Tunisia w/ Tom Segura | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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So, you new specials out?

My new special.

Yeah.

America's sweetheart.

Drew ones coming soon.

You're like,

What is that?

Impression of my special?

You son of a bitch.

You're a guest in my home.

Where you been and where you going?

This is our race travel show.

Yeah, we're gonna talk about travel today.

It's you be trippin'.

Yeah.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome to you be trippin'.

It's a travel podcast.

It's the only podcast that will not be allowed to skateboard by their Jewish parents.

Today on the pod, my friend and

landlord,

Tom Seguro.

Hey, what's up?

Thank you so much.

Yeah, thanks for coming to this podcast studio I built.

Yeah,

it looks great.

It does look pretty cool.

Yeah, it also feels very RE.

Yeah.

It's very cool.

There should be hidden drugs placed.

There should be.

It should be a compartment.

Like, oh, you think this is a globe?

And then it just goes like, something comes out?

Yeah.

That does feel like you.

Did you know kids like that?

I remember the first kid

30 years ago.

Yeah.

That was like...

That was when the first kid was?

Well, the very first kid ever born.

No, the kid that goes, I'm like, you know, when you're like nervous to drive with weed?

And he's like, oh, I have this.

And his speaker came out.

And he's like, I just put it in there.

And you're like.

How do you do that?

And he's like, just know this guy that fucking modified him.

And you're like, what?

That's your skill set.

But that felt like James Bond drug.

I was like, I know James Bond.

Like, this is crazy.

Or they would have the thing where, like, the CD wall because you know, everything used to like come out.

Yeah, you take your CD player with you, you know, like in a car, and he had like a whole compartment that would go in there and be a hidden door for stats and shit.

Just for weed, yeah.

Those days are done.

Yeah.

Now it's just like now, as long as you're white.

Yeah, if you're white,

there's a couple of advantages.

And one of them

is that, like, I was driving down 6th Street, and there's a guy going, just like smoking weed on 6th Street, like this.

And then, like, I mean, three feet away was a cop.

And they're just like, we ain't doing it.

Yep.

They were just like, I, I don't, not even like, and you're like, wow.

This isn't even like a state that's

the most I've gotten is like, put that out.

Put that out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, what a, what a world.

What an amazing world.

Ever catch yourself in a white privilege?

Wait, you like see it for a second.

You're like, oh, yeah, you guys don't get this, huh?

Oh, that was great.

So many times.

Yeah.

yeah

yeah

when road was like that i was talking about doing some bit about like some cop showed up at top square park and i went up to ask he goes you went up to a cop he had his gun out and you went up to him i was like oh yeah you should like i would run

yeah um where are we going what do you want to do oh i thought we would talk about tunisia because it's such a unique kind of not

you know it's not in the regular list what is tunisia where star wars was made yeah there was a star wars yes the original original right when they when

I think Luke's home, you know, when he's like at home?

Endor?

I think that's Tunisia.

Okay.

Yeah.

Because he comes home and everybody's burned alive.

Oh, this will tell us for sure.

Tatooine.

Tatooine.

That's what I was thinking.

Is that?

Yeah.

How much of a tax break are you getting if you're going to go shoot there instead of like

Mojave?

And also,

this was before they like they were like, this is a fucking crazy script.

Like they didn't know it was going to be a hit.

Yeah, everyone was like more off dolls than their whole budget.

Yeah, yeah.

See, that's Luke's home right there.

Yeah.

This looks worse than Gaza.

So

this is like, I am.

Okay, so I'm, I think everyone has their natural reaction of like, do you want to do something?

Do you want to go do something?

And I think mine is like, I'm good.

What do you mean, stay in a hotel?

Why were you there?

That's what I'm going to tell you.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

So I'm studying abroad.

Wait, wait, go back, go back, go back.

Yeah, what's the one over there to the bottom left?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Who's that artist?

I know it.

That looks like a Minecraft character, honestly.

Yeah.

It's,

yeah.

Damn, nobody made it.

Huh.

That's oh, that's Obi-Wan's house exterior.

That's what they put that there.

That's very cool.

Yeah.

Oh, that's cool.

Okay, sorry.

Forget it.

It's all good.

I'm not the artist.

So,

you know what I mean?

When it's like, I'm saying my natural, like, I have to coach myself into

just go do it.

Like, if you're like, you want to go do this thing?

I'd be like, I'm, you know, I'm good.

I'm, okay.

My natural thing is to stay in.

So, yeah.

But now you're, but, okay.

But in Iceland, you're like, no, let's go do show.

But that's been an

evolution.

Okay.

An evolution of like, like, this is better.

It's better to try things and do it.

That's what big J is.

And we were on the road.

It's like come play Xbox that I brought.

I'm like, let's go out.

Let's go out.

I might not be like the extreme of Jay.

Maybe I'm in the middle, you know.

But so what I'm, my point is, like, I'm studying abroad, which is obviously that's an adventure in and of itself, right?

I'm studying in Madrid.

It's like the choice to like, I want to study abroad.

Is in college?

In college, yeah.

Okay.

And one weekend, one of the classmates, an American classmate, is like, hey, what do you think of going to

Tunisia?

Like, for a long weekend, and I was like, no, I'm good.

You're in Spain.

Tunisia's Africa.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Algeria?

No.

Tunisia's a country.

Yeah.

So you go over to the right a little bit further.

That's right.

No, sorry.

Your other right.

And then.

Tyrus.

Wait.

Okay.

So you have Morocco over the strait and then to the right.

Yeah.

So you're in that area.

So

Tunis.

Benghazi, I've heard of that.

Tripoli.

That's where Sam was.

Yeah.

Got nothing.

This is not an up-to-date map.

Oh, look at that.

There you go.

So,

okay.

So he's like, do you want to go there?

And I'm like,

nah.

Like, I'm crazy.

No, I'm just like, no, I don't want to go to Tunisia.

And he, to his credit, gives me kind of a not like a real kick in the ass, but he's like, dude, we're this close to North Africa.

Another American.

Yeah, another American.

He's like, when are you going to be able to do this?

And I was like,

all right.

Like, I was like, kind of like embracing, take, you know, do something adventurous.

It's like, yeah, also, this, you also kind of remind yourself this semester, I can do things like this.

You know, like, I ended up, I remember like one weekend.

Yeah, one weekend I went to Rome by myself.

right because because i'm like i'm in madrid it's not that crazy to go and i just did it i did it for paris i did flights are cheap you already yeah you're you're like, was it you back then?

I don't think it was at you.

But

anyway, but this is also a departure from Paris or Rome.

Yeah.

Right.

By there, Marcelo tried that same shit on me, Hernandez.

He was like, hey, you want to come to a Latin night at a club?

I'm not a club guy.

Yeah.

I'm like, no.

And he was like,

why what are you doing?

I was like, well, I just finished my last bot.

I was actually thinking of something to do.

He's like, just come with.

And I'm like, it's just not my scene.

He's like, then just laugh at them and leave.

Take a cab home.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh, yeah.

Yeah, you can just do that.

Yeah, you can just do that.

But I do think that it's good to have those people around you who go push you.

And this guy did push me.

His name was Ryan.

And I remember he was like, come on, dude.

Like, let's just go.

Rest in peace, Ryan.

Ryan's died.

He's dedicated to you.

And you make an RIP for Ryan and just put that in there right then.

I think he became a firefighter.

I think he dead.

I think he probably is dead.

No, I don't think so.

But anyway, I remember he

we go there and and you, you fly in to

Tunis, Tunis, Tunis Airport.

Yeah.

And third world, first world, how does it feel?

Well, this is, there's a couple of things that like you just clock immediately.

This is a thing in Morocco and in Tunisia is you just are blown away by the locals who are like young.

They were talking about like teens and stuff.

Their level of fluency in like, they're all polyglots.

They speak like eight, nine languages pretty fluently so like as we're you know when you get out you get out an airport and there's everyone's like get in my cab and all this shit trying to hawk at you yeah bro so they see us and they're like hey guys what's up and you're like uh hey when they do that and i was just like pretend we're spaniards like just pretend we're spaniards okay so i was i just answer in spanish and they start start speaking i mean 100% fluent Spanish.

Wow.

And as they're talking to me, this other guy walks by and like, boom, this guy's just speaking German fluently.

I start chatting him up because I like languages, you know, I always love German.

Do you speak German?

No, no, no.

I'm saying I love like

just like language and the way like trying.

I always study Italian.

I speak Spanish.

Like I always liked languages.

And I always, when I travel, I always try to learn certain phrases just to like, just, I always try to learn greetings, please, thank you, like just things to like show, hey, you know, I'm not just like, hey, English, you you know, like one of those guys.

No, it's too nice anyway.

There's not that many words.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's almost like there's 10 words that if you just get those, you can everyone's kind of like, oh, and they appreciate it.

And it's like, please, thank you.

A greeting, like a good morning, good evening kind of thing.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Where's the bathroom?

Is always a good one.

Banyo.

Everywhere.

Yeah.

And then, like, yeah, come here.

Something, something, yeah, anyway.

Where's the good pussy around here?

Two, three, yeah.

So, um,

as I'm chatting this dude up in Spanish, yeah.

I'm like, fuck how many languages you speak.

Well, obviously, he's from Tunisia.

He speaks Arabic and French, like 100% fluently.

His English is perfect.

He's like, I speak Spanish, I speak Italian, I speak German, and then he's like, I speak Japanese.

What?

Yes.

And then he speaks like another dialect,

another Arab dialect.

And I was like, and here's the thing.

Then you realize.

This entire pool of people does.

They're just out there doing that every day.

And it's like, you're like, holy shit.

So we get to

the hotel,

which I don't even, I don't recall like how we found this place or anything, but we had booked hotel room.

This is definitely pre-cell phone.

Oh, yeah.

Well, there's cell phones, but we're not like no smartphones.

So do you find stuff then?

I really don't remember.

But then we were like, we get to the hotel and we're like, well, let's just go explore.

And we have this guy do it.

So I brought a few pictures.

That was crazy.

I remember

second scrapbook, actually.

Really?

Yeah.

These are a bunch of old pictures, but i remembered um

like that

damn where'd you even find this i i had this and this is all you saved from the fires

so this guy drove us around

right

damn you're young i know

who the is this guy he's the coolest guy i've ever seen in my life one of the guys taking us around dude and what was the attitudes well it was he seems so fucking cool he seems like the iron chic a little bit he He was like, you know, he's like taking us to see like real Tunisia.

Whoa, these are your photos?

Yeah.

Wow.

You look like Tony Hinchcliffe here.

Do I?

Yeah.

Gay?

Gay.

You do.

You have beautiful, kissy lips.

Not anymore.

You still have the same lips.

You guys got to see this.

It's so much like Tony.

Okay.

Wow.

And I remember that.

What are these?

It's just like a hut?

Yeah, just in a hut.

We just went out.

Like, here, how crazy is this?

This is what we go inside of.

Just like on a,

they're like, we're going there.

Wow.

And there's a girl that's tied up in the back.

In the mountain.

You can do what you want.

Where they just build a home into the mountain?

Yeah, man.

And then is that this?

Yeah.

And it's like four billion degrees outside, so you need.

Is it like cooled because it's in there?

Yeah, like they figured out, obviously, how to live in that when, and you needed.

wow.

Oh, yeah, and here's, like, Tunisian kids, bro.

Like, we're just like.

Wait, how far away is this from the main town?

Is this a guided thing?

He's a guy like that.

Yeah, the guy drove us around and like, we're just, I'm just like hanging out, like, you know, seeing all the natural wonder that is in Tunisia.

Is this the closest you were ever to a brown person?

At that time.

Well, I played football.

Oh, right.

