Russia w/ Daniel Sloss | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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Welcome to UB Tripping, everybody.

The travel podcast that does, you know, makes you a better person.

Today, on the episode, I have my friend Daniel Sloss, Edinburgh's finest comedian of all time.

Yeah, okay.

I'm trying to think if there's a, well, I wouldn't, you know,

Edinburgh's.

Do you mean like Edinburgh's?

Yeah, Edinburgh and they're Fifey.

Yeah, Fife, Fife, yeah, just the camera.

Is there anybody famous came out of there?

Fife.

Well, I mean, not famous over here.

Like, I mean, when I was at high school, the famous person was a woman called Edith Bowman, who is a radio presenter.

And I remember at high school, like, they were like, Edith Bowman used to go here.

She's on Radio 1 now.

And

she's claiming a fame.

Oh, man.

It was huge in the UK.

We were like, oh, God blame it.

I've definitely blown her out of the water.

But I think they're less proud of me.

Because I feel like we know about them.

Yeah.

Like, I'm definitely more famous than Edith Powell.

But she's really one.

She's nice.

She's clean.

You know, they can be like, and this is all the nice things she's done, as opposed to.

Is she gone now?

She's dead?

No, she's still with us.

Wow.

Yeah, she's still around.

She's hosting radio, being a nice, pleasant person.

She's blown out of the water.

Yeah, but she's not doing jokes about the Holocaust.

She's not.

So, like, they are more proud of her and they can talk about her more openly.

It's less of a gamble to get their kid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're not going to be open up to.

You associated with Edith?

Yes, great.

What do you mean?

Well, she says some highly contentious things, and it seems to me she says them just for the sake of saying them.

Daniel Sloss is on the show today.

Where are we going?

Russia, because

I must be one of the last fucking people for a while to get to play Russia.

Yeah, right?

Is that over?

I guess so.

You can't goshigami.

Who's gigging in Russia right now?

What English-speaking comedy is happening in Russia, right?

Because there's no way I'm not bringing my weed pen to Russia.

No.

I'm gonna.

Of course, you are.

They're gonna get me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then they'll use you as a political politician.

Do you think America would care?

No.

So you think they care about you in Scotland?

Do you think Scotland would do something?

God, you know what?

No.

No, no, they would not.

They would go, yeah, that's him

like they would be like

laugh about it yeah they're like this is one of his gags yeah no no no I like this funny I think enough people I think the first thing that would happen is it would be in Scottish people being like Scottish comedian arrested in Russia for weed pain and I think the number one reply to all of those things that everyone would like would just be the common man going who never heard of him like at all that would be the number one thing that's your obituary's never heard of him or just people being like never heard of him

I don't, and then I just don't think they'd care.

I don't think they would.

It's not enough to start a nuclear war.

I'm not even a threat in a nuclear war.

I can see a housewife telling her husband, like, oh, that Daniel Sloss is it.

I can't do the accent.

Daniel Sloss is it.

It's so pretty that you know.

Oh, that man's always a crickup.

And then

that was it.

I think I got crack right.

Oh, man.

You got none of that.

I might have been Australian, too.

Hey, you know, Bay City Rollers?

I just got a Bay City Roller.

Saturday night.

Saturday night.

They're Scottish anyway.

I think they're in five.

The Bay City Rollers are Scottish?

Yeah.

Oh, no.

You could have given me a million guesses, and I never would have said they were one of ours.

Yeah.

All right, so what was like Roz Russia like?

I mean, so like going in before, I was in comedy out there,

and like the day before we were in Austria,

and they sent

like their English isn't so good that you can you could do a show just in English and you'd get like half the size of crack but if you're willing to get like a translator who doesn't do it on stage but is in like a box yeah people will get the option to buy like earphones before and he translates it live so the way he translates it live is he comes to the show the day before

listens to it, like records it, so that he can translate it into Russian the next day and then do it at the same time.

Really?

you do on stage, yeah.

Whoa,

damn, that's weird.

Oh, it's very weird, and like he's man, he's like the deaf people, but not the that's crazy.

Well, because man, it's an entirely different fucking language, and like he's got to have this understanding of like art and comedy and how to translate it because it's not, man, it's a different, it's not just like a different fucking language, it's a different alphabet, it's a different sentence fucking structure.

Like, and also the entire time we're like, this guy is KGB, like this, like, this is all just a fucking ruse.

He has to come come to two shows in a row?

Yeah.

That's odd.

Yeah.

And he's just going to sit there and like there's no way this kind of isn't just like writing down what I'm talking about.

You're glowing in the dark.

Fucking blowing whatever jelly I have on my sandwich.

Because

I had some stuff in my show where I was like, you know,

I'm doing pro-K stuff.

