189: Popped Off Big..

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Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Kraft Mac and Cheese. Kraft Mac and Cheese is the best thing ever.
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Speaker 1 How's it going over there? Oh, good.

Speaker 1 It's uh, I worked out this morning and there's this like productive little day you're having.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like I'm realizing I got to do that in the morning more often because I have a really hard time waking up, like, really hard time waking up.

Speaker 1 And every time I wake up and have a workout class planned, I'm like, I don't want to go, I don't want to cancel it. But berry's is so stupid expensive that, and I had to do it on class pass.

Speaker 1 I'm scared of berries. Yeah, I've heard things, I've never gone.
No, they're not scary, they're not like that anymore. I've heard stories too, but I've never had like a bad experience.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but um, no, it's like I finally wake up once I get there it's truly wonderful so I should do it more often

Speaker 2 drink your water work out drive your car safe

Speaker 1 practice some gratitude today yeah all the things I haven't been working out much at all and I just realized that like it's definitely good for my brain to get oh my gosh to get some uh movement in so that's how I feel about riding horses again yes I just like get out there i'm not on my phone for an hour i'm up in the hills looking at the sights hearing the birds chirp yeah and it's just like i get done and i'm like no matter what i was dealing with before i instantly feel better therapeutic

Speaker 1 no truly i think that's how i feel about workout classes because it's like not only just the you know getting some movement in but also just like being forced to be off my phone yeah for an amount of time is important.

Speaker 1 I really think it's important. It's huge.
Yeah. So good.
I am just checking in with all of you.

Speaker 1 Like, I hope everyone else is practicing some good self-care techniques, making sure your mental health is where it should be. I mean, we're, we're transitioning into fall.

Speaker 1 Like, it gets dark here at 6 p.m. And I'm just like, oh my God, this is terrible.
So I know seasonal. depression girlies are going to be coming out soon.

Speaker 1 So just make sure you're checking in with yourself and your people and everyone is good.

Speaker 1 Have you been getting all the fog over here? Yeah, I love it. Oh, I know.

Speaker 1 I've been loving it too, but keeps it cooler. It's so hot where I am in the valley.
I just, I've been loving it because it's October and I love October. Spooky.

Speaker 1 It's so funny too, because it's like every single, every single summer. I'm like, no, I don't want it to end ever.
And then it's like September 1st and I'm like,

Speaker 1 fall.

Speaker 1 Did I hear pumpkin spice? I buy all the candles. I'm just like, I love it.
I love false smells. I love smells.
I just got these flowers from The Million Roses and I'm obsessed.

Speaker 1 Brian bought me one of those.

Speaker 1 It's, they're white, but they're a smaller one. Yeah.
But he bought me that for like our, I think one of our, like, our first Valentine's Day. I'm, I love them.
It was, it was a gift. They sent it.

Speaker 1 And I, I've never like thought.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I did steal one of those forever flowers from a different brand. The guy's house.
We went to like a party at his house.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I'm not going to buy it for myself, but I'm going to steal it. I was still, you know, I don't know.
I was a little wild. So where was this? I was at a party in LA.

Speaker 1 We went with like Alhantra and a couple other people. And so I stole this little flower.
And so I was like, damn, you're going to admit to that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so I. He's going to come looking for you.

Speaker 1 I didn't say what brand.

Speaker 1 And so. I really, really liked it, but like, I just, I never thought I would spoil myself in such a way, a big way.

Speaker 1 So like they reached out and i'm like the way it came packaged i was like worried about it getting damaged and it was like the nicest packaging it looks really good sitting here it's gonna be like my go-to gift for people going forward because it's just it's so beautiful it smells amazing i love this one because it's a little ball mine is like mine is just a littler one but i have it in my um

Speaker 1 i have it displayed in our

Speaker 1 what's it called your coffee table ah yeah yeah it's really cute and i really like it tell them i want a new one. I want a pom-pom one, like this one.
Okay. Okay.
Tell them to call me.

Speaker 1 Million Roses if you're out there.

Speaker 1 Lauren's here.

Speaker 1 But let's get into today's episode. So we were talking earlier and we were talking about like some of these people that like have been on social media lately and just happenings of the world.

Speaker 1 And I realized I was getting so heated. I just like want to pop off.

Speaker 1 And I realized I had an abundance of stories where the people are popping off in really weird or big ways. So that's the theme today.
We got a lot of people popping off.

Speaker 1 Are you? I love it. Pop off.
Yes. Yeah.
Yes. Laura just looked so scared.
Like,

Speaker 1 oh my God. No, well, when you said

Speaker 1 about our previous conversation, when we were talking about some of the things people post online, dude. Then it just brought me back to that combo and I kind of looked through you a little bit.

Speaker 1 I was like,

Speaker 1 yeah, that combo. I mean, there's some crazy shit online.
Crazy shit online. It's, it's amazing what people will willingly post of themselves unhinged.
But let's dive in. Let's do it.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm starting with a palate cleanser

Speaker 1 because I don't know what we're going to get into. Could be heavy, could be good, but I want to start off for sure on a good, happy foot.

Speaker 1 By the time this episode airs, we will also be going to

Speaker 1 like Atlanta the very next day.

Speaker 1 And our live shows have been so, so amazing. I love and appreciate every little present you guys bring us.

Speaker 1 And I just appreciate you guys coming and being in the room with us and yelling and sharing your takes. And it's so fun.

Speaker 1 It gives me such a sense of community that. we don't usually get.
Yeah. I love it.
And so I came across this story and I read it at one of our very last live shows from the last tour.

Speaker 1 But I just want to read it again

Speaker 1 for those that haven't heard it, maybe.

Speaker 1 I know what you're talking about. And I just want to feel good.
Yeah. It feels so cute.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So this first one is coming from our very own Tuha Takes subreddit. It is a year old now.

Speaker 1 It is titled, How Going to a THT Live Show Was the Best Decision of My Life. I, 27 female, was first introduced to THT through a friend about two years ago.
Ever since then, I have been hooked.

Speaker 1 I had the pleasure of attending one of the THT live shows a year ago. Little did I know this seemingly ordinary evening would turn out to be one of the most extraordinary moments of my life.

Speaker 1 It was at your show that I had the fortune of crossing paths with my now fiancé, 28 male.

Speaker 1 Our encounter was nothing short of magical, and it was all thanks to the amazing atmosphere you created and the connections you fostered throughout your podcast.

Speaker 1 From the moment we locked eyes during the show, there was an instant connection that I can only describe as fate. After the show, he pulled me over and said, quote, is your name Wi-Fi?

Speaker 1 Because I'm feeling a connection.

Speaker 1 I admit, not the best line, but to be honest, he was extremely hot, so I decided to give him a chance and accepted his offer to grab drinks.

Speaker 1 We found ourselves drawn to each other, sharing laughs, engaging in meaningful conversations, and bonding over our shared love for your podcast.

Speaker 1 The first date turned into a second, which turned into a third. And the next thing I knew, a year went by.

Speaker 1 We spent Thursdays as date nights where he would cook me dinner, and then we would have a picnic in our backyard while listening to the THT podcast.

Speaker 1 I swear, our whole relationship doesn't rely on the podcast. It was just something we had in common and bonded over at first.
Two weeks ago, on my birthday trip, my fiancé proposed.

Speaker 1 We were in Italy, and he proposed to me on a hot air balloon ride. It was perfect.
Our wedding is going to be next year.

Speaker 1 I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you, Morgan, and all of the other hosts of THT for your incredible podcast and for inadvertently bringing me and my fiancé together. I love it.
It's just,

Speaker 1 it's so beautiful. I mean, I opened an email the other day from someone who recently got a colonoscopy thanks to the podcast and found out that she does have colon cancer and

Speaker 1 wouldn't have likely found it until it was too late. She didn't really have a lot of symptoms.
It was in a place where she wouldn't have symptoms until it was too late.

Speaker 1 But because of the podcast, she went and got one. I mean, I just, I look at how this show has

Speaker 1 changed my life, your life, our lives,

Speaker 1 but not just ours

Speaker 1 and just so many others. And it's, I'm so grateful each and every day for all of you that listen and support the show.
And

Speaker 1 it just, I must be going into shark week because I'm very emotional today.

Speaker 1 But I just, I, I really just love this community and it's a magical little thing. Yeah, it's, it's so amazing when people reach out and share certain stories with.

Speaker 1 me like i just i can't even explain that feeling because it's something to me when I was growing up and I just remember my teachers being so impactful to me.

Speaker 1 I mean, the ones that were good, there was obviously some ones that were not my favorite, but there was some that were just so impactful to me.

Speaker 1 And I just remember thinking that it'd be really cool to be a teacher because if I could just have one person in my class be inspired and feel good about themselves, like then I would feel good.

Speaker 1 I would feel good too. And so I think it's really cool to hear stuff like this,

Speaker 1 that this podcast has brought together a community that, you know, like outside of me and Morgan, like you guys are like helping each other, you know, people are making friends at the shows.

Speaker 1 People are making friends in the comments. Like it's just, I don't know.
I think it's, it's a really beautiful thing.

Speaker 1 And it makes me feel really happy to know that, you know, through all of this, these silly little combos that we have, that it's bringing a lot of positivity to a lot of people.

Speaker 1 So that it means, it means a lot, means the world what lauren said yeah

Speaker 1 okay let's get into these stories

Speaker 1 this first one is coming from am i the asshole it is titled am i the asshole for throwing out my sister's organ

Speaker 1 that is something you don't hear every day i don't know if i've ever heard that one My sister is always intentionally trying to be the odd one out in the family.

Speaker 1 Recently, she's had her first child and she decided she wanted to have her placenta taken by some weird woman and dried and treated so she could scatter it like ashes or plant it with a tree or whatever.

Speaker 1 She considers herself very witchy, which causes a lot of friction.

Speaker 1 The woman was supposed to come pick it up, but then my mom and our aunties surprised my sister with a whole bunch of frozen meals while she's in the newborn phase, and there wasn't enough room in her deep freeze for all of the dishes, plus the giant bag of ice and placenta.

Speaker 1 My sister texted the woman and she said it could be dropped off early. My mom essentially volunteered me to drop it off since it was on my way home.

Speaker 1 I picked up my husband on the way because he had had a few drinks after work with friends and was being responsible.

Speaker 1 When he saw the cooler in the back, he looked in it and was extremely grossed out seeing the frozen placenta.

Speaker 1 After some discussion, he also made me realize it was very disrespectful to him and I to rope us into this because he has very strong beliefs in God.

Speaker 1 There was also hygiene and health concerns that my husband brought up. It got to a point where it was either he was going to get out of the car and walk or the placenta needed to be out of the car.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. I texted my sister to come pick it up and our mom, but after ages without an answer, we ended up just throwing it out.
She's furious and has started making it other people's problem.

Speaker 1 I know it wasn't the nicest, but it also doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I offered to cover the deposit she put down with the woman who was going to process it.

Speaker 1 And I even got her a gift card to the witch store that she likes to get some herbs and stuff to do the ritual she wanted, despite it being against my values.

Speaker 1 She still claims, even after apologizing, making amends, and covering her losses, that I'm an asshole and she won't let me come see my niece, and refuses to come to or bring my niece to family events that I'm at, which is causing huge problems within the family.

Speaker 1 She told me to post the situation here, and if it's hormones or sleep deprivation making her overreact, then she will let it go.

Speaker 1 If I'm in the wrong, I don't know what else I can do that I haven't already done to make it up to her. Was this really such an asshole thing, even after the amends?

Speaker 1 Yes, i think so i think i it doesn't matter if you find it weird or not it

Speaker 1 it's like you agreed to do it and now you're turning around and throwing out something that was special that you can't just replace

Speaker 1 i mean to your sister it's a placenta yeah yeah so i think like it's It's fine that that's not for everyone. I totally get that.
But like you agreed to it and then you threw it out.

