WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.

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Speaker 3 From NPR in WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

Speaker 3 I'm back, bitches.

Speaker 3 I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Speaker 4 Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody.

Speaker 5 But just to say it again, thank you, Bill. We're so glad to have you back.
Now, a lot of people have actually gotten in touch

Speaker 5 to ask, maybe with some concern, where you've been these last six weeks. Can you reveal it?

Speaker 3 I can't reveal much, but let's just say this Brazilian butt lift didn't happen on its own.

Speaker 5 Well, it's great to have you back, and we're also delighted that comedian Roy Wood Jr.

Speaker 5 will be joining us later to play our games, and mainly we are delighted that you folks listening can also call in to play. The number is 1888-WAIT WAIT.
That's 1-888-924-8924.

Speaker 5 Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on.
Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hey.
Hey, who is this?

Speaker 6 This is Adam from Kansas City.

Speaker 5 Wow, it's a great town. We were there just a few months ago.
What do you do there?

Speaker 6 I'm a musician, and I do mortgage loans.

Speaker 5 So you're a musician, but like on nights and weekends, you do mortgage loans because that's your true passion.

Speaker 6 Yeah, yeah, yes.

Speaker 2 Something's got to pay the bills.

Speaker 5 Yeah,

Speaker 5 you sit there gigging, you know, doing your music, and you're thinking, wow, tonight I get to originate a mortgage.

Speaker 4 He nailed it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, well, welcome to the show, Adam. Let me introduce you to our panel this week.
First, a comedian who will be performing at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco on March 23rd. It's Helen Hong.

Speaker 4 Hi, Adam. Hi, everybody.

Speaker 5 Next, he is a humorist, a tool impresario, and the founder of Hatch Space Community Woodworking Shop and School in Brattleboro, Vermont. It's Tom Bodette.
Hey, Adam.

Speaker 5 And a comedian who will be in St. Paul, Minnesota on March 21st at the Fitzgerald Theater.
You might have heard of that. It's Paula Poundstone.

Speaker 5 Hey Adam!

Speaker 5 Hey!

Speaker 5 So Adam, welcome to the show. You're going to start us off with who's Bill this time? I'm so pleased to say Bill Curtis back with us is going to read you three quotations from the week's news.

Speaker 5 If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize, The Voice of Anyone from our show you might choose on your voicemail. You ready to go? Yes.
All right, let's do it.

Speaker 3 Here is your first quote: List five things you did last week.

Speaker 5 All right, Adam, who got that email?

Speaker 4 Me.

Speaker 4 Wasn't it supposed to be?

Speaker 5 Every government employee?

Speaker 4 Yes, every federal employee. Wow.

Speaker 4 Including some in this room.

Speaker 2 Including somebody in the audience, yes.

Speaker 5 Employees at every federal government agency received an email from the Office of Personnel Management over the weekend requiring them to list five things they had accomplished that week or they would lose their jobs.

Speaker 5 This is part of Elon Musk's crusade to fire as many government workers as he can, you know, the people who waste taxpayer money doing useless busy work like keeping planes from running into each other.

Speaker 8 I think this would be hard for anybody in any industry.

Speaker 5 Well, that's the thing. I mean, I couldn't do it.
I can't think of three things I did in my life.

Speaker 8 I can think of one thing. I'm a stand-up comedian, so my first thing was think of a funnier word than spatula.

Speaker 8 And then it just evolved from there. Right.

Speaker 5 Is there a funnier word than spatula?

Speaker 8 No, not that I could find.

Speaker 5 That was the, yeah.

Speaker 9 I'm self-employed, so I knew the note was coming.

Speaker 5 Who sent it? Did you send it to your sister?

Speaker 4 I did, yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 5 You were like, well, it's time to see what that poundstone woman does to earn her keep.

Speaker 9 I'll tell you something. Sometimes I see that look in my eye, and I know

Speaker 4 heads are going to roll.

Speaker 5 But apparently, you know, some people like got it and copped an attitude. You want five things I did last week? Your mom, your mom, your mom,

Speaker 4 your dad, and your mom.

Speaker 8 That was definitely from someone at the DMV.

Speaker 5 Probably. All right.
Here is your next quote, Adam.

Speaker 3 This is the best thing to happen with sports in a long, long time.

Speaker 5 That was somebody over on Twitter reacting to the latest attempt to modernize baseball. For spring training, Major League Baseball is trying out umpires who are what?

Speaker 2 AI?

Speaker 5 Yes, they're robot umpires. Very good.
During spring training, Major League Baseball is experimenting with robot umpires to help call balls and strikes. The technology required to do this is amazing.

Speaker 5 Do you know how complicated it is to weld on a protective cup?

Speaker 8 Who is it? Are they going to teach the robots to spit? Because that's all I see them doing ever is spitting and chewing gum and then making like weird hand gestures.

Speaker 5 You're not a baseball fan.

Speaker 4 No, are you? No.

Speaker 10 There'll be a little port that'll just spit out sunflower seeds every once in a while.

Speaker 5 No, what it is is it's an automated system that uses lasers and cameras to judge the strike zone and see where the ball goes in it and they act as fact checkers for the human ump.

Speaker 5 So if a player thinks the ump got a call wrong, he can appeal to the robot. And they get better results if they start the request with, oh, my silicon overlord,

Speaker 5 beseech your judgment.

Speaker 10 Wow, it seems like there's a lot of jobs opening up for robots.

Speaker 10 I think when I get that prompt, are you a robot? I'm going to start saying yes.

Speaker 4 Good idea.

Speaker 9 Yeah, Elon Musk can send out a note to the robots: tell me five things you did this week.

