178: Are Food Fights the Catalyst? Ft. Nicole Enayati

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Okay, woo! I'm so excited to have you. Likewise, I'm excited to be here.
I have been doing like a food deep dive. Hot dog is a sandwich, a binge overload.
I'm just obsessed. Oh, good.
Thanks. I'm so obsessed.
If you guys haven't recognized her voice or her beautiful face yet, today we are joined by Nicole Anaity. Hi.
She is an amazing producer at Mythical Kitchen. She has a podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, which I want to get into because we can get into it.
I do think it's a taco. Okay, we can talk about that.
And then you were like, you just had an episode that a hamburger is a cheeseburger or whatever is a sandwich. It is.
I do get that because it is between two pieces of bread. It is.
Well, I think a hot dog is a or a cheeseburger or whatever is a sandwich it is I do get that because it is between

two pieces of bread it is well I think a hot dog is a sandwich because it's it's two breads minus

or plus a hinge and the content inside right that's what a sandwich that's what it takes to

be a sandwich right yeah and a hot dog is a tube of meat so it's like a thing that you just put in

there and hinge or not a hot dog doesn't fall out like if it was a taco think about if a taco

Thank you. And a hot dog is a tube of meat.
So it's like a thing that you just put in there. And hinge or not, a hot dog doesn't fall out.
Like if it was a taco, think about if a taco didn't have, if you couldn't curve it, if you just split it down the middle, all the contents inside would fall out, right? So that's why I don't think it's a taco. Also tacos, masa and corn predates leavened bread like 10,000 years.
And when you're talking about hot dog buns. A history expert as well.
A little, just un poquito. Yes, Chef.
Okay. Well, food is clearly a hot topic.
Right. There's a lot of food debates.
So many. Can you think of like the biggest fight you've had surrounding food? The biggest fight? Well, other than… Even with like friends off your show.
Oh gosh because you know like food splitting bills there's just there's a lot of drama that comes with this stuff people are very polarized on food it's hard to find middle ground which is what i always try to do at the end of my podcast a conversation i have with my friends a lot is what is the definition of a fast casual restaurant so like if you're taking a i have a lot of guy and like, okay, where do I take a girl out on a date? Like, is it bad to take a girl out on a date to In-N-Out after like dating for a while or Shake Shack after a while? Those aren't really fast food anymore. They're more fast casual.
And I'm like, you know, I don't know. You live in LA, there's a million and a half restaurants.
Why would you take them somewhere like this? I mean, we know it's consistent, it's reliable reliable we don't have to think too much if the food is bad and I'm like okay fair so I think that's one that me and my friends have a lot of back and forth with um also a really good one about like uh again chain restaurants like taking a date to Applebee's and Chili's and uh Cheesecake Factories and things like that yeah which I used to be very anti and I'm like oh no I used to be a little bit snobby I'm like ugh no way Are you kidding me? Cheesecake? Never But now I tell myself After three months And you've defined the relationship For sure Go eat wherever you want That's what I was going to say I think if someone took me to In-N-Out for a first date I'd kind of be like Unless it's kind of like a running joke Where it's like We're going to to a movie and then like a late night bite like right i don't know you really if it's like oh i'm gonna pick you up we're gonna go to a restaurant and you know don't worry about anything and then we show up to panera as much as i love that chicken chipotle avocado sandwich right right right i would be a little like disappointed oh yeah yeah yeah naturally i'd still try to have a good time, but it's, you know, it's kind of like, oh, I feel the same way.

I feel the same way.

This is interesting.

Yeah.

So that's what we talk about, like with my friend group a lot of the time.

I love.

Yeah, it makes total sense.

And now I'm like, I really want Panera.

I know, right?

I'm like getting a little hangry over here.

So my takes for these stories today are going to be a little unhinged, I think.

Okay, great.

I love it.

But we're diving into food fights.

Let's do it.

I'm so excited.

I'm ready.

I've prepped for this for a few years now, so I'm ready.

Okay, let's do it. Thank you.
show you. Okay.
And a little bit of a lead up. So this first one is coming from the Too Hot Takes subreddit.
Okay. It's two days old, titled, Am I the asshole for messaging my DoorDash driver about this? I, female 26, ordered some food from DoorDash this evening.
When the food arrived, I grabbed the bag off of the front porch and noticed that the safety seal was ripped. I struggle with food contamination OCD and have come a long way in therapy to be able to order off apps like this.
My initial reaction was to throw the food away, but it was expensive to have it delivered, and it was for my son and I, so I decided to message the driver and ask if there was a reason it was ripped open. I was thinking maybe the workers forgot to add something, and they did that last minute to add sauce or something, but the dasher snapped back at me, telling me that's just how he grabbed the bag and to just eat the food.
When I explained why I first messaged him, he went off on me again. He even tried to say that's not how he dropped it off, but notice the seal was ripped on the side of the bag that it was folded on, not the side pictured in the drop-off picture.
I don't know. Now I just feel like a Karen and stupid for even messaging about it what do you guys think

do you just ignore the broken seal if you get one or maybe have insight for why seals might be broken when you get it and we have pictures oh i'd love to see okay clearly ripped broken seal yes Here

Is the

Original picture

Where he dropped it off

So kind of intently Hiding Yes Or purposefully like hiding That ripped open seal I would say so Can you go back to that other The paragraph Yeah That paragraph made me a little uneasy He's like Basically Oh my god the Dasher. That's the Dasher.
So Dasher sends OP a message. It's a sticker, ma'am.
Chick-fil-A is not perfect. Those are teenagers over there trying to keep up with the demand of all these orders that are coming through drive-thru, front counter, Grubhub, Uber Eats, DoorDash.
These children are doing the best they can, so every sticker is not going to be

perfect. Some stickers are ripped on bags.
It happens. But at the end of the day, no one has

been inside of your bag on my end. But I've already reached out to DoorDash and let them

know the situation because I know I did not deliver that in bad condition. And that bag does

not look the way that it is between you and the DoorDash, whether or not you get a refund food contamination OCD. That would be really, that would be a challenge.
So I think, I think this person has a, has a difficult time with, with trusting people. And it's not something that I've ever looked at.
Even whenever I've ordered food from delivery services and stuff, I've never seen a tampered or broken seal either. So, I mean, I would, I wouldn't blame the driver.
I would probably just go and tell, I would just tell corporate and be like, hey, this is my situation. I have this OCD.
And it was clearly tampered with either by the driver or whoever packed it. Or maybe it was me.
Maybe I grabbed it like very like aggressively and it tore it, which I don't believe happened believe happened no and I don't think it was a purposeful thing either but it would be really nice if if you were able to cover this cost for me and my son yeah add the son part for sure I know well and like looking at her first message to doordash like the driver hey blank when we got the bag off the porch, the seal was ripped. Do you know why it was ripped? So kind.
Like just very, you know, chill about it. Not like, hey, why did you go in my bag? Not like accusatory.
Not confrontational at all. Just very like, hey, if you accidentally grabbed it as you were, you know, that happens.
Like you said, maybe you grabbed it a little too forcefully. But then to like get defensive, it's kind of like, it's a a bit of a red flag like yeah if I had Chick-fil-a in the seat next to me I might be tempted by a waffle fry like but this is also your job like you have a due diligence to make sure someone gets their food sure uneaten by you sure and the stickers are there for a reason now yeah because of incidents right like where people would eat their stuff To be fair, my coworker got Chick-fil-A today and I did just put my finger and I said, can I have a fry? To be fair.
So I understand like the temptation. I don't think that's what happened here either because I wouldn't send a paragraph if I was guilty.
You know what I mean? I wouldn't do that either. So I don't know.
I would just ignore the driver.

I would ignore all of the all of the mishigas in the middle.

And I would just go straight up to the tippy top.

I would whatever.

What is it like at service at customer service at DoorDash?

Yeah.

Deal with that and say, I don't want the driver to take blame.

I don't want the restaurant to take blame.

Just refund me my order, please.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, it's so simple. I think one thing I've learned from your podcast is that it's okay to send food back.
And, you know, it's sometimes you have to be a little confrontational. Like, your co-host, Josh, he got completely raw chicken.
Yes. And like, didn't do anything.
And I'm like, I'm like, Josh, you're to get yourself sick. He is.
He is. And the sand clams.
He ate sandy clams and then like was still kind of like hesitant to send them back. Not anymore.
At this point, again, I'm 31 years old. Life's short.
If my chicken is raw in the middle, I'm sending it back. Yeah.
If my food is tampered with, I'm going to try my best to get my money's worth. Because like she said, it was an expensive order.
I'm sure it was expensive with all of the delivery fees and all this. Probably a surge charge here and there.
Mm-mm. Nope.
Nope. No.
Everyone works hard for their money and sort of like not get what you're ordering and paying for. Like, mm-mm.
No. Mm-mm.
No. It's 2024.
Groceries have gone up. The price of everything has gone up.
price of everything has gone up door dash has gone up so sorry someone's gonna have to cover this and they need to do their due diligence and and fight for what they believe in to the best of their abilities but if they get shot down they also need to accept it as well yeah you know yeah i don't think asshole at all for this one i think like you reached out you tried to just kind of see what was up with the situation and the way that the door dasher reacted is kind of on them. Right.
And I don't think you did anything wrong. I don't think you're the asshole.
Not in this situation. Top comment on this one.
Chick-fil-A is not perfect. It's in quotes.
Yeah. Quote, I did not deliver the bag in that condition.
Huh? He blames the restaurant for handing him a shitty bag, but says it wasn't shitty when he delivered it. The guy stole some fries or messed with your food or something.
That comment would have, if I had OCD like that and I saw that comment, I would have been unwell. It would send me spiraling.
It would send me spiraling because it's like it is your worst fear. Yeah, apparently.
I can't even imagine the strength it takes to even order that kind of order DoorDash like that. Yeah.
Yeah. Thread goes on.
Someone goes, right? Which one is it? Next comment. Wouldn't they just get a new bag sticker or something if Chick-fil-A was the one that did it Someone responds Yeah we would A few more seconds out of your day is all it takes So it seems like that person might even work for Chick-fil-A Because that's true Like if you forgot the fries or sauce You'd open it and just pop a new sticker right on top Yes naturally Maybe the driver is a little sus right now I think he might be trying to gaslight with that big paragraph.
I would totally fall for it. I'd be like, oh yeah, no problem, lol.
I'm very gullible. Me too.
It's just like, whatever. I'm not going to—I need those fries.
I need those fries. The waffle fries are so good.
I know. I don't know if you saw in my fridge fridge there's like 10 packs of chick-fil-a sauce is that your favorite sauce I love chick-fil-a so I recently started getting really into chick-fil-a I really like their their kale crunch with the grilled nuggets and then I get a side of chick-fil-a sauce and I get a side of buffalo sauce and I get their creamy salsa dressing is this one of those like tiktok hacks hacks from like the foodie people? I've seen so many of those like Wendy's under like a certain amount of calories or like Wendy's for eating healthy.
And I saw Chick-fil-A one and it was a salad with buffalo. Was it? It looks incredible.
I just made this on my own. Well, good to know that the girlies are doing it on TikTok too.
Okay, well, here you go. Now you have to make a video with yours.

I guess I do.

Because it's probably different.

Yeah, I probably do.

Gotta do it.

Gotta get on that algorithm.

Gotta get on that algo.

Okay, one more quick one.

This is also coming from the Too Hot Takes subreddit.

It's a year old.

It is titled,

Is this an acceptable amount of food to leave your boyfriend slash girlfriend for dinner?

