Portugal w/ Adrienne Iapalucci | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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That guy the next day that dropped us off in that fucking bus station.

You thought he was going to kill us.

I mean, he took the keys, he left the windows down.

Me and you were in like some transient.

I was like,

I was like, they've all conspired against us, and now we're dying.

And this guy just had to take a fucking.

I don't hate the Lakers.

I don't even care about them.

He'd be like,

he's like, it wasn't me.

It wasn't me.

I'm like,

that was so crazy.

And we were like running late, I think.

We were running late.

The guy's like, no, I just got to stop.

He took a dump in a gas station bathroom.

I don't know where we were.

Why pick us up?

Just say, no, I can't.

Those guys.

I don't know, but I thought that that guy knew something we didn't know.

I was like, oh, we're getting this shit kicked out of it.

You had to think about it.

When I went home that day, I landed at the airport here.

Are you taping this?

Oh, yeah.

This is

bonus.

Like in the beginning.

But I landed and the guy's like, did you hear about Kobe Bryant?

I was like, yeah.

He goes, how come they don't care about the other people?

They just care about him and his daughter.

I was like, and then I realized he didn't recognize him.

I'm like, yeah, right, bro?

That's my whole point.

We overvalue celebrities.

And he's like, yeah.

Some immigrant goes, I don't know this guy.

Why only two?

There's nine people that two names.

Oh, they only care about the famous people.

Yeah.

And their loved ones.

Remember, you were getting your hair cut at a bar, like black barbershop, I think.

And you thought he knew or something, and he didn't care at all.

Did not care.

When I got back from Ecuador, all these black guys were like, oh my God.

And they ran like, Kobe, Kobe.

And I was like, ooh.

And they're like, they're like 19, though.

So kind of like, we never saw them play.

We just thought it was hilarious.

My father's really mad at you.

My father, if you go to Cambodia, my dad's going to beat you up.

Where you been and where are you going?

This is our Race Travel Show.

Yeah, we're going to talk about travel today.

It's you'll be tripping.

Yeah.

Well, everybody, welcome to a brand new episode of You Be Tripping for November 12th,

2024.

I never have the date.

I never know.

I never know what the date is.

I never know the date.

But today is November 12th, 2024.

And that day, sorry for the delay.

We had to pull it back because Adrian Appalucci is the guest today.

She's one of my best friends.

She comes on the road with me

a lot.

A lot.

I help produce her special that is on Netflix right now.

Go watch it.

Yeah.

The Dark Queen.

You named it too.

What do you think of the name?

How you feel it?

That's good.

I mean, that is my moniker now.

Everyone just calls me the dark queen.

Yeah.

I love it.

It should be your nickname.

It should be my nickname.

Without you leaning into it, let them lean into it.

It's interesting, though, because if you don't know and I get announced like that, people think I'm going to be black.

They think it's going to be a black queen.

That's why I am with Amazing Races credit.

And people are like, what is that?

That's not.

It was a sketch I did a long time ago.

Those sketches resurface once in a while, and I love them.

They're so funny.

They're pretty great.

And people getting remad over them is also great.

The remad part is good.

Some people say, like, comics shouldn't get people mad.

And I'd like to say, like, we don't want that.

No, when it happens, some of it's fun.

But, but if it's going to happen, sure.

You wouldn't mind enjoying them walking out because they don't get it.

Sure, yeah.

But like, you do want people to find it funny.

Yeah, but that's 99% of it.

Right.

And then that 1% is just like people walking.

As long as I'm going to be here.

It's like, it's like American, we didn't want to get attacked by terrorists, but like Cheney was like, whoa, they're going to do it.

Let's pull back a lot of fucking rights.

Elections over.

Congratulations.

Your team won.

Who's my team?

I don't know.

We recorded this before, so I don't know.

That's true.

We have no idea.

Congratulations.

Oh, we got to do a lay-in.

Congratulations to Kanye West.

Congratulations to whoever won.

Yeah.

I can't believe Manhattan's burning right now.

Wow, it's crazy.

The whole thing burned.

The host burned except for this apartment.

The World Trade Center burnt up instead of down this time.

Weren't they going to build it again?

They were going to build the exact same one again?

Adrian, we're here to talk about travel.

Well, just think of how far the terrorists traveled to make that happen.

That's not bad.

Dude, if I could have got some of those...

Did anyone get away with it?

No, they all died, huh?

I think they all died.

That would have been a great guest.

I think

they all died.

So, how's your trip to America?

Buddy, buddy,

it was so good.

I fuck the hookers.

I'd go to the strip club.

I take that terrorist attack on the plane.

Yeah, they're all dead.

They're all mega dead.

Yeah.

well maybe in heaven i can record them maybe or maybe there's maybe they're in hell yeah

what is what where is it like in afghanistan well i stopped in doha on the way over

they're doing nothing yeah

the whole city's burned except for this one block except for here um adrian where should we go today oh every week on this podcast like guys we go to a different place in case you don't know so um It's just somewhere where the guest has been.

And you've been some places now.

I've been some places now.

Did you grow up

traveling?

No.

Not at all.

We went to Pennsylvania several times.

That's where we went.

That was the, I mean,

we went and watched my aunt basically die.

That was our vacation.

Really?

Yeah.

That's pretty nice, though.

We were like, well, at least we're not her.

Yeah, at least we're not her.

And then she

paid for us to one time go to Florida.

Because she was like, please don't come visit us.

In Pennsylvania.

Please don't come visit us in Pennsylvania.

The counter offer.

Go to a nicer place.

I'll pay for it.

You love the end game.

What happened?

We saw a guy.

It was game, I can't forget if it was game three that we lost or game four that we won, but we were all like, the series is over after both of them.

And we were leaving, and we saw a guy in a wheelchair, but like one of those all heads, you know, little like snubby arms.

Okay, so none of his body's working.

It was bigger than most of those little potato heads, but, you know, but but but like he'd be a giant among them, but

he'd be the ruler, he'd be the ruler.

He goes, I can't bitch slap you with two hands, he'd be able to, you know, they talk that way.

Maybe that's I think that's cancer.

No, that's,

but then, like, not Brad Williams, but that some of the Brad, some of Brad's family,

short, I know, some of them, like, I

talk so

I think that's if you're short and have cancer.

I don't think you don't know not this way, but it's like

the shouts are too high over here.

What is, I don't know what that is.

Little person.

That's not how that's on.

How do they talk?

I don't know.

I don't think they have that voice.

I think that's when you get cancer.

Oh, maybe.

I'm pretty sure that's cancer voice, not midget voice.

But we saw this guy and he was selling, he was selling like candy outside

on the way out.

Like, yeah, selling stuff.

And we're like,

we'll be back next year.

Like, things aren't that bad.

This guy, not only does he have a no-working body.

His arms are working, though.

How is he selling the stuff?

Like, probably.

How is this guy not getting robbed?

And then it's like Swedish.

Yeah, I get robbed.

It's the Bronx.

He's got 20 minutes to get out of there.

But it's not like he's like, well, he's born with birthday effects, so he uses his mind.

He designs new cars for Ford.

He goes,

no, he's selling gum outside Yankee Stadium.

Yeah.

And he's probably not selling it very long.

He's going to get robbed.

He's going to get robbed also.

Those people don't care about disabilities.

No, not in the Bronx.

Nobody cares about anything.

At best, he might get like a hey man, I'm really sorry, but I'm going to need that money.

Before I rob you?

Yeah, it's like here's an apology before I rob you.

I'm going through hard times, but I'm also going through hard times.

Yeah.

And the guy's like, fine.

Fine here.

And then he gives it to him and the guy's like, my friends are watching.

I do have to turn your wheelchair over.

I'm really sorry, but they're watching.

But I'm not going to take it, though.

I'm not going to take it.

I kind of hold you so you don't scrape yourself, but I'm going to have to knock you down.

That's tough, man.

To be like.

Am I recording the backup?

Paralyzed.

Oh, that would be tough.

I know you just shut something off.

Yeah, that's sad.

It's okay.

Oh, okay.

To be paralyzed and be selling that candy.

Yeah, at least paralyzed full.

Full.

Anyway, where are we going today?

Oh, so you didn't grow up.

So tell us first where we're going.

We don't even know.

Nah, you know what?

Hold it.

Now they'll know on the fucking preview.

All right, where do you want to go?

Portugal.

Nice!

First one in Portugal.

It's got to be close to Spain.

Yeah, it's right there.

Right there.

From there.

Yeah, it's right there.

Look at that.

It's you, bro.

It's me, bro.

You look like I just took my dick out.

And you're like, Ari, not in my taping.

That actually would have been fine if you did.

If I came up, like, just get the lights right.

I don't even think I would be shocked if you did do that.

I'd be like, yeah, I expect this.

Yeah, you'd be like, this guy.

Portugal, right there.

What a tiny little cute country.

Very cute.

It doesn't seem like it should be, to be honest.

I mean, it really just should be.

It should be Spain.

It should be all Spain.

Yeah, it should be part of Spain.

And if it's like a language thing,

well,

let me ask you a question.

Portuguese and Spanish.

I think it's two different languages.

But they also have Basque and they have something else in Spain, and they're always fighting for independence based on the language.

They didn't fight hard enough.

I mean, Spain could just take over Portugal, like Russia and Ukraine.

I'm surprised they have not.

It's great.

Do you think they're more civilized?

Spain?

Spaniard.

Does that sound racial?

That sounds like a...

So growing up,

I had neighbors who were from Spain, and me and my family had like a war with them because I went with this girl.

Did you come keys the door of their house?

No, we were all poor.

We were all living in apartments.

But we went to the store and I didn't have pockets.

I asked her to hold my $3.

Yeah.

So then I once couldn't get my three bucks back and she lied and said I didn't give her any money.

And that started a family war.

$3.

Yeah.

Like my dad.

I don't know if you gave it to her or not.

She's like, it's $3.

So my dad would see her dad looking.

We had alternate street parking, which is a nightmare.

And my dad would see her dad coming and he would just sit in his car for like an hour, not moving his car.

Just so that guy couldn't get it?

He would just keep circling.

I mean, like, this started a war.

He was like, I have to leave, but I'll wait till this guy is gone.

I I don't know.

I think he probably didn't leave.

I think he probably changed his plans to spite him.

I've done that before.

Spite runs deep in the Bronx.

Do you ever?

Yeah.

I've never not gotten out of a spot when someone's waiting, but I have like, you know, you get in there.

You're like, all right, let me set my map.

I got to put my stuff down.