Speaker 9 Is there ever an end to the baseball season? I feel like

Speaker 5 another fan.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Well, I just,

Speaker 9 it's not that I dislike it. I just feel like, well, aren't there some months where they play it and then they stop?

Speaker 5 Yeah, they generally stop.

Speaker 9 But then there's more talk about it.

Speaker 10 But that's when we talk about it.

Speaker 4 I see.

Speaker 5 Adam, your last quote is a headline from The Economist.

Speaker 3 Amazon gains a thrilling new asset.

Speaker 5 What thrilling and handsome new asset did Amazon just acquire the rights to?

Speaker 6 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 6 Can you give me a clue?

Speaker 5 I can give you a hint. Like instead of one day delivery, it'll be 007 days delivery.

Speaker 6 Oh god, the James Bond.

Speaker 5 James Bond, yes, they bought the rights to James Bond.

Speaker 9 I hope when you give me hints, they're a lot like that last one because

Speaker 9 that was all but packaged for Adam.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 5 Amazon has bought the rights to the James Bond franchise,

Speaker 5 which is good.

Speaker 5 I guess they'll make more movies, but it will not be the same when Q is like, I know you're used to carrying a Walther PPK 007, but Amazon's choice is an Omedra 7 shot handgun with carrying case.

Speaker 5 Yeah, and of course

Speaker 5 they haven't announced exactly what they're going to do with him, but they have said in the first Amazon-made Bond movie, he'll be fighting a true global supervillain, local bookstores.

Speaker 4 And I thought he was dead.

Speaker 5 And of course it's not just going to be movies because they own the whole IP as the saying is.

Speaker 5 They could make a 007 sitcom where James Bond lives in Brooklyn with his quirky waitress roommate trying to make ends meet. They could make a kids version.
James Bond babies. Jimmy Bond.
Exactly.

Speaker 5 Where he fights like gold pinky. No, Mr.
Bond, I expect you to cry.

Speaker 8 Do you think Jeff Bezos just bought it because he was like pussy galore?

Speaker 5 No, he did ask people, once he bought it, he did ask people on Twitter who they thought the next James Bond should be, because Daniel Craig is retired, you know. Also asking, can James Bond be bald?

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 should it be me?

Speaker 5 Bill, how did Adam do in our quiz?

Speaker 2 The name is Bond,

Speaker 2 and he did very well.

Speaker 3 Three in a row.

Speaker 5 Congratulations, Adam. Well done.

Speaker 9 Cheer.

Speaker 6 Betty. Thank you.

Speaker 5 Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Helen, it's well documented that mood swings are one of the side effects of hormonal birth control.

Speaker 5 I say this as a feminist and an ally.

Speaker 8 Don't I know it?

Speaker 5 Well, one woman who started taking a new birth control recently reported a rather surprising side effect. What?

Speaker 8 Having a baby.

Speaker 9 Whoopsie.

Speaker 5 That would be a very interesting side effect.

Speaker 8 That would be a horrible side effect.

Speaker 8 Can I have a hint?

Speaker 5 Yes, she really, really, really wants to know if you'll still need him when he's 64.

Speaker 8 Being obsessed with Paul McCartney?

Speaker 5 Specifically, yes, worrying about him dying.

Speaker 9 What? That's a side effect of a birth control.

Speaker 4 Yeah, apparently. Birth control is really specific.
That's so specific. I know.

Speaker 5 It's very strange. It's a little weird.
That's the the thing. I mean, because all women know that birth control is a scientific marvel.

Speaker 5 It can protect you from pregnancy and make you cry at every TV commercial, right? I mean, the avocados came all the way from Mexico. That is so beautiful.

Speaker 5 Anyway, but this woman says that she experienced a very strange symptom. She went on a new kind of birth control.
She cannot stop worrying about Paul McCartney dying.

Speaker 5 According to the woman, quote, every time I think of him, I start weeping.

Speaker 5 Doctors are, you know, concerned. It's not serious, but still.
They're trying trying a new prescription. It has different side effects.
This one, for example, makes you want to murder Paul McCartney.

Speaker 8 I was going to say,

Speaker 8 how did she know that it was specifically that? She got off it and she was like, oh, screw that guy.

Speaker 2 Pretty much, yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 8 And then she went back on it. She was like, oh, Paul.

Speaker 4 Swings is the best.

Speaker 9 That is weird. You know, I'd like to see some more studies on that.
I think

Speaker 2 that.

Speaker 4 That was a little weird.

Speaker 8 I think that's their sample size was one. No,

Speaker 5 the doctors do say that this weeping over Paul McCartney, that's within normal, you know, limits limits for mood swings brought on by hormonal changes.

Speaker 5 They would only start getting concerned if she was weeping over Ringo.

Speaker 9 No, I disagree. I think, again, I feel that Ringo is within

Speaker 5 more

Speaker 5 parameters, right?

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 4 reasonable parameters.

Speaker 9 I have no reason to go on birth control, but I would be willing to go on birth control and worry about Ringo.

Speaker 10 I just can't contribute to this.

Speaker 9 You can after you take this.

Speaker 8 Is there a Viagra version where if you took Viagra, Tom, you'd be like, oh no, Hootie and the Bowfish.

Speaker 4 Probably. Hootie and the Bluefish.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 4 Hootie and the Bluefish, yeah.

Speaker 9 Okay, so there is a side effect where you mispronounce older bands' names.

Speaker 4 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Oh, the bottles.

Speaker 2 I love the bottles.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Oh, Peter Pohl and Murray. Oh, my God.
I love them.

