Speaker 57 She did go to the source.

Speaker 2 That wasn't the intent.

Speaker 33 Like, try to explain the situation to her directly.

Speaker 2 Like, avoid any possible construement.

Speaker 47 I can see both sides of this because, from from OP's perspective, the second half of the trip for the proposal was not at all related to the wedding that they were there for.

Speaker 47 I mean they waited until everyone else went home and it was just the two of them. It was more of a private trip, which is why the proposal happened.
From sister-in-law's perspective, I kind of get it.

Speaker 47 Like the only reason they were in Arizona was for the wedding. And then they just kind of piggybacked off that trip, which was not initially meant for them.

Speaker 47 I do feel like sister-in-law is kind of playing the card of like, oh, well, they got engaged at my wedding.

Speaker 1 Well, that's not true.

Speaker 48 That didn't actually happen.

Speaker 47 I understand why she's hurt, but I don't, I feel like that might just be something you keep to yourself and say, congratulations, like I'm happy for you. Keep it to yourself.

Speaker 4 You can be annoyed.

Speaker 47 It's a fine line because this wasn't their wedding, but it was the wedding trip. Very weird.
Kind of a weird situation.

Speaker 47 I'm a little bit more on the side of OP. I hope there's more details that show the relationship between OP and sister-in-law that it's maybe hiding something.

Speaker 26 I feel like I need to know more about the relationship between OP,

Speaker 26 like the sister, and then the brother who just got married. Like, has there always been this like sibling rivalry? Has he always felt like she was trying to one-up him?

Speaker 3 Because

Speaker 1 that's what it's feeling like.

Speaker 26 It's feeling like he just got married. They're still in the bubble of, oh, this was three days ago.

Speaker 26 You know, we're still celebrating this. It's still very exciting for the family.

Speaker 29 So I could see that if there was some sort of like rivalry or whatever, to feel like your

Speaker 26 thunder was being taken by her getting engaged. The fact it was on the same trip, too, is a little

Speaker 26 interesting.

Speaker 26 I can understand wanting to do it when you're abroad in a nice place, of course.

Speaker 26 But it does feel a little bit weird to be getting engaged on this trip that was intended for a wedding. I don't know.

Speaker 26 I wouldn't go as far to say asshole because people are allowed to propose when and where they want and however they want to do that. Maybe they genuinely thought that it wouldn't be an issue at all.

Speaker 26 I don't really know. But I think there's some sort of sibling rivalry going on, and that's why he's so upset.

Speaker 13 People who feel like they have a very secure relationship with their sibling and people who feel like they've gotten enough attention in their life are totally fine.

Speaker 17 They're like, wow, I just had my wedding.

Speaker 13 We're about to have another one in the next year or so. I'm so excited.
I'm so elated. I love that my love inspired.
them to take that next step.

Speaker 41 Of course, that's the ideal perspective.

Speaker 13 And I think that's the healthy, the psychologically healthy perspective.

Speaker 13 But I do think realistically, people do have wounds that come from their family, that come from their childhood, where they don't necessarily feel like they got enough attention or enough focused, individualized attention.

Speaker 13 And I think our society makes weddings out to be this thing that you finally have this space to be just about you.

Speaker 13 And I think what it might be is the sister-in-law

Speaker 13 might have certain family dynamics where she's never felt like she got to be the center of attention. She never felt like she got to be the one people focus on.

Speaker 1 Or maybe even the brother potentially.

Speaker 13 Like it sounds like she

Speaker 13 he was defending the sister-in-law, but that's just an assumption that OP made.

Speaker 13 It's not coming from nowhere. Like these people aren't coming from a place of being irrational

Speaker 13 necessarily. I think it's just coming from a place of hurt and coming from a place where there is just like a hole that needs to be mended and wounded.

Speaker 13 So I, again, I don't think that OP needs to delay their life because of the brother's timeline of their wedding, but I also think it's worth letting that be a conversation for a bigger problem that they seem to have.

Speaker 7 And obviously, like in an ideal world, everyone goes to therapy, everyone goes to family therapy.

Speaker 18 But

Speaker 13 yeah, I think it just really stems down to wanting the space to celebrate.

Speaker 32 As long as you didn't propose during my wedding or like you were talking about it during my wedding to kind of take away from my special day, I don't really care because I had a great time.

Speaker 32 That's all that matters. I had a great time.
The wedding went well. Nobody impeded on it.
You know, I don't care. If you want to do it the next day, it doesn't bother me.

Speaker 32 You know, it's very much so so giving. I wanted to be the child that had the most recognition on the Christmas card this year.

