171: Maybe Not So Obvious?

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Speaker 1 Are we ready? Yes.

Speaker 1 Here we go.

Speaker 1 Hi, guys.

Speaker 1 Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes.

Speaker 2 I was going to do that.

Speaker 1 Let's hear yours.

Speaker 1 That's pretty good.

Speaker 2 It was a little too high-pitched.

Speaker 1 Give it another go.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm a little too shy now.

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Speaker 1 We have new merch lanchade.

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I think that's rubber. I don't know.
It's a really cool patch. Lauren's in our new postcard series design.

Speaker 1 It's like a girl in a water bucket with a horse.

Speaker 2 A girl, this is you.

Speaker 1 It's not me.

Speaker 2 It's not? No.

Speaker 2 I always thought this was you.

Speaker 1 No, but it could be. She is blonde.
But it's not me. It's a blonde listener.
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Speaker 1 So, oh my god.

Speaker 1 This is the scariest thing ever on a white

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Speaker 1 Brief interruption for wine delivery. We're bringing back red wine and ice cubes.
If you've been here from day one, you know we love our ice cubes and our wine. Justin did not give Lauren any.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's okay. It was from the fridge.

Speaker 1 But it was already cold. It was already cold.
Yeah. He's right.
He's he's tripping in from the

Speaker 1 back over here.

Speaker 1 Oh, she even gets the baby bottle.

Speaker 2 Where'd you guys get this from?

Speaker 1 Okay, this was actually a listener from a show. Oh, nice.
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Speaker 2 Wrong time to say that.

Speaker 1 Lauren, scared of the jacket.

Speaker 2 No, I'm just trying to set down this wine. And it's like, you gave me a desk that's a speaker, and it's scary because I have three beverages now on there.

Speaker 1 I don't even have a desk.

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Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, this week's theme is called It's Not So Obvious.

Speaker 1 And these are stories based on the title where you're like, hmm,

Speaker 1 it could go either way. There's a lot to the discussion.
A lot of them I added to this folder at least two months ago. So I don't even remember what the story entails, but some of them are new.

Speaker 1 And based on the comments, I was like, ooh, juicy. So we're getting into it.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's do it. Let's go.
Let's dive in.

Speaker 1 So, up first,

Speaker 1 So, this one is coming from Best of Redditor Updates. It is a year old on their sub, but the original post was January 2nd, 2021.

Speaker 1 It is titled, My 23-male, Boyfriend, 24-male, Won't Talk to Me and is suggesting we break up after I saw his burn scars.

Speaker 1 Throwaway, because my boyfriend follows my actual account. My boyfriend's house burned down when he was young after electrical issues never disclosed to his parents.

Speaker 1 He and his father were severely burned. They lived, but his mother died.
Oh, God. He and I met in freshman year and became friends in sophomore year.

Speaker 1 I've never seen his scars in full good view until now. Only small glances if his shirt rode up and he'd quickly fix his shirt to then cover it.

Speaker 1 He always hid his scars, constantly wearing jeans, pants, and long sleeve shirts, even if it's super hot outside.

Speaker 1 His scars start from the bottom half of of his ribs to just above his knees, so this is the only way he can cover them. Even bringing his pajamas into the bathroom to change into.

Speaker 1 He's done this ever since I've known him.

Speaker 1 Even after sex, which we do in the dark, which doesn't bother me because I know this is what makes him comfortable, he'll immediately get changed back into his clothes before we cuddle or do anything else.

Speaker 1 Once again, I'm fine with this, just trying to explain I know how uncomfortable he is is with his scars.

Speaker 1 I know he is ashamed of his scars, and when we were friends, I was fiercely protective and always changed the subject if his scars got brought up, which he always thanked me for.

Speaker 1 I have never and would never ask or pressure him to show me. I don't judge his scars or think they're ugly.

Speaker 1 I thought he knew I wouldn't judge him because some of his dad's burn scars are impossible to cover up, one of them covering half of his face, and never once have I judged or even thought his dad's scars were disturbing.

Speaker 1 He's a very handsome man. They both are, which is why I'm so confused by his reaction and accusations of this.
I work weird hours. I'm a nurse.

Speaker 1 So sometimes I can come home at 9 a.m., sometimes 5 p.m., sometimes the ass crack of dawn. I went to immediately take a shower.
I was in airplane mode and was completely exhausted.

Speaker 1 I opened the bathroom door and he was getting changed. I saw his scars.

Speaker 1 I'll admit, I stared, not because I thought they were gross, but because I was having an oh shit moment knowing that I had fucked up. He and I have been dating for almost a year.

Speaker 1 I had to move into his place a while ago after my parents went no contact and cut me off after I came out and told them I was dating boyfriend. Long story short, toxic Bible-thumping parents.

Speaker 1 So I'm not used to sharing an apartment with someone. He blew up at me, yelling at me to, quote, get out.

Speaker 1 Note, he has never yelled at me before this. Sure, we got in spats and small fights where he raised his voice, but never has he full-on yelled.
I shut the door and he went quiet.

Speaker 1 I was pacing in the kitchen for almost 20 to 30 minutes when he quickly walked past me, trying to leave when I stopped him.

Speaker 1 He was pissed, yelling at me that he thought, quote, I would know how to knock by now, and questioning if I did it on purpose.

Speaker 1 I was trying to explain while trying not to cry because I saw how red his eyes were. I knew he was crying.

Speaker 1 I couldn't say anything, just made incomprehensible sobs as I tried to explain that I was, but he wouldn't listen and left without saying where he was going. I'm heartbroken.

Speaker 1 He texted me an hour ago with a single measure of, quote, I'm not coming home. Tomorrow we can talk about our relationship.
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 I immediately messaged him back asking what that meant and spent several minutes watching that little text incoming bubble pop in and out before he texted,

Speaker 1 whether we should stay together as if it was obvious.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. I have no idea what to do.
He's my boyfriend, my best friend of eight years. What the hell do I do? I love him.
I can't imagine life without him. His dad is like a father to me.

Speaker 1 I have nowhere else to go if he kicks me out. Above it all, I can't lose him.
I'd rather have to go through coming out again than lose him. How do I make it up to him?

Speaker 1 How do I let him know that I'm sorry and never meant to make him uncomfortable? Wow. Holy shit.
That's a lot. I hadn't read this one and I don't know the update and I am screaming inside.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 It's a bad update. I swear to God, we're just going to have to end the episode.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't think mentally I can handle it because I'm like, I'm tearing up at the thought of like what they're both going through.

Speaker 1 This is such a tough one.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's the thing is, is that

Speaker 2 OP didn't do anything wrong. You accidentally opened a door with your partner who you sleep with, you're intimate with.

Speaker 2 It was a reaction, stared because like, oh shit, I know I'm not supposed to do this because my partner doesn't want me to see these scars.

Speaker 2 But like, at the end of the day, this is just a really, really deep-rooted insecurity of his partner.

Speaker 2 And that's something that the partner is going to need to work through because any relationship, like, let's say that they decide to end the relationship, anything moving forward, mistakes like that would

Speaker 1 happen.

Speaker 2 It's, I mean, when you're that close with somebody, when you're that intimate with somebody, I don't know how that you can avoid accidentally running into each other

Speaker 2 like without

Speaker 2 you know, does that make sense?

Speaker 1 No, completely, completely. I totally understand the deer in headlights moment because I would probably do the same thing.
I would sit there, I'd open the door and be like, oh shit.

Speaker 1 And you just kind of freeze and then you like awkwardly like stumble out, like, oh shit, sorry.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 like, I think we can all be like, okay, well, his reaction is a little maybe over the top. But on the opposite side, I can see like he is deeply, deeply hurt.
And

Speaker 1 I don't like, I don't know if it's insecure.

Speaker 1 I would be really curious to like peg down what the emotion is, like, if the guy goes to therapy, but I wonder if he almost views these scars as a reminder of losing his mom. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so then it's like even more, yeah. It's like even more emotionally tied.
And so it's like, I hate these scars. They took my mom.
Like, there's so much you could

Speaker 1 like hypothesize that he's struggling with.

Speaker 1 But it is tough because it's like, was this a boundary that was expressed? Like, hey, please knock because of the comment, like, hey, I figured you know how to knock by now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, was that a boundary already? And it's just getting left out.

Speaker 2 Well, unless OP did it on purpose, like, mistake, it's a mistake. Yeah.
You know, and like that,

Speaker 2 forgetting to knock on your partner shouldn't be relationship ending. And even

Speaker 2 obviously, like, there's, we have so much sympathy for what the partner is going through

Speaker 2 and what the scars remind him of. Like, that's unfathomable.
Like, that's just

Speaker 2 horribly painful, like the memories that are associated with all of that. And so

Speaker 2 like the word insecurity, I don't mean like insecurity of like, oh my God, like it's embarrassing because of how it looks, but just insecurity because it's like, it's such a, like a deep pain that you want to like hide.

Speaker 1 I think insecurity, that word can be taken the wrong way sometimes. I feel like insecurity is one of those words that can mean like a magnitude of things.

Speaker 1 It has like multiple meanings it can be it can be a negative thing like oh i'm insecure about that but it can also be something that like maybe you just went through something traumatic and you associate it with that and now it's like an insecurity i feel like i i get what you're saying you don't mean it like it's something like vain wrong with him it's not no like it's not yeah i don't know yeah i just mean like that like it's yeah it's such a a reminder of this pain and so you know wonder if he's gone to therapy

Speaker 2 i would assume no no. I mean, maybe.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 But like, I would, I think I would assume no, though, too, especially like based on the lengths he goes because,

Speaker 1 I mean, one, the Sun can damage scars more. So maybe the long sleeves are actually like those

Speaker 1 SPF shirts. But as someone that hates being hot and is like self-conscious of my arms, so I like wear like long sleeve stuff, even though I'm warm, I, it is a struggle.

Speaker 1 And the whole time I'm like, oh, I'm so fucking hot. I want to be in a tank top.
I'm working on it, guys. I'm working on it.
That's an insecurity mind. Yeah.
There we go. But wow.
Yeah, this is tough.