Speaker 5 Coming up, our panelists dress to impress on our bluff a listener game called 188 WaitWait to Play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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Speaker 3 From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.
We're playing this week with Helen Helen Hong, Tom Bodet, and Paula Poundstone.

Speaker 3 And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, Illinois, Peters Hagel.

Speaker 5 Thank you, Bill.

Speaker 4 Thanks, everybody.

Speaker 5 Thank you all so much. Right now it is time for the WaitWait Don't Tell Me bluff with the listener game called 188.

Speaker 5 Wait, wait, to play our game on the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at wait wait NPR. Hi everyone, wait, wait, don't tell me.

Speaker 12 Hi, this is Samara. I'm calling from Jersey City, New Jersey.

Speaker 5 Jersey City, New Jersey, how are you?

Speaker 5 Samara, great to talk to you.

Speaker 2 What do you do there?

Speaker 12 Well, actually,

Speaker 12 I raised my kids here, and this is the first year they're both off to college, so I'm an empty nester.

Speaker 5 Wow, some people find that depressing, but those people, they're nuts. How are you enjoying it?

Speaker 12 It's okay. My dog and I have sort of a co-dependent relationship now.
We hang out together, and my husband just deals with us, so it's okay.

Speaker 5 Well, it's great to have you with us, America you are going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is your topic?

Speaker 2 That's why I always do a fit check.

Speaker 5 An outfit can say a lot about a person, show off their personality, show if they had mustard for lunch. Our panel is going to tell you about a whole new reason to care about what you wear.

Speaker 5 Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the weight waiter of your choice in your voicemail. You ready to go?

Speaker 12 I'm ready, let's go.

Speaker 5 All right, here we go. First, let's hear from Helen Hong.

Speaker 8 We've all done it. Spilled red wine on a white blouse or smeared cherry pie on a brand new white dress shirt.
But why do we do it? Scientists now may have an answer.

Speaker 8 Researchers in the deliciousness lab at the University of Pennsylvania Hershey campus noticed a strange pattern in their taste test data.

Speaker 8 Very different reactions to the same foods based on the color of your outfit.

Speaker 8 You may know intellectually that it's a terrible mistake to to eat a bright yellow curry with your fingers, but if you're wearing white, your intellect seems to be taken out of the question, one researcher told Flavor Studies Weekly.

Speaker 8 The scientists have no theory as to why white clothing makes everything taste better, and dry cleaners hope they never do.

Speaker 5 A scientific study proving that wearing white just makes you want to eat those messy foods. Your next story in style comes from Tom Baudette.

Speaker 10 Before you head down to the river with your fly rod to outsmart some fish, you might think about wearing something other than your lucky shirt.

Speaker 10 Fish, it turns out, can remember what you wore last week when they watch you yank their buddy out of the weeds by the lips.

Speaker 10 They won't look at a thing you throw them.

Speaker 10 Researchers at the Max Planck Institute of Animal Behavior have established through a series of experiments with actual fish over 12 days in the Mediterranean that fish can remember what people wear.

Speaker 10 The experiments were based on divers feeding fish while dressed one way and noting how the fish would go to any diver dressed that way and would not go back to the same diver dressed another way.

Speaker 10 It's science.

Speaker 10 Researcher Malin Tomasek said in a statement, it really shows that we have strong misconceptions of fish cognition. The team hopes their study could make humans reconsider the way they treat fish.

Speaker 10 Like, maybe don't keep changing your clothes when you feed them just to mess with their little heads.

Speaker 5 Fish can remember what you were wearing and they probably have opinions about it. Your last outfit bit comes from Paula Poundstone.

Speaker 9 Police in Bay City, Wisconsin arrested Virginia Welpner at the local International House of Pancakes on a charge of indecent exposure. I spilled boys and bears syrup on my lap.

Speaker 9 I thought it was maple, says Welpner. I was halfway to the ladies' room before the whole top of my leggings was just gone.
I wasn't just running around the IHOP with my Mary Mary Ellen on display.

Speaker 9 There was a cop right there eating, and he didn't believe me.

Speaker 9 Biochemist Andrea Michaels says, this particular spandex synthetic fabric not only disintegrates instantly on contact with Boysenberry syrup, but also erodes any other fabric the combination has contact with.

Speaker 9 It's a phenomenon we've never encountered before. Not that many people use the Boysenberry syrup.

Speaker 9 The Prescott, Arizona Methodist Church Pancake Prayer breakfast had several exposures that included Arizona state legislator Kwang Nguyen and Pastor Paul Matlock. I didn't even want poisonberry syrup.

Speaker 9 It was the only one not being used, claims Pastor Matlock.

Speaker 4 All right then.

Speaker 5 An interesting discovery about clothing made this week and reported by one of our panelists. Which is it? Is it from Helen?

Speaker 5 The discovery that white clothes actually make your food taste better, which is why you end up smearing it on the white clothes.

Speaker 5 From Tom, fish can remember what you were wearing from the last time they saw you, and, you know, maybe they won't like it that you've changed.

Speaker 5 Or from Paula, Poundstone, boysenberry syrup, the kind they have at IHOP, can dissolve most clothing fabrics. Which of these is the real story that we found about clothing in the news?

Speaker 12 Oh my goodness.

Speaker 12 Let's try Helen's story about the color and the food.

Speaker 5 You're going to try Helen's story about the fact that wearing white clothing makes you just crave the foods that will stay.

Speaker 4 I was just testing you. Thanks, Tom.
You were just testing.

Speaker 5 You were just testing.

Speaker 2 You were just testing. Peter.

Speaker 8 So it's Tom's story about the fish.

Speaker 5 So you're changing your mind. You're going to go, all right, with Tom's story, okay? All right.
Well, to find out if that was the right choice, let's listen to this.

