Season 4 Episode 4: A Match Made in Piffling

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Antigone Fun runs a funeral home in the village of Pifling Vale.

It used to be the only one.

It isn't anymore.

A mortician's life is a lonely one, and there's rarely any time for romance.

It's so hard to meet someone who still has a pulse.

But that doesn't mean it's impossible.

Wooden Overcoats by David K.

Barnes.

Season 4, Episode 4.

A Match Made in Piffling.

There are two hospitals on Pifling, but sadly, just one doctor who struggles on with the occasional nap and an almost illegal intake of coffee.

It seemed cruel to give him more work to do.

But when Rudyard got his head stuck in an urn, the funds didn't have any choice.

Honestly, Rudyard, this is the limit.

Why don't you look where you're going?

Of course it was your fault.

Georgie, what have I told you about running in the mortuary?

You shouldn't run in the mortuary because you shouldn't be in the mortuary.

Get out.

Exactly.

So what were you doing?

Having a relay rest.

Why?

Something to do.

Got something to do.

We're running a business.

What did he say?

He said you'd never let us have any fun.

He doesn't like having fun.

That's your influence.

Sorry.

So you should be.

Now we're wasting our time and the doctor's time as well.

Really, Rudyard, you're useless.

What are you?

Exactly.

That art may have closed down years ago.

Watcher, the doctor's coming.

Right then.

Who is up next?

Oh, no.

For heaven's sake.

Hello, Doctor.

That's the fifth time this year, and it's only February.

We're sorry, Doctor.

You know what they say about urns.

No, I don't.

It's easy to trip and get your head stuck in them.

Actually, I'm not sure if they do say that, but it happens to be true.

Is there anyone in there with him?

Not yet.

It's brand new.

Okay, then.

Usual procedure.

Hammer.

Here you are.

Thank you.

Ten years at medical school.

You're welcome.

As better.

Georgie, couldn't you have broken me out?

I haven't got the qualifications.

Nor do I.

You said you had ten years at medical school.

I didn't say I passed.

Now, if one of you could escort the patient home, perhaps the other can sign the forms.

You take him, Georgie.

And stop racing around.

Come on, then, sir.

It easy does it.

Wait, back.

Ha!

Okay.

That's what happened, Rob Bela!

I said, stop!

What's the actual point?

If you come this way, Miss Funn.

How is business at the moment?

Slow.

Even with Chapman's closed for another week or so, so, people just don't seem to be dying around here.

I do try hard to keep them alive, but you can leave a complaint if you like.

Sign here, please.

I really am sorry about my brother.

Why despair?

Must be hard to run a business with him.

Very.

Georgie and Madeline, they're nearly as bad.

And I bet they all say you're too serious.

While they muck around doing whatever they like.

It's good to talk to someone who understands.

Similar with my family.

They drive me mad.

It's like working with children.

Sometimes I feel like I've got to do absolutely everything all by myself.

You've no idea what that's like.

Yes.

Sorry, yes.

Two hospitals.

That said, it's merely the one hospital at the moment.

What happened to St.

Scratch?

It failed its health inspection.

Oh, God.

Oh, wonderful, isn't it?

And while that one's waiting for fumigation, I've been getting ahead of my work for once.

I might

even take an evening off.

Really?

There's so much happening out there.

And I want to experience it.

I've been locked away working for so long, I've almost forgotten what it's like to

live, really.

I know what that feels like.

I wish I knew where to start.

Well, actually,

it is a Thursday, and

I was probably going to the cinema tonight to see a film.

Films?

They still make those?

Yes.

I remember films.

Yeah.

I'd love to see one again.

Well, I wouldn't mind if...

Maybe if...

Would you...

Would you...

Would you...

Would you like to see one?

With me?

This evening, maybe?

Yes?

If you like.

I'd be glad to.

Oh.

Oh.

Perhaps we could even discuss the film afterwards over dinner.

Dinner?

In a restaurant somewhere.

They still have restaurants, don't they?

Yes.

Incredible.

In that case, I would be very happy if you would be very happy, Miss Fun.

Antigone.

Henry.

Tonight at six.

Tonight at six.

Great.

Well, I'd better head home.

I've Mrs.

Moribone to deal with.

Her corpse is in the mortuary, and we really should do something about it.

Ah, well.

Till later, then.

See you at the cinema.

See you there.

See you there.

See you there.

To be clear, we're going on a date, aren't we?

Yes.

Yes!