Pro gay.

Yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, and I'm not cutting that out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's illegal there.

Whoa.

So I was like, I'm definitely.

What is Brittany Griner going there for then?

Who?

The fucking basketball player.

Gay pothead?

Yeah.

Going to a country where gays and pots not allowed?

That's dumb.

I get it.

The money's there, but that's dumb.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, is she still in jail there?

Yeah, I think so.

Oh,

I mean, you know, a black woman, is there anything like American people would do less for?

They're like, oh, no, no way.

How do you think you would do?

Like, if you were a political prisoner, do you think they...

No way, they wouldn't get me out.

No.

No way.

No way.

No one would even talk about it.

No one would even talk about it.

They were like, this is what he gets.

And then they'd be like, it's comma for, and then the list of specific things.

Everyone's like, no, who cares about that?

It's this, though.

He deserves it.

Yeah,

people just, every time you've tweeted or Instagram about the death of a celebrity, which is my favorite thing, but like just the utter fucking

empathyless, vitriolic bile that comes out of my body, that's what people would use to justify it.

They would be like, this is, they would put up the Colby tweet.

This is what he gets.

This is what, like, let him.

i hope they fucking keep him

um

yeah yeah it would be a lot of happiness it would be dancing yeah yeah

you know anti-semites on um semites on the russian side yeah they're like i don't know who to hate here did you guys um did you drink there did you get into it

yeah oh fuck yeah well i was like it was i was i was deeply depressed at this point on tour and we've been we've been on tour too long like i just lost my mind man just being in the you know not drink not eating healthy not exercising like because it's just waking up flight drink on the flight land show drink you know i've done that i've done my body no favors um but the vodka out there is so

good like like it's it's fucking ice cold and it is just with everything really yeah man and you can you do just shot it and it's fine and it goes down how expensive or just or just not

no idea like they did such a good job of making making that money confusing that

you've just got like a water nose and you're like, no idea.

No, I couldn't even fucking ballpark what this is.

The worst for that is Australia because it's pretty close to the dollar.

And so you're like throwing money around.

Like, I'm sure it's like Thailand.

And then you're like, no, no, dude, you spent like

a year.

Oh, Australia is so fucking expensive.

Have you ever bought Coke in Australia?

No.

It's up there.

It's just like dollars.

It's not worth it.

No, and it's not even Coke.

Like, it's cut with, because it's like such a, it's just an island.

Like, but like, it's a, oh, it's a fucking fucking fucking continent, but it's the farthest away.

But can't they make Coke?

Are they all importing it from fucking Bogota?

Yep.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And all, I mean, man,

they can barely fucking grow weed in Australia.

You ever had bushweeds?

Like, it's fine.

It'll get you high, but it's what our parents fucking smoked in the, you know how, like, you know how every old person's like, I can't smoke this young people's pot nowadays because it's all like, this is that.

Yeah.

What?

So tell me, I don't know.

Tell me everything.

Is the vodka there like Scotch in Scotland where it's just like tons of local?

Yeah, tons of local just there.

And it's like a, but it's,

you know, people in Scotland don't all drink whiskey.

Yeah.

You know, I think everyone in Russia drinks vodka.

Oh, nice.

Like, I think it really is, like,

it's just part of their everyday.

Nice.

You have it with meals.

Like, it's...

Got to be served frozen, but like they don't there's different types like there's menu It's nice.

It's real cool but so they don't do mixtures much it's it's mostly the fucking

oh man they they they would do it with like menu but i mean everywhere you go they can just go you go shop work and like yeah here you go oh nice and it's ice cold and it's smooth as fuck um we went to yeah it's like silky that way yeah so it's like it's like it's like less watery and more like something yeah like if you ever had actually really good cold tequila goes down way smoother than you ever actually think it would like because that's the way you know it'd be nice to horrible things are meant to be served cold because it numbs the flavor of it, like beer, like beer, yeah.

Why do they serve it warm?

Warm beer is the worst beer, that's absolutely shit.

What if it's not a terrible thing?

Whereas, you know, like red wine should be room temperature because it's nice, and you get all the flavor out of it, yeah.

Vodka, ice fucking cold, ice fucking cold.

Um,

what was it?

Was it freezing?

Oh, yeah, it was pretty fucking cold.

Yeah, yeah, I we were there, I'm gonna say in about November, and it was like uh,

you know

we'd bought jackets for you know in places like Icel Iceland, when you go outside and you've put on like two layers of trousers and three pairs of fucking underwear and like four hoodies and like this big winter jacket and then like mother nature just laughs.

Levels you and just through all those layers of clothes just takes your balls and just puts them firmly up in your body, like tickles your tent and it's and you're just instantly cool.