Speaker 13 It kind of goes against our understanding of fish as like maybe not the smartest creatures.

Speaker 5 That was Sarah Hashemi, who is a science journalist at the Smithsonian Magazine. Congratulations, Samara.
You got it right.

Speaker 5 You earned a point for Tom, and you've won our prize, The Voice of Your Choice in Your Voicemail. Congratulations, Samara.

Speaker 4 Thank you so much. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 5 And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things. It's called Not My Job.
Roy Wood Jr.

Speaker 5 became famous in the last decade or so on The Daily Show, but he's been doing stand-up since he was 19. He's got a new stand-up special now out on Hulu, Lonely Flowers.

Speaker 5 And he's also the host of Have I Got News for You on CNN, which is, of all things, a comedy quiz show about the week's news.

Speaker 14 What an idea!

Speaker 5 Roy Wood Jr., welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 4 Hey,

Speaker 15 this is a nice concept, yeah.

Speaker 7 I'm never familiar with it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's like, yeah.

Speaker 5 We've had comedians in the show, we've had podcasters in the show, we've had game show hosts on the show. We've never had anybody who has exactly my job on the show.

Speaker 5 So it's a lot harder than it looks, isn't it, Roy?

Speaker 15 It's very hard. Yeah.
This is very difficult. Yeah.
And I don't have smooth Bill Curtis making everything feel better.

Speaker 9 Look at the smile on his face, Peter. You can tell it's not hard for him at all.
He's just trying to get you off his back.

Speaker 15 I have another show that I'm getting ready to host called Fortune of the Wheel.

Speaker 14 Letters, smart small.

Speaker 3 Yeah, smart.

Speaker 5 Very smart. Very smart.
I want to talk about your new special, Lonely Flowers, which is truly great on Hulu.

Speaker 5 And I found out some things about you that, and this is my fault, I did not know, including that you started doing stand-up when you were 19 years old.

Speaker 15 Yeah. Which is amazing.
I was still in school at Florida A ⁇ M.

Speaker 5 Right. And what inspired you to pursue that difficult life?

Speaker 15 It didn't seem difficult. It was just like, you just drive and talk to strangers and I get paid in gold schlager and rumple mints.
This seems like an ideal career path.

Speaker 15 I was going to school for journalism and I would get laughs. And so I was just like, all right, well, this feels like comedy.
I'm going to go do that.

Speaker 15 And I would just sleep in bus stations and do stand-up, get back to Tallahassee on Monday and go to Golden Corral that night, work, and just go to class the next three days. That was my life.

Speaker 5 There are a couple things about that that I wanted to ask you about, one of which is that you have said that that job at Golden Corral, which is a buffet, was like one of the most important formative experiences of your life.

Speaker 15 Yeah, I think that every American should either serve in the military a year or the food service industry for three years.

Speaker 4 We're getting in here.

Speaker 15 Those two.

Speaker 15 Because especially the restaurant industry, because when you work in a restaurant, especially a mid-sized like that with a staff of about 40 to 50 back in front of house,

Speaker 15 that job, your first job as a teenager, that's the first time you encounter adults who don't give a f about you.

Speaker 14 Most adults,

Speaker 15 I'm serious, most adults in your life up until that point have a vested interest in you being okay.

Speaker 15 But I worked with the dude we literally called cocaine Mike. This is a man who's 39 and doesn't care what 18 year old Roy, and he's going to talk to you about life.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 15 I feel like it also introduces you to every type of American. I worked in North Florida, so everything from white supremacists to nuns to pastors to gangbangers to

Speaker 15 you meet literally every type of person and you have to figure out a way to connect with them. It's hands down, the best life school I ever got was $2.13 an hour in Tallahassee, Florida.

Speaker 1 Wow, that's amazing.

Speaker 5 Just out of curiosity.

Speaker 8 This is like the best commercial golden corral I've ever heard in my life.

Speaker 4 You've been, you know.

Speaker 15 And those bastards have never reached out. You know how McDonald's reaches out to all of their, like, oh, this is Macy Gray.
She you look at Macy Gray. Put on the apron.
They never reach out.

Speaker 5 Really?

Speaker 8 That's the first time I have ever wanted to go to a golden corral.

Speaker 5 But here's the question. You've been pretty famous for at least least a decade on TV, the Daily Show, a lot of other things.

Speaker 5 Has anybody who knew you back then reached out and said, Roy, I was the white supremacist.

Speaker 4 Remember me? I was the guy with the Nazi tattoo.

Speaker 14 I'm Cocaine Mike.

Speaker 4 For example.

Speaker 15 I don't know where Cocaine Mike is, but I sure hope that prison has NPR.

Speaker 5 There's another story you tell in the special, which I actually, and I was unexpected because it's extremely funny and I didn't expect to be moved.

Speaker 5 You start back when you were staying in bus stations because you couldn't afford hotel. And the story is

Speaker 5 that your mother found out.

Speaker 5 Somebody ratted you out to your mom.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And she didn't know you were out doing comedy, right?

Speaker 15 She had a student that was a baggage handler at the bus station. And he went to her class.
She was a college professor. And he went to my mom's class the next day and said, Dr.

Speaker 15 Wood, I saw your son sleeping in a bus station. You ain't seen none of my damn sons sleeping in no bus station.

Speaker 15 My baby in Tallahassee. No, he's not, Joyce.

Speaker 4 He's

Speaker 15 downtown. He's sleeping at the bus station.
And so

Speaker 15 my mom never agreed or understood why comedy was what I wanted to do, but she was the one who put down for what ended up being my first road car because she didn't want me sleeping in bus stations.