Suffused with the glow of romance, Antigone was hardly able to concentrate on preparing Mrs.

Moribund.

That evening, she washed her hands clean of entrails, put on the most elegant dress she could find, now that Mrs.

Moribund would no longer need it,

and writhed along happily to the Piffling Royale cinema.

It's fun,

but the adverts are nearly finished.

You won't want to miss the cartoon.

It's Russian, not a laugh in it.

That's all right, Herbert.

I won't be long.

Well, you rarely lurk in the foyer as long as this.

You're often straight into the inky blackness of that auditorium like a civet reaching its cave.

Tonight is no ordinary night.

How so, Miss Funner?

I'm on a date.

A date?

Oh, oh, I see.

You're at Sana Moore.

Hello there.

I'm Herbert.

Nice to meet you.

What are you doing?

Talking to your date.

I haven't made him up.

Oh.

He's real.

He just isn't here yet.

Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Funny.

I didn't mean it to be so awkward.

And the more I stand here, the worse it gets.

Yes.

This is unbearable.

I know.

Oh, the phone.

That's a bit of luck, isn't it?

Excuse me.

Antigone.

Dr.

Edgar

Henry.

Oh, hello.

I hope I'm not too late.

Quick.

You've got to let Herbert know you exist.

He knows I exist.

Tonight, you're existing with me.

Go on, tell him.

Uh, he's on the phone.

Uh, anyway, I must thank you for inviting me tonight.

It's my first evening off for over a decade.

And I'm flattered you're spending it with me.

You won't regret it.

Sorry?

I mean, a film, it's a good film.

Ah.

La Cravat, Inquitonte.

A little Little mainstream for my taste, but the three hours should fly by.

Oh, if it has subtitles, I forgot my glasses.

I can read them out to you.

Won't that annoy the people around us?

There won't be any.

Gosh.

Antigone.

Great.

I thought I'd see you at this one.

Chapman.

Hello, Eric.

Oh, Henry.

What brings you here?

Or is somebody ill?

No, we're here to see the film.

We?

Yes.

You too?

Yes, really.

I mean, good?

Good, good?

For you?

Both.

Thank you.

No problem.

Enjoy yourself.

I mean, the film.

Enjoy the film.

And, you know, the evening.

And, uh,

yes.

Yes, good for you.

Yes.

Right.

Yes.

I'm so glad.

Yes.

I'm back.

Thank God.

Oh, Dr.

Edgway, I'm so glad I've found you.

Why, what's happened?

Well, that was Mrs.

Turner on the fun.

She's broken a leg.

It might not even be hers.

I see.

She needs you immediately.

You must run like the wing.

Couldn't it wait?

For a few hours or a night or two?

Well, it's urgent.

Ah, I should have come over sooner, but we got chatting away as you do, and now she's got blood all over the living room.

She's ruined that carpet.

I should probably see her.

Antigone,

I'm so sorry.

No,

I understand.

It shouldn't take longer than an hour or two

or three.

We could catch up afterwards.

Yes.

Oh.

I'll wait around then.

See you soon.

Enjoy the film.

Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Funn.

There's still Lacravat and Kietonk to enjoy.

Thanks to Mr.

Chapman, he donated the print.

Along with Abbott and Costello meet Hitler.

Yes.

Who's on first?

Hitler.

Terrible film.

Shall we get you settled in?

The popcorn is on the house.

No, thank you, Herbert.

I think I'll take a walk.

Good night.

Oh dear.

The course of true love never did run smooth.

No.

For me, of course, it it never ran at all.

Not really.

Hmm.

Mr.

Chapman,

could I have a hug?

Uh

yeah, yeah, fine.

Cheers.

Antigone sat on a bench in the square and waited for her evening to start.

But Mrs.

Turner had broken more legs than anyone had realised, so by the time Dr.

Edgware returned, the film had finished and everywhere was shut.

There was only one place left they could go.

There we are.

I'll get the light.

Thank you.

Well.

Ah.

I hope Mrs.

Turner pulled through.

Yes.

Yes, up to her old tricks again.

We watched Emma Dale during the surgery, so the time passed agreeably.

I'm sorry it ruined the evening.

Yes, well.

It's not over yet, is it?

No.

No, you're right.

Tell you what, how about I look in the cupboards and get us a bite to eat?

I can help you.

No, no, no, no, please.

Sit down.

Wow.

This is the comfiest armchair I've ever sat in.

Oh, good.

I bought it seven years ago, but I haven't had a chance to use it.