And it was a poll at the time. And this is the picture they share.
That looks to me like a sweet potato brisket hash. It looks so good.
I would absolutely go ham on it. But I think the amount is a little concerning.
Yeah. That to me looks like two bites, not a looks like a bite and a half and can i can i see the vessel that it's it's in right now looks like cast iron pan okay they did not leave it in that for their partner to eat did they that is that is if i'm kind of assuming based on what is given in this post which is literally just the title I read.
That's it. I would say, yeah, like that's the food they were left to eat.
Like here I cook dinner and now you dish up. Yeah, that's it.
Okay, so I've done similar things like this before. Yeah.
But I also always have like a bag of Trader Joe's frozen rice or I have like some veggies on the side. Like I would not just leave that for my partner that I cooked for.
That's unacceptable. To say I made you dinner and to leave that, that's not fair.
No. That's not fair at all.
You know what I would do? I would make that. I would make a side of Trader Joe's frozen rice and then I would fry an egg and I would do that.
That would my meal that would be because that's a complete meal right that's fine that's mean that's a little fucked up that's like that's like just such a tease too it's like you know it's so good and you get two bites of it but yet you're not going to be satisfied or full after eating it and you're just like oh thanks like and I get getting like a little carried away right like you make a meal and your partner's not home yet and you get a little carried away sure but come on like you either have to like prepare a side right the rice and an egg right okay like this is why you're the culinary expert I'm just like I don't I cannot cook but it, you weren't even considerate. Like you were so inconsiderate of your partner.
Right. I agree.
I think, let me tell you, it goes back to that, that, uh, that comment from the first story. It's like kindness only takes a few seconds and egg to be fair, frying up an egg takes more than a few seconds.
But still, if you're going to go the extra mile, just like three more steps to the left, please. You know, I don't like that.
It could have been so easy. Yeah.
Top comment. No, it's the amount of food you leave in a pot for someone when you don't feel like washing it.
So you lie and say you left it for them. Right.
Totally. Oh, my God.
Bingo, says the next person. Wait, what? And then they wash it for you? If someone said that's for me, I i would be like no thanks and leave the pot where it's at rude rude rude rude no thank you no no no no no no i try to keep so i i really like uh cooking for my husband i try to do it like four or five times a week if i can you're good and i try i like i like it you know it's different than what i cook for my job.
So it's like 30-minute meals, not too much. I use a lot of frozen foods that I jazz up a little bit here and there.
You have a cookbook, don't you? I do. I do.
I have a kid's cookbook. See, but that's the level I'm at.
I love baking, but cooking, it's so different than baking. Baking is a little bit more precise.
If you don't add the right amount of flour, like your shit might not rise. Like it's cooking is so challenging.
I need to get this cookbook. Well, it's a baking book.
So it's a kid's baking book. So I'll give it to you.
You're getting it anyways, whatever. But yeah, cooking is hard.
Cooking is hard because it's almost a little intuitive with baking. It's like everything is in front of me, but I'm like, I like my food really like citrusy.
So I'm going to add an orange, a squeeze of orange and a squeeze of lemon and a squeeze of lime. And it's like, that's not what the recipe asked for.
And it can completely take it the wrong way. So it's about cooking is about like building blocks.
Baking is more following a recipe. When you cook, you kind of know what you're getting yourself into because you know Like I know that if I want to cook good chicken breast I need to sear it on this side for this many minutes.
You know what I mean? Baking is a little bit easier I would yeah, I'll teach you how to cook. I'll teach you how to cook.
I need lessons I'll teach you how Okay, we're getting into the thick of it now. Okay, excited.
This is coming from True Off My Chest. It's nine months old, titled, My Husband Wants to Divorce Me Over a Hot Dog.
Oh, okay. So I, 25 female, with my husband, 29 male, have a good relationship.
Well, did. Now, my husband really loves hot dogs.
I personally

think they're gross. He's tried to get me to try them, and I tell him no every time.
Well, we were watching Futurama, and I was hungry, so he said he would get me a snack. Little did I know it was a hot dog.
When he returned with a hot dog, I said, quote, baby, you know I dislike hot hot dogs almost in a playful way. He just snapped, started yelling and screaming.
Why won't you just try it for once and stop being a baby? Then he just said, divorce now and went upstairs and locked the door like Reddit. What should I do? You're kidding me.
I would be flabbergasted. Like over a hot dog? I don't think it's the hot dog.
It's never about the hot dog. It's not about the hot dog.
I think it's, we're dealing with, with what's it called? An immeasurable force or whatever. What's that thing where people say? An immovable object and an unstoppable force.
I don't know. So she is very set in her boundaries.
And she does not want to try this tube-shaped meat product. Sorry about it.
It's not going to happen. Her partner is like, you must try this.
I love it. It must be done.
So I don't see any compromise happening here. They're both like, this is who I am and this is who I am.
Yeah. So, I mean, I don't think either of them want to compromise.
I think he got a little bit crazy by saying I want to divorce. The D word is a bad word to throw around.
Don't do that. I, you know, I'll check it out sometimes a little too easily on this show.
I will admit, I hear one of these stories and it's easy to say divorce when you get this very toxic story. But like over a hot dog.
No. It's never that serious.
Like I love sushi, a good shrimp tempura roll or spicy tuna on crispy rice. Right.

Love.

My partner does not eat any sushi.

He thinks it's disgusting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The amount of times I've tried, yeah, I'm going to offer it every time.

But I would never actually get mad.

Like get up and go and lock yourself in a door and say divorce now

because he doesn't like to eat spicy, what is it, like a spicy salmon hand roll?

Come on.

No.

No, no, no.

I think they need therapy.

I think both of them need therapy i think she needs to she needs to take a bite of a no not anymore but like maybe like two months ago she should have just taken a bite of a hebrew national and said i don't really like this but thanks for thanks for trying it thanks for watching me. Yeah.
And he should have let it go a long time ago. Well, that's the thing.
Like if you have such an aversion to something, is it a fair ask for your partner to like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's kind of like, is this even a thing that should be an issue? Because I'm thinking about it and I'm like, in my head, I do think it's reasonable to take a nib take a nibble right but at the same time you could also say it's unreasonable of him to keep asking she doesn't want to try a freaking hot dog right right enough enough and it's like where is that line of like trying to just like not yuck your partner's yum right participate a little bit I'm kind of tussling with this one I think they both need therapy but different kinds of therapy you know not they don't need to go to couples therapy they need to go to their own little individuals yeah little individuals and then come together later yeah i think i think eating a hot dog is not the biggest deal in the world yeah i think him not leaving her alone is a bigger deal yeah he should have respected her boundaries after like the seventh, fifth, like fifth. Some people would have said like the second ask, but you know, sometimes whenever you really love something, you want your partner to revel in the love and the enjoyment that you try.
So I understand the constant pestering. I think they both need to work it out.
I think they're both assholes. I could see that.
Yeah. Just kind of like an everyone sucks.
Yeah, an everyone sucks situation. Yeah.
Eat the hot dog. Don't be such a jerk.
Don't be such a jerk. But then I'm like, oh, no, I think it's mostly just him.
He's also, he also really should have let it go a long time ago. Yeah.
I think you made a great point about like the respect. At the end of the day, it comes down to like respecting your partner and like someone's telling you no.
Yeah. That's a full sentence.
Yes. Exactly.
So, yeah. No.
Okay. I'm really sorry.
It's a tough one. It's a tough one.
Top comment. Why is he getting so upset about a hot dog? Reminds me of that mustard story a while ago.
Oh my gosh. And OP goes, yeah, it does remind me of the mustard story.
LOL. But anyways, I don't know why he's blowing up over a hot dog.
The hot dog is just a symptom of a bigger thing.

That's what I think.

Well, it's surprising too to hear OP write like we had an amazing relationship.

Well, did.

Like this is literally.

The hot dog that broke the camel's back.

It really is.

I feel really bad.

Someone else goes, that's a little extreme. Anyways, something else is going on that he's upset about? I can't imagine yelling divorce because you don't like hot dogs.
And OP responds, yeah, now that you mention it, he doesn't blow up over small things anyways. So I'll try to figure that out.
This was six months ago? Nine months ago. We need a follow-up.
So we do have a bit of an update. Oh my God.
Update. update so when he came out of the room he said he didn't want to talk and just went outside and left to probably go to his parents place then in the morning he came back and said he's ready to talk he said he wanted to talk and he said the reason he blew up is because he's done with my childlike behavior then he just sighed oh then he just sighed and said he's been cheating on me with my older sister and when i threatened to leave him he said he was sorry but she's just more mature and not childish over a hot dog i did not see this fucking coming i take That guy all back.
That guy sucks. What? That guy sucks.
What? Oh, my God. What about the older sister? What is she doing? I hate this timeline.
Oh, my God. Then again, I threatened to leave, and he just handed me his phone and looked away.
His phone showed lots of bad things like excessive pics, them doing it, and bad texts from my sister. Since I don't want to keep writing, we're getting a divorce over something more than a hot dog.
Cheating. I'm done writing for now, but I'll try to update.
Oh, sweet girl. Sweet girl.
That's horrible. I'm sorry.
That's a terrible situation. I'm glad you didn't eat the hot dog because that would have been really bad.
Then you would have had to eat a hot dog and still end up with a cheating husband. Cheating with your sister? That's monstrous.
That's a monster. Why? Capital M Monster.
There's so many other people. Oh my gosh.
Looking at OP's account, there's not like many other comments we didn't read. And there's no updates past the one added to the post.
That's really bad. That really bothered me.
OP, if you're out there, how's it being divorced? I hope you're enjoying it. I hope you threw yourself a little divorce party sans hot dogs.
Yeah. Only hamburgers.
You're getting rid of many wieners. Goodbye.
That was a good one. If you do want to try a hot dog, though, there's something about a Costco hot dog.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
The Kirkland Big Chunguses. I'm like getting very targeted ads on Instagram right now for those hats that are like Costco themed and they say it's a bad day to be a hot dog.
Oh my God. It's just, I love that.
Have you ever put a Costco hot dog, like the wiener inside of a chicken bake? No. What are you doing later? Going to Costco now.
I need some more Waterloo sparkling water. So two birds, one stone.
That's the money. That's money.
Their yogurt, ice cream. Oh my god.
They're there. And like Ikea has the best ice cream.
I've never had Ikea food before. Okay.
So I don't know. Some would say gross.
Some would say resourceful. Ikea has like amazing menu, like happy hour item things, deals.
So there's like on Thursdays, it's half off entrees. On Tuesdays, it's like $4.99 plant balls, chicken balls, meatballs, whatever.
Their plant balls are so good. And I'm not like a vegan, but like unreal.
Like so much better than the meat ones. Okay.
And you get mashed potatoes, cranberry peas. It's, I go to Ikea once a week.
You do to eat or to look? A little bit of both. A little bit of both.
That's great. So if anyone wants a fun date night for a fast casual.
That's cute. Ikea, baby.

Okay, that's a good date night.

That's a proper date night.

Screw CPK.

Take me to Ikea and eat meatballs.

That's literally what me and my fiance do.

That's perfect.

I love Ikea.

That's great.

I've only been to Ikea twice.

Ever?

Yeah, ever in my life.

Somewhat impressive.

Really?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Wow.

