WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.

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from npr i'm wbc chicago this is wait wait Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm back, bitches.
I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill.

Thanks, everybody.

But just to say it again, thank you, Bill.

We're so glad to have you back.

Now, a lot of people have actually gotten in touch to ask, maybe with some concern, where

you've been these last six weeks.

Can you reveal it?

I can't reveal much, but let's just say this Brazilian butt lift didn't happen on its own. Well, it's great to have you back, and we're also delighted that comedian Roy Wood Jr.
will be joining us later to play our games, and mainly we are delighted that you folks listening can also call in to play. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.
That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant.
Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey.
Hey, who is this? This is Adam from Kansas City. Oh, it's a great town.
We were there just a few months ago. What do you do there? I'm a musician and I do mortgage loans.
So you're a musician, but like on nights and weekends, you do mortgage loans because that's your true passion. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, someone's got to pay the bill. Yeah, you sit there gigging, you know, doing your music and you're thinking, wow, tonight I get to originate a mortgage.
You nailed it. Yeah, well, welcome to the show, Adam.
Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a comedian who'll be performing at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco on March 23rd.
It's Helen Hong. Hi, Adam.
Hi, everybody. Next, he is a humorist, a tool impresario, and the founder of Hatch Space Community Woodworking Shop and School in Brattleboro, Vermont.
It's Tom Bodette. Hey, Adam.
And a comedian who will be in St. Paul, Minnesota on March 21st at the Fitzgerald Theater.
You might have heard of that. It's Paula Poundstone.
Hey, Adam. So, Adam, welcome to the show.
You're going to start us off with who's Bill this time. I'm so pleased to say Bill Curtis, back with us, is going to read you three quotations from the week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize, the voice of anyone from our show.

You might choose on your voicemail.

Are you ready to go?

Yes.

All right.

Let's do it.

Here is your first quote.

List five things you did last week.

All right. Adam, who got that email? Me.
Wasn't it supposed to be every government employee? Yes, every federal employee. Wow.
Including some in this room. Including somebody in the audience, yes.
Employees at every federal government agency received an email from the Office of Personnel Management over the weekend requiring them to list five things they had accomplished that week, or they would lose their jobs. This is part of Elon Musk's crusade to fire as many government workers as he can.
You know, the people who waste taxpayer money doing useless busy work, like keeping planes from running into each other. I think this would be hard for anybody in any industry.
Well, that's the thing. I mean, I couldn't do it.
I can't think of three things I did in my life. I can think of one thing.
I'm a stand-up comedian, so my first thing was think of a funnier word than spatula. And then it just devolved from there.
Right. Is there a funnier word than spatula? No, not that I could find.
That was the, yeah. I'm self-employed, so I knew the note was coming.
Who sent it? Did you send it to yourself? I did, yes. Yeah.
Yeah. You were like, well, it's time to see what that poundstone woman does to earn her keep.
I'll tell you something. Sometimes I see that look in my eye, and I know.
Heads are going to roll. But apparently, you know, some people got it and copped an attitude.
You want five things I did last week? Your mom, your mom, your mom, your dad, and your mom. That was definitely from someone at the DMV.
Probably. All right, here is your next quote, Adam.
This is the best thing to happen with sports in a long, long time. That was somebody over on Twitter reacting to the latest attempt to modernize baseball.
For spring training, Major League Baseball

is trying out umpires who are what?

AI?

Yes, they're robot umpires.

Very good.

During spring training, Major League Baseball

is experimenting with robot umpires

to help call balls and strikes.

The technology required to do this is amazing.

Do you know how complicated it is to weld on a protective cup? Who is, are they going to teach the robots to spit? Because that's all I see them doing ever is spitting and chewing gum and then making like weird hand gestures. You're not a baseball fan, are you? No.
There'll be a little port that'll just spit out sunflower seeds every once in a while. No, what it is, is it's an automated system that uses lasers and cameras to judge the strike zone and see where the ball goes in it.
And they act as fact checkers for the human ump. So if a player thinks the ump got a call wrong, he can appeal to the robot.
And they get better results if they start the request with, Oh, my silicon overlord. Beseech your judgment.
Wow, it seems like there's a lot of jobs opening up for robots. I think when I get that prompt, are you a robot? I'm going to start saying yes.
You're hired. Yeah.
Good idea. Yeah, Elon Musk can send out a note to the robots, tell me five things you did this week.
Is there ever an end to the baseball season? I feel like... Another fan.
Yeah. Well, I just...
It's not that I dislike it. I just feel like, well, aren't there some months where they play it and then they stop? Yeah, they generally stop.
But then there's more talk about it. But that's when we talk about it.
I see. Adam, your last quote is a headline from The Economist.
Amazon gains a thrilling new asset. What thrilling and handsome new asset did Amazon just acquire the rights to? Oh my gosh.
Can you give me a clue? I can give you a hint like instead of one day delivery, it'll be 007 days delivery. Oh God, the James Bond series.
James Bond. Yes, they bought the rights to James Bond.
I hope when you give me hints, they're a lot like that last one,

because that was all but packaged for Adam.