Speaker 1 It sucks that she's not letting you see your niece, but it's probably because you don't understand how much that meant to her.

Speaker 1 And I think the fact that she feels so confused, like, why is it a big deal? Like, I said, I'm sorry. I gave her a gift card.
It's like, that's the issue, in my opinion.

Speaker 1 Like, if somebody threw out something that was very important to me and they're like, like, let's say, let's go back to one of the stuffed animal examples. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The grandma stuffed animal that that boyfriend threw away. It's like, it's like him being like, I said I'm sorry and I bought her a new teddy bear.
Like, what's the problem?

Speaker 1 It's that lack of empathy that would be the problem for me. It's not a genuine apology.
You're just trying to band-aid it, but you still don't recognize that what you did was wrong. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Admit you were wrong and give me a genuine apology.

Speaker 1 You're not.

Speaker 1 You're not sorry. You don't see the problem.
Right. And that's the problem.
Exactly. Literally.
Like,

Speaker 1 this stuff is so frustrating. I just don't understand how, like, it was such a big deal.
Oh, husband gets in the car drunk, starts looking at the cooler. He's grossed out.

Speaker 1 Why are you looking in there? Yeah. Oh, it's unhygienic.
There's health concerns. Why? Are you going to eat it? Well, and then he's frozen in a cooler.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then, and then he's just like, this is against my religious beliefs. And it's like, okay, well, you're against a natural body part.
She's just preserving it to plant it with a tree. Right.

Speaker 1 And regardless, it's like, well, why are your beliefs more important than her beliefs? The sister agreed to do this favor.

Speaker 1 The sister had no idea that

Speaker 1 her sister would turn around and

Speaker 1 say, never mind, and then throw it out. That's the thing.
Turn around and drop it back off at her house. Exactly.
She didn't text back for ages. What is ages? 10 minutes.

Speaker 1 10. 20?

Speaker 1 And it's like, okay, in that time, could you have just driven back and dropped it off with her? Sorry, I can't bring it. And also, if your husband was a husband, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 If your husband is being that erratic, like I'm going to get him walk, like get out and walk. Like, fine.
That's also concerning. It's very manipulative.
Yeah. I don't like.

Speaker 1 And it's just like one of those things. Like, again, why are you making this such a big deal? You don't agree with it? Cool.
We won't freeze my placenta.

Speaker 1 If it was, if, and that's what is annoying annoying too, is that she's like, oh, then my husband made me realize that we don't agree with this.

Speaker 1 It's like, no, you had no problem with it when you agreed to it like five minutes ago. So stand up for yourself.
Stand up for your sister.

Speaker 1 Tell your husband to shut the fuck up and go and drop the placenta off where you said you were going to and then be done with it. You committed.
You committed.

Speaker 1 If you didn't want to do it, even if your mom and sister or whatever, whoever it was signed you up for it, you can say, no, I don't, I can't. And don't.

Speaker 1 yeah like do you know how much stuff my mom tries to sign me up for oh well morgan will do this no morgan won't morgan don't have time morgan can barely get a nap in these days morgan will not be doing that well and like say no yeah and then and then think about it too with i mean a lot of people go through a lot of different extreme emotions after pregnancy like postpartum depression for one.

Speaker 1 And so you don't even know what the sister's going through that this was could be so,

Speaker 1 so huge for her and so important for her.

Speaker 1 And now this is like the sister might be thinking that she wants to do this for the rest of her children and that her firstborn will never get to have this done. You know,

Speaker 1 yeah, exactly. So if it's something important to your sister, even if you think it's stupid, if you don't agree, if you think it's gross,

Speaker 1 then have your separate beliefs, but don't like infringe your beliefs onto hers and and ruin her moment. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, and like, I just wanted to Google it because I know this is like a thing that's talked about a lot lately. People are processing their placenta and

Speaker 1 I don't even know the process of this, but I'm pretty sure they like freeze-dry it or dry it out, grind it up, and then make like capsule pills out of the powder.

Speaker 1 And there are some people that claim there's health benefits to it. And

Speaker 1 I'm not sure if that's valid. Quick Google search says that there's no evidence that eating the placenta has health benefits, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Speaker 1 But some people believe that eating the placenta can prevent postpartum depression,

Speaker 1 ease bleeding after delivery, promote a healthy hormone balance, improve mood, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, milk supply. Mayo then says, but there's no actual evidence so far.

Speaker 1 But like, has it really been evaluated? Because we all know when it comes to women's health, there's not the most research on it.

Speaker 1 Like even drug studies were done on men because women's hormones were too irregular. So there's, there's a lot of issues with that and research with women's health and things like that.

Speaker 1 But it is interesting. Like even if it was a placebo, you now denied her of that.
Right.

Speaker 1 Right. Come on.

Speaker 1 Man, someone's got me heated. I'm like, I feel like I'm about to pop off.
I've been a little angsty. Top comment, where to start?

Speaker 1 One, do not agree to do things that are against your religious beliefs, and then, when it is too late to back out without consequences, leave other people high and dry.

Speaker 1 You are married, so you are presumably an adult. The fact that your mother volunteered you is not an excuse.
You did not have to agree. Thank you.
No is a full sentence.

Speaker 1 No. Yep.

Speaker 1 You did not have to literally hold the placenta hostage and throw it out if she couldn't respond and get it to you sooner.

Speaker 1 Two, the fact that your sister is angry with you for the thing you literally did is not her, quote, making it other people's problem.

Speaker 1 She's not obligated to suppress her emotions and just forgive you, especially when you clearly do not respect her and don't give a shit about what you did. It's literally what you said, Lauren.

Speaker 1 Three, it really doesn't matter if you find your sister's beliefs odd or strange.

Speaker 1 You do not need to share her beliefs, but her wanting to save the placenta so she can plant a tree or do some private ritual literally does not harm you or your husband in any way.

Speaker 1 So, accusing her of being deliberately weird and claiming things like it was a hygiene issue is just bullshit. Her next placenta, she's going to make a voodoo doll out of you, though.

Speaker 1 She should.

Speaker 1 It was in a box, harming neither of you. You don't respect your sister, and she knows it.
There is no way this is the first incident either. Four.
Also, did you even actually apologize?

Speaker 1 Because you didn't mention that. You mentioned offering to pay for the deposit and give her a gift card, which doesn't actually cover the damage, considering that the item is irreplaceable.

Speaker 1 But no apologies. Did you make a sincere apology? Or did you make all these excuses and expect her to just get over it? My ruling, you're the asshole.

Speaker 1 Plus, add that a human organ was not properly disposed of. That's a huge biohazard.
Oh, next comment. Wow.
Didn't even think about that. In fact, I think that makes her a criminal.

Speaker 1 Yep, here in South Carolina, that's up to $5,000 in fines or a year in prison or both for improper disposal of medical waste. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Sewer ass reporter.

Speaker 1 We have some edits. Okay.

Speaker 1 Edit to add. Didn't really expect this to get so many comments.
There's no way I'm going to read all of them just for people to be rude and twist things, but some much needed clarification.

Speaker 1 I didn't improperly dispose of anything. I just couldn't fully explain with the word limit.
We removed it from the car and left it hidden in the cooler on the side of the road.

Speaker 1 Her husband went and retrieved it later, but it had thawed, so they couldn't take it to the place anymore because there were all these strict rules about custody chain and freezing and whatever.

Speaker 1 So we essentially threw it out, but didn't actually.

Speaker 1 She can still plant it or whatever she wants to do. She just can't have it dried or whatever.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 to those throwing around U.S. laws, laws, you're not the center of the universe and we don't live there.
I clearly stated I apologized. So not sure why people in the comments can't grasp that.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I'm just laughing at your tone reading this.

Speaker 1 We clearly don't live there.

Speaker 1 Obviously, I'm wrong. So whatever.
I'll find a way to make it up to her.

Speaker 1 Overall, vote was asshole. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Obviously, I'm wrong. You can just picture it, can't you? Like, okay, let me try to read it normal.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Obviously, i'm wrong so whatever i'll find a way to make it up to her yeah that sounded nice that sounded nice obviously i'm wrong

Speaker 1 just like you can just hear it like those people that just have like that defensive like can't whatever but it is so it is such a funny thing though because it's like that is why like texts can get so misconstrued because yeah you know like people will read them in in a certain tone in their head and then the other person on the other side was typing it in a different tone in their head, you know?

Speaker 1 So it's just like,

Speaker 1 it is, it is a funny

Speaker 1 concept. I feel like my texts never come across like how I want them to.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I feel like texting's hard.
The voice memo stuff is nice. Yeah, I like voice memo.
But I hate listening to them. I know.

Speaker 1 I try to send you voice memos and you are just like, I can't listen. And I'm like, why? And you're like, I don't know.
There's something I'm like, I'm on a plane.

Speaker 1 I hate them. You're like, I'm in a movie.
I'm like, just listen to it later. You're like, can't.

Speaker 1 I'll be busy then too.

Speaker 1 I really hate them. I really do.

Speaker 1 I love the update where you can just click and read it. Oh, I, I, but those have so many mistakes, though.
I guess. They'll say the funniest things.

Speaker 1 It'll be like, I just went to TJ Maxx and they'll be like, I just farted. Like, it literally will like, have you, you guys, you gotta some mistakes in yours.

Speaker 1 And then I've like had to listen to them because I'm like, I don't think she was trying to say this.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But it's a nice update.
I hate voice memos. I don't know why.
I don't know. They just, I like them because I have to like actually focus because you can't like close out of it.

Speaker 1 So I kind of like that I'm like listening uninterrupted.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 Makes sense. I feel like there's a lot of times where like

Speaker 1 we

Speaker 1 multitask. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I'm like,

Speaker 1 so it feels like I'm kind of just like being present with the person who's sending me a four-minute voice memo. That's a really good way to look at it.
Yeah. Okay, maybe I'll stop hating on them.

Speaker 1 Got her.

Speaker 1 Okay, this next one coming from Am I the Asshole, two days old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Needing More Time to Sort Out How I Feel About the Babysitter Erasing a Love Note from My Late Husband?

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 My late husband would be 44 male and I, 43 female. We used to leave each other notes in dry erase marker on the mirror and on on the counter by the coffee maker.

Speaker 1 When he passed away three years ago, I put tape over his notes to preserve them, seemingly forever. Having three young children, I hired a babysitter to help out.

Speaker 1 She's been with us for a year, and one of the first things I pointed out was the notes. The other day, she removed the tape and wiped away the notes.

Speaker 1 stating that she wasn't thinking and was just trying to help clean up what she thought was something the kids did. It said, quote, forever, my girl.

Speaker 1 Being rather upset, but also open to the idea that it has been three years, maybe it's time to remove the notes. I told her I needed space to figure things out.

Speaker 1 I'm leaning towards asking her to not come back because I can't get over it. It seems intentional on some level, but that may just be my hurt talking.

Speaker 1 Even if it's a lapse in judgment, I wanted to be the one to take it off when I'm ready.

Speaker 1 It's been two days and I'm still not ready to have her back yet. She keeps asking if she can work.
Am I the asshole for wanting to say no and for wanting to say I can't move past this? Thank you all.

Speaker 1 No, not the asshole. Why did she do this? I don't know.

Speaker 1 We could dig into a few different parts of this, but I think the first thing is first is that you're not the asshole if you don't want to have someone to continue to work for you

Speaker 1 when you're feeling. this negative about it.
Yeah. You know, like even if it truly was an accident, like if you

Speaker 1 don't want to have someone work for you anymore like that's okay yeah you know and i obviously like if it was truly an accident and the babysitter feels awful and like needs to make money like then that's unfortunate but that's also not your problem to bear the babysitter can be more careful next time op said that she mentioned these to her she let her know what they were and so next time in her next job i'm sure she'll be able to find another babysitting job she'll just be more aware it's a learning lesson like it OP doesn't have to hold that burden if she doesn't feel like she can like emotionally stomach it.

