187: They Can't Be Serious.. Ft. Ian Hecox

This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Teamwork does make the dream work, like putting together a piece of Swedish furniture or trying to figure out how to sell your merch.
Sure, you can have an amazing product, but when it comes to actually selling it, you might need a little bit of help. And nobody does selling better than Shopify.
Their ShopPay feature can help you boost conversions up to 50%. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use.
Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash THT, all lowercase.

That's shopify.com slash THT. All lowercase.
That's shopify.com slash THT. This episode is brought to you by Max.
The Emmy award-winning series Hacks returns this April. The new season follows Debra Vance making a move from her Vegas residency to Hollywood showbiz.
Tensions rise as Debra and Ava try to get their late night show off the ground and make history while doing it. Starring Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder.
Hacks season four is streaming Thursday, April 10th, exclusively on Max. And don't forget to check out the official Hacks podcast on Spotify.
Okay, here we go. Rolling on everything.
Technology is going to be my friend today, not my enemy. I've got a good theme, great stories, and an amazing guest co-host.
Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes, you guys. I'm your host, Morgan.
And today, we are joined by Ian Hecox from Smosh. From Smosh.
The brain, the everything behind Smosh. I don't know about brain, but sure.
Yeah. A guy from Smosh.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. You started it in 2005? Yeah.
The YouTube channel was started in 2005. The website was started by Anthony in 2002.
Wow. Yeah.
So predated YouTube. But yeah, we were.
Isn't that insane? Truly. Like when you think about it, you're like, what the hell? Like, yeah, that's insane actually.
Yeah. We've, we're about to celebrate 19 years, probably by the time that this comes out, maybe we've had already celebrated 19 years.
That's amazing. But I mean, yeah, I was at a chicken joint the other day

and a full grown ass

man came up to me and was like,

you were my childhood. And I

was like, dude, you are a

full grown adult.

And then you think to yourself, you're like,

am I getting old?

I mean, yeah.

I don't really think about

it. I don't really think about myself getting old, but I do think about the time span from when we first started making YouTube videos.
And that's crazy. I don't even know what Reddit was in 2005.
Like, I don't even think it, it probably, it probably did exist, but there were so many other websites. I feel like Reddit's kind of like the last website that exists.
Yeah. Everything else is just social media.
It's the final frontier. Truly.
It's the wild west. Yeah.
Thank God we still have it. Reddit.
I love you. I have had some really good experiences with Reddit lately.
And there's been a couple of stories on Patreon that these people have truly been saved thanks to Reddit and being able to write in and get neutral, unbiased advice. I hope we can provide some of that today.
Oh, well, you know, you should have had a different host on if, you know, you wanted good unbiased advice. I come with a lot of bias.
I'm biased on a daily basis. It's hard to escape.
You try. You live.
You learn. You try to grow.
But these stories, they can pinch a nerve. Yeah.
Well, I am afflicted with a straight white guy. And therefore, I tend to play devil's advocate.
Oh my God, everyone's just screaming already. Yeah.
So I just want to put that out there right now. I might say something out of pocket and then walk it back.
But I'll try not to play too much devil's advocate because I know that's very annoying. Well, some of these might need it though.
Today's theme I have is they can't be serious. Like these people are off their rocker.
Someone might not be OP, could be people involved, but like they're serious. They're actually serious.
No, no. Okay.
So there's some crazy ones. Some deeply unserious people.

People are troubled.

You know, we see it on a daily basis.

People are genuinely troubled and that's today.

And we're here to fix them.

Everyone.

Okay, let's dive in.

Let's do it. so How bad do I want to start? Yeah, do you want to start heavy? Just going hard or ease in? I kind of want to be weird.
This one, I'm really curious what you think. Let's do it.
Okay, it's coming from r slash amirong. It's 10 days old, titled, Am I Wrong for Feeling Hurt and Violated Over My Husband's Work Party? My husband is a senior partner at a banking firm, and the partners like to get together every once in a while and socialize, which shouldn't be an issue.
But in the past, there has been some pretty serious bad behavior makes as fun drunken antics. He told me he was going to be attending a game night thrown by his coworker Valerie at a hotel because she didn't want them in her house due to past behavior.
I felt a bit apprehensive as I've never liked Valerie. She is a total pick me, but I told him to go and have fun.
Well, the next day I got a message from one of his other co-workers' wives, Lisa asking if I knew about the game they had played. Apparently, all of the men stole a pair of their wife's panties and everyone had to guess which panty belonged to who.
To me, this felt hugely violating. It also felt as valerie is the only woman and has a male partner

So therefore she was exempt

I asked my husband about it and he said it wasn't a big deal

He admitted he did take a pair of my underwear but swore he didn't know I would be upset

I was furious and couldn't look at him the rest of the day

I feel this is a major betrayal

He feels it is something we should be able to laugh at

Thank you. upset.
I was furious and couldn't look at him the rest of the day. I feel this is a major betrayal.
He feels it is something we should be able to laugh at. So am I wrong? Yikes.
Okay. So that's a weird thing to do with your coworkers.
Where is HR? Yeah, straight up Also to To have it in like a hotel room

It's

It's all levels of sketchy. I don't, I don't understand.
It's giving toxic frat house workplace. Yeah.
Like very boys club, just very, very toxic. Yeah.
And I, I, I, I can imagine for somebody like Valerie working in a very male dominated workplace, like she might feel like she has to go along with these sort of things to blend in and not be passed up for promotions or anything like that. I mean, that happens a lot in professional workplaces, like especially certain cultures where it's like you are expected to go out and drink with your boss.
And if you don't drink with your boss, you're going to get passed up for a promotion. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.
Yeah. Like, oh God, corporate America and like places like that, that have those underlying rules and like clubs.
It's like, that is so scary. And it's like, how do you get above it? How do you get past it? I mean, the only way is to become the boss and change it from the top down.
Like that's, that's really the only, that's really the only way, because if you like, if you're in like, let's just say, I'm trying to empathize with Valerie here for a second. If you're in her position and all the dudes are like, we're going to party.
And then she's just saying no every single time. That does start to other her and preclude her from things.
So I think something like that is definitely HR worthy. like bringing wife's panties and like showing them off to your co-workers is a certain level of gross uh i would not do that at my workplace in a million years no and i have so many questions and like this is not the point of this story but i'm like did he grab clean underwear or were they dirty from a laundry pile were they smelling them that's what i was gonna say i'm like i didn't want to say but i'm like are they like passing it around and like you know they are you know they're like feeling them and stretching them out and touching them and i hope valerie had made her husband wear a pair of of her panties and then that would have yeah that would have leveled the playing field i feel like it yeah i was gonna devil's advocate hop on your little devil's advocate train over there and say i do appreciate that they didn't make valerie participate yeah that would have been small glimmer that would have been super disgusting but the fact they did this is so weird like you're degrading your wives you're just, it's such a weird boundary with coworkers, your partner.

I mean, everything.

I'm just like, ew.

It's icky.

It's icky.

It's beyond.

Yeah.

It's giving frat, which I mean, makes sense.

They're all partners at a law firm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Banking firm.

Banking?

Yeah.

Oh, finance bros.

Yeah.

Even worse.

Yeah. Yeah.
Top comment. That's just weird.
Next comment. And a tad creepy.
Next. A tad? I don't know.
I feel like this is enough to fit into the very creepy category. Next question.
The question is, did they sniff them? we were all wondering we're all wondering i don't like it at all curious if there's any comments from op so apparently someone was asking what's up with valerie like does she not invite you guys what's going on there no she doesn't want the wives and

no one can make her do anything she's very aggressive but she likes to throw parties and likes the praise of everyone enjoying them she knows there would be a very different vibe if the wives were there I mean I kind of roll my eyes that like why why is of all the people the woman getting the shit for this i know so like that with that i'm kind of like okay i don't know it's kind of it's kind of giving a little bit of misogyny of being like oh it's actually the woman's fault in all of this that these guys are doing these gross things no absolutely it's just kind of like yeah it's just kind of like, you know, we've seen this

before. There is a comment from

OP, HR doesn't have

policies about what they do on their own time.

Everyone knows they get wild outside

of work. She got a black eye

while trying to get him off of her when he got

drunk in the office, wrapped his arms

around her, and told her at seven months

pregnant he was her daughter's

father. What?

I'm curious who this is in relation

to. Huh? I'm like,

Thank you. her and told her at seven months pregnant he was her daughter's father what i'm curious who this is in relation to i'm like valerie got valerie valerie got a black guy that's what it sounds like that is terrible also like if you have a party with your co-workers and something bad happens that's still considered sexual harassment.
Like that's still a fireable offense. Yeah.
Just because it happens off of the outside of the workplace, doesn't mean you're precluded from the rules. I'm blown away.
So yes, Valerie was the one that got the black guy. And she did, she got extra vacation time because they didn't want her to call the police.

They aren't even allowed to have Christmas parties anymore

because the office behavior was so bad.

She didn't come up with the game

and she isn't responsible for what they all chose to do.

It kind of feels gross to blame the woman.

Ding, ding, ding.

Ding, ding.

Previous times at her house,

they broke her sliding glass door and her kids swing set they were going into bedrooms these people need to how old are these people this is weird um op says i wouldn't be surprised if she was fucking her bestie or some of them are fucking their secretaries.

Your husband works there.

Like, are you roping him in to that? I feel like that sounds like an extremely toxic work environment. And the fact that they just can't they can't have holiday parties anymore because people are too crazy.
it's just like guys I think the problem is some of your employees and they need to be moved on. You need a clean house.
Yeah. Also, I would be like, I know you trust your partner.
You love your partner and whatever, but I would look at my partner very differently if they were engaging in this type of behavior. Yes.
Like, you brought my underwear to go have a boyfriend? No. No.
Yeah. And I mean, like, you know, it's good to trust your partner and everything, but my trust would definitely be questioned if I was that wife, like in terms of like what these people are getting away with.
Yeah. And if he is a party to all of that, I'd be like, uh, why are you going along with this stuff? Like, why do you have to go to these weird hotel parties? Just don't go.
Just maybe don't go because it sounds like some bad shit is happening. So you have other plans.
Yeah. This is one of those things where the whole organization, like it comes to light.

They have like one whistleblower and it comes to light and the whole thing just goes. It's going to end in an arrest for sure.
Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Damn. Moving along.
Wow. This next one is coming from r slash relationship advice, 13 hours old, titled, my 25 female ex-boyfriend, 27 male, left me for my best friend, 25 female, and now they want me to be a part of their wedding party.
Any advice? Oh, yeah. I say do it for the bit.
Go just for your speech that you can give.

Oh, my God.

I'm so glad I could bring them together.

The power you can wield.

The fact they were able to meet through me while I was dating Josh.

So glad.

So glad.