Would you like coffee?

I should warn you, the stuff I have is designed for horses.

Caffeine makes my hair turn green.

Oh.

How about I get you hot water and you can customise it?

Perfect.

Won't keep you waiting waiting long.

There's some magazines on the table if you want them.

We speak to the new kid on the block, Liberanchi.

So things didn't turn out how you wanted, as usual.

But give it time, Antigone.

Give it time.

What?

What was that?

Hello?

Who's there?

I've got a cushion.

I can defend myself.

Come out.

You're.

You're a parrot.

Oh,

you're pretty, aren't you?

Why, thank you.

I'm Antigone.

Antigone, Antigone,

very impressive.

What's your name?

My name's Esther.

Well, it's nice to meet you, Esther.

Thank you.

I'm a friend of Henry's.

I said I'm a friend of Dr.

Edgware's.

Esther?

Henry has a friend.

I'm sorry?

Esther, Henry's friend.

Oh, I mean, of of course you are.

Henry as a friend.

Esther, Henry's friend.

Are you.

You're not jealous.

Yes.

You go away now.

I don't want to go away.

Esther, Henry's friend.

You go away now.

No.

Wait.

I think it eats.

Right.

That's the water on the boil.

Henry.

Oh, I see you've met Esther.

Hello, Esther.

I bought Esther so I had someone to talk to when I got home.

She picks up words very quickly, don't you?

Esther, Henry's friend.

Yes, you are.

I wouldn't know what to do without Esther.

What with my schedule?

She's been my only friend for quite a while.

Yes.

Um,

does she ever get,

well,

angry?

What?

No, no, no, no.

Well, parrots are such intelligent and social birds that I'm so very rarely here.

So

she was starting to get cranky.

But then I taught her how to use the telephone, and now she calls me at work.

Don't you, Esther?

How's your day?

How cute.

Esther, this is Antigone.

Antigone.

She's a friend.

Ah?

Esther, Henry's friend.

Yes, but Antigone is a friend as well.

Maybe you should stroke her.

Show you mean well.

She won't bite, I promise you.

Really?

I was talking to Esther.

Okay.

That's right.

Oh, there we are.

See, Esther, Antigone is a nice lady.

And hopefully, she'll be here more often.

She bit me!

Esther!

Esther Fenley's friend!

Oh, dear.

What is she doing, Miss?

Well, she's been here many years.

She may have grown aggressive.

Go away, Antigone!

Go away!

Esther, there is no need to be uncivil about this.

Maybe I should go.

It'll be alright.

I'm making us cheese on toast.

With fat cheese or indeed toast, but I think you'll like it.

Antigone is awful!

Antigone is awful!

For God's sake, Esther, stop.

Calm down!

No!

I can't do this.

I'm going home.

But Antigone, wait, please.

I'm sorry, Henry.

This evening isn't big enough for the three of us.

Antigone!

Damn it, Esther!

Now look what you've done!

Antigone hurried away as quickly as she could as the argument rang out in the night.

Oh my god.

She hoped to put the whole sorry experience behind her, like the time her mother had accidentally used her as a broom.

But the next morning, inquiring minds wanted to learn more.

So, Antigone, you were out late last night.

What?

No, shut up.

How would you know anyway?

Rudyard told me.

I was worried sick wondering where you were.

I made us our bedtime mugs of cocoa, but I had to give yours to Madeline.

She's still on a sugar house.

There's no mystery, Rudyard.

You knew I was at the cinema with Dr.

Edgware.

Yeah?

Well, the film stopped at half past nine and you weren't back till midnight.

What on earth were the two of you doing?

Surely all that's left is to say good night, shake hands, and go home.

Budget.

He's a doctor.

He ought to know better.

Perhaps he was taking a temperature.

What do you mean by that?

I don't know, but it sounded not.

For your information, the doctor's a perfect gentleman.

Oh, sound ray.

You're as sorry as I am.

And his dedication to both his patients and his parrot is complete and absolute.

His parrot?

His parrot!

Now look here.

Antigone is for you again.

Yes, hello, who is this?

Henry has a friend.

Henry has a friend.

Stay away from Henry.

Esther, is that you again?

Now.

Yes, it is.

And if you call me again, I'll pull out all your feathers and have you frickasaid.

Antigone,

have you made enemies with a parrot?

Yes.

Why?

Look, it's my life.

I'll do what I want with it.

So you and Dr.

Edgwire are...