Speaker 1 This is really tough. Cause I mean, he's a nurse too, coming back from a shift.
Like, he's tired, drained, wiped, not thinking. He's had a long shift.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm really scared about this, this update, you guys.

Speaker 2 Why does it sound like it's not good?

Speaker 1 I don't know. So we do have an edit on the original post.
So OP responds to a comment from Valor Fox Potatoes saying, they brought up a good point that made me think, so I should specify.

Speaker 1 He was bullied for his scars.

Speaker 1 A huge bully of his from middle school always sniffed the air when he entered class and said really loudly, quote, ew, you guys smell that? Smells like bacon's burning.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, I can't even tell you how upset that makes me.

Speaker 2 Like I need to take a second.

Speaker 1 That's so sickening. And then, like, in parentheses, OP ads, he was a little chubby in middle school.
Every time he entered a room and then laughed.

Speaker 2 That's so messed up. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I don't care that they're kids. Kids need to be better.
It's so messed up.

Speaker 1 Having gone through that and having your kid get bullied and like kids are saying this to them. And then I can't imagine being the bully's parents.

Speaker 1 I would want to drop, drop kick my cur, my kid to the fucking motherfucker. Across a fucking.
Oh, how do you say football field?

Speaker 1 How do you not just like go off on your kid when they're little assholes like that?

Speaker 2 Like that? I don't know.

Speaker 1 What do you do if you have a kid like that? For people out there where your kid's been a bully, what the fuck did you do?

Speaker 2 Well, it's also like, because I wonder too, I'm like nurture versus nature. I'm like, are you like teaching them to be like this? Or did they just like come out just

Speaker 1 tear? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Opie does go on to say, also in small glances, a lot of our guy friends would say how, quote, cool it is. Looks like Deadpool's skin.
They were trying to be nice, but failed horribly.

Speaker 1 Hence, my fierce protectiveness over anyone bringing it up. And his family always emphasized it doesn't matter what he looked like on the outside because he was beautiful on the inside.

Speaker 1 Seriously, what the fuck? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's also mentioned having a really bad ex-girlfriend who had issues with his scars in the past, but never went too deep into it.

Speaker 1 And I'm starting to wonder if that's what his overreaction and suggestion of a breakup was rooted in.

Speaker 1 I'm taking mental notes on all of the comments on what's the best way to approach this, and they're really helping. So thank you.

Speaker 2 And I guess I don't know with the update, but like, I don't, I don't feel like OP's partner meant it. I felt like that was just a reaction to a lot of pain.

Speaker 2 It's hard for me to think that with all of that history that they have, that friendship turning into a romantic relationship, that OP's partner would actually want to end the relationship.

Speaker 2 It's more of just like a way to try to protect himself.

Speaker 1 Self-sabotage in order to protect. Yeah.
I could see that.

Speaker 1 Wow. Also,

Speaker 1 I've probably thought about this before, but maybe forgot until like this post is bringing it up.

Speaker 1 But saying someone is beautiful on the inside is such a backhanded compliment, slap in the face, disparaging

Speaker 1 what the fuck. Like, oh, well, at least you're beautiful on the inside.
So you think I'm ugly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's well, to say that, to say that it doesn't matter the outside because you're beautiful on the inside.

Speaker 2 Why, why would you phrase it that way?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 What? You're beautiful on the outside and the inside. There There you go.
I helped you.

Speaker 1 Like, come on.

Speaker 2 And that's, that was open.

Speaker 2 Or that was the partner's family, right? Family. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Family. Just, wow.

Speaker 1 Family. Ugh.
So the top comment on the original post.

Speaker 1 First, give him time to cool down. He's extremely embarrassed and his immediate reaction is to be defensive.
You need to talk to him. You say you're sorry for violating his privacy.

Speaker 1 You, of course, would never do that on purpose. And And hope he knows you love and respect him enough not to have done that on purpose.

Speaker 1 You will, of course, continue to be careful and respectful of him and his space, but you also hope he knows you well enough after almost a decade to know you wouldn't do it on purpose.

Speaker 1 Then you let him do what he wants, but don't make it about the scars.

Speaker 1 And OP does reply, I think he was lashing out in embarrassment too. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Are we ready for the update? Yeah. Oh, God.
Okay. Where is it?

Speaker 1 You're scaring me. I don't know what it is, Lauren.
I'm just, I'm nervous.

Speaker 1 Update. So I tried to update this yesterday, but can't post within 48 hours.
So I was going to wait. But someone DM'd me to suggest I just put the update here.
So here we go.

Speaker 1 That was in all caps. A lot of your comments were very helpful, and I didn't get to reply to some, but I read them.
Most of them were along the same basis.

Speaker 1 Get him to go to therapy and make sure he knows his scars aren't an issue for me.

Speaker 1 As well as setting up a place to stay in the worst case scenario that he kicked me out. Spoiler alert, that did not happen.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, everyone can read.

Speaker 1 Maybe. I didn't sleep a lot last night.
And based on some of the comments, thank you, Trizzy, again.

Speaker 1 I decided to send a text that I love him and his scars don't bother me so that it could relieve some tension. He didn't respond to that, but he came back in the morning.
We talked for hours.

Speaker 1 Where it started with me apologizing for walking in on him and that I didn't mean to. He admitted that he knew that and apologized for yelling.

Speaker 1 I suggested we get locks on doors, and he seemed pretty happy about that.

Speaker 1 To clear the air, I asked him about the quote, whether we should stay together text and if it was rooted in his ex-girlfriend, basically asking if she broke up with him over that.

Speaker 1 He admitted that he thought she didn't mind his scars and took his shirt off in front of her. She decided to gasp and start making a big deal about how he, quote, cheated her.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 And that he made it seem like the scars, quote, weren't that bad and broke up with him.

Speaker 2 What is up with these evil people? Like, It was a fire accident. Like, what do you mean? It's not like he just got a tattoo that you didn't like.
Like, what?

Speaker 2 It was a traumatic incident that he survived from. Like, how are people acting like this towards him?

Speaker 1 That's so horrible. The lack of empathy.
It's crazy. Quite concerning.

Speaker 2 Like, for her to say, you cheated me, like, what?

Speaker 1 I think I'm going to, like, I'm literally going to create an empathy course for assholes like this.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, he lost his mom from this experience. Like, oh my god, this is, this is so sad.

Speaker 2 Sorry, go on. O.P.

Speaker 1 goes on to say, I have a newfound hatred for her now. He said he knew it wasn't an excuse, but his brain immediately went to that and he freaked out.

Speaker 1 I asked if he wanted to break up and he was just trying to find an excuse and he quickly said no.

Speaker 1 Specifically, that he was just trying to give me an out if I wanted it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's exactly what I thought.

Speaker 1 When I tell you, I was relieved.

Speaker 1 He asked if I wasn't disgusted. Why did I then stare? And I said that I had an oh shit moment of panic knowing I fucked up.

Speaker 1 He felt awful and apologized for making me feel so uncomfortable in our home.

Speaker 1 Every time he says our home, I have a serotonin high, and that he would try to work on being more comfortable with his scars. That is when I suggested therapy.

Speaker 1 He instantly got defensive, saying that he already had therapy and it didn't work very well.

Speaker 1 I pointed out that the way he wants us to live isn't healthy, that we can have locks and a knock before entering policy, but him expecting me to never see him naked was unfair to both of us.

Speaker 1 That it was his insecurities getting worse and me enabling it. He was dismissive of these points, saying how it wouldn't change things.
It didn't work the first time. Why would it work now?

Speaker 2 Oh, he's so young. No, just because you had one bad experience, the world is so much bigger than that.

Speaker 1 There's so many therapists. Well, some suck.

Speaker 2 Some are great. No, I mean, I meant like, okay, got it.

Speaker 2 When he said it didn't work then, I thought he meant it with my ex-girlfriend.

Speaker 1 No therapy. Yeah.
Okay. I pointed out how he almost threw out a nine-year-old relationship over me accidentally walking in on him.
He tried to say that locks would help stop that from happening again.

Speaker 1 Me walking in on him, not throwing out the relationship. And I said, quote, it might, but I don't want you walking on eggshells either.
I want you comfortable with me. I I want you to trust me.

Speaker 1 He begrudgingly agreed to talk to his dad about what therapist he went to and going to see them. I'm going to text his dad just to make sure he does in a few days.

Speaker 1 I also repeated a suggestion that other people suggested about getting tattoos or going to couples counseling, and he just stared. He asked something along the lines of,

Speaker 1 Why do you care about seeing my scars so much? You didn't care before. Not mean or aggressive, just genuine confusion.

Speaker 1 I kind of laughed awkwardly and said, quote, I thought that you would show me on your own when you were ready, but I don't know about that anymore.

Speaker 1 Baby, I love you, but I don't want you to feel like you have to hide your scars from me, nor do I want you to worry about me breaking up with you overseeing your scars.

Speaker 1 I love all of you, including your scars.

Speaker 1 He started crying. Me too.
Wasn't the first time in the conversation. Tons of tears shed on both ends, and I comforted him.

Speaker 1 He said he didn't want me to be stressed out in our home and that he was sorry. He was a lot more open to couples counseling than personal therapy, which was a half win that I'll take for now.

Speaker 1 We talked about our future some more, and I asked if he ever thought that he would be comfortable enough with me seeing his scars. He said that he wants to show me, but he's not ready yet.

Speaker 1 I was happy to accept that, especially since he's agreed to couples couples counseling and therapy. I am so proud of him.

Speaker 1 I've summarized a lot here, but once again, this was a very long, long talk. We got dinner and slept, which we both really, really needed.

Speaker 1 And as of today, I'm doing research on couples therapist while he went to work. Long story short, we are getting on a better path with a plan for the future where I can see his scars.

Speaker 1 I won't be showing him this post because quite a few comments were pretty rough on him and he doesn't deserve to read that for a having reasonable breakdown.

Speaker 1 Lord knows that man has dealt with plenty of my breakdowns. Thank you everyone for the suggestions and support.
All the hug awards made my day. So thank you.
Oh good.

