WWDTM: Lauren Graham

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Learn more at capella.edu. From NPR at WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.
I've got the voice of an angel and the body of a hot angel. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, the lawyer, Peter Sago.
Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody.
Thank you so much. We have got such a great show for you today.
Later on, we're going to be talking to Lauren Graham, star of the legendary TV show, The Gilmore Girls, a show so beloved that 25 years after it debuted, people still rewatch it in times of extreme stress, just for its calming cheering effect. So today we are not sure if we should interview her or just have her reenact season one.
But first we want to be soothed and reassured by the sound of your voice so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.
That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant.
Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Rebecca Vaughn calling from Nantucket, Massachusetts.
Nantucket? There once was a listener from Nantucket. I was about to say, what a shame you're not playing our listener limerick challenge.
That would be ideal.

What do you do in that beautiful island?

I help to run a sailing program for a yacht club and enjoy the off season when it's nice and quiet.

Right, right.

And have no tourists.

I have friends who live on Martha's Vineyard,

and I know what it's like.

It's like the summer is just filled with all these rich people,

but in the winter they all leave,

and I assume you just walk around breaking into their houses and pretending you're wealthy. We try to avoid doing that, but it is a little bit tempting.
It really is, isn't it? Well, welcome to the show, Rebecca. Let me introduce you to our panel this week.
First up, it's a writer for Clean Slate. Season one is on Prime.
It's Shantira Jackson. Hi, Shantira.
Hi. Next, a writer whose unmissable substack is, take another little piece of my heart now, it's our old friend Roy Blunt Jr.
Hi. Hey, Roy.
And a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning and Woman About Town is Faith Saley. Hey, Rebecca.
Hi, Faith. So, Rebecca,

welcome to the show. You, of course, are going to play Who's Bill this time.
Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize.
Any voice from our show, you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I am ready.
All right. I can tell.
Here we go then. Your first quote is from a coffee shop owner in Canada talking about the Americanos on his beverage menu.

Join us. Call them Canadianos.
That barista was renaming his drink as part of Canada's national uprising against what? Oh, the tariff. Yes, the trade war.
As they always say, you won't like Canadians when they're mad Actually, they're adorable First, Canadians booed the national anthem at NBA games Now they're rebranding the Americano up there as the Canadiano And I just want to say to the Canadians, thank you. Everybody knows the Americano is the worst coffee order.
Can I have some coffee, please? But make it watery. President Trump began the week by announcing a 25% tariff against all goods from Canada and Mexico.
And then he exempted cars from the Canadian tariff. And then he just delayed the Mexican tariff entirely.
And then finally he delayed the Canadian tariff for a month, all in four days. By the time I finished this sentence, the only Canadian product we will be banning is Drake.
Do you think that Trump really focusing on Mexico and Canada has anything to do with

how good looking both of their leaders are?

Probably.

I think there might be something to this.

I think he is intimidated by Justin Trudeau's good looks.

Right.

Which his wife has noticed.

I'm gay.

I think he's hot.

There you go. And I'm not gay.
and I think the president of Mexico is super hot. Yeah.
And she is gorgeous. And I am gay and she is hot.
There you go. I am confirmed.
I mean, what's weird about this is of course, as you know, President Trump came into office promising massive tariffs against everybody for any reason he could think of. And then he finally, he said he was going to do it and he did it.
And then all of a sudden he's not doing it. His approach to economic policy is the same as my approach to making plans with friends.
Absolutely. We are going to get together, count on it.
And then I never see them again. Yeah.
The me who agreed to go is very different than the me that needs to leave. That's true.
You asked me in the daytime, you want me to leave at night. And you know, Canada, Canada has an advantage in this whole renaming thing, right? Cause there's all these American things they can rename to Canadian, but as for Canadian things, what are we going to rename? They have the worst bacon and the meanest bird.
All right. Here is your next quote, Rebecca.

I blame the little free libraries.

That was a commenter on a Wall Street Journal piece

about how publishers are planning to stop putting out

what kind of books?

Actual printed books?