So, oh,

he said brown.

Yeah.

Black.

Yeah, pretty much.

Look how happy they are to be in pictures.

Dude, kids love love getting in a fucking picture that's going back to America.

A white guy picture?

Yeah.

Do they do the thing where they're kind of like, oh, I wish I could zoom in on their fucking cool-ass t-shirts?

I know.

See if I knew how to like a lost championship shirt, you know?

Oh, right.

One of the best that never won.

Yeah, like the fucking.

Are they all giving the finger?

Are they giving the peace sign?

Yeah.

They're all being pretty cool.

Yeah.

Here I am.

Look, I got some sun and I'm

feeling myself.

And this is me and Ryan.

That's Ryan.

That's Ryan.

Damn, rest in peace, bro.

Rest in peace, bro.

Ryan's a good-looking fucking gross soul patch.

Yeah.

Isn't Hookah big there?

Yeah.

How'd you just gain 30 pounds between pictures?

Hey, dude.

What the fuck, man?

What?

I'm trying to.

This one's way thinner than that one.

I'm being vulnerable right now.

Fat Tom's back.

It's just the angle.

Wait, is it all hookah there?

Is that like the hookah?

Huka hookah?

Huka is huge there.

Yeah.

Huge.

Wow.

All right.

So here's the.

Like, I'm trying to, sorry.

Figure out where things are.

Yeah.

Hey, guys.

I'm going to break in real quick to tell you about the guests.

He's a accomplished stand-up comedian, and he's my boss.

Not really.

Sort of.

One time me and Tom were in.

in, he brought me to, this is like we were on like the same level.

He plays with a fucking rodeo plays.

Now, wherever you're going to go see Tom Segora, he's probably playing with a rodeo plays.

Let's get to me first.

I got a new special right now on Netflix called America's Sweetheart.

Yeah.

It's the best work of the year.

It's the number one special of the year, everyone's saying.

I know it's January.

I'm aware.

America's Sweetheart on Netflix.

Have you watched it yet?

I hope you're getting what I hope you get out of it, which is turn off the news,

change your mind to like focus on the good things in life and not the bad.

They're trying to push you into the bad things all the time.

And me, through horrible, degenerate stand-up comedy, is trying to give you tools you need to live a happier, richer life.

The joy of school shootings, mass shootings, spousal abuse, terrorism, anti-Semitism.

All that and more in America's sweetheart.

Leave in the comments if you're watching on YouTube your favorite bits, the parts you stood out.

I'm on tour also now, the farewell tour.

I'm going to do one little tour until April and then one more gig in June in Anchorage, but then I'm done till 2027.

I'm going to be in Los Angeles doing a storytelling show

on Thursday, and then Brea

and Nashville, both of those with Adrian Appalucci, San Antonio with Ari Maddie, the Ari Squared show,

Tampa, Denver, Denver's the greatest hit show.

Schaumburg, Illinois with Adrian, Atlanta, Portland, both with Adrian Appalucci, the Dark Queen, Portland, oh, I said that, San Jose, Orlando, Dania Beach, which is Fort Lauderdale, and then some big theaters in

April is Seattle, Vancouver, second show added, Calgary, second show added, Edmonton, first show sold.

That's second show added.

And then finally, that's until April 7th, ending in Anchorage, Alaska, June 18th.

And then you won't see me for a long time.

If I'm one of the cities on that list,

you're not going to to see me there until like 20,

like

2030, 2029, maybe.

I'm not coming back.

So I'm going to other cities after that.

Anyway, that's it.

If you want to support the podcast, go to the Patreon, patreon.com/slash you be tripping right now.

New episodes this week with Ryan O'Neill.

Sagalow came in for something.

I'm doing with other comics now.

It's way more fun.

Way more fun.

Keep sending your postcards.

If you want to have a postcard read on the

UB Tripping podcast, send it to 151 First Avenue, number 49, New York, New York, 10003.

Postcards only.

It's a little sliver of a box.

But send it from around the world.

Don't send it from America.

And that's it.

I also have a Feidelberg shirt available right now, a Stay Positive shirt available right now, both backing up the specials.

They're fun.

The Stay Positive one is a really fun one.

And the Feidelberg one is a rest in peace, Yoni Feidelberg, true hero who made the Holocaust.

You've seen the specials.

guys if you didn't last till the closer you're missing out that closer is

out there

the best was i saw a hasidic jewish man who was like laughing at my show enough but then the when that guy he was like

he'd never seen anything like it you could hear him in the audience you could also see their pollen in my in my nose for the first like 15 minutes um

That's it.

Tom Segura is on the road right now.

I don't know.

What's his stupid tour name?

He always has great tour names.

Come together.

That's not bad.

That's really not bad at all.

The come together tour, wherever the rodeo plays, Tom Segura will be there.

Savannah, Charleston, Boston, Washington, D.C., Tulsa, Oklahoma, Durant, Austin, Texas, Evansville, Fishers, Chicago, where Michael Jordan has a statue outside.

Everyone, go to Michael Jordan's home and come on that statue.

Then he goes to Europe-ish, Dublin, Belfast, Manchester, London, Glasgow.

Harry, Harry, Harry, fucking go!

Nottingham, Cardiff, New York City at the Madison Square Garden.

Damn, I wish I was there for that.

Oklahoma City, Houston, Fargo, St.

Paul, Madison, Anchorage, Alaska, where I will be in June.

Tacoma, Idaho Falls, Billings, Moline, Bristol, Virginia, St.

Louis, Springfield, Massachusetts, Albany, Verona, and Rochester.

For all tickets, go to tomsegura.com.

For my tickets, go to ari shafir.com.

This is a good episode.

This is a good episode.

Tunisia.

Anyway, next week, Jim Gaffigan, let's get back to it.

Tom, take us back to Tunisia.

So, what'd you get into?

Right.

So, we do like the tour stuff, right?

Of like, like see what I showed you, seeing.

Let's keep these separate.

Okay.

I'll put them back.

Oh, yeah, they're going to, you're right.

They're going to scan them or something.

Then I remember, like, we met.

Are they in any order or anything or not really?

Well, here, this is super touristy.

No, not really.

This is so touristy.

But, you know, I'm 20.

I turned 21 on this, this trip.

Did you drink while you were there?

Can you?

Yeah.

I'm saying I turned 21 on my trip to Tunisia.

Good memory.

Yeah.

Well, I remember because I'm so cool, though.

Feeding a camel.

Yeah.

I just.

Were you feeding him a pickle?

I don't think it was a pickle.

Oh, you wrestling.

If it was me, they'd be like, let the camel have it, Ari.

I remember that I met this

Spanish family.

This was a family.

Does everyone just wear turbans as if it's normal?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I met that family in that photo just on this trip.

They were a Spanish family.

I just remember like seeing the photo now.

I was like, oh, yeah.

This guy and his wife and their two daughters.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh, I'm studying in Madrid.

And they're like, oh, we live in Madrid.

you know, I just like chatted them up because I remember that I told them on like either the second day I saw them, I was like, oh, today's my birthday.

And that that guy was like, come sit with us and like have a glass of wine, you know, that kind of thing.

Those are good times.

Those are good times.

When you could just like.

And I watched the sunset come over the desert,

the sunrise over the desert on one of the mornings, like the day after my birthday, I think.

You woke up?

Yeah, and just we watched it rise.

It was so cool to like see.

You're like, I'm in the desert in Tunisia.

I'm 21 now.

And, you know, it's just like this, a cool memory of that trip.

Yeah, plus, anytime there's sunsets or sunrises, you're kind of like, I don't know, it just puts you in a place, especially in the desert.

You get up early, you see the light forming in this like other world that you're not, don't live in, and you're like, Yeah, oh, wow, I am somewhere.

Yeah, it's just, it's, it's a real like, and also,

like, if you're not from this region, a desert is a real

kind of special foreign thing where you're like, I don't, you know, because you always hear like people live in the desert, and then you're here and you're like, oh, yeah, these people live here.

This is not just a tourist attraction.

They live here.

Right.

It's not like a set.

No.

They live in Tatooine.

Are they interested in it?

Or are they just like, whatever?

It sucks.

They know that, like, it's like one of those things where they know the wonder of like the special stuff.

And most people like have a lot of pride in what's special about their place.

But we had a tour guy in Costa Rica with my family, and they were like, do you ever get sick of like these monkeys or whatever?

And he was like, yeah, I don't care at all anymore.

But like, I really want to see a deer.

Really?

I'm like, Oh, yeah, they fuck it up.

My dad's like, they fuck up our figs all the time.

Yeah, they're such assholes.

You know, we kill them most of the time.

We kill them and just leave them, but kill them with the cars and such a problem that they encourage you to kill them.

We told my mom, we have to take down the numbers.

Yeah, my mom's so dumb.

We told her

we told her there's a squirrel problem and that you're allowed to kill as many squirrels as you want here.

Yeah.

And basically, almost got her to weep.

And she was like, I love squirrels.

And we were like, oh, no.

Not when you see what they do to our country.

Is this what you're sleeping sleeping on?

Are these beds like to sleep on?

Where did you stay?

Did you stay in a hotel?

I stayed in a hotel, but it wasn't like,

you know,

it was like that white,

you know, structure, like clay kind of structure.

And it wasn't like fancy, but it was cool.

They had their, you know, they had a breakfast that was like four guests, but it wasn't, don't picture like

fancy chickpeas or whatever.

Do you ever look back?

I've talked about this with Bert, but do you ever look back on like those days and the absolute lack of luxury you needed to be happy?

Yeah, you needed, you did, here's the thing, you hadn't really, for the most part, experienced it.

Yeah.

That's the whole thing where they go, it's like you can, you never want to go back.

It's like when you sit first class, you don't want to go back to economy after that.

But you fly economy for years, decades, and you're just like, yes, it's fine.

Yeah, so what?

I had a, I took a Greyhound bus to visit somebody before.

So it's like.

And you weren't thinking like, this sucks.

No, you hung it sucks, but you're also like

you're also like, yeah, this was like $50 or whatever to travel three states.

Like, it's fine.

We went to Firefly Festival once in

Delaware.

And my agent, I was like, can you get us like tickets?

I'll buy them or whatever.

He's like, Do you want us like first-class VIP?

I'm like, literally, no one in my group has ever even understands what that is.

We just want to get in and see the music.

They'd be like, is your dad in the band?

Why do we have this?

So here's where things turned for me on this trip:

I'm in the hotel and like, you know, Ryan and I are

like on the trip, but we're each like, he's like, I'm going to go do this.

I'm like, I'm going to go do something else.

You know what I mean?

We're not doing everything together is my point.

So I'm in the lobby of the hotel

and I see a woman and she is

like sitting having a tea or a coffee and facing the window that faces like the outside.

And

this local guy is

like mean mugging her through the window right he's just like

and um and i notice it

i clock it and i go over to her and i just i'm like you okay

and she's like yeah and i sit down i just sit down next to her and then the guy sees me and he goes like

sorry

yeah And I'm like, what's going on?

She's like, I was in a store and he closed the door in the store and locked the door and like he's been like super you know it was like aggro it was yeah and it was terrifying so I came back here and then he's been walking by the window

and I she's like now damn he thinks that you're with me so he just was like so you're marked for death marked for death but also like God leave me alone yeah he'll leave me alone and so

We used to start chatting.

He was like, oh, I would never,

I would never chat someone who was with somebody.

You know, we did here.

Okay.

That's cool, Chad.

Is there a cool story there?

So this guy, he leaves.

And I can tell she was like shaken by

that experience.

But we just start chatting.

And

I just kind of tell her, like, yeah, I'm here with my friend.

We're studying and whatever.

What about you?

She's like, I'm German,

traveling alone.