You've done everything you can, you can not no more could be done, and it's still

cold.

This is fucking chilly.

And Scotland's cold.

Yeah.

You live in a cold place and it's like so much worse.

Oh, in oh, so much worse.

Like, I find it funny when people are like, Scotland's cold.

I'm like, Scotland's not cold.

Scotland's just not warm.

Yeah.

Like, there's a place that exists.

It's cool.

And like, when it gets cold, yeah, we get, we get fucking nippy days.

But compared to like Russia or fucking Slovakia, like Norway and Sweden and Iceland, when it gets cold, it fucks you to death.

Steve from the cellar, you know, the back door, he said you can tell tourists because they don't wear the right winter clothes, they just wear more autumn clothes.

Like a layer of hoodies and jackets.

And it's just like, they're not doing this right.

No.

It's...

Really weird.

November, it's that cold.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's, man, it's a beautiful city if you're in like the fucking center.

But you forget how massive Russia is, right?

We'd uh

hey guys, I just want to break into today's episode to let you know about Daniel Sloss.

He's a fucking high-level stand-up comedian.

I hope you understand that.

He's gonna be doing a show at the London Palladium.

It's a massive venue on October 5th.

Get tickets at danielsloss.com/slash Tori.

He's also got on Daniel Sloss.com multiple of his specials streaming.

You can get links for him.

Dark,

I think that was a Netflix one.

X, I think that was the HBO one.

Socio, Sokio, I forgot the last one, name title, but he's great.

If you you haven't checked him out, you're in for a treat.

I, myself, have a special called Jew that's available on YouTube right now.

Over 7 million views, and I think all, but six of them are positive.

And double negative

on Netflix.

Also,

I got to tell you about Shroom Fest, everybody.

What are you guys doing?

This year, it's July 20th, 21st, and 22nd.

Yeah, every year we celebrate, we meet up on another plane of existence, somewhere in the universe.

July 20th, 21st, 21st, and 22nd.

All you got to do to participate is take some boomers.

Take some shrooms.

That's right.

It should be fun.

Let me know in the comments if you're watching on YouTube what you're planning on doing.

Or actually, maybe don't ruin it and have a fucking fun time where nobody knows you're fucked up.

I don't know.

Leave a comment regardless, guys, and subscribe wherever you are.

Also, the U-B Trippin' Patreon is going strong.

Patreon.com slash UBTrippin.

People have been sending in their postcards from their travels all over the world.

I read them on there.

Tell me some fun thing you've gotten into or some weird detail about a place you've been.

And I'll read them on the Patreon.

Then I stick them on the back wall, and I'm decorating the whole fucking back wall of the Patreon studio.

It's patreon.com slash UB Tripping.

But also for Shroom Fest,

I've got ShroomFest shirts at rschfair.com slash door.

Also got my vinyl up there.

But the Shroomfest shirts will ship out in time for you to wear them on Shroomfest if you so desire.

I would say don't do it.

Wear it as a badge of honor afterwards.

Don't mess up your trip.

But having people look at you.

But the design is great.

It's by Abra Cadaver.

And if you order them them this week, you will get them in time for Shroom Fest.

I don't get any of the money from that, um, they all go to the artist, and he's donating a bunch of it to maps uh for psychedelic studies.

Anyway, that's it.

Hope you guys are enjoying this episode.

Subscribe wherever you're listening or watching, and let's get back to it.

We had a local comic open for us like in Do Comedy in Russian

before Kai went on, right?

And this guy

was from like

three and a half thousand miles away away in Russia.

Kai in Newcastle was only 2,800 miles away from home.

Oh, wow.

So even though this guy was like the local Russian comedian, Kai was actually lived closer to fucking Moscow.

It's just so big.

Yeah.

Yeah, it never stops.

But it's all, and it's just so much

fuck all.

But like in all these things, Moscow on the left,

whatever, the west, somewhere around there.

Yeah.

It's an old.

Yeah, what kind of fucking old?

It's from like, I don't know, it's like from like 1980.

I don't know.

It's old.

They don't have all the fucking countries in it.

But it's just the shapes.

So that's over there somewhere.

Yeah.

And then it's just like, it just fucking goes on.

Heaps and heaps and heaps of fucking nothing.

How did Russia get everything?

Well, I mean, just because.

The U.S.

killed Indians.

Yeah.

When did they take over all this?

Well, they didn't really take over.

Like, there's so many different types of Russians.

Like, when we think of Russians, we just think of the ones that you see in St.

Petersburg and fucking Moscow.

But, like, I mean, there's Asian Russians, there's like Russians, there's

Mongolians, there's like

Mongolian accents, yeah.

It's the weird Russian Chinese, yeah.

