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This is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News Quiz.

I'm the guy whose voice is bigger than John Hancock's signature.

Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Stude Baker Theater in downtown Chicago, Peter Segal.

Thank you, Bill.

Thank you, everybody.

Thank you all so much.

This 4th of July, we are celebrating the 249th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, meaning this is the last year the country can say it's in its 240s.

And let me tell you, once you get to your 250s, it's all downhill, baby.

But before that happens, we party by revisiting some great times with our favorite guest, starting with actor Lauren Graham, who is most famous for playing Lorelei Gilmore in the beloved TV show, The Gilmore Girls.

When she joined us in March, Peter started by asking her about her new show, in which she plays a middle-aged professional forced to work with kids these days.

I have to ask, I watched the first episodes of Z-Suite, and

are there actual young people writing this show?

Because I have to say, not being a young person myself, the young people seem like lunatics to me.

There are.

We consulted with actual young advertising people, and obviously it is making fun of all of us, so it's not

being overly critical of anyone because it's overly critical of everyone.

It's fun because because of the show I've heard even worse stories.

I have a friend whose young employee called in sick because his eyes were baggy.

He had under eye bags

and he needed more time for them to settle before he felt

That's true.

That is a thing that happened.

Wow.

I want to talk about the fans fans of the show, but I have to engage in just a little speculation.

One of the things that I have learned about the Gilmore Girls is that it's famed for its references.

There are web pages giving the explanation of every reference in every episode of the Gilmore Girls.

In the very first scene of the first episode of the Gilmore Girls, your character, Lorelei, offers some flavored lip gloss to your daughter, Rory.

In one of the very first scenes of Z-Suite, your character describes one of the colleagues as so young she still uses flavored lip gloss.

Was that the most NPR?

And I'm like,

this has got to be a subtle callback, right, on somebody's.

No, no, no?

I love, I don't think so.

No one, no one, I did not make that association, and no one said, hey, that's a little Easter egg for you.

I think it's just you're a very smart man.

And you're a a very lovely woman, but we knew that.

Let's talk about the Gilmore Girls.

Gilmore Girls is so beloved that there are two fan conventions this year in Connecticut alone.

Have you ever gone to one?

No.

I

haven't

and we are the it is the 25th anniversary this year and that we are in discussions by we I mean myself and Amy Sherman-Palladino, the creator of the show,

to say what can we do?

What can we do to give people the experience they seem to crave of community around the show?

You know, maybe getting all of us together in some way.

So we're working on it.

You're working on it.

So there might be something.

Like I hope so.

There will be something.

What will it be at an inn in Connecticut?

You know, I don't know.

Pete, it'll be great to have all the people wear plaid.

That'll be exciting.

Many years ago, I had the privilege of interviewing Leonard Nimoy, and he had a thing early in his career where he got very upset that people thought he was Mr.

Spock.

He later

embraced it.

And I wonder, you played a similarly iconic character.

Do people think you are, you, Lauren Graham, actual human being, are Lorelei Gilmore, fictional creation?

Yes, and I don't think I've worked hard enough to dissuade them from believing that

I think the show, you know, as any long-running TV show,

you become it and it becomes you.

And sort of the reason I gravitated toward this way back when I first read The Pilot was it felt like familiar somehow.

It felt like the way I speak or think already.

So it was kind of meant to be in that way.

And

yes, in general, it's really positive.

People view me as their cool mom.

And I don't, you know, that's not bad.

No.

Has it ever gotten awkward?

Has anybody come and laid out their troubles and asked for Lorelei's advice?

Yeah,

I mean, it's not even awkward so much as, and this is just being on TV and playing someone who's like not Walter White, you know, like if you play a friendly, kind of

warm person, like people just feel that they know you.

And,

you know, know, people cry sometimes, and

you know, it gets awkward like if I'm in the bathroom and like coming out of a stall, like that's not my favorite.

They're like, Oh my god, can I?

And I'm like, Let me just let's leave this room and

somewhere else.

Lauren, going back in your life way before Gilmore Girls, you were in your college a cappella group, is that right?

Yes, yes, do you and you're on Broadway in Guys and Dolls.

How often do you sing now in your life?

Not often, but

I am still on a text thread with the Columbia Metro Tones, my group of songs we think would make good a cappella songs.

We're not going to perform them.

We're not going to arrange them.

We're not going to get together and even rehearse it, but there is kind of a it's always there.

Once you're in a cappella, you never leave.

I know.