Speaker 32 You shouldn't have gotten engaged at all this year. You should have let this be my time to shine on our Christmas card.
Like, it's like

Speaker 32 it's my birthday month.

Speaker 28 Right. Yeah.

Speaker 32 It's also, it's giving, why did you give birth on my birthday? Like, that's the type of like

Speaker 32 unhinged. Like,

Speaker 32 you know, I'm going to have to share the family celebration with this child.

Speaker 41 Yes, it was in the general

Speaker 41 series of events of the wedding, but it wasn't at the wedding. And also, like, the proposal was a private thing done between them.
Like,

Speaker 41 the chances are probably not every single person who went to the wedding will even know that this proposal then happened after on their own little holiday, which just happened to have begun with a wedding.

Speaker 41 And it's especially if they've had this idea, obviously, we don't know, but if they've had this idea of like a destination proposal, like they're already on holiday, like by the sounds of it, they're American.

Speaker 3 So I don't know how much holiday you can get in the year.

Speaker 41 So this may be their one chance to actually get a destination proposal without having to go on a separate holiday. I really think they're not in the wrong.

Speaker 41 And it was very nice of OP to apologize in the way that they did over message. And I think that's all they over, to be honest.

Speaker 41 I would, however, be scared of if this couple does feel really wronged, if they're going to retaliate at OP's wedding in any way.

Speaker 57 I don't see what the harm is. I mean, if anything,

Speaker 57 I'd feel happy for them. I mean, I'm glad that my love and my new wife's love inspired you to also decide to settle down and get married.
I think that's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 57 I truly do not understand why you would be so upset about that or feel like it's taken away from your moment. No, your moment was beautiful.
And now

Speaker 57 we have another beautiful moment coming that was inspired by it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm imagining what you guys would say.

Speaker 1 This could go two ways.

Speaker 1 You guys could say, hey, you know, it was only a day or two after their wedding. Similar location.

Speaker 1 Could have been a little more respectful.

Speaker 1 Or you're saying it was days after the wedding, hours north of where they had their ceremony. This is fine.
I'm trying to guess what you guys are thinking.

Speaker 1 Me,

Speaker 1 I am in the boat of

Speaker 1 it, it hours north of their wedding in the Grand Canyon, where a lot of people get engaged all the time. It wasn't like they got engaged at their reception.

Speaker 1 Like we, we have had those stories in the past, right?

Speaker 1 This feels so different.

Speaker 1 So I'm fine with this. I think the sister-in-law will get over it eventually.
You know, maybe she's still kind of being that bridezilla in a sense, a little entitled.

Speaker 1 But I think after your wedding is done, and as long as it's not at your wedding, I think it's fair game.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be pissed if I had my wedding this September and someone got engaged up on the North Shore when they extended their trip after. That would not bother me at all.

Speaker 1 I would actually find that really, really cool. Like my love inspired you and your love? Okay,

Speaker 1 I dig that.

Speaker 1 So I don't know. This is giving weird, possessive for no reason.
But, okay, let's read the top comment and see what that says. Top comment.
Not the asshole.

Speaker 1 And I can see you're trying valiantly to understand, but I'm not sure your brother or his wife will be able to give you a good reason for their reaction because their reaction is wild.

Speaker 1 Sure, it's rude to propose at someone else's wedding, but that's not what happened.

Speaker 1 The fact that you and your fiancé got engaged a few days after their wedding before you flew home is a totally different thing.

Speaker 1 Also, the level of hostility in that message from your brother is nasty and definitely not normal. I'm so sorry that he treats you like that.
Next comment: Down,

Speaker 1 which

Speaker 1 has a big yellow box,

Speaker 1 but a lot of down votes,

Speaker 1 over 5,000 down votes. So let's get into it.
It sounds like it was the day after, and I don't know.

Speaker 1 If I was on the first day of my honeymoon, and instead of fully enjoying my new newlywed bubble, my sibling texted me not to tell me they hope I'm enjoying my honeymoon or congratulations on my marriage, but that they're engaged.

Speaker 1 And instead of them congratulating me on my marriage, they're trying to get me to congratulate them on their engagement.

Speaker 1 I don't know that I'd be the most thrilled in the world, but also, I don't have a good relationship with my siblings, and that would inform how I felt about it.

Speaker 1 I don't think reaching out to someone who is that freshly married to tell them your good news is the most tactful thing in the world.

Speaker 1 At least wait a few days so they can have their newlywed bubble for a bit.

Speaker 1 Hmm.

Speaker 1 That kind of goes back into option A, I said.