Three years ago, Josh, my boyfriend of about 1.5 years, broke up with me because he had feelings for Anna, my best friend. They were dating for one year? A year and a half.
A year and a half. Okay.
We hung out a lot and they said that they eventually developed feelings for one another. They admitted that Josh had been cheating on me.
They made a fool out of me. They made me think that everything was okay when it was really not.
If they admitted it at the time, I would have tried to be understanding and tried to support them, but they chose to lie. So I cut them both off.
I focused on school and found a job with a good income. Josh and Anna tried to reach out to me at first, telling me that they still wanted to be friends, but I blocked them.
Now I'm living in the next town over to our hometown. I got a wonderful job opportunity, so I moved, but I liked that I was still close enough to visit my parents and other relatives.
About a month ago, I heard about their wedding from a common friend. It didn't really bother me anymore, so I just went on with my life.
A week ago, I received a message from Anna telling me that she and Josh were getting married and that they would like for me to be a part of their wedding day. I replied, quote, congratulations.
No, thank you. I had no feelings for Josh anymore, and I'm even seeing someone else, but I don't want to celebrate the wedding of two people who betrayed me.
They were insistent. Josh also messaged me via a different number.
Some of my friends also tried to convince me to come to the wedding. I firmly said no.
Even my mom called me, asking if I was going, and when I said no, she sounded disappointed, but didn't push it. This is all just quite weird to me.
Why would you want your ex-girlfriend slash ex-best friend, the girl you cheated on, to be a part of your wedding party? The day before yesterday, Anna's parents called me, telling me that they missed me and really hope I could go to the wedding. I firmly said that I would not be going.
Her mom berated me, saying that I should let bygones be bygones, and that I should be happy for her daughter. I asked her if I cheated with Anna's boyfriend and then invited her to the wedding.
Would she convince Anna to go? She had no answer to this, and I hung up. This is getting quite out of hand because I'm now receiving more than 20 to 30 calls and texts a day from their friends and family about this wedding.
Any advice on how to handle this? Also, any insights on why they want me to go to their wedding? I don't think it's normal that they are this insistent. That's wild.
20 to 30 calls a day? That's psycho. I would be losing my mind.
Hearing

my phone ring is like instant

anxiety provoking.

20 to 30,

I'd have to shut it off. Why is that such

a big deal for them?

Move on. She obviously

did. I think there's obviously

a large amount of guilt that

they have, and they probably had it from the get-go,

but they just didn't care because they obviously were very into each other but why do they care so much about having her there i my hunch is it's about the social stigma like everyone knew who they were like they were best friends for however many years like from the time they were little. Yeah.
They want her to go there so they can be absolved of their- That's what I think. Yeah, absolutely.
She's here. She's okay with it.
She's cool with it. She's supporting us on our day.
She realizes we love each other. Obviously, we didn't meet in a traditional way, but she's okay with it.
100%. They're doing it for themselves.
Yeah. And it's like, everyone's trying to like get her there.
So it looks fine. It looks all dandy because you know how much people love to gossip and talk.
Unless she's there, they're going to talk mad shit. And as they should, as they should, they deserve to be talked about.
Yeah. It's not a good origin story for your, for your love story, you know, starting off with a good old cheating scandal.
Yeah. No, she absolutely should not go.
And yeah, that's, that's totally why they want her to go there. Cause as long as she's there, then, then yeah, she's cool.
They're absolved of their, you know, betrayal. I know.
And their guilt. And also this relationship has been moving so fast.
I mean, they probably love each other. I know.
And they probably like really hit it off. Clearly, you know, they're meant for each other, but they were not they were not truthful about the feelings that they had.
And yeah, they cheated before he broke up with her. Right.
Yeah. They were sleeping together.
Yeah. That's fucked up.
I know. And they were together a year and a half.
So it's like that's a decent amount of time. It's a decent amount of time.
It's enough time for it to be like really messed up to cheat on somebody. Obviously, any time is a bad amount of time to cheat on somebody.
It's a tough one. Yeah, that's rough.
But it sounds like she's moved on. Her life is – sounds like her life is great.
Yeah. So it's just kind of like block those people's numbers and just move on.
I know that would be my advice too. Like you really just got to block them all, really go low contact with anyone that's going to keep pressuring you.
And I'm sure they still have mutual friends. And like, obviously you're not saying you guys can't go.
Like you're kind of being a saint in all of this by the sounds of it. Just trying to like move on, live your life.
You haven't really talked bad about these two even even so i just try to brush it all under the rug and keep doing you dude that would drive me crazy the injustice of it all top comment tell everyone involved to get fucked yep that's one way to do it uh someone has another piece of advice. OP should post on social media publicly something along the lines of quote, I will not be attending my ex best friend's and ex boyfriend's wedding.
The reason for this is ex boyfriend was actively cheating on me with ex best friend while we while we're dating. That is how their loving

relationship started. I wish the happy couple all the best, but do not wish to be a part of this as I have moved on happily with my life and I see no good reason for me to be there as I no longer have any relationship with either of them.
I hope one day they can move on with their lives and stop harassing me. Let people have fun with that.
Go full petty. Yes.
I mean, it would be kind of funny for her to attend the wedding in a white dress, show up just hammered, make a total scene the entire time, you know, maybe throw some glasses, just like really like make a huge scene. So everybody at the wedding is like is that woman like for the people that don't know yeah like who is that and then everyone will then know about the situation but you know that's obviously a waste of her time it definitely is but how satisfying would it be who would be very satisfying satisfying.
Especially even this speech. Like that comment, instead of posting it, doing an actual speech.
Yeah. I'm so glad I could bring them close together.
I'm so happy I'm the reason they met. Unfortunate we were still together, Josh, but you know.
Yeah. How you find them is how you lose them, Anna.
Good luck. I mean, it would be sick.

That'd be like, that'd be a good scene in a movie.

But in real life, I don't think I could do it.

I think I would throw up.

Yeah.

Oh, like my anxiety.

I get so nervous before like recording episodes or doing live shows.

Like I would literally, I'd throw up.

Yeah.

It'd be out both ends for me.

I wouldn't, I wouldn't make it.

I wouldn't make it i wouldn't make it

to the stage you'd have to wear a diaper yeah you just have to wear a diaper to prepare why does that

guy stink so bad at this wedding oh we sorry we do have an edit from op okay hi thank you all so

much for the advice i didn't think this would get so much attention i just want to clarify a few things that I read about in the comments, though I'm very sorry that I have not yet read all of them. First of all, my mom is not going to the wedding, but I think she wants to go.
That's why she was asking me if I was going. I'm going to talk to her after work.
Anna messaged me with a different number. I don't know how she got my number.
Also, my hometown is a small town, and most of our friends did know that I was cheated on. That's why this seems so weird to me.
I did block the people who were very insistent, including the new numbers of Anna, Josh, and Anna's mom. Also, I keep blocking the people that text me about the wedding, but new numbers just keep popping up, which makes it more weird that people are actually making an effort to get new numbers just so I would attend an ex's wedding.
That's crazy. It sounds like some Scientology shit.
I've never heard a group of people be so determined. Are they all going to Walmart and getting burner phones? Yeah, right.
What are they doing? That's crazy. I'm going to talk to a close friend who still lives in my hometown.
She hates Anna for what she did to me, and she may know what's going on. That's all for now.
Thank you so much for all the advice in the comments and messages. I do understand why the mom was like weirdly insistent because sometimes parents can be really weird about your exes.
Yeah. And they'd be like, oh, but like, I love him.
Like, he was so great. And like, blah, blah, blah.
I know. And it's like, you have to like, let it go.
You know? It's so, so strange. Like, have you ever had that happen? Like, have like your parents ever been like weird weird about an ex? Yeah.
Do you ever talk to him? Oh, he was so sweet. He was so sweet.
Lo and behold, he was actually a terrorist. I'm like, you don't even know.
I didn't tell you anything because I didn't want you to hate him. Yeah, yeah.
Parents only hear the good shit because obviously you don't want to tell them the bad stuff. Well, and friends, too.
Like, I have an ex-friend who things just, like, really fell apart. Like, I was living in Minnesota still.
She had moved to Dallas, and I went to visit her, and there was just, like, all this drama that went down. And, like, she essentially, like, left me at her house while she was, like, partying with, like, some people.
Took one of my other friend's phones and hid it at the guy's house so she couldn't contact me wouldn't let me take her car to walmart to go buy a book because her house didn't have wi-fi so i sat there and i'm like this is terrible like i tried to meet up she wouldn't let me like it was nuts that's crazy so you just like raw dogged living in a house yeah it was like was like I couldn't do anything. You just stared at a wall? This was 2015.
TikTok didn't exist. You can only refresh Instagram so many times.
I was going crazy. Wild.
So I started looking up flights to leave early. And I was like, you know, if she comes back and apologizes, we'll see how it goes.
She walked in the door, didn't talk to me. So I was like, this is weird.
I'm done. Lo and behold, she never apologized up until probably 45 days ago.
What? Almost 10 years. But she's been messaging my mom on Facebook.
What? Because like she got engaged and my mom like sent her like a congrats or commented congrats because like my mom's a typical like Facebook mom. Is this like a sobriety thing? I don't know.
I don't know. Because sometimes like people going through like a sobriety journey will like reach out to people that they like hurt.
I could see it. But she never truly apologized to me.
She was just like, yeah, I was just i was really young and dumb and where's the apology yes that and like why did she wait 10 years what's the what's the reason i don't know she ended up seeing my brother at a wedding of like a mutual a year before okay the apology but like that was a year and so i'm like this is strange but my mom had been like oh you should really you should talk to her you know you guys could be great friends again and i'm like why no yeah no don't you remember what she did to me and she goes no she was so nice i'm like i'm like what okay let me refresh your memory and she was like oh oh my god yeah no and i'm like thank you i'm like thank you but sometimes like i mean everyone wants to see their kid have good people and have friends but it's like you don't need friends like this right but i also like if they've been friends since kindergarten and the mom had like watched her grow up, that also is kind of a loss. Like I've known little Anna since she was five.
Like I know it's your ex, but that's tough to get over too. Crazy.
Yeah. No other comments from OP.
No update yet. I'm going to refresh just to see.
Yeah, it's 14 hours old now. So, wow.
Fresh. I'm really unresolved with this one.
I need more. Do you ever do update episodes where you revisit? I try to give an update story at least one an episode.
We've been doing a lot of updates on Patreon. And then I'm putting together an updates episode of stories we've had that have since had updates.
Yeah. I've got some minions working on it with me.
So nice. That's in the works.
But yeah, I mean, I love updates. They're just so satisfying.
It's my favorite. It's my favorite thing.
Like on our Reddit show, whenever Shane says update, it's like, it's just that like, oh, it's that hit of serotonin. It's so good.
Like, yeah. What's the best update you've had? What like story really sticks with you? Oh man.
Um, I honestly, I can't, I can't think of one off, off the, off the dome. Did you ever hear the slug story? The slug story? Yeah.
No. You guys haven't done slug story yet? I mean, we might have, and I just wasn't on that episode.
I don't wind up. I know I own the channel and everything, but I don't wind up seeing all the episodes because it's a lot of content.
You put out a lot of stuff. But I do actually wind up listening to our Reddit stories when like when i'm working out or whatever because it's just it's just good background so good yeah there's a story um i think i read it on the episode with drew off a wallow it's like unhinged 2.0 if you haven't heard it but this person found out their partner was putting slugs in their shakes oh my god and replacing their heart medication with salt pills.
And they found out from someone coming into their work, like one of their partner's friends coming into their work being like, Hey, you know how you're helping your partner out in the garden, putting fruit out for, for slugs and you think it's cute. Yeah.
Well, he's been poisoning you with them. And that's actually why you have a heart condition yeah and then they had like some rare african snail she thinks uh he put that in her shake too yep uh-huh traumatizing right that's you know i i have heard other i have heard other reddit stories where it's like oh yeah my partner's poisoning me's poisoning me.
We've done a few other stories that were like that where it's like, oh, yeah, my – Oh, there was like one where it was like their partner was saying that they thought she was getting fat. So he was putting like sawdust in her food or something like that.
Oh, and the brother saw him. Yeah.
And the brother was like, you need to tell her or I will. Yeah.
Where she's like, yeah. How often do you think this is happening where it's like, it's a lot of stuff where it's like guys where it's like, it's like, no, no, I'll take care of this.
You're putting on some pounds. I'll take care of this, but I'm not going to tell you about it.
But I got it under control. So I read that story with two guys and they told me, allegedly, okay, don't come for me if this is not true, but they said that a lot of the anti-tamper stickers in the UK were put on food deliveries because of people tampering with the food deliveries.
And one of the bigger ones was shakes. And there were people posting videos of themselves coming into people's shakes.
Oh, I don't know about that. I'm going to choose not to believe that just for my own, just for my own sanity.
But also like, I don't order milkshakes, so I guess I'm probably okay.