And,

you know,

and she's like, kind of like, she's kind of punk rock, you know, like with piercings and some tats.

Imagine her going home and it's like, is it safe there?

She goes, no.

Yeah.

And

anyway, what?

Yeah.

So we start chatting and then I forgot, I forget the exact sequence, but then she's like, what are you going to do?

And

I think she actually took the photo of the camel because we rode that together.

Oh, really?

Yeah, we went.

Oh, you start hanging out with her?

Yeah, I started hanging out with her.

So

it's like, no one's this social anymore.

I know.

And we ride camels.

It's movie shit.

Yeah,

it's like a movie.

I'm 99% sure she took the photo.

Photo credit, that chick.

That chick.

Can you, yeah, when you put on that photo round, can you put

what?

Did you, was there anything like flirty?

Yeah, like, but like, you know, the thing is not like, I'm trying to capitalize on this.

It was more like

we have like a good rapport, right?

Like we just, yeah, there's like natural flirtiness or whatever.

I have a picture of her.

Really?

Yeah, this is her.

This is us on that trip.

God, I hope it's Christina.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah, German chick.

Yeah.

Where is this?

What beach is this?

I don't remember.

I really don't.

I have zero recollection.

She probably took this photo.

God, it makes you want to do this.

It really makes me want to do this.

She probably took this photo as well because that is probably...

I'm assuming that's the same.

I think she is.

Does that look the same?

Same beach?

It looks the same.

Maybe.

It does.

But maybe.

I think it's the same jacket.

Look at the glasses around my shirt then.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hold on.

Now I want to see her.

Like, I really want to get there and go.

Oh, tomboyish.

Yeah, she's pretty cute.

Her hair is her hand on her.

Her hair is like...

What?

Ratty?

No, it's up right now, but like, she had long hair

Oh, yeah, tattoos.

So then we go here's the thing, bro.

We go back to the hotel.

Possible Jew.

Ugh.

Didn't know that.

Yeah.

Possible Jew.

This is what I see.

I'm seeing evidence.

That's her wristband.

Oh, I've never seen that.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, well, she had like the high cheekbones, you know, little overbite.

Yeah, old Shylock Holmes got to the bottom of of it.

Fuck.

Well, let me tell you what this fucking Jew did.

So

we go

back to the hotel.

Yeah.

And

first she's like,

I want to get some like weed or something, you know?

Okay.

And I'm like, yeah, yeah.

Let's go get some weed.

Can you?

Fuck no.

We're in an era, like we're in a Muslim country.

Is it the hashy kind of thing?

Kind of.

That's Morocco.

Yeah, it's more morocco but i'm sure it's there too but i'm so dumb and 21.

21 yeah and like a girl is asking me to do something so i'll just say yes and figure it out i was like yeah i'll go get that so

i'm just like walking around like you got any weed like

she's putting a target on you yeah then some guys i'm an american with money and i want weed oh man I end up getting a bag of something.

That shit ain't weed.

It wasn't weed, dude.

I don't know what it is, but it's not weed.

It doesn't look like weed, doesn't smell like weed.

I smoke it and something happens, but it isn't weed.

I don't know how to describe what it is.

But

anyway, we both smoke this.

And I'm like, first of all, it's like I give someone like $20 and they're like, here's half a pound of this.

And you're like, this is weed?

It's like they give you like a brick.

They're like giving you $1.

Okay.

So

we smoke and I remember we're at the hotel and we go to the hotel pool.

And I'm like, yeah, I'll meet you.

Like, I have, you know, trunks in my room.

I mean, dude, she's at the hotel pool in an Arab country in a leather swimsuit.

It's leather.

And it looks like bondage gear.

It looks like bondage gear.

Like, it's like covering the nipples, and then there's like stars coming out of it, and it goes into a thong.

And I'm like, what are you wearing?

Right?

Like, I feel like we're going to be executed for her bathing suit.

Okay.

I'm like, this is insane, you know, because you just know natural like line when someone doesn't know the danger.

You're like, like, no, no, no, no, no.

You're like, dude, this is so I'm retarded for buying whatever I bought.

Yeah,

she to me, it feels like so crazy that she's wearing literally that she's wearing this in Tunisia.

And I know it's not a who packed it, it's not a conservative uh Muslim country, yeah.

So that's I'm sure what some people say, but but it still just feels wild, yeah.

So

anyway,

we're hanging out,

And

yeah, everyone's dressed up in the beach.

Yeah, right?

They're not even wearing skimpy shit on the beach.

It's hard to see in the background.

No, it feels completely insane.

So

I still can't believe what you pointed out on the wrist there.

It's so crazy.

I went right to it.

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So we end up like just I getting high on whatever we smoked.

We swim and all this.

I think I later on I'm like, all right, I'll, you know, see you a a little bit later, kind of thing.

I go to her room later, and we start

making out.

And then,

and then

she, uh, you know, takes my pants off and performs, I believe it's called Fallatio.

Oh, it did work out.

Wow.

Yeah.

And

okay, all right, cool, cool.

And here's, I'm 21, like I told you.

And I'm, I guess, I'm, I go, I blow like such a massive load.

And

then when it's done, I go, do you want me to do you?

And she's like, yeah.

So you also enjoy some.

Yeah.

Wow.

Travel sex.

I know.

So then

we end up having sex.

And I'm like, you seem like you do heroin.

Like, she has like real, like, real thin, veiny, kind of runaway vibes.

And I go, like, I remember being

I don't have a condom.

And she goes, like, who cares?

It's German.

Yeah, I was like,

I was like, yeah, who cares?

Right.

Which, by the way, as for a 21-year-old, like, you're just like, oh, great.

Yeah.

Okay.

As soon as somebody else says, as the woman, when the woman goes, what?

You're like, oh, yeah, I don't know what I was thinking.

Sorry.

So I was just joking.

I just want to see your reaction.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was just a bit

of a broken.

So we have sex, and she's also one of those who's like, don't pull out, you know, and you're like, i'm like okay i'll never see you again so okay so you know raise my kid and be a good mom but so i've

i remember

that

i leave her room yeah and i'm like

first of all i'm i'm riding the high of all this whole adventure right dude

and i go back to my room and there's ryan and he's like

where have you been

And so I

tell him, Having an adventure.

I go, Yeah, I remember that girl.

We hung out.

And

like, we did, you know, this.

And then, like, we just hooked up.

And he had met her.

He had met her at some point, like in the lobby or something.

And the very first thing he said, he goes, Did you wear a condom?

He saw her.

He saw those seedy shirts.

She was German.

And I go, No.

And he was like,

You will die.

And I remember.

21.

This was also right around that time where you're like, oh, no, that's all death.

That's the only possible binarial disease to get is death.

Death.

Yeah.

And I just remember

going into like a pretty real panic about what I had done.

Like, I pretty panicked.

It was, it was like, it affected my sleep.

It was like, you know, affected my stomach.

I was like, I really thought I'd made like a huge mistake with this, you know?

And

so

I have a rough time with it, and I'm like, whatever.

Like, you know, you're not texting anyone.

Like, there's nothing like that.

So you just have to, like, hope it doesn't cut.

Like, yeah, just like, I'll see if I die soon.

Now I go back to

you wash your dick at least.

Yeah, I probably scrubbed it pretty hard.

Okay.

In the morning, I have the breakfast.

Wow.

Sorry, go ahead.

That had to sound incredible in the the airport.

Yeah.

You guys wearing the cans?

That was pretty beefy.

That was like.

It really was.

That was a jerky stick that you had.

That's a meaty fart, you could tell.

Grass-fed.

I would have guessed meat.

So the next morning, I'm like,

I'm bothered by it still.

You know, nervous, nervous.

I would love to say I haven't been there.

And

I'm downstairs doing the,

I didn't really sleep.

I'm like having the breakfast.

And I see see her,

and she's like, What's going on?

I'm like, Well, we're leaving in a few hours, you know, back to Spain.

She's like, What, like, why are you being like this?

I was like, I think it was,

you know, I was just kind of nervous about what we did.

We didn't use protection, and like, and she was like,

I'm on the pill.

And I was like, Yeah,

it's just really that you look dirty.

You seem like a whore.

Yeah.

No, but I don't know what you said to that Arab guy.

I don't remember how I, but I'm just like expressing it.

She goes, Here, take this.

And she gives me

pills, and I don't know, ask what they are.

I just take them.

And they're

like Xanax.

They're like to, they're like anti-anxiety pills.

Oh, I thought they were going to be like.

And I'm like,

and then

we go to her room and we have sex again, unprotected.

I mean.

And she gets mad that I pull out this.

I pull out.

Why don't you pull out?

Now you know she's on the pill.

You already dropped one.

I wanted to see how far it could go.

And

no,

I was like.

And she's like, I thought she was going to pull out like an antibiotic or something.

No, she's like, this is what fights this.

This is the coolest chick I've ever heard of.

She was rad.

She was rad.

Yeah.

I was lucky.

I had like.

She's somebody's mom now who has no idea what a cool fucking badass German mom they have.

She aborted for sure.

She's not the type, I don't think, to raise them.

Ever?

35 found Jesus.

Oh.

You know what I mean?

Maybe.

Got to be a bit normal.

Maybe

made the switch.

Yeah.

Converted and was like,

I kind of want to make, I want to see JC one day.

You're fucked again.

Yeah, isn't that crazy?

And it also shows you like how I feel like I'm the one who was full of the doubt and how the male mind works.

Where like as soon as someone reassures you and they're like, you can do it again.

You're like, okay.

Okay.

Great.

Thanks.

Like for 12 hours, I was like, I didn't do the right thing.

And then she's like, you want to do it again?

I'm like, okay.

Yeah.

This is what it's like to be a cokehead where you're like, I'm quitting.

It's a tough.

I'll just have 10 lines.

Wow.

Yeah.

And then what did Ryan say?

When I told him,

he was like, you fucking stupid man.

Yeah, he was like, You're insane.

Which, like, my pill, though, is reassuring.

Like, that part you don't have to worry about.

That's true.

Because you are thinking about that.

I mean, the fact that, like,

the protection part, like, this chick's also traveling,

just has drugs and the pills on her.

Yeah, she knows how to do it right.

And she was-Haelen, you got to up your fucking game.

Wouldn't it be, you know what?

I just thought of in this moment, yeah.

It would be so fascinating to hear her version of this story.

Like,

you know what I mean?

Like, so, like, you you always hear, like, when your friends tell you a story, you're getting their PV on that.

But, like, what if she was just like, I met this guy, I thought he was gay.

And, you know, because virginity, I think.

He wasn't very good.

He was crying because he fucking came with me.

He was such a dork.

Yeah.

I had to give him some money.

Last time I ever fucked an American.

Anyway.

It didn't even do it in the butt.

No, he was just like, isn't it dirty back there?

And yeah.

Wow, that's so cool.

This is all in Tunis.

All there, yeah.

What was Ryan up to?

I don't even get into.

I really have no idea.

He really was, he's just like

a supporting character in my mind of this story.

I just don't, I don't remember doing really anything with him.

I guess on that first day, we did do that tour together.

Yeah.

This is so cool.

Yeah, I mean, to me, I know this sounds like a

just my sexcapade, but I hope what comes across.

what you're sorry yeah okay is is the fact that you know that's that sounds like it's the photo to me that thing was an adventure right you weren't there to get laid no

the last thing in my mind dude yeah um that i wanted to get laid this time this is where i was trying to get laid was that your mom yeah

this was in

these two i just stumbled on in rome and i was like

what do you mean rome i was just walking around rome now you're thin again stop

You're way fatter there than in Rome.

Way

much.

Yeah, these chicks are hot, too.

Yeah, yeah.

