186: Simply so Weird.. Ft. Courtney Miller

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That's shopify.com slash THT. All lowercase.
That's shopify.com slash THT. We're rolling.
Audio's rolling. We're not going to have any technology have issues today.
No batteries will die. There's been stuff going on? I feel like I just, there's something in retrograde or like, maybe it was a full moon or like, I don't know what it was, but one of these last episodes, like one of the cameras died.
I hit record. It didn't start.
I'm just like, why are you doing this to me? Yeah. Universe has been really weird.
No, and it can't do it to me on your episode. Please no.
Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes.

I am so excited for today's guest, Courtney Miller. Hello.
Hello, hello. You are so fun.
I just started learning about the Smosh universe when I had Shane on and I had no idea. It's so multifaceted.
And you have been there 10 years now.

Just about, yeah.

You act, you write, you produce.

You're like a little Swiss army knife over there.

I love that term.

That's awesome.

You do it all.

It's really fun over there.

They teach you a lot.

They let you learn a lot.

And they really trust you a lot over there to just do stuff.

It's a little machine. Our studio is with this one little room with like an office and you go to Smosh and it's like this is big time like I was like oh my god this is it was so surreal so you you do great work over there thank you I really appreciate it and this studio is adorable like small, but adorable.
Like you've styled it so awesomely. And you said you were saying this, you're like, you want to fix this.
I love it. Thank you.
Yeah. Yeah.
New chairs. What do you think of the new chairs, guys? I love the little wood trim.
I know. To match the wall.
Very cute. I was really trying to coordinate.
You killed it. Really trying to coordinate.
So today's theme I have, I feel like especially, you know, doing your skits you do and you guys have gotten into the Reddit stories a lot, you know weird. Oh yeah.
So today's theme is simply so weird. Just out of an abundance of stories, just crazy variety, but they're all just weird.
I love it. I cannot wait.
I listened to a few episodes of your podcast because I loved, especially when our show was like kind of getting going. I loved hearing all the different ones because there's a few out there.
Yeah, there's a couple now. I really love the vibe of this one.
Thank you. And you're awesome.
We really try over here. You know me, my amazing editor.
We've got Jenna editing nowadays who's coming on an episode soon.

I convinced her today.

I know.

She's going to be perceived.

I know.

I think she's like, she's sitting over there.

She's like, wait, why did I agree to do this?

But yeah, it's wild.

I was not an internet person. And so hearing you've been in it for 10 years, I'm like, okay, I can do this but yeah it's it's wild like you I was not an internet person and so like hearing you've been in it for 10 years I'm like okay I can do it I can do it oh yeah I think this is amazing you got your patreon and all this stuff like it's such a cool job that you get to do this it's such a privilege like every day I wake up and I'm like this isn't real I love it and you get to wear cool jackets I know I I splurged a little bit.
Don't yell at me, guys.

Oh, please. You deserve it.

Feeling a little patriotic today.

Register to vote. Okay.

Let's get into these stories.

Love it. Let's dive in.
Okay, up first. This one is coming from AITAH.
It is seven hours old. Very fresh.
Titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Fiancee I Don't Want My Timu Engagement Ring? My 27 female fiancé, 29 male, proposed to me a few weeks ago. It caught me completely by surprise, but we've been together for three years and things have been going great, so I was really excited and said yes.
I really liked the ring when I first saw it, and my friends and family all think it is stunning. It's an oval cut with diamonds across the band.
I asked where he got it, and he wouldn't tell me where, but that he got a great deal on it. I didn't think anything of it until yesterday we were in bed, and I asked him if it was diamond or moissanite, mainly out of curiosity.
I don't have a preference, by the way. He said he didn't know and would have to look it up.
When I glanced over at his phone, he was in the Timu app. No.
I asked him if he got it from there and he didn't respond. So I asked again and he responded with something like, quote, does it matter? And left the room and ended up sleeping on the couch.
What? I spent all night so confused. today I decided to download the app and look up my ring and found one that looks identical.
I found the exact ring and it is listed at $38. I am mad.
He makes good money, 200k a year, and I feel like he could have shelled out some money for a ring better than the one on Timu. Am I the asshole for telling him I don't want it? Oh my goodness.
No. Timu? Timu.
Okay, listen, like with wedding rings or engagement rings, like it doesn't need to be, what was it the people people used to say three months salary. That, to me, is insane.
That's a lot. I'm like, I would rather you take me to a nice restaurant a few times and also have a less expensive ring.
Yeah. But Timu, what if he didn't know what Timu was? Do you think that's possible? I'm wondering because I think about Timu, like, I really started to started to like know about it with the Super Bowl ads this past year.

Yeah, same.

Like it was every single ad was Timu.

And I'm like, God, they're really shelling it out.

So maybe he like didn't understand what Timu really is because I think a lot of their branding too was like shop like the billionaire shop, which is like, huh? No billionaires on Tmue. What? So I don't know.
Like, otherwise, why would you get it from Tmue? Like, there's so many other like more ethical sources. Yeah.
Like literally walk into Nordstrom and even like a $50 ring. But like, that is wild that he makes a salary of 200K.
Yeah. And $38.
Like, whoa. And also that the engagement was by surprise.
I wonder why it all came to be. I know.
Why did he get a cheap ring that probably shipped really fast? And then he proposed to her, you know? I'm like, really, I don't know about this one. And walking out of the room and sleeping on the couch after that short of a discussion is a little bit crazy to me.
Like if you can't have a conversation about this peacefully without someone storming out and like boycotting you by sleeping on the couch, that's a little concerning for me. What if at his $200,000 salary job, they were like, we're all married men.
And so he tried to maintain that. I must uphold this status as well.
I could see it. I don't know.
I'm really, I'm really reaching, I think. But well, we don't have much to go on.
So it's like, oh, we are. We're just like, the wheels are turning.
We're like, what is this about? So the top comment, I don't know. Normally I'd celebrate someone who didn't buy into all the engagement slash wedding, spend yourself to bankruptcy thing, but $38, I'm as tight as a duck's arse with money as we say in the UK.
But I'd spend a little more than that to at least get a band that was a reasonably high carat gold and then save on the gemstones. Are you engaged? Congratulations.
Thank you. Yeah, I've been engaged for, it'll be like a year next week.
So was it a complete surprise or had you talked about it? We had talked about it and then I didn't know when I was honestly, like I was getting real annoying. Everyone can probably say like I was like, when's it going to happen? But the day of I knew because everyone was being super weird around me.
And like, I felt like everyone was lying to me or avoiding me. I like cried.
I was like, this is so sad. Oh, no.
And it turns out, no. Like, one of the people that was avoiding me, my mom, she was just busy.

Like, was like, this is so sad. Oh, no.
And it turns out, no, like one of the people that was avoiding me, my mom, she was just busy, like was like not avoiding me on purpose. And I was like, I don't know what's worse.
Oh, my God. But it ended up being really, really cute.
But yeah, we definitely talked about it before. So I'm like with this, like three years is kind of the point where you're like, yeah And did you talk about rings? Like did you give them an idea of what you like? Yeah, like yeah, so we actually went downtown we like went to the diamond district here in los angeles And you can get such good deals there And so I wanted moist night because I knew I wanted something big, but I didn't want the diamond price So like my ring is it like people see it and they're like, oh my God, it's massive.
But it is a Moyes night, which like I'm not discrediting like what my partner did or anything like that. Like I love, love, love my ring.
And it was under $2,000. That's great.
That's kind of around mine. Like mine was an antique.
I love that. that me too it's not a family heirloom or anything but like i i with masculinity and femininity struggle with like style and what i want so i wanted something that would be just like balanced more like neutral but like just fit you yeah and so i had sent him like 10 links i love that and then left it and.
And then it was also, it was cool because I sent him a bunch of links and then was like, whichever one, it's like, it's still like the balance of, I know I'm going to like it, but also he picked it. That's actually a great way to do it because then it's like, okay, well, I like all these, but like you pick the one that calls to you and you think fits me the best.
That's a really fun way to do it. I liked it.
It was nice. I think he liked it too.
That's really, really pretty. I'm obsessed.
Okay. I'm like, okay, so ring number two, that's, we're going to do it that way.
I always joke with my fiance. I'm like, okay, so I'm going to be like Victoria Beckham.
Like she's got 15 engagement rings. That's kind of what I want.
Like one can be 50 bucks, like get it from an estate sale. I'm cool with that.
Like I love thrifting and going on eBay. Me and eBay, we're like this.
Better than Timu or Timu, whatever they say. Whatever the hell it is.
Okay. Let's see if there's any comments from OP here.
Yes, please. Because what is happening? So we do have quite a few comments.
Amazing. Oh my.
Okay. A lot a lot of comments okay i'm not mad that the diamonds are not real but i worry about the quality of the ring because i imagined my engagement ring to be at least sturdy it's fine for now but i have a hard time believing it'll last longer than a year if it's 38 on timu yeah it's if it's a gorgeous ring i think that great, but it could turn your finger green or break off if you accidentally bump into something with Timu.
I just don't know. And then also, people have travel rings.
I think it would make sense for people, which I had just learned about, by the way, like a friend's trip. But yeah, that's such a valid concern.
And also, even beyond that, there is some sentimental or emotional aspect to this. It's not that she's demanding this expensive thing, but it's also how does he view this? If he cares about this and, like, there is people see a ring as something that stands for lasting forever, you know? So something that clearly is, it's not going to last forever.
But maybe in his mind, he he thought like, oh, this is just temporary. We can go get you a nice one another time.
But it doesn't sound like he said any of that. It sounds like you just slept on my couch.
I know. And it's like, just have that conversation, at least like explain yourself and not storm off and pout.
So I'm on Timu. OK, let's go.
And now I'm wondering, I'm like, are we we all overpaying i don't know how timu is doing this probably not very like sustainably ethically i don't i don't know but there is a ring on here it is 18 carat gold plated a sterling silver moissanite engagement ring and they're asking 28 for it what and it's like okay moissanite like how are they what it's really pretty it is like i've seen someone have that like is there a certification because i know real jewelry like that has to have some sort of certification of a stone or what it's actually made of.

Like, is there anything in the description or like additional details?

Let's see.

I know that I just recently saw a TikTok where this guy created a software, like a website where you can check.

