179: Psychologically Challenging..

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Cool. New studio.
New studio. This is my first time here.
I know. How does it feel? We're reunited with the neon.
It feels very professional. Dude.
I'm really impressed. I don't think, I don't know if I've explained.
Didn't you do this yourself? Yeah. All DIY.
Incredible. But we had the Drea episode.
The Drea episode was scheduled for like a Tuesday morning. And we didn't start putting this together until Sunday.
So it was like mad dash, tried to do it all Sunday because then Justin worked on Monday. And so I had to come and like finish it up by myself Monday.
You cut these pieces? My dad has a foam cutting guy. Yeah.
So Jerry did it? A person did it, but it wasn't too bad too bad it was like 300 for all the foam nice which you know turned out pretty good it looks amazing turned out pretty good nice little investment for the stewed for the stewed for the stewed oh what's new lauren we went to the fair last year that was nice, like my stomach is still recovering from all the fair food.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

I feel like I've had bubbles in my stomach for a month now though.

Like I just.

Bubble guts?

Yeah.

I need, I started taking probiotics because I think that there's something going on.

I just need to like fix that.

I want to do a parasite cleanse.

That sounds lovely.

I know.

It sounds sarcastic, but I mean it. No, like genuinely.
I want to do a parasite cleanse, like at least twice a year going forward. Yeah.
Let's try it out. What do you think, guys? Has anyone done one before? Please let us know.
Also, what a start to the episode. Kind of fits with the theme I've got for today.
What is it? Psychologically challenging. Okay.
These are just an assortment of stories that seem to be just psychologically damaging to maybe some people involved or like challenging or just their jumping mental hurdles. I have read probably two out of the nine tabs because I just wanted to be in it with you today.

Ooh, okay.

Yeah. And I read like the first line of one and immediately I was like, yep, it's in.
It's in. So there could be some really bad ones that you don't know yet.
That's the risk we take. I know.
I'm scared. I like when you don't know.
I don't. But then again, it's nice when you do know sometimes because then I feel like I know if there's going to be a little bit more of a twist to the story.
Yeah. Because I can feel your vibe and you're like, is it weird though? Oh my gosh.
Oh. The episode that came out last week, by the time this one comes out, it's with Nicole.
I read multiple stories that I didn't know there was an update for or like an edit. And so my whole take at the beginning was like, oh my God, yeah, there's hope.
This is so great. And then the update comes out and I go, I take back everything I said.
Oh my God. Everything.
Like everything. You just never know what know what you're gonna get you never know and one detail can just twist the whole thing around on you yeah right before coming here today I actually was watching the video that you just posted on Instagram yeah of you were with the two guys and it was about the um the guy who proposed to his girlfriend at Coachella.
she lost the ring but he got a fake ring because he thought she would lose it and the real one was at home and then when she found out that it was like a fake ring she was pissed she was so pissed because for what yeah i know because i would like to know because yeah i't even believe that. But I was just like already popping off on that one.
And then I'm like, I felt so engaged in it that I'm like, I need to find the rest of this story and listen to it. Like, is there an update? Did I too hot takes you? You did.
Oh, my God. I got you, Lauren.
I'm so curious about it. I've been like thinking about it.
I'm like, what happened next? I need to know. Well, that's how we're going to feel about these ones.
And we're going to start off with a ring today now that you mention it. So let's dive in from AITAAH.
It is titled, Am I the asshole for telling my girlfriend she's not worth marrying after she said she didn't like her engagement ring? I've been approaching two years with my girlfriend and things have gone pretty well so far. We've had some ups and downs, but we were doing well and talking about marriage.
Now here's a little bit about me. I work in healthcare, but due to the nature of my work, I have a decent amount of free time.
I took up jewelry, metal working, and started up a little side hustle making gold and silver jewelry, still working on my platinum skills. My dad also works in Brazil and he cuts emeralds and precious and semi-precious gemstones.
I knew I wanted to marry my girlfriend, and I wanted to make the engagement ring special. I made an elaborate leaf design ring with garnets, our birthstone, and a 1.5 carat diamond in the middle.
I had my dad cut and send me garnets, and I ordered the diamond from a local dealer. I worked on the band and the setting, and over the course of three months, I put the ring together.
It looked something like this, but with two big leaves of garnet on the side instead of emerald, without the smaller stones, and a marquee-cut lab diamond in the center. It is easily the most elaborate piece I've ever designed and put together.
I proposed to her at her house at a little get-together I put with her family, and she loved the ring, especially after I told her I made it myself. We had a nice party, and I spent the night.
Later that morning, she asked me questions about the ring, and how long I worked on it, etc. I told her all about it, but her expression changed when she asked how much I spent on it and that it was a lab diamond and not a natural diamond.
I asked if the cost was an issue for her. She said that she doesn't feel like it was a big investment in our relationship.
Total cost without labor was about $1,200. I didn't keep track.
And she prefers real diamonds over lab diamonds. I tried to explain that they're chemically identical, but she asked if I could swap it out with a natural diamond.
I relented and said sure and took the ring back. Driving home, I started to think about all the other times she demanded more of me, and I honestly thought that I don't think that anything I do will ever be enough for her.
I could spend three months on and off on an amazing ring for her, and she'll still nitpick and find fault in it. I think it just clicked in that moment that I had a lot more issues with this relationship than I imagined.
I got home and I called her. She didn't pick up.
I texted and said, quote, we need to talk now. She called a couple of minutes later.
I told her that I don't think she's worth marrying because of how she treated me over the ring and that I need to think about things. She started crying and being defensive, but I was also very emotional and hung up.
She tried calling back several times, but I just let it ring. Her mother and my sister, who's friends with her, tried calling, but I just let it ring.
I don't want to talk to anyone. I really just need reassurance before I talk to them again.
Am I being an asshole for this? No, I don't think that he's the asshole for that. I am curious, though, if there were conversations beforehand about, because I feel like a a lot of people when they know that they want to get married, they start talking about the ring and what they want.
That part is kind of interesting to me. I mean, I mean, I guess it's not everyone.
Not everyone talks about what type of ring they want. But I feel like a majority of people like at least have a basic conversation.
I will show you a picture of the ring. So this is what he gave as an example.
It's not the ring, but it's pretty similar. It's got a really pretty center stone with green oval-shaped stones around it with rose-looking thorns and leaves, which that is also a very specific design.
If he were to sell it, like go and sell it, it would actually probably cost a lot more than what he paid. Oh, it's I mean, the labor alone to train and create that skill for yourself and to have that knowledge, like there's so much of an investment in that already.
$1,200 is, that's not what it actually would cost. It might be a $10,000 ring.
And I don't understand why that even matters. If you like the ring, you like the ring.
If you don't like the design because the design is so specific and you wanted something super simple, then that's a different story. But if you're basing it just on the value, that's weird.

And that's also something that I can't relate to, but I don't blame other people for wanting that at the same time. Because, like, for example, me and my ex would talk about rings and for whatever reason, he wanted to buy an extremely expensive ring.
And I was like, can you actually just give me the cash and give me a cheaper ring um but like my point is is that I'm just I've never really been that's not like a huge important thing to me yeah um unless I was married just like multi multi-millionaire and like and then I'm like okay whatever if you if you really insist but like you get the point like I'm just it's not

something that is that important to me so

in this instance if I was

her I would be very happy

with this whole situation however

I do understand that there's

other people who have since they were young

had a very specific dream

maybe about having a real

diamond and that making

you know that person feel

like

that is their

Thank you. Maybe about having a real diamond and that making, you know, that person feel like that is their they've succeeded in life or something like that.
So it's like that's what I'm saying. Like, I don't think it necessarily means that that person is shallow by any means.
I think that if that's something that you really want that's special to you, that like should have been a conversation to see if it's feasible for your partner to you know to do absolutely but at the same time it's not this person opie's writing in and saying it's not just about the ring that opie's thinking about all these times that he never feels like he's good enough for his partner it was the moment that took those rose-colored glasses off which he's entitled entitled to feel that way. I would say overall I'm surprised by this quick turnaround.
And obviously it's been building up to this moment, right? There's time that he can pinpoint again and again and again. I'll never please her.
I'll never be enough, you know, whatever. But to go from getting engaged to her just kind of being like,

I'd like something a little different.

Not even a totally different ring, just the center stone.

It's kind of odd that that would be the straw.

Yeah.

But at the same time, I do think not the asshole. You're entitled to your feelings.

And she didn't really act that nice in the way she said it.

It was really materialistic in terms of the value. Like value was not a thing for me.
Like, yeah, my ring is like really big, but like I went Moyes night because I wanted to be ethical. I wanted to save a bunch of money for Justin.
Like that's something I really wanted. So it wasn't about the value for me, but I did have a certain aesthetic that i like i don't think you're you're wrong for that but i think the way she went about it just maybe wasn't as tactful as it could have been yeah and they're just proving to be they're not compatible yeah that's and that's fine so op did delete the post um but the top comment is so you've created a ring that cuts toxic people out of your life.
Can you get me one? That cuts. I love that pun.
Cuts. Ring of toxic avoidance plus three to wisdom.
True sight. I mean, it's definitely, it's not a good look for somebody to spend that much time.
And then this really high point of your life too

yeah and then this he probably was so freaking excited you know every time he went into work

with like work on it I'm getting closer to that day and he just wanted to be so special for him

and for her and then to be like but it's not good enough I it doesn't it's not a good look like the

story does not paint OP's girlfriend in a good light. No, there is a comment here that's so cute.
This person goes, my wife and I made rings out of chicken wire during the pandemic. Those are the rings we were officially married with.
Rings don't matter when you found the one. Yeah, that's really cute.
Really cute. Someone goes, bro, give me the ring.
I'll marry you. Right? Half tempted to ask where OP lives.
Someone goes, I'm not even 0.01% gay, but I will marry a guy who spent three months making a ring for me. I'm in line behind you if he declines your proposal.
And that is true. There's so much love behind that, that even if it's not exactly what you want, maybe sit on it.
How about a year anniversary and then be like, hey, what if we maybe upgraded this? That's what my brother and his wife did. That's exactly what they did.
Her original stone fell out of her ring like a couple weeks or something before the wedding. It was just crazy.
And so they replaced it with just like a really cheap CZ or like glass basically. Yeah.
And so they just finally upgraded it after they got married in 2015. So after almost 10 years of marriage, they just upgraded it to a lab grown diamond.
And it's beautiful. She's so happy.
So it's like you can do those things. But I guess like she started questioning this and like bitching about it not being a real diamond within hours of the proposal.
That's why I'm like. That's tacky.
Yeah. I really don't like that.
No. Yeah.
i was trying to give her a benefit of the doubt because i just i know that there's people who like expensive or like a specific type of diamond yeah and i don't want to shame anyone for loving that like you know do you do what makes you happy but you're right i really this scenario in general like i can't really like come to her defenses because i just feel like it's it's so tacky that you say that within hours of the proposal how is that a storybook you know how is that a romance novel that's not the notebook and it was it like was set up to be so romantic and then just boom you took that away I know tack. Tacky.
Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Just kidding.