Speaker 15 And it was essentially, I don't know why you do this. But you seem focused.
Your grades have gotten better. Here's a car so you won't sleep in the bus stations, to which I said, thank you.

Speaker 15 And like that car extended my reach, it changed everything. And I think my mom's objective was to get me the car so that I could drive back to Tallahassee after the show.

Speaker 15 But instead, I would now just travel twice as far and sleep in the car.

Speaker 14 Right.

Speaker 15 In bus station parking lots.

Speaker 5 Well, Roy, it is so great to talk to you. And we have asked you here to play a little game with us.
This time we're calling the game.

Speaker 4 Have we got booze for you?

Speaker 5 So, you host CNNs, have I got news for you? We're gonna ask you three questions about ghosts and hauntings. Booze.

Speaker 15 I believe in ghosts, by the way. You do?

Speaker 5 Do you have any reason to believe in ghosts?

Speaker 15 Yeah,

Speaker 15 I was dating a widower, and we were trying to have sex, and I kept getting a Charlie horse, and I feel like it was a data.

Speaker 4 Does Joyce know about this?

Speaker 15 No, she doesn't know about this.

Speaker 14 My baby ain't having no sex round on books.

Speaker 4 Oh, Joyce.

Speaker 4 You can't say that.

Speaker 5 This isn't CNN, Roy.

Speaker 4 We can't go blue here on NPR.

Speaker 5 Well, all right, knowing both your belief in the supernatural and the reasons therefore, I

Speaker 5 will still proceed. Bill, who is Roy Wood Jr.
playing for?

Speaker 3 Peter Grieving of Clucksville, Georgia.

Speaker 5 All right, here's your first question.

Speaker 5 One of the most famous hauntings in U.S. history was the Red Ghost.

Speaker 5 The spirit that haunted rural Arizona in the late 1800s. People were quite relieved, though, when the Red Ghost turned out to be what?

Speaker 5 Was it A, a vaudeville comedian who was trying to promote himself as being, quote, dead funny?

Speaker 5 B, a Bassett hound, which no one in Arizona had ever seen before, or C, a feral camel that had been a part of a failed camel cavalry in the U.S. Army?

Speaker 4 Ooh.

Speaker 15 That feels like a C.

Speaker 15 Give me C. Give me the camel cavalry.

Speaker 5 You got it, and that's correct.

Speaker 7 Yes!

Speaker 5 It was a camel.

Speaker 5 It had run away from the camel cavalry. It was out enjoying itself.
People would see it and get scared.

Speaker 5 The Army Camel Corps, by the way, was created by Jefferson Davis, one of his many, many good ideas.

Speaker 4 All right.

Speaker 4 All right.

Speaker 5 Second question, every country has their own legends of ghosts, their own versions. In Japan, for example, you could be visited in the middle of the night by a kamikiri, a ghost that does what?

Speaker 5 A, gives you a really, really bad haircut. B, just sits, looks at you, shakes its head, sighs, and leaves.

Speaker 5 Or C raids your refrigerator and invariably steals what you were saving for lunch the next day.

Speaker 15 I don't,

Speaker 15 Japan has a lot of customs around food, so I don't think a ghost would be disrespectful on the food side of things.

Speaker 5 Not even a ghost, yeah, I can see that. I can see that logic.

Speaker 15 You'd be bad haircut. I've seen some bad haircuts in Asia.
I've been over there a couple of times. Maybe it was a ghost that did it.

Speaker 5 So your choice is A, the haircut. Roy is right.
He picked correctly.

Speaker 4 Wow. It is.

Speaker 5 Stories spread back in olden days about people walking down the streets of Japan and all of a sudden their hair would fall to the ground without them noticing. It was the kamikiri.

Speaker 5 You're doing very well, Roy. One more question for you.
Last question. A lot of people believe ghosts are real.
In fact, so many people believe in ghosts. Which of these is true?

Speaker 5 A, in New Mexico, you can drive in the carpool lane if you have a ghost in the car.

Speaker 5 B Vermont taxpayers are allowed to claim a ghost as a dependent. Or C, if you are selling a home in New York, you have to disclose if it is haunted.

Speaker 15 And

Speaker 15 as much as I want to believe that New York has to declare ghosts, New York won't even declare bad pipes.

Speaker 15 Moving to these places and it's all types of stuff. Vermont seems like a nice, fun, happy-go-lucky type of place.
Give me claiming a ghost on the taxes.

Speaker 5 No, it was in fact if you sell a house in New York you have to tell people if you believe the house is haunted.

Speaker 5 Bill, how did Roy Wood Jr. doing our quiz?

Speaker 3 Two out of three gives you bragging rights for your panel.

Speaker 5 Congratulations, Roy. You won.

Speaker 4 Yay!

Speaker 5 Roy Wood Jr. is a comedian and the host of CNN's Have I Got News for You.
His new stand-up special, Lonely Flowers, which is both funny and a little heartbreaking, is is streaming on Hulu.

Speaker 5 Roy Wood Jr., what a joy to talk to you.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much for being with us.

Speaker 5 Great pleasure to talk to you with Brother and Quiz. Take care.

Speaker 4 Bye-bye. Thank you, John.
Thanks, Roy.

Speaker 5 In just a minute, Bill reveals the number one sign, Your Man is Cheating in the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1888.
Wait, wait, to join us on the air.

Speaker 5 We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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only.

Speaker 3 From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.
We are playing this week with Tom Bodet, Helen Hong, and Paula Poundstone.

Speaker 3 And here again as your host at the Stude Baker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Bill.

