WWDTM: Jeff Gordon

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News Quiz.

You may know me as the voice of Bill Curtis.

I am Bill Curtis and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill.

I share your excitement.

We have a great show for you today.

Later on, we are going to be joined live on stage by NASCAR legend Jeff Gordon.

It's very exciting.

It's a little, you know.

This sort of thing, not what he's used to.

So to make him feel more at home, halfway through our conversation, a crew will come out and change all four of his tires.

But first, it's your turn to do a lap with us.

Give us a call to play our games.

The number is 188-weight weight.

That's 1-888-92-48924.

Let's welcome our first listener contestant.

How you are on weight weight, don't tell me.

Hi, this is Lauren Ring calling from Seattle, Washington.

Oh, Seattle, one of my favorite places.

What do you do there in that beautiful place?

I'm a nephrologist or a kidney doctor.

A kidney doctor?

I've always wondered about anybody like yourself who specializes in just one organ, right?

Do you ever get bored and say, man, I wish I could work on something else, just once, another organ?

Well, even I would rather just be a left kidney versus a right kidney, so even more special things.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Is it gotten to this point?

No, no, no, no.

You're wrong side, lady.

You have to go see someone else.

Well, welcome to our show, Lauren.

Let me introduce you to our panel this week.

First up, it's a comedian you can see at Hey Nani in Arlington Heights, Illinois on August 1st.

It's Adam Burke.

Hi Lauren.

Next up, a comedian and host of the podcast Fake the Nation, a news and culture show that the federal government would also defund if they could.

It's Nageem Farsad.

Hey!

Hi, Nagel.

And making his debut on our panel, a comedian whose debut comedy special surprised me is now what on YouTube Vulture just called it a comedy special you should watch.

It's Zach Zimmerman.

Hi, Lauren.

I have some questions for you after if you get off.

Well, welcome to the show, Lauren.

You're going to play Who's Bill this time.

Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize.

Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail.

Are you ready to go?

I'm ready.

All right, now your first quote is actually two quotes.

They're from both sides of a partnership that suddenly ended this week.

Here's the first quote.

This is from President Trump.

We had a great relationship.

I don't know if we will anymore.

And here is his devastated ex.

Donald Trump is in the Epstein files.

So

who is no longer President Trump's BFF?

Well, it's not Melania, so I think I'd say Elon Musk.

Right.

Right.

Trump gave Elon Musk, his partner, a nice send-off in the White House last week, but then things suddenly got real dark.

Musk called Trump's big budget bill, quote, an abomination.

Trump then called Musk a big disappointment.

Musk said Trump couldn't have won the election without him.

And then, as you heard, Musk escalated things.

Poor Elon, we're about to find out how much ketamine it takes to fix a broken heart.

Like, I know we're supposed to do other questions or whatever, but this is all I want to talk about.

For this very special edition.

Wait, wait, don't tell me.

First off, Merry Christmas.

Secondly, while we're renaming, like, Gulfs and stuff, can we just change, just for today, the American flag to that gif of Michael Jackson eating popcorn?

Like, here's the thing about this show.

Like, I've been in the show 10 years, and the production team here, I know you think it's all going to be, like, polysyllabic fart jokes and like gags about some weird study about Swedish cats, but the one thing we really love in the show is a pair of messy bitches just going at it

in the employee parking lot.

It's just like, and you know, I mean, they had this terrible breakup, but it gets worse.

I'm sorry, I mean, it gets better.

Trump pride.

Trump, yes.

Trump said he would cancel Elon's government contracts.

Elon said Trump should be impeached.

And then, oh, the hardest blow of all, Elon canceled his ex account

that's a low blow but

we've all been there we've all had these experiences you know the whole time Elon was still wearing Trump's old hoodie because it smells like him

and we're so the thing is I mean we're gonna enjoy it while it lasts because obviously Trump is gonna back down in five days or tackle Tuesday as it's now known yeah but I don't I don't know man I I love that Elon was like oh, he's in the Epstein files, and I should know.

So am I.

There are issues at the same time.

And then you're also like, now comes the phase where you're always worried that you're going to run into your ex, and so you try and look hot while you're out, you know, in public.

Right.

At least that's what I do.

And so now I'm just like, is Trump going to wear an extra long tie?

Like, what are we going to see?

The revenge bodies are about to drop.

All right.

Your next quote is advice from the Atlantic magazine this week.

Buying whole heads might keep you from barfing up your Caesar's salad.

Due to increasing cuts to the FDA, among many other things, people are being advised to stay safe by avoiding what?