You must be on Facebook Marketplace buying all your stuff i use wayfair oh i'm a hardcore wayfarer they just have such good stuff i just got the cutest little side tables nice okay back to the food this one is very it's fresh it's eight days old okay coming from aith it is titled am i the asshole for refusing to eat dinner because my husband added unnecessary spices my 31 female husband 33 male and i alternate days that we cook dinner and clean up after dinner he recently started a medication that is zapping his energy so i've been cooking and cleaning full-time for the past month. It is getting exhausting, working full-time, cooking every meal, meal prepping, cleaning the whole house, etc.
I know it won't be forever, and I'm willing to carry the load while he gets sorted. I was in the middle of prepping the chicken for tonight's dinner, and he offered to take over.
At first, I said, no, it's okay, I'll do it, because he had a stressful workday. He insisted, so I obliged him, but asked that he stick to the spices I have out on the counter and the ratios, because the chicken will be sauced, and I don't want the spice and sauce to be battling on the plate.
He was to use salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and Tony's spice. It was going to be sauced with Panda Express teriyaki sauce.
We aren't fine diners, but I wanted it a certain way. He agreed to stick to the plan.
I went upstairs to change our sheets and pick the bedroom up. When I came downstairs, the chicken was on the cutting board covered in smoked paprika and red chili flakes.
I looked at him and he at me with this, oh shit, I'm caught look on his face. Oh man.
I said, quote, wow, that was disrespectful and I'm not eating that. He scoffed and said, quote, it's two extra spices.
It's fine. He followed that up with, quote, I saved a chicken breast in case you saw it before it was cooked.
I'll make that one the way you want. I refused to accept that because he looked me in my face and said he wouldn't stray from the plan and then did it anyways in hopes of not being caught.
I am not a picky eater and will pretty much eat anything, but I can't get past the blatant disrespect on this. I know some of my emotions are coming from the exhaustion of carrying the team right now, but I still don't think this makes me the asshole.
Does it? He's a little sneaky. He's a little sneaky boy.

Again, I don't know if dying on this hill is worth throwing your relationship away over.

Yeah. If you say you're not a picky eater and he adds two spices, it's not the end of the world.

It's just not.

It's not.

It's not.

If I go shopping, if I go grocery shopping and I stick to the list, but if I also buy, let's say, chocolate chip cookies and extra paper towels, even though the list didn't say those two things, but I bought them anyways, will it be the end of the world? Will my relationship come shattering down? I would hope not. I would hope that one meal, one grocery shopping trip, one whatever it may be.
My relationship isn't so fragile that little things like this are the end of it. Yeah.
If there are other things that are also little things that mount up to something, then that's another story. I think she's being a little bit harsh.
I do. I will, especially with the extra chicken breast that he set aside.
That's so nice. Kind of like, just in case.
But, and here's where I do think it's kind of, I don't think she's the asshole because like truly if you don't want to eat it okay don't eat it you can make that choice for yourself so like not the asshole but i think this kind of comes up a lot where people will try to sneak items into other people's food sometimes for their benefit like what like other than this other than seasoning it with spicy stuff are there other situations where people have done that? Like what? So I think there's a story. I think I read this a long time ago.
Well, we did have a story a while ago where someone was putting slugs in their girlfriend's like shakes, basically killing her. Slugs? Slugs.
You're fucking kidding me? Slugs. Yeah.
They admit it to putting slugs in people's food. One of his friends came in and told her at her work to be like, hey, I found out about this.
He's putting slugs in your meals. And so I guess she went in her house, looked, and there was like a bag of slugs under the sink.
She had been helping him bait the slugs essentially in the garden. She thought it was cute.

Yeah, whole thing. If you haven't heard that story yet, I think it's like the unhinged episode with Drew Afawalo.
Oh, I love her. Great.
It's nuts. So there's another example I think I read though that's like my partner does not eat any vegetables.
He thinks they're disgusting. He won't try them.
He won't eat them. So I'll make pasta dishes and I will blend up all of these vegetables in the sauce.
Yeah. He can't tell.
It's better for his health. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I don't even remember what my take was on it, but it's kind of along those lines of like, yeah, you're might be trying to do something good, but still like deceiving someone and not giving them that autonomy. Right.
Over what's in their food. Right.
It's it's kind of a hot topic. It is.
It is. I think there's a spectrum.
I think the slugs to hidden vegetable pasta sauce is a spectrum. A little different.
A little bit different. It's almost like feeding a kid.
You know, it's feeding a kid. yeah and it's it's like infantilizing a little bit but if you want your partner to live a long healthy life you're gonna blend zucchini in their pasta sauce because they don't eat zucchini anywhere else so i don't know is it i don't know it's it's tough i think i think it depends on the dynamics of your relationship because i i agree that with with original story, the red pepper flakes and smoked paprika, him getting caught like a little kid getting caught red-handed, it's weird.
It's weird and I think the dynamic is a little bit unhealthy. It's so interesting because it's something he could have just added to just his as well versus adding to.
And then being like, well, in case I got caught, I do have another one. Which sounds nice.
But at the same time, it's like you knew it was potentially going to be an issue. So much so that you prepared another chicken and kept it to the side.
My initial reaction was like, oh, that's great. He left a chicken breast and untouched one.
But after reviewing it,'m like he thought he was gonna get caught anyways yeah you know it's it's kind of again suspect yeah why don't you just leave the chicken breast why don't you just season your own damn chicken breast and leave hers the way it is i know that's where i think i'm kind of at it's more so now getting to the principle of it it's all about listen all of these all these foods the chicken breast, they're just metaphors for like the, the Achilles heel of these people's relationships. It sounds like.
I know. It's so interesting.
It's really crazy. I think, I think she's a little bit harsh and he's a little baby.
So that's where I stand on that. I know it's like, okay, well, if you're not a picky eater, could you've just eaten it? Yeah.
But I, I get standing on principle, you know, sometimes it must be done. And it is one of those things like she's been carrying the team for a month.
Very true. He's dealing with, you know, some health issues, which sucks, but he tried to take over and she said, just please just season it.
Yeah. Like almost like she knew he might try to.
Right. And she outright said, yeah, please stick to this.
And he agreed. Yeah.
So not only did he, you know, kind of get sneaky, he lied. Right.
Also, like, for example, whenever I'm in the kitchen and my husband's like, hey, should we add olives to that? I say, no, I don't want to add olives to it. Not an olive.
And I'm like, I love olives. But I'm like, this salad does not need olives.
I'm like, you can put olives on the side of your own plate if you really want it. And he's like, okay.
Deal. Just talk.
Just talk about it. Communicate.
Communicate about it. Which is what the first comment, the top one, is saying.
As they say here, this is not about the Iranian yogurt. You need to sit down with your husband when you're both calm and rested and actually talk to each other.
Communicate your feelings to each other. This isn't about going crazy with spices and chicken.
That's the symptom, not the issue. Hello? Did you literally, you said that earlier? Hello? Like word for word.
Literally. Insane.
Symptomatic. Next comment.
It's not about the mustard, which I've never read this mustard one. And now I'm like, I need this mustard story too.
Yeah, we need to find out what this is about. What the hell? So, so wild.
So OP does have an edit. I love when they do that.
I know. Edit to clarify on the extra chicken breast.

He didn't intentionally keep the chicken breast out for me if I didn't like his spice choice.

I'd have thawed the extra chicken for tomorrow's meal and was planning on using it later.

He concocted the idea of he wanted the chicken a certain way.

He sees extra chicken. So why not do it his way?

And if I don't want it, then he at least has a plan B. It's all very silly.
I know. It's all very hard.
I think there's some control issues. There's some control issues in this household.
It sounds like something a little fishy is going on. There's some control issues in the house.
And just fucking season your own chicken, dude. Yeah.
That's all you have to do. He should have seasoned his own chicken.
You want that paprika? There was already a shit ton of spices on it. Tony C's? Tony C's is very, very season-y.
What is that? It's like a Cajun spice with like a bunch of, it has like black pepper, salt. Does it literally have like chili flakes and paprika in it? Some, a little bit, yeah.
I think so. It's very silly.
I think he just i think it's it's like a little kid that's like mom's not looking i'm gonna shove four chocolate chips in my mouth and then turn around you got chocolate all over your face that's what happened same thing what a goofball okay i'm moving along this is fun there's some juicy ones today this next one it's coming from True Off My Chest It's only three days old Okay, great It's titled I heard my mother-in-law and husband's aunt talking about me And I can't get over it Oh, shoot This is going to be a bit long Because there's a lot of context I, 20 female Had a consensual arranged marriage husband, 23 male, and we have a beautiful six-month-old boy. My mother, 45, and my mother-in-law, 42 female, are childhood friends.
My mom got married and moved abroad and lost all contact with her best friend. We moved back home in 2018.
My mom got in contact with my mother-in-law in 2019, they started catching up My mom ended up liking my husband who is the oldest son quite a bit But it was my mother-in-law who asked for my hand We are religious. So my husband and I only talked under supervision of parents and damn I fell in love He is smart good-looking and has a weird I absolutely love.
Cute. We got married pretty soon, which no one was expecting, but one thing led to another.
The thing about me is that I cannot cook. I hate cooking or even being in the kitchen.
I can do every other household chore, even laundry. My mom knew it and never forced me to be in the kitchen.
In our culture, quote, women belong in the kitchen, but obviously times are changing. My mom shared her concern on this, and my mother-in-law shrugged it off saying, I am young and will learn if I wanted to.
Emphasis on wanted to. Because throughout my first year of marriage, she said that to everyone who asked if I knew how to cook.
My mom's still worried because she didn't want my mother-in-law to throw remarks about this because that is what most mother-in-laws in my country do. I am also a student and now a mother.
It's hard to juggle all of this, which is why I try my best to take it easy on chores. I live with my in-laws and mostly do dishes or serve tea and biscuits to guests, and that is all.
We also have a maid for cleaning the house and another maid for laundry. Many times I have offered to make food for the family, but my mother-in-law always laughed and said that she wasn't that old.
I boasted about her to everyone, all caps, literally everybody. She is the kind of mother-in-law that girls in my country dream for.
I've always loved her just like my mom and treated her as such. We do have some arguments, especially regarding the way I parent my son.
She has some traditional views where I believe in facts, but we have compromised on many things and it's been working very well I have to emphasize on one more thing and that is that my husband is not a huge fan of homemade food He rarely eats at home and loves having food from different places He also does his best to have healthy options Multiple times whenever he comes home. There's no left for him.
There's seven people in the family and they all eat a lot. So if someday the food is really good, they finish it all up.
Because he comes home late at night, he will have to order a lot of times. I feel very bad that my husband does not get his share, so I always volunteer to cook, but my husband just shrugs it off like it's just something he is used to and just orders something.
I'm sharing this to tell you I have no obligation to cook because my husband does not mind not having homemade food. Therefore, there is no rush for me to learn because it's my job to look after him and not the whole family.
Back to my mother-in-law. She never told me to cook.
The few times I have cooked, it's because I force her to let me. Today, she went to my husband's aunt's house.
The aunt lives very close to our house and visits almost every day. She loves my son and always comes to see him.
Today, my son was taking a nap when my mother-in-law left, and when he woke up, I decided to take him there too. I wanted to surprise them, which is why I quietly entered the entrance door.
We live in a very safe neighborhood and always leave our doors open, and I could hear them from the living room. They couldn't see me as I was removing my slippers to enter.
Just before I could come into their view, I heard the aunt say, when my brother-in-law's fiance gets married and moves into the family, the fiance is the aunt's niece, she will handle the family well. My mother-in-law answered, quote, yeah, my name doesn't know how to do anything, cannot even cook.
To which that aunt replied, quote, yes, my name has no idea how to do anything. I literally wanted to turn around and leave.
I was completely numb and my body just moved forward and they all saw me. The aunt just jumped into excitement and ran to grab my son, whereas mother-in-law had a very awkward slash dumbfounded expression.
I wanted to cry. This was exactly what my mother used to fear, and I always said that my mother-in-law would never say such things.
I am so devastated to think that she was talking about this behind my back. She did not meet my eyes when I was there, and I wanted to cry.
I am trying my best. She knows I am young and cannot do so many things at once.
She always told me to take my time and is saying such awful things about me behind my back. I keep thinking why she even asked for my hand when she knew all of these things.
I know it's not a big deal, but it's just all I can think about right now. Not even sure if I should talk about this to anybody.
Definitely not my mom, because she trusts her friend a lot. I don't even know if sharing this with my husband is okay.
Wow, that's really hard. Man, my gut reaction is to say, go talk to your mother-in-law and just cry in front of her really lose it cry let it all out and just start from square one and be like hey like i you're my you're my mom like you are my mom the thought of you going and talking shit about me is really, really bad.
Yeah. And I know I can't do all of these things.
I've taken the time. I've been a little bit introspective about it.
I would lay it all out. I would yell.
I would scream. I would cry.
And I feel like I would hope that the mother-in-law would also do the same things. And then just rebuild it.
that's the only way to regain trust it's the only way to regain any sort of relationship again because in the back of both of their heads she's opi's gonna think oh she's talking shit about me and the mother-in-law's gonna think oh she thinks i'm talking shit about her yeah which you were which she she was. And let me tell you, mother-in-laws are not immune

from talking about their daughter-in-laws.

