193: Genuinely Self-Absorbed?..

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Nothing on your forehead. Oh, thank God.
Swear to God. I literally, I was editing that YouTube video and I was like, what the heck? And I realized it after when we were like doing our stills.
I like held the phone up and I was like what the heck and I realized it after when we were like doing our stills I like held the phone up and I was like no I like at one point thought but then I was like oh that's just like a vein because it was like right where a vein would be and then I was because I don't have the best vision although now yeah Okay, so no lines today. No lines.

We're already uh doing better there I'm still like sitting here in shock about the fact you just asked me to go caroling though well I think like you would bring something special to the mix to the choir we've got an alto section we've got our tenors we've got our baritones we need to have Or bucket holder. I'm like, I can hold a bucket and ring a triangle.

Ooh, wait yeah yeah you got the triangle we could get you a good instrument like a the thing with the belt yeah is that the egg shakers yeah trampoline trampoline trampoline tramp the circle with all the bells on it and you like oh my god esmeralda has one in hunchback yes notre dame what is that tambourine tambourine i you recall i was hunting you recall us yeah oh my gosh i'm really excited to have this theme today i am too i'm like this was all your this was your idea. It was it was um fiero's idea Jonathan bailey's idea where my wicked people at I Need to go again.
I'm so jealous. You're going for the fourth time tomorrow Yeah, and I have the fifth time all scheduled as well But that's because my family hasn't gone and when I go home Thanksgiving, I'm making them go with me.
Okay, that's fair. But I've never been like this about any movie.
It was like, I'm not going to go. Have you? You've obviously you've seen the original Broadway.
Yeah. And I will say I understand a lot of people don't love musicals.
Totally understand. But like my brother who doesn't really like musicals, he fell asleep during Phantom of the Opera on Broadway.
Yeah. He enjoyed Wicked.
It's sort of like it can meet people because it's a little bit more poppy, a little bit funnier. So I would give it a chance.
That's all I'm saying. I think everyone needs to.
It is honestly so, so well done. It's so fun.
So well done. I loved it.
And I just saw the Broadway musical like a month ago. Oh, no way.
Yeah. So for me, it was like it was so fun so well done i loved it and i just saw the broadway musical like a month ago oh no way yeah so for me it was like it was so fresh yeah and i was like wait this is it's incredible i love broadway i i'm like considering going to new york because i have like a free flight yeah that i need to use and i'm like maybe i'll go to new york by myself and just go see some musicals for like i'd go with you I'd go with you.
I'd go watch musicals with you. Okay, let's do it.
Have you seen the new Great Gatsby? No, and I just read the Great Gatsby book for the first time. Okay, this is meant to be.
Like two weeks ago, actually. It's meant to be.
Also, because it's shorter and I'm trying to hit my Goodreads reading goal for the year. So that's like what happened.
Yeah, Justin told me you were trying to hit 30 books in the next month or something. Yeah, My goal is 100.
I'm at 74. Okay.
The thing is, I actually have six books. I have six other books that I did read that aren't on my Goodreads because- You can count those.
They're so embarrassing. I couldn't even claim them publicly.
Oh. You know, sometimes.
That's how I feel about some of the smut shapeshifter books I read. And like, I shouldn't tell people about those.
Yeah, I had like a reverse harem phase, so we don't have to even. No.
You can count those. That's fine.
That's fine. Yeah, yeah.
Let's put it on there. Let's get up to 80.
Let's go. Okay, so hi guys.
I'm Morgan, by the way. This is two hot takes if you're new.
I'm Mikayla. Hi.
Hi. So, the theme Mikayla came up with is like genuinely self-concerned or self-centered.
Self-absorbed. Yeah.
Yeah. There's a line in Wicked.
This is where it came from because one of the people says that he, oh, well, Alphabet says to Fiero, that's why you pretend to be self-absorbed and shallow and he's like there is no pretense i happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and shallow so genuinely self-absorbed because a lot of these bitches do happen to be genuinely self-absorbed on these stories yeah and that's what a lot of these are and maybe we'll put a question mark at the end for the title. And we'll kind of determine if it's they're self-centered, self-absorbed, or like something else is going on here.
Because they're very confusing. Like, I read a couple of these and I'm like, I'm bamboozled.
I like that. I'm bamboozled.
I like that a lot. I like the question mark.
Question mark. And hey, that's true to the movie as well.
I'm done. That's the last thing I say about it.
I swear to God.

The whole episode is actually wicked today. The whole thing.
But are you ready? The movie's just gonna start playing. Yeah.
Yeah. Intro.
It's not two hot takes. Neon.
It's wicked. Part 1.5.

Whoa. Okay, let's dive in.
okay this first one wedding dress shopping i'm considering going for the first time in a week oh my god i'm like really nervous i like don't want Why? I don't know. I'm like really nervous about it.
I'm just like, it's one of those things that's like, that's I think my least favorite part about the wedding planning. I don't know why.
I'm like, who do I invite? You can piss people off by not inviting them. Were you ever the type of person who saved wedding dresses at any point? On Pinterest and such? Yeah.
Yeah. Oh my God.
I got a board. I know what I want, but I'm scared to go and try on stuff and then feel bad.
Yeah. I don't want to feel bad.
No, I get that. That makes sense.
Or like, what if I don't find it? What if I never find it? What if everything ends up not being what I thought it would be? Yeah. That makes sense.
All of that. I don't think it's going to go that way, though.
Okay, well, this story doesn't make me feel great about it. Oh, good.
Yay. So it's coming from Am I the Asshole.
It's titled, Am I the Asshole for not inviting my mother to go wedding dress shopping and then buying the one without her? I am a 25 female planning my wedding for next year. I am very early in the process, but have started going dress shopping.
For context, I haven't always had the best relationship with my mom. She tends to be a bit narcissistic and negative towards everything, but I've learned to get used to it since I was raised by her.
Backstory. I've never felt very feminine and usually tend to portray a tomboy vibe.
While growing up, she would always make comments of my weight or appearance. This is really bad.
so moral of the story, the first two times I went dress shopping for my wedding gown, I took her with me because I wanted validation from her. And I wanted her to think I looked beautiful.
I know it's dumb to do, but it's a trauma thing, and I realize it's a me issue. Anyway, during each of those dress fittings, she wouldn't say anything necessarily bad or negative, but she was just overall disinterested or somehow made it about herself.
At one point, I even broke down crying in the middle of the store because of her lack of presence. I was very hurt by her lack of interest or maternal warmth, so I decided that the next time I went, I would try on some dresses without her just to see if I feel less anxious or stressed.
I happened to find a dress I loved and bought that day. It was a much better time overall as well, and I enjoyed it.
A part of me felt slightly guilty for not including her, but mainly upset that she wasn't offering the emotional support or maternal comfort that I would hope to get from my mother. But I got over it, until my dad called.
He then told me how hurt and bothered she is that I didn't even tell her I was going, let alone invite her. And she is embarrassed because her friends are asking details, and she wasn't made aware of any of them because she wasn't included in the last dress fitting.
He wants me to apologize to her because I hurt her feelings, but she won't even answer my calls and very briefly will respond to a text with a one-word answer. I'm seeing her in person tomorrow, but I can't tell if I'm go off and be like, do you know how you've spoken to me my entire childhood? That's so sad.
Why does she talk to her? This is like an issue, though. This is a thing.
There is a certain, unfortunately, genre of mothers to daughters who act like this. And it's the perfect first story for this theme because, yes, she is genuinely self-absorbed.
And also sometimes then they take their daughter as like a reflection of themselves. And.
I know that's what's hard. So I read this one and I don't know.
I have not looked into research about this, but I would be very curious. It feels like with people, moms more so specifically, this is like my little hypothesis.

It feels like moms that are narcissists or have like more of these narcissistic traits

have a harder time raising daughters than they do sons.

It feels like if they're a narcissistic mom and they have a daughter, it's almost like

a competition between them.

Like the mom looks at it like that versus if they have a son, they don't have as much of a problem with a son. Yeah.
Or it's like you have to do X, Y, Z because if not, like you're a reflection of me, you're a younger me. So you're going to do the dream that I didn't get to do or like, or like they use them as a tool to achieve what they think they should have achieved in ways as well yeah it can go so many different ways but this is such a dangerous like I know so many people who had experiences like this not as frequently with comments like that from their mothers but just like little comments about like their weight or the way they looked on important nights like prom or something like

that. And it's so damaging.
Of course, you wouldn't want her there when you're trying

on your wedding dress, which, as you were just saying, is like already a stressful.

You want people to cry. You want people to be like, oh, my God, this is the most beautiful

you've ever looked. You're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen.

Yeah, I know. I'm blown away away and the comment from prom too because like that was a very important time yeah and it's like well you aren't beautiful you're cute but you'll never be beautiful what the fuck like sorry what what every single fucking person is beautiful in their own way like and to say that to your daughter who just said like i want to be i want to feel beautiful in my dress like you're he'll never be what what like i don't even an enemy shouldn't speak to you like that let alone your mother no no dude i just realized one of my biggest pet peeves is the preface with all due respect yeah like okay if you're saying that and then you say something extremely negative afterwards it's not fucking respectful it's not all due respect like that's actually that's so disrespectful and you prefacing it almost put me in fight or flight mode so maybe maybe don't say that.
Don't start with that. Delete that.
I always try to understand people's intent with words, right? Like maybe it came off wrong, but what was the intent behind it? And I cannot imagine any positive, well-meaning intent behind saying that. No, I really can't.
No. and then let's talk about like the self-absorbed side of this yeah oh well you're embarrassing me in front of my friends because I couldn't even provide them details so you only care what other people think about you you want to look like this doting amazing mom to your friends when that is the furthest thing from reality and can't she ask can't she just ask I it's's like, it's so stupid.
Can't you just be like, what does the dress look like? If you were a normal, well-functioning human being, you could say, I'm sure you look so beautiful. I'm so excited to see it.
What does it look like? And then you would know. But instead, you're not speaking to her.
You're stonewalling her. You're punishing her.
It's your fault at every turn. No, this is extremely toxic.
And I completely understand why OP is like questioning everything. Because look at the relationship you have.
You're being gaslit by not only your mom with the stonewalling punishment, emotional, psychological manipulation. But your dad's calling and chiming in.
Your dad is enabling her toxic behavior. So it's no wonder you can't tell which is up or down or whatever.
Absolutely. You get so used to it that you feel like that's normal.
And I think that that's what happens a lot in these Reddit stories is like people who are so used to a certain dynamic in their relationship reaching out for an outside opinion because, you know, maybe they've gotten to a point where they've spoken to friends who've said yeah that's not normal that's not how my relationship with my family is like that's not very nice and now they're questioning but again yeah like the dad even is doubling down so it's like what is real i need more opinions and thank god we have this i know so overall vote on this one not comment. They quote OP's mom.
She said, well, you aren't beautiful. You're cute.
You'll never be beautiful. Oh my God.
Wow. That's really hurtful.
I'm so sorry. You are not the asshole here, but your mother, she's a real piece of work.
You did what you needed to do for yourself because your mother is so unsupportive. And I would tell my father that if I were you, he's her flying monkey sent to try and make you feel bad.
Well, you have no reason to feel bad or guilty. In my opinion, you don't owe her a thing.
She's embarrassed. Too bad.
She's attempting to make this all about her. Are you familiar with the gray rock method? Look into it.
Your special moment is your special moment. She's using emotional manipulation to deflate your joy and make your wedding about her.
You are justified. Wait, what's the gray rock method? Gray rocking is where you make yourself like uninteresting to a narcissist or someone who's like trying to mess with you.
You don don't really engage you just kind of like give them the bare minimum to a point where they like fall you're there you become so uninterested to them whoa yeah i'm sure there's a better way that i don't i can't believe i've never heard of that it's a big therapy tool yeah so it's uh a phrase gray rock is a metaphor for a way to deflect or diffuse further abuse from a partner, family member, or a coworker. Simply put, the Greyrock method is when a person who is enduring abuse purposefully acts as boring as possible during encounters with their abuser.
Whoa. So you don't give them anything to bite back.
It's so challenging to do. Like especially if you're like used to having like that like argumentative relationship with someone where you're just like trying to defend yourself.
It's innately within us to want to defend ourselves. But like you have to just be like, oh, okay.
Yeah, I see your side. Yeah.
I think politics is like the greatest example of it. Right.
That's exactly where my mind was going with some certain relationships well and thanksgiving like this episode i think comes out on thanksgiving this is such a good this is such good timing a lot of people need this before going home with their families especially politics yeah so it's like it's like well didn't you don't you know that blah blah blah does this and that and that and it's like no but I guess I'll look into it thank you thank you for sharing right done yeah like oh that's great something for me to consider thanks for sharing yeah because these people like that personality type they want to either get a big reaction out of you or like be the victim of something like find something you said that they can cling on to and be like look they said this to me so if you don't give them anything then you're not a fun play toy anymore no it's it's so hard to do but it it works i love that it works there is another comment after that don't forget she went twice with her mother and became so upset she cried then she went alone and found a dress yeah that's not a coincidence. That's something I was going to say.
I'm like, the one time you go without her, you find the dress. No, you were just so stressed and miserable and unhappy.
You weren't even opening your heart for the right dress. Like, it wasn't a fun experience.
It wasn't, you didn't feel good about yourself or the dresses. Like, it's not a coincidence.
I mean, it was very nice for her to let her mother come to the first two anyway. Even the second after how the first one went.
Like, she's really given her chances. She's tried to make her included.
I would love it if she could. I mean, maybe she's already done this at some point in their life.
Just be like, this is the way you've made me feel my whole life but I don't know maybe that would be the opposite of a gray rock that'd be a sparkly rainbow rock and it would give her even more it would give her more complain and whine about yeah I know I wonder and this is where our therapists chime in right I wonder if you like especially because like she's probably going to be at the wedding she's gonna see her in the dress and kind of already like anticipating her reaction it's like you almost want to tell her and like draw a boundary where it's like hey i picked my dress i'm really excited about it if you don't say anything positive like i'm not going to engage with you right like i don't want you in the bridal suite ready with me. Like, you almost set the boundary because someone like that that didn't have a say in the dress you picked and was excluded, air quotes, like in her eyes, she's going to be like, well, that's not what I would have gone with.
Or, it's okay. Right.
You already can anticipate those comments as a further form of punishment. So it's like, I'd be curious from a therapist point of view and like using therapy talk,