Yeah, it's true.

Amazon has bought the rights to the James Bond franchise,

which is good.

I guess they'll make more movies,

but it will not be the same when Q is like,

I know you're used to carrying a Walther PPK 007,

but Amazon's choice is an Omidra seven shot handgun with carrying case. Yeah, and of course, they haven't announced exactly what they're going to do with him, but they have said in the first Amazon made Bond movie, he'll be fighting a true global supervillain, local bookstores.
And I thought he was dead. And of course, it's not just going to be movies because they own the whole IP, as the saying is.
They could make a 007 sitcom where James Bond lives in Brooklyn with his quirky waitress roommate trying to make ends meet. They could make a kid's version.
James Bond babies. Jimmy Bond.
Exactly. He he fights like gold pinky.
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to cry.
Do you think Jeff Bezos just bought it because he was like, pussy galore? No, he did ask people, once he bought it, he did ask people on Twitter who they thought the next James Bond should be because Daniel Craig is retired, you know?

Also asking, can James Bond be bald?

And should it be me?

Bill, how did Adam do in our quiz?

The name is Bond.

And he did very well.

Three in a row.

Congratulations, Adam.

Well done.

Cheers.

Thank you. Betty, thank you.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

Helen, it's well documented that mood swings are one of the side effects of hormonal birth control.

I say this as a feminist and an ally.

Don't I know it.

Well, one woman who started taking a new birth control recently reported a rather surprising side effect. What? Having a baby.
Whoopsie. That would be a

very interesting side effect. That would be a horrible side effect.
Can I have a hint? Yes.

She really, really, really wants to know if you'll still need him when he's 64.

Being obsessed with Paul McCartney? Specifically, yes. Worrying about him dying.
What? That's a side effect of birth control? Yeah, birth control. That's really specific.
That's so specific. I know.
It's very strange. It's a little weird.
That's the thing. I mean, because I want to know that birth control is a scientific marvel.
It can protect you from pregnancy and make you cry at every TV commercial, right? I mean, the avocados came all the way from Mexico. That is so beautiful.
Anyway, but this woman says that she experienced a very strange symptom. She went on a new kind of birth control.
She cannot stop worrying about Paul McCartney dying. According to the woman, quote, every time I think of him, I start weeping.
Doctors are concerned. It's not serious, but still, they're trying a new prescription.
It has different side effects. This one, for example, makes you want to murder Paul McCartney.
I was going to say, how did she know that it was specifically that? She got off it, and she was like, oh, screw that guy. Pretty much, yeah.
Yeah. Wow.
And then she went back on it. She was like, oh, wings is the best.
That is weird. I, you know, I'd like to see some more studies on that.
I think that's a little weird. I think that their sample size was one.
No, the doctor, the doctors do say that this weeping over Paul McCartney, that's within normal, you know, limits for mood swings brought on by hormonal changes. They would only start getting concerned if she was weeping over Ringo.
Yeah

No, I disagree. I I think again, I feel that Ringo was within

More parameters, right? Yeah. Yeah.
I mean I have no reason to go on birth control But I would be willing to go on birth control and worry about Ringo