Is it cucumbers?

It's not cucumbers.

It is something that goes into your salad.

The advice was to buy whole heads of something rather than the way we all usually buy it.

Oh, lettuce.

Yes, bagged lettuce is what we all need to avoid.

Let's give it up for bagged lettuce, the greatest convenience ever.

Experts are saying bagged lettuce could be the most dangerous thing in your house now, thanks to all the inspectors who have been fired from the FDA.

So, you know, forget about worrying about measles.

Now you can die by food poisoning.

Luckily, bagged lettuce, though, has its own built-in safety feature.

It turns into a brown goo before you can eat it.

This is such great vindication for jerks like me who have pretty much just red meat diet.

We're like, turns out I've been the healthiest one all along.

Oh, they're not inspecting the meat plants either.

They'll get you.

Don't worry about it.

As a vegetarian, this hits close to home.

It does.

It really does.

It's bad.

Bagged lettuce is disgusting.

It's just the produce near my home.

So you're one of those fancy people who buys heads of lettuce and cuts it up yourself, are you?

Well, the quiet contemplation of chopping a vegetable is a little too much for me, actually.

Really?

I can't.

I don't.

Do you just eat them whole?

You just chew on huge...

Do you put them in like a shredder, a letter shredder?

I'm using innovation called Uber Eats in order to

consume most of my daily calories.

Yeah, I'm so glad how you people,

you vegetarians are getting back to like

vegetarians.

It's hard to be on the right side of history.

It really is.

All right, your last quote is from a New York Times commenter bragging about a recent accomplishment.

I wanted to read 52 of them in 2024, but I actually read 54.

That person no doubt will be competing in the Hut New contest this summer.

People all over the country vying to see who can do what the most.

I would say books.

Yes, read books.

Forget your softball leagues.

Hang them by the pool.

The cool new way to avoid your children this summer is reading.

Summer reading programs like when you log your books you've read and you count them up and if you win you get prizes.

They were once just for kids but now bookstores across the country are launching them for lonely adults as well.

Now don't be intimidated by the challenge of reading as many as 50 books in the summer.

Getting through a lot of books is easy.

Just keep a book nearby you at all times and read it while you're waiting until you can skip the ad on your YouTube video.

How big is summer reading getting?

No it is apparently quite popular.

I have seen everywhere

summer reading lists, people putting out.

This is what you read.

Some of them were even written by humans, which is nice.

It's gotten so crazy here in Chicago, you'll see guys on the sidewalk with like long coats, and they'll open it up and they'll just have paperbacks.

Can I interest you in a Maeve Benchy?

By the way, if you don't want to read anything this summer, but you want to pretend you did, just say all you read this summer was romanticy.

And if somebody asks you what the book was about, just say it was elf sex.

You'll be close enough.

The ears are involved.

I'll leave it to you.

Is that a title?

Right.

And on that note, Bill, how did Lauren do in our quiz?

Her score was so perfect she could now move over to the left kidney.

There you go.

Well done.

Thank you so much for calling and playing.

Thank you so much.

Take care.

Right now, panels, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

Zach, this week a woman went viral when she found her husband's diary and made an amazingly surprising discovery.

What was it?

He was cheating on her.

No.

He was loyal his whole life.

That may or may not be true, but that's not what she was amazed and put on the internet.

He couldn't write.

No, he could, but he wrote a novel.

The first thing she did was she had to go and get her magnifying glass.

Oh, he wrote very tiny.

Yes, he had the tiniest, tiniest handwriting.

And she put this in the internet and everybody goes nuts for it.

After hesitating for as much as three seconds, the woman opened up her husband's diary to learn his secrets.

But the real shock wasn't like a mistress or a secret family, but her husband's quote, ant-sized font handwriting.

Maybe she should have suspected something considering his diary was written on one grain of rice.

Wait, and then also she just like put that page online.

Yeah, well she just put it online and you can't read it and maybe she should have tried to read it more carefully before she put it online because what if what if like what he wrote in his tiny handwriting was you know I don't know if I can keep myself from killing again

like oh look at his cute handwriting I want to see his murder weapons though they're probably

cute yeah could have been worse well what has he said about this like what's his what apparently he defended himself apparently he's he's quite proud of his tiny little handwriting wasn't he dead no no no he's still alive oh why is she reading his diary that is a very good question

i mean in all the excitement this incredible violation of trust has not been discussed.

That's terrible.

Yeah, I'd love to say she gets like three magnifying glasses out and finally says, it's called privacy, Inject.

