WWDTM: GWAR

Speaker 1 This message comes from NPR sponsor Patagonia. As environmental progress stalls, Patagonia believes it's on businesses to step up.

Speaker 1 The company knows it isn't perfect, but it's proving businesses can make a profit without bankrupting the planet. Explore more at patagonia.com slash impact.

Speaker 1 From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Put on your winter boots because I'm the voice so smooth, you might slip.

Speaker 1 Filling in for Bill Curtis, I'm Chioki Ianson, and here is your host at the Altria Theater in Richmond, Virginia, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki.
Thank you, everybody.

Speaker 1 We are so delighted

Speaker 1 to be back in Richmond with the true mayor of this city, Chioki Ianson, filling in just one more time for Bill Curtis.

Speaker 1 Now, later on, we're going to be talking to two members of the shock metal band Guar, famed for their costumes and their stunts and their head-banging music.

Speaker 1 Now the band was formed by art students and musicians right here in Richmond 40 years ago.

Speaker 1 Meaning this band has gone all the way from having dads yell, why are you kids listening to that noise?

Speaker 1 to dads yelling, hey kids, listen to this noise.

Speaker 1 but first we want to hear what you're playing whatever it might be give us a call at one triple eight wait wait that's one eight eight eight nine two four eight nine two four let's welcome our first listener contestant hi you are on wait wait don't tell me hi Peter my name is Nick Fish and I'm calling in from Philadelphia Nick Fish Nick Fish that's it

Speaker 1 not

Speaker 1 Not Nick the Fish, who'd be kind of like a notorious gangster, but just Nick Fish. That'd be Jersey if I was.
Exactly. Nick the Fish.
Well, welcome to the show, Nick.

Speaker 1 Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian who'll be bringing his cocktail hour comedy show, Shaking with Laughter, to the Kansas City Irish Center in Kansas City, Missouri.

Speaker 1 On February 20th, that's Adam Burke. Hi, Nick.
Hey, Adam.

Speaker 1 Next, who's a comedian and host of the podcast, Fake the Nation? It's Naguin Farsad.

Speaker 1 And the Emmy and Peabody Award-winning journalist and comedian and host of the new Nat Geo show, What X Does to Your Body. It's Alzo Slade.
What's up, Luke? Hey Alzo.

Speaker 1 You're gonna play who's Tioki this time Chioki Ianson of Richmond, Virginia.

Speaker 1 Is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize.

Speaker 1 Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Let's do it.
All right, here is your first quote. So about that asteroid.

Speaker 1 That was a headline in The Atlantic on the news that a giant asteroid out in space now even even has a better chance of doing what?

Speaker 1 Would that be hitting Earth? Yes, hitting Earth.

Speaker 1 Updated calculations from NASA. say that the asteroid flying by Earth in 2032, that is going to happen, well it now has a 1 in 43 chance of hitting Earth.

Speaker 1 Just last week, we were told the asteroid only had a 1 in 100 chance. So whoever just started having an affair, God saw you.

Speaker 1 Now NASA is referring to it as a potential, quote, city killer. A city killer.
That really freaked people out. But then everybody said, wait, which city?

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 the asteroid needs to teal, bro.

Speaker 1 We don't have time for this. We got enough problems going on on Earth.

Speaker 1 Or we need to get Bruce Willis and his homies to jump on that thing and

Speaker 1 bust it up.

Speaker 2 Or we just need another round of tariffs, but this time on the asteroids.

Speaker 1 That'll

Speaker 1 do it, yeah. They do everything.

Speaker 2 They do everything.

Speaker 1 Now, even though they can calculate whether or not it will hit Earth within some degree of specificity, there's no way of knowing where the asteroid might hit.

Speaker 1 But you know, you know it's going to be Greenland right after we buy it.

Speaker 2 I know, just when you drive a country out of the bus.

Speaker 1 A lot, the asteroids.

Speaker 1 Well, Well, fortunately, I've been practicing a video game since 1982.

Speaker 1 All right. Your next quote is from a headline in the New York Times that was kind of worried about a big news story this week.
What becomes of penny loafers?

Speaker 1 They were worried about a new presidential order to get rid of what?

Speaker 1 The penny. Yes, the penny.
President Donald Trump announced

Speaker 1 he will be ordering the U.S. Treasury to stop minting pennies.
Big surprise, he's getting rid of the only coin of color.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 he really doesn't like brown faces, even when it's Lincoln.

Speaker 1 The problem is Lincoln emancipated the enslaved. That's the big deal.
And one brown penny,

Speaker 1 that's a DEI coin. Yeah, exactly.
That's the only reason it got in your pocket, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 Trump did this the same week that he announced he was also getting rid of paper straws, which also everybody hates.

Speaker 1 This feels like a win-win, but then Trump also announced that from now on, all straws will be made of melted pennies.

Speaker 1 Nobody knows. I mean, he's been so sort of impulsive.
Nobody knows exactly why he came up with this. He might just be governing based on what he finds in his pocket.

Speaker 1 That's why he also just declared war on chapstick and and lint.

Speaker 1 I don't think Trump has chapstick in his pocket. His lips are always ashy.

Speaker 1 When we get rid of pennies, what are we going to put on corpses' eyes? Or does, like, do they take Bitcoin in Hades now? The gloves.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't put a Bitcoin on a railroad track. You got a smushed one.
That's not going to work. And you know, you just know we're never going to get that Harriet Tubman 20.
Just give it up.

Speaker 1 All right, very good. Here is your last quote.