like. already can anticipate those comments as a further form of punishment.
So it's like, I'd be curious from a therapist point of view and like using therapy talk, like what would be a good way to kind of avoid any of that with this woman? Yeah. Like, do you say something or do you just gray rock it out? Yeah.
But that's what is so hard. An element of what's so hard about weddings is like, if you don't have a great relationship with your mother, she she talks to you like that then if you don't include her in the bridal suite or like you were saying then that's a big issue or if you don't have a great relationship with your father and you don't want to do like the walking down the aisle or the daddy daughter dance or whatever then that's a huge issue and you have to it's so built for including these people in these moments that if you don't it's gonna start a whole a whole thing.
But then if you do, it might feel disingenuine to your experience or your feelings, or it might, you know, make that experience worse. Like being in the bridal suite with someone who's insulting you the whole time.
That's like, oh, that sucks. I know.
I think that's why a lot of people have moved towards eloping. Yeah.
Because it's like, it's kind of this fine line of like doing what is going to make you happy and toting that line and then what's going to make other people happy and not piss other people off and not have drama and it's like this is about you guys the couple but a lot of us have to go through these like hoops and hurdles of avoiding drama and doing extensive seating charts to make sure people avoid each other. And it is overwhelming and exhausting and very unfair to put on the two people that should be celebrating.
Yeah, absolutely. Like suck it up.
If you can't be there happy, supportive, don't come. Like truly like it's's not, don't, don't.
I don't want you there. If you're going to be a little sour puss, nope.
It's simply not about you. It's simply not.
It's not. And I've got one more wedding story that I'm like.
Wait, perfect. We're going to roll with this wedding stuff.
I'm like, I'm getting into my planning now too. Cause I'm like, okay, wait, like I'm, you guys, I'm only, I'm less than a year out i'm i have my date september that's crazy 27th yeah oh my god and so i'm like okay i'm like i gotta start planning now it's just wedding planning it's crazy and then you do this podcast and you hear stories so often about weddings i know so I've got a wedding theme coming at the top of the year

as I get more into it.

But I'm like, I'm just in my wedding story phase right now.

Yeah, and then if you have any wedding stories,

let us know, hey.

I'm sure.

I'm sure I'm going to have a couple.

Just wait.

So this is coming from Am I the Asshole?

Titled,

Am I the Asshole for still going to my sister's wedding

after my husband canceled my plane ticket?

Oh, boy.

Here's a situation. My husband, 36, and I, 30, have three kids, two, four, and seven.
I'm a stay-at-home mom full-time, and I take care of the kids while my husband works full-time. My sister's wedding was last week.
We live hours away, which is an issue for my husband. When we first got the invite, he told me he wasn't going, that he will stay for the kids, and suggested that I do the same.
Since the wedding doesn't allow kids and my husband doesn't want to hire a babysitter after the one we had robbed us, we had gone back and forth on this. but I insisted on going since that's my only sister and I want to attend what might be a once-in-a-lifetime event for her.
He chuckled at my statement and then we stopped talking about it. As the wedding was approaching, he brought it up and told me to miss it and stay with the kids.
I suggested that since no babysitters were allowed, then I could get my friend to stay with the kids, but again, he refused. I ignored him, spoke to my friend who agreed to watch the kids, and booked a ticket to travel to my sister's town in time.
My husband found out and went on about how he had work and that the most logical solution is that I stay home with the kids and let him make his living. I told him that I already took care of the kids and they'll stay with my friend.
Honestly, I grew impatient. The day of my flight, I dropped the kids off at my friend's place and then headed to the airport.
I found out he had canceled my plane ticket. What the fuck? I was upset but still insisted on going, so I went home and got into my car and drove four hours to get to the town.
At 5 p.m., my husband called and was freaking out on me, asking where I was. I told him I made it to my sister's town, and he blew up, saying I wasn't supposed to go.
Even said he canceled my ticket to get me to stay. He demanded I return, but I said not until the wedding is over.
He called me horrible, a neglectful mom, then had his mom scold me and accuse me of abandoning my own children. There was a huge argument that ensued when I returned home, and my husband kept on saying I was horrible to leave the kids and to ignore him like that and eventually do what I wanted.
He's giving me the silent treatment as of now, and I can no longer take it. I felt guilty and did not enjoy the wedding at all.
Was I wrong for still going? Hell no. What the actual, I kept waiting for him

to give some other reason as to why she couldn't go besides, I don't want you leaving the house.

What? I'm very concerned. It's her sister's wedding.
It's her sister's wedding it is her sister's wedding also can can he not watch the kids for what like two nights at most maybe one night two nights no he can't why is this such a thing also you know what maybe that babysitter deserved to rob you maybe that babysitter deserved those items

more than he did i'm just i'm beyond baffled i'm so one i am so so happy and proud of her to go through that right you're literally being like turned away at the airport to show up

and find out that he canceled

your flight.

Hell no. being like turned away at the airport.
Oh, yeah. To show up and find out that he canceled your flight.

Hell no.

Hell no.

And what a good sister.

Like she drove four hours versus just being like defeated.

Yeah.

What an amazing, strong person,

like standing up for herself and still doing this,

holding her guns,

even after being called all these terrible names and all of this shit. Insanely strong.
So happy for her. So proud of her.
And it sucks that she didn't have a good time. But this guy is a controlling, crazy person.
You got to run. Calling her a neglectful parent? You abandoned your children? She left the house for one day, for one night.
They're not attached to the umbilical cord anymore. She could have been back sooner if she had been able to take a flight.
True. Would have been more efficient.
Way more efficient. Would have been able to spend more time at home.
Safer for her too. Yeah.
Safer. Yeah.
Line is safer than cars. Uh-huh.
So they say. My brain doesn't rationalize that when I'm up there, but you know.
No, it's true though, because one time I was looking at what the most dangerous jobs are and police was like not even in the top 10 and all of the top ones were like delivery person, like anyone who has anything to do with driving a car. Dude, I, oh, this is such a tangent.
I have a really big fear of getting hit by a car. And my new fear, if you are like like your car's parked but you have to walk around like in front of it to get in and there's cars coming because you're parked on that side of the street yeah my fear is that someone on driving rear ends my car while I'm walking in front of it and then I get like dominoed bam I think about it every time I'm also yeah I need therapy that sounds that won't happen yeah it won't happen to you yeah but really proud of her and just like this is this is abuse it is abuse no it is if you can't leave the house for one day to go to your sister's wedding like when can you leave the house when when is she allowed to do anything what's wrong a babysitter? And then what's wrong with the friend? Nothing.
You just want your wife completely under your thumb and control. I'm also wondering if actually a babysitter did steal or if he concocted something so that there'd be an excuse for them to not use a babysitter.
Like, it just seems too convenient for him that he can be like, no, like, we can't have babysitters. It has to be you when he's clearly so set on making her never leave.
So we do get some info on that. Wait, no way.
No way. No way.
So top comment on this. Financial abuse? Yep.
Isolating you from a loved one. Yep.
Controlling behavior. Yep.
Not the asshole. And please leave the asshole.
He should be required to give you child support and alimony. You are not neglectful.
Your kids were taken care of. OP responds, thank you so much.
The childcare arrangement issue has been making my life

10 times harder. After that, babys you so much.
The childcare arrangement issue has been making my life 10 times harder. After that babysitter robbed us, my husband decided that no babysitter is allowed in our home anymore.
I disagreed because of how illogical his decision was. And now look at how much we're struggling.
I'm struggling, actually, without outside help. Thank God for my friend.
She's like a sister to me. And so someone quotes that after the babysitter robbed us part.
Do you have confirmation that the babysitter actually robbed you? All right, turn this up. Let's turn this up.
Based on how manipulative he is canceling your ticket, I wouldn't put it past him to frame your babysitter as an excuse to never hire one again so that he can keep you trapped in your home. Yeah.
Also, that just like doesn't that it just to me is very unlikely to actually happen. I feel like when I've been a nanny and babysitter, like I don't really I don't look into people's stuff.
Yeah. And I just feel like they get accused of it so much more than it's

actually happening. Yeah.
Like you misplace something and your first thought is, oh my God,

like the nanny, the babysitter. Yeah.
And it's not like you just misplaced it. No, I, I assume

I misplaced it. Yeah.
Like I swear to God, I have a black hole following me. So like anything's

missing. I'm like, nah, the hole got it.
Yeah. The hole.
The hole. The little trolls that come out from under my bed at night got it yeah it's where all my hair ties are oh my claw clips no i don't know where they went like my panda coin gone a bracelet justin got me gone like i'm like where the fuck did it go yeah where the fuck did it go so op does have um a couple little quips here info my husband dislikes my sister if it's relevant okay i'm sure he dislikes everyone that you like that he dislikes everyone fork found in kitchen because he wants you to be under his control yeah he doesn't want you to have friends i'm surprised you a friend.
Yeah. Update.
So a lot of people on here brought up the possibility of my husband lying about the robbery that happened months ago and accusing the babysitter of stealing just so I can't hire any other babysitters. He was the one who discovered the robbery.
I never saw or talked to her after he kicked her out. Upon reading the comments, I'm now suspecting that he made up the whole thing.