Speaker 1 So that's my opinion on that. And then and then we can go back into the fact where it's just like, how did you like you had to take the tape off? It said forever, my girl.
It's so deliberate.

Speaker 1 It just, that, that is also on top of it, really confusing because it's like, yeah, sure, we all clean and can kind of like go into like a different world.

Speaker 1 But like when you see writing that says something like that, how do you assume that it's the kids?

Speaker 1 I mean, I guess it could be really sloppy handwriting and she didn't read what it said, but it does, I would have those thoughts in my head too. Like, was it deliberate? Like, yeah.

Speaker 1 And that would, how, I'm just sorry. I'm, I'm popping off.
No, go for it. I, I, I took the

Speaker 1 mic, take it back. No, no.

Speaker 1 I, I just like, I just want, I just want to talk with you so fast. And I was like,

Speaker 1 I've had too much coffee, but I, I just, I don't, I don't get it. I don't how she don't understand how she could even think it's the kids.

Speaker 1 If it was just written forever my girl with nothing over it, okay. You're just absentmindedly wiping, listening to music.

Speaker 1 Oh, oops, didn't see it really. Right.
There's tape over it.

Speaker 1 That just feels like you look at it, you see the tape, you can read what it says, forever my girl. Hmm.

Speaker 1 Rip the tape off, wipe it. Right.
The steps that you went through and still went through with it. Not even a,

Speaker 1 and maybe this is just a me. Like, I'm an overthinker.

Speaker 1 So when I would nanny, even if I was like a little confused about something or like just wanted clarification, I would send her a picture and be like, hey, is this what you meant? Right.

Speaker 1 Hey, you know, boys, you said the boys needed this. And like, I get you don't want to be bothered with stupid shit, but that's no one puts tape on their counter.
Yeah. Unless it's intentional.
Right.

Speaker 1 Come on. And that's like a,

Speaker 1 I mean, even if the babysitter wasn't trying to do anything malicious, like maybe the babysitter, maybe it just bothered her.

Speaker 1 Maybe it was one of those things where she's like a neat freak and it bothered her. And so she just pretended like it was an accident.

Speaker 1 I would have these thoughts in my head too because of the fact that she pointed it out, which is why I'm saying, like, OP, if you don't feel good about

Speaker 1 continuing to have her work for you, then like you don't have to continue to have her work for you. No, and I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 And going off what you just said, I'm starting to wonder if she's trying to take facilitating OP's grief into her own hands. Like, I wonder if she's like, it's been three years.

Speaker 1 I should get rid of this message. It'll help her move on.

Speaker 1 How long was she a babysitter for, though? I'll see if there's any comments from OP,

Speaker 1 but I could see someone who just like

Speaker 1 maybe is a little,

Speaker 1 you would hope not. I don't know, self-centered or high-horsed, where they would be like,

Speaker 1 it's so sad that she's still hung up on this. I'm going to help her move on.
I could so see that. That doesn't compute to me.

Speaker 1 I can't imagine feeling that way for anyone in my life, whether it's someone I was babysitting for, a friend of a friend who I just met, like a family member.

Speaker 1 There's just like no space where I could see myself being like, I'm going to erase a note from their loved one who is past.

Speaker 1 So it's hard for me to like wrap my mind around that, but I do know what you're saying, that some people are,

Speaker 1 they think that it will help them let go and move forward and keep like living their life to the fullest so maybe that was that i would hope not because it's definitely not the babysitter's place

Speaker 1 um but who knows do we have any updates or so we only have one comment from op

Speaker 1 it is in response to this comment could it have been an accident One of the kids did it somehow, not intentional, and she, the babysitter, knowing how much it meant to you, took the blame? O.P.

Speaker 1 responds, I don't think so. They were all really sweet saying, quote, I'm sorry that happened.
One even said he knows it's not the same, but offered to rewrite it. Oh.

Speaker 1 Little nugget.

Speaker 1 Wait, that's so sweet. That's like a piece of their dad, too.
Like, he's gone. And that's.

Speaker 1 I hope she has a picture of it at least and can like frame it. Like put it in a frame by the the coffee maker or something.

Speaker 1 Like, I really hope she has a picture of it, but that's the only comment from OP. Um, no update, but I don't know.
Like, a husband passed three years ago, having three young children.

Speaker 1 I hired a babysitter to help out. She's been with us for a year.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And the fact that it was only a year ago that she pointed it out.

Speaker 1 And it's like, it's been there for a year. You've seen it.
And you just babysitting it for a year. Yeah.
That's

Speaker 1 what it does. I would have the same thoughts of it being questioning if it was intentional.
Top comment does quote what OP said.

Speaker 1 It seems intentional on some level, but that may just be my hurt talking. She's worked for you for a whole year.
The notes were shown her and explained from the get-go.

Speaker 1 But one day she just forgot and thought one of the children wrote forever my girl to you. Yeah.
Not buying it. Right.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I literally did not even read this fucking post.

Speaker 1 This person goes on to say, she's probably one of those people who think that grief has an appropriate timeline and an expiration date and that people need to be forcefully helped along.

Speaker 1 This was not her place in any form or fashion. It's pretty outrageous.

Speaker 1 Even if it had been an accident, you're still deeply upset and you're allowed to no longer want to employ someone who has caused you the grief. Not the asshole.
Take care of yourself.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry this happened to you.

Speaker 1 Edit to add, as has been pointed out by other commenters, she would have had to scrape at carefully placed three-year-old tape and wipe at even older ink twice, two different locations to remove love notes.

Speaker 1 And on both occasions, she forgot, quote, I was explicitly told not to touch this. I'm not buying the autopilot, thought it was the kids, excuses at all.
Damn. Wait, it was...

Speaker 1 It was two different places. I didn't realize.
I thought there was still other notes left. I thought it was just one note.

Speaker 1 We used to write each other love notes and dry erase markers on the mirror and on the counter by the coffee maker. I thought she only won.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 she did both notes. Oh my God.
Not just the coffee makers. She was 100% intentional.
The other day she removed the tape and wiped away the notes, plural.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 the gull of her to text OP and be like, hey, can I come back to work? I know. I need to work.
I know. I need to work.

Speaker 1 Not my problem. No.
Not my problem.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. This actually, this really bothers me because you're right.
This is intentional. I can't see that it's not.
And that's really messed up. What the?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Who would ever do this to someone?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the fact that she was working with her for a year and knew about the notes and then just one day decided to do that after a year. No, this was intentional.
That's really messed up.

Speaker 1 Well, and it's like, where was that mirror? Was it just a common area bathroom mirror or was it a mirror in their bedroom? Like I never, I was a nanny for a family for two and a half,

Speaker 1 maybe, maybe all of college. Like it's starting to blur, but I was like, my

Speaker 1 junior, my sophomore year of college until I graduated, I was their nanny. And I never went in their bedroom.
Yeah. The parents' bedroom.
I, it was off limits to me.

Speaker 1 I, and they never said I couldn't go in there. She asked me one time to grab something for her and I felt felt weird going in there.
Yeah. I was like,

Speaker 1 let me run in, run out. Like, I don't like encroaching on people's personal spaces.
Right.

Speaker 1 If she went into her bedroom and did this, and again, another piece of tape, another,

Speaker 1 like,

Speaker 1 not once, but twice. No, that's 100% intentional.
That's so messed up. Oh, I can't.
Now, now with like knowing that, I can't unsee it. Cause I was trying to think like, kind of

Speaker 1 autopilot mode. Like, we've done that shit, like,

Speaker 1 forget it. But no, you don't do that twice.

Speaker 1 No, and specifically, like, I thought maybe it was a brand new nanny, like, no, for a year. Why didn't you do it six months ago? You've seen it every day for six months.

Speaker 1 Why didn't you do it on your first day? Like, do you know what I mean? Like, you, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 I, I hope OP has pictures. I hope that there's some way to like

Speaker 1 memorialize those notes. And I'm so, so, so sorry that this happened.

Speaker 1 It's just like,

Speaker 1 even though it's been three years, it would almost make the pain just like ripping open a scab. Like it just, it's then so raw.
And I don't think like those notes ever had to disappear.

Speaker 1 Like, I think OP could find the right person, get remarried,

Speaker 1 and the notes would be fine. Like, the right person would not care that there were notes there.
You sell the house. Well, guess you're taking the mirror and the countertop with you.

Speaker 1 Like, that's just how it works. Or, like, we said before, and I think they said in the comments, but that is not up to somebody else to make the decision for her.

Speaker 1 If she wanted to do that, if she said it's time, then that's on her to do that.

Speaker 1 Not the babysitter. So, that is just so inappropriate.

Speaker 1 I literally got that vibe. I was like, I think she's trying to facilitate

Speaker 1 her moving past that grief. But it was something you said that spurred it.
And I was like,

Speaker 1 I think she's just one of those people. Damn.
And I was like, I hope not because I don't understand how she could be. She is.

Speaker 1 Anyway, asshole. Yeah.
Moving along. Moving along.
I hope we get.

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Speaker 1 Update from OP. Me too.

Speaker 1 Okay, this one is coming from r/slash true off my chest. It is titled, I found my wife's secret Google account and I'm sick to my stomach.
A secret Google account? What does that even mean?

Speaker 1 I, male 36, met my wife, Bailey, female 33, nine years ago through mutual coworkers, and we hit it off immediately. I fell absolutely head over heels with this woman.

Speaker 1 She was everything I was looking for. I had gotten out of a toxic, dare I say abusive, long-term relationship right before that with a woman Bailey had been acquainted with, but was not friends with.

Speaker 1 I'd blocked her on everything and had no contact with her since breaking up. We got married right after the tail end of the pandemic, bought our first house together, and started trying to conceive.

Speaker 1 That was difficult because Bailey has PCOS. But last year, she finally gave birth to our first daughter.
I'm having a blast being a dad. It's kind of a dream come true.

Speaker 1 I finally got my happy life with my perfect wife until last Monday. My laptop's battery shit the bed, so I opened up Bailey's work tablet with an attached keyboard.

Speaker 1 You can sit at it like a monitor to check on some tax stuff. But she wasn't home.
It was just me and the baby. But we've never asked permission to use each other's devices.

Speaker 1 We've always been open like that. There's nothing for us to hide.
That's what I thought. When I opened up the internet, I noticed that she had an incognito tab open.

Speaker 1 Never in a million years did I expect to discover what I did. My wife has a secret Google account with a photo album saved called XX.

Speaker 1 So I clicked on it. Did I discover an affair? Nudes? Nope.
In this Google album were over 300 photos, 348 actually, of my ex,

Speaker 1 the woman I was with right before I met Bailey, the woman who tormented me and made me feel worthless.

Speaker 1 The album said it was started back right around the time Bailey and I started dating and was updated as recently as two weeks ago.

Speaker 1 The photos range from candid shots with family to pictures at her work functions. There were even pictures from her yearbook.
I don't know how Bailey could have found her high school yearbook photos.

Speaker 1 Photos from vacation, ID photos from work, pictures of her in crowds, screenshots of videos and screen recordings of videos, just her.

Speaker 1 The other people in the photos would be scribbled out, or the photo would be cropped and zoomed in on just my ex.

Speaker 1 What the?

Speaker 1 This is scary.

Speaker 1 There were other disturbing things I found too. There was another album with just zoomed up pictures of my ex's hair.

Speaker 1 Come to think of it, Bailey had recently started wearing her hair different and my ex had a very identifiable hair type. There was another album with screenshots of comments on social media.