I just can't contribute to this

You can after you take this. Is there a Viagra version where if you took Viagra, Tom, you'd be like, oh no, Hootie and the Bluefish.
Probably. Hootie and the Bluefish.
Okay. Hootie and the Bluefish.
Yeah. Okay.
So there is a side effect where you mispronounce older bands' names. Yes.
Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yeah.
Yes. Yeah.
Oh, the bottles. I love the bottles.
Yeah. Oh, Peter, Paul, and Murray.
Oh, my God, I love them. Coming up, our panel is dressed to impress on our Bluff the Listener game.
Call 1-888-Wait-Wait-to-Play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait-Wait-Don't-Tell-Me from NPR.
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Plan your trip at www.travelnevada.com. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.
I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Helen Hong, Tom Bodette, and Paula Poundstone.
And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segel. Thank you, Bill.
Thanks, everybody. Thank you all so much.
Right now it is time for the Wait Wait Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game called 1-888-Wait Wait Wait to play our game on the air. Or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR.
Hi, you're on WaitWaitDon'tTellMe. Hi, this is Samara.
I'm calling from Jersey City, New Jersey. Jersey City, New Jersey.
How are you? Yeah. Samara, great to talk to you.
What do you do there? Well, actually, I raised my kids here. And this is the first year they're both off to college, so I'm an empty nester.
Wow, some people find that depressing, but those people, they're nuts. How are you enjoying it? It's okay.
My dog and I have sort of a co-dependent relationship now. We hang out together, and my husband just deals with us, so it's okay.
Well, it's great to have you with us, Samara. You are going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction.
Bill, what is your topic? That's why I always do a fit check. An outfit can say a lot about a person, show off their personality, show if they had mustard for lunch.
Our panel is going to tell you about a whole new reason to care about what you wear. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win the wait waiter of your choice in your voicemail.
Are you ready to go? I'm ready. Let's go.
All right. Here we go.
First, let's hear from Helen Hong. We've all done it.
Spilled red wine on a white blouse or smeared cherry pie on a brand new white dress shirt. But why do we do it? Scientists now may have an answer.
Researchers in the deliciousness lab at the University of Pennsylvania Hershey campus noticed a strange pattern in their taste test data. Very different reactions to the same foods based on the color of your outfit.
You may know intellectually that it's a terrible mistake to eat a bright yellow curry with your fingers,

but if you're wearing white, your intellect seems to be taken out of the question, one researcher told Flavor Studies Weekly.

The scientists have no theory as to why white clothing makes everything taste better,

and dry cleaners hope they never do.

A scientific study proving that wearing white just makes you want to eat those messy foods.

Your next story in style comes from Tom Beaudet. Before you head down to the river with your fly

rod to outsmart some fish, you might think about wearing something other than your lucky shirt.

Fish, it turns out, can remember what you wore last week when they watched you yank their buddy

out of the weeds by the lips. They won't look at a thing you throw them.
Researchers at the

Thank you. remember what you wore last week when they watched you yank their buddy out of the weeds by the lips.
They won't look at a thing you throw them. Researchers at the Max Planck Institute of Animal Behavior have established through a series of experiments with actual fish over 12 days in the Mediterranean that fish can remember what people wear.
The experiments were based on divers feeding fish while dressed one way and noting how the fish would go to any diver dressed that way and would not go back to the same diver dressed another way. It's science.
Researcher Malin Tomasek said in a statement, it really shows that we have strong misconceptions of fish cognition. The team hopes their study could make humans reconsider the way they treat fish.
Like, maybe don't keep changing your clothes when you feed them just to mess with their little heads. Fish can remember what you were wearing, and they probably have opinions about it.
Your last outfit bit comes from Paula Poundstone. Police in Bay City, Wisconsin, arrested Virginia Welpner at the local International House of Pancakes on a charge of indecent exposure.
I spilled boysenberry syrup on my lap. I thought it was maple, says Welpner.
I was halfway to the ladies room before the whole top of my leggings was just gone. I wasn't just running around the IHOP with my Mary Ellen on display.
There was a cop right there eating, and he didn't believe me. Biochemist Andrea Michaels says, This particular spandex synthetic fabric not only disintegrates instantly on contact with boysenberry syrup, but also erodes any other fabric the combination has contact with.
It's a phenomenon we've never encountered before. Not that many people use the boysenberry syrup.
The Prescott Arizona Methodist Church pancake prayer breakfast had several exposures that included Arizona State Legislator Quang Nguyen and Pastor Paul Matlock. I didn't even want boysenberry syrup.
It was the only one not being

used, claims Pastor Matlock. All right, then.
An interesting discovery about clothing made this week and reported by one of our panelists. Which is it? Is it from Helen? The discovery that white clothes actually make your food taste better, which is why you end up smearing it on the white clothes.
From Tom, fish can remember what you were wearing from the last time they saw you, and you know, maybe they won't like it that you've changed. Or from Paula Poundstone, boysenberry syrup, the kind they have at IHOP, can dissolve most clothing fabrics.
Which of these is the real story that we found about clothing in the news? Oh, my goodness. Let's try Helen's story about the color and the food.
You're going to try Helen's story about the fact that wearing white clothing makes you just crave the foods that will stain Tom. I was just testing you.
Thanks, Peter. You were just testing.
Thanks, Peter. All right, so it's Tom's story about the fish.
So you're changing your mind. You're going to go, all right, with Tom's story, okay? All right.
Well, to find out if that was the right choice, let's listen to this. It kind of goes against our understanding of fish as, like, maybe not the smartest creatures.
That was Sarah Hashemi, who is a science journalist at the Smithsonian Magazine.

