179: Psychologically Challenging..

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Speaker 1 Enjoy the episode. Cool.
New studio. New studio.
This is my first time here. I know.
How does it feel? Reunited with the neon. It feels very professional.
Dude, I don't think. I'm really impressed.

Speaker 1 I don't think. I don't know if I've explained it.
Didn't you do this yourself? Yeah, all DIY.

Speaker 1 But we had the Drea episode. The Drea episode was scheduled for like a Tuesday morning, and we didn't start putting this together until Sunday.

Speaker 1 So it was like mad dash. Tried to do it all Sunday because then Justin worked on Monday.
And so I had to come and like finish it up by myself Monday. You cut these pieces?

Speaker 1 My dad has a foam cutting guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So Jerry did it?

Speaker 1 A person did it. But it wasn't too bad.
It was like $300 for all the foam. Nice.

Speaker 1 Which, you know, turned out pretty pretty good it looks amazing turned out pretty good nice little investment for the stude for the steed for the stude

Speaker 1 oh what's new lauren

Speaker 1 we went to the fair last fair that was nice honestly like my stomach is still recovering from all the fair food yeah oh my gosh i feel like i've had bubbles in my stomach for a month now though like i've just bubble guts yeah i need i started taking probiotics because i think that there's something going on i just need to like

Speaker 1 i want to do a parasite cleanse. That sounds lovely.
I know. It sounds sarcastic, but I mean it.
No, like genuinely, I want to do a parasite cleanse like at least twice a year going forward. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's try it out. What do you think, guys? Has anyone done one before? Please let us know.
Also, what a start to the episode. Kind of fits with the theme I've got for today.

Speaker 1 What is it?

Speaker 1 Psychologically challenging. Okay.

Speaker 1 These are just an assortment of stories that seem to be just psychologically damaging to maybe some people involved or like challenging or just they're jumping mental hurdles.

Speaker 1 I have read probably two out of the nine tabs because I just wanted to be in it with you today. Ooh, okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I read like the first line of one and immediately I was like.

Speaker 1 Yep, it's in. It's in.
So there could be some really bad ones that you don't know yet. That's the risk we take.
I'm excited. I'm scared.
I like when you don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't.

Speaker 1 But then again, it's nice

Speaker 1 when you do know sometimes because then I feel like

Speaker 1 I know if there's going to be a little bit more of a twist to the story. Yeah.
Because I can feel your vibe and you're like, is it weird though? And I'm like, gosh, oh. The episode that came out.

Speaker 1 Last week, by the time this one comes out, it's with Nicole.

Speaker 1 I read multiple stories that I didn't know there was an update for or like an edit, and so my whole take at the beginning was like, Oh my god, yeah, there's there's hope. This is so great.

Speaker 1 And then the update comes out, and I go, I take back everything I said. Oh my god, everything, like everything.

Speaker 1 You just never know what you're gonna get.

Speaker 1 You never know, and one detail can just twist the whole thing around on you. Yeah, right before coming here today, I actually was watching the video that you just posted on Instagram.

Speaker 1 Yeah, of you were with the two guys and it was about the

Speaker 1 guy who proposed to his girlfriend at Coachella. Yeah.
And she lost the rest of the ring, but he got a fake ring because he thought she would lose it. And the real one was at home.

Speaker 1 And then when she found out that it was like a fake ring, she was pissed. She was so pissed because

Speaker 1 for what? Yeah. I know.
Because I would like to know. Because, yeah, I couldn't even believe that, but I was just like already popping off on that one.

Speaker 1 And then I'm like, I felt so engaged in it that I'm like, I need to find the rest of this story and listen to it. Like, is there an update? Did I two hot take to you? You did.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, I got you, Lauren.

Speaker 1 I'm so curious about it. I've been like thinking about it.
I'm like, what happened next? I need to know.

Speaker 1 Well, that's how we're going to feel about these ones. And we're going to start off with a ring today now that you mention it.
So let's dive in. Let's do it.

Speaker 1 So, this one is coming from AITAH. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Girlfriend She's Not Worth Marrying After She Said She Didn't Like Her Engagement Ring?

Speaker 1 I've been approaching two years with my girlfriend and things have gone pretty well so far. We've had some ups and downs, but we were doing well and talking about marriage.

Speaker 1 Now, here's a little bit about me. I work in healthcare, but due to the nature of my work, I have a decent amount of free time.

Speaker 1 I took up jewelry, metalworking, and started up a little side hustle making gold and silver jewelry, still working on my platinum skills.

Speaker 1 My dad also works in Brazil, and he cuts emeralds and precious and semi-precious gemstones. I knew I wanted to marry my girlfriend, and I wanted to make the engagement ring special.

Speaker 1 I made an elaborate leaf design ring with garnets, our birthstone, and a 1.5 karat diamond in the middle. I had my dad cut and send me garnets, and I ordered the diamond from a local dealer.

Speaker 1 I worked on the band and the setting, and over the course of three months, I put the ring together.

Speaker 1 It looked something like this, but with two big leaves of garnet on the side instead of emerald, without the smaller stones and a marquee cut lab diamond in the center.

Speaker 1 It is easily the most elaborate piece I've ever designed and put together.

Speaker 1 I proposed to her at her house at a little get-together I put with her family and she loved the ring, especially after I told her I made it myself. We had a nice party and I spent the night.

Speaker 1 Later that morning, she asked me questions about the ring and how long I worked on it, etc.

Speaker 1 I told her all about it, but her expression changed when she asked how much I spent on it and that it was a lab diamond and not a natural diamond. I asked if the cost was an issue for her.

Speaker 1 She said that she doesn't feel like it was a big investment in our relationship. Total cost without labor was about $1,200.

Speaker 1 I didn't keep track. And she prefers real diamonds over lab diamonds.
I tried to explain that they're chemically identical, but she asked if I could swap it out with a natural diamond.

Speaker 1 I relented and said sure and took the ring back.

Speaker 1 Driving home, I started to think about all the other times she demanded more of me, and I honestly thought that I don't think that anything I do will ever be enough for her.

Speaker 1 I could spend three months on and off on an amazing ring for her and she'll still nitpick and find fault in it.

Speaker 1 I think it just clicked in that moment that I had a lot more issues with this relationship than I imagined. I got home and I called her.
She didn't pick up.

Speaker 1 I texted and said, quote, we need to talk now. She called a couple of minutes later.

Speaker 1 I told her that I don't think she's worth marrying because of how she treated me over the ring and that I need to think about things.

Speaker 1 She started crying and being defensive, but I was also very emotional and hung up. She tried calling back several times, but I just let it ring.

Speaker 1 Her mother and my sister, who's friends with her, tried calling, but I just let it ring. I don't want to talk to anyone.
I really just need reassurance before I talk to them again.

Speaker 1 Am I being an asshole for this? No, I don't think that he's the asshole for that.

Speaker 1 I am curious, though, if there were conversations beforehand about, because I feel like a lot of people, when they know that they want to get married, they start talking about the ring and what they want.

Speaker 1 That part is kind of interesting to me.

Speaker 1 I mean, I guess that's not everyone. Not everyone talks about what type of ring they want, but

Speaker 1 I feel like a majority of people like

Speaker 1 at least have a basic conversation. I will show you a picture of the ring.
So, this is what he gave as an example.

Speaker 1 It's not the ring, but it's pretty similar. It's it's got a really pretty center stone with green,

Speaker 1 like oval-shaped stones around it with like rose-looking thorns and leaves,

Speaker 1 which

Speaker 1 that is also a very specific design.

Speaker 1 If he were to sell it, like go and sell it it actually probably cost a lot more than what he paid oh it's i mean the labor alone to train and create that skill for yourself and to have that knowledge like there's so much of an investment in that already twelve hundred dollars is that's not what it actually would cost it might be a ten thousand dollar ring

Speaker 1 and I don't understand why that even matters. If you like the ring, you like the ring.

Speaker 1 If you don't like the design, because the design is so specific and you wanted something super simple, then that's a different story. But if you're basing it just on the value,

Speaker 1 that's weird. And that's also something that I can't relate to, but I don't blame other people for wanting that at the same time.

Speaker 1 Because, like, for example, me and my ex would talk about rings, and for whatever reason, he wanted to buy an extremely expensive ring. And I

Speaker 1 was like, can you actually just give me the cash and give me a cheaper ring?

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 but like, my point is, is that I'm just, I've never really been, that's not like a huge important thing to me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Um, unless I was married to like multi, multi-millionaire and like, and then I'm like, okay, whatever, if you, if you really insist. But like, you get the point.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm just, it's not something that is that important to me. So in this instance, if I was her, I would be very happy with this whole situation.

Speaker 1 However, I do understand that there's other people who have, since they were young, had a very specific dream and maybe about having a real diamond and that making, you know, that person feel

Speaker 1 like that is their,

Speaker 1 they've succeeded in life or something like that. So it's like, that's what I'm saying.
Like, I don't think it necessarily means that that person is shallow by any means.

Speaker 1 I think that if that's something that you really want, that's special to you, that like should have been a conversation to see if it's feasible for your partner to, you know, to do. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, it's not this person, OP's writing in and saying it's not just about the ring that OP's thinking about all these times that he never feels like he's good enough for his partner.

Speaker 1 It was the moment that took those rose-colored glasses off, which he's entitled to feel that way.

Speaker 1 I'm just, I would say overall, I'm surprised by this like quick turnaround. And obviously, it's been building up to this moment, right?

Speaker 1 There's time that he can pinpoint again and again and again, I'll never please her. I'll never be enough, you know, whatever.

Speaker 1 But to go from getting engaged to her just kind of being like, I'd, you know, I'd like something a little different, not even a totally different ring, just the center stone

Speaker 1 is kind of odd that that would be the straw. Yeah.
But at the same time, I do think not the asshole, like you're entitled to your feelings.

Speaker 1 And she didn't really act that nice, like in the way she said it. It was really like materialistic in terms of the value.
Like

Speaker 1 value was not a thing for me. Like, yeah, my, my ring is like really big, but like I went Moy's night because I wanted to be ethical.
I wanted to save a bunch of money for Justin.

Speaker 1 Like, that's something I really wanted.

Speaker 1 So it wasn't about the value for me,

Speaker 1 but I did have a certain aesthetic that I like. I don't think you're wrong for that, but I think the way she went about it just maybe wasn't as tactful as it could have been.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they're just proving to be, they're not compatible. Yeah.
That's, and that's fine.

Speaker 1 So OP did delete the post,

Speaker 1 but the top comment is, so you've created a ring that cuts toxic people out of your life. Can you get me one? That cuts.
I love that pun. Cuts.
Ring of toxic avoidance plus three to wisdom.

Speaker 1 True sight. I mean, it's definitely, it's not a good look for somebody to spend that much time and then this really high point of your life.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then this, he probably was so freaking excited.
You know, every time he went in to work with, like, work on it, I'm getting closer to that day.

Speaker 1 And he just wanted it to be so special for him and for her. And then to be like, but it's not good enough.
I, it doesn't, it's not a good look.

Speaker 1 Like, the story does not paint OP's girlfriend in a good light. No.
There's a comment here that's so cute. This person goes, my wife and I made rings out of chicken wire during the pandemic.

Speaker 1 Those are the rings we were officially married with.

Speaker 1 Rings don't matter when you've found the one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's really cute. Really cute.
Someone goes, bro, give me the ring. I'll marry you.

Speaker 1 Right? Half tempted to ask where OP lives.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, I'm not even 0.01% gay, but I will marry a guy who spent three months making a ring for me.

Speaker 1 I'm in line behind you if he declines your proposal.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And that is true.
There's so much love behind that that even if it's not exactly what you want, maybe sit on it.

Speaker 1 How about a year anniversary and then be like, hey, what if we maybe upgraded this?

Speaker 1 That's what my brother and his wife did.

Speaker 1 That's exactly what they did.

Speaker 1 Her original stone fell out of her ring like a couple of weeks or something before the wedding. It was just crazy.
And so they replaced it with just like a really cheap CZ or like glass basically.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And so they just finally upgraded it.
Yeah. After

Speaker 1 they got married in 2015. So after almost 10 years of marriage, they just upgraded it to a lab grown diamond.
And it's beautiful. She's so happy.
So it's like you can do those things.

Speaker 1 But I guess like she started questioning this and like bitching about it not being a real diamond within hours of that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 That's why I'm like, that's tacky. Yeah.
I really don't like that. Okay.
No. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was trying to give her a benefit of the doubt because I just, I know that there's people who like expensive or like a specific type of diamond. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I don't want to shame anyone for loving that. Like, you know, do you do what makes you happy? But you're right.

Speaker 1 I really, this scenario in general, like, I can't really like come to her defenses because I just feel like it's, it's so tacky that you say that within hours of the proposal. How is that a storybook?

Speaker 1 You know, how is that a romance novel? That's not the notebook.