Speaker 1 And I'm curious. I'm curious if a lot of you agree, even if this was downvoted so much.
If you agree, please tell me now. Comment after it, though.
That was an unfortunate time for the sub to go down.

Speaker 1 You may have piped the record for most downvotes I've ever seen on this sub. You think people would have stopped around negative 100.

Speaker 1 Your comment wasn't even that controversial, even if people did disagree with it.

Speaker 1 Someone does quote what that comment said though, about if I was on the first day of my honeymoon and instead of fully enjoying it, my sibling texted me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 They go, I would be ecstatic for them. What the hell?

Speaker 1 Last one I'll read with 13K up votes. Not the asshole.
Your brother needs to calm down. The bride gets a day, her one wedding day.
She does not get a location, a week, or anything else.

Speaker 1 She gets her wedding. That is all.
You did not encroach.

Speaker 1 Well, guys,

Speaker 1 we have no comments from OP.

Speaker 1 But OP, this is a real account. I mean, this person has been active on Reddit for years.

Speaker 1 The first thing I see on this account, I'm scrolling. Hold on, let me get there.
I'm scrolling. First thing on this account is from over 13

Speaker 1 years ago. It is a picture of a McDonald's order.
On the subreddit r/slash, what the fuck. My friend orders a plain double cheeseburger and gets this instead.

Speaker 1 And it literally is the bun and a slice of cheese. I think they misunderstood the assignment, but hilarious.

Speaker 1 So this is a real account. I would not be surprised if OP gives an update eventually because of how active they have been on Reddit for over a decade.

Speaker 1 But as of right now, we got nothing.

Speaker 1 Nothing.

Speaker 1 But on that note, Congratulations, OP. Don't let this, don't let this take you, take the wind out of your sails, you know? Don't let it steal your thunder.
This is really exciting.

Speaker 1 And your brother and sister-in-law will get over it eventually and hopefully will feel as silly as they should.

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Speaker 1 buckle up for this next one. I think there are going to be a lot of you with hot takes on it.

Speaker 1 So this is coming from r slash true off my chest, 19 hours old, titled, My friend wants me to help him get a vasectomy against his wife's wishes.

Speaker 1 I understand this sounds bad, but please reserve judgment until you've read the post. My friend, let's call him Adam, 24 male, got his wife pregnant when they were on their second date.

Speaker 1 They rushed to get married before the kid was born because their families are religious, deep south. And in under three years, she has had two more kids.

Speaker 1 The problem is serious birth control failures, so much so he doesn't trust her on the matter anymore. She was supposedly on the implant when kid one was conceived and on the pill with two and three.

Speaker 1 She refuses any type of sterilization because she might want more, but he is struggling on all fronts and can't afford the kids he has now.

Speaker 1 He had to drop out of school and works a chemical factory job to keep the lights on. He has expressed his desire for this ever since the third kid, and she won't budge.

Speaker 1 He even pushed the my body my choice argument only for her to say men don't get that choice. And he's pretty upset about her always getting her way and making his life hell if she doesn't.

Speaker 1 His work would pay for it entirely free because they work with chemical and it increases the odds of birth defects thousands fold, so he doesn't have to worry about the money it'll cost.

Speaker 1 He's setting up the date and wants me to drive him there and back. And he's going to tell her when it's already done.
I'm hesitant to be involved in this, but I think it's the right thing to do.

Speaker 1 He asked me to research into it to make sure he won't get into any trouble and he doesn't need her permission on any front in our state, just like she doesn't need his permission to stop birth control without telling him.

Speaker 1 I think he should just tell her he is doing it and she can deal with it, but he doesn't want to fight about it anymore.

Speaker 1 I've agreed to drive him, and it's not for a few months, anyways, but I'm already getting second thoughts. I can't really even tell mutual friends in case he gets back to his wife.

Speaker 1 Weird secret to keep.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's how they end the post on us.
Weird secret to keep. No, what do I do?

Speaker 1 Nothing.

Speaker 52 This man needs to

Speaker 5 run.

Speaker 13 And not literally run because he has three children, run, but run

Speaker 13 as in,

Speaker 8 oh my gosh, this is

Speaker 5 terrible.

Speaker 13 And I think we live in a society where we're so used to it being so glaringly obvious when it's a woman in this situation that we can say, you need to run.

Speaker 13 But like the fact that OP is even asking if it's okay if they drive their friend to a medical procedure that they

Speaker 13 basically need for more than likely their own mental health, honestly their own physical health and potentially like

Speaker 13 the wives because if the company is willing to pay for a medical procedure because it increases birth defects and birth issues oh my gosh this is insane the levels of insanity that this is is just

Speaker 46 oh my gosh wow this is a wild situation to be at i i don't know just because, and this can be very much because I'm a guy. I think this is an example of like being baby trapped.