Speaker 1 I love that it had a happy ending.

Speaker 2 I do too. That's really wonderful.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I wish there was more.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I want to know more. Like, where are they at today?

Speaker 2 They just start a whole documentary on their lives.

Speaker 1 Like, where are you? We watch it. Where are you? Yeah.
Where are you?

Speaker 2 We love you guys. It's such a cute romance.
I'm obsessed.

Speaker 1 How beautiful is it to find someone that sees you, all of you? Yeah. And again, like we've said, like, the scars are not his fault.
They're from like such a traumatic thing. But

Speaker 1 like, that is,

Speaker 1 it's just beautiful because look at what that asshole of a girlfriend did.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 not everyone is so loving and compassionate. And for him to find someone that always defends him and loves him for him.
And it's just

Speaker 1 beautiful. It's beautiful.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm really, I am baffled by the craziness of some of the people.

Speaker 2 I get kind of worried

Speaker 2 randomly with like a story like this because since we are saying it on a podcast, I'm like, well, I don't want his partner to

Speaker 2 come across this podcast and then hear his story and then be like, well, what did they say about me? Like, you show me the post.

Speaker 1 I honestly feel like looking at the comments, though, on the original,

Speaker 1 most were very, very, very positive. A lot of people were understanding.
I mean, we read the top comment, but

Speaker 1 a lot of people are just like, People should go, he should go to therapy.

Speaker 1 Good. Traumatized by the incident and the bullied that, bully that followed, not embarrassment exactly.
He was triggered. There's unresolved pain there, like a cut that never scabbed over.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And if you touch the wound, there's pain and blood. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not seeing

Speaker 1 a lot of negative. No.

Speaker 1 No. It's

Speaker 1 very supportive.

Speaker 2 I was shocked when OP said that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And maybe early on, like when I feel like when a post initially gets posted on Reddit, you get a mix of flooding in and it takes a bit for the post to gain some traction and then the sane people kind of come in or, you know, people more align on one consensus.

Speaker 1 So maybe he was reading comments really early on, right after posting, because he was so stressed and like needed some help. And some were not as positive.

Speaker 1 The meanest, meanest, air quotes one I see is like, you might have to try a tough love approach.

Speaker 1 Then Then other people comment that, like, you should be careful with that.

Speaker 1 Um, this is not just about the scars, yeah, this is the mitif childhood trauma from the event, recovery, bullying, depression, self-esteem, self-worth, and a myriad of other issues that come along with the actual scars.

Speaker 1 Myriad, myriad, isn't it? Probably is. Let's just

Speaker 1 ignore.

Speaker 1 It's fine. Don't yell at me.

Speaker 1 But I want an update. If you're out there, please let us know.

Speaker 1 Let us know what happened. Even if you broke up and you're now, you know, just separate and some

Speaker 1 partners.

Speaker 2 This feels like love.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This feels like a happy ending. I agree.
This feels like a happy ending. Please.
This episode is brought to you by Kraft Mac and Cheese. Kraft Mac and Cheese is the best thing ever.

Speaker 1 It's even better than a juicy dating story. Kraft mac and cheese will fill you with joy and giddiness without any of the secondhand anxiety.

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Kraft mac and cheese, best thing ever.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Moving along.

Speaker 1 So, this next one, it is eight hours old, coming from Am I the Asshole, titled, Am I the Asshole for Turning Down My Sister's Ask to Be Her Maid of Honor? I'll start with the background first.

Speaker 1 My sister, 27 female, and I, 25 female, had pretty crappy parents. I was their favorite, golden child, and they treated my sister like shit.

Speaker 1 It always upset me, and I loved my sister, so I always tried to get them to be better to her.

Speaker 1 When they'd rely heavily on what I wanted for dinner, for example, I'd tell them to ask my sister, or I'd ask her myself.

Speaker 1 I'd do the same if they only let me choose our vacation, or to vote on what movie we should watch for family movie night, or if they gave me money to buy something, but not my sister.

Speaker 1 I tried rejecting stuff they offered me and told them they should divide stuff between the two of us, but it never worked. So I would accept it and then share it with my sister.
Weird.

Speaker 1 I told my sister I loved her every day and really tried to back her up and support her.

Speaker 1 I also talked to my parents about how bad it was that they treated my sister the way they did, but it never had an impact on them. Our parents never changed and it drove us apart.

Speaker 1 When my sister turned 19, she pulled away from me, and then when I asked her why, she told me because she hated me. She called me selfish, spoiled little princess, and said she didn't need my pity.

Speaker 1 I had sent her lots of gifts, and she also mentioned me trying to get mom and dad to include her. She said her life would have been better if I had never existed.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 That her biggest regret was not being an only child. She made it clear she blamed me for our parents' favoritism more than them.

Speaker 2 That's so messed up.

Speaker 1 That I took her chance to have parents who loved her and wanted her. That our parents never called or reached out in any way one time after she went to college.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Our relationship didn't end there, but it hurt to have her blame me like she did, to hate me for trying as much as I did.

Speaker 1 I can admit, I might have gone overboard at times trying to make up for mom and dad, but it was never out of pity. It was out of love.

Speaker 1 And I still love my sister, but I don't see us ever being close again.

Speaker 2 We see each other rarely.

Speaker 1 She always made it clear she didn't really want me in her life, but she never let me go completely. She got engaged two years ago.
I found out from a third party.

Speaker 1 She had a bunch of bridesmaids chosen and was planning the wedding. I'm pretty certain I wasn't even going to be invited.

Speaker 1 But then she and her best friend had a huge fight and the best friend dropped out of the wedding. She said some stuff that upset my sister, and some of it made her reflect on our relationship.

Speaker 1 And so she approached me a week ago and asked me to be her maid of honor. The way she asked me kind of felt like she was still wanting me to prove myself.
It felt like being asked with force.

Speaker 1 And while she admitted why she was asking, she refused to touch on the actual strain between us.

Speaker 1 So I said no.

Speaker 1 She walked away from me and did not contact me for five days. Then she told me I was just like our parents, rejecting her by saying no to the maid of honor role, and she hopes I can live with that.

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 2 I also, I can't even imagine the psychological damage that OP's sister is experiencing from her childhood. That's so messed up.
What parents do that? That doesn't even feel real.

Speaker 2 Like, that's so messed up. And so it's like, no, the sister is completely from the story, completely off base.
I mean, how are you blaming your sister for what your parents did?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just like you're blaming your sister for existing. You told her you don't want her to exist.
Like, clearly, like, you're not.

Speaker 1 I know, that's really fucked up. Yeah.
So really fucked up.

Speaker 2 So obviously, OP is not the asshole here, but like, I am also like, I just, I can't imagine

Speaker 2 or OP's sister growing up that way and how her, how she thinks and how she views the world. Yeah.
You know, I mean, I,

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I would say like not the asshole. I'd be like, no assholes here more so.
There's obviously a very clear reason for the hurt.

Speaker 1 I think it's OP's choice, obviously, what she does. If you're uncomfortable uncomfortable being the maid of honor, that's totally fine.

Speaker 1 Like it feels wrong. It felt forced.
It felt like she was wanting you to prove yourself.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
Don't do it.

Speaker 1 But on the flip side, this also could be an olive branch. And that's where you have that internal battle with yourself.
Do I be the bigger person in this?

Speaker 1 Is she asking me just for optics? Nah, I shouldn't do it. Or do I do it? So maybe we can mend our relationship and work forward.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because given you know the fight between her and her best friend for whatever reason, she's clearly in a dire position.

Speaker 1 So she's probably asking you with like almost her tail tucked between her legs, kind of just

Speaker 1 hat in hand, like, I don't have a maid of honor. Will you step in?

Speaker 2 You'd think that, like, I mean, if she has other bridesmaids, she could just boot one up, though.

Speaker 1 That's true. Well, and OP also does say here,

Speaker 1 she said some stuff that upset my sister and some of it made her reflect on our relationship.

Speaker 1 OP knows that because the sister told her.

Speaker 1 So it's like she's maybe trying,

Speaker 1 but doesn't know the best way to communicate it. Yeah.
How far apart are they? Tevin? Only two years apart.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And so that

Speaker 2 in itself, it's like OP has been the bigger person through her entire life.

Speaker 1 That's true, too.

Speaker 2 Because she had to stand up to her parents at a young age. She had to literally say, please stop doing this.
Please share with my sister. She had to give half of what she got to her sister.

Speaker 2 I mean, she didn't have to. She chose to.
She chose to do those things growing up. So it's like OP has been the bigger person.

Speaker 2 She has wanted to show that her sister is love because her sister wasn't experiencing love from their parents. So OP stepped up to do that.

Speaker 2 And now, and then OP just got like completely like obliterated by her sister being like, I wish you didn't exist. You're the problem, not the parents.
And now she's just like, yeah, so what's up?

Speaker 2 Want to be my maid of honor? So I don't like OP doesn't, oh, doesn't owe anyone anything at this point. That's very true.

Speaker 1 And instead of a reaction that was, I understand, like, I understand we should, we should maybe work on our relationship first before I ask you to be my maid of honor.

Speaker 1 Instead of having that approach, the sister doubles down and says, you're just like our parents. Exactly.

Speaker 1 Which you know is coming from a place of hurt. Exactly.
But at the same time, that doesn't really justify it.

Speaker 2 No, it's, yeah, it's, that's the thing is like the sister's reactions, actions, like, they are not appropriate, but it's also like, I just, again, I can't imagine the way that her,

Speaker 2 she views the world. If you're growing up with parents who not only like, and that's the thing too, like, Growing up with parents who don't show you love, that's awful.

Speaker 2 Growing up with parents who show your other sibling so much love, but not you, that has got to be so psychologically damaging. It actually feels like they despised her, which is crazy.

Speaker 1 Like, I can't imagine, like, and it doesn't sound like she did anything. Like,

Speaker 1 I know people joke, like, oh, parents say they don't have favorites, but they do, ha ha.

Speaker 1 Maybe because one kid is just sassy and never listens and bullies the other and whatever. But it doesn't sound like the sister did anything

Speaker 1 to like warrant that favoritism, which I don't think anything ever warrants that.

