From the Fireside: Bag It or Tag It with GM Lou Wilson

Hello, I'm your host, Craig Sumkee.

And this is very untraditional, but a quick word before we start the show about our theme song.

Now, many of you at home listening who are familiar with tonight's program will think you know what's about to happen.

I'm going to describe some elaborate way in which I paid our producer, Taylor Moore, an arm and a leg to create a theme, and that asshole is just going to play crazy frock.

That, however...

is not the case because today's theme song is actually a collaboration.

That's right.

I have dedicated a lot of the show's budget to bring in the one, the only Hans Zimmer to supervise Taylor in the creation of an actual theme song for our game show.

So,

with that said, it's time to play Bag It or Tag It.

Generating characters,

making choices,

baggage or

tagged.

Hello to our lovely audience at home and thank you for joining us on today's first ever live taping of Bagget or Tagit.

We're here in beautiful Burbank, California to see if RPC, our passionate character, will choose to bag it and leave here with one of the MPCs they meet tonight for a romantic wrist or instead tag it and go home with a fabulous uncommon magical item provided by our sponsor temper pedic mattresses temper pedic mattresses take your next long rest on a temper pedic mattress god damn it's good sleep but enough of me let's meet today's pc

a bria iyengar

hi oh wow it's so nice to be here oh bria it's so lovely to have you here why don't you tell the audience a little bit about yourself who are you what are you looking for in a romantic partner uh uh yeah wow there's uh it's a big audience um i am a uh sort of longtime dungeon master a long time player uh frequent bachelorette and i'm just looking to you know just have a person i can go on adventures with that's all i want

Oh, audience, your heart goes out to her.

I mean, we've all been there, all right?

Who's that person you're crawling through the deep dark with?

You know what I'm saying?

Exactly.

Well, Abria, lucky for you on the other side of this divider are our potentials npcs in your quest for romance all right i'm going to introduce those npcs and once i introduce you npcs if you could just say hello uh so that our pc can hear your voice our first npc is Bory Metal Breaker.

She is a 100-year-old female hill dwarf sorcerer.

She has short, straight black hair and brown eyes.

She has rugged gray skin.

She stands four feet tall with a beefy build.

She has an oval, incredibly beautiful face.

And she has a beautiful abstract tattoo on her left hand and a shocking tattoo of an elephant on her left hand.

It's shocking, folks.

She discreetly worships Moradin, god of dwarves, creation, smithing protection, metal craft, and stonework.

She is prone to violence.

She can't keep a secret.

She always wears a veil.

And she collects handkerchiefs.

And one more fun fact about her, she's actually a blue dragon.

Bory, would you just say hello to her, Bria?

Hello.

Next up, we have Thomas Miss Splitter.

He is a 75-year-old male half-orc fighter.

He is extremely long, straight, blonde hair, and black eyes.

He has rugged brown skin.

He stands 6'2 and has a regular build.

He has a round, unremarkable face

with short sideburns.

He's severely allergic to cobalts.

Now, he doesn't worship any god.

He is a pacifist.

He judges people by their actions and not their words.

And he has a pet ferret companion named Mushi.

Also, a fun fact about him, he's the head of a local drug dealing circle.

Thomas, will you say hello to Abria?

Hello, love.

Next up, we have Thomas Darkdraft.

He is a 53-year-old male half-elk beggar.

He has long, straight, golden hair and golden eyes.

He has silky green skin.

He stands 5'3 and has a massive build.

He has a diamond-shaped, ordinary face, and he has a very small scar on his left arm.

He discreetly worships Garl Glittergold, god of gnomes, protection, humor, trickery, and gem-cutting.

He's very impatient.

He doesn't care about risks or odds.

He shares everything he owns, and he doesn't like change.

Also, he's followed day and night by an animated rocking chair.

Thomas, if you could say hello.

Hi, I actually asked that the Garl Glittergold thing not be mentioned in my introduction.

All right, Thomas.

It was nice to meet all three of these NPCs.