The divorce papers are going to be on a post-it note.

Coming up, hundreds of millions of dollars could be yours if you simply follow the instructions in our bluff to listener game call 188 WaitWait to Play.

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From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis.

We are playing this week with Zach Zimmerman, Red Hot, Adam Burke, and Nageen Farsad.

And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill.

Right now it's time

for the WaitWait Don't Tell Me bluff the listener game call 188-WATWAIT to play our games on the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at wait wait NPR.

Hi, you're on WaitWait Don't Tell Me.

Hi, Peter.

This is Craig Ventura calling from the Pizza Capital of America in New Haven, Connecticut.

Oh, we knew he was going.

All right.

Now listen,

I know you think you're throwing down on us here in Chicago, but I've got a little surprise for you, my friend.

I agree with you.

Craig, it's great to have you with us.

You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction.

Bill, what is Craig's topic?

How I made millions.

Somebody recently made millions and millions of dollars, and I'll give you a hint.

They do not work in public broadcasting.

Our panelists are going to tell you how they made all that cash.

Pick the one who's telling the truth.

You'll win the weight waiter of your choice in your voicemail.

Are you ready to play?

Let's do it.

Let us do it.

First, let's hear from Adam Burke.

Uno Khan seemed poised to realize his lifelong dream of becoming a big-time movie producer earlier this year after raising an impressive $150 million from investors in his native Estonia.

Those same backers, however, say Khan deliberately misled them about the talent he had arrayed for his supposedly star-studded blockbuster.

Obviously, when he texted me that Brad Pith was set to star, I assumed the H was a typo, says now disgruntled investor Arno Anson.

But Khan had indeed secured the services of one Brad Pith, a little-known Scottish actor he had seen performing on a cruise ship production of Greece.

A lawsuit filed earlier this year says Khan knew exactly what he was doing when he hired the Tino brothers as writers, just so they'd make the wrong assumption when he said the script was by Clinton Darantino.

Steven Spielberg is definitely lined up to direct, though, insists Khan, neglecting to mention that the Steven Spielberg in question is a retired piano tuner from Berlin.

A man raises a lot of money to make a movie by using talent who sounds a lot like famous people.

Your next story of fast fundraising comes from Naguin Farsad.

When AI like ChatGPT, Claude, and the little thing that appears on the top of Google now started popping up, the tech sector couldn't get enough.

That's when Building.ai entered the scene, promising that their AI could build software and that it was, quote, as easy as ordering a pizza.

By the way, in another one of its disruptions, the tech world replaced easy as apple pie with easy as ordering pizza.

So Building.ai promised an AI future for coding and managed to raise $450 million from people like like SoftBank and Microsoft because corporations are people.

But then the house of cards or pizzas all came falling.

An early whistleblower noted that the whole operation was quote just a group of Indian developers pretending to write code as AI, which I'm assuming means like any good AI, these 700 coders tried their best to subjugate humanity while also destroying the environment.

environment.

The company has since filed for bankruptcy, leaving tens of millions in unpaid bills.

It turns out defrauding people when there's no real oversight is actually as easy as ordering a pizza.

An AI company raises hundreds of millions in investment for their technology that turns out to be just 700 people.

Your last story of somebody bagging serious cash comes from Zach Zimmerman.

If you've ever tossed a coin in a fountain and made a wish, odds are it didn't come true, but it is making one woman very rich.

Deborah Pearson is the founder and CEO of a commercial wishing well company called Wishing Well, Well, Well

that's reporting record profits.

Now it's illegal in most states to take coins from the bottom of water features, not to mention unethical to manhandle someone's hope for a boyfriend by summer wedding season, but laws famously only govern human behavior.

Deborah has adopted 400 raccoons, which have been trained, shaved, and pumped full of beta blockers to go deep sea fishing for for state quarters, half dollars, whole dollars, and the occasional token from Chuck E.

Cheese.

Animal rights activists called the company bad, like very, very bad.

But Pearson maintains her nursery of raccoons enjoy the late-night skinny dips.

The company is rapidly expanding into other verticals, training anteaters to dig in couch cushions, woodpeckers to check vending machines, and just-hatch chicks to straight-up, just pickpocket people.

All right.

Somebody

figured out a kind of sneaky way to make a lot of cash.

Was it from Adam Burke, a movie producer who got a lot of money raised for his film by staffing it with people who sounded a lot like, but weren't big Hollywood stars?

From Naguin, an AI company that raised hundreds of millions for their technology that turned out just to be 700 people pretending to be an AI.