But that's just, to me, like, that is also the example of you're wanting to make it happen.

Yeah.

And I'm like, yeah, nothing happens.

It's going to push.

And then, yeah, then the.

So I can see these.

I tried to find them on a podcast one time.

You like helped me find who these are?

Yeah, I put that photo out and I was like, let's find these two.

Wow, that one on the right is so hot.

Actually, the one on the left is pretty hot too.

Show me.

Show me, show me, show me.

So the one on the right

worked as an actress at some point, I think.

I remember her talking about that.

The one on the left, the brunette, what I remember is she was like, she had met Michael Jordan

as a hostess waitress at a nice cocktail bar.

And that's what I remember being like, what was that like?

Yeah.

I meet the man in my

life.

It in 2001.

So, you know, I was like, That is a claim to fame.

I was like, What was he like?

Did you jack him off?

You know, like, maybe, maybe,

yeah.

Um,

there's only one place where history, culture, and adventure meets on the national mall,

where museum days turn to electric lights,

where riverside sunrises glow and monuments shine in moonlight,

where where there's something new for everyone to discover

there's only one DC visit washington.org to plan your trip

so okay let's go back to Algeria no Tunisia Tunisia

what was the

food the bathrooms the food is like you know cheap expensive it was cheap there was like you know like the pitas, like hummus, and a lot of things that are, you know, bean, like very veggie heavy um there was like kebab stuff and yeah we had like there was no option by the way there is no burger king where we were there like you just had to be like in and uh it was all you know it wasn't like it wasn't the cuisine that i go that's what i'm seeking out all the time but it's like it's the experience of like of of being in it right it's like fresh everything was palatable It was just like, I remember just being like, I do remember breakfast being like, wait, you eat this at breakfast?

Because breakfast is always the money.

What do they have?

Like chickpeas?

It's like, yeah,

in Asia, it's all like.

Asia's always seafood.

Give me a fucking egg.

Yeah.

You don't want fish soup?

And I'm like, no.

But you realize that they must come over and be like, you eat fucking eggs in the morning?

Why are you eating cake?

You're in cake.

That's another good place.

You're like, I don't know.

This is what we have.

Did you have any like epic-y meals?

Like, oh, that's that family invited you over.

It was one.

That was more like a cool moment of them being like,

they i think that dad really liked that um his daughters were flirty by the way

she looked cute too

they were they were like you could tell they were like good family and they were they're like oh he's like 21 year old guy who's traveling alone like they were like why don't you call us when you get back to madrid and i did like i swapped numbers and then nothing ever happened in madrid but i think on the vacation they were more playing it again.

Like, I think I felt it was like rebelling against dad in a way, you know?

And dad was also like,

it's cool that you're studying in my country and that you're here and everything, but like, you sense the thing of like, don't try to fuck my daughters, okay?

Like, I will, I don't have to try.

I don't, yeah, I just fuck this German chick.

I can get whatever I want.

I'm with this heroin addict right now.

So,

um,

yeah, like, who'd you eat with normally?

Or just

definitely ate with German girl.

I definitely had a meal with the Spanish family.

And I probably had something with Ryan.

None of the meals stand out as like epic,

like, you know.

How would you ask this question where I want to know people not exactly what they ate, but like

when it's like, oh, this family had us over.

I don't care about the food, but I remember them like, we had to do a little dance before every meal.

You know, somehow it's like the meals themselves instead of the food.

How do I phrase that?

Hmm.

Like.

Feasts?

No, but that still sounds like food.

Well, it sounds like you're wanting to know, like, what was the experience of.

Like, is there any meal that was a memorable experience?

Like, if I had to talk about, like, after the last Sober, it's like, let's, we all went out to eat.

It's like, I'm not talking about the steak.

I'm just talking about the conversation.

Yeah, oh, I see what you're saying.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's a bunch of friends in this back room.

Yeah.

Because what I remember about.

Yeah.

Sorry, what we remember about.

No, no, what I remember about the sitting with each, like that Spanish family was the fact that we were having a moment and they were, and that he was like, he was, the father actually was like really curious about how I was enjoying Spain.

You know, he was a Spaniard and was like talking to me about what I'm studying and my life.

And like, I remember like being with that family.

I don't remember what we ate.

You know.

It's cool thing about travel too is you meet, so from that guy's perspective, he's in Tunisia,

finding out what life's like in America.

Yeah.

You know?

From a kid studying in this country.

Yeah.

And he's like, we could have done it in Madrid.

Yeah.

But we didn't.

We could have come here to like have this meetup.

Yeah.

Strange, right?

Yeah.

I've met more Germans in like Asia than in Germany.

Really?

I mean, kind of.

It's like we have the deepest conversations.

You're both not doing anything.

Cool, Germany.

Or if someone else is at the hostel or this.

What's your take on Germans?

Is there similar qualities?

Yeah.

Okay.

So it's like...

So the saying in China is like from Hong Kong, you know, Hong Kong hates Chinese people.

Yeah.

They hate the most racist I've ever seen anywhere.

Mainlanders.

Mainlanders.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Derogatory slur.

Mainlanders like, ooosh.

Yeah.

Or like, say it, fuck them.

But they go, not every mainlander will take a dump in a mall, but if you see a human dump in a mall, it was a mainlander.

Yeah.

So, like, not every German will fuck on a bunk bed above you in a hostel, yeah.

But they're the ones doing it.

Because, like, just they just fuck a lot, but they're cool, they're adventurous.

So, they're the most sexually and then the German chicks are just nutty.

The Berlin chicks, especially.

I don't know because I'm just so far removed from that.

Berlin is wild.

Anyone in Berlin, I bet she was from there.

Or maybe not, maybe it's like other industrial places.

I loved when I was in Italy last, and I'm like, they're like, because I told them how much I've been love the Italian language and I've been practicing.

Speak to Mateo.

Yeah, I know.

I've spoken to Mateo about it.

And I've been studying.

I even worked with a tutor, just like trying to, and it's my Spanish proficiency helps with it, right?

And so.

Talking to this guy, and I'm like, so how do you feel about the Spanish?

And he's like, he's like, oh, they're great.

And then you're like, well, who do you not like?

And they're like, what are you kidding me?

The fucking French.

They're the fucking worst.

And I'm like, you know what?

He's like, who likes French people?

And they're like, but they're like so open about it.

They're like, what?

I go, well, you like their food.

And he goes, no, their food's disgusting.

And I'm like, what?

Okay.

French food.

And he was like, ugh.

It's known for that.

I know.

It's just, but it's so funny, the neighbor disdain, you know, of they're just like,

I hate them.

Where is he all from?

Oh, different trips, man.

Oh, wow.

Different.

Yeah.

So, wait.

Hella fat here.

Stop.

All right.

It's a different time, but dude, shut up.

That's a piece of shit.

That's not that fat yet.

Wow.

It gets fatter.

Once in a while, we'll see something from you from when we met, and it's like, oh, yeah.

Because now in my memory, you're back to this.

Yeah.

Like when I think of you, you're back to this.

This looks all right, right?

Yeah.

It takes a while when someone loses or gains weight.

You still picture them as before.

Yeah, Yeah, yeah.

Wait, what were we saying?

So how would you phrase that epic meals kind of thing?

Or like

memorable meals?

It's still focused on food.

No, but I think if you say, what was your most memorable experience with

food or with a meal?

People's mind doesn't all, I don't think their mind always goes to what did I eat.

You start thinking about the experience.

I just want to get someone to say.

So even if they go, oh, actually on the way to something once, it's like, great, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah.

um did this feel dangerous at all tunisia what

trying to buy drugs felt really stupid and dangerous how'd you get them i i i who yeah

one of the people was like i honestly it was a guy on the street that ended up just taking us to

an you know a back alley kind of thing yeah and you go oh this is insane

And there's that moment that you feel like this is probably an undercover person, you know?

Oh, yeah um and so when i have like either you're hiding from the cops to do this or you are the cops yeah or you don't want the cops everybody but by the way everyone that you talk to is hustling you

you know i mean so they're this all tunisia that's tunisia yeah

is that the chick no that's a spanish girl oh

everyone's hustling you yeah so it's yeah they're getting over on me when you're like i'm buying drugs there's your brain is also going like you're about to get arrested or killed you know yeah yeah that's not that's scary that's not that's not cool i was in barcelona at that what's that also buying drugs in most places yeah that are foreign you realize you're you're running a pretty big risk yeah what's the main drag in in barcelona oh i know what you're talking about los ramblas los ramblas yeah there's side story the dream team was there when they're doing the olympics there yeah and they're all getting mobbed yeah everybody's on them because they're fucking these six foot ten black guys they just don't look like they're from there even the olympics are are still like, what the fuck?

And then John Stockton's just walking by himself.

Nobody's even like just some 6'1 white guy.

Yeah, he's

unassuming.

You're not anything special.

I was walking there and I was trying to find weed.

And I was like, we need to find some weed.

I don't know where to get it.

And then some guy's like, you want weed?

And I was like, no, no.

Yeah.

And then as soon as he walked away, my chick was like, what are you doing?

I'm like, I don't know.

I panicked.

Yeah.

But it makes sense to panic.

That's the normal reaction.

I remember I bought a lot of hash in

Madrid

studying abroad but that was like how long were you there for a year six months six months what a cool time huh that was the best i i encourage anybody that can to do it yeah and here's the thing you don't obviously realize it more after but you'll never have

that type of freedom in life it doesn't even matter what your resources are yeah just to be like if you got if you had the opportunity to go that you're in a foreign land and you don't have a mortgage yet or you know what i mean the only time you could do it it's you could poor somewhere else.

And you'll still enjoy it.

And also, I wouldn't even get bogged down on is it the exact right country?

No.

Just like,

narrow down, but just go, pick one and go.

You're going to have to be able to do that.

You know, I remember that I was supposed to go to

my school had a program, an exchange program.

Yeah.

With, I think, Gibraltar.

Really?

Where'd you go to school?

A small college in North Carolina called Lenore Rhine.

But they go, oh, yeah, you'll go to Gibraltar.

And my mom was like, no.

What?

She's like, you can't go there.

You have to go to Madrid.

And I go, I'm so high there, by the way.

This one?

We're bad.

We're so high.

We're so high.

That's college.

You know, the same kind of thing happened.

No, that's in Peru.

That's in Lima.

Oh, wait, that's this guy.

Oh, my God.

These eyes are red.

No, that's a different guy, by the way.

Him?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, but we had bought weed in Lima.

Look how I red your eyes.

Oh, dude, look how fucked up I am.

You look.

and same kind of thing happened in Tunisia.

I gave a guy $20 and he was like, you want a kilo?

And I was like, what the fuck is this?

And also you smoke it and you're like, this doesn't feel like weed.

And then all of a sudden I was like, you hear those trains coming?

Like, I was like, what?

Like, just hearing sounds.

And I was like, what is this?

I mean, it was, it doesn't feel like anything I'd ever smoked.

What do they have different shit in different countries?

I don't get it.

I felt like it was fucking.

In Ecuador, we found how to find, how to find, find a pandemic also.

We kept trying to like, let's just go up to people when we if we see them on the river, but then it was like, don't come near me.

It's a pandemic, you know?

So we finally find some at a head shop.

Like, can you locate?

Like, come back tomorrow.

I'll find some.

And it was like the same thing, like that much.

It was like a dollar

a gram.

It was like 30 grams for 30 bucks.

But then you look at it, you're like, what is this?

Yeah.

Like weed.

And you're like, no.

We found later it was like this much for 30 bucks.

But this got me way higher.

It was like psychedelic.

Yeah, this was, this was like, this is like psychedelic.

Like, I mean.

Is there a different kind of weed that I don't know about?