Well, a particular kind of printed books. There are, in general, two kinds.
There's the hardbacks. Oh, hardcovers.
No, the other one. Oh, paperbacks.
Yes, say goodbye to paperback books. You cannot now wait for the paperback version of a book you want to come out.
The publishing industry is moving to a model where it is going to be the hardcover or nothing. That makes me so...
Who is clapping? People who like fancy shows. No, no, this makes sense.
The publisher's plans to make all books much heavier and more expensive will be great for sales. This apparently is because of a lot of things affecting the publishing industry, among them the fact that instead of buying paperbacks or hardbacks,

most people are now reading books on e-readers,

such as the Amazon Kindle and the Barnes & Noble.

Oh, that's so cute.

They have one too.

I was hoping you'd say what it was,

because I couldn't see it.

You can ask.

Hard books, though. Hard books.
Hard books. I don't like hard books.
I like a book that will work with me. Great.
But they look good on the shelf. They do.
They're so beautiful. That's the thing.
And I think some people buy them to display. There's a Japanese word, because Japanese have the best words for all these things.
It's sundoku. It's your pile of books that you're never going to read.
It just makes you look smart. I will say, I had every intention of reading them.
I just did it. The way it's going to work is, instead of there being a paperback release for every hardback, which sort of was the tradition, writers get one shot.
If the hardback doesn't sell, they're done, right? They don't get a paperback release. That really will raise the stakes for hardback sales, especially for those, you know, serious, more obscure, less popular authors.
So everybody is all of a sudden very excited about Joyce Carol Oates' new novel, One Quick Tip to Melt Belly Fat. I can see that a couple of my books were way in advance of today because they didn't have a paperback.
And they told me that it was because I had written the wrong book. All right, Rebecca, we got one more quote for you.
Here you go. It's never too early to get planning.
That was from an article in the New York Post urging people that despite it being almost 10 months away, right now is the best time to start shopping for what? Oh, gosh. Back to school items? No.
I know we just finished the second month of the year, so 10 months would put us... Yes, Christmas shopping.
Yes, Christmas. Of course.
Great news. What? Great news for psychopaths buying Christmas presents and March is now a thing.
You can save money, but make sure you get those people in your life something that you would like to, because chances are by December, at least one person on your list is not going to be your friend slash wife anymore. Wait, Peter, who's saying this? This is for next Christmas? Yeah.
The New York Post is saying this, and they're utterly reliable. Then they just talked to a suburban mom.
My grandma's been buying candles for Christmas for the last 30 years. Everybody goes to TJ Maxx and is like, your cousin will like this towel in six months.
And is she right? Does she predict? She gives it to them. I don't know if they want it.
You have to be careful though. You have to be careful.
You have to do a little bit of planning because the last thing in the world you want to do is embarrass yourself when your, you know, your beloved opens up a package and pulls out the special Department of Education Forever t-shirt.

He didn't do it.

Bill, how did Rebecca do in our quiz? Well, there was a young lady from

Nantucket. Oh, my goodness.

She did great.

There you go.

Congratulations, Rebecca.

Bye-bye, Rebecca.

Thank you.

Bye-bye, Rebecca. Thank you.
Thank you. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

Roy, there's a new company that promises to use cutting-edge treatments to significantly extend your lifespan.

The only catch is you will have to live the rest of your lengthy life. Where?

In a jar. I'll give you a hint.
We'll be doing ultrasonic colon cleanses down in the Lido deck. Oh, on a cruise ship? On a cruise ship.
Passengers who embark possibly as soon as next year on the MV narrative cruise line will get personal training, genetic testing, stem cell therapy, and to even extend their life further, the blood of young people who died over on carnival cruises. The catch is, and you're wondering, there has to be a catch because who wouldn't want to live forever on a cruise ship The catch is you don't buy a ticket You spend a million dollars To purchase a stateroom And then you get to live there forever I lived on a cruise ship I worked on a cruise ship for 18 weeks 18 weeks, that's a long time And let me tell you, you couldn't pay me a million dollars to go be living on a cruise ship for that long.
Shantira, what were you doing? I was doing comedy, you guys. And you know what? It was easy.
Everybody's drunk. I've never been funnier.
Coming up, our kids ruin everything and our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY.
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Learn more at insperity.com slash HR matters. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.
I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Faith Seeley, Shantira Jackson, and Roy Blunt, Jr.
And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.
Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Bluff the listener game.