It's man, we, there's, like, there's people that we don't even, like, think about entire fucking communities that we're also like, oh, yeah, I guess they would identify as Russian, too.

But you're not, you're not the bad guys in movies because, you know, you just live up in the mountains and do fuck all.

Russian rednecks.

Yeah, Russian rednecks.

You're not a threat to anyone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not yet.

Not until they're being conscripted.

Was that guy Wade different?

He had just moved to Moscow?

Yeah.

Really?

But he wasn't different.

He was, man, he was just a white fucking guy.

I mean, he didn't speak a fucking lick of English.

Like, we had to have the translator with us most.

And we met, like, other Russian comedians.

And, you know, they spoke enough English a lot of the time.

We went to a Russian comedy club.

Like, there's a scene there?

There's a fucking...

There's Moscow or both?

Moscow.

Yeah, yeah.

So there's...

There's a scene.

Man, we get to this comedy club and there are people sitting on fucking beanbags, but there's tables there and they've got like hookahs and stuff.

And there's a comedian on stage just doing comedy in fucking Russian.

And sounded like it was going okay.

Like it was.

It was a weird setup for a room.

Like it wasn't as good as.

But man, it's new there and they're doing it in their own way.

Was it a club?

They just repurposed a coffee shop?

No, no, man.

It was a comedy club.

It was a comedy club.

They got photos on the wall of like a lot of chairs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But there's like normal, there's like high chairs as well, but there's a comfortable seating.

That's funny.

It's funny to see what they've got.

Yeah, but they've got like, you know, they've seen the cellar, so it's like that sort of backdrop.

And then they've got their pictures of all of their comedians signed by them.

And it's like, who the fuck are these people?

It's like, you're the same age.

You're all the same age as your picture.

It's just started.

Oh, my God.

That's cool.

What's the architecture like?

Let's start with that.

What was the food like?

So, I mean, man, I love any

country that went through, any white country that went through real poverty times for me make my favorite type of food, which is meat and root vegetables.

Nice.

Which is just, you know what,

there was a time when we didn't have meat, and now we've got an abundance of meat.

And we don't forget the time that we have no meat.

So it's steak and potatoes, it's fucking mince pies, it's beef pies, it's just everything.

Here's potatoes.

And here's steak in a thousand different ways and also with gravy.

Like borscht and fucking

dumpling.

Pardon me.

Oh, yeah, those pierogi things or whatever they're called.

Yeah, yeah, but they've got, yeah, yeah, their own weird, like, fucking dumplings.

They do just like fucking dumpling soup.

And, like, they've got their own little types of fucking potatoe pasta.

And, you know, they're really good at, well,

they're okay at steak.

Like, you've got to do Eastern Europeans weird.

Like, you gotta.

It's like American shoe sizes.

If you're like a medium in America and you go to European, you're a European well done.

Because they just won't cook stuff?

No, man.

No.

Like,

I'm medium in the UK, but like, when I'm there, I'm like, fucking, like, well done.

Because

they run a lighter undermate.

And they're like, there you go.

Yeah, there you go.

That's fucking what?

That's medium rare, isn't it?

I showed it some fire emojis.

What more do you want me to do?

It's been under a hot lamp all day, and that's how we try to cook it.

Dude, do you ever get where it's like, if your food is cooked wrong, but you're in another country, you're like, I don't know the rules here, and I'm just going to eat it because I don't know if I can stomach it.

It depends.

Like, I get real like if i think i can stop like i know i can stomach undercooked yeah like beef and potatoes because i do that at home all the time but like if i was in you know

india i'm like oh i can't handle like i i love indian foods but if it's not well cooked i'm already the spices are gonna fuck my tummy up for a bit i can't i can't be bringing in yeah

new new threats yeah yeah yeah yeah it's just too much too much gambler the ones uh is everything hot there I mean, food-wise?

Or do they serve, like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, they've got, like, I mean, I'm not that much of a, I don't branch out.

Like, I wouldn't have tried any of the,

you know, if there was any weird local fucking delicacies, like, meat and potatoes and vodka was enough for me.

But, I mean,

we just went to where the fucking, like, Kremlin bit is, like, the government buildings are.

And man, it's weird.

Like, you forget, like, it's so weird that Russia is so homophobic considering how gay their buildings are.

Like, man, like, go and look at, like, Moscow.

Like, it's man.

It's like the old, like, Taj Mahal cops.

Oh, yeah.

They're bright colours.

What is that?

That's so super gay.

It's like, this is man.

What?

You hate the gays?

Because the gays would love what you've done with the place.

It's like a fucking teacup, right?

They're all like wearing fluffy fucking camps.

What the fuck is that?

It's so camp.

