Philippines (sort of) w/ Jim Gaffigan | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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God, remember prank calls?

They were so fun.

Yeah.

The Jerky Boys, that was a big.

They were kind of like the home run hitters, right?

They monetized it.

It was just so fun.

You met with your friend.

You're like, let's just make calls.

Yeah.

Let's just see either people from the class or just like Randos.

Yeah, no, you know what?

My kids will do,

you know, and the younger ones, they'll take

my phone or my wife's phone, and on the family chat, they'll speak for us.

And it's so funny.

Not bad.

Is it them doing their impression of you?

No, it'll be kind of like

just saying something random, like,

why did you move this?

And I'd be like, I didn't move that.

And then I'd ask my wife, I'm like,

I didn't move that.

And she was like, that was Patrick.

And I'm like, all right, I guess that is funny.

It's funny.

Yeah.

Where you been and where are you going?

This This is Ari's travel show.

Yeah.

We're going to talk about travel today.

It's UB

Trippin'.

Yeah.

Hi, everybody.

I'm trying to do announcer voice.

Welcome to the UB Tripping Podcast.

I'm your host, Ari, and every week I go to someplace different with a guest who's been somewhere.

It's the only podcast.

Recommended by the Turkish fucking hair transplant society of America.

Oh, wow.

Meow, meow.

We just got to go.

Yeah, thanks.

Jim Gaffigan, dude,

you're on my Mount Rushmore of traveling comedians.

Well, thank you.

Maybe number one.

You were gone before anybody was gone.

You know, I effectively did international shows and never made a living.

You know, like, whereas I think Bill Burr

and Gabriel Iglesias and now Sergura, they all make good money.

Yeah.

Whereas I

really, I mean, I, you know, I was

desired to make money, but I was much more

interested in cultural things.

And selfish, you know, I love international cultures, but selfishly,

you know, I think it's good for writing.

I mean, I think you and I have even talked about this.

It's

that perspective that you encounter in a different culture.

Even if you're in the UK, UK, you're like, oh my gosh, I guess it is weird that Americans do this.

Yeah, it kind of shows your own shit.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's weird.

We're like, sing completely something else.

We're like, oh, okay, I do it oddly different.

Why do I do it different?

Yeah.

And it's,

and you really kind of are.

You have to embrace the American identity.

You know, the reality.

That dog is...

That dog's like a comedian really kind of needy really it's like come on man why why right where we started that's so cute

you have to embrace yeah yeah yeah

yeah i mean it was always cool i was i was seeing you in great and then you started selling tickets internationally too which is yeah i mean but nothing like yeah you know again

you know

uh burr in london can really sell some tickets or

but you know i was kind of and i think we would cross pass or i'd see see you be going to

Flood Past.

And I was just in Budapest.

And I was also, like, some of it is I would be with my family.

Different kind of family.

So, like, justifying,

so the cost imbalance, like, if you're a one-person band,

you could make a living.

But if you're traveling with five kids, you're bleeding money.

Yeah, I want to bring an opener out there.

Yeah.

I'd be like, no way.

Yeah.

Also, it's a chance to be alone, which is nice.

But I mean, you got, you're Irish, so

you got a family.

It's uh, you know, and I'm not, I don't like groups, but I've got a family, but that's all right.

Tax deductible, though.

You make that whole trip tax deducted.

It's all good.

I was talking to Morrissey about it last week, and we were just talking about how it was just like, it's really afforded us a way to like see everything.

Oh, absolutely.

They cover the flights, they tell you where to stay,

and then you go ahead from there.

Yeah, and you're jet lagged, so you half the time you're jet lagged, so you wander around the city, and you kind of,

and it forces you, at least for me, it forces me to

do some research.

I've often,

you know, I'll do, because when I did the Pale Tourists, where I did shows

like on Canada, I did Spain, I did

Asia, and then I did one on Florida just because Florida is so unique.

We need one on them.

I did like these little chunks.

So like I did 35 minutes on Florida, 30 minutes on China, not China, Asia.

Whoa.

And then

in those places or just back?

Whoa.

And so,

yeah, it was really...

But that self-assignment, some of that was prompted because my

boys were learning Mandarin.

We went over to China a couple times.

Yeah.

I mean, that might be the most usable language, but no one takes that.

It's, you know, there's...

What?

There's the.

See, like, you and I are probably the same age.

So, like, when, or maybe I'm older.

It's right close.

Yeah.

But, like, when I was a kid, the language everyone took was either Russian or Japanese.

What?

Yeah.

No, we just have French or Spanish.

Oh, yeah.

No, well, just French or Spanish.

But, like, if you were, like,

the, if you were going to learn the language that we needed for business in the 80s,

it was Japanese.

And if you needed to know the language for,

you know, World War III, it was Russia.

It was Cold War.

And so

I didn't do either of them, but

there were kids that did do that.

I do remember that period.

We're like, listen, it could go two different ways.

We should just learn some Russian so we could be of service to maybe our new overlords.

Yes.

And, you you know, it's like Red Dawn, that movie.

It's like, look, they might come over and take, you know.

And so, whereas, like, in the aughts or the 2000s, everyone's like, we got to learn Arabic.

You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

They were going to outbreed us.

And now it's like,

now it's like their Mandarin is going to be the biggest economy.

You know, the Chinese are going to have the biggest economy eventually.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But where are we going today?

Philippines.

All right.

I think we go to the Philippines.

Now, I've only been to the Philippines once.

Okay, that's fine.

I think the Philippines is so interesting because

jealous right away that you've been there.

Yeah, I mean,

it's beautiful.

It's got a lot of different,

I think it's like 100 islands.

Yeah, look at it.

I mean, like, where do you even know where to go?

It's also, I mean, the Filipinos are really interesting

in that

they're the only country in Asia that's really into basketball.

They're really,

they were a Spanish colony.

They're really attached to their Spanish identity.

They also...

Do they speak Spanish or is Techalog like a mixture?

You know, this is where I'm pretty ignorant.

But that's what also is great about an international show is you don't have to be an expert.

Oh, dude.

This is like the ignorance podcast.

You just have to be curious.

Yeah, people are like, you're wrong about that.

Like, I was there for four days.

I don't know.

You just have to be curious.

Also, the Philippines, very Catholic, and similar to

Ireland, their big export is their people.

So you go, you know, obviously there's a lot of Filipinos.

In America, there's a lot of Filipinos.

In Canada, there's a lot of Filipinos.

In Australia, there's a lot of Filipinos.

Throughout the Middle East, like, literally people.

Yeah, people go.

So there is that element.

But I I think it's so it's a part of Asia that was colonial.

It's Catholic.

They're

very different from the other Asian cultures in that what they're interested in.

They're also Southeast Asian, so the women are beautiful.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

What's the range on Filipino women?

That's always the range that nobody talks about.

Like, oh, like Persians are so pretty.

I'm like, keep looking.

No, yeah, no, well, well, there is something.

I mean, that's like

there is something about, like, the first time you go to Sweden, you're like, oh, my gosh, Sweden, it's going to be unbelievable.

But they're not all beautiful Swedes.

Right.

But, and it's also

the Philippines, there's, you know, pretty severe

poverty.

Oh, really?

So, yeah, it's very much kind of you go to a resort or you stay in a nice hotel.

Like, they, it's kind of,

and so when you would do a show, like I only did one show in Manila, and in Manila, damn, that was the place everybody was like, get in, get out as fast as possible.

Well, that's what, but I mean, I think that the Filipinos are so nice, and they're and similar to the Japanese, I think they have

an affection for American culture.

But what I thought was so interesting, so it's like I've I did a show now.

It just sounds like the trout, you should just call this the travel brag podcast.

That's what it comes down to a lot, too.

You want to tell people about stuff and they're like, you think you're better than me?

I'm like, no, I'm just excited.

No, but like, I did, like, have you done a show in

Taiwan?

I love the cultural elements.

So before you do a show, and both times I did shows in Taiwan, they would do

a ceremony.

for the ancestors where they would put food out.

Do you know about this?

No.

Yeah.

So like in Taiwan,

there is this ceremony for ancestors.

And before the show, they're like, and it's all very, you know, it's not like, oh, crazy person.

It's, it has an attachment to,

you know,

it's kind of an old cultural phenomenon, but

it's present.

It's kind of a form of good luck and respect.

Wait, is it like before JFL where they're like, just so you know, this hidden are.

No, it's, yeah, no, it's not like when you're in Australia, it's like, we steal all this land.

Yeah, no, it's uh like, what a downer before a show, bro.

But there are native people in Taiwan that are

that are uniquely

different from the Han when the Chiang Kai-shek came over.