Call 1-888-Wait, Wait to play our game in the air.

Or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page, at Wait, Wait, NPR.

Hi, everyone.

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, this is Dustin Durant from Omaha, Nebraska.

Hey, okay.

So what do you do there in Omaha?

Well, my wife and I keep poison dart frogs. We have over

30 different frogs.

That's new.

You keep

poison dart frogs.

Do they come when you call them?

They jump at you

when you spray water at them.

So you've got to be careful when you open it up.

You know what? Me too. We've all been there.
All right, Dustin. Well, welcome to the show.
You are going to play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Dustin's topic? Don't bring your kid to work.
You may remember the day, a decade or more ago, when N a take your kid to work day and somebody's kid pushed a button and took NPR off the air for more than a minute. This week, somebody's kid did something even more interesting while at their parents' place of work.
Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you will win our prize, the wait waiter of your choice for your voicemail.
You ready to play? Yeah. All right.
Well, let's start then with a story from Faith Saley. Last week, Sharon McGann had to take her 12-year-old son, Oscar, with her to her admin job at Church of the Blessed Sacrament in Columbus, Ohio.

Sharon told Oscar to keep quiet and stay out of trouble.

He didn't.

He ensconced himself in a confessional.

When penitent parishioner Lorna McMahon came into the booth and said through the screen,

bless me, Father, for I have sinned, Oscar froze.

Then he lowered his voice and replied, tell me all the bad stuff. My child.
Oscar heard confessions for an hour until he farted and laughed so hard that his mom found him. But before she did, young fake Father Oscar doled out some punishing penances, like telling one parishioner to listen to kids bop while praying the rosary a Googleplex number of times.
A 12-year-old gets taken to church by his parent and ends up taking confessions and learning a little about the world. Your next story of a kid catastrophe comes from Roy Blunt Jr.

If you're a German soccer player, we learned this week, it's all very well to bring your little boy to one of your games

as long as you tell him this up front.

Don't bite the referee in the balls.

A match between two lower-level teams was about to begin. Suddenly it was called off because the only referee was in too much pain.
Let the referee tell it. A small child was doing warm-up exercises alongside the players.
He came closer and closer to me. Suddenly, to my complete surprise, he

gave me a sharp bite in my left testicle. So give the kid a break.
Maybe the thing was hanging loose. Anyway, as any parent knows, you can never think of everything you need to tell a child not to do.

A German soccer ref. Think of everything you need to tell a child not to do.

A German soccer ref gets surprised by a player's son on the pitch.

Your last story of a kiddo uh-oh comes from Shantira Jackson.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, or as his friends like to call him, The Met, has a long history of displaying beautiful art pieces and welcoming children of all ages. One day, a docent brought his daughter to work only to immediately lose her.
The girl had been to the museum hundreds of times, and she decided it was time to put her own spin on the exhibits. One by one, she went around replacing the placards that give details about the art in the rooms with her own handwritten honest reviews.
The Egyptian room, originally known as the Temple of Dinder, was replaced with the placard that said, this stuff in here is pretty cool, but don't forget about what happened in the mummy. Be chill in here.
The room with the antique furniture placard changed from Renaissance

revival room to skip this room. You can't even sit on any of the couches.
Throughout the day,

docents were finding and removing the placards display after display. When asked why she did it,

the girl said that at school they were learning how the best art is honest art. And also,

I just lied and said I had permission to do this.

So, one of these stories really happened.

Was it from Faith Saley, a 12-year-old who ended up taking confessions at a Catholic church,

from Roy Blunt Jr., a kid at a German soccer pitch, well, not using his hands on the ball. Or from Shantira Jackson, a docent's daughter at the Metropolitan Museum, changing the placards on the art to more honest ones.
Which of these is the real story of a kid at his parents' workplace. I'm gonna have to go with the soccer

ball incident because that's the truth is stranger than fiction and if you're gonna make it up I

don't think they go that far. All right you've chosen Roy's story of the soccer player's son who

attacked the soccer referee. Well we spoke to someone who had an opinion on this real story.