Speaker 5 Thank you so much. In just a minute,

Speaker 5 Bill loads up at the all-you-can-read limerick buffet in our listener Limerick Challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1888-WAIT-WAIT.
That's 1-888-9248-924.

Speaker 5 Right now, panels, some more questions for you from the week's news. Paula, if you really love a movie, we all know you can buy a poster for the movie.
Maybe you can get a t-shirt with the movie.

Speaker 5 You can even these days get a commemorative popcorn bucket where you go to see it in the theater. But these days, apparently, the newest, hottest kind of movie merchandise is what?

Speaker 9 The star comes and lives with you for a weekend.

Speaker 5 That'd be nice, I guess, depending on the movie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, De Niro.

Speaker 5 Yeah, really? You'd go for De Niro right away?

Speaker 9 Yeah, no, he stayed with me for a weekend.

Speaker 5 Yeah, how was that?

Speaker 9 You know, he's a nice guy, but cursing.

Speaker 5 Well, that's good for you, but that was not the answer. Do give me a hint.
What do you want? Wow, wow. What is that you're wearing? Is that Top Gun Maverick I smell? Oh, a fragrance?

Speaker 5 Yes, movie tie-in fragrances.

Speaker 5 If you watched Nosferatu, say,

Speaker 5 and said to yourself, man, I wish I could get a whiff of those rats,

Speaker 5 you can now buy Eau de Macabre. That's real.
It's a scent inspired by the film. It has notes of lilac, moss, whetstone, and desperate marketing exec Flopswet.

Speaker 9 Yeah, there's a reach. You know, even like when a celebrity comes out with their own, right, you know, you're like, okay, did they go in the lab and make that? No.

Speaker 9 Did they like take scrapings from them and make it? No.

Speaker 9 You know, I remember when Cher first, she was one of the first celebrities to have her own scent, and I just, it just always irked me somehow.

Speaker 9 I just, you know, who I like Cher, but I don't want to smell like her necessarily.

Speaker 9 That's weird.

Speaker 8 I don't want to smell anything that has scrapings off of anyone.

Speaker 5 Tom, the computer company HP wanted to encourage more people to use their website to get customer service, so they came up with what innovation on their toll-free telephone helpline.

Speaker 10 Well, like what they all do, they just put you in an endless loop of options until you reach the one that says, or you can check our website at hp.org, and you won't waste your entire life listening to these options unless you'd like them to start again.

Speaker 10 Press eight.

Speaker 5 I'm going to give it to you because basically what they did was they kept everybody on hold a minimum of 15 minutes.

Speaker 4 Oh.

Speaker 9 That is so low life.

Speaker 4 Right.

Speaker 4 You know what?

Speaker 9 There's God, you know, if we still prosecuted people for crimes, they should be prosecuted.

Speaker 5 They chose 15 minutes because science has shown that's as much hold music as the human brain can withstand.

Speaker 5 And basically they decided to drop, this was in Europe in their helpline in Europe, and they decided to drop this policy because they were caught.

Speaker 5 And the problem was that people were so furious that when they did finally hang up the phone and go online, many of the AI chat bots quit saying they couldn't take the stress.

Speaker 8 What happened to the people who stayed on longer than 15 minutes?

Speaker 4 They finally did.

Speaker 5 Yes, the people, if you were willing to brave it out, they would eventually sort of give in and

Speaker 5 somebody would answer. You'd get a customer service person who would be like, fine, what is it?

Speaker 8 The one guy.

Speaker 4 The one guy.

Speaker 5 Paula, it's stylish to get a layered haircut or wear layered clothing, but the latest trend is layering your what?

Speaker 4 Ooh, chin.

Speaker 5 I'll give you a hint. Well, it's sure not a secret anymore.
It's a new degree of dry idea.

Speaker 9 Layering. Oh, layering your antiperspirants?

Speaker 5 Yeah, your deodorants. Yes.
The hot new beauty hack is to give yourself a custom scent by combining fragrant products like perfumes, lotions, and deodorants.

Speaker 5 Consider this a shot across the bow for you folks who forgot to put on one layer of deodorant this morning.

Speaker 9 I don't really belong on the earth any longer.

Speaker 4 Really?

Speaker 5 This is finally what inspired you to ask the mothership to take you home.

Speaker 5 Everything you put up with.

Speaker 10 I'm so glad this is just catching on. After raising three teenage boys and going through those periods where the house is just a cloud, complex carbon molecules,

Speaker 10 axe body spray,

Speaker 10 and just trying to imagine that mixed with the old spice.

Speaker 9 No, it's a repulsive idea.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, I couldn't.

Speaker 5 But if you are thinking of trying this yourself, just remember you want to hit all four cents, salt, fat, acid, and heat.

Speaker 5 Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 188-WAIT WAIT.

Speaker 5 That's 1-888-9248-924. You can catch us most weeks right here at the Stude Baker Theater in Chicago, Illinois.
You can also see us on the road. We'll be at the Walt Disney Theater at the Dr.

Speaker 5 Phillips Center in Orlando, Florida on March 20th. For tickets and information, just stroll on over to nprpresents.org.
Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 17 Hi, this is Corbin Weir calling from the Kansas City metro area.

Speaker 5 Hey, the Kansas City metro area. Thank you for identifying that.
What do you do there in the Kansas City metro area?

Speaker 17 I work for a physician member organization, and my team and I handle all things related to public health for the organization.

Speaker 4 Wow.

Speaker 5 Do you realize that it may just be fall to you to do it for the whole country because no one else will at this point?

Speaker 16 Yeah, it's been a really long year.

Speaker 5 Well, welcome to the show, Corbin. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each.

Speaker 5 If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?