Yeah.

And there are people commenting that there's a chance this is fake.

Like this person does a deep dive on the user's account, which could explain why he deleted

not only his post, but also username.

Like he actually deleted his account too.

So who knows?

This all could be karma farming.

But at the end of the day, this does happen in real life. A lot of people get rings they don't like.
I actually was listening to Dave Ryan, the radio guy in Minnesota. Yeah, of course.
And there was a call-in he got from a woman who had gotten proposed to with a family heirloom ring. It was her fiance's grandmother's ring.
It had so much history behind it. And she was like, I don't want that ring.
I want to have him sell it and then buy me something I like. And I'm like, that is a priceless family heirloom.
You take it to Pawn America or a pawn shop, you're going to get next to nothing for it. Keep the heirloom.
Love it. Cherish it.
Pass it down to your potential kids or other family members that will appreciate it. Yeah.
And get something else. Yeah.
But that was the most frustrating call-in I've ever had in my life. I'm just like, oh, fuck.
I'm so sentimental about jewelry pieces and heirlooms. I just can't stand it.
Yeah. Can't stand it.
Moving along. Okay.
So this next one is 11 hours old. It's coming from Am I the Asshole titled Am I the Asshole for calling out my husband and his parents after they tried to embarrass my stepdaughter in front of her friends.
My husband's parents stayed with us for a few days and the other night we had an issue that resulted in my stepdaughter being upset and angry, me angry, and them and my husband angry. So you were all angry.
I met my stepdaughter when she was six. I started dating my husband when she was five.
We married when she was eight. I'll admit, when we first met, knowing her mom had passed, I thought I would be filling in as mom-like or at least a second mom figure.
In my heart, I wanted to be her mom and for her to be my daughter. It was clear before we got married that it wouldn't happen.
She was actually very resistant to being around me. I told my husband we needed therapy together before we got married because she had to be okay with things, and we needed to figure out what our family dynamic would look like.
It won't bore you with unnecessary details, but she didn't want to replace her mom. She was already very insecure about me being around because her parents hadn't been together when her mom died, which to her meant she was alone loving her mom.
But she knew what we wanted, for her to love me and see me as another mom. It scared her.
It made her sad. It made her tummy hurt, to quote my stepdaughter.
Through therapy, we figured out what their relationship would look like. My husband, the parent, me, an adult in the home, and a safe person for my stepdaughter.
My husband would keep one-on-one time with my stepdaughter. We'd spend some time together naturally over time, and in a way, that worked best without forcing it.
My stepdaughter would call me by my first name. I'd call her my stepdaughter, not daughter.
We worked it all out. We have been good with all of that.
She and I have a good relationship. She's a sweet big sister to her half-siblings, and yes, we use half.
It's all normal. Then, a few days ago, my stepdaughter had brought friends into the house quickly.
New friends. She introduced us all, introducing me by name.
My mother-in-law told her she could say more than my name. She told them that I was her stepmother, technically, but more of a friend.
Then my husband and his parents interrupted and said she should be more generous than that, and I'm the only real mom she's ever had in her life. And they started to say how grateful she should be to have someone like me as a mother.
That's when she started to cry, and I told them to stop. My name would be fine.
They should stop pushing and trying to humiliate her. My stepdaughter told my husband that she always knew he thought her mom was worthless, but she doesn't.
I told her to go get ready and have fun, gave her some extra cash, and then an argument broke out between me and them, husband and my in-laws. They felt I should appreciate the gesture of defending me.
I told them it wasn't defending me. It was done to humiliate her enough into introducing me how they wanted.
My husband regretted his actions afterwards. I told him he'll have to do a lot to make up for it.
His parents, however, felt I was cruelly unfair to them and should not have snapped at them like I did. Am I the asshole? No.
Yeah, I feel like this is one of those stories where it's actually a stepmom that's treating this kid with a lot of respect,

respect of boundaries, just human decency, not pushing, not forcing a relationship.

And I'm really surprised that all of these other people are trying to

kind of wreak havoc on that.

Wreak havoc?

I would say wreak havoc, but I like the way you said it and actually i could be wrong no uh i know how mad people get wrecking ralph wreaking ralph it's just one of those things where it's like why are you guys all trying to throw a wrench in this relationship that is very much fine with everyone yeah and i don't think that they were trying to cause problems, and I think that's probably why they feel embarrassed or frustrated, because they thought they were standing up and having the stepmoms back, which also you could look at that and think that is also positive that the in-laws aren't making the stepmom feel ostracized or, you know, weird in this family. But like they they did the wrong thing.
They couldn't handle that. The stepmom was like, stop.
And so it's frustrating that they weren't able to just like take a backseat and understand that like this is a family dynamic. They're going to therapy over it.
Like they're all good. They don't need your input.
Yeah, it's a very sensitive subject and honestly I got so emotional and still i'm emotional that this little precious sweet girl was feeling like Because her parents were separated when her mom died that She's the only one who loves her mom but like she's alone in love the way she said i'm alone and loving my mom's so heartbreaking. It is.
So it's like the stepmom is handling it so fantastically. Yeah.
Is that a word? Yeah. And I will say like I was really worried at the beginning where she was like, I came in.
I wanted to fill in as mom. And in my heart, I wanted to be her mom.
And like I think sometimes that like there's people that come in and are like, I'm going to replace her mom. And I don't want any remnants of his deceased wife.
So I was worried initially reading this because this is the first time for me even reading this. I read the title and I was like, oh, God, yeah, this is emotionally, psychologically damaging.
But I was worried. but just the way she's defending her and really trying to advocate for this little girl to have her boundaries is so refreshing.
Especially the point you bring up, Lauren, where it's like, my dad and my mom weren't together, so I'm the only one that loved her. And then to have your grandparents say, she should be more generous and that I'm the only real mother she's ever had in her life.
Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot about that.
Okay. I'm giving them less.
I'm giving them less grace because I forgot about that comment. That's so messed up.
How that's so messed up. Yeah.
Do you say that to a teenager who is still very clearly in grief, in turmoil over not having her mom? That's so wrong. I completely forgot about that aspect.
So I take back being so nice about them. I get their intention, though.
I think what you said is very true. They don't want the stepmom ostracized.
Yeah. But it's happening at this little girl's expense.

Yeah, exactly.

No, I think by saying that comment, like, how can you be so out of touch?

How can you not?

Oh, that's really frustrating. But like the little girl said, their parents were divorced.

So maybe they just didn't have any relationship with her mom.

And that's why they feel like they can speak like that because she was young when her mom passed and that's wrong and that's not okay and they definitely need to be checked yeah this is this is really sad and then for her to like be there crying and she goes um to her dad i knew you thought mom was worthless yeah but i don't think she is like that's horrible she's still really going through it and like if they're not still in family therapy they need to get back in and they need to get her her own therapist like she's dealing with a lot yeah well i just i hope that the because like we agreed on it sounds like the grandparents their heart was in the right place but they very much overstepped I hope they stop being offended and embarrassed and can apologize They can all move forward together on this but to answer opie's question. No, you were definitely not the asshole not the asshole at all And that is what the top comment says they quote what opie said She was already very insecure about me being around because her parents hadn't been together when her mom died, which to her meant she was alone, loving her mom.
My stepdaughter told my husband she always knew. He thought her mom was worthless, but she doesn't.
This is so fucking sad. Not the asshole.
Husband's parents need to shut the fuck up. OP responds.
I remember her speaking about that in therapy, being such an eye-opening moment for me. You don't always think about things like that, but the kids will, and it was so clear it was a worry of hers.
It was then I knew for certain I could never be seen as a mom by her, but I would do my best to be the best family member and friend she could have from an adult. oh my god that's just not a lot of kids get that from a step parent.
I know. I had a step mom from hell.
Like truly, it's just, it's so refreshing to read this. I don't get this a lot, especially with father knows my dad's show.
We get a lot of write-ins about step-parent dynamics and

it's not good. It's not good out there for a lot of people.
Yeah. No, OP is sounding like a really great person through this post, really caring and putting the child first.
I love it. I'm going to see if there's any other comments from OP here.
So a couple

So opi says here she does talk to me about her mom, but I also bought her a hardcover scrapbook where she could fill it with memories and photos of her mom. Some things she won't share with me.
So I did my best to give her somewhere she could still read or write about her mom. I think that this girl is going to grow up once she's fully an adult and just have the absolute best relationship with her stepmom.
I think so. I think time will really hopefully heal a lot for her.
And I think by this woman respecting her boundaries so much, the mutual respect will just continue to grow and she will really rely on her someday. There is another comment.
I think people are asking about family on her mom's side to give her some sort of connection to her mom. Sadly, she doesn't have family on her mom's side really.
There is an aunt of her mom who, last we knew, was still alive. But she was not a very kind woman and didn't think much of anyone in her family, including my stepdaughter's mom.
She came from a very unhealthy and unhappy family, and it makes me so sad for my stepdaughter, who would have treasured family from her mom. That is really sad.
I know. And there is one last comment I'll read from OP.
It's the only other one on the account right now.

People were asking, like, how did everyone react in this situation?

How did these friends react?

Because not only was this done at all, but it was done in front of her peers and new friends.

Yeah.

New friends.

You know how embarrassing that is as a teenager?

New friends. And then this drama unfolds.
OP says, they looked very uncomfortable and awkward. I could see they were concerned about my stepdaughter too.
The fact my husband and in-laws did it in front of others is still stuck with me. It was so clear the intent was to embarrass her into addressing me in a different way.
And that is cruel. Wow.
Kudos to you. Kudos, because you are doing such an amazing job being her advocate.
An inspiration to stepmothers everywhere. Seriously.
Stepmamas take notes. Más altos que el espacio? ¿Quién sabe? Más grande.
Mejor. El nuevo Mega Millions.
Millions. De California Lottery.
Juega hoy. Juega responsablemente.
Debes tener 18 años o más para comprar, jugar o reclamar premio. Okay, on to the next one.
So this next one is coming from AITAH. It is titled, Am I the asshole for telling my husband that I see him as a liability and not a partner? Sorry for the long post.
It's 2 a.m. and I'm crying and tired and worn out.
If I'm rambling, it's because I've held this in for so long, not wanting to burden friends or family with my marital troubles. I, 34 female, have been with my husband, 37 male, we'll call him Nathan, for eight years.
Ever since our daughter, three female, was born, I have been unable to trust Nathan with anything, no matter how small. Oh no.
Background context. When I was 19, a semi-truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and turned my car into scrap metal with me inside of it.
Oh no. I have enough metal holding me together that I light up like a Christmas tree for TSA and I'm physically impaired with good days and bad days.
I used a portion of my settlement check to buy a house outright and have it retrofitted to accommodate my needs as I'll eventually require a wheelchair. I work in software development as it's fun and nobody cares if I work from bed on bad days.
My husband has not worked in five years, which has been fine until our daughter was born. Between the settlement money, a paid off house, and my salary, I enjoyed having him here with me.
He contributed by handling most of the domestics. We pay for a weekly cleaner with monthly deep cleaning because it gave us more time together.
Ever since our daughter was born, it was like a light switch turned off in his head. For our daughter, he would buy the wrong size diapers, not fully mix bottles, put diapers on backwards, leave out poop-covered wipes, forget to latch cabinets.
This past week, he has gone to the store three times because he keeps coming home with the wrong size socks and shoes for her. I eventually just ordered the right ones on Amazon.
For me, he has tried to help me with my weekly pill organizer fill-up, and several times has spilled the contents of new medications all over the floor, then not seeing that he didn't get all of them off the floor. He has repeatedly brought me grapefruit juice to take my medications with, a huge no.
He has repeatedly forgotten that I can't have dairy and puts milk in my coffee or cheese on a burger. He has broken so many things of mine from being careless.
He shattered my laptop because it slipped out of his hand when he tried to pack it for a trip, even after I said I would pack my own electronics. I'm getting like pissed off.
We've lost so many spoons and forks to the disposal. He tried to replace the head gasket in my car and over-torqued the engine bolt, which shattered inside the block

and two different shops said they couldn't even repair it. We ended up getting a new vehicle because a replacement engine would have cost $11,000.
Bro. A week later, he crashed the new car into the garage door because he thought he'd press the brakes, not the accelerator.
Is... what's going...
what? He wanted to do TikToks and streaming as a hobby. I supported him initially, but I quickly noticed a pattern.
Anything regarding our daughter or me, he was sloppy and careless. He never whoopsied his own stuff.
He would build entire sets to stream or make videos with,

leave the garage, and leave his brain in the garage. Fucking clearly.