I just felt so bad for the referee and for everyone involved. Awesome.
That was Joey Kenward. He's a soccer referee and broadcaster in Vancouver, Canada, talking with, I think, some apprehension about the boy who attacked the referee with his teeth in Germany.
Congratulations. You got it right.

You earned a point for Roy. You have won our prize, the voice

of any one you might choose from our show

in your voicemail. Congratulations and well done.

Thank you. Thank you.
It's a pleasure being on the show.

Best to your frogs.

Thank you.

Bye. And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things.
We call it Not My Job. Lauren Graham became very famous and even more beloved by playing Lorelai Gilmore.
In The Gilmore Girls, a grown woman dealing with her own problems and the problems of her young

daughter. She's now starring in Z-Suite, a new comedy in which she plays a grown woman dealing with her own problems and the problems of her much younger colleagues.
Perhaps she has found a niche. Lauren Graham, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Give me a fact check.

Was I correct in drawing a parallel?

Does your role in Z-Suite remind you at all of your former adventures as Lorelei Gilmore? No, no, because the sort of premise of the show is what a bad job they're doing at taking over the office. And I tend to be playing irritable at them, which I hardly ever did with Rory because she was such an A student.
No, it's been really fun to just do something that feels different. I have to ask, I watched the first episodes of Z-Suite and and are there actual young people writing this show? Because I have to say, not being a young person myself, the young people seem like lunatics to me.
There are. We consulted with actual young advertising people, and obviously it is making fun of all of us, so it's not not being overly critical of anyone because it's overly critical of everyone.
It's fun because because of the show, I've heard even worse stories. I have a friend whose young employee called in sick because his eyes were baggy.
He had under eye bags. And he needed more time for them to settle before he felt beautiful.
That's true. That is a thing that happened.
Wow. I want to talk about the fans of the show, but I have to engage in just a little speculation.
One of the things that I have learned about the Gilmore Girls is that it's famed for its references.

There are webpages giving the explanation of every reference in every episode of the Gilmore Girls.

In the very first scene of the first episode of the Gilmore Girls, your character Lorelai offers some flavored lip gloss to your daughter Rory. In one of the very first scenes of Z-Suite, your character describes one of the colleagues as so young, she still uses flavored lip gloss.
This is most NPR. And I'm like, this has got to be a subtle callback, right? On somebody's.
No? No? No? I love, I don't think so. No one, no one, I did not make that association and no one said, hey, that's a little Easter egg for you.
I think it's just, you're a very smart man. And you're a very lovely woman, but we knew that.
Let's talk about the Gilmore Girls. Gilmore Girls is so beloved that there are two fan conventions this year in Connecticut alone.
Have you ever gone to one? No. I haven't.
and we are it is the 25th anniversary this year and we are in discussions

by we I mean myself and Amy

Sherman Palladino the creator of the show, to say what can we do? What can we do to give people the experience they seem to crave of community around the show? You know, maybe getting all of us together in some way. So we're working on it.
You're working on it. So there might be something.
I hope so. There will be something.
What will it be at an inn in Connecticut? You know, I don't know. It'll be great to have all the people wear plaid.
That'll be exciting. Many years ago, I had the privilege of interviewing Leonard Nimoy, and he had a thing early in

his career where he got very upset that people thought he was Mr. Spock.

He later embraced it.

And I wonder, you played a similarly iconic character.

Do people think you, Lauren Graham, actual human being, are Lorelei Gilmore fictional

creation?

Yes.