Speaker 1 No. And it was, it like was set up to be so romantic and then just boom, you took that away.
I know. Tacky.
Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And there are people commenting that there's a chance this is fake.
Like this person does a deep dive on the user's account, which could explain why he deleted not only his

Speaker 1 post, but also username. Like he actually deleted his account too.
So who knows? This all could be karma farming. But at the end of the day, this does happen in real life.

Speaker 1 A lot of people get rings they don't like. I actually was listening to Dave Ryan, you know, the radio guy in Minnesota.
Of course.

Speaker 1 And there was a call-in he got from a woman who had gotten proposed to with a family heirloom ring. It was her fiancé's grandmother's ring.
It had so much history behind it.

Speaker 1 And she was like, I don't want that ring. I want to have him sell it and then buy me something I like.
And I'm like, that is a priceless family heirloom.

Speaker 1 You take it to Pawn America or a pawn shop, you're going to get next to nothing for it.

Speaker 1 Keep the heirloom, love it, cherish it, pass it down to your potential kids or other family members that will appreciate it and get something else. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But that was the most frustrating call-in I've ever had in my life.

Speaker 1 I'm just like, oh, fuck. I'm so sentimental about jewelry pieces and heirlooms.
I just can't stand it. Yeah.
Can't stand it.

Speaker 1 Moving along. Okay, so this next one is 11 hours old.

Speaker 1 It's coming from Am I the Asshole, titled, Am I the Asshole for Calling Out My Husband and His Parents After They Tried to Embarrass My Stepdaughter in Front of Her Friends?

Speaker 1 My husband's parents stayed with us for a few days, and the other night we had an issue that resulted in my stepdaughter being upset and angry, me angry, and them and my husband angry.

Speaker 1 So you were all angry.

Speaker 1 I met my stepdaughter when she was

Speaker 1 six. I started dating my husband when she was five.
We married when she was eight.

Speaker 1 I'll admit, when we first met, knowing her mom had passed, I thought I would be filling in as mom-like, or at least a second mom figure.

Speaker 1 In my heart, I wanted to be her mom and for her to be my daughter. It was clear before we got married that it wouldn't happen.
She was actually very resistant to being around me.

Speaker 1 I told my husband we needed therapy together before we got married because she had to be okay with things and we needed to figure out what our family dynamic would look like.

Speaker 1 I won't bore you with unnecessary details, but she didn't want to replace her mom.

Speaker 1 She was already very insecure about me being around because her parents hadn't been together when her mom died, which to her meant she was alone loving her mom.

Speaker 1 But she knew what we wanted, for her to love me and see me as another mom. It scared her.
It made her sad. It made her tummy hurt, to quote my stepdaughter.

Speaker 1 Through therapy, we figured out what the relationship would look like. My husband, the parent, me, an adult in the home, and a safe person for my stepdaughter.

Speaker 1 My husband would keep one-on-one time with my stepdaughter. We'd spend some time together naturally over time.
And in a way, that worked best without forcing it.

Speaker 1 My stepdaughter would call me by my first name. I'd call her my stepdaughter, not daughter.
We worked it all out. We have been good with all of that.
She and I have a good relationship.

Speaker 1 She's a sweet big sister sister to her half siblings, and yes, we use half. It's all normal.
Then a few days ago, my stepdaughter had brought friends into the house quickly, new friends.

Speaker 1 She introduced us all, introducing me by name. My mother-in-law told her she could say more than my name.
She told them that I was her stepmother, technically, but more of a friend.

Speaker 1 Then my husband and his parents interrupted and said she should be more generous than that, and I'm the only real mom she's ever had in her her life.

Speaker 1 And they started to say how grateful she should be to have someone like me as a mother. That's when she started to cry and I told them to stop.
My name would be fine.

Speaker 1 They should stop pushing and trying to humiliate her. My stepdaughter told my husband that she always knew he thought her mom was worthless, but she doesn't.

Speaker 1 I told her to go get ready and have fun, gave her some extra cash, and then an argument broke out between me and them, husband and my in-laws.

Speaker 1 They felt I should appreciate the gesture of defending me. I told them it wasn't defending me.
It was done to humiliate her enough into introducing me how they wanted.

Speaker 1 My husband regretted his actions afterwards. I told him he'll have to do a lot to make up for it.

Speaker 1 His parents, however, felt I was cruelly unfair to them and should not have snapped at them like I did. Am I the asshole? No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like this is one of those stories

Speaker 1 where it's actually a stepmom that's treating this kid with a lot of respect,

Speaker 1 respect of boundaries, just human decency, not pushing, not forcing a relationship.

Speaker 1 And I'm really surprised that all of these other people are trying to kind of wreak havoc on that.

Speaker 1 Wreak havoc?

Speaker 1 I would say wreak havoc, but I like the way you said it. And actually, I could be wrong.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I know how mad people get. Reckon Ralph.
Reeking Ralph. It's just one of those things where it's like, why are you guys all trying to throw a wrench in this relationship that is very much

Speaker 1 fine with everyone? Yeah. And I

Speaker 1 don't think that they were trying to cause problems. And I think that's probably why they feel embarrassed or frustrated because they thought they were standing up and having the stepmom's back, which

Speaker 1 also you could look at that and think that is also positive that the in-laws aren't making the stepmom feel ostracized or, you know, weird in this family, but like they, they did the wrong thing.

Speaker 1 They couldn't handle that the stepmom was like, stop.

Speaker 1 And so it's frustrating that they weren't able to just like take a back seat and understand that like this is a family dynamic. They're going to therapy over it.
Like they're all good.

Speaker 1 They don't need your input. Yeah.
It's a very sensitive subject.

Speaker 1 And honestly, I got so emotional and still amotional that this little precious sweet girl was feeling like because her parents were separated when her mom died, that she's the only one who loves her mom, that like she's alone in love.

Speaker 1 The way she said, I'm alone in loving my mom. Like, that's so heartbreaking.
It is. So it's like the stepmom is handling it so fantastically.
Yeah. I was.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I will say, like, I was really worried at the beginning where she was like, I came in, I wanted to fill in as mom.
And in my heart, I wanted to be her mom.

Speaker 1 And like, I think sometimes that, like, there's people that come in and are like, I'm going to replace her mom and I don't want like any remnants of

Speaker 1 deceased wife.

Speaker 1 So I was worried initially reading this because this is the first time for me, even reading this, I read the title and I was like, oh, God, yeah, this is, this is emotionally psychologically damaging.

Speaker 1 But. I was worried, but just the way she's defending her and like really trying to advocate for this little girl to have her boundaries is so refreshing,

Speaker 1 especially like the point you bring up, Lauren, where it's like

Speaker 1 my dad and my mom weren't together, so I'm the only one that loved her. And then to have your grandparents say

Speaker 1 she should be more generous and that I'm the only real mother she's ever had in her life. Oh, yeah, that's right.
I forgot about that. Okay, I'm giving them less.

Speaker 1 I'm giving them less grace because I forgot about that comment. That's so messed up.
How the

Speaker 1 hell? Yeah. Do you say that to a teenager who is still very clearly in

Speaker 1 grief and turmoil over not having her mom? That's so wrong. I completely forgot about that aspect.
So I take back being so nice about them.

Speaker 1 I get their intention, though. Yeah.
I think, like, you, what you said is like very true. They don't want the stepmom ostracized.
Yeah. But it's happening at this little girl's expense.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 No, I think by saying that comment, like, how can you be so out of touch? How can you not?

Speaker 1 Ugh, that's really frustrating. But like the little girl said, their parents were divorced.
So maybe they just didn't have any relationship with her mom.

Speaker 1 And that's why they feel like they can speak like that because she was young when her mom passed. And that's wrong.
And that's not okay. And they definitely need to be checked.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is, this is really sad.

Speaker 1 And then for her to like be there crying and she goes to her dad, I knew you thought mom was worthless yeah but i don't think she is like that's horrible she's still really going through it and like if they're not still in family therapy they need to get back in and they need to get her her own therapist like she's dealing with a lot yeah well i just i hope that the because like we agreed on it sounds like the grandparents their heart was in the right place but they very much overstepped.

Speaker 1 I hope they stop being offended and embarrassed and can apologize. They can all move forward together on this.
But to answer OP's question, no, you are definitely not the asshole.

Speaker 1 Not the asshole at all.

Speaker 1 And that is what the top comment says.

Speaker 1 They quote what OP said, she was already very insecure about me being around because her parents hadn't been together when her mom died, which to her meant she was alone loving her mom.

Speaker 1 My stepdaughter told my husband she always knew he thought her mom was worthless, but she doesn't. This is so fucking sad.
Not the asshole. Husbands' parents need to shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Ob responds. I remember her speaking about that in therapy being such an eye-opening moment for me.
You don't always think about things like that, but the kids will.

Speaker 1 And it was so clear, it was a worry of hers.

Speaker 1 It was then, I knew for certain I could never be seen as a mom by her, but I would do my best to be the best family member and friend she could have from an adult.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, that's just

Speaker 1 not a lot of kids get that from a step parent. I know.
I had a stepmom from hell.

Speaker 1 Like, truly,

Speaker 1 it's just, it's so refreshing to read this. I don't get this a lot, especially with Father Knows, my dad's show.
We get a lot of write-ins about step-parent dynamics, and it's

Speaker 1 not good. It's not good out there for a lot of people.
Yeah, no, OP is sounding like a really great person through this post, really caring and

Speaker 1 putting the child first. I love it.
I'm going to see if there's any other comments from OP

Speaker 1 here.

Speaker 1 So a couple. So OP says here, she does talk to me about her mom, but I also bought her a hardcovered scrapbook where she could fill it with memories and photos of her mom.

Speaker 1 Some things she won't share with me. So I did my best to give her somewhere she could still read or write about her mom.
I think that this girl is going to grow up.

Speaker 1 once she's fully an adult and just have the absolute best relationship with her stepmom. I think so.
I think time will really, hopefully, heal a lot for her.

Speaker 1 And I think by this woman respecting her boundaries so much, the mutual respect will just continue to grow and she will really rely on her someday.

Speaker 1 There is another comment. I think people are asking about family on her mom's side to, you know, give her some sort of connection to her mom.
Sadly, she doesn't have family on her mom's side, really.

Speaker 1 There is an aunt of her mom's who who last we knew was still alive, but she was not a very kind woman and didn't think much of anyone in her family, including my stepdaughter's mom.

Speaker 1 She came from a very unhealthy and unhappy family, and it makes me so sad for my stepdaughter who would have treasured family from her mom.

Speaker 1 It is really sad. I know.

Speaker 1 And there is one last comment I'll read from OP.

Speaker 1 It's the only other one on the account right now. People were asking, like, how did everyone react in this situation? How did these friends react? Yeah.
Because not only was this done

Speaker 1 at all, but it was done in front of her peers

Speaker 1 and new friends. Yeah.
New friends. You know how embarrassing that is as a teenager? New friends.
And then this drama unfolds. So Opie says, they looked very uncomfortable and awkward.

Speaker 1 I could see they were concerned about my stepdaughter too. The fact my husband and in-laws did it in front of others is still stuck with me.

Speaker 1 It was so clear the intent was to embarrass her into addressing me in a different way, and that is cruel.

Speaker 1 Wow. Kudos to you.

Speaker 1 Kudos, because you are doing

Speaker 1 such an amazing job being her advocate.

Speaker 1 An inspiration to stepmothers everywhere. Seriously.
Stepmamas take notes.

Speaker 1 So good, so good, so good.

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Speaker 1 Okay, on to the next one.

Speaker 1 So this next one is coming from AITAH. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Husband That I See Him as a Liability and Not a Partner?

Speaker 1 Sorry for the long post. It's 2 a.m.
and I'm crying and tired and worn out.

Speaker 1 If I'm rambling, it's because I've held this in for so long, not wanting to burden friends or family with my marital troubles.

Speaker 1 I, 34 female, have been with my husband, 37 male, we'll call him Nathan, for eight years.

Speaker 1 Ever since our daughter, three female, was born, I have been unable to trust Nathan with anything, no matter how small. Oh, no.
Background context.

Speaker 1 When I was 19, a semi-truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and turned my car into scrap metal with me inside of it.

Speaker 1 Oh no. I have enough metal holding me together that I light up like a Christmas tree for TSA, and I'm physically impaired with good days and bad days.

Speaker 1 I used a portion of my settlement check to buy a house outright and have it retrofitted to accommodate my needs, as I'll eventually require a wheelchair.

Speaker 1 I work in software development as it's fun, and nobody cares if I work from bed on bad days. My husband has not worked in five years, which has been fine until our daughter was born.

Speaker 1 Between the settlement money, a paid-off house, and my salary, I enjoyed having him here with me. He contributed by handling most of the domestics.

Speaker 1 We pay for a weekly cleaner with monthly deep cleaning because it gave us more time together. Ever since our daughter was born, it was like a light switch turned off in his head.

Speaker 1 For our daughter, he would buy the wrong size diapers, not fully mix bottles, put diapers on backwards, leave out poop-covered wipes, forget to latch cabinets.

Speaker 1 This past week, he has gone to the store three times because he keeps coming home with the wrong size socks and shoes for her. I eventually just ordered the right ones on Amazon.