Speaker 1 I thought the officer was joking. Then she pulled out her notebook and fined me.
Now, that was a man in France.

Speaker 1 And he was the first of what we hope will be many people around the world to get fined for doing what in public?

Speaker 1 I have no idea.

Speaker 1 Well, it's an obscure story, but I think you'll find it a welcome one. He could have avoided the fine if he had just spent the money for headphones.

Speaker 1 Oh, listening to music on the subway or in public? Close enough, yeah, using his phone on speaker in public at full volume. Prison.

Speaker 1 It is now illegal in France. Finally, a judge has ruled in the case of me versus literally everyone else on this box.

Speaker 1 This man was fined about $200 for talking to his sister at full volume in a crowded train station.

Speaker 1 And if $200 doesn't seem like the right punishment, remember, remember, France no longer has the death penalty.

Speaker 1 I'm surprised the French went for this because I've seen les miserables and they love just standing around yelling their soliloquies at each other.

Speaker 2 Can I defend this guy for a second?

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 No, I'm just saying that it is a slippery slope because once we let all these things be fine and we're just letting big etiquette take over and dictate everything we do.

Speaker 1 I'm okay with it. And the next on the list is the people who do the

Speaker 1 Bluetooth. Like,

Speaker 1 they're just talking into air. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can I say big etiquette sounds like a French gangster?

Speaker 1 Big etiquette? Yeah. I could whoop his ass.

Speaker 1 He just kicks into a room and goes, forks go on the left.

Speaker 1 And not only, I gotta say, not only is this rude to the people who happen to be around you, it's actually unfair to the people you're talking to.

Speaker 1 Like, so you say, like, Helen, I'm really sorry you have chlamydia. That's tough.

Speaker 1 And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you you're on speaker and I'm in church.

Speaker 1 Or it could be the inverse where the person on speaker is telling you that you have chlamydia with leaving words. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know that we need a law for this. I mean, the asteroid is coming here.

Speaker 2 And the asteroid has a point.

Speaker 1 It's really true. Yeah.
Jokey, how did Nick do in our quiz? Nick the fish got all three right. All right, Nick, yes.

Speaker 1 Congratulations, Nick. You have made Philly proud.
Thanks so much, Peter. Great to talk to you.
Take care. Bye-bye.

Speaker 1 Panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

Speaker 1 Adam, thanks to a new technology, more and more couples are discussing whether or not it would be permissible for one of them to do what?

Speaker 1 Is it like, is it the, you know, is it the hall pass thing? Is it like. It is a hall pass, but not with

Speaker 1 another

Speaker 1 person.

Speaker 1 Oh, is it, oh, is this a

Speaker 1 bangin' robots thing? Yes, it is a bangin' robots thing.

Speaker 1 Because you can't spell laid without AI. That's true.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 More and more couples are sort of getting, you know, getting prepared for when the time comes when you can do this, if it would be okay for their partner to cheat with a robot according to a survey that seemed to be exclusively offered to complete freaks

Speaker 1 one out of four people say they would be okay with their partner cheating with a robot but if and only if and I swear to you this is true if the robot's appearance was based on them

Speaker 2 what the person being cheated on right what does I would be so jealous I'd be like you're coming home smelling like titanium

Speaker 1 No, thank you. Is that motor oil on your collar?

Speaker 1 And how do you first suspect, like, does the electricity bill look really high?

Speaker 1 It is so weird that that is the condition under which it would be okay. It's like, oh, my spouse prefers intimacy with a machine.
That's humiliating. Wait.
It's also balding with a spare tire?

Speaker 1 Now it's validating. Wait, so this is this is laziness.
This is like, I don't want to have sex with you, let the robot do it. Yeah.
It's basically me.

Speaker 2 It's kind of, I mean, it kind of makes sense, like, to just have an understudy, I guess.

Speaker 1 A what? What?

Speaker 2 You know, like in theater, you have an understudy if you can't perform. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And in this situation, the robot is your understudy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What is, what is, what is. Yeah, but what if it's like that thing in those old movies where the understudy is better? Oh, yeah.
The understudy becomes the story. Yeah, it's like all about ease.

Speaker 1 It's terrible.

Speaker 1 But you have to practice safe sex with a robot. You do? firewalls you know

Speaker 1 yeah you're like honey it's not that kind of virus

Speaker 1 it's just rust

Speaker 1 coming up as ben franklin said 1.2 million dollars saved is 1.2 million dollars earned it's our bluff the listener game called one triple eight wait wait don't play it we'll be back in a minute with more of wait wait don't tell me from npr

Speaker 1 hey it's peter sagel before we get back to the show i wanted to tell you about a special bonus episode we're working on, one in which we turn the tables, in which the questioner is questioned.

Speaker 1 That's right, we need your questions for me. I'm doing an AMA, you know, like ask me anything where you can ask me about, let me check the rules here.
Oh yeah, anything.

Speaker 1 Call 1888-WAITWAIT and leave us your question. Again, that's 1-888-9248-924.
We'll pick the best ones, and I will answer them in an upcoming bonus episode.

Speaker 1 So if you want to hear it, make sure you're signed up for NPR Plus. If you're not, just head over to plus.npr.org and fix that quick.

Speaker 1 This message comes from NPR sponsor Patagonia. As environmental progress stalls, Patagonia believes it's on businesses to step up.

Speaker 1 The company knows it isn't perfect, but it's proving businesses can make a profit without bankrupting the planet.