There are companies that are vastly putting out an inventory that are on high-end things and low-end things just across the board. Okay.
And his website basically makes it so you can reverse image search and see that. Oh, I love that.
So it's like, I guess it's not entirely insane that it could be that, but I just know that there are lots of jewelry sites that even if it's gold-plated it's like really poorly done too. Yeah.
It's so, jewelry is really interesting to me because like I have something that's solid gold but still turns my finger green sometimes. Yeah.
And then someone was like, well, that happens around your period. And I'm like, huh? I'm like, what? Also, if your jewelry, it gets dirty, it will just do that.
You just got to wash it with soap. I know know i got one of those little things the steamer it makes a noise it's like oh that's even cooler and also i don't know what it does it's magic though they like zap it yeah i can put my retainers in there i can put my jewelry in there oh my god i sanitize it don't worry give me the link it's so good but no i'm not seeing like mention of certification.
I just see like S925 sterling silver. So for our jewelry people out there, maybe that has meaning to them.
But you can do it based on the weight, like one carat, two carat, three carat. So I don't know.
I'm like, that's wild. Okay.
I wonder, maybe there's even more geniuses in the comments who, like, who know. I know.
But. If it's moisonite.
That's what I'm like. I got moisonite and, like, we paid way more than $28, clearly.
Yeah, I think mine's moisonite, too. The main stone, at least.
So it's like, maybe. I don't know.
I'm confused now. But I think it's not.
I don't know. So then I'm kind of going back on this one where it's like, are you upset that it was only $38 because you did love the ring and everyone said it was really pretty? So now I'm like, huh? Yeah.
You know, and maybe it's just the idea that it's Timu and the reputation that Timu has. If the ring is legit, that's awesome.
We live in a time. What a time.
$28 for a Moise Night people pay thousands for. Yeah.
That is amazing if that's the thing. But it's also a bummer that he wasn't willing to talk about it.
I know. So that's kind of what she does get into.
He's never been overly frugal. I'm probably more frugal than him.
Neither of us are huge spenders, but we each make enough to not have to strictly budget or anything. We have our own accounts and split rent equally.
I know he has at least 100K across his savings and investment accounts. We go for drinks a few times a week and we'll go to concerts together.
We travel a few times a year. Our DoorDash the other night was $40.
My ring costs less than DoorDash dining. That can sting a little bit.
Ooh. I can understand where she's coming from, obviously.
Yeah. There is some interesting comments about people mentioning this could be a loyalty test.
Oh, these tests. And OP is like, I'm very confused based on the responses that people are saying it could be a loyalty test, that he doesn't want me to be able to sell it if we divorce or that he doesn't plan to be with me for long.
I have a pit in my stomach. I haven't considered breaking things off, but that was before I wrote this here.
Oh my gosh. This is all things that will be cleared up if they like just talk about it.
Like I wish that there would have been more room for her to ask like, so what inspired you to get this from this place? Or like, what is your plan? Like, I don't know. It's so odd.
Does clarify it is Moise Night from the seller LVZ Gem on Temu, whatever the heck it is. Really interesting.
So we do have an update. Hell yeah.
Okay. Thank God.
Literally. He came home this morning while I was in a work from home meeting.
These comments made my head spin all night. I got like three hours of sleep,

so I admit I may be in the wrong for bringing up his finances, but I did. Read the gold digger rumors.
When we met, I was making more than him and often paying for his things. His high-paying job is a recent development.
I have my own money and don't need his. I asked him what was going on, if there was anything he needed to tell me, if he was testing me by doing this.
Well, that really set him off. Quote,

What kind of person do you think I am? You think I'm a cheapskate? A liar? You obviously think really poorly of me. But still, he never gave me a reason.
So I asked why he was deflecting

every question to victimize himself and to avoid my questions. He tried to leave again.
Come on. Why? This is not like.
This is really bad. Communicating.
This is not that big of a deal. It's $38 either way, guys.
Come on. Let's just talk about it.
Let's talk about it. It's $38 that is breaking you guys up.
The way he keeps trying to run away. I'm just envisioning the Kool-Aid man running through walls.
Why are you trying to escape your fiance so fast? She needs to get a lasso. Literally.
So I tried de-escalating and told him, I see where he's coming from, but I need to know if he still loves me. He was immediately apologetic and still wants to get married.
He said I can just pick my ring out and buy it with my own money. He said he's sick of talking about this and it's water under the bridge now.
Honey, you barely talked about it. You're already tired.
Have they ever fought before? I don't know. We got to go back and check the comments.
He's acting like his normal self again since this conversation. I hear him out there skipping around and humming to himself all happily and it's actually pissing me off.
Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I don't think I can handle a marriage with someone like this. Yeah, buddy.
Oh, no.

What? That was like, okay, so what is this job? Because this is all things where it's like, this guy does well for himself. And they've been in this relationship for three years.
How has their communication and their dynamic been up until this point? If this is the longest, like he can't handle that much discussion about it. Sounds like that conversation went for like four minutes tops.
It had to have been really short because he flipped out. And keeps trying to leave.
Well, and then he's like, well, if you can buy your own ring then. It's like, oh, okay.
Just avoiding it. Just avoiding the main path.
Derailing. and it's like well if you can buy your own ring then it's like oh okay just avoiding it just avoiding the main path derailing and it's like i guess if you if you were with someone and they wanted something that's out of your budget or just not what you were willing to spend you could offer up like oh i'll split it with you or you know whatever but like i'm just i'm really flabbergasted this is just so goofy to me and there is a comment from op where you know, she's mentioning I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt like maybe he wasn't aware of the reputation that temu has But he is being sneaky and distant about this and now just fully avoiding the conversation I'll update here if I can find out anything So that was 15 hours ago and then that update we just read was three hours old.
There's no other comments like since. Since then.
He invests in stocks. He's pretty risk averse.
No mentions about communication. I've searched the word.
I've searched the word communicate. I'm not seeing any comments addressing like our communication before this was amazing.
We talk through anything yeah I feel bad that reddit really got to her head and so she started asking their reddit questions which reddit can be really intense with theories and stuff so you want to I feel like if I was in her situation I would take those with a grain of salt and then put them in your mental pocket. But do not let them be the topic of conversation.
Like, because she put him in a position where he feels like he's being accused and already he's insecure that he ordered it off Timu. Yeah.
Even though that was a conscious adult decision that he literally made. Yeah.
So he just seems to be taking it really personally that she's questioning this. And I feel like she could have had a gentler approach, but I don't think that she was necessarily wrong for how she went about it before.
I don't know. I don't think so either.
Engagement rings are one of those things that are so person-specific or dependent. Like, everyone wants their own—like, there's the own method to the madness like I wanted a moissanite I wanted to at least pick out the stone so like I picked out the stone and then he picked out the rest of the ring you did the links that's the first time I've ever heard about that and I love it so it's like everyone is so you know in their own world with it but like she's not happy and she's trying to have a conversation and he is just not for it.
Yeah. And I feel like engagement, it's really one of those big steps for a couple.
Right. And I think even if you want it to be a surprise and you don't want to know exactly how or when or what the ring is, like, it's still one of those big steps that you are making together and you should have those conversations and understand fully where each other is coming from with it like for me like we had the conversation about like budget roughly because I'm like I want to be able to wear it and not be terrified every moment that it could be stolen or lost and be out that money like that's terrifying to me and I want to be able to be relaxed a little bit I also didn't know about travel rings but like that was new to me when I got engaged too yeah I had no idea and I love the concept of that because it is like very sentimental and a prized possession sort of like potentially go on vacation and get robbed or like stolen out of your hotel room or whatever like travel rings are so smart yeah absolutely so smart it must have because you guys kept your relationship really under wraps did you wear your engagement ring at all or were you kind of scared you're like I don't want to like have a picture taken in it like how did you guys go about that yeah so this is tea a little bit okay so no this is I wore a lot of rings in general before then including rings on this finger and so when we were talking it, I was like, you know, like with a lot of things with our relationship, I'm not going to deny myself the experiences, you know, even though it was a secret, we, we weren't like preventing ourselves from just living normal lives that much.
So I wore it, but I wore a lot of rings. And like, so what, even if there was speculation, cause there was people be like, well, she rings it's fine and it's like it doesn't it's not it doesn't scream engagement ring when it's by itself and I had other rings that was like a little opal that was way bigger like I have so pretty I have some loud rings thank you um but yeah so like I I did wear it and just kind of I didn't and then one time I I posted a selfie, I think, that had it like pretty prominently.
And they're like, guys, oh, what? And I was like, just let me live. Oh, my God.
But yeah, that's so, so cute. Yeah, that would be hard.
But I guess like wearing a lot of rings, it was almost like, that's just another ring, guys. Yeah.
But it's so nice that like you guys, I love the way you announced your marriage too.

Like it was April Fool's, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And everyone's like, wait, is this real?

Is this not real?

Yeah.

Some people think it's still a prank.

What?

You know?

How many months later now?

Oh, yeah.

Like.

Almost half a year. Yeah.
Almost six months. Yeah.
Somewhere in there. Yeah.
Yeah. That's so cool.
The pressure, like just being off where it's just like you can just, you know, keep doing, you know.

I love it. Thank you.
And yeah, it's like, it's good to have that communication because it's, it's, even though it's one person doing something for another person, it's still like

a group decision, a team decision. And he's just not acting like they're on a team at all.
No, no. I do love the last line in the update.
I don't know if I can marry someone like this. Good on them for thinking that way.
It's important because we ignore red flags sometimes. And it's like, hey, this is one of those very adult moments that you guys are doing.
And it's time to read into those things. I think you make a really good point, too.
It is almost like a group project where it's like you don't necessarily have to do it exactly as the other person would or whatever. But their participation, their thoughts, feelings should be taken taken into consideration because it just is a bottom line respect thing.

And you want to know your partner respects you and values you and isn't going to steamroll you.

Like, yeah, absolutely.

And like at this point, I'm like, maybe he is testing her because like, you know, last episode or previous episode, people be testing people in relationships for weird reasons they really are oh okay moving along all right this next one is coming from our very own to how take subreddit let me refresh the tab i'm like i don't refresh them okay it's two days old now wow yeah i get scared sometimes when i refresh and then they're gone i'm like oh no that's no that's smart got it. So it is titled, my supervisor met my boyfriend and now she wants an HR meeting.
Posting here because my friends are busy and I feel like this is the next best thing since I listen every week and love reading everybody's comments and opinions on things. I, 24 female, am a high school science teacher and my boyfriend, 25 male, is an OnlyFans model.