Speaker 1 For me, he has tried to help me with my weekly pill organizer fill up and several times has spilled the contents of new medications all over the floor, then not seeing that he didn't get all of them off the floor.

Speaker 1 He has repeatedly brought me grapefruit juice to take my medications with, a huge no.

Speaker 1 He has repeatedly forgotten that I can't have dairy and puts milk in my coffee or cheese on a burger. He has broken so many things of mine from being careless.

Speaker 1 He shattered my laptop because it slipped out of his hand when he tried to pack it for a trip, even after I said I would pack my own electronics.

Speaker 1 I'm getting like pissed off.

Speaker 1 We've lost so many spoons and forks to the disposal.

Speaker 1 He tried to replace the head gasket in my car and over-torqued the engine bolt, which shattered inside the block, and two different shops said they couldn't even repair it.

Speaker 1 We ended up getting a new vehicle because a replacement engine would have cost $11,000.

Speaker 1 Bro. A week later, he crashed the new car into the garage door because he thought he'd press the brakes, not the accelerator.

Speaker 1 Is

Speaker 1 what's going

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 He wanted to do TikToks and streaming as a hobby. I supported him initially, but I quickly noticed a pattern.
Anything regarding our daughter or me, he was sloppy and careless.

Speaker 1 He never whoopsied his own stuff. He would build entire sets to stream or make videos with, leave the garage, and leave his brain in the garage.

Speaker 1 Fucking Fucking clearly. It came to a head four nights ago.
He streamed himself building a new set piece nine hours straight.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, I worked, clocked out early to pick up our daughter from suburb camp, cooked and fed both of us, and got her ready for bed. He came out to help me put her to bed.

Speaker 1 I let him know that I needed to get some work done and would be in my office, and I asked him to take the trash out. He said that he will.

Speaker 1 Two hours later, I left my office, and the house felt really warm. He'd taken the trash out, but left our front door partially open and was back in the garage with his game volume really loud.

Speaker 1 I panicked since our daughter is able to get out of bed, but luckily she was sound asleep. But she could have easily toddled right out of the house and he wouldn't have noticed.

Speaker 1 Then I noticed a stove burner was on with a small pot on it with nothing inside. I didn't use the stove for cooking that night.
I popped my head in the garage and said,

Speaker 1 Hey, I need you for a minute. I informed him of the door situation and he responds,

Speaker 1 I thought I locked it. We checked the camera and no, he did not.
I asked about the burner being on, and he said he was planning to make ramen and forgot. What the fuck?

Speaker 1 He pulled the still hot pot off the burner and put it straight into the sink on top of our daughter's favorite plastic plate, which is now ruined. I cannot stand him.

Speaker 1 I'll admit I overreacted and screamed, quote, what are you

Speaker 1 doing?

Speaker 1 He realized what he'd done and pulls the pot off of our daughter's plate and straight onto the countertop. I quickly grab it and run it underwater to cool it down.
Did she say that she overreacted?

Speaker 1 Honey,

Speaker 1 no,

Speaker 1 I would have overreacted, in quotes, so many issues ago. I tell him I can't tonight.
I can't deal with him. I'm taking my meds and going to sleep.

Speaker 1 He gets a cup from the cupboard and sets it straight onto the burner that had been on.

Speaker 1 I hit my limit. I started crying.
He kept saying that it was fine. Things happen.
It's just an accident. He's had a rough day from streaming.
He's just tired. Why am I crying? It's just a cup.

Speaker 1 We can replace it.

Speaker 1 The anger hit. She can replace it.
You clearly can't.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 The anger hit. Not just OP, but Lauren too.
Yeah. And I said, quote, it's because I have a liability and not a partner.
He said, quote, what the fuck does that mean? Exactly what you think it means.

Speaker 1 I screamed that it's because I can't trust him to do anything. That I'm always having to watch him like a child, always having to bear the costs of his mistakes.

Speaker 1 That every time I get careless and think I can trust him to be an adult, I'm always the one getting fucked over. I then said, quote, I can't see you as a partner anymore.

Speaker 1 You're just another liability in my checkbook. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He immediately stormed out of the kitchen and went to bed. Bye.
I called my mom and told her what happened.

Speaker 1 She thinks it's just stress and offered to take our daughter for a week so we could figure this out without our daughter seeing it. She says it was an asshole thing to call my husband a liability.

Speaker 1 Did she tell her the full story? In the morning, I told my husband that my mom would pick up our daughter from summer camp and offered to watch her for a week. He said, okay.

Speaker 1 And that's the only interaction we've had since. He spends all day in the garage playing games with his friends, making TikToks, and streaming.

Speaker 1 For food, he's been ordering DoorDash and having the person deliver it to the garage. It's been days, and he refuses to be in the same room as me.

Speaker 1 I've tried messaging him to ask him if we can talk or figure out a solution, but he's just left me on red.

Speaker 1 If I pop into the garage, he ignores me, but apologizes to his friends or viewers for the interruption

Speaker 1 and unmutes his mic when the noise stops. Before the blowup, I've asked if there was something going on.
I've tried to gently respond every time.

Speaker 1 He screwed up so our daughter didn't associate mistake to anger. I asked him to schedule with a doctor to see if something was going wrong medically.
He always said I was overreacting.

Speaker 1 People make mistakes and didn't see an issue even when the same mistakes kept happening.

Speaker 1 When I tried to get him to understand that it was concerning just how expensive his mistakes were getting, he'd wave it off as a quote: it's not like we can't afford it. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Ungrateful. I love him dearly.
I just miss the person he was before we had a child, the one I could trust and rely on. Did I screw this up forever? Was I being too harsh on his mistakes?

Speaker 1 Am I missing something?

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole? Absolutely not.

Speaker 1 If you guys couldn't tell how I feel about that, but I will say that I was thinking that the entire time because it seems so extreme that if there is something medical, then obviously I would have a completely different reaction to this.

Speaker 1 It would just be very, like, very sad that this is happening if there's something like genuinely, like, seriously medical that's going on. Yeah.

Speaker 1 For me, I worked a lot with neuropatients.

Speaker 1 Missing the accelerator for like the break, thinking you're hitting the break, but you hit the accelerator. Like, to me, it honestly sounds like the early signs of some sort of neurological disorder.

Speaker 1 You start to have difficulties with like proprioception and knowing where your body is in space or feeling.

Speaker 1 Even something like diabetes can cause you to lose feeling and like as attuned sensation in your hands and feet.

Speaker 1 So it does seem like medically, like dropping a bunch of stuff, slipping a bunch of stuff, like he's got decreased strength in his hands. Like,

Speaker 1 it does sound like something medically could be going wrong. Yeah.
And then he's just too embarrassed to admit it. And then here comes depression.
He doesn't want to work.

Speaker 1 He doesn't want to do anything. He's just slipping all around.
Right.

Speaker 1 But you get to a certain point, even if you're embarrassed and whatever, you ran a fucking car into the garage, a brand new car after you just wrecked the other one because you over-torqued something.

Speaker 1 Right. Again, decreased sensation.
Like clearly something's going on. And you get to a certain point where you need to like come to terms and you need to go to the doctor.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 And that's why I'm like, this would be a completely, I would have completely different reactions if this was something medical.

Speaker 1 But like, let's say that it's not medical and he just has gamer brain and he's just being that,

Speaker 1 you know, like intensely sucked in. Yeah, that sucked in that he's just not present at all in his regular life because he's so sucked in into these video games or whatever he's doing on social media.

Speaker 1 Then that's a completely different story. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 That's where the frustration would be that, but if it's like, if it's something medical, then we're having a different conversation around it. Yeah.
And I'm not a doctor.

Speaker 1 Like I'm not, I can't diagnose people. So like I'm not, I'm not one to be like, oh yeah, he's got MS or he's got something going on.

Speaker 1 Like it's just as someone that's been in healthcare, like there's just some warning signs. And even OP is picking up on it.
Even OP is saying like, I've asked him to get checked out.

Speaker 1 Like medically, there seems like there's something wrong. Right.
Well, and I'm, I'm even more far away from being a doctor.

Speaker 1 And I was even thinking that as you were saying this, because the thing is, is that like, if these situations were all isolated, it's like, yes, people make mistakes. Of course.

Speaker 1 But the fact that it seems like, well, I mean, the daughter is three.

Speaker 1 So I don't know how soon these happen back to back, but like within three years or maybe even like more condensed, these things are happening. There's a reason to be concerned.

Speaker 1 Even if

Speaker 1 no matter what it is, like you said, there's a point where he's got to reflect and be like, okay, what's going on? Should I like things have changed within me?

Speaker 1 Is it because I'm so focused in this other life and I don't know if I want to be a dad and I would want to be a gamer, or is it because he's having some type of medical issues?

Speaker 1 Or is he just complacent? Like he's got a meal ticket, but he does things, he messes up, and then his rebuttal is, well, it's not like we can't afford it. Right.
That's not your money. Right.

Speaker 1 That is money that was from a settlement because your wife went through something horrible, horrific, physically life-altering. That is money that's supposed to sustain her for years to come.

Speaker 1 It's not going to. It's not going to be able to fund her elder care if she needs it.
If you're draining the fucking bank with your stupid mistakes,

Speaker 1 not like we can't afford it. Sir, you don't have a job.

Speaker 1 How are you contributing at all? We, there is no we. You have a wife that is your meal ticket, and you clearly don't even respect her.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then there's the added child endangerment. Yeah, exactly.
That's why I kind of was like,

Speaker 1 OP,

Speaker 1 you cannot gaslight yourself into thinking you're in the wrong right now. Like, yeah, you got mad at him and you kind of blew up on him for a good reason.
You didn't say anything that wasn't true.

Speaker 1 He was being a liability. He is being a liability.
Yeah. I joke.
Like, I love my dad, but my dad's a little out of pocket sometimes. I joke.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like if you've been to a live show, you know, my dad gets crazy at the live shows. He's just, he's a liability.
Yeah. We joke and we all say that to him.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's, you know, but I get this context was very different. It was very serious, but it also is true.
But it was true.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's, it's a liability if when you if you hire a babysitter when you're out of town or if you're gone for the weekend and your babysitter leaves a door open while your baby is sleeping.

Speaker 1 So you're like in the other room with headphones on, like you're going to probably fire that babysitter because you're going to be like, I can't trust you.

Speaker 1 So yes, she has a right to be very mad at her partner who she's supposed to trust more than any babysitter in the world. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, so I mean, and this, this type of stuff does happen. That's not a crazy thought.
Like Alejandra, when she was a kid, she literally like. Yeah.
Like she like she wandered

Speaker 1 wandered down the street one time when her mom left for like two minutes to grab like bread down the the street or something. And all Hunter was like,

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I think she's told that story on the podcast. I think she did too.
That's why I brought it up. Her mom like went to go pick up her little sister or our brother.

Speaker 1 I think it was her brother Ryan. And literally, she wandered off and like the cops found her.
Yeah. And luckily it was the cops.
Like just crazy.

Speaker 1 Like kids can get themselves into so much trouble so quickly. They're little.
They don't know. This was very long.
And I know we're probably not picking apart everything we should, but like,

Speaker 1 I don't think OP is the asshole. No.

Speaker 1 I get it could have been said in a way that wasn't so hurtful and maybe was a little kinder, but it's very clear that she's had conversations again and again and again and he's not getting it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. And that's, and that's the thing that's so frustrating to me.
Like in

Speaker 1 a relationship, I'm sure all of us can relate when you have to ask something for someone more than once and they agree to it. They're like, oh yeah, no problem.
And then they do it again.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, oh, like it could be something simple. Like, oh, hey, could you rinse your dish? Because when it sits with food, ants come.
Something like that. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And they're like, yeah, no problem. And then they don't.
Then you have to ask them again. Hey, yeah, of course.
Sorry, I forgot. And then again, and again, and again, and again.

Speaker 1 And to the point where it's like, yeah, I'm going to yell. What do you expect? You're not, you're telling me what I want to hear in the moment, but then you're not doing it.

Speaker 1 You're just, I don't get it. Like, yeah, I'm gonna be mad.
So, to me, I'm like, I don't think OP did anything wrong in her reaction. Would this be relationship ending for you?

Speaker 1 Would you be at this point? Well, it's easy for me to say yes because I'm

Speaker 1 in love with this guy.

Speaker 1 So, it's hard when imagine, imagine your current partner you love dearly.

Speaker 1 Like, if I look at this, if this were Justin, we had a kid, all of a sudden we had a kid and he tuned out, didn't care, didn't pay attention, was careless, hurt the kid, hurt me.

Speaker 1 Well, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 I think I'd have to be done. I think so, too.
Especially given the fact mom, grandma, took the baby, three-year-old, four-year-old, whatever, and couldn't communicate with me. And he's ignoring her.

Speaker 1 Acting like a toddler. She walks into the garage while he's gaming.