Bria, you take it away.

You ask these lovely NPCs whatever you'd like, and they will answer you.

And I'll only step in when it's time.

Great.

Well, let's start off with a question for the group.

What are all of you looking for in a partner?

Bori, why don't we start with you?

Well, I am, I have

been married before, and so I don't know that that's for me or not.

So

that's negotiable, though.

I actually want someone to

hoard gold with and roll around on that gold

and

go flying.

to

find virgins to eat.

That's a perfect date to me.

Oh, wow.

that's great very nice uh i've realized now that we have two thomases so we're gonna have thomas one and thomas two um which is actually kind of difficult because you're bachelor's two and three but it's fine we'll figure it out

abria shut up this is my show um now thomas one uh

can you uh answer a bria's question uh yeah of course sorry sorry to interrupt i actually would like to go i'd actually like to go next.

I'm very impatient.

Oh, so you think you're Thomas One?

I like to be Thomas One.

I really.

Look, I only have as much time until this rocking chair gets here, so we better speed it up.

We better speed it up.

When that chair gets here, nobody's going to like what happens next.

All right.

Well, then why don't you just go then?

Thank you.

I'm Thomas One.

I'm the new Thomas One.

Very impatient.

Thank you.

I'm bachelor number two.

You can call me Thomas One.

Okay.

but well let's be clear he's bachelor number three and now thomas number one yeah but now he since he's going second is he bachelor number

no because that would involve switching the chairs around as they are on the set and we've got a lot

of bachelor number three is thomas number one who goes second i can't be any clearer than that

Everything you just said is true.

I'm keeping up.

I think we're doing great.

What's your question for me?

I want to date you.

Oh, yeah.

What are you looking for in a partner?

Looking for someone who has a thrill for life and a zest for fun.

If they have the ability to dispel animated objects and destroy them, that would be a big plus.

And also,

if they, you know, worship crunch.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What was that?

Worship.

Worship crunch.

I must be a little

just one more time.

Look, I'm a very giving person.

I actually, you know,

I share everything that I own, and I just want to give my life.

You know, it's the last thing I haven't given to somebody is my life.

So I'm looking for a wonderful life partner

and someone to share romance with.

And I think that I bring a lot of straight golden hair and silky green skin to any relationship that I'm in.

And my face might be ordinary, but my scar is small.

Oh,

you really, you really got me back there in the end.

You will now throw it over to Thomas 2 Bachelor, Bachelor 2.

So that actually sets up nicely.

Yeah, I'm happy to answer.

I mean, truthfully, as a pacifist kind of drug lord,

the thing I'm looking for most is a partner, you know, a business partner, someone who's willing to be the violence that I can't,

whether it's disemboweling my enemies or,

you know, sending threatening letters to Congress people.

I'm just looking for someone who can be the kind of

the strong fist to my open palm.

You know, as you saw with Thomas,

if he wants to be Thomas one, I won't fight him.

And, you know what?

It would be nice if you liked animals, because my pet ferret, Mushi, needs a mommy.

Can you tell me

yeah um I know we're supposed to be doing a thing with all the group but please uh Thomas too please uh tell me more about uh your ferret oh

um

so I met Mushi at a ferret rescue that um I was dealing drugs to one of the one of the people who worked there they had a

an addiction to heroin and

so I would go there and deliver the heroin and play with the ferrets ferrets.

And one day I just made eyes with Mushi.

And, you know, for a while, I thought that maybe there was a human trapped in her that I had a romantic connection with.

But that wasn't the case.

She's just a normal ferret.

So

I've eaten a lot of heroines.

Oh.

You know, if you need more, you just let me know.

But yeah, that's kind of being Mushi.

I think Bachelor number one is saying she's eaten a lot of heroines, like female heroes.

Yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

I've eaten a lot of heroin, the drug, but that's

a story for another day.

Maybe, you know,

another time.

If we go on the date, I'll tell you all about it.

I like that.

You're kind of leaving me wanting more.