This is important. Today, after school, he helped me carry in some stuff for a lab I'm going to be doing with my kids.
When he arrived, the principal, I'll call her Jan, was outside for dismissal and was able to meet him. While he was helping me set everything up in my classroom, Jan came in and asked if they had ever met before, since he looked familiar.
My boyfriend said he didn't think so, and that was that. When we finished, I gave him a tour of the school that ended at the office.
Jan was still there and greeted us again, before a look of what I can only describe as fear came across her face. She quickly excused herself, and we were left alone and confused.
My boyfriend asked if maybe she recognized him from his OnlyFans page. I said, surely not.
She's a middle-aged woman who barely knows how to use her phone. He let me live in denial until I got a text from her as we were cooking dinner.
She said this, good evening, OP. I'd like to have a meeting with you and HR person from HR tomorrow morning.
Please be in my office at 7 a.m. So now I'm almost certain that my boyfriend was right and she does know him from his page.
He keeps trying to reassure me that it's not about that, but I can see in his eyes that he's at least a little proud of himself. I've kicked him out to buy me some stress snacks.
My friends are busy, and my family doesn't know he's an OnlyFans model, so I don't know who else to turn to. Maybe y'all have advice for me? I want to crawl out of my skin.
Oh, man. How old? What year does she teach?

High school science teacher, and she's 24. He's 25.
Oh, boy. She looked scared.
The principal

looked scared. Why would Jan even bring it up? Like, for me, I'm like, you're going to incriminate

yourself, Jan. I'm so curious about this little meeting that's going to happen.
Because I know with teaching, that's like one of the places where it still feels really old school with outside of work things. Yeah, it does.
And I don't understand how it's legal. Like I saw on TikTok, a teacher got fired for having bikini pictures, swimsuit pictures on her Instagram.
Yep. Her own personal private Instagram.
Yep. That's what's crazy.
What? Private platforms are still being impacted, like as if it tells them something about you, but it's like swimsuits. And also, I mean, it's unfortunate how sex workers or just OnlyFans isn't just that.

It's like just, you know, modeling or it is adult content sometimes, but it's not always.

And so it's unfortunate that it gets judged in that way.

And like the fact that this principal likely recognizes this guy from OnlyFans.

Yeah, you're exposing yourself.

And it's a very private platform where I'm pretty sure you have to pay and have a membership or subscription to that person in order to see it. So I hope that if that's the case, that she should feel safe about this.
The teacher, OP. Yeah, I know.
And I'm like, I would love some lawyers to chime in. Oh, yeah.
Because obviously it's very state dependent what

workplace protections people have. But I'm pretty sure you can't get fired anywhere for what your partner does.
As long as you're doing your job, whatever they do doesn't affect your job. Like, I mean, what? Because it's obviously you're thinking of protecting the kids, right? Yeah.
And it is so many steps to get access to whatever this partner is doing. Yeah.
You know, or posting. Like, and it also, we don't know what the content is.
We just don't. So it's like, you can't always assume what it is, but there's so many steps.
I know. I didn't realize how much of a variety there is on OnlyFans.
Like some people literally just post their feet on there. Feet or like like not even anything like that either.
I saw one girl does just do bikini pictures. I think there's people who do like comedy on there.
Like there's like not even any sexual connotation to content. I think there is like a push to to kind of eliminate that.
Well, to kind of they're trying to compete with Patreon. Right.
So they're having just regular creators come over now, too. Exactly.
So you don't really know. I mean, this guy is a model, which, you know, like I know that that can be that can be many things.
But it sucks that because even if it was sex work, that's OK. Like and it is still a private platform that it would be really hard for kids to a find out about it and b somehow get access to it well and also that's kind of on the parents like if your kid is going on only fans and your kid is on websites they shouldn't be on like that's kind of on the parents like that's your job to make sure your kids are safe on the on the internet and yeah and it is i think it's kind of funny that the boyfriend's like proud or husband or boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend is like proud proud he's like i think he she recognizes me in my my six-pack honestly it is kind of impressive because like you really do have to market to grow on on any platform but especially that one that is so private it's crazy i just saw there's a news article that came out.

OnlyFans creators made $5.33 billion last year. Wow.
So like that is, for a lot of people, a small business. And it is a great, like it is a, it's a healthy industry in a lot of ways.
Like I think it might be controversial, but like I think sex work is super important. and you know depending on how it's done obviously like there's healthy ways and not healthy ways to go about it i think it's still um important and valid and like i i i is there an update of this like i want to know so i literally i commented and i was like i need an update op like i have someone i have the perfect guest co-host to respond to this one.
So the top comment is also about needing an update. If there was ever a need for an update, this would be it.
We are now invested in your life, OP. By the way, do not under any circumstances admit that your boyfriend is an OnlyFans model.
If you get fired or disciplined at all, call a local employment attorney the second you

leave the school. Make sure you have a copy of your employment contract with the district handy.
Okay, good. Okay, so it sounds like she's not at liberty to give that information, and yeah, it sounds like she would be safe.
I know. A lot of people do recommend recording the conversation too if uh if they're in a one-party consent state.
Because a lot, you have to get the other party's permission to record. Right.
But let's get into this update, shall we? Oh, my God, you haven't? Yes! Yeah! Yes! That was posted eight hours ago. Hello, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to make a separate post for an update or not.
Sorry, this is my first time actually posting on Reddit. Please let me know if I'm not supposed to.
You did fine. You're good.
I asked for advice and y'all gave so much. Thank you.
I felt really supported. Also, a lot of y'all clocked it.
I do work for a religious private school. Which like even more like taboo.
Yeah, Miss Principal. Miss Principal.
Damn. Even weirder.
Anyways, I arrived for my meeting at 7. I know a lot of you thought it was early, but school starts at 7.45, so it was a normal time for me.
I did record the meeting. Even though I am in a one-party consent state, I asked to be safe.
The meeting started with Jan, my principal, saying that it had recently come to their attention that my boyfriend has been publicly participating in lewd acts. I asked what she meant, since as far as I knew, my boyfriend had never had charges filed against him for something like that.
That's when the HR lady, Pam, said that somebody, they couldn't name names, just said it was a staff member, found his OnlyFans account. Like many of you said, I asked what that was since I had never heard of it.
They explained, although they did not look as uncomfortable as I had hoped. Then they asked if I had ever participated in or intended to participate in one of his videos.
I said no. Jan said that I couldn't bring any unvetted guests into the building.
So I pulled up the email thread I had asking for permission and reminded her that he had his ID scanned in order to get a temporary badge. Pam said that it was due to the nature of his online activity that he would no longer be allowed in the school.
I said okay and asked if when I brought my dad to help with things in the future, would I need to disclose his online activity as well. Pam said that wasn't necessary, but that they couldn't have any teacher or staff member affiliated with a sex worker.
I asked what that meant, and she said that I could not bring him onto school grounds, to school functions, or anything relating to the school. Additionally, since the school represented the church, the staff could only have relationships with people who upheld a dignified image.
Apparently, my boyfriend doesn't do that. She also said that if they receive one report from a parent, student, or staff member of my affiliation with him after this meeting, that would be grounds for immediate termination.
Whoa. That is so toxic.
Extremely. To have that weighing on you constantly, just that fear.

And it's completely out of your control, like completely out of your control.

And also, I'm just like speaking in their own language, this school.

Someone's participating in lewd acts by paying for and somehow seeing and accessing this OnlyFans.

Thank you.

Opie gets to that.

I asked if that also applied to the staff member who reported it in the first place, since they went on to a corn site. Jan said that was irrelevant, that the meeting was about me, not the other staff member.
The meeting ended shortly after. They asked me to sign an acknowledgement of the meeting.
I told them I wanted to review it first and brought it home with me My boyfriend is furious and at the same time keeps apologizing saying that it's his fault But it's not the standards for teachers are crazy We're going to have a little indeed slash linkedin date so I can hopefully get out of there ASAP Lesson learned though, never take a job at a religious school.

That is so intense. And I, wow.
My immediate reaction was it is way more relevant that of

to be talking to the person who had access and went into the website than this person who

to their knowledge doesn't interact with that content or is aware of it. You know,

you can't just come across that stuff. No.
So no, that's so unfair. I would be so upset.
And like, I think obviously she wants her job in the meantime until she finds something else. But on my exit interview, I would literally, I would blast the door open.
I'd have my boyfriend print up the little invoice of like, Jan, blah, blah, would make sure I have the receipts and be like hey you had a problem with me? Look at this. Like you can't have a double standard.
Absolutely. But also maybe there's something to being the bigger person and just walking away and just.
Yeah and I don't know if legal stuff is still the same when it's like a private school like like a religious school. Because religious schools are usually private schools.
Yeah. They can kind of have their own rules.
A little bit. Sometimes.
I don't know. To a certain extent.
Yeah. Like code of conduct stuff, maybe.
I don't know. I'd be curious.
Because it is like a private organization versus like a public school that's held accountable like more so by government and community. Yeah, but it would be very, I think it's easy to be like, I found this page and you should know about this.
But if the HR person was also brought the information of like, hey, did you know that your principal has a membership that they're subscribed to on OnlyFans to this type of content? That matters way more to me than if someone is doing a job. I can understand a point of view of like in a very specific situation of like, oh, this person does this type of content that, you know, we don't want this person around kids.
Okay, maybe. But still, there's a lot going on there.
I know. And you just know that they're going to actually go through his content to make sure she's not in it.
100%. This principal's like, guess I have to go through all of his content.
It's research. And the fact, okay, I'm surprised.
The fact that she recognized him in one visit and was like, oh my God. I don't know how active she is on there.
She's active.

I really feel for this teacher because OP deserved way more her side of the story being heard

because she had nothing to do with any of this.

No, it's so different.

It's like if it was her after hours, that's one thing.

Because people, Google name can come up a lot more easily.