And they're like waiting.

And you're like, yeah, yeah.

And then they honk.

You're like, yeah, yeah.

I'm not zooming out of here, though.

Right.

If you want this spot, you have to wait.

Plug my thing in.

But you want to be like, okay, hold on one sec.

But it's like, hey, man, it's going to be like three minutes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cool.

Because I'll be like, okay, sure, I'll wait.

But also, they're waiting and they're like, this guy leaving or just doing work.

Well, sometimes I'll be like, hey, are you getting out?

And if they say no, I'll just move on.

And if they're like, hey, it's going to be five minutes.

I'll be like, okay.

Now it's up to me.

Let me know.

Sure.

Yeah.

If I want to leave, I'll leave.

War.

Spaniard, though.

That sounds like a derogatory.

So, anyway, what we used to do to upset them is we'd call them Puerto Rican.

And

they hated it.

Pray on the racism.

Stop said, Stav said you do that here in Greece.

The ones that are from this island here, near Turkey.

Okay.

You call them Arab and they'll lose their minds.

Interesting.

Because they are a little bit.

And it tears them up.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, they did not like that.

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now let's get back to the episode when did you go to portugal 2022 2022 post-pandemic

i guess was it kind of the pandemic i mean i had to get in it but yeah i had to get a bunch of vaccines to go vaccinations oh yeah.

Um, so that seems like a fucking two decades ago, but it was right around.

So that was six weeks, too.

I went, I went to open for Louie, and that was a six-week tour.

Oh, yeah, you wouldn't call me.

You would say, like, hey, what do I have to call you for?

You're like, I got an offer to do a six-week tour with Louie, but it means I have to leave.

It was something so light where he's like, hey, so I couldn't do Sunday in Denver.

Should I turn down Louie for six weeks or should I just leave Sunday morning?

It wasn't quite that.

I think you had to miss a whole week, but I'm like, yeah,

I'm jealous.

Oh, yeah.

I felt in the Roman Louis.

Yeah,

yeah, but that's when we were supposed to go to Ukraine, but that was later in the tour.

We went to Portugal.

You would have been the first one on here talking about Ukraine.

Well, I'd probably be dead.

We were supposed to go to Ukraine the day it got bombed, Kiev.

We had, I think, 6 a.m.

flight, and then at 4 in the morning, they're like, your flight's been delayed till 3 o'clock.

I'm not figuring it out.

No, they had already gotten bombed.

So it was like, like, yeah, no one's going there.

Right.

Wow.

We almost went there, though.

I remember that week, we were like, I don't know.

It seems like it's fine.

Louis told a story on my rename storytelling show about it.

Were you there for that one?

I wasn't there for the storytelling show, but we were.

That's the trip, though.

Yeah, I just remember him talking about it.

And he goes, I want to go to Ukraine because, and then he's just like, because I don't, it's cool because I want to go.

I don't know.

It's cool.

It's cool to go to Ukraine.

And then all this stuff happened.

And he's just talking about how he's like, I got to pull out.

And the guy's like, I'll be ruined.

I put all my money into the show.

You gotta do it.

He goes, All right, all right, all right.

And then, but Lou is also making it seem like it's fine there.

And we were like, the guy was telling him, right.

And then, when we were like, hey, because then I started looking up, and like, there was uh, I guess, warnings from the United States, like, hey, if you go there, we're not coming to get you.

I was like, hey, I think this is bad.

And then,

like, we're not getting you.

When they're not coming to get, because they were like, we're not flying private in there.

Like, when you, when rich people can't be saved, that's not good.

Yeah.

You got to be 20.

And then when he was like, hey, we're not coming.

The guy was like, yeah, I'm getting out of here.

It's like, it's been tense.

The promoter.

Yeah.

Oh, he said when Louis said he had finally had to tell him.

Yeah.

Maybe I shouldn't tell this.

Maybe this is Louis' story, actually.

Whatever.

I'm going to err on the side of not telling someone else's story.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's more your story.

I did like what you were like when the reports are like, Louie's going to Ukraine.

And you go, no, we weren't.

I'm like, I'm going to go.

I'm on the tour.

We didn't go.

That was funny.

They're like, I can't believe you went to Kiev to do a comedy show.

I'm like, we're not there.

I'm on tour.

Yeah, we didn't go.

You're going off a website that never got changed because they're.

Yeah, they're so crazy.

Well, Google still shows it.

It's like, okay, we're there.

We're at the show right now.

Yeah.

And also, like, don't they want entertainment?

It's so funny when they're like, who's the players in this?

And like, all right, now I'll write the story based on that.

Because you know, if like, I don't know who, who's their darling.

Sarah Silverman went like, so beautiful.

She's uplifting people with her with her charitable voice.

legs, fucking perfect Jew hair.

So you went to Portugal on this trip?

Yes.

Were you excited about it?

What did you know about it going in?

Nothing.

Oh, I guess I did one time date a Portuguese guy.

Ooh.

And his name was like Manny Rodriguez or something.

I was like, you're also just Puerto Rican.

He also got mad.

I'm like, bro, your name is Manny Rodriguez.

You're not not Puerto Rican.

I'm not Puerto.

I'm from Puerto, like Puerto Rico.

So Portuguese people are very short, and I guess I didn't realize that until I got there.

Oh, to Manny's house?

No, Manny was also very short.

You got there and noticed that.

First of all, this is the kind.

I keep saying, first of all, this is the kind of observation I want from a place.

Everyone's very short.

It's short.

It's not going to be in Lonely Planet.

Everyone's very short.

Wow.

Tiny.

Everyone's very friendly.

And I don't know if it's because they're so tiny.

Is that hard going to a place that's friendly?

That's funny.

Coming from one of the least friendly places in the world?

No, it's crazy because you almost feel like they're tricking you and they're not.

They're just nice.

Also, everything is very cheap.

Anyone here that goes like, hi, you're like, scam, beat it.

You're like, nice try.

I just work.

Get away from me.

Other places are nice.

That's why it works.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah, everyone there is very nice.

And I think they also love tourism because they must make a lot of money off of it.

Yeah.

But everything's very cheap there.

It was like one of the cheapest places.

Really?

Romania was also pretty cheap, but not as nice.

We had the same promoter in Romania.

Well, you and Louis, not me and Louis.

Not me and you, Louis.

Yeah, but you there.

Yeah.

So where'd you go first?

I think we went to Lisbon.

How cheap is cheap?

What are we talking about?

I don't know.

Like, I feel like things were like $7.

Things.

Like a meal.

Like a meal.

Like a meal.

A meal is $7.

Okay, that's a decent range.

Like, everything was pretty cheap there.

Yeah.

I think we went to Lisbon.

I don't know if we went to Lisbon or Porto first, but they were both really nice.

What did you, what would you did you get out because louis like you know you don't really louis said you don't really get out of the hotel okay that's not even true i did all the stuff louis did almost none of the stuff i went i think we were in

lispon me and him walked all day yeah and we kept going to these different shops and he was like buying all this stuff and eating it and he got so sick and then that night for the show he was like i think i'm gonna ship my pants and like he did not but like he was like i almost shit my pants the whole show.

He was not having a good day.

But yeah, we

like there.

Louis eats, like, he's fat, but he's not, like, so fat.

He's not really fat.

He's just overweight.

I guess, but he goes through periods where he's like thinner, heavier.

But yeah, he'll just eat a bunch of stuff.

And then he's like, I don't know why I'm sick.

He's like a child.

He's like a chubby child.

Dude, we went to a DraftKings

booth.

at

Yankee Stadium two playoffs ago.

And

not a great one.

It wasn't like a giant like the Delta lounge.

You know, I don't know if you've ever been to any of those, but it was just like some burgers that come out.

And that's those slider things and hot dogs that come out and like ice cream and soda and stuff.

That's it.

And it was like raining.

We're like, let's go and see the lounge.

Did I tell you?

I don't know if I told you this, but he walks in and he sees that there's free hot dogs and hamburgers.

And then he like looks at it.

He turns to me and goes, hey, man, you're about to see me get really disgusting.

Yeah.

Just be prepared for it.

He was like, oh, I can't stop this.

Like, it's almost like a sexaholic seeing hookers.

I'm like, hey, I'm going to see you later.

We were in Australia and me, I was with Ronan, I think, or no, my girly.

And we ran into him because he was doing his own thing and he was eating ice cream and it was all over.

It was all over his arm on his shoes.

And you're like,

this guy is like one of the best comics ever.

That is like

it's just ice cream is everywhere.

I saw him at the cellar a long time ago.

2015 or something, and he was like talking.

And he's just like, it was like an out belly time, you know, know, so it was straight down, no tits, but then just out.

And he'd look down, he had crumbs on his belly, and he goes,

He goes, The fuck is wrong with me?

I just have food on my shirt, just crumbs.

When is that even from?

And then he went on with his bit.

It was like

Lucy K directed the Dark Queen, by the way.

Shot at the legendary comedy seller in New York, New York.

Okay, so that's so funny.

So, what did you like about it?

About Liz, Portugal?

Lisbon and Portugal?

Well, there are a lot of beaches.

It was kind of cold, so I didn't get to go to the beach, but everyone showed me pictures of the beach, and I was like, oh, it'd be so cool to go there.

But it was like March.

It was way too cold.

Yeah, I remember when you go and you're like, you'll get out of the cold of New York, but you won't really get into the warm.

I love castles, so Ferdinand's Palace is there.

You have pictures of this stuff when you're there?

Yes.

Really?

I have pictures of the castle.

Hold on.

How do we get to it?

How do you get to it?

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Oh, I'll do that.

Let's see.

Two, two, boom.

That's it?

That's it.

Look at that one.

Wait, go.

This is...

This is really.

There we go.

There we go.

Wow, that's cool.

Yeah, and you get to go in and see everything.

It's really cool.

Wow, that looks like

kind of like Disney-ish.

It's so colorful.

I could see that.

Yeah.

And it was cold.

It's like kind of, everyone's still wearing masks.

Do you have a picture of you in front of this stuff?

Probably somewhere.

Well, what is that?

What are these?

I don't know.

This This is a, I guess, their dinner table.

Oh, at the castle.

Inside, yeah.

Wow.

And everyone thinks, like, you know, you can't touch it.

I'm like, why?

I'm just touching everything.

I don't understand why can't you touch it?

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They're like, no, because it'll break down.

You're like, I'll never be back.

But it's not going to break down.

Also, if it's going to break down, don't you want it to break down?

You're going to be touched by fucking Chinese immigrants coming by and just popping slowly.

