WWDTM: Vanessa bayer

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Speaker 1 From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR news quiz. Filling in for Bill Curtis, I'm the voice so deep, you need a lifeguard.

Speaker 1 Shioki Iansen, and here's your host at the Student Baker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Tom Papa.

Speaker 2 Hi, everybody. I'm Tom Papa, filling in for Peter Sagal, because my agent thinks Chicago in February is a great idea.

Speaker 2 We've got a great show for you today, and we'd like to say a big welcome to the millions of you who tuned in because you thought the Super Bowl was being broadcast on NPR this year.

Speaker 2 Right now, it's your turn to play the big game. The number is 1-888-WAIT WAIT.
That's 1-888-924-8924. Now it's time to welcome our first listener contestant.
Hi, you're on WaitWait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 3 Hi, Tom. This is Edie calling in from Alexandria, Virginia.

Speaker 2 Oh, hi, Edie.

Speaker 4 How's it going?

Speaker 2 Good.

Speaker 2 What do you like to do down there in Virginia?

Speaker 3 Well, I work in conservation and climate advocacy, and I like to go birding, spend time outside,

Speaker 3 you know, sneak it up.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Someone just yelled, yay for being outside.

Speaker 2 That's what it's going to be in the future, just humans going, we remember.

Speaker 2 Now, Edie, let's introduce you to our panel. First, a writer for Clean Slate.
Season one is on Amazon Prime now, Shantira Jackson. Hi, Santira.
Hi.

Speaker 2 next an actor and writer who can be seen in the acclaimed improv show Too Square at the UCB Theater in New York on February 27th Peter Gross

Speaker 2 And a comedian who you can see in her Netflix special big guy or on tour tickets and info at rachel-feinstein.com welcome to the panel Rachel Feinstein thank you thank you for having me Tommy hi Rachel

Speaker 2 Well, welcome to the show, Edie. You're going to play Who's Chiochi this Time?

Speaker 2 Chioke Iansen is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize.
Any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail.

Speaker 2 You ready?

Speaker 3 Am I ever?

Speaker 2 Here's your first quote from the Wall Street Journal.

Speaker 1 This is the dumbest trade war in history.

Speaker 2 The journal was talking about moves made by the U.S. government to slap what on Canada, Mexico, and China this week.

Speaker 3 Would those be tariffs?

Speaker 2 That's right, tariffs.

Speaker 2 They were supposed to take effect Tuesday, but 11th-hour negotiations delayed them, giving hardworking Americans a much-needed reprieve from having to figure out what tariffs are.

Speaker 2 It does feel like, it feels like high school history class. Are you talking about tariffs? You're like, I don't, what are those even?

Speaker 2 Right. Like, I'll just skip that one.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 4 This is like everything my husband screams about when he's drunk, like every libertarian guy.

Speaker 2 I'm like, now I have to understand it.

Speaker 2 Every time he's drunk, he's like, you don't respect George Washington.

Speaker 2 Not really, but he's not the reason you can't drive right now.

Speaker 2 If you're confused about how a 25% tariff on goods from Canada and Mexico might affect you, just think about it like this. Do you like eating food?

Speaker 2 Well, that's going to be way more expensive now.

Speaker 2 It is amazing, though, that the Wall Street Journal is the one that's calling them out because they're saying that it's a dumb idea, then it might actually be a dumb idea. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 I always feel like when I see the Wall Street Journal like in a lobby or something, I pick it up and I feel like, oh yeah, I know money.

Speaker 2 I feel like I pick it up and the paper goes, please put me down.

Speaker 2 Now I'm going to have to learn more Outlander words. I'm just so annoyed.

Speaker 4 I feel like tariff seems like, just sounds like something you have to give like a troll to cross a bridge or something.

Speaker 2 Grocery prices have gone up already, but don't worry, despite the high price of eggs, Trump has promised all Americans will still be able to die of bird flu.

Speaker 2 So reassuring. Did he lose the negotiation though? He wanted tariffs with Canada and Mexico.
Right. And they backed down pretty quick.
So it doesn't seem like a win or a good target.

Speaker 2 Well, it depends what channel you watch. Yeah, sure does.

Speaker 4 Depends how hot the reporter is talking about it.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I was watching Fox, and they're like, he did it. They backed down.
He gave him everything he wanted.

Speaker 2 And then I went over to CNN, and they're like, they said they're going to put 10,000 troops on the border, which they already have.

Speaker 4 I feel like if the newscaster looks like she would give you bottle service in Tampa, then you can't always trust the news.

Speaker 2 All right, here's your next quote.

Speaker 1 I'm stuck there for a half an hour watching stuff before it actually starts.

Speaker 2 That was someone responding to a new law proposed by a Connecticut state senator to force movie theaters to tell us what.

Speaker 2 Ooh,

Speaker 3 when to arrive, how early to get there?

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 3 we have to watch the ad.

Speaker 2 Very good. When a movie starts.
Okay.