I'm going to contact the babysitter to get the whole story.

Hopefully, I'm wrong, but I will talk to her and see if her story contradicts his in any way.

I'll keep you updated.

Whoa.

Did she?

Did she?

So, we have a couple of other comments from op just kind of further elaborating on him and things like that before we yeah because we do have an update oh there's a grand reveal there's an update but we can be patient we can be patient yeah uh so op is like in responding to this comment. Not the asshole.
He's awful. It's ridiculous to suggest you miss the wedding as there were obviously child care solutions.
And to cancel the ticket is super abusive. I can't see how this doesn't cause massive damage to your relationship.
He's ridiculously controlling. OP.
The thing is, I had already suggested other solutions, but he was dead set on not letting me go go i ignored him because i was at my wit's end and he wouldn't want it any other way and i'm just like i can't imagine like even imagining someone like controlling me like that and suffocating me so much like yeah i feel claustrophobic thinking about it and there's obviously no way this is the first time like he's been using this babysitter excuse plenty of times before, clearly. But this is like the first really, really serious event.
I mean, potentially where she's like, it is my sister's wedding. You canceled my ticket.
Like, I'm glad that this didn't happen slowly enough over time that she wasn't able to like recognize it in this moment yeah uh there is a comment from op that being called names is not a new thing he has called me names before but to say that i'm a neglectful mom that stings hard that's like one of the greatest indicators of divorce too if like the way that people fight and if they do name calling like that, it's hard to repair that. Yeah.
And the fact that his mom is getting involved, too. Mm hmm.
This another flying monkey, another flying monkey. Like this is not your relationship, ma'am.
Yeah. Oh, this is your baby boy.
Get the fuck out of my life. Oh, my God.
Keep to yourself. You can talk to your son.
If he wants to vent to you, that's fine and dandy. But don't you dare come at me.
And don't you dare come at me saying I'm a bad mom. You know who's a bad mom? You.
Because you raised this controlling little asshole. Yeah.
Look in the mirror, motherfucker. How do these people...
I guess in that case, it's more straightforward of like that. His mother was clearly an enabler his whole life.
But like... Yeah.
How do these people, I guess in that case, it's more straightforward of like that his mother was clearly an enabler his whole life. But like, yeah, how do these people find so many good enabling flying monkeys to help them out in these situations where they're so clearly wrong? And then everyone on the Internet has to be like, no, like what? What are you talking about? That's not normal.
No. I'm so upset for her.
Sorry, I feel like I popped off there really hard. No, you should and it was Update.
Okay. I contacted the babysitter via social media I sent her a dm telling her who I was and mentioning the incident that happened at our home I didn't think she'd respond given that it's been over seven months since she left us But I was surprised surprised when she responded in two hours' time.
I again mentioned the incident to her and asked if she could explain to me what happened. She sent me a long wall of text swearing she never took anything from our home and that my husband came home and was lashing out at her and the kids for no reason.
She said that they didn't talk to him that day, but then brought up a previous interaction they both had. Then she claimed that he touched her inappropriately while he was in the kitchen with her.
This caught me off guard. I asked her to expand on that, and she said she wasn't sure if it was an accident or that he did it deliberately.
She said he didn't say anything, but his looks made her uncomfortable. She also said she was willing to let it go until she saw that he started leaving her text days later, demanding she responded to him.
Then, the day he accused her of the robbery, he just lashed out at her, criticizing her work, and then told her to leave and not come back. She said he didn't accuse her of anything being stolen, just lashed out and told her to leave.
Okay, you've got divorce and therapy, but murder is not one of the options. We need a three-sided paddle.
I was like, where is murder? He, okay, he is just sort of like Satan, so he's sort of just like an evil, bad, like so he shouldn't ever be around women ever again in his life. Well, find it a red flag that op had to dm her versus having her number wait yeah that's another layer of the control there like he was the point of contact for the babysitter even though she was the one who was with the kids more often so it was like hey honey i gotta i gotta go to target can you text the babysitter it was another middleman shouldn't have even been a thing, but because he wanted the control.
Whoa. That's crazy.
You're a seasoned expert on this, noticing that. That's crazy.
That is crazy. You would think that like, yeah, she should have her number.
She should probably be the one talking to her the most. Yeah.
Coordinating like, wow. Wow.
The update goes on to say, I couldn't wrap my head around this i just i really don't know what to say basically she was saying he tried to hit on her but then she said she wasn't sure if it was an accident then he just all of a sudden came home one day and lashed out then told her to leave i can't make sense of any of it he told her to leave because she wasn't reciprocating his advances. Yeah.
And so he needs control as well.

Disgusting. I went to try to speak to him on that, but he kept blocking my attempts to discuss it.

So I blew up, showed him what the babysitter sent me and he remained calm, which is completely out

of character for him. He kept repeating the line.
She's lying to you. Well, I absolutely lost it on him.
I threatened to take the kids and go stay with my friend, which is what I'm going to do today after he leaves the house. Since he said that, I can't do that.
Then I'm just waiting until he's out. He kept calling me crazy to believe some kid's story over his and insisted that I'm looking to dig up dirt to start a fight.
I refused to continue fighting. I just kept my distance from him.
This is just horrible. I did not see this coming, and I feel like a cold wave just hit me.
And I don't know what to say about this, and worst of all is that I have no evidence or proof. I'm going to be taking some space from him for now until I clear my mind and think of what I'm going to do moving forward.
Okay, good. I'm very glad that it's like she's out of there now.
This is a different type of self-absorbed because it's like even she's not a real person to him she's like a helper to him and anything that she does outside of being there for him being there for raising his children is like an inconvenience to him it's like she shouldn't have a life outside of making my life easier and that is completely completely self-absorbed. It's like everything should be in my orbit.
And if it falls out of my orbit, I don't like it. I hope she's like sticks with it.
I'm so upset. I have faith in her.
Well, this post is two years old. Oh, oh my God.
We don't have any more updates oh no there is no comments on op's account that have since come up um no other posts no comments on other posts and other subs or anything so i'm hoping op is out there forgot about the account forgot about the post, you know, was dealing with life. Here's this and updates us.
Like, I would love to get a happy ending on this and just like make sure she's okay. Because this is insane behavior and not something anyone should have to deal with.
Yeah, and sometimes you do need to see a bunch of comments from strangers to really realize this isn't normal. This isn't okay.
And I'm believing the best. I'm believing the best with this one.
She recognized that keeping her from her sister's wedding wasn't okay. She left the house.
She's got a good friend that she can lean on and talk to. She's seen all these comments supporting her and saying this isn't all right.
We're leaving this believing the best. Yeah.
And I do get that vibe just based on the last comments OP did post. Like not having proof and stuff.
Yeah. And so did say like, overwhelmed right now but i'll make sure to store all the messages so all the messages from him all the messages from the mom messages from the babysitter so there is something yeah and then there's another comment where op is just like i fully believe and i'm now convinced that the reason he canceled the plane ticket and went ballistic when i attended the wedding is because he hates my sister.
He calls her a slut on the regular and yells at me about how she sleeps around,

which is none of his fucking business. I'm just so mad at myself for letting him get

this far in humiliating me and badmouthing my family while I stood there and took it.

I was an idiot. No, you weren't.
Then he should be happy she's getting married if he's so bothered

by a woman having fun. I wouldn't be surprised if he's made passes at the sister and just hates her because she didn't engage.
Oh my God. He just hates anyone who's not sleeping with him.
Well, actually he hates people sleeping with him as well. So it's everyone.
Yeah. Probably just hates women and needs to be in a superior position and control.
Yeah. She's left him, everybody.
She's, that's, yeah. But if you're out there, let us know.
Let us know. All the love to you.
Reddit and TikTok have a weird way of showing up on people's for you pages. Like the amount of times that people are like, I came across my story being read on a TikTok.
Like, right it could happen and we could get an update so everyone just manifests that op's out there and living her best life and pain and suffering for the man and getting that alimony she so heartedly deserves yeah oh my god insanity that was a good story though i know i know I know. And this next one, I think it's, it's also insanity.
Oh God. Self-absorbed motherfucker though.
I know. Absolutely.
I love the variety of self-absorbed people we're getting here. Do you have to like, I'm like, if you like controlling people that much, is it like, you must get off on it somehow, right Like you is it because you're so self-centered and the world needs to accommodate revolve around you? Or is it like you just need that control and like you don't even notice it as abuse? Like, right.
That's where I want question. I want like a little psychologist on my shoulders being like, yeah, that's why he did that.
His brain is right. Like, is he saying, ha ha, like I've controlled her so much.
I own everything she does. Or is he just like, this is how it should be.
How could she think it should be any other way? Like I'm the main character of the universe, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.
It's hard to know. I bet both exist though.
I need to know. But is it different conditions? Like, is one narcissism and one, like, a sociopath? I don't know.
This is giving the later. We just— This is giving scary.
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, like, we've only begun to uncover his crimes in that story.
I know. Who knows what he's done in the course of his life.
And I'd be very curious. I would bet I would bet money that he's an only child and a mama's boy.
Yeah. And mommy might have some.
Sorry to the moms. You're getting a tough rep today.
I personally love my mom, my friend lovely woman I love my mom

She would never do any of these things

She's a little goofy but you know still love her

Goofy

Okay this next one

It's coming from our very own 2HotTakes subreddit

Oh love that

Three days old

I'm 23 female and my boyfriend 37 male

He demands a cut if my paintings get sold

She's 23 and he's 37

Okay just wanted to run that

Okay cool

Thank you. female and my boyfriend 37 male he demands a cut if my paintings get sold she's 23 and he's 37 okay just wanted to run that okay cool just making sure 14 14 years cool cool awesome hi to outtakes and father knows something fam i've been a long time listener and i just want to say i learned so much from your podcast but on to issue.
I'm a freelance artist from the Philippines, and let me tell you, art here barely gets importance since we are a third-world country, and I completely understand given that people should prioritize necessities to live above all else. So art as a full-time job is a pain here.
Well, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend since January 2024. We met at an art event and he messaged me after.
And after a month of courting, we officially became a couple. On dates, I always insist on splitting the bill.
But there comes a time where it's only him that pays and vice versa. It doesn't bother me since I make money from freelance since getting my degree July 2023.
My freelance jobs are architectural layout design and various forms of commissioned art, pencil drawings, painting, customized costumes, cosplaying, hair and makeup, etc. And since art is our common ground, he insisted on giving me museum-wrapped canvases so I can keep creating art pieces.
He has a small canvas business. At first, I didn't let him give them to me for free, since it's kind of costly here, so I paid for them.
But after a while, he insisted that they are free, and I can just pay each if they get sold. So I agreed, and considered it as help from him so I can develop my art more without spending too much given that freelancing art is not a stable field here.
Fast forward to November 2024. I've finished five paintings, three pieces of two by three feet and two pieces of 18 by 20 inches, and people have loved my style so far.
And now I'm on my second art exhibit this upcoming December. And when I asked him how much each of the canvases are again, so I can pay him if the paintings get sold, he told me the amount.
And I said, I will pay him the exact amount when they get sold. But he then demanded that I should give him higher, that I should consider it his cut.
I know he's been helping me, but I don't understand why I need to give him more than agreed, since if they get sold, it'll be my first. I help him with his art too, like giving his art pieces titles and descriptions for countless exhibits catalogs, helping him promote his art on social media, and giving commissioned arts his way.
And never did I ask for anything in return because I love him and want to help him. I know his status in life going in this relationship.
He's 37. His older sister pays for his credit card, still living with his parents, full-time artist, which is not really stable as we are living in the Philippines.
He does end up with zero money once in a while, so it takes a month or two that we cannot go on dates unless I pay for both of us. So I wanted to understand why he wants a higher cut, more than we agreed upon.
But when it's him that gets his pieces sold, I never ask for anything. Is it wrong to feel this way? Am I being greedy given that I earn more on my freelancing jobs than his full-time artist job? For reference, he earns around $0 to $170 a month, while I earn $500 to $600.
How can I tell him that I don't want to give him a higher cut since we had an agreement that I only pay him the canvas price? I'm delaying talking to him since when I open up about things, even with the softest tone, he tends to cut me off and tells me he doesn't want to fight. He concludes that I want to fight when I attempt to communicate and just want to clear things up.
I prioritize communication since I want to be