Or from Zach, a woman who figured out that she can break in literally the money from wishing wells simply by dispatching raccoons to get it which of these is a real story of a money-making scheme okay these all sound pretty wild

I'm gonna go with B the AI fake AI you're gonna go with Nagin's story

about the AI.

Okay, that's your choice.

The audience seems excited about it.

Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to a reporter covering the real story.

The reason why some companies can get away with doing this kind of thing is that nobody really notices how AI even works.

They just see it as this magic black box.

That was Carmy Olson from Bloomberg, who originally reported on the story of these 700 engineers pretending to be in AI.

Congratulations, Craig.

You got it right.

You earned a point for Naguin and you have won our prize.

Thank you, Arlene.

The voice of your choice for your voicemail.

Well done, sir.

Thank you, Deg.

Have a great one.

Take care.

And now the game where we ask people who've accomplished everything they ever set out to do to do one more thing.

We call it not my job.

Jeff Gordon is a living legend of American auto racing.

He set modern NASCAR records for career wins, most wins in a season, among many other honors, before he retired 10 years ago.

These days, he spends his time with various businesses as well as co-owning racing teams.

And so far, we believe he has resisted the urge to kick the driver out of the car and say here let me do it.

Jeff Gordon welcome to Wait Wait Don't Tell Me.

Thank you.

It's much of you.

Thank you.

It is such a thrill to talk to you.

You really didn't have to say all those things, but please go on.

I have more.

I have more.

Do you want me to just list your wins by season?

I have it here.

One of the, we learned so many amazing things about you this week, but one of the most amazing things to me at least was that you won your first auto race when you were five years old.

Yeah, I mean I guess I just think all professional race car drivers started racing when they were five or six years old.

I mean that that's that was pretty common for me.

I grew up in California and the kids I was racing with were basically the same age.

So did everybody know, did you know that this was something you were going to be very good at?

No idea.

No, I had no clue.

I had actually, my first racing experience was previous to that.

I raced raced BMX bikes when I was like four and a half years old.

Four and a half.

Yeah.

What does a four and a half year old get if they win a race?

They get to skip their nap?

What does it cost?

Well, I didn't win a race, so I wouldn't know

because I realized then that I did not have the physicality to pedal a bicycle as fast as others.

And when I got in the car, I'm like, I don't need that.

I've got an engine.

Oh, yeah.

So

it did come

pretty quick, and I realized, gained confidence, and said, oh, I can do this.

Right.

This is actually another thing I'm very curious about.

I know, for example, that on the track, you drivers are in radio contact at all times with your pit.

What are you talking about?

It's like, oh, did you see what the president just tweeted?

I will say there were a few times in my career where I was fortunate enough to have a pretty big lead.

Just a few times.

And your mind starts to wander.

And I think there were a few times I noticed some fans or something happening up in the grandstands.

And I radioed to the team and said, hey, did you see that?

They're like, seriously, Jeff, you're noticing things up in the grandstands.

Really?

We're trying to win this race.

Get back to the race.

I'm going to win, but what are we going to have for dinner later?

Echo shout here.

The other thing you have to remember is that these radios are being broadcast to everyone.

Really?

So you have to be careful of things

to say.

I didn't always do that well,

but you try.

Really?

So like, let's say, and I'm sure this happened to you more than a couple times, let's say things go poorly, you spin out, maybe something catches fire.

You have to be careful to say, oh, goodness.

I am truly and well

fudged.

Yeah.

That as well as if somebody else caused it, yes

Then the choice things that you are thinking about saying really I mean I find that I mean that is Here's the part you guys are gonna love because you guys are comedians and I'm not but but in order for that to be broadcast There's a there's a button on the steering wheel so that in order for the driver to talk back to the team you have to push the button and

These things are being broadcast so you don't have to push the button.

You could just say them.

And in my case, 100% of the time, I wanted to make sure I pushed the button so everybody really

Now, you've retired, and as I said, one of the many things you do in addition to your businesses and philanthropy is you co-own some racing teams, right?

And how hard is it for you to just look at the driver or watch them and just think, just let me do it?

I mean, I realize things have evolved, technologies evolved, the cars drive different today.

But what does happen to me, and I think of my wife every time, because when I was racing, I would get out of the car that day, let's say we didn't win, and she would go, I don't understand why you didn't just pass that car.

This is your wife.

She's like, couldn't you just push the pedal down further and go by?

I'm like,

honey,

it's already all the way there.

I was as fast as I could go.

So I then, while I'm watching the drivers, I'm going, just pass them.

Why can't you just pass them?