It came to a head four nights ago. He streamed himself building a new set piece,

nine hours straight. Meanwhile, I worked, clocked out early to pick up our daughter from suburb camp,

cooked and fed both of us, and got her ready for bed. He came out to help me put her to bed.
I let him know that I needed to get some work done and would be in my office, and I asked him to take the trash out. He said that he will.
Two hours later, I left my office, and the house felt really warm. He'd taken the trash out, but left our front door partially open and was back in the garage with his game volume really loud.
I panicked since our daughter is able to get out of bed, but luckily she was sound asleep. But she could have easily toddled right out of the house and he wouldn't have noticed.
Then I noticed a stove burner was on with a small pot on it with nothing inside. I didn't use the stove for cooking that night.
I popped my head in the garage and said, quote, hey, I need you for a minute. I informed him of the door situation and he responds, quote, I thought I locked it.
We checked the camera and no, he did not. I asked about the burner on, and he said he was planning to make ramen and forgot.
What the fuck? He pulled the still hot pot off the burner and put it straight into the sink on top of our daughter's favorite plastic plate, which is now ruined. I cannot stand him.
I'll admit I overreacted and screamed, quote, what are you doing? He realized what he'd done and pulls the pot off of our daughter's plate and straight onto the countertop. I quickly grab it and run it underwater to cool it down.
Did she say that she overreacted? honey, no, I would have overreacted, in quotes, so many issues ago. I tell him I can't tonight.
I can't deal with him. I'm taking my meds and going to sleep.
He gets a cup from the cupboard and sets it straight onto the burner that had been on. I hit my limit.
I started crying. He kept saying that it was fine.
Things happen. It's just an accident.
He's had a rough day from streaming. He's just tired.
Why am I crying? It's just a cup. We can replace it.
The anger hit. No, she can replace it.
You clearly can't. Sorry.
The anger hit. Not just OP, but Lauren too.
Yeah. And I said, said quote It's because I have a liability and not a partner He said quote What the fuck does that mean? Exactly what you think it means I screamed that it's because I can't trust him to do anything That I'm always having to watch him like a child Always having to bear the costs of his mistakes That every time I get careless And think I can trust him to be an adult, I'm always the one getting fucked over.
I then said, quote, I can't see you as a partner anymore. You're just another liability in my checkbook.
Yeah. He immediately stormed out of the kitchen and went to bed.
Bye. I called my mom and told her what happened.
She thinks it's just stress and offered to take our daughter for a week so we could figure this out without our daughter seeing it. She says it was an asshole thing to call my husband a liability.
Did she tell her the full story? In the morning, I told my husband that my mom would pick up our daughter from summer camp and offered to watch her for a week. He said, okay.
And that's the only interaction we've had since. He spends all day in the garage playing games with his friends, making TikToks, and streaming.
For food, he's been ordering DoorDash and having the person deliver it to the garage. It's been days and he refuses to be in the same room as me.
I've tried messaging him to ask him if we can talk or figure out a solution, but he's just left me on read. If I pop into the garage, he ignores me, but apologizes to his friends or viewers for the interruption and unmutes his mic when the noise stops.
Before the blowup, I've asked if there was something going on. I've tried to gently respond every time he screwed up.
So our daughter didn't associate mistake to anger I asked him to schedule with the doctor to see if something was going wrong medically He always said I was overreacting people make mistakes and didn't see an issue Even when the same mistakes kept happening When I tried to get him to understand that it was concerning just how expensive his mistakes were getting, he'd wave it off as a, quote, it's not like we can't afford it. Oh, okay.
Ungrateful. I love him dearly.
I just miss the person he was before we had a child. The one I could trust and rely on.
Did I screw this up forever? Was I being too harsh on his mistakes? Am I missing something? Am I the asshole? Absolutely not, if you guys couldn't tell how I feel about that. But I will say that I was thinking that the entire time because it seems so extreme that if there is something medical, then obviously I would have a completely different reaction to this.
It would just be very, like, very sad that this is happening if there's something, like, genuinely, like, seriously medical that's going on. Yeah.
For me, I worked a lot with neuropatients. Missing the accelerator for, like, the brake, thinking you're hitting the brake, but you hit the accelerator.
Like, to me, it honestly sounds like the early signs of some sort of neurological disorder. You start to have difficulties with proprioception and knowing where your body is in space or feeling.
Even something like diabetes can cause you to lose feeling and as a tuned sensation in your hands and feet. So it does seem like medically, like dropping a bunch of stuff, slipping a bunch of stuff, like he's got decreased strength in his hands.
It does sound like something medically could be going wrong. And then he's just too embarrassed to admit it.
And then here comes depression. He doesn't want to work.
He doesn't want to do anything. He's just slipping all around.
Right. But you get to a certain point, even if you're embarrassed embarrassed and whatever you ran a fucking car into the garage a brand new car after you just wrecked the other one because you over torqued something right again decreased sensation like clearly something's going on and you get to a certain point where you need to like come to terms and you need to go to a doctor exactly and that's why i, this would be a completely, I would have completely different reactions if this was something medical.

But like, let's say that it's not medical and he just has gamer brain and he's just being fat.

True.

You know, like.

Intensely sucked in.

Yeah, that sucked in that he's just not present at all in his regular life because he's so sucked in into these video games or whatever he's doing on social media.

Then that's a completely different story.

You know what I mean?

the present at all in his regular life because he's so sucked in into these video games or whatever he's doing on social media then that's a completely different story you know what I mean that's where the frustration would be that but if it's like if it's something medical then we're having a different conversation around it yeah and I'm not a doctor like I'm not I can't diagnose people so like I'm not I'm not one to be like oh he's got ms or he's got something going on like It's just as someone that's been in health care Like there's just some warning signs and even op is picking up on it Even op is saying like i've asked him to get checked out like medically there seems like there's something wrong, right? well, and i'm i'm even more far away from being a doctor And I was even thinking that as you were saying this, because the thing is, is that like if these situations were all isolated, it's like, yes, people make mistakes. Absolutely.
But the fact that it seems like, well, I mean, the daughter is three. So I don't know how soon these happen back to back, but like within three years or maybe even like more condensed, these things are happening.
There's a reason to be concerned. And even if no matter what it is, like you said, there's a point where he's got to reflect and be like, okay, what's going on? Should I like things have changed within me? Is it because I'm so focused in this other life? And I don't know if I want to be a dad and I would want to be a gamer.
Or is it because he's some type of medical issues or is he just complacent like he's got a meal ticket but he he does things he messes up and then his rebuttal is well it's not like we can't afford it right that's not your money right that is money that was from a settlement because your wife went through something horrible horrific physically life altering that is money that's supposed to sustain her for years to come yeah it's not going to it's not going to be able to fund her elder care if she needs it if you're draining the fucking bank yeah with your stupid mistakes yeah not like we can't afford it sir you don you don't have a job. How are you contributing at all? We? There is no we.
You have a wife that is your meal ticket, and you clearly don't even respect her. And then there's the added child endangerment.
Yeah, exactly. That's why I kind of was like, OP, you cannot gaslight yourself into thinking you're in the wrong right now.
Like, yeah, you got mad at him and you kind of blew up on him for a good reason. You didn't say anything that wasn't true.
He was being a liability. He is being a liability.
Yeah. I joke like I love my dad, but my dad's a little out of pocket sometimes.
I joke. Yeah.
Yeah. Like if you've been to a live show, you know, my dad gets crazy at the live shows.
He's just he's a liability. Yeah.
We joke and we all say that to him. Yeah.
It's, you know, but I get this context was very different. It's very serious.
But it also is true. But it was true.
I mean, it's it's a liability. if when you if you hire a babysitter when you're out of town or you're gone for the weekend and your babysitter leaves a door open while your baby is sleeping, so you're in the other room with headphones on, you're going to probably fire that babysitter because you're going to be like, I can't trust you.
So yes, she has a right to be very mad at her partner who she's supposed to trust more than any babysitter in the world yeah you know so i mean and this this type of stuff does happen that's not a crazy thought like aljandra when she was a kid she literally like yeah like she like she wandered way off down the street one time when her mom left for like two minutes to grab like bread down the street or something and aljandra was like yeah no i think she's told that story on the podcast i think she did too that's why i brought it up her mom like went to go pick up her little sister or her brother i think it was her brother ryan and literally she wandered off and like the cops found her yeah and luckily it was the cops like just crazy like kids can get themselves into so much trouble so quickly. They're little.

They don't know.

This was very long, and I know we're probably not picking apart everything we should, but, like, I don't think OP is the asshole.

No.

I get it could have been said in a way that wasn't so hurtful and maybe was a little kinder, but it's very clear that she's had conversations again and again and again, and he's not getting it. Yeah, exactly.
And that's the thing that's so frustrating to me. Like in a relationship, I'm sure all of us can relate when you have to ask something for someone more than once and they agree to it.
They're like, oh yeah, no problem. it again you know what I mean like oh it could be something simple like oh hey could you uh rinse your dish because when it sits with food ants come something like that you know what I mean and they're like yeah no problem and then they don't then you have to ask them again hey yeah of course sorry I forgot and then again and again and again and again and to the point where it's like, yeah, I'm going to yell.
What do you expect? You're not listening. You're telling me what I want to hear in the moment, but then you're not doing it.
You're just, I don't get it. Like, yeah, I'm going to be mad.
So to me, I'm like, I don't think OP did anything wrong in her reaction. Would this be relationship ending for you? Would you be at this point? Well, it's easy for me to say yes because I'm not in love with this guy.
So it's hard when I'm like. But imagine your current partner you love dearly.
Like if I look at this, if this were Justin, we had a kid. All of a sudden we had a kid and he tuned out, didn't care, didn't pay attention, was careless, hurt the kid, hurt me, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I think I'd have to be done. I think so, too.
Especially given the fact mom, grandma, took the baby, three-year-old, four-year-old, whatever, fucking age. And he couldn't communicate with me.
And he's ignoring her. Acting like a toddler.
She walks into the garage while he's gaming. Mm-hmm.
Sorry for the interruption, guys. Yeah.
Oh, God. That boiled me a little bit.
My blood. I was like, what the fuck? You know what would be getting shut off really fast? The Wi-Fi.
Yeah. You are going to talk to me whether you like it or not.
Yeah. And if you can't communicate.
Oh, my God. If you're unwilling to have a conversation to come up with a solution or work towards finding what it's going to take to get us back on track.