And I don't think I've worked hard enough to dissuade them from believing that. I think the show, you know, as any long running TV show, you become it and it becomes you.
And sort of the reason I gravitated toward this way back when I first read the pilot was it felt like familiar somehow. It felt like the way I speak or think already.
So it was kind of meant to be in that way. And, um, and, and yes, I, in general, it's really positive.
People view me as their cool mom and, um, I don't, you know, that's not bad. No.
Does, does it, has it ever gotten awkward? Has anybody like come and like laid out their troubles and asked for Lorelai's advice? Yeah. I mean, I mean, it's not even awkward so much as it's, and this is just being on TV and playing someone who's like not Walter White, you know, like if you play a friendly kind of warm person, like people just feel that they know you.
And, you know, people cry sometimes. And, you know, it gets awkward, like if I'm in the bathroom, and like coming out of a stall, like that's not my favorite.
They're like, oh my God, can I? And I'm like, let me just, let's leave this room. Yes.
Well, Lauren Graham, it is a joy to talk to you.

And we have asked you here to play a game.

And we are calling it Gilmore Girls Meet Girls with Gills.

I know.

All right.

Work with me here.

Work with me. I will.

You played a Gilmore Girls.

So we're going to ask you three questions about Gil Girls.

That is mermaids.

Okay. Makes sense.
Answer two to three questions correctly. You'll win a prize for one of our listeners.
The voice of anyone they choose from our show on their voicemail, perhaps mothering them. Well.
That's a great gift. It is, I think.
I think it's the only one we could possibly afford, so it better be. Bill, who is Lauren Graham playing for? Aoife Murray of Oak Park, Illinois Ah A place I know well Here we go, Lauren You ready to play? I am Alright, here's your first question The old 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride at Disneyland Now gone Well, for a brief period in the 1960s Had actresses dressed up as mermaids Lounging on rocks in the lagoon and waving to the visitors.
They had to end that part of the attraction just after a few years. Why? A, one of the mermaids got a tail caught in the submarine and got dragged through the lagoon.
B, visitors kept jumping in the water and trying to hit on the mermaids. Or C, somebody who said they represented the real mermaid community said it was offensive stereotyping.
Um, I believe that people would get in the water to meet them. Yes, you apparently have met some people.
Yes. That's right.
It was, unsurprisingly, mostly men who were jumping into the water to go talk to the mermaids. I don't know if the men had noticed that the mermaids are fish from the waist down.
All right. Very good.
Very perceptive. Here's your next question.
The most famous mermaid attraction in America is, of course, the mermaids of Wekiwachi Springs, also in Florida. If you were to dive to the bottom of the Weeki Wachee Springs where the Mermaids play, 75 years after that show started, what would you find down there? A, about 10 metric tons of loose plastic mermaid scales.
B, a carton of cigarettes that was dropped by a mermaid in 1968 who actually thought she could have a smoke break down there. Or C.
Nobody has any idea because nobody's ever seen the bottom. Ooh.
Well, scales, I guess? Scales? No, it's not scales. It's that nobody knows.
The wikiwachi springs is the deepest natural springs in the world, and nobody has gotten down there. All right.
You have one more chance. If you get this right, you win.
An aquarium in China also offers a mermaid show with performers dressed as mermaids, performing this time in a giant fish tank. But they were recently accused of covering up an incident in which what happened? A, the tail fell off a particular mermaid, revealing it to be a merman.
B, the head fell off a mermaid, revealing it to be a giant sturgeon. Or C, a giant sturgeon tried to eat a mermaid's head.
They're... The audience is yelling C.
No, no, they're just an acapella group. Yeah, I know.
I was about to say they're yelling C in C. Am I being booed? No, no, you're not being booed.
You're being helped. You're being helped.
C, C, it's C. It's C, it is C, yes.
The giant surgeon, which was in the tank, just swam it over and just tried to swallow that mermaid's head.

And I have to say, having seen the video,

it is horrifying, but in a good way.

The mermaid was fine.

Bill, how did Lauren Graham do in our quiz?

Lauren got two out of three,

and that is a win, Lauren.

Congratulations, Lauren.

And I have to say,

you did that like Lorelai. You were thoughtful, you struggled a bit, but you won in the end.
You came through. Lauren Graham is now starring on The Z Suite.
You can find it on Tubi. Lauren Graham, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Thank you so much. Such fun.
That was a delight. Thank you, Lauren.
Take care. Bye.
Bye-bye.

In just a minute, the one thing you cannot go camping without.