I don't know, dude.

It was, it was.

Chat GPT?

Do you know?

Is there?

That was not like any experience I've ever had in my life, what you're looking at there.

Like, nothing I'd never you had smoked before.

So much.

Right.

I was a daily smoker then.

Amnesia Hayes.

Oh.

Oh, interesting.

Oh, wow.

Well, they just heard us get quiet.

Amnesia Hayesum's amnesia seeds.

All right, it just says where it comes from.

Hey, did I ever show you how everyone reads stuff out loud on podcasts?

Yeah.

Is it Amnesia Hayes from Zamnesia Seeds?

Yeah, since 1996 when it first came out, this poet said,

and then this is what it's like to do it with Bert.

He goes, Amnesia Hayes and friend.

You read it, Tommy.

He puts his glasses on and goes, oh, I'm illiterate.

I didn't actually go to school for nine years.

Whoa.

Who did a drinking here?

Yeah.

We were doing our Rogan.

He like reads it, but you're just so far ahead that you finish like, catch up.

Okay.

Wow.

What would you, okay, some travel advice for Tunisia.

What would you tell if you had to go back?

Would you ever go back?

Well, you did it.

I did it.

I feel like, I don't know that I would have,

I think I would have a different experience now that I say it, but you'd landed like that German chick better not be here.

It'd be in a lot of trouble.

I don't know.

I feel like for me, what I would do now is probably just explore.

I would go to maybe Morocco to see what the experience is like there, you know, or go to a place like I still want to.

It's so right.

Yeah, this wasn't one of those trips where I'm like, as I'm hearing you talk about it, I go, I should have done this or this.

It sounds like you fucking dove in.

I dove in.

There's an age that is a factor too of like we must have made our reservations either online over the phone with somebody uh we met this the the guy that gave us the awesome tour there's the crazy element of like you know the thing about i know it sounds like i'm trying to uh talk about getting laid but the real thing about that is just shows you that approaching somebody is

90% of something.

Like, it's just the fact that I saw this person and I literally was just, I saw this guy looking at her.

Like, and I, by the way, this happened to me in Madrid one time where I saw a guy, we used to go to the plazas a lot, and there, there'd just be like young, you know, people my age.

I was 21, hanging out.

It was like a place where people would gather and people would be smoking or, you know, going in and out of clubs.

And I saw a guy one time who was clearly mentally ill.

And he was like yelling like aggressively.

And to this girl, and she had another girl with her, and they looked so

shell-shocked and like tears welling up because this guy wasn't letting them go.

Yeah,

and it wasn't like it wasn't, you could tell that like this isn't their friend losing their shit at them.

This is like a street guy.

And I just went up to her and greeted her like I knew her.

You saw, like, yeah, I saw it.

And I just greeted, I gave her a hug, and I was like, hey, what's like, oh, what's going on?

Because worst case, you read it wrong.

She's like, get off me.

Yeah.

And then that guy just yelled a few more things and i just was like no i get it man i get it because he was like going off on whatever's going on in his head and i was like no i get it i get it then he walked away and she was like thanks and then left right and i didn't know what was happening in the hotel i just saw that this this is something weird but it's just the fact that like you sometimes see things doesn't have to be a threat of violence i just mean that like you see people and you go like people always say like why don't you just say hi just say just just try just try with someone just say hello yeah when you're traveling you're just open to it too i think you're more aren't you more social yeah i'm way more social

i'm out of my element after like half a day i'm just like i'm i need someone to talk to yeah they come at me i'm not like uh yeah i know anyone that says hello i'm i'll just i'm an open book i'm just start telling them everything yeah

i think it's it's also

that is like the the adv the the real adventure of like when you travel because i would i stayed in like hostels in a bunch of european cities yeah is that you're meeting all these people i mean i remember i took a walk with a guy that I met in the hostel.

He's from Switzerland.

And

we are walking in Rome together.

And they did.

Somebody you just met.

Just met.

We're just taking a walk.

And

a gypsy lady threw the baby at him and did that whole thing that I thought was also like a myth.

Like I'd heard about it.

And she throws the baby.

He catches it.

She puts her hand in his pocket, takes all his cash.

And I

turn into

a fucking murderer.

Because I don't like gypsies to begin with.

And I just fucking

verbally assault this woman so aggressively,

terrifying, I mean, just terrifying

in Spanish at the full volume, like

just like, like, just fucking crazy.

Yeah.

It frightened me a little bit.

Yeah.

And I keep, and she reaches into her bra, pulls the cash and gives it back to him.

Oh, wow.

And I also think he looked at me like, hey, you're unstable.

Cheers, dude.

It's $2.

But,

you know, I just went from calling.

Just travel to calm you.

That's the thing is that I used to have a lot of people.

That's crazy.

You saw one of those?

I saw that.

I saw the baby thing.

I'm sure there's people who go, yeah, it doesn't really happen.

I mean, it happened to the person I'm walking with.

Like, and he just naturally goes to catch it.

You have to.

It's like, and then when do you get your baby back?

If you're the gypsy, right away.

Like, there's good, you go, oh, and as in the case, because it was two women, one kind of bumps up on you, and one is like, are we doing my baby?

You know, it's like, it's a, it's, it's very like savvy the way they do it.

Yeah.

And your hands in pockets, and you're gone.

But like, it's, you know, the thrill of yelling at her, I would not have had.

Yeah.

If

i hadn't walked with him you know uh-huh um yeah that's this memory that stuck with you from going off with some fucking dumb zero and honestly like

the cool chicks that like some of it was flirty whatever

not never hooked up with him or something but you're like i just met this like really awesome woman um like expands your horizons yeah exactly i've gotten more from feminism from talking to european women yeah about because i have this theory that like americans are we're among the dumbest of anything our sports fans are like, my guy's the best.

Like, why?

Because?

And our feminists are the same way.

Yeah.

Just dumb bravado, but applied to feminism, applied to sports, applied to anything.

You're saying we have the dumbest women here?

Dumbest people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's right.

Dumbest feminists, dumbest fucking masculists or whatever.

Yeah.

All of them.

And then you meet a European one, like, oh, you've expressed this in a way that I can understand it now.

Yeah.

And it's just like, you just, I don't know.

And then their, their cute face gets you in there to like talk.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

I dude, I remember

this is like an awful one but you just you remember like snippets that we were at a hostel and you know some of the hostels also have like the outside social area yeah i love those and i had walked into a conversation because there's always conversation and it was a south african guy talking about how you don't understand how our blacks are yeah and we were all like what because apartheid was not that

old.

Yeah.

It only ended six years earlier.

They're probably like, so I don't have a lot of stuff I used to have.

My life is not as easy as it was.

He was just like, you guys with your fucking equality shit, you don't understand.

What?

And they were like, but that's the thing is that that's also like a

life experience kind of thing where you're like, oh yeah, this is also, there's people like this, right?

Like he was like trying to tell us like apartheid fucking was

awesome.

And you're like, wow.

Yeah.

Well, Well, you could tell what the dynamic was because everybody was so like

quiet.

And he was lit.

So he had more bravado to him.

But I remember that guy being like, fucking,

you guys think they're great?

Why don't you come to South Africa?

And we were just like, okay, dude.

We met a guy and it reminded me of the same thing.

Me and Bobby Kelly, we were doing the Denmark Comedy Festival, Copenhagen covers like eight people.

But one of the guys was South Africa.

And he was like, no, it's a great idea.

But then you have one leader and then he retires and then they're going to elect someone who's uneducated because of what we did to him.

So now you have a fucking Zulu warrior as your president who has 10 wives who thinks you can fuck AIDS out of you.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Anyway.

Good pastries here in Denmark, though, right?

Yeah, pretty cool.

All right.

What would you, yeah, the gap year stuff also, I don't think we do enough here.

A year abroad or the semester abroad.

I started talking to my fucking third grade son about that.

Like, I need to do it.

Start planning.

I was just like, you got to do a gap year.

Because I remember that, like, I wouldn't, I, you probably could not have talked me into it because I had the you got to get to the thing, the next thing, you know.

But looking back, I'm like, I think those are brilliant.

There's no other time you can do that.

The ones I met when I was like in Asia, yeah, Southeast Asia, the ones that were doing it between either high school and college, Canadians a lot, were just like, how much do you have to save up?

They're like, 14 grand, and it's a year.

Like, that's not a crazy answer.

You could work your job with your discipline in mind of like, this is what it's for and you could do it.

And there's a thing like I like I'm talking to a third grader about it.

I was like, what?

But I'm like, I'm like, here's the thing, man.

Like, let's say in the flight to New Zealand, I don't want to do this again.

Let's just say like you just love

photography or something.

I go, you could just go and spend a year, you know, just going to places and taking photos.

I was trying to like give them examples and I was like, you don't have to worry about it yet.

But I was like, I hope you do it.

I hope you do a fucking cap year.

Yeah.

I thought it was great.

I think it's great.

Either between high school and college, between college and grad school,

or between college and a job, defer your jobs like if you're working for a big company.

Yeah.

I think it's a, yeah.

And if you're like an in-demand person, you could probably get your gap year financed by one of these companies, you know?

Like if you're somebody they're competing for.

Yeah.

Rolf in this book, he says like you should, like if you had a, if you had, um,

your resume, like how to handle your resume, you've been gone for a year.

So handle this bridge.

What?

I was actually thinking of one thing as a quick aside before i got into the other one

okay and the one was just because

so the quick one was that um you know my kids are are now nine and six right and you start to have this thing when you have kids where you realize that there's a there's a ticking clock on like innocence and wonder right where there's going to be like we're still at the age where it's like dad you know and like one day they're going to be like sub man like you know like

Tom.

I didn't say you could say that.

Yeah, yeah.

And they're just going to be like, what?

I don't give a shit.

You know, they still have that wonder and excitement and innocence that you realize is evaporating.

Right.

And so

last year, like, so my kid, my oldest, loves Minecraft.

Minecraft is the game, the video game.

That came after we, like, when we were, if I'm sure we would have been into it if it was around when we were kids.

Wait, what was the one where you had to flip over squares?

Wasn't that Minecraft?

No.

minecraft is like mind sweeper mindsweeper minecraft is like you build

a video game build like a whole society in this game right and it's so massive i mean it's so massive uh i didn't realize until his obsession just the scale and scope of minecraft it's beyond comprehension how popular this is worldwide and so as he was like

you know getting into the game more and the obsession and everything you're just like you you know, you're, you're just with your kid and you're seeing what they love, right?

Because when I was a kid, I would have been like football and basketball and that kind of thing.

And he meant it's this game.

So

I'm friends with

Jason Momoa, and I knew he was doing the Minecraft movie.

And at one point, I was like, hitting him up, he goes, You should come visit the set.

And I normally I'd be like, oh, I mean,

but I go, it's in New Zealand.

Oh.

So I'm like, well, no.

But then I go, man,

this is just, this is just not going to be

an option at some point.

Right.

So

I know he's into it.

And I know he's into it.

Wouldn't it be cool?

This to me felt like the equivalent of like, if when I was a kid, they're like, do you want to meet Michael Jordan?

Yeah.

You know, you'd be like, what?

Like, you just freak out.

So far to go.

So there was spring break last year and we had.

our regular like revisiting family in Florida.

And then I have that crazy idea.

And I tell Christina, I go, What do you think?

I know this is crazy.

Christina's like, No, I'm going to Daytona Beach.

She's like, What do you mean?

I got my bikini ready for spring break.

Stripping right now.

I just go, What if I take him for a couple days, like quick, but to the Minecraft set?

Like, it's something that

he would never forget.

And this is his such an obsession.

And she was like, You should definitely do that.