Speaker 1 Sorry for the interruption, guys. Yeah.
Oh, God. That

Speaker 1 boiled me a little bit. My blood.
I was like, what the fuck? You know what would be getting shut off really fast?

Speaker 1 The Wi-Fi. Yeah.
You are going to talk to me whether you like it or not. Yeah.
And if you can't communicate,

Speaker 1 if you're unwilling to have a conversation to come up with a solution or work towards finding what it's going to take to get us back on track, if you're unwilling to even talk to me,

Speaker 1 we've got no future. We're done.
Literally. We're done.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm so scared to get into the comments.

Speaker 1 We had so much to say about that one that I forgot that we didn't even get to the comments.

Speaker 1 I'm so, I'm really, I'm really sad. I'm really frustrated.
I just, I, I can't believe this one, quite frankly.

Speaker 1 Top comment: I wonder how peaceful it has been for you since you started living in the garage. Has anything broken your house? Any accidents happening? Next comment, peaceful but expensive.

Speaker 1 I wonder how he's paying for all of the DoorDash if he isn't working. How much of her money is he blowing with his hobby and food when he's not even going anywhere? Next comment, this.

Speaker 1 OP should honestly put a lock on her card. That'll force him out of the garage.
And then OP can tell him to get the fuck out.

Speaker 1 Okay, so the comments hate his guts.

Speaker 1 Like we kind of do.

Speaker 1 Next comment down. I'm sorry this is happening.
And I honestly think something is very, very wrong with your husband.

Speaker 1 There are several occurrences that can't be seen as mistakes and you are not overreacting.

Speaker 1 Forgetting a pot on the stove is obviously dangerous, but leaving the door open with a toddler means he doesn't seem to be situationally aware enough to keep his child safe.

Speaker 1 It's not just the same mistakes over and over again. It's the fact that the consequences are getting worse and worse that can't be minimized and ignored.

Speaker 1 He really shouldn't be driving anything, nor should your toddler be left alone with him. If he's unwilling to seek medical advice and deflecting, you may need to consider having him leave your home.

Speaker 1 He's a walking disaster, literally, not the asshole. Yep.
I genuinely think there's something wrong. I can't imagine there's not.

Speaker 1 But what is strange to me, though, is that she is saying that it happened right after the birth. So I'm like, it's just coincidence, the timing.

Speaker 1 But like, for a lot of conditions, high stress can trigger them.

Speaker 1 New baby, not sleeping. You know, he wasn't working.
He was staying home with her. So maybe they were really good about splitting, you know, the shifts, feeding at night.

Speaker 1 Maybe she was pumping and he had bottles. Like maybe that for him pushed him over the edge.

Speaker 1 He could have, you know, depression, anxiety, from all. I don't know.
But like something

Speaker 1 is not right. For the event of having a child to trigger this switch,

Speaker 1 something's not right. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm gonna say at first, it almost felt like weaponized incompetence in a way, but then it's like, as you were speaking, I'm like, no, that's not what this is.

Speaker 1 There's something more to it, and I don't know exactly what it is.

Speaker 1 But because it's like, if it was weaponized incompetence, it would be like he throws the garbage out, but like a bunch of the garbage fills on or falls onto the ground around the camp. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, like, there's no benefit in these moves for him or for anyone.

Speaker 1 So why why are they happening you're just is he that out of it he just doesn't care or is there like something truly deeply going on i would be curious if opie could update us i know i really

Speaker 1 i really want him to get checked out get checked out yeah um we have a lot of comments from op on the post oh okay um people are asking about finances how's he paying for all of these things you know all of that

Speaker 1 someone comments, obviously, she does though. Otherwise, how is he ordering the food deliveries that he's using to ignore her? He's using her money to pout in the garage.

Speaker 1 So OP responds and says, We do have a shared account for household expenses and bills, but he is using his own money as far as I can see.

Speaker 1 When he became a stay-at-home husband, I didn't want him to ever feel like he was financially trapped or abused.

Speaker 1 Also, the thought of my husband having to ask for money, permission, to buy things for himself or not, being able to buy gifts discreetly felt icky to me.

Speaker 1 My paychecks get split between the expenses account and $300 each is deposited into separate accounts that the other can't see, the rest to the savings.

Speaker 1 To me, it's his money to save or spend how he wants,

Speaker 1 which I will say is nice. Like, I think financial abuse is very real in a lot of people's.
relationships, especially those that are stay-at-home parents, typically moms.

Speaker 1 So to see that, even though the genders are a little flipped in this,

Speaker 1 she still recognizes like he should be able to have his own. My problem with that is typically someone that is a stay-at-home parent.

Speaker 1 She uses the word stay-at-home husband, which I find interesting, but stay-at-home parents are usually working their butts off.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Let my silence deduce something from that because I'm, I'm, I just am so frustrated.
I know.

Speaker 1 Um, she says, Before our daughter was born, he was contributing and I valued him for it. He cooked most of our meals, did the daily chores like cleaning, dishes, wiping counters, cat litter scooping.

Speaker 1 We did bi-weekly grocery trips and bulk store runs together, but one-offs during the week he would handle.

Speaker 1 He also helped me hit the ground running with scrambled eggs and coffee in bed so I could take my heart medication.

Speaker 1 I never had to run the laundry or consider taking the heavier pain meds to get through folding and hanging everything. He still mostly does these, minus breakfast.

Speaker 1 Dishes sometimes sit overnight due to his streaming, but I also attribute it to our toddler wanting each part of her meal in a different small bowl, and our dishwasher can only fit so many of the IKEA kids' bowls.

Speaker 1 So he does do daily things still,

Speaker 1 but they also have a cleaner and a monthly deep cleaner.

Speaker 1 I read through all of the responses and have removed the allocation to his account. I also removed his his name as an authorized user on the bills/slash expenses account.

Speaker 1 Before our daughter was born, this did seem the fairest because he was managing the household tasks and maintenance.

Speaker 1 But I understand everyone's frustration at me since the arrangement is no longer fair or equitable. I can't cancel his card because my name isn't on that account at all.

Speaker 1 But I have put a stop to this Fridays and all future deposits.

Speaker 1 Wow. Good.
That is rapid change just from some Reddit comments pointing out, like, hey, he's not contributing in the way he is. So for him to get an allowance

Speaker 1 feels weird calling it an allowance when it's for an adult, but

Speaker 1 I mean, I've heard people call it allowances the other way around, you know, often. So

Speaker 1 I don't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people are asking about her will. And what happens to the house?

Speaker 1 Is there a chance he could get your house, especially if you guys got divorced? Also, the settlement and the house are far out of his reach.

Speaker 1 They were always in a trust with one of my cousins as the trustee, should anything happen to me. The only amendment made was that my cousin is to manage it for the benefit of my daughter.

Speaker 1 Wow, that is like, that's huge. Cause it's like,

Speaker 1 you're not like you, maybe that's why he's just like, he's just complacent. Like, he doesn't want a divorce, even if he's super unhappy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, what?

Speaker 1 And what

Speaker 1 he wouldn't be able to game all day if he stream all day. What exactly is he doing? I'm sorry.
I kind of missed that. He just streams all day.
Streaming, but like, what does that even mean?

Speaker 1 Like, is he playing video games or what is

Speaker 1 he like dancing on TikTok? I don't know what that is.

Speaker 1 I mean, streaming could be an abundance of things. There's streamers that play Call of Duty.
There's streamers that play Minecraft or, you know, there's so many games out there.

Speaker 1 So you can literally stream anything. People just watch it.
Yeah. And just.

Speaker 1 Do they learn from it? They could. If someone's a really good, like, Call of Duty gamer and they want to, get better, they could learn tips and tricks.

Speaker 1 Some people stream and talk politics or break down videos. There's the world of streaming is huge, abundant.
There's, there's everything and anything under the sun. I'm not familiar with it.

Speaker 1 I, there's just this one TikTok I came across. I might have said this on here before, where it was this girl and she records it.
Well, that's probably what streaming is, but,

Speaker 1 but, anyways, she puts it on TikTok and there's these guys that say the nastiest, like, massages. The gaming stuff.
Yeah, and then and she just smokes them. Yeah, she smokes them and it's like so hot.

Speaker 1 I'm like so I get attracted to her. I'm like, whoo, so satisfying.
I watched so many of her videos. I was like, get them.

Speaker 1 It's so satisfying, especially when like people are super misogynistic and they're like,

Speaker 1 they just get quiet. They're like, oh, fuck.
The stuff they say on those streams. I'm like, you,

Speaker 1 you should be banned from ever being able to put your hands on a woman ever again. Truly, you don't deserve sex.
You don't deserve a girlfriend.

Speaker 1 You don't deserve anything good and shiny in life if you're going to be so gross and misogynistic.

Speaker 1 The only thing, though, about the way that they talk or the way that they operate on there is that I think they equally do that to everyone. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, I think they equally talk shit. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I guess I don't know because, like I said, I'm not familiar. So, Justin games and he goes online and they do like team

Speaker 1 stuff.

Speaker 1 I'm not a gamer. I'm not, but it's really, really cool.

Speaker 1 And I love listening because he'll get paired with people that are in, I don't know, Argentina and they're like speaking Spanish and they're trying to like communicate as a team together.

Speaker 1 And it's, it's just a really cool thing. So I've seen him end up on like really positive teams where there's not a lot of shit talking, but

Speaker 1 there are some crazies out there. So I know it's, it's definitely out there.

Speaker 1 I, if you saw my face jaw dropped a little bit ago, we have an update.

Speaker 1 I didn't know this existed

Speaker 1 and I'm really scared.

Speaker 2 It is super long.

Speaker 1 Okay, so enjoy an ad. Buckling up.

Speaker 1 Did you enjoy that ad?

Speaker 1 Okay, let's get into this update. Don't hate me.
I just have to do certain things. I'm just laughing because it's like there's no ad for us.

Speaker 1 So I'm just sitting here listening to you be like, Did you enjoy that?

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 update. Sorry for not being so responsive.
Thank you to everyone who gave feedback and suggestions and all of the messages. It's been a week.

Speaker 1 Before I get into the update, I'm going to answer some repeated questions. Skip ahead, eight paragraphs for the actual update.
So one, why does my husband not work?

Speaker 1 He can easily find employment, but we both agreed that the pay was never worth the toxic environment of his field unless he wanted to start his own business, which he did not.

Speaker 1 He worked in home repair and renovation. It was gross how his coworkers spoke of and treated women, female customers, and coworkers alike.

Speaker 1 He saw many female coworkers be sexually harassed into quitting. He hated how gross it made him feel when sales and adjusters would take advantage of women.

Speaker 1 Yes, selling inferior and unnecessary services at a premium is a thing.

Speaker 1 If he said anything, his hours would get cut until he left.

Speaker 1 He left one job on the first day because his boss left a screaming voicemail for not selling a refrigerant service to a young black couple who didn't even need refrigerant.

Speaker 1 Yes, he's got documentation and reported multiple employers to the state labor board and checked back. Nothing was ever done to our knowledge.

Speaker 1 He's also tried a factory job and a warehouse since leaving the trades, both heavily penalized him for needing scheduled time off for my medical needs.

Speaker 1 There's no worker protection here for any of that until FMLA, unpaid, which takes a year to be eligible for. Yes, it is a privilege to walk away from a paying job with your middle fingers held high.

Speaker 1 I have done the same many times, but I am happy where I'm at right now because it's the opposite of toxic.

Speaker 1 I'm thriving, and our company has no penalty, unlimited paid sick/slash medical leave policy that is strictly enforced at all levels of management.

Speaker 1 Any lead who penalizes people for taking leave gets sacked. A unicorn of a company.
Wow. Drop the name.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Add in a child.

Speaker 1 And short of finding another unicorn employer who won't penalize him for needing time off for me or our daughter, such as when daycare closed for a week due to RSV outbreak, puts him out of the workforce until either I stop working or our child is old enough to not need consistent monitoring.

Speaker 1 However, he's not a reliable caregiver to your child.

Speaker 1 But I am liking this context because it is, it is providing

Speaker 1 more of an understanding of the dynamics. I agree.

Speaker 1 Last reason for this dynamic is that although I'm disabled, my job pays almost double the highest salary he's ever had, with no reduction in pay for needing time off.

Speaker 1 It doesn't make financial sense for us to switch who the working partner is.

Speaker 1 Two, does my husband have a large following or make money from streaming/slash TikTok? No. His lives have an average of six viewers, and his Twitch has three followers.

Speaker 1 When we did our taxes, he didn't get a 1099, and he showed me that he got all of $6 from TikTok live gifts, nothing from Twitch. His viewer counts are about the same as end of last year.

Speaker 1 3. Why do we still have a weekly housekeeper and have our daughter in summer camp and part-time daycare?

Speaker 1 I hate the dynamic of one spouse working in a single job for 40 hours a week while the other juggles simultaneous domestic duties, child rearing, and essentially being on call 24-7.

Speaker 1 I would not want those expectations of me and couldn't fathom putting it all on someone I love and cherish.

Speaker 1 If my husband did all of the activities and field trips that daycare did, his evenings and weekends would be taken up by domestic duties that I would physically struggle with assisting.