They got to make a rule for everybody.

They can't.

I know.

Socially, they can't get away with saying separate sign for Chinese and all else.

It's like, I just wanted to touch it like this.

You ever sometimes walk by a dog?

I try and pet it without the owner knowing.

Do you ever get yelled at for petting a dog or scolded?

I don't think so, but I would probably get into a fist fight.

I have like, you didn't ask.

I'm like, it's not up to you.

Why do I have to ask you if I can pet your dog?

And I was standing right here.

Don't take it out.

Don't touch my dog.

What?

Why is it as a strand?

I didn't feed it.

That's hilarious.

I'll ask if I can give it a treat.

But even that is like borderline.

You got to be like, hey, no treats because they're allergic to the fucking fun.

They're allergic to fun.

So you pet someone's dog and they yelled at you?

Yeah, a few times.

Once outside the portal.

Quite the same dog you pet?

Different ones.

Once at the light near here.

She's like, don't touch my baby.

I was like.

And then once I was, they were leaving the dog.

I was like, hey, buddy, she goes, don't pet my dog.

And it was one of these like fucking goth 24-year-olds trying to be difficult.

She's like,

cool, bro.

Some chick was so upset.

Like, I'm going to pet your dog.

It's not up to you.

It's not up to you.

It's up to the dog.

That's true.

They're like, he wants the strand.

Pretty presumptuous.

Is it pretty presumptuous to pet a pettable dog?

Ben, I'm sorry I didn't ask for consent here.

Ben, that's so cute.

One, have you ever gotten bit by a dog?

Yeah.

I got bit right in the face by a dog that I just thought was cute.

Is that why you're always frowning now?

No, this was not that long ago.

That was my child.

How did they bite you?

I don't know.

I was probably like,

it was probably a rescue dog and maybe it was beaten or something.

I don't know.

I just had my face too close to its face.

It was like a Rottweiler mix and it just bit me.

I had to get like a tetanus shot.

And then my friend was like, have you learned your lesson?

And then later that day I was holding more dogs.

Guess not.

Guess the answer is no, then.

No, I was like, I'm going to write up to more dogs.

I'm like, that one dog is not going to root it for me.

Tell me more about Portugal.

Where'd you stay?

Does he put you up in nice places or like La Quintas?

No, nice places.

Hold on, let me see.

I feel like I have more pictures.

Okay.

Do you have you in any of these?

I'd say.

Oh, wait.

Are you going to see all these ones?

No, we won't cut to it until it's like time to talk about it.

By the way, Adrian will be with me.

I should just do my inserts right now.

What are your dates?

You got Cleveland, right?

Cleveland, I'm doing all your dates with you.

I know, but what do you have?

Cleveland and what?

Oh, I don't know.

I'll go to Adrian.

No, no, no.

Either, I don't know.

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I think they're a schedule on that.

Why?

Because I think I'm going to go with you and then go later in the year.

I don't know.

Seems dumb.

Well, every time I'm going to go.

Seems like do your headline dates and then whatever.

But she'll be with me on a bunch of stuff.

I will tell you my dates.

You can look to see which ones she'll be there for.

My tickets are all available at arieshapir.com.

Guys, this is the insert.

There's no insert while she's looking up shit.

What do you mean?

I'm not supposed to be doing this?

No, you are, but

yeah, I said put it in a folder beforehand so this wouldn't be an issue.

Oh, sorry.

It's all right.

What's up?

A little retarded.

I don't really...

Oh, here's a picture of me in a mask.

I don't really have a lot of pictures.

Damn, that sucks.

That's way too close.

That's just you in a mask.

Oh, this was some.

This was, oh, this was the best wine I've ever had.

It was like $600.

We went to some fancy steakhouse.

Barcavelo.

It was the best one.

I hate red wine, and it was so good.

Did they have good wine?

Was it a wine country there?

That people like way into wine?

Portugal?

They have wine.

I would think so.

I don't know.

I just know we went to get steak in that.

Damn.

This was like a church.

Just a church.

Do you, when you're walking around the streets of like Portugal like this,

this is one of the

old town or is it like old and modern?

Like back and forth.

It's old and modern, but it's a lot of old stuff.

There was like a guy.

I don't think you see him there.

He's like playing some bagpipe type of thing.

Is that straight in the middle?

Yeah.

Can you expand?

What?

It looks like he's playing.

It almost looks like he's playing.

It looks like he's calling up the devil.

It looks like.

I remember thinking that was a bed.

I don't know why, but he was like playing that somehow.

He looks like that

lady of sexual abuse from fucking Virginia Tech who went to graduation with a mattress on her back.

I'm sure her parents were doing that.

I think he was doing something real annoying, too.

I don't remember.

That's not what we had in mind.

Yeah, but like, look how cool this building is.

He could go up those steps and then jump off and land on his back on that mattress.

He could try.

He could try.

But they have really pretty.

Look, this food.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's see this food.

What the fuck?

Is that just one egg?

It's like this.

This was, I think, their dessert.

An egg?

It was all weird stuff.

Wow.

What is this?

Of like a fine restaurant?

Yeah, and they just sent this over.

Yeah, it was like kind of like.

Foodie tourism is a nice kind of tourism.

Of like, let me go to this.

What is that?

Easy.

Flowers.

Stop shifting so much.

Sorry, flowers.

I don't know.

I don't remember.

This is like two years ago.

Wow.

God, you're bad at this.

Yeah, I'm terrible at this.

While you're doing it, don't just look at your phone.

Look what you're getting.

There.

All right.

Stop.

It's like flying wine.

Yeah, I'm not.

It's like trying to fix a rabbit ears.

Like, is that good?

Like, no.

Like, well, help me out.

Give me some instructions.

Then back.

And then, like.

You're right.

You're right.

I don't know what that is.

That's dessert, though.

Yeah.

It's like something crispy, I guess, and like some flowers.

Did you talk to any of the people there?

Yeah.

Most of the people spoke English.

That was the hotel.

That's your room?

That looks like the king's palace.

It is the king's palace.

Oh, my God.

That's Leah.

That's Leah, who also produced.

Yeah, she was also on the story.

That's the queen.

Yeah, God.

She's going to handle shit so well.

She's amazing.

I'll get flustered and she'll just start like, wow, that's your hotel?

I don't know.

This might have been the hotel, I guess.

I don't remember.

That looks like a tourist, like something you're supposed to go take pictures of.

Like the king used to live here.

Go back to the bed.

One more.

Okay.

Did you fuck on that?

Be honest.

Am I going to fuck?

What?

I'm not like you that you just bang anyone on the road.

That's disgusting to me.

You should see the chicks.

It's disgusting.

It's disgusting.

I had to fuck some pigs, bro.

Oh, man.

I can only imagine.

Do you ever get a guy show up and then not quite what he promised?

He's let it go or

shorter than he said.

Everyone is shorter than they say.

What do you do?

Go with him anyway?

I guess it depends.

Depends is the right answer, yeah.

Like, it depends how egregious the lie is.

What if he's wearing depends?

He goes, I know I said it was not incontinent, but I am incontinent.

I'd be like, well, I feel like this is probably a note.

Depends how egregious.

I mean, I've had.

Most guys show up two to three inches shorter.

That's not like, oh, well, this picture was taken a while ago.

No, you know, I mean, unless you should.

It's not going up and down like the Milky Way.

I remember one time, this is back when you used to meet people like in an AOL chat room.

I met this guy.

He told me he was missing a tooth.

He said, it's not a front tooth,

it was like this tooth right here, which is a front tooth.

That is a front tooth.

It's not a back tooth.

No.

And he also had connecti spit.

You know, when someone's talking and the spit connects on there, I mean, this is like 20 years, 25 years ago.

You still remember it.

I was still, it scarred me.

I hope he's dead.

He probably is.

I hope, yeah.

God takes care of.

I hope so.

But yeah, I was like, disgusting.

I can't.

I have a trouble.

I can't.

If a chick shows up and she's just, unless she's like a whale.

You'll still fuck someone even if they look a lot different.

It's, I'll feel bad.

Why?

You never feel bad.

You're such a dick.

Not in the moment, any person.

In the moment, and in person.

I remember doing a joke about like fat chicks once, and then I saw, it was a long, long time ago, and I saw some fat lady in the crowd.

And I was like, oh, I didn't even consider.

That there's.

That they'll be there and be hurt.

I wasn't trying to hurt anybody.

I was trying to make fun of people that aren't around me.

When I thought of the joke, it's like, me and my friends.

Were you just thinking that fat people shouldn't be out?

I mean, mean, I love that.

So I get back to that joke.

It was about how the legs moved around each other instead of fraight forward because they're so fat.

Oh my God.

You're talking about really fat.

Yeah.

And then it was a solid one.

And I was like, nah, this isn't working.

So,

but like, if it's, if it's that, I'm like, I mean, now you're obviously taking advantage.

You didn't just gain 20 pounds over the holidays.

No, that's.

But if it is where I'm like, I wouldn't have done this if this was you.

If they're at the door, I don't have it in me to tell them.

But like now you're meeting someone for the first time at your door.

Hotel room.

That's crazy.

I mean, that's a guy thing, I guess.

What are they going to do?

But this is like me against my will.

What do you mean?

No, I guess I'm just saying, like,

how are you meeting them?

Is it like a fan?

Yeah, it was online.

It was like that stuff.

Oh, okay.

Oh, yeah.

I'm not out at a bar.

Right.

And then you're just like, hey, we're in the same city.

Come over.

Yeah.

And it's like, now what I'm thinking of was a long time ago.

I forget which city it was.

Boston, D.C.

or Philadelphia.

But it was just like.

And then it was like a quick check check of your, like, I can't say you gained weight, you have to leave.

I can't, it's not in me.

So you just have

unrewarding sex.

Have you ever had sex with somebody that you thought was like gross, but it was good sex?

Oh, yeah.

No.

They bring it.

They bring it because they know.

They know.

They're not resting on their laurels.

Do you know who Johnny Menzel is?

I know the name.

Mr.

Football.

Played in.

I think Texas or somewhere.

Okay.

But, I mean, all-American in high school.

Just like all-American in football.

And he brought it.

He never practiced because he was like, I'm the king.

And they got to the NFL and it was like, nope.

The level just went up and he was out real quick because he didn't do the hard work.

Right.

Tom Brady gave up strawberries for 40 years, you know, to be the best.

So like these hot chicks, they don't have to work hard.

It's kind of like when you bang a guy with a big dick.

They just have this big dick and that's it.