Right.

And I just, in credit to your wife, just comparing her to myself, at least you knew you had a pedal.

That was new to me.

You're like, come on, just do it.

Just do it.

Just do it.

I know everybody asks

you guys after you've, you know, all the racers, current and retired, if you speed when you're driving your car.

I'm not going to ask you that.

I know.

You're not?

No, I'm not going to ask you that.

Well, unless you want to tell me.

Do you?

I just understood it was like the big cliche that all the race drivers get.

Well, I mean, I'm not saying that it's that, you know, I just get in the car and say, how fast can I go?

But, I mean, I'm still human.

Yeah, sure.

Sometimes you've got to go.

What I really wanted to know is if you're just driving, just doing an errand, maybe doing something with your kids, driving out of their grocery store, if you ever sit here, if you're just sitting there and going, vroom.

Vroom.

I have one more question, which is that I learned how to drive on a stick shift.

Nice.

Does that improve your opinion of me?

Yes.

100%.

I have an 18-year-old, soon-to-be, an 18-year-old daughter, and a 14-year-old son, and my goal this summer is to get them to learn.

Wait a minute.

My son is going through driver's ed and stuff, so maybe, maybe, but your daughter, I want her to learn how to drive.

Here's the question.

Are you, Jeff Gordon, one of the greatest race car drivers who have ever lived going to teach your children to drive?

I mean,

yes.

Reluctantly, because it's probably one of the scariest things I've ever done, is sit in the passenger seat

while

somebody has zero experience driving is driving the vehicle.

And I kind of like to be in control

of the vehicle.

Yeah, so that's probably the most terrified I've ever been.

When my daughter was learning how to drive.

Just imagine you turning to your daughter, she's 16, right, whatever she is.

You're like, why don't you just pass him?

I just want her to use the brakes when somebody's brake lights come on.

I'll be happy with that.

That's okay.

Start there.

Well, Jeff Gordon, it is such a pleasure to talk to you.

We've asked you here to play a game we're calling.

Leave the driving to us.

As we have discussed, you're an accomplished driver, so we thought we'd ask you three questions about passengers.

Answer two out of three correctly.

You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose for their voicemail.

Bill, who is NASCAR legend Jeff Gordon playing for?

Kelsey Woods of Wendell, North Carolina.

All right.

Oh, North Carolina.

North Carolina, Carolina.

So gotta take care of my Carolinians.

Exactly.

Here's your first question.

In 2017, a taxi driver in the UK was pulled over for speeding, and he laid the blame on his passengers, telling the police what?

A, they kept farting, and it was so bad he had to get the ride over as quickly as possible.

B, one of them said, follow that car.

And since there wasn't any car in sight, he sped up to find one.

Or C, one said, the the acid we just took will kick in in 10 minutes and whether it happens back here or at our home is up to you.

Oh my gosh.

My son is going to be so proud of me for picking A.

Your son should be proud because you're right.

Yes.

How nice.

Yeah, he said he said I had to get out of the car.

They were farting so badly.

There were three of them, so let's have some sympathy for him.

All right, very good.

People love to ride on roller coasters, of course, as passengers, including one in Arakawa, Japan.

And this roller coaster is famous for being what?

A, a nearly surefire way to induce labor, leading to long lines of pregnant women.

B, it is the slowest roller coaster in the entire country, so slow some riders didn't realize once when it had derailed and stopped cold.

Or C, it's the world's only one-way roller coaster, meaning every ride ends in a long walk back to the start.

Oh, Lord.

Well, I don't do anything slow so I'm not going with B.

I'm going to go with the one way.

No, it was actually B, the slow one.

It is the slowest roller coaster in Japan.

It is so slow.

Family coaster.

I would need to never go to an amusement park next time I'm leaving.

All right.

This is your last question.

If you get this, you win.

In 2016, on a Southwest Airlines flight from Oakland to Kansas City, full of Oakland Raiders fans, the pilot actually took to the PA at the end of the flight to congratulate the passengers.

For what?

A, they had, he felt, the most creative heckles of the safety announcement he had ever heard.

B, for the first time in his experience, they had drank literally all of the alcohol on board of the plane.

Or C, every passenger had boarded the plane, stowed their bags, and got their seatbelt buckled in eight minutes flat.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, my goodness.

Is it crowd participation really?

B.

B, yes, it was, of course, B.

They were Oakland raiders.

Thank you.

Thank you.

They drank all of it during one three-hour flight.

Well, how did Jeff Gordon do it?

Two out of three.

Checkered flag flies everywhere.