Okay, well, let's move back to Bachelorette number one.

Bory,

you are,

I believe, a blue dragon that devours heroines.

I don't really understand the like lip situation on there, but can you make the sound of your sexiest kiss for me?

Would you like me to do that in my dwarf form or in dragon form?

You know, I'll take an A and a B.

Okay, all right.

So, um, in drag,

uh, in

dwarf form, hill dwarf form, it sounds like this.

Oh yeah, baby, that's it.

All right.

Yeah.

Ooh.

That's what your kissing sounds like.

Yeah, there's a lot of

tongue in there, too, I guess.

But like, considering that my face is hidden by a veil right now, it's kind of hard to, you know, it acts as kind of a pop filter for all of the macking noises.

And as a dragon, it sounds a lot like.

Yeah, I like that.

All that could be yours.

Noted.

Ooh, okay.

You know what?

No, let's make that for the group too.

Thomas, number one, Bachelor 3.

Yeah, what's the sound of your sexiest kiss?

Thank you for the question.

It's an honor to be able to answer.

Well,

the sound of my sexiest kiss would go a little bit something like this.

Hey, then.

Oh, God.

God, close the door.

Close the door.

The chair's getting.

Ah!

You fucking thing, fucking chair!

Give me that rope!

Give me the rope!

You motherfucker!

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Yeah, you stupid piece of furniture!

Die or something!

I can give away everything but this stupid curse.

I tell you, don't punch someone in the face if you're at a sort of like retirement community for evil wizards.

Because their furniture, long after they've rehabilitated, their furniture still hasn't forgiven you.

Um,

uh, oh, to answer your question,

yeah, uh, great.

Um, the kiss, great.

I do want to circle back on the rocking chair.

Now, you are behind a curtain.

Uh, so I really, what happened back there?

And where is the chair?

Um, the chair.

Oh, my God.

The chair's gone.

Did anyone see where it went?

Shit.

What?

No.

It'll come back soon.

It always comes back.

Hey, live studio audience if you can't do us a favor keep an eye out for that jair uh please if everyone could just shout chair if they see it come back thank you i think i'm pretty sure it uses echolocation i know it has eyes but they're not very powerful they might be looking straight down they might be in the bottom of the chair

So it's just sort of listening for you and then just rocks gently towards you?

Yeah, normally I have to be very, very silent, but what can I say?

I wanted a chance for love.

Also, I'm very tall.

Do you consider 5'3 incredibly tall?

No, I don't consider it.

I would.

Oh, you would consider 5'3 incredibly tall?

Yes,

standing at 4'

nothing, I would consider 5'3

incredibly tall.

Actually, yes, sorry, I would consider 5'3 incredibly tall.

I assumed because

something funny about me is my build is absolutely massive at an impressively tall 5'3.

Yeah, I mean,

Bria, Tom 2 here.

I mean, you can't see it, but this guy's elbows go off for days.

I mean, we are getting rocked over here.

Wait, so you can all see each other back there?

Oh, yeah, we're all just standing there.

Yeah, we watch this chair

really

lay into this guy.

I used to actually be quite a slender fellow, but then I wrestled a chair multiple times a day, every day for five years.

That'll do it.

That's good.

I mean, it does feel like CrossFit.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Part of the reason that

you may have heard me referred to as a beggar, that's actually because I gave away all of my belongings voluntarily, because if I kept them, the chair would destroy them.

So there's no point in me owning anything.

That's fair and

sad.

I'm gonna,

yeah, I'm gonna move.

Thomas II,

quick question.

There was a mention of a kobold allergy.

Yes.

Is that sort of a gen, like a general dragon and dragon kin allergy, or is it very specifically kobolds?

Because I do know you are behind the scenes with a dragon.

So how are you thinking of that?

It's just, I mean, I've got a little sniffle.

I've got just the littlest one, but that's that's I think I'm just kind of getting over something.

He's got a runny nose, actually.

Oh, sorry, I wasn't supposed to say that.