But

yeah, so like in the Philippines, because it's a Catholic country, and because, as you know, when you do these international shows, I love the international

comedy community because

they're all in it for the right reason.

Like, being an English-speaking comedian, whether it be in Paris or Athens, is not a logical thing.

It's kind of like being a comedian in the 90s.

It's like, it doesn't make sense.

They also, they have no, there's nothing to get, so there's no competition.

Yes.

Like in the Hong Kong scene, it was like, we're all just like, hey, good callback, yeah, way to go, you did one, yeah, and so they're like, yeah, I, you know, I teach English, or uh, but at the Philippines, some of it is like I try to, you know, do a little bit of

studying the history and the culture, okay, guys, ow,

oh, did I really just spit fuck nuts into my eye?

You try to run a professional thing.

Guys, it's a streaming wars.

My special on Netflix and Jim Gaffrican's special on Hulu.

His is Hilarious.

Mine is

Netflix is a joke.

Both really dumb things.

Whichever guy came up with both of them, they're sticking with it.

They're not backing off it.

Hularious is sticking and Netflix is a joke is sticking.

Both are dumb.

Both are really dumb.

Which one are you going to watch?

Well, guess what?

Now you can watch both.

My special, America Sweetheart, on Netflix, and Jim Gaffrigan's special, The Skinny, on Hulu.

Yeah, we're both stand-up comics.

I like to tell you guys about the

guests every week.

Jim Gaffigan is one of the best comics of all time, and I don't say that lately.

You might take him for granted.

You might take him lightly, but you shouldn't.

God, why eat a bunch of lightly salted almonds with sea salt right before you record a promo?

It makes no sense.

Guys, I'm on the road.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm torn off my American Sweet Art.

All new material.

All new material.

Yeah, this is a different hour completely, if you're wondering.

I'm going to be in in Nashville, San Antonio, Tampa, Denver, Schaumburg, Atlanta, Portland, San Jose, Orlando, Dania Beach, Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, and Anchorage.

This is all right now until the beginning of April.

And then Anchorage is June.

That's my last gig until 2027 that you can come to see me at.

You can pay to see me at.

Checking some time off.

Go to RShaffira.com right now for tickets.

You can also get my Stay Positive shirt.

You can get my Feidelberg shirt.

I only made 30 of the Feidelberg RIP shirts.

Yoni Feidelberg, true legend.

Have you seen the special?

If you haven't seen it, if you haven't watched it till the end, you will not get that joke, but if you do, you will.

Jim Gafferkin, all of his tour tickets are at jimgaffigan.com.

He's going to be in Durham, Birmingham, New Orleans, Memphis, Albuquerque, Minneapolis, Lexington, Owensboro, Knoxville, Chattanooga.

He's never home.

Toledo, Columbus,

Charlotte,

San Diego, Phoenix, Lincoln, Vancouver, April 4th and 5th.

I'm going to be there April 5th.

Go see him April 4th.

Come see me April 5th.

I'll meet in a way smaller place.

Milwaukee, Cleveland, Greenville, North Charleston, Cincinnati, Las Vegas, and MASH, Chantucket.

He's also doing all different material from the special.

Guys, obviously, if you haven't gotten there right yet, depends when this drop is going in.

We barely talk about the Philippines.

I'm letting you know right now, sometimes real travelers like Jim Gaffington, they go all over the place.

It's hard to lock him in.

Sam Talent was the same way.

His episode is coming soon about France.

He's going to do another one about Tokyo.

But it's like, I just want to tell you about travel in general, and it's it's all over the place.

That's why this one was called the Philippines, sort of.

Anyway, now that I told you that, let's get back to the episode.

By the way, I also have a Patreon you can subscribe to.

New episodes three times a month, patreon.com/slash you be tripping.

And I got tons of new merch available on my website, ari shafir.com.

Grinders, vinyls.

I will sign the vinyls anytime you bring them to a live show.

Just tell a door guy or a staff member you have one, and I will sign it.

That's it.

Let's get back to the Philippines, sort of, with Jim Gaffigan.

So it was unique in the Philippines because my wife has,

you know, they have cousins and nephews that are Filipino.

Okay.

And so,

and, and, and it's not kind of like distant cousins, like they're pretty close cousins.

And so

we went and visited a family that,

you know,

was

her cousin's uncle, who's a great guy.

And so we had a traditional, you know, Filipino and learned all about the history of their family.

Do they know you as Jim Gaffigan or they just knew you as her husband?

I don't know.

I think a little bit, like they're,

these are kind of,

you know, I think there's a little bit of,

you know, there's an upper class in the Philippines.

These are upper class people.

So they

probably have a greater,

they're more worldly.

Do you know what I mean?

So like, I think in the 1900s, this family, but like, of course, it's an amazing story where the great-grandfather was, you know, like a bricklayer and he just amassed a fortune, right?

So that's, you know, those stories are throughout the world, right?

Just keep going faster and faster until you like.

And so

we did that.

So we visited family.

We did.

And then we went to,

and of course I should know all these names.

We went to this beautiful resort that costs like a nickel, and it was just unbelievable.

Like the Filipinos love to eat, so like their breakfast buffet.

What was it?

What kind of food?

Gosh, I can't even remember some of it.

But like

the, the, um,

but of course, all this stuff, I'm acquiring information, right?

So they have a lot of pork there, huh?

Yes.

They, they love,

so like all of Asia, they will do,

and I did a joke on it in Asian American

because it was just the perspective in all these mini specials was

as a dumb American in these countries.

But yeah, that one, what is that one?

I mean, it's mango, it's whatever this is.

Yeah, that meat is like so incredible.

But what the Asians do, they do everything is for breakfast.

Whereas like

people in Europe or the Middle East,

they're like, there's certain things for breakfast, where in Asia, they're like, you can have ice cream, you can have hot dogs, whatever you want.

So the breakfast buffet is like a Vegas buffet.

Yeah.

And so there is,

so some of it is,

and they, you know, similar to like Columbia, like they have every fruit.

Are they fat?

No, no, there's just, you know, when you,

there is, you know, like, so I did like a small theater there, and there there is like

some

more security than you'd think you're like i don't know if i need security it's just me and they're like no you need security there's crime i wouldn't say crime it's just kind of some people begging oh you know what i mean so like i've never done a show in india i've heard that like india is amazing but like i've heard that's what you encounter it's not that anyone's rude or aggressive it's just kind of like getting in the building i just got back from with from cuba with Bobby Kelly.

Wow.

Yeah, and he was like, he saw a kid, and he started giving them money.

Like, buddy, it's a mistake.

They're going to swarm if you give any of them anything.

Yeah, yeah.

No, so it's, it's,

but, like, I thought the most interesting thing about the Philippines was

before the show, so there's this community, right?

And they, the Philippines, they obviously do it in tag-along or whatever.

Their comics?

Yeah, they're comics.

They perform in the native language, which I, you know, the name I'm confusing with the version of Girl Scout cookies that I like.

Yeah.

But,

and they're all very nice.

It's like, I mean, like doing a show in Moscow, that was, was so fun.

And so.

When you do shows there, I try not to center on stand-up, but like,

are you like, wow, this, this will not make sense here?

Like, are there jokes where you're like, would you, like, the idea of a gym in some third world country is like, oh, you're never going to understand this.

I think that with the internet and also understanding that

the audience that comes to these shows,

you know,

English has to be not a barrier.

So either they

worked in an English-speaking country or one of their parents were from there or they're an expat.

Yeah, but certain things like I was was doing, I went through like Glasgow, UK, and Amsterdam, and I was doing this joke that just didn't work.

I didn't understand why it didn't work.

Yeah, it was about

acid, but like in an Altoids tin, and somebody eventually was like, Hey, but we don't have Altoids here.

They have no idea what you're talking about.

I'm like, Oh, that's just the setup.

Oh, oh, yeah.

And then I changed it, and then the rest of Europe, it worked.

Yeah,

yeah, that kind of shit.

We're like,

It's so crazy.

I, you know, I think that there's

different barriers in different countries.

Like, I feel like the UK,

there is a different type of barrier for an American comedian that I don't encounter when I'm in

Northern Europe or

if I'm doing a one-off in

some place like the Philippines.

You know, it's like there's something about

that relationship

that and some of it is maybe me projecting it on these people yeah that could happen sometimes so it's like my whole like I understand the history I know that the the notion of an ugly American is much more alive

in British people's thought or like the the Irish or the the the Londoner has a much stronger views on what happened

Oh, yeah, and that's

something.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Whereas, like, I think.

Or in L.A., you'll have a female comic do a joke, but like, I'm so fat.

And I'm like, this is only going to work in L.A.

anywhere else.