Speaker 1 When it exactly starts.

Speaker 2 America needs a hero right now, and now we have one.

Speaker 2 Senator Martin Looney of Connecticut wants to require theaters to tell us exactly what time the movie actually starts so we don't have to sit through half an hour of ads and previews.

Speaker 2 His last name is Looney?

Speaker 2 You know, Martin Looney just seems like a pretend name.

Speaker 4 It's like a wacky 80s movie of like a guy that owns a toy store or something.

Speaker 2 It also could be like a character from a Marx Brothers movie. Right? Like, there's no way anybody.
Hi, President Martin Looney. Come over here.

Speaker 2 Meet Tim Quackers. He's my Secretary of State.

Speaker 2 Well, we've all been there.

Speaker 2 The show time's at 7, so you get there at 6:40, but then traffic is light, so you end up in the theater while they're still playing commercials for the company that runs the commercials.

Speaker 2 It's getting way too long. And here's the crazy part: when Martin Luther King Jr.
said the arc of the moral universe is long but bends toward justice, this is what he was talking about.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is our Black History Month joke.

Speaker 8 And you know what?

Speaker 8 You know what?

Speaker 2 I laughed a little bit.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 4 On one hand, I was thinking, like, this maybe shouldn't be what the Congressmen are working on right now. Like, I was like, is this what they should be?

Speaker 2 It's the only thing they can do.

Speaker 2 That's true.

Speaker 6 It's like, oh, how can we get the people happy about one thing?

Speaker 4 I appreciate that padding because it's just like 30 minutes, I don't have to feel ashamed for being on my phone, you know, like out of the day.

Speaker 4 And also, I feel like the person that wants to, like, they want that extra 30 minutes, like, I don't know, I feel like they're just like maybe in a happier marriage or something.

Speaker 2 Like, I just,

Speaker 4 I love 30 minutes in the dark, is all I want at the end of the day.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, Edie, here's your last quote.

Speaker 1 She would have been really slow.

Speaker 2 That was a researcher talking about a new finding that the ancient human ancestor Lucy could do what? Hmm. Can I have a hint, please? Sure.

Speaker 2 Her remains were found wearing a pair of Nikes.

Speaker 2 So she could run slowly? Yes, run. Good job.

Speaker 2 Using advanced computer modeling, researchers now believe the early hominid Lucy was capable of running. And this is true.
While she couldn't run far, she also couldn't run fast.

Speaker 2 Is it running then?

Speaker 2 Also, we don't know what was going on in her life.

Speaker 8 Is she the first? We don't know how fast fast was back then.

Speaker 2 She might have been the fast.

Speaker 8 If she's the only person we know running, if you're the only one running, you are the fast.

Speaker 2 That's true. There might have been

Speaker 2 in first and last.

Speaker 2 She came in first. There was probably a slug, like a prehistoric slug, that was like, oh my God.

Speaker 2 You know what?

Speaker 8 It's always people who don't do sports who are talking trash about people who do sports.

Speaker 6 You're in a lab, and that girl can run, okay?

Speaker 2 Can you imagine falling out of a tree and dying, and then 3.2 million years later, they put your bones together to prove you were slow as hell?

Speaker 2 It's so unnecessary. I know.
It feels really good. Yeah.
What's the next

Speaker 2 article going to be? Like, yeah, and she couldn't read either.

Speaker 2 Shioki, how did Edie do?

Speaker 1 Well, I hope she chooses the right voice on her voicemail because she got all three right.

Speaker 2 There you go, Edie.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much. Thank you so much for playing.
Bye, Rachel. Take care.

Speaker 2 Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

Speaker 2 Rachel, this week a proposal at a restaurant in China went awry when the woman being proposed to accidentally did what?

Speaker 4 With a woman. Oh, I'm supposed to actually know the answer to that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I can give you a hint. Okay, give me a hint.
Okay. Hiding the ring in dessert is not without risk.

Speaker 4 Oh, she ate it.

Speaker 2 That's right. She ate the ring.
Very good.

Speaker 2 Oh, dear. Michael.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Good job.

Speaker 2 In a grand, romantic gesture, the man had the restaurant hide a golden engagement ring in the cake that they ordered for dessert.

Speaker 2 Unfortunately, the woman never got a chance to say yes, yes, because she was too busy saying yum cake.

Speaker 2 She was like a deep pig, but she just had to stuff herself.

Speaker 8 Here's the thing: it's his fault because the ring had to be too small if she was able to eat it.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 6 Get her a bigger rock.

Speaker 8 Not even just, she just ate it, not a choke, not a spit out.

Speaker 6 Nothing. She swallowed it? She swallowed it.

Speaker 2 They're not getting married.

Speaker 4 I just feel like we need to know what dish she put it in.

Speaker 2 It was carrot cake, probably.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a big meal. Oh!

Speaker 2 Oh, I see what you did. I see what you did.
I did too, and I'm going to go now.