Is big dick energy lazy?

I think big dick energy.

I don't think all guys with big dicks do that, but a lot of guys with big dicks just have a big dick, I think.

Right, right, right, right.

And then they're just like, that's what I'm presenting to you, and that's it.

I'm presenting as big dicked.

Yeah.

And then you're like, well, that's nice, but like, what else?

It's like, no, that's just it.

No, that's it.

Just big dick.

And you're like, well, I'd rather actually somebody with a smaller dick that like knows how to do other stuff besides just

hype you down.

that's essentially what they're doing you're just drilling away

what do you want do you want a guy you don't want that right that's high school shit no or you want that for a minute and then

no i mean like what a huge dick oh right i mean i mean it's just like it's like hey i i tap out pretty quick that's just like too much doesn't go that far it doesn't it's like when you're like parallel parking you hit somebody's car and you still try to move and you're like no there's a car

it's stopping they're off their wheels now Yeah, you got to stop.

Did you meet anybody out there?

Look how beautiful this place is.

Um, I mean, I didn't meet like guys to hook up with.

No, no, and people in the streets.

Yeah, sure.

I went to get my nails done.

We walked around.

I spent a lot of time with Leah doing stuff.

Did you go to a nightclub there or somewhere else?

Or is that like no?

I think we went to a nightclub in

Hungary or something.

No,

Brussels.

Brussels.

No.

What's.

Come on.

Antwerp.

I think we went to a place in Antwerp.

Really?

Yeah, we got drunk.

We were in like some club.

It was like just techno.

Yeah.

That sounds like Easton Europe.

Yeah.

Antwerp.

Oh, really?

I think it was Antwerp.

Antwerp.

And some guys were like putting...

I remember some guys were putting cans of beer on a thing, and I just knocked it over and then got so mad.

What do you mean, cans of beer?

Like, you know, when you, like, you take, like, empty cans and you're trying to, like, almost Jenga it?

Oh, yeah.

And I just knocked them all over and they were just, like, so shocked that I would do that.

What did you do?

You just went up there?

Oh, I bet.

It was a real Ari moment.

Oh, what a great.

They were not thrilled.

They were, like, shocked.

Would you do it lightly, too?

I mean, like.

Because it's not violent, but it's so disheartening.

They're so upset.

Just no.

You do that at poker sometimes.

Somebody's like, just beat you out of a hand with a bad beat, and they're stacking, talking shit, and they stack all their stuff.

You're just going to go,

yeah, like you still get it all, but clean it up now.

That'll start a fight.

I bet.

They couldn't fight you, though.

I don't know.

Can you hit women in Eastern Europe?

Oh, Eastern Europe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's actually,

I wouldn't say required, but what's the opposite of frowned upon?

Looked highly happy?

Well, no, but like, there's a frown upon.

It's

preferred.

I don't know.

They did not hit me.

Do you have any money from Portugal left?

No.

Okay.

I'm going to put it on the wall.

So, so,

did you meet anybody here in Portugal?

I mean, you met a lot of people there, but it's not like people you have.

Have you ever went to the laundromat?

We went to a laundromat.

So we're on the road for six weeks.

We're going to a lot of laundromats.

And in the laundromat.

Laundromat?

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, what is it?

Laundromat?

Yeah.

I say laundromat.

Whatever.

The place you do laundry.

Free country.

Nobody there really speaks English.

They're not cultured.

At the laundromat.

Yeah.

And And like English here at the laundromat.

Right.

And but at least I speak a little Spanglish.

Mm-hmm.

But yeah, the laundromat here, no one speaks English.

I have to go in there with my phone.

It's it's just like, what are we doing?

What are we doing?

What are we doing?

Nobody knows any language here.

How'd you get your stuff done?

I like these little tasks you got to do when you're in places.

You got to keep asking people until you get somebody that can help you.

Everything is also in another language, too.

So you're just, you're waiting for your laundry.

Everyone's in there.

It's all just poor people in the laundromat too.

Is there like a good group of people at the laundromat?

I don't know.

I think me and Leah.

Who does it?

Who does it?

I think me and Leah went to take out someone's laundry.

We've got into a fight.

Well, because you're just waiting there, so people will leave, you know, and there's like three laundry, like three washers and dryers.

I remember us getting into a fight, but they didn't speak English, so we didn't even know what they said.

I kind of prefer it like that when you don't know what someone's saying to you in another language and it's bad.

It's like I'd rather not even know what you're calling me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Whatever it is.

It's not going to be great.

So whatever you said.

What'd you say?

What kind of fights you get in?

We weren't supposed to say, I guess we didn't realize somebody else was there and we wanted to take their laundry out to put hours in.

And they're sitting right there and they're like, what the fuck, man?

Maybe.

I don't know.

Blaine Capach had a joke a long time ago.

Who?

Blaine Capach.

I don't even know who that is.

I think he's friends with Louis, actually, but he's a writer,

alt-comic back then.

That's just just the ones he performed and I don't know what he's like, uh, genre-wise, but I think it was him.

And he goes, when someone takes your

clothes out of the washer or dryer and puts it on the counter, that's the gentlest form of

that's a funny joke.

It's a funny joke.

It's very funny.

It really is like a violation.

It is a violation.

But also, you get it.

Yeah.

Where you're like, I needed to get my own stuff in there.

You're like, oh, who touched it?

But sometimes you just have to because people leave their stuff in there for days.

So one time in the laundry math that I go to now, I dropped off my stuff and I went to pick it up and I was missing like my blanket.

I was missing bras.

So I go back there.

No one speaks English.

And I'm like, hey, I'm going to open all these bags up.

Yeah.

I was like, can you open the bag just so I could see through the plastic bag of my stuffs in there?

And they're like, no.

So I'm like, okay, well, I'm going to open every bag up.

And they're like, we're going to call the cops.

I was like, call the cops.

I'm a white lady.

I love the cops.

I open every bag up.

I don't find my stuff in there.

And then, as I'm walking out, they left my stuff in one of the dryers.

And you saw it?

Yeah.

And I got my bras and I got my bad, my comforter.

But I opened every bag up.

I folded it the wrong way.

Just despite them?

No, I didn't know how to.

I can never fold it as nice as they do.

Yeah.

And they were not thrilled.

Also, the cops never came.

I was there an hour.

Um.

You were there for an hour?

Where was this?

Here?

This was in the Bronx.

God, it fucking sucks.

This life.

And then I still continue to drop my stuff off there.

You do?

I do.

It's worth the risk of not having to, like, it's worth losing something to not have to do your own laundry.

Yeah.

The problem is, it's like.

It does suck here, but like, you know, pretty quick, like, hey, there's no better alternative.

So you're doing it.

It's brutal.

Um,

did you?

Sorry, I need to clear this up.

Um, tell me more about it.

Like, what'd you do there?

I went to get our nails done in Portugal, where Porto.

Is there a difference in Porto and Lisbon?

Did you notice?

They're two different cities.

I mean, I don't know.

It's the same people.

No.

Romantic town?

Not really.

Their subway system

was beautiful.

Yeah.

I know I have pictures somewhere, but like

it was just gorgeous.

My god, are you gonna have all this in there?

Oh, and then they have this kind of music

called Fado.

This girl's voice is like amazing.

It's called FA Dio.

I'm just gonna say Ron Fado.

Yeah.

But it's a type of singing that they do when you go out.

Like the food.

Wait, that's just like at a restaurant?

You go out to see this type of music.

Their food in portugal i thought was gross let me hear it

it's great yeah i really like that

yeah it's great

And so that's just out?

The food, what?

What did you say?

This was in a restaurant, but we went for the singing.

Oh, I did.

The music, I thought the food was kind of like gross unless you go to like a really nice place.

Interesting.

I'm sure, like, like street food, like the stuff you would eat, like their version of pizza or salad, or like, or like tender greens, whatever it's called.

Tender green?

Okay, like, this was okay.

This was the view from one of the hotels.

This is a different hotel.

Ew, it's garbage.

It's like nice in the back, but garbage.

This is their, but this is their

subway.

Wow.

Wow.

Look at those murals.

Look at everyone with their mask on.

What a time.

Yeah.

It was so nice.

God, it feels like everyone's a spy.

Look at that murals.

That's such good.

There's something about like train stations, America, too, where you're like, they really go all out.

America's train station.

Maybe it's Grand Central here.

And it's like, this is gorgeous, the ornateness of it.

You know, that room in Grand Central where you can whisper and you hear somebody across the room you know that one

i never take the train

right

but it doesn't look nice like this

the middle of grand central does does it it's gorgeous it's gorgeous maybe i'll have someone drive me there

i'll have someone drive me let me out and then i'll go back one time if we're in between spots we'll go over there it looks nice like this yeah bro hold on i forget where i was i think maybe we're in london so i had like this 50 pound bag of luggage with me and they didn't have the elevator or escalator, wasn't working there.

And you had to go down like three really big staircases, and everyone's carrying the luggage.

I go, clear the road.

I just threw my luggage all the way down.

Everyone was like, what are you doing?

I was like, well, I didn't have to carry it down.

That's crazy.

But I was like, everyone, move.

Because it went.

I mean, this doesn't look like

that's not that nice.

It looks like trash.

The ceiling, though.

That's not.

That That doesn't look like what I would.

Yeah, that really doesn't even look close to what I would say.

I mean, the station in Paris is amazing, too.

Mm-hmm.

How about Penn Station?

That's a nice one, right?

Is it?

I have no idea.

I assume it's also garbage.

It might be garbage.

It might be just everything.

Penn Station.

Everything in New York is disgusting.

Or is that Union Station?

I don't know.

This, look.

That's nice.

I guess that's nice.

Yeah.

I mean, it's nice.

But not as nice as the one in Portugal.

No, the one in Portugal, they had like those stained glass.

Like,

it was so pretty.

They built it for horse carriages, and then they added trains.

I don't know.

It's still really nice.

Not like this.

This looks gross.

What kind of food was there?

I don't know.

I don't remember it being good.

I mean, we went to that really good steakhouse.

That was good, but like...

Pastel donata.

Oh, did you have those?

I don't even know what that is.

Pastel dinatas.

These things?

I don't think so.

I've heard of those for sure.

I feel like we had salads and stuff, but it it was ordinary.

I didn't think it was great.

Yeah.

You were on a weird trip, too, because you're really not there for that.

You have to be somewhere at night.

Were the shows okay?

The shows were great.

The shows were actually amazing.

Yeah.

In Portugal, yeah.

They definitely got like the language.

Like a lot of them speak English.