You seem thin.

And then, you know,

I did a show in Mexico City, and they were like so amazing.

But, like...

Even our neighbor, Mexico, right?

Yeah.

I didn't get a sense that I was being perceived as an American.

I was being perceived as

a curiosity.

Oh, interesting.

Which is better.

You're just like,

you can't blend it at all.

Bobby was like, I was like, Bobby, you could pass as Cuban.

You could.

If you've got a little son, you're going to be able to get it.

And so right there, you're grizzling.

You're going to be Cuba amazing.

Yeah.

And so like.

Amazing from cultural difference or amazing from.

Cultural difference, you can see the effect of an embargo.

I mean, you just see these beautiful homes next to to like a decrepit one you just see like oh you took away their their ability to make it was like it was like GM moving out of

and was it was there a sense of did because I feel like particularly with Cuba there's two sides where there's the Florida Cubans that are like they hate them we got all the history really they hate them they left thinking they'd be back in 10 days Like, all right, we just got to group up.

Let's get rid of him.

We'll all be back.

And then it just, it didn't happen.

And so in Cuba, what is their view on Castro?

Or the Castro brothers?

Okay.

So we had a hurricane there.

Power went out in the whole country.

Castro said, hey, these are the elder Castro said, these power grids are woefully out of date.

I don't know how long ago he died, but he said that before he died.

They haven't changed him.

So the radio's on.

We're listening to the radio, and they're saying how, like, okay, no deaths.

That was good.

One pregnant woman and two old people rushed to the hospital.

And then at the end, the guy's like translating for him.

He goes, oh, now here's the state run.

They're saying this is all made possible by the People's Republic.

And without them, we could not be.

So there's constant propaganda.

But he's also at the same time, he goes, everyone's evacuated real orderly.

Yeah, no, everyone's educated.

Yeah.

Right.

And they just go to order.

They're like, come on, come on.

I'm like, what if you don't go?

Like, you have to, but also you want to.

You're in a place with no wall.

So like you want to go to a gym.

And then he was like, so what do you guys do?

Like,

well we have people that just won't go and they're like isn't that dangerous like yeah that's the crazy thing about freedom we just make fun of them when they die yeah but but but

man it was just so fun oh so that's really see like that's the juice the juice is like that different perspective on

but i see like you know i've never performed in cuba but like the history of cuba and yeah, they found out like he wasn't gonna necessarily go communist.

He was just ultra-left

and he was like, could have been, and then when he had no ally real close, Khrushchev was like, I'll be your friend.

And he goes, fine, these guys are fucking wild over there.

And he, you know, like, so like, there's the two views where he's a genius, he's an egomaniac, you know, and probably both things.

Yeah.

But

Some things succeeded, some things.

So, yeah, so here's what I got.

Everyone who left, like, they stole all the money, did whatever.

But it's like, if you have a home with like six different like units in it, it's like, listen, pick your one, but we're not having homelessness while there's five open units in your place.

Which is like, okay, I can, I get it, but also like, no way, you're not taking my shit.

Right.

But he goes, at the time, it was rampant

illiteracy.

And he goes, now no one doesn't read.

Wow.

But they didn't get a fair shake.

They didn't get a real fair try at making that work.

They couldn't do trade with anybody.

Really?

Because I feel like

there was always like people, you know, you could fly from Canada and you could go from Spain.

And some of it was, it wasn't Castro always kind of inserting himself in, you know, Angola and Nicaragua.

And they don't talk.

All those guys would kind of talk.

Yeah.

And so, but some of it is I'm ignorant on some of this.

So much of it.

And then we were lied to in high school.

We were propagandized.

We don't even know on lots of things.

Absolutely.

In Vietnam, they were like, they call it the American War.

I'm like, no, the Vietnam.

Oh, right.

It wouldn't be called that.

They're like, yeah,

we just got done with France.

You guys came in seven years later.

It wasn't.

Yeah.

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And I think that's what's also interesting

is

you look at, so like, I mean, the Vietnamese, I've never performed in Vietnam.

I, uh, uh,

but you've been there?

I haven't been there.

It's cool.

And, and, but, like,

they don't, it doesn't appear to be this lingering grudge.

That's the cube.

I had one or two Cubans go, I don't blame you.

Like out of the blue.

That means you're definitely thinking about it.

Yeah, the Vietnamese, like, we hate China.

You guys, that was shit in the past.

So weird.

And, you know, because you go in there, like, I'm so sorry.

People in Poland, like, I did a show in Warsaw, and just

it's palpable some of that history.

They're like, oh, I mean, first of all, have you been to Warsaw?

Have you been to the Polis Museum?

No.

Oh, my God.

As a Jew, you have to go.

No, but the Polis Museum in Warsaw is this museum all about the history of Jewish people in Poland.

Okay.

So at the start of World War II,

one in six Polish residents was Jewish.

Whoa.

Now there's like maybe 200,000 out of 30 million.

So you have to understand, obviously, we're not talking about people all being killed.

We're talking about people leaving.

Running, yeah.

And so, and Poland's this amorphous thing where, you know, the borders have kind of shifted so many times, right?

Yeah.

But that Polis Museum, unbelievable.

Because they, you know, there's Austria, Hungary, Empire kind of stuff, but

like

significantly.

What is it about?

It's just about...

It's just about how

they

would escape some pogroms in Russia and go there and they would escape.

But like obviously.

Imagine finally getting out and it was like,

who's a German?

Yeah.

And it's like also the

you know the

Poland is the bloodfields, right?

So it's in some ways fighting for the breadbasket of Ukraine and

but it's like also that buffer that Russia always wanted because it is strategically like I know anything about military strategically an issue protecting themselves from Germany

because of course Napoleon invaded through Poland and and and Hitler so it's like but the Russians really

fucked over the Polish.

And by the way, Warsaw completely destroyed.

So when the Germans left, they would just blow things up.

Just to fuck it up?

Just to be like, you know, as a last fuck you.

And

two things.

One, when the Russians...

So the Russians and the Polish liberation movement were allies.

And the Polish Polish were fighting the Nazis.

And

the Russians were on the other side.

And the Polish at one point said, hey, come on in.

We need your help to fight the Germans.

And the Russians were like, no, we're all right.

So they waited

for them to kind of exhaust each other.

And then they could just move in.

But, you know, I don't know how much of that's that's that's human beings at their best, right?

Yeah, I mean, that's what when he split up Berlin.

Yeah.

It was just like both sides like, oh, we want that.

It was like, wait, I thought you guys were helping defeat the Nazis.

Like, no, we didn't give a shit.

So, but what, um, so, all right, so there's,

but, but Poland, so at Warsaw, Russia, right here, they literally rebuilt Warsaw based on photographs,

really, because

all destroyed, and they recreated it based on photos.

Wow,

and also, I love a pierogi, and so

Warsaw is, I'm surprised surprised if you've done the Baltics, you wouldn't do Warsaw on the way.

Well, I just did Eastern Europe for the first time, Romania and Slovenia.

And I only want to go there from now on.

Wow.

It's so fucking wild.

I mean, they're nuts.

Yeah, no, I did a movie in Bulgaria.

That's really interesting.

Like a nice hotel, and they have a strip club in the basement.

And you're like, what?

Yeah.

That's great.

But like, some of it is hearing stories about Romania.

But I think Romania's, I mean, I haven't performed there, but I definitely want to go there.

It's wild.

And Slovenia, too.

I stopped and was like, hey, how many of you guys remember before it was Slovenia?

And it was like, half the crowd was like, yeah, me.

And I'm like, what a new place.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're just nuts.

We left it.

We left.

We got to get back to the Philippines.

But we left where I performed in Slovenia.

But Romania was so wild.

The underground scene is all like post-punk instead of like EDM.

I mean, isn't that so amazing how, like, Northern Europe is into like metal?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And in Japan, I heard super bluegrass.

Wow.

Yeah.

Well, you know, that Japan itself

kept the American bourbon industry alive.

So during the 80s and 90s, there was this trend to wine coolers and vodka really took off.

Absolutely.

But so these heritage brands of bourbon and whiskey, like maybe Scotch was the whiskey that people would drink.

It was because the Japanese were drinking American bourbon that, you know, some of these great brands of bourbon survived.

Wow.

Because they would like buy it up.

Yeah, they would buy it up.

They were into it.

What were the poopers like in the Philippines?

It was, yeah, it was not great.

Okay.

You know, like the resort.

But I did a show

in Beijing at an opera house.

And so capital city, you know, opera house.

Obviously, it's not.

And they told me, before you go to the venue, use the bathroom.

And I go, why?

And so, like,

they're like, there's no

stand, there's no Western bathroom.