Speaker 1 But you know how you could kind of like,

Speaker 1 it's just like metaphorically speaking, like she didn't warrant it, which no kid would.

Speaker 1 But you guys catch my drift, right?

Speaker 1 No, instantly people in the comments don't catch my drift.

Speaker 2 Well, I feel like what you're trying to say is something like, let's say both of them.

Speaker 1 Maybe she murdered the family dog.

Speaker 1 then you would see why maybe the parents didn't like her anymore. They're scared of her.
We didn't need to go that dark, but like, that's what I'm in my head. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, a kid that murders the family dog, you're going to kind of side-eye a little bit.

Speaker 2 No, no, I, I, I just, I just don't like, I don't like that you brought us there.

Speaker 1 Let's go back. That's where my head goes.
My head goes catastrophic.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 But no, it's

Speaker 2 yeah, OP is not the asshole. OP has been trying and it's really unfortunate.
It's a very unfortunate situation.

Speaker 1 It's not fair to either of them. What would you do if this was your real life? Because I know we can argue like all the ways here analyzing someone else.

Speaker 1 Would you, in real life, had said yes and like kind of stepped in?

Speaker 2 This is hard because like I was actually just saying to Brian, and he was so confused, but I was saying that like somebody can be historically mean to me over and over again.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 2 they come up to me once and they start being nice to me, and it's just like a knee-jerk reaction. I'm just nice back.

Speaker 2 I like in those in the moments that they're nice to me, I like forget everything that they did before that was mean to me. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Unless they like go back and then they're mean again, but like when they're in front of me and being nice, it's like, I don't know why, but my,

Speaker 2 I just react that way like like automatically almost you just treat it at face value at every given time yeah so like i can like think like i hate that person right before and then like they come up and say

Speaker 1 you know like oh i like your shoes then i'm like oh they're they're actually really nice like you know what i mean so so in this situation like if you're asking me personally i think i probably would say yes i think i would too Like I would, because I, me and my little sister, I love her.

Speaker 1 She's so sweet. But we did have a big age gap that like, we're just not super close.

Speaker 1 We were, we're at totally different ends of our lives, which is like, it's crazy because it's only like eight and a half years, but we're just in different places. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And if she asked me, I would definitely say yes, because I would want to use it as an opportunity to like connect and, you know, build our relationship stronger.

Speaker 1 But I'm not saying that OP is, she's justified in her decision. Definitely justified.
Top comment, not the asshole.

Speaker 1 I can't help but wonder what her plan would be if she recovered her relationship with her best friend, who was acting as maid of honor up until this point.

Speaker 1 Would she expect you to plan and pay for all of the events and then drop you again when her first choice shows up?

Speaker 1 It's better to avoid a situation you are unsure of than set yourself up to strain the relationship further, which is true. Yeah.
But it sounds like because OP said no, that strains it further.

Speaker 1 Sister's writing it off. And it, yeah,

Speaker 1 um, OP does respond. I have wondered that myself.
Would she fire me then? Would she turn on me the way she did when she was 19? Would we end up sharing the role, but I'm the outsider amongst everyone?

Speaker 1 Lots of things I considered.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's crazy. I wonder if the sister has gone to therapy and like worked on this.

Speaker 2 It doesn't really sound like it, but no.

Speaker 1 There's a comment. It is very long, but

Speaker 1 a lot of people are upvoting it and very respondent to it. Someone goes, so I think I know what has happened here.
What caused her flip at 19 and the subsequent breakdown?

Speaker 1 Note that none of this is your fault, but that it comes down to child and human psychology.

Speaker 1 Basically, it's known that children typically behave better for teachers, babysitters, et cetera, than they do for their parents.

Speaker 1 When they get upset at their parents, they'll cry and scream, lash out, say things like, I hate you, etc.

Speaker 1 The thought is that children and teens do this because subconsciously or otherwise, they see their parents as sources of unconditional love.

Speaker 1 And they're simultaneously, A, comfortable in saying these things because they know it won't ruin their relationship with their parents, and B, testing to see if that love really is unconditional.

Speaker 1 In your case with your sister, she never received any love from your parents.

Speaker 2 So she was the parent.

Speaker 1 By the sounds of it, unconditional or not. Instead, you filled that role.

Speaker 1 And so as an older teen, young adult, what ended up happening is she was hit with the double whammy of trauma from her parents, emotional neglect, which is a form of emotional abuse, plus the aforementioned normal combo of, quote, I can say whatever and she'll still love me, plus, will she still love me?

Speaker 1 test.

Speaker 1 You did your best to fill in for your parents, but you were a child yourself.

Speaker 1 So she was still emotionally and psychologically affected by the abuse, which I'm betting pushed this stage of her development off until later.

Speaker 1 As an aside, having to emotionally support your sister as a parent would be traumatic for you as well, even if it didn't feel that way. So what your parents did was also harmful to you.

Speaker 1 So now we get to the maid of honor question. As you and your sister were both aware, it was a test.

Speaker 1 By saying no to protect yourself in your sister's eyes, you were saying that your love was not unconditional, no matter how she treated you, hence her breakdown now, because she feels no one loves her unconditionally.

Speaker 1 But here's the thing: no one parent or sibling or otherwise deserves to be treated like garbage just because of their familial role. And your sister isn't a child anymore, despite her trauma.

Speaker 1 She's 27.

Speaker 1 And I'm sure you do still love her, despite what she thinks. You just are also hurting for valid reasons.
And she needs to consider your feelings too.

Speaker 1 Despite how your parents forced you to be, you're her sister, not her mom.

Speaker 1 You are not the asshole. Your sister needs therapy to learn to deal with the trauma your parents inflicted.

Speaker 1 I also think you would benefit from it because I get the sense you are carrying a lot of guilt from childhood, and that is guilt guilt you don't deserve.

Speaker 1 Your parents were awful to both of you, just in different ways. You deserve better, and I'm sorry you didn't receive it.
Good luck and take care.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, I would be bawling if I was reading that as OP.

Speaker 1 I know. It's so perfect.

Speaker 2 It's so dead on. It's just like so well written.
I could not have said anything better

Speaker 2 myself. Like that was just, wow.

Speaker 1 It's a, it's, yeah.

Speaker 2 Did that have a lot of upvotes?

Speaker 1 Well, the post is so new. It's only got 500 right now.

Speaker 1 But a lot of people are responding. Wow, the feels from this.
I think you are 100% right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I, I,

Speaker 1 again, not OP's fault. OP is still not the asshole.
But I, in my head, I would have seen this as the olive branch, as the test.

Speaker 1 And I, I kind of, again, like I'm maybe a little bit of a people pleaser. And like I said, if it were me and my sister, I would have, I would have done it.
And maybe it's not too late.

Speaker 1 Maybe seeing this, she can go now to her sister and be like, hey,

Speaker 1 I've reconsidered. I want to say yes on the condition that you and I go to family therapy.

Speaker 1 I think it could benefit us both so much.

Speaker 1 Individual therapy would be great for you. I need it clearly too.
We all need it, right?

Speaker 1 But I would like to, you know, reconsider if you'd do that with me

Speaker 1 because I think that is truly then

Speaker 1 olive branch working on the relationship and moving forward together. Yeah.
Because you shouldn't be disconnected. This is your sister.
This is your family.

Speaker 1 Like, look at what your parents, like this person said, put both of you through.

Speaker 1 So, so shitty of the parents.

Speaker 2 Just crazy. I feel like we should all be taking

Speaker 2 like classes in school growing up on this type of stuff because it's like

Speaker 2 when people have kids,

Speaker 2 like these parents, what were they thinking? Like, what were they thinking?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 The fact that they both were in on it, too. You know, we've had stories before where it's just like one parent and then the other parent is like, what are you doing?

Speaker 2 Why are you only favoring the other kid?

Speaker 2 But like, the fact that both parents were in on it is just so crazy to me. It's just like,

Speaker 1 like, why did you guys choose to have kids? Literally, you were not equipped to handle multiple kids.

Speaker 2 Did you want to inflict this trauma onto people

Speaker 2 in the world? Like, what?

Speaker 1 I just, ugh. Well, and the fact that your younger daughter was pointing it out.
Yeah. And then you still didn't correct course after your younger child pointed it out.
So wild. Sick and twisted.

Speaker 1 Sick and twisted.

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Speaker 1 Okay, so lightening things up a little bit, this next one is titled, My 25 Female Boyfriend's 26 Male Sister is Weirdly Obsessed with Him.

Speaker 1 He's taking her on a holiday, and I don't know how to convince him it is super weird. Hmm.

Speaker 2 This one could go so many different directions.

Speaker 1 Not so obvious, maybe. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've been dating my boyfriend Mike for just under 18 months. Our relationship has become really serious.
We've even started to discuss things like marriage, children, etc.

Speaker 1 We moved from England to Wales about six months ago because I got a job opportunity that required us to relocate. He was able to covert to working from home, so has stayed employed by his old company.

Speaker 1 We now live about 70 miles away from our hometown. Because it's so far, we rarely visit home, maybe once every six weeks or so.
Whenever we visit, we stay with Mike's parents.

Speaker 1 And every time we go, his sister is incredibly obsessed with Mike and won't leave him alone. It's to the point where it's really weird and almost like she has some weird romantic feelings for him.

Speaker 1 I don't like that. I've brought this up to Mike and he says I'm being crazy, but I'm not.
For example, she will snuggle up to him on the sofa, so I have to sit somewhere else.

Speaker 1 She will ask for him to take her shopping to places that I don't like. She'll make him take her to restaurants and they'll have fancy meals together.

Speaker 1 It is so weird how she treats him like a boyfriend.

Speaker 2 Wait, how old is the sister?

Speaker 1 No No mention yet. Oh, okay.
They have a holiday to Spain booked for the summer holiday to the town where Mike grew up. They booked this before we were dating.

Speaker 1 But it is just two of them going, and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I first asked him to change the booking so I could come along as well.
I said I would pay for the extra, obviously.