Speaker 1 The weekly housekeeper helps prevent deferred cleaning paralysis, where small missed things piled up into unwielding, monster tasks and struggling where to start.

Speaker 1 If that isn't my fucking house.

Speaker 1 Edited to add our daughter started at the part-time daycare when she turned three. Before then, my partner was the primary caretaker, which made the weekly housekeeping that much more helpful.

Speaker 1 Four, the allowance thing. Yes, I wanted a dynamic where my husband had his own money, even if he was not working a paying job.

Speaker 1 Maybe I've been on social media too long, but I've read so many stories of non-working spouses, albeit mostly women, being financially abused or unable to leave marriages because they did not have access to money they could save up in private.

Speaker 1 Should I have stopped it sooner when our dynamic became unbalanced? Yes, I own that.

Speaker 1 Five, as for what what happens if slash when we divorce, the house and settlement balance is in a trust, completely separated, and as far as my lawyer can tell, out of his reach.

Speaker 1 Alimony would be up for a judge to decide, but between my documentation that his licenses/slash certs aren't expired, plus my continued medical costs, there's a good chance of not being obligated.

Speaker 1 Hopefully, that means most or all of the background-related questions. Now,

Speaker 1 on to the update. Friday, I finished work to the smell of food being cooked.
My husband was plating dinner on the table when I left my office. He said he wanted to talk over dinner.

Speaker 1 Some people had given me a heads up that my story was on multiple TikToks, and I'm grateful because it meant being prepared for the possibility he would see it.

Speaker 1 Which, I have feelings about my posts being used for content on the very platform my child and I have been neglected for. Not good ones.
What? What does that mean? I'm so sorry. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think she just doesn't like TikTok because

Speaker 1 he is spending so much time there. Oh, oh, oh, oh, yes.
Okay.

Speaker 1 He did see one. He asked if it was me, and I told him the truth.
Yes, I wrote it. Yes, that's how I feel.
And yes, I read the comments on Reddit.

Speaker 1 And no, I won't delete or change how I write about him just because I know he can see it.

Speaker 1 I don't know how to describe his reaction, but he said that he had spent the last day reflecting on, quote, just how bad could it be for so many medical diagnosis suggestions to be given as reasons and justification.

Speaker 1 He did say that he doesn't have ADHD. His mom was addicted to opioids and Ritalin when he was a kid, and she tried to get numerous doctors to have him diagnosed.

Speaker 1 She had him believing he was so, though, that he sought out two opinions once he was an adult. He didn't learn about her addiction until his mid-20s.

Speaker 1 He did seek therapy once he was aware that his mom was trying to use him for pills.

Speaker 1 He said he was willing willing to see a psychiatrist one more time, but he doesn't think that he has ADHD or that he's autistic at all. He does think he might be depressed though.

Speaker 1 If not depressed, he will ask about some of the other medical suggestions, if it will ease my worry or rule out a major problem.

Speaker 1 He did sound genuine in this, but something he said is sticking with me. He said it jokingly and apologized as soon as he saw the hurt in my eyes.

Speaker 1 That everyone saying there's something wrong in his his brain must be on to something since he chose to love and marry someone medically fragile, knowing our life together would be anything but normal.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 How do you just slip that in there as a joke?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 What? Let's just read that one more time.

Speaker 1 That everyone saying there's something wrong in his brain must be on to something since he chose to love and marry someone medically fragile, knowing our life together would be anything but normal.

Speaker 1 I understand your hurt.

Speaker 1 I understand like reading those comments and hearing people's takes could be very hurtful. Yeah.
But honestly, I'm genuinely concerned something's wrong with you medically.

Speaker 1 Like I genuinely think you're sick, dude. And for you to then be like, yeah, I must be fucked in the head because I fell in love with you.

Speaker 1 I must be fucked up because I love and I chose to be with you.

Speaker 1 That's projecting for sure.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I get hurt people hurt people.

Speaker 1 But wow, you stooped really low.

Speaker 1 He did also admit that the night he'd left the door open, the pot on, and ruined our child's favorite dish and a cup, he drank a little too much on his stream and would monitor that more closely.

Speaker 1 He said the last few nights, he had been filling his wine bottle with grape juice, so it looked like he was having a jolly drinking Viking, but was actually sober. He said he would keep doing that.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's concerning. This is for his three Twitch followers that he's pretending to.
drink a bottle of wine. Do we think he's telling the truth with that? I think he's drinking more.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 After dinner, he went out and he surprised me with seeing the new Deadpool movie. We didn't go to our normal theater because he looked up what each theater had for limited edition popcorn buckets.

Speaker 1 I now have the baby Deadpool one that holds popcorn and a drink.

Speaker 1 We spent the next day going over the extent of how our family dynamic changed for the worse, how the little things have added up, how I see change as a part of an apology.

Speaker 1 If you verbally apologize but repeatedly do the same thing, the apology words are worthless to me. Exactly.

Speaker 1 And that he didn't apologize just how frequently he was making the same slash similar oopsies.

Speaker 1 Sunday, we spent talking over short and long term, what needs to change immediately, him scheduling his own doctor's appointments, timelines for expectations.

Speaker 1 He agreed that replacing or fixing things he caused will no longer come out of our expense account. He will pay for it from his allowance account,

Speaker 1 which we talked about. I did turn deposits back on, but only for $50 per paycheck.

Speaker 1 He suggested we keep it that way until he's paid back the cost of repairing the garage and car from earlier this year.

Speaker 1 He said it will take him far longer to undo the cost of destroying the engine to my last vehicle, but he's going to step up and find ways to make it right, just so you know. Yes, I see the red flags.

Speaker 1 Love bombing.

Speaker 1 Not knowing how frequently, despite repeated talks, thinking verbal apologies are the final step in apologizing, and not understanding that repeatedly doing the same problem thing is the same as never apologizing.

Speaker 1 It's almost worse because then it makes you feel fucking crazy. It really does.

Speaker 1 And yes, I know he will read this. Do I actually think this is resolved and will come out of this as a perfect married couple who stays together until one of us croaks? Not really.

Speaker 1 Full offense to husband for now. Is it a potential resolution? Maybe.
But my husband is fully aware that he has a lot to make up for, a lot to fix, and a tight schedule to make it happen.

Speaker 1 And that the lesson for our daughter later in life is either going to be taking real accountability can steer a wayward ship back to course,

Speaker 1 or taking accountability is the right thing to do, even if you don't get the result you wanted. Or, quote, love alone isn't enough.

Speaker 1 Edit to add, he finally read the post, so please read between the lines to what I'm actually saying. Last four words of the previous four paragraphs, if it's not obvious,

Speaker 1 last four words

Speaker 1 is it gonna be it is with us?

Speaker 1 Love alone isn't enough. Oh,

Speaker 1 okay,

Speaker 1 so you're getting divorced.

Speaker 1 That's what it sounds like.

Speaker 1 You can't just have a relationship off of love alone. Like it, it takes more than that.
And I think a lot of people will hold on to, like, well, it's love.

Speaker 1 It's just like, well, it's making you miserable and it's not fair.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 wait.

Speaker 1 Okay, we're backing up. Um,

Speaker 1 we're wrong. No, I'm just like trying to figure out this.
Like, I want to make sure I'm right about this. Like,

Speaker 1 last four words of the previous four paragraphs, if it's not obvious. So, I'm counting paragraphs.
Can I see?

Speaker 1 Oopsies know this enough.

Speaker 1 Help. I just like want to make sure, because I know she said like sometimes love isn't enough,

Speaker 1 but she's saying the last

Speaker 1 four words of the last. I just like, I'm, I'm super

Speaker 1 not with it sometimes. And I just want to make sure we're going to read the correct thing.

Speaker 1 Also, can, can no one else on Reddit ever do this to me again? Like, I'm really, I love puzzles, but they got to be, you know, 500 pieces, not anagram word puzzles. Like, crosswords aren't my friend.

Speaker 1 Sudoku, I suck at. Like,

Speaker 1 are you, do you get it? Know this enough

Speaker 1 divorce.

Speaker 1 Unless she's

Speaker 1 saying the last four words, just so you know, I know he will read this. Love alone isn't enough and sometimes involves divorce.
That's what she meant. Oh, I I just got the chills.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Top comment on the update. So he was breaking shit because he was drunk.
Why is his solution to being drunk, filling his wine bottle with grape juice?

Speaker 1 Is the wine consumption integral to his seven online followers? Yes. And someone goes, and yet not drunk enough to break his stuff.
Always hers.

Speaker 1 Funny.

Speaker 1 I think genuinely

Speaker 1 he

Speaker 1 might be an alcoholic.

Speaker 1 And that would explain all of it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did they even think that? Because she didn't mention alcohol at all. There was no alcohol.

Speaker 1 No alcohol involved.

Speaker 1 But when he said that he's been putting grape juice in a red wine bottle, For again, if he had a really big following, like that still is kind of an odd thing to do.

Speaker 1 But if he was trying to like keep the vibes up, or if everyone is saying that they're drinking, then he's like, oh, I'm having, you know, but I'm like, you have three people following you, and you're,

Speaker 1 you're trying to impress them by putting grape juice in a wine bottle. What's the point?

Speaker 1 You could just, if you want to do that, you could just literally lie and have grape juice in a glass and be like, it's wine and put it, I don't, in a wine bottle.

Speaker 1 Speaking of wine, could I have some more? I know. Well, that's what I was actually going to say: is like

Speaker 1 there's times where we don't have any wine on the show. Yeah, I would never in a million years.
Yeah, we've never done that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you have to

Speaker 1 understand peer pressure, but there's other options that can make you feel like you're fitting in. Heineken 00 is a great one.
It literally looks like a beer. It is a 0.0% alcohol option.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. I just like two nights in a row where I'm like watching a movie and I'm vibing out, drinking a bottle of wine.

Speaker 1 So it's the same bottle and it was two nights in a row that I had like, you know, a couple glasses. And then I'm like, this is, this wine tastes so good.
It, it's really good.

Speaker 1 I'm going to buy this again. And then I look at the label.
And I look at the, actually, I look at the back label because it had the calories on it, which I'm like not used to that on a wine bottle.

Speaker 1 So I looked at it closer and it was like 50 calories for the entire bottle. And I'm thinking, wow, I didn't know wine was

Speaker 1 that low-cal.

Speaker 1 Definitely going to buy this again. I don't think all of it is.
No, so I turned the bottle to the front. Are they serving? No, zero proof, zero wine.

Speaker 1 So you were drinking the striping great.

Speaker 1 You have to be kidding me because I'm over here like, this one tastes so good. I'm a little bit bused.
No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
Placebo effect baby

Speaker 1 i love there are a lot of wines though and like drinks for people that don't want to partake in alcohol that do have like

Speaker 1 certain

Speaker 1 i don't know properties i'm i don't know i don't even want to like try to guess at the word for it but certain properties that like simulate like a feeling

Speaker 1 like it's almost like you know, lion's mane or ashwagandha, like those things that can like, people replace coffee with them, like instill like a bit of an upper.

Speaker 1 Like there are things like like that in the wine world. There's better mock tales these days.
Yeah. So, to

Speaker 1 sit there and pretend you're drunk, it's

Speaker 1 just crazy. Yeah.
It's just, I'm, I'm absolutely baffled. I am going to go look at OP's account just to make sure there's not any other comments since the update,

Speaker 1 which,

Speaker 1 yes, there are.

Speaker 1 Honestly, that that last message really baffled me, OP. Please don't don't do that to me again.

Speaker 1 There's a shit ton of comments since the update, you guys, and we've been on this story for so long. So I will be sure to post the link, but let's get an answer on if they are divorcing or not.

Speaker 1 So people are like pointing out his comment and mentioning how horrible it was. And OP goes, I agree.
There is a kernel of truth in jokes, and it sank my heart to hear him say it out loud.

Speaker 1 Once we get through the, is he potentially dying of brain cancer and other medical checks, it's something I plan to discuss with him in more detail if there is nothing brain related at play.

Speaker 1 I would joke that if playing video games for an audience of three to six people is contributing to his depression, that he should get good and make content that attracts a larger audience.

Speaker 1 But that would be petty of me and I shouldn't. A lot of comments that OP wishes they could grow a new spine and replace the one being held together with duct tape, screws, rust, and vibes.

Speaker 1 I'm I'm well aware that he's 99.9% likely in a panic in the next month. That is going to be a refreshing but temporary change.
It's crazy that he's reading all this, you know?

Speaker 1 I think you misunderstood the update. In case you did, I made an edit to make it more clear.

Speaker 1 I know on all parts, however, for my own safety, thanks to TikTok content farmers delivering my post to my husband on TikTok. I have no idea that was a thing until this happened too late.

Speaker 1 I wanted to make an update to say, LOL, you tried to fix things with the Deadpool popcorn bucket with a fuck with minimal-ish risk.

Speaker 1 Now that he's read the post and a bunch of comments, the risk is lower, hence the edit at the bottom of the post. He hates Reddit and isn't likely to return to the post specifically bad mouthing him.