But this is a boyfriend. This is her partner like this is not and she's not involved like it's crazy and like she said it herself the standards we hold teachers to are crazy yeah and it's like teachers they don't get paid enough at all for what they do and it's like if you have one of the good ones, you should want to keep them.
Like, shut up, Jan. Shut up.
Go enjoy on your own time. Separate your work and your private life.
Like if someone else brought it to your attention, maybe that's one thing. But like, you're the one that recognized him.
That's a you problem. Yep.
I can't believe HR didn't have a problem with it. And it sounds like principal and HR are in cahoots.
Oh, they're buddy-buddy. They talked about it before.
They had a plan. Jan probably didn't mention she knew.
She probably did keep it anonymous. She's like, someone anonymously told me that they recognized him versus her going to HR being like, I recognized him.
Of course. And they're not going to go as far as to check out this and verify it.
No. They're just going to believe it.
Well, Jan's the principal. So that power imbalance, like they're going to believe Jan.
Freaking Jan. Get out of there, OP.
Yeah. And I hope you find something better.
And I know it's hard out there for teachers, but it sounds like you're a good one. I know.
And honestly, it might be a good time. Like school years just started in a lot of places.
Maybe a new teacher didn't work out. You could swoop in.
Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed, yeah.
Okay, moving along. This is coming from Relationship Advice.
It is titled, My 37 male, wife, 35 female, punched a woman in the face, in public, in front of our daughter, six female. I don't know how to feel about this.
My wife is eight months pregnant, and last night we went to a restaurant with our daughter that was surprisingly crowded for a weeknight. We were waiting for our table when my wife grabbed my arm and said, quote, that woman over there keeps staring at us.

I told her not to think too much into it as she has a tendency to point out creepy people a lot.

We got to our table and while we were waiting for our food, the woman she pointed to came up to us and asked if she could touch my wife's belly.

My wife said, quote, I'd rather you not. But the woman did anyways, and my wife stood up.
The woman looked at our daughter and said, quote, what a beautiful little girl, and tried to pick her up by the armpits. Oh! Sorry, I hate armpit stuff.
My wife then pushed the woman back and punched her in the face. I took her arm and got my daughter and we got out of there.
I asked my wife why she did that and she said, quote, Are you kidding? A complete stranger tried to pick up our daughter. Yeah.
I told her she overreacted and that such force was not necessary. I had some reservations about letting her go out in public while pregnant, but I don't really think I can at all now.
Not if she's going to act like this. I don't really know what to do.
She still seems to think she did nothing wrong. I have never acted like this in public, and neither has she.
The fact that she likely traumatized our daughter by displaying such violence in front of

her is something that's making me look at her slightly different. What should I say to her? Oh boy.
I mean, obviously I couldn't keep my mouth shut during that one, but I'm flabbergasted. It's a lot.

I think, I do think it's weird that he didn't acknowledge that what this woman was doing was weird.

Right.

This is like giving like gingerbread house like like, oh, what beautiful children you are.

You're staring at me from across the room as we're waiting for a table. She clearly is like being weird about it for the wife to notice.
And then to come up to the table. Can I touch your belly? The wife says no.
She still touches her belly. What? Yeah.
Like the escalation was there. Obviously, this pregnant wife was very valid in her feelings.
Punching, obviously, like it's illegal. But and then I love I love that the husband just got them out of there.
Cops didn't get involved. Like, obviously, what punching someone is illegal.
But in a way, this person touched her first without her consent. I wonder if that's technically assault too.
I don't know. I don't know.
Cause pregnant belly stuff, people be just touching bellies. And like, she said, no, ew, stop.
Like stop. And then going to pick up another person's child without asking.
Like, so like if I was OP and my partner was like, someone's staring at us, obviously I would check it. And if I am like maybe it's nothing, sure.
But then that person comes up. I'm now I should clock like, okay, my partner was right.
That's weird. Watch that happen and be like, okay, time to protect our zone right now.
Yeah, stand up, dude. So many.
And she stood up. The wife stood up.
Yeah. And like, if this is your second child, you know, you're she's in mama bear mode.
Yeah. She's going to protect her kid and her family.
Like, I know. Well, and she's eight months pregnant.
Like, when the dad saw like some stranger going to pick up your six year old, don't you think you should have gotten up to like, come on. And like six, six year olds are kind of big.
How is she just casually picking up your six-year-old don't you think you should have gotten up too like come on and like six six-year-olds are kind of big how is she just casually picking up this six-year-old by the armpits too like that is there and there is just no check sorry i like have a weird thing with like i used to get tickled in my armpits as a kid and like now i feel like armpit trauma yeah it's like i don't like it i don't like armpits in general yeah not they're not like fun no they just look kind of weird. Yeah.
Especially just like, I don't like it. I don't like armpits in general.
Yeah. They're not like fun.
No. They just look kind of weird.
Yeah. Especially just like.
They're sweaty. They smell.
Yeah. But I don't want a stranger touching mine.
No. No matter how.
Yeah. I just know.
I just, I'm really bad. Like I gave you a hug when you got here, but like I'm really bad at hugs.
So to like, like go up and touch a string. No, I have weird things with hugs too.
I'm like, I just never know. But it's like, I feel like handshakes, like I would almost rather hug someone than shake their hand.
I get that. I don't know why.
I'm just like, hands are just so like, you don't know if they washed it. Yeah.
Like I know everybody's different with that stuff. I'm overthinking it for sure.
But like to like, I just, I don't know.

I'm just.

It's ultimately what you want to do with your body.

But also like a hug or a handshake is different than someone touching your stomach.

Baby or not, it's weird to touch someone's stomach without consent, especially when they've been actively given enthusiastic decline of consent.

Like this woman isn't right, especially since she was. so she was right.
Yeah. Wife was right that this woman was watching them across the restaurant.
And there's so many comments with this one that I'm kind of confused about. My wife has a tendency to point out creepy people a lot.
Yeah, no, that's, I mean, listen, I'm a paranoid person and I point out creepy people a lot. Yeah, no.
I mean, listen, I'm a paranoid person, and I point out creepy people a lot. Sometimes I'm wrong.
Sometimes I'm right. And it's better to just listen to a person and at the very least assess for yourself.
Absolutely. And be there for this person, because now this person, whether or not they're right, they're on edge.
So be there for them, just period. And the other comment that was interesting I had some reservations about letting her go out in public while pregnant.
Hello? What are you going to do tie her up at home for nine months? Yeah like maybe don't let her get on a roller coaster or on a plane but like what? Like because you know like you don't have to fly after but. I know the amount of people that give birth on planes on accident.
It's really crazy. Yeah, but, like, that is wild to say.
I think it's good to, like, be aware of, like, how your wife's feeling in certain moments. But, like, letting her out.
Yeah. I was nervous.
Hello? Dude. Top comment.
Your wife was defending herself against a total stranger who touched her without permission and after being told not to, who then proceeded to try and pick up your kid. Are you embarrassed by your wife's actions or because you did nothing to protect your family? Snaps.
Yeah, I mean, it's really weird. He didn't acknowledge anything about whether she was right, whether that was not okay to have your child touched.
Like, this man, this OP, unfortunately, sounds like they're not very involved. Or just not picking up on vibes at all.
Like, maybe he is just one of those people that doesn't read social situations or like oh yeah stuff very well because like to just think to just like think your wife is pointing out all these creepy people and it's like you just think they're normal like very clearly your wife was on it with this read so are you just that unaware and someone does comment here OP as this woman is putting his kid in the trunk of her car. Gee whiz, let's not overreact.
Like, you don't know. This woman could have picked up your six-year-old and skirted out of there.
Yeah, absolutely. Like, it was on a path of escalation.
It was happening. You not only, like, do not touch anyone's kid.
Do not touch anyone's kid. It's so creepy.
That's worse to me than touching my stomach. Like, do not like, why? Why do you feel that's okay? I think in the past, like, you know, there are older generations that expect to be able to do certain things to interact with your kids, to interact with your pets.
Like, I had a dog one time that for some reason, I never realized it before how weird people are with your pets. Like I had a dog, his name was Django and he didn't want strangers to touch him and he wasn't aggressive.
He would just move away and people would take it personally. And like I, but, but there was weird instances.
People in LA are weird dude dude, where one time this woman pulled my puppy, when he was in

his puppy, into her lap, and she put her hand in some weird places, and he, like, winced

and lunged away.

Like, he pushed, I think she, like, inappropriately touched my dog.

And I, like, was like, it was so weird.

I don't know if I'm telling this story very well.

It was in a freaking Starbucks.

And this woman just pulled my puppy into her lap.

What the hell?

Put her hand some places. He got out of her grip, and she was, so cute.
Ha ha. And like walked away really fast.
What a freak. Yeah.
So I, I, I feel for the mom definitely because I think about that person at that Starbucks and I'm like, I wish I had punched them, you know? I'm just blown away by your story. I'm like sitting here, I'm like, your poor dog.
I know my My poor dog. And like that only happened that one time.
And like after that, I was like, I am not giving people permission to touch my dog. People are too comfortable with other people's animals.
Yeah. And clearly children too.
I know. That's the thing too.
Like I don't know how I'm going to react if I'm ever pregnant. Because like I'm, again, like I'm bad at hugs.
So like the thought of someone just like rubbing my belly like I'm a like a Buddha or something like I just don't know how I'm gonna handle it like I've had a couple friends that have been pregnant and like I didn't even feel like super comfortable touching their stomachs like I honestly think I've touched like one pregnant person's stomach because I'm just like I don't know like yeah it's just so I think it It makes me feel so personal and intimate. Yeah, absolutely.
I think I've touched like one pregnant person's stomach because I'm just like, I don't know. Like, it's just so, it feels so personal and intimate.
Yeah, absolutely. I think I've only touched one asked to like specifically invited, like, oh, they're kicking.
Do you want? Like I, cause yeah, it's like, it's an intimate touch. That's like for your partner even like to touch your stomach.
It's such a little crazy thing too. Like there's a little alien in there.
Yeah, bro. Don't even get me started.
Oh my God. And like when you can see like a full like foot outline.
Have you seen pictures of that? I've seen videos where like you can see like an arm go by. I'm just like, I'm nauseous.
I'm so nauseous. Yeah, it freaks me out a little bit too.
Oh, okay. Well, no update on this one.
Did they reply to anything? Not seeing any comments from OP. So.
That's a bummer. I know.
I hope he ended up realizing like. Yeah, because clearly she has good instincts and that she can sense trouble and like see it.
Yeah. You know.
Crazy. Someone does give him a new title.
My 37 male wife, 35 female, defended my daughter's life after she was assaulted by some creepy woman touching her belly and grabbing our kid in the middle of a COVID pandemic while I stood there and did nothing. Fixed it for you.
There you go. And that does also add some context to this post is three years old.
Oh, wow. So like your wife is pregnant, pandemic, COVID still like being really active and present.
And like you have this stranger doing this. No, thank you.
Yeah, that stranger is out of their mind. Out of their mind.
This next one is also out of their mind. Oh, boy.
Coming from Relationship Advice, a month old, my 26 female boyfriend, 27 male, falsely staged a drug intervention for me. I'm not addicted to drugs.
What do I do? I've, 26 female, been with my boyfriend, 27 male, for three years. Our relationship has had absolutely no issues before this incident.
He has been the perfect and most loving partner. However, last week, I came home from work to an intervention with all of my close family and friends, orchestrated by my boyfriend, who has apparently convinced them I'm a drug addict.
For context, I have no history of drug use, no behavioral signs that would suggest addiction, and no reason for him to believe otherwise. I believe he knows I'm not on drugs because he has said things to my mom and sister that he knows to be untrue.
That things have gone missing around the house, they haven't. That I've used his credit card to withdraw money.
I don't even have his card details. And that I've been acting erratically.
Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. When I confronted him about all of this, he said, quote, it's not about the drugs.
It's about making sure you're safe. What? My partner is a psychologist and has convinced my entire family I am displaying all the hallmark signs of drug addiction.
They all insist I'm in denial and that I need help. No one is willing to entertain my denials at all.
My mom says she isn't willing to have me over to her house, and my sister won't allow me to see my nieces until I go to rehab. Based on the conversations with my family and friends, I believe he's been spinning this story for several months now prior to staging the intervention.
I am super embarrassed as he organized for practically all of my close friends, family, and even a work colleague to attend the intervention. But more than that, I feel utterly betrayed and confused.
I can't understand his motivation for doing this. Can anyone offer me some insight as to what is prompting this otherwise normal man to do this? I'm terrified.
That sounds like a handmaid's tale nightmare just being thrown into a world that you don't even know is possible. Like, what? My jaw is on the floor.
I'm like, I'm so, so scared. And I feel so bad because like,