That's in our Listener Limerick Challenge.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
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I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Roy Blunt Jr., Faith Saley, and Shantira Jackson.
And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Stego. Thank you so much, Bill.
In just a minute, roses are red, violets are blue, Bill does the limericks because he's better at rhyming. It's a listener limerick challenge.

If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924.

Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.

Faith, there's a controversial new trend taking over the internet

that challenges people to show up only 15 minutes before their what?

Their wedding? No, not their wedding. Their funeral? No.
That's my plan though, actually. Well, gosh, I mean.
Most people, most, most, most, most of the time you recommended you show up two hours before this. Oh, your flight? Your flight, yes, in a challenge design.
That makes you sweat.

Exactly.

In a challenge designed to make your dad furious,

the airport theory trend suggests

that with modern airports and everything else,

you only need to arrive at the airport 15 minutes

before your departure time in order to make your flight.

No, no, no.

No, it's perfect.

No, I'm going to absolutely do this on Thanksgiving with my two small children and my non-refundable fares, and it's going to be awesome. If you get there so close, you don't get to kick back and enjoy a little packet of $1,000 crackle.
That's true. Enjoying each one because they cost $40 each.
Over the last month, TikTok has been full of people testing out this theory. Coincidentally, and this is true, in the last month, Google searches for I missed my flight have gone up 645%.
Roy, we've all experienced our banks going digital, so we do things on our apps now on our phones. A new organization has also moved to digital banking.
What is it?

It's a bank that all of us, well, almost all of us have been to.

The bank, you know, like you swim to a bank, that kind of bank.

No, no. Bank by the river.

I'll give you a hand. Not firm bank.

No, no.

That would be interesting how you'd use your phone

to make a deposit in that.

No, I'll say I don't mind using the app for banking,

but it is a little uncomfortable just to have to swipe left to get out of jail free. Oh, to rob a bank.
No. Get out of jail free.
Monopoly, yes. The Monopoly bank has gone digital.
To keep up with the times, Hasbro is releasing a new version of Monopoly where instead of the classic bank and all the Monopoly money and its colors, you'll manage your money via Monopoly mobile banking app. That's right.
It's like crypto. It is.
I hate that. Yes, boo that.
They've automated the Monopoly banker, sending the unemployment rate among older siblings skyrocketing. What are we taking away from our children? I know I mean you cannot replicate with some you know bites digital data the cocaine like high of waving your hundred dollar bills in your sobbing little sister's face.
Yeah you want to let it rain? and where does this end are we going to see like

airbnbs instead of hotels and i swear if they replace railroads with rideshare apps i would

burn marvin gardens to the ground i'm really upset about this this is like i have such fond

memories of me and my cousins screaming at each other over that money yeah like i just that's how

you like learn how to count and decide whether or not being a landlord is a good thing Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.
That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago or on the road.
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Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Mariah Wood.
I'm from Chestertown, Maryland. Chestertown, Maryland.
Okay, I don't know exactly where that is. No, you wouldn't.
Why wouldn't I know where it is? Well, it's a teeny little town in a teeny little county on the opposite side of the Chesapeake Bay from where everybody thinks Maryland is. Right.
Well, welcome to the show, Mariah. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each.
If you can fill in the last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to go? I sure am.
Here is your first limerick. Half uneaten.
Don't throw that away. Leave it out.
It stays firm and okay. Consumers will clamor for our new banana.
Unpeeled, it can last a whole... Day? A whole day, yes.
British scientists have developed a variety of banana that doesn't spoil once it is peeled. This is a huge win for fruit salad and anyone who wants to save 19 cents by eating half a banana today and saving the other half for tomorrow, otherwise known as, why are there fruit flies in my car? But this is amazing.
Just think. What an advance.
Think of all the bananas that wouldn't have gone bad and been made into banana bread. And think of no one having to pretend they like banana bread.
I hate banana bread. You do? I do not like it.
I like bananas. I don't like bananas in stuff.
Sorry. Roy, how do you feel about banana bread? It was the only thing my children would eat for about six months.
Well was not banana bread, but with bananas. And I'd mix it up with chocolate and milk and stuff.
They loved that. Well, if you put it like that, I'd probably eat that too.
So for six months, your kids would only eat mashed bananas with chocolate and milk. Yeah, I'm sort of saying this for effect.
But they loved it. They loved that, and it was healthy for them.
Yeah. All right, here is your next limerick.
My survival tale's totally truth-based. Food was minty with hints of vermouth taste.
Since I'm not a noob, I consumed the whole tube. What I drank

melted snow and ate

toothpaste.