So I tell him, I go, Hey, man, what do you think if we go?

It's a long flight, but you'll see where they're making the Minecraft movie.

And he's like,

What?

Yeah.

So

we're in Florida.

Yeah.

We fly to Dallas.

First of all, that's so much better than telling like a comic, even if they were way into it.

You're like, no, that'd be cool, but I don't know.

It's just like, but why?

I could tell, you know, there's so many things that you don't get that reaction anymore, is my point, right?

Like at a certain age, you'd be like, yeah, all right, cool, man.

Yeah.

So it's like, it's like real, do you want to meet Santa Claus?

You know, and a kid's like, what?

So we get on a flight in Dallas and

it's Dallas to Auckland direct.

It's 18 hours.

And I'm like, I'm trying to tell him how long it is.

And he's like, all right, cool.

I got my iPad.

Like, all right.

Dude, we're like,

three hours into this flight.

He's like, is it any longer?

I'm like, it's 15 hours longer.

We haven't even started.

It's so long.

And he's like, wow, man.

And then, you know, anyway, he's like melting down on this flight.

He's like, this is so long.

Like, I know.

So

the worst is when 18 hours are an abstract idea.

Dude, when there's six hours left.

Yeah.

When there's six hours left, you're like, all right.

Like me, I'm like, I know what that is.

And he's like, are we now approaching New Zealand?

I'm like, there's six hours.

He's like, what the fuck, man?

Those Australian fights are crazy.

Cause you're like, that's wait.

We're in the last third.

We're like, that's still a cross-country flight.

So long, bro.

And then you get there and they're like, you're going to Perth tomorrow.

It's six hours.

You're like, what the fuck?

So we land.

Well, we land.

He is, he's just like, all he can talk about.

He's like, I cannot believe that we spent 18 hours on a plane.

That was a really bad idea, dad.

I'm like, I like, great.

So

he's, he's, he hates the flight.

He's like, is it that long on the way back?

I'm like, no, but it is 15 hours on the way back, you know, because you get, you catch the tailwind or whatever.

He's like, oh my God.

That's all I can talk about.

I'm like, look, dude, let's stop talking about how long this all is.

But it's happening.

Yeah.

We're here.

And I was like, okay, so we go to the hotel and I'm like, let's chill for a little bit.

And then, you know, I reach out and I'm like, hey, we're here.

And they're like, great.

So we're going to set.

So pull up to set.

They're super nice.

And Jason, you know, it's funny because my kid has no idea who he is.

He's like, I'm like, you know, he's like, does he know who I am?

I'm like, no.

He's like, you didn't.

make him watch Aquaman?

And I'm like, no.

He's like, cool.

So it's like, I don't know.

He's going to know you from this.

I'm like, so then we make him watch Achaman.

You haven't showed him that movie?

And I'm like, no.

We haven't had time.

He's like, you've used 18 hours.

Have you seen Aquaman?

I'm like, no.

Like, I don't want to watch Aquaman.

Buddy, it's the lamest of all of them.

It's that and the Wonder Twins were

the two worst.

I'm like, I know.

I haven't seen it.

When are we getting a Wonder Twins movie?

So we go,

and he does this really cool thing where he sets up this walk into the soundstage where the curtain is drawn and then pulls it back.

back and there is Minecraft world, right?

Wow.

And so we have a camera on Ellis and he walks in and he's like, whoa, shit.

And he's like, oh, it's like Minecraft.

I'm like, yeah, it's where they make the movie.

This is a Minecraft movie.

That's why we came here.

And he's like running around and it's like what you were imagining.

You're like, because they have like, I mean, it's hard to describe, but it's like, it's like you're in the world, right?

And it's on a big, massive soundstage with blue screen in the background so they can do everything in post, but all the like the bones of it are there and everything looks like it would.

And

he's running around, jumping.

And, you know, at one point, they're like, hey, could you fucking tell him to take it easy on the set?

Yeah.

And they're like, that's a $200,000 tree.

And I'm like, yep.

So I'm like, buddy, stop kicking shit.

And, you know, and so he finally is like, you know, spends time doing that.

Right.

And then,

yeah, I think it comes out this year.

It comes out soon.

So

then he likes it, it's the initial thing, and then he's like, All right, like, what are we gonna do now?

I'm like, this is it, this is what we came here for.

He's like, really?

Take him to Habatan?

I'm like, yeah.

So we go back to the hotel, we crash, and then the next day, he's like, what are we doing today?

I go, we're going to the Minecraft set.

He's like, all right.

And so we go back there.

And now Jason.

Is he over it now?

Well, he's like, he's he's like, yeah, I saw that shit.

Like, whatever.

They're showing him props.

He's aware it's not the real world.

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.

He's aware of that.

But they show him props and everything.

So it's like all stuff that, like, he's like, oh, yeah, this is like the, whatever, the sword.

And the, and he's like, oh, this is so cool.

And then he's like, okay.

And then Jason has his dog, right?

And

his dog is like this, I think it was a movie dog at first, you know, like the trained movie dogs.

Like the dogs you see on shows and movies that are.

So it's this black um

i forget the breed but ellis starts that might be it yeah rama it's not his real dog it is his real dog oh yeah

so that's his dog rama so ellis

just loves dogs and he starts playing with the dog and

like they're you know it's like a kid and a dog they're running in the parking lot throwing a ball they're showing that he does tricks yeah and he's just like playing playing and then we're like hey they're gonna shoot this scene right now for the movie.

Like, someone's gonna

swing off of something, you know, I mean, some like special effect type of thing.

I'm like, you want to come in?

He's like, nah, play with this dog.

I'm like, okay.

And then, like, he's doing it for like an hour and then two hours.

And then we're like, hey, there's other stuff going on.

He's like, I'm good.

I just want to hang out with this dog.

And then I'm like, okay.

And so we go to dinner later that night.

We go to dinner.

He goes to, he has dinner with

Jason and Jack Black.

And I'm like, hey, you know what he's from?

He's like, what?

He's like, one of the

voice.

He's cool to rock, but I think he's Kung Fu Panda.

Okay.

And he's like, oh, I like that.

Like, he's in a cool.

Yeah, like he's a producer.

You did good in that.

And then I'm like, okay.

And like, well, tomorrow's our last day.

He's like, we're going to see that dog?

And I go, yeah, that could be arranged.

And then my whole joke was that like i brought this kid to new zealand to play with a dog because that you could have met in la yeah i could have met him fucking at the zilker park and

and uh that's his favorite memory of that trip he was like that dog is fucking awesome man

like cool but it's so funny because as a as a parent you always have your ideal of like this is what's going to happen i'm going to take him to visit a set of a movie that he's loves And then he's like, that dog's fucking rad.

And then he just finds what he finds.

Yeah, that's it.

That actually reminds me when I was in Vietnam.

We did the Coochie Tunnel tour.

Yeah.

You know, like going under where the Vietnamese fucking beat us.

You know, you go through the tunnels and stuff and see how they lived.

And not great.

And Frank lived better than they did.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah.

And then, um, but anyway, some, some like, like two, like, seven-ish-year-olds was with their family.

They were just on, I don't know what kind of trip, but I just saw them with this long branch with a leaf on the end of it.

and they were like playing with a cat.

The cat's trying to get it.

And I was saying, I was like, Yeah, your memory of Vietnam is gonna be playing with that cat.

That's a hundred percent.

I remember asking my dad as he was, you know, getting older, and we'd hear talk always.

It would be a recurring thing to talk about Vietnam, you know.

Yeah, and I was like, Was he in Vietnam?

Yeah, in

Vietnam, yeah, yeah, whoa.

And uh,

I go, Would you ever want to go back to Vietnam?

He went,

He goes, Tommy,

I don't like and I don't like

all right.

You got to try gook fusion.

Yeah, fuck, man.

Yeah.

He's like, Addie, what kind of fucking touch it is that?

So funny.

Yeah.

We tried to get my dad to go back to Romania.

He goes, no, I'm okay.

I'm like, don't you want to see whatever?

And then somebody,

a brother or sister, my mom, somebody's like, hey, his memories weren't the great at the end.

Yeah,

there wasn't a good time.

I think anybody that,

well, I mean, obviously people react different ways, but like

when you see combat, right?

And it's the simplest thing to say is that it's traumatizing to anyone.

And he's like, you know, he's like, he's in a platoon.

He's a lieutenant who has a platoon of 70 men.

Obviously, you lose men.

You have people.

stand next to you,

die, or step on a mine, fucking blown in half.

And he's like, I remember that plane leaving Saigon and the relief, yeah, like what you feel as you're like looking out the window.

Like, I'm leaving.

I'm, I made it through combat through a war zone, and he's like, I never want to fucking see that place ever again.

Wow, he's like, Yeah, it's pretty cool these days, though.

They have some pretty cool jungles, good scenery, too.

Some cool touristy spots if you want to hang out.

I'm good.

It's a sunset boat cruise, yeah.

You don't want to do that?

He's like, No,

okay.

Um, but the one I uh, sorry, so those are two uh quick asides, I I guess.

But that I got an aside for you.

Okay.

You were in Iceland, and you were like, hey, can you tell me a cool, like,

hot spring or hot death?

And I didn't understand that you wanted to actually go to a cool one.

I thought you were trying to get it done like after your show.

No.

And I was like, yeah, an in-town spa.

Do you know what ended up happening?

Did I tell you what happened?

You went somewhere cooler.

Well, we had the fucking, first of all, I cannot

emphasize enough how mind-blowing the natural landscape of iceland is it does not feel real it doesn't feel real i mean it just and the greens are so green and the and all that i mean just like here's the thing every bubble rocks if you want to feel like you're a high-level photographer yeah go to iceland because everyone's pictures look like they're in national geographic photos yeah um that bottom left there that the reds in the north the reds are so red the the you know i mean?

Like, we, I, it's like being made now.

It's like the word.

Did you see?

I fucking, can I show you one?

Yeah.

Yeah, but you're like, we're going to go to a natural one.

I was like, oh, right.

Well, what ended up happening, we had this incredible guide.

And this person took us and

like, just,

if you can, just page to the right there.

Yeah.

Look at, look at that.

And you're like, am I on Mars?

Is this in the north?

Where is this?

This is like.

Did you drive from We drove.

Yeah, we drove.

Wow.

And they're like, oh, yeah, this people have come here to shoot as Mars.

Wow, that house is down there.

Right?

It's just.

Wow.

These I can send if you want to go on there.

But like the reds.

And I was like, oh, this, and they would go, oh, yeah, that's like the natural, what is it element that turns red has just come out here.

So they go, oh, yeah, just, it looks like you're on Mars.

Wow.

But we did like a, it was like a six or eight hour drive.

I look at this fucking pretend to look away.

But oppose like, what's going on?

What's going on?

Is this Mars?

What am I thinking about?

Fucking

hell.

That fucking

Elon's going to have some cool shit coming here.

Damn, that's crazy.

Everything there.

That's what's there to do in Iceland is drive and get out of your car for a minute.

I mean, the natural springs, but like every shot you take,

you know, you just like, you're like, oh, that looks like a professional took to

me.

Click.

You know?

Yeah, the reflection's awesome.

I mean, yeah, it's just, everything was just so astonishing.

And we were just completely blown away.

But,

oh, yeah, the springs thing.

On that journey, I was like, I want the authentic.

And the guy was like, oh, I know the best one.

And we get there.

And they're like, you have to still, you still have to, it's still a place that runs it.

They're like, but this is not the touristy one.

This is like,

and they were like, we pulled up and they were like, they're closed.

They're doing some type of like, huh.

And I was like, they're like, yeah, they won't let us in.

So then we ended up having to go to like the one of the big touristy ones, which was still fucking.

But natural.