Speaker 1 Fair. But aren't you curious? Maybe divorce, yes.
Please accuse the dark humor in this because of my past accident. Everything is maybe.

Speaker 1 Everything is always a maybe because you can never rule out someone getting hit by a Kroger truck.

Speaker 1 Damn, OP.

Speaker 1 No official yes divorce, no divorce.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 we will have to keep watching. When was the last post? Last post is nine days old, and OP was commenting as of eight days ago.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I'm hoping we get an update on this one.

Speaker 1 OP is saying, like, please read some of my latest comments to people. And we kind of covered them.
I'm looking through really intensely, and I'm not seeing anything about officially getting a divorce.

Speaker 1 So I'm not not sure what that last four words of the last four paragraphs. I don't know.
I don't get it. My husband.

Speaker 1 I know, but like, there's no mention now of divorce. I think she's saying that it's going to be a divorce, but that she wants to wait and make sure he's not dying of brain cancer.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's keep our eyes open for an update on this one. I'll be sure to follow the account.

Speaker 1 OP, if you're out there, sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine just the burden and the weight of the world you have on you.

Speaker 1 But you are deserving of love. Like for someone to say, I can't believe I picked you medically, whatever fucking bullshit that medically fragile comment was.
He doesn't mean that. Unacceptable.

Speaker 1 And he doesn't deserve you. You have been

Speaker 1 an amazing partner to this person.

Speaker 1 Very reasonable. So fair.
Such a patient. Equitable relationship.
Like a relationship that people dream of. Yeah.
And what you went through is no burden for someone else to bear.

Speaker 1 You're already bearing it. Look at you and what you've gone through.

Speaker 1 Look at what you're providing your partner to make up for needing help with medical appointments and maybe taking care of your kid a little bit more.

Speaker 1 You're a great partner and you don't deserve to be treated like this.

Speaker 1 Keep us posted.

Speaker 1 Why am I going to cry now?

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along.

Speaker 1 I feel like you just formed an attachment with OP. I really did.

Speaker 1 Okay, this next one is coming from Am I the Asshole. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Calling My Sister Cruel for Her Tattoo Idea? Sis is 28.
I'm a 26-year-old male.

Speaker 1 My sister, N, has always had a strained relationship with our parents, especially my mom. I am clearly not privy to the reasons because things are fine with me and my parents.

Speaker 1 When N went to college, she met her creative writing professor as a freshman, and they got close immediately. They would do a lot together and worked closely on a few different writing projects.

Speaker 1 N never specifically said this, but it was obvious to anyone who saw them interact that they had a substitute mother slash daughter type relationship, which hurt my mom a lot to see.

Speaker 1 I always thought she'd grow out of it or that the professor would move on, but 10 years later, they were still very close. About a month ago, the professor died unexpectedly, and it devastated N.

Speaker 1 She was really depressed over the holidays, which of course was all in front of my mom and was a difficult reminder that N loved the professor as a mother way more than she ever loved my mom as a mother.

Speaker 1 She still talks to my parents and stuff, and they don't fight or anything, but N is very distant and doesn't tell them anything about her life beyond the bare minimum.

Speaker 1 My mom tried to comfort N, but N was doing her distant thing and didn't want comfort. Something unfortunate that happened to N is that when she got the call that she died, she was brewing tea.

Speaker 1 And in the shock of the news, she spilled the boiling water on her arm, which burned her kind of badly on her wrist.

Speaker 1 I think the burn was like on the borderline of second and third degree and definitely still looked pretty rough during the holidays.

Speaker 1 N said it was especially hard because in addition to the physical pain, every time she looks at it, she is reminded of the moment she found out that the professor died, which I totally get. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was on FaceTime with N and she said that she talked about it to her tattoo artist friend, who said that the burn should be able to heal well enough to get a tattoo over it.

Speaker 1 N then excitedly told me about her idea, which is a type of flower that the professor gave her as a bouquet for her undergraduate graduation.

Speaker 1 My mom was so embarrassed that day because she didn't get N flowers, but the professor did. And N was parading them around so happy, and it was a reminder of their connection.

Speaker 1 I guess N and the professor exchanged these flowers for every special occasion, like birthdays, etc.

Speaker 1 So now she wants to get a decent-sized tattoo in a highly visible spot of something that will remind everyone of the professor.

Speaker 1 I told N that this seemed really cruel to my my mom, who already feels cast aside and like she's in exile from N.

Speaker 1 And that's without the constant permanent reminder. N kind of scoffed and said, quote, I can't believe you think you have the right to tell me not to do this.

Speaker 1 Called me an asshole and hung up and is still not talking to me, except for a very brief text saying congratulations for a promotion I just got. My parents aren't commenting.

Speaker 1 My dad said I should have just kept quiet, even though he agrees. And my mom made no comment, but seemed grateful that I stood up for her.

Speaker 1 I feel like I was just being protective of my mom, but am I the asshole?

Speaker 1 You want to know what I really think? Pop off, Lauren. Let's go, girl.
Let's go, girl. I mean, it's a touchy subject all around, and I'm also curious what the context is.

Speaker 1 with their relationship before, like why the daughter doesn't seem to want to connect with her mother. Did something happen? I don't know.

Speaker 1 There's just a lot of kind of unknowns with the fact that OP's sister seems kind of distant. But with all of that being said, none of that really matters.

Speaker 1 The thing is, is that somebody is mourning a death and they have a tattoo idea that is going to cherish a death. I think it's very selfish to

Speaker 1 talk to your sister and be like, oh, that would actually hurt someone else's feelings. It's not about them.
It's not about them at all. At all.
At all.

Speaker 1 And it's just like, it's nice that like he's trying to think about his mom, but like, why, why should that hurt her mom? If her mom is supportive of her, then shouldn't she be like, that's beautiful.

Speaker 1 And also,

Speaker 1 why didn't you bring her flowers? It's your fault you didn't bring her flowers. You're embarrassed that you didn't, no, then you should have brought her flowers or don't be embarrassed.

Speaker 1 Also, there's so many people, like at least our college graduation, there were so many people around campus selling flowers, malets, little gifts.

Speaker 1 You could have gone to the school bookstore and gotten flowers and a little gopher with a grad cap. Like, it's so easy, almost embarrassingly easy to bring something.

Speaker 1 And the fact you didn't speaks a lot to that you don't really care to celebrate your daughter.

Speaker 1 Well, it's also like, even if you don't want to bring something, because not everybody is like gift people, they don't like expect it. They don't think about it.

Speaker 1 Like, they're just, you know whatever but it's like but then don't make it their problem i'm embarrassed like it's not should be it's not like no but i'm saying like if you're not gonna bring something then don't be embarrassed that you didn't you know what i mean it's like it's not like the teacher came and brought a fucking ferrari like and is you know what i mean it's flowers flowers like chill out 5.99 at trader joe's yeah you're embarrassed like i'm actually surprised that the sister didn't pop off more but like i said i don't really know what the dynamic is between everybody like i don't know if there's more to it.

Speaker 1 But based off of what we have, it's like,

Speaker 1 I don't understand why getting a flower tattoo that would piss me off because now once the sister gets the flowers, then it's a reminder that your brother said something really shitty.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 think based on his comments, there's a lot of golden child versus scapegoat going on here. Okay.
Daughter scapegoat. He's golden child.
Oh my God. I've never had a Tiff with my parents.

Speaker 1 They love me so much.

Speaker 1 I think based on this comment, especially, it's literally in the first two lines. My sister has always had a strained relationship with our parents, especially my mom.

Speaker 1 I am clearly not privy to the reasons because things are fine with me and my parents. Yeah.

Speaker 1 First two lines of the post, you're letting on that you don't have any issues, but you've lived in the the same house. This is your sibling.
How are you not privy?

Speaker 1 How are you so unaware of why your sister could be feeling not as connected to your parents or maybe scorned by your parents? Are you

Speaker 1 so unaware? There's not a huge age gap. Sister's 28.
He's 26. So why are you so blissfully unaware? To me, that means that he's been pampered, spoiled.

Speaker 1 He's been the golden child and she's been the scapegoat. And that becomes abundantly clear by the fact they didn't even bring her flowers at her graduation.

Speaker 1 The mom being like, oh, I'm not as connected to her. I wonder why.
Yeah. And if you don't feel as connected, that's on you to reach out to your child.
That's your kid.

Speaker 1 It shouldn't always be the kid's burden to mend relationships with parents or work extra hard to be close. That was your role as a parent, ages zero to eight, fucking teen.

Speaker 1 Where were you? Why are you strained? Evaluate that and then determine how you can make it better. But it's not her burden to bear.
And fuck you for commenting about the flowers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was a surrogate parent to her.

Speaker 1 Fuck you. It's just, I just think.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just think it's so selfish to, and, and that's what the thing is is that, like, if, even if there is more context, like, let's say the daughter, for whatever reason, was just like, would kick the mom, like, in the shin from day two,

Speaker 1 or sorry, from year two. Yeah, like, you know what I mean? Like, if the daughter was just like bullying the mom, like for no reason for so long, then there's more context.

Speaker 1 Like, even with that context, it's just like somebody is mourning to death and they want to do something to cherish a death and you're making it about you and you're making it about someone else.

Speaker 1 Like, you're being that to me is just so selfish. Just shut up,

Speaker 1 especially when it's a flower. It's like, it's not like, it's not like she's getting like her professor's face tattooed onto her chest.
I know, you know what I mean? It's a flower tattoo. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I, I mean, I think it's beautiful, and like, it's also covering up a scar that she has. Exactly.
That is reminding her of a lot of pain, and she's putting beauty on top of that.

Speaker 1 Like, you know what I mean? What a beautiful way to transform something. Exactly.

Speaker 1 We have some comments from OP.

Speaker 1 A lot of people are assuming that maybe the relationship with the professor was more.

Speaker 1 OP is responding and saying things like, I seriously doubt that. Nothing about their closeness ever even suggested that.

Speaker 1 The professor is straight as a board, and her husband was also a mentor to my sister, even though they didn't have the same parental type connection.

Speaker 1 Nothing about their relationship ever suggested that, as I explained to someone else, the professor and her husband couldn't conceive, and they were both close to N as a sort of substitute daughter, although the professor was certainly closer than her husband was.

Speaker 1 There was nothing about their relationship that even that would even come close to suggesting romance.

Speaker 1 And I will just say, like, I think it's kind of unfair to like, oh, well, you know, let's put them into that box of like, there must have been something more going on.

Speaker 1 Like, you can hypothesize, but at the same time, it's like, a lot of people just take on like

Speaker 1 adopted kids or, you know, the mentor role and then really treat someone as a daughter. This was a 10-year-long relationship.
It's a long time. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, one of my friends has, she'll call her her second mom. And it's like, I'm pretty sure she's in her will.

Speaker 1 Like they're very close and she's helped her with a lot of things that she doesn't feel comfortable talking to her own mom about. And that just works.

Speaker 1 Loves her own mom so very much, but she just has two different relationships. I love that.
Definitely nothing romantic going on there. And I love that.

Speaker 1 I love that you can like have a big extended chosen family and like really just be supported in all the ways you need. Yeah, absolutely.
That's beautiful. So, OP does have a comment.

Speaker 1 People are asking,

Speaker 1 like, are you sure that you weren't treated differently? Like, maybe your sister got a different version?

Speaker 1 I mean, it's hard to, unless it's like blatantly obvious, I think it's kind of hard for people people to.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 everyone has a different relationship with their parents and their children. Yeah.
So people could perceive it X, Y, Z way, unless it's like we've had stories where it's so blatantly obvious.

Speaker 1 For sure. But like OP might just not be able to recognize that, you know? Yeah.
So someone is like, this sounds strange, but you and your sisters had different moms.

Speaker 1 Your relationship with your mother is very different than your sister's. And it sounds like your sister got the short end of the stick.

Speaker 1 Stop measuring your sister's relationship with your mom by your experience with her and maybe take some time to ask and listen about your sister's relationship with your mom. It may surprise you.

Speaker 1 This is where OP responds and says, when it comes to my parents, I don't doubt that she sometimes saw different versions of them.

Speaker 1 So, for full disclosure, I just turned 26, whereas my sister is about to turn 29. So, we're more like three years apart than two.

Speaker 1 My parents both drank a lot, and my mom abused abused pills for a while. She got clean from pills when my sister was 14, but they both kept drinking until getting sober when she was 17.

Speaker 1 Okay, here's the context. I guess on my end, I just feel very proud of my parents for both beating addiction, whereas my sister has never let go of the anger.

Speaker 1 And it just hurts for everyone involved because my parents want a better relationship and she is very resistant to them. And to add, it's not like I never saw my parents in a rough state either.

Speaker 1 So I guess my confusion lies in her her having this reaction to the same thing when I was able to strengthen the relationship and be proud of your recovery.

Speaker 1 I think there's something very different though, with because obviously he experienced it too, but at a different age.