transparent in this relationship to keep it healthy. Also, I lend him money when he needs it from my savings account, given he doesn't have one or any savings, and I never ask for interest, no matter how much of the money he asks for.
Please help. P.S.
Forgive me if my storytelling is confusing. It's the ADHD in me.
First of all, congratulations to this girl. Yeah, absolutely.
I'm holding up my divorce sign. Literally.
Congratulations, like getting your art and galleries and all of the success. That's so exciting.
Your second exhibit. Yeah, that's incredible, especially since you said it's like really especially hard um he has been up to this for some time insisting that they're free he's had this plan he's had this plan if he if he usually doesn't pay for stuff and he like it's usually a shared situation you go 50 50 on meals like you go 50 50 on most things but these canvases, he's all of a sudden like, oh, no, these are free.
You don't have to pay for these. And we'll talk about it later when you sell them.
It's been his plan. It's a bait and switch.
Yeah. It was a plot.
Yeah, it's been a plot. He's a scam artist.
Yeah. He's a 37-year-old scam artist.
Yeah. And I mean, like, hey, let's say that part of 37 and 23.
He. He's a predator.
Yeah. And I get people are going to be like, they met when OP was 22, 23, not grooming, no issues, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
No, it is predatory if you exploit someone like this. Yeah.
And I can just tell you, like, I, as a 28-year-old, like, 23 even to me, I would be like, is that too young? Like, I would feel weird about that. And I'm not saying that that's inappropriate, like that kind of age gap.
And I'm sure, yeah, if it's like a one-off blah, blah, blah, whatever, I'm not going to get into age gap discourse. It's like a whole thing.
It can work for some people. It can be healthy.
If there's not a power imbalance. But clearly given the other things we're seeing is why it's such a red flag.
Absolutely. It's just, it's very self-absorbed to assume that like, like she said, she's helping him because she wants to help him and that's what she thought he was doing for her that's what relationships kind of are it's literally just materials i will pay you the cost of materials why do you feel entitled to a percentage of like my art because you provided a material for me i'll pay you back for that like yeah You bought the canvas.
I'll pay you back for the canvas. Like, that doesn't mean that you have any claim to the art that I created.
And then that would be one thing. Right.
And then you add in the fact that she's helping him. Yeah.
With way more. With way more.
With way more. Borrowing him money.

Yep.

Doesn't ask for interest.

Titles, descriptions,

helping him with the creative.

Sending him commissions.

Yeah.

No.

And then his sister pays his credit card.

Oh my gosh.

You want to go tit for tat?

Yeah.

Here we go, sir.

No, that's what I'm going to start charging you fees for titles.

I'm going to start charging you fees.

When I send you a commission and you get a commission,

guess what?

I get a cut of that.

You want to take cuts for services rendered? Let's take cuts. Let's go tit for tat and see who ends up in the green.
Yeah. That's the issue.
If we're like helping each other and we just, you know, every so often I help you with something, you help me with something, I pay for something, you pay for something, like I give you a creative direction, blah, blah, blah. But then as soon as someone starts being like, yeah, let's go tit for tat.
Let's like do this. It's like, okay, it's changed.
Then I have to do that too. It's not just you who gets to do that.
Yeah. Well, that's the thing.
Like I've had that happen with friends before where it's like, and I feel like everyone has. Yeah.
I had this happen recently as well. You go to eat or like you're picking up a coffee for someone and it's like, oh, like, hey, do you want a coffee? I'm stopping on my way.
Yeah. Yeah, I'd love something.
And you just take care of it. Yeah.
Because it's like sometimes it feels silly Venmo requesting $5 or whatever. Of course.
And then it reverses. And then it reverses.
Yeah. And you get the Venmo request.
And it's like, this is why like sometimes what's that saying? It's good deed goes unpunished. Oh, this is another wicked reference.
Is that the saying? Yes. Absolutely.
From act two, no good deed. And so I'm just like, ugh.
Like, you try to scratch each other's back. You try to be a good partner.
And then you just get raked over the coals. And it's like, that's not what it should be.
Yeah. not a partnership.
You're being used and this isn't your person. And it makes you feel like it's not like you do these things to get the recognition.
But then when they do that, it feels like, oh, they haven't recognized that I've done all these things for them all this time. Like he doesn't appreciate that I've been helping him with X, Y, Z.
He doesn't appreciate that've picked up. Like when this happens with a friend, it's like, oh, so if you're Venmo requesting me for this, does that mean like whenever I've done this for you, like it's completely gone out of your mind the second it's over? Like, do you not like, does this been meaningless? I know.
And that's how I feel about it. Because like, obviously, you don't do something kind with the expectation of getting something like praise or whatever yeah yeah absolutely but it just almost feels like that it's like wait yeah I took care of you like did that not mean anything like why why don't you want to reciprocate the same kindness I showed you yeah and then that kind of goes to a deeper level of like hey maybe the friendship is unbalanced and it's just pointing out a crack and i think that's what is happening here absolutely it's just pointing out how truly unbalanced the relationship is and i get he's making less money and i get obviously like the canvas should be paid for but he's going above and beyond now she's already helping him with the money stuff.
She's already lending him money. That added context.
She doesn't need to give him a percentage of her work just because like out of guilt. I mean, hey, if you're married and you're going in on everything, sure, eventually that's the kind of situation that happens.
Like your money is their money and blah, blah, blah. But she's actually doing more creative for him in the sense that she should get a cut than he is doing for her.
Well, and I'm kind of confused too, where it's like, I'm making more money, but I'm doing all this freelance stuff. I'm hustling.
I have all these jobs. I'm able to make more money because I'm putting in all this extra crazy work.
Yeah. Versus, well, he's a full-time artist and so he doesn't make as much.
Right. But you're a full-time artist.
You're just doing multiple different variations and freelance. Yeah, absolutely.
Why isn't he hustling in the same way as you? Why are you willing to take care of his shortcomings when you have the same hours in a day and he could also take on some freelance stuff? Yeah. And she's promoting him on social media like maybe he could be looking into that as well like she's clearly she is thinking of extra ways to boost what she's doing and like this choice of business she's coming up with ideas she's finding ways to make it work and he doesn't have that same yeah he's just like well i could just take a cut of my girlfriend's i'll just take a cut and i'll have my sister pay my credit card yeah which i it sounds like that's maybe an arrangement he's used to getting like sort of just this is skating by on other people's yeah charity self-absorbed which like it's amazing to follow your dreams if you're an artist and you're trying to be an artist.
Like that's hard work. It's hard to get there.
Although, yeah, like I was a musical theater major and at a certain point I was like, I'm not actually going to make money doing this. I have to change.
Like I love this. It's so much fun.
I have to do something else though, unfortunately like sometimes that that point does come as well yeah if you're at the point where you're just like you're 37 I mean you can become successful at anything at any time in life but you're 37 you're still like you take money from your sister and your girlfriend at a certain point you have to think maybe I do something else or maybe I should start doing some freelance yeah maybe like there's something additionally that i could be doing yeah top comment on this one your boyfriend is using you as an atm stop giving him money like every other female in his life this man is 37 years old what the actual fuck yeah this isn't a healthy relationship no matter how much you think you need to communicate. You are being used.
Next comment. Exactly.
He saw a young girl with potential and has been trying to groom her from the start, using the canvas as a manipulation tactic. OP, you deserve better.
Be proud of your work. Pay him the same amount for the canvas as you did in the beginning and walk away from him with your head held high.
Yeah. Business-wise, he's nothing more than a vendor.

Her canvas dealer.

He shouldn't get a penny more than whatever his cost is plus 10%.

That seems fair.

Fuck the 10%.

Why would there be a 10%?

Why would there be 10%?

Why would there be a 10%?

Hell no.

She was willing to pay for it up front.

It's not even like he was investing in her company

and like deserves some kind of investment stake.

She was willing to pay for it up front. She wanted to.
Then they agreed, I'll just pay you for it up front it's not even like he was investing in her company and like deserve some kind of investment stake she was willing to pay for it she wanted to then then they agreed i'll just pay you for it when it sells like there is no uh no this is falling into his manipulation of being like oh we'll just approach it at a later date that's what he wanted i know well i also want to bring up that first comments point of like this isn't a healthy, no matter how much you think you need to communicate. She does mention like in previous fights, he like shuts down and doesn't want to talk about it.
Like, I don't want to fight. Like, I don't want to fight.
First of all, fighting is healthy. Every relationship, no matter what it is, if fighting is okay.
But not name calling. As long as you fight constructively.
Yeah. Fighting helps build relationships.
It strengthens them. It deepens them.
Fighting is not inherently bad. You not communicating is bad.
So I'm like, why is he gaslighting her about, like, she's just trying to communicate, and then he, like, cuts her off. He's like, sorry, don't want to fight.
That's weird. He's like, we'll also approach this at a later date just so weird i'm gonna go to op's comments to make sure we're not missing anything because i haven't really gone into these okay three comments i see all three of which are longer than the post so let's see what they're really about um when he complains about having zero money from time to time, I lay him options to how he can earn more, mostly telling him to get employed and keep his art a side hustle.
It'll be a win-win when he has a stable cash flow from a job and extra money from his art. But he tells me he can't work for anyone and get paid so little.
He said he doesn't want to get tired over a job. Well, many such cases, many of us don't want to get tired from a job.
A lot of people don't. People? The reality is— Your sister is tired.
Your girlfriend is tired. There are so many—I've seen this argument a lot where it's like some people work to live and some people live to work.
It's okay if you're just working to live. You don't have to like be in love with your job.
Like there's some people that enjoy their nine to five, don't have to take their work home. And that's happy.
They work so they can live their life. Sir, I want to beat him with a stick.
Like, just, that's aggressive. But no, and this is another- My soft paddle.
I want to just hit him with my soft little paddle. This is another instance of the self-absorption because it's like, do you not think everyone else struggles with that? Like the people that are helping you right now, do you not think that they're also like tired sometimes so you're okay with taking other people's hard-earned money yeah you're okay being a glorified sugar baby oh my god um op has another comment i think someone was asking like what what do you really help with? He does ask for my service digital layout designing for his commission sometimes First time I gave it to him for free the next are paid.
I stuck to my client pricing since it's my business But then recently he's persuading a potential project and told me his words Quote make me a contract and sample layouts love without payments as an investment in me. And will she be getting a percentage? Yeah.
Will she be getting that percentage? Insane. Of course, I will not do it for free.
He expects his canvases to be paid. I will ask him to pay for my services.
Although sure enough, he can't afford them, honestly speaking. Last comment from OP is in response to someone saying, you realize you're just a fuck toy and ATM to him, right? Oh, what's the age rule from Parks and Recs again? Divide the age by half and plus seven.
So the youngest he should be dating rounded up is someone who's 26 years and older. Anything under is creep territory.
Now, if you two just had a onenight stand and that was it, okay, whatever. But no, it's a full-blown relationship.
Pop off Tia's street. Yeah.
OP responds, we had fights before when I caught him adding profiles of minor high school girls on Facebook. Fork found in kitchen.
And you know what? Yeah. From the first sentence of this story, I smelled it.
Jail. This is why we need to murder one.
We need to murder one. Where's that third option? I can see his profile following.
It's public and on Facebook. When you try to add a profile as a friend if they do not accept it goes to your following he did that while courting me and in a relationship with me months in i wish i would have seen it earlier or so when i confronted him he acted like he doesn't know how that happened of course i was being crazy i just wanted to know why.
He keeps saying he doesn't know and he didn't do that and will just start unfollowing everyone. I just tried to understand it since his hobbies and work are one and outside of that, he has nothing else to do.
It might be a habit from when he was single and it just cannot die. He did unfollow the girls after our fight and never followed a girl again.
I fucked my mind for months knowing he already got me and is seeking other girls. What's the purpose of trying to connect with other girls when he's already taken? He probably just found a sneakier way.
Yeah. He probably just found a sneakier way.
I don't think he stopped. That's what happened.
And the thing is, it's hard because that defense has worked on me where they're just like, I don't know how that happened. I can't tell you.
I have no idea that happened.