Speaker 1 Of course, I can't find them because I have her blocked, like Facebook groups she's in and public posts. And my ex is very low-key on social media.

Speaker 1 I can't imagine the lengths Bailey went to to find them. My ex literally lives in another country now.

Speaker 1 There were also different links to the exact outfits she was wearing, like very specific blouses and trousers you'd have to really go looking for to find.

Speaker 1 A specific water bottle I remembered her purchasing, and identical hiking boots and sandals. So, basically, my partner of almost a decade has been single white femaling my ex-girlfriend.
What?

Speaker 1 Is that a phrase these days? Has secretly stalked her to the point of buying her exact clothes and changing her hair.

Speaker 1 And now I'm starting to realize Bailey's new interests over the years were just my exes.

Speaker 1 Bailey has turned herself into my ex.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Everything feels like a lie. Our love feels like a lie.
The things we share feel like a lie. I threw up and had a panic attack.
I looked at our daughter and felt betrayed.

Speaker 1 I haven't confronted her yet. I don't know if I want to.
I want to run away with our daughter. I want to print out all the pictures, leave them on the table, and disappear.
I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 I just want to throw up. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 I don't even know what to say. say.

Speaker 1 I would be very, I would be very freaked out. I'd be terrified.

Speaker 1 Where do you go from there?

Speaker 1 You have a kid. You've been together 10 years.

Speaker 1 Where do you go from there?

Speaker 1 It's interesting too that he had no like

Speaker 1 inkling that,

Speaker 1 you know, like you would think that he'd be like, you know, she did say that she was jealous or, you know, that she was always felt like insecure. Like, it doesn't sound

Speaker 1 it seems like, and that, and I think that is kind of what freaks me out more is that this complete secret side of her,

Speaker 1 instead of like him kind of knowing that she was struggling with like comparison or something along the way,

Speaker 1 just the way that she was able for an entire decade to kind of keep these, like, this secret like life.

Speaker 1 I don't know. It, it, yeah, she hid it really well.
Yeah. The fact that it's never come up, even like a casual conversation of like, what was your ex like?

Speaker 1 Or, you know, like now I'm five years in with Justin and like, well, almost six. And I, you know, recently found out what his ex looked like.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I would have gone 10 years without being curious. Now I want to know.
Yeah. I've never known either.
I literally just found out recently. I was like, oh, okay, cool.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, I started watching

Speaker 1 Nobody Wants This on Netflix, which

Speaker 1 can we talk about how they definitely got inspo from Two Hot Takes?

Speaker 1 Let's let's talk about that maybe another day.

Speaker 1 But she is very open about his ex. And she's like, what was Rebecca like? I'm obsessed with your ex.
Like, yeah. And I'm like, okay, maybe there's a fine line of that not being healthy.

Speaker 1 But to ask like general questions, like, what was she like?

Speaker 1 And I'm not surprised he missed it where like she was slowly morphing into someone else because it is such a long time.

Speaker 1 And people have a type. Like there's a very good chance that from a get-go, they they were two very similar people because sometimes people do have a type.
Right.

Speaker 1 So I, I, it's just, I could see it happening. It's just, the whole thing is just really odd because it's like, it's a true obsession because

Speaker 1 you're, you want everything that she has.

Speaker 1 I think it'd be different if like she was just following her because she was an Instagram model and she loves her style and she's like, I don't care that she's your ex. I love her style.
Cute boots.

Speaker 1 I'm going to buy them too.

Speaker 1 But this secret little incognito file and doing it for the past decade and like zooming in and like crossing other people's faces off and then like zooming in on the ex, like that is, that's creepy.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. I mean, some of the stuff in there, I just like, I could dissect everything all day.
Like

Speaker 1 all of the pictures, but then the folder of just cropped in on her hair. But then like the other people scribbled, like you said.

Speaker 1 But then the yearbook photo, work badge pictures. How did she get some of these pictures? Pictures of her in a crowd.
Is she stalking her in person and taking some of those pictures herself?

Speaker 1 Exactly. And he said that she was like

Speaker 1 very low maintenance or not on social media much.

Speaker 1 So that also

Speaker 1 is a huge red flag because it's like,

Speaker 1 I mean, oh my gosh, this is just so concerning.

Speaker 1 Top comment: I'm so sorry. This sounds like something out of creepy pasta.
Hopie responds, I'm actually surprised with the amount of support I've gotten on here in the last hour.

Speaker 1 Haha, believe it or not, there are no other red flags in our marriage. Now I don't know what else I've missed.

Speaker 1 First off, I'm sorry you were in an abusive relationship. Second, unfortunately, as hard as this will be, the only option here is to sit her down and ask what the hell is going on.

Speaker 1 Don't let her bog you down by bringing up that you snooped. You did, don't deny it, but that doesn't compare to her cyber-stalking your abusive ex and imitating her look.

Speaker 1 It's creepy, and I can't even begin to imagine why she would.

Speaker 1 Your wife is the one you married, and your relationship with this other woman was horrible. You're clearly not pining for the bad old days, so I've got no theories.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 and that's so true. Like, this other woman was not a threat at all, she's the furthest thing from a threat.
Right, OP OP has her blocked on everything.

Speaker 1 What

Speaker 1 the fuck?

Speaker 1 There's just so many things where it's gone way too far because even if wife was doing this for maybe like the first six months of their relationship, it would be questionable, but maybe she was just having a really hard time.

Speaker 1 Like, do you still love her? What if he still loves her? Like the obsession. But like the

Speaker 1 10 years is so confusing to me. Like, how do you stay

Speaker 1 dedicated to trying to like mimic everything that this person is doing for 10 years? It's a lot of effort and time. And

Speaker 1 who are you then? Who are you? Right. If you're so involved and engrossed in becoming someone else, who are you?

Speaker 1 Is there any chance that he went back to his ex while he got back with this girl? And that just kind of like spiraled this

Speaker 1 crisis. There's no mention of them ever getting together.
It sounds like from the time Bailey and OP met, they were kind of dating and exclusive.

Speaker 1 There's another comment OP adds in response to the one about the other red flags. I don't know what I've missed.

Speaker 1 While I talked about my ex, most of the things I told my wife about her were negative and paint her in not such a good light. My wife knows these things and knows they were traumatic.

Speaker 1 Of course, I've mentioned things like what she does for a living and things she used to do.

Speaker 1 I think everything else she found, she got through intense cyber stalking through my ex's friends and family. The yearbook photos, I have no idea.

Speaker 1 And then there is an edit removed specific info so I don't accidentally dox myself.

Speaker 1 But I mean, there's one comment. Someone's like,

Speaker 1 best thing to do is address it now and see what'll change if she no longer has someone to replicate. I really want to get her reaction.
I really hope he gives us updates.

Speaker 1 So OP OP does respond to that one and goes, I feel like what's worse is that she's subtly making these changes over time under my nose.

Speaker 1 So my ex has a specific career and Bailey didn't express interest in switching careers to the exact same thing until after I mentioned what my ex did.

Speaker 1 I didn't notice at the time, but I remember telling her, quote, ex went to school for that. The hair was more recent, the outfits and objects slowly over time, the interests.

Speaker 1 I'm not sure how much she's stolen personality-wise from my ex and what she actually likes. It's all incredibly exhausting and confusing.

Speaker 1 And that's how I would feel. Yeah.
I'd be like, who are you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who are you?

Speaker 1 If it was like, if that folder was from the time when they were dating,

Speaker 1 like he said, there were times. Before marriage or something.
Yeah, like there were a couple of the pictures saved from when we first started dating. Right.

Speaker 1 But the fact that he was like, it was updated as recently as two weeks ago.

Speaker 1 That's you have a baby together. You're happy.
And like, I don't, yeah, there's, there's just so many things that make this just too far.

Speaker 1 And I really can't get over like the scribbles, though, because if like you don't want to see other people, only her so clearly.

Speaker 1 Right. It's just, it's odd.

Speaker 1 Like, if she was just like, had this obsession that she got in this habit of doing and she's just kept like checking on the ex and then she like didn't want to accidentally like like I don't know, creating a separate album is just confusing to me in general, but like

Speaker 1 scribbling people's faces out.

Speaker 1 Oh man, I don't know. This is just so odd.
I really, really would love to get like what the wife says about it.

Speaker 1 Like, does she deny it and say, You're crazy, gaslight him, or is she gonna be like, I'm sorry, I have been battling like this mental health issue that I've been having, and I wanted to keep you out of it because it makes me feel so crazy.

Speaker 1 Like, I want to know like what her response is going to be so badly.

Speaker 1 Well, we don't have enough.

Speaker 1 Just kidding. We do? Yeah.
Oh, why'd you do that to me?

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. So the original post was coming from March 17th of 2024 this year.
And the update came July 7th. So March, April, May, June, July, like almost four months.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure I accidentally got my original post removed just now because I tried to update it with a link to my update. Oops.

Speaker 1 Anyways, I'm the guy that found the Google Drive full of pictures of my ex. So, I was not expecting my original post to go viral on YouTube and TikTok and have so many responses.
Yikes.

Speaker 1 I'm overwhelmed by the support. I am humbled by the number of people who have been through this experience on both sides.
Whoa. Wow.

Speaker 1 I have an update, but it's probably not as exciting and as juicy as you want. It's not bad though.
First, let me clear a few things up.

Speaker 1 If people think this post is fake because it doesn't make sense, or are trying to conceive timeline is short, or the way I worded things makes it look like a teenager or woman wrote it, continue to think that because it means I've successfully been vague enough and worded things to not accidentally dox myself.

Speaker 1 Because this is a creative writing exercise, so I don't embarrass myself for real.

Speaker 1 No, I actually didn't throw up. I was in the middle of a panic attack.
Private browsing tabs were opened to the websites with closing and objects. Another tab was signed into Google Photos.

Speaker 1 When I exited the Google Photo tab to look at the website with clothes and came back, it was already signed out and I couldn't get back in.

Speaker 1 A lot of the clothing I recognized wasn't because I remembered my ex wearing them. There were more recent pictures of her in the file wearing them.

Speaker 1 And I remember the day Bailey bought the water bottle that also happened to be in the folder. The hair.
Bailey and my ex are the same race and my ex wore braids in a particular way.

Speaker 1 Not so particular that it's exclusive to my ex, because Bailey has also worn different braids. But seeing pictures of her made me put two and two together.

Speaker 1 Is there any way Bailey could have gotten with me in an attempt to get to my ex? Was Bailey possibly obsessed with my ex before she met me?

Speaker 1 Probably not because Bailey grew up here and my ex originally moved here for university.

Speaker 1 And while you can drive across the border, it's not that easy, and I don't think Bailey was going back and forth to stalk her in person.

Speaker 1 Also, the reason why my ex and I broke up have nothing to do with Bailey, and she could not have had any involvement. On to the actual update.

Speaker 1 The next day, when I had calmed down, I called several social workers and therapists. I was planning to confront her there.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, the only places that take our insurance did not have an opening for another couple of weeks.

Speaker 1 So despite what a lot of you think, I've known my wife for nearly a decade, and even while I was confused and upset and doubting things, I didn't think she'd be a danger to me.

Speaker 1 We took baby to grandma's and I asked her to go for a walk with me. I did not beat around the bush and straight up told her, quote, I found the folder.

Speaker 1 Her face got very red and she was frozen, but also tried to play dumb at first. I was persistent and she started crying and begged me not to leave her.
This is what I uncovered.

Speaker 1 Bailey first started looking at my ex out of curiosity, to keep tabs, I guess. But over time, it became more pathological.
It's like she got addicted to it, but she also wanted to please me.

Speaker 1 Okay, maybe I talked about my ex a lot more than I thought. And Bailey wanted to emulate the good parts.
She told me she really doesn't know who she is.