Speaker 1 And I think experiencing that specifically in your high school years is just very different. And it sounds like it was around like 14 years old when for OP's sister, or I think for the sister.

Speaker 1 I think, didn't it say OP? Got pills, got clean from from pills at 14.

Speaker 1 Both parents kept drinking and didn't get sober until the sister was 17. Yeah, so it was like through her entire high school experience,

Speaker 1 which are just like very, very formative years specifically. I mean, it all is, it's all they're all formative years.
Let's be real. But I just like I'm 30 and it's a formative year,

Speaker 1 but I'm just not surprised though that

Speaker 1 it's harder for her to let go than like

Speaker 1 OP being able to have.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I completely agree. I also think there's a lot to be said about

Speaker 1 she is the eldest child and she's the eldest daughter. And being the oldest child and being a girl, I think parentification can happen a lot easier.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think his sister shielded him

Speaker 1 from so much. She probably took on so much of that burden, acted as a surrogate parent to him, and essentially had her whole childhood maybe robbed from her.

Speaker 1 And so, yeah, there would be a lot of resentment there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There would be a lot of hurt and anger still, especially when, you know, your parents do step up and they do do an amazing thing of getting clean, but then show up to your big events and still maybe let you down a little bit, even though it was unintentional.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Even though, you know, they may not have known, bring flowers or bring a little something, bring a card, you know, different cultures.

Speaker 1 Socially, maybe it wasn't taught, but it's still, there's a lot of pain there. And I think they did have two very different parents.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He went from 14 onward of them being sober, and she was 17 when they turned things around. Like, that's, those are very 14 to 17

Speaker 1 crucial, crucial points. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 It's a tough one. I think OP

Speaker 1 does

Speaker 1 kind of have a little bit of a turnaround in this.

Speaker 1 Does kind of recognize, I don't think that my sister is like plotting and scheming to hurt her. It was more just a thing to consider the ripple effects of how that would hurt her.

Speaker 1 What gets me, though, is because OP doesn't sound like a bad person by any means. Just unaware.

Speaker 1 What gets me is that

Speaker 1 OP used the word cruel.

Speaker 1 That's a big word. That's a big word.
There's a lot of power behind that. For that situation specifically, that's what frustrates me.

Speaker 1 Like, if OP were to be like, oh, like, don't you think that might hurt mom's feelings as a reminder that, you know, whatever, that's a different story. But it's like, to say that's cruel,

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 1 I hate,

Speaker 1 maybe hate's a big word. I really dislike when people put

Speaker 1 such negative connotations behind something versus just pointing out what they're thinking. Like,

Speaker 1 and I get this is a very like emotionally mature thing to do. And like, I'm not perfect.
I don't do this all the time. I speak off the cuff or how I'm feeling, like, whatever.

Speaker 1 But I think he could have just been like, oh, you know,

Speaker 1 how do you think mom would feel about that?

Speaker 1 Or I think he could have asked it in a different way, just kind of like, you know, where you like kind of poke like light onto something, just like give someone another thought to consider. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think he could have done that without adding the negative connotation of like, that's cruel to do to mom. Right.

Speaker 1 Also, why, why is that cruel necessarily? Like, it's not. She's just adding a tattoo, a flower that they shared as a symbolic thing in their relationship as a tattoo.
It's not cruel.

Speaker 1 She's not writing, I wish my mom was professor.

Speaker 1 Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. If you are hurt by that, see, that's, I thought it was going to be something like that.
And that's why I know that example. Yeah.
And that's why it's just,

Speaker 1 and even if, like, she wanted to do a face, it's her fucking life. Like, let her do what she wants to do.
She's grieving.

Speaker 1 Like, whatever makes her feel good is what should be the focus. Absolutely.
And that's why I keep saying, like, I just think it's like,

Speaker 1 I think it's like selfish to try to tell somebody who's mourning a very important person that was in their life

Speaker 1 that it's cruel for them to honor them in a way that's not cruel. Like, it's just, oh,

Speaker 1 but I hope that OP is realizing that from these comments. I hope so too.
It seems like he's having some deep reflection.

Speaker 1 So I think things will improve and hopefully he'll butt out. I hope the sister gets her tattoo.
Me too. Beautiful, beautiful way to remember someone.
I know. I want to see the tattoo now.
I know.

Speaker 1 There's some beautiful flower tattoos. I saw a forget-me-not tattoo on Pinterest the other day.
Are you going to get a tattoo? I

Speaker 1 don't know if I ever will.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I didn't realize that I think, who was it? Angelina Jolie? Was that who it was? I think it was Angelina Jolie, who has like

Speaker 1 a bajillion tattoos. I had no idea.
Yeah. How did I not know that? She is very spiritual, and I think she's gotten a lot of her tattoos done in like other languages in the craft of the culture.

Speaker 1 So I'm pretty sure she's had like hand etched. I'm not exactly sure, but like, I don't remember that, maybe.
But she has like a whole lion on her entire back.

Speaker 1 Like, when she was showing it on this little interview, again, it's an old interview. I was just on TikTok or something, but I thought, I totally thought it was one of those, like,

Speaker 1 when you put them on temporarily, no, they're tattoos. Big tattoos.
Like, look at this picture of her back. Yeah, big tattoos.

Speaker 1 The bottom is where the lion is. Oh, wow.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
Yeah. It's like a tiger.
Big, huge tiger. Hand done.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Crazy.

Speaker 1 I'm just like, that's so bold to me. I'm so, I'm like scared to even get like a tiny little tattoo.
I'm just like, wow, that's badass. Yeah.

Speaker 1 A lot of them are sacchiant,

Speaker 1 meaning to tap or to tattoo. So each little thing, like you literally just get tap, tap, tap, tap, tapped by hand versus the tattoo needles in modern tattoo shops across the U.S.

Speaker 1 are like tiny vibrating needles that do it for you. I watched a video on that afterwards.
It's very intense. It's very cool.
It would be sick to get a tattoo tattoo like that. Yeah, she's got a lot

Speaker 1 of them in virtues of Buddha. She's got a lot of tattoos, a lot of Buddhist prayers, but 16 big ones I'm seeing on like a bunch of articles of like, what do Angelina tattoos mean?

Speaker 1 So I think I'm going to get a tattoo now. Yeah.
Inspired. I could see it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, I can see you not doing it because you cried when you got your eyebrows microplated

Speaker 1 because it was so permanent. Yeah, but that's because it's fucking freaky when you first get it done.
It is. They look so dark and scary.
But it's like, have you ever looked just like so like

Speaker 1 scared when I just said that? Well, I just, I guess it's because I kind of forgot because it's been like four years. Four years.
I haven't done mine in four years too. Yeah.
Or maybe even five.

Speaker 1 Pre-COVID. Wait.
Yeah. No, it's been years.
No, pre-COVID? Wait, actually, it would be six years. We were on the same eyebrow schedule.

Speaker 1 I think it's six years. Oh, my God.
Yeah. I think it's

Speaker 1 retired. Asia, she retired.
Oh, I don't know who to go to to get them touched up anymore. Yeah, see, that's why I haven't gone because I don't want to, I don't know, I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 But I also don't want to. I kind of like, I like that they've faded and just, because, again, I've freaked out.
But I just,

Speaker 1 I also like haven't told anyone that in so long that I like forget that it's like something I've done. It doesn't think that makes sense.
That's why I looked at you like,

Speaker 1 shit.

Speaker 1 Shit, girl.

Speaker 1 Crazy. Well,

Speaker 1 I think we were moving on from that one. Anyways,

Speaker 1 tangent. Mayor.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm giving you a choice on this last one.

Speaker 1 Okay, so option number one is from R/Off My Chest.

Speaker 1 It is titled, Found Out My Husband Has an Affair Baby While at Work. While OP was at work?

Speaker 1 And option number two, coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit, am I the asshole for publicly flipping on my coworker in a restaurant after she outed my pregnancy?

Speaker 1 This is tough.

Speaker 1 I kind of want to do the second one. I love that.
I mean, you are our own people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would think the first one, but I just feel like it's kind of going to be exactly what it sounds like. The second one, I'm curious.
Let's get into it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, two hot takes subreddit four days old. Am I the asshole for publicly flipping on my coworker in a restaurant after she outed my pregnancy?

Speaker 1 This happened over a year ago, but after spending so much time listening to your hot takes, I figured why not share now. Oh, this was a write-in, yeah, baby.
Oh, sorry, I missed that. Hello.

Speaker 1 For context, my coworker, 60 female, loves to pull pranks and push boundaries all the time.

Speaker 1 Many teachers at our high school just put up with it because they know she will retire soon, and most of the time you can just laugh it off.

Speaker 1 I, 27 female, am more of one to just stare blankly when I don't find the joke funny. Also, my husband, 29 male, teaches across the hall from both me and this co-worker.

Speaker 1 Husband and I found out we were pregnant just two months after our wedding. We were excited and going through all the emotions of early pregnancy, the good, the bad, the ugly.

Speaker 1 When it came time for my first OB appointment, I took the day off of work.

Speaker 1 We live two hours from the nearest hospital with an OBGIN/slash birth unit, and told my coworkers that I was going for a me day and my yearly eye exam.

Speaker 1 Who would question that? My husband couldn't come because he coaches and had a game that night.

Speaker 1 The day of my appointment, all goes well and the alien inside me is looking good, which eases those early pregnancy nerves.

Speaker 1 We were nine weeks pregnant and decided that even though all was good, we wouldn't announce until at least 12 weeks.

Speaker 1 My husband calls me and lets me know that he got bombarded by coworkers at lunch with comments like, quote, I can't believe you let her go to a baby appointment alone.

Speaker 1 He just played with our lie and said that isn't what I was doing and asked why I wasn't allowed to just take a day for myself.

Speaker 1 The next morning, I am teaching my seventh grade class, and out of the blue, co-worker comes in and loudly yells, Congratulations!

Speaker 1 All caps. I ask what she means, and she says,

Speaker 1 Well, I know you went to the doctor yesterday. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I look at her dumbfounded while my whole class gets giddy.

Speaker 1 I instantly shut her down and say, quote, I was at the eye doctor, so I'm not sure what you mean, and walk to my class door to shoe her out and then shut the door.

Speaker 1 I then tell my students that she just assumed something people should never openly assume and asked them not to repeat what she said.

Speaker 1 Gave them their activity, texted my principal, who did know I was pregnant, and asked him to come cover my class while I gathered myself.

Speaker 1 I was so mad and sad. He covered, and I believe, talked to my kids because they never mention it again, which is odd for middle schoolers.

Speaker 1 My husband and I ate lunch alone in his classroom that day to avoid the co-worker because I knew I would blow up.

Speaker 1 That night, I went to our local restaurant that does to-go meals on certain nights of the week. This particular special meal is extremely popular, so you have to stand in line to order.

Speaker 1 I am talking to at least 50 people who all know each other, small town, in line for this food. Coworker is there and tries to butter me up and say hello.

Speaker 1 I give her a cold hi and continue talking to the person next to me. Coworker then begins to press me on why I am upset.
I ask her to not talk right now and that we can chat later on.

Speaker 1 She keeps pressing and I say,

Speaker 1 Look, if you really want to do this here with everyone around, go for it. But I really think this is a discussion for later.

Speaker 1 She asked once more, and I snap, quote, do you really think it's okay to assume people are pregnant and announce it in front of a ton of students? I told you, I was at the eye doctor yesterday.

Speaker 1 I was unaware that my vagina and eyes were connected. Also, what if I was at the OB and found out something bad? I had miscarried, had cancer, had a false pregnancy, couldn't conceive a baby.

Speaker 1 There are so many reasons to never assume and announce pregnancies. Women go through terrible losses and news all the time.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 If I am pregnant, you just sucked all the fun of my secret right out of me and spilt the beans that husband and I wanted to share on our own. Lucky for you, we aren't.
Are you happy now?

Speaker 1 She looked at me, dumbfounded, and sheepishly said, quote, well, it was just supposed to be a joke.

Speaker 1 I rolled my eyes and turned away. A few women around me commended me for speaking up, but I still got in my car and sobbed on the drive home.

Speaker 1 When we did announce the pregnancy, she popped in my room and said, quote, I knew it.

Speaker 1 You gotta be kidding me. Glad we can move past everything now.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm sorry, but this entire time I'm listening to this story, all I'm picturing is that OP's, what is it, friend, classmate, co-worker, not classmate, sorry, coworker. Fuck this, bitch.

Speaker 1 As I'm listening to this, all that I'm picturing is that OP's classmate. Oh my God, I did it again.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Okay, one last time.

Speaker 1 As I'm listening to this, all that I can picture is OP's coworker being SpongeBob.

Speaker 1 What? It's like this unawareness. Like, I just feel like it's something SpongeBob would do and then just like not get it.
it's like

Speaker 1 yeah like op just made the most like profound statement at the restaurant that was just like hell yes you put it perfectly yes this is exactly why you should not just go and announce a someone else's potential guest pregnancy especially in front of like their students or anyone for that matter but and op made that so clear and and and said it so beautifully at this restaurant and then the coworker goes into the room and goes, I knew it.