Congratulations, Samara.

You got it right.

You earned a point for Tom, and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Congratulations, Samara.
Thank's called Not My Job. Roy Wood Jr.
became famous in the last decade or so on The Daily Show, but he's been doing stand-up since he was 19. He's got a new stand-up special now out on Hulu, Lonely Flowers.
And he's also the host of Have I Got News for You on CNN, which is, of all things, a comedy quiz show about the week's news. What an idea.
Roy Wood Jr., welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey.
This is a nice concept. Yeah.
Yeah. It's like.
Yeah. We've had comedians in the show.
We've had podcasters in the show. We've had game show hosts on the show.
We've never had anybody who has exactly my job on the show. So it's a lot harder than it looks, isn't it, Roy? It's very hard.
Yeah. This is very difficult.
I don't have smooth Bill Curtis

making everything feel better.

Look at the smile

on his face Peter. You can tell it's not

hard for him at all. He's just trying to get you

off his back. I have another show

that I'm getting ready to host called Fortune

of the Wheel.

Letters.

Yeah smart. Very smart.
I want to talk about your new special uh lonely flowers which is truly great uh on hulu and i found out some things about you that and this is my fault i did not know including that you started doing stand-up when you were 19 years old yeah which is amazing i was still in school at florida a&m right and and and what inspired you to pursue that difficult life? It didn't seem difficult. It was just like,

did you just drive and talk to strangers and I get paid in Goldschlager and Rumpelmintz. This seems like an ideal career path.
I was going to school for journalism and I would get laughs. And so I was like, all right, well, this feels like comedy.
I'm going to go do that. And I would just sleep in bus stations and do stand-up, get back to Tallahassee on Monday and go to Golden Corral that night, work, and just go to class the next three days.
That was my life. There are a couple of things about that that I wanted to ask you about.
One of which is that you've said that that job at Golden Corral, which is a buffet, was like one of the most important formative experiences of your life. Yeah.
I think that every American should either serve in the military a year or the food service industry for three years. Those two, because especially the restaurant industry, because when you work in a restaurant, especially a midsize like that with a staff of about 40 to 50 back in front of house, that job, your first job as a teenager, that's the first time you encounter adults who don't give a about you.
Most adults, I'm serious. Most adults in your life up until that point have a vested interest in you being okay.
Right. But I worked with a dude we literally called Cocaine Mike.
This is a man who's 39 and doesn't care what 18-year-old Roy, and he's going to talk to you about life. And I feel like it also introduces you to every type of American.
I've worked in North Florida so everything from white supremacists to nuns to pastors to gangbangers to you meet literally every type of person and you have to figure out a way to connect with them. It's hands down the best life school I ever got was 213 an hour in Tallahassee, Florida.
Wow. That's amazing.
Just out of curiosity. This is like the best commercial for Golden Corral I've ever heard in my life.
And those bastards have never reached out. You know how McDonald's reaches out to all of their, like, oh, this is Macy Gray.
She, you, look at Macy Gray. Put on the apron.
They never reach out. Really? This is the first time I have ever wanted to go to a Golden Corral.
But here's the question. You've been pretty famous for at least a decade on TV, The Daily Show, a lot of other things.
Has anybody who, like, knew you back then reached out and said, I was the white supremacist. Remember me? I was the guy with the Nazi tattoo.
I'm Cocaine Mike. For example.
I don't know where Cocaine Mike is, but I sure hope that prison has NPR. There's another story you tell in the special, which I actually, and I was unexpected because it's extremely funny and I didn't expect to be moved.
You start back when you were staying in bus stations because you couldn't afford hotel, and the story is that your mother found out. Somebody ratted you out to your mom.
Yeah. And she didn't know you were out doing comedy, right? She had a student that was a baggage handler at the bus station, and he went to her class.
She was a college professor, and he went to my mom's class the next day and said dr wood i saw your son sleeping in the bus station you ain't seen none of my damn son my baby in tallahassee no he's not choice he's downtown he's sleeping at the bus station and so my mom never agreed or understood why comedy was what i wanted to do. But she was the one who put down for what ended up being my first road car because she didn't want me sleeping in bus stations.
And it was essentially, I don't know why you do this, but you seem focused. Your grades have gotten better.
Here's a car so you won't sleep in the bus stations to which I said thank you

and like that car extended my reach it changed everything and I think my mom's objective was to get me the car so that I could drive back to Tallahassee after the show but instead I would now just travel twice as far and sleep in the car in bus station parking lots.