It's normal.

I think it's fine.

You're always going to,

there's issues are always going to arise

no matter what happens.

I think they need to break it down

to build it up again.

And they need to learn

how to communicate with each other.

Because that sucks.

Walking into that,

I couldn't imagine

holding my six-month-old child

and have a great job. to learn how to communicate with each other because that sucks walking into that I couldn't imagine holding my six-month-old child and having my mother-in-law talking that kind of smack about I know and then you can't even turn around it's like they saw you it's too late she needs to lay it down invite her over they all live together I know invite her just tell family, like, hey, I need this space for like four hours.
And just break it all down and just be honest and be like, I love you. You welcome me into your home.
Like, this is my home. And I love this home.
And I love this relationship and this family that I have. And for you to think I don't do anything.
Well, she has two maids, right? A lot of help. You have a lot of help.
Yeah. What can I do so you don't think I do nothing? I want to do something.
Yeah. Tell me what to do so I can be a part of this family.
I like that. I really do like that approach.
Would you say anything to the husband? Like if this were you in this? Because for me, I feel like I would want to go to my husband first. And maybe that's just because like, I do think she can be mature and have a conversation with mother-in-law, but husband might know like how best to approach his mom and maybe make this the most successful.
But I do think given all of this context, like there's so much here, not only culturally, but they live together and they are

really close. So I do think she should be the one to have the conversation with mother-in-law

versus kind of letting husband deal with mom because that is kind of a common thing. Like

each partner should deal with their family of origin when any issues arise.

Sure. But

Thank you. letting husband deal with mom because that is kind of a common thing like each partner should deal with their family of origin when any issues arise sure but this kind of has so many added layers with them living together culture they're so close yeah they're so close yeah and I do think like if they can handle disagreements on parenting and raising her son, I think you can handle this conversation about the lack of cooking and her saying you don't do anything.
Let me think about this. So I'm Persian and we don't do arranged marriages that much in my culture, but I know a lot of cultures that do.
and a lot of the times it's hard to have your husband middle because they're pulled, you know, in different directions all the time. But I would like make my husband aware like, hey, I'm going to have a really intense conversation with your mom about some stuff.
I love you. And I'll let you know what happens after the fact.
Yeah. But I'm going to need this time.
And I just wanted you to be aware. The details aren't details aren't really that important it's just i'm gonna need a few hours just to chat with her and talk about some things and then after his mind's probably gonna go fucking wild he's gonna think oh my god she's leaving me but i think i think it needs to be a woman-to-woman conversation yeah woman-to-woman this is the way it is and then again just you have to break it down to to its bare bones and you have to bare your soul kind of to your mother-in-law and just be like this is the way it is but I want to fix it tell me how to fix it this is your home we're living in it together how can I be better and how can I how can I be the woman that that's a part of your family it's so hard doing I mean like my American brain is like what the fuck get out and then my my Persian brain's like you better stay and learn how to and learn how to adapt to this family unit yeah yeah I honestly like I love multi-generational households.
I wish that was something we really embraced here.

Like I just moved out of my dad's place and I'm 30.

So I honestly we were a little at each other's necks.

But I miss living with my dad.

I grew up living with my great grandma.

So I love I love this whole scenario.

And I do think like it's kind of an ideal situation where you have someone that can teach you. Like I know OP says, I hate being in the kitchen.
You know, times are changing. I don't like to cook.
But at the same time, you will be on your own someday. Yeah, of course.
You know, your mother-in-law won't live forever. Right.
You have children. I hate cooking, but I recognize I'm going to have to prepare meals for my kids.
Right. That's just the reality I live in.
Yeah. So I would, during this conversation too, being like, you know, you said I don't know how to cook.
I would love for you to teach me. Your meals are amazing.
How can we bond over this? I don't want to, you know, be the talk of the town that I don't know how to cook or don't know how to do anything. I would really appreciate it if you would teach me.
Right. Let's take the time.
Yeah. Next gathering.
Can I help you prepare the meal? Let me make one dish. What one dish? Let me make one dish.
Let me start with one dish. Yeah.
Yeah. Gosh, it's so crazy.
I can't even I mean me. I I moved.
I never lived on my own ever. Like I literally went from my mom and dad's house to married with my husband.
Yeah. Without any sort of I've never had a roommate situation.
I never went anywhere for college. I never lived with girlfriends like how everybody does.
Yeah. So I understand where this person is coming from.
And family is really important. And she sounds like she loves her family unit.
Yeah. She's just got to.
She's. You know what I feel like it is? I feel like it's a rope and there's a little knot in the rope.
And all she's got to do is talk about it so the rope can unknot and she can continue this beautiful life. I know.
Well, OP, I was like, wait, she's only 22. She's a baby.
Like such a little nugget. You're 30? I'm 30.
I'm 31. Like I'm like you're a fetus having a baby.
I know. So young.
And to be in school, to try to be a parent and do school. Incredible.
Unreal. I cannot even imagine.
Me either. I cannot even imagine.
Me either. I give her so much kudos, so many props.
Me too. And it's a tough conversation she's gonna have to have but i don't think this is it's not as big of a deal as it could be it's hurtful yeah for sure very painful so valid for her feelings very painful but there's hope it's not the end it's not the end of the relationship if anything it's a really good beginning i think so if, it's a good way to break down some walls and really get up close and personal with your mother-in-law, which is hard culturally sometimes.
Yeah. But once you do it, it's the best feeling ever.
It's the best. Okay, top comment on this one.
Have you talked to your husband about this? OP responds, not yet. This just happened a few hours ago.
It's 1 a.m. and I'm waiting for my husband to be back from work.
I can't decide if I should talk to him or not. Would you tell your mom? Yes.
Because I would tell my mom. I think I would call my mom and just cry on the phone and be like, this is what happened.
I'm a cry. I'm a hardcore.
I'm a cry. I'm the the same way there's a saying in farsi ashke that means her eye her tears are on the brim of her eyes i'm a big crier love crying it's so like therapeutic to just let it out my mom always told me she goes if you have to cry never leave it in let it out she's like therapeutic she says the exact same thing It's literally your body expelling like those feelings.
It's crying is magical. I agree.
I love crying. I haven't cried today, but there's always hope.
But yeah, I would call my mom and cry. And then I think after like 15 minutes, I would center myself and I would get some advice.
I don't know if I would tell my husband. Again, I would tell him the parameters.
Okay. I would just give him parameters.
I wouldn't go deep. Not to involve him in the drama.
I don't want. I don't know.
I feel like she's so young. She's 20 years old.
But like you are, she's married. She's got a kid.
There comes a point where it's like she is only 20, but at the same time, she's mature enough to do those things. So should be mature enough to have a conversation with mother-in-law.
Operative word is should. It's tough.
It's easier said than done. Dude, having those conversations, I avoid them.
Oh my gosh. I avoid them.
So I had to learn. I had to learn.
And when I did, it felt so good because I'm like, I don't know. I i was like i don't want to talk to my mother-in-law got any tips um yeah be honest and just be straight up if you ever get hurt or something just be like hey i was hurt by this and i need you to know that because i love you and i want to be a part of this family so bad i need to embrace that because i while i recognize people aren't psychic.
Oh, I just like, I'm like, you should know that that comment you said to me was not okay. No, no, no.
They have no idea. Zero idea.
I wish they did. Next comment after that goes, please at least tell your mother.
I would absolutely want to know if my best friend was talking about my child like that, especially if it's something I feared she would do, which is so true because her mom did tell mother-in-law, hey, she can't cook. And mother-in-law said, no worries.
We want her anyways. Like, you kind of, you knew what you were getting.
So to then talk shit about what you knew you were getting is so dumb i think culturally also a lot of the times culturally it's it makes sense for people to marry people that they know there's there's this uh way of like these how these marriages and stuff goes like oh i know this person's family they're familiar enough to me so i know them i know how they operate so there's surprises there. Yeah.
You know what I mean? There's like no surprises like, oh, I grew up with with so and so's mom. I my daughter went to high school with this one and like, oh, like we lived in the old country next to each other.
We were neighbors. So there's a lot of that that is very true.
And I'm sure that mother inin-law and the girl's mom had that similarity.

But, you know, a lot of the times it's just shooting the shit sometimes.

She just got caught in the crossfire of that and it really hurt her.

Ugh.

Yeah.

We have an update.

Oh my god, I love updates!

I'm a little scared because I was like reading ahead just now. And it starts off.
I am so devastated and so disappointed. No, sweet girl.
What is it? Maybe I'm overreacting, but I just want to leave and go to my mom. So I stayed up until 2 a.m.
to talk to my husband, but he did not come. So I just went to sleep.
As soon as he woke up, I sat him down and burst into tears. I told him everything I felt and why I felt that way.
He stayed quiet. I told him that I want to learn how to cook, but not instantly because it's not the easiest thing, especially with a six-month-old that practically doesn't let me leave him with anybody else.
My husband quietly listened. He even said he did not mind whether I cooked or not.
He said he will never force me to learn, definitely not until baby gets older. This made me think he was understanding me.
When I shared how his mother and aunt were talking about me, he simply said, quote, I don't see what they said is wrong. I continued to explain how she could have just talked to me directly, but instead said I don't know how to do anything behind my back.
I tried to make him understand that she always told me I could take my time, yet she expects me to learn it quickly. He just laughed and said I was overreacting and that all women gossip.
I was baffled. Tears in my eyes, I left the room.
It's not that big of a deal, but it's

a shame that my husband did not understand how stupid I felt after hearing that. I got busy doing chores for my son.
My husband has no office today, so he was just chilling. I was washing the dishes when my mother-in-law came and told me to come into my room because she wanted to talk.
I'm so nervous. The mom did it? The mom

initiated. Strike one.

Going.