Speaker 46 Morgan, this reminds you of the story of that one time that one person was, you know, poking

Speaker 46 holes in the condom. I don't know.
I don't remember if it was the guy or the girl that did that, but it gives me that vibe. It gives me, oh, I was taking this and I was taking that, but.

Speaker 46 Maybe they weren't doing it now. I'm not blaming it on her.

Speaker 46 I just know that there's been many cases where you know both sides have done it and so this just kind of screams that one of those situations i was kind of caught off guard when he was just kind of like it's kind of like his body his choice and she was kind of like men don't get that i don't know that just comes from a place of you know because rightfully a lot of choices for women have been made by men And so I don't know if that was a response in the frustration of that and the situation and everything.

Speaker 46 This whole thing just gives me the heebie heebie-jeebies.

Speaker 46 And I'm just like, I, I kind of also with like a little bit of like OP, like, I don't want to kind of be in the situation because this situation is kind of like, is that one situation where like you're over at your friend's house and your parents screams at your friend and you just look at the wall, you're like, that's a pretty wall.

Speaker 46 And you're like, can I go home? It's kind of, it gives me that kind of vibe. It gives me that like.

Speaker 46 This is kind of awkward. I don't want to be in the middle of this kind of situation.

Speaker 57 Yeah, this one's a little trickier, I think.

Speaker 57 it sucks anytime i think you have to sneak behind your partner's back but also i fully understand where he's coming from um i'm a father myself and i i have two and i i couldn't imagine having a third it'd be tough i mean i'd probably make do but at a certain point you just there's so only so much you can do um but that being said i do kind of have a question for him which is uh

Speaker 57 are they using condoms because if the birth control keeps failing and he's aware that he can't have more he can't support more children, then I would think that he would be doing that

Speaker 57 as a backup. But if not, I think a little of the blame is also on him.
But I do not think that him or his friend would be in the wrong to go and get a vasectomy, seeing as how his wife is against it.

Speaker 57 And also the whole

Speaker 57 men can't

Speaker 57 pull the my body, my choice. I mean, I think any

Speaker 57 can it we're all have control over our own ourselves i mean absolutely i mean when you're in a partnership of course you have to work together with the other person but

Speaker 57 if the birth control and other things aren't failing you have to find something else if she's not willing to go you know

Speaker 45 get her tubes tied or something then i think he has every right to go do that they should have more better communication and if they can't talk about it then maybe they shouldn't be together in the first place.

Speaker 45 And then, uh, he they always the compromise is freeze the sperm, get it done now, so he doesn't have to worry about it. And then, if they want to, they can continue.

Speaker 33 That's that's the solution right there.

Speaker 35 I agree, but the entire time I was also thinking, she baby-trapped him a hundred percent. She baby-trapped him.

Speaker 35 She was on, she was supposedly on the implants the first time the baby was conceived, yeah, and then on

Speaker 4 multiple other types of birth control.

Speaker 35 I am not great at taking medication,

Speaker 35 but not

Speaker 35 if you have an implant, you don't even have to remember. You just have to exist.
And hopefully, a baby does not happen.

Speaker 45 And her defense of parents, I mean, they are obviously not 100%.

Speaker 5 And you're not 100% of vasectomy, but no.

Speaker 59 But it's pretty good.

Speaker 35 It's pretty high chances of not having a baby.

Speaker 30 It kind of sounds to me, I don't know about you, but it sounds to me like she baby-trapped him.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 30 Like, oh, absolutely. Are you kidding me? I don't know about that.

Speaker 5 You're telling me that you're starting off with the implant and it failed you.

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 20 And then you did birth control, like the next two, like the pill twice.

Speaker 25 Like,

Speaker 17 yeah. No, something is definitely off of this one.

Speaker 53 Like, there,

Speaker 30 I, I, I can't. But also, um, not to like shame him or anything, but also,

Speaker 30 dude, you could have been using condoms.

Speaker 52 Yeah.

Speaker 30 So that's kind of on him, but whatever. Yeah.
I don't like this argument that like men don't have a choice of my body.

Speaker 23 That's fucking stupid.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 16 No, that's stupid.

Speaker 17 Are you kidding me?

Speaker 5 Everyone has a freaking right through their own.

Speaker 30 I really hope one of those kids, one of those three kids they had is not a boy because then she would be fucking telling her son that bullshit.

Speaker 30 Hell no.

Speaker 30 It just feels very selfish of the wife to be like, oh, I don't care what you think.