The shows were amazing.

But yeah, I don't know.

I don't remember the food being like particularly good.

Would you go back?

For sure.

But I would want to go to the beaches.

What are they like?

I think there's like Al Garve or something.

That's supposed to be one of the A-L-G-A-R-V-E.

Like, everyone says the beaches there are beautiful.

It was just too cold to go.

Oh, at the southern tip.

Wow.

Look at that.

Like, that's beautiful.

It was just too cold.

Yeah.

And it's very cheap.

It's very what?

It's very cheap.

Like, Jews?

No, like, the prices are very cheap.

God, look.

I love a cliff.

Look at all these people

having a blast.

Yeah.

Look at this, too.

It's like built right into the fucking thing.

I would definitely go back there.

Yeah.

But I'd go when it was warmer.

When you're what?

When it's warmer, so you could go to the beach.

Yeah.

Wait, let me do my tour dates real quick.

So let me do yours again, too.

Tampa, probably.

All tickets are at adrianapalucci.com.

I-A-P-A-L-U-C-C-I

dot com slash tour.

Hilarity is in January.

Probably Tampa.

Wait, in December, I'm going to go to LA.

I'm doing a couple of shows.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Irvine Improv, December 12th.

Nice.

And then I'm doing the belly room, too.

I don't remember.

How many works?

November.

This is next week.

How many works, Saratoga Springs?

November 22nd, 23rd.

That'll be after the special.

Right after the special.

That'll be See Crusades.

That little area is trash people and they're great.

You're going to add stuff before.

No, I agree.

I got to leave.

I'm going to Cuba.

I'll be right back from Cuba when this comes out.

Wait, I got my dates real quick.

Austin, Tahoe,

December and December.

December and December.

Austin's already sold out.

Then January, I got Pittsburgh.

You'll do that with me.

Pittsburgh.

I'll do, let's see, Pittsburgh, Providence.

Not Salt Lake City.

I'll bring a skier there.

Right.

Ray, I'll bring somebody from L.A.

Nashville, San Antonio.

San Antonio.

I might be going back and forth to Austin there, but

Tampa, we'll see.

Either I'm a week before you or that week.

Denver's a skier.

Schaumburg?

Yeah.

Okay.

Atlanta.

Atlanta.

Portland.

That's a flight.

You get a flight day of show.

March.

San Jose.

I'll do those dates with you.

Orlando, Florida.

Okay, well, anyway, get tickets at riskfira.com.

Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, and wrapping up at Anchorage in June.

You will not be there for Anchorage for sure.

Wow.

Wow.

And then that's it.

The farewell tour on sale now, rhythm.com.

Okay.

Wait, what would you do?

So you go to the beaches?

I would go to the beaches.

Yeah.

And I would just hang out.

Hang.

What does that mean?

Hanging out in Portugal?

I guess like sightseeing, going to see stuff.

I feel like there's not much of a nightlife there because even when we went out at night, it seems like everything closes pretty early.

It seemed pretty safe, too.

I mean, listen, I might have.

It might have just been there because it was 2022.

Yeah, it might have not been in the party area.

There's that too.

I fucking hate this kid upstairs.

That old guy was so quiet.

And then he died.

The landlord hated him.

What?

And then he died.

I don't know.

They had a fight for 30 years.

Where they can't bury the hatchet.

They can't bury the hatchet.

But then he died, and she was just like.

And now she got this annoying kid upstairs.

He had an occasional cough.

That's all he ever did.

Or what were you talking about in Portugal?

Were you still saying something about it?

No.

If I'd go back, I'd go to the water.

The beaches, yeah.

The beaches.

That does seem like the way to go.

It's kind of just what I want to do.

I want to retire.

Seems like a retirement place.

Like, buy a place in Portugal.

That seems like a stereotype, right?

Maybe, but I'm for it.

How about the bathrooms?

All normal, like the First World.

Yeah,

I don't remember them being weird.

Okay.

I think they were normal.

Yeah.

This is two years ago, but I remember them being normal.

That's not that long ago.

What, um, where else do you want to go?

What, like, give me another spot.

Like, what's on your radar now?

Not necessarily do comedy, but let's see.

You have to.

Just somewhere to go visit.

Met a man, which you don't.

Single.

That's right.

I am single.

Come at her.

Her Instagram is

Adrian Apaluccia.

Don't

A-D-R-I-E-N-N-E-I-A.

But like you are L-U-C-C-I.

But

you have 32,000 followers?

That's got to go up to like 100.

We'll see.

After the Netflix thing.

Guys, everybody go follow her.

Harry posted some of those.

She mostly just posts, she posts an occasional picture of her dates, which is only five of them ever.

Five.

And then videos.

Just videos, just stand-up clips from before.

No, this is some new ones that people are upset about.

I gotta be logged in.

Don't log in.

Yeah, these are all fucking good bits.

That's you with

Bridget.

Bridget Everett.

Yeah.

Not Bridget Everett.

Bridget Fettesy.

Fetisy.

Palestine, Freedom of Speech, Protesting.

Trump.

Kamala.

These are divisive topics.

Sure.

You're not wrong.

Look at Trump.

He's so small.

They're all so funny.

They're all so funny.

Both of them are so funny.

They're just so petty, and they're running for class president.

It's just like...

That's what they're running for.

Shut up, you dorks.

But that's the thing.

Even when you were a class president, you said a bunch of stuff you never did.

No one ever got a new vending machine.

I'm going to put vending machines.

There was never any new vending machines.

Nobody ever got like

casual Wednesday or whatever.

Nobody did any of that stuff.

You just lied.

And we all know that.

I mean, after Biden was like, I'll never sell.

arms to the Saudis and within like three months he told them like more arms than everything.

He's like, well, how else am I going to make money?

And then it's like, well, they all lie.

And they're all like, well, their side lies worse than mine.

I'm like, guys, You're all lying.

You're just like, my husband only beats me on Thursdays.

Yours beats you on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Right.

It's like, I'm only getting beat once a week and you're getting beat twice a week.

What's interesting that

what Marlene was talking about, my manager, she was saying that like

Obama, when he was in, he could have codified abortion where they couldn't have taken it away.

So like it's, so like,

knocking chicks up, so he was like, can't do that.

But I'm saying like he could have done it so that they couldn't have taken it, so Trump couldn't have taken it away or whatever they did.

So it's like, all of them are full of crap.

They're all full of crap.

They're all full of crap.

Somebody just show me, oh, we're not getting political on this.

Yeah, I don't.

I don't even know enough about it.

That's the thing, too.

Like when people want

to go, that doesn't seem right.

I'm like, yeah.

And then you like say something you've heard and they go, where did you hear that?

I'm like, oh, it's just, I heard it.

I have no idea.

I read it on the internet.

Yeah.

I need you to disprove me.

I need you to show me facts.

Yeah.

I'm not providing any facts.

Yeah.

Most of the things I'm saying are a lie.

I heard Joe Rogan, you know, like, hates black people.

And you're like, what?

Where'd you hear that?

And you look it up.

You're like, no, that's Hulk Hogan.

He just likes being called the N-word while he's fucking.

That's a different thing.

Wait, where else do you want to go in life?

What's calling you?

The Dark Queen is available on Netflix right now.

I produced it.

Louis C.J.

directed it.

I mean, I would like...

to go to Ukraine one day.

Yeah.

Like if it ever.

Kiev, right?

Kiev is, yeah, that's

the city.

I mean, look at this, right on this nice, beautiful river.

I mean, it makes sense why they want it, but it's also like Russia, you have all of this.

There's so much, but everything up there, look at that.

There's nothing.

Same as this part of China.

There's no, there's not even, is like anyone there?

Probably not.

But yeah, Ukraine would be cool.

That's interesting.

You want to go?

I would like to go to Ukraine.

I don't know if we'll ever be able to go.

What's interesting is...

I think we will.

We went to Israel and everyone was like, ooh, I don't know if you should go to Israel.

That wasn't the issue.

It wasn't, but it was not that, what was it, two years later?

Not even a year and a half later.

It wasn't full war, but standard normal war.

Right.

Yeah.

But that was nice.

We stayed at a hotel that was across the street from the water.

Remember, I called you.

I FaceTime you in the morning on the beach.

In Tel Aviv?

Yes.

Wow.

Tel Aviv was nice.

I did like it.

Tel Aviv.

And I love Mediterranean food.

It really brings together the Arabs and the Jews, too, because Yafo and Tel Aviv, like their parts are kind of right next to each other.

So all this

get past this one little thing, like they, yeah, it would be so great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Whose God is right about how many women we should own?

It's like, just own as many as you can.

Just accrue.

Damn it.

That went out too.

So all your things going out?

Yeah.

Put this one back in.

What is going on?

I just wonder.

You're so successful, and I just wonder how you do all this stuff.

I don't even know what half this crap is.

This is a camera.

I know that's a camera, but like one thing is empty, then another thing's full.

What is that you have on there?

What do you mean?

It looks like something you would wear like if you're a Sherpa.

Oh, this?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's um.

I would like to go back to Switzerland.

Okay.

Because we didn't get, we didn't stay there very long, but everything there is very expensive.

Guys, I don't fucking know.

It's not working, so forget the two-shot.

We're going singles.

We're going singles.

We're going singles.

Which is the camera that we're going to go.

We're going singles.

You got that one.

I got that one.

Wait, I got this one.

You got that one.

What?

I think I got this one.

Yeah, you got that one.

I'll get that one.

What is this for?

That's just a fucking prop now.

It's just holding up that Sherpa thing.

I like it.

My landlord, my super got it for me from Ecuador.

Oh, nice.

Brought it back.

And you were with him on it?

Because I was like, right when I got here, we got our place.

And it was like

he was like talking.

I was like, yeah, I did the Ares.

And he was like, Ecuador.

I'm like, oh.

Is he from Ecuador?

Yeah, I used to live there.

I'm like, what's what city?

He goes, it's a small city.

You wouldn't know it, but in Spanish.

And I'm like, no, I mean,

I've like stayed there for like a long time, half a year.

And he was like, I think El Trancal.

And I was like, oh, yeah, I said that one night.

And he goes, what?

And I described it.

I mean, it was just there.

So I described like the side street and the main area.

I goes, what?

Well, because there's no way that he thinks this Jew is in Ecuador.

And knows it enough.

And knows it enough to explain.

He's like, I'm sorry, Wyatt.

I'm like, Wyatt Kill sucks.

What else?

And he's like, El Trancal.

I'm like, oh, El Trancal is beautiful.