In that group, we had, because we traveled to other colleges on the weekends, and we had to have, and perhaps you can employ this if it's a problem in your life, a no harmony in the car rule because people would be like,

singing along to the songs in

thirds, and it was really irritating.

Well, Lauren Graham, it is a joy to talk to you.

And we have asked you here to play a game, and we are calling it Gilmore Girl Meet Girls with Gills.

I know.

All right.

Work with me here.

Work with me.

I will.

You played a Gilmore Girl, so we're going to ask you three questions about gill girls.

That is mermaids.

Okay.

Makes sense.

Answer two to three questions correctly.

You'll win a prize from one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they choose from our show on their voicemail, perhaps mothering them.

Well.

That's a great gift.

It is, I think.

I think it's the only one we could possibly afford, so it better be.

Bill, who is Lauren Graham playing for?

Aoife Murray of Oak Park, Illinois.

Ah!

A place I know well.

Here we go, Lauren.

You ready to play?

I am.

All right, here's your first question.

The old 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride at Disneyland, now gone, well, for a brief period in the 1960s, had actresses dressed up as mermaids lounging on rocks in the lagoon and waving to the visitors.

They had to end that part of the attraction just after a few years.

Why?

A, one of the mermaids got a tail caught in the submarine and got dragged through the lagoon.

B, visitors kept jumping in the water and trying to hit on the mermaids.

Or C, somebody who said they represented the real mermaid community said it was offensive stereotyping.

I believe that people would get in the water to meet them.

Yes, you apparently have met some people.

Yes.

That's right.

It was, unsurprisingly, mostly men who were jumping into the water to go talk to the mermaids.

I don't know if the men had noticed that the mermaids are fish from the waist down.

All right.

Very good.

Very perceptive.

Here's your next question.

The most famous mermaid attraction in America is, of course, the mermaids of Weaki Watchie Springs, also in Florida.

If you were to dive to the bottom of the Weakiwatchee Springs where the mermaids play, 75 years after that show started, what would you find down there?

A, about 10 metric tons of loose plastic mermaid scales.

B, a carton of cigarettes that was dropped by a mermaid in 1968 who actually thought she could have a smoke break down there.

Or C, nobody has any idea because nobody's ever seen the bottom.

Ooh.

Well,

scales, I guess?

Scales?

No, it's not scales.

It's that nobody knows.

The Wiki Watchi Springs is the deepest natural springs in the world, and nobody's gotten down there.

All right, you have one more chance.

If you get this right, you win.

An aquarium in China also offers a mermaid show with performers dressed as mermaids, performing this time in a giant fish tank.

But they were recently accused of covering up an incident in which what happened?

A, the tail fell off a particular mermaid, revealing it to be a merman.

B, the head fell off a mermaid, revealing it to be a giant sturgeon.

Or C, a giant sturgeon tried to eat a mermaid's head.

The audience is yelling C.

No, no, they're just an acapella group.

Yeah, no.

No, I was about to say they're yelling C in C.

Am I being booed by?

No, no, you're not being booed.

You are being helped

by the C.

It's C, C, it's C.

It's C, it is C, yes.

The giant sturgeon, which was in the tank, just swamming over and just tried to swallow that mermaid's head.

And I have to say, having seen the video, it is horrifying, but in a good way.

And the mermaid was fine.

She's okay.

In my own defense, I believe that you could have a shell brassier that was deceptively inhabited.

I think you're right.

I think with modern techniques, I think that would be possible.

I'm going to grant you that.

Bill, how did Lauren Graham do in our quiz?

Lauren got two out of three, and that is a win, Lauren.

Congratulations, Lauren.

You did that like Lorelei.

You were thoughtful.

You struggled a bit, but you won in the end.

You came through.

Lauren Graham is now starring on the Z-suite.

You can find it on Tubi.

Lauren Graham, thank you so much for joining us on Waitley.com.

Thank you very much.

Such fun.

That was a delight.

Thank you, Lauren.

Take care.

Bye-bye.

When we come back, comedian Roy Wood Jr.

denies stealing our shtick, and Amanda Seifred teaches us how to dance like you know someone's watching.

That's when we return with more, wait, wait, don't tell me from NPL.

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From NPR and LDBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, Peter Segal.

Thank you, Bill.

So we are having a blowout celebration for our nation's 249th birthday because this is the last year we can credibly claim to be young.

Once you hit 250, your flag starts to say.

Before our crow's feet land, we're revisiting some of our favorite moments from the last year, including this visit with comedian Roy Wood Jr.

from March.