If you're unwilling to even talk to me.

We have we've got no future.

We're done.

Literally.

We're done.

Oh I'm so scared to get into the comments.

We had so much to say about that one that I forgot that we didn't even get to the comments. I'm so, I'm really, I'm really sad.
I'm really frustrated. I just, I can't believe this one, quite frankly.
Top comment. I wonder how peaceful it has been for you since he started living in the garage.
Has anything broken your house? Any accidents happening? Next comment, peaceful but expensive. I wonder how he's paying for all of the door dash if he isn't working.
How much of her money is he blowing with his hobby and food when he's not even going anywhere? Next comment, this. OP should honestly put a lock on her card.
That'll force him out of the garage, and then OP can tell him to get the fuck out.

Okay, so the comments hate his guts,

like we kind of do.

Next comment down.

I'm sorry this is happening, and I honestly think something is very,

very wrong with your husband.

There are several occurrences that can't be seen as mistakes,

and you are not overreacting. Forgetting a pot on the stove is obviously dangerous, but leaving the door open with a toddler means he doesn't seem to be situationally aware enough to keep his child safe.
It's not just the same mistakes over and over again. It's the fact that the consequences are getting worse and worse that can't be minimized and ignored.
He really shouldn't be driving anything, nor should your toddler be left alone with him. If he's unwilling to seek medical advice and deflecting, you may need to consider having him leave your home.
He's a walking disaster, literally, not the asshole. I genuinely think there's something wrong with him.
I can't imagine there's not. But what is strange to me, though, is that she is saying that it happened right after the birth.
So I'm like, it's just coincidence, the timing. But, like, for a lot of conditions, high stress can trigger them.
Yeah. New baby, not sleeping.
You know, he wasn't working. He was staying home with her.
So maybe they were really good about splitting the shifts, feeding at night. Maybe she was pumping and he had bottles.
Maybe that for him pushed him over the edge. He could have depression, anxiety from all.
I don't know. But something is not right right for the event of having a child to trigger this switch yeah something's not right yeah i'm gonna see at first it almost felt like weaponized incompetence in a way but then it's like as you were speaking i'm like no that's not what this is there's something more to it and i don't know exactly what it is but because it's like if it was weaponized incompetence it would be like he throws the garbage out but like bunch of the garbage fills on or falls onto the ground around the can yeah you know like there's no benefit in these moves for him or for anyone so why are they happening you're just is he of it? He just doesn't care? Or is there like something truly deeply going on? I would be curious if OP could update us.
I know. I really, I really want him to get checked out.
Get checked out. Yeah.
We have a lot of comments from OP on the post. Oh, okay.
People are asking about finances. How's he paying for all of these things? You know, all of that.
Someone comments, obviously she does though. Otherwise, how is he ordering the food deliveries that he's using to ignore her? He's using her money to pout in the garage.
So OP responds and says, we do have a shared account for household expenses and bills, but he is using his own money as far as I can see. When he became a stay-at-home husband, I didn't want him to ever feel like he was financially trapped or abused.
Also, the thought of my husband having to ask for money, permission, to buy things for himself or not, being able to buy gifts discreetly, felt icky to me. My paychecks get split between the expenses account and $300 each is deposited into separate accounts that the other can't see.
The rest to the savings. To me, it's his money to save or spend how he wants.
Which I will say is nice. Like I think financial abuse is very real in a lot of people's relationships, especially those that are stay-at-home parents, typically moms.
So to see that even though the genders are a little flipped in this, she still recognizes like he should be able to have his own. My problem with that is typically someone that is a stay-at-home parent.
She uses the word stay-at-home husband, which I find interesting. But stay-at-home parents are usually working their butts off.
Right. Yeah.
Let my silence deduce something from that because I'm just so frustrated. I know.
Um, she says before our daughter was born, he was contributing and I valued him for it. He cooked most of our meals, did the daily chores like cleaning dishes, wiping counters, cat litter scooping.
We did biweekly grocery trips and bulk store runs together, but one-offs during the week he would handle. He also helped me hit the ground running with scrambled eggs and coffee in bed so I could take my heart medication.
I never had to run the laundry or consider taking the heavier pain meds to get through folding and hanging everything. He still mostly does these, minus breakfast.
Dishes sometimes sit overnight due to his streaming, but I also attribute it to our toddler, wanting each part of her meal in a different small bowl, and our dishwasher can only fit so many of the Ikea kids' bowls.

So he does do daily things still, but they also have a cleaner and a monthly deep cleaner. I read through all of the responses and have removed the allocation to his account.
I also removed his name as an authorized user on the bills slash expenses account. Before our daughter was born, this did seem the fairest because he was managing the household tasks and maintenance.
But I understand everyone's frustration at me since the arrangement is no longer fair or equitable. I can't cancel his card because my name isn't on that account at all.
But I have put a stop to this, Fridays, all future deposits wow good that is rapid change just from some reddit comments pointing out like hey he's not contributing in the way he is so for him to get an allowance feels weird calling it an allowance when it's for an adult but I mean I've heard people call it allowances the other way around, you know, often, so I don't... Yeah, people are asking about her will and what happens to the house.
Is there a chance he could get your house, especially if you guys got divorced? Also, the settlement and the house are far out of his reach. They were always in a trust with one of my cousins as the trustee should anything happen to me.
The only amendment made was that my cousin is to manage it for the benefit of my daughter. Wow.
That is like, that's huge. Because it's like, you're not like, maybe that's why he's just like, he's just complacent.
Like he doesn't want a divorce, even if he's super unhappy. Yeah.
Like what? And what he wouldn't be able to game all day if he stream all day. What exactly is he doing? I'm sorry.
I kind of missed that. He just streams all day.
Streaming. But like, what does that even mean? Like, is he playing video games or what is he like dancing on TikTok? I don't know what that means.
I mean, streaming could be an abundance of things there's streamers that play call of duty there's streamers that play uh minecraft or you know there's so many games out there so you can literally stream people just watch it yeah and just do they learn from it they could if someone's a really good like call of duty gamer and they want to like get better they could learn tips and tricks some people stream and talk politics or break down videos there's the world of streaming is huge abundant there's there's everything and anything under the sun familiar with it I there's just this one TikTok I came across I might have said this on here before where it was this girl and she records it well that's probably what streaming is but but anyway she puts it on tiktok and there's these guys that say the nastiest like misogynistic gaming stuff yeah and then and she just smokes them yeah she smokes them and it's like so hot i'm like so i get attracted to her i'm like it's so satisfying i watched so many of her videos i was was like, get them. It's so satisfying,

especially when like people are super misogynistic and they're like, they just get quiet. They're like, oh, fuck.
The stuff they say on those streams. I'm like, you, you should be banned from ever being able to put your hands on a woman ever again.
Truly, you don't deserve sex. You don't deserve a girlfriend.
You don't deserve anything good and shiny in life if you're gonna be so gross and misogynistic the the only thing though about the the way that they talk or the way that they operate on there is that i think they equally do that to everyone do you know what i mean like i think they equally talk shit i don't know i so i i guess i don't know because like i said i'm not familiar so justin games and he goes online and they do like team stuff i'm not a gamer i'm not but it's really really cool and i love listening because he'll get paired with people that are in i don't know argentina and they're like speaking spanish and they're trying to like communicate as a team together and it's it's just a really cool thing so I've seen him end up on like really positive teams where there's not a lot of shit talking but there are some crazies out there so I know it's definitely out there yeah I if you saw my face jaw dropped a little bit ago we have an update I didn't know this existed and And I'm really scared. It is super long.

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Visit adobe.com slash express. Okay, so enjoy an ad.
Buckling up. Did you enjoy that ad? Okay.
Let's get into this update. Don't hate me.
I just have to do certain things. I'm just laughing because it's like there's no ad for us.
So I'm just sitting here listening to you be like, did you enjoy that? Okay. Update.
Sorry for not being so responsive. Thank you to everyone who gave feedback and suggestions and all of the messages.
It's been a week. Before I get into the update, going to answer some repeated questions.
Skip ahead eight paragraphs for the actual update. So one, why does my husband not work? He can easily find employment, but we both agreed that the pay was never worth the toxic environment of his field unless he wanted to start his own business, which he did not.
He worked in home repair and renovation. It was gross how his co-workers spoke of and treated women, female customers, and co-workers alike.
He saw many female co-workers be sexually harassed into quitting. He hated how gross it made him feel when sales and adjusters would take advantage of women.
Yes, selling inferior and unnecessary services at a premium is a thing. If he said anything, his hours would get cut until he left.

He left one job on the first day because his boss left a screaming voicemail for not selling a refrigerant service to a young black couple who didn't even need refrigerant.

Yes, he's got documentation and reported multiple employers to the state labor board and checked back. Nothing was ever done to our knowledge.
He's also tried a factory job and a warehouse since leaving the trades, both heavily penalized him for needing scheduled time off for my medical needs. There's no worker protection here for any of that until FMLA, unpaid, which takes a year to be eligible for.
Yes, it is a privilege to walk away from a paying job with your middle fingers held high. I've done the same many times, but I am happy where I'm at right now because it's the opposite of toxic.
I'm thriving and our company has no penalty on limited paid sick slash medical leave policy that is strictly enforced at all levels of management, any lead who penalizes people for taking leave gets sacked. A unicorn of a company.
Wow. Drop the name.
Yeah. Add in a child.
And short of finding another unicorn employer who won't penalize him for needing time off for me or our daughter, such as when daycare closed for a week due to RSV outbreak, puts him out of the workforce until either I stop working or our child is old enough to not need consistent monitoring.

However, he's not a reliable caregiver to your child. But I am liking this context because it

is providing more of an understanding of the dynamics. I agree.
Last reason for the

Thank you. your child.
But I am liking this context because it is providing more of an understanding of the dynamics. I agree.
Last reason for this dynamic is that although I'm disabled, my job pays almost double the highest salary he's ever had with no reduction in pay for needing time off. It doesn't make financial sense for us to switch who the working partner is.
Two, does my husband have a large following or make money from streaming slash TikTok? No. His lives have an average of six viewers and his Twitch has three followers.
When we did our taxes, he didn't get a 1099 and he showed me that he got all of six dollars from TikTok live gifts, nothing from Twitch. His viewer counts are about the same as end of last year.
Three, why do we still have a weekly housekeeper and have our daughter in summer camp and part-time daycare i hate the dynamic of one spouse working a single job for 40 hours a week while the other juggle simultaneous domestic duties child rearing and essentially being on call 24 7 i would not want those expectations of me and couldn't fathom putting it all on someone I love and cherish.

