CLASS ACTION with Lou Wilson

Hi everyone, it's me, Lou Wilson, here to welcome you to the first ever episode of a game I made up while listening to music in my car.

This is Class Action.

Welcome.

The rules of this game are simple.

I will present an encounter to my three friends, and their job is to create a three-hero D ⁇ D party to meet the moment I have just illustrated.

We'll go around the table drafting classes for potential third-level characters to defeat the enemy in whatever manner best suits the classes they choose.

There will be no repeats, and once a class is off the board, it cannot be chosen again.

Then it'll be up to you, fair listener, to decide whose strategies and tactics you most agree with.

Let's meet our drafters.

To my left, the one, the only, Upria Iyengar.

Brah, brah!

Let's do this.

I'm ready.

What else?

And that's great.

The energy is great in here.

Directly across from me.

His name is Brennan Lee Mulligan.

I'm going to win.

And if I don't, I'll freak out and scream.

Oh, shit.

That's what we're doing.

My bad, my bad.

Honestly, yeah, yeah, okay, great.

Yeah, we're fucking juiced in here.

It's hot.

And to my right the one the only Erica Ishi

I'm just a little baby and I don't know no classes So everybody be very nice to me in the comments.

I'm gonna hit this baby as hard as I can

Oh baby, welcome to class action

Okay, we will now determine

drafting order.

Okay.

And we will be doing a snake draft.

So whoever goes first, second, third, third will pick again, second, first.

Yep.

Cool.

And we'll go up and down.

We'll go up and down.

To decide how we determine the order.

Yes.

I'm going to figure it out right now.

This is how we will decide the draft order.

You all know me.

We've eaten together many times.

Each one of you is going to describe a sandwich.

Whoever's sandwich I most want to eat will be chosen to go first,

whoever's sandwiches in the middle will go second, and whose sam, whoever's sandwich I'm least excited to eat will go third.

Uh, you may begin,

I guess.

I'm looking at Brennan, yeah, yeah, okay.

Um,

a fresh baked sea salt focaccia.

Okay,

um,

spring mix

on buffalo mozzarella

with a little bit of olive oil and pepper.

And I'm going to say

I'm going to say

salami

and

chive butter.

Oh,

that's fun.

A really great start.

A really great start.

I've got mine.

I've got mine.

I've got mine.

We're going to go

King's Hawaiian roll.

Just one cut in half.

And it is covered in shellfish pate

and like

a tree nut spread.

Okay.

Yes.

Okay, Abria angling to go third and fourth.

You get it?

There he is.

Sink draft.

I was about to say.

Wow, Abria is way better at this than me.

I am fucking toast.

I also had a full moment of going, Abria knows I'm allergic to shellfish.

Wait, Brian does.

Abria really knows.

Erica, please describe a sandwich.

Uh, trick question.

I think it would be a calzone.

Except that, except that.

Pull up, pull up, pull up.

Has Erica somehow beaten my world's worst sandwich?

Except that it is the right ratio of breading to insides.

Because most calzone.

I don't like that you just have like a hypothetical of like, what if someone got a calzone right?

That's not a sandwich.

Yeah.

You lazy bastard.

What is a sandwich?

Define a sandwich to me.

A sandwich is anything that's not a soup.

Next question.

All right.

Because things are tense, I'm just going to step in here.

Three incredible sandwiches describe here today.

I cannot lie.

I love calzones.

I love them so fucking much.

Oh, no.

Erica, you have walked ass backwards

into the first choice in our draft.

Yes!

Brennan, you will select second.

And Abria, because you made something that will kill me, but has incredible breadth, you will go third.

Yeah.

It would only kill you if you were tempted to bite it.

That is true.

Yeah.

So the Hawaiian roll is there to go like, it could be good.

Yes.

That's part of a Hawaiian roll is there's enough of it that you can still sort of slice just the part that has touched the shellfish.

Yeah,

to be clear, to be clear, it's a you're describing a breadier calzone.

No, a less bready.

Less thick bread.

Oh, so you sort of

because everybody's scared that I also like Erica did not describe any of what's in the calzone.

I was arguing.

This was like, imagine a calzone, but they didn't raise.

But let me tell you, that's all I needed.

All I needed was a calzone dungeon.

I've tried so hard.

This is a testament to all the kids out there.

When you are pitching,

don't get specific.

Describe a category and let the person you're pitching to populate it with what they love.

Because Erica never said buffalo chicken, but I'll tell you what that calzone is filled with.

Buffalo chicken.

Exactly.

You sat there and went like buffalo moss.

Hey, I love chive butter, though.

Don't get me wrong.

Hey, who doesn't?