I'm like, well, I guess if you don't know how it happened, what can I do about it?

But like there, even if he was completely single, you have no reason to be adding high

school girls at your big age.

It is desperate.

It's gross.

It's creepy.

It's predatory. And it is predatory.
predate yeah it is predatory looking for the ones with talent too i bet oh 37 he could be their dad that's just disgusting yeah red flags all over the place yeah i love you we're drowning i love you break up with him yeah break up break up, break up, break up, up break up it's nice to know that since you're on the two outtake subreddit you will probably hear this um also if you want to share your art we would be interested in seeing it oh my gosh i don't know if you don't want to reveal any personal information about yourself but if you did we would love to see it i'm sending you a message i hope you see it before this episode comes out so i can include a picture of your art and share a link yes that would be amazing yeah i mean there's so many people that buy prints online and want to support people absolutely so if you're comfortable and honestly make your website really anonymous like like you can still. Totally.
You could make a new Etsy shop that's like secret. Yeah.
Secrets. I'm going to send.
As long as he gets no cut. He does not get a percentage.
Not as long as like I still want to see it either way. But yeah.
But hey, you know. I'm sending you a message.
So reply and maybe share your art in the comments of the post. Yeah.
you know, you're comfy, but you got to break up. Yeah.
Unfortunately, thank God that you don't have children with this man. Thank God you're not married to this man.
It's a good time to just, hey, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Whole life.
You've got some. You're talented.
You're young. You've got a lot to come.
So much to live for.

Keep making your art and leave this dud behind. Yeah.
Moving along. Bye.

I'm titling the message. Show me your art.
Show me your art. Okay.
You ready for this next one?

Yeah. So this next one comes with a little bit of homework for you guys.
If, if you want to get entered into a drawing to have me send you a little two hot takes present. And it's going to be fun because the homework requires you to share some hot takes or stories, opinions about audiobooks.
Okay. titled am, Am I the Asshole for Not Being Impressed by My Wife Listening to Audiobooks at Three Times Speed? Earlier this year, my wife started listening to audiobooks at three times speed.
Last night, we went to a holiday party, and she was talking about how this gave her the ability to read almost 100 books this year. Someone we don't know well responded they didn't understand how she could possibly retain information that way and that it seems like it would ruin the pleasure of reading.
She got upset because that's exactly what I tell her. On the ride home, she was going on about how people don't take audiobook listeners seriously.

And I, immaturely, rolled my eyes at that point and told her that it's not about that.

It's that when she talks about listening to things at three times speed, it's because she thinks she has a superior ability to process information quickly

and wants people to be impressed.

It's not actually about reading at all.

I know this sounds harsh, but I also think my wife well enough to know that impressing people is extremely important to her. And she has acknowledged she's prone to having a superiority complex.
So am I the asshole? Well, I feel she does have a talent because if you get to the point where she can listen at three times speed and then you put her up against someone who's physically read an actual copy of the book, if they can both answer the same questions correctly about the plot and anything you'd want to ask, then what's the difference? At some point, it's someone's personal taste of how they would like to take in the information. Yeah.
I know we have listeners that listen to the podcast on like 1.5 or two times speed. Three times is wild.
Have you listened to something at three times? I think three times is a little wild. And I'm curious about that.
And if she's actually doing it, because a part of audiobooks, at least for me, is really enjoying the time and not having to hold a book and work as hard. You're getting read this information by an amazing narrator.
So to crank it up that much, I don't know. That's just me.
I'm a one times. I'm a normal speed girly.
And that's fine. And that's a preference.
And this is her preference. So if she's going around saying, I can do this, I can listen this fast, then we're starting to break the barriers of just doing it for enjoyment.
But if you like to listen at three times to get through the material for your enjoyment, then that's up to you. Do it to each their own.
But maybe when you start leading with that anytime you meet someone, hi, I'm blah, blah, blah. I listen at three times speed on audio books, whatever.
Then are you really doing it for yourself or is it to achieve that 100 book goal or just show that you are superior? This is a hot take. And this has come up in AITA and AITH a bunch.

Multiple people have said even crazier things. Like the listening speed is one thing,

but someone else said that listening to an audio book is not real. Like it doesn't count as

I'm sorry. Even crazier things, like the listening speed is one thing, but someone else said that listening to an audio book is not real.
Like it doesn't count as having experienced the book. Why does that matter? You're still hearing the words.
Who actually cares? You're understanding the words that are dictated from the page. Would it be better if you downloaded a transcript of this episode and read it instead of listen to it? What's the difference? As long as information is being conveyed and you're enjoying yourself, who cares? Well, what's interesting too about this one is the top comment does mention some of those hot takes we were talking about.
Top comment, not the asshole. This seems like a silly fight.
As an audible listener, I can't say I listen to them on three times speed, but I have listened to about 80 books this year. It's great listening while driving or working out and cleaning.
OP actually responds, oh, I'm all for audiobooks and disagree with those who think listening to them isn't equivalent to reading. Okay.
Why do people try to gatekeep number of books you've listened to? What's up with gatekeeping books like this? What is this about? But I'm ready for your hot takes, your opinions, your stories on audiobooks. So head over to the link.
It is a Google form, super easy to fill out and share your take. And if you do share, you will be entered into a drawing to win a little present from me.
So get typing on those hot takes, y'all. Okay, thank you.
Okay, before we move on, Dad overheard us reading this story, and he has a little piece of information to share. So, Dad is dyslexic.
I do Audible books because I can truly digest it, and I don't get lost by inserting words, switching words, and fighting it. And for me, I get it.
It works. So it's accessible too? I mean, what's not to like? Okay.
Submit those hot takes. There you go.
I just don't know if today's going to be good at all. Oh no.
Oh no. How bad is this one? it's pretty bad.
Okay. Is it as bad as the semen in the cups one? I don't know.
That one was really, yeah. My mom talked to me about that one.
What did she say about it? She was just like, that was so horrible. And I was like, and I couldn't even repeat it to her on the phone i was like the the one with the cup so she was like yes that was she's but she said it was a really good episode so okay thank you mikaela's mom shout out mom i love that i'd love a mom's take on this next one too so tell her tell her to get in the comments oh she'll be to get in there.
This next one is coming from r slash relationship advice, six days old, titled, my 29 female husband, 36 male, hopes I have a C-section. Posting from my friend's account because my husband follows mine.
I've been with my husband for a little over 10 years, married for two. We weren't planning on having kids for a couple more years, but we had a slip up with our birth control, and now I'm 11 weeks along with our first.
The stress of this being an unplanned pregnancy is weighing heavy on both of us right now, and I guess to alleviate the anxiety, my husband has been talking more and more about plans for the future and getting ready for the baby. During one of these conversations, he casually dropped that he hopes I get a C-section when delivering our child and wondered if it was something that happened often.
I had no clue where he got this idea from or why he thought that was an appropriate thing to say. So I asked what he meant.
He explained that he'd heard awful things about natural delivery, the pain, the risks of tearing, etc. And then added, completely serious, that he'd hate to have our sex life ruined if I ended up getting a tear or was looser.
Yeah, that's exactly what I was worried about. After birth.
He said the last part semi-jokingly, but by that point, I was so angry. I couldn't stay calm or explain how fucking stupid what he said was, not even mentioning all the dangers of a C-section.
I was repulsed. He'd even bring up his own pleasure in the same sentence of something so serious for me, the baby, and our well-being.
My husband says I'm overreacting, and it was just a joke, but I don't know. It clearly was not a fucking joke.
Also, c-sections are serious. There was actually a video, not of an actual c-section, but just like of all of the layers that they have to go through was on my feed recently i was on mine too that's so funny we have similar algorithms yeah but i was like oh my god that is so much more invasive and like scary than i thought it would be there same there are so many dangers to that and then this week, there was a photo on Twitter of like a C-section scar.
And it was quote tweeted with like, this is how you know a woman has failed at like being a woman or something like that. So I've been recently getting a lot of C-section content on my feed.
So that's why I was like, wait a minute. But isn't that crazy? Yeah.
Think about that, though. It's like this is the hard part that at least I feel sometimes is like apparent in being a woman and my experience of it.
You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Yeah, exactly.
You can't give birth naturally via vaginal delivery because then you'll be loose and stretched out and not as tight and not as great and you'll get fucked up down there yeah but then you can't have a c-section because that's not very womanly you failed as a mother like yeah and you'll have a scar yeah what i know why is the goalpost always seemingly shifting why can't the goalposts just stay where they're at and just be normal goalposts yeah and then that sane goalposts and childbirth is like historically so dangerous it's it's already stressful to be pregnant it's stressful to like sorry i'm saying that as if i'm like experience no people think i'm pregnant every week so you know. Just like from your behaviors? I cry a lot.

Oh, yeah.

I'm emotional.

Hey, then you get used to it, everybody.

But no, like it's stressful already to be thinking about how your body is going to change.

And like if anything could go wrong during the delivery, if there'll be complications,

like if it'll be a safe delivery for the baby, there's so much to already be worried about

for your husband to come in and be like, I'm worried about how your body will change. It's like already a fear, but it shouldn't be the main thing you're thinking about.
So it's like, why are we doing this? And also like so many women give birth and continue to live their lives and like be in their relationships. Like that doesn't need to be your main concern no oh my god no it's very self-absorbed that it is your concern absolutely i was worried from the moment oh from the moment you said the title i was like oh god it better not be because he's worried she'll be less tight and yeah you can say that that a joke, but like there's no actual medical reason to prefer a C-section.
Otherwise they would just be doing C-sections. If C-sections were safer and like less dangerous.
It would be a standard. Yeah.
I think some people do choose to get elective C-sections because like i've seen it most times with like professional athletes wives i think they try to like time it based on like things like that so like i've seen that a lot the time a little bit more with a c-section but i've also seen it where like baby has a heart defect and so they want to control the environment and like schedule the baby's open heart surgery like oh yeah like there's times where you know where a c-section is safer where a c-section is the right choice of course but like that's not where we're at here and his biggest priority should be making sure wife survives this baby comes out healthy like the reality or something like yeah that's not this is you

also you're at 11 weeks like you're still in a risky time period like and yeah your wife's vagina is your concern your biggest concern yeah your doctor will tell you what the safer option is for you when they get more information about like where the baby is sitting in your belly Well, where does it say?

Uterus?

In your uterus.