If my husband did all of the activities and field trips that daycare did,

his evenings and weekends would be taken up by domestic duties that I would physically struggle with assisting.

The weekly housekeeper helps prevent deferred cleaning paralysis,

where small missed things piled up into unwielding monster tasks and struggling where to start. If that isn't my fucking house.
Edited to add, our daughter started at the part-time daycare when she turned three. Before then, my partner was the primary caretaker, which made the weekly housekeeping that much more helpful.
Four, the allowance thing. Yes, I wanted a dynamic where my husband had his own money, even if he was not working a paying job.
Maybe I've been on social media too long, but I've read so many stories of non-working spouses, albeit mostly women, being financially abused or unable to leave marriages because they did not have access to money they could save up in private. Should I have stopped it sooner when our dynamic became unbalanced? Yes, I own that.
Five, as for what happens if slash when we divorce, the house and settlement balance is in a trust completely separated. And as far as my lawyer can tell, out of his reach, alimony would be up for a judge to decide, but between my documentation that his licenses slash certs aren't expired, plus my continued medical costs, there's a good chance of not being obligated.
Hopefully that means most or all of the background related questions. Now, on to the update.
Friday, I finished work to the smell of food being cooked. My husband was plating dinner on the table when I left my office.
He said he wanted to talk over dinner. Some people had given me a heads up that my story was on multiple TikToks and I'm grateful because it meant being prepared for the possibility he would see it, which I have feelings about my posts being used for content on the very platform my child and I have been neglected for.
Not good ones. What? What does that mean? I'm so sorry.
I don't know. I think she just doesn't like TikTok because he is spending so much time there.
Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yes.
Okay. He did see one.
He asked if it was me, and I told him the truth. Yes, I wrote it.
Yes, that's how I feel. And yes, I read the comments on Reddit.
And no, I won't delete or change how I write about him just because I know he can see it. I don't know how to describe his reaction, but he said that he had spent the last day reflecting on, quote, just how bad could it be for so many medical diagnosis suggestions to be given as reasons and justification.
He did say that he doesn't have ADHD. His mom was addicted to opioids and Ritalin

when he was a kid, and she tried to get numerous doctors to have him diagnosed. She had him

believing he was so, though that he sought out two opinions once he was an adult. He didn't learn

about her addiction until his mid-20s. He did seek therapy once he was aware that his mom was trying

to use him for pills. He said he was willing to see a psychiatrist one more time, but he doesn't think that he has ADHD or that he's autistic at all.
He does think he might be depressed though. If not depressed, he will ask about some of the other medical suggestions, if it will ease my worry or rule out a major problem.
He did sound genuine in this, but something he said is sticking with me. He said it jokingly and apologized as? Let's just read that one more time.
That everyone saying there's something wrong in his brain must be on to something, since he chose to love and marry someone medically fragile, knowing our life together would be anything but normal. I understand your hurt.
I understand reading those comments and hearing people's takes could be very hurtful.

Yeah.

But honestly, I'm genuinely concerned something's wrong with you medically.

Like I genuinely think you're sick, dude.

And for you to then be like, yeah, I must be fucked in the head because I fell in love with you.

I must be fucked up because I love and I chose to be with you. That's projecting for sure.
What? Yeah. I get hurt people hurt people.
But wow. You stooped really low.
He did also admit that the night he'd left the door open the pot on and ruined our child's favorite dish and a cup he drank a little too much on his stream and would monitor that more closely he said the last few nights he had been filling his wine bottle with grape juice so it looked like he was having a jolly drinking viking but was actually sober he said he would keep doing that okay that's concerning this is for his three twitch followers that he's pretending to drink a bottle of wine do we think he's telling the truth with that i think he's drinking more yeah after dinner he went out and he surprised me with seeing the new Deadpool movie. We didn't go to our normal theater because he looked up what each theater had for limited edition popcorn buckets.
I now have the baby Deadpool one that holds popcorn and a drink. We spent the next day going over the extent of how our family dynamic changed for the worse.
How the little things have added up. How I see change as a part of an apology.
If you verbally apologize but repeatedly do the same thing, the apology words are worthless to me. And that he didn't apologize just how frequently he was making the same slash similar oopsies.
Sunday, we spent talking over short and long term. What needs to change immediately? Him scheduling his own doctor's appointments, timelines for expectations.
He agreed that replacing or fixing things he caused will no longer come out of our expense account. He will pay for it from his allowance account, which we talked about.
It did turn deposits back on, but only for $50 per paycheck. He suggested we keep it that way until he's paid back the cost of repairing the garage and car from earlier this year.
He said it will take him far longer to undo the cost of destroying the engine to my last vehicle, but he's going to step up and find ways to make it right, just so you know. Yes, I see the red flags.
Love bombing. Not knowing how frequently, despite repeated talks, thinking verbal apologies are the final step in apologizing and not understanding that repeatedly doing the same problem thing is the same as never apologizing.
Literally. It's almost worse because then it makes you feel fucking crazy.
It really does. And yes, I know he will read this.
Do I actually think this is resolved and will come out of this as a perfect married couple who stays together until one of us croaks? Not really. Full offense to husband, for now.
Is it a potential resolution? Maybe. But my husband is fully aware that he has a lot to make up for, a lot to fix, and a tight schedule to make it happen.
and that the lesson for our daughter later in life is either going to be taking real accountability can steer a wayward ship back to course, or taking accountability is the right thing to do even if you don't get the result you wanted, or quote, love alone isn't enough. Edit to add, he finally read the the post so please read between the lines to what

i'm actually saying last four words of the previous four paragraphs if it's not obvious last four words is it gonna be it ends with us love alone isn't enough oh okay so you're getting divorced

that's what it sounds like you can't just have a relationship off of love alone like it it takes more than that and i think a lot of people will hold on to like well. It's just like, well, it's making you miserable and it's not fair.
So wait. Okay.
We're backing up. Um, we're wrong.
No, I'm just like trying to figure out this. Like I want to make sure I'm right about this.
Like last four words of the previous four paragraphs, if it's not obvious. So I'm counting paragraphs.
Can I see? Oopsies, know this enough. Help.
I just like want to make sure because I know she said like sometimes love isn't enough, but she's saying the last four words of the last i just like i'm i'm super not with it sometimes and i just want to make sure we're gonna read the correct thing also can can no one else on reddit ever do this to me again like i'm really i love puzzles but they got to be, you know, 500 pieces, not anagram word puzzles. Like, crosswords aren't my friend.
Sudoku I suck at. Like, are you, do you get it? Know this, enough, divorce.
Unless she's saying the last four words, just so you know, I know he will will read this love alone isn't enough and sometimes involves divorce that's what she meant oh i just got the chills wow yeah wow top comment on the update so he was breaking shit because he was drunk. Why is his solution to being drunk, filling his wine bottle with grape juice, is the wine consumption integral to his seven online followers? Yes.
And someone goes, and yet not drunk enough to break his stuff. Always hers.
Funny. I think genuinely he might be an alcoholic and that would explain all of it yeah i didn't even think that because she didn't mention alcohol at all there was no alcohol no alcohol involved but when he said that he's been putting grape juice and a red wine bottle for again if he had a really big following like that still is kind of an odd thing to do but if he was trying to like keep the vibes up if everyone is saying that they're drinking and he's like i'm having you know but i'm like you have three people following you and you're you're trying to impress them by putting grape juice in a wine bottle? What's the point? You could just, if you want to do that, you could just literally lie and have grape juice in a glass and be like, it's wine.
And put it, I don't, in a wine bottle? Speaking of wine, could I have some more? I know. Well, that's what I was actually going to say is like, there's times where we don't have any wine on the show.
Yeah. I would never in a million years.
Yeah, we've never done that. Fake it.
Yeah. If you have to understand peer pressure, but there's other options that can make you feel like you're fitting in.
Heineken 00 is a great one. It literally looks like a beer.
It is a 0.0% alcohol option. Oh my God.
I just had two nights in a row where I'm watching a movie and I'm vibing out drinking a bottle of wine. So it's the same bottle and it was two nights in a row that I had a couple glasses.
And then I'm like, this wine tastes so good. It's really good.
I'm going to buy this again. Look at the label.
And I look at the actually I look at the back label because it had the calories on it, which I'm like not used to that on a wine bottle. So I looked at it closer and it was like 50 calories for the entire bottle.
And I'm thinking, wow, I didn't know wine was that locale. Definitely going to buy this again.
I don't think all of it is. So I turned the bottle to the front.
For a serving? No. Zero proof.
Zero wine. So you were drinking the sparkling grape juice.
Literally, you have to be kidding me. Because like this one tastes so good i'm a little bit buzzed no i'm not no i'm not placebo effect baby i love there are a lot of wines though and like drinks for people that don't want to partake in alcohol that do have like certain i don't know properties i mean i don't know i don't even want to like try to guess at the word for it, but certain properties that like simulate like a feeling.
Like it's almost like, you know, lion's mane or ashwagandha, like those things that can like people replace coffee with them, like instill like a bit of an upper. Like there are things like that in the wine world there's better mocktails

these days yeah so to sit there and pretend you're drunk it's just crazy yeah it's just i'm i'm absolutely baffled i am gonna go look at op's account just to make sure there's not any other comments since the update, which yes, there are. Honestly, that last message really baffled me, OP.
Please don't do that to me again. There's a shit ton of comments since the update, you guys, and we've been on this story for so long, so I will be sure to post the link, but let's get an answer on if they are divorcing or not.
So people are like pointing out his comment and mentioning how horrible it was. And OP goes, I agree.
There is a kernel of truth in jokes and it sank my heart to hear him say it out loud. Once we get through the, is he potentially dying of brain cancer and other medical checks? It's something I plan to discuss with him in more detail if there is nothing brain-related at play.
Yeah. I would joke that if playing video games for an audience of three to six people is contributing to his depression that he should get good and make content that attracts a larger audience.
But that would be petty of me and I shouldn't. A lot of comments that OP wishes they could grow new spine and replace the one being held together with duct tape screws rust and vibes.
I'm well aware that he's 99.9% likely in a panic in the next month. That is going to be a refreshing but temporary change.
It's crazy that he's reading all this, you know. I think you misunderstood the update.
In case you did, I made an edit to make it more clear. I know on all parts, however, for my own safety, thanks to TikTok content farmers delivering my post to my husband on TikTok, I have no idea that was a thing until this happened too late.
I wanted to make an update to say, LOL, he tried to fix things with the Deadpool popcorn bucket. What the fuck? With minimal-ish risk.
Now that he's read the post and a bunch of comments, the risk is lower, hence the edit at the bottom of the post. He hates Reddit and isn't likely to return to the post specifically bad-mouthing him.
Fair. But aren't you curious? Maybe divorce, yes.
Please accuse the dark humor in this because of my past accident. Everything is maybe—everything is always a maybe because you can never rule out someone getting hit by a Kroger truck.
Damn, OP. No official yes divorce, no divorce.
So we will have to keep watching. When was the last post? Last post is nine days old and OP was commenting as of eight days ago.
So I'm hoping we get an update on this one. OP is saying, like, please read some of my latest comments to people.
And we kind of covered them. I'm looking through really intensely.
And I'm not seeing anything about officially getting a divorce. So I'm not sure what that last four words of the last four paragraphs.
I don't know. I don't get it.
I just read it to you. I know.
But like, there's no mention now of divorce. I think she's saying that it's going to be a divorce, but that she wants to wait and make sure he's not dying of brain cancer.
Yeah. Let's keep our eyes open for an update on this one.
I'll be sure to follow the account. OP, if you're out there, sorry you're going through this.
I can't imagine just the burden and the weight of the world you have on you, but you are deserving of love. Like for someone to say, I can't believe I picked you medically, whatever fucking bullshit that medically fragile comment was.
He doesn't mean that. Unacceptable.
And he doesn't deserve you. You have been an amazing partner to this person.
Very reasonable. So fair.
Very patient. Such an equitable relationship.
Like a relationship that people dream of. Yeah.
And what you went through is no burden for someone else to bear. You're already bearing it.