Peter, ask him where he got the idea for his latest gig, hosting a comedy quiz show about the week's news.

I have another show that I'm getting ready to host called Fortune of the Wheel.

Letters, smart.

Yeah, smart, very smart, very smart.

I want to talk about your new special, Lonely Flowers, which is truly great, on Hulu.

And I found out some things about you, including that you started doing stand-up when you were 19 years old.

Yeah, which is I was still in school at Florida A ⁇ M.

Right.

And what inspired you to pursue that difficult life?

I was going to school for journalism, and I would get laughs.

And so I was like, all right, well, this feels like comedy.

I'm going to go do that.

And I would just sleep in bus stations and do stand-up, get back to Tallahassee on Monday, and go to Golden Corral that night, work, and just go to class the next three days.

That was my life.

There are a couple things about that that I wanted to ask you about, one of which is that you have said that that job at Golden Corral, which is a buffet, was like one of the most important formative experiences of your life.

Yeah.

I think that every American should either serve in the military a year or the food service industry for three years.

Because when you work in a restaurant, especially a mid-sized like that with a staff of about 40 to 50 back in front of house, that job, your first job as a teenager, that's the first time you encounter adults who don't give a f about you.

Most adults,

I'm serious, most adults in your life up until that point have a vested interest in you being okay.

But I worked with the dude we literally called Cocaine Mike.

This is a man

who's 39 and doesn't care what 18 year old Roy, and he's going to talk to you about life.

And

I feel like it also introduces you to every type of of American.

I have worked in North Florida, so everything from white supremacists to nuns to pastors to gangbangers to

you meet literally every type of person and you have to figure out a way to connect with them.

It's

hands down, the best life school I ever got was $2.13 an hour in Tallahassee, Florida.

Wow, that's amazing.

Just out of curiosity.

This seems like the best commercial

corral I've ever heard of.

But here's the question.

You've been pretty famous for at least a decade on TV, the Daily Show, a lot of other things.

Has anybody who like knew you back then reached out and said, bro, I was the white supremacist.

Remember me?

I was the guy with the Nazi tattoo.

I'm Cocaine Mike.

For example.

I don't know where Cocaine Mike is, but I sure hope that prison has NPR.

There's another story you tell in the special, which I actually, and I was unexpected because it's extremely funny and I didn't expect to be moved.

You start back when you were staying in bus stations because you couldn't afford a hotel.

And the story is that your mother found out.

Somebody ratted you out to your mom.

Yeah.

And she didn't know you were out doing comedy, right?

She had a student that was a baggage handler at the bus station.

And he went to her class the next day and said, Dr.

Wood, I saw your son sleeping in a bus station.

You ain't seen none of my damn sons sleeping at no bus station.

My baby in Tallahassee.

No, he's not, Joyce.

He's downtown.

He's sleeping at the bus station.

And so

my mom never agreed or understood why comedy was what I wanted to do, but she was the one who put down for what ended up being my first road car.

And I think my mom's objective was to get me the car so that I could drive back to Tallahassee after the show.

But instead, I would now just travel twice as far and sleep in the car

in the bus station parking lots.

Well, Roy, it is so great to talk to you.

And we have asked you here to play a little game with us.

This time we're calling the game.

Have we got booze for you?

So, U-Host CNNs, have I got news for you?

We're going to ask you three questions about ghosts and hauntings.

Booze.

I believe in ghosts, by the way.

You do?

Do you have any reason to believe in ghosts?

Yeah,

I was dating a widower and we were trying to have sex, and I kept getting a Charlie horse and I feel like it was a ditto.

Well, all right, knowing both your belief in the supernatural and the reasons therefore, I

will still proceed.

Bill, who is Roy Wood Jr.

playing for?

Peter Grieving of Clucksville, Georgia.

All right, here's your first question.

One of the most famous hauntings in U.S.

history was the Red Ghost,

the spirit that haunted rural Arizona in the late 1800s.

People were quite relieved, though, when the red ghost turned out to be what?

Was it A, a vaudeville comedian who was trying to promote himself as being, quote, dead funny?

B, a basset hound, which no one in Arizona had ever seen before, or C, a feral camel that had been a part of a failed camel cavalry in the U.S.

Army.

Ooh,

I, that feels like a C.

Give me C.

Give me the camel cavalry.

You got it, and that's correct.

Yes!

It was a camel.

It had run away from the camel cavalry.

It was out enjoying itself.

People would see it and get scared.

The Army Camel Corps, by the way, was created by Jefferson Davis, one of his many, many good ideas.