They know enough to warn people now.

Yeah.

And I'm like, that's really interesting because it was not,

you know,

this.

And again, maybe, I mean, this was also a while ago.

Maybe now they have, and I'm sure it was a smaller opera house.

You know what I mean?

It wasn't like, you have to understand, it's like,

you know, like I said before, I'm doing like

600 to maybe 800 800 tickets in a city of Beijing where it's, you know, a billion people.

And so,

but yeah, so the Philippines very much like did, when I did the show, it was

in a mall.

Okay.

Took a van outside of.

But like they have kind of in Manila, they have these districts that

are kind of

private.

So there's a mall.

Say there's like a mall like, you know, that Wilshire mall.

It would be many more blocks, but there would be multiple entrances.

And some of them would be people staying at the hotel.

Some would be wealthy people going to those malls.

So you would...

Go through security, and then you'd be in this kind of...

So stop beggars and stuff from going in?

Yeah.

Okay.

So it was in

this one, it was not as fancy as the mall where the nice hotel was.

And

did the show.

I mean, when I got there, again, I have all these connections to the Philippines because I'm Filipino.

And so I have all these connections.

So I'm meeting with,

you know, a woman that I went to college with,

you know,

cousins,

my wife's cousins, friend or nephew of their cousin, you know.

And so before the show, there's all these, you know, the comedy community is there.

They're all very nice, enthusiastic people.

It's like half the shows, too, or comedians in the audience.

Yes.

And they love comedy.

And what was really interesting is they're like, all right, would you like to do,

we typically start with a prayer before we, and I'm like, wow.

And they're like, well, we know you're Catholic.

And I'm like, yeah,

okay.

And so,

and so I'm not even saying that it was a, this group was

decidedly Catholic.

It was,

there was an element of faith, right?

Okay.

And it kind of crossed the spectrum.

So, like, there was, you know, some of these,

there was, like, you know, obviously there was some really wealthy Filipinos that were in the comedy scene.

There were some very poor.

There was some gay.

There was some, you know, like 70-year-old man that's on his fifth wife.

You know, it's like

it was,

it was really eclectic, but there was kind of this cultural thing of, now we're going to do the prayer.

And I'm like, it's that Catholic there that are so extreme?

It is, but it isn't.

Some of it,

you know, like if there's...

Someone might say, like, no, that was just that one guy that does that, that organized, that served as kind of a promoter.

You know, that like in some of these international things, it's just a comedian that is also producing shows.

That's a hard thing when you're trying to make a judgment about a whole country.

And it's like, first of all, like, not just in that town.

Yeah.

And then it's like, that was just the one place.

Yeah, right.

That's just one restaurant.

And so, um,

but I thought that was interesting.

And then.

Wow.

Did the crowd join in?

No, no, it was backstage.

It was backstage.

But, and, you know, the Filipinos are just,

they're like every other filipino you've met they're very sweet and nice and and you know not super sensitive like i was more nervous about doing jokes about russians in russia yeah where i was like because there's

there's cultural things about like i remember just because when i was in moscow i when I was around Red Square, there were similar to Elmo in Times Square or like Dora,

There would be people dressed like Stalin,

you know,

all these historical figures.

And I was like, Stalin?

Really?

You guys like Stalin?

You know?

But some of it was a cultural thing.

It was like, he was a strong leader.

You're a little too strong, though, right?

You know, so Ivan the Terrible, they're like, he was a strong leader.

And so.

And you see that, and I would make fun of that.

Yeah, Mao is still big in China.

Yeah, and so like even in paris like from a historical standpoint and some of this is you know people might be like oh you're being a pussy but like like caesar killed a lot of people do you know what i mean yeah napoleon was like in a lot of ways a sociopath right but like in france they they're like he's our guy he rules you know what i mean He's our guy.

It's like, you know, but,

you know, caused, you know, personally responsible for the deaths of millions.

You know what I mean?

Nothing like, you know, uh,

Hitler, but like, but he's up there.

He's, I mean, at least in the run, he's been a little bit more.

Caesar killed at least talking.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

God damn.

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but so like manila did the show yeah and then that was what was really interesting is when i do international shows obviously if i'm with my family it's different but if i'm not with my family um

uh

you know i i'm sure you're like me you want to go if you're going to go for a meal with the producer afterwards you're like you want to go someplace that is authentic

and not

even an American restaurant.

Not an American restaurant.

Just like, where do you hang out?

Like, just go there.

You don't have to make it really nice.

Just like, where do you, where would you go?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so we went to,

and I think my show might have been on a Sunday night.

Okay.

And I was like, I don't want to go to like an American place.

I don't want to go

to anything freaky or anything like that.

And so he was like, got you, got you.

And so he he brought me to like this.

We're driving.

It's kind of like this restaurant off to the side.

And they only

serve like a fish dish.

And I, you know, I'm not a big fish eater, but I didn't want to say that.

And then

it was interesting because it was this mom and pop restaurant.

It was very cool.

It was a very interesting experience.

Like, why?

It was, but it was what he would,

you know, that was interesting.

What do you mean?

Well, it was interesting because it was very kind of

it was very,

you know,

there's a difference between it being casual or being informal and it being kind of the, you know, almost a truck stop.

So it was like, I'm from Indiana.

So like I've eaten at truck stops and it's like, you know that the person that's the chef

like last week was in jail.

You know what I mean?

like cooking is like the job that we can put gilbert back there and no one has to look at him and uh so but it was

it was really interesting but then there's also

um

uh you know it was

in a way it was like there was part of me it's like oh i probably should have gone i should have said

oh i wish we had done more of a a weird uh

in some of the

things.

Yeah, but like you ever go to Chicago and they give you malorts and you're like, you guys drink this?

And they're like, no,

none of us drink it.

We make tourists drink it because it's ours.

But I also, and some of it is, that's why I had that group of specials called the pale tourists.

It's like, I do love being, some of it is like, I look like a tourist.

Yeah.

I mean, that's got to free you a little bit.

Where you're not even trying to blend in.

No.

Well, there's.

They're six foot, what, one?

Yeah.

Like, super white.

Yeah.

No, like, when I did a show in Taiwan, I

had been in Asia with my family, and then a college friend of mine, who's from Taiwan,

and she brought me to, like, this,

it was like a converted mine that had become a mall.

That was pretty much only the Taiwanese would go to, right?

Or the Taiwanese.

And so,

walking around there, people were just like, What's going on?

And this is Taiwan.

They've seen white people, but they're like, not in this area.

Isn't that fun?

I love it.

Oh, my God.

You just stop traffic just from your like, it just you feel like Tom Cruise.

Yeah.

No, it's very fun.

Did you get that in Manila and the Philippines?

I mean, I would say that

it's more of.

You got to go rural.

Yeah, you got.

and so some of it is, I think, with the Philippines, there is

a class system.

So, like,

among

the

whereas, like, when I did a show in Bogota, I didn't feel like I needed security.

Bogota.

Yeah.

I respect it there.

That was, but, like, that was like a rock club.

But again, those are people coming to the show.

It's like do they speak English?

Because you know, I don't speak any Spanish and

and are they but like that was fun.

I was all ready to do

a South American tour,

and that's when the pandemic hit.

Yeah, get back to it.

I was in Buffalo.

I think it's an untapped market, even for English speakers.

Like it's the internet, so they're like being exposed to this stuff.

Oh, my, well, I feel like

80 specials in the backlog where they're just, if they're looking at special, like, oh, have you done, I want to do India,

and that's where I'm jealous of some of these

scenes there, yeah, yeah, because they can just hop, yeah, they're like, oh, yeah, I've done the memory, I've done Myanmar.

I'm like, you've done Myanmar.

They're like, oh, yeah.

It's very.

But they're kind of in their 20s and kind of in a nomadic stage in their life.

A friend from Hong Kong was in the scene there, and he went to Seoul to do a show, Korea.

And he was like a very dry, slow, Stephen Wright style.

Yeah.

And they went to Seoul, but they just hadn't ever seen that.

And so he performed.

And then they go, you just changed the game.

Really?

Yeah.

No, I didn't.

I'm just Canadian.

I taped a special.

What?

Where?

In Seoul.

What?

I mean, it wasn't, again, it was like

two cameras.

Okay.

And, but, like, my Asian American special was shot and sold.

So I did all these.

I hadn't even been to the Philippines at that point, but I had gone over to China and Japan and maybe done Thailand.

But I had done it a bunch.

And so that's what prompted me because I would go into these different areas.

Like Japan, so it's so fascinating, right?

The different cultural nuances, like the cab, whether like,

you know, we'll get the door, you know, where it's not.

Oh, yeah, have you been there?