Okay, don't throw me under the bus, all right?

We all want to date a brief, we all want to have sex with a Bria, all right?

We're all open, we get bagged, all right?

So, you know, relax, Bory.

Um,

but no, I uh, it's no, it's just genetic.

My my father, my father's father, my father's

father, we're all allergic to cobalt.

It's just a thing

I'm living with and doing the best I can with what I've got.

You know, if they do come around, though, I mean, they need to, I mean, again, it's been tough as a pacifist because they need to die.

If they get too close to me,

it's full anaphylaxic.

So,

yeah.

Well, I've always wanted to be an enforcer.

Okay, another question for the group, and we'll just go in numerical order.

So you're stranded on an island.

What three things do you wish you had?

So do we go in numerical order of our bachelor number or of Thomas's?

Because then I am not a Thomas.

So that would mean that Thomas 1 goes first, Thomas 2 goes first.

And as the least Thomas, then I would go last.

So am I going last or first?

Borey, I appreciate your attention to detail.

I would love it.

If you were to suddenly be a Thomas, do you think you would be sort of a Thomas negative?

0.5.

Yeah.

I would be Thomas 0.5,

judging by the heights in this group.

I think that makes you first, so you can go ahead and kick it off.

Excellent.

What was the question again?

You're stranded on a desert island.

What three things do you wish you had?

I wouldn't be stranded on the desert island, seeing as how I can fly to places.

Oh.

Do you want to go to a

desert island and be stranded there with me?

If I say yes, will you eat me?

Um uh

you no I

told you what kind of of women that I'm into eating, but you know a heroine uh

the

other one too.

Oh, okay.

Well, uh that was actually a bit of a deal breaker.

No, go ahead.

Okay, to answer your question, if I was stranded on an island, I would want, of course,

you know, something for betting, maybe like some coins or cash would be all right.

And then I would also like

probably a display case for all my handkerchiefs that I collect.

I've got all kinds of hankies.

And I would probably have a...

uh uh a knife and night knives are always very useful on a desert island.

That's pretty good.

I'm going to pivot this question because now you mentioned golden cash.

How do you feel about crypto?

Question to all the Thomases.

How do we feel about cryptocurrency?

Starting with the dragon.

Oh, well, it doesn't make very good betting.

Fair.

But there are a lot of virgins that have it, so you know.

My feelings about cryptocurrency,

I would say that

anything that cannot be carried in the hands or pockets is not going to be optimal for me.

Um, to sort of sit down and actually unpack a digital wallet is not something the chair gives me enough time for.

Um, so I sort of need to

exist in a uh, you know, having physical specie on my hand, right?

I need to have actual cash dollars because again, when I go to sleep, I can't have anything on me.

You know, I can only get a catnap before the chair finds me.

So, I'm I'm not a huge fan of cryptocurrency for those reasons, also for its environmental impact and also just being a Ponzi scheme in general.

So this is a rare example of a beggar being a cheeser.

And I like that for you.

Hey, thank you so much.

Wow.

If you're as cute as your puns, then you can help hide me from this chair.

And Thomas number two.

Oh, I mean, as a drug dealer, I love it.

Easy answer.

Love it.

Big into it.

NFTs, the whole fucking bag.

Wow, the last guy who's into NFT is amazing.

Hey, I'm fighting for it.

You know, I judge people by their actions.

I'm not sure if I can do it for it.

Are you?

I mean, I would never.

No, I'm just kind of like...

Yes, consciously objecting to letting it go.

I'm holding on tight.

Tight.

You have to let go.

You have to be willing to let go.

So, I don't know.

I also want to say just real, real briefly that if I were stranded on a desert island, I would be so happy.

I would be so, so happy because I don't think the chair can swim.

But it's just hard to get to an island when you don't have any money.

And, you know, if we're jumping on that bandwagon,

I would say probably,

of course, Mushi,

probably the Beatles White album.

That's kind of a big one for me.