And your belly well you don't where does it sit uterus your uterus yeah in your uterus and your belly pregnancy freaks me it's just freaks me out so much and i'm just like the reality is based on statistics that keep coming out in this country that we live in yeah giving birth we have the worst. Being pregnant.
Yeah. Is becoming more dangerous.
Mm-hmm. I mean, it's...
The stats are there. That is an objective statement.
People are dying. Mm-hmm.
More than they have previously. And more than in other developed countries.
So, I'm just blown away that that's his concern. Blown away.
And it's like, is this helpful? How is this helpful to her? Dude, I need people to start questioning in their heads more before they say stuff Am I going to be helpful or hurtful with this statement? Oh my god, I think that all the time on Twitter What are you trying to accomplish? What is the intent? What is the end goal that you're hoping for? And is what you're saying actually going to achieve that? Will it lead in that direction or does it not? Because then why are we here? People need to embrace inside thoughts more. I think there should be a big public initiative.
Make inside thoughts happen more often because some of the stuff people have gotten comfortable with saying out loud yeah should not be they should not be comfortable yeah especially recently like i've seen a lot of commenting on other people's bodies and questioning if they have an eating disorder questioning if they have xyz and it's like if you if your goal is to stop this person from having that issue, do you think commenting like, oh my god, they're so skinny is going to achieve that?

Or do you think if someone has that, that that will actually encourage them?

There's a fine line with that one.

We need to be thinking about what our end goal is and if we're actually…

I know. I just saw the greatest video on that.

And obviously, there's so much nuance to that conversation.

But the way in which she put it was the best way I've ever heard it be said.

I don't have to show you the video.

But it's essentially like we should be able to have the nuance that like,

hey, leave that direct person alone.

Right.

While also recognizing like, no, something is clearly not healthy. And the overall problem is like portraying that as a healthy image for young girls.
There's a difference. And so it's just like, it was a really good video.
Yeah, I would love to watch it. We've talked about a few topics that have a lot of nuance, unfortunately, like that's age gap discourse and all those things.
I hate touching those things because you almost have to say five different variations of like, but also if this situation, then that's not what we're talking about. Or if, you know, there's so much gray area to everything we talk about.
And that's why like we can have 10 wedding stories. They're all going to be slightly different.
They're all going to have a little bit different context. And we're probably going to have different takes, even two very similar stories, right? Totally different takes.
Yeah. i could wake up tomorrow and i'm just a little crabbier tomorrow and so my take is a little meaner that's you never know you never know like it's just that's life you need to have like a mean episode dude on a warpath i literally i told someone the other day someone was like you're funny.
And'm like I'm not that funny and the reality is like I know I'm not that funny I would be funnier if I wasn't scared about being mean yeah but I'm like then is that funny if you're being mean I don't know I don't know no I do find that issue a lot of the time though where it's like there are certain things that you want to be more sensitive about because but like that's because there are other people out there listening that and you don't want to attack everybody who might relate to certain things as well I don't know that's it's a whole thing it's a whole thing there are certain things that like I'll say in a private group chat with my friends that I wouldn't post on Twitter or like post to talk about on a podcast. And I think that that's how it should be.
Inside thoughts as well. Yeah.
Inside thoughts, maybe in the group chat. Yeah.
Keep it in the group chat. So tough comment on this one.
Men who think women are looser after childbirth are objectively stupid. Not to mention the men who think that's the only thing that's going to affect their sex life.
Laughing emoji. That's the next comment.
Yeah, they'll never get it. Next comment.
Because understanding it would involve effort on their behalf, acknowledging their part in relational issues and attempting to make consistent change after receiving therapy or feedback from their partner. And we all know that's not likely to ever happen.
Too lazy as so many of them prove time and again also you shouldn't isn't it like four weeks you shouldn't have sex after pregnancy anyway it's longer yeah i have six oh right right right it's not four it's longer than four six weeks god that just it doesn't even sound comfortable right. You better control yourself while your wife is healing.

Don't even get me started on the people that are like,

well, we can't have sex.

Can you give me a blowjob?

I just had your baby.

Is that not enough?

Is that not enough?

Oh, my God.

Surely you can have some patience.

You have two hands, figure it out yeah yeah that's a lot we can't even yeah but this one's wild absolutely wild uh seeing if there's any comments from op we do have a few we definitely use humor to cope with stress, but I still thought he'd be more sensitive over something that has me scared as hell, not worried about how he'll see me postpartum on top of everything else. Intent doesn't negate effect, though.
And what would he be even trying to accomplish by telling me this? We're having a serious conversation about the future of our family, and he brings up a different medical procedure for the sake of his own pleasure? Fuck that. Nefarious or not, it's a shitty thing to say.
So OP gets it. OP's not being gaslighted by this.
Yeah. I used to think I was a C-section because I didn't think being given birth to was something I would do do I thought I was more like hatched you feel like you were hatched yeah I wish we could hatch kids but my mom insists that I wasn't a c-section so sure which is crazy because it's my experience but crazy for you to guess like you like that oh that's an interesting thing to feel hatched I just can't see myself like doing the whole birth thing I just see like never no I I talk about this all the time like I really don't want to be pregnant like I'm kind of in the boat of like if it happens once I'll do it but like I really don't I'm not like trying to I don't know like it's weird it's a weird feeling I have like I'm totally down to like do other methods um but I'm hoping we'll get to the whole baby in a bag thing very soon oh have we talked about this together we might be close to that have you seen the lambs in a bag no the lamp with the lambs? We haven't talked about this.
I've talked about it so much on the podcast. I don't want to bore people, but I'll share with you after.
Yeah, please do. Yeah, baby in a bag.
Show me the lambs. Yeah.
Science. Let's get there.
Let's get there. So the comments do take a turn.
And something I do just want to point out again, we keep coming back to age gaps on this one.

They started dating when OP was 19 and he was 26, which isn't my favorite.

And then they've been married for two.

We weren't planning on having kids, but we had a slip up on birth control.

You start getting into comments from OP regarding birth control. OP did go off the pill and then they were using condoms.
However, there's comments here that kind of allude to we've been using condoms. Obviously, condoms fail.
And then someone replies, but if he's taking it off, that means no birth control sometimes. opi goes he didn't always tell me that doesn't mean I was trying to get pregnant Oh my god every single story is like they're already awful and then in the comments it gets so much worse And I don't I don't like read the comments a lot of times before Yeah, like i'll read the story to make sure the story is good because that's all I need right And every single comment that keeps coming up today is like it again yeah like you said it just keeps making it worse yeah next comment girl that's called stealthing yeah it's a form of essay this is unfortunately very bad and again a lot of people will do this because babies and having kids keep people tied.
Like, I will say, because initially with this story, I was like, that is really bad. Maybe there is a chance he was genuinely joking.
Still a really bad joke. Still awful to hear.
Maybe they can work it out. I don't know.
But this is like, oh, and I hate it because i because she's having a baby with him and it's always like this is really bad but unfortunately now it's like what do you do i know and it's like okay this could be one of those that like it's looking really bad but like isn't like it's just a weird circumstance, coincidence of events. Like, you know what I mean? I don't know.
Yeah, until we got to the comments. I know.
I'm just like, I don't know what's happening here. So the most recent comment from OP, again, because this post is only six days old.
Right. And the most recent comment from OP is six days old.
So I'm hoping we get an update.

I'm just like, all is well.

All is well.

But I don't know.

Self-absorbed.

I just, yeah, it feels like all of the additional information, like she was 19 when they met and he's just sneakily been taking the condoms off sometimes during sex. And it's like it seems like that kind of thing she's mentioning more casually than the comments.
I know. When it's like those are actually even more concerning.
Well and like OP so the reason why people are deducing Like he took them off

Is from OP saying

All condoms after I took a break from the pill. I know those aren't 100%.
So I guess there was always a risk with him taking it off every now and then. Oh, she didn't say sometimes he was doing it without her knowing.
So I guess there was always a risk of him taking it off every now and then. I don't know if that's definitive.

I don't know.

I misunderstood.

But like other people did in the comments as well.

Like everyone's jumping to conclusions here.

Okay.

So I'm not sure if it's 100%.

But like regardless, he can just as easily poke holes in the condoms.

Like if someone wants to baby trap you, they can find ways.

We've done episodes on baby trapping.

Yeah.

It's a big issue. I thought he I thought she made a comment of sometimes he was taking them off and i didn't know kind of saying that okay it's very like it's like it could be interpreted one way or the other yeah and it's like how dark does your mind go when you hear that i see i guess there was always a risk there's always a risk yeah of course like that's risk it's just it's all out there floating around some people quantify it and it the pull-out method is not enough you guys it's just not enough pull-out method is not a method i had a friend who yeah calling it a method does really kind of like make it sound more than it is huh dude i literally had a friend who was like 30 years old and we were talking about like, you know, sex and pregnancy and like, do you want kids? Do you want kids soon? And I asked, I was like, do you want like, do you want kids? She's like, no, not anytime soon.
I was like, well, you're not on birth control, right? She goes, yeah, no, no, no. And I was like, so you're using condoms? No, we use the pull-out method and i'm like so you're trying to get pregnant like i always say it like that which again nuance um and she's like no like the pull-out method is 96 per blah blah blah and i'm like do you hear yourself 96 is not that good i'm like googling it what is the pullout method percent percent rate what do i oh yeah um how successful what percentage successful is the pullout so what we do know is that withdrawal withdrawal works about 78 of the time overall 78 that's not good odds my friends even 96 wouldn't be good though because it's if you're having sex like what like every once a week then that would be like two pregnancies a year that doesn't i'm really bad at math so don't check me on that but i think it might be close to accurate it might be close to right well there's 365 days in a year yeah and like 52 weeks so if you're having sex like once a week and that would be like almost 100 but it's half of 100 so half of four because it's 96 so that'd be out of 100 sex times you would you would get pregnant four of the sex times so then half of that because there's 50 something weeks in a year so like two two times a year you're getting pregnant is that good i believe you i kind of nailed that i don't math well, so I'm going to believe you.
I'll let the comments tell us how you did. Oh, my God.
Like with the genetics thing where I was like, wouldn't they share 100% genes if they're both siblings? I just don't. They were like, well, no, girl.
Cute, but no. Yeah.
So don't pull out. Use birth use condoms yeah like they protect against stds stis like yeah use use stuff i practice abstinence personally unfortunately i do or there's the big a or the back door but, back door still doesn't protect against diseases.

Only pregnancy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Anyways.

I'm not doing it as a birth control method.

Like, it's not.

Like, that's just because.

It's just.

It's just that I'm not.

I mean, you said unfortunately after you added that, so.

Well, it's actually not.

It's like.

But it's also by choice.

Yeah, it's just like sort of an abstinence time for me. Caffeine season? Nah.
Abstinence season. That's why I think it's funny when it's named as like a birth control method.
Because it's like who. I mean, I guess there are people.
But who's like not having sex solely for the purpose of like. Birth control? Oh, as birth i guess yeah yeah yeah good for them i learned um we went to utah and did a live show i learned about soaking yeah that was the first time you ever heard of it well i had known about it but more info we had a listener come on stage and really tell us about it that's what is so nice about doing a tour all across the country girl You really get to interact with the people.
Yeah, you get to learn a lot. It was a good time.
Okay, this next one coming from our own Two Hot Takes subreddit. Yes.
Five days old. Titled, am I the asshole for telling my girlfriend that I don't want to sell my family heirlooms yet despite how immoral she thinks they are to keep.
Oh, wow.