I got nervous because I'm not a confrontational person. We sat down and she just kept going on and on about how she wants what is best for me.
She kept giving reasons why she said what she said. She kept cutting me off and all I was trying to say was that she should have shared her thoughts with me and not someone else.
She just wouldn't listen to me. In the end, she complained how I shouldn't have told my husband about this.
She said I'm trying to cause problems between them. Okay.
I was speechless. I said that if she could talk to me about me to someone else, then I could talk about her to my husband.
She started getting angry at this point and said that I was being rude and maybe this is my true face. She said she did not expect me to be such a typical daughter-in-law who causes issues between her husband and his mother.
She said, quote, I cannot believe what I brought into my house. And before I could answer, she left.
I cried and cried. When my husband came into the room, he had a worried expression and asked me what happened.
I just told him I want to go home. Currently packing my and my baby's stuff so I can go to my mom's.
I have never felt this hurt by someone's behavior. My husband is trying to calm me down, but I just want to leave.
I do not know what is going to happen now, but I know for sure I cannot live with this woman anymore. Oh, okay.
Damn. Damn.
I was not really expecting this oh my god they they let me tell you what happened oh my god the mom asked to talk which meant that she had the upper hand in the conversation she was going to steer the conversation wow because let me tell you because she asked to link up she yes because she asked to link up she steered the conversation in the direction yeah i have like chills i'm sitting here just i'm sorry i'm like i'm so just in it's a little emotional to think about yeah she's with a six-month-old baby packing her bag i feel so bad she the motherin-law got to it first. She got to it first and she took the conversation the way that she wanted to go.
And it got really toxic really fast. I mean, to say I cannot believe what I brought into my house.
Toxic, toxic. Ma'am, you had so much potential to not make this an issue at all.
Yeah. OP literally says here, I do want to learn how to cook, but it's just not going to happen overnight.
Of course, she was being very rational and reasonable. The mother-in-law had the perfect daughter-in-law relationship.
What sounds like a moldable little Play little Play-Doh. Yeah.
To learn how to cook. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And to go from, and I get being defensive, right? Like I'm like, I'm trying to put myself like in any rational thought of where this mother-in-law could have gotten this. Yeah.
And I get being defensive. She's embarrassed that her daughter-in-law heard her.
She, you know, maybe is really close with her son. That's her eldest son.
Did the eldest son say that she talked to— Did the son say, I talked to my mom? No mention of that. So I am— So how does she know? I know.
Was she listening in the other room? I'm wondering because it's a house. It's a house.

I mean, even if it's a big house, it's still the same roof.

Right.

If someone's crying, that's a very distinct sound.

You're going to hear it.

You might hear it.

Yeah.

So, I guess in that sense, like you and your advice was spot on.

Like, just go to her first.

Don't really involve the husband. But I wonder if the result would have changed at all i think if op was controlling the conversation it could have gone another way but it's really hard to control a conversation when you're a 20 year old girl with a 42 year old woman it's very hard yes set in her ways that's Yeah, matriarch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's tough.
I feel really bad. I'm just, I'm, wow.
I'm still just kind of sitting here. I got full body, like, goosebumps.
I was like, this sucks. And it is hard because that's something I've personally struggled with.
As, you know, I've dated. It it's like at what point do you transition from

like okay respect your elders to know like despite being younger like we can have these conversations right that is a really hard transition to make so hard and I'm I'm still I don't I don't know if I'm there yet it's tough I'm gonna learn I'm gonna take your advice just because I got it But I do think it's okay for her to go to her family's home, see your mom, get that comfort, and maybe your mom can help facilitate kind of, I don't even know, like a remediation, a mediation. A mediation.
I think that's possible. I think she needs to go home and like let off some steam.

I think the way she needs, if she wants to continue this relationship, which I would hope she does. But I don't know.
I mean, yeah. You have a baby.
Your husband seems like he works really hard. And maybe one day you guys will move out and start your own family.
God, like, you know, just move out and have your own place. I think she's gonna have to really like button up her shirt go up there and say i love you mother-in-law i love you mother-in-law yeah i want to make this work we've had one really bad fight i've walked in on you talking shit about me how do we fix this she needs to like she needs to put on some really big girl, even though they might not fit her.
She might have to wear a little belt. She might have to cinch it a little bit.
She's going to have to go there and stand up and say, I want in on this life. This is a life I want to live.
I don't want to throw this away Over hearing you saying One sentence Again, I cannot allow this one sentence

To really I don't want to throw this away Over hearing you saying One sentence Again, I cannot allow this one sentence To ruin my life I know We need to find middle ground We have to compromise I'll learn I'll learn two dishes Come on, let me learn I'll learn two dishes I know. And I think she is definitely owed an apology.
Yes, she is. Do I think she will get it? I, my gut says no.
And that's where you might just have to, you know, just suck it up as much as I hate that for her. I hate it.
Yeah. But you do love your husband.
Like you, she even said, like, we've, I fell fast. I love him.
Yeah. We got a baby.
And I do think he is kind of like, take it with a grain of salt. Like, I don't think she's necessarily overreacting, but I do agree with the point, like women will gossip.
Yeah. And so maybe he's coming from a point of view where he's grown up with his mom

gossiping at the table his whole life. And I think there's a lot of that's normal for him.

I think in maybe certain cultures, there is that mentality to come over while the husbands are at

work and kids will play in the other room and we'll have our tea and biscuits and gossip.

That is a reality for a lot of people. so i think that's the context that he recognizes and so it's not necessarily the gossip that's the problem it's just now how things have been handled yeah the fallout since it's just this took such a downward toxic spiral it's yeah crazy i don't think to get a verbal sorry.
No. I think she might get sorry in other ways.
Maybe a gift here. Maybe a dinner here.
Maybe a laundry basket with the clothes folded here. Yeah.
I think there might be, like, you know, like, what is it called? Love languages. Yes.
I think it's very hard for certain parents to say the words, I'm sorry. But love languages, you know, maybe she'll do an act of service for you.
Maybe she'll do something, you know, maybe she'll give you a gift. I have a feeling that that might be in there in the cards for her.
I hope she gets something that makes her feel better because what an uncomfortable, not healthy situation to go back into otherwise. Yeah, I get it.
I get it. And I've heard a lot of stories very similar to this.
Yeah. You just got to, you got to like not go toe to toe.
That's not what I'm saying. You got to just show them that you, that you deserve respect and that you respect them at the same time.
Yeah, and it's hard because like I i'm struggling I think with my take on this one because it's like i'm trying to be

very respect and that you respect them at the same time yeah and it's hard because like i i'm struggling i think with my take on this one because it's like i'm trying to be very recognize like the culture sure aspect of this one but if this were me and like my culture yeah i'd be like we are moving the fuck out of this house yeah i'm not dealing with this right but i recognize like that might not be attainable

with this one

I don't think it is

I think like you said

it's a multi-generational household

people come over

people hang out with each other

yeah

you gotta

it's the way it is

I know

until the point where it gets

if it tips over

and like toxicity

where you cannot be in the same room

without like snide comments

you have to move up

and bad looks

you might have to move up

you might have to

and that is

Thank you. tips over and like toxicity where you cannot be in the same room without like snide comments and bad looks, you might have to move up.
You might have to. And that is her loss.
She's losing the privilege of getting to spend time with her grandchild. That's on her for creating that hostile environment.
Exactly. This is fixable.
You just got to work really hard at it. But it is fixable.
I think it's fixable. I had such high hopes.
Yeah, man. The husband ain't got shit going on.
We like, we don't know. This one really crashed and burned.
Yeah. Top comment on the update.
It only has 35 upvotes right now. Wow.
Your husband is such a mama's boy. Yeah.
He brushed off your feelings and said it is just a women's gossip. The worst thing is he agreed with what they said that you couldn't do anything.
Both husband and mother-in-law sucks. Oh, P, this is what your life is going to be in the future with your spineless husband and two-faced mother-in-law.
Better talk to your husband to fix his attitude or leave. No one deserves to be with a stupid husband who doesn't know how to defend his wife.
Ew. Damn.
Kind of. Again, these multi-generational households, it's not like your husband is your partner a thousand percent, but these other relationships and these other like strings and these other spiderweb relationships they matter not as much as your husband's relationship yeah but they sure as hell matter well and there's so much history there yeah and growth doesn't happen overnight right you know when you've been raised in this context and this is normal for you and you're you're just getting married you're just through these growing pains.
I mean, in the original post, she says our families are very strict. We were under their supervision during our courtship dating period.
So they're in such a different position. There's going to be growing pains for him.
And I think it could happen. Like that I get it.
But at the same time, I'm like, I'm really trying to be growing pains for him and i think it could happen like that i get it but at the same time i'm like i'm really trying to be open-minded and have grace with this one right it's hard it's easy to say move out it's easy it's it's yeah that's ideal yeah like of course that's fucking ideal of course yeah i would i would love i would love for her to move out and to get a little studio apartment with her beautiful husband and start a life. I don't think that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Also, I don't even know if that's ideal for her. She's a 20-year-old new mom trying to go to school.
She needs help. Having built-in babysitters and that sense of community is so valuable.
I grew up with my great-grandma and my grandma was over babysitting every day while my mom worked. That is the sense of community we had in our family.
It wouldn't have been able to survive and thrive without that. So I get that's the ideal thing, but it might not be even feasible.
I don't think so. So OP does respond.
Oh my God. Yes, he is.
And that is what hurts me more than what his mother said. I am at my mom's place now and I'm going to take a long rest and then decide what needs to be done.
Someone goes, they always have to turn it back on you. You're the problem.
Never them. Very sad.
I hope you the best. She goes, exactly.
I'm so hurt. And I told my mom everything.
She is also very upset and is going to talk to my mother-in-law. I feel so lost.
Wow. I'm nervous for the mom.
I'm like, how is this going to go? Okay. You know, maybe, you know, I think it's good that the mom is going to talk to the mother-in-law.
I also think the girl needs to also stand up for herself too. So there's going to have to be a conversation.
There's so many side conversations now. There's too many cooks in the kitchen right now.
I honestly think if this were me, I would say, mom, can you just talk to her? Maybe grease the wheels a little bit. But then could we all sit down and have a conversation you're my mom you know how to cook likely maybe we could all have days together where we come into the kitchen and prepare meals and really try to grow past this yeah it's the only way it's the only way they got to move past this they all have to put on their big girl pants all of them be a tough one all of them their, not the husband though.
The husband, he's just, he's a non-factor right now. I do hope he steps up a little bit though.
I think, I don't, I think that's wishful thinking. Wishful? I think it's wishful thinking.
I don't think he will. I don't think he will.
I know. It's, it's, it's one of those like classic cultural things where the guys like let the girls handle it.
Damn it. Yeah.
Step up, man. No, I i don't think he will he's too busy going to work and coming home at 2 a.m and he doesn't have time for these things yeah damn i'm trying to see if there's any other comments op is very active on reddit um there's quite a few other posts from our writer here okay um just kind of going into other subs asking like what am I doing wrong? Talking about like the baby and like, I think the baby's having some like sleep regression.
And then like another mom subreddit where she's just kind of like, when did your baby start singing back to you? I think this writer by the sounds of it, like doesn't have a lot of like social connections outside of family. Yeah, I think so too.
And really could maybe use some positive comments. So I'll be sure to try and link this one in the YouTube, but I'm not seeing any other further comments about like how the mom conversation with mother-in-law went.
So we're, we're going to have to keep our eyes really peeled on this one. She should join a mommy group in her city.
I think so. I think that would be amazing.
Go on Facebook and find a mommy group. And that way you can get away from it a little bit.
I'm sure there's other daughter-in-laws who are in the community too. Like it sounds like a very close-knit community.
Like the aunt lives right down the street. Her daughter-in-law was moving in.
It sounds like this is very typical for this neighborhood. I'm sure there's other daughter-in-laws that you can connect with as well.
Because you need people. You need friends.
You need people you can go gossip and vent to about your mother-in-law. Yeah, of course.
Just. I wish her all the best i know i'm i'm going to subscribe to her profile like follow keep my eyes peeled so i hope this one has a positive update me too i'm like scared i'm scared i'm missing comments i'm like this is just so juicy and she's she's still like actively commenting as of eight hours ago on other subs under r slash mom it so i'm like i think we will get an update on this one i hope so i hope so i really do wish her all the best fingers are crossed i need a shower i'm like i know i'm like sitting here i'm just like i'm heated nervous sweating so crazy Okay moving along.
Okay, so this next one, 17 hours old. Okay.
Coming from Am I the Asshole, our OG, titled, Am I the Asshole for asking my coworker not to eat tuna in the break room? Okay. So I'm very pregnant right now, still in the first trimester, but the symptoms hit.
I'm nauseous all day and I can't eat anything warm really. I've been living on cold sandwiches and fruit because that is all my body can tolerate right now.
My sense of smell is also heightened. So my coworker loves tuna.
He eats everything with tuna, specifically a Spanish brand with tomato

puree in it. I used to like it before I was pregnant, even though the smell is quite strong.
The problem is he doesn't keep the tuna refrigerated. Oh, he literally pulls it out of his work bag.
and especially in the summer, he stinks everything up.