Well, Roy, it is so great to talk to you. And we have asked you here to play a little game with us.
This time we're calling the game. Have we got booze for you? So you host CNN's Have I Got News for You.
We're going to ask you three questions about ghosts and hauntings.

Booze.

I believe in ghosts, by the way.

You do?

Do you have any reason to believe in ghosts?

Yeah, I was dating a widower, and we were trying to have sex,

and I kept getting a charley horse, and I feel like it was a dead husband.

Does Joyce know about this?

No, she doesn't know about this. My baby ain't having no sex around no more.
Oh, Joyce. You can't say that.
This isn't CNN, Roy. We can't go blue here on NPR.
Well, all right. Knowing both your belief in the supernatural and the reasons therefor, I will still proceed.
Bill, who is Roy Wood Jr. playing for? Peter Grieving of Clucksville, Georgia.
All right. Here's your first question.
One of the most famous hauntings in U.S. history was the red ghost, the spirit that haunted rural Arizona in the late 1800s.
People were quite relieved, though, when the red ghost turned out to be what? Was it A, a vaudeville comedian who was trying to promote himself as being, quote, dead, funny, B, a basset hound, which no one in Arizona had ever seen before, or C, a feral camel that had been a part of a failed camel cavalry in the U.S. Army? That feels like a C.
Give me C. Give me the camel cavalry.
You got it, and that's correct. It was a camel.
It had run away from the camel cavalry. It was out enjoying itself.
People would see it and get scared. The Army Camel Corps, by the way, was created by Jefferson Davis, one of his many, many good ideas.
All right. All right.
Second question. Every country has their own legends of ghosts, their own versions.
In Japan, for example, you could be visited in the middle of the night by a kamikiri, a ghost that does what? A, gives you a really, really bad haircut. B, just sits, looks at you, shakes its head, sighs, and leaves.
Or C, raids your refrigerator and invariably steals what you were saving for lunch the next day. I don't, I don't, Japan has a lot of customs around food, so I don't think a ghost would be disrespectful on the food side of things.
Not even a ghost, yeah, I can see that.

I can see that logic.

Give me bad haircut.

I've seen some bad haircuts in Asia.

I've been over there a couple of times.

Maybe it was a ghost that did it.

So your choice is A, the haircut.

Roy is right, he picked correctly.

Wow.

It is.

Okay.

Stories spread back in olden days

about people walking down the streets of Japan

and all of a sudden their hair would fall to the ground

without them noticing.

It was the kamikiri.

Thank you. spread back in olden days about people walking down the streets of Japan, and all of a sudden,

their hair would fall to the ground without them noticing. It was the kamikiri.
You're doing very well, Roy. One more question for you.
Last question. A lot of people believe ghosts are real.
In fact, so many people believe in ghosts. Which of these is true? A, in New Mexico, you can drive in the carpool lane if you have a ghost in the car.
B, Vermont taxpayers are allowed to claim a ghost as a dependent.

Or C, if you are selling a home in New York, you have to disclose if it is haunted.

And I, as much as I want to believe that New York has to declare ghosts,

New York won't even declare bad pipes. Move into these places and it's all types of stuff.
Vermont seems like a nice, fun, happy-go-lucky type of place. Give me claiming a ghost on the taxes.
No, it was in fact if you sell a house in New York, you have to tell people if you believe the house is haunted. Bill, how did Roy Wood Jr.
do on our quiz? Two out of three gives you bragging rights for your panel. Congratulations, Roy.
You won. Yay.
Roy Wood Jr. is a comedian and the host of CNN's Have I Got News for You.
His new stand-up special, Lonely Flowers, which is both funny and a little heartbreaking, is streaming on Hulu. Roy Wood Jr., what a joy to talk to you.
Thank you so much for being with us. Great pleasure to talk to you, a brother in quiz.
Take care. Bye-bye.
Bye, Roy. Thanks, Roy.
In just a minute, Bill reveals the number one sign your man is cheating in the Listener Limerick Challenge.

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I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Tom Beaudet, Helen Hong, and Paula Poundstone.
And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.
Thank you so much for just a minute. Bill loads up at the all-you-can-read Limerick Buffet in our listener Limerick Challenge game.
If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.
Paula,

if you really love a movie, we all know you can buy a poster for the movie. Maybe you can get a t-shirt with the movie.
You can even these days get a commemorative popcorn bucket where you go

to see it in the theater. But these days, apparently, the newest, hottest kind of movie