everyone's against them. Like everyone, the family, like the mom being like, you can't come over.
The sister, you can't see your nieces until you go to rehab. No one is believing her.
And then

I'm also terrified because he is a psychologist. Like, there's a position of power there.
And so, like, he also has that, like, level of authority where if he tells people something, especially with, like, addiction, they're going to believe him. Yeah, especially if he, like, knows all the therapy speech and all the words.
Like it truly sounds like something out of the twilight zone. It does.
Yeah. This is, this is so crazy.
I mean, my instinct is like, he's trying to like entrap her into like, he sounds like he, cause I just, after hearing so many Reddit stories over the years, men can just like shift or like people that you're in a relationship with, your partner can just like shift. Yeah.
And who knows where it's coming from? Who knows like why they're doing that? But like, I can't believe her own family isn't even considering her. Like that means he's really been like plotting.
Like laying that groundwork. Like she's kind of assuming.
I don don't think like even if like my fiance went to my mom and was like she's addicted to like all these things and blah blah blah like I feel like my mom would give me the benefit of the doubt and talk to me first privately like without him yeah 100% and like my instinct is you can prove that you can prove that you haven't even done anything. Like that's so true.
You can get regular over the counter drug tests, but you can also go to the hospital, get the whole nine and do the hair follicle one, everything, blood tests and show that he's lying. But like, you know, it takes time.
And, you know, I would be afraid that my family would still not believe me if they've been believing for months. And they're like, well, maybe she's just stopped for a little bit to prove that she's not.
Like, that's actually something out of a sci-fi novel wild. I'm also sitting here trying to understand the why behind it for him.
Like, why are you doing this? This is someone you've been with for three years.

How do you move forward now? Like, you deep down genuinely know that this person isn't a drug addict. Like, are you trying to just have her break up with you so you don't have to do it? Is this about power and control in some weird way where, like, you're almost making this person look insane like and a liar like why what's the why here my my thoughts were that this person is trying to be controlling like and just with the reddit stories you read over at smosh it's like oh he got onto some weird podcasts or weird forums and is thinking like this is how you lock down a partner like i don't know that's literally it's a reach but like I could see it though I mean nothing like nothing's impossible I mean this intervention was somehow possible literally that's so sad that's so sad there's a top comment okay all caps and they made it really big like out of all the font size here on this page.
I didn't even know you could do it, but they made it. Oh, my God.
Yeah. Get the fuck out now.
He's manipulating your friends and family to gain total control and isolate you. He's going to hurt you.
Next comment down. This is genuinely one of the worst slash scariest advice posts I've seen on Reddit.
Really hope she gets out fast. Next comment.
As someone who went through this, they isolate, then the abuse starts. This post made my blood run cold.
And that is something I didn't consider, like the isolation. Like we all recognize like the family is now like shunning her, not believing her.
You can't come over. But like, you now have to look at the effect of that.
Like she has no one. What's crazy.
Now that I like look back, she's not even questioning, like breaking up. That wasn't mentioned at all in this post.
She's just like, why do you think she's why do you think they think this i think because there is a very small possibility that this this person's a psychologist maybe they're not a very good one and maybe they're just they're just reading into signs and not taking fact or or taking other routes to just believe your partner that they're not like showing signs and the fact that she's debunking, like, I'm not stealing stuff. I'm not doing these things.
Like, like it, it does unfortunately feel like controlling, isolating behavior. And like, I've experienced it to a degree in past relationships and I've seen it happen to my friends.
And it's like, it's so devastating to see and, and it can happen before you even realize like, so it's possible he's already been isolating her without her realizing because the fact that they're so willing to believe him. I know.
You know?

And I think that's like a lot like I think that's why it is so hard to leave toxic relationships because it can just like slowly like seep in and that isolation and that control or that like that doubt in your own thoughts in your own gut. And it's just like before you know it, you're like, wait, no, no, no, no.
Like this is just normal. It's fine.
And it's like that's why it is so hard to leave and get out and recognize like this isn't normal. Yeah, because suddenly one day you feel like that relationship is all you have.
Yeah. And you don't know what to do.
And I think that's genuinely like, I think that is why he's trying to do that. Like, there's another comment here I'll read before we look at OP's account and see if there's anything.
But this person goes, soon as I read he's a psychologist, I came to say exactly this. He's not only manipulating your friends and family, he's manipulating you.
Actually, this probably belongs in r slash manipulation rather than here. I especially love the little quote, It's not about the drugs.
It's about ensuring you're safe. Next thing you know, you are in a psych ward because you are at risk.
You do not want that. Leave this relationship immediately.
Block your boyfriend. Let family and friends know you are okay.
But go low contact with them until you have this sorted out. Because he has now laid the groundwork, you leaving him will definitely be perceived as a result of your drug issues.
that's so sad like for a second i was like whoa is this like munchausen's by Yeah. He's because he's brought all of their family in to like believe this.
And he's seeming like he believes it. But that's a that's this is I mean, this whole thing is crazy.
But that's one crazy lane on the crazy freeway. You know, I wonder if there's some aspect of that, if that could fit here, because like he probably is going to try to get her put on some sort of hold.
Like, oh, she's she's going to hurt herself. Like he I could see it.
I could see it really going down that route. And it's like, well, he doesn't want to do that to himself.
So like, yeah, like he's going to do it to her. Oh, OK.
There's only one comment from OP.

Only one.

And this post is a month old.

So like the fact there's not an update yet, like...

Oh, no!

I'm like, you guys, my anxiety is through the roof on this.

Like we need to...

I'm following their account right now.

But like we...

OP, if you're out there, are you okay?

Yeah, let us know.

Please blink twice if you need help. Seriously, drop a pin.
We'll come home. So the only comment from OP is in response to someone.
So someone goes, get a drug test, the hair kind, and let them all grovel with apologies. Also dump the boyfriend who is weaponizing his profession to isolate and control you.
So OP responds,

I propose to do this on the spot at the intervention,

but they are convinced there are ways to fool them.

My mom has said she won't believe me

until I go into a rehab facility

and a provider there confirms this,

but this requires me to actually get admitted.

Oh my God, like go to a doctor first. What the fuck is wrong with these people? They're so willing to, to, to just drop their, like their kid like that.
This, this dude is like one of those people that could start a cult. Yeah.
Like genuinely the way he's getting all of these people to believe him is terrifying. I just started watching the show interview with a vampire.
Oh, I keep seeing TikToks for it. I'm like, it looks really good.
It was a really good pilot. And it's like, that guy is like, he just has this ability over people.
Like just like not, not even like physically doing anything, but they're all just, they all want to believe him. Like that charisma, that ability to like just sell.
Yeah. That's crazy that they're not even willing they're like yeah no there's ways so it's like no come with me do like let's do this together if you really care about me you'll at least try this with me like you pick the doctor even you pick the time place when where also like rehab facilities are not super accessible.
They're definitely not affordable. Like, I know they can be thousands and thousands of dollars.
So, like, who's going to pay for this? Like, you want me to go here and to get a provider to prove, but, like, are you paying for it? Yeah. And, like, I don't know how long that stuff takes and how long she has to be put into that situation.
You know, I just think that's really sad that they're not even willing to take steps up to it. She'd be like, hey, let's do this together.
And if it still doesn't satisfy you in that moment, then we can do this. Like if you're really willing to take the time to handle this with me, then handle it with me.
I really, oh man, I wish I like knew more about how all of that went. The fact that they're just immediately wanting to send her with a rehab, but they've not had anything to show for it.
No, I'm just blown away by this one. I would, I would be in a mental tailspin myself because it's like, you're losing so much autonomy.
Like everyone's against you. You're isolated you're isolated you literally like yeah like sounds like lives with the partner a work colleague got involved so i hope her job isn't in jeopardy like this is so bad and the fact he invited a colleague makes me think it was so intentional to potentially make her even more cut off like oh let me take let me take away her income.
Now she's even more reliant on me. Oh, like he got everybody.
Everyone. Because like if I was a partner and I was that concerned and there was like actually stuff there, I wouldn't be doing all that.
I would start to I would talk to the family first and then let the family handle it because it's not up to me, bro. It's up to the family.
Like I don't I'm even if I I'm the partner I don't know that person as well as the family does like that you're so right it is extremely extremely calculated I just made myself really scared oh no no the colleague is that's that is the the final nail in the coffin dude if someone's partner invited me to like one of my colleagues intervention, I'd be like, I can't go. Yeah.
I don't want no part in that. Like, I think you guys got it.
You're good. I think you guys, that's enough probably.
Oh my God. I'm like crying.
I'm so uncomfortable. No, that is like, that is a nightmare scenario.
Oh my God. Wow.
Okay. We need to move along.
Yeah. Do you know anything about hiking? Are you a hiker? I hike quite a bit.
Do you really? Not like in the most recent, like last several months, really busy, but I've hiked a lot, like growing up and stuff. Have you ever done the Grand Canyon? Never done the Grand Canyon, no.
Okay. Well, I'm not a hiker at all, so I'm really happy that I have you for this next one.
Okay, cool. This is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Parting with My Friend Midway Through a Grand Canyon Hike? My friend Crystal and I spent six months planning and training for a very intense all-day hike of the Grand Canyon.
We would go down South Kebab, I'm going to butcher the names, don't yell at me. And up Bright Angel on Crystal's birthday in June, which would be over 100 degrees.
Two weeks before the hike, our friend Valerie said she wanted to join us. Valerie looks way fitter than us.
She does CrossFit and has a six pack. And so we assumed she would be fine.
On the trip leading up to the hike, Valerie was eating salad