Yeah, natural.

But still, it was still awesome, by the way.

Yeah.

It was just like full of people.

Oh.

And the one they shot Game of Thrones in, where the guy fucked the wildling chick, like in the sauna, whatever,

a fissure broke, and you can't go in there anymore.

Oh, really?

The temperature went up like 20 degrees Celsius.

Like a little crack more, so the more lavas came in.

So there was like, now it'll die.

You'll die in here.

Yeah.

Which you can if you want to.

It's a pretty cool experience.

It is pretty cool.

It's a Game of Thrones experience.

It's a cool way to die.

Do you think about how you want to die?

Yeah.

Really?

In your arms.

Mine?

Yeah.

Specifically.

Yeah.

Come on, fates.

What about you?

How do you want to go?

I mean, I think you want it to be quick.

That's the only thing.

Can you quickly Google how will Tom Segoro die?

See what comes up?

God damn it.

I hate that.

I know there's going to be an answer.

Well, that's just about my dad dying.

Oh.

It just reminded you of the thing you're missing most in life.

Shit.

All right.

It's not there.

Fuck.

What do you, when you plan trips, because you're like the travel guy, obviously.

Everybody knows this.

I have a podcast about it.

I'll be tripping.

I want to do it.

Check it out.

Yeah, I'd love to have you on.

How do you approach?

What is your approach to a new trip?

Like, I don't know where somewhere you haven't been yet that you want to go.

Morocco.

Okay.

Hello.

So what, like, tell me, take me through how you plan that trip.

Okay.

I'm a pretty bad traveler.

What?

I'm not prepared.

I get so nervous around people.

I just keep throwing myself into it.

I'm frightened for a couple of days.

Everywhere.

But what do you book?

I end up having a good time.

It's like going out with your friends.

Like, we're all going to drink.

And then you go out.

Like, that was fun.

What do you book before it?

Okay.

Sometimes I'll do some research.

I'll try on the plane at least learn those words.

Right.

And then if I remember to, it's like, how much is the cab from the airport to downtown area?

Just so you don't get hosed.

I feel like you're right out of the, right, you're like this, and everyone's coming at you to hustle you.

So you have your hotel booked?

You're at least your first one?

When I travel in Southeast Asia, no.

That was hosteling.

You get there, you find out.

But you go to a hostel?

Then, yeah, four months.

Yeah, I was hosteling.

Jesus.

Are you like the old guy at the hostel?

There were sometimes older guys, but also I've lived in comedy.

So they were like, I remember those gapier Canadians.

I was like, yeah, I'm a stand-up comedian.

And then they're like, we we had a fun day.

Yeah.

Four Canadian chicks.

They were so cool.

And still friends with them.

And

then they came back next.

They're like, you're 42.

And I was like, yeah.

They're like, you're a stand-up comedian?

And I was like, yeah.

I was like, we looked up your.

And then they were like, I listened to your podcast.

They started with the Danish O'Neil podcast.

And they're like, it was a lot of fucking retards right away.

It's not for me.

They were just like good liberal.

No, I'm back.

I got to Guatemala.

I had like two weeks off.

I tried two new countries a year.

I got to Guatemala.

I'm meeting people.

I stayed at hostels there too.

Really?

Because I was like, I haven't hosteled for a while.

So you want it because it really is a more like.

You meet people.

Yeah.

Social experience.

Yeah.

And they're like, where are you going hiking?

I was like, is there good hiking here?

And it was like, everybody was like,

did you research?

Why did you come here?

I'm like, I don't know.

I just wanted to see.

Is it a direct flight from one gig to the next?

That's crazy.

And they're like, it's like made for a.

So, are there certain places, though, where you go, I want the hotel experience?

Like, do you ever do that?

Or is that just forbidden for you?

No, I do.

You do?

Okay.

I don't want like a

punta cana like no resort but yeah but also no no if i'm in like maui or some went to to um polynesia yeah uh french polynesia and was like no let's get a resort here okay it's like they got pampered gotcha you know so it depends on the location whereas where you what you don't want is to go to like the play like you don't want to go to morocco to be at the resort you want to like be in a hotel you want to be in the the action

yeah but you do feel fear you're also like dude always okay do you get scared i mean places like that now as in more as an adult now would you Well, here's the thing.

I mean, I'm trying to think, like, I'll tell you where I really want to go.

I think I'm going to get hustled.

I think I'm going to, I'm just nervous.

I love, okay, I love Argentina.

I've only been to Buenos Aires, and I want to go to other parts of it.

I really want to visit Brazil, and I've never been to Brazil.

And Brazil, I know I'm friends with Brazilian people.

Brazil has a reputation.

Everyone's always like, be

on high alert, you know?

So, do I want to stay in like a hostel when I'm there?

Not really.

But I also want a Brazilian experience, you know?

So to me, like the ideal way that I would approach Brazil is I'd go, I want to stay in a nice hotel, but it's about connecting with a local to, that's the, what, that's the real gift is if you have a local to be like, let's go here, let's go there.

So when I go to Lima, when I go to visit family in Peru, I'll either stay with family or I stay in a nice hotel.

But my cousins are like, they're the ones that take me out.

So I get the most authentic, you you know, they're not just taking me like a touristy place.

That's what you want.

I call it boots on the ground.

Yeah.

So like, not what, what am I supposed to do here?

What am I supposed to eat?

But like, what do you guys?

And here's the thing I think that is good advice for people because I've.

Like, if you've come to New York, I'm taking you to the bar that has a cool playlist on Mondays.

If it's Monday.

Exactly.

Exactly.

You know, it's not in a book.

Like,

you can, well, that you can, sometimes if you're like, well, I don't know anyone in Brazil.

I get that.

But what you can start doing is having conversations in your home city about, does anyone know somebody Brazil and you'll find somebody that goes like yeah I you know so-and-so married to a Brazilian guy or whatever and then you start telling that person I'm going to visit your country dude 99% of the time they go like let me connect you with my friend and then that you know because like I had that experience in

with uh with Tokyo where you go like I'm going to Tokyo I fucking can't wait to see this city But I know somebody that knows somebody.

So you start getting recommendations about like places you that are not going to be on a Google search, you know.

Yeah, yeah, we wandered into this one spot.

Oh, what is it?

I don't know, but it's like on this corner, yeah, yeah.

But we went to Havana, it was like I wanted to stay somewhere.

Me and Bobby Kelly.

How was that?

Dude, it was like life challenge.

I went for the election to get away from it.

You went to Cuba?

Yeah, me and Bobby Kelly.

I, that's, that's like near the top of my list.

You should go.

I'll get tips for you later.

Where'd you stay?

So they have casas.

They call them casas, but like, um, it's just like home.

How'd you fly?

What's the flying route?

What do you think?

I don't know.

What do you think?

Like through Mexico?

Is there a direct?

There's 20 direct flights a day from Miami, 10, 15 more from Houston.

Really?

And they've never, since Obama, they never stopped.

I had no idea.

Yeah, right?

No.

Yeah.

So you go.

It's so cool.

There was a hurricane.

We lost power for two days.

The country lost power for two days.

Wow.

Yeah.

But that was an experience.

And what did you get into?

Did you like cigars?

A lot of cigars.

Because Bobby's way into it.

And I was like, let's do that for sure.

He let me get drunk.

Like, it wasn't like a problem.

But also live music.

All this fucking, you know, and how were locals?

Friendly, a little bit in the touristy parts.

We're like, not, I mean, I did get scanned pretty hard.

What did you get scanned with?

They made me buy.

The guy pretty much forced me to buy these clearly fake cigars.

He was just pressuring me.

I'm like, okay, here's all my Canadian money.

Like,

take it.

And I just had a bunch of fake cigars.

Oh, okay.

Fake cigars?

I mean, they still worked during the hurricane.

We smoked them.

But they're just like, these are trash.

Yeah.

But, like, who cares?

It was like, it was like 100 bucks.

But we were going to go outside of Havana, but then the hurricane really stopped it.

They were like, it's hitting tomorrow.

You might get back in town.

You don't want to be there.

It might hit there.

Food?

Pretty good.

Yeah.

We got told it was like terrible.

Don't even go into it.

So we went in going, we just got a lot of coffee.

We were told that Cuban food was bad.

They don't have spices and shit there.

They can't trade.

The Cuban food you've had is in America with full access.

It's like the pre-1960s Cuba food, which would have been great.

They can't do shit.

It's so poor because

of what we've done to them.

Did you wear a bunch of watches and jewelry and shit?

That's what you're missing out on, bro.

It is funny when you have to take out your money because you can't use ATMs there.

American ATMs won't work and credit cards won't work.

So you just have to have cash.

Dollars.

Yeah.

So you stay in somebody's house where they've set up a separate room with a separate entrance for you.

They might cook you breakfast, but then you tip them at the end.

That's the only way you can acquire wealth is sipping money off foreigners in a nice way.

Oh, yeah, you should go.

How long did you stay for?

Six days?

Six days?

The hurricane was two full days.

You had this CASA thing booked?

Yeah.

Oh, so what I was going to say is, I want to stay a more authentic part of Havana, not like whatever.

And Bobby's like, I looked up pictures.

It's fucking dangerous.

And so I just seeded.

I was like, if it was me, I'd want to get my hands dirty.

But like, I don't want you being scared.

I might do the Bobby route.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And also, we got our hands dirty there.

That's cool.

I want to go to Cuba really bad.

Okay.

Yeah.

So, but that's what I mean.

It's like, it depends.

I'll stay depending on the, on the, you know, the experience.

Where do you want to go?

Where's left on your list?

So, like I said, I definitely want to do Brazil.

I would love to do Cuba.

I went to Brazil with Rogan two days on a UFC trip.

Was that cool?

I mean, it's a different experience, but.

The beaches were wild.

The fat chicks, the confidence in the fat chicks there.

It's awesome.

Yeah.

like thought, and you're like, just let it out, smooth fat, everywhere, these thighs, but they're like, you want it?

I want to go, like I said, I want to go back to Argentina to explore.

Are you willing to admit now that you're not Argentinian?

I know you were like hiding the

Peruvian for 20 years

or whatever, the time I've known Joey Diaz, he'll be like,

Tommy, the Argentinian.

I go, fucking, how many times do I have to tell you?

I'm not Argentinian.

You want to be, though, because they're the highest level.

Well, they are the highest level.

yeah and i do love their arrogance and the fact that they know they're better just because you're a valet person you think you're better than these listos

i love it i love their attitude uh i want to go to uruguay too um uh

you know as a as another where is that bottom no no uh between yeah yeah um the small little um but uh i would love to

To visit that.

I also want to do.

Wait.

Sorry.

When we were going to Cuba, by the way, this is what it does.

Once you know you're going to a place, it opens up.

I had a cab driver.

Yeah.

And here, and I was like, Are you Cuban?

Because he had a little flag.

He's like, Yeah, I'm like, Where should I go?

And Havana.

He goes, Oh, yeah, let's go.

I'm like, No, I'm going.

Tell me.

And then it was like shitty English, but like told you where?

Yeah, and it was like a festival.

It's like you see these opportunities after that.

So I have, um, I want to go to Antarctica because I want to do one of those like expedition trips.

I think that would be right.

Is that the south one or the north one?

The south.

And

I want to do

I haven't explored.

It'd be cool to set foot on that continent.

I want to go to Korea.

I would love to do things like Bali, like Indonesia.

I've never been to Russia, and I think that would be fun.

You want to go to Russia?

I would like to see it, yeah.

No interest.

No interest?

Not mad at it.

I just like,

yeah.

Yeah, I mean, those are like, that's like my top

right now.

Yeah.

You can also do shows at some of those places, or you could just not, I guess, to be honest.