No, I got to get to Japan.

That's high, highlight.

I always think of like, I think of Tokyo as

the

microcosm of cultural difference and

it being fascinating.

And there's also a side of, I've always been with my family.

There's a side of Tokyo that I've heard is just crazy.

Did you get the

sticked onto the subway?

No.

I want to do that so bad.

Yeah.

I want to get to that.

But just the Japanese are just,

and that's, I mean, I had this whole thing about toilets.

Like, the toilets are really good here and bad here.

How do you do that?

How do you do the poopers?

How do you do the squat toilets?

I haven't done it.

You've never done one.

What?

For you.

Forgetting out of it.

Maybe I have.

Because I did.

A long time ago, when I went to, the first time I was exposed to it was in Istanbul.

I suppose it's the right term for that.

And

it was

kind of insane,

but I was always kind of in a position where I was staying at a nice hotel.

Yeah.

So, but like if I was out on a tour or whatever, Istanbul is very fascinating.

That's when it gets where you're like, no, I'm fine.

And then you're like, I'm walking around.

And then like.

Your stomach's like, it's time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, like if, I mean, when you're in Seoul, it's like, I've never eaten so much.

Like there's all these cultures are just like people always think of like, oh, Americans, we eat a lot.

I'm like, there's a lot of cultures where they're just putting food away.

Also, you're on vacation.

So like you want to try everything.

Yeah.

Are you?

I mean, it's almost sad now that you've lost weight or you really can't do probably what you did before.

No, it's all good.

It's all good.

And some of it is the appetite suppression stuff,

it wears off.

So like by the end of a week or like, if we're heading into Thanksgiving, if you want to have a good Thanksgiving meal, you just don't do the trick the week.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah, interesting.

That's how weed is.

After like three or four days, you can get the shittiest weed.

It'll still do the trick.

Dude, you got to take a break, or you're not going to be high.

Let's get back to the Philippines.

Let me tell me a little bit more about it.

All right, so what else about the Philippines?

I think it's just

tall or short?

Did you notice anything?

They were, I would say they were pretty short.

Okay.

They were

very friendly.

Very friendly.

That's interesting.

Yeah.

I mean, that's.

That's cool.

Yeah.

That's what you want in a place.

Yes.

And so

there is something about,

you know,

the warmer the climate, the nicer they are, right?

Could be.

And a better, you know, a greater likelihood of understanding English.

Also, that Spanish, not Spanish, but like Latino, like good morning, good afternoon, good evening thing when they press everybody and say good afternoon to every single person.

Do they have that kind of idea there?

And so like there's

yeah, there's but there's they're also kind of I feel like they're kind of the underdogs of Asia.

So they're on the outskirts.

Man, I wanted to go there so bad.

Did you just stay in Manila or did you go around?

I went to we went to Manila and then I think we went look at these.

Oh, Boracay.

I think that we, the resort we stayed at was in Boracay.

But that was, we had gone to Tokyo and then we had gone to the Philippines.

And then I probably after that went and did Taiwan.

And then I've done Hong Kong a bunch of times.

You know, again, after the pandemic, as you know.

Damn, you just hung out there?

It's like you can't go to certain, you couldn't go to certain places for a while.

And now, is it...

Is stand-up illegal in China?

Yeah.

I think they, I don't know.

They stole all the clubs back.

Yeah.

They said, thank you.

We learned everything we needed from you.

We will be running this now.

Andy Kurtane and Turner Sparks were just like, fuck, come on, man.

We did this whole thing.

Like, this was always the plan for us.

Yeah.

It was cool to have gone.

Yeah.

I'm interested in these cities that are temporary.

Like, you know, Yoshi?

No, no.

He went to Kabul during the occupation.

Oh, yeah.

No.

Oh, yeah.

Yoshi.

Okay.

Yeah.

That city doesn't exist anymore.

Or like Germany occupied Paris.

You know, that's a temporary time.

That city doesn't exist anymore.

You know, the city's there, but that, that, it's different.

It's a different thing.

Well, I feel like Myanmar is supposedly a little bit weird.

It's like a weird destination hearing from

the English-speaking people.

I was there for a month.

Was it interesting?

Yeah.

This guy who brought me to Thailand was living there.

He was at architect, comic, but he was living there.

So he gave me a couple tips and then go from there.

But it's like army run, yeah.

So it's usually fine, but there's certain places like you can't know foreigners in this town.

You can't sleep here.

You just pass through.

And we're like, but we missed the last bus.

And they're like, well, you can't sleep here, so I don't know.

I mean, it's so interesting, like, just geopolitically, like, then it just gets right into you know, the chaos of Bangladesh.

Have you been to Bangladesh?

No, I haven't been anywhere there.

Myanmar's as far as went.

It's also interesting where, like, a border will be like poverty, doing fine, depending on like Thailand made a real effort to like embrace tourism, right?

Their old king.

And the history of Thailand is really interesting.

Thailand also the only country that was never a colony.

Of anybody.

Yeah.

Really?

The king was constantly in negotiation.

I think there was a time when the French were thinking of taking it over, but they were they were kind of allies, so they didn't really have to deal with it.

And I think, and as you said they embrace tourism wow now afghanistan you done the show there have you done no but i've this guy's asking me to go this guy who runs a media corporation there sad mossani he's like no i'm bringing you out buddy like you got to see this place but i haven't even i've i've done israel iran

is yeah gorgeous everything i've heard just gorgeous except for like a couple towns you've done israel that's great that's like no here's what tokyo is to me tell me what other cities are like where it's like there's bustling cities.

Yangon is one of them, just a bustling big city.

But there's certain cities you're like, it's got its own vibe.

New Orleans, Tokyo, Paris, maybe New York.

But Chicago is also just like, it's cool, but it's just a city.

Yeah, I mean, I'm from the Midwest, so I have a different association with it.

I feel like, I feel like Bangkok,

not that I've ever, but like the amount of Buddha stuff there is, I remember my kids are like, how many Buddha statues?

Yeah.

So my joke about Thailand is like,

it's like, the food is so amazing, but how about one less peanut sauce and one more street sign?

You know what I mean?

Because it is,

you know, culturally they have

so many layers of things, but there is an inefficiency to the bureaucracy, right?

Yeah.

It's so spread out, it's so hard to get around there.

And then South Africa is really really interesting, right?

Why?

I mean, you,

there's the history is so young in some ways.

So the apartheid museum

is

across from the venue.

Whoa.

And it's weird to go in there and have somebody go, I'm in that picture.

Yeah, no, it's like, so that you go in and then you go through the apartheid experience, and then at the end, they tell you if you're black or white.

So it's like crazy shit.

You you know what I mean.

Is this a joke?

No, wait, what?

You get well, because it is by chance what you're born, right?

And so, there's certain, you know, like you in Portland, Maine, you can get you can get a there's a Titanic museum when you have kids, you do some of this stuff, yeah, but they're apartheid.

Me and Morrissey went to the Heineken experience, yeah, yeah, like this doesn't seem like that at all, yeah.

No, there is like in South Africa, there's wait, what do they tell you to do with that apartheid experience?

They go through all of it, and it's

so fascinating because we lived through some of it, right?

And there's you remember it.

They're still processing it, right?

Yeah.

But that was a couple Christmases ago.

So it's been a while.

And then

some of the cities are,

you know, there's, you know, Cape Town is

like

in I think it feels kind of like Sydney, whereas Johannesburg is like a city.

You know what I mean?

Oh, interesting.

What do you mean?

Wait.

Well, like, Johannesburg, it's like, that's where

it's like, it can get dicey.

You know, like,

it's interesting to like some of the

tours, you would go on a tour

through,

you know, like the shanty towns.

It's very interesting.

And so you're like,

you know, but some of it is like, I love history, and I had my kids, so I wanted them to learn about this stuff.

Medin has that too, like, you go up in the hills and like see what it is, but they're like,

get out before

like you can stay for a little bit, but then you gotta just start, take the tram back down, get out of here.

Like Prague, outside of Prague, there's the Terezin Museum.

Have you been there?

I'm probably mispronouncing it.

It is

this Austria-Hungary Empire built this fortress,

and

so it was the guy who shot Prince Ferdinand

was in a jail there.

Then in World War II,

it was where

the Germans established a

camp.

Oh, yeah, it looks like that.

But it was, so it was one of these cams,

but it was done as a

where the media they would be like, oh, the Jewish people are fine.

Look at this camera.

Like the UN, like, show-off one?

Yes.

Wow.

Yeah, this is a pretty one.

And so they had,

but they would show all these sinks,

but the sinks would have no water access.

And so a lot of the famous Jewish people of Europe would be

there.