I love a good milkshake, especially if you get a side of fries and you dip.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, like, it's good.

But I feel like, yeah, I never, I guess I'm safe because, yeah, I never get shakes.

I feel like it also wouldn't transport well for food delivery.

It does melt very quickly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Also, I feel like it also wouldn't transport Well for food delivery It does melt very quickly Also I feel like it's just like In terms of like Nutrients for myself I think it's like one of the worst Things I could put into my body But they are great As someone that has problems with dairy Oh It's not my friend but you know every once in a while You just want to be on the dangerous side Absolutely Yeah I get it Yeah fries and a shake Have you ever dipped a Wendy's chicken nugget Into the Frosty Yeah that's a good one too There's two different flavors of Frosty right Chocolate or vanilla I vanilla. Yeah.
I think they do a special pumpkin one, too. Maybe.
Maybe. Okay.
Yeah. For the fall season.
Yeah. Pumpkin spice latte season, too.
It could be good. But yeah, the nugget into the Frosty.
Yeah. It's a hack.
It's a hack. Yeah.
Okay. Moving along.
This next one. I am enraged just based on the title.
Let's go. I'm really scared.
I haven't read this one. So I'm sorry if it sucks.
But the title alone, I was like, what? So you just saw the title and you're like, this one's going in. I knew it.
No proofreading. Nope.
I'm scared. All right.
I'm scared. We're going in.
Coming from A-I-T-A-H, four days old, titled, Am I the asshole for leaving my husband at the hospital after he refused to be in the delivery room with me? Huh. I'm sure he has a perfectly reasonable, you know, reason for that.
Yeah. Let's hear her out.
This happened two months ago, but it's still causing major friction in my family. So I need some outside opinions.
I, 29 female, and my husband, Jake, 32 male, have been together for six years, married for three. We were both ecstatic when we found out we were expecting our first child.
Pregnancy was really tough for me though. I had severe morning sickness, gestational diabetes, and was generally miserable.
But Jake was supportive and sweet the whole way through, which made it bearable. As we got closer to my due date, we discussed birth plans.
I was adamant that I wanted Jake in the delivery room. I needed his support, and he had always agreed.
However, a few weeks before my due date, Jake started acting strange. He was distant, distracted, and wouldn't engage in any baby-related activities or discussions.
I thought he was just anxious about becoming a dad, so I didn't press him too much. The day I went into labor, Jake drove me to the hospital, but seemed off.
He was quiet and kept checking his phone. When we got there, he pulled the nurse aside and spoke to her privately.
She came back and told me Jake wouldn't be in the delivery room because he was, quote, uncomfortable with blood and medical procedures. I was stunned.
He had never mentioned this before. I begged him to stay, told him I needed him, but he just kept saying, quote, I can't do this.
I was heartbroken and furious, but I didn't have too much time to dwell on it as my contractions were getting closer and stronger. Jake said he would be in the waiting room and kissed me on the forehead before leaving.
I was left alone, crying and feeling utterly abandoned. Labor was long, painful, and traumatic.
I was alone the entire time except for the medical staff. When our son was finally born, I was exhausted emotionally and physically.
The nurse handed me my son and all I felt was a deep sadness that Jake wasn't there to share in this moment. After I was taken to a recovery room, I asked the nurse to go get Jake.
She came back and she said he had left the hospital hours ago. Bro, no.

I couldn't believe it. Oh, my God.
I called him repeatedly, but he didn't answer. What? That is wild.
I had like a shred. I had like a shred of understanding.
Like, look, if you're very squeamish and childbirth is too icky for you, I hear that. I'll hold some space for that.
But also, childbirth is an incredibly scary, exhausting experience, and that's when your wife needs you the most. Maybe just like suck it up a little bit and be there.
But not just that, he was gone. What if something would have gone wrong? Yeah.
What if like literally she needed someone to come in and be like a proxy medical decision maker? Yeah, lots of stuff can happen. Oh my God.
We're not done. Okay.
Oh, I'm sick. I'm sick.
I'm sweating. Yeah, that sucks.
Finally, I sent him a text saying I was done and he could find his own way home. I didn't see him until the next day.
He showed up at the hospital with flowers and an apology saying he had panicked and needed some air. He claimed he had gone home to shower and change and had fallen asleep, which I didn't buy for a second.
I told him I didn't believe him. I was overwhelmed with anger and hurt, and I told him he had let me down in the worst way possible.
He kept apologizing, saying he knew he'd messed up and he would do anything to make it right. I didn't want him near me or our son at that moment, so I asked him to leave.
He tried to protest, but I told him I needed time to process everything. He left and I spent the rest of my hospital stay alone with my baby, trying to grapple with the enormity of what had happened.
Since then, Jake has been trying to make amends. He's been taking parenting classes, attending therapy, and is constantly trying to be present and supportive.
But I can't shake the feeling of betrayal. He abandoned me at one of the most vulnerable moments of my life.
Every time I look at him, I remember being alone in that delivery room, terrified and in pain, wondering why the person who promised to be by my side wasn't there.

My family is split. Some think that I'm being too hard on Jake, that he made a mistake and is clearly remorseful.
They say he's a good father and partner otherwise, and I should focus on moving forward for the sake of our child. Others think that what he did was unforgivable and I should leave him.
They believe I'll never truly trust him again, and that's no foundation for a marriage. I'm torn.
I still do love him, and I know he loves me and our son, but a part of me wonders if I'll ever get over this. Was it just a moment of weakness on his part or a sign of something deeper that I can't overlook? So am I the asshole for leaving him at the hospital and now considering leaving him for good? I mean, not the asshole, clearly, but it sounds perfectly salvageable to me.
Obviously what he did was wrong and destroyed her trust in him completely. I think that they either need to develop a really strong communication style or they need to go to couples therapy.
I think this is something that they really need to lay everything out. It sounds like he obviously knows he fucked up.
Yeah. And it's nice to see that he's taking actual steps.
And he's actually like putting in the action to show that he cares and that he wants to make things better. And he sounds like somebody, unlike a lot of these other stories where the guys are like, oh, I don't want to go to therapy.
It sounds like he absolutely would. This totally sounds like something that they could work through together, but they have to be on the same page.
Yeah. Well, there's no mention of her going to therapy either,

where it's like, you got to go to therapy. It's got to be, you both have individual because you're

dealing with huge feelings and then the couple's comes it too yeah like i i don't think i would be able to get over this and i have someone like my partner is deathly afraid of needles medical procedures he passed out getting botox so like when we talk about if we have kids and like you're gonna're going to be in there, like, 100%. That's non-negotiable for me.
But I'm like, we're just going to have to keep you up by my head because otherwise, like, you're going to go down. And, like, we can't have the nurses worrying about you.
Like, I'm the center of attention here. Sure, sure.
So, like, I can't believe he did this to her. And I think it's more so the way he did it too, where he pulled the nurse aside and made the nurse be the bearer of bad news.
Yeah. Like, no, you're going to do this to me.
He's a coward. Yeah.
Clearly. Yeah.
Like you say to my face. And then where did he go? Where did he go? Yeah.
This is fishy, and I know I'm a little scarred. I've read a lot of stories on here, a lot of stories where I've been like, there's no way he's cheating.
He loves her, and then bam, another family. Sure.
So in my head, when we're getting all these red flags, and he's like, he just kept saying, I can't this. And a couple of weeks before the baby was born, he started to like, not want to talk about any baby related discussions.
You got another person on the side and you're like, what, what, what's going on here? Where'd you go? Right. Where'd you go? Yeah.
I mean, I guess cheating's always the possibility. oh we'll be cheating yeah i mean what he did was incredibly cowardly it's yeah it's just sad it's sad it's really sad we don't have an official update from what i'm seeing however However, we have a lot of comments from OP.
Oh. A lot.
Is she running defense? Let's see. Let's see what the top comment is first before we really get into this.
Top comment. The thing is, where did he disappear to? He totally left the hospital.
I don't know if I'd be able to trust him. And what if a serious issue arises in the future? Hopefully not, because will he abandon you then and just apologize again? OP replies, like apologies would make it all go away.
Apologies that seemed very half-hearted too. What if you would have died in labor is the main thing I keep thinking about in this situation.
You could have ended up in a coma. It could have been an emergency C-section.
And he would have been gone for all of that. Right.
And that was my fear. Yeah.
Like, who's making any decisions? Yes, and he's unreachable, which is crazy. Like you fell asleep, sir.
There's no way. How could you even sleep at a time where, you know, your partner is in the hospital giving birth to your child and then, okay, you fall asleep, but you don't answer her phone calls.
Yeah. Where are you? Who are you with? Yeah.

No, I mean, it calls a lot to question about what happens in any other kind of emergency situation. Are you going to be able to step up and provide or, you know, protect your family?