But to your point, Abriya, potlucks are where I've had most of my allergy attacks, and that is exactly it.

It is me going,

something made on King's Hawaiian couldn't hurt me.

And the answer is, it could.

Anyway, let's get into the action.

In a crowded bazaar, four hunched, hooded figures, dragging a covered wagon, move to stand in the center of the plaza.

When the sun is at its highest, the four figures remove their hoods and reveal canine features, slob running from their jaws.

Three of the scarred, war-torn knolls draw weapons, while the fourth moves to uncover and open the wagon.

A gaunt, six-legged panther with barbed tentacles sprouting from each of its shoulders.

A displacer beast jumps from the wagon and lunges at the innocent citizens.

A crowded market, hundreds of innocent bystanders, four knolls, and a displacer beast.

Who will you choose to meet this moment?

I don't know if we've taken a break, but we're back.

Our drafters have taken a moment to assemble their dream list of classes.

Let's see if they're able to get what they'd like.

We come now with the first selection in the first ever class action draft to Erica Ishii

I of course have to go with the incredible witch class

as formulated on the hit podcast Worlds Beyond Numbers the Wizard of the Witch and the Wild One.

I heard it's not balanced.

Oh, that's right.

But now we're at a point where it's still, it's still, things are still in contention.

And it's not balanced in a way such that it can be favorable for those who know how to read it.

Absolutely incredible branding choice by Erica Ishii to come out the gate with the class they helped create.

Erica, why the witch?

The witch is

usually seen as a support class,

a support class, a support caster.

However, on your third level, you get to choose your coven.

And so I think that choosing a coven that would align well, you could do a sort of a wisdom-based moment because displacer beasts, while they generally do not make alliances readily, they do so when it feels advantageous to them.

I think a wisdom-based caster, especially a witch, would be able to use that to her advantage.

I absolutely love it.

What is the name of this witch?

Woobin.

Woobin?

Yes.

Wobin?

Wubbin.

Yes.

Wubbin.

Wobin.

Yeah.

Someone with a sinus infection saying woman.

Yeah.

It's Lucas.

It's whoopin'.

Whoopin'.

I don't feel it.

I feel like a woobin.

And thus, with the first selection in the first ever class action draft, goes to the witch, whoopin'.

We now come to Brendan Lee Mulligan with the second pick in the first ever class action draft.

I'm going to go ahead and select Barbarian.

Okay, talk to me.

Barbarian,

the key abilities that we are looking out for here

are

that really define the null and the displacer beast.

The null key ability is Rampage, the ability to drop an opponent to zero zero hit points and get a free attack.

And there are many innocent bystanders in the bazaar waiting to be dropped.

Exactly.

And that is a key component.

There was a lot of consideration for sorcerer or wizard or someone.

You have a group of opponents.

Maybe we hit a flaming sphere.

Maybe we hit a scorching ray.

But attack roles have to contend with the displacer beast's disadvantage because of its displacement.

And anyone on your team that drops gives your opponents a free attack from those knolls.

I need someone who's not going to drop.

And this squad, even though it's two different types of creatures, the one thing they have in common is they exclusively deal bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage.

Yeah.

I love it.

I got to be so honest.

This was the first on my list that was actively poached.

Damn.

You hate to see it.

The INGAR faction is going to be re-evaluating our strategy moving forward.

Hey, that's the the way these draft goes.

But you do have two picks coming up.

I do.

Brendan, what is the name of this barbarian?

Ban.

Ban?

Ban.

Ban!

Bam!

And ban.

With a second selection.

In the class action draft, Brendan Lee Bulligan selects.

Ban.

Ban.

We now come to Abria Iingard for the third and fourth

choices.

Okay, so I've been talking it over with

management, with the team, with the owners.

And since we're going to have to make a big pivot here on what we're going to do against this, I've heard

a strong case for handling damage in the group.

This is a public fight.

I've heard wisdom-based, but not necessarily why.

We're going to move to a strategy of...

These are four nulls.

So now we're looking at sort of a monster situation and a big kitty.

We're going to go into the full book talk strategy.

Okay.

So for my three and four picks, we're going to go to the girlies.

We're going to go Beastmaster Ranger.

All right.

And we're going to chase that

with a little bard.

Watch out now.

Watch out now.

We want charisma.

We want wisdom because we need to negotiate with the displacer beast.

We want charisma because we are trying to, we're going to try to fuck it out with these gnoles.

So, sorry, let me introduce to the group Rachel and Natalie.

Rachel and Natalie.

Who is who?

Rachel is the Ranger.

Great.

Natalie is our Bard.

Great.

They love, they are here straight from BookTalk, and they are trying to make their dreams come true today.