All right.

All right.

Second question, every country has their own legends of ghosts, their own versions.

In Japan, for example, you could be visited in the middle of the night by a kamikiri, a ghost that does what?

A, gives you a really, really bad haircut.

B, just sits, looks at you, shakes its head, sighs, and leaves.

Or C, raids your refrigerator and invariably steals what you were saving for lunch the next day.

I don't, I don't know.

Japan has a lot of customs around food, so I don't think a ghost would be disrespectful on the food side of things.

Not even a ghost, yeah, I can see that.

I can see that logic.

You mean bad haircut?

I've seen some bad haircuts in Asia.

I've been over there a couple times.

Maybe it was a ghost that did it.

So your choice is A, the haircut.

Roy is right.

He picked correctly.

Wow.

It is.

Okay.

Stories spread

back in olden days about people walking down the streets of Japan and all of a sudden their hair would fall to the ground without them noticing.

It was the kamikiri.

You're doing very well, Roy.

One more question for you.

Last question: a lot of people believe ghosts are real.

In fact, so many people believe in ghosts.

Which of these is true?

A, in New Mexico, you can drive in the carpool lane if you have a ghost in the car.

B, Vermont taxpayers are allowed to claim a ghost as a dependent.

Or C, if you are selling a home in New York, you have to disclose if it is haunted.

Vermont seems like a nice, fun, happy-go-lucky type of place.

Give me claiming a ghost on the taxes.

No, it was.

In fact, if you sell a house in New York, you have to tell people if you believe the house is haunted.

Bill, how did Roy Wood Jr.

do in our quiz?

Two out of three gives you bragging rights for your panel.

Congratulations, Roy.

You won.

Yay!

Roy Wood Jr.

is a comedian and the host of CNN's Have I Got News for You.

His new stand-up special, Lonely Flowers, which is both funny and a little heartbreaking, is streaming on Hulu.

Roy Wood Jr.

What a joy to talk to you.

Thank you so much for being with us.

Great pleasure to talk to a brother and quiz.

Take care.

Bye-bye.

Thank you.

Bye Roy.

Thanks Roy.

Also in March, we spoke to the actor Amanda Seifred, famous for her roles in Mean Girls, Mama Mia, and the dropout.

Her latest project has her playing a cop, which turned out to be a childhood dream of hers.

I had this weird obsession with the first 48.

I would watch like two episodes before bed every night.

I think that's probably why I was so anxious in my early 20s.

But

yeah, sure.

I mean, I just think it's cool.

And I never wanted to play detective.

Don't get me wrong, those are, they're cool, but they're everywhere.

Beat cops is where it's at.

Yeah, really?

And I just feel so slight that like no one would believe me with that kind of authority.

So I just wanted to prove myself and everybody else wrong.

Wow.

So, your model for the cop you wanted to be was not like, say, Kojak, but like the little bunny in Zootopia.

That's exactly who I modeled my hair character.

Wow.

Yeah.

I can see that.

In preparation for this role, you did something, I am told again, that I know a lot of actors do, which you did a ride-along with Real Philadelphia Police.

Is that true?

Yeah.

I had no business being there,

but I went and it was something.

Yeah.

Yeah, let's go to the Wawa.

Let's break up the fight.

They let me choose which place we were going to go next, actually.

Did they really?

Well, there's a wellness check.

You want to do that?

And I'm like, that could be anything.

We should go.

And it turned out to be a dead person.

So the

wellness was pretty low.

Yeah, not a lot of wellness there.

I can't wait to do it again, actually.

Sure.

It occurs to me, though, I mean, well, the cops have you, that you could come in handy.

Like, if a gunfight got for a bread would break out, they could shout, put down your weapons, Amanda Seifred is here.

There's like a third Mama Mia movie on the line.

And if that ever happened, listen, I'm for it.

I'll do anything to save a life.

Right.

Quote me on that.

All right.

Speaking of Mamma Mia,

we have read, this might be urban legend, it might be true, we have read that like when you were making that movie and its sequel and these beautiful places, that the entire cast was drunk the entire time.

Yeah.

I mean, not the entire time.

Not the entire cast.

Once we get a short ball.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, it really was

debauchery.

Yeah.

It looked like, I mean,

it seemed like part of the appeal of the movie was just imagining being able to make it with you guys, because boy, it looked like fun.

It really was.

Actually, those images that came out a while back of us in our most drunken state at some party where we did karaoke

in Scopolos, it just looks,

it looks like the most fun anyone could ever have, especially because Meryl Streep is at the center of every photo.