Speaker 2 No, that is like, that is just the stupidest possible idea. Because even if it, like, the best version of it is, is, it ends with her being like, what the hell on earth?

Speaker 2 Like, pulling a ring out of her mouth. It was really awkward afterwards when the guy got down on one knee behind her

Speaker 2 and said, I'm going to have a really important question for you in about six hours.

Speaker 2 Just a sliver of control.

Speaker 2 The rest is at a hand.

Speaker 2 Coming up, turns out it's actually very easy to be green. Find out why in our Bluff the Listener game.
Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to play.

Speaker 2 We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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Speaker 1 From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Shioki Iansen.
We're playing this week with Rachel Feinstein, Shantira Jackson, and Peter Gross.

Speaker 1 And here again is your host at the Student Baker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Tom Papa.

Speaker 2 Thanks, Chioki.

Speaker 2 Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me bluff the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT WAIT to play our game on air or check out the pin post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR.

Speaker 2 Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi there.

Speaker 10 This is Chris Seymour in Brooklyn, New York.

Speaker 2 Ah, hello, Chris. Hello.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Brooklyn. Brooklyn.
What's going on in Brooklyn these days? How's February in Brooklyn? Well,

Speaker 10 more snow than you might actually want or flush, but you know, we're moving along.

Speaker 1 All right, that's good.

Speaker 2 You sound like you're really enjoying it.

Speaker 10 Brooklyn thing, I spent some time this afternoon clearing snow from in front of the community garden I'm a member of, so that's really Brooklyn.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's very nice. That's really nice of you.
I was doing that too before the show

Speaker 2 over in Chicago.

Speaker 2 Well, it's nice to have you here, Chris. You're going to play our game in which you must try and tell truth from fiction.
What's the topic, Chioki?

Speaker 1 Why is everything green?

Speaker 2 These days, everybody wants green things. Green witches and wicked.
Green money. Greenland.

Speaker 2 This week, we heard a story where something new turned green. Our panelists are going to tell you about it.

Speaker 2 Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win the weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

Speaker 2 I guess so.

Speaker 2 I love your confidence. First up, it's Shantira Jackson.

Speaker 8 Many folks like to paint the town red, but one woman was truly flabbergasted when everything in her house was suddenly dyed green, including her cat.

Speaker 8 So, like any American seeking good advice, the woman turned to Reddit.

Speaker 8 She She explained that she first noticed her cat's fur taking on a greenish tint before seeing that other items in her home, including her couch, phone charger, and wall, were also changing hues.

Speaker 8 She took her cat to the vet, had her AC and water checked, and even went to the doctor herself for answers and got none.

Speaker 8 She was totally at a loss until one Reddit user asked if the original poster had recently purchased some jeans from Old Navy.

Speaker 8 Apparently, there is a pair of jeans from Old Navy that are notorious for staining everything green. The woman claimed that neither she nor her husband wore jeans.
They were strictly a slack family.

Speaker 8 But something about the comic irked her and made her suspicious of an affair.

Speaker 8 She looked through her husband's phone, and lo and behold, there were, quote, some sexy Instagram DMs from a woman who wears jeans.

Speaker 8 He was in fact having an affair. Turns out green wasn't the color of jealousy, but rather the color of bargain-priced infidelity.

Speaker 2 So that was Cheating Jeans Woman from Shankara Jackson. Your next story of something going green comes from Rachel Feinstein.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, this is true.

Speaker 4 This is a prodigious orchestra in Warsaw, Poland. The renowned musician Gustav Slavin, you guys know his work.

Speaker 4 He was playing his organ for the St. Patty's Day waltz when he all of a sudden noticed that his hands had turned a rather sickly pew-colored green.
That's right, his poor mitts had turned green.

Speaker 4 Basically, what he had was called organ's paw, and that's when your instrument kind of seeps onto your hands. And because he had a green organ, his hands turned green.

Speaker 4 And now it's known as a wider affliction called Slavin's Paw that a lot of musicians have. Basically, it just turns your instrument.
Can you just save me somehow?

Speaker 4 Oh, he founded the Organ's Paw Youth Alliance, which helps young young musicians that are also rancid from Organs Paw.

Speaker 4 I'm going to go put myself down like a dog now.

Speaker 2 That is a medical term, going rancid from something.

Speaker 2 Seems very convincing. Organ Paw from Rachel Feinstein.

Speaker 2 Your last story with a greenish hue comes from Peter Gross.

Speaker 2 The staff at the local CVS in Belmore, New York panicked when they didn't receive any of their Valentine's Day decorations.

Speaker 2 No red banners, no paper cupids, no heart-shaped boxes of chocolates for forgetful husbands to buy at 1145 on February 14th. Corporate must have forgotten about us, said store manager Frank Fusco.

Speaker 2 So we had to improvise. Fusco and his employees raided their stock room for anything to spruce up the store.

Speaker 2 All they found was some green MM tie-in posters left over from Christmas, 10 unopened boxes of pint-scented air fresheners, Hulk merchandise from the 2008 Hulk movie, and they saw a theme developing.