Toothpaste. A teenager in

China who was stranded in the

remote frigid mountains with no food

survived on river water,

melted snow, and a lot of

toothpaste for ten days.

One tube of

toothpaste? One tube of toothpaste. Fortunately for him, it was Colgate's new beef toothpaste.
I'm very happy for the guy and I'm glad he got rescued, but who decides to go hiking on a trail that was closed because it was too dangerous with no water, no food, but a tube of toothpaste? A teenage boy. Really? That has teenage boy written all over it.
Really? Explain the logic. I haven't been a teenage boy for a while.
The logic is, it's a boy. Yeah.
And he's a teenager. And he made a big mistake.
You just didn't think. Yeah.
A teenage girl would have had too much stuff. She would have been like, I had to leave one of my bags on the top of the mountain.
Poor guy will never be able to brush his teeth without experiencing PTSD again. All right, here's your last limerick.
You're doing great. Once my tummy was bloated and so hurt, now I'm hot and can go out with no shirt.
Thanks to Coconut Cultures, my body's sculpture, and I've paid 40 bucks for the... Yogurt? Yogurt.
According to influencers, there is a new kind of yogurt that makes you look hotter, as opposed to a traditional yogurt that makes you look old because there you are eating yogurt.

Coconut Cult is a probiotic coconut yogurt that, quote, promotes gut health,

eliminates bloating, improves immunity,

and clears skin.

And at $40, a jar facilitates poorness.

$40?

I think I'm just, like, turning into my dad

because I'll be like, $40?

I can make my own yoga for half that price.

Won't make me hot, maybe a little warm, but you know, that's good enough.

You give me two hours, I'll figure it out.

Bill, how did Mariah do in our quiz?

Perfect. Score three straight.

There you are. Well done, Mariah.

Thank you so much. Take care.

You too.com. Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank.
Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now with two points.
Bill, can you give us the scores? Shantira and Faith each have two. Roy has four.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Well, Roy's in first place. Faith and Shantira are tied for second.

So I'm going to arbitrarily pick Faith to go first this time.

Here we go, Faith.

The clock will start when I begin your first question.

Fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, European leaders met at a special summit

after the White House pulled critical support for blank.

Ukraine.

Right.

Following several collisions and near misses,

a House hearing was held to address the shortage of blanks.

Federal aviation workers?

Yeah, air traffic controllers.

This week, the county of Los Angeles sued California Edison

in the next video. and near misses, a house hearing was held to address the shortage of blanks.
Uh, federal aviation workers? Yeah, air traffic controllers. This week, the county of Los Angeles sued California Edison, saying the company's equipment sparked blank.
Wildfire. Right.
On Monday, streaming video site Blank announced it was cracking down on gambling-related content. Uh, Netflix? No, YouTube.
This week, Citibank said a, quote, inputting error was the reason a customer who made a $280 deposit was accidentally credited with blank. $280 million? No, $81 trillion.
On Tuesday, FIFA announced that for the first time ever, the 2026 men's blank would include a halftime show. World Cup.
Exactly. Drake's Revenge.
On Sunday, Anora was the big winner at the 2025 Blank Awards. Oscars.
Right. This week, a family in England is fighting over their father's headstone

after his wife engraved it with the epitaph blank. Oh, he was an arse.
No. Close, though.

The gravestone said, in loving memory of John, husband, son, father, adulterer. All right.
The first question is, come on. Who would cheat on somebody so funny? The father's side of the family has demanded a new headstone, but his son says no.
And he is the support of his mother, his two siblings, and four other people who also are his siblings, it turns out. Bill, how did Faith do in our quiz? Five right, ten more points, total of twelve.
She's in the lead. All right, well done.
Here we go then, Shantira, you are up next. Fill in the blank.
On Thursday, President Trump reversed course and lifted most of the blanks placed on Mexico. Tariffs.
Right.