Speaker 1 He said he contacted the travel agents, but they weren't able to change the booking anymore and that they couldn't book a separate package for me because the hotel was booked up.

Speaker 1 Yesterday I told him, I think it is really weird that he wants to spend two weeks alone with her in a foreign country. And when I said this to him, he blew up at me and kicked me out of the house.

Speaker 1 Like genuinely kicked me out of the house for just questioning him about this, which has made me feel that it's even more weird than I thought.

Speaker 1 We ended up having a huge argument, like the biggest we've ever had. And now I'm considering booking a separate hotel nearby, the one they're staying at,

Speaker 1 just so I can keep an eye on him. Shut up.

Speaker 1 I've been texting him and ringing him, and he hasn't answered or responded to me at all. I don't understand how he doesn't see that this is weird.
You're weird. You're being crazy.

Speaker 1 Especially considering how obsessed she is with him, as I mentioned earlier. It just makes me feel sick and I don't know what to do.
How do I express to him that this is not normal?

Speaker 1 How do I show him there's something weird about how his sister treats him?

Speaker 2 Dude, if this, if you think that your boyfriend's going to hook up with his sister when they're on a vacation, you should leave him. You should not go and fly there, get a hotel and spy on them.

Speaker 2 Don't stop them. You should like, if you're genuinely concerned that the person you're dating is going to hook up with their sister, then like you just shouldn't be with them.

Speaker 2 Like, I mean, okay, maybe I'm speaking too soon because maybe there's more details, but like to me, I don't, I guess, I don't know how old the sister is.

Speaker 2 The cuddling thing is kind of odd if she's not like a young, a young one. I'm picturing her as being young.
I'm not sure how old she is.

Speaker 2 Like, if they're like the same age and they're cuddling up together, that would make me feel weird too.

Speaker 2 But at the same time, like, your thought process of like going to go and spy on them is very concerning to me. I don't know.
Am I being like too hard on her? Is it really weird? Am I?

Speaker 1 I think the age does really change change things because if it was like, okay, Mike is 26, the sister is 24, they're cuddling on the couch.

Speaker 2 That would weird me out for sure.

Speaker 1 They're going on romantic dinner dates and like.

Speaker 2 Was it, but like, romantic dinner dates are just like go to the porch?

Speaker 1 Well, that's the way it's kind of being like per,

Speaker 1 like told.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, what is that big word? I don't know. There's a lot of them.
I literally want to say like persplayed, but i think i'm blending two words like that's the way it's being portrayed

Speaker 1 that's that big word i was looking for oh my god it feels like portrayed being a huge word that's so funny oh god i'm just struggling it just feels like there's definitely certain undertones in this so i think for me the age would change

Speaker 1 things if she's young then it's like no she just looks up to her big brother and like yeah how amazing that he's taking her on a trip like yeah because as i said having a huge age gap with your siblings can make you not have have as close of a relationship.

Speaker 1 So that's super cool. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I guess I was definitely picturing at 12, 12 years old.

Speaker 1 I don't know what I was envisioning, honestly. I think I was envisioning older.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Yeah. Maybe that's why you felt like it was way weirder.
And I was coming from the angle of like the opposite.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's weird. I'm genuinely like at a loss.
Like I'm I'm kind of in the boat of like, it's not that obvious with this one. I do think it's a little far to go to the hotel.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying. To watch them.

Speaker 2 Aren't they going to another country too? You're going to spy on him. That's when she lost me.
At first, I'm like, you know what? Like, you might be honest with me. Yeah, you might be honest with me.

Speaker 2 Maybe a little bit of a weird feeling. Like meshment.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know? Exactly.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But then when she said that, like, I might go to the hotel and spy on them, you should just not be with him.
If you're going to go that far, like, then it's probably not a good fit.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 Like, well, especially if, like, to spy on him to make sure he's not hooking up with his sister. Like, do you know what you mean? Like, that's crazy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That at that point, you probably have to be like, it's probably not a good fit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, and it's like, if you can't have a reasonable conversation about this and communicate effectively, like you also have some holes in the relationship.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So whether it's, yeah, not even just like on her side, but like on his side too.
Like both. Again, like, yeah, if they can't like

Speaker 2 get through this and then she's going to go and spy on him.

Speaker 2 Those are just a lot of concerning things.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And 18 months is a long time for some people, some relationships.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, if your partner isn't receiving what you're saying with any like empathy or like any consideration and they're blowing up at you like if it's that right like you know what I mean like maybe it's just like hey like I'm I'm kind of uncomfortable because of how close you guys are it's kind of weird but but I would also feel

Speaker 1 the age

Speaker 2 well yeah that like and I'm just trying to think too like if somebody said that to me about like my like little like little brother or something who's you know in high school and if if i like was hanging out with my little brother like i don't hang hang out with i'm in a different state so i don't have this type of relationship that obs explaining but like let's say like i was getting dinner with my little brother and like my boyfriend was like it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable it seems like he likes you that would be so weird to me to have somebody say that to me i would be like what what

Speaker 2 are you good do you know what i mean unless

Speaker 2 I don't know. So I just feel like that's a really delicate thing to communicate to your partner.

Speaker 1 So it's like, it's like, but at the same time, if they're not going to like even consider what you're saying, you're only 18 months in. Yeah.
It's a mismatch. Exactly.

Speaker 1 Cut your losses and just break up. Yeah.
Because if they're the same age and it's kind of like, oh, yeah, no, maybe it's not the most healthy, then it's like, okay, well, maybe he's in cuckoo land.

Speaker 1 Like, seriously, just you're not, you're not match.

Speaker 1 But isn't that like now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like in my head and I'm like, well, if she's a young kid, it's okay for siblings to kind of sit close.

Speaker 1 But isn't that kind of sad? Like as you age, like you can't just like sit next to your brother. Like, uh,

Speaker 2 um, well, if you are like blocking their partner, you're like cuddling with them and blocking like their partner from cuddling with them. Like, yeah, that's

Speaker 2 that. Yeah.
I think times have changed.

Speaker 1 Well, like, I'm, I was like thinking about it. I'm like, I've, like, I've been sitting on a couch and my brother sat next to me.
And then his girlfriend at the time sat in a chair.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, well, that's not weird. And we also weren't cuddling.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Okay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 1 there are some comments

Speaker 1 from OP.

Speaker 1 So someone goes, How old is the sister? Because,

Speaker 1 and they quote OP, they have a holiday to Spain booked for the summer to a town where Mike grew up. It doesn't sound like they're close in age.
OP responds: drumroll, please.

Speaker 1 She's nine, but we'll be 10 this year. Stop!

Speaker 1 Relevant fucking details, OP. She's nine.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 That same person responds to OP.

Speaker 2 I was thinking 12 and like nine.

Speaker 1 Stop. The person responds and goes, you need therapy.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a couple more comments from OP.

Speaker 1 Someone says something like, I'm struggling to see the issue with this. And OP goes, What do you mean you're struggling to see the issue? I'm worried for you if that's the case.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Another comment from OP: You don't think it's weird how obsessed she is with him, or how, when I question him on their relationship, he kicks me out of the house?

Speaker 1 Probably because you're questioning the relationship and thus implying something very nefarious, gross, inappropriate. Like, this is a nine-year-old.
This is a

Speaker 1 baby. This is a little kid.
Oh my God.

Speaker 2 Get, sorry.

Speaker 2 He needs to get rid of her. He is dodging a bullet.

Speaker 1 He is dodging a bullet. This is someone.

Speaker 1 This is someone that becomes like so insecure that they cut you off from your family.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm saying. Like, he, she would drive a wedge between him and his sister, and his sister adores him, looks up to him, like such, like, probably like her hero.

Speaker 1 i know because nine and he was like 26 or something yeah that's a big

Speaker 1 what is that

Speaker 1 15

Speaker 1 16 year age gap it's yeah 16 years oh no right do we do that wrong yeah i think it's 16 17 17 plus 9 9 and 26 oh 17 i was thinking 25.

Speaker 1 that's a huge age gap damn it can we take that part out no that's just math mathletes mathletes unite

Speaker 2 why Why do you do this to us? You put it, you set us up to make ourselves look bad with math all the time.

Speaker 1 Can't win them all.

Speaker 1 Can't win them all.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, this is so.

Speaker 2 I feel good because at first I'm like, was I going too hard on OP?

Speaker 1 Nope. And I you feel justified.

Speaker 2 Yes, I do. I like it.

Speaker 1 I like it. Okay, moving along.

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Speaker 1 This next one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is titled, Am I the Asshole? Asking My Daughter to Pay Me for Cooking for Her Wedding? I, a forty six female, greatly enjoy cooking and baking.

Speaker 1 I've always told my kids if they had a small wedding, I would be happy to provide the food as a wedding gift. My daughter Leslie is getting married soon.

Speaker 1 They're having forty seven guests total, so I offered to cook per my long standing offer, and said I could do something like my peppered beef or jambalaya with some jalapeno cheesy biscuits.

Speaker 1 Leslie and her fiancé, Will, took me up on it and said they would help buy ingredients.

Speaker 1 Leslie sent me some recipes a few days ago, and when I asked what they were for, she said they wanted to add one or two big pot dishes that weren't spicy so Will's family could have something to eat.

Speaker 1 I know that boy can't eat a pauper or most of my meals without getting red in the face, but I didn't think his whole family was like that.

Speaker 1 Leslie said it's because his father has ulcers and stomach problems, so Will's family was careful how how they ate while Will was growing up.

Speaker 1 I told Leslie I already told her what I was cooking for her wedding, and she argued that I'm making it about me instead of listening to what the bride and groom want.

Speaker 1 I finally told her I'd cook the extra dishes, but if she's going to treat me like I'm a caterer, then I'll need her to pay me for all of the extra prep and work.

Speaker 1 Leslie said gifts are supposed to be what the person receiving them wants, and that she might as well hire a caterer if she's going to pay. And then she hung up.

Speaker 1 I thought Leslie would cool down and come talk to me about how we would handle this and reasonable payment for taking on extra cooking.