Speaker 17 I am.

Speaker 5 Here is your first limerick.

Speaker 3 Cheating men can make first dates feel bitter.

Speaker 3 I'll make sure that he's ready to quit her.

Speaker 3 Because my bright shiny flakes help point out his mistake. When I hug him, he covered in.

Speaker 17 Dander?

Speaker 5 Dander?

Speaker 4 No. No, try it.
Sorry.

Speaker 14 Let's hear it again.

Speaker 4 Let's hear it again.

Speaker 3 Cheating men can make first dates feel bitter.

Speaker 3 I'll make sure that he's ready to quit her. Because my bright shiny flakes help point out his mistake.
When I hug him, he's covered in

Speaker 5 glitter. Yes, glitter.

Speaker 5 Apparently, the latest thing for those young women going out to the clubs is they douse themselves with glitter spray before they go out as a way to ward off men who are cheating on their partners.

Speaker 5 The idea is that men who are in relationships will avoid cheating with someone wearing glitter because they're afraid they'll get glitter all over them and their partner will notice when they go home.

Speaker 5 Hey, I think I finally figured out why I keep getting in in trouble whenever I come home from my guy's craft night.

Speaker 9 Yeah, yeah, that could be it. Yeah, Peter, you got a little something on your head.

Speaker 10 Do you go to Michael's for men, too?

Speaker 4 Exactly.

Speaker 5 All right, here is your next limerick.

Speaker 3 Trending fashion serves more than hot looks. We think literacy's a strong hook.
But no, there's no need to turn pages and read. We take pictures of models with

Speaker 4 books.

Speaker 5 Yes, very good. Fashion brands like J.
Crew, Prada, and Tiffany's are now using books to appeal to female consumers, a tactic straight men on the subway have been using for years.

Speaker 10 So are these women models in women's clothes?

Speaker 8 Yeah. It's hot to be smart.

Speaker 5 It's hot to be smart and at home alone with your books. I guess.
I don't know. I feel that way.

Speaker 7 I don't know.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, me too.

Speaker 5 We're ahead of the curve, fashion-wise, Tom. All right, here's your last limerick.

Speaker 3 A podiatrist I'd love to meet, or my gimmick is hard to repeat. My toes, immense pain is the internet's gain as I drop heavy things on my

Speaker 9 is it feet?

Speaker 4 It is feet, yes, in a trend.

Speaker 5 In a trend that doctors are praising for letting them buy a new summer home, hundreds of people on social media are filming themselves dropping heavy objects on their own feet and then rating the pain on a scale from one to wait.

Speaker 5 Oh my god, my thirst for clicks has made me a fool. I see that now.

Speaker 4 Wow.

Speaker 9 Do you see why I feel I don't belong on the earth anymore?

Speaker 4 Wow.

Speaker 9 I would not A, do that, and B, I would not enjoy viewing that.

Speaker 5 No, but people do. It's amazing.

Speaker 5 Some of the objects dropped on feet in these videos include cases of soda, air fryers, vacuum cleaners. Those are especially popular because you can use them to clean up the bone fragments.

Speaker 10 Is this like

Speaker 10 that Typod challenge kind of thing where you sort of like do something really

Speaker 5 catches on and people start posting and they try to outdo each other? Well, that guy dropped a vacuum, I'll drop a printer or something.

Speaker 5 But I'm not impressed by people who are doing those videos because it's silly. I want to meet the guy who drops stuff in his feet and doesn't film it, who just does it for the love of the game.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, those are the real players. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Bill, how did Corbin do on our quiz?

Speaker 3 Perfect score at 3-0, Kansas Strong.

Speaker 5 Well done.

Speaker 3 Congratulations.

Speaker 11 Thank you so much.

Speaker 5 Good luck being in charge of the entire nation's health. Yeah, good luck.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna need it.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 5 Bye-bye.

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Speaker 5 Hey, it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill-in-the-Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can.

Speaker 5 Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

Speaker 2 Paula has two.

Speaker 3 Tom and Helen each have three.

Speaker 5 All right, Paula, that means you are in second place. So you're going to go first.
Here we go. Fill-in-the-blank.

Speaker 5 During his first cabinet meeting, President Trump asked if anyone was unhappy with Blank's role in the administration. Elon Musk.
Right.

Speaker 5 According to the new data, the number of Americans filing for blank reached a three-month high. Unemployment.
Right. This week the USDA outlined their strategy to control the spread of blank flu.

Speaker 2 Bird. Right.

Speaker 5 On Tuesday, the White House floated the idea of a $5 million gold card offering wealthy foreigners a direct path to blank.

Speaker 9 Citizenship.

Speaker 5 Right. During a daring heist this week, a group of thieves in the UK stole blank from Blenheim Palace.

Speaker 9 I don't know. A big painting.

Speaker 5 A golden toilet. On Wednesday, a Texas-based space company launched a craft headed for the blank.

Speaker 9 Headed for the

Speaker 5 moon? Right. On Thursday, a study found a link between extreme blank and accelerated aging.

Speaker 9 A study found

Speaker 9 between extreme depression.

Speaker 5 No, extreme heat. This week, President Trump sent the Oval Office's resolute desk to be cleaned and refinished, and many suspect it was because Elon Musk's small son blanked.
Wipe bookers on it.

Speaker 5 That's exactly right.

Speaker 5 During their joint press conference last week in the Oval Office, sharp-eyed viewers noticed Elon Musk's little kid, pick his nose, and then wipe it on the resolute desk.

Speaker 5 Trump then immediately sent the antique desk to be deep cleaned and refurbished, which was understandable, I guess, but sadly means now that all of FDR's boogers are lost to history.