Speaker 1 Out now is Patagonia's 2025 Work in Progress report, a behind-the-scenes look into its impact initiatives from quitting forever chemicals and decarbonizing its supply chain to embracing fair trade.

Speaker 1 Explore more at patagonia.com/slash impact.

Speaker 1 This message comes from LinkedIn, delivering candidates who rise above the rest.

Speaker 1 With an up-to-date view into shared connections, skills, and interests you won't find anywhere else, your next great hire is here.

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Speaker 1 From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Shioki Ianson.
We're playing this week with Adam Burke, Alzo Slade, and Naguin Farsad.

Speaker 1 And here again is your host at the Altria Theater in Richmond, Virginia, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki.
Thank you, everybody.

Speaker 1 Right now,

Speaker 1 it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me bluff the listener game call. 1888, Wait, Wait to play our game on air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR.
Hi, you're on.

Speaker 1 Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Will from Boston, Massachusetts.
Hey, I love Boston. What do you do there, Will?

Speaker 1 So I work as a coordinator for the Visual Performing Arts Department of a local school district. That's really good work.
I really appreciate it. What do you you do to enjoy yourself?

Speaker 1 I like to ride bikes when it's not cold and slushy outside like it is today. Right, so that's two or three days of great riding in Boston.

Speaker 1 Well, welcome to the show, Will. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction.
Joki, what is Will's topic? $1.2 million saved.

Speaker 1 Everybody would love to save an extra $1.2 million, but act fast. Your opportunity to get it is 120 million pennies is fast running out.

Speaker 1 Our panelists are going to tell you about it, someone who is able to save $1.2 million in a unique way. Pick the one who's telling the truth and win the weight waiter of your choice in your voicemail.

Speaker 1 Ready to go? I'm ready. All right, first, let's hear from Naguin Farsa.

Speaker 2 Hollis Benton is a third-generation oil tycoon from Lockhart, Texas, which means he didn't have to prospect land, but he did get a few years after college to discover his passion for DJing in Ibiza.

Speaker 2 Eventually, he moved back home to be his family's overseer of oil money, and that's when he met Bridget Calhoun. She was a real charmer getting her PhD in antiquities, and he fell hard.

Speaker 2 To impress her, he would buy concert tickets, Michelin-starred meals, a straight-up yacht in a landlocked town, but never mind.

Speaker 2 One time, they took her nephew to a water park, and she said, This is fun.

Speaker 2 Well, that was all the encouragement he needed because he immediately hired a water park architect to transform his backyard into a $1.2 million splash autarium complete with Lazy River and Wave Pool.

Speaker 2 Only thing is, that water park architect turned out to be a real dream boat.

Speaker 2 She ended up leaving Hollis Benton and all his wealth.

Speaker 2 On the upside, he saved money, proving the old adage: if you have to spend $1.2 million on a water park to impress your boo, she's probably not the one.

Speaker 1 A tycoon saves $1.2 million when he doesn't have to build a water park for his goo.

Speaker 1 Your next deep discount comes from Adam Burke. Nature conservation can be a slow process.

Speaker 1 What with the red tape, bureaucracy, and complaints from trees that never consented to being hugged in the first place?

Speaker 1 Take the Czech Republic, for example, where government officials were poised to act on a plan seven years in the making to build a $1.2 million dam designed to help preserve a protected wetlands area.

Speaker 1 Construction on the dam was just about to begin when it was suddenly and unexpectedly derailed by the fact that a bunch of beavers had gone ahead and built a far better dam the weekend before.

Speaker 1 Not only that, they'd used nothing but locally sourced, sustainable and renewable materials, all at no cost to the taxpayer.

Speaker 1 While farmers often decry beavers as a destructive nuisance, felling trees and creating toothy mayhem, these particular rodents seem to have filled out all of the required permits and permissions, building as they did far from any inhabited farm.

Speaker 1 We get it, Beavers. You're better than us.

Speaker 1 Beavers

Speaker 1 save a town in the Czech Republic $1.2 million by building a dam before they could get around to it. Your last story on sale comes from Alzo Slade.

Speaker 1 Henry Jackson, the CEO of a graphic design company in Tempe, Arizona, thought he was doing his sister a favor by hiring his nephew Rob Phillips to work in the IT department as a low-level intern.

Speaker 1 He just graduated from a vocational IT school thinking he's going to be the next Steve's jobs to the extent that he requested people address him as Rob Jobs.

Speaker 1 The very first task assigned to Rob was just to renew the company's various software subscriptions. Instead, he canceled all of them permanently and had no idea how to undo it.

Speaker 1 In a panic, he realized he could take advantage of the various companies' free trial offers. But for each, he'd have to open a new account.
So, quote, Bilbo J. Baggins gets two weeks of AutoCAD.

Speaker 1 And Dr. Mundo, a champion from the video game League of Legends, got 50% off of scheduling software by using the code wait wait at checkout.

Speaker 1 The next Monday he got called into his uncle's office where instead of being fired he was praised for saving the company $1.2 million by getting all of that software for free.

Speaker 1 He doesn't know what he'll do when the free trials start to expire in two weeks and Bilbo Baggins gets a bill. But like his idol Mr.
Jobs, he just plans to think different.

Speaker 1 All right, somebody saved $1.2 million.

Speaker 1 Was it from Naguin Farsad, an oil tycoon, who ended up not having to build that water park in his backyard when the designer ran off with his lady friend?

Speaker 1 From Adam Burke, a Czech town that didn't have to build that dam because the Beavers did it for them, or from Alzo Slade, a bad IT guy, manages to cancel all the software subscriptions for his company, but the free trials save them 1.2 million dollars.