Speaker 1 But my youngest told me when he went to visit Leslie, she and Will were talking with a catering company. Was I wrong to ask her to pay me for cooking?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 I also, um, I'm going to be honest, in the beginning of this story, I was still hung up on the last story a little bit. So if I missed a few details and if no is not the right answer, let me know.

Speaker 1 I honestly am seeing comments both ways.

Speaker 1 I also feel like

Speaker 1 47 people is still like, it's not COVID wedding size. That's still a decent amount of people.

Speaker 1 I feel like if it were me, I would maybe ease up on spices because like a lot of people can't handle spices and then maybe have like Tabasco or you know hot sauces on the table like different hot sauce you could have a hot sauce bar if your family's used to spice and they can handle it then offer a hot sauce bar and then it becomes that much more fun so it's like i don't know why

Speaker 1 like op took that as the hill to die on especially because it is the daughter's wedding it's like it is about them right and this was supposed to be a gift right and so it's like why are you just like so prideful that you can't kind kind of like just ease up a little bit?

Speaker 1 And then you're like, well, I'm going to charge you. I would, I would say, yes.

Speaker 1 That would seem reasonable if it was like, no, mom, I want you to cook all of this and this and this. And it was like, it was going beyond the expectation of like, I'll cook for your small wedding.

Speaker 1 Then I would be like, okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 But it sounds like there's just like, like, I'm envisioning a crock pot thing where it's like, she wants a couple extra big pot things where it's like, this crock pot and still a lot of work for 47 people.

Speaker 1 But this is your daughter's wedding. Yeah.
Like kind of accommodated a little bit.

Speaker 1 But also OP at the same time, putting in a lot of labor, a lot of love, a lot of time, paying for ingredients.

Speaker 1 Even I think the daughter and the fiancé said they'd help pay with some, but food is a lot of money.

Speaker 1 Have you gone to the grocery store lately? That shit sucks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's one of those things where it just, it kind of sounds like it just sounds petty for no reason it just it didn't feel like it needed to be like that yeah um

Speaker 2 but at the same time if somebody doesn't want to cook x y z for free and do all this work for free then it's like you don't have to but it would it would be nice if you were to i mean it's a gift if you were to grant like their wishes on their wedding day that would be that would be pretty cool of you well and it's like why was this like why was this the hill to die on

Speaker 1 it could have been so easy and then you wouldn't be fighting with your daughter and like i totally get the daughter's reaction of like calling a catering company yeah and just being like i just don't want to deal with this on our wedding day like this is just getting goofy yeah and this is what's so hard about like involving yourself with family and doing favors or like even just taking money for a wedding and then that family member wants to dictate what you do with it or I want extra guests because I gave you money.

Speaker 1 Like, it's so dicey sometimes when it shouldn't be. Yeah.
We have a listener, Archer, who is a florist and does like flower arrangements. And so his mom got married an archer.

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry if I'm butchering this story. I'm really, I'm trying to remember it well from our group tea on Patreon, but essentially like, or no.

Speaker 1 Archer's wife is a florist.

Speaker 1 Something like that. Archer's wife, either one, Archer or his wife does flower arrangements.

Speaker 1 And so the mom got remarried and they did the flower arrangements and like just basically said, like, pay for the cost of the flowers. And there was still like issues with that, I guess.

Speaker 1 Like, maybe Archer will comment on the YouTube or something and like tell it better than me.

Speaker 1 But it's just like, it's so crazy when it's like someone is saving you an exorbitant amount of money and yet there's still issues, which I guess could be the case with this.

Speaker 1 Like your mom is doing doing you huge favors, saving you a bunch of money by cooking. So maybe just pay for the extra shit you want.
Right. Maybe I just convinced myself the other way.

Speaker 1 This, see, this theme is hard. I feel like this is a lot of these stories are ones you could kind of like,

Speaker 1 well, maybe not the other ones, but this one feels like you could like talk about it till the cows come home.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That was so fun. I just got to say, yeah, and like listen to you make a lot of good points.
It was fantastic. People listening are going to be like, Lauren, are you still there?

Speaker 1 You good? You good, bro? I just, God, I'm just like, no, I loved it. My wine's kicking in.
I loved it.

Speaker 2 But no, I, I, yeah, I, I think that it's always tricky with stuff like this, like weddings in general. That's why I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I don't think I even want a wedding. I know.
I know. Gosh.
Where do you think the vote is going to go on this one?

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 now that I'm up to speed, because like I said, I had like a moment where I missed something because I was hung up with the last story.

Speaker 2 Now that I'm up to speed, I think it's probably going to lean towards saying that OP is the asshole.

Speaker 1 You would be correct, Larry.

Speaker 1 You would be correct. You're the asshole.

Speaker 1 If you are only willing to make a spicy dish, if you want to make, or that is the only thing you know how to make, a peppered beef or jambalaya offer to make it not spicy.

Speaker 1 Wanting to make sure food is edible slash enjoyable for all guests is a common courtesy.

Speaker 1 If you want to lord over/slash judge people for not eating slash liking spicy stuff, even if you don't think it's spicy, yeah, it makes you an asshole.

Speaker 1 And yes, being strict about what your gift is without consideration of the receiver is bad behavior.

Speaker 1 If I know a child needs a four-person car for their family and I offer to buy them a two-seater sports car, that would be a-hole behavior.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a good point. For sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, and she does say, like, I know Will, he can't eat spicy without getting red in the face.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Come on, he's not as seasoned as you.

Speaker 2 And it's also, yeah, like spice is a big thing, too, because there's a lot of people who cannot handle spice.

Speaker 1 I like it, but no, I'm like, I'm like,

Speaker 1 yeah, like immediately.

Speaker 2 And being somebody who loves spicy stuff, like growing up and till this day, it's like if I'm splitting stuff with people, most of the people I'm splitting stuff with, I know I'm not going to be able to get a spicy dish because most of the people that I'm friends with are not, they, they're not big on spice.

Speaker 2 So that's a very common thing. So I think that's something that like I cater around because I'm usually the one that's like an outlier.

Speaker 2 And I want, and it's like, and I can, and I like non-spicy food and spicy food.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Where there's other people, they, they don't like spicy food. 100%.
So it's like, why don't we meet somewhere where we can all enjoy?

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 Well, and that's like when I first read it, that's what I didn't get where it's like, you can literally make one dish and have a really fun hot sauce bar and accommodate literally everyone while also having that really cute, unique, niche touch of like, exactly.

Speaker 1 Here's our family's favorite hot sauces, or this is a hot sauce from Will's Town, and this is a hot sauce from my daughter's town. Which hot sauce are you going to choose?

Speaker 1 Like, you could have made it so fun and easy. Why was that the hill to die on?

Speaker 2 Yeah, so true. Just a sassy, sassy chef in the making.

Speaker 1 It feels like it's a pride thing and ego

Speaker 2 100%.

Speaker 2 It's also funny, too.

Speaker 1 Motherfucker. Yeah, exactly.
In my head all day. I can't stop.
Why do you have that twangy twist to it?

Speaker 1 It's a meme on TikTok. Oh.
It's like she sings it so sweet and like

Speaker 1 melodic, and then you get to motherfucker.

Speaker 2 But they say it like that on TikTok.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a thing.

Speaker 2 Like that, like country-sounding.

Speaker 1 There's okay. There's memes.
I'll send it to you. Okay, cool.
It's a bop. Nice.
Sabrina Carpenter, you want to come on, you want to come on? I've like become obsessed with her lately.

Speaker 1 I just, she's so cute.

Speaker 2 I think she's so cute. She's so cute.
And she's putting out some bops, just like

Speaker 1 bop after bop. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, it was funny, though. So right before coming over here, me and Brian were eating dinner and we were putting different sauces on our dinner.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he doesn't like this one that I really like.

Speaker 2 And I was saying to him, don't Don't you think it's funny how humans just taste things differently?

Speaker 1 Taste buds are nuts.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then he was like, Whoa.

Speaker 2 And I was like, What? Why is, why are you acting like that's news? And he's like, Well, I just always thought of it as people like different things, but when you say it that way, it's so trippy.

Speaker 1 It's like a chemical reaction on your tongue and taste buds.

Speaker 1 I think the craziest thing is: have you ever tried that little pill you put in your mouth, rub it around on your tongue, and then you can eat like a lemon after and it tastes sweet, like an orange.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 I would love to try that. Most fun experiment.
It's so cool. You can get up on Amazon or a lot of other places.
Like, it's really fun.

Speaker 2 That's, I would, I'd be down to try that. Losing my taste and smell during COVID was such a wild experience.

Speaker 1 It was heartbreaking for me. I

Speaker 2 was really nervous because there were people that lasted for so long. And so I

Speaker 2 started smelling essential oils every single day, and it came back like within two weeks.

Speaker 2 But like, it's so trippy how much you are relying on these, like, tastes and smell because it's like, absolutely, you're not smelling anything either. And like, that's that's a danger.

Speaker 2 Um, or like, that's how we sense danger. That's how we sense if something's burning.

Speaker 1 I literally was so concerned that my house was going to start on fire and I would die inside because I couldn't smell.

Speaker 1 Like, I lit a piece of toilet paper on fire right in front of me and smelled nothing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was really traumatic.

Speaker 2 It was really trippy.

Speaker 1 Traumatic. There's a one more comment I want to read on this one that's in response to the top comment.
Also, she already knows one of the guests of honor at the wedding can't eat spicy food.

Speaker 1 Just fuck him at his own wedding, I guess.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's so true. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Like he eats it to please you and fit in with your family.

Speaker 1 Just be considerate of it. That's so true.
There are some comments from OP.

Speaker 2 How do I go back and take my no?

Speaker 2 Or how do I go and take back my no from the beginning?

Speaker 1 this is why it's in this theme like I even was like at one point I was like well shoot like maybe there could be an argument to like you know that it could go both ways we might have some people in the comments being like well did she ask to make not spicy and maybe she's asking for spicy and now not spicy like you never know you never know Lauren

Speaker 1 People are asking her like the reasoning behind the options she offered. The jambalaya and beef I can make easily in large batches and often do for gatherings.