Like, let's say a flood happens. Are you just going to be like, okay, bye.
Like, you know, like, yeah, I mean, this is going to take, I feel like years of therapy for them to work through. Yeah.
There is a comment. Someone goes, not the asshole.
Only you know the details of what your marriage is truly like, but in your shoes, I'd have given the nurse a note to give him in the hospital that he was to be completely moved out before baby and I came home. What he did is unforgivable.
And it lets you know that in the future, when your health and safety are on the line, he won't be there. OP responds, exactly how I feel.
Something fishy is going on and I know it.

I mean, I wouldn't jump to cheating.

I think that's,

I'm not getting cheating vibes,

but I guess it's always possible.

It does kind of remind me of,

there's a pretty good movie

called Force Majeure.

It's like a Swedish movie.

Oh, look at you all cultured.

You know, I get out there sometimes,

but it's about this family that goes to, I think it's like the Swiss Alps for like a skiing trip. And there's an avalanche that happens.
And the dad runs away from the family. And nothing happens.
The avalanche is fine. Oh my God.
I saw, I think I saw the trailer for this. Okay.
Yeah. It's by the same director that did Triangle of Sadness.
Okay. And it's all, the whole movie is just the fallout of that because he just sprinted away from his family.
And it's just the fallout from all of that. That's what this kind of like reminds me of.
Yeah. It's like when it comes to like, are you going to be there to like, you know, be there for your wife and kids? Literally, like, are you going to be there when the time like really matters? And it's like, this was your time.
And it's exciting. This is your first baby.
Yeah. Like, okay, I get you don't want to be in the room.
But to leave the hospital. Nope, no excuse.
Wild. Don't care what it was.
Unless someone else is dying and you got to go help, you're not leaving. Insane.
So there's a lot of people calling our writer here dramatic, saying that she's overreacting because it was my first child. That's what she says.
I called to talk to his mom And all she said is I was overreacting because it was my first child. That's what she says.
I called to talk to his mom.

And all she said is I was overreacting because it was my first child.

Come on.

What?

Come on.

My own mom keeps saying I'm being dramatic.

I don't agree with these parents.

Sorry to play devil's advocate. I see because they're not even thinking about her feelings.
They're thinking about the family. We have to keep the family together.
What about the kid? And oftentimes like these families will disregard you know especially the wives feelings for the sake of the child yeah you know they're

like the child is most important fuck your feelings yeah the child stay together for the baby

exactly baby exactly they're like make up oh do whatever it takes make up for the sake of the kid

Which is like I get it

Like the kid

Thank you. for the baby.
Exactly. You have a new baby.
Exactly. They're like, make up, do whatever it takes, make up for the sake of the kid, which is like, I get it.
Like the kid is priority, but also you have to create a healthy environment for the child. And if your husband is being an unreliable weirdo, that's the best way to put it.
That's not a good. Unreliable weirdo.
Yeah. That's not a good environment for the kid.
So, yeah. But again, this is where parents don't have all the context and they're just, they're not thinking about, you know, everything.
I know. Well, it's like, what about her feelings? Yeah.
A lot of comments again. Someone does go, excellent point with the phone checking and then the disappearing act he might be cheating so i'm not alone in that okay feel good about that or someone had his ear about this pregnancy fatherhood or op had been bending it for weeks leading up to when she went into labor she said he started acting weird weeks before.
OP responds, yes, like he was absent-minded. I'll repeat myself, like, thrice, sometimes to get his attention.
He changed his password and started staring into his phone a lot. My mama said it was the pregnancy hormones and I should let it go, but I guess I was right anyways.
Right about what? Right about what? Right about what? What do we have? What do we have going on here? Yeah. Changing a password.
It's a little sus. I don't like that.
I don't like that at all. So someone goes, right? Now he's taking parenting classes and therapy when he knew damn well long before labor and delivery that he couldn't handle it? Opie goes, doing everything to make me not leave.
Once I'm strong enough, I'm moving states. Whoa.
We're having rapid development over here. Whoa.
Okay, so she suspects her husband is cheating now. I'm thinking so.
Okay, this comment is very sauce. Very sauce.
So someone goes, that's the thing. He just didn't even wait outside.
He left and didn't even engage until the next day. What was he doing? Someone goes, call me old and cynical, but it sounds like he was cheating.
OP responds, I'm old and cynical too then, because that's the only explanation.

It took me giving birth to realize this man absolutely hates me. Oh, this is escalating.

And then OP goes, he probably had to choose between me and somebody and chose her. Nothing

else seems like an answer enough to me. When he he felt guilty that's when he decided to come back she's going down a rabbit hole because there's no mention of proof yet there's no mention of like i found the messages she messaged me yeah we're just like witnessing somebody just like unwinding op does say i'm leaving once I'm strong enough he already left on his own i'll be here until my parents come get me he left there's no more context what i'm so confused this is all over the place like he was he was going to like parenting stuff and do going to therapy or whatever but he but he left he left okay so she was like get out of here and he said okay literally or there's no there's no clarification it's literally just like he left there's other comments like he hates me that's the only conclusion because even if his side chick she could wait for one day i don't think i'll be around to find out sadly he hates me and why i didn't realize it until now is what's driving me insane even an affair can wait for 24 hours this person just sounds very hurt she's really spiraling here yeah really spiraling because there's no mention of finding anything no that sounds like she's made up her mind i think so but like there's no mention of a conversation with him.
There's no confrontation. Like there's just comment after comment.
Like guess the mistress couldn't wait 24 hours for me to deliver his first child. Wow.
Wow. No official update yet.
But I mean commenting as recent as, you know, four days ago. So, wow.

Okay.

Sad.

Very sad.

And also another one where I'm like, I selfishly need an update for my own selfish needs.

Please update me.

I feel like whatever update we're going to get is just going to make us more sad.

I feel like this. I don't see how this could have a happy ending it seems like she made up her mind and i don't think any evidence is gonna change her mind no like it seems like she's pretty sad i know and i it's hard because i'm i feel like when you are in a tough spot reddit if there's any inkling of cheating reddit can be a tough place to post yes i mean look at me look how scarred i am look at look at the audience everyone's like the moment like a guy checks his phone like that motherfucker is cheating cheating like every time cheating like yeah he realistically he could have been having a mental breakdown sure because i watched one episodes from, I think, a couple months ago about the guy that they had a kid and then all of a sudden he started messing everything up and dropping things and forgetting things.
It's so weird that having a kid is this kind of weird inflection point where like some people like step up and other people just go to crazy town. Yeah.
It can be a really big make it or break it moment, which is what's so crazy to me. It's like kids are already so stressful.
And then the people that will like try to have a kid to save their relationship. Yeah.
It's like, whoa, that's going to do the exact opposite like what yeah but tales all this time well we will keep our eyes peeled for an update on this one but moving along wow yeah i've never done no headphones but i think it's it might help me today you think so i think so i don't know it was know. I was like, I feel like I was trying too hard to talk with the headphones on.
So here we are, guys. Whoa.
No headphones. New era? I might.
I might be in a new era. Crazy.
Oh, okay. This is big.
Take a deep breath. I'm a little stressed about it, but here we go.
Okay. So this next one is 28 days old coming from Am I the Asshole titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Telling My Husband's Family That I Speak Their Language? Oh, I love this.
Oh, dude, that is so good. My husband, Peter, 29 male, and I, 27 female, have been married for about three years.
We have one child together, and I was pregnant with our second child. I'm Western Canadian, while he is from Germany.
We lived in Canada for a long time, but because of inflation, moving back to Germany seemed like a better option for us. We bought a nice house in Hanover, where Peter is from.
The day after our flights to Germany, we all visited Peter's family. This was the second time I have seen them.
The first was on our wedding. They greeted us and brought us inside of the house, fussing over my son.
We had dinner and soon we left the house, wanting to settle into our new home. We visited Peter's family often for the next few months, but I had started to realize that they would sometimes speak about me in German.
They would make rude comments on my hair and makeup, question my fashion choices, and overall were just very unkind to me. They also said mean things about my pregnant belly, which I was already insecure about.
I ended up talking to my husband

about this. I told him that I didn't like the way that they were treating me.
I said that I hated

how my every choice was being judged. He told me that he would talk to his family.
The next time

that we went to his parents' house, there were no more mean comments. For about three months,

it was like nothing ever happened. I gave birth to a perfect baby girl, and we named her Lilith.
Peter's family was very upset when they heard the name. If you don't know, Lilith means ghost or of the night.
We didn't pick this name because of its meaning, but because it is a name that every girl in my family has had for many years. My middle name is Lilith, along with my mom's, my grandma's, and even my great grandma's.
For a while, I didn't visit my in-laws. I didn't want to hear them talk about how I shouldn't have named my daughter Lilith.
But yesterday, when we saw them again, it was my mother-in-law's birthday. As soon as we showed up, things started to go badly.
Everyone wanted to hold Lilith, which made my mother-in-law upset because people weren't paying attention to her, and it made me overwhelmed. I didn't want people holding her.
I was going through a pretty bad postpartum depression, and it was still pretty early to even see people. I let people look at her, but declined when anyone asked to hold her.
During dinner, I heard my sister-in-law talking to my mother-in-law in German. I heard her complaining about how she couldn't hold my baby.
My sister-in-law even had the audacity to call me, and I quote, a fat, ugly, hokey addict. Whoa.
What? Whoa. I turned to my sister-in-law and mother-in-law and told them off in German.

I basically said that I have always known what they have said about me,

but calling me names was the last straw.

I also mentioned how I have known German for almost my whole life.

The table instantly blew up.

People were yelling at me because apparently this was my fault.

I left with Peter and we haven't talked to them since. So am I the asshole? Oh my God.
No, that is, that is awesome. I love this.
Yeah. Not the asshole.
That's incredible. You know, she was just like, she just had that, that like, what's, what's the saying? Like the ace in the sleeve or whatever.
Yeah, what is that saying? Whatever it is. It could be ace in the sleeve.
Yeah. Ace in the pocket? Ace in the pocket? I don't know.
Whatever it is. Some card term.
Okay. But she was just holding on to that shit for years, just waiting for the moment.
I love this. And like, of course they exploded because they were i mean they were caught embarrassed completely wow also the husband could have easily told them when he confronted them about them talking shit about her because he obviously did because things were quiet for a couple months so something got said he could have at that time said hey you know she speaks German, right? She can hear you talking shit.
Stop. But he didn't.
I find that really interesting. Yeah.
I like it. I like it.
I wonder like how close they even are with the family. Like, yeah, strange.
Fat, ugly, hokey addict?

What does that even mean?

What's a hokey?

I think like cheesy.

What? Like, oh, that's hokey.

Okay, and like a fat, ugly?

Damn, damn.

But to call somebody fat and an addict,

I feel like those kind of like conflict.

I'm like very confused.