And he goes, oh.

And so now it's like when he goes.

When you were there, didn't you say that like you couldn't, everyone needed to.

What was the rule there

about the toilet paper?

Oh, yeah, you got to throw it in the trash can.

Right, because it'll back up.

Yeah.

Toilets can't handle it.

So you didn't have that problem in Portugal.

No.

That was not.

That's like a third world country thing, I think.

I did have a boyfriend when I was younger who would wipe his butt and then put it in the trash can, like not in the toilet.

Where is he from?

I don't know, New York.

He's born here.

But I guess his grandmother was Greek.

My abuelita.

I think that's Spanish.

Did you see

some of these actresses and actors shitting on Tony Inchcliffe?

No.

And they're all now invoking their slight Puerto Rican heritage.

Some of it was funny because they were talking about how J-Lo came out against him.

It was like, don't vote for him.

And then everyone was like, your whole tour got canceled.

Everyone hates you.

Like, what do you think?

You have nothing.

And like, JLo's against it, right?

It was like, well, you're taking that out of context.

She's a nobody.

But also, like, and I guess.

You sold 300 tickets at Madison Square Garden.

They're not swaying a boat.

Bad Bunny also came out against it.

Let me tell you something.

Bad Bunny wears a dress on stage.

Do you think he was voting for Trump?

No.

No, probably not.

Yeah, he was already on the side.

All of the Hispanics.

I feel like the Hispanics I know are still voting for Trump.

I love how they make it seem like, look what they did.

And then they're going to be like, I can't explain how it was.

Although,

guess who won?

Kanye West.

I still wonder who's going to win.

Who thinks he's going to win?

But I just love them all invoking their, I think, I really don't know.

They say it's seven states.

I'll tell you what I'm rooting for, to be honest.

Ian Laura broke it down for me.

Because all the things like, hey, it's Nazis uprising or like, open borders, we're all doomed.

And I'm like, you guys are all fucking lunatics.

We just did four years of the one regime after four years of the other.

Neither one was the end of the world.

Everyone's still here.

Unfortunately.

Unfortunately.

It's like everyone is still here.

Some of them should be gone.

They're not.

So all this bitching about end of everything is like ridiculous.

It's like it's not the end of anything.

So

it's just like you guys are just acting.

Nazis and fascism.

cucks or everybody's gonna get their dicks chopped off.

Whatever.

Everybody's getting their dicks chopped off?

In prison

if you're a refugee.

You get your dicks chopped off for free on your dime.

It comes out of your salary.

Wow.

Actually, I support that.

Yeah, I just like, but what Ian said was like, during Trump, it was hard on comedians.

Not because of Trump, but in response to Trump.

They took it all out on us.

All the alt comics, who are the best writers, completely stopped writing.

They just made statements.

The problem with Trump for me is that...

He's saying a lot of dumb stuff and then all you hear is those sound bites on everything.

So that is like if he's boring.

If he could be in office and just be chill,

I wouldn't care.

But like,

it's everything the left needs him.

So they'll keep showing his stuff.

So that's the real problem.

Yeah, so Ian was like,

the society is madder at comedy.

When they go to you and they go, I can't tell which side you're on, you know, or these jokes like, I don't know.

It's because, not Trump, but because the left is so outraged by him that they're like, it's like a day after a school shooting, Joe.

Right.

And it's a day after, people are like, hey, I can't hear this right now.

Give me a day because I'm so worked up.

Give me two days so I don't care about those kids anymore.

Yeah.

And they care so much about this that when you make a, I don't know, a trans joke or any race joke or anything really, even money joke, like, what's that supposed to mean?

They're so worked up over him that society keeps coming after us.

And so in that sense, I'd rather we go the other way where they just censor us publicly online and say you can't say

or I but I just don't want to hear talking about him.

Like, that's the worst part for me.

Yeah.

Bleep both those words out because if Kamala won, that'll definitely get taken down.

For sure.

Yeah.

What other words won't they be able to use?

Let's just say them right now.

Is taken out.

Is gone.

I'm not even going to say the end word because I don't really want to.

I'm in private, you know.

You can't say anything.

Yeah.

I mean, it's different if some, if like one of them drops the ball on fourth and two, you know, then you can say it.

Maybe.

Maybe you can.

I don't know.

Everything is so crazy right now.

Any travel tips?

My mom always tells me whenever I'm traveling.

So she gave me, I mean, I don't really do it, but she's like, keep your money in different places in case you get robbed.

She's like, so like have, you know, a fanny bag like underneath and then maybe put money in a bag.

So she's like, in case you get robbed, don't let all your money be in one place.

That's not bad.

Which is not a bad idea.

It's like if you have $150 in your, in your wallet, don't put all your 50 in your sock.

Put 50 in your sock or have like a fanny pack under your shirt.

My mom makes me so paranoid, though, because she's worried about me getting robbed and everywhere.

Like, I mean, it's so crazy, this woman.

She also thinks she's going to get everywhere.

But, like, that's how she is.

So that's one thing.

If you have money here, like, put it in a pocket.

Yeah, like, spread it around.

Yeah.

I always have like hand napkins.

Everything's disgusting.

Everything's disgusting.

The toilet's gross.

everything's gross

have a full phone too like a full battery

like i've done it before where i was i rented a car in austin and

the car that i had it didn't have the char it the charger didn't work the outlet so then i had to like go to a starbucks for an hour to charge my phone so it's like if my phone was just charged i would have been fine So it's like, just always have a charger.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's it.

Because once you're gone, you're like fine, especially with different.

They don't use the same plugs, right?

In Portugal?

No, you have to bring plugs with you, too.

And then some of the plugs change, but doesn't change quite right.

Like, I use a shaver in somewhere, and it goes,

and then it dies.

It's smoking.

And then it dies.

Yeah, I'm like, what?

Okay, so I use the concern.

I know I had a hair dryer.

I did the same thing.

It does that.

And then it's dead.

And then it's dead.

It's just smoking.

It's gone.

It's dead.

Yeah.

You almost would have to buy a razor there.

It's cheaper.

Yeah.

Throwing away my razor that I brought.

No.

Because I used like half half my beard.

No, you can't do it.

I gotta trim this now that the Yankees lost.

It was a fucking Yankees beard.

Well, they lost.

Well, I'm going to Cuba.

I'll be back now when this is out, but I won't be back if they're.

But this episode will go up.

I've recorded my intros and outros beforehand.

Okay.

There's just no Wi-Fi on there.

I usually do them on Wednesdays before, Wednesdays or Thursdays.

There's no Wi-Fi in Cuba?

No Wi-Fi, no signal.

What are you going to do?

Just read.

Me and Bobby.

Smoke cigars.

Look around.

Maybe go on a hike.

Beach.

More cigars.

rum.

What are you going to do before you go to sleep, though?

I mean, that's what I do.

I'm on my phone for an hour before I go to sleep, and that's why I can't go to sleep.

I'll probably just sleep better.

Yeah.

You ever decide, like, I'm not going to do this today, and you feel it calling you?

Like, ah, let me just do that.

Like, no, no, you know, you know, you'll have trouble sleeping.

Yep.

And you're already out and doing whatever.

I'm still doing it.

And then you convince yourself, like, I do have to send that one email.

And as long as I'm there, I'll check, I'll check.

I'll check Instagram and I'll see everyone that hates me and then everyone that commented, I hate you, and I hope you die.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just like there's a routine thing, email, Instagram, whatever it is.

God, it sucks.

That's one thing I would advise.

Get off my phone.

When you're traveling.

Remember when you only had a flip phone?

And you were going to just have a flip phone?

And then you ended up getting a regular phone.

Shortly after that, I got in trouble for tweeting a joke about a beloved celebrity.

And if you didn't, if you just had that flip phone, you would have been fine.

Would not have even heard about it.

Wouldn't have been as connected.

I would have been able to find where the stadium was and the soul food place I went to later.

By the way, I was sitting at a soul food place as I was getting threats and doxing from the black community.

I was at a soul food place.

And none of them knew you.

So I was like, oh, yeah.

I think that's the same thing with Tony Inchcliffe.

These people are like, I fucking hate him.

And if he was there in the subway holding those, I was like, thank you, sir.

You're a nice young man.

Yeah, they wouldn't.

They wouldn't even recognize it.

What I was going to say is all these actors and actresses who were never Puerto Rican before, but can now be, they all want to make it about themselves.

Sure.

They can be like, well, my grandfather's father was from Puerto Rico so I can be like thank god my Abuelita is no longer here today to be so offended by this somebody wrong said how do you feel about this as a comic and a Puerto Rican

yeah you're like well you're trash

but you must be trash transcends oh my god and it's just so funny that I see everybody yelling about it because it's like half of it too is like this is long over now that it'll be like the election's over.

They're just using it as a pawn, but it's like a bunch of Puerto Ricans, like, I'm not offended by that.

Also, people are like, he's making fun of the land, not the people.

You guys are making it by the people.

Yeah, and also, they're like, I'm still voting for him.

I don't actually care.

Like, oh, you think a comedian's joke was going to get me to go, you know what?

No.

This guy is bad.

I love, too, that everyone's like, he bombed, but he's racist and this crowd's racist.

I'm like, well, wouldn't the crowd not be racist if he bombed?

Right, right.

They're not right.

Or he did well and they're racist or he bombed.

That means they're cool people.

And I think also I listened to it.

Didn't bomb.

He didn't bomb but i think bad audience audio

and also

you're putting a comic up first it's like crazy it's dumb yeah it's dumb but but he did well yeah

once you realize how far away the mics are from the audience you're like also i'm sure the audience isn't mic'd they're not mic'd right it's not like a comedy this is what every set you put up up from the stand for the they i heard they got a better system now people are like oh man this crowd sucks and it's like no it's just not mic'd right so i wouldn't put it up if it was if the crowd it's like do you think i would put it up if i'm bombing i could be killing and everyone is still saying I'm bombing.

I'm only putting it up because it was a killer set.

And then you get there.

You're like, damn, it sounds bad.

So that's what they're judging him off.

Like, this doesn't sound right.

Like, oh, you're used to a special.

It's not a special.

It's not a special.

He's doing well.

Those jokes are funny.

The rock, paper, scissors joke.

Great.

It's a great joke.

The O.J.

Simpson joke is great.

O.J.

Simpson joke was great.

The investment, Nancy Pelosi joke was really good.

People just don't like it.

People just want to argue.

They want to be.

And they're just like, well, I didn't like the one joke.

So I'm like, you take a 12-minute set.