Speaker 2 Everything was all green, so they decided to lean in and make the whole store look like a golf course that had a three-way with an avocado and an alligator. Green and Tyne's Day was born.

Speaker 2 Customers really got into the spirit, dressing in as their favorite green pop culture characters: Peter Pan, Kermit, that thing from the Musinex commercials.

Speaker 2 One guy dressed as Yoda even proposed to his wife in an Alphabet costume, which everyone agreed was kind of adorable and also very disturbing.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 So, Chris, you've got Shantira's story of a cheater leaving behind a green trail of lies, Rachel's story of an organist with a case of organ paw.

Speaker 2 And from Peter, CVS trying to make Greenentine's Day a thing. Which one is real?

Speaker 7 I would love to believe in Slavin's paw.

Speaker 4 It's Slavin's paw, by the way.

Speaker 2 It is real. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 You know how many children you're hurting right now?

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 7 I don't believe the CVS story. I think I have to go with the cheating gene as Finchet Hero.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 To find out the correct answer, we spoke to someone who reported on the real story.

Speaker 11 She posted the pictures on the subreddit of this white cat with like a little green tinge, and someone said this would be a funny way if you found out your husband was having an affair.

Speaker 2 That was MJ Bradford, a radio announcer at Barry 360, talking about the cheater getting caught green-handed. Congratulations, Chris.
You got it right.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much for the day.

Speaker 2 Well done. You earned a point for Shantira and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice, on your voicemail.
Thank you so much for playing with us today, Chris. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2 Enjoy Brooklyn.

Speaker 2 And now, the game we call Not My Job. After being a part of improv groups at Second City and I.O.

Speaker 2 and interning for Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Vanessa Baer joined the cast of Saturday Night Live in 2010 and stayed with the show for seven years.

Speaker 2 She's now celebrating SNL's 50th anniversary, but we swear it doesn't look a day over 45.

Speaker 2 Vanessa Baer, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 2 So nice to see you. Thank you for being here.

Speaker 12 Oh my God, thank you so much.

Speaker 2 I'm a huge fan. We all are.

Speaker 2 It's so nice to actually get to talk to you. When you look at your body of work, you have this great

Speaker 2 ability of being so sweet and likable, and then you kind of have this subversive kind of cutting comedy.

Speaker 2 I guess my first question in real life, are you as sweet as you look?

Speaker 12 Oh, I mean, you could ask Rachel

Speaker 12 to an extent.

Speaker 12 I think I am sweet, but I do love to gossip.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes.

Speaker 4 That's such a good, that's such a good, that's a very honest and accurate description. Yes, she's very lovely and warm, but she'll get into it.

Speaker 2 Vanessa has never clutched pearls around me once. I've never seen her clutch her pearls.

Speaker 2 It seems that your whole family has a really great sense of humor when I've heard you talk about your family and especially

Speaker 2 they were especially helpful getting you through challenges when you were younger. Was that something that just came natural or did that come out of the challenges?

Speaker 12 I think that my dad was always very funny.

Speaker 12 My brother was always funny. My mom, sorry, my mom too, brag.

Speaker 6 But

Speaker 12 I think that me, you know, particularly when I was a teenager and I had leukemia, I think my family really, their senses of humor were like, really,

Speaker 12 really came out. And I think it made us all kind of funnier because we learned that that was sort of a, you know, a thing that put us at ease, it put everybody we knew at ease.
And so I think it

Speaker 2 made everyone funnier. Right, just to just to kind of get through it.

Speaker 2 And it's funny, I've heard you tell stories about how you start off just trying to like protect yourself and be strong, just all of you, just to get through it.

Speaker 2 But then when the skies started clearing and it seemed like you were going to be okay, you didn't really stop

Speaker 2 taking advantage of some of the goodwill that people had towards you.

Speaker 12 I'm pretty sure I earned some

Speaker 12 stuff forever.

Speaker 12 Yeah, I would, you know, the big term in my family was dropping the L-bomb. Like, you know, my dad came out of the speeding ticket because he said that I was sick.

Speaker 12 This was like year, I was done with treatment and stuff.

Speaker 12 Like, yeah, using it, you know, I feel like if you survive something like that, or honestly, if you survive anything, you should get perks forever.

Speaker 4 At least like a Starbucks gift card.

Speaker 2 Come on. What did you get out of when you were a teenager?

Speaker 12 Well, the huge thing was gym class.

Speaker 2 Ah.

Speaker 12 Yeah, I didn't have to do gym class, and that was like huge. I mean, who wants to like, it's so,

Speaker 12 it's so demeaning. It's so disgusting that you have to be like a teenager and you're trying to look cool in front of everybody and you have to like go change into like shorts and like

Speaker 12 go like get sweaty and then like you can't shower. You just have to change back into your clothes and go to class.
It's like,

Speaker 12 hello, this sucks.