So, like, they would be like, Where is the most famous violinist from Vienna?

And they'd be like, Oh, no, they're fine.

They're a terrorist.

And they, so they're too they'd be like, Let them out.

Yeah, or like, where is that Olympic boxer?

I mean, that was the one where,

you know, you know, like some tour guides, you're like, holy cow, this tour guide's amazing, right?

But so

after world war ii

the uh

czechoslovian government just used it as army bear so like it wasn't even

uh

uh

you know and of course there was

uh

and i think around there there was um

a german

soldier was assassinated, but there was

a lot of there's an enormous amount of history but i thought it was really interesting that it was when the czech and slovakia republics were established the velvet revolution or whatever or velvet divorce that's when they really kind of discovered that it was kind of this vip

german uh

prison camp for the jews that were famous

yeah and if you if they asked any of them like yeah i mean mean, they wouldn't have known about but it wasn't

good, right?

Do you know what I mean?

So, like, at the end of the war, but it was, some of the stories are pretty amazing because some of the kids there would have art classes by a preeminent painter from Antwerp.

Do you know what I mean?

Oh, wow.

So that's pretty interesting.

Yeah.

What else do we talk about in the Philippines?

Philippines.

Yeah, we've done not a great job of the Philippines, but it's actually been really interesting.

But I can tell, Mike, we gotta give somebody if somebody's about to go there, what would you tell them to do or to bring or to not bring or to bring it up?

Well, I think I didn't do it, we didn't do it, we didn't have enough time.

But there is

like an alpine area, kind of like a woodland, higher hills area in the Philippines.

That

obviously the Philippines is very tropical, but like there is,

I think, think, a place that the wealthy in Manila go to

this cooler climate, mountainous area during the summer when it's super hot.

Daho Leon?

Maybe.

Maybe.

Damn.

It kind of even mind me.

Do you ever go back to a place that you've gone to internationally and you're like, oh yeah,

I knew that.

But I forgot about it.

Yeah.

So like it barely entered your your mind.

Yeah, so like the you know like in Hungary, there is a certain drink that they drink

and

I remember sampling it, but you know, I don't remember the name.

So when I go back there, I'm like, oh, yeah.

Oh, that one.

And that one.

Oh, yeah, I wanted to joke on that.

But I discovered it after I did my show.

Yeah.

So.

Yeah, you get a lot of that.

Or you're like, what was that breakfast called?

Like, I don't know.

You would have had to ask me right then.

I mean, Bogota, they have hot chocolate for breakfast.

Oh, buddy.

Sorry.

The darn fruit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But geez.

How is the fruit and stuff there?

Because that's tropical.

Great.

Great.

That's the number one thing I'll tell anybody whenever they're going, like, pretty much from here to here is just like stop at every fruit stand.

Well, I would say also in

Bogota,

the vegetables, so you know that like the potato

is from essentially from around Peru.

No.

And so they're

in Bogota, in Colombia, they have a soup that is

like the recipe has got like five different

potatoes in it.

Okay.

And so the vegetables and the fruit in Colombia were insane.

And it's,

you know, again, I didn't even do a dent on it, but there's this fruit in Colombia called Manamana, and it's like a gigantic watermelon.

And

you,

and there's, but you know, like in Asia, there's that really stinky fruit.

Yeah,

duran.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They have signs on the hotel rooms like no durians allowed.

And I'm like, it seemed like it was like, it almost seems racist.

It's, well, it does smell like ass.

You know, and, but some people, like, stinky tofu.

People love stinky tofu when you're at an outdoor market.

Like, in God, or on a plane anytime they're in front of you, they'll bring out some shit like that, like kimchi, and you're like, what the fuck are you doing?

Yeah.

They can't smell it if you're eating it.

This stuff, man, man, man, it looks like a gigantic watermelon.

Interesting.

That's terrific.

Of course, like,

the comments in the video will be like, these idiots, it's this.

it's this.

I think it's the upper right,

this guy, yeah, but they get pretty big.

Wow, where can I find these fruits?

But yeah, I went to a fruit stand,

and

that's what's so weird.

You think, like,

oh, uh, you know, from a Western perspective, you're like, oh, the kiwi is exotic, and you're like, the kiwi is nothing, yeah, yeah.

And you also get a feeling of like, I know all the fruits, and you're like, you don't know any of the fruits.

I did a show in

Casablanca.

Morocco?

Yeah.

Wow.

And so, like, I remember staying in a hotel and

in the hotel, I think this was in Marrakesh, but like, damn.

The back of the hotel

was

an orange grove.

And so I would be back there with my kids, and you just

the most perfect oranges.

Maybe I was there the one week that they were perfect, but it was unbelievable.

Marrakesh, just crazy, crazy.

Like walking through the city, someone's holding a snake.

Someone's got like gigantic spiders.

You're like, what are we doing?

You know, like in Times Square, you'll see someone wearing a snake.

There, they're like, there's a guy with like a monkey that you can hold the monkey.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Is it like touristy or is it just like, no, this is what we've been doing?

It's, it's, it's very much, this is what we've been doing for thousands of years.

You know, like, that's right about New York and I assume Tokyo.

We're like, hey, we're just going to keep, they're not here for you.

If you guys left, we'd keep doing this.

And so, like, and that's also like if you, you know, in Jerusalem, you're like, oh, this has been going on for a long time.

Yeah.

It makes you realize, oh, that stuff in Rome is new.

Right.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've never, I was supposed to do a show in Cairo and it got canceled, but like.

For what?

Just stand up.

And.

No, I mean, why did it get canceled?

I think it got canceled because my kids, you know, uh-oh.

You know, it was a Thanksgiving thing where I was going to do

I was going to do Cairo and maybe

some other city, and then the family was going to meet me in Dubai or something like that.

And then there was like one of the kids wouldn't have been able to go, so then I had to scrap the whole thing.

Do they expect to go now when they see your tour?

They'll be like, especially like a last gig on a tour, they're like, obviously we're coming.

Well, if it's now, they're older, it's so much more complicated.

You know what I mean?

Do they appreciate how many places they've been?

I mean,

maybe,

maybe, but I, that was the other thing: is that

I'm convinced that

being

exposed to it,

like being going to Europe when I was like 10 or 11

from Indiana, from

Illinois at that point.

But like pivotal point.

What brought you to life?

My parents did.

You know, my grandmother died.

My parents, you know, inherited some money.

And so it was like 1976.

Yeah.

And I'm 10, and we all go to Europe.

And we did, you know,

seven or eight countries.

And it changed my life.

Changed my life.

Seeing, you know, culturally, you know, being

in Rhodes, you know, or in Italy, Mont de Bene, the first exposure to like, now I only drink,

you know,

sparkling water, but like that was the first time I tried out water and it was sparkling.

I'm like, oh, what is this?

Do you know what I mean?

Wait, when you say it changed your life,

let me explain.

I think the perspective on

different cultures and

just

an openness to like, oh, people are just doing things differently.

It's not necessarily,

it's not weird.

It's fascinating.

So, like, even when

we went to Copenhagen, and,

you know, I've told this story before, but like, we were in Tivoli Gardens, and I was following my parents, which were these blonde people in cardigans.

And so, I'm following them.

I'm eating this hot dog that has fried onions on it.

I never had, and it was delicious.

I'm obsessed with this hot dog.

And then my parents turn around, and they're not my parents.

And I look around, and it's all blonde people.

You know what I mean?

Like, oh, fuck.

And so,

and of course, I'm exaggerating.

But those kind of things where I was like, this is fascinating.

Like, or just

so the travel, the different cultural things.

So, that's why I would do these international shows.

You know, like doing a show in.

What's the craziest one you've been to?

Or like among the craziest.

Me and Bobby Kelly went to a festival in Copenhagen, and we're eating, and we see a stroller just on its own.

Oh, yeah.

Just, and we're like looking at it.

I'm like, where the fuck?

Yeah.

And then

we asked the guy who was like, hey, there's like a baby.

Yeah.

And then he goes, yeah, I don't know.

It's somebody's.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, but there's just someone in the store, they're just like, Leave the baby outside.

So, yeah, there was a big thing in New York because I think a woman got in trouble, she was Danish, and she did that.

Uh, this probably in the 90s, it's just like, But who would steal a baby?

Like, oh, we live in a different place than you, yeah.

So many people would steal a baby.

We got her, some we have all these locals.

We're like, Don't leave it out, like, they'll just grab it, don't even tie it up nearby you, they'll grab it.

I'm like, What?

They're just gonna grab dogs, yeah.

So I'm trying to think of the weirdest place.

I mean,

I don't know.

Because I think

when they're like, okay, we got a gig in

wherever in Mongolia, Borobatana.