Speaker 1 And my ex's image was something she latched on to because, quote, she had me first.

Speaker 1 Finding information about her became a game.

Speaker 1 Finding the clothing objects became a game by searching things like blue, water bottle, green, stripe, until she compared the product to a photo and found the exact one.

Speaker 1 The reason why I couldn't find the post wasn't because I had blocked my ex, but because my ex had made a new Facebook under a different name. Bailey found her profile by searching up a family member.

Speaker 1 She made a fake social media and added enough mutual friends until she could see my ex's post and until her private Instagram accepted her.

Speaker 1 She weaseled her way into her exercise Facebook group where the videos were posted and searched her high school on a yearbook website to find the yearbook pictures.

Speaker 1 Over time, she just collected the images and would get excited to find something new, despite the fact that my ex is extremely private on social media.

Speaker 1 The folder had originally been called, quote, hex the X, in case I discovered it. She was going to make the excuse of saving the pictures to put a hex on her.

Speaker 1 When she made a burner Google account, that's more normal.

Speaker 1 I think that might be worse. Yeah, I'm kidding.
When she made a burner Google account, she deleted the old folder and named the new one XX.

Speaker 1 Then she got sloppy and comfortable, and that's right around the time I just happened to open the work tablet. We took a break.
It was a while.

Speaker 1 We made it to couples counseling, and Bailey and I also began seeing separate therapists. She still has not had an assessment with a psychiatrist, but it's on the list.

Speaker 1 She promised to stop and deleted the album in front of me. Slowly, certain clothing items began to disappear from the closet.
I still do not entirely trust her, and that is for me to work on.

Speaker 1 I'm afraid she has another another secret account somewhere, like a backup. The physical mimicking is actually stopping, though, including the hair change.
We're still not okay.

Speaker 1 I want us to be okay, and it's okay if that takes time. If we end up not being okay, then that's something I have to deal with.

Speaker 1 What I do know is that my wife is incredibly insecure, probably mentally ill, and is misled. I don't really want to walk away from that.

Speaker 1 Although this probably isn't the most exciting update, I appreciate the private messages. I just couldn't get back to Reddit Cares and links to resources.

Speaker 1 I'm not sure how I feel about social media, YouTube, and TikTok. Picking up my story, though.
That's wild. Until next time, if I ever give another update, I do hope it's a good one.

Speaker 1 Damn. Until next time.
Until next time.

Speaker 1 I mean, I guess it's kind of exactly what we all thought, but

Speaker 1 I mean, I feel like that's

Speaker 1 a lot of people are screaming, ah, he should have got divorced.

Speaker 1 But there's so much more nuance to life than that. Yeah, I don't, this doesn't scream divorce to me.

Speaker 1 I think I would be more concerned if the wife completely gaslit him, wouldn't own up to it, like said he was crazy, like that type of stuff, then I'd be concerned around it.

Speaker 1 But the fact that, you know, she was embarrassed and then she came clean, I don't think that it's like an immediate like, divorce-worthy.

Speaker 1 It just, it depends on what, what happens from here. What it sounds like to me is that she was interested in the ex and then it became a little obsessive because she gamified it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 She literally gamified it and then it became an addiction that she just didn't drop. So

Speaker 1 I,

Speaker 1 you know, if nothing else is going wrong in the relationship and if she's going to be honest about getting help and talking it out of why she did it and not doing that anymore, then I don't see why,

Speaker 1 you know, they shouldn't still try. But again, it's up to OP and like how he feels.
If he feels really betrayed and he can't move forward from it, then like, that's that.

Speaker 1 But if he thinks he can, you know, still trust her and feel that she still is the same person that she is, like, she is her own person and she was just copying clothes because she had this like addiction and he can get over it, then

Speaker 1 that's their life. And that's that.
Yeah, that's their life. And I mean, do they do have a kid together? Like otherwise really happy marriage.
And

Speaker 1 I mean, he even kind of admitted, he's like, maybe I did talk about my ex a lot more than I thought.

Speaker 1 And so maybe, you know, she loved him so much, she felt that need to do it. And

Speaker 2 still

Speaker 1 unhinged. But, you know, you could, you could rationalize it a little bit more.

Speaker 1 And, you know, they'll proceed forward and they'll figure it out.

Speaker 1 Even if he just said in passing, like, oh, my ex was super stylish, very into fashion,

Speaker 1 but she and she used it against me and blah, blah, blah, and always said that I, my fashion suck. Like, even if he said that, and he, in his head, he's thinking he's talking about her being like,

Speaker 1 yeah, toxic. And then his partner is just like, she's fashionable.
She's fashionable. She has such good fashion stuff.

Speaker 1 You pick up the positive versus the negative that follows. Yeah.
Yeah. This one is wild.
Wild.

Speaker 1 Like, I do wish them the best. I'm very curious about the other people's comments about being in similar circumstances.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I, it doesn't really surprise me that much because I do think that that's something that happens with people.

Speaker 1 When you fall so in love with somebody, knowing that they had a past before you, I think can sometimes be like trippy. I would lose it.

Speaker 1 If I opened Justin's computer and there was a picture of my ex-boyfriends on there, I would lose my mind. I'd be like, sir, are you okay? Yeah,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know.
It would be very challenging, but

Speaker 1 with just a picture or like multiple pictures, like multiple, 346.

Speaker 1 346. Because if I saw like one picture, then I would just think that he like sent it to his friend to like make fun of my ex.
Yeah. I wouldn't be or like wanted to see what he looked like.

Speaker 1 And because I don't know, I guess I did have a couple pictures of my ex on there when we met

Speaker 1 but i don't know yeah i haven't i haven't really taken anything down from people i've dated yeah i know i have a lot of pictures i was scrolling the other day i have a picture with like one of my guy friends and it literally looks like we're dating i'm like

Speaker 1 i can see why that pose yeah is uh

Speaker 1 yeah i know i saw I saw this one picture of a brother and sister. Oh, I know.
Their siblings are dating stuff. And it was such a relationship-y pose.
And honestly, they both have been there.

Speaker 1 They're both so cute that, like, if you didn't know that they were siblings, you'd be like, oh my God, they're such cute couple. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I definitely have a picture like that with my little brother, and it's framed at my mom's place.

Speaker 1 And every time I look at it, and I'm like, I'm truly just so awkward and don't know what to do with my hands that I just put it there. I'm just.

Speaker 1 Where was the hand? Where'd you put it? Like, you know, you like kind of loop your arm around someone and like put your hand

Speaker 1 on his chest. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 your face looks so embarrassed I just I literally want to pay someone to Photoshop it and make it fine it's fine I mean it shouldn't be it shouldn't be that big of a deal it's just it is it

Speaker 1 you know

Speaker 1 I mean it's just funny because it's like when you when there's like a boy and girl sibling and they're around the same age and they and a lot of people like when they're dating each other a lot of times you see people who date people that look familiar to them that's like a psychological thing I know.

Speaker 1 So it's not, it's not that wild, but thank you. It's, you know, yeah, I need, I need that reassurance.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

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Speaker 1 It's okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This next one. Coming from Am I the Asshole? Am I the Asshole for making my daughter pay back a thousand dollar dress she was supposed to wear in a wedding?

Speaker 1 I have a daughter, Emma, 16 female, who was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her older sister's wedding. My oldest wasn't planning to have Emma in the wedding party.

Speaker 1 It was Emma who really wanted to be a bridesmaid because she was excited and wanted to be involved. My oldest agreed to include her, even though it meant extra costs and adjustments.

Speaker 1 The bridesmaid dresses, shoes, and fitting were around $1,000 each, which we agreed to pay for since Emma did not have the cash. The wedding is in a month.
Emma suddenly changed her mind.

Speaker 1 She's refusing to wear the dress since she thinks it is ugly, saying it is unflattering on her.

Speaker 1 It is, but didn't speak up at any part. She said she felt uncomfortable and wasn't close to the other bridesmaids and didn't want to participate anymore.

Speaker 1 I reminded her that she had been the one pushing to be a part of the wedding, but she was firm and backed out. Now we're stuck with a thousand dollar dress that can't be returned.

Speaker 1 I told told Emma that since she was the one who wanted to be in the wedding and then backed out, she would need to pay us back for the dress, either by working part-time or payment plans using her gift money.

Speaker 1 Emma is upset and says it's unfair, claiming we're punishing her for not wanting to do something she wasn't comfortable with anymore. Multiple family members think I'm being too harsh.

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole? How old is Emma again? 16. 16.

Speaker 1 What are your thoughts? No. Which part? What's no?

Speaker 1 Not the asshole. I think this is a great lesson for Emma to learn.

Speaker 1 I think it's justified. It's kind of one of those consequences.
Like you begged to be in the wedding. You inserted yourself.

Speaker 1 We helped you buy this expensive dress so you would be involved, but now you're backing up because you think it's ugly. It's not about you, Emma.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think you should wear the dress and be a part of the day. Is there still time? It's not the after, after the fact that they're saying to pay her back? Wedding is in a month.
Oh, okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, okay. So the wedding hasn't happened yet.
So she can still be in it. So I think she should just be in it.

Speaker 1 And actually, you know, I was thinking 16 sounds young, but it's actually a prime time to teach lessons like that. That money, you know, that money actually makes it.
Doesn't grow up trees. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I think that, you know, because I, growing up, like I would save my money from gift money or I would do what, like babysitting, or I would get whatever job that would hire me.

Speaker 1 And like, I was working at Coldstone for $6 an hour, which like, I don't even know still how it was legal. Apparently, it's because like we were able to take tip, but

Speaker 1 and what? Yeah, I know. I don't really understand, but I was like 15.
So I just, I really remember thinking, you know, anytime that I would buy something, if I would go.

Speaker 1 into Abercrombie and Fitch and buy a pair of jeans, then I would put into how many hours I worked for that pair of jeans. And I think it's really good to have, like, think like that at a young age.
So

Speaker 1 yeah, I think what you said makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 1 If she's not willing to be a part of the wedding anymore, when it was something she really wanted to do originally because she doesn't feel comfortable with the dress, well, you either wear the dress, be in the wedding, or you pay your parents back and understand the meaning of money.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And they said, you know, payment plans.
So it's not like they're like, find the money right now or get out. Or we're selling your car.
Yeah. We're selling blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 Like, I think it's the most fair, like, pop off, put your foot down we've had in a while. And I don't think a lot of bridesmaids' dresses are

Speaker 1 great.

Speaker 1 I think some people are making moves to really put their bridesmaids in really flattering things. But like, I don't know, there's a lot of ugly bridesmaids' dresses out there.

Speaker 1 They're just kind of standard and, you know,

Speaker 1 meh. Yeah.
Like, I don't know. Like, I've, I've, there's very few bridesmaids' dresses I've been excited about.
And I think they're pretty, but. You're very nice.

Speaker 1 And I like, I remember being asked to be in my brother's wedding and I was so happy to be a part of the day. Did I love my dress and how I looked in the pictures? No, but it wasn't about me.

Speaker 1 I was there to support them and have fun, right?

Speaker 1 You know, be involved in their day. And it's so special to even be included.
Right. She forced her way in.
Now you're a part of it. You're 16.

Speaker 1 You're going to be in those pictures. You're going to be a part of the day.
Like, who cares what you're in? Yeah. If you don't want to post the pictures, don't post the pictures on your own Instagram.

Speaker 1 Right. But be a part of the day.
That's true. You inserted your stupid little self in there.

Speaker 1 Suck it up. That's so, so true.
And I think the only hesitation that I had was thinking if

Speaker 1 the 16-year-old had no idea. Let's say they didn't discuss cost with her.
If she just thought it was a hundred dollar dress and then they were like, no, it was actually a thousand dollars.