merchandise is what? The star comes and lives with you for a weekend. That'd be nice, I guess, depending on the movie.
Yeah, De Niro. Yeah, really? You'd go for De Niro right away? Yeah, no, he stayed with me for a weekend.
Yeah, how was that? You know, he's a nice guy, but cursing. Well, that's good for you, but that was not the answer.
Do give me a hint, would you? Wow, wow. What is that you're wearing? Is that Top Gun Maverick I smell? Oh, a fragrance? Yes, movie tie-in fragrances.
If you watched Nosferatu, say, and said to yourself, man, I wish I could get a whiff of those rats, you can now buy Eau de Macabre. That's real.
It's a scent inspired by the film. It has notes of lilac, moss, whetstone, and desperate marketing exec flop sweat.
Yeah, that's a reach. You know, even like when a celebrity comes out with their own, right, you know, you're like, okay, did they go in the lab and make that? No.
Did they like take scrapings from them and make it? No. You know, I remember when Cher first, she was one of the first celebrities to have her own scent.
And I just, it just always irked me somehow. I just, you know, I like Cher, but I don't want to smell like her necessarily.
That's weird. I don't want to smell anything that has scrapings off of anyone.
Tom, the computer company HP wanted to encourage more people to

use their website to get customer service. So they came up with what innovation on their toll-free

telephone helpline? Well, like what they all do, they just put you in an endless loop of options

until you reach the one that says, or you can check our website at hp.org and you won't waste

your entire life listening to these options unless you'd like them to start again. Press 8.
I'm going to give it to you because basically what they did was they kept everybody on hold a minimum of 15 minutes. Oh.
That is so low life. Right.
It really is. You know what? There's got...
You know, if we still prosecuted people for crimes, they should be prosecuted. They chose 15 minutes because science has shown that's as much hold music as the human brain can withstand.
And basically, they decided to drop, this was in Europe, in their helpline in Europe, and they decided to drop this policy because they were caught. And the problem was that people were so furious that when they did finally hang up the phone and go online, many of the AI chatbots quit saying they couldn't take the stress.
What happened to the people who stayed on longer than 15 minutes? Did they finally get it? They're all dead. Yes, the people, if you were willing to brave it out, they would eventually sort of give in and somebody would answer.
You'd get a customer service person who'd be like, fine, what is it? The one guy. The one guy.
Paula, it's stylish to get a layered haircut or wear layered clothing, but the latest trend is layering your what? Ooh, chin. I'll give you a hint.
Well, it's sure not a secret anymore. It's a new degree of dry idea.

Oh, layering your antiperspirant?

Yeah, your deodorants, yes.

The Hutt new beauty hack is to give yourself a custom scent

by combining fragrant products like perfumes, lotions, and deodorants.

Consider this a shot across the bow for you folks

who forgot to put on one layer of deodorant this morning.

I don't really belong on the earth any longer.

Really? This is finally what inspired you to ask the mothership to take you home. Everything you've put up with.
I'm so glad this is just catching on. After raising three teenage boys and going through those periods where the house is just a cloud, complex carbon molecules.

Axe body spray and just trying to imagine that mixed with the old spice

No, it's a repulsive idea

Yeah, really?

No, I couldn't

But if you are thinking of trying this yourself, just remember you want to hit all four cents, salt, fat, acid, and heat. Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.
If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.
You can catch us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois. You can also see us on the road.
We'll be at the Walt Disney Theater at the Dr. Phillips Center in Orlando, Florida on March 20th.
For tickets and information, just stroll on over to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Hi, this is Corbin Weir calling from the Kansas City metro area. Hey, the Kansas City metro area.
Thank you for identifying that. What do you do there in the Kansas City metro area? I work for a physician member organization, and my team and I handle all things related to public health for the organization.
Wow. Do you realize that it might just fall to you to do it for the whole country because no one else will at this point.
Yeah, it's been a really long year.

Well, welcome to the show, Corbin. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each.
If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly and two of the limericks will be a winner. Are you ready to play? I am.
Here is your first limerick. cheating men can can make first dates feel bitter.
I'll make sure that he's ready to quit her. Because my bright shiny flakes help point out his mistake.
When I hug him, he covered in... Dander? Dander? No.
No, try it. Sorry.
Let's hear it again. Let's hear it again.
Cheating men can make first dates feel bitter. I'll make sure that he's ready to quit her.
Because my bright shiny flakes help point out his mistake. When I hug him, he's covered in...
Glitter. Yes, glitter.
Apparently, the latest thing for those young women going out to the clubs is they douse themselves with glitter spray before they go out as a way to ward off men who are cheating on their partners. The idea is that men who are in relationships will avoid cheating with someone wearing glitter because they're afraid they'll get glitter all over them and their partner will notice when they go home.
Hey, I think I finally figured out why I keep getting in trouble whenever I come home from my guy's craft night. Yeah, yeah, that could be it.
Peter, you got a little something on your head. Yeah.
Do you go to Michael's for men, too? Exactly. All right, Here is your next limerick.
Trending fashion serves more than hot looks. We think literacy's a strong hook.
But no, there's no need to turn pages and read. We take pictures of models with...
Books. Yes.
Yes, very good. Fashion brands like J.Crew, Prada, and Tiffany's are now using books to appeal to female consumers,

a tactic straight men on the subway

have been using for years.