According to a new study, Paxlovid may not reduce hospitalization risk for older adults who catch blank. COVID.
Right. This week, Utah became the first state to pass legislation that requires blank apps to verify their users' ages.
Porn apps. No, social media apps.
That sounds like something Utah would do. On Thursday, a 40-day boycott against Target began in protest of the company's scaling back blank policies.
DEI. Right.
The existence of a top secret CIA black site in Virginia was accidentally revealed this week when blank. Somebody went to go play golf there.
No, when the Trump administration listed the building for sale. On Monday, Uber began offering blank list vehicles for riders in Austin, Texas.
Driverless? Right. This week, a court in Canada ruled against a man who said he couldn't provide spousal support because he was injured from blanking.
Cheating all the time. Well, he did that, but he said he was injured from hunting for Sasquatch.
The court denied the man's claim that he was unable to provide financial support due to a slip and fall injury he suffered while searching for Sasquatch. The court documents didn't have a lot to detail, but they do say the slip and fall incident happened on a set of stairs in Vancouver, Canada, so I guess he was at the Sasquatch's apartment? Bill, how did Shantira do in our quiz? All right.
Eight more points. Total of ten.
Faith still leads. All right.
So then, how many does Roy need to win? Four to tie. Five to win.
All right. Following up to it.
Here we go, Roy. This is for the game.
On Thursday, the White House prepared an executive order aimed at eliminating the Department of Blank. Oh, probably all of them.
Department of Education. Right.
Following his protest during Trump's address to Congress, the House censured Representative Blank. Al Green.
Right. This week, the U.S.
began negotiating directly with Hamas about the ceasefire in Blank. In Gaza.
Right. On Tuesday, the CDC warned that the Blank outbreak in Texas has continued to grow.
Oh, no. I know.
Measles. Right.
This week, a dispatcher in Oklahoma worked closely with police after a toddler called 911 and asked for a blank. Arrest of someone in the toddler's family.
No, he asked for emergency donuts. No.
And he got them. On Tuesday, blank became the first player in NBA history to reach 50,000 career points.
LeBron James. Right.
On Thursday, scientists warned that human brains could contain up to a spoonful of Blank. Oh, plastic.
Right. This week, a tourist in Rome who was trying to flee the police was caught after he Blanked.
Dove, dived into a fountain. Exactly right.
Oh,'ve treving fountain Famous fountain there he dove into it and thought he would swim away from the police It's a brilliant plan except for he swam when he got to the other side The police were already waiting for him because they just walked around on the outside of it. Bill, did Roy do well enough to win?

We bow down in Roy's presence. Seven right, 14 more points, 18 total.
Yay! Greatest moment in my life. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, now that publishing has given up on paperbacks, what will be the next cost-saving innovation in books? But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.
Philip Gotica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.
Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studio Baker Theater, B.J.
Liederman. Composer, our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Gerbos, and Lillian King.
Special thanks to Mohanad Elshehi and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn is our Sasquatch Wrangler.
Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Our jolly good fellow is Hannah Anderson.
Technical direction is from Lorna White. Her CFO is Colin Miller.
Our production manager is Robert Newhouse, our senior producer is Ian Chilock,

and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth.

Now, panel, how is the publishing industry going to save money next?

Shantira Jackson.

No spines, just tops and bottom covers so you can read everything like an accordion.

Roy Blunt, Jr.

They're going to eliminate italics.

People, they did a study, they did a survey, and people just don't like them. People want to decide which words to emphasize on their own.
And Faith, would you like to follow that? Books will be printed on Charmin. And if any of that happens,

we're going to ask you about it here on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you, Bill Curtis.

Thanks to all Shinnish and Jackson Roy Blunt Jr. and Faith Salley.

Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago.

Thanks to all of you listening wherever you might be.

I'm Peter Sagan.

We'll see you next week. This is NPR.
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