Oh!

Usually, I do not notice, but I can manage, but lately, I can't stay around that smell.

I have barfed way more than I want to admit.

Yesterday, after I came back from my barfing, I asked him if he could please eat something else.

My throat is hurting from barfing every day, and I just can't anymore. Dude got red in the face and left the break room.
He left his tuna too. Now people are calling me an asshole.
They told me I am not entitled to dictate what someone else eats. I tried to explain, but apparently HR is also involved now too.
so was i really the asshole yeah sorry oh sorry pregnant cutie you can't i get it listen i get it i mean i've never been pregnant before but i get it like sometimes food is stinky and it makes you uncomfortable imagine if you were saying that to someone's i don't know their bibimbap or to their um i

don't know another food that's like ethnic okay wouldn't be nice that that's hr would get involved i know tuna is a little bit of a uh it's like a clean slate like tuna and tomato purees whatever like it's not cultural it's not dependent on anything yeah still it's okay like you don't need to do that. No, and I think if you, like, you're pregnant, that's kind of a you thing.
Right, right, right. It doesn't mean you can then inconvenience other people or like this, you know, other people said, like, you're not entitled to dictate what someone else is eating.
Absolutely. You're pregnant.
Yes. You know that he's going to be eating tuna in the break room.
You now need to maybe make other accommodations for yourself. Yes, exactly.
Does that suck that you have to eat at your desk and you can't eat with everyone else? Yeah, but I don't think you can ask someone to change what they're eating. And we don't know his story.
What if he only likes only likes tuna like genuinely like I know there's so many people that you know people with autism sometimes have you know food palates where they'll only eat three items right I have hyper fixations on food too like Mendocino Farms has a chicken sandwich love it I've had it literally eight times in the past two weeks I can't stop which one is it the not so fried yeah I get it oh my god it's so good my husband is also hyper fixated on that he loves it I can't stop yeah but I'll burn myself out and then I stick to only something else for another three weeks like that's just how some people work it's not his problem you're pregnant no matter how exciting that is yeah so cute so excited that you're gonna have a baby like that's huge but no you cannot be in you're a pregnant asshole as far as i'm concerned i know sorry and i i think like there are some situations where like if your co-worker is basically your best friend you could be like gosh daphne can i make you a sandwich tomorrow yeah just can can i just make you something tomorrow yeah i'm just having a tough time with a tuna, girl. If you have that relationship with your coworker.
I agree. I think that's different.
But to like come back in from barfing and ask him, can you please eat something else? It doesn't sound like you have that relationship, especially because he left the break room so upset that he didn't even take his tuna with him. Yeah, I agree.
Yeah.

If you have that kind of rapport, go ahead, you know, do a little jabby jab like, hey,

you want to eat a turkey sandwich instead?

But no, it doesn't sound like they have that relationship.

It sounds like she was she was in the heat of, you know, just vomiting and she was not upset.

And which I understand, like, I get it.

Like your body is going through such an immense change and everything is is you're not feeling your best. You not looking your best you're yada yada and you're working oh sucks but work on a good day hate it um so I understand but no you can't tell people what to eat and what not to eat sorry cutie it is too new for an overall judgment on it yet.
Top comment, though, you're the asshole. You could have politely let everyone know that you are having a sensitive stomach and that strong smells are an issue for you, but you chose to express your issues with barfing while someone else is eating and in the lunchroom.
You also did it in front of other people and singled out a specific co-worker. You could have quietly emailed HR or your co-worker and explained the situation.
You could have requested everyone be sensitive with smells if they could, but that you understand it is your burden to bear and you will do your best to mitigate, but that any help is appreciated because it would be a favor to you out of kindness. You being at your limit does not entitle you to embarrass or single out another coworker or talk about your barfing while other people are eating.
I didn't even... This person...
Yeah, so smart. Do you work in HR? Like, top comment popped the fuck off today.
Because I didn't think about about that. Like he could have that fear of getting sick.

Yeah.

Edomophobia.

Yes.

Yes.

I have a couple of people I know that have that.

And it's like, it's very real.

Like you start gagging and they panic.

Yeah.

Like a whole thing.

And you did single him out when he's not the only one that could like tuna.

Yeah.

So this person points were made. Yeah.
Feel, feel I feel bad, but not nice. Sorry, tuna girl.
No. Next comment does bring up a point you touched on.
No. As an Asian, I constantly get told my food is too smelly for their Western asses.
It's often just racism because a roast fucking smells strong too. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Next comment. Anything stinky, regardless of cuisine, should be heated and eaten outside of the office.
Asian food uses a lot of fermented stuff that smells tank when heated. I don't know if they meant to say tank.
It feels like rank was probably what they meant. But so does fish and a number of other things.
Next comment down. What is considered stinky, though, is often race dependent.
Spaghetti smells 1,000 times stronger than a stir fry, but no one ever complains about Linda from a county needing it. Right? Right? Yeah.
The racial undertones. I mean, I don't believe that there was any initially with this tuna comment.
Again, I don't think tuna is like race dependent. But how many, I mean, Persian girl, how many times was the food that I brought to school made fun of? Infinite amounts of times.
So tough. It's okay.
I mean, it's just part of growing up, you know, but I mean, you're at a workplace now. Time to be a little bit more serious.
Yeah. A little bit more of an adult.
And HR is involved. So clearly there was an issue with this.
And now you're going to probably be reprimanded and have to deal with the consequences. Yeah.
And you're pregnant. Oh, just sucks.
A lot, a lot going on. A lot going on here.
I'm going to refresh. I never refresh until I get done reading everything.
So since it's now a day old, overall vote is garnished, asshole. Okay.
There's now an edit. Ah, okay.
Thank you all for your judgments. It's pretty clear I am the asshole.
I would still like to provide some info as my HR meeting already passed. I forgot to mention some things in the heat of the moment.
One, there's a general consensus in our break room to not heat up fish and to not eat stinky stuff. I don't know why this apparently doesn't apply to my coworker and he has never gotten in trouble because of that.
Two, I have absolutely no problems with this co-worker. Yes, I should have been much more sensitive and asked nicely.
I did ask him once before if he could refrigerate his tuna so the smell wouldn't be overpowering. It was still an asshole move to do in front of my other co-workers.
I should have asked him again privately. And of course, my sensitivity to smell is not his problem.
I just snapped. I did apologize to him.
Three, we only have the break room. I can't go anywhere else because this is my part-time airport job.
We are not allowed to eat on the ramp or in the plane, even if it's empty. The break room is inside the security area because that is where I had to work today.
Nowhere else to go. Literally.
Okay. Some more factors.
This should have been included in the post, OP. I know, right? But let me say, unless it says in your policy, they work at an airport in an airline.
It sounds like it. Okay.
On the ramp. So I'm wondering if like cleaning planes in between or, you know, doing something that doesn't involve heavy lifting because I feel like pregnant moving bags, you might need accommodations for that.
Maybe, maybe. So unless it says in your policy at work, no smelly foods, and it's just like a note that's put on the wall, I don't think that has any standing, especially in a court of law.
Legally, I don't think you can say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't think you can. I don't think that has any standing, especially in a court of law.
Illegally? I don't think you can say that to people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't think you can. I don't know the specifics unless it says like no strong smelling foods with odors, whatever that means, unless that's codified within the like job description.
I don't know what you're talking about. I'm sorry.
You're still kind of an asshole. It's just now there's more there's more parameters to your work, but still a little bit of an asshole.
Yeah. Yeah.
Point four. HR did dismiss the complaint my coworker made.
I apologized to him and explained everything to him and that I snapped. He said my pregnancy was not his problem.
HR said he shouldn't have eaten tuna in the break room. Doesn't matter if I am pregnant or way.
Again, thank you for your judgment. I did apologize to my coworker.
He still seems kind of off, but there's nothing I can do about it now. Coming from a food safety standpoint, does tuna need to be refrigerated? No.
Whenever you go to like the store, like you know how you get little cans of tuna? I guess. Like they're just on the shelf.
Is that because it's so processed or like preserved? I think it's just preserved properly. Okay.
So you don't have to refrigerate it or anything like that. I'm like, I'm not a tuna eater.
My dad is. And now I'm'm like saying this out loud i'm like morgan you've seen this the bags that sit on the shelf yeah which is crazy like but then again pickles you know you ferment those bad boys that's true they can sit out when you open the lid they have to go in the fridge yeah they should go in the canning is so cool to me it's an art form it really is and like the pressurized stuff.
I'm like, it's science. It's art.
There's so many different flavors and ways you can can. Very cool.
I love it. I'll say this.
If the tuna, if he's making tuna salad, like if he's adding mayonnaise and some spices and maybe a chopped apple and a celery and a red onion, then yeah, it should be refrigerated. But if it's not, you know what I mean? Yeah.
But it sounds like it's like the red can with the tomato sauce and he's just eating it like straight up. Again, if it's not, I mean, it sounds like so HR dismissed it.
Yeah. Yeah.
So maybe it is in their policy. I'm so, so intrigued by this one.
I know we have HR experts that listen. I saw your comment on the last episode.
Please chime in for this one. I guess like being that it's an airport, maybe there's different contexts because of like the fact you literally can't eat anywhere else.
But I feel like HR across the board is pretty standard. So I would be very curious to know if this is legal or not, or if he can sue them for like almost like a hostile work environment.
Right, right. There's so much that can happen right now.
Like you're saying I can't eat my food. Oh my gosh.
But think about it this way. Whenever we're in airplanes, have you ever sat next to someone who eats a tuna salad sandwich? I want to punch them in the face.
I have gotten really unlucky lately with like, I've had multiple flights in the past year or two where someone next to me smells very bad. Like they did not apply deodorant that day.
That's horrible. And I get it.
I forget sometimes. It happens.
But I've sat next to people that are like so aggressive. Like they're like, oh, it smells.
Like talking about the other person. Like it's the most uncomfortable experience ever.
So I am one of those people. I have a tough time with smells.
Like I have a very sensitive nose. Yeah, I do too.
But still, I mean, I mean, you just got to like grin and bear it when you're on an airplane. But if you're working, I don't know.
I don't know. I feel like this person can sue the tuna can eater.
I feel like he could. This kind of feels like discriminatory, but like it's just tuna.
So saying discrimination sounds wrong. I don't know.
There's something there. It feels fishy.
Yeah. Oh, good one.
You thought about that one? No. It just came naturally? I just don't know what is up with me and the puns today.
I bring it out of people. I don't know what's happening.
Something's happening here. Yeah, I think you should find some legal course of action.