There you go.

Nice.

Jeff Gordon is a NASCAR legend and the vice chairman of Hendrick Motorsports.

NASCAR Chicago Street Race returns to this fair city on July 5th and 6th.

Jeff Gordon, thank you so much for being with us on Lady Jeff Homer.

Jeff Gordon, everybody, a living legend.

Thank you.

In just a minute, be careful who you kiss.

We'll tell you why in our listener Limerick Challenge Game Call 188, WaitWait to Join Us in the Air.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis.

We are playing this week with Nageen Farsad, Zach Zimmerman, and Adam Burke.

And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Thank you so much, Bill.

Thank you, everybody.

In just a minute, it's a game a man from Nantucket gave his life for.

The listener of the Brick Challenge, if you'd like to play, give us a call at 1888-WAIT WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924.

Right now, panel, though, some more questions for you from the week's news.

Nagin, forget about all those expensive summer camps.

According to one parenting columnist, this summer, you should just let your kids do what?

Oh, just like throw them onto the streets.

Yes, let them go wild.

Oh, Kia!

Yes!

Millennial parents, says Emil Niazzi, are tired of overscheduling their kids all year, and then the summer comes and they keep doing it.

So more and more of them are just letting their children go feral.

Some millennials are saying they want their kids to experience what they had, which is quote, 90s summers.

So here you go, kids, let's light a campfire, drink some sunny delight, and tell spooky stories about Monica Lewinsky.

But I do have to say I love the idea of kids not having anything to do because I work like I worry that kids don't get in enough trouble.

You know what I mean?

Let's just get them out there touching tetanus or whatever they're supposed to do.

Commit crimes this summer.

Yeah, let's do some light shoplifting.

Like just experience some stuff.

Aren't the kids just going to be playing on their phones though?

You can't bring back a 90s summer in the era of smartphones and tech.

That's true, I guess.

That's why you precede it by smash a phone with a hammer spring.

That's right.

Zach, this week the internet debated something called the Danny DeVito rule.

Now, that is a theory that the way to tell if a romantic comedy is actually good is it is good if it would work if what?

If Danny DeVito was the romantic male lead in it.

Exactly right.

So this is the test.

This is the test.

We all see these rom-coms, and the handsome guy goes to great lengths to win the girl, right?

But would it still be charming and not kind of creepy and scary if instead of like a heart throb, the role was played by Danny DeVito, right?

So, think of, say, Danny DeVito holding a boombox over his head outside his girlfriend's window from the movie Say Anything.

Is that still adorable, or does she get a restraining order?

Is this a diss on Danny DeVito or a diss on the fact that most rom-coms suck?

I think it is meant to be the latter.

The idea being that these rom-coms, these movies about guys trying to doing everything they can to get the girl who may not deserve the girl are just nonsense that we are fooled by because the guy is so handsome and the woman pretends to fall for it.

If you put a normal looking person Say Danny DeVito, you would realize how creepy and strange the man's behavior.

Okay, hold on.

Because there's entire industries and life itself based on men thinking women are hot or not.

Right, right.

And so women get this one little area of culture.

Right.

Where they're allowed to think that the guy is cute and picture themselves making out with him.

And now that we're that's being threatened by Danny DeVito.

Wait a minute.

Mageean, they're not actually going to put Danny DeVito in the movie.

I know.

I'm escalating the threat.

I understand.

I just want you to know, you can see the music.

I'm just saying,

I'm just saying, like, let's, it's okay if the movies are garbage and just, it's about the guy being handsome.

I just want to, like, let women have one thing.

All right.

And Danny DeVito, nothing.

We were actually thinking that one rom-com that would be hard to apply this to is Sleepless in Seattle because in that movie the two leads, Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, don't meet.

They don't see each other till the very end of the movie.

So we were like, if Danny DeVito was in it, like it's the top of the Empire State Building, end of the movie, Meg Ryan walks out and says to Danny DeVito, Excuse me, little boy, but have you seen a handsome man around here?

Jerry McGuire, you had me at hello.

Coming up, it's lightning fill-in-the-blank.

But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.

If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924.

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It's at WeightWaitNPR.

Hi, you're on WeightWait, don't tell me.

Hi, Peter.

This is Jenny LeGath from Moorestown, New Jersey.

Oh, hey, Moorestown, New Jersey.

Now I know.

I was about to say, I know Morristown.

I mean, they won't let me back into Morristown.

What do you do there?

I'm an administrator at Princeton, and sometimes they let me do a little teaching in the religion department.

Do they really?

Okay, you've been good.