Speaker 30 It's what I want. I might want another one.
Why would you want another one? You've had three kids in how many years? Like, only a few years?

Speaker 26 This girl, she sounds like she needs some help.

Speaker 5 Delulu.

Speaker 16 Delulu.

Speaker 16 She's Delulu.

Speaker 30 And I think also, if the friend is feeling like, oh, I don't know, should I actually take him? You're not a good friend. You're not a good friend.
You're not the wife's friend.

Speaker 23 You're this guy's friend.

Speaker 30 Be his friend. Like, come on.

Speaker 1 I think we can all recognize how bad this is, right?

Speaker 1 This is very deceptive,

Speaker 1 coercive. You know, it's really hard when people,

Speaker 1 especially people you should be able to inherently trust, like your wife, tell you they're on birth control or have an implant and then it fails.

Speaker 1 Like, on her end, if she is knowingly removing that birth control, that is sexual assault. On his end, I don't know what more he can do besides watch her take a pill every day.

Speaker 1 But I mean, that's crazy. You shouldn't have to do that.
And if he doesn't trust his partner at this point, he needs to leave her because this is

Speaker 1 feeling like abuse to me.

Speaker 1 This is intense, very intense. And I completely disagree with her saying men do not get to use the my body, my choice.
He absolutely, without a doubt in my mind, has the right to get a vasectomy.

Speaker 1 That is craziness if she feels that she can dictate what he does with his body.

Speaker 1 Vasectomies are also reversible.

Speaker 1 Reversible. And her body has proven that birth control doesn't work.
You know, if she's truthful and has been on it, birth control and her just don't click. I don't know.
It doesn't work.

Speaker 1 They've got three kids at 24 years old to prove it. So let them get the vasectomy.
This might be the safest birth control method for you guys.

Speaker 1 And you have three kids and you definitely should not have any more if you cannot afford them. And that's a hot take

Speaker 1 right there.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 You've had your initial reaction. Do we have any more thoughts on this one?

Speaker 45 I understand the friend's issue here, though. It's like, do I do this? But is it? It seems like he's more the guy's friend than the girl's friend.
And then, honestly, it's like, just do it.

Speaker 45 You know, it's just a drive.

Speaker 57 Would you do that?

Speaker 35 It would Trevor. Yep.

Speaker 16 If you would check or Aaron?

Speaker 5 Yep.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yep.
Not even a problem.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 8 You just, no questions asked.

Speaker 45 Damn, I'll just drive them. I don't care.
They'd be like, oh, I need to drive somewhere. Cool.
And they'd be like, oh, it's for surgery.

Speaker 57 I'd be like, oh, it's crazy.

Speaker 15 I think

Speaker 19 tell your wife it's not an option.

Speaker 19 I'm like, I'm getting a vasectomy. Point blank, period, and have her drive you to the hospital.
Like, don't keep secrets from your wife, but at the same time, like, it's not an option.

Speaker 19 I wouldn't be intimate with her for the entire month and a half in case she is

Speaker 19 not taking her birth control or lying about birth control methods, but

Speaker 19 that she's not a bad friend for helping him out. Like, he's undergone so much to keep these kids, like, eating and breathing and being alive.
So, he doesn't want any more kids.

Speaker 19 He doesn't want any more kids.

Speaker 48 And that's just, that's just the end of it. Like, I don't feel bad for her.

Speaker 26 In all honesty, the guy getting vasectomy, the husband getting vasectomy, could have just approached the friend and said, hey, I have a favor to ask of you.

Speaker 26 I really need you to drive me to and from this appointment. I can't get into details.
It's personal, but...

Speaker 4 it would really mean a lot.

Speaker 26 I'm sure a good friend would be like, okay, great. No questions asked.
I know you need help.

Speaker 44 I'm here for you.

Speaker 26 So I don't think that OP should be taking on the weight of,

Speaker 26 is this the right thing to do?

Speaker 26 You're just driving him there and back. It's his decision to be

Speaker 26 lying to his wife to

Speaker 26 go against her wishes. I mean, it is completely his decision to have pursued this and gone through with it.

Speaker 20 If OP had turned down

Speaker 26 that,

Speaker 26 you know, offering to help.

Speaker 4 If he said, no, you know what, I can't drive you.

Speaker 26 I'm sorry. I am sure OP would have found another friend to have driven him or maybe have gotten an Uber or something.
I don't know, but I don't think that OP should be

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 26 having this weigh on him.

Speaker 1 Top comment, I'll get into now, okay?

Speaker 1 Your friend is in an abusive relationship. Okay, so I wasn't far off saying that.
And his partner is using reproductive coercion to have more kids.