Just bad friends, and I'll thank you not to mention it ever again.

I'm going to the mortuary now, and I don't want to see anyone for the rest of the year.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay, right.

Thank you.

Bye.

Sodov.

Oh, Philip.

She was so excited when she got back from the hospital yesterday, but now she's madder than ever.

This is why making friends simply doesn't work.

But believe me.

I speak from experience.

I think she was looking for more than a friend, sir.

I have no time for your riddles today, Georgie.

We've got to solve this problem, and quickly.

I'd like to see Antigone happy for once.

No, you wouldn't.

It's terrifying.

But we can't let her spend a year sulking.

Chapman will be starting up his funerals in a week or so, and if we're going to seize the advantage, then we need to be fully manned.

And if a friend for Antigone is what it takes, then a friend is what she'll have.

Oh, hello, you two.

Is Antigone around?

Come on.

Why do you ask?

I bumped into Dr.

Edgware and he seemed very upset about last night.

How's Antigone?

She's picked a fight with a parrot.

Whatever makes her happy.

But Henry feels terrible about the whole thing.

He's too embarrassed to call her.

What?

That won't do it all!

How can they make friends if they won't communicate?

Wait a sec.

What if we communicate for them?

We tell Antigone that Edgware wants to see her again.

And we tell the doctor that she wants to see him.

Yes, it's brilliant.

I'm great at romantic schemes.

Let's say dinner in a restaurant tonight.

That sounds plausible.

Hang on.

Since when have you been a matchmaker?

I want Antigone to be happy, that's all.

Does that sound so very strange?

Coming from you, yes.

But if you're sure it's what Antigone actually wants...

I don't tend to meddle in the affairs of my staff.

Sorry, family.

No, staff will do.

Hey, tell you what.

I'm taking Jennifer out tonight.

We could make it a double date.

Might take the pressure off them, plus...

We can keep an eye on things.

Excellent.

And I'll take care of that interfering parrot.

But what about...

Sorry, I really wasn't prepared for that last sentence.

Gotta keep on your toes in here, Chapman.

Sure have, yeah.

I was gonna ask how you're gonna get Henry off work long enough for him to see Antigone.

That's where you come in.

Oh, I'm helping you, am I?

Yes, keep up.

If you run the hospital, Antigone and the doctor can have a pleasant evening together.

And then maybe she'll bloody well cheer up.

Can you handle that, Eric?

As long as I don't have to do any counselling.

No, just check up, surgery, delivering babies.

Oh, that's fine, then.

Oxford education.

I've got my diploma on me if you want to see it.

We don't.

No, fair enough.

Okay, gang.

It's on.

Let's give those crazy kids the best chance for a great night out.

Yes.

And then when we're working at full strength again, that idiot Chapman won't know what hit him.

Yes, I will.

Oh.

Um.

Could you put your hands over your ears?

All right.

Then.

Just this once.

And so that evening, Georgie took Antigone to the district of Little Piffling and the one restaurant on the island that the funds hadn't been banned from.

Meeting Jennifer de la Croix, Piffling FM, they took their table outside near the canal and listened to the singing of the gondoliers as they punted back and forth nearby.

It's amazing that they do this all day.

The canal's only 12 feet long and they're still counting.

It's not exactly romantic, but I appreciate the effort.

What do you reckon, Antigone?

He's not here yet.

Give him time.

Are we talking about.?

Yeah.

So, for our listeners, what first attracted you to the millionaire, Henry Edgeworth?

He's not a millionaire.

More on the story after a word to our sponsor.

Uh, Jen, you haven't got your microphone.

I haven't got a sponsor either, but I know a good story when I hear one.

Look, I don't want to talk about it.

It was a silly idea to come here, and I will not be made a fool of again.

Antigone!

He's clearly having second thoughts, and honestly, so am I.

So why don't we forget the whole damn thing and Cause you stop singing!

Perhaps we should order another bread, bus.

I don't want any bread or a basket.

I've been stood up, I'm going home, and that is an end to it.

Antigone?

Oh,

I got here as soon as I could.

I'm not late, am I?

No, you're ten minutes early.

Antigone?

Yes, I suppose he is, technically.

I'm surprised he wanted to see me again.

Well, likewise, but it would have been rude to turn down your invitation.

Why what?

So, yeah, guys, let's just sit down and get ourselves comfy.

Shall we?

Shouldn't we get our own table?

You're sitting here, then we'll order drinks and we'll see what's on the menu.

It'll be fun.