And I don't go anywhere without Cheez-Its.

So those are my kind of three.

Now, this is going to be a deal breaker.

Which Which kind of Cheez-It?

Oh, extra toasty.

Correct answer.

Oh, thank God.

I was real scared there for a moment.

Because

if you were the kind of person who likes regular Cheez-Its, I was about to un-pacify myself and pacify you.

Don't you threaten me with a good time.

Okay.

Hmm.

Well, let's see.

Bachelor number

three.

All

Well, that alarm, um, that alarm means um

you know, I don't, I don't actually know what that alarm is.

Is this the fucking chair?

Is it the fucking chair?

I know because it's going off in the whole building.

Oh, God.

Do you hear that?

Do you hear the tip taps on the metal?

Ah, shit.

Shit.

I think the spiders from the Joe Rogan Fear Factor reboot.

One studio over are fucking in the vents.

Oh, everybody.

Everybody fucking run.

Everybody fucking.

Jesus.

Save yourselves

holy shit.

Oh fuck they're here.

Oh fuck.

Oh there's spiders on the studio everywhere Shift now everybody

roll initiative so that we can decide in what order we're going to do things.

Oh my god, dude.

I absolutely suck.

I absolutely sick.

I didn't even look at this.

My highest stat is 10 and it's in strength.

Everything else is eights and sevens.

I don't even have a class.

I'm a beggar.

I'm fucking dead, dude.

I am straight up fucking dead, man.

Hey, hey, dude.

We got a show to do.

All of you need to survive so that one of you can get bagged and or tagged, alright?

Now rolling this shit.

If we were to go in an order for violence, I would be a 13 fast

at it.

I rolled a straight up one.

I rolled a straight up one.

I fucking suck.

I'm dead.

I'm so fucking dead.

God, I'm so impatient.

I can't believe I have to go last.

Weirdly enough, I also rolled a one.

So, hey, bud.

We've hit damsel territory.

Protect me.

Oh, my God.

Please protect me.

Can I go first?

I'll protect you, I promise.

Yeah, what's your decks?

Um,

well, how are we feeling about a hot seven?

It's only a minus two.

No, uh, I'm gonna go and then you can go after me, bud.

I'm so impatient.

I'm very impatient.

Thomas, too.

Well, all right.

No, I'm just looking over I have a three in dexterity so uh wait a three modifier or just a three modifier so I I have I got a no no no no I have a three total I got a minus I have a minus four

so while I rolled an eight it is it is knocked down to a four

okay the pacifist really coming through don't worry all three bachelors are going to equally contribute to this fight.

We have a unarmed, incredibly slow beggar, and

we have a pacifist with a ferret and a blue dragon.

We're all going to contribute equally to the fight, I promise.

All right, so

as Craig, I only have two eyes, so I can only look at one person at a time and describe for our audience at home what they are in, though

what they are in,

what they are doing at any given moment.

So I'm just going to go in this order based on kind of people's ability to actually move and do something.

So I'm going to be looking over at Bory and describing that for you.

Then Thomas 2, then Abria, and then Thomas number one.

Hey, spiders, take a look at this.

I hold up my left hand.

Oh my God.

A bunch of spiders are looking at Bory's head, seeing the shocking elephant.

Oh my god, I'm gonna throw up.

Holy fuck.

Oh, God, that's nasty.

They are all gonna make...

It seems like some kind of check is being asked of their constitution,

which.

Only one of the spiders seems to have succeeded as the rest

vomit up enough bile that they seem to be incapacitated.

Wow.

Is Bory doing it?

I'm looking at Bory.

I can't tell if Bory's doing anything else.

What's Bory doing?

That tattoo move was super effective, but my God.

Bory!

I'm not gonna do shit on my turn.

I fight.

I follow the sound of...

Does anybody else hear that

creaking wood?

Oh god.

He's the fucking chair.

He's the fucking chair.

Oh, God, there it is.

I speak chair.

What?

What?

Attack!

Wait, the chair!