Speaker 12 So I got out of gym class. That was the biggest thing.
And then I sort of got out of like anything else I wanted to get out of. But the main thing was getting out of gym class was so great.

Speaker 12 I mean, I recommend it so much.

Speaker 2 But also, I will say, to this day, you cannot climb up a rope and touch the top of the rope.

Speaker 2 It's like one of her biggest flaws.

Speaker 2 And I have to live with that. So that's a trade-off.

Speaker 2 I've never heard about your audition for SNL.

Speaker 12 What was that like? You know, I got myself into such a good headspace before my SNL audition. And I'm like, I'm just going to enjoy this.
It feels like it's going to lead to positive things.

Speaker 12 I mean, I'm a real big optimist. You can tell by the way I'm telling the story.

Speaker 12 But like, I just was so excited to be there and i was like i just want to be so present for this sorry to sound like oh we get it but like i want to be so present this yeah and did you know when you were done that you had in fact nailed it i well i was told they're not gonna laugh so don't be offended if they don't laugh nobody laughs right

Speaker 12 They did laugh. I remember after my first character, they laughed and I was like, whoa, I didn't even think this was possible.

Speaker 2 What was the character? Was it the Bar Mitsva kid?

Speaker 12 No, I did a different little boy who was really into rocks.

Speaker 2 I love that there's multiple.

Speaker 2 Multiple little boys. Incredible.
Yeah.

Speaker 12 He was really into rose quartz.

Speaker 2 And they laughed right away.

Speaker 12 Yeah, they laughed right away. And then

Speaker 12 they called me back a week later and I met with Lauren and that was really exciting. And then

Speaker 12 I was told I would hear within the next day. And then, so my parents stayed up all night.

Speaker 7 Oh, that's great.

Speaker 2 We didn't hear.

Speaker 12 And I remember my parents were freaking out, and I was like, 24 hours to them is like, it's longer.

Speaker 12 And then, like, a week later, I got a call from a producer.

Speaker 2 A week later. Well, before we play the game, Rachel says, you really like gossip.
Is there any gossip you want to drop?

Speaker 2 You guys talk about Tom.

Speaker 2 I will say that Tom has been extremely inappropriate.

Speaker 4 Sage, yeah.

Speaker 2 I didn't feel safe.

Speaker 4 He was just...

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 People don't do this when Peter hosts.

Speaker 2 Vanessa Bear, we've asked you here to play a game we're calling...

Speaker 1 It's a Golden Jubilee.

Speaker 2 Okay. You're helping SNL celebrate their golden 50th anniversary, but they're not the only one turning 50 this year.

Speaker 2 Answer our three questions about other things that started in 1975, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice, on their voicemail.

Speaker 2 Chioki, who is Vanessa playing for?

Speaker 1 Liz Ward of Austin, Texas.

Speaker 2 All right, here's your first question.

Speaker 2 Jaws turns 50 this year and wouldn't be nearly as iconic without John Williams' memorable two-note theme. When he first played it for Steven Spielberg, what was the director's response?

Speaker 2 A, he got so scared he fled the studio in terror.

Speaker 2 B, he reminded Williams that they were only paying him per note, so he better step it up.

Speaker 2 Or C, he said, quote, that's funny, John. Really? What did you really have in mind for the theme of drawings?

Speaker 12 My guess is

Speaker 2 You're right, C.

Speaker 2 Very good.

Speaker 2 That was fast with confidence. Okay,

Speaker 2 here's your next question.

Speaker 2 50 Cent turned 50 this year, and almost as famous as his music is his feud with fellow rapper Ja Rule.

Speaker 2 Things got so heated at one point that 50 Cent did what?

Speaker 2 A, convince Ja Rule to invest in this super cool and not at all shady thing called the Fire Festival.

Speaker 2 B, bought 200 front-row tickets to a Ja Rule concert so he'd have to perform to an empty arena.

Speaker 2 Or C, bought the URL jaruel.com and made the homepage just say more like Ja Fool.

Speaker 12 Okay, I feel like I answered too quickly last time. But you got it right.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 12 Well,

Speaker 12 here we go, and here comes the answer.

Speaker 2 Vanessa, we don't have as much time as you think, so just really, just get to it.

Speaker 12 My guess is B.

Speaker 2 You're right. B.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 That was really rough. What a tough one.

Speaker 12 That's so funny that he did that.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 Also mean.

Speaker 2 So mean.

Speaker 2 All right, here's your last question. Okay.

Speaker 2 Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton married for the second time in 1975, with Taylor saying, quote, we married once again, back where we belonged, where we always belonged.

Speaker 2 What did she say 10 months later?

Speaker 2 A,

Speaker 2 quote, these have been the most beautiful 10 months of either of our lives.

Speaker 2 B, quote, were you to look up love in the dictionary, certainly you'd see a picture of Richard and me. Or C,

Speaker 2 quote, we can't be together.

Speaker 12 Thasty.

Speaker 2 You're right, C. Oh, Justy.