Speaker 1 If he was my friend, I'd be encouraging him to leave her, but at the very least, someone should help him get that vasectomy.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I know it can feel wrong to like lie and help someone lie to their partner, but I think in this case, the lie feels very necessary.

Speaker 1 And I do think he needs to get control over his autonomy again and his body. Bottom line, with this story, these circumstances, he definitely needs to get the vasectomy.

Speaker 1 But other than that, moving on to our last story.

Speaker 1 This one is coming from r slash relationship advice. It is seven days old, titled, My 29 Male Boyfriend Wants Me, 28 Female, to do housewife duties when we both work full-time.

Speaker 1 How do I explain why this isn't fair? We are not engaged yet and no kids. He makes triple what I make in income, so he decided he would pay the total rent and I would cover utilities and groceries.

Speaker 1 We both work full-time and he sometimes works some overtime, but I still work 40 hours a week.

Speaker 1 He thinks because he pays all of the rent that I have to do all of the cleaning in the house, including picking up his messes, because, quote, it's your job as a woman to be proud of a clean house.

Speaker 1 So when I get home from work or have a big day off, he expects me to do all of the cleaning. Where when he comes home, he can sit and watch TV.

Speaker 1 I can't afford to go 50-50 on the rent with my current income, and he doesn't want to do income-based bills.

Speaker 1 But I really don't think it's fair, even if he pays the rent, because I feel like we both deserve rest time and free time, and I'm not a maid.

Speaker 1 But when I try to bring it up, he says, Then we can just go 50-50. I'd have to find a second job to afford that.
What do I do?

Speaker 1 How many of you are screaming right now?

Speaker 1 Just pulling out hair.

Speaker 1 What do we think on this one, guys?

Speaker 1 Is there a way to explain and articulate why it's not fair with someone like this?

Speaker 1 Or do you just cut your losses and run?

Speaker 1 Let me hear it.

Speaker 4 Morgan, I pulled out all my hair listening to that story.

Speaker 56 All of it.

Speaker 26 All of it. Every little bit.

Speaker 3 every last one off home

Speaker 58 pull it out

Speaker 16 this is wild what the fuck

Speaker 26 oh it's a woman's fucking job

Speaker 56 bitch that's crazy though

Speaker 2 like this is so

Speaker 2 expected hearing this kind of story is like oh no another one

Speaker 2 enough of one like jesus

Speaker 4 dump them leave them all all i can really say is that No, I would not be with that kind of person.

Speaker 2 Time and experience are the two most valuable things you can ever have. And if your time and your experience is being undermined by your partner, they should not be your partner.

Speaker 23 Also, like disrespecting you.

Speaker 2 Telling you what your role is.

Speaker 26 What your role is?

Speaker 49 What you should do with your time?

Speaker 57 No.

Speaker 26 No.

Speaker 1 Absolutely not.

Speaker 51 Split the fucking chores, 50-50.

Speaker 2 Like, it's already my way or the highway.

Speaker 2 Like, even before he mentions the word housewife, or even before he mentions as a woman, or even before he mentions any of that, those like immediate red flags that say, oh, I know who this guy is.

Speaker 2 Even before all of that, it's just saying

Speaker 2 you expect to get your way regardless of how the situation affects anybody else.

Speaker 46 Yeah.

Speaker 46 I'm just going to say run.

Speaker 46 I'm just going to say run, honestly, at this point.

Speaker 46 OP's wife wants to be able to work. She wants to be able to

Speaker 46 do things that she's working. She wants to do all these different things.
And so, like,

Speaker 46 this whole thing just raws me the wrong way. Like, just saying that, like, oh, you should, and also the fact that you should have a house or

Speaker 46 you should be responsible for having a clean house or whatever that he said. That shit is absolutely wild.

Speaker 45 I'm confused.

Speaker 45 If he makes triple what she makes, can she not just be, if he really wants her to do these things can he just not been be like hey you can be a stay-at-home whatever i know they don't have kids right i would gladly stay at home and clean if you were going to pay all the bills you know what like absolutely with no kids that's fair i don't think it's the

Speaker 35 asking of the wifey material thing because he is

Speaker 35 they are sharing space and he is doing more financially. It's not about that.
It's kind of the disrespectful way he's asking it. And then if she, And then kind of like allowing him to grow a mess.

Speaker 35 It's like, okay, does he leave his dishes? Does he not rinse his coffee cup out? And, you know, she keeps asking him to do it.

Speaker 35 It's a little things. I feel like there's a lot of little things that I feel like we're missing.
Like... hours that they're both doing.