I am so curious someone does

I'm like looking to see if there's any OPs

like good responses

an OP was really

fighting for their life in the comments

basically just saying

I never asked for special treatment. I didn't say anything for almost four months until today.
I just snapped, which I apologized for. I asked him before to refrigerate it.
I should not have snapped and I should not have dictated what he eats. I never asked for special treatment.
Most of the office doesn't know why I am pregnant because I don't want to make a big deal out of it. Regardless of me being pregnant, I think it's an asshole move to eat smelly stuff in a small, poorly ventilated break room with no windows that can be opened.
It's not my co-worker's problem that I have to barf after I smell something strong, but it's general kindness and common sense to not eat smelly stuff in a small office. I think that's a hot take.
Yeah. I mean, I eat wherever in my office.
I eat wherever. So I've never been in a situation where it's the break room and the break room only.
So maybe they have a point. Maybe they have a point.
But what is smelly to you? Isn't smelly to me, isn't smelly to her, isn't smelly to him? It's so subjective. What is smelly? And also based in culture and can come with a lot of racist undertones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's kind of one of those things where it's like it's probably safest to just let people eat what they want to eat.
Right. If you have an aversion to strong smells, maybe HR can make an accommodation where you eat before those people.
Exactly. And that is your new lunchtime.
Yeah, exactly. You take different breaks.
Not everyone has the same break. That's such a great idea.
Like there's accommodations that can be made. And I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for them.
You are pregnant. Yeah.
That is a time where you can get special accommodations. There's laws like that.
Protecting you. For a reason.
Yeah, yeah. You're a special protected class.
Like, you can ask for that versus going about it this way. I like that.
I like that mentality. The not so smelly lunch people and the smelly lunch people.
Different break times. You know, do your thing, girl.
I think the different break times is a great fix. It seems like it would be an easy is a great fix it seems like it would be an easy one yeah it seems like it would be an easy one for it still the asshole i know well i was i was literally gonna be like i hope she gets like some zofran too yeah like get some anti-nausea meds zofran reglin whatever that other one is and op i'm seeing a comment here we don't have zofran here we get vomex a don't know if it's the equivalent it just doesn't help that much when i get weird smells unfortunately but thanks for the advice i wonder where they are germany i'm i'm wondering now wonder yeah vomex a never heard of that one me either any anti-nausea med i med, I'll take.
Yeah, you get nauseous a lot? Just all the time. Oh my gosh.
All the time. I just don't know.
I don't get it. I always have Zofran in my car just in case.
I have ginger ale stacked. Oh my God.
We got ginger ale at the studio. Ginger ale at the house.
I love ginger ale. Ginger ale in the car.
Do you have ginger chews? I do have those. Okay.
The Dramamine ones are so good. I love ginger chews.
Myws my dad also he has like gi issues and of course i got him too so sometimes i eat a little ginger chew before what's your favorite brand of ginger chews yeah the ginger man you know the ginger man one he's like a man he's a man with a big nose and he has like you know ginger has like that uh that lined ribbing oh my god the little ginger man oh my god he's so cute he's literally a stock of ginger literally a stalk of ginger. Yeah, that's my favorite brand.
Gingins. Do you get this? It looks like, it looks very organic by the packaging.
Yeah, probably. It's giving healthy Ginger Chews.
Those are the ones I was raised on and those are the ones I have in my house. Those are the most elite Ginger Chews, if you ask me.
I love the Ginger people. Ginger Rescue.
There's so many. Isn't he so cute? I cute? Do you see the little ginger guy? Is he like this? Yeah.
Okay, good. Very, very cute.
It's on Amazon, DoorDash, Instacart. You can find this everywhere.
Make sure the no tamper seals on that one. Absolutely.
Absolutely. Okay, this is our last one.
Oh, no. I could do this for hours.
I could do this forever. I did tease you.
I said we were getting to a wedding one. Okay, cool.
This one I think is going to be very interesting for us. Cool.
It's coming from AITH, one day old, titled, Am I the asshole for ordering pizza at my friend's wedding because there was no food? Okay. Me and my wife were invited to my friend's wedding.
The wedding was going to have about 70 people with mostly family. When we got there, we were seated at a table with some other people.
They were nice and we mingled well and had a great time chatting. The wedding was also quite nice.
Both my friend and his new wife were very happy. After the ceremony, every table got two bottles of wine, bread, and butter, and there was also an open bar.
So we started to have a few drinks. Then the food came out.
It looked really good. The food setup was a buffet style.
I was half buzzed and looking forward to getting some food in my belly. When it was time to eat, every few tables at a time were going to get called up, which is fine.
The first few tables that were called were understandably the family of both sides, and then the rest were called up. The problem was that the family members, his in-laws, are larger people.
Now, I don't shame people for how much they eat, but I noticed the helpings of the food they had while I was patiently waiting for us to be called were quite large, and I also noticed that they went up for seconds before all of the tables were called, and no one even stopped them. I didn't say anything, though I thought that it was rude.
I just assumed that there was a lot of food. To my surprise, by the time we were called, there was nothing left.
I asked if there was more coming out, and apparently that had already occurred. So we grabbed the little that we could and went back to sit down and ate the scraps.
We were all still pretty hungry and a bit pissed off, so we kind of bash-talked that the first few tables got all of the food. Someone at our table mentioned that they could go for some pizza, and then I had the drunken idea of ordering some, lol.
So that is what we did. We all pitched in and ordered four large pizzas and some chicken wings from a local pizza joint close to the venue, so it didn't take that long to be delivered.
I met the guy outside and brought the food to our table, and we started to eat. Some of the other tables noticed and asked us where the pizza came from.
Apparently, some of the other tables close to ours didn't get any other food either, so we shared with them. This caused some commotion because other people were looking for food and asking the wedding party if there was pizza available.
I guess there were others that didn't get to eat either. We did share with anyone who asked us.
My friend came to talk to me about why I ordered the food. The bride was not happy about it.
It ruined the aesthetics. So I told him that we didn't get to eat and that the food ran out long before our table was called and we were really hungry.
He then asked why we just didn't step out and eat and then come back. Though annoyed about it, I respectively explained to him that we were all drinking on empty stomachs and that it probably wasn't the best idea to have drunk people walking around looking for food.
I don't think he liked that, but went back to his bride, who was now glaring at us. Like, what were we supposed to do? Starve? This wasn't the end, though.
As we were finishing eating, one of the in-laws came to our table and he asked where the pizza came from. This is where I may be the asshole.
There were two slices left. I knew he was eyeing them.
I asked the other people at my table if they wanted one. Everyone declined.
This guy then said he would have one. I then took the two slices, I put them on my plate, and I started to eat them.
Then I looked at him and said something like, quote, No, you and everyone at your tables had way more than your fair share of the buffet and ate all of it. This is the reason we ordered food in the first place.
And now you have the nerve to ask us to share? His face went red and he returned to his table. There was a lot of discussion going on there.
They were all looking back at us with daggers. The bride looked even more ticked off at us.
She had a bit of an argument with my friend. He eventually came back over to tell us we had to leave.
I didn't mean to start any problems, so me and my wife called a cab and we left. He then called me a few days later and we had a long talk.
I explained my perspective and he agreed that his in-laws were really rude for eating all of the food and leaving most of the other guests with very little. A lot of people actually complained to him about it.
Everyone was drinking, thinking that there would be food, and they were disappointed.

He was upset with his in-laws because he told them how many guests there would be and to order the food for that many people.

He also saw how much they were taking, but assumed that they had ordered enough.

He was wrong.

He brought this up to his wife, and she said that apparently because the in-laws paid for the alcohol and the food they felt entitled to eat what they wanted she was really mad at them and reamed them out for tainting her special day he also said a lot of the other non-family guests started to leave soon after we left because they too were hungry they had fun celebrating but it did kind of put a downer on their special day. Out of the 70 people there, about 30 left.
I also found out that the guy that came to our table was his father-in-law. Father-in-law was really embarrassed by what I said to him.
He felt pretty bad when he found out close to half the guests didn't get to eat anything and left early. So am I the asshole? 50-50.
I'm with you there. 50-50.
I think huge mistake. So there wasn't enough food for half of the people.
The caterer made a mistake. Really? I think the caterer made a mistake or the number that they gave was a mistake.
Something happened there. Yeah.
Because I guess at weddings, do you typically plan for people to go back and take seconds? Like buffet style? I'm not sure how that goes. Well, it depends.
I mean, from my culture, Persian Jewish weddings, they're always like very big, very extravagant. Like food is always flowing.
Alcohol is always flowing. Even if it's a sit down dinner, like there's appetizers up the wazoo.
There's a table of fruit. There's everything.
I love that. I love options.
Give me all the food. It's very, it's very food focused.
So I've never dealt with this before. So this is very foreign to me.
And the getting up and calling tables is also very foreign to me because it's kind of like a bum rush to the tables at Persian weddings. We literally are like, let's go.
Like it's very like people cut in line. People get plates of food for other people.
Oh, it's ruthless. It's ruthless, but it's so fun.
It's very fun. It's all in good faith.
Nobody like hates each other when we're doing doing it so well and there's enough to go around there is more there's there is more than enough to go around so this is a very foreign concept to me because all the caterers it's a very small world of caterers that we work with and they're all very um generous with their with their portions and whatnot so something went wrong with the numbers it was-person wedding. They probably made enough food for 50 people.
Expecting a lot to not show up. Maybe.
I don't know. I know that does happen sometimes where even plated meals, they don't really have a lot of extra because they are banking on people to not show.
Yes. But with 70 people, I feel, I don't know.
I don't know the details. Maybe there was an issue with the wedding planner maybe there's issues with the caterer issues with the numbers something went awry in that section if you are doing a sit-down dinner and it's a plated sit-down dinner that's another story you have extras people write chicken or fish or whatever vegetarian they have that option this is very weird to me.
Something went wrong with the numbers. Well, and I think buffet style, haven't done it.
Unclear. But I feel like given that style, it would be the one where you plan for extra food.
Because you don't know, some person could take one chicken breast. Someone could come up and take three.
In a lot of cases, no one is standing

there hovering over the person and then yelling at them, oh, no, no, no, you can't take any. It's not really- That's the hub of phase work.
Yeah. So you do kind of have to prepare for a lot of variance.
Yes. Getting to this one, do I think OP is the asshole for ordering pizza at someone's wedding? I don't think necessarily the asshole for ordering the pizza, but I would say the asshole for how you treated the in-laws.
Right. And maybe a little bit about how you wrote this post.
Yes. You know, there was a line like, oh, they're large people.
And then the next line was like, but I would never judge someone for their size. You are.
You did. Yeah, you just did.
So I didn't really love that. And I also think it would have been easy to go up to the groom like it's your friend, you're close.
Right. Hey, we didn't get a chance to eat.
Would you mind if we all ordered some pizza and wings? Yeah. And then you could ask the groom like, hey, obviously you want people at your wedding happy and fed is that something you want to take charge of for the magnitude of other guests yeah that haven't eaten right so i don't know i would have if i was in this person's situation which i have been at a few i've been to one wedding before where there wasn't that much food.
Yeah. I kind of just grinned and bared it.
And I was like, whatever, I'm going to eat later when I get home. If I was drinking a lot and there was no food, I would go eat the pizza in the parking lot with my friends.
That's what I would do. A little car bar? A little car bar.
I'd say we're going to go smoke a cigarette, but we're not smoking a cigarette. We're eating pepperoni pizzas.
Okay. That's what I would do.
I would do that. I would do that with my friends.
I wouldn't order four boxes of pizza unless my table was a four boxes of pizza kind of table. I would go.
I would just eat my pizza with my friends and go back up and celebrate the people. It probably, I mean, aesthetics, I get people are very anal about the way that they want their weddings to be.
Yeah. And I understand that concept a thousand percent.
In order to preserve the sanctity and the beauty of the wedding, I would have done that. And then I would have, me and my table, eight to 10 people wouldn't have left early.
20 people might've left. Yeah yeah and those people might have gone off and done whatever they wanted to do but I would have gone and partied some more drank some more ate some more had some more fun taking a bite of pizza gone you know what I mean I know it could have been more subtle yeah you could have been no issue like coming and opening a huge box of pizza and sitting there and eating it with like a bunch of people.

I wouldn't have done that at a wedding.

You also like, it would be kind of common sense.

Like you would think, oh, you're showing up with a box of pizza.

Other people are going to ask where you got it.

I mean, you know, I've been to a club before and someone brought a pizza.

To the club?

Yeah, yeah. This was great.

This is when I was clubbing back in the day.

Like someone brought pizza to the club.