Speaker 1 Which one is the real story of big savings?

Speaker 1 I think I'm going to go with Adam's story about the beavers. That would be Adam Burke.

Speaker 1 Something appeals to you. You think that the story, I'm sorry, you think that the story about the beavers is the tooth.
All right?

Speaker 1 The whole tooth.

Speaker 1 Well to bring you the correct answer, here's somebody who could speak to that real story.

Speaker 2 Environmental experts confirmed that the work was actually better than their original plans, noting that beavers always know best.

Speaker 1 That was TikToker at That Good News Girl, talking about the real story about how beavers did it best in the Czech Republic. Congratulations, Will.
You got it right. You earned a point for Adam.

Speaker 1 You have won our prize, the voice of your choice, on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today.
Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Will.
Take care.

Speaker 1 Second build it, gotta get it. Yeah, we on the

Speaker 1 And now the game we call Not My Job.

Speaker 1 In 1984, a group of musicians and art students at Virginia Commonwealth University started a new band, kind of as a joke, with players in elaborate costumes and even more elaborate fictional backstories.

Speaker 1 40 years later, Guar is still going strong, playing over-the-top bloody stage shows around around the world.

Speaker 1 We're still based in Richmond, and members Mike Bishop and Mike Dirks join us now. Dirks and Bishop of Guar, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 1 Good to be here.

Speaker 1 Now for anyone, I mean it's been 40 years, so everybody should know who you are, but for the few people who don't, can you describe what Guar is?

Speaker 1 Because it is absolutely like nothing else I've ever seen or heard.

Speaker 1 It's a theatrical shock rock, shock heavy metal band that is very performative on stage and we are satirical, funny theatrical show that involves a lot of

Speaker 1 costuming and set pieces and

Speaker 1 phony executions.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's very. Oh, that old saw.
Quite literally. They use a saw sometimes.

Speaker 1 We're also from outer space, though. We have a more narrative.
It's a band of extraterrestrial war gods that has been banished to the planet Earth for all the crimes they committed in outer space.

Speaker 1 Right. And do you remember the original name of the band? It was Gwa!

Speaker 1 But that didn't fit on the marquee. I think it is.

Speaker 1 So just to,

Speaker 1 and you two were right there in the beginning.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 when you joined the band,

Speaker 1 did you pick your own characters?

Speaker 1 I inherited mine.

Speaker 1 I am Balzac, the jaws of death. Baal Zack, the jaws of death.

Speaker 1 I was the third jaws of death. There had been a couple incarnations because the first few shows that Gore played,

Speaker 1 it was just a collective of whoever, whatever artists and musicians they could grab from VCU and the surrounding areas to throw on these costumes and do a show. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love how folksy that sounds. You know, like,

Speaker 1 my father is Mr. Balzac.
Call me Balzac.

Speaker 1 But his grandfather was the jaws of death and his grandfather before me. And Bishop,

Speaker 1 who are you on stage? So originally, I was Beefcake the Mighty, who was the bass player.

Speaker 1 Beefcake has some fans here. Yeah, and

Speaker 1 I did create the character along with Don Draculich, who's one of the artists in the band. You know, just sort of developed it over time.
Now I am the singer

Speaker 1 following the passing of the original lead singer Dave Brocki, who everybody knows and loves.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I came back and now I play the Berserker Blothar. The Berserker Blothar.

Speaker 1 And for people who haven't seen it, these costumes you wear are not just, I mean, like the guys from KISS, for example, are just amateurs when it comes to you guys.

Speaker 1 You've got like enormous headpieces and huge full-body costumes that often have,

Speaker 1 shall we say, over-the-top anatomy. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think you guys should show up in those costumes to one of the Civil War reenactments.

Speaker 1 See what they do.

Speaker 1 And one of the things that I find fascinating is you guys usually don't do any appearances not in costume. And you're not in costume right now.
Yes, that's right. And how does it feel?

Speaker 1 It's really odd. We usually have the characters to put on and to hide behind, and so we always know how to behave.
We never really had to just be ourselves. Right.

Speaker 1 I mean, don't we all do that?

Speaker 1 Ultimately.

Speaker 1 Yeah, even if we don't have enormous fleshy protuberances, it's really, it's something we all deal with. This is not your first time at NPR because famously Guar did a Tiny Desk concert.

Speaker 1 As he's true.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you are,

Speaker 1 I'm not an absolute expert, but I do believe you were the first musicians ever to play a song at Tiny Desk called Sex Cow.

Speaker 1 I mean, Regina Specter tried, but she just

Speaker 1 went to the next one.

Speaker 1 And by the way, I recommend everybody watch this. When you walked into NPR headquarters in the full war regalia, what was the reaction from our colleagues there?

Speaker 1 It was enthusiastic.

Speaker 1 No, they made us go around the whole studios, and I think Michael was on.

Speaker 1 What were they reacting to?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were kind of using us to scare their

Speaker 1 co-workers. Wait a minute, what do you mean?

Speaker 1 It'd be like, it'd be like, hey, Scott Simon, could you step out of the office just for a second? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Sylvia.

Speaker 1 I love the thought of someone showing up to NPR for the first day, seeing you guys, and like, man, Ira Glass does not look how he sounds.

Speaker 1 What's amazing is in the Tiny Desk concert, your character,

Speaker 1 Blotharth the Berserker, proclaims his incredible enthusiasm for Terry Gross. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Who doesn't have

Speaker 1 a driveway moment? Right.