We absolutely love to see it, folks.

With the third and fourth picks in the class action draft, Rachel the Ranger and Natalie the Bard join a band and woman.

We now move back to Brendan Lee Mulligan for the fifth selection in today's draft.

For the fifth selection in today's draft, we are going to be going ahead and after careful consideration and a lot of back and forth,

we are going to be moving forward with Druid.

Damn it!

God damn it!

Fuck you, Brennan!

Fuck you!

Brennan, let's hear the reasoning.

At third level, we've got our first

subclass.

And Circle of the Moon opens up a way to get those excellent, excellent hit points.

Now, if we're talking tactically, you have multiple enemies, even at three player characters.

We are talking about five enemy opponents, one displacer beast, four knolls versus three heroes in a crowded marketplace.

So, even if you focus solely on DPS, because you don't want collateral damage, the truth is either you're getting ganged up on, or these people are attacking bystanders.

So, you do need battlefield control of some kind.

I think a quick entangle, followed by a shift to beast form to help hold concentration is the move of someone supporting that barbarian on the front line.

Cute.

We like it.

We absolutely love to see it.

And, Brendan, what is this Druid's name?

Plantman.

Wow.

When you ask people to make up names on the spot,

things go very differently.

I

do this for a living, and I have never dropped the ball like this.

I've never seen him fold like this.

I was incredible.

I was so deep in stat block world that I was rocketed back to remembering what we're doing here.

What?

Sorry, Planned.

Wait, sorry, Plammin's his last name.

Okay.

Playman's his last name.

Okay, okay.

Herbie Vincent.

Herbie, Herbie Plammin.

Herbie Plammin drew it at law.

Hate it.

Hate it.

Class action.

The sixth selection in this episode of Class Action goes to Herbie Plantman Esquire, the Druid.

Who turns into animal?

Okay, okay, okay.

And his teammates with Ban, the Barbara Man.

Okay.

Hey, you give him enough time, and he'll come up.

He'll work himself out of it.

We come back up now with the seventh selection in the draft to Erika Ishii.

Erica, we all listened to you scream god damn it, which assumes.

I assume it's number six, sorry.

Who cares?

My bad, my bad.

Oh, if it's six, then it's six.

You're right, it is six.

Erica, who will you be selecting?

Six in today's draft.

Well, after having to pivot for my beloved druid, as Brennan knows, I tend to bring out swinging when I get to higher levels.

Yeah.

I think that at this point, I'm going to go rogue.

Okay.

I think that as a player who very much values the use of the environment, you did such a good job of setting the stage with a crowded marketplace.

And a marketplace means eaves and roofs and barrels.

And you even described, you know, they had a vehicle.

What if somebody were to

steal, to hijack that vehicle?

That's a rogue, baby.

We love to see it.

What is this rogue's name?

Tua, Tuwa, Tuo.

Oh, nice.

Nice.

Tawa, Tua, Tuo.

Oh, okay.

Those aren't just sounds.

They're.

Okay.

Tua.

Tua, Tua, Tuwo.

Tua.

Tua.

Tua.

Yeah.

Great.

What?

Okay, I won't.

I won't.

I love you.

I love you.

Exactly.

Erica jumped into my brain.

There's clearly something going on.

Okay, once you get it.

But I'm not here to get into that.

I'm here to manage the draft.

Because we are back at the top, Erica, you also have your last pick in the draft at this moment.

Oh, I do.

I do, because that is how the sports one goes.

Don't you fucking point at me when you do that.

I will slap you.

The sports one goes that way.

The sports one?

The sports one goes that way.

Bitch, you own a snake.

How do snakes go?

Yeah, imagine.

That's the shape.

It's not a sportsman.

Okay, okay.

Well,

I have to say,

again, I'm going with kind of the role play and environment-based party.

I think that Cleric

would help support those two characters.

I think Cleric, you know, you need a healer.

You need someone who can take some damage.

I think, again, I'm not going to try and go head-to-head with this group of villains in the middle of the town square.

But I think somebody both for crowd control to help the people

and in order to buff the party members, I'm going to have to go with Cleric.

And their name is Tamo.

Tamo.

Tamo.

Yes.

Hi, Tamo.

Hi, Tamo.

Hi, buddy.

A party assembled.

We now come to Brendan Lee Mulligan for your final pick in today's

draft.

We have made choices thus far in our drafting specifically tailored to resist the abilities of the opponents that are gathered before us.

However, as anyone can tell you, resistance is not a long-term strategy.

You need offense.

You need to get the job done.

And

sadly for us, the 15 armor class and 22 hit points of a null is achievable over successive rounds of combat from the damage output of our barbarian and everything else.