Speaker 1 They are also less messy than barbecue pork or Swedish meatballs. Even if I put the sauce separately, it's messy to eat in wedding attire.

Speaker 1 There still would have been sides and appetizers like dips and salads that I would be making too.

Speaker 1 OP says in another comment: it's not that hard to cook for 50 people with dishes like that, and I've done it before.

Speaker 1 Beef, jambalaya, biscuits, lunch meatrolls, some salads and dips is very easy to do by yourself. She wants me to make two of the recipes as well as the main dish, appetizers, and sides I had planned.

Speaker 1 Haha, yes, still would have done jambalaya and cheesy biscuits with chicken, fricasi, and stuffed bell peppers.

Speaker 1 No addressing of if the daughter asked to just not make it so spicy overall,

Speaker 1 which kind of feels like OP is avoiding it. Yeah.
Given comments are asking about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's just, there's a lot of crazy comments. Why do so many people think non-spicy equals plain? I don't get that.

Speaker 1 And that's true but again hot sauce bar

Speaker 1 just don't be don't let this be the hill that you die on and then

Speaker 2 and then your kid is not for your daughter's wedding i actually think it's kind of

Speaker 2 again now that i'm up to speed i think it's actually kind of badass that the daughter was just like okay i will call a catering company yeah just like no i'm not going to fight i'm not going to deal with this yeah

Speaker 2 i'm just going to it and that's like i think that's where i thought it was going to go is that the daughter was going to be like no I'm not going to spend money on a catering, like, no, you, you have to do this.

Speaker 2 So, the fact that the daughter was just like,

Speaker 1 okay, I'm good.

Speaker 2 I'll take care of it myself then.

Speaker 1 Bye. Bet.
Yeah, bet. Say less, lady.
I kind of love it.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along. I'm good.

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Speaker 1 Okay, this next one.

Speaker 1 I don't know where it's going to go.

Speaker 1 It's coming from Am I the Asshole titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Family They Cannot See My Children as Long as My Sister-in-Law is Involved with Anyone They Speak To.

Speaker 1 I never thought I'd be in a situation where I might have to cut off my own family, but here we are.

Speaker 1 My 32 female, brother, 30 male, and sister-in-law, 30 female, met in college and married two years ago. I've always supported the relationship.

Speaker 1 I will say for the record that my sister-in-law is a beautiful, intelligent, and well-educated woman who I was proud to call call family.

Speaker 1 Despite coming from a background that, although she refused to disclose any details, she described as being extremely difficult.

Speaker 1 I always figured it was none of my business why she wasn't in contact with her family and respected her privacy in those matters.

Speaker 1 Well, the reason for the estrangement was recently revealed when her older brother got a hold of some contact information for her and reached out to most people she's friends with on Facebook with details.

Speaker 1 It turns out it has to do with something absolutely gut-wrenching that she did to a child when she herself was very young.

Speaker 1 The next day at a family meeting, she confirmed that her brother was telling the truth, and she expected our family to be sympathetic to her situation and to help her sue her brother for harassment.

Speaker 1 I was kind of in shock when my parents agreed to help, and my husband and I left. We We have two children, both under five years old, and I do not want this woman around them.

Speaker 1 I do not want anyone who thinks this sort of thing is all right to be around them. Yes, sister-in-law was very young at the time, but she hasn't shown any remorse for her actions.

Speaker 1 And I do not want my kids exposed to that kind of person ever.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, do we know what it is?

Speaker 1 I called my brother the next day and told him point blank that until he shows me signed divorce papers, he is not welcome around my family.

Speaker 1 I let my parents know that if they helped this woman escape the consequences of her actions or offered any kind of support that wasn't related to getting my brother an amazing divorce attorney, they would never see or hear from me or my family again.

Speaker 1 I offered to pay for the best attorney in our state for my brother. If there is no divorce, I'm going to move states and make sure none of them know where I'm going.

Speaker 1 What the fuck was it? Nobody else seems to share my opinion. My brother cussed me out for even suggesting cutting that woman out over, quote, something that happened in high school.

Speaker 1 And my parents think I'm being controlling and overreacting and that she's family now and we owe her loyalty.

Speaker 1 My husband has said he'll support me if I want to move because we only moved here to be near my family anyways, but wants me to try and talk this out.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone, but maybe I'm just losing my mind here. Am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 I don't have an opinion unless I know what it is.

Speaker 1 Like, how could I?

Speaker 2 What, did she trip a kid? Or like, was it like insane bullying?

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 I'm very confused.

Speaker 2 That's why, like, I don't know how to have an opinion when we don't know what it was.

Speaker 1 The account has been suspended. I can't look up comments,

Speaker 1 but let's see if we can find any of OP's responses coming up.

Speaker 1 Um, someone asks here, you just have to tell us what she did, otherwise, this is deliberately vague and evasive, and you do sound controlling.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so someone replies back to that comment and says, OP said in another comment,

Speaker 1 she paid a violent adult man to hurt a baby she had a responsibility to.

Speaker 1 This is code for quote, got an abortion at 14.

Speaker 1 Oh, really?

Speaker 1 Wait, per the comments,

Speaker 1 per the comments, I'm trying to find OP's comments if there's like an actual screenshot of OP's comments.

Speaker 1 Oh my God,

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 She made it sound like this was like something very, very like, are we a kid with a car? Are we sure?

Speaker 2 Are you sure it was an abortion?

Speaker 2 I had no idea. Like, does OP respond to that?

Speaker 1 So, this is a direct quote from someone. I think OP ended up deleting their comment.
OP said she paid a violent adult man to hurt the child because she didn't want to be responsible for it.

Speaker 1 The child did not survive. There were no legal consequences.

Speaker 1 Interesting.

Speaker 2 Yeah, if there's no legal consequences,

Speaker 2 that's true. That does sound like an abortion.
Cause I'm like,

Speaker 1 I'm not seeing any comments from OP though. But at the same time, why not mention it in the post? This is an anonymous Reddit post.
You're being really unclear and vague

Speaker 1 on purpose. Like, this is, it feels like line by omission from her, like, just not being like,

Speaker 2 this is what she did. Well, you'd almost, it's like, almost like one of two things.

Speaker 2 It's like, it was so bad that OP doesn't want to repeat it because they're like like so scarred by it, or two, it's something that OP knows is actually that other people don't find to be as awful as she does, aka potentially an abortion.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm like, I'm, or some people, I should say, obviously, everyone's well different.

Speaker 1 So, in the there's a lot of people commenting back to OP's like comments that were on the post, and OP was like, Yeah, it involved the death of a child.

Speaker 1 Okay, was it an accident? Like, what,

Speaker 1 What? You're, you're again, intentionally being very vague. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Someone does comment: Congratulations on the deception, OP. Well played.
Info.

Speaker 1 And they quote, like, what OP did say on something, something absolutely gut-wrenching that she did to a child when she herself was very young,

Speaker 1 which, like, was in the original. And it's like,

Speaker 1 okay,

Speaker 1 well,

Speaker 1 what, what? What? Spit it the fuck out. You want a vote? You want a judgment? Spit it out.
Literally. Because it's not obvious right now.
Yeah. Bitch.

Speaker 2 Yo, what are you asking us for? You like,

Speaker 2 oh my God.

Speaker 1 You're the asshole because you've admitted in the comments you aren't afraid of her, just concerned she will influence your children.

Speaker 1 Considering this isn't something she talks about, I'm not sure how she can negatively influence your kids. You're also asking a lot from your family and your brother.

Speaker 1 You're free to cut her off, but you don't get to dictate how everyone else responds. Literally.

Speaker 1 I'm fully in the boat for me. I am very pro-choice.
Like, you shouldn't dictate what other people do with their bodies.

Speaker 1 So that's just not,

Speaker 1 that's not something I'm going to get with. Yeah.
And literally telling your brother, you're never going to see my family. I'll pay for your divorce attorney.
How manipulative is that? Crazy.

Speaker 1 To the parents, you'll never see your grandkids. And I'm going to move.
And you'll never know where I go. It's out of control.
And it's an insane, insane reaction.

Speaker 2 It's so frustrating that she won't just straight up say it. Like, what

Speaker 1 the situation is. And I think that's the thing because, like, I have certain family members who are very, very pro-life.
They'll talk about that.

Speaker 1 And if you're passionate about that, like, you are entitled to your opinions.

Speaker 1 But, like, if those family members would have been writing this post, they would have included it.

Speaker 1 You included it because you knew how it would affect the reaction.

Speaker 2 So interesting. I, I just, I want more on this.
Like, I want more updates from OP, and it's frustrating that we don't have any more. I know.

Speaker 1 I don't like it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow. You're the asshole.
It's the top comment. You're saying that she paid an adult man to do violent harm to a child she had responsibility to.

Speaker 1 She had an abortion, and you're trying to skirt the sub rules. An abortion is not something to cut contact over.
Get your head out of your ass.

Speaker 1 Which, if you were of the stance of pro-life,

Speaker 1 wouldn't you want to like support her and potentially encourage her to like not do that again? Like cut her off and move states like you're kind of cuckoo. Yeah.
You're kind of cuckoo.

Speaker 1 That is an insane overreaction.

Speaker 1 And you are being controlling.

Speaker 1 And you should have taken the hints from the rest of your family not following suit.

Speaker 2 But it's so weird too that all of OP's family cut her off

Speaker 2 and or sorry, not OP, all of the sister-in-law's family cut her off and then went out of like their way to go and message everyone that she knows to tell.

Speaker 1 That's nuts.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's why I'm like confused. That's why I would like to have it just straight out be clearly said because I'm like, who does that?

Speaker 2 Well, I'm where in the world are they that they do, that they're doing that?

Speaker 1 Like, it's just I feel like that's not necessarily uncommon, like, especially with all the abortion bans and the way women's health care is being like suppressed in a lot of states.

Speaker 1 Like, and this is like trigger warning on this one. It talks, like, I'm going to get into like traumatic child loss and like miscarriage, but

Speaker 1 baby was no longer there, a very wanted baby, and she couldn't get the DNC or whatever the medical terminology is called, and she was bleeding out almost dead because of an abortion ban in the state.