So are these women models in women's clothes?

Yes.

It's hot to be smart.

It's hot to be smart and at home alone with your books.

I guess.

I don't know. I feel that way.
Yeah. Yeah, me too.
We're ahead of the curve, fashion-wise, Tom. All right, here's your last limerick.
A podiatrist I'd love to meet, or my gimmick is hard to repeat. My toe's immense pain is the internet's gain as I drop heavy things on my...
Is it feet? It is feet, yes. In a trend that doctors are praising for letting them buy a new summer home, hundreds of people on social media are filming themselves dropping heavy objects on their own feet and then rating the pain on a scale from one to weight.
Oh my God, my thirst for clicks has made me a fool. I see that now.
Wow. Do you see why I feel I don't belong on the earth? Wow.
I would not A, do that and B, I would not enjoy viewing that. No, but people do.
It's amazing. Some of the objects dropped on feet in these videos include cases of soda, air fryers, vacuum cleaners.
Those are especially popular because you can use them to clean up the bone fragments. Is this like that tie pod challenge kind of thing where you do something really...
Yeah, and it sort of catches on and people start posting and they try to outdo each other. Well, that guy dropped a vacuum.
I'll drop a printer or something. But I'm not impressed by people who are doing those videos because it's silly.
I want to meet the guy who drops stuff on his feet and doesn't film it. Who just does it for the love of the game.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, those are the real players.
Yeah. Bill, how did Corbin do on our quiz? Perfect score at 3-0, Kansas Strong.
Well done.

Congratulations.

Thank you so much.

Good luck being in charge of the entire nation's health.

Yeah, good luck. Take care.

I'm going to need it.

All right.

Bye-bye. This message comes from DSW.
Where'd you get those shoes? Easy. They're from DSW.
Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into right now. You know, like the sneakers that make office hours feel like happy hour, the boots that turn grocery aisles into runways, and all the styles that show off the many sides of you.
From daydreamer to multitasker and everything in between, because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or dsw.com.
Hey, it's time for our final game, Lightning fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can.
Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Well, it has two.
Tom and Helen each have three. All right, Paula, that means you are in second place.
You're going to go first. Here we go.
Fill in the blank. During his first cabinet meeting, President Trump asked if anyone was unhappy with blank's role in the administration.
Elon Musk. Right.
According to the new data, the number of Americans filing for blank reached a three-month high. Unemployment.
Right. This week, the USDA outlined their strategy to control the spread of blank flu.
Bird. Right.
On Tuesday, the White House floated the idea of a $5 million gold card offering wealthy foreigners a direct path to blank. Citizenship.
Right. During a daring heist this week, a group of thieves in the UK stole blank from Blenheim Palace.
I don't know. A big painting.
A golden toilet. On Wednesday, a Texas-based space company launched a craft headed for the blank.
Headed for the moon? Right. On Thursday, a study found a link between extreme blank and accelerated aging.
A study found between extreme depression? No, extreme heat. This week, President Trump sent the Oval Office's resolute desk to be cleaned and refinished, and many suspect it was because Elon Musk's small son blanked.
Wipe boogers on it. That's exactly right.
During their joint press conference last week in the Oval Office, sharp-eyed viewers noticed Elon Musk's little kid, pick his nose, and then wipe it on the Resolute Desk. Trump then immediately sent the antique desk to be deep cleaned and refurbished, which was understandable, I guess, but sadly means now that all of FDR's boogers are lost to history.
Yeah, usually there's a little drawer for that. Bill, how did Paula do in our quiz? She got six more points, 12 right.
Gives her a total of 14. Doing well.
Here we go. All right, I am going to arbitrarily pick Helen to go next.
Fill in the blank, Helen. On Tuesday, the FAA confirmed that two blanks nearly collided in Chicago.
Airplanes. Right.
On Wednesday, Israel said it would not remove its troops from Egypt's border with blank. Gaza.
Right. This week, health officials in Texas confirmed the first death from a growing blank outbreak.
Measles. Right.
On Monday, the U.S. reached an agreement with blank to access their rare earth minerals.
Canada? No, Ukraine. This week, a man in Washington state was arrested after he crashed a car at an intersection one day after he had blanked.
Crashed a car at an intersection. Close enough.
Crashed his car at exactly the same intersection. Wow.
On Tuesday, Amazon unveiled a revamped version of their digital assistant blank. Alexa.
Right. This week, a restaurant in Japan that had gotten a couple of bad reviews decided to deal with that by blanking.
Giving out free sushi. No, they responded to the bad reviews by putting a bounty out on the heads of the reviewers.
A ramen shop in Kyoto, Japan, got a pair of very negative reviews and handled it in the normal way. They posted pictures of the reviewers and offered a hundred thousand yen to anyone who could provide personal details, addresses, or, quote, take action against them.
What? True. You can learn all about it in the fabulous new documentary, Jiro Dreams of Murder.
That's a job opening there in Japan if anybody's looking. Bill, how did Helen do in our quiz? Five right, ten more points.
Total of 13 is just one less than Paula. All right, so how many then does Tom need to win? Six to win.
Here we go, Tom. This is for the game.
On Tuesday, Speaker of the House Mike Johnson announced that the House had approved a sweeping blank plan. The spending bill.
Yeah, budget. On Wednesday, Jeff Bezos announced that the opinion section of the blank would now focus on, quote, personal liberties in the free market.
Jeff Bezos.