Why are Russians such dumbasses?

Yeah.

What a weird fuck.

Yeah, they're all fucking puffy pants.

Yeah.

They're just like, hey, and here's a giant pink cupcake top on our very serious government building take us seriously we hate the gays welcome to the marshmallow division

like just little swirly cupcake tops you're like okay well that's it that's an interesting are there gays there do you meet any gays there yeah man comedy scene there must have been a few there were there were gays don't name names i oh well man i got really drunk on vodka and kissed a gay guy there because i was like is this illegal and he was like absolutely and i'm like let's well let's do let's do a crime well what do they do they just like do they enforce it is it like oh yeah

i think you can like snitch on people for being gay and then you know or like and gays will just regularly get the kicked out of them oh you know i would not kick the out of one but i would snitch on one if it would serve me if we were both up for the same part something like that i'd be like dude drop out drop out of the race or i'll go into

i'm using it why would i not

or just drop out now Either way, you're not getting the part.

That's over.

Just do the smart thing, bro.

I don't hate gays.

I've seen advantage.

Oh, yeah.

I like you.

I would hate to see you get this shit gay.

Yeah, I don't.

What are you doing?

I want that.

I'm getting the fucking part, dude.

I'm getting it.

That's non-negotiable.

Yeah, of course it's selfish.

But you would do the same thing.

You would do it.

If they hated the Jews, you're telling me.

We would do this.

People did it.

It's fine.

I get it now.

I get it now.

I get snitching.

You want that farm?

But, like,

I still like you, dude.

Yeah.

I hope you can move on from this.

I'm understood.

This is purely tactical.

Yeah, cruel, but it's a doggy dunk world.

Do you want to walk home safely tonight?

Yeah.

Or do you want to be in this shit?

Look, it's a preset number in my phone.

The gay snitch line.

It's like I've used it before.

Please do the right thing by yourself and your loved loved ones.

I'll tell you what, I'll take you out to dinner one day.

The money I'm making is privately.

Very privately.

They can't be seen.

Damn, wow.

You have to be careful about it.

Well, no,

I think the gay comedians that I met there were like, no, like, they talk about being gay.

They're like, you know,

fuck the system.

Fuck this.

You know, there is that.

Like,

that's what I find so funny about British and American comedians talking about fucking cancer.

you can't say anything.

I'm like, shut the fuck up, man.

You can say whatever you like.

You occasionally get yelled at.

These cunts can't say anything.

Any comedy now in fucking Russia, and I guarantee there's stuff on,

man, those people are saying shit.

And when they do, they're getting disappeared.

Disappeared.

It's like...

That's a country where, oh, you can't say anything anymore.

Yeah, he's dead now.

We don't know where the fuck he is.

Nobody's seen him for ages.

China.

He got yelled at online by seven people, and you're still talking about it.

Have they ever had a comic disappear?

Absolutely, fucking lutely.

Yeah, I mean, I couldn't tell you who it is, but I would be.

Because I met.

There was one in Colombia.

He went missing.

Yeah, there's been a heap in India.

Yeah.

China had to have some disappeared.

I had to.

Yeah, definitely.

They got weird about, like, please don't say anything about the government.

Russia, I thought they're like, because I met a Russian comedian who came to Scotland about five years ago.

His name's also Daniel, or the Russian translation of his name is Daniel.

What's it Russian?

Alright, whatever.

Well, I mean, is it race?

Like, if it's the racist Russian, it's like the hello.

It is time to drink the vodka.

Do they talk that way?

No, well, they just have that weird cadence when even everything, even if what they're saying is nice, it does sound like a threat.

I have run you a bath.

It does sound like it.

Get into the bath.

Coming out of this bath.

Do you want to have some of this water that I have prepared for you?

No, no, I don't.

I don't want that.

Why?

Wait, so wait, back to the gays.

Oh, so saying what you can and what you're saying.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Also,

sorry, yeah, he was saying that, like, you know, he's done stuff like

heaps of Russia is like fucking right-wing and full fucking Putin supporters.

And, you know, in the same way, you know, they watch Russian state media.

So, like, people who watch like Fox News here they'll just believe whatever is on the fucking they have their version of that but then there's also the young generation in Russia who do know how to get access to the internet do have access to it

yeah yeah man they're fucking kids and and they're and they're you know and they're doing what any fucking teenagers in the rest of the world do which is watching American sitcoms watching British fucking movies right you know watching Conan

yeah just seeing what like the you know because like the fucking the wall kind of went down uh in like the 90s after like the soviet union collapse and they started getting their own mcdonald's and everything and they were like oh my god we can be like america but they couldn't but then they kind of could for a bit but they had finally you know russia was always so desperate to just stay russia and we're not the west and the people were like but the west have like iphones and we want iphones like we want we want to be a bit like the west come on that looks fun

yeah like we don't we don't want to and and and the government's like no russian identity this is and they're like but you know but mcdonald's it's so good though the phones will still be in Russian.