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 9 usually there's a little drawer for that.

Speaker 5 Bill, how did Paula do in our quiz?

Speaker 3 She got six more points. Twelve right.
Gives her a total of 14. Doing well.

Speaker 4 Here we go.

Speaker 5 All right, I am going to arbitrarily pick Helen to go next. Fill in the blank, Helen.
On Tuesday, the FAA confirmed that two blanks nearly collided in Chicago. Airplanes.
Right.

Speaker 5 On Wednesday, Israel said it would not remove its troops from Egypt's border with blank.

Speaker 5 Gaza. Right.
This week, health officials in Texas confirmed the first death from a growing blank outbreak. Measles.
Right. On Monday, the U.S.

Speaker 5 reached an agreement with blank to access their rare earth minerals.

Speaker 4 Canada?

Speaker 5 No, Ukraine. This week, a man in Washington state was arrested after he crashed a car at an intersection one day after he had blanked.

Speaker 8 Crashed a car at an intersection.

Speaker 5 Close enough, crashed his car at exactly the same intersection. Wow.
On Tuesday, Amazon unveiled a revamped version of their digital assistant blank.

Speaker 5 Alexa. Right.
This week, a restaurant in Japan that had gotten a couple of bad reviews decided to deal with that by blanking.

Speaker 8 Giving out free sushi.

Speaker 5 No, they responded to the bad reviews by putting a bounty out on the heads of the reviewers.

Speaker 5 Ramen shop in Kyoto, Japan got a pair of very negative reviews and handled it in the normal way.

Speaker 5 They posted pictures of the reviewers and offered 100,000 yen to anyone who could provide personal details, addresses, or, quote, take action against them. What?

Speaker 5 True, you can learn all about it in the fabulous new documentary, Jiro Dreams of Murder.

Speaker 9 That's a job opening there in Japan if everybody's looking.

Speaker 5 Bill, how did Helen do in our quiz?

Speaker 3 I'd write 10 more points. Total of 13 is just one less than Paula.

Speaker 5 All right, so how many then does Tom need to win?

Speaker 3 Six to win.

Speaker 5 Here we go, Tom. This is for the game.
On Tuesday, Speaker of the House Mike Johnson announced that the House had approved a sweeping blank plan.

Speaker 10 The spending bill.

Speaker 5 Yeah, budget. On Wednesday, Jeff Bezos announced that the opinion section of the blank would now focus on, quote, personal liberties and the free market.

Speaker 10 Jeff Bezos.

Speaker 4 Wait, no.

Speaker 5 Opinion section of the blank.

Speaker 10 Oh, I'm sorry, Washington Post. Right.

Speaker 5 On Thursday, the White House hosted Kier Stormer, the Prime Minister of the Blank. Britain.
Yes, the U.K., according to a new report, 70% of food in the U.S.

Speaker 2 is ultra-blank.

Speaker 5 Unhealthy. Ultra-processed, is the answer, after being released from prison after serving a 30-year sentence for a crime he did not commit.
A man in Hawaii celebrated by blanking.

Speaker 3 I don't know, committing three felonies.

Speaker 5 No, going to Costco.

Speaker 5 Can't blame him. On Thursday, the Vatican said that Blank's health was showing slight improvements.

Speaker 10 The Pope. Right.

Speaker 5 After her contact lenses kept disappearing, a woman in China was thrilled when she found five of them behind Blank.

Speaker 10 Behind her eyelids.

Speaker 5 Close enough behind her eyeball.

Speaker 5 While treating a woman for an entirely different issue, doctors in Beijing found five contact lenses tucked away behind the woman's eyeball.

Speaker 5 When she asked how the contact lenses got back there, she was told, good news. Apparently, they were looking for these car keys.

Speaker 5 Bill, did Tom do well enough to win?

Speaker 3 Well, he got five rights, ten more points, but his total of 13 is one short of Paula.

Speaker 4 Paula, there you go.

Speaker 5 In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists now that Amazon has acquired James Bond, what's the next beloved movie character, Jeff Bezos, will take over.

Speaker 5 But first, let me tell you, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircraft Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.

Speaker 5 Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.
Our tour manager is Shane and Donald.

Speaker 5 Thanks to the staff and crew at the Student Baker Theater, BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornboss, and Lillian King.

Speaker 5 Special thanks this week to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey. Key grip number three, that's Peter Gwynn.
Our jolly good fellow is Hannah Anderson. Emma Choi is our vibe curator.

Speaker 5 Technical direction is from Laura White. Our CFO is Colin Miller.
Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian, Swallowed by a Whale, Chillog.

Speaker 5 And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell me, is Michael Danforth. Now, Penn, what character will Amazon buy next and what will they do with him? Helen Hong.

Speaker 8 Amazon will take over the Planet of the Apes franchise and offer a new dish in its grocery stores called Planet of the Crepes.

Speaker 5 Tom Bodette.

Speaker 10 In a world where it's all about the stuff, Amazon presents a good day to buy hard.

Speaker 5 And Paula Boundstone.

Speaker 9 They're going to take over Jaws. They're going going to buy the Jaws franchise.
They're going to make Jaws five. And the tagline will be, this time, no one cares.

Speaker 3 Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Delt Me.

Speaker 5 Thank you so much. And great to see you again.
Bill Curtis, thanks also to Tom Bodet, Helen Hahn, and Paula Poundstone.

Speaker 5 Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Student Victor Theater on Michigan Avenue in Chicago, Illinois. And thanks to all of you for listening, wherever you may be.
I'm Peter Sagal.

Speaker 5 We'll be back with a new show next week.

Speaker 5 This is NPR.

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