Speaker 2 I was going to say it was all three. The couple divorced shortly afterwards.
Chioki, how did Vanessa Bayer do on our quiz?

Speaker 1 Well, here's the gossip on Vanessa Bayer.

Speaker 1 She got all three right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Nice job.

Speaker 2 Vanessa Bear is an actor and comedian who's celebrating SNL's 50th anniversary. Vanessa Bear, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 2 In just a minute, if you're wondering what gross thing should I rub on my face today,

Speaker 2 in the Listener Limerick Challenge, we have your answer. Call 188-WAITWAIT to join us on air.
We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait-Wait-Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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Speaker 1 From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Chioki Ianson.
We're playing this week with Peter Gross, Rachel Feinstein, and Shantira Jackson.

Speaker 1 And here again is your host at the Student Baker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Tom Papa.

Speaker 2 Thanks, Chiochi. In just a minute, it's the Super Bowl of early 18th century literary forms, the Listener Limerick Challenge.
If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-88-WAIT-WAIT.

Speaker 2 That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news.

Speaker 2 Shantira, according to the Washington Post, as more people stopped drinking alcohol during January, they started drinking what instead?

Speaker 8 Whiskey.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 8 Um, water.

Speaker 2 Would you like a hint?

Speaker 8 Yeah, I would love that because I know a lot of drinks.

Speaker 2 Okay. You named two of my favorites just now.

Speaker 2 I'm not doing dry January. I'm doing high January.

Speaker 2 CBD drinks?

Speaker 2 Marijuana. Yeah.
Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 2 For anybody who ever accidentally drank bong water and thought,

Speaker 2 yes, please,

Speaker 2 it's drinkable cannabis. According to distributors, it's incredibly popular among parents aged 35 to 55, which is not surprising if you've been to any block party in the last two years.

Speaker 2 But I've heard that cannabis drinks are not as powerful as other forms of cannabis. Is anyone here in the audience? Feel free.

Speaker 8 I've heard from myself.

Speaker 2 Yes, what is yourself?

Speaker 8 I've heard from myself, there's like different versions.

Speaker 8 And at the end of the day, you're going to fall asleep anyway.

Speaker 2 Also, it's like, is it dry January if you're getting like red, you're altering yourself with something that isn't alcohol, so it's not really dry. You're literally drinking, which is the opposite.

Speaker 2 There is liquid, which is the opposite of dryness. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm sober, I just smoke tons of weed.

Speaker 4 You basically when you're not sober and you're

Speaker 2 sober. That's when you're like, I'm on ayahuasca, but I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Why are you shooting heroin? Dude, it's dry January.

Speaker 2 Peter. Yes.
A new essay in the New York Times recommends that those in need of peace, peace, meditation, and community simply go where? Heaven.

Speaker 2 As fast as possible.

Speaker 2 Peace, peace. Can I take a hint? Nothing more soothing than the sound of a urinal flushing.

Speaker 2 I guess they would go to a bathroom? Yes, public bathrooms. Public bathrooms.
Yes.

Speaker 2 The columnist says public restrooms are the perfect place to escape awkward social functions, high-stress work situations, and breathable air.

Speaker 2 Have you ever escaped to a public bathroom and said, ah. I've escaped from a public bathroom.

Speaker 2 I love the idea of community, that they're going in there for community.

Speaker 4 Community is a little confusing.

Speaker 8 I think I do love public restrooms.

Speaker 2 Public community.

Speaker 8 Girls out at a club, there's nothing better than two o'clock in the morning, freaking Destiny's Child on the radio in a girl's bathroom.

Speaker 2 It's the most fun place on the planet. It's the most

Speaker 2 happening in the world. We're having more fun place.
Thank you, you guys. That's freaking.

Speaker 6 I can't tell you.

Speaker 8 But everybody's so nice. There's infinite tampons.

Speaker 8 It's just like.

Speaker 2 That's what I said, heaven. Yeah, it's not.

Speaker 4 It's not just tamps, Tommy.

Speaker 2 No, no.

Speaker 4 We're giving each other sponge baths in there.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 This is what I really thought was happening in there.

Speaker 8 Everybody's so nice. You just walk in and then drunk girls are like, you look so beautiful.
And it's like, thank you.

Speaker 2 If I went into a bathroom and Tom was there, I wouldn't talk to him.

Speaker 2 If you hadn't seen each other in 50 years. No.
But even if you're not. Not till you get out.

Speaker 2 You can't be standing at a urinal and going, you look great.

Speaker 2 Coming up, it's lightning. Fill in the blank.
But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you like to play on air, call or leave us a message at 1-88-WAIT WAIT.

Speaker 2 That's 1-888-924-8924.

Speaker 2 Also, you can catch us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago and come see us on the road at the Walt Disney Theater in Orlando, Florida on March 20th.

Speaker 2 Tickets and info at nprpresents.org.

Speaker 2 Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 13 Hello, this is Jeremiah Donahal calling from beautiful Brooklyn, South Dakota.