The menus will be in Russian at McDonald's.

Yeah, and so, you know, it can't be.

So they have them there?

Yeah, they, well, I mean, now since the fucking war, heaps of them have pulled out, but they just do their own versions of it.

But, man, like, the Russian people still want to, you know, they don't think their government is.

They're the younger ones who definitely do.

Oh, the great thing they know about it.

Yeah, man, they know their government shit.

They watch...

you know, they watched Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.

They watched Trevor Noah.

Like, they know what the world thinks about them.

And so they've got this, you know, this weird relationship with their fucking grandparents who are like, Putin's the best, and they're like, Do you have any idea how the rest of the world sees us?

And they're like, We don't care how the rest of the world sees us because we're Russia, we're there, they all hate us because of our dominance or something, whatever.

So, like, I mean, Russia, don't get me wrong, are the absolute fucking bad guys at the moment, but there are good people there desperately fucking protesting this stuff who are getting fucking disappeared and who are getting sent to fucking jail for protesting.

We had it in the United States and in North Carolina, they had some rules saying trans people can't go into

the opposite birth sex bathroom.

And I don't know.

I don't know.

And then everybody got upset.

They're like, boycott North Carolina.

And then all these.

Don't you mean girl caught?

That's pretty offensive.

And all these like black people were like, can you not boycott my fucking business?

Just because I live in a state.

Like, what are you doing?

Yeah.

There's more of us here than that.

Oh, right.

So what do they say about the government?

I mean, there's, you know, you can talk about like how.

Do they talk about it?

Yeah.

Do they be like, fuck this?

Well, I don't know now if they do, but but man definitely the comedian daniel i was talking about he was like i'm outspoken about you know the government and you know he believes in a democracy and they'll make jokes in the same way that we do but it's like risky to make jokes because it's actually risky to make jokes you gotta find a line and they're like yeah because the line line there the line there isn't a bunch of people will tweet you and tell you they don't like you and that will hurt your feelings there it's like you are now on a list that Putin is aware of.

And if you go too close to a line, maybe you get hit by a car or you fall off a building.

And, you know,

people die of mysterious circumstances all the time.

Is there any of like that?

We're like, maybe you can't get alone.

Oh, definitely.

Absolutely fucking literally.

And people will just follow you for ages.

They'll just follow you

for a very, very long time and just make you feel uncomfortable and unsafe.

You know, they're not necessarily a kill you, but it's, you know, intimidation.

Damn.

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So what do the fuck they talk about on stage there?

Is it just like, it's just not political mostly?

I think it's not political.

But they've still got, you know, social stuff.

Like, you know, I think they're allowed to talk about...

You definitely get the comedians that talk about being gay.

And, you know, they talk about weeds.

They talk about drugs.

They talk about...

Wait, do people smoke there?

Yeah.

interesting.

Yeah, man.

I mean, man, this is the thing.

Like,

everywhere you go in the world, you will find...

That's the biggest thing you can fucking travel.

The world is very different, but it's also the same.

People are the same everywhere.

Like, people are unique as an individual, but you will always find people like yourself who think similarly in every part of the world.

They might be a minority there, or they might be a majority where you come from, and there might be less there, but there's, you know.

How's the weed in Russia?

it's good really it's good i mean it's you know hear that australia yeah

dude russia has better you know you can grow it there

and they get it up in the mountains i think also they they get it from like fucking afghanistan and stuff because oh right you know how do they tell that poppy connection what else are people doing there drinking smoking drinking smoking you can smoke in restaurants coke

uh we didn't do any but yeah i would imagine so yeah yeah

um they man they do lots of like if you never see like the cool,

and I say cool, but like the weird fights.

You know, there's like UFC here where it's like one-on-one.

Russia will be like 10 on 10.

Oh, that tag team shit?

Yeah.

Did you go to one?

No, I don't, no, I didn't have time to fucking.

No, no, not tag team.

It's just no, it's not tag team.

There's just 10.

10 star at one side, 10 star at the other.

Beat the fucking shit out of each other, red versus blues.

Yeah, it's crazy because once, as soon as one guy taps, you're like, now this team has an advantage.

Yeah, and then it's two on one.

Even if I'm about to start like submit you, then one of your your friends just starts punching me in the head.

It's over.

Like, they just knee you.

There's no, and they're like, there's refs there, but they're just there to, you know, kind of just, you know, to move the bodies out of the way.

It's not like a ref.

And you're like, oh, that's an illegal knee.