while Crystal and I were carb loading with pasta and pizza. Crystal and I each brought four liters of water, trail mix, and granola bars and believed Valerie had packed her bag with the same as it was all in the hotel room for us to share when we packed the night before.
About halfway down, crystal and i realized that at the pace Valerie was going, and thus the rest of us, we would not finish the hike before sundown. We told Valerie about our concerns, and she said we should just hike ahead without her, and that she would either catch up or, if it was too much, turn back.
We asked if she was really sure about it and she said that she was. So off we went.
When we got to the bottom of the canyon, we waited for about an hour at the Colorado River but did not see her. At that point, we really had to get going so we would finish the trail before nightfall.
We tried to call her from a payphone but got her voicemail. None of us had reception.
We explained the situation to a ranger, and they said that they would look out for her. When we were close to the top and it was actually already dark, we got reception and got a message from her that she had collapsed and had to stay at the lodge at the bottom of the canyon.
The lodge is booked months out, but I guess they had some emergency beds. She would hike out the next day with another group and said not to worry about her.
Both Crystal and I were totally destroyed physically, but we got in the car and went and demolished a pizza, then went to sleep at the hotel. Oddly, we found half of Valerie's water and all of Valerie's's food at the hotel i don't want to make too many assumptions about her but i think it's clear enough to say that it seemed clear she didn't know how to eat during or before a hike despite our guidance the next day valerie said she would be up by 3 p.m i was pick her up.
However, the one update we got from her was that she would be hours late. 6 p.m.
rolled around, and she still wasn't up. I left her a voicemail letting her know we needed to continue on to our next hotel, one hour away.
We were both feeling pretty beat up, and I didn't think I would have the energy to do the drive much later. I told her in the voicemail that I would pay for her to Uber to the hotel.
Just tell me how much it is. Around 10 p.m., Valerie called me, furious.
It took her over 13 hours to hike up and she almost didn't make it. She was suffering from sunstroke.
She said she could have died because we abandoned her and we were really selfish not to stay with her. So am I the asshole? Whoa, that's a big one.
Like, wow. Oh my God.
This sounds like my nightmare. I'm going to be honest.
Well, demolishing pizza and pasta. I'm like, let's go.
Let's love one. Dang.
Okay. So I know that like, I do, I love fitness.
I weight train a lot. Um, and I've done some different types of fitness and stuff.
And so even if this person does CrossFit or those other things, it doesn't equate to being able to hike a crazy hike. Yeah.
It's like such a different kind of training it would seem. And it's like like, it's cardio.
It's all these other things. And sounds like, because I know some people when it's like a hike, it's a casual walk.
Other people, when they're hiking, they're like, let's go because they have to meet a certain distance or get, you know, like to sundown at a certain point. Yeah.
And so they, it sounds like they assumed that she was physically able to do it, but like, sounds like they were pretty good at communicating with her the whole time. Trying to, right? Like, I know there's no service, which also like, oh, it's such that such a scary thought.
If this were me, I can't imagine like ever leaving my friend behind, though. Like knowing I'm clearly a more experienced hiker, like it's kind of on you that you let her come with you so to leave her out there yeah I'm surprised that they didn't like you know if they were still actively looking for her or when they finally got reception I would have gone to the lodge just to visit yeah I don't know if it was like maybe because I needed to get back up at a certain point maybe it wasn't until they were back up that they learned that's where she was.
But I don't know. I would have definitely either been like, okay, so you're at the lodge.
Do you want us to come down and meet you? Or like, I don't know. What was the plan? Like, did they have an agreed plan? It seems like they were very structured out in their plan.
They spent six months planning and training for this, which also it's like, why would you invite someone else two weeks before you had this plan? Just stick to your plan. You don't know her level.
Like, and again, with the fitness, like she does CrossFit and appears fit. But like you what? And you saw her eating a salad on the way up.
Why didn't in that moment? Why didn't you say like, hey, you really going to need your energy. Like you should consider having some pizza, pasta, a burger.
Like, I don't, I don't know, like more hike dense food, whatever that looks like. But like, yeah, no, it sounds like they were very experienced.
Cause like in my mind, if I'm eating pizza and pasta or whatever, and I see that my friend's eating a salad, I'm like, huh, maybe they know more than me somehow.

Or like, I don't know.

But yeah, hiking, it's, and it can be serious.

You know, you're being left in the wilderness

and even if it's a well-known hike, like it's scary.

You really want to be making sure,

like I would have followed up with a ranger.

I would have found any possible way

before leaving that place

to like physically check in with that friend.

I know.

Because they are kind of your responsibility in a way. Like obviously we're, if you're three adults, you're doing a thing, but you brought this person to a place you were a lot more prepared for.
I know. That's how I feel.
And then I think it really annoys me too with like, they were waiting around for her to get to that point. And she's like, I don't know if I, you know, I'm kind of tired.
I don't know if I'll be able to do the hour drive. So I'll just pay for her Uber.
Are there even Ubers in the Grand Canyon? I don't know. No, definitely not.
There's no way. Like, is she going to even be able to get an Uber out there? And did, well, did this friend ever reply to those messages? No, they just left.
They were already at their hotel an hour away by the time they just left. So it's like you didn't even, like, get a hold of her to be like, oh, okay, it's okay.
You're actually, you're okay with taking Uber. Right.
There was no confirmation. That's, that's weird.
I would, I would be so mad. Yeah.
I don't think I would be able to be friends with these people after this. Like, you literally could have—I could have died.
And she almost did. She got sunstroke.
Yeah, sunstroke's pretty serious in the fact that they gave her an emergency bed. Like, all of that sounds really intense.
I don't think I would feel right if my friend—if I was in this situation, like, as the person who'd been planning this, like I would have not been able to rest

until I saw that person face to face

that like that day of the hike.

Yeah.

Like intense stuff.

I know, especially like this is your friend.

Like even the most prepared,

intense, like good hikers,

that one guy had to cut off his own arm

to make it out.

Like, yeah, crazy stuff can happen.

There's animals. There's people out there that are just scary.
The National Park, true crime stuff. Yeah.
Just any anything unfamiliar like that. Like it's a lot.
And, you know, getting lost on a hike is really common and no joke, especially if you're fighting sunlight. Like my my dad and brother were firefighter paramedics who worked in air ops.

Like they did a lot of hike rescues a lot. It's super common.
If you just accidentally go off

trail, you can't find your way back. Like anything can happen out there.
I literally,

have you ever been to Malibu Creek state park? Yes. I went up there and there's,

there's like this swim pool and like you can jump off the rocks and then there's like a hill that

like, it looks like it's going to be an easy, know climb and it would have a great view and me and my friend went up there and we got to the top like we didn't even make it to the top because it started to be like so high and like steep but we got up and we're like do we have to call a helicopter like I don't know if we can safely get down. Like, just crazy stuff can happen.
So to leave someone, it just, I don't like it. Yeah, no, I get that.
Like, at first I was like, well, it sounds like they had rangers and there's other safety protocols, but I still wouldn't want to leave that person alone to deal with those things, especially if you're physically unwell. And it was a hundred

degrees. We just had a heat wave here in LA.
I would literally be outside for 15 minutes and I was like, I'm good. I'm done.
Yeah. Yeah.
Me and Shane tried to do a flea market, like the Rose Bowl one. And we shouldn't have lasted as long as we did.
It was an hour on the blacktop. And the heat just radiates off the concrete.

I was sweating and like hurting.