Speaker 2 Ooh, nice to meet you, you, Jeremiah. What goes on in South Dakota in the winter?

Speaker 13 Not much, but a bunch of blowing snow.

Speaker 2 Welcome to the show, Jeremiah. Chioki Iansen is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each.

Speaker 2 If you can fill in the last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner. Here's your first limerick.

Speaker 1 My skin has a roughened savannah feel, but Botox and balms are a grandma's deal. I'll try something funky, this fruit from a monkey.
I'm rubbing my face with...

Speaker 7 Banana peel?

Speaker 2 That's right, banana peel.

Speaker 2 According to beauty influencers and 14-year-olds on TikTok,

Speaker 2 the enzymes and banana peels can plump and brighten up your skin as a cheaper, more potassium-rich alternative to Botox. And according to scientists, no, they can't.

Speaker 2 Bananas, everybody turns to bananas. Like when you were young,

Speaker 2 was there a rumor that you could smoke banana peels? Yeah, you could get high on it. You get high ones.
I feel like that, too.

Speaker 2 That was that. It was that you have to dry them out in the oven.
And like, it's just, it was all BS.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's a good, everybody just go, like, I'm sure some guy will be like, if you, you know, you're having trouble down there sexually, just take a banana and just smoosh it in your pants. Well,

Speaker 2 that one is true.

Speaker 2 All right, here's your next limerick.

Speaker 1 Since there's loss in the big coffee game, we'll return to the source of our fame. We will keep messing up what we write on your cup.
We've gone back to misspelling your name.

Speaker 2 That's right, name.

Speaker 2 Hoping to reverse falling sales, Starbucks decided to return to their roots of writing your name on your cup as a random collection of squiggles with a toxic marker.

Speaker 2 And it's working. Starbucks beat expectations last quarter.

Speaker 2 The CEO credits their approach of going back to basics on some things, like ceramic mugs if you order to stay, and keeping things that work, like pretending a Caramel Mocha Frappuccino is a coffee drink and not a hot fudge sundae.

Speaker 2 Do you have a Starbucks name?

Speaker 8 Do you have like a name that you give when you go to

Speaker 8 so that they always get it? Yes. I mean, your name's Tom, so I don't know how, they're messing up Shantira left and right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it depends where I am. Like this week, I kept using Peter Sagal.

Speaker 2 Another free coffee, Mr. Sagle.

Speaker 8 Leave it on my tab.

Speaker 2 Here's your last limerick.

Speaker 1 Hopping each day makes my rump dope.

Speaker 1 And my cardio hops gave that chump hope. He made a mistake and fell into a lake, but I soon pulled him out with my

Speaker 1 jump rope?

Speaker 2 Yes, you're right. Nice.
Jump rope.

Speaker 2 Professional jump roper David Fisher was out for a walk near a frozen pond when he heard someone screaming for help.

Speaker 2 Immediately, he sprung into action, grabbed his extra long double Dutch rope, and dragged the person and their dog out of the water. While he was doing it, our hero could be heard saying, C.

Speaker 2 Dad, could an accounting degree do that?

Speaker 2 Yeah, can we back up to professional jump roper for a second?

Speaker 2 No, it exists.

Speaker 8 Every time I go to a hotel, I'll probably do it tonight, I always go to like ESPN 8 and watch the wildest sports there ever was.

Speaker 2 There's like a soccer golf I saw one time.

Speaker 8 There's definitely professional juggling.

Speaker 2 That's professional. But this is like a grown man.
Like, I would assume a professional jump road would be like a 13-year-old girl or something like that.

Speaker 2 Just in terms of the skill that is needed, those are the people I see excelling at it the most. Yeah, you know, 10,000 hours.
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 Kioki, how did Jeremiah do?

Speaker 1 He got all three right.

Speaker 2 Nice work, Jeremiah.

Speaker 2 Thank you very much. Thank you so much.
Enjoy the rest of your winter.

Speaker 2 I'll sure try. Give him a big round of applause, everybody.

Speaker 2 Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill-in-the-Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can.

Speaker 2 Each correct answer is worth two points. Chioki, can you give us the scores?

Speaker 1 Peter has three points. Rachel has four points.
Shantira has five points.

Speaker 2 Yes, she does. Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 So, Peter, you're in third place. So you're up first.
Good. The clock will start when I begin your first question.
Fill in the blank.

Speaker 2 On Tuesday, President Trump faced widespread criticism for his proposal that the U.S. take over Blank.
Oh, Gaza? Right.

Speaker 2 On Wednesday, former Senate Majority Leader Blank slipped and fell outside the Senate chamber. Oh, that kooky Mitch McConnell.
Right.

Speaker 2 This week, a doctor in Italy is being investigated for giving blank an unauthorized CAT scan.

Speaker 2 A cat? Yes,

Speaker 2 he gave his cat a CAT scan. That's impressive.
On Thursday, scientists discovered a new blank that could hit the Earth in 2182. Asteroid? That's right.