They're like, oh, I need to move Shirko.

I just got my dragging license

by the legs.

Their hands.

Like,

that would have been a fun one to watch.

One of the things I didn't experience, but one of the things I was told about there was like the difference between

main,

like

in the women are just like I want a big strong man who's got money and who tells me what to do that's what we want and if that's not a man that's that's like well obviously that's not everyone yeah but that's like a vibe there that's a big vibe interesting yeah yeah yeah yeah that makes sense like they a bunch of women aren't bear well but like in Russia like Russian women, so many of them don't believe in feminism.

They're like, what a stupid fucking concept.

Like, I don't want, like, I want a rich man who's strong, tells me what to fucking do, do, and I'll have this, you know, and it's his job to fucking spoil me because I'm beautiful, and that should be enough.

Hey,

that's cool.

Hey, hey, and some of them are hot on your luck, you know.

Are they hot?

Yeah, yeah,

oh, yeah, but you, I mean, you know, whenever you get to that part of the world, it's, you know, there's a real switch sometimes.

They can go from being like, oh, my God, 10 out of 10 supermodel.

But then you see, like, 90-year-old Russian woman, and they're, like, fucking Tetris-shaped and, like, just, like, so jowly.

And you're like, oh god, when did that happen?

Because I bet you were a model when you were younger.

You didn't always look like this.

You did look like that 10 out of 10.

So they wither.

They wither in that part of the world.

Yeah, I love when people like so-and-so from these, from whatever country, they're really hot.

You're like, but they're also really gross.

It's like, what are you talking about?

Which one are you talking about?

It's like Irish women.

Irish women are beautiful when they're young.

And when the second they go over 50, they are an absolute nightmare.

Whereas the Asians, you know, they're good, man.

Like, old.

Irish women.

No, it's about 27.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It goes fast.

As soon as they see that first light of sun, they just orc out and they're just like

and then it's over.

It's like having a baby for them.

What else did you get into?

Were there any cool bars or anything?

Yeah, I mean, so the night we were there, like, we arrived.

I mean, I was there for such a short period of fucking time.

Dark.

Yeah, which I would have liked to have been there for longer.

And it's what, I mean, especially now that I'm like, oh man, it'll be, you know, 20 years before I get to fucking go back.

Yeah, especially now.

Yeah, yeah, because also, well, like, you first of all, you've got to play Ukraine first.

Like, what can I,

what can I do?

I haven't even thought of that.

You have to.

There's no way after the war fucking finances.

You have to.

You have to play Ukraine first.

Is it like, you're going to Russia before...

Like, ah, shit.

No, you've got to.

You owe it to...

It's such a...

Like, any comedian that goes to Russia first.

But what is it?

Can you have the excuse if some people we know, can you be like, I'm a bad comedian.

So I'm punishing Russia with my presence.

I mean, you can later and spin in that way.

But at that point, you're just a fucking grifter.

You got to go to Ukraine.

You got to go to Ukraine.

And you've got to be like, and you've got to insult Russia the entire fucking time.

And you've got to be like,

and just give the Ukrainians what they want.

You just

badmouth the Russians.

Big up the Ukrainians.

You rip that gig.

They love you.

So you have Zelensky open for you because he used to be a fucking comic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then, and then after you do like seven nights there, that's when you go to Russia.

But you've got to do the exact same stuff.

You've got to be like, you fucking pussies.

You've got your fucking ass kicked.

Ukrainians are bears.

You're fucking orcs.

You fucking losers.

And probably like a lot of Ukrainians come up just to see you do that.

I wonder what they would say, those state-run media people who watch that, what they would say about this war.

Or do they even know about it?

Oh, yeah, man.

Do you not see the clips of the way, man,

you can see the actual propaganda that is coming out of Russia?

Again, like, and it's not propaganda in the way that they're just putting on, you know, screens in public.

I mean, they are doing that in a way.

But it's more, man, people will just watch their favorite news source.

Like, Fox News.

They'll just go, I don't know, you know, you can prove time and time again how much Tucker Carson lies.

People don't care.

It doesn't matter.

They just like the news source.

So in Russia, there's just three people who like these men in suits, who just say things like, you know, this will be an easy war for us to win.

Putin's made a great decision.

If anyone threatens us, we should nuke them out of existence.

We're the greatest country on earth.

And just all these old Russian people are like, these fucking guys, get it.

Yeah, I think we'll just nuke them if they fucking.

Yeah,

again, people are.

And it's like, I heard we're winning already.

Like, we're almost done.

The same type of people exist in every country.

There are dumb people who will just support the government for whatever fuck because that's...

What's the fucking 1984, right?

What is it?

The plebes?

No.

The bourgeois?