Right?

Jen?

Oh, oh, aye.

Aye, Gritcraft.

Sit down, guys.

Let's get this evening started.

Woohoo!

But as the two couples began to order their starters, I was on a mission with Rudyard to prevent possible interference from a certain parrot.

Hello.

Auckland?

Picking pockets, stealing keys.

You'll gain a reputation, Madeline.

Now hand me that birdcage.

Oh, uh, of course you can't.

Uh

now

Esther?

Esther?

You're here, aren't you?

We've not met, but I believe you know my sister

Esther!

Where are you?

You've been sticking your beak where it's not wanted, Esther.

No!

Esther!

Put down that telephone receiver!

Esther wants angry!

You're phoning around all the restaurants, aren't you?

Well, you won't find Antigone tonight.

Yes, I will!

Yes, I will!

You may think that leaving threatening messages is the appropriate thing to do, and normally I'd support you.

But right now, I need you to be quiet and hop into this cage!

Get in the cage!

Vadelin, shut the door quickly!

They said don't let her get away!

But it was too late!

The bird had flown!

Oh!

Oh, let her!

She'll never find them.

This island is a whole mile across.

What is it?

I was examining the phone book, where Esther had been systematically crossing off the restaurants as she rang them.

And she'd got to the very last one.

Zizivar, Italian.

She knows.

We've got to get after her.

Grab the cage.

No, I'll do it.

All I'm saying is you've not been very helpful.

And so I said.

I said,

that's not a briefcase.

That's my brother-in-law.

So that's how the joke ends?

Yeah.

But I can't remember the beginning.

No.

Totally meaningless without context, isn't it?

Still, you tried.

Doctor, how about you?

Got any jokes?

Uh, no, not really.

I'm Tiggy.

You know how I feel about humour.

Sure.

We don't need jokes to have a good time anyway.

Everything's perfect and chill.

Yeah?

Oh, yes, yes.

No.

That's why I thought double date, easier, isn't it?

People get chain,

right?

Guys?

Don't leave me hanging, I'm great at this.

Georgie, maybe you and I should go inside and get more drinks for everyone.

Why?

To give these two some privacy.

Same again, Antigone?

Thank you.

Henry?

Still water, thanks.

Dan, I'll grab dessert menus too.

We can all share a Sunday.

Trying too hard.

Come on, Georgie.

God.

Indeed.

I thought they'd never leave.

Finally have a chance to talk together.

We'd better take the opportunity before they come back.

Why do you keep looking around?

In case anyone's having a heart attack, they aren't.

No.

You know what parrots can be like.

Very controlling.

Like frogs.

I had a salamander once who used to get furious.

Yes, well, let's imagine none of that happened.

What sort of things would we have talked about last night?

Oh, uh, well,

all sorts, really.

Could you start us off?

Oh.

Well, I don't know.

Uh,

how are you feeling?

What do you mean?

Any aches or pains?

Any trouble sleeping?

No, I'm not a patient.

I'm your date.

Yes, sorry.

I'm totally out of practice.

Most of the people I speak to only want to talk about their illness.

Well,

most people I talk to are dead, so they're doing better than I am.

You talk to the dead.

I was joking.

But also,

yes, I do sometimes.

Right.

It's not a problem, is it?

As a doctor, I'd have to say yes, but I don't want to spoil our evening.

I mean,

you must talk to your patients all the time, like Mrs.

Moribund.

I've been working on her lately.

I thought I recognized the dress.

Her intestines were in a terrible state.

All tangled up like linguine.

But that's path of the course in my profession.

Yes.

But what I find especially rewarding is trying to guess what they were like.

Sad, lonely, neglected, that sort of thing.

Like Mrs.

Moribund.

Very timid, I'd have thought.

No, she was an abulliant personality with a joke for every occasion.

I only wish I could have saved her.

Of course.

I'm sure you did what you could.

It comes to us all in the end, though.

I try not to think about that.

But aren't you curious about what happens afterwards?

No.

Not curious.

Should I be?

It's the greatest mystery we ever face.

My whole life is devoted to keeping people alive.

I've no reason to want to talk about death, have I?

No.

No, I suppose not.

A dead body for me is a professional failure.

Tragedy I couldn't prevent.

I appreciate your work, of course.

You wouldn't ever want to talk about it.

Perhaps this was a bad idea.

Yes, perhaps it was.

I was so embarrassed after last night, I'd half a mind to stay away, but when I got your invitation this afternoon, my invitation.