Yeah. asshole for telling my girlfriend that I don't want to sell my family heirlooms yet, despite how

immoral she thinks they are to keep. Oh, wow.
Yeah, this is hard to know. I, 25 female, recently lost my grandmother, 90s.
She was a wealthy, educated, eccentric, and well-traveled woman who has a lot of expensive but controversial pieces in her home, which I inherited. These include ivory, taxidermy of native and exotic animals, mink's coats, fox furs, a snake bag, and a seal fur jacket.
But the most uncomfortable, by far, is the animal heads mounted on her wall that she inherited from my grandfather's side of the family. Everything is all legal and registered.
There's a lot of furniture and other things that belong to my family long gone. Some of these have been in my family for nearly five generations.
Oh, wow. My girlfriend Penny is vegetarian and adamantly against any animal cruelty, which I do agree with.
However, our opinions differ on this particular situation. I'm in the camp of most of these animals have been dead for 50 plus years.
It's more ethical to wear the clothing than to buy faux fur, which is all plastic. Nothing we do will bring the animals back to life.
For example, the taxidermy lion head was killed by my great-great-grandfather in 1912. That lion isn't coming back, even if I detest hunting.
Penny thinks it's immoral to own them outright, despite the family connection and timeline of when the animals died. She thinks we should sell them or destroy them outright.
She believes the only ethical animal consumption, clothing, furniture, etc., is for museums and cultural practices. We did some digging and the low end is 5,000 to 20,000 and end is $50,000 to $200,000 if we sold all the animal products.
I'm not totally opposed to selling items, but my grandma died three weeks ago and I want to wait a little bit. I've agreed to remove the heads from the wall slash move the taxidermy, but I've made it clear to Penny that I have no issue wearing the fur as again, I view it as moral to do so.
It's caused some arguments between us, and I'm worried we'll break up over this. My close friends have suggested maybe Penny just wants the money and doesn't care about the sentimental value of the items.
But I don't know if I can necessarily fault Penny for that, as times are tough with the cost of living crisis. am I the asshole for this situation? I kind of, okay.

I think no one is that much of an asshole here. No.
I think that like the issue is it being so soon and like trying to force her to sell it. I understand being uncomfortable like with those, those things, if you're a vegetarian or you're a vegan or you feel really strongly about that.
That, to me, isn't that crazy that you would be uncomfortable looking at those things if that's clearly something that important to you, that that's a lifestyle choice you've made. But I think bringing this up so soon after the passing and those things being in their family for so long is is a little bit like okay like we can take a break on this and like let her have some time before doing the whole moral whatever yeah like this is three weeks this is very fresh which I don't know maybe for someone that might be an timeline, but this person is saying it's not like this person is being like, I just want a little time to grieve and then I can sort stuff.
But I find it concerning that Penny did say like we should sell them. Yeah, that's true.
There's no we. They're just dating.
you're just dating you're not married and i do

think it's it is concerning that even op was like my friends are like maybe penny just wants the money right it's not penny's money yeah so that to me is really weird it feels like there's some ulterior motives there and i do agree with op and like this is a hot take but i've watched a lot of videos from people who are specialists in like sustainability. Yeah.
And especially like the meat industry, we had this greenwashing shift like, oh, faux leather, faux leather. It's like, no, no, no.
It's plastic. Right.
It literally is plastic. Those faux leather jackets are worse for the environment than a leather jacket because a lot of times the leather jackets are coming from—this is going to get a little dark if you're not a meat eater, or maybe even if you are, it's gross.
I don't know. But a lot of that leather, those hides, are coming from the meat industry.
We produce so much beef in this country. Think of all the restaurants.
Think of our foods.

You're not going to convince millions of people to become vegetarian. It's not going to happen.
So if you don't use the leather from the meat industry, then you have an abundance of waste. It actually makes more sense to have a full cycle where you're using every bit of that animal.
So why not have leather jackets? Why then make all this plastic that hurts us more? Yeah. Although I think from the vegetarians' perspective, it's not about like the like plastic or like waste.
It's just about the animals. Yeah.
In general. But I, yeah, I personally would wear the jackets.
I don't don't know I almost think it's like I'd be scared to wear the jacket in fear of getting paint thrown on me yeah but I don't think like if you don't care about the money and you want to keep the jackets you should be able to keep the jackets yeah absolutely I mean you should be able to keep whatever it is that you do want to keep. I mean, that's a lot of stuff to keep.
That's like big home decor choices to be making based on your families. But again, if that's, you might just have intrinsic differences, it feels like, because yes, this girlfriend might be just doing it for the money, but I also don't think it's completely unbelievable that someone who's vegetarian would just morally really have an issue with this.
But like, I feel like the mental gymnastics she's doing is very odd to me. Like, what's this line here? She believes the only ethical animal consumption, clothing, furniture, etc., is for museums and cultural practices, which cultural practices I completely get.
And then I'm like, well, what's the difference of like this person having a private collection in their home if they're not going out killing new animals? What's the difference between that and a museum? And if you truly cared about not profiting and for things to give back because they've already been harvested and you want it to go to a museum which you believe is okay then why not donate to a museum versus selling yeah then why are you selling because if it's an ethical thing then selling it doesn't make any sense if it's just I don't want to see it because it bothers me then I get it if it's like as a vegetarian like seeing dead meat really freaks me out or seeing whatever like seeing skin hides freaks me out i can understand but like sell yeah if it's that right yeah i don't know because it's like you're so against these animals but you're okay accepting the money from the animals. Yeah.
And selling it to someone else.

And then it's still there.

It's not in a museum.

At some point, didn't she say that she'd be okay destroying it?

Yeah.

I guess that's the point too.

But do you feel like that's... I feel like that's a bluff.

Maybe.

Maybe.

I don't know.

Penny's tricky.

It's tricky.

I like...

This is one of those ones where it's like, yeah, it could be dark and sinister. It is regardless inappropriate to be pushing this so soon.
I also just think pushing it in general. it's weird like it's one thing to say if we live together i don't want dead animal hides on my wall

or like a lion's you know i know carcass on my wall. That's I get that.
Yeah. But like telling her what to do with her family heirlooms at any point, I think it's one thing to be like, yeah, it makes me uncomfortable.
I don't really want to see it. It's super strange.
I'm struggling with this one. I know.
You can tell I'm struggling with this one. mean i i fully believe like op not the asshole absolutely yeah i'm a little like kind of like well penny's kind of being yeah a little aggressive absolutely true asshole if it's truly just her fighting for her beliefs but then i think it goes to your point like maybe you are just mismatched but i would love more context on like how long have you guys been dating right and like just kind of things like that like do you live together so penny's worried about this coming to your house like i just want more info yeah it's a tough one it's it's a tough one i don't think i think if anyone is the asshole it's penny um i don't think there's anything wrong like morally even if you're trying to do good for the animals to keep things from like five generations of your family that have like been long done already yeah like that's the thing this is again it's done yeah i don't agree with going trophy hunting now yeah i don't think that's i'm not with that no i don't either like and i guess you could say like this ain't this is um like normalizing it or this is like i don't think that's, I'm not with that.
No, I don't either. And I guess you could say like this is like normalizing it or this is like, I don't know.

Whatever.

Either way, it's too soon.

And also it's not going to be your money.

So chill out on that.

If that's what you think is going to happen.

One more context on Penny.

But yeah, I mean, I have a vegetarian roommate and I, if I had family heirloom

dead lion heads, I personally wouldn't want it, but I also

wouldn't put it in our shared spaces either.

You know what I mean? Yeah, and that's respectful.

I have so many questions.

Do you guys use the same pots and pans

or do you have your own set? We have our own.

But

she's not as

much of a, like she

has gone back and forth. Vegetarian or vegan? She's vegetarian.
Okay. a— Like, she has gone back and forth.

She's vegetarian.

Okay.

But, like, last year she wasn't a vegetarian.

Okay.

So, like, it's not like she cheats, but I also don't think she's, like, as—

She's not working for PETA.

Okay.

That makes sense.

I have a clear image now.

Top comment on this one.

Not the asshole. Listen to your gut on this.
Grieve, decide, and act later. Absolutely.
Next comment, this OP. Plus, if you decide to sell any of those items, don't share the money with your girlfriend.
Yeah, why would that even be an option? Why would that even be like on the table as a possibility? That's why I i was like we should sell it's there's no we yeah i mean maybe i would say that in the sense of like i'll help you but it'll be your money of course yeah i don't know again i want more clarification am i doing mental gymnastics to defend penny maybe maybe i'm i will say i'm against penny right now next comment It would be immoral of her to enjoy any of the spoils. Agree.
It's so weird. I'm going to see if there's any comments from OP.
I just got to know. Oh, OP, what are you doing? comments there's no comments i would like a little more context on this one i would too like does she

truly expect money from this because if so then then that's a freak that doesn't make any sense

to me. Like, why? And also, then that kind of goes against your whole moral argument if you're expecting money from it.
Yeah. If it's just, I don't want to be seeing it, then I think that that makes sense to me as, like, that seems in line with her beliefs in general.
Yeah. Sorry, I'm kind of, like, saying the same thing I said a bunch of times.
I think you're clarifying. But if she's expecting money, then absolutely not.
I agree. Yeah.
No, that's a weird mental gymnastics she's doing. Also, leave her alone.
It's three weeks. Three weeks.
Three weeks. So OP did have an ad that I guess I'll read before we really move along.
Okay. Some added info.

We're currently staying in my gran's house to sort all of her belongings.

That's why I took down the animal heads and moved the taxidermy.

I saw some people confused about if I moved all of the stuff back to our apartment.

I'm going to do inventory of the heirlooms slash anything expensive and handle it accordingly.

Storage, give them a family, etc.

Our apartment. So I'm getting the vibe they live together.
Yeah, they do live together. Yeah, that's so hard.
That's actually like, that's one where they just might be morally opposed. Because I would also struggle with having like taxidermy in my house but then if you really love someone and it like really truly means a lot to them because of like if it really meant a lot to them I could maybe be fine with it I don't know how I'd feel I'm like if someone gave me a stuffed lion would I want it well I certainly wouldn't want it personally I don't know I'm curious if I'm like would I put it in a library a den I don't know oh the lion going back in the den oh another damn another wicked reference yeah I would love more context we need an update on this one for sure because they're not married right no okay just dating just dating and curious how living together you'd think at least a couple months then if they moved in of course well yeah each they're on okay i have one last one for you i think i'm gonna give you a choice oh wow a choice a choice trade offer or no or no choice i don't know i don't know is your heart leaning in a direction well they just have two very different vibes i see i'll read the titles and i'll see where you lean So So this one is titled, Am I the Asshole for Finally Talking to My Brother's Girlfriend? Should I Apologize? Down low is like everyone lives in the same house with the parent and the girlfriend does some weird behaviors.
Okay. Or option two, my 30 male wife, 30 female, is trying to change an agreement we had how can i get her to respect my football time is there one that you prefer no they're both just so good they are yeah i did read i'm trying to remember what show it was you read one of them on a show i read the football one at a live show i don't remember which show but we had some really diverse opinions on it show.
I read the football one at a live show. I don't remember which show But we had some really