They just like put the whole bunch of really insulting words together. I know.
You looking up hokey? So I wonder if it might be a typo. Oh.
Because, or did I read it wrong? Because it wouldn't be the first time I did that. Because I looked up hokey and hokey's not coming up, but honky is.
Nope. Nope.
He did type hokey. I've heard the word.
I've heard the word hokey being used. Okay.
Yeah. So if they met honky, honky is a racial slur for a white person used to refer to white people.
I've never heard honky. You've never heard honky before.
No! People call me honky all the time. Where are you from? No, but yeah, honky is like yeah, I mean, it's a very old term.
I don't think people use it anymore. What does it mean? I mean, it's just a derogatory term for a white person, but it doesn't really hold any power.
No, I've never heard it. Because it's like it's just a derogatory term for a white person but it doesn't really hold any power no i've never heard it because it's like it's it's not yeah it's like somebody calling you a cracker oh that's that's okay that's crazy like crazy in the sense that like okay why would they even choose i don't think i don't think a german would like even know the term for like i don't i I don't think honky is a word that Germans would even have in the vocabulary.

I could see like Yankee.

Oh, like, oh, that Yankee.

Yeah, but she's from Canada.

Oh.

So.

You're so on it today, Ian.

God.

Keep it in here.

Hokey.

Hokey.

Hokey addict.

Crazy, crazy thing to say about someone because they didn't let you hold their baby. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, and there was also that little thing she threw in there that was kind of telling where she was like the stepmom or the mother-in-law was upset that the attention wasn't on her.
So telling. And it's like, okay.
Like, sounds like not a fun family to be around. Just sounds miserable.
But what an epic bomb to just drop in the middle of like a family gathering. I know.
I really do like it. I do think no matter when you told them it was going to be awkward when they found out you could speak the same language.

Yeah.

So it's like at that point, what is a good time?

And I would say they must not be that close, at least like the husband with his family. Because if you started dating someone, I feel like I would say like, oh, she speaks German.

I'm German.

Like it's really great.

Or the fact that they only met one other time, which was their wedding.

Yeah. Like there was no other visits.
And I get that could be, you know, a financial decision on both parties, but it still is like not even a Zoom or a FaceTime or like keeping up or it just feels like they're definitely not the closest. Have you ever fantasized about learning Vietnamese so you could just drop that bomb in like a nail salon? I have, I have, there's a lot of languages I want to learn, mostly French because I was very curious what they were saying about me when I was there, even though like I had the best experience.
Oh, all bad things. Really? In Paris? Yeah.
Yeah. Oh yeah.
It was so nice though. No, they fucking hate everybody i my agent just went there because she was like she went to the olympics and she was like they were so nice no they they yeah i think parisians are famous for like hating everyone especially americans why would they they don't want you there.
We're really annoying. Oh, yeah.
No, we have it coming for sure.

Have you like traveled and you just kind of like see other Americans and you slowly just start to like walk away from them?

It's embarrassing.

It really is.

I tell people I'm from Canada.

Yeah.

I mean, that's a good move.

Like it's really embarrassing, especially in like other countries where people are more quiet and Americans stand out like a sore thumb because we are so fucking loud.

I know.

Or if you go to like Japan and you're on a subway, nobody talks. There's like no, like nobody talks.
Everybody stays quiet. Yeah.
That's New York though too. Like, did you take the subway at all when we were just there? A little bit.
Yeah. No one was talking.
So like, I'm trying to talk to my fiance and like everyone like kind of looks at you like, why are you talking? Why are you talking? Yeah, because everyone's just kind of like minding their own business. But it's like, yeah, it's, I don't know if it's taboo or whatever.
But in Japan, yeah, nobody talks on the subway. It's very quiet.
And so like when we were there, like it's weird. And I feel bad like talking on the subway.
makes you feel like like well more out of place but like also scared like why is no one talking like talk it's not a thing well top comment on this one not the asshole assholes are never wrong they remain assholes by refusing to ever take ownership of their own words or actions so they never never have to change. They can be as judgmental and insulting as they want because they're right and anyone who challenges them must be at fault.
So of course it's your fault that they were insulting you. You couldn't possibly have been in the wrong.
Sorry you married into a family of assholes. I thought Germans were supposed to be like blunt and honest, like to your face.
I feel like there's a lot of people that embrace that being a part of their culture and I would agree I've heard it through the grapevine that Germans New Yorkers love to say they'll say it to your face yeah no we're not mean we're just straightforward yeah so there's there's a couple people that are definitely like that. Yeah.
Just goofy. Also, your son, your brother, her husband is there.
Don't you think he can understand you at the very least and know you're talking shit about his wife? Truly. What do you think you're doing? Yeah.
Has he stood up for her at all in these family gatherings? That is a good question. There are some comments from OP.
A lot of people are asking, can you even speak German? And there's a comment in German. Das war aggressive und ich bin dafür her.
Not going to go any further. You guys know I'm butchering that.
But I think there's some proof there sure my husband does know that i speak german i asked my husband not to tell them though i never wanted it to go this far i was going to surprise his mother on her birthday by speaking it to her in her language i did show her on her birthday but it was in the wrong way and i doubt that speaking in german would change their views on me. The majority of them know Russian and I tried to impress them with my Russian, but they acted like it was common knowledge to speak it.
Oh, so is Hanover in East Germany or Eastern area of Germany? I would say no. It's kind of, if you're looking at a map, Yeah.
Berlin is on your right. Yeah.
And then you have Amsterdam on your left. Uh-huh.
It's halfway between them. It's kind of like north center of Germany.
Got you. Closer to Denmark than like Czechoslovakia, Poland, Hungary, Austria.
Okay. okay interesting but it is interesting that you didn't want your husband to tell them yeah that's i mean that's just doing a lot of legwork for no reason like that's just like a weird thing to be like hey don't tell them that i know german like that's kind of weird Well, OP does admit I kept it from them so I could hear what they were saying about me yeah which is just like their family I don't know like do you do you need to like act like you're like a spy and in your family yeah and I guess it's like well what's the what's the point what's the point I wouldn't want to give someone the opportunity to talk shit about me to my face, basically.
Yeah. So I would rather they know.
Right. It is interesting.
I guess they would just switch to Russian, though. But she knows Russian, too.
She knows Russian, too? Yeah. Yeah.
Well, we got a polyglot over here. Like a badass.
They all speak multiple languages, the family.

They speak German, English, and his siblings and mother all speak Russian.

His dad is from Russia.

Okay, gotcha.

So they know a couple, but like OP being from Canada, like I'm very impressed with all the languages here.

She probably knows French too, being from Canada.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, one of my exes was Canadian, and he went to a French immersion school. Whoa.
They started him young over there, which we should do here. Yeah, interesting.
No other comments besides they mostly just commented on my appearance. One that I remember was when I was pregnant, my mother-in-law said how my maternity dress made me simply look fat.
Cool. Others were comments on my hair.
I have pretty thick curly hair, so it's often a mess. That one really hurt because I had spent a long time working to get it to flatten.
My husband has had contact, mostly angry calls, but I have not had direct contact with anyone yet. Wow.
My husband had only heard a few of the things, and when he did, he would tell my in-laws that it was rude. He didn't do much, but it still helped.
So he was sticking up for her when he had the opportunity. Yeah, this family just sounds nasty.
I've heard them curse out Americans and call Canada the 51st American state. american state it could be wrong but seems like they mostly don't like me so maybe a little prejudiced against uh us north american people i get it we earned it teach their own and canada is america's hat so yeah so cute up there i really really wish Canada would have gotten Minnesota.
That would have been really nice. Yeah? Basically.
For the healthcare? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. God.
And just that poutine and those ketchup chips and all the good stuff they got up there. Do you guys, do y'all got Timmy's over there? Tim Hortons? Yeah.
We had one in my college, Dinky Town, it's called. It's like my little college town.
Okay. But it went out of business.
What? Didn't last. The poutine didn't get people to come through that door? No.
Damn. They didn't realize what they had.
Just a gift. A gift.
That's crazy. No update.
Another one. What are you doing to us? And it's like a month old.
That's crazy. I want to know how the next family gathering goes.
Please tell us. Probably not great.
I can't imagine that's going to put them on a good foot. Do you think she's going to even get invited? I don't know.
Like you still invite family. You still invite family members that you don't like to your family gatherings.
Right. Like we all got that one crazy relative that we don't really like to have around, but they got to come.
We're trying to plan Christmas right now. I'm out.
We're already going through that. Yeah.
Yeah. Are they coming to your place? We're trying to decide because we did have to move hosting because it used to be hosted at their house and things would always go bad.
So then we moved to my grandma's because her place felt very neutral, but that still went bad. So now we're kind of out of hosting options.
So I think we might just host it in my barn. Host it in a hotel, you know? Have everyone bring panties.
Yeah, exactly yeah exactly have them bring panties you know it'll be a fun game oh my god that'd be the last thing i'd want to do is identify people by their underwear uh relatives yeah no no at least you'd probably know who whoannies was except I could see my grandma

just rocking a thong really

yeah she gets she gets crazy

like that I could see her being a little freaky

that's awesome yeah I love that

I'm sorry grandma

she watches

every single one of these she's been on

an episode of my dad's show has she

yeah she's a great podcaster

great podcaster I gotta get her

on my show I think everyone would really like her

Thank you. one of these she's been on an episode of my dad's show has she yeah she's a great podcaster wow great podcaster i gotta get her on my show i think everyone would really like her i think that'd be great like getting getting you know some advice from the is that the silent generation yeah she's like 80 she's yeah she's something sure you can pull up Some, you know, like, am I the asshole for storming Normandy Beach? I don't know.
You know, she did some stuff. She was a wild one.
She was very rebellious. And she's had like a couple husbands.
She's on her third right now. Okay.
And this third one was actually her high school sweetheart that she didn't wait for she ended up marrying my grandpa she didn't wait for him while he was in the navy and then he came back and she was married and then they reconnected like 10 years ago whoa yeah that's sweet she's she's so cool she's so are they in love definitely that's awesome yeah they oh they. They're cute.
They're really cute. Okay, this next one.
We have ourselves a Catan game coming up soon. We do.
This one involves gaming. Oh.
Okay. It is two days old coming from Am I the Asshole titled, Am I the Asshole for Always Putting My Boobs on the table? Hell no.
So basically my group of friends, about eight total get together every week for D and D dungeons and dragons. I assume.
Okay. There are only two women in our group, including myself.
It's always at friend a's house because he's the DM and has a fancy table and his whole setup is there. A has a fiance who recently moved in with him.
She's cool and I don't really have anything against her. She just has her own group of friends and doesn't really have the same interest as us or click, for lack of a better word, with her husband's friends, us.
She recently has been trying to get more into A's interests, so she has been there for our games. She doesn't play with us, just kind of watches and plays on her phone, which is fine, of course.
A has a table he has set up specifically for the game, one with a recessed middle so we don't have to put away our stuff at the end. He just puts a leaf over the top to protect it.
Because of that, in order to move around your character, you have to lean forward or stand to be able to reach it. Okay.
Now, I have big boobs. I'm not a particularly big woman.
I'm like in my 20s, 5'4", 155-ish pounds with H-cup breasts. And yes, before you ask, I've already started the process of getting a reduction and I cannot wait to have this weight off of me.
The problem is that when I lean forward to move, my character, my breasts squish up against the side of the table and after a while it gets uncomfortable and painful.. I've been doing this for months and no one has said anything.
But last week, A's fiance snapped out of nowhere and accused me of trying to, quote, put myself on display and to put my boobs away because no one cares. I was shocked and didn't know what she was talking about at first.
Neither did anyone else until she pointed at my boobs and called attention to what I was doing. She got really upset and caused a scene and we ended the night early.
She's still mad at me and doesn't want me to come over to their house anymore. I apologized and said I would try not to do it anymore,

and even told her how I'm going to get it reduced next year.