And we... did.
It was an hour on the blacktop. And the heat just radiates off the concrete.
I was sweating and like hurting and we didn't buy anything, obviously. We couldn't even compute what currency was at the end.
You're just like so hot. Like, oh, yeah.
When you're like, I have like such a sensitivity to heat. It's like the Scandinavian in me.
But I literally would be outside just standing there. And when you're just not doing anything and you have sweat rolling down your back, no, no.
I feel like I'm just going to be mummified and just fall asleep forever. I just can't handle the heat.
Top comment on this one. When you are noticing she's eating a salad, I would have stopped her immediately.
Better yet, don't invite people to go on difficult trails that you don't for sure know are experienced enough to have the long endurance required. Why not make sure she actually packed her food and water? So many opportunities here to back out or advise.
Since you did invite her and have her as a part of your group, you also took on the responsibility of making sure she doesn't die, which is exactly what you said. Like, yeah, they're three adults, but she kind of still did like take her on.
Never leave your team on the trail. Take her back up.
Send her to the hotel. Anything except just leave her.
You're the asshole. Next time, don't take people with you on potentially deadly hikes.
Yeah. I know it's one thing to be like, yeah, it's a challenging hike.
Do you want to come? But being like, no, let me preface. It's this long for some people and this long for if it's even more challenging for people and being like, we're giving you this food and water because you need all of it.
Yeah. It's hiking, especially if it's challenging hike, you have to take it seriously.
Like me and Shane have done really challenging hikes where we have to wake up super early. We don't just bring a couple water bottles.
We bring like a camelback where it's like a bunch of water like on your back. He was very sweet.
He made his little PB&Js at five in the morning and packed them in our backpack and, like, made sure that we rested when we rested. And, like, definitely prefer doing it in the morning because you're not racing the sun as much.
That's really true. You're racing the heat, but you still light and can see.
Yeah. Well, and, like, the Grand Canyon doesn't seem like it would be one of those hikes where there's trees to provide shade either.
Like, somewhere like Yosemite or the Sequoia, like National Forest, like you're just getting blasted. Yeah.
And then like, if it's getting darker, like it's scary. There's no, there's no like street lamps or any light.
Like it is scary. I'm scared of the dark.
Me too. How do you do that? You don't.
People do night hikes. I simply, I've done one before, I think when I was like in sixth or seventh grade and I hate it.
I can't. Oh my God, no.
And then you start hearing like twigs snap around you. I'm a very paranoid person.
I would be like, every moment. Oh my God.
I'm like, I have anxiety just like hearing this. Yeah.
There's a bunch of comments like basically highlighting how intense and dangerous it is. There's one that mentions like people go missing on these hikes all the time.
You're the asshole. You agree to take someone with you on a hike like that.
You stick together. She could have died.
It doesn't matter how much she said to not worry about her. It's your job to worry about her when you're out doing something like that.
It's quite possible her condition was making her dismissive, in fact. But you completely ignored that to make it sound like she gave you a pass.
Yeah, no, I think that's honestly really fair. Also, when you're in the heat and stuff, maybe she's not even making the best calls.
But you had multiple signs presented to you that this person wasn't on the same page. So you just be like, yeah, she says she's fine.
So she's fine when she doesn't know she's fine. She's clearly not fine.
Yeah. You just wanted an out because you were feeling bad and you were hoping that people would agree with you.
Yeah. I think OP did realize that they were in the wrong because this post has been deleted by the person who originally posted it.
And their account has been deleted as well by them. So, uh, oops.
Yeah, I think they realized. Okay.
No update. Oh, wow.
I'll hope better luck next time. Try again.
So this next one is coming from Am I the Asshole, 13 Days Old. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Giving My Sister My Wife's Clothes? My wife was a corporate lawyer and mediator.
She had some very nice work clothes. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and was gone in two years.
The last six months of her life were hell. My sister, Sarah, didn't do jack shit for us during that time.
My wife never liked her, and I do not like her. She is a selfish cow.
Oh! At my wife's wake, she started asking about my wife's clothes, and I brushed her off. She wanted to pick out a few pieces to remember my wife by, and I ignored her.

It's been six months, and I've attended my mom's birthday, but I'm still not in the mood to deal with people.

Then Sarah comes and starts asking about my wife's clothes again.

I told her my wife wanted me to donate them to this women's shelter that she often helped at.

It will help women in need with their own court cases, court appointments, and job interviews.

My sister Sarah said that my wife was even selfish in death. I asked her what the fuck did she mean, and she started going off on how my wife always thought that she was better than her, and it's not fair that the clothes are going to charity and not to family.
I told my sister I would rather see my wife's clothes lit on fire than on her back. My sister started crying and my mom came over to see what was going on.
My mom told me to be easy on my sister. Oh my god.
Because she was taking my wife's death hard. The fucking insanity of that coming out of my mom's mouth made me grab my gift and leave.
My mom acts like I had to ruin her birthday by being melodramatic,

but I cannot believe their emotional blackmail towards me over fucking clothes that they have no right to.

Am I the asshole?

Oh my goodness. No.
Absolutely not. No.
Saying she's selfish in death for literally donating to charity and also not even just like mindlessly donating to charity because people do that. We'd be doing that.
But like being conscious this is a women's shelter that she actively participated in and worked with, with a specific like intention in mind with where her clothes were going. Yeah, it was very considerate.
And it was a request before she passed. Honor it, period.
Even if it was selfish, even if it was like honor it, just honor it. It's a beautiful thing.
And and yeah it is what she wanted and to start asking about these clothes at the wake bro she's not even in the ground yet literally not even in the ground and you're concerned about her clothes i don't care if it's a chanel two-piece suit i don't give a flying fuck what it is. Be considerate, be kind, be caring, be empathetic, be human.
You're being a monster. Absolutely.
Like six months, he is still very much in grieving as well. So even six months out to bring it up again and then make it about you.
And she escalated at first. She's saying some really insensitive, rude stuff about this woman who has passed away.
And like, yeah, sure. My ears perked up.
I'm like, dang, she must have a really nice wardrobe. That's cool.
But even if you're family by marriage, that's a different layer of family. You are not entitled to that stuff by any means.
If I had a loved one who had a partner who somehow I was being given that access to the clothes, I will be so honored, but never expect it. Like I have a great grandmother who had passed and she had only one daughter, but that daughter went on to have so many kids and grandkids.
Like I was meeting new cousins until I was in my twenties, like so many family. And so the fact that I was able to get even like one shirt and like a spoon and like a fridge magnet, I was like, this is special to me.
Like, I don't know. I feel like it's even to expect anything, it feels a little off, you know, it's not about me.
It's about, it's about this. And it's far more about OP than it is about anybody else.
Yeah. Oh, I think you just nailed it all on the head.
And it's like it's really not about her. And yet it's like being made about her.
And it's like she's trying to be like, I want something to remember her by. But it's like you didn't care about her when she was was here.
Like they were by the sounds of it struggling. The last six months of her life were hell and you didn't help at all.
You didn't bake a casserole. You didn't like, it doesn't sound like you were helping at all.
So like to remember her by, no, like that's just a lie for you to get something. Yeah.
Like, which is it? Are you trying to remember her or is she selfish either in death, like even in death? Like you're saying both of these things. So clearly wherever you're coming from, it's in genuine.
And like, I feel really bad that OP's mom is on her side. Like that's weird.
It sounds really like they're both like selfish and are not considering the situation in the way they should be. No, it's almost like she feels entitled to this, which is like so, so strange because it's like not yours, not connected by blood.
It's through marriage. You didn't like her.
You didn't help when she was sick and you think it's selfish that the clothes go to anyone but you? Yeah. Okay.
You're weird. Yeah.
Because they're not

going to waste. They're actually helping other people that need it way more than the sister.

Well, and that's such a thing too. Like if you think about where they're going, like

to be able to go to a shelter where these women might be going to job interviews and might not

have something that's like presentable to, you know, wear to an interview like that is the best place they could have gone. Like absolutely.
And, and for anybody who had gotten it, then like, if it was like a Ralph Lauren suit or something, they can get a job or they can sell it and use that money towards something else in their life that they need, like just so much more helpful than also just the way that the sister went about it. Like it's okay to want things, but it's like the way she went about it is so inconsiderate.
I just can't. I can't with this one.
Top comment, not the asshole. Besides the fact that you are following your wife's wishes, your sister is acting like a vulture.
And why is your mother

worrying about your sister taking your wife's death hard when you were the one who lost their wife? So no, you are doing nothing wrong here. You are still grieving.
Your sister is treating you like a thrift store and your mother is completely ignoring your grief because another family member is better at being dramatic.

Ooh.

T.

On the money, though. is completely ignoring your grief because another family member is better at being dramatic.

Ooh.

T.

On the money, though.

There's only two comments from OP here.

I would expect her to have some common sense and not ask in the first place.

This is the first time I've even seen her since my wife's funeral.

What?

Why is it always about these clothes?

It's like she was waiting to talk about it. That's the first time they've seen each other since the funeral.
And it doesn't even sound like there's been like an outreach of like, hey, how are you doing? I hope you're hanging in there okay. Like, what? Nothing.
Yeah. So like, it just goes to show.
And I'm just getting creeped out at the idea of them at the wake and this sister that sister that quickly like I don't know because I don't think I've been to a wake in my adult life um but isn't like the wake is when the coffin is like open right yeah it depending on if they're depending on if they do it or whatever it's kind of it's more of like a catholic tradition I, like to have a wake and like usually it would be open.

But a lot of people are still doing like services, like a visitation and calling it a wake. I get confused with all the lingo.
But it's, yeah, it could be open, could not be, could be the little box. You just never know.
You never know. My fear was like, if it was the traditional true to term wake that the sister's looking on this woman's body and being like, that jacket looks really nice.
I wonder if they're going to take that off before she goes down in there. Probably.
Like, what? What do they pick? Not the Chanel. Yeah.
Not the Dior bracelet. Oh, you don't need to be buried with shoes.
Come on. The ring.
I can see her just like taking the jewelry off. You know there's people out there that do that shit.
No, yeah. Like, she's not going to be buried with that ring.
I wouldn't put it past the sister. Truly.
Ugh. Wild.
The other comment from OP is someone asking like, what would you have wanted your sister to do for you during this time? Which, like, okay, asshole. And OP goes, anything.
A word of encouragement while my wife was sick. Flowers.
Kindness. So she didn't do literally anything.
That's wild. Literally nothing.

I hate her.

Yeah.

And that's a very interesting question.

I think it's a fair question to ask of like, what would you have wanted?

But like, it's like the proof's in the pudding of everything that the sister has said and done.

Like, there's nothing to question here.

She wasn't a nice person.

No.

She doesn't deserve those clothes.

No. And the wife, you know, sounds like they were really, really awesome.
I know. Trigger warning on this next one, friends.
It does contain talks of child loss. So if you feel you can't handle that today, please skip ahead.
Okay. Last one for you.
I'm giving you a choice on it. Okay.
Okay.

The first option is from the Too Hot Take... Okay.
Last one for you. I'm giving you a choice on it.

Okay.

Okay. The first option is from the Too Hot Takes subreddit.
It is titled,

Evil Step Grandmother Stole My Wedding Day and Venue, or Am I the Asshole for Purchasing a Home

with a Pool and Triggering My Mother-in-Law?