Speaker 2 In good news for anyone struggling with the price of eggs, a new AI bot has recommended a cheaper alternative:

Speaker 2 human eggs.

Speaker 2 Close. Cow eggs.

Speaker 2 The new French AI called Lucy was quickly taken off the market after it recommended eating cow eggs as a healthy and affordable breakfast.

Speaker 2 Programmers quickly corrected the mistake, and now Lucy suggests starting breakfast with a big bowl of cereal swimming in chicken milk.

Speaker 2 Chioki, how did Peter do?

Speaker 1 Peter got five right for 10 more points. That's a total of 13, so Peter has the lead.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So Rachel, you're up next. Fill in the blank.
Despite questions of legality, the White House began sending migrants to Blank.

Speaker 4 Guantanamo Bay.

Speaker 2 Right. On Tuesday, big box chain Blank Co.
announced they were raising most worker pay to $30 an hour.

Speaker 4 You know, sometimes when I do trivia, my mind just closes like a boss.

Speaker 2 Can you just give me the answer? You're right. Costco.

Speaker 2 This week, the U.S. Treasury acknowledged that blank had access to their servers.

Speaker 4 Elon Musk. Right.

Speaker 2 According to a new study, the amount of blanks found in human bodies is rising rapidly.

Speaker 4 Well, it's not bones.

Speaker 2 Microplastics. This week, a man in New York who got out of jury duty by saying he thinks all defendants are guilty was forced to resign from his job as blank.

Speaker 4 As a judge.

Speaker 2 Yes, as a New York City judge.

Speaker 2 On Sunday, Kendrick Lamar and Beyoncé were the big winners at the 2025 Blank Awards.

Speaker 4 Grammy Awards.

Speaker 2 That's right. After selling a stove that was responsible for almost 30 house fires, LG announced they were sending customers who bought the oven blank.

Speaker 4 Refrigerator?

Speaker 2 A warning sticker to put on their ovens.

Speaker 2 It might seem like an insufficient response, but don't worry, the company has promised that the stickers will be 100% fireproof

Speaker 2 Chioki how did Rachel do

Speaker 1 oh snap Rachel got five right for ten more points she has a total of 14 Rachel's in the lead wait Rachel's in the lead how can this be

Speaker 2 Chioki how many points does Shantira need to win she needs only five to win Five to win. Okay, Shantira, this is for the game.

Speaker 2 This week, FBI agents filed a class class action lawsuit against Trump's Department of Justice over alleged retribution following the investigation into blank.

Speaker 8 Everything he's ever done.

Speaker 8 Election interference.

Speaker 2 Right, January 6th. On Wednesday, six dairy herds in Nevada tested positive for a newer strain of blank flu.
Bird flu? Right.

Speaker 2 In the latest of many such incidents, a zoo in China is under fire for blanking.

Speaker 8 Making all the animals go to bed early.

Speaker 2 For painting two dogs orange and black and insisting they're tigers.

Speaker 2 On Tuesday, search giant blank updated its AI ethics policy. Google? Right.
After winning a legal battle, a supermarket in Costa Rica owned by a man named Mario can continue to be called Nintendo.

Speaker 2 Super Mario.

Speaker 2 In Costa Rica, almost every supermarket is called Super Something. But Nintendo challenged Mario Gonzalez's attempt to register his supermarket using his own name.

Speaker 2 But this week, a judge ruled that while the Super Mario trademark covered clothing and games, it did not apply to the category of independent Costa Rican grocery store.

Speaker 2 Jioki, did Shantira do well enough to win?

Speaker 1 Well, Shantira got three right for six more points, total of 11. So on her inaugural appearance, Rachel Feinstein is this week's winner of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 2 In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict if Lucy's bad at running, what will we learn she is good at?

Speaker 2 But first, let me tell you that.

Speaker 2 Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks.

Speaker 2 Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane Adonald.
Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater. BJ Letterman composed our theme.

Speaker 2 Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Vinnie Thomas and Monica Hickey.
Peter Gwynn is certified certified. Emma Choi is our vibe curator.

Speaker 2 Our jolly good fellow is Hannah Anderson. Technical direction, Lorna White.
Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.
Our senior producer is Ian Chilek.

Speaker 2 The executive producer of WaitWait Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will we find out Lucy was good at? Shantira Jackson.

Speaker 8 Drinking enough water and not just because she forgot to drink water earlier.

Speaker 2 Rachel Feinstein.

Speaker 4 Well, she was tiny, so I guess like, I don't know, dancing on bars or like jigs or something.

Speaker 2 Peter Gross. She was super slow, but she always knew when to show up at the movie theater exactly when the movie started.

Speaker 2 And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Chaoke Iansen, filling in for Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Shintira Jackson, Peter Gross, Rachel Feinstein, and thanks to all of you for listening.

Speaker 2 I'm Tom Papa, filling in for Peter Sagal, and we'll see you next week.

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