Speaker 1 And you, Guar is very popular in Richmond, of course, and you even have a Guar bar. We do.

Speaker 1 Repeat we've been to

Speaker 1 for fans. And

Speaker 1 Dirks, you work there sometimes, right? I do. I bartend and I'm one of the managers there.
Right. And do people ever come in, I presumably they're Guar fans, they recognize you?

Speaker 1 We'll get people in there all the time. I'll be bartending and people will come up and ask me, like, so do the guys in Guar ever hang out here?

Speaker 1 And I'm always like, not very often. No.

Speaker 1 Well, Mike Dirks and Mike Bishop, we have invited you here to play a game we're calling. If you guys are Guar,

Speaker 1 meet Jaguar.

Speaker 1 We're going to ask you about Jaguars. Answer two out of three questions about Jaguars of various kinds.
You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, Joki. Who are Mike and Mike playing for?

Speaker 1 Sharon Lowry of Richmond, Virginia. All right.
Hands on lady.

Speaker 1 If you win, maybe she'll come by the bar to thank you.

Speaker 1 All right, here we go. Now, the Jacksonville Jaguars are an NFL team that's had some good seasons, but they have also been...

Speaker 1 Very unlucky, including one year when their punter suffered a unique injury. What was it? A, he bet somebody he could punt a 35-pound kettlebell and broke all his toes.

Speaker 1 B, he accidentally chopped himself in the leg with the inspirational axe kept in the locker room. Or C, he joined the team's cheerleaders for a kick line and ruptured his groin on the first kick.

Speaker 1 C sounds weird. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The kicker joining a kick line.

Speaker 1 But I know that they have strict rules against the fraternization between the players and the, so I'm thinking it's the he broke his toes trying broke his toes you so so let me get this right dirks you're picking he broke his toes trying to punt a kettlebell yeah and Bishop you're choosing he got in the kick line yeah with a chewing it was actually the other one

Speaker 1 the coach

Speaker 1 Kept an axe and a stump in the locker room to inspire his team to quote keep chopping What did that happen? And one day the punter did. All right, that's okay, guys.
You still have two more chances.

Speaker 1 Here is your next question. The Jacksonville Jaguars mascot is Jackson Deville.
It's a person in a skin-tight suit and a big Jaguar head.

Speaker 1 And he has been so innovative in the mascot arts that he has actually inspired a rule change for all mascots across the NFL. What is that rule change?

Speaker 1 A, no mascot may ever mime intimate acts with the other team's mascot.

Speaker 1 B, all mascots must be drug tested before each half.

Speaker 1 Or C, no mascot may get closer than six feet to the field of play, especially not if they are carrying a life-size dummy of the opponent's quarterback that they intend to stomp on midfield.

Speaker 1 Well, it sounds like a very Guar answer, so that having the

Speaker 1 rubber dummy of the opposing quarterback.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it really could be inspired by Guar. Maybe it was.
That's the real answer, of course.

Speaker 1 The rule arose from an incident in a game against the Steelers in 1998.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's start talking about real jaguars.

Speaker 1 According to the scientists who work at a wildlife reserve in Guatemala, the best way to attract one of the big cats, they can do it without fail, is to do what?

Speaker 1 A, turn on music by Kenny G, which the jaguars find irresistible. B, wear lots of obsession by Calvin Klein,

Speaker 1 which draws them like flies. or C, dressed like Jackson Deville, the Jacksonville Jaguars mass meeting.

Speaker 1 I bet it's Kenny G, man.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 The audience is saying. B.
B. The audience is shouting B.
They're saying Calvin Klein. Obsession by Calvin Klein.
I know. Cats don't have the super sensitive smell like dogs.
Yeah, they do.

Speaker 1 Well, they've got that thing where they go like that. All right, all right.

Speaker 1 We're trusting these people who are obviously more intelligent than us.

Speaker 1 So you're going to go for B and B. Yes, that's right.
Congratulations, everyone.

Speaker 1 So Jokey, how did Dirks and Bishop do in our quiz? The scum dogs of the universe do not know defeat.

Speaker 1 Well done.

Speaker 1 One more victory. for our visitors from the asteroid.

Speaker 1 Mike Bishop and Mike Dirks are members of the intergalactic heavy metal band Guar, which you can catch on their 40th anniversary tour later this year. More information at Guar.net.

Speaker 1 Bishop and Dirks, thank you so much. Give it up for GWAR, everybody.

Speaker 1 In just a minute, Chioki has a new way to avoid me at the office. It's the Listener Limerick Challenge.
Call 1888-WAITWAIT to join us on the air.

Speaker 1 We'll be back in a minute with more WaitWait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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No contracts, no monthly bills, no hidden fees. Plans start at $15 a month.

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Speaker 4 An NCIDQ certified interior designer must complete a minimum of six years of specialized education and work experience.

Speaker 4 Being NCIDQ certified means that you've proven your knowledge and skills and are recognized as a qualified interior design professional.

Speaker 3 Learn more at cidq.org slash npr.

Speaker 1 This message comes from Wealthfront. It's time your hard-earned money works harder for you.

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Speaker 1 From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Chioki Iansen.
We're playing this week with Naguin Farsad, Adam Burke, and Alzo Slade.

Speaker 1 And here again is your host at the Altria Theater in Richmond, Virginia, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki.

Speaker 1 In just one minute, it's time to sit.

Speaker 1 In just a minute, it's time to sit your kids down and have the talk about limericks.