Wait, did you tell the chair to attack?

Yes, I did.

Fuck!

Don't tell it to do that!

Wait,

I'm watching Bory make some kind of persuasive check with regard to if the chair is gonna act on her desires.

Can I provide the help action, Craig?

Sure, I can't see you right now, but I'll assume that is happening in my periphery.

Yeah.

23.

Oh!

The chair is swinging down!

It's Kareena through spiders left and right.

You really do speak chair!

They have a language!

Alright, I feel like I've looked at Bory enough.

I think I'm gonna turn my head to look over at Thomas number two.

Ah, well, as a pacifist, I can't.

I can only...

I can only judge the actions of these spiders as they murder this live in-studio studio audience and make way for my fellow bachelors and a bria.

And I also have a minus for dexterity, so

it takes me a lot.

I'm not great at walking or kind of just any sort of movement.

I'm just gonna

sit here and think on this.

Bachelor number two, you're you're thinking?

Well, I'm just I'm gonna take in the actions that people are choosing to do.

Consider them.

I'm not gonna listen.

I'm just gonna I'm just gonna watch.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Thomas 2.

Thomas 2

is just getting totally pensive and meditative.

Looks like it's up to Thomas 1.

Well, actually, I...

I'm sorry, Thomas 1.

I have to look over at a Bria first.

What?

Or actually, excuse me.

The spiders.

I'm sorry.

I'm going to look over at the spiders to see what they are doing.

Oh, God.

They're making a series of attacks on the audience.

Oh, God, they're critting.

Oh, God, the spiders.

Oh, they're bigger studio audience.

No, put down that old lady.

Oh, God.

They're ripping them in half.

Oh, shit.

Shit.

I think by the time we get around to kind of me being able to look around again, the studios in the in-house defenses will kick off.

Oh, shit.

Oh, God.

Oh, they're going to tear me apart.

I'm gonna look over at Abria now.

Abria, what are you doing?

Uh, I'm trying to maintain my position in front of a Craig.

Are we supposed to continue?

People are dying, and there's a curve.

You can't look on this side of the screen.

You can't look on this side of the screen.

Don't look over there.

We have to keep rolling.

We have to keep.

We have the studio until 6 p.m.

All right.

And then we're into overtime.

And I can't afford that.

So we're just going to make these out of the your pocket, Mr.

Seventy?

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's nothing wrong with bootstrapping it.

I just need to make a pilot and then I'll show it to Lou and Abria and the other people.

And then they'll all invest in it.

We'll do like a bunch of these.

But for the first one, I just took money out of my own pocket.

Oh, God.

You know.

Yeah.

Then, you know what?

The show must go on.

I am stepping over corpses and sundry limbs of dead and maimed studio members and

perching gently on my stool and waiting for my cue to continue the game.

Okay, great.

So, yeah, when we get back around to it, you'll be ready to.

You gotta think about all the things you've been hearing and who you want to bag or who you want to tag.

All right, I'm gonna look over at you, Thomas One.

It does seem like you have to save the day.

I knew this day would come.

I knew this day would come.

Garl.

Carl Clericold.

I don't...

I don't...

I'm going to talk very quietly because I don't like people.

Who are you talking to?

Nobody!

Nobody!

Carl, you are

my perfect gnomish god of protection, humor, trickery, and gem-cutting.

Right now, I'm mostly interested in the protection, though to what degree you add trickery, humor, or gem-cutting, I leave up to your discretion.

Thomas, aren't aren't you a half-elf?

What?

Aren't you a half-elf?

I am a squat, broad half-elf with green skin and golden hair.

And I'm very impatient, and I don't like to talk about my faith.

And the chair has been hunting me for as long as I can remember.

But I do know one thing:

these spiders have to leave this game show because I love a Bria Igar.

There

goes my hero.

I'm body slamming the spiders.

This has to work.

I don't have an adventuring class.

Oh, gosh, make some kind of roll.

Thomas.

Five, five minus two is three.