Speaker 1 That's SpongeBob. Glad we can move past it now.
Literally. No, we can't.
No, we can't. Oh my God.
Not moving past it. Holding a grudge for forever.

Speaker 1 It does go on to say, My daughter is now almost one and I'm dreading going back to work and seeing this woman every day again. I still can't look at her without being annoyed.

Speaker 1 She still hasn't given me a real apology. So am I the asshole for flipping on her in public and still being upset no

Speaker 1 no but i also think

Speaker 1 but now that i mean because it's been a year or like two years later i would say for your own happiness and your own mental health to like find a way to

Speaker 1 kind of remove that from yourself but like yeah you know because like you just said that you're still upset i don't want you to still be upset yeah i understand not wanting to see that person and being annoyed by that person but like you should be able to go back into your workplace and be happy

Speaker 1 and be comfortable. Yeah, absolutely.
The only thing you're the asshole for is not doing this publicly in front of all your coworkers during a school lunch.

Speaker 1 I would have loved that. Can you imagine all their little faces

Speaker 1 just gasping? But no, I do really agree with you. She's going to retire soon.
She'll be gone. Let go of the resentment.
She's an idiot. Whatever, yada, yada, yada.

Speaker 1 I will say there's also something about the older generation. Our OP is 27, very clearly a millennial.
I think our parents' generation and grandparents' generation just don't have

Speaker 1 the same level of tact and boundaries we have started establishing for ourselves regarding pregnancy,

Speaker 1 asking people when they're going to become pregnant. When are you trying?

Speaker 1 Like all this stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a generational difference. We are, we are really as millennials changing the way we go through the world

Speaker 1 and a lot of other generations haven't caught on yet i love the boundaries us and gen z and i'm sure alpha or whatever the little one is will set but there's such big changes in that yeah even having can't expect that all of them to change either no they were raised for their entire life and brought up in a different world than we were.

Speaker 1 Well, and like she is probably from the time like, 60-year-old female, like a lot of it was, oh, when are you having kids?

Speaker 1 When, not if, when, like, having kids for that generation was a when, not an if, yeah, and so it's just a different thing. And I would try to like wrap your head around just that.
Like,

Speaker 1 she's just a goofball living in her own generational context. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And even my mom, like, my mom was born in

Speaker 1 66.

Speaker 1 And she had an experience recently where she

Speaker 1 and she fully recognizes this. Like, we got in the car immediately, and she was like, oh, foot, mouth, I feel terrible.
I never want to go through this again. I learned my lesson.

Speaker 1 But she asked someone, an older gentleman, who we happened to be walking out of a house next door to his house. And he like came over and said, hi.

Speaker 1 And he was talking about his wife that had passed and how he's lived at, you know, this house for the last 15 years by himself. himself and my mom asked like oh you guys didn't have any kids

Speaker 1 and he goes oh well we tried we tried for so long

Speaker 1 and she immediately just was like in the car she shut the door and she goes why the fuck did I say that I'm never I'm never asking people about kids ever again because she meant it like to be like oh well you don't have kids that come visit like I'm so sorry your wife is gone like she meant it in such a a good genuine way yeah exactly but you just can't yeah it can just be so painful but I also think we need to be more forgiving too, because it's just like, it's when you know people's intentions, like that's the kind of thing, that's the one thing that I get like frustrated with is that like when you know that people, like when their heart is in a really good place, and when you know that like they can be receptive to your reaction to it, you can, you can let it go and forgive them in that situation.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 that person your mom was talking to, it might have brought up a sad memory, but if they're reasonable, they can see that your mom was being like light and had good loving and had good intentions.

Speaker 1 And it shouldn't be something that somebody is stewing over. Otherwise, that person is just wasting their own precious energy.
And why would you want to do that? Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 We all have those moments. It's just like, I would like to assume that people have more good intentions than not.

Speaker 1 So like saying what you did, like about, you know, just give people a little bit more grace when they slip up. I'm on board for that.

Speaker 1 I feel like like for live shows, when we do the meet and greets, I always get really nervous when people are pregnant because I want to congratulate. Oh my God, I'm the exact same.

Speaker 1 I do not, I don't bring up pregnancy unless somebody else does. Please, I just, you guys, we are going on tour literally in like a month and a half.
We start doing shows again, two months.

Speaker 1 I don't, I don't know. Yeah.
Please tell us if you're pregnant like right away because we want to celebrate. We want to congratulate you.
But like, we are not ones.

Speaker 1 I literally, there's multiple people where i'm like they're fucking eight months pregnant i've just literally ignored it no literally well that makes me feel so bad

Speaker 1 they're they're and they normally say something though but like i honestly do yeah i won't be one to say something first because

Speaker 1 i

Speaker 1 i just won't no i just feel like i'm like it's not i just i just

Speaker 1 yeah it's not because i'm not happy for you it's just because i

Speaker 1 am gonna let you talk to me about your pregnancy and I'm not gonna pry about it. You know, like I'll, like my sister's pregnant right now.

Speaker 1 I'll like have check-in questions, like, like, how's the baby bucks? Like, stuff like that. But you know what? Like, I'm just like, I just want,

Speaker 1 I just think that it's such an emotional experience. Absolutely.
I, I think, I obviously haven't been pregnant, but like, it seems really emotional. And so I just want like

Speaker 1 every person to experience it exactly how they want to without any prying. And they can come to me and, and talk to me about it.
And I'll listen and I'll be so happy for them.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I oh my god, like you just play dumb because it's like, I'm not mentioning it, head in the sand. Because they're,

Speaker 1 you hear about it from people where they go to congratulate, it's a skit in movies. I know, I know, it's really startups.

Speaker 1 Why did this traumatize us? Dude, I don't know, but I, I literally, I will never ever comment on someone, no matter how pregnant,

Speaker 1 no one's nine months bloated. Like,

Speaker 1 no, but like, yet, like, I'm like, you could be nine months pregnant. I'm like, well, just in case you're bloated, I don't want to say anything.

Speaker 1 But, yeah, and here's the thing with like Hollywood and media and like unrealistic expectations. Like, people have bellies postpartum,

Speaker 1 but you don't see that. Oh, so people could have

Speaker 1 already had the baby. They could have literally just had their baby, but still have their postpartum belly.
Of course, yeah. It's not instant.

Speaker 1 It doesn't go down right away, despite what you see in movies

Speaker 1 and people taking pictures outside of hospitals the morning after they give birth, but maybe have girdles on.

Speaker 1 It's just, I'm not, I'm not saying shit. Yeah.
So, moral of the story, come to the live shows, come meet us. We want to see who guys

Speaker 1 and tell us if you're pregnant. Yeah,

Speaker 1 we might have presents.

Speaker 1 Oh, I want to get like little baby two hot take socks. Oh,

Speaker 1 little baby.

Speaker 1 Yes, you should. Yeah, we're working on New Merch right now.
You've seen the pics. It's

Speaker 1 some good shit.

Speaker 1 This is a good time.

Speaker 1 I feel like I was psychologically challenged a lot during this episode.

Speaker 1 I think I felt good. I don't think I'll have anxiety about things that I said, but you never know.
I could stay up late tonight and be like, oh my gosh, festering on it. Fester on something I said.

Speaker 1 I think it was fine, though. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fingers crossed. Thank you guys so much for being here.
Another episode. I hope you enjoyed having Loven on.

Speaker 1 Yay.

Speaker 1 There's so much fun stuff on Patreon coming in August. I'm going to the Minnesota State Fair.
And as an added bonus, I'm going to be sharing all my favorite food pics.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 that's just one thing. Oh my God, you dropped your lip gloss a while ago.
Wow. Oh.
Oh.

Speaker 1 But that was my stress ball for the episode. If anyone's watching on YouTube.
Oh, my God. Really? Yeah.
Thank God it didn't pop.

Speaker 1 That road lip gloss just built different.

Speaker 1 I'm different. Yeah, I'm different.
Stop. Okay, we gotta end this.
I don't want to go, though. I don't want to leave you guys.
Honestly, same. Can we hang out more? Can we just hang out more?

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 anyways.

Speaker 1 Oh, we were actually going to hang out longer? Well, yeah, if you have something.

Speaker 1 Well, now that I'm on the spot, no. I know.
But when I'm like on my way driving here, it's so funny.

Speaker 1 I don't know what's wrong with me, but like we have like a, it's not just talk about your feelings or life or your thoughts, but like yet on my drive over, I have so many thoughts and I'm like, ooh, maybe I'll share this today.

Speaker 1 And then we,

Speaker 1 well, it's just.

Speaker 1 What do you have to share, Lauren? No, nothing right now, but just in general, you know, like I feel like I'll, I'll be like, oh, maybe I could ask people about this today. And then

Speaker 1 we get here and it's like, we're talking about Reddit stories. But yet every time I'm driving over here, I'm like, you got a lot of answers about your gums and receiving gums.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so many tips for that. Yeah, that was really nice of everybody.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 I personally would love some tips on wedding planning. I don't know where to begin.
I'm honestly having a little bit of paralysis about it.

Speaker 1 I don't know where to like start trying on dresses. I'm feeling like really sad about trying on dresses, honestly.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm going to cry. And it's so stupid, right?

Speaker 1 and i don't know why i'm building up in my head but i feel like everyone like has all of their friends go to like try on dresses with them and all of my people are so spread out now

Speaker 1 and so it's just like i'm i think that's also another reason why i'm putting it off is because like there's so much emotional pressure on that and i don't know it's just kind of bumming me out so if anyone has any upbeat positives about wedding planning please send them my way because i'm i'm extremely overwhelmed with it.

Speaker 1 And I did get a, a bride box from a listener that I need to open still and really share because it, it was a really nice gift she sent me. So I'll, maybe I'll get into that.

Speaker 1 But God, those like those points in life, I think, I don't know if anyone out there is like struggling with this.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's a birthday, maybe it's your first kid, maybe it's wedding planning for you, but like when you want to have people in your corner, and I definitely do, but it can just feel like so much when people are spread out and far or you don't have people in your corner.

Speaker 1 Then

Speaker 1 it just sucks. Yeah, I understand.
I get emotional really easily, like around my birthday.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I'm not even, I don't even expect anything, but yet for some reason, it's like I had a friend who said that she was going to come over on my birthday.

Speaker 1 And then last minute was saying that like, she actually has a lot going on. She's really tired, something like that.
This wasn't me, was it? No, no, no. I'm like, okay, I I wouldn't do this to you.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 and then, yeah, but then, and like, it's not in any other normal day, I would be like, that's totally fine, that's cool. But I just instantly started crying.
Yeah, because it's your birthday.

Speaker 1 It's literally, but anyway, it's funny because I just sent her like a sad face back, and then she

Speaker 1 responded: I was like, I'm coming. And she came.

Speaker 1 She's like, when you said the sad face, I was like, I gotta come.

Speaker 1 But no, it's it's yeah, it's, it's, it's, I understand what you're saying. Do you have any like I feel like you

Speaker 1 you're pretty good about like therapy? Like, do you have any tips for granted, you sent only a sad face, so there wasn't a lot of words there, but do you have any tips for people?

Speaker 1 Like, balling, and I just, I did the, I did the manual sad face. Yeah, no, that one hits harder than an emoji for sure.

Speaker 1 Just what is one of those semicolons? Dot, dot, yes, and then parentheses.

Speaker 1 That one hits.

Speaker 1 i'm like i need to like you add like a comma as a tear no no just the sad face yeah that one hits hard i like i barely even knew where my send button was because the tears were streaming so hard i'm so serious too

Speaker 1 and then i started laughing at how hard i was crying so i have a picture i could actually show you like i took a picture because i'm like this is actually hilarious that i'm like crying

Speaker 1 like it's stupid

Speaker 1 What are you doing this week? But I'm just saying that like I understand the

Speaker 1 emotion. Do you have any tips to help people feel better? Maybe communicate a little more to get people in their corner about in what aspects? I don't know.
I just need to talk to a therapist.

Speaker 1 It's long overdue.

Speaker 1 I can't believe we're still rolling the tapes. Oh, it just died.

Speaker 1 It's literally telling us to like, it's like

Speaker 1 wrapping

Speaker 1 main shots still going.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This was really fun. Anyways, head over to Patreon for more fun bonus content.
We've had some really crazy free bonus stories lately. Oh my God.
Yeah. That have been really good.

Speaker 1 Lauren like got done with the last free bonus story and was like, no, no, we're not. This isn't.
No.

Speaker 1 I was like, this needs to be on the full channel. Like, people need to hear this.
People need to hear this. It's, it's crazy.
It's so nuts. But thank you guys.
Thank you for everything.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being here, supporting, commenting, subscribing, liking, following, anything. It means truly so much.
Like, I

Speaker 1 don't have enough words. I just feel grateful and I wake up every day and I'm like, this is not my life.
Like, seriously, pinch me. So thank you.
Until next time. Until next time.
Bye, guys.

Speaker 1 Bye, guys.