Our displacer beast,

our displacer beast at a challenge rating of three is clocking in with 85 hit points.

There is no amount of withstanding damage that is going to add up to a W on the board for our three-person team if we cannot put damage on the map.

We're going Paladin for our last pick.

Gone.

Damn you.

Wow.

And perhaps Abria's choice to make a nasty sandwich comes back to bite her in the end.

Never.

Never.

Brendan, what is the name of this paladin?

Rocco Yaface.

I had time to think of that one.

It's the best I could do.

Rocco Yafface.

Abria.

Absolutely not.

With the final pick in this draft.

Yes.

Okay.

So Paladin was going to be my big tank.

We've got a Ranger and a Bard.

So we've got some like buffs.

And we've got someone that's like reaching forward and trying to bridge this potential fight and turning it into an enemy's lover situation.

If it comes down to it, we got to get someone that can get hits in if things go badly.

So I'm going to bring in my girl, Delaney.

We're going Monk, baby.

All right.

I need a monk.

Monk, monk is a snipe.

Monk is a sniper.

Yeah.

It's also another wisdom-based, like, when there's magic, it is wisdom-based.

I'm assuming very good at knots.

I don't know what the gnolls are into.

So we have sort of both cases handled here.

Yeah.

Flurry of blows could go in either direction.

Yeah.

And that's the girls.

Oh, my God.

How the girls.

About it.

Here we are.

Three parties assembled to meet these gnolls in this displacer beast here in the bazaar.

From Erica, Woobin the Witch,

Tawatowo, Tawatawa Tawo, Tawatawa Tawo the Rogue, and Tamo the Cleric.

From Brennan, Band Barbara Man, the Barbarian,

Herbie Plantman Esquire, Druid, and the Paladin- The Paladin?

The Paladin.

Yes.

The Paladin.

Rock-o-ya face.

And from Abrian Iyengar, we're bringing out the girlies rachel the ranger natalie the bard and delaney the monk

and now it's up to you fair listener which one of these parties tactics moves uh

ways of handling this situation do you most agree with let us know in the comments and i'll maybe check and if i do maybe you'll hear about it later god only knows

uh However that Beatles song goes

That's

God only knows.

Yeah, that's the beach boys.

That's the name of my squad

the beach boys, but it's spelled B E A T C H because it's named after the Beatles.

Nice.

Got it.

Nice.

We found it.

Either that, yes, that's perfect.

But yeah, get in the comments.

Let us know what you think.

I might find a more like kind of satisfying way to wrap these up by the next episode if we ever do this again.

Welcome back to Class Action.

You've probably just heard some kind of music interstitional to kind of like break this whole thing up.

But here's more classes and action from your three favorites, Abria Eingar, Brendan Lee Mulligan, and Erika Ishai.

Before I lay out the next encounter, we will now decide drafting order.

Oh.

This time, it will not be up to me.

Okay.

It'll be up to you.

Who was most recently on a flight?

Oh.

Certainly not me.

One of you two.

Okay.

I was on a plane on the 13th.

Okay.

Anybody can beat that?

Oh my God.

I have to look at that.

I can't believe that.

Abria will, it sounds like go first.

Who was second most recently on a flight?

No,

I was on a plane on the

also on the 13th.

Well, time was.

Who departed first?

Who departed?

Probably.

Mine is 8 p.m.

Pacific.

8 p.m.

Yeah, you win.

Congratulations, Erica.

Woo!

You will again have the first draft.

First pick in the draft.

Abria, you will have the second.

Brennan, it sounds like you will have the third.

Here is your encounter.

In an interview with Men's Journal, Mark Wahlberg revealed that he was scheduled to fly on one of the planes that hit the World Trade Center.

But fortunately for the terrorists, he took a different flight a week earlier and wasn't able to prevent the 9-11 attacks.

Quote, if I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn't have gone down like that, he said.

There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin, and then me saying, Okay, we're going to land somewhere safely.

Don't worry.

3,500 feet in the sky, four archers stand and declare the fantasy sky plane is under their control.

A commoner named Mark Wahlberg 2Ls turns to our heroes and says, There's about to be a lot of blood in this first-class cabin on this fantasy sky plane.

Five archers in a pressurized cabin.

Again, a lot of innocence.

And

Mark Wahlberg 2Ls cannot die.

Who will will you choose to meet this moment?

This is the podcast equivalent of waking up in an unfamiliar room in a bathtub filled with ice.

This is your chance to hear the rest of this episode on the World's Beyond Number Patreon.

How will our hypothetical heroes save save the day on that fateful September morn?

Only our Patreon has the answers.

We will see you there.

Let's roll.