Speaker 4 What types of jobs do they have?

Speaker 35 How much is the rent? How much of the mess is actually like the mess? Is it like constantly leaving

Speaker 35 giant piles of clothes outside the hamper or is it like I have to pick up a pair of socks outside the hamper?

Speaker 39 They are not

Speaker 39 ever going to be a team. He's always going to think less than of her.

Speaker 39 Even if she made what he makes,

Speaker 39 he would still find a way to manipulate her into believing that it's her job to wait on him hand in foot and take care of his every need while he gets to lay around.

Speaker 39 It's just, it's really sad to waste your time on someone who you find out that just isn't right for you.

Speaker 39 I know I wasted a lot of time on somebody who wasn't right for me. Like my non always said, many hands make light work.

Speaker 39 So all of my kids have always picked up after themselves.

Speaker 39 Nobody has

Speaker 39 just one thing thing they need to be doing in my house. We all do the things

Speaker 39 and get all the things done.

Speaker 39 My husband never did. He never even pitched in.

Speaker 39 And it's really sad that there are still younger generations coming into adulthood thinking that a woman is made to be a maid, just to pick up after you and to wait on you hand and foot.

Speaker 39 It's not fair. And

Speaker 1 when

Speaker 39 we meet people like this, we need to learn to just walk away.

Speaker 39 I hope that you haven't spent too much time on this man

Speaker 39 and things will never be fair. And I'm sure you're in a financial situation now that you feel like it's hard to get out, but do it before you get married or have kids because it's so much harder.

Speaker 39 So much harder once you're married. And it's even more hard when you have, when you add children to that whole mix.

Speaker 39 And the level of abuse will grow. Right now, it's just him trying to manipulate you and just staying

Speaker 39 in this little bubble with him and doing everything that he says and not

Speaker 39 saying, no, I can't, I need to rest too.

Speaker 39 Don't let this be the narrative for the rest of your life.

Speaker 39 Don't waste any more of your time on this. You can do better.

Speaker 39 Don't ever sell yourself short.

Speaker 39 Life is way too short to live like this.

Speaker 39 I hope that you find your way out and things get better.

Speaker 25 And I really feel

Speaker 39 like you could be taking the right step if you just get out now. Run, run as fast as you can, just go.

Speaker 33 He doesn't perspective.

Speaker 33 I don't think he understands

Speaker 33 that both of them work the same amount.

Speaker 44 I think he correlates

Speaker 33 the amount or the importance of his work more than hers because he makes more money.

Speaker 7 It seems like it's important for him to have a clean home.

Speaker 42 Then he should have the clean, then he should be clean.

Speaker 43 He has the woman that does it for him.

Speaker 26 So he got that check.

Speaker 48 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 37 so this is this is not actually about uh dividing the the cleaning between them.

Speaker 12 I mean, if it was that, I think there would be so many solutions from from hiring someone to do the cleaning to to making a schedule to like whatever.

Speaker 37 There's so many solutions, but this this isn't actually about it. That's it's like you're saying he doesn't respect her.
And he also has a worldview that she obviously doesn't agree with.

Speaker 19 And that's that's really in my opinion so outdated this last story made me so mad it's unbelievable like i can't grasp

Speaker 19 you guys are partners like i don't think the 50 50 thing unless you literally both like both make a hundred thousand that's a lot of money both make a hundred thousand dollars a year and you both work for 40 hours a week

Speaker 19 that's like a 50-50 draw like then you can do that but until then like that's that's not how that works that's not how life works if you bring in more money that does not mean that you are not able to do chores he sounds like a man child all right he sounds like he can't do anything for himself because that's unbelievable that's just unacceptable behavior from anyone like I don't care how much money you bring in you are not

Speaker 19 like excluded from doing housework at all ever because how much like vacuuming, clean, like, like, making dinner, doing all these things is so much work, so much.

Speaker 19 It's a second job.

Speaker 19 That is her second job. So, if she had to get another job to go 50-50 on rent, she would be doing three jobs.

Speaker 32 This is a man that, if you ever have children with him, will say, it's your duty to raise the children. You have to clean after them.
You have to also work.

Speaker 32 You have to, there's no way you'll be able to juggle that. Children are your responsibility.
Like, I am the man of the household, I'm providing a roof over your heads. These children are.

Speaker 32 Which he's not even providing an actual full roof because he's not paying electricity. No, he's not probably paying internet.
He's not providing food. You're not providing a home.

Speaker 32 Well, you're providing the shelter. Yeah.
That's it. But she can't live off of just the shelter.
She needs the water. She needs the food.
She's providing that.