Go over and give a lecture.

Right.

Right.

Well, congratulations.

I should say congratulations to Princeton because you haven't been noticed yet.

Yes, we're trying to keep it that way.

Keep your head down.

Well, Jenny, welcome to the show.

Bill Curtis is now going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each.

If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner.

Ready to go?

I'm ready.

Here is your first limerick.

Though diet fads often entice me,

their meal plans are often too pricey.

Now I'll lose my spare tire when my tongue is on fire.

I make sure that my food is too

spicy?

Spicy, yes.

According to researchers at Penn State, The quote oral burn that comes with spicy food makes you eat slower and thus less, leading to eventual weight loss.

The idea is simple, right?

If it hurts to eat, you eat less.

That's how I lost 20 pounds recently.

I just sprinkled a little broken glass on everything.

I'm very proud I just upped to medium salsa from

the

journey in order to increase my spice tolerance.

Here is your next limerick.

The white dust on their nose is so plain.

Those small, pesky bugs have no brain.

My party supplies got snorted by flies because fruit flies got hooked on

cocaine?

Yes.

In a world first, scientists at the University of Utah have engineered fruit flies susceptible to cocaine addiction.

Oh boy, you do not want to see a fly the day after a long weekend cocaine binge.

1,000 red and puffy little eyes.

The scientists say the cocaine-addicted fruit flies will help advance addiction research.

So first they're going to get the little guys addicted, and then they're going to sit them down and be like, fly, this is an intervention.

We're worried about you

wait I already feel like flies behave like they are yeah

how can you tell so why what yeah how can you tell that they're now susceptible to co it doesn't make any sense especially like the fourth time you see a fly go to the bathroom be like come on dude yeah yeah yeah yeah I will say fruit flies doing cocaine just describes Pride Month to be honest

the vibe

wait so but why did these scientists do that

because they were also doing cocaine

They were like, you know, it'll be really cool.

All right.

You know, it'll be really cool.

How about?

Or an intern is just like covering their tracks, like, oh, crap, we left out the Coke last night.

It's a study.

It's a study.

All right.

Here is your last limerick.

It's not marital bliss I am dissing, but I'm sad and my old life I'm missing.

And anxiety slips through the touch of our lips.

I got sad because we've done too much.

Kissing?

Yes, new research suggests that anxiety and depression can be transmitted to another person through kissing.

That's bad.

You can make it even worse if while you're kissing, you also whisper, you're bad at this.

Apparently, they say that it has something to do with your biome, your bacteria, and that can be transmitted through kissing.

As much as 80 million bacteria get transferred from one person to another in just one kiss.

There, I just depressed you without touching you at all.

I don't care.

So then the bacteria are depressed?

Apparently.

They're like, oh man, how come we can't get cocaine like the fruit?

Bill, how did Jenny do in our quiz?

She did Princeton Strong three in a row.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

This was great.

Take care.

Bye-bye.

This message comes from NPR sponsor Abrams Books.

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Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill-in-the-Blank.

Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can.

Each correct answer now worth two points bill can you give us the score i can indeed nageen has three zach and adam each have two that means uh zach and adam are tied for second and i'm going to arbitrarily pick Adam to go first.

So, the clock will start when I begin your first question.

Fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, Adam, President Trump announced a blank ban targeting 12 countries.

Travel.

Right.

According to a new report, the net worth of the 10 blankest people in America increased $365 billion last year.

Richest?

Yes, wealthiest.

This week, U.S.

blanks on steel increased to 50%.

Tariffs?

Right, on Tuesday, a judge ordered the White House to continue offering blank-affirming care to inmates in federal prisons.

Gender?

Right, this week the U.S.

beat out Australia to become the country that blanks the most in the entire world.

Sleeps?

No, swears.

On Thursday, a Japanese spacecraft attempting to land on the blank crashed during its descent.

Moon?

Right, on Thursday, the Switch 2, the newest gaming console from Blank, was released.

Nintendo?

Right, this week officials in Washington state had to release a warning to drivers after a truck tipped over on the highway while carrying Blank.

I heard about this.

Was it a bunch of coins?

No, it was millions of bees.

According to the local sheriff, millions of bees escaped from a cargo truck after it tipped over near the Canadian border.

Fortunately, less than 24 hours later, a group of volunteer beekeepers helped recover most of them, and they swear they're definitely the escaped bees, not just a bunch of new ones.