Wait, no.

The opinion section of the blank.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Washington Post.

Right.

On Thursday, the White House hosted Keir Stormer, the prime minister of the blank.

Britain.

Yes.

The UK, according to a new report, 70% of food in the U.S. is ultra blank.

Unhealthy.

Ultra processed is the answer after being released from prison after serving a 30-year sentence for a crime he did not commit. A man in Hawaii celebrated by blanking.
I don't know. Committing three felonies.
No, going to Costco. Can't blame him.
On Thursday, the Vatican said that blank's health was showing slight improvements. The Pope.
Right. After her contact lenses kept disappearing, a woman in China was thrilled

when she found five of them behind blank.

Behind her eyelids.

Close enough, behind her eyeball.

While treating the woman for an entirely different issue,

doctors in Beijing found five contact lenses

tucked away behind the woman's eyeball.

When she asked how the contact lenses got back there,

she was told good news.

Apparently, they were looking for these car keys. Bill, did Tom do well enough to win? Well, he got five rights, 10 more points, but his total of 13 is one short of Paula.
Paula, there you go. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists, now that Amazon has acquired James Bond, what's the next beloved movie character Jeff Bezos will take over.
But first, let me tell you, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Gotteke writes our limericks.
Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane Adonald.
Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater. BJ Lederman composed our theme.
Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey.
Key grip number three, that's Peter Gwynn. Our jolly good fellow is Hannah Anderson.
Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White.
Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.
Our senior producer is Ian, swallowed by a whale, Chillog. And the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me, is Michael Danforth.
Now, panel, what character will Amazon buy next, and what will they do with him? Helen Hong. Amazon will take over the Planet of the Apes franchise and offer a new dish in its grocery stores called Planet of the Crepes.
Tom Beaudet. In a world where it's all about the stuff, Amazon presents a good day to buy hard.
And Paula Boundstone. They're going to take over Jaws.
They're going to buy the Jaws franchise. They're going to make Jaws 5.
And the tagline will be, this time, no one cares. Well, depending if that

happens, we're going to ask you about it on

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much

and great to see you again. Bill Curtis,

thanks also to Tom Bodette,

Helen Hong and Paula Poundstone. Thanks to our

fabulous audience here at the Studio Baker Theater

on Michigan Avenue in

Chicago, Illinois. And thanks to all of you

for listening wherever you may be. I'm Peter

Sagal. We'll be back with a new show next week.

This is NPR.

This is Tanya Mosley, co-host of Fresh Air.

Amanda Knox spent nearly four years in prison for a murder she did not commit.

When she was exonerated, she made an unusual decision to befriend the prosecutor who argued for her guilt.

Maybe he could help her make sense of her case.

I spent years thinking about it and trying to understand it until I realized that I could just ask.

Listen to this interview on the Fresh Air podcast.

Shortwave thinks of science as an invisible force, showing up in your everyday life, powering the food you eat, the medicine you use, the tech in your pocket. Science is approachable because it's already part of your life.
Come explore these connections on the Shortwave podcast from NPR. Making time for the news is important, but when you need a break,

we've got you covered on All Songs Considered, NPR's music podcast.

Think of it like a music discovery show, a well-deserved escape with friends,

and yeah, some serious music insight.

I'm going to keep it real. I have no idea what this story is about.

Hear new episodes of All Songs Considered every Tuesday, wherever you get podcasts.