Speaker 1 If that was

Speaker 1 a shock to her,

Speaker 1 then I would feel a little bit bad. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it sounds like it was transparent up front. Right.
And at the same time, though,

Speaker 1 still, even if it was $100 or not, it's just like, be a part of the day. Suck it up.
Like you said, you don't have to post it on your own social media.

Speaker 1 It's literally like you're not even, no one's going to see it. Yeah.
No one's going to see it. Who's going to see it? No one.

Speaker 1 The people in the room, they don't care about you and in your bridesmaid's dress. They care about the bride and groom.
That's who they're there for. You're not the center of attention.

Speaker 1 You, you literally, I don't know why this one's making me pop off so much, but it's like you inserted yourself.

Speaker 1 You pressured your sister. And like, it's like, well, maybe she thought ahead of time.
And this is why she didn't ask you in the first place.

Speaker 1 But I don't think you can force her. Like, it's hard because I feel like

Speaker 1 I do want to force her to like you committed to this. You signed up for it.
A thousand dollar bridesmaids dress is a lot of money. Well, that was, I thought, that's a lot.

Speaker 1 That doesn't really sit well with me either. I don't understand how people are expecting their bridesmaids to have $1,000 dresses unless they're paying for it.

Speaker 1 Maybe, maybe that's why

Speaker 1 there was going to be additional costs. Oh.
And so maybe the bride was paying for it. So she was like, I'm not going to add another.
Yeah. And so the parents were then like, we'll pay for it.
Right.

Speaker 1 That would make sense.

Speaker 1 So top top comment, not the asshole. A lot of people in the comments are making assumptions or straight up making things up that are the opposite of what OP has stated.

Speaker 1 The dress is the same for all the bridesmaids. And Emma has only ever met the bridesmaids while supervised.
So there hasn't been any bullying. The bride didn't even want Emma as a bridesmaid.

Speaker 1 This is something that Emma pushed for.

Speaker 1 The fact is, she's 16 and bulldozed her way into a position as a bridesmaid. And now that she's realized the style of dress isn't ideal, she's throwing a tantrum.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that is a really good point. No, I think this is a really important

Speaker 1 time in somebody's life to learn a lot of these really valuable lessons. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, you know, if you are pushing and you want and you're committing to something, follow through or pay the consequences of not following through.

Speaker 1 I mean, my uncle used to be,

Speaker 1 you know, he was really wealthy and he used to be really hard on my cousins because he wanted them to really

Speaker 1 appreciate money and

Speaker 1 be self-sufficient too. And so they told this story how when they were little and they would get a budget and he would give them a budget for the entire summer.

Speaker 1 They just had to write out exactly what they wanted to do and how much it would cost. They would do their own research and have this little Excel or whatever.

Speaker 1 And one of my cousins forgot to like include camp. And so

Speaker 1 he's like, sorry.

Speaker 1 The old well clause. You can go to camp next year.
Damn. Yeah.
And it's a lesson, though. Yeah, it sounds harsh, but

Speaker 1 how amazing of a lesson is that? Right. Exactly.

Speaker 1 So it's like, it's harsh, but at the same time, you know, when they had a lot of opportunities, it's like he wanted to make sure that their brain developed in a way that was being self-sufficient for themselves, that they weren't just like relying on him, you know?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I think in a story like this, I think it makes a lot of sense to have some tough love because in the end, you're actually just helping her build her character and be a better adult in the future.

Speaker 1 And that's life. Yeah.
Life is like wearing, you know, maybe you get a job at a place and you hate the uniform. I'm going to tell you right now, did I love my Perkins uniform? No.

Speaker 1 Did I still wear it because I wanted the money to go buy my buckled jeans?

Speaker 1 You were talking about Abercrombie and I'm like, oh my God, the amount of money I wasted at the buckle buying bedazzled Miss Me jeans.

Speaker 1 That is like the image I have of you when we first became friends. So So I feel like you wore the buckle jeans like right when we first met too.
Oh, I definitely did.

Speaker 1 Unless I just saw pictures of your. Yeah.
I was still rocking them. You're still a buckle jean girl.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So it's just funny because I can like picture you perfectly with your little like swooshy hair and dude, it's just crazy the development we've had.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I think it's it's gotta be one of those lessons she learns. The comment does go on to say, frankly, how she feels about the dress doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 The wedding is about the bride, and the bride picked the same dress for all the bridesmaids and didn't even want Emma there.

Speaker 1 Emma pushed for this, so she should either suck it up and wear the dress, or she should take responsibility for her decisions and pay back the cost.

Speaker 1 Again, this is a 16-year-old that bullied her way into being a bridesmaid despite being warned of the cost. And now she's wanting to drop out because the dress isn't ideal.

Speaker 1 She was perfectly fine spending her parents' money, but now that there are real consequences, she's upset. Not the asshole.
And OP did have an edit on the top of the post.

Speaker 1 I didn't go to my oldest and pressure her to make Emma a bridesmaid. My oldest gave in after Emma pestered her about it.
Emma has a phone.

Speaker 1 I don't even learn about the pestering until after she was added. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There are a couple comments from OP just kind of describing the dress. I was kind of curious about it.
It is about the dress. It's not about other bridesmaids or bullying.
Okay.

Speaker 1 It got back from being fitted and she hates it. We picked it up two days ago.
Her dress isn't different from others and she doesn't have a mental health issue.

Speaker 1 It's just not flattering for her body type. God, you know what dresses? I really don't like silky dresses that don't have like a cinch by the ruching.
Yeah, by the stomach area.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to be uncomfortable like the entire night if I'm wearing like a silk dress that's like tight against me with no like

Speaker 1 ruching. I don't want people to see the outline of my belly button.
No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm good. I'm good.

Speaker 1 The dress is a fall orange. It's not a bad color, but she hates it.
Everyone else was happy with the dress.

Speaker 1 No, I wasn't going to go to my oldest and ask her to change the dress that everyone else was fine with because it wasn't flattering on someone that wasn't even originally part of the bridal party.

Speaker 1 That would be so entitled and wrong.

Speaker 1 So OP seems to have a good head about him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Him, her. I don't know if they ever said them.

Speaker 1 Good head about them.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I think Emma needs to get with the program or pay for the dress.

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Speaker 1 Pop off.

Speaker 1 Next.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This next one is coming from AITAH

Speaker 1 titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Wife I'm Done with Her Emergency Calls and Leaving Her Stranded?

Speaker 1 I, 32 male, have been married to my wife, 29 female, for four years, and we have a three-year-old son.

Speaker 1 She's not a bad person, but she is constantly in a state of chaos, and every little thing becomes my problem.

Speaker 1 No exaggeration. I get these emergency calls multiple times a week.
Flat tire, calls me at work. Forgot her wallet, calls me.

Speaker 1 Grocery store out of her favorite oat milk blows up my phone like the world's ending. It's relentless.

Speaker 1 I work full time and do my fair share at home with our son, diaper duty, bedtime stories, cooking, cleaning, you name it. But these crises are killing me.

Speaker 1 I've told her before that unless it's a real emergency, like someone bleeding or stuck on a highway at night, she needs to figure it out. I don't have the bandwidth to drop everything constantly.

Speaker 1 The last straw came two days ago. I had to take my son to the doctor because he had an ear infection and I was already running on fumes.

Speaker 1 While I'm in the waiting room with a fussy toddler, she calls me in a panic because she locked herself out of her car in front of a target five minutes from home. I told her, quote, I can't leave.

Speaker 1 You'll have to call someone to pop the window. She freaked out, saying that would cost too much, she didn't bring enough cash, and I was being unreasonable.

Speaker 1 I stayed firm, said she needed to figure it out, and I hung up. When I got home later, she was furious.

Speaker 1 She said that the guy charged her $150 and I should have come to help because she, quote, didn't think to grab her wallet.

Speaker 1 I told her point blank, quote, I'm done rescuing you from things you can easily handle. You need to stop acting like everything is a disaster.

Speaker 1 Now she's barely speaking to me, acting like I'm the villain for not dropping everything for her again. My brother thinks I was harsh, but my mom said I was right to set boundaries.

Speaker 1 So am I the asshole for leaving her stranded this time?

Speaker 1 I don't think so. I think if it's something that's consistently happening, then I mean, you have to set boundaries at some point.

Speaker 1 If this was an isolated situation, I would probably be like, you should have helped her out.

Speaker 1 You should have, I don't know. I think that it's because it's like so consistent that he needs to set a boundary at some point.

Speaker 1 And kind of like what we're talking about in other stories, it's just like, you got to learn your lesson too. She made a mistake.
That's okay. But it's time for her to fix it on her own.

Speaker 1 And that's okay too.

Speaker 1 And I think sometimes when people get in relationships and the other person does a lot for them, then they start to kind of like lean into that and sometimes forget to be their own independent self without actively trying to do that.

Speaker 1 They just kind of fall into that cycle. So if the partner continues to let it happen, then it's almost like they're losing some of their individuality or their self-sufficientness.

Speaker 1 What's the word for that? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you do become like almost complacent in your own life.

Speaker 1 Like if you have someone doing everything for you, it's like, yeah, well, I'm just, I'm good. I'm comfortable not doing anything.
Right.

Speaker 1 And I don't even think, I feel like that's a depressing feeling, though, too. Like, I think it's good for people to have that individuality.

Speaker 1 And to a point, but it's like, if I could have breakfast in bed every day, I would.

Speaker 1 I certainly would.

Speaker 1 But like, I know that's not, that's not a reasonable expectation to put on my partner either. Like, I can wake up.
I can put my hash brown in the air fryer. I can put some eggs on the stove over easy.

Speaker 1 Like, I can do it. But she's not even being reasonable in what she's calling him for.
The store is out of your favorite oat milk. Yeah.
What's he supposed to do about it?

Speaker 1 Like, if this was me, I would feel suffocated. Yeah.
You're so dependent on me that you can't even problem solve what to do when a store doesn't have your oat milk. Right.
This is crazy.

Speaker 1 And I know there are some people who they didn't grow up learning certain things. They're not as self-sufficient as others.
I get that. But let's talk about it.
Let's work through this.

Speaker 1 Here's an experience. Call the tow truck company.
See if anyone can come get your car open.

Speaker 1 Do you have AAA? Okay, we don't. We should think about getting AAA now in case this happens again.
Then you have someone you know you can call. But she's like, I don't have my wallet.

Speaker 1 I don't have my wallet. Who doesn't bring their wallet to Target?

Speaker 1 Come on, ma'am. And it's like, your baby is at the doctor for an ear infection.
Right. You want your partner to leave the doctor's office to come fix your problem at Target.

Speaker 1 You can sit there and wait until I'm done with the doctor. Go back in the store.
Take a lap. Take a lap, bitch.
Cause this is not my issue right now. And it's a five-minute journey from home.

Speaker 1 Do you have another set of keys at home? You have your phone. You called me.
Can you Uber home and get your other keys? Because an Uber is probably cheaper than $150.

Speaker 1 Use your brain. Use your brain.
I think I'm popping off today today more than these people. I like it.
It's just, it's frustrating because I can, I can just feel that

Speaker 1 smotheringness of this. And it's not, I don't know.
It's just, it's so simple. No, it's just, I think, and what I meant earlier too, about it being good to do your own things.

Speaker 1 Cause and when you said, you know, I'd like to have breakfast in bed every day. I'm thinking more of like, there's certain times where, so my boyfriend, he, he drives a lot.
He likes to drive.

Speaker 1 He's the one who drives us a lot. And so like, we'll go and drive and like do, get groceries together.

Speaker 1 And there's something that when he's out of town and I drive myself and get my own groceries, there's something that feels really like empowering, which sounds so silly to say, but it's like, it's good to do things on your own sometimes.