But you invited me.

No, I didn't.

You invited me.

Didn't you?

No.

So.

Who did?

We're back!

And we come bearing drinks.

Here's your water, Doc.

Afraid the only one's sparkling.

Oh, no, that's not me at all.

Never mind the sodding water.

Neither of us invited the other, so what are we doing here?

Eric gave me your message.

He said you were shy.

I'm incredibly shy!

But I didn't give him a message.

What's he got to do with this?

Look, Eric was just trying to have a...

You knew about it, too.

Good God, is there anyone who wasn't involved in this conspiracy?

Me, actually.

And I am offended.

Was this evening nothing more than a set-up?

Look, this hasn't gone to town, so let's have our drinks and leave quietly.

There's no need for any more dramas.

Red yard!

Antigone is awful!

Antigone is awful!

Oh, God!

Esther!

Amazing!

What a story!

I want exclusivity on that parent.

Don't worry, I'm taking it!

Esther Mouse Meggry!

How's your day?

Esther was nicely!

Get in the cage!

There!

You're a parrot, Doctor!

Oh, dear Esther.

I'm so sorry.

Now then, let's get this evening back on track.

Is everyone having a pleasant time?

Antigone?

Shut up!

You, Georgie Chapman.

What gave any of you the right to interfere in my private life?

We were trying to make you happy.

Yes, and you might be a little more grateful.

I don't need you to make me happy, and I certainly don't need your pity.

You know how embarrassing this is.

Mate,

we're sorry.

How dare you do this to me?

Oh, bloody.

Bloody dare you.

Antigone.

Oh,

dear.

I don't understand it.

No matter what we do, she keeps getting angrier.

At least things can't get any worse.

Up, man's having a heart attack.

Oh, thank God.

Something I'm good at.

Do excuse me.

Clear the way.

Find the doctor.

Well,

Rudyard, it's time for us to face the music.

Antigone, you mean?

Yes, I suppose so.

Well, we ought to pay the bill first.

Oh.

I haven't got any money.

Oh, nor have I.

Hm.

Sir, I don't suppose.

Yes, all right.

Leave it with me.

And so, after Rudyard had persuaded me to pay the bill for them, we left Little Piffling to find Antigone.

Hey.

Oh, hello, Chapman.

Been out?

Yeah.

Coming home from my spell at the hospital.

Busy?

A couple of heart transplants, nothing much.

Dr.

Redware came back a few moments ago.

Since Spratz has reopened, so he'll be back to the grind again.

I heard what happened tonight.

I'm sorry.

It was horrible.

I wanted to sink into the ground and

rot.

I should have known it was a bad idea as soon as Rudyard got involved.

But.

Oh, I thought you and Henry deserved to make a proper go of it.

Turns out he and I have nothing to say to each other.

Ah.

Maybe he's not right for you.

Well,

only you can answer that.

Someone who appreciates me and my work.

I can talk to about corpses whenever I like.

It's everything else.

Exactly.

The world is a problem.

The world is the problem.

I should change.

Antigone,

you don't need to do that.

You stay stay exactly the way you are.

The world can do the changing for you.

I meant out of this dress.

Yes.

Well, yes, that's what I was saying.

So long as it's on your own terms.

You know.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah, no worries.

Hey!

Here they come.

Time to get it over with.

What do you mean?

The rest of our lives.

Yes.

Hey, Antigone.

Eric.

Evening.

Antigone.

I am.

Georgie and I would like to extend to you,

Antigone,

our

sincerest and most deeply held.

Look, if this is going to take long, can we go home first before we freeze to death?

That's fair.

Or Jar can make the cocoa.

No, Madeline, no sugar for you.

Good night, Chapman.

Enjoy yourselves.

And

thanks

for the conversation.

No problem, Antigone.

No problem at all.

A Match Made in Piffling was written by David K.

Barnes and performed by Felix Trench as Radiard, Beth Eyre as Antigone, Tom Crowley as Eric, Kira Baxendale as Georgie, Andy Hamilton as Herbert Koff, David K.

Barnes as Dr.

Edgware, Alana Ross as Jennifer Delacroix, Lucy Farrett as Esther, and Belinda Lang as Madeline, with Mouse Squeaking by Holly Campbell.

The production manager was Elizabeth Campbell and the music was composed by James Whittle.

The programme was recorded at the Octagon, Brixton, and was directed and produced by Andy Goddard and John Wakefield.

The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish.

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