She called me a, quote, show-off slut,

and is asking A to stop being friends with me.

I'm at a loss.

I do this all the time,

and I've even caught myself doing it at home with my own table,

without even thinking about it. I the asshole? no no god, this is like it's another example of like women You know making the other woman the problem Damn big titty problems Am I right? It sucks but like I get like i can't even imagine an h cup so i just looked up how much an h cup would weigh yeah i feel like i've never heard of an h cup that's yeah so based on a 32 like a b c d e f g h that's crazy i know, and sometimes they go double.
Like there's D, but then there's double D. There's E and then double E.
I get really confused. Bra sizing.
And this person says she's 5'4"? Yeah, 5'5". It's like half.
Just all boob. Yeah, she's half boob.
So an H cup means that the breasts likely weigh 2,800 grams.

Okay.

Okay.

For those people that go by pounds, that's about six pounds.

I don't know if that's six pounds a boob.

Per?

Or for both?

There's not a lot of clarification on this.

Okay.

One could assume both based on them. Yeah.
breasts gosh but that's like i mean that's a lot sure yeah yeah and then it like it pulls on your skin yeah yeah i'm surprised they don't make boob like harnesses that you can just add on to your outfit yeah our bras really suck so i've heard yeah well i've worn a few bras in my time have you yeah we did we used to do a lot of like uh playing women okay yes you know like weigh them down with melons to really get the full effect or did you just stuff toilet paper well we had various things that we would stuff with um we did yeah you know

sometimes we would do socks sometimes we would do like um like a silicone kind of like pouch okay um but never anything yeah but never never anything that probably approximated the weight of a real breast, I would think.

I do occasionally

run with this

vest that has these two water things on the front. And I'm like, oh, I kind of get it now.
I get it. I'm sloshing.
Yeah. Water weighs a bit.
And yeah, I'm like, oh, now I kind of understand it, but I only have to deal with that for like an hour. Minimal i literally sometimes i will wear at least two i have to wear two but sometimes i'll wear three sports bras when i go riding what yeah just to really just like suck it in yeah because otherwise they bounce so much and they pull on your skin it's just the boobs overrated but this person yeah if no one's noticing like i could i could see if it was like hey guys i gotta get the girls up and like you're making a big scene to like pick them up and drop them on the table i i could see like that being a little like uncomfortable yeah but like if no one's even noticing i'm sure you think people i'm sure everybody's no i'm sure everybody's noticed you can't not notice that but like nobody's made like a deal out of it like it seems like everybody's been respectful and has not talked about it i guarantee you the fiance is that what she was? Girlfriend? Fiance? Yeah, it was kind about it.
I guarantee you the fiance, is that what she was?

Girlfriend, fiance?

Yeah, it was kind of confusing.

I'm sure like she has probably complained about it

a lot of times to the DM

and he's probably waved it off as not a big deal

because it's not.

It's just like that's her body.

Like what do you want her to do about it?

Like, and, and... waved it off is not a big deal because it's not it's just like that's that's her body like what do you want her to do about it like and and obviously that's just that's just insecurity you know and maybe she has trust issues with uh her partner i could see it based on this reaction and well i mean and okay i'd this is probably highly likely, but he's probably said something about it to her.
You think? I think, you know, maybe he's been like, I mean, you know, he's probably said something and that's probably why she's freaking out. Yeah.
Or she's brought it up and she was annoyed with how he didn't care about it. And now she's just like, well, he's not going to say anything.
I am. Yeah.
Like I could see that too. I think both, I think both are likely.
I think, yeah, she's, she probably feels a bit insecure by that. But at the end of the day, it's like, that just how her body's built.
And you can't shame her for, you know, doing something to make herself more comfortable. Literally, it's just so she's comfortable and not in pain.
And, like, it is very body-shamey. And, like, when you have someone who's already insecure about it, trying to make the moves to get a reduction.
Yeah. Rubbing that in, pointing it out, shaming her for it.
Like that is so brutal, especially coming from another woman. Yeah.
Come on. And to do it in front of everyone.
Pull her aside at least. Yeah.
Pull her aside and voice your concerns. And then they can have a conversation about it and she can say, okay, like, you know, if you want, I can try to like wear like a sweater or do something to like make you feel better.
Or like, how can we make this? Yeah. How can we make you not feel uncomfortable by this? Not that she needs to make any concessions for this woman no uh maybe you should leave i know it's your house but maybe you should leave for game night if you're so uncomfortable for real have some fun with your friends for real but something does tell me that he's probably made a comment about her big old swinging titties oh man top comment they quote what op said that A said, about putting myself on display and to put my boobs away because no one cares.
Wrong. She cares.
Yeah. She cares very much.
She's been stewing over this for a long time. What you're doing is not sexual or seductive, and your friend group knows that.
It's not wrong either. As a fellow HH Cup girl, I feel your pain.
I feel it deeply, usually in my back and my shoulders too. She wants you out and wants to be Queen B.
Sadly, it's not what you're doing. It's you.
If it wasn't the boobs, she'd have found something else wrong. Drinking your Coke too sexy? Laughing too loud? Breathing? Where is A in a in this does he know his fiance is calling you names not the asshole by the way hh girlies rise up glad to hear you guys out there yeah and it's just like it's just another one of those like cases of D&D being sometimes not an easy place

for like women to find a place.

And I think it's obviously like it's expanded more and more now

and it's become more normalized.

But yeah, I mean, I think it probably started

as a very male-dominated place.

And for her to be like the only woman there

and then have this other woman come in and say like,

you need to like basically get the fuck out

Thank you. is a very male dominated place and for her to be like the only woman there and then have this other woman come in and say like you need to like basically get the fuck out yeah like it just it just sucks it's really disheartening and i hope a is like actually stepping up and like supporting his friend i get that's your partner and you're in like a rock and a hard place but it's just gross She's body shaming and being one of two women in this friend group playing every week like you're very serious you're committed to this game this activity between you guys so you value this person this friendship say something nip it in the bud like this is unacceptable yeah no comments from op no update sad that's fine but moving along yeah now i'm like i'm so curious i might have to try this when we play for katan yeah okay katan yeah we have a game of katan katan i don't know which one it is katan we have a game of Catan coming up I'm gonna destroy you

It's gonna be an embarrassment

No

I'm gonna distract you

You'll try to go for the longest road

I'm gonna put my titties on the table

How about that?

Bet

You won't do it

Bet

We'll see

You gotta have actual melons though

No socks this time

You're not cheating the system

I got little A's

I'm gonna put my little A's on the table. Okay, moving along.
Okay, I think this will be our last one. Okay.
Our very last one. I'm going to give you a choice because I'm tired of making decisions today.
Okay. Option number one.
my 32 female boyfriend, 36 male deleted my dead brother

from my Instagram friends and he doesn't seem to understand or care that I'm upset. Okay.
Or

option number two, am I the asshole for implying my friends are being cheap over my wedding?

Ooh, I love wedding drama.

Do you?

Yeah.

Okay, you going for that one?

Yeah.

Yeah, I feel like the dead person sounds like a bit of a downer.

It is a bit sad.

Yeah, usually death, not a fun topic.

No.

Sometimes it can be.

No, death really freaks me out. Yeah.
I think about dying daily oh don't do that and I literally just had a dream the night that I died and I was at my own funeral so that was really weird I feel like that would be fun though being at your own funeral yeah oh yeah I want a party I definitely want a party I don't want it sad I want like really crazy shit but you can't even be there for it Which is the worst part I know I think everyone should have Their funeral before they die I'm down for that And then once you're dead Like it's not a big deal Like that should be a new thing They're like Oh he's dead Yeah Yeah Cause then everyone gets to talk about How great you are And you see the love You feel the love Cause yeah Let's get it going Yeah Let's let's make that a new trend. I think we really could get some people behind it.
Okay. Okay.
So anyways, that one will go to patron for all of you that are screaming and you want to hear it. Let's get to this wedding one.
All right. So this is coming from a I T a H again, titled am I the asshole for implying my friends are Over My Wedding? Throw away because I know my friends use Reddit.
I, 38 female, am marrying my fiance, 38 male, next year. I'm the last of my friends to get married, and honestly, I've made my peace with being single and getting a dog before I met my fiance.
I am part of a friend group of six girlfriends who have all known each other since college. We've been through everything together.
Breakups, holidays, weddings, babies, promotions. When I told them I got engaged, they seemed happy and sent me congratulations messages.
But when everyone else got engaged, they threw them parties or went out to dinner to celebrate. They didn't in my case.
I gave them nearly a year's notice on my bachelorette party, which I'm keeping low-key as I don't want a big thing. We're going for dinner and drinks at one of my favorite restaurants in our city.
However, slowly, all of my friends have been dropping out, saying they can't get a babysitter or they have to work late or they're on a work trip. I've obviously invited them all to the wedding as well, which again is a small affair and one has already messaged the group chat saying she's not sure she can get a babysitter for that day.
My wedding is months away and I'm finding it really hard to believe that she knows that far in advance she can't come. Two others have also said they're not going to stay for the reception, as they will, quote, be tired by then.
Oh, girl, they are not your friends. Here's where I may be the asshole.
The straw that broke the camel's back was when I sent the link to the registry My fiance and I already have a house together So we're asking for mostly small things Nothing goes beyond $50 And we're delighted with anything that anyone chooses to buy us They sent a message into the group chat Saying that they were going to band together to get me an air fryer as a group gift. It costs $40.
So I was a bit surprised. They seemed they were going to chip in about $8 each.
Over the years, I must have spent thousands of dollars on their weddings, two of which were overseas. I've attended dinners and brunches to celebrate their job promotions and bought gifts for their babies, all while feeling terrible about myself watching friends celebrate the happiness I never thought I would even get.
I sent a message just asking for clarification, if it was all of them buying it together, and one replied asking if I was calling them cheap. And then there has been dead silence since.
That really wasn't my intention, but it really feels like because I'm last, they're just over having to do these events, and it's really feeding into my insecurity at getting married so late. they do have legitimate reasons for these things they all have lives and kids and maybe not as much money as when we were a bit younger and maybe i'm just letting my insecurities get in the way so reddit am i the asshole um so i think hell no I think not the asshole, but I, I wonder if there's a little bit of an unreliable narrator here.
Are you getting that vibe? I'm getting the vibe that these people are not her friend. Like, I get the feeling like, like she is not as close to them as she thinks she is.
Yeah. I also think that's reinforced by the fact that she has a throwaway Reddit account because I think that if they were to find out about this post, they would have a lot to say that she's not telling us.
That's my conspiratorial mind. I'm really torn.
Because you can't say, I don't know if I'm going to get a babysitter for that day two months in advance, or we're going to be too tired for that reception. No, they don't want to be there.
They genuinely hate you. Yes.
That's what's really, really odd to me. And I, I understand the feeling of like feeling as if you're the least favorite friend.
Like you might have a couple different friend circles and typically, I don't know, unless you're like the popular person, like I myself have felt like that at times where it's like, am I just the one that gets the pity invite or, you know, whatever? Like, and maybe she hasn't noticed that. Maybe this is really opening her eyes to like, you're the least favorite friend.
You're kind of always there by association or you are kind of the pity invite, which is shit. No one should have that for a friend group.
Right. But I wonder if that is the case.
And this experience is bringing light to that. Yeah.
Because otherwise, this is really weird. Yeah.
It's just like it's not adding up. Like, I think it's very clear that these people don't want to be there for her wedding, which makes me wonder what kind of friend is she to them? Like these things that she's saying like i've spent thousands of dollars on their weddings and and she feels like she's owed something for that like there it seems like yeah that kind of like transactional excuse but i think like chiefly they're not her friend no point blank not your friends i would say they are cheap to me hearing like i've spent thousands on their weddings and then her saying like and they're not willing to even come to my bachelorette dinner that's in the city we all live in i think it's just kind of highlighting like the disparity and i don't think she feels entitled to their money or like their financial support but it's kind of shedding light like there's eight of them and they're splitting a 40 air fryer no it's that's like petty keep it yeah you're you're not embarrassed you're getting your friend an eight dollar wedding gift? Yeah.
I would rather someone not get me anything