Speaker 1 It genuinely like improves your confidence, your self-worth. And it's like, oh, that sounds so silly, right?

Speaker 1 Like going to the grocery store, but no, genuinely, like doing little tasks for yourself and building up your confidence in your abilities is so good for you yeah it really is yeah i just think doing things like doing anything on your own

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 1 every once in a while is very good for you so

Speaker 1 um that's that's why i'm i mean i'm a fan of him just saying like i got to draw the boundaries somewhere because i think it's actually helpful for her as well i do too i think so because it's like you also need to raise a little human to be a capable happy, healthy human.

Speaker 1 Exactly. You can't do that if you're like incapable of handling yourself.

Speaker 1 Top comment, not the asshole. Quote, my car won't open.
Quote, I'm at the doctor with our son. You are not the priority.
Yeah, which is the right thing to do. O.P.
responds, that's exactly it.

Speaker 1 I was focused on our son and it felt like she didn't see what really mattered. I can't keep putting everything aside for every little excuse.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, she had so many options. Go back into Target, get a coffee and wait for dad to be done at the doctor, or walk home and get the car later.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sounds like she's missing some critical thinking skills. Right.

Speaker 1 Curious if there's an update on this one. Like, that's the other thing, too.
It's like, realistically, did you expect me to leave the doctor when our son has an ear infection?

Speaker 1 Is that realistically what she was expecting of him?

Speaker 1 There are a lot of comments from OP.

Speaker 1 I just scrolled like four or five, maybe six, maybe seven. Could have been eight times.
Whoa. I lost track.
There's, it was so many scrolls. Whoa, OP had a lot to get off the

Speaker 1 OP's really going through it. Yeah.
It's draining, to say the least. I feel like every small inconvenience turns into a crisis and I'm always the first call.
At some point, I just hit my limit.

Speaker 1 I can't keep putting out fires that aren't even real emergencies. It's, it almost reminds me of like the little boy who cried, wolf.
There's There's a wolf. There's a wolf.
No wolf.

Speaker 1 By the time there was a wolf and he cried, wolf, no one believed him and his ass got eaten. Yeah.
It kind of reminds me too of the, the, that sailboat when the,

Speaker 1 when the guy had the partner who was, we're going to die. Yeah.
We're going to die. Just like in the way that it sounds that both OP and the other OP are feeling.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a comment. I see her getting flustered by everyday challenges and it seems like she doesn't know how to cope without relying on me.
And that is interesting.

Speaker 1 I wonder if there's some mental health stuff going on right now because, like, what did she do before you?

Speaker 1 And maybe there's, you know, some issues that need to be addressed through therapy. Right.

Speaker 1 It is really interesting. She's always been a bit scattered, but it does feel like it's gotten worse recently.

Speaker 1 It's tough to figure out how to help her manage things when she's at home all day and still struggles with everyday tasks. So it sounds like she's a stay-at-home mom.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'm not, I don't, I really don't want this to get taken the wrong way because OP does mention he works. OP

Speaker 1 also mentions now wife is a stay-at-home mom.

Speaker 1 It's interesting that she would just go to Target instead of going to the doctor as a family together.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Yeah. Maybe that's like, maybe that was her alone time as a mom that she needed and that is totally okay and justifiable.
But it is just, I'm curious about it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And maybe that's a wrong thing to be curious about. I don't know.
But it's like, if my baby was sick, I'd want to make, I'd want to go. But I also love going to doctor's appointments.

Speaker 1 So that could be a me thing too.

Speaker 1 There's a comment here: the chaos affects all of us, especially our son. Yeah.

Speaker 1 One other comment.

Speaker 1 Someone does recommend that maybe she needs a job. Maybe she needs a sense of purpose again or something.
A job could give her a sense of responsibility and help her learn to handle things on her own.

Speaker 1 It might help balance out the dynamic at home too.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean, I honestly think that like stay-at-home parenting or stay-at-home jobs are not for everyone.
Like even me, I have really questioned because I work from home and I just,

Speaker 1 I don't, I, I just feel healthier when I get out of my place because I'm there so often now that I work from home.

Speaker 1 And it just feels like my brain like starts to heal when I actually get outside, when I socialize with people because I have to, you know, like there's something about that for me that feels,

Speaker 1 that feels good, even when I don't think I want to do it, but doing it anyway, it feels really good. So, I mean, that, that could be some good advice.

Speaker 1 Like maybe OP's wife just needs something else going on

Speaker 1 to. to kind of put herself back in the driver's seat.
I think you are spot on with that because I think sometimes, you know, the baby is three.

Speaker 1 Maybe she's just feeling like she's lost herself a bit. You know, we've had posts like that where it's like, I love being a mom.

Speaker 1 I love being a stay-at-home parent, but I feel a little lost in my own identity, my own self-worth or, you know, whatever else you could throw in there. And maybe that is it.

Speaker 1 Maybe she does need to get back in the driver's seat, like you're saying.

Speaker 1 I think that's, I think there's something to that. A lot of comments from OP.
I will be sure to post the link for this one because I I can't even get through them.

Speaker 1 There is more of an explanation on the oat milk situation.

Speaker 1 OP says something about like, I thought we were a team, but it feels like I'm more doing it all.

Speaker 1 She called me while I was at work, freaking out about the grocery store being out of her favorite oat milk. It wasn't just a simple call.
It was like the world was ending.

Speaker 1 She was insisting that I needed to help her find it. And when I suggested she try another brand or go to a different store, she acted like that wasn't an option.

Speaker 1 What's he supposed to do? Go in the back? Yeah. And check the stock?

Speaker 1 Ask someone at the store, do you have any more in the back? If not,

Speaker 1 go to another store. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's so confusing.

Speaker 1 So confusing. I feel like based on how responsive OP is, I think there could be an update that comes from this one.
I could see it. I could see it.
I could see it.

Speaker 1 This episode of Two Out Takes is brought to you by Wayfair. This is not your first rodeo.

Speaker 1 After all of the wild and somewhat uncomfortable stories we read on this show, one thing's for sure, life can be unhinged. That's why your home should be your calm, comfy, happy place.

Speaker 1 And Wayfair totally gets that. My happy place includes a nice sofa, an ottoman to kick my feet up on, and a blankie.
You guys know I love a blankie.

Speaker 1 And I love pieces that look good and are gonna last. And that's what I've gotten with Wayfair.
A lot of my studio furniture is even from Wayfair, and they delivered it, came in, set it up.

Speaker 1 It was seamless. And I'm even trusting Wayfair for the lounge furniture for our wedding.
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Speaker 1 Shop everything home at Wayfair.com with free and easy delivery straight to your door. That's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com.
Wayfair, every style, every home.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along.

Speaker 1 This is going to be our last one, Miss Lowen. Okay.
Would you like a choice on it?

Speaker 1 Oh, you're putting me in a tough spot, but kind of.

Speaker 1 Okay. Option number one.
Am I the asshole for snapping at my wife and calling her crazy because she wants me to take a paternity test for my nephew?

Speaker 1 Juicy.

Speaker 1 Or I want to ask my male 34 business partner, female 31, to be with me romantically. How do I go about changing the context of our relationship?

Speaker 1 I think we got to do the first one. Yeah, it was pretty good.
Yeah. Unless the second one is like sneaky,

Speaker 1 like, wow. It is, but we'll get into it on Patreon.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, this first one. Am I the asshole for snapping at my wife and calling her crazy because she wants me to take a paternity test for my nephew? Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

Speaker 1 My wife and I have been married for 10 years and together for 14. We are child-free.

Speaker 1 I also have a nephew who's currently 13, and I'm not going to lie, he looks a lot like me and has a lot of the same facial features as me. I am really proud of him and we have a close bond.

Speaker 1 I have played a father-like role in his life since he was a kid. He has a deadbeat father and my sister divorced him a long time ago.

Speaker 1 A couple of my family members have commented on how my nephew looks a lot like me.

Speaker 1 And while I initially thought it was wholesome, my wife, for some reason, became very insecure and started getting doubts.

Speaker 1 She was questioning why I needed to play such a prominent role in my nephew's life, why my nephew had autism, etc.

Speaker 1 The insinuations just became weird and made me uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Insinuating that the nephew has autism because it's a brother and sister.

Speaker 1 Is that

Speaker 1 what she's getting at? I don't know, but wow, one could assume a lot of things.

Speaker 1 Okay. I do agree that my sister has played some part in my wife's insecurities because of her dry humor.

Speaker 1 During family gatherings, my sister jokes a lot about how wholesome it is that her son looks like me and that she couldn't be happier.

Speaker 1 It's obviously a joke, but I spoke to my sister and asked if she could tone it down a bit because it was making my wife a bit crazy.

Speaker 1 However, last night, my wife asked if I could take a paternity test just for her peace of mind.

Speaker 1 That's when I finally snapped and called her crazy and that marrying her was the biggest mistake of my life.

Speaker 1 I did immediately regret saying it because I meant none of it. My wife is the love of my life, but my wife got quiet and started crying shortly after.
And I had to console her. Was I the asshole?

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. Oh, I want you to go first.
Well, we were doing really well, right? We were doing really well. I mean, it was all going great, fine and dandy.

Speaker 1 And I was going to say not the asshole until he popped off a bit. Yeah.
And said,

Speaker 1 marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life. Well, it honestly makes him sound guilty.

Speaker 1 I mean, you can call her crazy. Is it nice? Maybe not.
But is she acting a little unhinged? Yes. Right.
So I understand that.

Speaker 1 But like to be like, you're so upset that she's asking for a paternity test, which I do understand, offensive. She doesn't trust you.
There's a lot of implications there. Of course.

Speaker 1 But you couldn't be like, babe, you are being so crazy. You're being unhinged.
I wouldn't sleep with my sister. And so the reaction does kind of like, it's like, well.

Speaker 1 Why are you getting so defensive? And so defensive to the point you said marrying me is the biggest regret of your life. Right.
That's weird.

Speaker 1 right and also very hurtful yeah you're kind of the asshole now for how you said that right no i know because like if you were to tell me that he said if he popped off and was like you like that is absolutely crazy that is so hurtful that you would and disgusting that you would

Speaker 1 assume or ask like

Speaker 1 whatever

Speaker 1 But marry, sorry, sorry, but but saying that marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life, just it feels like it went from like, I mean, I shouldn't say zero to 100 because like maybe 45.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to 100.

Speaker 1 The action doesn't, what's that, um, what's that like, uh,

Speaker 1 what's that like a fucking Albert Einstein? No, no, my God, no. Sir Isaac Newton, every action has an equal but opposite reaction.

Speaker 1 His reaction, I'm trying to like determine in my own head right now, does his reaction, is it justified based on her action? You know what I mean? Well, because I mean, I level out.

Speaker 1 How would you react if Justin were to ask this of you about your brother and your nephew? I'd be like, you act,

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 You're disgusting. You think I would sleep with my brother? And it's like, well, of course they look alike.
Like the brother and sister, they're siblings. Yeah.
So they share some DNA.

Speaker 1 Like, but would you, would you say that?

Speaker 1 Could you see yourself being so pissed off?

Speaker 1 Like if, if Justin kept making like little jabs throughout the entire time and then could you see yourself like getting to the point where that was your last straw and you say something really mean because that's the only thing that like I mean maybe of I mean are you the asshole yes you're the asshole for saying that like specifically if you didn't mean it then you should definitely apologize but you're still in the right to be offended and hurt by this insinuation yeah

Speaker 1 this might be in everyone sucks here yeah like everyone sucks the wife sucks like you've been married for 10 years together for 14

Speaker 1 and you're making this a thing now.

Speaker 1 What? And then you, the dude sucks for his reaction. Like that was way, that was, that was really unhinged as well.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Top comment, your wife's new homework is Punnett Squares.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, for real, my nephew looks exactly like me. And I never never even considered this happening.