I don't know who it was, but you better believe I got a piece of pizza. I've never been so lucky.
It'll happen. I will say like they could have also played it off as a really fun thing where it's like, oh, yeah, the pizza, it's one of our late night bites and then ordered a shit ton more.
Like I love when weddings do that. Me too.
Even just a little snack. Like it can be so simple.
Yeah. But I love when weddings do that because you are there for a long time.
Dinner's at six and you're dancing till midnight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You need sustenance. You need a fry.
You need the fry, the fry and sliders. I love the fry and sliders combo at a wedding at like 1130.
I've been there and I loved it. But I'll say this, the pizza at the event, at the actual venue, big mistake.
Should have just kept it with the valet people and gone and taken a bite and then gone back up. So you're not an asshole.
You're not the biggest asshole. Yeah.
You are a little bit of an asshole because the way you treated the father-in-law. So true.
And because of the way that you brought the pizza to the party. Well, you know what's interesting too is the fact that the venue even allowed that pizza in.
Oh, yeah? Yeah. So I have a friend that recently got married and I was invited to like hang out early.
Like I wasn't a bridesmaid or anything, but like she's so sweet and just wanted to make sure I felt really included it's really sweet um because like it's it's a mutual friend like my fiance was in the wedding okay so like we've we've all like as like a couple now like become like couples become very close so it's great so I I showed up a little early and I made the mistake of assuming there would be coffee there and I was you know jet lag a little tired So then I just i was like i'm gonna doordash i'm gonna doordash the coffee i was exhausted and they came in and they said you cannot have anything delivered it's against our contract so i'm gonna have to take that oh and i i had ordered like a traveler like that served 15 people because so many other people wanted coffee oh they were like oh well you can add coffee onto her catering bill no way i am not doing that and i go i go the bride's mom mentioned that you guys actually have a keurig i go is there any way i could just get one cup of the keurig coffee like i'll literally take mud coffee i don't care. I'll give you five bucks right now.
And she goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me get that for you.
I saw her again 45 minutes later. And she goes, oh, my God, I forgot.
Let me go get the coffee for you. Another 45 minutes went by.
Shut up. That's brutal.
But imagine you went and you told the bride that. Then she would have had to go, or like the bride or the groom, they would have had to go cuss them out so it's i wouldn't have even told the husband who's my friend yeah like i wouldn't have told him about the pizza either you know what i mean i would have just hid it from them gone walked half a mile down and i would have just damn eaten the i would have eaten the pizza you gotta do what you gotta do and no one would have known i know maybe he was trying to like stir some shit like you didn't get food for us.
I'm going to get food for everyone here other than you guys. I know.
I know because he could have. A little bit.
A little bit. He definitely stirred the pot because I think embarrassing the father-in-law like that.
You could have just been the bigger person and been like, here's a slice, dude. No.
He could. I don't think he could have.
Really? Stand on that principle? I think he wanted to like stick it to him, you know? He definitely did. Well, he was also drunk too.
And you know, sometimes your inhibitions are a little bit, you know, wavered whenever you're drunk. So I think… Me hangry is so scary.
Me drunk and hangry. You do not want to see me when I'm drunk and hangry.
No, no. Have you seen that like TikTok trend going around? It's like the, oh God, I don't even know how they caption it, but it's like, I love the monster I was when blah, blah, blah happened.
No. And I'm going to have to send it to you or show you Thursday.
Okay, because I like discontinue, I like delete a TikTok off of my phone because I'm way too obsessed with it. Good for you.
Yeah, I can't. My brain does.
I haven't had it for like a year and a half, two years. I'm so impressed.
I'm really big on reels though. I was going to say you're on the reels for sure.
I mean, I get everything like three, four days later, but oh my gosh, I'm obsessed with reels. I just sit there like this.
I'm just like That's literally me. Oh my gosh.
really bad I love that for you but yeah total 50% asshole 50% not are you kind of in the boat of just everyone sucks I think I am right now I think I am right now I would say yeah I'd say everyone sucks that's the consensus normally I'm like a very like positive happy like everybody's good but like these stories really make me question like my faith in humanity I I go back and forth too and it's it's so hard where it's like I know so many people are like it's either asshole or not the asshole or oh my god you're so flip-floppy on your takes but it's like everything is so's so much specifics here. And it's also one of those things where it's like, I don't know.
I don't know. Maybe I picked a bad story because I don't know my feelings yet.
But I do think like the dude had to eat. So he found a way to eat.
It was either that or like leave real early. Yeah.
Not have any grass eat the grass grass yeah i mean we contain multitudes so i think people are sometimes assholes and sometimes they're not i think it depends on the day yeah and you know i do say he is the asshole for a little bit of how he wrote this and i do think regardless of not getting food and someone eating too, I don't think it was your place to be the one to call him out on it. That embarrassing him, that was too far for me.
Don't do that to the bride or the groom on their wedding day. Just don't.
No, not at all. Go find a wedding planner.
Go find someone else to talk to about it. Okay, the comments on this one.
So top comment on this one. Okay, I can't wait.
A family member had a similar-sized wedding a while back. The caterer handed out the same portions to everybody the first time through so that everybody got fed.
Seconds were a free-for-all. Later in the night, a table full of personal-sized pizzas.
We were eating pizza for a week after that. Okay.
That's how it's done. That's how it's

done. I actually like that idea that even if you have a buffet, you have someone maybe serving that

main protein or whatever you're offering. Yeah.
Makes sense. Because that does like control

the odds a little bit more. That makes a lot of sense.
Yeah. For 70 people, it's not that hard.

I would hope that people would just have, you know, like common decency to take like a little bit of like six ounces of this protein. Yeah.
Two ounces of this carb. But not everybody has common sense.
No, no. Some people just see food and they dish up thinking, hey, they planned.
It's not my problem. I'm going to eat.
It's not my problem. I eat.
And that's what the family did, but didn't plan accordingly. There's another comment.
Can't believe the father-in-law asked for pizza, lol. That took nerve, right? He has no pride or shame, clearly.
I think he's just kind of dumb. I think he's just a gluttonous.
Yeah. Gluttonous dude.
Just like bopping around like, sorry, I don't care how good I ate. If I saw pizza floating around and there was extra slices and someone right in front of me asked everyone, oh, do you want this slice? And no one claimed it.
I might ask for that pizza. I am no better than this man's father-in-law.
I would have asked for it too. I'm immediately going to Whole Foods and going to the pizza bar.
Good. After this.
Enjoy. I'm so, I love pizza.
Enjoy. Ooh, we have a bit of an edit.
Okay, bring it on. My goodness.
I didn't think I was going to get this kind of response, lol. So many comments.
There are a lot of comments. 3.2K comments on this one.
Read them all. There's some people that wish I would, and we would be here until next year.
I went through a good chunk of the messages and thought it would be easier to address the common ones here One the only reason I ordered the pizzas was because I was drinking All I ate that day was a sandwich for lunch and some bread that was at the table So I needed something more substantial in my stomach so I wouldn't get sick So no, I couldn't wait it out a few No. Which I think is fair.
I wasn't the only person drinking either because the open bar was booming. However, I guess I could have held back on drinking a bit until the food came out.
To those saying that I fat shamed the father-in-law, I'm going to have to disagree. I didn't say anything to him about his body.
I was only honest with him about why I had to order the food.

I don't judge people based on looks and accept everyone for who they are, as they are.

You can't judge a book by its cover, so I judge people based on their actions.

If you knew me, you would see that my friends range from basic people to freaks and weirdos,

lol.

In fact, a good friend of mine, nicknamed Crusher, is a big dude. Absolutely hilarious and super fun to hang out with.
Three, this is not an AI-generated post, lol. My intelligence may be limited, but there is nothing artificial about it.
Four, buffet was at my friend's request. He loves buffets, and this was his added touch to the wedding.
He also chose the dishes. I know that it is not common for weddings to do buffets, but that's what he wanted.
I wonder if, yeah, I feel like most weddings I've been to have actually been buffets, but I digress. Thanks everyone for your comments.
I will continue to read them and update accordingly. Hey guys, I already have an update.
First, I never stated when the wedding happened. The wedding was last week on July 20th.
My friend just stopped by for a little bit. Apparently, his wife was more upset than he initially said, but not at me, towards her family.
He also said she wanted to apologize for booting me. So father-in-law feels really bad and he is going to step up and try to fix the situation he is going to throw an after wedding shindig lol his words everyone who is at the wedding will be invited including me my wife and some additional people they are thinking there will be about a hundred guests father-in-law also promised that there will be an assortment of food, more than enough for everyone, plus an army, lol.
He also wanted to personally let me know that there will be about 50 large pizzas from the same joint I ordered from. That is his way of adding some humor to the situation.
I think it's pretty funny He's also going to hire a dj or a live band

Possibly have some fireworks and arrange other events like axe throwing and a bonfire I think it's pretty funny. He's also going to hire a DJ or a live band,

possibly have some fireworks,

and arrange other events like axe throwing and a bonfire.

This actually sounds like it's going to be a real fun time.

The only difference is that this will be a BYOB event,

which is no big deal.

Father-in-law is pulling in a favor from a friend who owns a farm.

The farm has two guest houses and the main

house, as well as plenty of space outside. About 50 people can be squeezed in between the three

houses, so he is going to encourage people to bring RVs. I have one.
Campers and tents if they

can. Nothing is official yet, but they are looking to hold the shindig around mid-August.

Sounds like it's going to be a blast. I'll update you all when I can.
Happy ending. Beautiful.
Because it could have I love it could have been awkward going forward. You could have lost a friend.
Yes. But that's a good what a good father in law.
What an I think the pizza embarrassment thing really triggered him. Do you that's i think so i think so and also probably the the bride like being upset yeah so maybe op by kind of putting him in a place i know like save their day sounds like a great sounds like a great fix again i think communication was something went down with the caterer, the event planner, the in-laws.
Everything just was a perfect storm. Yes.
For things to go wrong food wise. Yeah.
And weddings are hard. Oh my gosh.
So many personalities, so many things you have to think about. Oh, it's everything goes wrong.
And apparently this things went wrong. Everything went wrong.
But this is such a great, happy fix. I love it.
I love this. See, maybe not everyone's an asshole.
No. So now after the update, no assholes here? I think, again, we contain multitudes.
Human beings contain multitudes. And you turned someone's asshole situation into a not-so-asshole situation.
I love it. Hey, when life gives you lemons, you know, it's one of those things where you just got to kind of make the best out of whatever situation you're in.
It is hard. Life is not easy.
But you can have some character development and all is well. What a happy way to end this.
My gosh. I love that for us.
Thank goodness it ended on a good note. Oh, I know because I had

another tab. Oh, yeah.
And it was not good. Not good.
Nicole, thank you so much for coming on. Oh, my gosh.
Thank you so much for having me. This was a blast.
Where can everyone find you, your amazing shows? Sure. So you can find us at Mythical Kitchen as well as Good Mythical Morning.
you can follow me on Instagram

at Nicole Hendizade

and yeah

you can get my book You can find us at Mythical Kitchen as well as Good Mythical Morning. You can follow me on Instagram at Nicole Hendizadeh.

And yeah, you can get my book Bake Up on Amazon.com.

I'm getting the book.

Yeah, or I'm just going to bring it for you.

And that's pretty much it.

Oh, you can check out the podcast that I host with my boss, Josh.

It's called A Hot Dog is a Sandwich.

Is that all I got to plug?

I think that's all I got to plug, baby.

If we're missing anything, all of Nicole's links will be in the description for this show. You won't miss it.
Easy to find. I'm actually making a little adventure over to your studio later this week.
Can't wait. Oh my God, I can't wait.
It's going to be so much fun. I'm so excited.
So I will link that episode when it comes out. But other than that, thank you guys so much for being here.

Head over to Patreon because I have a few more of these food stories.

And other than that, until next time, bye. Thank you.