And you don't like one joke and now the whole set of people.

And that's the only thing you can think about.

But that's how how people are

amazing nachos, but like a little too much sour cream.

You're like, well, just move them off to the side.

Like, I reposted that thing you posted, and people were like, some people were like clapping, and then other people were like, gross.

Unfollow.

Unfollow.

Fuck you.

I liked what I said, but no one seemed to get it.

I was like, you only found out about this.

From a social media post telling you

here's something to be mad about.

Yes.

And that is not the proper introduction for stand-up.

It's not.

You're like, oh, this will be shitty.

Watch this.

And you're like, oh.

You're right.

Yeah.

You're right.

I am mad.

I'd love to see someone who just happened to.

Who's watching a Trump rally, a political rally of any kind?

I've never watched any of the rallies.

I also love people going, like, you shouldn't have comedy at a rally.

And they go,

there's two other rallies that have had comedians on the other side.

They go, fuck.

Well, that's different.

They weren't doing racial jokes.

Like, this guy was.

Like, fuck.

Well, that's different.

It's like, actually, I believe and I know what I'm saying.

You could just change it at any moment.

If it was me, I I would just pull my dick out.

Yeah.

I mean, that's probably why you don't get asked.

That's what, that's, honestly, that's my biggest problem with Tony Hinchcliffe.

Trump would have got it okayed.

To take your dick out?

Yeah.

Tony had to pay a fucking $100,000 fine.

You guys are all mad at him.

I cost him $100,000.

Yeah, $100,000.

For what?

I guess my ball came out the side of my fake pussy at MSG.

They have starter pussies for wannabe transes.

Okay.

And so there's a little cup holder like here and a pussy in the front.

So you put your dick in here and that holds it up.

It's got little like tendrils to like keep it.

It doesn't quite because it's still gravity's working pretty hard.

Sure.

But you got what looks like a pussy.

When Harlem Williams went like this and he tried to like finger it, what he doesn't know is that hole that was in the fake pussy goes right to my dick.

He was just

rubbing my dick.

I never told him that.

So wait, he had to be $100,000 for that?

Because the side of my ball came out and they had to blur it afterwards.

I was like, oh, I thought I had a good guy.

He's like, it's not your fault, but you did cost me $100,000.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

So the next one, I was fucking around at the venue at Skangfest, and he was like, if this is fine, you're paying this.

And I'm like, fine.

But that venue was like, we don't care.

We don't care.

Yeah.

Like, we'll send it to you.

That is hilarious.

He had to pay $100,000.

And then Harlan Williams was fingering your dick.

Did you get hard from it?

I got aroused.

And it's not because it's him, it's just because someone's touching it.

Anyone.

Oh, you think because he's one of the best riff comics of all time, I would get harder?

It's only him or TJ could get me hard.

No, because someone's touching it.

Did another camera go out?

No.

What are we doing?

What is that?

Your Yankees hat?

For the Yankee losers?

Oh, Kaltoni.

Hilarious.

It's just so funny seeing the reaction.

It's so funny.

$100,000 is crazy.

All these comics who don't really do stand-up much anymore are extra mad.

I don't know.

What happened to comics just gossiping to ourselves about it?

But being extra mad about what you just didn't think it was funny.

I saw one.

It was like, I could see the joke coming from a mile away.

I'm like, and this is the first time that's ever happened.

But you don't react this way to other ones.

I thought somebody, like, I liked when people were like saying stuff, but not saying it.

You know, where they're like foreshadowing it.

And you're like, what?

What are we doing?

What do you mean?

Well, they'll be like, I don't know.

Do you see me some bats that stuff's going to happen?

No, well, maybe that's not the right way to explain it.

Well, they'll be like, I don't know if a comic does X, Y, and Z.

And you're like, we know what you're talking about.

So, like, just stop.

Say it.

Yeah.

If it's so.

Comics attacking other comics to me is weird because it is supposed to be like, keep it to us.

I'll write them directly and go, what are you doing?

Right.

Or just be like, hey, man.

I might even go like, look at this fucking male Karen writing this or this guy right.

It's like, yeah,

it's just like, we're going to talk about you behind your back.

Also, it's like, we're in an experimental business.

So it's like sometimes it's going to miss.

Yeah.

But now they're like, he shouldn't even be there.

Okay.

Well, remember, I did those charity shows and I keep getting taken off stage.

And I'm like, hey, I'm probably not right for this.

And they are like, okay, you could go.

And then they're mad and they take me off stage.

And it's like, well, maybe don't have me there.

You can't be upset that I showed up and did what I do.

Like, that's kind of Tony, too.

He went and did what he does because they're like, well, he shouldn't have told these jokes.

It's like, but that's what he does.

Don't book me.

It's like, it's like when I get asked, I know better now.

When I get asked to do like a Jewish fundraiser, I'm like, no way.

I appreciate it.

You're looking for Avi Lieberman or Modi?

It's not.

Those are your guys.

I will get you fired because I don't even know what the thing is that I'm doing wrong.

Everything you're doing is going to be wrong.

Everything I'm doing is going to be wrong, too.

Yeah, so it's like, you just shouldn't book me.

But that being said, people act like, well, last time we were talking about Trump versus Hillary Clinton or whatever.

And it's like, Trump won because of this.

I was like, it was like a 50-50.

So if like 50 or 100,000 people had voted differently, you'd be like, here's why Hillary Clinton won.

And you make these overarching statements.

It's really just a tie.

It's like a basketball player hitting the last shot, it bounces around and then goes in.

And it was like, here's why the other team lost.

But if it had gone out, they'd be like, here's why that team lost.

Like, no, it's pretty much a tie.

They're saying they played kind of evenly or a missed field goal with one second left.

It's like you played to a tie.

They played to a tie.

Yeah, so people are like, here's what Tony did wrong.

And then you watch it.

You're like, guys, he actually did well.

What is that?

You didn't know that the left-wing media would take it so out of context that Alexandra Cortaz-Cortalzio is sitting there watching, waiting to find out.

I don't even know who that is.

She's a congressman woman here in New York, waiting to find something to be mad about.

And then go, here it is.

And it's like, you guys aren't really watching.

You're shown this to be mad.

You're obliging them.

You're taking it out and you're offering up a comedian in the worst thing, saying he's a racist just to prove yourself.

They know he's not.

And now some of them, though, don't know.

And they go, fuck him.

What a character to hate.

And you want to be like, guys, I don't even think you know.

I just think you believe everything.

You're just believing everything that you say.

I want to tell them, too, it's like, you know, when they got mad at the Olympics opening ceremony?

For what?

I don't even watch the Olympics.

Sure.

No one did, but they still got mad about it.

About it was so trans.

They're trying to shove in the face of Christianity by using trans person at the Last Supper.

And they're all so mad.

And then you watch it, and you're like, it's literally 22 seconds out of a five-hour broadcast.

And I'm like, guys, you're all talking about these 22 seconds.

And that side is the same as the side mad at Tony.

It's like you're presented a thing that's supposed to make you mad.

They both get mad, both sides.

They both have their like woke moments, and not over something you've decided yourself.

You've been told what to get mad about.

Also, if nobody got mad about like you're saying the trans person for 22 seconds, it would be a non-it's 22 seconds.

Yeah, you guys keep promoting this horrible thing.

Now, more people are finding out that Puerto Rico is trash.

I don't know.

I've never been there.

I've never been there, but if it's not

because of Tony, they're going to hurt.

I'm going to say, you know what I will do?

Guess what?

Now, my people are sending another hurricane.

Wow.

Yeah, racial stereotypes do agree.

Do exist.

That's crazy.

And you should have fucking helped out.

I'm going to go there.

I'm going to go to Puerto Rico.

Bring the hurricane with you.

Tell me when you leave.

I'll send the hurricane with you.

I'm going to bring some paper towels with me.

Anyway, Adrian, I'm very excited for your special.

Me too.

Thank you for doing it.

Thank you for doing it.

Yeah, it was fun.

I feel a responsibility and a camaraderie with the special itself because it took two years to make, really, of trying to find different people.

Pat Noswell wanted to do it for a while, couldn't get any traction.

Well, no, then we had the pandemic.

Then we had the pandemic.

It was just like, couldn't get it done, couldn't get it.

He couldn't get a bite on anybody.

No.

And then eventually I'm like, Adrian, we just got to do it.

We just got to do it.

And it almost just went on YouTube.

Yeah, we'll put it on YouTube.

And then, like, let's see.

Let's try with Netflix.

But either way, we're going to, it's going to be great.

People are going to see.

I think, and I know you don't like this, but I think there's a lot of men

being presented women that aren't ready.

So it'll be like a 25-year man comic on the three-person show, then a six-year woman, and then a 22-year man.

And they go, women aren't funny.

And it's like, no, it's because the women that are doing it, Nikki Glazer, so successful.

They don't know.

Right.

She's not in the clubs anymore.

I'm not sure.

She's touring.

Right.

So they don't understand.

They don't have the whole context to know.

No, no.

More developed comics are better than less less developed comics.

That's what you mean.

Of course, yeah.

But they have this thing where they don't like it, but they say they don't want to say women aren't funny.

Some guys do, but like a large percentage of the population is just really nice.

And they go, I'd love to find a woman who's hilarious.

I mean, most of my fans are 75% men.

Yeah.

And I think you're the one.

I think when Patton Oswalt saw you, you got an opening gig, and he was like, oh,

this is who I'm looking for.

Dark, hard-hitting, non-sexual, just fucking mean-spirited, and

a rotten person.

That's it mean spiritual.

Rotten person on the inside and just hilarious.

And every time you open for me on the road, there was these three minutes of like, what the fuck is this lady?

And then like, oh, she's not serious.

And then

it would start chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, then dying laugh.

Those last 20 of 25.

Yeah, but they don't know at first.

And now you're going to get your crowd.

You guys should all go see her.

She's fucking crazy good.

That Parkland joke that you did the day after Parkland, it's in the special.

I'm not going to ruin it.

You'll see it.

I wonder, I mean, that was years ago.

I wonder what it would be like if I did it now.

What do you mean?

Because I did it that night at Parkland.

If Parkland just happened now.

If Parkland just happened now in 2024 and I did that, I wonder what the reaction would be.

Because that night, everyone was like, oh,

and then people went nuts for it.

And then they started laughing.

They started laughing.

But I had no idea how it was going to go.

Everyone came down to watch to see if I was going to like swim or die.

Because you didn't know.

And I closed with that joke.

Because I was like, I don't know what's going to happen.