And like, I wish wish I could say, oh, it wasn't that fun.

But my grandmother got drunk that night.

And it was a memory that I will never,

just, I hold it so close.

And I really look forward to a third.

So just so we could

keep getting drunk together.

Right.

So you won an Emmy for playing Elizabeth Holmes and the dropout, the story of her and Theranos.

And perhaps the single most iconic moment in the show is when you, as Elizabeth, kind of dances into your boyfriend's office to Lil Wayne to either seduce him or cheer him up or both and it is somehow the most awkward thing I have ever seen.

And my question is how does someone who knows how to dance dance badly?

I'm gonna be honest, I'm not a good dancer.

I really am.

I really am not.

Peter, she thought that was really good.

Really?

Oh God.

That was like the best dancing she could do.

I don't know.

I was wearing a...

Who can dance well or take themselves seriously when they're wearing that puffy vest?

Yeah.

When that really happened, presumably it did, Lil Wayne felt a horrible twinge somewhere.

He just knew something was wrong.

He was more uncomfortable than you were.

And as far as I know,

I tried to find this out.

You have never met Elizabeth Holmes and she has never reached out to meet you.

Is that right?

Correct.

Yeah.

Yeah, so it was better that I didn't because then I wouldn't have been able to make fun of her too.

Because part of the show is getting on the inside and trying to, you know, breed some kind of compassion and show a three-dimensional person.

But the other part is like making fun of her.

Like with the, like with this scene.

That was, you did both exceptionally well.

Well, Amanda Seifred, this is a joy to talk to you.

And we have asked you here to play a game we're calling

Mean Girl Meet Nice Guy.

So you began your career by starring in the classic movie comedy Mean Girls.

So in honor of that, we found three questions about some guys who are actually really, really nice.

Answer just two of them correctly.

You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, Bill, who is Amanda Seifred playing for?

Michelle Mussara of Cleveland, Ohio.

All right.

You seem a little,

I hope you were warned that this would be happening.

Get some wine, girl.

Right.

Yeah, okay.

All right, yeah.

All right, here we go.

Here's your first question.

Mr.

Rogers was possibly the nicest person of all time.

After Mr.

Rogers filed a police report that his car had been stolen, what happened two days later?

A, PBS pledged money to him to buy him a new car.

B, neighbors complained about all the people clogging up their street hoping to give him a ride somewhere.

Or C, the thieves returned the car with a note that said, if we'd known it was yours, we never would have taken it.

See?

Yes, that's what happened.

Yeah!

He was so nice, he he could turn other people into nice guys through osmosis.

He was amazing.

All right, that's very well done.

Here's your next question.

During World War II, Canada famously treated their POWs so well that some of them didn't want to go back to Germany when the war was over.

According to one captured German corporal, that great treatment at the POW camp included which of these?

A, the government brought in a famous chef to make authentic schnitzel for them.

B, the guards would regularly lend the prisoners their rifles so they could go hunting.

Or C, upon request, Canada would fly in a soldier's wife and kids so they could all be POWs together.

Nah, it's A.

I'm afraid it was actually B.

They gave them rifles to go hunting.

Wow.

That's a boring one.

Really?

Can't be B.

No.

That was their version of a trustful.

They hand them a rifle, close their eyes, turn around.

All right, anyway.

Here's your last question.

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether or not someone is nice,

like the man who helped out a woman in Wales one day by hanging up her laundry to dry, washing her floor, putting her groceries away, and taking out the recycling.

But there was one catch.

What was it?

A, he had broken in her house to do these things while she was away at work.

B, the whole time he was working, he told her how bad her clothing and food choices were.

Or C, after he finished, he told her, Now you have to come do my house.

Yeah, I mean, A seems like the obvious choice.

Yes, you're right, Amanda.

Thank you.

Yeah.

He broke into her house, and he did all those things for her, and then she came home and found him doing them.

Now they're married, she likes a bad boy.

Yeah.

Bill, how did Amanda Seifred do in our quiz?

Mom, Amelia, two out of three is a win, Amanda.

Congratulations.

Well done.

Amanda Seifred is an an Emmy winning actor who you can see right now in Long Bright River.

All episodes are streaming on Peacock now.

Go watch it.

Amanda, thank you so much for being with us.

What a pleasure to talk to you and see you.

Thanks, guys.

Hey, have fun, you guys.

We will.

Bye, Amanda.