than give me $8.

Well, it's not giving $8.

It's everyone coming together and saying,

we're going to buy you this one $40 thing.

It's like, what?

Keep it.

That takes a lot of organizing

to give a $40 gift to somebody.

That seems intentional. I'm embarrassed for them.
That's embarrassing. Can you imagine Venmoing someone $8 because you're splitting a $40 gift? Right.
And I get there's people out there. There's times in your life that might be all you have.
Yeah, I think it's... But these people, I'm not getting that vibe.
No, no, no. I'm not getting that vibe.
It's purely petty. You've had weddings abroad.
You travel. You have kids.
Kids are fucking expensive. I think you can skip coffee a couple times that month to give your friend a little more than $8.
Yeah, it's definitely not the dollar amount. I don't think the dollar amount is what's making them all band together.
It's just that they simply don't want to be there. And they're like, okay, I guess we'll all just like, this will be a gift from us.
But yeah, I mean, I'd hate to validate her insecurities here, but yeah, I don't think they like her. No.
And this kind of happened to a friend of mine like she she was friends with like a group of women and then like the pandemic happened and all of a sudden this woman was like actually we all don't like you oh and just like cut her out like like she kind of noticed like she wasn't being invited to some things. Why? Like that's crazy.
Yeah. So it's just like, I think these kinds of things just happen.
You know, maybe OP did something that rubbed one of the other friends the wrong way. person then kind of poisoned the well like you know those those kind of things happen where it's just like we're also adults we can we can choose who we want to spend our time with and if we see that somebody's a little toxic in the friend group it's like we don't have to keep that friendship going yeah so i think i i do fault the group for being so petty and weird about this and making dumb ass excuses that are not valid yeah but i i don't fault them for not wanting to like go to a wedding to somebody that they clearly don't like that's the thing i don't fault them for that but then don't drag her along and think that she's

there like you guys are friends like yeah there's as sad as your story about your friend is like that sucks that it's heart-wrenching i just i feel the knife in the back the heart wherever but like at least those people communicated and there wasn't this false pretense that like oh we're friends you support me i'm there for you like like that's crazy oh we're just gonna be too tired for the reception bullshit we all want to go to the reception that's the fun part that's the fun part that's when you get drunk who doesn't want a night off from their kids like you can't find a babysitter in two months in two months yeah Yeah. Go on care.com.
People get background checks on there. What? What? You don't have another, like a family member that can be a little nanny for a night.
Like what? Two months is enough notice to arrange something. They just don't want to be there.
Top comment. Not the asshole.
These people aren't your friends. Find a new friend group.
Oh, and they are cheap. Next comment.
I would also message the group saying, quote, I wasn't calling you cheap. I was asking because I didn't understand.
However, your jump to this made me look at what I've spent at each of your weddings and baby showers over the past years. While I was happy to do so because I consider us all friends, I can see I thought we were better friends than we are.

It makes me feel used, to be honest.

Since our lives are going in different directions, and I'm looking for friends who value me as a person and not for the gifts I buy them, I will be stepping back.

Thank you all for the memories, and I wish you all well in the future.

It's a very mature response to send these people.

That was a suggestion or that's what she actually— That's a suggestion.

Oh, yeah.

But also, do they even deserve your time anymore that's where i get i've gotten to a point yeah in my old age where sometimes less feels way more and like you've realized these type of people pull their wedding invites say say don't need you there. Yeah.
Bye. Yeah.
Yeah. Like I've definitely had some instances with some friends where I'm like, oh, I'm not really getting the same sort of like effort that I'm putting in.
And with those people, I just pull back. Like I don't need to make a scene out of it.
I'm just like, okay, I won't invite you to things. Yeah.
And then typically I don't usually hear that much from them anyway. Yeah.
So it's just kind of like- Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like clearly you don't care about this as much as I thought you did.
Yeah. And there's really no hard feelings.
It's just like, great. We just don't enjoy that time together and we can do other things.
We don't need to be friends. Yeah.
Lots of other people out there that will value your time. I know.
And I think friendship effort should be mutual. It's not a great feeling if you're the only one putting effort, the only one reaching like it should be mutual everyone of course is going to have seasons in their life where they might not have the ability to reach out more like that's me the past three years but it should feel good friendships shouldn't bring you down and make you feel miserable and that's not right it should be respectful yeah you know like yeah we all have things that are going on and people have kids and all that stuff.
But as long as there's a feeling of like a mutual respect and a respect for your time, like, I think that's, I think that's key. And if you don't feel that, then like, Hey, it's fine.
There's, there's other people out there that will respect your time and will enjoy spending time with you. Absolutely.
Lots of comments from people with strong feelings on this one. Someone does say that OP seems to be what I call the leftover friend.
Basically that one awkward person that has been in your group forever, but isn't really anybody's friend. Aside from maybe the one girl who brought her into the group in the first place, weddings, baby showers, and birthdays are the perfect time for everyone else to be like, Jerry Seinfeld with hands up.
I don't want to be around her. I'm 40 years old.
Can I just not go to her party? Someone else does mention the Sex and the City episode where Carrie has her expensive shoes stolen. Okay.
And she goes to her friend who is making a big deal and kind of shaming her for her shoes because Carrie is like, well, you made me take my shoes off at your house. They're $400 Manolos.
You should pay me back for them. And she gets shoe shamed.
And she's like, I have kids now, Carrie. I have kids.
I can't afford your shoes. And so people are making references to that episode.
I can see it. I actually just saw the TikTok clip of it the other day, which is really weird.
Wild. But we have an update.
Let's go. We have one.
All right. Aren't you really glad that you picked this story? the other one doesn't have an update? Yeah.
Yeah. Thank you.
Look at that. You just psychic.
Update. Hi, everyone.
I didn't think I would have an update to give, but I wanted to repay everyone's kindness. Some people had said some really lovely and helpful things.
First off, I wanted to clarify a few questions that were asked. I didn't really care at all what they bought as a gift.
I didn't care if they got us a gift at all. It was never about the air fryer.
I really wasn't calling them cheap. I was just clarifying if it was coming from all of them.
I also didn't ask if they were getting us a gift. They brought this up themselves.
I couldn't put my finger on why it made me feel a bit awkward, though. I think the word I was searching for was disrespect.
Someone said an $8 gift is worse than no gift, and I think that's at the heart of it. The money issue came up as well.
As far as I know, all of my friends are fairly solvent. They all work in the finance field, mostly as accountants.
Three are very senior in their firm, and all of their husbands have good jobs too. But we never discuss money.
And I know kids and the cost of living is high at the moment. So I'd never want to assume anyone's financial status, but everyone does seem okay.
The other issue was a lot of people asked how often we see each other. And the answer is quite regularly.
We-huh. We made a pact years ago to meet up at least once a month, no matter how crazy life gets, and we've mostly been able to stick to that.
That's really weird. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, like, I don't even see people that I consider good friends once a month.
No. The six of us usually meet for Sunday brunch.
Apart from that, I live in the same neighborhood as two of them, so we do dinner occasionally and parties for their kids, etc. are a must.
The last question was, is my wedding child-free and is it in our city? I love kids and my friend's kids are surrogate nieces and nephews They are all invited Oh The friend who said she couldn't find child care Said that she didn't want to bring her kid because she said weddings are easier without them But she could bring her kid So she's got no excuse for missing anything What? No, they genuinely hate you They don't like you Yeah Wow That's you. Yeah.
Wow. That's crazy.
I was like, oh, here we go. It's a child-free wedding.
I guess I could sort of kind of understand. And then, no.
No. Lastly, some suggested they don't like my fiance.
They've never given me that impression. Everyone seems to get on well enough.
Oh, I didn't think about that. They've known him for two years, and he occasionally goes golfing with some of their husbands.
Maybe they hate his guts. Honestly, yeah.
Likely. I didn't think about that.
Because you're doing brunch, you're doing all these dinners, you're doing all these activities with them. Yeah.
But this is a wedding for both of you. So maybe they genuinely don't like him.
Now, on to the actual update.

Okay.

Reading the comments was like having a cold water thrown on me.

I've never considered myself the outsider friend,

but a lot of people suggested that I was,

and it really threw me, and I got really overwhelmed.

I didn't send any messages to the group chat,

even though lots of commenters gave me really good suggestions about what to write,

and I withdrew into myself until my fiancé prized it out of me what was wrong.

I should have done that. even though lots of commenters gave me really good suggestions about what to write.
And I withdrew into myself until my fiance prized it out of me what was wrong.

I showed him this post and he got super quiet and really, really angry.

I've never seen him this angry over anything ever.

He asked if I'd spoken to them about this and I said no.