Look at you and what you've gone through. Look at what you're providing your partner

to make up for needing help with medical appointments and maybe taking care of your

kid a little bit more. You're a great partner and you don't deserve to be treated like this.

Keep us posted. Why am I going to cry now? Okay, moving along.
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I feel like you just formed an attachment with OP.

I really did.

Okay, this next one is coming from Am I the Asshole?

It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Calling My Sister Cruel for Her Tattoo Idea?

Sis is 28. I'm a 26-year-old male.

My sister, N, has always had a strained relationship with our parents, especially my mom.

I am clearly not privy to the reasons because things are fine with me and my parents. When N went to college, she met her creative writing professor as a freshman, and they got close immediately.
They would do a lot together and worked closely on a few different writing projects. N never specifically said this, but it was obvious to anyone who saw them interact that they had a substitute mother-slash-daughter type relationship, which hurt my mom a lot to see.
I always thought she'd grow out of it or that the professor would move on, but 10 years later, they were still very close. About a month ago, the professor died unexpectedly, and it devastated N.
She was really depressed over the holidays, which of course was all in front of my mom and was a difficult reminder that N loved the professor as a mother way more than she ever loved my mom as a mother. She still talks to my parents and stuff, and they don't fight or anything, but N is very distant and doesn't tell them anything about her life beyond the bare minimum.
My mom tried to comfort N, but N was doing her distant thing and didn't want comfort. Something unfortunate that happened to N is that when she got the call that she died, she was brewing tea, and in the shock of the news, she spilled the boiling water on her arm, which burned her kind of badly on her wrist.
I think the burn was like on the borderline of second and third degree and definitely still looked pretty rough during the holidays. N said it was especially hard because in addition to the physical pain, every time she looks at it,

she's reminded of the moment she found out that the professor died, which I totally get.

Yeah.

I was on FaceTime with N and she said that she talked about it to her tattoo artist friend,

who said that the burn should be able to heal well enough to get a tattoo over it.

N then excitedly told me about her idea, which is a type of flower that the professor gave her as a bouquet for her undergraduate graduation. My mom was so embarrassed that day because she didn't get N flowers, but the professor did, and N was parading them around so happy, and it was a reminder of their connection.
I guess N and the professor exchanged these flowers for every special occasion, like birthdays, etc. So now she wants to get a decent-sized tattoo in a highly visible spot of something that will remind everyone of the professor.
I told N that this seemed really cruel to my mom, who already feels cast aside and like she's in exile from N. And that's without the constant permanent reminder.
N kind of scoffed and said, quote, I can't believe you think you have the right to tell me not to do this. Called me an asshole and hung up and is still not talking to me, except for a very brief text saying congratulations for a promotion I just got.
My parents aren't commenting. My dad said I should have just kept quiet even though he agrees and my mom made no comment but seemed grateful that I stood up for her.
I feel like I was just being protective of my mom but am I the asshole? You want to know what I really think? pop off Lauren Lauren. Let's go, girl.
Let's go, girl. I mean, it's a touchy subject all around.
And I'm also curious what the context is with their relationship before, like why the daughter doesn't seem to want to connect with her mother. Did something happen? I don't know.
There's just a lot of kind of unknowns with the fact that op sister seems kind of distant but with all of that being said none of that really matters the thing is is that somebody is mourning a death and they have a tattoo idea that is going to cherish a death i think it's very selfish to to talk to your sister and be like oh that would actually hurt someone else's feelings it's not about it's not about them at all at all and it's just like it's nice that like he's trying to think about his mom but like why why should that hurt her mom if her mom is supportive of her then shouldn't she be like that's beautiful also, why didn't you bring her flowers? It's your fault you didn't bring her flowers. You're embarrassed that you didn't.
No, then you should have brought her flowers or don't be embarrassed. Also, there's so many people like at least our college graduation.
There were so many people around campus selling flowers, delays, little gifts. you could have gone to the school bookstore and gotten flowers and a little gopher with a grad cap.
It's so easy, almost embarrassingly easy to bring something. And the fact you didn't speaks a lot to that you don't really care to celebrate your daughter.
Well, it's also like even if you don't want to bring something because not everybody is like gift people they don't like expect it they don't think about it like they're just you know whatever but it's like but then don't make it their problem i'm embarrassed like it's not like me it's not like no but i'm saying like if you're not going to bring something then don't be embarrassed that you didn't you know what i mean it's like it's not like the teacher came and brought a fucking ferrari like and is you know what i mean it's fucking flowers flowers like chill out 5.99 at trader joe's yeah you're embarrassed like i'm actually surprised that the sister didn't pop off more but like i said i don't really know what the dynamic is between everybody like i don't know if there's more to it but based off of what we have it's like I don't understand why I'm getting a flower tattoo that would piss me off because now once the sister gets the flowers then it's a reminder that your brother said something really shitty you know what I mean I I think based on his comments there's a lot of golden child versus scapegoat going on here. Okay.
Daughter scapegoat. He's golden child.
Oh my God. I've never had a tiff with my parents.
They love me so much. I think based on this comment, especially it's in, it's literally in the first two lines.
My sister has always had a strained relationship with our parents, especially my mom. I am clearly not privy to the reasons because things are fine with me and my parents.
Yeah. First two lines of the post.
Right. You're letting on that you don't have any issues, but you've lived in the same house.
This is your sibling. How are you not privy? How are you so unaware of why your sister could be feeling not as connected to your parents or maybe scorned by your parents? Are you so unaware? There's not a huge age gap.
Sister's 28. He's 26.
So why are you so blissfully unaware? To me, that means that he's been pampered,

spoiled. He's been the golden child and she's been the scapegoat.
And that becomes abundantly clear by the fact they didn't even bring her flowers at her graduation. The mom being like, oh,

I'm not as connected to her. I wonder why.
Yeah. And if you

don't feel as connected, that's on you to reach out to your child. That's your kid.
It shouldn't always be the kid's burden to mend relationship with parents or work extra hard to be close. that was your role as a parent, ages zero to eight fucking teen.
Where were you? Why are you strained? Evaluate that and then determine how you can make it better. But it's not her burden to bear.
And fuck you for commenting about the flowers. Yeah.
That was a surrogate parent to her. Fuck you.
It's just, I just think it it's just i just asshole yeah i just think it's so selfish to and and that's what the thing is that like if even if there is more context like let's say the daughter for whatever reason was just like would kick the mom like in the shin from day two or sorry from year two yeah like you know what i mean like if the daughter was just like bullying the mom like for no reason for so long and there's more context like even with that context it's just like somebody is mourning to death and they want to do something to cherish to death and you're making it about you and you're making about someone else like you're being that to me is just so selfish just shut up especially when it's a flower it's like it's not like it's not like she's getting like her professor's face tattooed onto her chest i know you know what i mean it's a it's a flower tattoo yeah i i mean i think it's beautiful and like it's also covering up a scar that she has exactly that is reminding her of a lot of pain and she's putting beauty on top of that. Like, you know what I mean? What a beautiful way to transform something.
Exactly. We have some comments from OP.
A lot of people are assuming that maybe the relationship with the professor was more. OP is responding and saying things like, I seriously doubt that.
Nothing about their closeness ever even suggested that. The professor is straight as a board and her husband was also a mentor to my sister, even though they didn't have the same parental type connection.
Nothing about their relationship ever suggested that, as I explained to someone else. The professor and her husband couldn't conceive and they were both close to N as a sort of substitute daughter, although the professor was certainly closer than her husband was.
There was nothing about their relationship that would even come close to suggesting romance. And I will just say, I think it's kind of unfair to like, oh, well, let's put them into that box of of like there must have been something more going on.
Like you can hypothesize. But at the same time, it's like a lot of people just take on like adopted kids.
Right. You know, the mentor role and then really treat someone as a daughter.
This was a 10 year long relationship. It's a long time.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, one of my friends has she'll call her her second mom and it's like I'm pretty sure she's in her will like they're very close and she's helped her with a lot of things that she doesn't feel comfortable talking to her own mom about and that just works loves her own mom so very much but she just has two different relationships I love's definitely nothing romantic going on there. And I love that.
I love that you can like have a big extended chosen family and like really just be supported in all the ways you need. Yeah, absolutely.
That's beautiful. So OP does have a comment.
People are asking like, are you sure that you weren't treated differently? Like maybe your sister got a different version. I mean, it's hard to, unless it's like blatantly obvious, I think it's kind of hard for people to, I think everyone has a different relationship with their parents and their children.
Yeah. So people could perceive it X, Y, Z way, unless it's like, we've had stories where it's so blatantly obvious.
For sure. But like, OP might just not be able to recognize that, you know? Yeah.
So someone is like, this sounds strange, but you and your sisters had different moms. Your relationship with your mother is very different than your sister's.
And it sounds like your sister got the short end of the stick. Stop measuring your sister's relationship with your mom by your experience with her.
And maybe take some time to ask and listen about your sister's relationship with your mom by your experience with her and maybe take some time to ask and listen about your sister's relationship with your mom. It may surprise you.
This is where OP responds and says, when it comes to my parents, I don't doubt that she sometimes saw different versions of them. So for full disclosure, I just turned 26, whereas my sister is about to turn 29.

So we're more like three years apart than two.

My parents both drank a lot, and my mom abused pills for a while.

She got clean from pills when my sister was 14, but they both kept drinking until getting sober when she was 17.

Okay, here's the context.

I guess on my end, I just feel very proud of my parents for both beating addiction, whereas my sister has never let go of the anger.