You can tell because they're still wearing their tiny orange jumpsuits

Bill how did Adam do in our quiz very well six right 12 more points total of 14 puts him in the lead all right so

Zach

you're up next here we go fill in the blank

According to the Congressional Budget Office, the so-called Big Beautiful Blank would add $2.4 trillion to the deficit.

Bill.

Right.

On Wednesday, the U.S.

vetoed a U.N.

resolution calling for immediate ceasefire in blank.

Gaza.

Right.

On Tuesday, flash floods hit parts of Kansas after over a month's worth of blank fell in just one day.

Rainfall?

Right, yes.

This week, a dedicated DoorDash driver in Chicago drove onto Blank while trying to deliver an order.

Lakeshore Drive?

No, that would be scary.

He drove onto the tarmac at O'Hare Airport.

On Tuesday, food safety inspectors said that some ground beef sold at Whole Foods may be contaminated with blank.

E.

coli.

Right after their playoff loss to the Indiana Pacers, the New York Blanks fired their head coach.

Nicks.

That doesn't seem nice.

Yes, this week a man in Norway was shocked when he woke up and discovered that he had slept through blank.

The pandemic?

No, a 450-foot-long cargo ship crashing into his front yard.

Same, same.

Which happened to be on the ocean.

Authorities have determined that the ship's watch officer fell asleep while on duty, leading to the vessel veering off course and right into the guy's front yard.

Also asleep, the houseowner, who did not wake up when the ship, which was very large,

crashed right there.

Call it a disaster if you want, but I think it's a a touching story of two men miles apart napping in harmony.

Bill, how did Zach do on our quiz?

Well, he did very well.

Five, right?

Ten more points, total to 12.

He's in second place, ball.

All right.

Also known as last.

We're encouraging here.

All right, then, so how many does Nagin need to take it?

Six to win, Naguin.

Here we go, Nagin.

Okay.

This is for the game.

Fill in the blank.

Following a series of surprise drone attacks from Ukraine, Trump and Blank had a 75-minute phone call.

Putin?

Right.

This week the White House said it was suspending international visas for new students at Blank University.

Harvard.

Right.

On Wednesday, the mayor of Baltimore confirmed that a blank spill had stained part of the waterfront red.

Oil?

Right.

This week a woman in China who said she cried for three days after her boyfriend broke up with her finally got her revenge by blanking.

Getting rid of his Twitter account.

No, sending 2,000 pounds of onions to his house.

In order to avoid spreading outbreaks overseas, the CDC suggested travelers get the blank vaccine before flying.

The foot and mouth vaccine?

The measles vaccine.

On Wednesday, the trailer for the second part of the film adaptation of the musical blank was released.

The musical

Once Upon a Mattress.

No, no deep pull, thank you.

The musical Wicked.

Wicked for Good.

This week, a man in Colorado escaped with just minor injuries after he was hit by a car while he was in a blank.

On a in doing ketamine.

No, he was in a port-a-potty.

Apparently,

the driver who had veered off the road and ran straight into this port-a-potty, and you know, okay, we've all been there, you have an emergency, you're desperate, you see an old, uncared-for-port-a-potty, and you're sitting in there and you think, well,

at least this couldn't get any worse.

Bill, did Naguine do well enough to win?

Well, she got three rights for six more points.

Total of nine goes to the Irishman.

He's our champion, Adam Burke.

Yay!

In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, with all the competitive reading going on, what will be the hit book of the summer to come.

But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ, Chicago.

In association with Urgent Hair Cup Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.

Philip Godeker writes our limericks.

Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.

Our tour manager is Shana Donald.

Thanks to the staff and crew.

At the Studebaker Theater, BJ Leaderman composes our theme.

Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dronboss, and Lillian King.

Special thanks to Mohaned El-Sheikhi and Monica Hickey.

Peter Gwynn is the goat, the Gwynniest of all time.

Emma Choi is our vibe curator.

Technical directions from Lorna White.

Our CFO is Colin Miller.

Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.

Our senior producer is Ian Chillog.

The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell me is Mr.

Michael Danforth.

Now, panel, what will be this summer's big hit book, Naguin Farsad?

The Grapes of Rath Sonoma Weekend.

Zach Zimmerman.

The latest novel in the Hangry Games trilogy.

And Adam Burke.

I'm cheating and getting AI to read the books for me, so it's working its way through the Asimov classic you robot.

Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it right here on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you so much, Bill Curtis.

Thanks to Nagin Farside, Adam Burke, and the Zach Simon and a big debut in our show.

Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Steedie Baker Theater in downtown Chicago.

Thanks to all of you for listening, wherever you might be.

I'm Peter Sagal.

We'll see you next week.

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