No, no, no.

By the way, you know, Andy Curtin, there is like a show there.

There is.

Yeah, Rhodes has been there.

Tom Rhodes has been there, right?

You know Andy?

Did he bring you up?

Yeah, yeah.

Andy brought me to Moscow.

Wow.

So,

yeah.

So,

if they had said, hey, we got a gig for you there, are you immediately like, ooh, how can I make this work with my schedule?

I wanted, yeah, some of it is the balancing act of how do I rationalize it

and how do I, does it work with

my family?

You know, so like

I'm trying to think of like, maybe it's Oman or something like that,

where

it's...

It's just, oh, it would just be fascinating, right?

Like, I mean, there's some Central Asian countries that would be be really fascinating all these I really go to Tajikistan and like I'm sure some of them are like super safe but some of them like no way could you go there and I don't know the difference yeah I mean the Armenians as a culture are so fascinating I'd love to go to Armenia there must be from what I know about them no dents in any cars there really

well some of it is like

I can knock that out for you for 50 bucks and I'm like all right no like the uh

but like Kazakhstan or Mongolia it's where's our and also all the people in China live here, right?

I've never been to

what?

Yeah, what's all this where there's not even cities on the map?

What is all that?

Yeah.

Are we just not aware of them or is it just like wasteland?

I don't know.

I have no idea.

And we know there's all mountains here, right?

So

where do you want?

But like there's, I think, Andy, people go and do

cities with like 20 million people.

That's what they said when we did a show in Suzhou

near Shanghai.

And they're like, no, that's like a sleepy.

They know that the sleepy neighbor of Shanghai is only like 10 million people here.

Crazy.

And they feel like...

It felt sleepy.

It did.

Yeah, but I'm like, this is a top three city in America.

Yeah.

So crazy.

Yeah, it's weird because you want to escape some of the touristy stuff, but you also,

well, at least I like some of the comfort of the touristy stuff.

It's a balance, huh?

Yeah.

It's a real balance because you're like, I want it set up, but only for me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I want to be able to,

you know, like when I was in Warsaw, I definitely want to get a pierogi, you know, but I also,

you know, it would be great if I could have an English version of the menu.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, exactly.

Or have someone to explain it.

Have you done like...

Like Bogoteau was great because I think I hired a tour guide, so he really explained all this stuff.

Like you should go to Bogota.

Like they have

their own, so they throw these weights

and

explode things.

It's so weird.

I mean, it's who does that?

In Colombia, they have like, you know, like there's unique sports in different cultures.

And so like there's in the Metagene, you know, they have the arepas that are in Bogota, Bogotá, which are different from the ones that are in Medellin.

And supposedly, Medellin is like unbelievable.

So,

yeah, they have, it's in Spain, too.

They're like, I want paella, they're like, in Barcelona, they're like, we don't, you need a Madrid restaurant.

I mean, I did a whole special on Spain.

Wow.

And so,

and, you know, and I thought that Portugal was really interesting.

Like, the contrast between

the,

you know the Portuguese they have this tradition of these sad songs.

Do you know about that?

So lesbians.

And so like in it's

it goes back to the the Portuguese travelers the the explorers they would they were such a seafaring kind of people that people would be gone.

So there was this romantic notion of all these

And so women will come into a restaurant and sing in Portuguese these beautiful sad songs.

And the contrast of that with Spain, with like,

and you're like, this is so weird.

But, like, Spain is so

such a

different,

you know, the

different cultures, every kind of, like, Madrid versus Barcelona.

And also, neighborhood to neighborhood.

If you tell me what New York was, and you're like, oh, bright lights everywhere.

I'm like, oh, that's not my neighborhood.

Yes.

That's a different.

That's a part of telling you you shouldn't be it.

I just remembered your joke of when you get off the subway and you're like, why is I been walking?

So, oh, no, I'm in Times Square.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just like, what a different vibe.

Yeah.

If you were a tourist, you'd have no idea that that's not what New York is.

And Tokyo is totally like that.

Depending, oh, every neighborhood.

But it's just a gigantic city.

It's like five different cities at least.

And that's so like, and within those five different cities, there's a hundred neighborhoods.

Wow.

So, where do you want to go?

Where's like calling you for like a while?

I mean, some of it is just the traveling,

but I think these people, you know, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I would love to do South America.

I, you know, I haven't,

you know,

done,

you know, some of the some of those

the native

experiences of the historical stuff.

Like, I can't remember, in Peru,

now I sound like I'm speaking.

Did you do ayahuasca?

No, I've never done ayahuasca.

Have you done that?

I'm sure you're

invested in a lot of it.

Did you have any interest in it?

Did you invent ayahuasca?

Ayahuasca was the original name.

We said it couldn't take off.

It was a misspelling.

Do you have any interest in something like that?

You know, you know, I mean, I'm not opposed to it if there was some certain safe scenario.

But, and I'm sure that you're like, it's totally safe.

I don't really know.

I've only done it once.

I couldn't speak to everybody.

Did it make you become religious?

No, but it like cleaned you out.

Wow.

You just, you, it just cleaned you out.

Wow.

Yeah, I'm not like,

yeah.

I'm, I,

all the comedy fights, I'm just like not interested in anymore.

So there's the ayahuasca

and the cold plunge.

I feel like those

are similar rhymes,

right?

Yeah, right around kale also yeah um um all right well before we go i usually ask people like if they have any travel tips either in general or like if you go to a place make sure to bring that like actually anyone going to china bring a little packet of tissue paper yeah um i'm trying to think of what

some people say pack light i i would say the um

i mean you're unique with you've been places with your family quite a lot.

I don't know how do you navigate that.

I think some of it is.

I think there's, don't be afraid to travel alone.

I mean, I, I, do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

I think that that's, but then again, I come from an era of

this is before I was married.

I would go to movies by myself.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, I kind of, and the traveling, granted, I'm doing a show, and I'm also going to contradict myself.

Like, a city like Paris alone,

I think that's weird.

I mean, from my experience, it was weird.

But, like, if you love history and cultures, it's like, I had a fine time in Bogota.

I mean, go out and party, but like.

If you liked history, you go to like Rome.

You could do all this shit by yourself.

Yeah.

And then, you know what's so good being by yourself?

Where you're like, you just, you're walking, you're like, oh, I'm getting a little hungry.

I'm stopping here.

There's no committee.

Yes.

And then if you sit down, you're like, actually, I don't want to.

You get up and go.

It's just.

And, you know, I'm definitely like when I was in Beijing, probably the third or fourth time.

It's so funny.

So, Andy Curtin was doing those shows.

Yeah, Andy Rules.

And I was like,

Yeah, you know, I was in this.

I was walking around

Tiananmen Square, and these two women were like, oh, you want to go to, you should go to the, I was like, do you know where I should eat around here?

And they're like, oh, yeah, you should definitely go to this place.

It's really good.

And so, and then they ended up, it was like a scam.

And Andy's like, I can't believe you fell for that scam.

But where's the final warning, Andy?

But, but, like, the funny thing is, is like,

even

that scam, it's like,

what did it cost me?

50 bucks?

Bro, do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

I'm like, that's so like two, two people in China ripped off, you know, it's like what the Europeans have done to China for hundreds of years.

That's like a little payback.

Yeah, there's a 48.

It's like, I don't really care.

And I think when I was in Jerusalem, some guy got us, me and my family, to the front of a line at some

holy place.

And then he's like, all right, now you need to give me 200 bucks.

And I'm like, I don't, that doesn't bother me.

I'm not looking to be ripped off, but, you know, and maybe it's kind of like

living in New York for like 40 years, it's like New York is not as sketchy or scammy as it used to be.

It used to be much more scammy.

You know what I mean?

Everyone's trying to get over on everybody.

Yeah.

Dude, I was in Thailand.

I was in Bangkok our last day with my buddy, and we're trying to get into the palace.

And we're like, fuck, where the fuck's the entrance?

It's huge.

And some guy's like, oh, I mean, it's a scam, but he's like, you're here for the, it's the holiday today.

I'm like, ah, fuck.

All right.

And he goes, why don't you just go ask one of the tuk-tuk drivers like, show you some of the sites?

And we're like, I don't know.

He goes, hey, hold hold on hey come here show these guys I mean god damn it was so obvious in hindsight yeah and then he takes us around and like you know charges for eight thousand dollars

yeah no it was like 20 bucks and we saw like 10 temples like kind of worth it it wasn't a scam at all it was like it's like

someone makes a living it's like yeah

yeah that's like going somewhere and like buddy you look cool you're from america come eat at this restaurant you're like well i got a a meal.

It's fine.