Diverse opinions on it. Okay.
Let's do the football one football. Yeah, okay

So this is coming from our slash relationship advice 15 days old

So it must have been one of my last tour stints

Arizona

Maybe was it you my 30 male wife 30 female is trying to change an agreement we had. How can I get her to respect my football time? Hey, Reddit, I am unfortunately a huge Jaguars fan and also a Georgia fan.
I went to UGA and I'm still pissed by their loss yesterday. Anyways, it's been seven years since I've been with my lovely wife, married for three, and she's almost perfect.
Oh boy. When we first got together, I told her that my football time is non-negotiable.
She initially was great with respecting that until we had a baby. Recently, she's been violating our agreement.
I have compromised by giving her my Saturday, except for the few hours my Bulldogs play, not NFL. She's saying now that we have a kid, I just can't watch football all Sunday, Monday night, and Thursday night, which is ridiculous and unfair, especially since it's not like football is all year round.
This is hard because, okay, I do understand being really into something like football. You know, I usually will watch like my team.
And sometimes if I'm doing fantasy that year, I'll watch other teams as well. But if you're like a crazy, crazy watcher of football, then it's literally the majority of the week.
Like Monday, Sunday, Saturday for college, Thursday, sometimes Fridays. It's like, yeah, it's a whole thing.
So there has to be, I think when you have children, things do change and maybe compromises are thought up. Like, hey, what's your favorite team? Or like, you know, your favorite college team and your favorite professional team? Because then that's still six hours a week at least.
And then maybe one, yeah, it's hard because that can be so much. And then it's like, when football season ends, do you watch baseball or basketball? Or is that it? Like, is that really it? I know.
Like, is it just football? But even saying it's just football and it's not, it's not the whole year. No, it's four days of the week though, at least.
Well, in preseason, the season is getting longer. Yeah.
Preseason starts August. Then sometimes they watch like the announcers and they watch the after shows and they watch like SportsCenter.
Yeah. There's podcasts, there's shows, but it's August to mid-February, August, September, October, November, December, January, February.
Yeah, that's more than half the year. That is more than half the year and more than half the week.
And I think the thing is, it's like, okay, if you replaced watching football, because this is his hobby, this is his passion. Yeah.
Understand. But if you traded that out for something, say, she could do or even another hobby he could do where it's like, yeah, I'm going hunting.
I'm going fishing. I'm golfing.
No, I'm on animals. But it's like golf is a great example.
Like I'm going golfing four days a week at least, you know, three hours Monday night, three hours Thursday night, three hours Saturday and all day Sunday. Yeah.
No one would be okay with that. Yeah.
And it is more of a passive leisurely hobby, but you need to adjust and like if you're watching football all day sunday

The baby is with you all day sunday. You're at home sitting in front of the tv

But that's not great for a baby to be in front of the tv. So then i'm like fuck

I'm like can we like strap like can he listen would that be okay? Like if he

Oh my god to listen, but i'm like you need to be doing

Something to trade off like does she get does she get four days a week no because there aren't that many days left i just like i i get i don't want him to neglect his passion but at the same time like you did decide to have a kid yeah and also you don't have to watch every single, I swear to God, you'll be okay if you don't watch every single game. Like who is really that passionate about every single game? This is my little brother.
And I told that to people on the live show. I go, my little brother is this person.
He doesn't even watch like single games. He puts on the red zone where like there's four split screens happening at once and it'll shift to every touchdown oh you're a little super fan well I play fantasy football and that's like one of the only reasons that you would watch every single game because you have players on all of the teams yeah but like I can't imagine actually doing that with like a family and like I again I, again, I don't watch every single game because like, I don't have a player sometimes on Thursdays or I don't have them on Mondays or like, it's just something like, I don't watch college football either.
Like you really can pick and choose. And I do think sometimes this becomes an excuse to like skirt childcare and like skirt responsibilities.
Although I know that there is like a genuine place of I really enjoy this and this is what I've loved doing for forever although like whatever um but but then also it's like well it's football time so I get to be alone and actually now the these two random ass teams are playing each other I've got to go to the basement to watch that and then like sit on your phone and actually just have your own space it almost feels like it's a cop-out it's a cop-out too yeah even though it can be that you're genuinely interested in every single fucking nfl game that exists but come on well and that's the thing like if this was his career and he was an announcer if he was a stat guy why not it would be a different argument but this is a passion

and like you're in a season of life right now where you just had a baby and like she's saying

like hey we have a kid like there's got to be a little give and take and then he what i think

what really pisses me off about this one is he's like well i have compromised already by giving her

my saturdays except for the few hours my bulldogs play it's the three hours that's a long time

Thank you. have compromised already by giving her my Saturdays except for the few hours my bulldogs play.
It's the free hours. That's a long time.
Again, it's then four days of the week. It's a majority of the week, which like you're you're basically like splitting 50 50.
Like it's also you're saying that like you're saying that she was totally fine about this until you had a baby.

So clearly the only reason this is coming up is because things have changed and it's important now and your time is more needed. This isn't just her wanting more of your time first.

I don't know.

No, I think so.

It's a time of need right now. And it's like maybe she didn't anticipate.
Maybe she thought she could do it on her own. Maybe she didn't, you know, think it would be an issue and she was OK with it.
Her first thought when she got pregnant probably wasn't like, oh, no, football. Yeah.
Football. Is he going to be OK with not watching football on Fridays and Thursdays? I mean, there's gonna be eventually, I do think this, like I could see there being football every day of the week.
Yeah. There's always like a random day where I'm like, wait, why are they playing today? I know, like when they have games in like Brazil or yeah, London, stuff like that.
It is very interesting. We do have a couple comments from OP.
Okay. What's's he saying to us the first one i see him respond to is this is something so little though it was like a verbal agreement right like i can understand if you need your me time or football time basically just talk to her and come to a compromise because a successful marriage is all about communication and commitment to which compromise branch off from those two things okay and then op goes i've been trying to compromise but it's like you give her an inch and she asks for a mile i love my wife i hate this guy and she is great outside of this i give her an inch he like he moved from all day saturday to only three hours of saturday and he's like i give her so much of my time sorry you want the entire weekend to yourself for the majority of the year and she just has to watch the baby because you spoke about it when you were children and you weren't married and you didn't have kids.

And she was like, yeah. And she stuck by that until it became a time of need.
We do have a comment about someone asking for clarification on wife's free time. Yeah.
They go, when does your wife have free time? You're asking for 20-ish hours a week. What does she get? And OP responds, on non-football

days, I do the majority of the cooking and cleaning. Also, by the time Monday and Thursday

night football are on, we already put the baby to sleep. And someone goes, when you're cooking

and cleaning, who's watching your kid? And OP goes, look, I know where this is going, but I also get

off work before my wife does. So by the time she gets home, I already did the baby stuff Okay I appreciate that.
Yeah, like that's great and I I then would say like, okay So mondays and thursdays football locked in 100 baby's asleep. I got no issue with that Baby's asleep.
I'm actually to go and do some wine night with the girls. I'm going to go to book club.
I'm going to go to sewing. I'm going to do something.
There's her time. He can sit at home with a baby monitor next to him.
I'm down for that. But then it's like you're giving up both weekend days for football.
Yeah. There's got to be a this weekend you can pick Saturday.
Next weekend you pick Sunday. Like you don't need to be plastered to the TV both weekend days.
Right. Because that's still they both work on the weekdays.
So then where's your family just doesn't get the and she doesn't get the weekend days. No.
Like she's giving up her. So she works all week and then also has to watch the baby all weekend so he can watch football i would also just like feel from like emotional and mental stimulation like with my partner like i would feel so neglected like it's a weekend we have a baby like let's go to an apple orchard let's let's take the baby out and go on a hike let's do something like this is also an important development time and for you to not be bonding with your family yeah and this clearly isn't someone who's saying you can't watch football you can never watch football no like this has been something that she's been okay with for all of your relationship she's agreed to it she's stood by that as you said yourself until you had kids like it's not a situation where this woman is just saying you can never never watch football.
No, it doesn't feel like a bait and switch. It doesn't feel like one of those where it's like, oh, you can watch football.
And then she gets the marriage, she gets the baby. And then it's like, no football.
She's not even saying that. Like, she's just like, hey, like, just we need a little more.
I need a little help. Yeah.
She's probably like in over her head. at least it doesn't feel like a bait and switch to me but some people might have different takes i'd love to hear them that would be a crazy bait and switch i'm gonna trick him into marrying me and then hi take your football away it's crazy and i'm thinking in my head and i'm like if the genders were flipped and she had something that was like yeah like watching the bachelorette Yeah four days a week all day sunday i'd say that's unhinged he has to watch the baby whenever she's watching the bachelorette i'd say that's unhinged i go that's a little too much she just has like all of her favorite reality tv shows all day too much for seven months of the year nope you gotta compromise yeah absolutely Put on a reality show podcast that gives you spark notes instead.
Like you can stay caught up, but it's a little much. Yeah, 1000%.
I think he's being a little selfish. I don't think he is thinking about it from her perspective.
I think he's like too honed in on the she told me this years ago thing. I know.
And not in the we have a baby now. Yeah.
That's something that I encounter a lot. And I think the ability to be flexible is something I really hold dear.
And I really appreciate with people like you today. And I feel like every time we record, I'm like, I need to sleep a little more.
Can we push an hour? And I just I just appreciate the flexibility so much and some people some people don't have that I feel like that's like not an innate characteristic of some people where it's like hey yeah okay I'll be there at four but it's like if you show up at 4 15 it's the end of the world for them like they do not have the ability to adapt or be fluid with plans. Or in a disagreement.
They're like really hanging on to that one thing. That one time? Yeah.
You let me down or blah, blah, blah. And it's like.
Exactly. Okay, but that was one time.
And like you can't keep holding that like dagger in my back. Like we have to move on.
We have to move on. And if we can't move on, it's not going to work.
Right. She had never been a mother before either before either like neither of you had ever been parents the things you agreed to about your time and your priorities changes when you have a child hugely shocking i know can't imagine your priorities have to change when you have a kid but they do and i'm shocked that yours haven't just changed by yourself like sorry they should just you should have just decided that your child had become more important than some of your Sunday games and Saturday games.

You would think.

You would think.

You would think.

Top comment on this one. Yeah, you have a baby.
You can't just expect to tune out and leave her

to it so you can watch football for hours. Does she get her time for hours a day's day of the week? Yeah yeah does she get three nights a week free to do anything she wants without interruptions i'm guessing not yeah that was a good one though i understand why there were different opinions because i don't want him to lose his passion of course but i love football i love watching football Not this season as much Because The Cowboys are getting really bad Minnesota scraping by Scraping by And I'm just like I'm not going to get my hopes up Our quarterback situation is Stressful Cause for concern Yeah But we're 9-2 And you can enjoy things and be normal about it.
Yeah. Nine and two I watched yesterday.
That's really good, actually. I know.
But football, like a lot of people enjoy football, but. And then they still balance healthy lives.
Let's be a little more reasonable. Don't.
My brother, he needs to find a better balance. He needs a girlfriend.
He needs a girlfriend. Someone.
It was so was so funny oh my god I posted on um on the Instagram for like game time because they sent us to the Vikings game and someone on the comments was like I swiped on your brother on hinge but it wasn't a match and I'm like that's so funny so I'm like I think he does need a girlfriend maybe he'd be a little better about football. But it's a Morgan's brother call out right now.
Yeah. Taylor! He's a character.
He's a good kid, but he's a character. Those were good stories.
I hope everyone agrees. I tried to have a well-rounded, balanced episode.
Yeah, I'm interested to see because I do feel that there will be some disagreements. I think there's going to be a lot of strong opinions.
I think so as well. I'm nervous I'm interested to see because I do feel there will be some disagreements I think there's going to be

a lot of strong opinions

I think so as well

I'm nervous about it

no

we're all

we're all entitled

to our own opinions

yeah

that's so true

just be civil

just some are better than others

Mikaela where can everyone find you

hi I'm Mikaela Oakland

on Instagram and Twitter

although I'm like

should I leave Twitter

I don't know

we're still thinking about it

blue sky baby

I know but I don't remember

Thank you. where can everyone find you hi i'm michaela oakland on instagram and twitter although i'm like should i leave twitter i don't know we're still thinking about it blue sky baby i know but i don't remember my password or my email but i'll find it i'll figure it out yeah i actually really like it yeah i have an account i just need to get back in it's giving me like og twitter vibes like it's very like happy and funny i love that like it's it's funny that like threads isn't getting that space too yeah i really thought threads was going to be something i know well i what i appreciate about blue sky is that it's like open source and so it's like it cannot be bought by someone or controlled in that way yeah which i really i really like it does feel.
It does feel more neutral. Yeah.
I really like it. I watched some like news story with like one of the founders or something on it.
And I was like, I like this. Good for them.
Yeah. Good for them when they say that they're making social media to be neutral and then they actually do make social media to be neutral.
Shocking. Absolutely shocking.
But thank you guys so much for being here. Another episode.
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