Speaker 1 It's our listener of limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1888-WAIT WAIT.
That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.
Also,

Speaker 1 we've all gotten used to having these big screens on the dashboards of our cars, but Jeep owners are now complaining that their screens keep showing them what? Their screen keeps showing them...

Speaker 1 I don't know. Can I have a hint? I'll give you a hint.
Yeah, it seems pointless because they've already bought the car. What, an ad? Yes, it keeps showing them ads.

Speaker 2 Is it that one Harrison Ford ad?

Speaker 1 Oh, man. Over and over.
That would be terrible. That would be hella.

Speaker 1 Is it like the screen in the backseat of the Ubers that you can never turn off? Sorta, yeah, it's the screen on their dashboard. You knew this day was coming.

Speaker 1 Car companies were not giving us those huge faux-color screens just to distract us into fatal crashes. No.

Speaker 1 Jeep owners have been complaining about ads for extended warranties on their car

Speaker 1 that pop up every time they come to a stop.

Speaker 1 The company says that's just a glitch, not supposed to happen, but it's hard to believe that when every time the driver gets within two feet of another car, the ad pops up again and says, are you sure?

Speaker 1 This is like when you're watching Netflix and it shows you ads for Netflix and it's like, I'm already watching, I can't watch more Netflix while I'm watching Netflix, Netflix, and then you realize you're talking to Netflix.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a problem. Those ads are for the people that are stealing your account.

Speaker 1 Buy it yourself.

Speaker 1 And like I said, Chrysler says, no, we didn't mean to do this, but they all mean to do this, right?

Speaker 1 Ford Motor Company has already applied for a patent for a system, all true, that will use your camera in a car to identify the driver and then show that driver personalized ads on the screen.

Speaker 2 Oh, so your

Speaker 1 on right right and these ads will be based on its observations of you while driving so it will be extra hurtful when you start seeing ads for like voice lessons near you

Speaker 1 Alzo for more than a decade a man in Ireland has been pleading with authorities to let him search the town's landfill after his girlfriend threw away a Bitcoin wallet worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

Speaker 1 Now the town has always refused his request so now the guy has offered to do what?

Speaker 1 Buy the lake. Not the lake.

Speaker 1 The body of water that the... Yeah, not a body of water, it's a landfill.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Buy the landfill. Buy the landfill, that's right, yes.

Speaker 1 12 years ago, James Howells put a hard drive containing 8,000 Bitcoin in a digital wallet in a garbage bag for easy storage, and his girlfriend threw it in the trash. Correction, ex-girlfriend.

Speaker 1 It's hard to win an argument when you're like, honey, what do you mean you threw away my garbage bag? Now the wallet is right now worth $800 million.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, we're digging, bro. We are digging.
So he says, okay,

Speaker 1 I will buy the whole landfill. And his odds are good.
He says that through careful

Speaker 1 research, he has narrowed the search down so he will only have to sift through 10,000 tons of of garbage. Meanwhile, by coincidence, a seagull has moved into a $40 million mansion

Speaker 1 on the coast.

Speaker 2 So he has enough money to buy a landfill? I mean, I've never bought one myself.

Speaker 1 No, he's going to pay.

Speaker 2 Just how much are these landfills running these days?

Speaker 1 Also, he's going to pay them on the back end. Yeah, yeah.
He's just going to get a lot of money. It's like a promissory name.

Speaker 1 He's just going into every bank in Ireland saying, look, I'm good for it. Can we find this ex-girlfriend and give her an award for creating the perfect metaphor for Bitcoin? It really is amazing.

Speaker 1 Because it's either worth everything or it's just another piece of garbage. It really is something.

Speaker 1 Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 188-WAITWAIT.

Speaker 1 That's 1-888-9248924. You can catch us most weeks at the Stude Baker Theater in downtown Chicago or come see us on the road.

Speaker 1 For example, we will be at the Walt Disney Theater in Orlando, Florida on March 20th. For tickets and information to all of our live shows, go to nprpresents.org.

Speaker 1 Hi, Iran. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

Speaker 5 Hi, this is Vanessa calling from Cane Hill, Arkansas.

Speaker 1 Cane Hill, Arkansas, okay. What do you do there?

Speaker 5 I work as the director of a non-profit historic and cultural site.

Speaker 1 Historic in Cane Hill? What interesting history does one have in Cane Hill, Arkansas?

Speaker 5 Well, it's a really special place. Probably my favorite thing is it was the first co-ed college in the state of Arkansas.

Speaker 1 Wow. Nice.

Speaker 1 That's exciting. What was the name of the first co-ed college?

Speaker 5 Cane Hill College. There was a women's seminary that

Speaker 5 closed, and

Speaker 5 the women went to Cane Hill College, which was previously a men's only college, and it became co-ed. So Cane Hill College.

Speaker 1 And they got busy. Yeah, that's where my mind went out.
Well, Vanessa, welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 Chioki Iansen right here is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each.

Speaker 1 If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to go? Yes.
Here's your first limerick. Like strong whiskey, cocaine is just fine.

Speaker 1 We'll have tastings where folks try a line.

Speaker 1 They will find a dry white. where the blend is just right, because we'll sell it like bottles of

Speaker 1 wine. Yes, the president of Colombia, Gustavo Petro, has envisioned a future, he says, where cocaine is sold around the world and valued and appreciated just like fine wines.

Speaker 1 He's a bit late.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think we're already there. Possibly.
I just want to say, hey, NPR Wine Club, I have an idea that might make us a lot better.

Speaker 1 What do you pair cocaine with other than a 14-hour-long story about your dad?