I don't have any class features.

Let's get these spiders.

Wait, hold on.

It seems like there might be some sort of divine presence in the space.

Can you make some kind of religion check to see, like, if maybe you can touch it or connect with it?

Girl,

Girl, is this you?

Please be discreet.

Don't intervene in a way that would tip my hand that I'm faithful to you.

Girl, that's another five.

That's straight up another five.

Girl,

okay, maybe it's just father.

Oh no, he's fallen onto the rocking chair.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

I knew this is how it would happen.

Rocking chair, kill me.

Kill me so hard that my blood and bones splatters out and kills the spiders.

It's finally ended after all these years.

Oh, wait.

Look, the defenses are coming on.

Studio defenses, initiate.

Oh, Oh, okay.

The spiders are being boned down.

They have homic.

They won't hit any of us.

Oh, oh, God.

Oh, oh, shit.

Oh, the spiders.

They've been killed.

All right.

If everyone could just sit the fuck back down, we're going to finish the show.

All right.

It doesn't seem like the rocking chair is tearing you apart or anything, Thomas.

Are you okay?

Do you feel alright?

I think.

I think when I jumped on those spiders, spiders, I think something burst inside my body.

I think.

Like your spleen or a kidney?

I think so.

You know,

one of the things...

One of the things about me is that I share everything I own,

up to and including my own life.

I'm so glad that I died.

defending Abria.

By the way, my...

I'm not...

My real name's not Bachelor number three.

My real name is Thomas number one.

And that's not even my real name.

My real name is Thomas Darkdraft.

I've always loved you.

Stop.

You're not going to die on this show.

You're not going to die on this show.

Abria, you need to pick one of these people now, and then I'm going to throw his body out on the street so that he didn't die during the show.

If he died outside of the show, I think it's totally cool.

Disneyland rolls.

I get it.

I get it.

If someone calls it MT, I might be able to make it.

Nope, nope.

All right, all right, let's wrap up.

Okay,

here we are.

We're at the end.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Borey, did you want to repeat that question?

Oh, I was just asking if Thomas number one has had sex

before, ever.

Who's smelling real good right now?

What's that?

I've only had sex if you count the times that the chair attacked me while I was in a state of arousal.

All right.

We're going to.

Number one, I will choose you if you eat bachelor number three.

What

I don't know if that counts as sex, but it's the only time I've ever been touched in a pleasurable way.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, shit.

Did you like that?

Delicious.

I do like it.

This is good for me.

Yeah.

This is good for me.

The chair can't get me in here.

Well, uh, Abria,

it's the time of the game show where you decide if you want to back it or tag it.

Bachelor number one is still available.

Bachelor number two

seems to be deep in a meditative space.

And Bachelor number three

is within Bachelor number one.

So

I guess the question to you to me, that means that you're also choosing Bachelor number three.

Why didn't I think to get the magic items that are part of the game show when the fight happened?

I

so

what do you want to do?

Yeah, I'm going to go with the...

Look, it was a hard decision.

And at the end of the day, I'm going to pick the Devil's Polycule.

Bachelor's number 0.5.

1.5.

I pick 1.5.

Yay!

Wow.

Well, Bachelor number two, thanks for being here.

And

you can see your way out.

Oh, that's all right.

You know, I guess I'll have to find a mommy for Mushi somewhere else.

Okay.

Well,

you could have, I guess this is the part where I revealed that you could have tacked it and had a plus-one temper-pedic mattress.

But

that's okay.

You and Bachelor number 1.5 get to go and

bag it.

Everyone, thank you so much.

Sorry.

Thank you all for listening.

And apologies to the families of those in our live studio audience who gave their lives so that a Bria could have

consensual sex with a blue dragon with another man being chased by a chair inside of it.

I've been Craig Sumgee.

It's warm in here.

The chair can't get me, I'm happy,

and I will likely be sued for the events that have transpired here.

Uh, I hope you enjoy it.

This has been Baggin Or

Tanget!