Oh, boy. I know.
Those both honestly sound good. Oh, shoot.
Wedding ones are always like, gobble, gobble, gobble. But the pool one is intriguing because it's unique.
Picking your interest. And I have personal experiences that might connect to it.
Okay, let's do it. Okay.
Okay, so this is four

days old. Again, titled, Am I the Asshole for Purchasing a Home with a Pool and Triggering

My Mother-in-Law? 37 female here. I'm a mother to seven-year-old twins, boy and girl, and a five-year-old

girl. My husband and I decided to move back to our hometown so we could get closer to both of

our families. Our hometown is a lazy beach town town and I've been living in cities since college.
It's not my ideal location if I'm honest, but I am excited about being outdoors and in the water more. My husband and I made a deal that since I agreed to move and find a new job that we would get a house with a pool, which is something I've wanted since I was a kid.
It's not actually that serious, but it's something I've been excited about since we decided to move. My husband and I found the perfect house, and we're currently in escrow.
The house is walking distance from the beach, and my parents and each of my kids get their own room, and there's a pool with a water slide. We're all so excited.
Some important context is that my husband was actually the oldest of four kids, and the only girl in the family, who was also the baby, passed away when she was 11. Oh, shit.
She was swimming with her friends in a lake, got caught in some shrubbery and drowned. It was tragic for the entire family.
And I don't get the sense that my mother-in-law has ever recovered. My husband's home is filled with pictures of his little sister.
The kid's bedroom is basically a shrine to her. And my mother-in-law gets teary anytime she sees one of my two daughters.
My mother-in-law has always been kind to me and is a wonderful grandmother, and so it's difficult seeing her so sad. Yesterday, my husband and I were on FaceTime with his parents, and I sent them pictures of the house we're moving into.
My mother-in-law's face went white, and she asked how we could possibly move into a house with a pool with three young children. I explained that my kids are all great swimmers, and we've told them that there's absolutely no swimming without one of us there, and that we're getting a gate with a lock and alarm installed around the pool so that they can't get into it without us.
My mother-in-law started crying and saying that drowning is the leading cause of death for young people. She also said she couldn't believe we'd be so reckless with the lives of our three beautiful children.
My husband tried to calm her down, but she was furious and hung up the phone. Whoa.
My husband now feels terrible and says we should have thought more about moving into a house with a pool. He's not worried about something happening to our kids because we're going to take the proper precautions.
He's worried about his mom's mental health. He says his parents will never be able to come over now because his mom will be watching the kids and the pool obsessively.
He also says we're probably not going to be able to do holidays or parties at our house because his mom will be even more anxious with all of her young grandkids near the pool. I've seen her anxiety around kids in the water firsthand.
Once we were at a family reunion and there was a lazy river at the hotel and my four-year-old nephew, who couldn't swim, was wearing a life vest and flipped over for about two seconds. My mother-in-law jumped in.
She was wearing a dress and heels and grabbed him right away. Please tell me if I'm a total asshole, but I don't think we were wrong to purchase a house with a pool.
My mother-in-law has serious trauma, which I understand. But if we listened to all of her worries, our kids wouldn't be able to do anything.
For example, our son wants to take surfing lessons, and my mother-in-law is against this because she also thinks that the ocean is too dangerous. We also put our youngest daughter in swim lessons very early, a bit over a year old, because we wanted her to be safe and comfortable in the water.
My mother-in-law said this was way too young and dangerous. And I said it was a great teacher and I was in the water during the lessons.

My mother-in-law was still furious. All of this to say, maybe we were a bit too insensitive

moving into a house with a pool, but she's triggered by much of what we do. So am I the

asshole? That sucks. And it's what I thought.
Really? Yeah. Yeah.
It's really tough. And that's really sad.
And losing a child, period, is devastating. And it's a dangerous thing.
Owning a pool, it's a dangerous thing. My cousin drowned in my family's pool.
Oh no no. I don't remember it, but my older siblings remember it.
And my mom was never the same, but we still have the pool. And we did have a gate then, but it was a gate that was faulty and hadn't been fixed.
And so that happened. And yeah, like it's super, it's super common, but it sounds like OP was really intentional with this.
And it's not like they were carelessly choosing a home that happened to have a pool. They wanted that for themselves.
And like, I think that the grandmother is obviously valid in her concerns, but you can't impact other people's lives so heavily like that. Like I specifically got frustrated about this child has a dream to learn how to surf.
You can't let your own personal stuff that isn't 100% going to happen to every person affect this child's future. You never know what you're affecting.
Like it's, you can't do that. No.
And it's like, if it's not the pool, then it's the ocean that's walking distance away. Yeah.
Like, are your kids allowed to get wet? I know. And also, the grandma's not always around.
She's not aware that these kids probably go to the pool at other instances. But it sounds like OPs really practices pool safety and like there's only so much you can do to cushion another person's fears.
It's a serious topic, but like this grandma needs to either get some therapy. I know it's like she's probably late in her life, but it's like these are generations to come that you're reducing, you're limiting their lives in a lot of ways.
And like this OP wanted a pool since she was a kid. And that was one of the things that they wanted.
And everyone else is happy about it. I'm going to keep ranting just for one more.
Like these kids, she was making a point to teach these kids how to swim at an early age. And even that was upsetting to the grandmother.
That's what you want to do. You don't want them to not know how to swim because then if they accidentally fall in at that age, then they're never going to be okay.
Like what is the – there's no perfect way to handle this, clearly. And those swim classes, especially when they're so young, are so amazing.
They will actually have the kids, like in a lot of them, fully dressed and they'll like push the kid in the pool like unexpectedly which like I don't know it could be a little traumatic for them but then they like they teach them like okay if you fall in with your clothes on this is what you should do try to just like flip over and float to get like air like there's like so many of those early intervention swim classes that teach them life-saving skills. So to like be upset about that, it is interesting.
But like first and foremost, like thank you for picking this story and being like so willing to share with something you have such a personal connection to because like you very easily could have picked the other one. And like it is like a hard thing to talk about, but it can affect so many people.
Like, I mean, there's so many people that invented like swim safety things because of a traumatic thing that they went through. So I think this actually does affect a lot of people, but I don't think I have much else to say.
Like, I think you hit it on the head with like, she needs to go to therapy. And I know a lot of like older generation, like they don't necessarily buy into that and she could be very set in her ways but I can't imagine just like living with that constant anxiety she doesn't deserve to have that and if there's any bit of peace she could find with therapy like it's worth giving a shot yeah and I also wonder, obviously the daughter was really young when she drowned.
But, like, do you think that that person would want that for generations to come to never be able to enjoy life? And, like, the fact that it was, like, a lake and a shrug, like, that's a really unfortunate but very specific situation. Which is wild.
Ultimately, Shane drowned when he was young young young like i think a toddler like what like under a year or a year old yeah he's like this is known in the smosh lore and they joke about it all the time but yeah and his mom resuscitated him it's super common it's super common holy didn't. Okay.
Like you have firsthand experience. He literally drew.
What? It is. This is way more common than I would have expected.
Totally. But I don't think it should limit people's like lives to that degree.
Like I would even go so far as to I want to still be able to have family gatherings, but maybe I'll hire a lifeguard for that. That's super smart.
So even if there isn't parents actively watching, there's someone literally being paid to do that. That is really, really smart.
Something like that. You're a little genius over there.
Oh, thank you. You know? Wow.
And that would be such an easy fix. Or like literally like no one goes outside.
There's no pool access during family events. That is a boundary.
Like there's also like you can do the fence, the gate, the alarm, everything they're doing. But I've also seen this one.
Like it literally goes atop the cross. Those really good pool covers.
It's like almost like a net. But like you can have a full-fledged 200-pound adult step on it.
And they just like bob on the water. I've seen those.
Those are cool. Like there's so many ways they could do.
And like have the mother-in-law come over and test it. Like here you stand on it and they just like bob on the water i've seen those those are cool like there's so many ways they could do and like have the mother-in-law come over and test it like here you stand on it see it's safe kids accidentally get past the gate get past the alarm they're still good like maybe smooth her fears but i don't think you're the asshole for buying the house you want i mean it's tough and you you know you feel bad for her and you want a good relationship with her, but you also, like you said, like you do have to keep living your life and not, you know, live in bubble wrap.
That's not reasonable. Yeah.
You keep like, like you want them to know how to handle those situations too. Cause you're, she's grandma can't be around always.
And like this kid wants to surf. I think that's amazing.
Surfing is scary and hard, but going to the beach, like I can't even, sometimes I'm too scared to go in the ocean because those waves be pounding down. I'm like, am I going to make it? But like, yeah, like you can't, oh, that when it starts impacting the potential futures of generations to come in a negative way, it's like, come on, like, let's break the cycle, you know? I think they need to.
It's time. It's time to break it and maybe get grandma some therapy, which is what the top comment mentions.
Okay. Mother-in-law needs therapy.
She's never really dealt with her loss. And then next comment, yeah.
And the kids may not understand why grandma is so sad looking at them. That has to be confusing.
Next comment. My grandmother cried when I was a kid because she wanted a girl, despite only choosing to have one kid, which was my dad.
Now she cries because I look like him and he died. My granddad told me in secrecy that he can't even look my brother in the eyes anymore.
It just makes me feel like shit. And I'm not going to tell my brother what was said.
I get missing him, but you can't even look at us? Jesus. Yeah.
At a certain point, you're putting certain things ahead of others that, you know, this person who passed obviously was an important person, but you also have these other loved ones right in front of you right now. Yeah.
Yeah. No comments from OP.
No update. Account has been suspended at this point in time.
Interesting. Yeah.
Which I wouldn't have pegged this one to be one of those. Like, I don't know.
Interesting. But maybe we'll get an update from a new account or something like that.
But Courtney, thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having me.
This was really great. I feel bad that I picked a story at the end.
That's kind of sad. But I truly like I hope that family, they picked an amazing home.
That sounds like heaven to me. A pool and walking distance from the beach.
Like it's beautiful. Don't let the past ruin a potential paradise life for you guys.
And yeah, I, your show is so great. You pick your great stories.
You pick great stories. I was sitting here stressing all morning.
I went over them with Jenna. I was like, what about this one? Ooh, this one's not, no, this isn't good enough for Courtney.
No. So I'm so happy to have you on.
You do amazing work over at Smosh. You have so much going on, but where can people, where do you want to send them? Where do you want them to engage with you? Because you have your own YouTube channel, but then you're, you know, you're big at Smosh.
So where would you like people to find you? Thank you. You can catch me on Smosh Pit, Smosh Games, Smosh Main Channel, where we have a new show called Bit City.
It's really fun. it's kind of like our own little late night show meets snl where we're doing sketches and stuff it's really fun check it out it's it's really good and then um yeah there there might be some new stuff coming out but it's too soon to say i'm comil on social media if you want to check me out there i know i was creeping on your instagram and your fashion sense i'm just like obsessed i'm I'm like, okay, where's that necklace from actually? I'll send the link.
Okay, good. I've been staring at it all day.
I'm like, I love it. This is actually our CEO's sister who makes jewelry.
So I'll definitely say it's beautiful. It's beautiful.
Thank you. Thank you again.
Head over to Patreon if you want some more crazy stories september has a unreal full bonus episode

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show content so head over there other than that until next time guys bye Thank you.