Speaker 1 Oh. So the, she was passing out, like passing out, and husband had a drive across state lines to get life-saving medical care.

Speaker 2 What the fuck is wrong? Oh my god, that's it, it shouldn't be that. That's so sickening.

Speaker 1 It shouldn't, like, that is

Speaker 1 that's crazy.

Speaker 2 What is going on? Like, crazy. Oh, my God.
It's crazy. I can't even get into this stuff because that's just wild.

Speaker 1 I had no idea this is where this one was going.

Speaker 1 I truly, it was not obvious.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 that got that got a lot. So moving along.

Speaker 1 Okay, so last one for us is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit.

Speaker 1 It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Breaking Up with My Boyfriend of Four Years After My Brother Returned Home from His Military Enlistment?

Speaker 1 I, 22 female, was in a relationship with my ex, 22 male, for four years, and I broke up with him last month. I'm going to provide some context.

Speaker 1 My brother decided to enlist in the military after high school. We were always close because our parents were extremely toxic and controlling.

Speaker 1 However, as a consequence of our parents' toxicity, my brother had a rebellious side to him and would do anything our parents didn't want him to do, and he never listened to them.

Speaker 1 And so he decided to go the military route instead of pursuing a higher degree. I had a lot of serious discussions with him because I was really worried about him joining the military.

Speaker 1 I was worried about his physical safety and and his emotional well-being.

Speaker 1 I had almost stopped him from enlisting, but he was determined on doing the exact opposite of what our parents have wanted him to do.

Speaker 1 And so he enlisted in the military, the Marine Corps, specifically. I met my ex during my first year of college, and we started dating shortly after because we hit it off immediately.

Speaker 1 When we started dating, I made it clear to my ex that if we were still dating in four years, I would break up with him after my my brother would return home from his military enlistment.

Speaker 1 The past four years, I was also in touch with my brother, although

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 Although communication with him was limited, especially after he was deployed abroad in South Korea, he was not having a great time, and it made me really anxious and nervous.

Speaker 1 I had a lot of sleepless nights and nightmares that something had happened to him. After four years, my ex and I were still dating.

Speaker 1 And over the last year, I reminded him multiple times that we would have to call it off after my brother came home.

Speaker 1 My ex, however, was becoming really sad and asked me to reconsider because he really loved me.

Speaker 2 Am I missing something?

Speaker 1 But I told him no.

Speaker 1 I had already signed the lease for my new apartment, and I told my ex that I would move out when my brother came home.

Speaker 1 My brother safely returned home last month, and that was the happiest moment of my life. I had already packed up and shifted to a new apartment my brother and I would be living in.

Speaker 1 My ex, however, called me inconsiderate because I had destroyed his feelings and that he couldn't believe that I so easily broke up on a relationship of four years, and that I didn't at all seem sad about it.

Speaker 1 Was I an asshole for stringing my ex along for four years when I had made it clear to him multiple times that this was a temporary thing?

Speaker 2 I'm so confused. Did I miss something?

Speaker 1 Why did she have to break up because her brother came back? I think OP wants to fuck her brother.

Speaker 2 I'm so confused right now.

Speaker 2 This is so odd. If this was anything else, like, hey,

Speaker 2 no, no, it still doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 I'm like,

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 Dude, this is... Absurd.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I'm listening.

Speaker 2 I'm listening very intently.

Speaker 2 How am I missing something?

Speaker 2 Does OP explain why she needed to break up with?

Speaker 2 Like, she's like, I need to break up with you when my brother comes back because I want to be with him. Like,

Speaker 2 I'm so confused right now.

Speaker 1 I'm confused. And the post was.

Speaker 1 deleted by our mods probably for good, good reason. But I have to go and see if I can use my moderator tools to find this on the back end because

Speaker 1 this is wild.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't find it. I can't find it.
Oh my God. I can't find it.

Speaker 1 This is so annoying. I'm sweating right now.
Because of this story.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I think so.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's pretty bad, huh?

Speaker 2 Just like, what's happening?

Speaker 1 I'm,

Speaker 1 I'm so,

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 You have to also ask, like, what OP's boyfriend was thinking all those years if, if OP made it very clear, we're breaking up and the boyfriend like that's what I was just gonna say like because it is like you you have to look at okay we're getting a little lost in the sauce is this weird

Speaker 1 yeah a million percent Why are you breaking up with your boyfriend because your brother got home? What are you and your brother are gonna do? You're moving in your own little apartment.

Speaker 1 That's a little scary. Yeah, a little scary.

Speaker 2 But we're forgetting about the question.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 2 am I the asshole?

Speaker 1 You did tell him

Speaker 1 again and again and again. Even reminded him over the last year.
Yeah. Out of four.
Yeah. When my brother gets home, we're going to break up.

Speaker 1 When my brother gets back, I'm moving in with my brother.

Speaker 1 And our relationship has to end.

Speaker 2 So in that case, you still dated her?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, not judging him, but it happens. But OP was very, very clear.

Speaker 1 So technically, when the question is asked, am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 I told him. I guess not.

Speaker 1 I told him multiple times.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh, this is so different. But I thought of this whenever I was dating my college boyfriend, I told him that it was my dream to move to California.
That's what I want to do.

Speaker 1 Like, I,

Speaker 2 after I graduate, I'm going to move to California. And then I graduated and I was like, I'm moving to California.
And that wasn't me breaking up with him.

Speaker 2 I was just like, you know, whatever is best for you. I'm not going to force you.
It would be nice if you came. But like, whatever is best for you.
And

Speaker 2 so anyway, I moved to California and he was like, I can't believe you're doing this to me.

Speaker 1 And I was like, but I told you. I told you.

Speaker 2 He's like, well, I didn't think you're serious.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think everyone,

Speaker 1 everyone wants to think their partner wouldn't. Like, follow, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
Follow their dreams. I was going to go that route.
But no, that's not it.

Speaker 1 Because I went through this with the guy dated in Canada.

Speaker 1 I think you, once you're in a relationship and you have all this love, all these feelings, you kind of imagine like, oh, there's going to be a compromise. Like, we've made it this far.

Speaker 1 We have so many feelings. Would you not do this for me to like make our relationship work? Like, I'll meet you in the middle.
Like, oh, well, we've been going strong for two years.

Speaker 1 Like, I didn't think you'd go to California if we were in love here. Like,

Speaker 1 I get the,

Speaker 1 oh, I didn't think you serious, but at the same time, like, yeah, you're not doing anything wrong. Exactly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think, I mean, great person. Like, I don't think that it was wild of him to say or feel or think any of those things at all.
Um, but I was just like, I

Speaker 2 didn't do anything wrong. Like, I let you know that this has always been my plan.
I would love for you to come with,

Speaker 2 but you have to choose what's best for you, too.

Speaker 2 So, I mean, it was, it's just, I mean, anytime breakups happen, they're hard no matter what.

Speaker 1 Very hard. Breakups suck.

Speaker 2 But I mean, I, I mean, we did long distance for a while. I was like, I was committed to like

Speaker 2 keeping it going.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
You, you made it work for a while, actually.

Speaker 1 But he was never leaving.

Speaker 2 No. Never leaving.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I don't feel great ending on that one. I'm going to be honest.
Overall vote, what do you think? Post has been removed. She, she gone.

Speaker 1 Can't find it. There's no overall vote.
I'm not that I'm seeing. Damn.

Speaker 2 God was left real hanging.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 One person comments: This cannot be real. Are you in a relationship with your brother? Why did you have to break up with your ex?

Speaker 1 But on the thing I'm looking at, where it's reposted, screenshots, the fact that she immediately warned him and repeated her warnings over the years makes this a very rare case of, quote, not the asshole, but jesus what's wrong with you yeah what's going on

Speaker 1 um someone quotes op i'm going to provide some context provides no context

Speaker 1 what is happening i don't know they're definitely they're definitely hooking up that's crazy they gotta be i just gotta be i just watched uh a simple favor recently blake lively

Speaker 1 anna kendrick

Speaker 2 yeah you know do you remember that yeah she calls her brother fucker.

Speaker 2 Wait, actually, I don't want to do any spoilers, so never mind.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 2 it's been out for a while.

Speaker 1 It's been out for years. I'm pretty sure, like, a sequel's coming out.

Speaker 1 Sequel's coming out.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, that's all she wrote, folks.

Speaker 1 That was a good one. I'm still, we,

Speaker 1 wow, that was a wild ride of emotions.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being here for another episode. Thanks, guys.
That was, that was crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was, I'm at a loss, to be honest.

Speaker 2 Like, we went from like, which one did you think was craziest? Sorry, I cut you off.

Speaker 1 Honestly, probably that sister-in-law story where the OP was trying to pull a fast one over us.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, the nine-year-old.

Speaker 1 Just be true. Oh, both.
Oh, oh, that one was. That's two.

Speaker 2 Wait, what were you talking about?

Speaker 1 The one where it's like, I found out my sister-in-law did something terrible. Oh, yes but both

Speaker 1 common theme in that one common theme between those two missing some key details yep deceptive o ps sneaky motherfuckers trying to pull fast ones bam boom boom trying to bamboozle and we weren't bamboozled today got them got them

Speaker 2 We do get bamboozled sometimes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, absolutely. All the time.

Speaker 1 Most days. Most days.

Speaker 1 But head over to Patreon, guys. There's some fun stuff coming up.
If you're hearing this on Thursday when it drops, there's still time to come to group T and connect with us in person.

Speaker 1 We do like jumbo Zoom sessions and talk with everyone. And it's so, so fun.

Speaker 1 Also, the merch, super cute, super comfy. This fleece is insane.
You'll see some really cute pictures on the Instagram of the other goodies we have, especially the jacket.

Speaker 1 I would say size up. This is a medium.
Size up in sweatshirts, t-shirts, and jacket. The fleece, I would say, you could order true to size and still have a comfy fit.

Speaker 1 But other than that, thank you for being here, as always. Until next time.
Until next time. Bye, guys.
Bye.