Yeah, I mean,

like the last Asia tour was around shows and days off, which was awesome.

You're doing more days off now?

Yeah.

Especially if I do a trip like that.

I'm not fucking going to go in and out of Asia.

Friday, Saturday, Friday, Saturday.

Take time.

Yeah, spend some time.

Yeah, Hong Kong's so rad.

I want to do this as an episode of you, who's at Pete Lee?

Who'd you go to Hong Kong with?

You, Pete Lee, and Chad Daniels.

Chad Daniels.

I want to get all three of you in to talk about that trip.

And there's a documentary about it, you know?

Oh, yeah.

I'm real fat in that.

You'd like that.

Oh, I would.

It's called, here, look up the shot.

It's called I Need You to Kill.

Look how fat I am in this.

No, that's not the, that's fat, but it's not as fat.

Hit images, yeah.

Look how fat I am.

Wow.

I mean, you look like you're having trouble breathing.

Look.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

That was really fun, man.

We really had a great time.

Who brought you out there?

Was it Pete something?

Was it Lee?

Something Lee?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, Lewis Lee.

Lewis Lee.

Lewis Lee, yeah.

He owns Acme Comics.

That must have been a wild experience.

And he's from out there with comics.

Yeah, it was so fun.

It was so fun.

You can watch that on Prime Video.

How does Chad look the same age?

Jay Elvis Weinstein.

The joke there was I was like, you're so handsome.

The Chad Daniels.

And I was like, I go, you know who you look like?

You look like Richard Gere.

And he was like, what?

And then I would tell...

local Asians, I go, you know Richard Gere?

And they were like, what?

And I'd go, that's Richard Gere.

And so they would approach him and be like, Richard Gere?

And he'd be like, motherfucker.

Like, he would,

or like, I would, I would tell,

the other one I would tell is I would tell people that he was in his like 56.

Yeah.

And he was like, he looks way older there than he must have been.

But he, they would go, you look amazing.

because he doesn't look 56.

They're like, you're 56.

And he was like, no.

Look how fat you are.

I know.

Yeah.

I guess last question is: is travel advice any about there or anywhere in general?

Travel advice.

Take your cab here.

The one thing I would also say is, like, I have to, like, is what I was talking about earlier, is I fight it within myself.

And I encourage you to, it's kind of like just say yes.

Like, say yes.

You can be cool and be like, I'm just going to sit here in my room or at this hotel bar.

You know,

but it's take the adventure do do the things you know say hello walk up to people say hi the worst that's going to happen is they're going to be like i don't want to talk to you yeah um but when we were in in rio for the ufc they get strict orders like it's dangerous don't go out we have a bodyguard with everybody bodyguard slash driver yeah and our bodyguard guy told us rogan was like he's an alarmist he likes it you know he's like this is dangerous goes they're not gonna fuck with your two men yeah they want to fuck with an alone old person yeah they don't want to fight yeah um but then they were like, Don't go anywhere near the favelas, it's like the city, and then as soon as the hills are.

Well, that's probably good advice, right?

John Jones just goes to parties in there, he's just like, No, I'm going in and deep by himself, just partied in the favelas.

Just to be clear, though, he's a bit of an anomaly.

Um, sure, sure, sure, but it's not gonna be hand-to-hand combat.

No, I don't pull a gun on him, yeah.

But also, yeah, he's an anomaly.

I don't know that I would encourage people to be like, go to parties in the favelas, just do it.

Um, I think you see city of God.

I think the thing is, though,

say yes to things.

And yeah, I mean, for God's sake, the obvious try food, talk to people.

You're always the thing that blows you away a lot of times is just how

the engagement of just saying hello, asking a question.

So many times people are like willing to help and willing to point things out to you.

It's like when you're trying to language, people always be like, oh, I'm going to be, I'm going to embarrass myself.

Most of the time, when someone sees you making an effort like what if somebody were trying that with you yeah you go like oh yeah you you you want to you you try to help them you know it's like necesito practicar once i say that they go okay you can keep going like i speak of this but you can try it yeah i mean i've had a guy just fucking straight up uh try to almost humiliate me for how bad i'm saying something you know what i mean but you're like right bro yeah just chill man

trying here one of the jokes i remember from hong kong somebody there no it was it shang it was maybe shanghai anyway one one of them,

Shanghai, and he goes,

and he goes, they just won't help you if you don't pronounce the word right.

He goes, like, if I go to New York, this is how it's assholes.

Imagine I go to America and I go, where's the Empoyer State Building?

And they go, we don't know what the fuck that is.

Yeah, yeah.

You're like, no, Empire State Building?

Nope, never heard of it.

This happened to me in every European country where I had...

no familiarity with language because

I was in Budapest.

I was in Berlin.

And I was like, how do you say?

And I remember the person was like,

in Budapest, I was like, what's up?

It's like, Michinas.

And I was like, Michinas.

And the guy was like, huh?

I go, Michinas.

And I'm like, what is that?

And I was like, I was like, what's up?

A Michinas.

I'm like, that's what I just said.

I said that.

And he was like, no, no, no, you said this other shit.

And then Germany is the same thing.

I asked the lady, I was like, what's like a silly insult?

And I remember she goes, oh, like, she goes, Popnauser.

It means like

a cardboard nose, some fucking foreign weird shit.

And so I say it to our driver.

And thankfully, I had, I had told the guys about the Buddha Peshwa, and then we're driving.

I tell the driver, and he's like, what is this?

And I'm like, Bopnauser?

He's like,

what is that?

I goes, I thought it was like cardboard nose.

He's like, oh, Bopnauser.

And we all just were like, I don't know what the fuck is.

But I mean, our accent

must be like so far

off that you can't hear it because you don't have an ear for it and you're like I thought I just said that my brother told me one in the German-speaking ones Zit pisser

which just means sit pisser

it's pretty much

yeah you sit when you piss they have a word for guy for someone who only shits at home oh what yeah Germany does yeah that's a that's a negative they're just like you are it's I had the uh oh I didn't tell you this about Tunisia yeah that German left another German arrived and I was like oh I'm gonna be two for two with Germans Like, that's

blonde, more like traditional German blonde, you know.

Yeah.

And I guess I was like, holding four beers in each hunt with fucking Braziers.

Yeah.

And my buddy was talking, was like with her friend, and I'm talking to her, and we're in the pool, and we're just, you know, it's just like flirty, whatever, but I, whatever, I, I'm not making the impression on her.

And so when we all go out at night, she was like,

What is it with you?

And I'm like, what am I?

I don't know, what am I doing wrong?

And she goes, you remind me of a cold egg.

I remember that.

I'm like,

where's my heroin at?

That's so mean.

I know.

You remind me of a cold egg.

That was 25 years ago.

That was back to someone.

I was like, not they remind me of a cold.

Right to your face.

Yeah.

You.

And

I remember telling Ryan, I was like, yeah, I go, she doesn't like me.

How can you tell him, my God, trust me.

Yeah.

It's like, no, she likes him.

I'm like, no.

All right, Tommy.

Yeah, it was fun, man.

And America's Sweetheart's out.

America Sweetheart's still out.

Maybe I'll put it out early.

We'll do a different one.

Would you come and do this again?

This is fun, right?

Yeah, it's a good time.

It's like a like.

When does True come out on Netflix?

They're deciding.

They're deciding.

They're figuring out when the right time is.

It's a really good hour.

Thanks, buddy.

Yeah.

Yeah, thanks.

Thanks for doing it.

Thanks for having me.

Yeah, you're welcome.

All right, everybody.

How do you say goodbye in Tunisian?

Do you know?

Auvoir.

Is it?

It's French.

They speak French, but I don't know how to say goodbye in Arabic.

Asala.

Bislema?

Bislema.

That means with safety.

With and safety.

Oh.

Right?

Shalom is peace.

Yeah.

Bislema.

Bislema.

With peace.

Oh, there's the other greetings.

Aslemah is a common greeting.

Narikzin.

Nariktayab.

That's pretty good.

That sounds like legit.

What you're saying.

Pretty good.

I'm telling you, I like it.

I always try to do it.

I did Arabic lessons on Duolingo.

Really?

Yeah.

I tried.

I tried.

I did Japanese for a thousand days on Bible.

Are you a thousand?

Yeah.

I'm just short of a thousand in Italian right now.

Wow.

Yeah.

Anyway.

Okay.

Thanks, man.

Yeah.

Bye, everybody.

Bye.

All right.

That's the episode, everybody.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Two fucking Nisia.

That was a cool one.

Tom Segura brought me to Tunisia.

I could have guessed any of his done on camera.

Sorry, Jay.

If you liked it, please reach out to Tom Segura and tell him you enjoyed it.

He reads every single comment on Instagram and YouTube.

And if you'd let him know you had a good time, he'll be more likely to come back.

And he's a really good guest.

He's been to some cool places.

I want to do one with him, with Pete Lee, and

who did he go to Hong Kong with?

Chad Daniels.

Thank you.

Chad, no disrespect.

I have a block on your name.

I love you.

You're one of my favorite comics, but I have a block on your name.

Also, what's that?

I can't remember that either.

What's the big fucking gross orange?

A grapefruit?

Grapefruit is another thing I have a block on.

Anyway,

guys, have you watched America's Sweetheart yet?

I I hope you have.

It's on Netflix right now.

It's my newest work, and it's the best special of 2025.

And I know it's early.

Watch it.

Tell me what you think of the closer.

Tell me what you think of all of it.

Leave a comment here.

Subscribe, please, on YouTube, Spotify, wherever you're watching or listening.

My farewell tour is on right now.

Los Angeles this weekend, then Brea, Nashville, both with Adrian Appalucci, San Antonio with Ari Maddie.

Tampa, Denver.

That's the greatest hit show.

That's the only reason I can go back before 2029 is do a themey show in Denver.

Schaumburg, Atlanta, Portland, San Jose, Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, and then finishing it off in June in Anchorage, and then I'm gone for a while until 2027.

Tom Segora, he should rename his tour Where the Rodeo is, because that's where he plays.

Pretty much wherever the rodeo plays in town, that's where Tom Segora plays.

Me, I play in places where if you sit in the front row, you can touch my foot.

Athens, Georgia, Savannah, Charleston, Boston, Washington, D.C., Tulsa, Durant, Austin, Evansville, Fisher, Chicago, Illinois, where the fucking Michael Jordan statue is.

Please come on Michael Jordan's statue.

If you can't come there, come on your hand, bring it in, and before the Tom Seguro show, rub it on Michael Jordan's leg.

Dublin, Belfast, Manchester, London, Glasgow, here we fucking go.

Nottingham, Cardiff, New York City, Oklahoma City, Houston, Fargo.

God damn, Tom, St.

Paul, Madison, Anchorage, Tacoma, Idaho Falls, Billings, Moline, Bristol, St.

Louis, Springfield, Albany, Verona, and Rochester.

God, you hate your family, don't you, Tom?

You fucking hate your family.

There's no other reason to be out that much.

No, I'm joking.

He's my boss.

He's not really my boss.

One time, though, he brought me on the road to

Indianapolis.

He was like, it's a break-even week.

You just come feature, but she might book you later.

And he had some Jew jokes.

And then the lady who ran the club tapped into it with the end.

And she started going while I was on stage.

She goes, should we throw money at him?

And Tom's like, no, not on stage.

Today's episode was produced by Your Mom's House Network and edited by Alan Caffey.

Assalamu alaikum, everyone.

Next week, Jim Gaffigan is on talking about

Portugal.

That's another word I have a block on.

All right.

Guys, subscribe.

Listen to the Patreon, patreon.com/slash Ubi Trippet.

And that's it.

Until next week, Assalamu alaikum.

Goodbye.