Coming up, Jim Gaffigan, the world's funniest dad, and MXM Toon, the world's most popular ukulele.

the world's most popular player of the ukulele

that's when we come back with more of wait wait don't tell me from NPR

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater in the Fine Arts Building in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill.

Thank you so much.

This year, our country turns 249 years old, but it's still vibrant.

It's still youthful.

It's still hip.

Remember, age ain't nothing but a three-digit number.

To prove that our country still has it, at least the very tiny part of our country that is our show, we're going over some of the best conversations we've had in the last year or so.

Last December, Jim Geffigan joined us to talk about his new comedy special titled The Skinny, because, well, that's what he is, no.

I asked him about whether he enjoyed people congratulating him on his weight loss.

Well, I feel there's there's a certain imposter syndrome because I, you know, I use an appetite suppressant.

So it's not like I put any effort or changed any behavior.

Right.

You know, I joke in the special that I, you know, I used to be a fat guy and now I'm just thin, therefore arrogant, because I always viewed thin people as arrogant.

But I do feel like, I mean, I love it.

My knees don't hurt.

It's, you know, with the appetite suppressant, I'm just kind of, it's not like I don't eat.

I just eat like a normal human.

I'm less consuming like a dog.

So, the special comes out at the end of what I understand has been a pretty remarkable year for you.

For example, earlier you went with about 200 other comedians to the Vatican to meet the Pope.

Is that right?

Yeah, I mean, that shows you the position that the Catholic Church is in right now.

They're like, okay, time to call in the comedian.

Why?

I mean, why in the world did Pope Francis,

why

did he want to have 200 comedians come to the Vatican?

Well, there was a really

intellectually sound reason, which he believes that humor is a really

important part of dealing with everyday life, and so he wanted to articulate that.

But the reality of sitting in a room in the Vatican with, you know,

Jimmy Fallon, Chris Rock, and Ramit Yusef, you feel like it was just a gathering of every kid who couldn't behave in church.

Right.

I don't know if the nun can do it for these guys.

We better go to the Pope.

You said in your Instagram post about it that the Pope told you, Pope Francis told you, Jim Gaffigan, that you were his favorite comedian.

What?

Is that true?

That is not true at all.

That was me trying to be funny.

Making one of your little jokes.

But I posted it and I was like, you know what?

Are people going to think that I'm serious?

Would have been funnier from a fat guy.

So another accomplishment that happened this year, you got the chance to play Tim Waltz on Saturday Night Live.

Now,

when you saw the announcement that he was going to be the vice presidential candidate, did you just start hovering by the phone waiting for Lorne Michaels to call?

Maybe I've just been kicking around long enough where I had, you know, I've been burned so many times that I didn't want to emotionally invest in it.

And so when, you know, the internet kind of, after Steve Martin turned it down, they kind of identified every Midwestern Doey guy.

I was like, I was, yeah, I mean, I definitely wanted to do it, but.

And

the irony would have been, oh, Jim, we wanted you to play Tim Walls, but you've lost too much weight.

Right.

You're not doughy enough.

It's a shame.

Well, that's the good thing about being a Midwestern

doughy guy.

It's like you can lose the weight, but you still look out of shape.

That's true.

Well, Jim Gaffergan, it's great to talk to you again.

And this time we have invited you here to play a game we're calling Your Weight Weight Gift Guide.

Now, the holidays are right around the corner, so we're going to ask you three questions about gifts you can buy for your loved ones.

Answer two questions correctly, and you'll win a present for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone from our show they might like.

Bill, who is Jim Gaffigan playing for?

Liz Wilder of Phoenix, Arizona.

All right, first question.

There are lots of high-tech products you can buy, including a whole category just meant to improve your sleep, including which of these?

A, a smart pillow, which uses AI and motors to nudge you when you start snoring.

B, a smart mattress that flings you out of bed if you hit snooze one too many times.

Or C, a smart fitted sheet with a speaker that tells you step by step how to fold it correctly.

I feel like it's gotta be the smart pillow.

It is, it's the smart pillow.

The DiRuchi smart pillow.

Can sense, it says, if you're snoring and then uses these motors in the pillow to nudge your head, which will either make you stop snoring because you've moved, or you'll just learn not to snore to avoid that punishment.

All right.

Second question, it wouldn't be Christmas without the goop gift guide.

And this year in the sexy holiday section of the gift guide, Gwyneth Paltrow suggests that what might be just the thing to spice up your love life?

A, a pet parrot so they can repeat your pillow talk back to you.

B, a replica of the 1995 Batman costume, you know, the one with the nipples, or see a printed photograph of a classic 1951 Ferrari 212 sports car.