And I think that's a great question. Here's the context.
I guess on my end, I just feel very proud of my parents for both beating addiction, whereas my sister has never let go of the anger. And it just hurts for everyone involved because my parents want a better relationship, and she is very resistant to them.
Edit to add, it's not like I never saw my parents in a rough state either. So I guess my confusion lies in her having this reaction to the same thing when I was able to strengthen the relationship and be proud of your recovery.
I think there's something very different, though, with because obviously he experienced it, too, but at a different age. And I think experiencing that specifically in your high school years is just very different.
And it sounds like it was around like 14 years old for OP's sister. Or I think for the sister.
I think, didn't it say OP? Got pills, got clean from pills at 14. Both parents kept drinking and didn't get sober until the sister was 17.
Yeah, so it was like through her entire high school experience. Her whole childhood.
Which are just like very, very formative years specifically. I mean, it all is.
They're're all formative years let's be real but i just like i'm 30 and it's a formative year but i'm just i'm not surprised though that um that it's harder for her to let go than like op being able to have yeah i completely agree i also think there's a lot to be said about she is the eldest child and she's the eldest daughter. And being the oldest child and being a girl, I think parentification can happen a lot easier.
Yeah. I think his sister shielded him from so much.
She probably took on so much of that burden, acted as a surrogate parent to him, and essentially had her whole childhood maybe robbed from her. And so, yeah, there would be a lot of resentment there.
There would be a lot of hurt and anger still, especially when your parents do step up and they do do an amazing thing of getting clean, but then show up to your big events and still maybe let you down a little bit,

even though it was unintentional. Even though, you know, they may not have known,

bring flowers or bring a little something, bring a card, you know, different cultures,

socially, maybe it. Socially,

maybe it wasn't taught, but it's still, there's a lot of pain there. And I think they did have two very different parents.
He went from 14 onward of them being sober and she was 17 when they, when they turn things around. Those are very, 14 to 17, crucial, crucial points.
Yeah. Wow.
It's a tough one. I think OP does kind of have a little bit of a turnaround in this, does kind of recognize I don't think that my sister is like plotting and scheming to hurt her it was more just a thing to consider the ripple effects of how that would hurt her what what gets me though is because op doesn't sound like a bad person by any means just unaware what what gets me is that that op used the word word cruel that's that's a big word That's a big word power behind that situation specifically that's what frustrates me like if op were to be like oh like don't you think that might hurt mom's feelings as a reminder that you know whatever that's a different story But it's like to say that's cruel.
No.

I hate.

Maybe hate. that's a different story but it's like to to say that's cruel no i hate maybe hates a big word i really dislike when people put such negative connotations behind something versus just pointing out what they're thinking like and i get this is a very like emotionally mature thing to do and like I'm not perfect I don't do this all the time I speak off the cuff or how I'm feeling like whatever but I think he could have just been like oh you know how do you think mom would feel about that or I think he could have asked it in a different way just kind of like you know where know, where you like kind of poke like light onto something, just like give someone another thought to consider.
Yeah. I think he could have done that without adding the negative connotation of like, that's cruel to do to mom.
Right. Also, why is that cruel necessarily? It's not.
She's just adding adding a tattoo a flower that they shared as a symbolic thing in their relationship as a tattoo it's not cruel she's not writing i wish my mom was professor like you know what i mean yeah if you are hurt by that see that's i thought it was going to be something that and that's why it's yeah I know you use that example yeah and that's why it's just and even if like she wanted to do a face it's her fucking life like let her do what she wants to do she's grieving like whatever makes her feel good is what should be the focus absolutely and that's why I keep saying like I just think it's like i think it's like selfish to try to tell somebody who's mourning a very important person that that was in their life that it's cruel for them to honor them in a way that's not cruel like it's just uh but i hope that op is realizing that from these comments. I hope so too.
It seems like he's having some deep reflection. So I think things will improve and hopefully he'll butt out.
I hope the sister gets her tattoo. Me too.
Beautiful, beautiful way to remember someone. I know.
I want to see the tattoo now. I know.
some beautiful flower tattoos i saw a forget me not tattoo on pinterest the other day are you gonna get a tattoo i well i don't know if i ever will i don't know i didn't realize that i think who was it angelina jolie was that who it was i think it was angelina jolie who has like like a a bajillion tattoos i had no idea yeah how did i not know that she is very spiritual and i think she's gotten a lot of her

tattoos done in like other languages in the craft of the culture so i'm pretty sure she's had like

hand etched i'm not exactly sure but like I don't remember that maybe.

But she has like a whole lion on her entire back.

Like when she was showing it on this little interview.

Again, it's an old interview.

I was just on TikTok or something.

But I thought I totally thought it was one of those like when you put them on temporarily.

You know, they're big tattoos.

Like look at this picture of her back. Yeah.
Big. And the bottom, the bottom is where the lion is.
Oh, wow. Yeah.
Oh my God. Yeah.
It's like a tiger, big, huge tiger. Yeah.
Hand done. Yeah.
Crazy. I'm just like, that's so bold to me.
I'm so, I'm like scared to even get like a tiny little tattoo. I'm just like, wow, that's badass.
Yeah. A lot of them are sacchiant, meaning to tap or to tattoo.
So each little thing, you literally just get tap, tap, tap, tap, tapped by hand versus the tattoo needles in modern tattoo shops across the US are tiny vibrating needles that do it for you. I watched a video on that afterwards.
Very intense. It's very cool.
It would be sick to get a tattoo like that. Yeah, she's got a lot of them in Virtues of Buddha.
She's got a lot of tattoos, a lot of Buddhist prayers, but 16 big ones I'm seeing on like a bunch of articles of like what do angelina tattoos mean so i think i'm gonna get a tattoo now yeah inspired i could see it yeah also i can see you not doing it because you cried when you got your eyebrows microbladed because it was so permanent yeah but that's because it's fucking freaky when you first get it done it is they look so dark and scary but it's like have you ever looked just like so like scared when i just said that well i just i guess it's because i kind of forgot because it's been like four years four years i haven't done mine in four years too yeah or maybe even five pre-covid wait yeah no it's been years no because i've been wait it actually might be six years we were on the same eyebrow schedule i i think it's six years oh my god yeah i think it's like retired asia she retired oh i don't know who to go to to get them touched up anymore yeah see that's why i haven't gone because i don't want to i don't't know. I don't know what to do.
But I also don't want to. I kind of like, I like that they've faded and just because, again, I freaked out.
But I just, I also like haven't told anyone that in so long that I like forget that it's like something I've done. It doesn't make sense.
That's why I looked at you like, shit. Whoa.
Shit, girl. Crazy.
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Anyways, tangent. Okay, I'm giving you a choice on this last one okay so option number one is from r slash off my chest it is titled found out my husband has an affair baby while at work while op was at work and option number two coming from our very own two hot takes subreddit, am I the asshole for publicly flipping on my coworker in a restaurant

after she outed my pregnancy?

This is tough.

I kind of want to do the second one.

I love that.

Our own people.

Yeah, you would think the first one, but I just feel like it's kind of going to be exactly what it sounds like. The second one, I'm curious.
Let's get into it. Yeah.
Two hot takes subreddit, four days old. Am I the asshole for publicly flipping on my coworker in a restaurant after she outed my pregnancy? This happened over a year ago, but after spending so much time listening to your hot takes, I figured why not share now.
Oh, this was a write-in? Yeah, baby. Oh, sorry.
I missed that. Hello.
For context, my coworker, 60 female, loves to pull pranks and push boundaries all the time. Many teachers at our high school just put up with it because they know she will retire soon, and most of the time you can just laugh it off.
I, 27 female, am more of one to just stare blankly when I don't find the joke funny. Also, my husband, 29 male, teaches across the hall from both me and this co-worker.
Husband and I found out we were pregnant just two months after our wedding. We were excited and going through all the emotions of early pregnancy, the good, the bad, the ugly.
When it came time for my first OB appointment, I took the day off of work. We lived two hours from the nearest hospital with an OBGYN slash birth unit and told my co-workers that I was going for a me day and my yearly eye exam.
Who would question that? My husband couldn't come because he coaches and had a game that night. The day of my appointment, all goes well and the alien inside me is looking good, which eases those early pregnancy nerves.
We were nine weeks pregnant and decided that even though all was good, we wouldn't announce until at least 12 weeks. My husband calls me and lets me know that he got bombarded by co-workers at lunch with comments like, quote, I can't believe you let her go to a baby appointment alone.
He just played with our lie and said that isn't't what I was doing, and asked why I wasn't allowed to just take a day for myself. The next morning, I am teaching my seventh grade class, and out of the blue, coworker comes in and loudly yells, congratulations, all caps.
I ask what she means, and she says, quote, Well, I know you went to the doctor yesterday. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I look at her dumbfounded while my whole class gets giddy. I instantly shut her down and say, quote, I was at the eye doctor, so I'm not sure what you mean.
And walk to my class door to shoo her out and then shut the door. I then tell my students that she just assumed something people should never openly assume and asked them not to repeat what she said.
Gave them their activity, texted my principal, who didn't know I was pregnant, and asked him to come cover my class while I gathered myself. I was so mad and sad.
He covered and I believe talked to my kids because they never mentioned it again, which is odd for middle schoolers. My husband and I ate lunch alone in his classroom that day to avoid the co-worker because I knew I would blow up.
That night, I went to our local restaurant that does to-go meals on certain nights of the week. This particular special meal is extremely popular, so you have to stand in line to order.
I am talking to at least 50 people who all know each other, small town, in line for this food. Co-worker is there and tries to butter me up and say hello.
I give her a cold hi and continue talking to the person next to me. Coworker then begins to press me on why I am upset.
I ask her to not talk right now and that we can chat later on. She keeps pressing and I say, quote, look, if you really want to do this here with everyone around, go for it.
But I really think this is a discussion for later. She asked once more and I snap, quote, do you really think it's okay to assume people are pregnant and announce it in front of a ton of students? I told you I was at the eye doctor yesterday.
I was unaware that my vagina and eyes were connected. Also, what if I was at the OB and found out something bad? I had miscarried, had cancer, had a false pregnancy, couldn't conceive a baby.
There are so many reasons to never assume and announce pregnancies. Women go through terrible losses and news all the time.
And you know what? If I am pregnant, you just sucked all the fun of my secret right out of me and spilt the beans that husband and I wanted to share on our own. Lucky for you, we aren't.
Are you happy now? She looked at me, dumbfounded, and sheepishly said, quote, well, it was just supposed to be a joke. I rolled my eyes and turned away.
A few women around me commended me for speaking up, but I still got in my car and sobbed on the drive home. When we did announce the pregnancy, she popped in my room and said, quote, I knew it.
kidding me glad we can move past everything now oh my god okay i'm sorry but this entire time i'm listening to this story all i'm picturing is is that op's what is it friend classmate co-worker not classmate sorry co-worker fuck this bitch sorry as i'm listening to this all that i'm picturing is that op's classmate oh my god i did it again fuck oh my god okay one last time as i'm listening to this all that i can picture is op's co-worker being spongebob what it's like this unaware Like, I just feel like it's something Spongebob would do and then just like not get it. It's like, yeah, like OP just made the most like profound statement at the restaurant that was just like, hell yes, you put it perfectly.
Yes, this is exactly why you should not just go and announce someone else's potential guest pregnancy, especially in front of like their students or anyone for that matter. But an OP made that so clear and said it so beautifully at this restaurant.
And then the coworker goes into the room and goes, I knew it. That's SpongeBob.
Glad we can move past it now literally no we can't no we can't oh my god not moving past it holding a grudge for forever um it does go on to say my daughter is now almost one and i'm dreading going back to work and seeing this woman every day again i still can't look at her without being annoyed she She still hasn't given me a real apology. So am I the asshole for flipping on her in public and still being upset? No.
No. But I also think, but now that, I mean, because it's been a year or like two years later, I would say for your own happiness and your own mental health to like find a way to kind of remove that from yourself.