Speaker 27 I hate this for OP.

Speaker 27 I really do. I think she deserves better.

Speaker 27 What kind of control relationship does he want on her? They should be dividing the household chores 50-50.

Speaker 27 I mean, they both work

Speaker 27 40 hours a week and

Speaker 27 it doesn't seem fair that she has to also come home and do all the cleaning and cooking and everything

Speaker 27 because she doesn't pay some of the bills. Like she can pay the bills she can afford and with whatever money they have left over, if he doesn't want to clean, hire a cleaner or something.

Speaker 27 Why doesn't he want to clean up after himself? Like, what expectation does he have in his head that he deserves to just come home and have everything set up nice and neat for him?

Speaker 57 Yeah, so this guy's a piece of work. He's clearly sexist.
He's financially abusing her. I mean, could be just downright abuse as well.
I'm not sure.

Speaker 57 Hopefully, he's not cutting her off from family and friends, and she has someone to, you know, turn to or go to to get out.

Speaker 57 But

Speaker 57 it doesn't even sound like he's treating her like a partner or a girlfriend. It sounds more like, you know, a narcissistic roommate

Speaker 57 or parent or something. Like

Speaker 57 they only care about what they're getting out of the relationship and not making sure that it's... equal or fair or that the other person's even happy.
I feel bad for OP and I hope she can get out.

Speaker 57 I hope that, you know, he's not going to make it tough or impossible. I'm, I'm not sure how

Speaker 57 she stands with friends or anything, but no, I think OP should get out. Definitely.

Speaker 57 This guy is not the right one. Definitely.
I think she could definitely find a better guy.

Speaker 1 You got to run, right? Everyone said, run, run,

Speaker 1 because this is crazy.

Speaker 1 He's making triple her income, and he thinks this is fair. I mean, he clearly knows she can't afford 50-50.
So it's a trap. It's a trick.

Speaker 1 And why would you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you? I mean, the quote, it's your job as a woman to be proud of a clean house. So you're with someone who's sexist.

Speaker 1 He doesn't want to see you win as a team. He'd rather...

Speaker 1 use this as manipulative or manipulation and a motive to get you to keep cleaning and being a maid versus having like an equitable, fair, healthy life.

Speaker 1 This is not your person. You need to break up.
Need to.

Speaker 1 But let's see what the top comment said. Top comment.

Speaker 1 So it sucks to find out you're incompatible after moving in together, but at least you're not married with kids. You can move back out.

Speaker 1 You're right that it's not fair, but don't waste your time explaining the basics of fairness to a grown man. He's not a time traveler from the 19th century.

Speaker 1 He's aware aware of how modern relationships work. He just doesn't want one.

Speaker 1 You could tell him that if he wants a trad wife, you'll quit your job, but I don't think you'd be happy with that life either.

Speaker 1 Yes, that, all of that.

Speaker 1 Next comment down, this, it isn't going to get better. He's showing his true colors.
This is a value difference, which cannot be changed.

Speaker 1 Don't have kids with someone who will expect you to either stay home and do all of the cleaning, household management, or work, childcare, and all of the cleaning and managing.

Speaker 1 Choosing a life partner, someone to literally choose to spend your life alongside and in tandem with, is a big ass deal. Having kids with them is an even bigger deal.

Speaker 1 Don't fall into the sunken cost fallacy. A long relationship isn't necessarily a good one.
You're young. You've got time.
Do some soul searching.

Speaker 1 and maybe therapy if that's a tool you can afford to figure out your own values so that going forward, you can more easily and quickly eliminate people whose values don't line up with yours.

Speaker 1 Late 20s are a weird time. Give yourself some grace and really make sure you're doing what you want and not what you think is expected of you.
You've only got one short life.

Speaker 1 Don't spend it in service of things that don't serve you. Love and hugs, friend.

Speaker 1 Holy shit, was that comment.

Speaker 1 Amazing.

Speaker 1 But I'm sure all of yours are going to be really good after hearing those. So, come at me, give me your final thoughts on this one, okay?

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 that is all I have, my friends. Ah,

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 appreciate you guys so much. I really, I don't have the words to say thank you for what you guys have done for me and

Speaker 1 my life, my family's life, you know, my co-host's life. Everyone's life has changed.
And I love this community so much. It has really become such a safe, fun,

Speaker 1 happy, crazy place. And

Speaker 1 I'm just blown away. So, thank you for being here.
And I'm really excited for this episode to come together and see what everyone else on the other side thinks of it and all of our takes.

Speaker 1 Don't be scared. Put your thoughts out there.
Okay, let's see how this one goes. Thanks, guys.