Speaker 1 All right, here's your next limerick Vanessa. Saying buddy and pal feels real lame.
Oh, hey, you. Hello, chum.
Glad you came. I once had a trick I found charming and slick, but it's creepy repeating a

Speaker 1 name? A name, yes. You have all heard that advice.
If you want to make a good impression on someone you have just met, just repeat their name. Keep repeating their name.

Speaker 1 You know, Jeff, great to meet you, Jeff, by which I mean you, Jeff.

Speaker 1 But the Wall Street Journal reports that people are really getting tired of that trick. They call it pushy and creepy.

Speaker 1 You have to be careful not to cross that line from like coworker trying to make the new guy feel welcome all the way to dad talking to the Applebee's waitress.

Speaker 1 Do you think Jesus hates this?

Speaker 1 He better not. He's like,

Speaker 1 I get it. You know me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, dude, I appreciate you saying my name. Could you do it once when you haven't stubbed your tongue?

Speaker 1 All right, here's your last limerick, Vanessa. Chatty colleagues are not worth exploring.
They keep hoping you'll laugh and start roaring. But they might go away if you simply go gray.

Speaker 1 Don't engage them. Stay listless and...

Speaker 1 Boring. Boring! Exactly! A self-described introvert wrote to the New York Times Workplace Advice Columnist, they have one, saying that she had a colleague who simply wouldn't stop bothering her.

Speaker 1 And the advice was to, quote, go gray. That is, to make her responses so dull that the other person would just give up and go away.
That's easy for her to do.

Speaker 1 Some of us have no offhandle on our charisma faucet.

Speaker 1 You know what'll do it. Like, just this, just play role play, Peter.
You ask me a question. I'll show you.
Hey, Alzo, what you been up to? Do you know your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?

Speaker 1 That'll do it.

Speaker 1 Is that the only reason people got into the priesthood in the frequency?

Speaker 1 Jokie, how did Vanessa do in our quiz? Another first for Kane Hill. Vanessa got all three right.
Well done, Vanessa.

Speaker 1 Hang that on your museum. Congratulations.
Thank you. Thanks so much for calling.

Speaker 1 I'm just

Speaker 1 so proud.

Speaker 1 I'm just

Speaker 1 so boring.

Speaker 3 This message comes from the Council for Interior Design Qualification.

Speaker 3 Interior Designer and CIDQ President Siavash Madani discusses why certified professionals know that good design is more than just how something looks.

Speaker 4 Being NCIDQ certified means you've qualified to protect the health, safety, and welfare of the public in the spaces that you design.

Speaker 4 Good design is never just about aesthetics, it's about intention, safety, and impact.

Speaker 4 So an NCIDQ certified interior designer must complete a minimum of six years of specialized education and work experience and pass the three-part NCIDQ exam.

Speaker 4 All three exams exams emphasize and focus on health, safety, and welfare of the occupants.

Speaker 4 Being NCIDQ certified means that you've proven your knowledge and skills through rigorous exams and are recognized as a qualified interior design professional.

Speaker 3 Learn more at cidq.org slash npr.

Speaker 1 Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can.

Speaker 1 Each correct answer is worth two points. Joki, can you give us the scores? Adam and Alzo have three.
Naguin's got two. Okay, so Naguin, you are in second place.
That means you're up first.

Speaker 1 The clock will start when I begin your first question, fill-in-the-blank.

Speaker 1 After a phone call with Russia on Wednesday, President Trump said negotiations to end the war in blank would start immediately. Ukraine.
Right.

Speaker 1 On Sunday, the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Kansas City Chiefs to win the blank.

Speaker 2 Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Right, this week, automakers Nissan and Blank announced they were pausing their merger. Honda? Yes.
According to new data, rush hour commute time in Blank has dropped 30% thanks to congestion pricing.

Speaker 2 New York City. Right.

Speaker 1 This week, the Chesterfield, Virginia Snowball Festival was rescheduled due to Blank.

Speaker 1 They were here for it. Congestion pricing? No, a snowstorm.

Speaker 1 On Tuesday, former Beatle Blank played a surprise show to 600 fans in New York. McCarthy.

Speaker 2 What? McCartney.

Speaker 1 McCartney. McCartney, after being told his in-laws were considering buying a house in his neighborhood just to be closer to the family, a wealthy man in California blanked.

Speaker 2 He decided to marry his robot.

Speaker 1 No, he didn't. He secretly bought the house so the in-laws couldn't move in.

Speaker 1 When the in-laws excitedly told the guy, well, they'd put in a bid and this house will be right around the corner.

Speaker 1 He then formed an LLC under another name and bought the house in cash so they could not get it. That's gangster.
That's gangster. He was very proud.
It was quick thinking.

Speaker 1 So that has ensured for all time that the in-laws he apparently hates will have to stay in his house whenever they visit.

Speaker 1 Joki, how did Naguin do in our quiz? Naguin got five right for 10 more points. That's a total of 12.
Nageen has the lead. All right.

Speaker 1 Adam, I am arbitrarily choosing you to go next. Here we go.
Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Senate voted to confirm Blank as Director of National Intelligence.
Tulsi Gabbard? It was.

Speaker 1 This week, U.S. Blank jumped by 3%.

Speaker 1 Inflation? Right. After firing the entire board, President Trump was named chairman of the Blank Center.

Speaker 1 The Kennedy Center. How did he manage that? This week.

Speaker 1 I don't think they like that. No, apparently not.
I think they're just booing the Kennedys. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This week, a Georgia representative introduced a bill to rename Greenland Blank.