And then, you know, the host is going to have to clean it up.

It was the joke of 2018.

When I remember 2018, I guess.

Yeah.

And maybe 2019.

I think 2018.

I think it was 2018.

Yeah.

And I remember when Netflix, like, we can't show this in the degenerates.

It was like, I got in a real fight with them.

I was like, it's the best joke of the year in New York.

Well, I remember when they wouldn't let me do it too.

And I was like, can I fight for this?

And Marlene was like, no, they're not going to let you do it.

It's crazy.

But now they like.

But I was like, you have to please do it for me.

We'll just do it.

I did do it for you.

And it killed.

Even then, years later.

It killed.

And then it's like, okay, so we're putting it in.

We're leaving it in.

It's so good.

But imagine when you watch it, imagine this, the day after a bunch of kindergartners just got slaughtered.

Elementary kids.

And so the real feeling is like,

shit, this is really bad.

And then you come with that joke that you guys should all watch.

Come back and comment on this YouTube when you've seen it.

The, oh my God, you can't be talking about this.

Everyone's like, you shouldn't be talking about this.

And then analyzing what you said.

And then they laugh.

And they go, this isn't really taking a side at all.

No, I mean, no one exists.

It's a release.

School shootings are good.

It's a release.

School shooters love it.

School shooters, yeah.

But like the other people.

You don't wonder if there's a school shooter like about to be, you know, like someone planning it now for like three months from now.

And then he's like, oh, thank God they haven't made this illegal yet.

Thank God there's no special extra crime.

It's just guns.

Crazy.

Yeah.

Buddy, I'm proud of you.

Proud of you.

You did a great job.

Without you, this would never happen.

Thank you.

I do feel like an ownership over the production of this.

And this is the part when I make my own.

Mine will be out in January.

I should be able to announce by now

on Netflix as well.

I got to be able to announce this.

I'll tell them to cut it if I can't.

I don't have an exact date yet, but

soon.

January.

January.

Two months.

But it's in the editing and the set design and the production of it, feels more like building a table and chairs.

Like really working with your hands.

Well, from the ground versus the jokes.

Yes.

Well, there's so much, right?

Because you were involved in, like,

I mean,

every comic is going to want you to produce their special because you're so, you want to know how many seats they're killing.

You want them to lose the least amount of seats.

The lighting.

I mean, Louis did like a great job with the lighting.

Oh, God, Louis was there.

I have directors fighting me all the time.

Right, but both of you together did like such an amazing job that like, I was so lucky to have both of you.

It's so funny going to a director.

I mean, Abrams and I work really well together.

He knows me by now.

Right.

And he gets why I'm right on this stuff.

He's like also fighting for me.

But it's like, so Louie I never worked with.

I don't know.

So I'm like, hey, buddy, there's 144 seats down there.

I'm telling you.

You want to kill the least.

I want to lose 14 is the max.

And he's like, yeah, Wes.

I'm like, oh, you're on my side.

Yeah.

Well, because you're used to fighting.

People are like, we need 4D seats.

And you're like, for what?

For what?

Well, we put a video village in there and have some agents show up.

Because everyone's like, well, what is the director do?

I'm like, well, they

create the whole atmosphere.

Louis didn't even watch.

He was upstairs listening because he was in the room for him.

Yeah, and also, just like what he did with the lighting and like just adding the six inches to the stage and then turning that light off, it does look different than the regular comedy seller.

He wanted it to mimic this Bruce Lenny Bruce special from a long time ago.

Where it's just like him against a brick wall.

Yeah.

And I think he did.

Still recording, yes.

Hold on, I think I have a picture, too.

Oh, really?

Well, I have a picture of

the lighting and how it looks.

Because the lighting, all the comics were like, the lighting is beautiful.

It really is.

The lighting is beautiful.

He really did such a good job with that.

I made him take those lights out afterwards.

I was like, no one's going to make clips in my fucking stage.

He's like, that's what I want.

That's the look I'm trying to mimic.

He did it with Bobby Kelly.

He's a really good director.

He did it with Bobby Kelly's special where he's like,

that's yours.

That's mine, yeah.

but like the lighting is so cool

i mean my face looks retarded but like yeah yeah it's kind of the similar thing where that the um

comedy cello light is off yeah right and then a lot of times you can't even see that because i'm like so close to the stage wow

yeah i'm really proud it looks great and it's amazing i'm proud of how it came out and even just like deciding on the location was like first we're like maybe the mothership we needed to fill it up

and you don't have that big a draw.

I have no doubt.

Not yet.

Now you will.

So it was like, how can we fill it up?

We don't want to give away free tickets.

That's not the best audience.

Sure.

But like, maybe the mothership.

And then I was like, why don't you come feature for me at the mothership so you can see what it's like?

Because you hadn't done it really.

And then you were like, nah, it's going to take me like 10 tries to really figure out this room.

Yeah.

It's a good room, but it's great.

It's a great room now.

Like, I would be able to film there now because I've been there a couple of times.

I've been there, right?

And you're like, I'm not positive.

I'll be able to get it my next set.

There's a little give and take with that.

It's like, what the fuck?

Okay.

And then, like, Louis didn't want to do their two nights.

He only wanted to do one night there.

But then he came with this idea: like, well, where's she the most comfortable in the world?

Where's she?

I mean, the comedy cell.

The comedies house.

Yeah.

And not the VU, the little room.

The little room, which no one films there.

Aziz and

Aziz and Ringo filmed there.

Feene did a little part of it,

but no one made it look this good.

No, it looks amazing.

And

Judah did who.

It's what an iconic room.

But yeah, he was like, let's do it there.

We'll do two nights.

Fills up, of course.

Man, what a fucking killer.

The whole thing.

But I do like that it really feels like sawing and building rather than creativeness.

Well, because it's, you, you were on a different end of it.

You're usually on your, the creative side and doing some of that.

But like, you were really on that end.

Yeah.

But I want the comic to be like, hey, I know what you have to worry about.

I'm only going to bring that to you.

The rest, I just want you to focus on your jokes.

But it but if it's like, hey, like a month out, like, hey, so we're doing the lighting.

I need to know what you're wearing.

Right.

I'm not going to bother you for anything, but now it's time.

I need a bunch of people.

Hey, in a month, I'm going to need to know what you're wearing.

Black, blue, green, so we can know how to match this or whatever.

And I won't bother you until it's time.

And if it's like, hey, if some, if like, well, it was crazy, too.

They wanted me to show up really early to get makeup and stuff.

And I was like, I'm going to be so tired if I get there at three o'clock in the afternoon.

The shows are like 9 and 11.

Exactly.

And Louis's like, no, let her come in late.

Yeah.

And I was like, yes.

Because you're just, all day, you're just nervous anyway.

Like, you know, anxious and nervous.

Yeah, and him going like, yeah, I know, I'm a comic too.

We don't want to wait around all day.

We're not

fighting equipment.

We're comics.

You think people are going to be mad about Louis being on it?

I don't know.

I thought so, but it seems like no one cares.

I think it's not, they still got the election.

They're more mad about that.

But when it comes out, especially if Trump wins, I think they're going to willfully ignore the fact that Louis is helping a female performer achieve her potential.

And they're just going going to go, fuck Netflix for hiring Louie as if they didn't just license a special that we all made on our own without anyone's help.

Well, what's weird about that too is like, I had a friend that she used to do stand-up and she lives out in Seattle.

We met up and she was like, you know,

something about like,

if I think that he was like using me as a woman, I go, do you know that me and him were friends before all this stuff happened?

He was going to like do a TV show with me.

So it's like, he wasn't, it wasn't like that happened.

And then he's like, hey, I need a woman.

It was like, no, he was working with me for a while before that.

I love that, and then she was like, Oh, I didn't know that, but people don't know stuff, so they just make their own narratives up in their head.

Yeah, Rogan did that once with Bandit.

Um, I went to the bathroom in his studio, and Bandit was followed me to the bathroom.

Then the door closed, and he's waiting for me outside.

Joe came in, and I left, and he was like, You got her from a shelter?

I'm like, Yeah, he goes, Was she like pretty abused?

I'm like, Oh, no, no, her mom was adopted when she was pregnant, so she was born into like a nice shelter.

I adopted her within a few weeks.

They're lovely family, yeah, Grazed her.

Like they had the whole litter.

And he goes, oh, so no.

He goes, no.

He goes, oh man, her just sitting outside the door.

I invented this whole narrative around that.

The cutest thing I've ever seen.

Oh, she's just a homo.

She just loves you.

Yeah, she just loves me.

I wanted to come out.

What's funny too?

She's scared of the world.

In your apartment, you have a picture of her real mom in a frame by

her bed, and it's like the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Yeah.

Yeah, we knew the mom.

It's very, very cute.

Yeah.

Dad was a deadbeat.

We have no idea.

Didn't stick around.

yeah the narratives will be interesting not just like oh i made one for bobby kelly he's my friend i made one for

yeah it'll be interesting anyway it'll be interesting and i think it'll be interesting to see how many people fucking go wow she's great and just buy these tickets in cleveland guys buy these tickets in new york

i'm gonna vote for you come see me with ari come see her with me help help me to help ari sell a lot of tickets out for the person that's helped me so much in my career sell these tickets out remember the pittsburgh show before um drew got canceled, and you're like, ah, why didn't we record that one?

It was so good.

So good.

Pittsburgh is such a fun city.

Yeah.

Well, let's come with me to that.

January 3rd through 5th.

I'm going to almost all those dates.

Okay.

Okay.

I already sent you the thing.

Should we drive or

Pittsburgh's like eight hours?

Yeah, we did it once with Column and Nate Marshall.

I mean, we can.

That was a mistake.

It's far, though.

It's a far drive.

Because also, you got to stop for lunch, so it's like nine hours.

You got to keep stopping.

It's like, oh, it's actually way longer.

It's probably like an hour flight.

Yeah, we'll just fly.

All right, Adrian.

I love you.

Everyone, go to follow her on Instagram and uh follow this.

We just got over, or right now, because of this episode, it was one or the other to 100,000 subscribers.

It was either the Toby one last week or this one.

That's awesome, pretty cool.

Under a year, under a year, yeah.

All right, guys, thank you.

All right, go do your comedy sets.

Go do my comedy sets.

Where you been and where you going?

This is our race travel show.

Yeah, we're gonna gonna go on a journey today and see what there's to see in this big world.

We're exploring different places,

seeing all different types of faces.

We're gonna talk about travel today.

It's you'll be tripped,

you'll be

tripping,

you'll be tripped, yeah.