Oh God. He started to call them individually and read them the riot act he called them eight dollar assholes and said he would be sending them an itemized list of the thousands of dollars i'd spent on them over the years stop stop oh my god this man went nuclear whoa i i mean like calling them $8 assholes is petty, but wow.
Okay. Okay.
I like, I like the cut of this man's jib. Wow.
Itemized list. That's also ridiculous.
That's. But to confront them is wild.
Okay. All right.
Sorry. Keep going.
he called bullshit on the one who said she couldn't find a babysitter and she indeed said she was quote sick of having to go to the same boring wedding over and over and yours won't be any different they're fighting he lost it at her i hate the idea of him fighting any battles for me So I asked him to stop after the third person he called Dude Let him go There's only three left Let him eat Wow Let him cook He I mean like this is I feel like this bodes well for their marriage He is a fucking ride or die Yeah he's got her back He's fighting for her I love that I sent a message into the group chat Asking if we could all speak as a group And the three he called Sent voice messages Saying that my fiance was a psycho And that they wouldn't speak to me anymore Well Fair I just felt really and defeated, so I sent a message saying that if they didn't want to be friends anymore, that was fine, and to consider their invitations withdrawn to the bachelorette and wedding. No one else has replied, so I guess we're done.
I suppose I'm better off, but I don't really feel that way. I just feel numb and sad.
They've been such a big part of my life for so long, and I feel really at a loss, and I'm so sad that I won't see their kids anymore. Some of them refer to me as auntie, and it's making me cry that I won't get to see them grow up.
My fiance has apologized for rushing in and for not asking me how I wanted to handle it, and I've accepted. We're good, and I'm looking forward to our life together.
I mostly wanted to say thank you to the kind Redditors that showed me the light about this and offered congratulations on our wedding and even offered to buy us a gift. I've never watched Sex and the City, but I'll watch the episode some people mentioned.
It seems like I'll relate. I'll delete this post soon.
I just want to put this behind me now. Oh, man.
Oh. That's really, that's a doozy.
Yeah. I just, I feel so bad.
It's just like so many, so many years that you like invested in this friend group. Yeah.
But I mean, sometimes, sometimes friendships have an expiration date and it sounds like, it sounds like they, they outlive that friendship. I mean, like what a, what a bizarre response to just say like, I've been to enough boring weddings.
Yours will be no different. And it's just like, come on.
I hope you don't have another wedding. Yeah.
Right. Like, I hope you don't want people to support you the next time you get married.
That's your sour attitude. You sound like a great time to be married to.
Yeah. Gosh, these stories are not looking great for the finance sector.
It's not looking good for them out there. No, finance people, are you okay? Send us a letter.
God, check in. I'm sad about this this um yeah you know i i could see getting a little scared if one of my friends partners called enraged at me and like i would be like damn i don't want to go to your wedding like he's kind of an asshole but if i really loved this person and valued their friendship i could also see this being a wake wake up call.
Like I myself had something with a friend recently where I didn't realize it, but like I was really letting everything I was going through in my life, I was getting to be a little bit of a glass half empty person versus glass half full. And so, you know, anytime we were together, we would still have fun, but I would like vent.
It would turn into like vent sessions. And I was just like being really negative.
Yeah. And it wasn't the whole time.
Yeah. But if it's still every time you're seeing your friend.
Yeah. That can be a lot on them.
And I didn't even realize it. Did your friend point this out? Yeah.
So we had like a big heart to heart and just like, she was like, I love you. You know, we've been friends for years and years now, but like, it's just like, it's getting to be a lot.
And like, I know I've been to you. I know I can be negative too, but when it gets to be every time, I guess I also know it's just not you.
Like this isn't you. And so it was a wake up call for me to be like, okay, I got to like not be as negative.

Like I do have so much to be positive about and so much to be thankful for. And like the problems I do have are like, yeah, they're problems, but like they're a good problem to have.
Ha ha. So that was like a wake up call I needed.
These people could have taken that $8 asshole comment and woken up and been like, damn, he's right.

I do need to shape up.

I got to be there for my friend. This is who little Charlie calls auntie.
Yeah. Come on.
Yeah. I mean, the difference between like your friend and these people is your friend went straight to you about this issue.
Yeah. And these people probably talk so much shit about this person.
I know. And have never said a single thing to her.
Because she's completely oblivious to this. And you're like, do you really think this came out of nowhere? Well.
Something tells me that they've never had this kind of heart-to-heart that your friend gave you. Yeah.
But I'm also sitting here wondering because it's often said like, if you are the later friend, they've already had this point of like, you go to their baby showers, you go to their weddings, you celebrate them, them, them. But if you're the single friend, when do you ever get your celebration? When do you ever get your flowers? So it's a big conversation that like a lot of people are having, especially on TikTok where they are now getting late, like married later.
And there was this one series of this girl who had a similar issue where she wanted the bachelorette trip that they had all gotten. So she wanted to go to Cabo.
And because all of them are now long since married, some have kids, none of them would go to Cabo for's like just because you're the later friend you don't deserve what they did is it because like they think they're too old to party i don't know if it's that or just like they're using their kids as an excuse they don't want to like i look at myself now and like i have a friend that like asked to go to the club recently and I was like I don't think I can go to the club anymore like give me a month's notice and I'll start mentally preparing but like sure I don't like this is a cold call on a Friday night like I can't go to the club right so I don't know if like people get into the headspace of like I just genuinely don't want to do it anymore but like if she's shown up for you and you genuinely are good friends I don't know like there's got to be a little give and take there and like if it's not cabo then like hey let's do something still really fun that's easier and but it just feels like asking for much she's asking for dinner at a local spot that they all love yeah if people are not going to show up for you at that genuinely you don't need't need friends like these. They're basically enemies.
Yeah. It's not Cabo.
It's not a destination thing. No.
It's the most minimal effort, you know? It's so minimal. Yikes.
Really disappointing. I would love to hear any horror stories you guys have.
If you've been the friend that's been the later one to get married or you've ever felt like the least favorite friend, please comment on the YouTube your stories. Because like I just want more tea about this.
And I really feel like this is a big conversation people are really starting to have where like I still want to be celebrated even though I'm like the last one to get married absolutely like yeah and we need to

start celebrating single people's accomplishments more i got a dog let's throw a party sure promotion let's throw a party sure like what are some other ones we could have let's let's talk about that too breast reduction party yeah party uh bye bye ta-tas throw a funeral for those bad boys.

RIP titties.

Goodbye.

HH or single H,

single H.

Yeah.

The H.H. Or single H Single H See those are the confusing sizes H.H.H.
Yeah just keep it to one letter I know And just move up the letters But what do I know? We could probably get to Z at that point then Yeah There was an episode on Botched okay i think she actually just passed away she um she kept getting enlargement breast enlargement surgeries and she got to a point where she essentially you know those sit and bounce balls she had two sit and bounce on her chest that's how big they were and her no. Well, yeah.
I'm assuming like she had to like gradually increase. You could only stretch so much.
You could literally, it was so crazy on the botched episode. They held a flashlight to her boob and you could see.
And it was like translucent. You could see all the arteries, veins, everything.
I mean, that's kind of cool. It was nuts.
Do you want to see a picture? I mean, you've piqued my interest oh my god i wonder if google even shows it found it uh that was quick that was a quick google look at that look at that it's like holographic wow they're not as big as i thought they would be truly well that's that's not the person that's just somebody else. I'm trying to find the botched.
Okay. I was like, it's not that big.
No. Okay.
And I might have been exaggerating with the sit and bounce, but they were... I've seen like...
They were really big. Maybe a volleyball? Are they bigger than a volleyball? Basketballs, probably.
Yeah. I mean, those are pretty large.
I mean, Botched is crazy. Have you seen that one woman that would crush like beer cans with their titties? No.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, this is the sit and bounce lady.
This is, oh my God, this sounds terrible. Okay.
Those are big. Yeah, okay.
That's kind of what I was imagining. Yeah imagining yeah yeah so they held a flashlight to her and wow it's crazy hey live your life you know i just can't imagine if those are your dream if your dream is to just just have yeah gigantic titties like hey i was trying to think like what's what's like a i was trying to think of like a just there's what's what word do you use boobs boobs i have a i sound like a child i have a hard time saying breasts like it just like i feel like it gives me like a speech impediment it's too clinical oh my god but yeah to each their own i mean there some weird dreams out there.
Some people do plastic surgery to look like cats and implant metal whiskers on themselves. Yeah, sure.
Yeah. To each their own.
Yeah. Live your life as long as it's safe.
Yeah. What's the weirdest dream you've had? The weirdest dream? Yeah.
Like for me, I wanted to be a twin, but obviously like that can't happen. Like a dream that I had or like or like something that i wanted to be yeah

or like what's something really weird that you want to do um i think for well for a short time when i was like 18 i wanted uh snake bites it's like the two piercings on the lip yeah because i was going through my like hardcore phase yeah um thankfully i never did that i wanted him on row for a while but then I was like

that's kind of an anchor

and it just freaked me out yeah yeah i would be too afraid of it getting caught on things the monroe like that doesn't really stick out because it's just like a little like stud right i think it looks cute when people have dimples and they put it in a dimple have you seen that oh sure sure sure yeah but no i've never wanted to cat. I'm going to have to think about that though.
I don't have any weird dreams nowadays. Maybe I need one.
Maybe I'm missing out. I feel like you kind of already like achieved your dream of sorts.
I did. It fell into my lap.
It's kind of weird. I mean, you got a horse.
I do have a horse. I don't know if you talk about that.
I do. Yeah.
I do have a horse in my backyard. You get to meet them Friday.
I'm stoked. I know I've got some carrots for you to give them.
They're going to love you. Yes.
But Ian, where can everyone find you? How can they engage with your content? You know, Smosh. Smosh, Smosh Pit.
Just Smosh. Smosh Games.
You can find me on Instagram, Ian Hecox. I don't really post that much on there though.

Celebrating.

I'm really bad with social media.

You'll get better.

No, I won't.

I don't want to be better.

I don't either.

I don't think I've posted anything in like three months.

And there's so many pictures where I'm like, ugh.

So you guys, you'll see a dump soon. But no, it's very nice just kind of staying out of the weeds.

Yeah.

I finally took Twitter off my homepage on my phone. Really? Yeah yeah it's gone downhill over there oh it's so bad it's not fuck twitter man it's not i was addicted pretty bad and i i haven't actually like been using it but i was just like lurking on it for a long time and i just like i think i i think my mental health has already improved yeah taking that off my homepage.
No. Mine would probably improve too if I took Zillow off my homepage.
Ooh, that is a drug of its own. It's like, you just want what you can't have too.
And you see them all and you're like, oh. Like, what if I just bump up the price range by a million just to see what's out there? You'll get your feelings hurt real fast.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you see what some people are selling and you're like these people are they're on drugs sure so maybe it's a good one but be sure to check out ian's content i'll have everything linked in the description you can't miss it other than that we're probably just finishing up our tour last couple shows we're having lots of tour content on Patreon as well as additional bonus

episodes every month for the Unhinged tier. So check that out.
But other than that, until next

time. Bye.
Thank you.