Wow.

Yeah, I know.

They're all so hot, it's hard to choose.

Something,

well, I think it's the third one.

It's the photo.

It's the picture of the Ferrari.

You're right.

Wow.

Why did you think it was that one?

Not that I understand goop logic,

but I think there's the nostalgia of the beauty of the past that is timeless, right?

Yeah.

So that would be my reasoning.

All right, here's a third question.

See if you can be perfect.

Of course, if you want to get for the person who has everything, you always turn to Neiman Marcus.

And this year, in their holiday gift guide, they are offering a $48,000 Moay Chandal vending machine, which lets you have 35 bottles of champagne available to your friends and family at the touch of a button.

There's a catch though and what is it?

A, the $48,000 price does not include the champagne.

B, the machine only holds those single serving mini bottles of champagne.

Or C, it'll cost you an extra $1,000 to have it delivered.

Oh,

I think it's the $1,000 delivered.

It is.

It's the first one.

It is both the first one and the last one.

They're all true.

Oh, really?

So for $48,000,

you get basically an empty vending machine that says Moe Shandon in it.

Which I kind of want.

Do you really?

But there's nothing worse than when the champagne gets jammed and then the next person comes along and gets two bottles of champagne.

You pick up my champagne.

I know.

You know what else is frustrating when you're trying to get your champagne and you keep trying to get your $100 bill in and it keeps rejecting it?

It's just the worst.

Bill, how did Jim Gaffigan do in our our quiz?

Three in a row.

Perfect.

Excellent.

Jim, congratulations.

Thank you so much.

Jim Gaffigan is a comedian and actor whose latest special, The Skinny, is on Hulu now.

It's fabulous.

Check it out.

Jim Gaffigan, thank you so much for joining us again.

We'll see you next time, I hope.

Take care.

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Finally, in January, we talked with musician and YouTube superstar MXM Toon, who first found fame through her viral videos playing the ukulele.

Suddenly being catapulted into internet stardom, she was able to take in stride, you know, but appearing on our show, that was a little weird.

This is the most surreal experience I've ever had.

If I understand correctly, your stage name, your online name, MXM Toon, began because you were a cartoonist as a very young person and you were like posting cartoons, right?

I was.

My dad is actually the person who created the handle, so I'll have to hand it to him.

All right.

But yeah, he created it when I was 11 years old and was sharing things on my cartoons on the internet and thought that would be my claim to fame.

Right.

It was not.

No.

But something was, and I'm told it was the ukulele.

Yeah.

So you were posting your videos of yourself playing the ukulele.

How did you know they were getting popular?

Let me tell you, Peter, there's a thing called a view count and a light count.

And I saw that number kind of slowly creep up and then get exponentially bigger.

And then suddenly, I didn't go to college and I was a full-time musician.

So

is where I'm at.

Yeah.

Wow.

You know, there's a man who gave himself a vasectomy and filmed it.

And it got 4 million views.

How about you?

I'm definitely not beating out that vasectomy video.

So I'd say that that's where I'm at.

Well, if you can find a man who will do that while you play the ukulele.

I'm curious, you just

did you like walk into your parents one day and say, guess what, everybody?

I'm skipping college and I'm going to go just be a musician on YouTube.

Essentially, there was two coming outs that came out as bisexual in 2017, and then the far scarier one was coming out as a musician who didn't want to pursue higher education, which was mortifying to both of my parents, who are both educators.

But they've been nothing but supportive.

Really?

I was about to be a queer and a musician.

I'm guessing the first first one was easier.

I want to talk a little bit about your music because you've progressed far beyond merely playing the ukulele.

You are writing and performing these beautiful heartfelt songs.

Did you have a particular inspiration?

Did you have a sound or a person you were trying to emulate or reach when you started

writing and singing your own songs?

Maybe Kermit the Frog, I think, is the only person that comes to mind.

Really?

I'm the best.

I love

better than that.

You're listening to Kermit and you go, you know what else?

It's not easy being me.

It's not easy being me.

And I want to sing about that.

What I love about your music is it's timeless, but it seems very much for and by your generation, which I guess technically is Gen Z.

Am I right about that?

Like you have this one lyric in one of your songs, one of your love songs that I love, where you talk about, the singer talks about her relationship with this other person.

We snap together like Legos.

And I was like,

that is perfect.

It is, except that the plural of Lego is just Lego, and I found that out way too late.

It doesn't matter for the comments.

The comment section made that abundantly clear to me.