Speaker 1 I'm not married, but if I had a wife that was like, quote, prove to me you didn't fuck your sister, I'd be mortified, maybe unrecoverable.

Speaker 1 So, my sister and I look a lot like our cousins, my father's older brother's kids, to the point that people in the past said the four of us look like sisters.

Speaker 1 We have also been told we look a lot like our fathers.

Speaker 1 If some family member or anyone had suggested something like this, we all would have laughed super hard, especially given that when all the cousins were conceived, my father and his brother lived more than a thousand miles from each other.

Speaker 1 Some people don't understand how hard genetics go.

Speaker 1 And that's the thing. Like I was saying, like they're brother and sister.
Of course, there's a chance he could look like his uncle. They share DNA.
Do I'm sorry?

Speaker 1 Did they, do they have a child together? No, they're child-free. So

Speaker 1 it's making me almost wonder if there,

Speaker 1 some of like the issues that are going through the wife's head are just seeing him be a father figure for another like family She's jealous, maybe yeah, and even though that was a very like a very clear decision on their part Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And or like maybe not.
We don't know. Yeah.
Who knows?

Speaker 1 But just maybe it's like her mind is like playing tricks on her because she's seeing him be this father figure, but it's not, but she's not necessarily involved or as involved.

Speaker 1 Um, and maybe that's kind of making her have these like crazy

Speaker 1 irrational thoughts.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know. And I guess like if you had this thought or like even if you didn't have this thought, but all the time family members were like pointing it out like, hey, oh my God, he looks just like you.

Speaker 1 He just looks like, he looks identical to your husband. Oh my God.
He looks, and it's again and again over the course of 10, 13 years, however long it is, like

Speaker 1 maybe you do get in your own head and be like, am I so stupid? Am I missing something? And then you ask him to just do a DNA test, a paternity test to give you some peace of of mind.

Speaker 1 And then he flips out over it and says, you're the biggest regret of my life, marrying you.

Speaker 1 You're kind of like, why do you react that way? Yeah. Maybe it is true.
Ooh.

Speaker 1 So it's tough. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, you don't know what she's going through.
And like, again, it's, it's such a complicated thing because that question is high, like highly offensive. It's so bad.

Speaker 1 It's so offensive, but it's like, I.

Speaker 1 We don't know how much like mental twists and turns she's been putting herself through over the course of this many years. Right.
So it's just kind of an interesting,

Speaker 1 it's an interesting. I mean, she could have literally listened to this podcast and come across like a brother and sister type of story on Addiction.
Or just, yeah. So it happens.

Speaker 1 Who knows what she's going through?

Speaker 1 Um, I'm curious to hear updates and like how they kind of resolve this because it sounds like the thing that's good is that he turned around and was like consoling her after he snapped and said this like really, you know, painful thing after he was in a lot of pain from what she said to him.

Speaker 1 So it sounds like they, there's a lot of like love, but there's just some type of disconnect. And I'd be curious to see like how they are planning to work through that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you think your opinion would change if the genders were switched and it was the husband going to a wife being like, hey, can you get a paternity test to make sure you didn't fuck your brother?

Speaker 1 Do you think your opinion would be different at all? Cause I'm trying to think. I don't.
I don't feel like it would. I feel like it's kind of the same concept.
I mean, because I,

Speaker 1 I'm, when I'm like answering, I'm putting myself, I'm trying to put myself in the husband's shoes and in the wife's shoes.

Speaker 1 Like, like, regardless of their gender, I'm trying to think of if I was in that situation, how I would feel on both ends. So to me, I don't think that my opinion would change if gender was switched.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you think it would? I don't think so because I'm sitting here and I'm like, is it offensive to ask for a paternity test after such a long committed relationship?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's not the nicest feeling thing, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 But then, like, if I had a reaction like that and said, I regret marrying you, it's like, that's also really hurtful. So, no, I don't, I don't think it would switch.

Speaker 1 But you mentioned wanting an update.

Speaker 1 We do have one. Let's hear it.

Speaker 1 The gist of it is that I've agreed to take the test, but under certain conditions. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 I understand my wife is being paranoid and delusional, but I want to take the test just to erase whatever irrational fears she has.

Speaker 1 Sometimes these fears have no logic, and I too have had irrational fears before, and there was no logic in them. I spoke to my sister about it today, and she was obviously pretty angry at my wife.

Speaker 1 However, my sister and I discussed it at length, and she agreed to the test under certain conditions. I spoke to my wife after and told her I would take the test under some conditions.

Speaker 1 My wife was very happy that I agreed to take the test. And then I told her those conditions.
The first condition being that she had to stop these insinuations immediately.

Speaker 1 My wife immediately agreed to it. The second condition being that there were going to be no more arguments on me spending time with my sister and nephew.

Speaker 1 My wife and I have had some arguments over the years where she asked why I spend so much time at their house. My wife agreed to the condition, although she took some time to think about it.

Speaker 1 The third and final condition was that I had the liberty to go on vacations with my sister and nephew without my wife being there.

Speaker 1 I told my wife up front that my sister doesn't want her to come on these vacations anymore. My wife was a bit more hesitant on this, but she ultimately agreed to it.

Speaker 1 Wait, why doesn't she want her to come anymore? The wife or the sister is probably just so hurt. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, you're implying that I would sleep with my brother. Right.
And you're so paranoid, you're making us all do a

Speaker 1 eternity test. I understand that, but just like to make that an agreement, like for good.

Speaker 1 It's interesting. It is.
It's like specifically vacations. Like you would think she'd be like, you're not allowed to see my nephew anymore.
But like being like, you don't get to go to Florida with us.

Speaker 1 Well, and then there's almost the question of like, maybe the wife's feelings aren't so out of the blue because maybe he has been stepping in like a surrogate partner. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe she has had her needs neglected.

Speaker 1 It is a weird condition versus like, I don't want to be around her anymore. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And like, oh, hey, we're going to take you on our happy family vacations and she can't come. Right.
It is interesting.

Speaker 1 Unless they've had issues on those vacations and she's like, I'm done with dealing with that. But it's, it's an interesting one.
Okay, let's hear it. That's probably my final update.

Speaker 1 Oh, thanks, everyone, for the advice. Well,

Speaker 1 is the kid not yours?

Speaker 1 So there is a comment. LOL, dude, it's not going to matter what the test says.
Your wife has an irrational delusion in her head and will go through whatever mental gymnastics she needs to justify it.

Speaker 1 The test is not going to help. If anything, it's going to get worse, especially based on those conditions you set.

Speaker 1 OP responds: I told my sister this, but if this doesn't work, I'm going to look into divorce. Wow.

Speaker 1 And that's all she wrote. Someone replies to that comment: Save the money from the DNA test and just spend it on the lawyers.

Speaker 1 Your wife thinks you are incestual, and on top of that, you don't practice safe incest. I don't know how you move past that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, that's, that's fair, but I, I like that OP is being empathetic and saying, I've had irrational fears that have come from nowhere. And I, you know, I get it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I like that he's being empathetic. But if the problem doesn't solve after this test, then that's an issue.
Yeah. I mean, there's options like therapy, but

Speaker 1 you kind of just, you know, she really did throw a wrench in their lives. And that accusation and that demand that we can't move forward with our lives without this test is, I mean, it's, it's goofy.

Speaker 1 It,

Speaker 1 I just, yeah, I don't think there is really coming back. It sounds like she really does need to address her mental health.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But again, if he's acting like a surrogate partner and neglecting you and your family and,

Speaker 1 you know, you get all these comments,

Speaker 1 you know. Two plus two starts to equal four.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then sometimes people tell you two plus two actually equals five. And if you hear it enough times, you start to believe it.
Hmm. Where is this coming from? I don't know.
Okay. Just off the cuff.

Speaker 1 I actually know of somebody

Speaker 1 who

Speaker 1 had her partner's family ask her to do a paternity test.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 She said, I will do that, but if I do the paternity test, then you are not allowed to have access to my child.

Speaker 1 And so then they said, do not do the paternity test. Psych.

Speaker 1 Just kidding.

Speaker 1 It is interesting. It is interesting.

Speaker 1 It's crazy how wild people get with paternity and stuff.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I mean, even like my own family, there was, there were some issues with it, with me and my dad, you know, taking me on and just being like, nope, that's my daughter. That's my daughter.

Speaker 1 And, you know, there has been times where certain family members have been like, well, you're not, you're not really grandma's granddaughter because I wasn't looked at as real family.

Speaker 1 And it's so, you know, people get goofy and

Speaker 1 it's just, that's so weird. Family's family.
If you got good ones, hold them close.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah.
I'm a little perplexed with this one. And I do want another update.
I know. How to go?

Speaker 1 You know, are you getting divorced? Does she believe you now that you got the evidence? Can you imagine if Tess came back?

Speaker 1 Oh my God. You are the father.
Oh, my God. I just think that

Speaker 1 we should change as a species.

Speaker 1 And the

Speaker 1 men and women should get pregnant at the same time.

Speaker 1 So men also, there's no question. It's like,

Speaker 1 no,

Speaker 1 my partner is also pregnant. I would love for

Speaker 1 Justin to have a sympathetic pregnancy.

Speaker 1 You don't have to go through birth, but like,

Speaker 1 but I go back and forth. I'm like, oh, okay, I would do one.
You know, if it happens and I get pregnant, I'll do one. But then other days, I'm like, I don't want to do it.
I don't want to do it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's just

Speaker 1 people that go through childbirth, they all deserve trophies. I've said it before and I'll say it again.
I'm going to start making medals. I see a baby in public.
I'm going to give it to the mom. Job.

Speaker 1 I'll get canceled for that. It just seems like so.

Speaker 1 It seems like

Speaker 1 it's such a big sacrifice. I mean, you're, you're pregnant for almost a year and then you're changing diapers for two years.
We were just talking about this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just, it's definitely a big sacrifice. It's for life.
It's not, you know, just the first 18 years. It's for life.
It's a big thing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Today I'm like, I don't know if I want kids. Tomorrow I'll be like, I want 10 of them.
Yeah. No.
No. We all got to fit in one car.
Basketball team. Three tops.
Three tops.

Speaker 1 Then, oh my God, I saw the craziest video of a woman woman who just gave birth to triplet.

Speaker 1 Her stomach.

Speaker 1 Oh, I think I saw that when it looks like one of those, like, it looks like one of those black, like, bullet emojis. It was the most insane bump I've ever seen.
Maybe it's a different one.

Speaker 1 I'm, there was a one that I saw where it goes like straight out like this. Yeah.
Like a tube. It looked like she had like, yeah.
Yeah. I can't think of like the, what I'm trying to explain it as.

Speaker 1 So in OT, we used these things called peanut bolsters and they're in a shape of just like a big, like a giant jelly bean. It literally looked like she had a ginormous jelly bean coming off her.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's a good, that's a better example. Yeah.
And everyone in the comments was like, Where's the girl with the list? I mean,

Speaker 1 I'm going to introduce you. The girl with the list.
Who? She's just got a ginormous list going of all these reasons to like not be pregnant. Oh,

Speaker 1 okay. I have heard of that.
Yeah. But we got a little deviated here.
We had to record some Patreon. So thank you guys so, so, so much for being here.
October's been great. Loved it.

Speaker 1 We're back on tour. Come see us at some of our final shows.
Oh, I'm probably not going to have a Halloween one this.

Speaker 1 You were saved, Lauren. Oh, I like the Halloween ones.

Speaker 1 Oh, you. Yes, I do.
They're like my favorite ones when they're not too scary.

Speaker 1 She's lying. But anyways, thank you so, so, so much for being here.
If you want more, Patreon. I probably already said it.
But until next time. until next time.
Bye. Bye.