But like, yeah, you know, because like you just said that you're still upset.

I don't want you to still be upset.

Yeah, I understand not wanting to see that person and being annoyed by that person.

But like you should be able to go back into your workplace and be happy and be comfortable.

Yeah, absolutely.

The only thing you're the asshole for is not doing this publicly in front of all your coworkers during a school lunch. I would have loved that.
Can you imagine all their little faces? Just gasping. But no, I do really agree with you.
She's going to retire soon. She'll be gone.
Let go of the resentment. She's an idiot.

Whatever.

Yada, yada, yada.

I will say there's also something about the older generation.

Our OP is 27.

Very clearly a millennial.

I think our parents' generation and grandparents' generation just don't have the same level of tact and boundaries we have started establishing for ourselves regarding pregnancy asking people when they're gonna become pregnant when are you trying like all this stuff yeah it's a generational difference we are we are really as millennials changing the way we go through the world. And a lot of other generations haven't caught on yet.
I love the boundaries us and Gen Z and I'm sure Alpha, whatever the little one is, will set. But there's such big changes in that.
Yeah. You can't expect all of them to change either.
No. They were raised for their entire life and brought up in a different world that we were so well and like she is probably from the time like 60 year old female like a lot of it was oh when are you having kids when not if when like having kids for that generation was a when not an if yeah and so it's just a different thing and I would try to like wrap your head around just that like she's just a goofball living in her own generational context yeah and even my mom like my mom was born in uh 66 and she had an experience recently where she and she fully recognizes this like we got in the car immediately and she was like, oop, foot, mouth, I feel terrible.
I never want to go through this again. I learned my lesson.
But she asked someone, an older gentleman who we happened to like be walking out of a house next door to his house. And he like came over and said, hi.
And he was talking about his wife that has passed and how he's lived at, you know, this house for the last

50 years. to his house and he like came over and said hi and he was talking about his wife that has passed and how he's lived at you know this house for the last 15 years by himself and my mom asked like oh you guys didn't have any kids and he goes oh well we tried we tried for so long and she immediately just was like in the car she shut the door and she goes why the fuck did I say that I'm never I'm never asking people about kids ever again yeah because she meant it like to be like oh well you don't have kids that come visit like i'm so sorry your wife is gone like she meant it in such a a good way yeah exactly but you just can't yeah it can just be so painful but i i also think we need to be more forgiving too because it's just like it's when you know people, like that's the kind of thing.
That's the one thing that I get like frustrated with is that like, when you know that people, like when their heart is in a really good place and when you know that like they can be receptive to your reaction to it, you can, you can let it go and forgive them in that situation. Like that person, your mom was talking to, it might've brought up a sad memory.
But if they're reasonable, they can see that your mom was being like light and had good intentions and it shouldn't be something that somebody is stewing over. Otherwise, that person is just wasting their own precious energy.
And why would you want to do that? Yeah, I know. We all have those moments moments it's just like i i would like to assume that people have more good intentions than not so like saying what you did like about you know just give people a little bit more grace when they slip up i'm on board for that um i feel like for live shows when we do the meet and greets i always get really nervous when people are pregnant because i want to congratulate them i'm the exact same i do not i don't bring up pregnancy unless somebody else does please i just you guys we are going on tour literally in like a month and a half we start doing shows again two months i don't i don't know yeah please tell us if you're pregnant like right away because we want to celebrate we want to congratulate you but like we are not ones i literally there's multiple people where i'm like they're fucking eight months pregnant i've just fully ignored it no literally well that makes me feel so bad and they normally say something though but like a lot of people do yeah i won't be one to say something first because I I just won't no I just feel like I'm like it's not my place yeah it's not because I'm not happy for you it's just because I am gonna let you talk to me about your pregnancy and I'm not gonna pry about it you know like I'll like my sister's pregnant right now I'll like have check- in questions like like how's the baby bump? Like stuff like that.
But you know, like I'm just like I just want I just think that it's such an emotional experience. Absolutely.
I think I obviously haven't been pregnant, but like it seems really emotional. And so I just want like every person to experience it exactly how they want to

without any prying and they can come to me and and talk to me about it and i'll listen and i'll be so

happy for them but yeah i oh my god like you just play dumb because it's like i'm not mentioning it

head in the sand because they're you hear about it from people where they go to congratulate it's a

skit in movies i know i know it's really scarred us why did this traumatize us dude i don't know but i i literally i will never ever comment on someone no matter how pregnant looking no one's nine months bloated like no but like yet like i'm like you could be nine months pregnant i'm like well just in case you're bloated i don't want to say anything yeah and here's the thing with like hollywood and media and like unrealistic expectations like people have bellies postpartum oh but you don't see that oh so people could have people could already have the baby they could have literally just had their baby but still have their postpartum belly course. It's not instant.
It doesn't go down right away, despite what you see in movies and people taking pictures outside of hospitals the morning after they give birth, but maybe have girdles on. It's just, I'm not, I'm not saying shit.
Yeah. So moral of the story, come to the live shows, come meet us.
We want to see you guys and tell us if you're pregnant yeah we might have presents oh i want to get like a little baby too hot take socks oh little baby booties yes you should yeah we're working on new merch right now you've seen the pics yeah some good shit this is a good time i feel i feel like i was psychologically challenged a lot during this episode i felt i think i felt good i don't think i'll have anxiety about things that i said but you never know i could stay up late tonight and be like oh my god festering on it fester on something i. Yeah.
I think it was fine though. Yeah.

Fingers crossed.

Thank you guys so much for being here another episode.

I hope you enjoyed having Lauren on.

Yay.

There's so much fun stuff on Patreon coming in August.

I'm going to the Minnesota State Fair.

And as an added bonus, I'm going to be sharing all my favorite food pics. So that's just one thing.
Oh my God, you dropped your lip gloss a while ago. Wow.
Oh. Oh.
But that was my stress ball for the episode. If anyone's watching on YouTube.
Oh my God, really? Yeah. Thank God it didn't pop.
That Rode lip gloss just built different. I'm different yeah i'm different stop okay we gotta end this i don't want to go though i don't want to leave you guys honestly same can we hang out can we just hang out more okay so um anyways oh you we were actually gonna hang out longer well yeah if you have something well now that i'm on the spot no i know but when i'm like on my way driving here it's so funny i don't know what's wrong with me but like we have like a it's not just talk about your feelings or life or your thoughts but like yet on my drive over i have so many thoughts and i'm like oh maybe i'll share this today and today.
And then we, well, it's just, what do you have to share Lauren? No, nothing right now, but just in general, you know, like I feel like I'll, I'll be like, oh, maybe I could ask people about this today. And then we get here and it's like, we're talking about Reddit stories, but yet every time I'm driving over here, I'm like, you got a lot of answers about your gums and receiving gums yeah so many tips for that yeah that was really nice of everybody thank you so much um I personally would love some tips on wedding planning I don't know where to begin I'm honestly having a little bit of paralysis about it I don't know where to like start trying on dresses I'm feeling like really really sad about trying on dresses, honestly.
I'm gonna cry. And it's so stupid, right? And I don't know why I'm building up in my head.
But I feel like everyone like has all of their friends go to like try on dresses with them. And all of my people are so spread out now.
And so it's just like I'm I think that's also another reason why I'm putting it off is because like there's so much emotional pressure on that. I don't know.
It's just kind of bumming me out. So if anyone has any upbeat positives about wedding planning, please send them my way because I'm I'm extremely overwhelmed with it.
And I did get a bride box from a listener that I need to open

still and really share because it was a really nice gift she sent me. So maybe I'll get into that.

But God, those points in life, I think, I don't know if anyone out there is struggling with this.

Maybe it's a birthday. Maybe it's your first kid.
Maybe it's wedding planning for you. But

when you want to have people in your corner, and I definitely do, but it can just feel like so much

Thank you. it's your first kid maybe it's wedding planning for you but like when you want to have people in your corner and I definitely do but it can just feel like so much when people are spread out and far or you don't have people in your corner then yeah it just sucks yeah I I understand I I get emotional really easily like around my birthday and it's like I'm not even I don't even expect anything but yet for some reason it's like i had a friend who said that she was going to come over on my birthday and then last minute was saying that like she actually has a lot going on she's really tired something like that this wasn't me was it no no i'm like okay i wouldn't do this to you no and then but then and like it's not in any other normal day i would be like that's totally fine that's cool but i just instantly started crying yeah because it's your birthday it's literally but anyway it's funny because i just sent her like a sad face back and then she responded was like i'm coming and she came she was like when you said the sad face i was like i gotta come but no it's it's yeah it's it's it's i understand what you're saying do you have any like i feel like you you're pretty good about like therapy like do you have any tips for granted you sent only a sad face so there wasn't a lot of words there but do you have any tips for people like balling and i just i did that i did the manual sad face yeah no that one hits harder than an emoji for sure just what is what are those semicolons dot dot yes and then parentheses that one hits i'm like i knew like you had like a comma as the sad face.
Yeah, that one hits hard. I like I barely even knew where my send button was because the tears were streaming so hard.
I'm so serious, too. And then I started laughing at how hard I was crying.
So I have a picture I could actually show you. Like I took a picture because I'm like, this is actually hilarious that I'm like crying this hard.
Like it's stupid. What are you doing this weekend? But I'm just saying that like I understand the emotions.
Do you have any tips to help people feel better? Maybe communicate a little more to get people in their corner? About in what aspect? I don't know. I just need to talk to a therapist.
It's long overdue. I can't believe we're still rolling the tapes.
Oh, it just died. it's long overdue i can't believe we're still rolling the tapes oh it just died it's literally telling us to like it's like wrap it up main shot still going okay this was really fun anyways head over to patreon for more fun bonus content we've had some really crazy free bonus stories lately oh my god yeah that have been really good.
Lauren like got done with the last free bonus story and was like, no, no, we're not. This isn't.
No. I was like, this needs to be on the full channel.
Like people need to hear this. People need to hear this.
It's it's crazy. It's so nuts.
But thank you guys. Thank you for everything.
Thank you for being here, supporting, commenting, subscribing, liking, following, anything.

It means truly so much.

Like, I don't have enough words.

I just feel grateful.

And I wake up every day and I'm like, this is not my life.

Like, seriously, pinch me.

So thank you.

Until next time.

Until next time.

Bye, guys.