Oh, that was another question.

But it still doesn't matter.

It's the passion of what you're doing.

And I wouldn't get tripped up by that if I were you.

You know, you should write a song about reading the comments.

Ooh.

I should.

That's a good idea.

I'll do that after I collab with the guy who did the self-asectomy.

So we'll we'll get back to the game.

That's pretty good.

Well, Maya,

it is enormous fun to talk to you.

And we have invited you here to play a game we're calling MXM Toon Meet Toon Minems.

By which we mean those charming animated mascots that help sell M ⁇ M candies.

We're going to ask you three questions about those cartoon candies.

If you get two right, you win our prize, one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their answering machine.

Shoki, who is Maya playing for?

Mallory Kelly of Peoria, Illinois.

All right, you ready to do this?

I think so.

Mallory, I'm gonna try.

So

my very best for you.

All right.

So here's your first question.

For MM's 75th anniversary, they released a video showing 360-degree views inside the MM mascots' homes, right?

One feature of the orange MM's house surprised some people.

What was it?

A, six locks on the front door, B, a tanning bed, or C, a Robert Maplethorpe print

first of all I have not seen this advertisement I'm delighted to know that the M ⁇ Ms are homeowners congratulations to them

I it's amazing

bed they want to say tanning bed

I feel like the locks thing is a little too ominous yeah while it might be ominous it is true apparently Orange's little quirk is that he's paranoid about being eaten.

I can't imagine why.

So his apartment has six locks and a monitor showing feeds from nine security cameras.

Okay, so here is your next question.

You got two more.

You can do it.

Before her redesign in 2022, the green M ⁇ M was a female with big eyelashes and go-go boots, relatively sexy for a candy.

Why was she designed to be sexy?

Was it A, because research showed that people get hungrier when they are feeling romantic?

B, because of the widely held belief that green M ⁇ Ms were an aphrodisiac, or C, because of a planned but abandoned ad campaign featuring a passionate love affair between her and the jolly green giant.

Wow!

Okay, you know, I've listened to this show for years and I've always thought maybe I'd be good at this, and I think I'm just learning rapidly that this is not my skill set, and that's okay.

That's all right.

The audience is trying to help you by.

They are helping me, and I mean, I haven't been able to hear them a lot throughout the Zoom in call but I'm going to be thankful when I answer I believe that it's the second one it is in fact

because apparently

certain members of the audience

I'm not saying they're old enough personally but they might have heard that back in the 70s that was a widespread rumor that green MMs were an aphrodisiac it was the thing it really was all right That's good.

You got one right with one to go.

If you get this, you win.

Here's your last question.

MMs almost had a live mascot.

They asked Kevin Bacon, the actor, to do a commercial where he would dance to the song Foot Loose from his famous movie in a yellow M ⁇ M costume, but he turned them down.

Why did he turn them down?

Was it A, his agent told him, you're Kevin freaking Bacon, you don't play the yellow M ⁇ M, you play the blue M ⁇ M.

B, because he was doing ads for Hormel Bacon and his deal banned him from representing any other food.

Or C, because his wife, he said, gets too creeped out by the concept of talking food.

You know, marial problems present themselves in all sorts of colors and sometimes in the format of people, you know, revealing their deepest, darkest secrets, like talking food being a real fear.

So you're picking C?

I think so.

And you're right.

Yeah,

woo!

His wife, Kira Cedric, said, quote, doesn't like it when food talks and put her foot down about it.

Chioki, how did Maya do in our quiz?

MXMToon got two right, which means she has to come out to her parents as a winner on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

There we go.

Well done.

MXM Toon, Maya, thank you so much for joining us.

Thanks for listening.

Thanks for playing.

And we'll see you around.

Take care.

Thank you so much for having me.

Bye-bye.

Good luck.

That's it for our happy 249th birthday, America.

Hopefully you'll still be around for the 250th edition.

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.

Philip Godeker writes our limericks.

Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.

Our tour manager is Shana Donald.

BJ Lederman composed our theme.

Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornboss, and Lillian King.

Special thanks to Monica Hickey.

Peter Gwynn is our illegal fireworks smuggler.

Our vibe curator is Emma Choi.

Technical direction is from Lorna White, our CFO is Colin Miller.

Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.

Our senior producer is Ian Chilog, and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth.

Thanks to everybody you heard, all our panelists, our guests, and of course Bill Curtis, and thanks to all of you for listening.

I'm Peter Sagal, and we'll be back next week, hopefully, with all 10 of our fingers.

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