Speaker 1 Oh, red, white, and blueland? That's right. On Monday, NASA announced the astronauts stuck on the blank would return home sooner than planned.
The International Space Station.

Speaker 1 Right, on Tuesday a giant schnauzer named Monty won best in show at the blank. The Westminster Dog Show?

Speaker 1 Right, this week singer Brian Adams announced he had to cancel a concert in Perth, Australia because the city was dealing with a giant blank.

Speaker 1 Infestation of other Brian Adams? No, they cancelled the concert due to a giant fatberg. Oh, that's right.

Speaker 1 Fatbergs are giant sewer blockages made of discarded grease that all clumps up together and one was so close to the venue where Brian Adams was set to perform that the concert was cancelled over over fears that all the toilets would back up.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. This is, of course, a huge disappointment to Adams fans who weren't able to hear his hits like Summer of 69 and the Encore performance of Summer of 69.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, the theme from Robin Hood, everything I do, I do it for you.

Speaker 1 Oh, excuse me, Mr. Adam Stantz.

Speaker 1 I think he took off.

Speaker 1 I think so.

Speaker 1 Chioki, how did Adam Burke do on our quiz? Adam got six right for 12 more points. Total of 15.

Speaker 1 Adam is in the lead. All right, so how many then does Alzzo Slade need to win this big thing? Six to tie, seven to win.
All right. This is for the game.

Speaker 1 On Monday, President Trump announced 25% blanks on steel and aluminum. Tears.
Right. On Tuesday, the chair of the Federal Reserve said they were in no rush to cut blanks.

Speaker 1 Interest rate. Right.
This week flights were delayed to severe blanks hit the East Coast. Winter winter storms.
Right.

Speaker 1 On Thursday Israel said that Hamas must release more hostages by Saturday or the war in blank would resume. Gaza.
Right.

Speaker 1 This week a man in Minnesota was charged with arson after he tried to put out a fire by blanking. By starting it? No, but

Speaker 1 he actually did start it, but he tried to put it out by dousing it with alcohol.

Speaker 1 That's what he had in his hand. Due to botulism risk, a recall was issued on several brands of canned blank.

Speaker 1 Tuna? Right. On Wednesday, Outcast, Billy Idol and Fish were among the nominees to be inducted into the blank.
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

Speaker 1 Right, this week a woman in the UK in a bad first date excused herself to the bathroom to text a friend, tell them the date was awful, they should call with a fake emergency, but she accidentally blanked.

Speaker 1 Texted him. Yes, she did!

Speaker 1 Yes!

Speaker 1 Everything I'm about to tell you is true. So this woman was on this first date.
She was having a terrible time.

Speaker 1 She goes into the bathroom and she texts her friend, and I quote, this date is rubbish, he's brutally ugly and I'm not having fun.

Speaker 1 Can you call me in about five minutes and I'll pretend there's an emergency, unquote. And she pressed send right to him at the table.
So, and again, this is true.

Speaker 1 The guy looked at it, turned to the waiter, and said, you know,

Speaker 1 I've got to leave in a hurry. An emergency has just come up.
My lady friend is in the bathroom, but she has the credit card and she'll take care of the bill.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Skipped out the door.

Speaker 1 He is the hero we needed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Until he got another text from her going, oh, oh, he's cheap as well.

Speaker 1 Well at that point it wouldn't matter. Yeah, I know.
Chioki, did Alzo do well enough to win? Oh yeah, Alzo got seven right for 14 more points.

Speaker 1 Total of 17. Alzo Slade is this week's winner.
There you go. Yeah

Speaker 1 In just a minute, our panelists will predict, now that pennies are being phased out, what will we do with all our leftover pennies?

Speaker 1 Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, benevolent overlord. Philip Godeker writes our limericks.

Speaker 1 Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane Adonald.

Speaker 1 Thanks to the staff and crew at the Altria Theater in Richmond, Virginia, and a special thanks to our wonderful partners at BPM.

Speaker 1 BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Robos, and Lillian King.

Speaker 1 Special thanks this week to Vinnie Thomas and Monica Hickey, our jolly good fellow, is Hannah Anderson. Peter Gwynn's got that big dinner energy.
Emma Choi is our vibe curator.

Speaker 1 Technical directionalism is Lorna White, our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.
Our senior producer is Ian Chillog, and the executive producer is Mike Danforth.

Speaker 1 Now, panel, what will we do with all those pennies? Alzo Slade. I gotta buy some fresh loafers to put them in.
Nagin Farsade.

Speaker 2 The pennies will be equally distributed among barista tip jars from coast to coast.

Speaker 1 And Adam Burke. We're going to take all those pennies over the next four years and throw them into fountains and make a wish over and over again.

Speaker 1 And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 1 Thank you Toyoke Anson filling in for Bill Curtis.

Speaker 1 Who will be back the next time you hear us. Thanks also to Naguin Farsad and Burke and Alzo Slade our fabulous audience here in Richmond, Virginia.

Speaker 1 And thanks all of you for listening wherever you are. I'm Peter Stego.
We'll see you next week.

Speaker 1 This

Speaker 1 is NPR.

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Speaker 3 Farmer Tanner Pace shares why he believes it's important to care for his land and how he hopes to pass the opportunity to farm onto his sons.

Speaker 6 We are paving the way for a future. We only have one earth and we have to make it count.

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Speaker 3 To learn more about how Vital Farms farmers care for their hens, visit vitalfarms.com.