I do think it's weird when

I mean, some of it is like,

I have often done tour guides, and

the expectations

are,

you know, you can't expect,

there's no kind of like the tour guide academy.

So like, there's going to be people you're like, that actually didn't happen.

You know, like, you know, if you have a basic knowledge, you're like, like, the tour guide I had in Budapest was amazing.

amazing, but like another tour guide, you're like, no, that didn't happen.

I actually know a little bit about the history.

I heard a thing on

NPR a long time ago on the radio, and it was about how tour guides choose the history.

And so these guys are working Graceland, and then somebody said, a new guy was working there, and somebody said something.

He's like, huh?

He's like, well, I didn't know that.

He goes, yeah, I just made it up.

But these people, unless they're a super nerd,

now it's fact to them.

So you can just lie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Elvis had on his toilet a solid gold look the thing that makes you flush those are solid gold like wow yeah you know that just makes shit up no but like some of it is it can be annoying if you really like I do want to

know some of the

history and you know like when I was in Vienna

and I was like oh and I think one time I had a really informed tour guide and another time I had a really mediocre one.

And I'm like, you know, I wanted to learn about the Holy Roman Empire, but their expertise was music.

Oh, right.

Or when they have like a routine that they're getting through, and you could see, because you're a performer, so you could tell, like, oh, that was so obvious.

Well, I also have kids, so there's usually the tour guides are kid-focused.

Oh, right.

So they're like, do you know why it rains?

And you're like, oh, my God.

I got to get out of here, buddy.

Yeah, buddy.

This is great.

Thank you very much.

I'll put a bumper in for this special.

Thanks so much.

But,

yeah, you're all over the road again now?

Always driving.

Yeah.

Last international.

I got to do another international one.

But the premier Hulu special, the rebirth of Hulu.

It's great.

No, it's great.

Solid choice making of the first one.

It's

fucking

tried lately.

Yeah, Gaff again.

Thanks, buddy.

Thank you, buddy.

Appreciate it.

Well, guys, that was the episode.

Like I told you, yeah, barely about the Philippines.

Not, we didn't really.

Whatever.

You know, not everyone's a specific every country, you know.

Segura was the entirely...

Actually, no, he talked about Vancouver a lot.

Not Vancouver,

New Zealand.

I want to go to the Philippines legitimately badly.

When I was in Myanmar,

I told somebody my first hostel,

the Monkey Hostel, it's closed now.

I met a guy and I was like, I've always wanted to take scuba diving, but I never had any time.

And he goes, How long are you traveling for?

This is my first week in Southeast Asia.

I mean, like, two days in.

And I said, I've always wanted to go scuba diving.

I've never had the time.

Because, you know, what are you going to take?

Four days to take classes while you're on a vacation.

And he goes, How much time do you have here?

I'm like, three to six months.

And he just goes, so

now

one time I had that, I was dating a chick.

I may may be married actually.

I got married.

I dated a chick for two weeks, and I got married at the comedy store a long time ago, divorced.

People say, Well, you're going to annul it.

I'm like, I'm not going to annul it.

We were married.

Why would I annul it?

What am I trying to be a king?

Anyway, I remember we went on a date.

It was like an anniversary date or something.

I went to a stinking rose, a garlic restaurant on La Cienega.

And it's an expensive restaurant.

Not crazy, but at the time, crazy for me for what I was earning.

And they had this melted garlic that I've been able to make in a cast iron.

It's just like slowly simmer it down.

And it's just like you take this fresh bread and you just eat it.

Wow.

It was so fucking good.

That was an appetizer.

And I told my chick, I was like, hey, if I ever get the money and the time, I'm going to go there and just get that bana calda, I think it was called.

And she goes, it's $5 and you do nothing all day till 8 p.m.

You can do that now.

Fair.

Legitimately fair.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

Yeah,

I should have gone to the Philippines.

I did end up taking scuba diving lessons.

I did it in East Timor,

got my 18 meters, and then I immediately went to Bali.

And

I got my advanced right away.

Been scuba diving in a bunch of places.

Ecuador, the Great Barrier Reef, and Australia.

Man, I do like scuba diving.

You freak out every time.

And I go,

they're like, slow down.

You're going to breathe up all year.

I'm like, oh, I know.

Yeah, I've always wanted to go to the Philippines, but this guy told me about a place.

I'm going to be off here.

Where's the Philippines?

Cebu Island.

He said there's this great scuba dive.

You can swim with whale sharks there.

I got to get back there.

I heard about people just opening up their doors to be like, yeah, my place is a restaurant now.

Come pay me and I'll cook you food.

It's not a restaurant, but it's some lady who's like, yeah, I mean, you know, give me 10 bucks.

I'll give you food.

It seems really interesting.

Also, the fact that they just

said, hey, anyone caught with drugs, I'm going to hang you.

I talked to my

dry cleaner guy like six years ago, something like that.

And I was like, what do you think of that?

He was Filipino.

He goes, I love it.

We were losing our country to drugs.

We needed somebody hard to come in.

Anyway, that's the episode.

Where do you guys want to go?

Why don't you leave in the comments?

Also, as always, leave in the comments on YouTube who you want to see on this podcast.

I get good ideas from you guys.

Sam Talon has been recorded.

I don't know who I'm going to do next week.

I do know this episode was produced by your Mom's House Network.

It was edited by Alan Caffey.

I got our new, if you don't know what this is,

Japanese Yen.

Che Dorena came in and we did a Tokyo episode.

But I have another, no, not Tokyo, actually.

He just was in Tokyo for like a day.

Did a Japan episode.

I do have a Tokyo episode coming.

Maybe I should do that next week that was recorded in Romania.

We should do a remote, huh?

Guys, what do you think?

Who's next week?

I don't know.

We've got one coming

for Afghanistan, first week of March.

Got a lot of good ones coming.

Maybe China.

Maybe I'll do China with Hamilton Morris.

I don't know what next week is.

I don't know.

I would like to tell you about my tour dates.

I'm on the road now.

Some of these gigs are with Adrian Appalucci.

Nashville is.

San Antonio is with Ari Matte.

And then I got Tampa, Denver.

That's the greatest hits week.

So I'm going to need you guys at some point to start leaving in the comments my favorite bits that I've ever done.

Less so much from America Sweet Art, but from all of them.

That'll be a fun week.

I'll take suggestions of the door too.

Maybe write on pieces of paper and stuff.

Denver, Schaumburg, Atlanta, Portland, San Jose, Orlando, Dania Beach.

And then in April, we got Seattle at the the Moor.

That's a big one.

Vancouver, first show sold out.

We added a second show.

Calgary and Edmonton, both of those first shows were sold out, added second ones.

And then ending June 18th in Anchorage, Alaska.

Guys, if you have a postcard you'd like to send to the Patreon from somewhere in the world, not from America, please send it to UB Trippin 151 First Avenue, number 49, New York, New York, 10003.

I also have to help me pay for this last special that I did not pay for with the Netflix money money because they are making over $1 million a second and could not pay me my budget for my special.

Buy yourself a stay positive shirt.

Buy yourself of RAP Feidelberg shirt.

I'm also going to put on there Go for a hike shirts.

She'll be up soon.

Pre-orders are right now, which is what we all should do.

When anytime you get mad, angry, hope you guys got the message from America Sweetheart.

Go outside.

Go for a hike.

Clear your head.

Leave the phone in the car.

You don't need it.

Get lost.

Get lost.

Don't go right before sunset.

Go in the morning and get lost.

Find your way.

Bring enough water.

That's it.

That's all my advice.

Adrian will be with me on some of those gigs.

Colin Tyrrell will be with me in Denver.

Jim Gaffigans.

All of his tour dates are at JimGaffigan.com.

Durham, Birmingham, New Orleans, Memphis, Albuquerque, Minneapolis, Lexington, Owensboro, Knoxville, Chattanooga, Toledo, Columbus, Charlotte, San Diego, Phoenix, Lincoln, Vancouver, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Greenville, North Charleston, Cincinnati, Las Vegas, and Mashantucket.

You can also see a special on Hulu.com right now, The Skinny.

Both of us are doing an all-new hour of material.

It's not new.

It's different than our specials.

Yeah, I've been working on this hour for quite some time.

Some of these bits are five, six, seven years old.

Don't worry about that.

Actually, having a lot of fun.

And that's it, guys.

Yeah, please subscribe wherever you're listening or watching.

Leave a comment for the algo.

And that's it.

Also, we have an Instagram page, Ubi Trippin'Pod.

That's it.

Patreon.

Yeah, we're doing it all.

All right, everybody.

Until next week.

Wait.

Palam.

Palam, everybody.

Yeah, that sounds wrong.

Bye.