Never.

I think it's bourgeois, but I've never.

Yeah.

I've never read 1984.

That's great.

Is it?

Yeah.

Is it actually good?

Dude, get it on audio tape.

It's so much, like, you have to stop every chapter and be like, whoa, it's just so dead on by the way we, it's just like that big brother stuff, but like we Brue Brothers ourselves.

But is it like, because I remember people always said like Animal Farm.

They were like, oh my God, it's such a good metaphor for communism.

And the entire time I'm like, it's just a, it's just a, it's not, it's a thinly veiled metaphor for communism.

I'm like, it's just, it's such a short book.

And it's, people are like, it's so good.

I'm like, it was good when there were seven other books in the world, right?

Right, right.

No, dude, Nathan A4 is great.

It's just like, you know, it's not talking about the thing there.

It's like, you know, obviously compared to like, but the, but then it's like, why is all war happen?

And like,

how we're all like fucking not allowing people to go out of the fucking norm.

Yeah.

I don't know, whatever.

Yeah, whatever.

You got to read it.

I can't.

It's.

Yeah.

I'm not going to explain it.

I definitely want to.

I hope.

I hope.

Oh, but I was going to say they would support any war because it's just like you've been told like like this is this is a just war yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and also like the russians have a real bit of fucking resentment for the fact that like you know when the soviet union crashed and they started you know they they only had like russian movies before then and their own tv shows when it went down they finally got to watch american tv shows and movies and then all of the american tv shows and movies at that point the russians were the bad guys all the time so like imagine that like you'd finally get access to all of these movies.

You're like, oh, my God, we get real entertainment.

And, like, every single one, you're like, this is what they think of us?

Like, Ivan Dragel.

Like, just that's what they think.

A murderer boxer.

Yeah.

That's what they think we are.

Ow.

Soulless, it's all roided up, state-run system.

And they're like, that's who we are to you?

Okay, so there's like resentment there.

They're like, well, fuck those guys if that's what they think we are.

Fair.

Yeah, at least in China, we can't make them the bad guys because then we can't play our movies there.

Yeah.

But Russia never had those.

You're like, you couldn't play them anyway.

Could you go see a regular movie?

What movies played in Russia?

No, man.

I think during the Soviet Union times,

it was what they controlled.

No, but I mean, when you were there.

Oh, when I was there.

Oh, you could, yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

They were, it was

the bridges in Madison County.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh,

yeah, yeah.

I think they played all the American stuff.

I mean, I don't know if it was edited.

Right.

I wonder.

But

it probably wasn't.

Like, like, my one thing I learned,

one of my specials was released, it was, we know, thanks to like BitTorrent and stuff, we know it was like illegally downloaded like 1.6 million times.

Okay.

Like the Russians know how to illegally download stuff.

Like if these movies were not available in the cinema, they were still being consumed en masse.

Because again, you've just got this young generation who grew up with the internet.

I'll just get it.

Yeah, I'll just get it.

If I can't, you know,

you can either give it to us in a way that we can access it, or I'll find a way to fucking get it.

But there exists not a world where I'm not consuming that thing you made, right?

Oh, yeah, like when they changed first show sports, they always changed it.eu, dot com, dot whatever.

It's like, I'm gonna find it.

I'm gonna watch free sports.

Shaize, stop.

Just bother.

It's the same thing with the fucking ratting of the guy for that part.

Just stop.

We're gonna find it.

Yeah.

It's just, is this not boring for you?

Yeah.

God, you're annoying.

now i gotta get all these pop-ups because you can't fucking just wait just leave it alone i'm never i'm gonna get it

i'm never gonna pay for it it belongs to me i'm gonna find it please

it's always mine um

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I'm trying to think what else to talk about for Russia.

Like, what else would you do?

Like,

I mean,

I would love to have gone out to the, you know, the more outskirts part.

Yeah, but I mean, because some of the stories you hear, like, one of the, my mom.

Was it Dane?

Okay, go ahead.

My mom works for, well, she's outsourced by the UN.

So she heaps, meets people who work for different parts of the world, for different parts of government from around the world.

And one of of the stories

that went around was like,

I can't remember where the guy was from, let's say America, right?

And he's in some fucking weird part of Russia.

This is in like the

80s, 90s, and

he's getting a taxi to the airport.

And when he's on the way there,

he's got his passport, he's got his visa, he's got everything.

He's leaving the country.

Car pulls in front, like stops the taxi that he's in, and they go get the car and they go give us your wallet, gives you your passport, gives you money, gives your phone.

He's like, oh

man,

no way.

And he's like, he's like, can I not keep the passport there?

I'm like, they're like, nah, the airport's that way.

Give us all, give us all of your fucking stuff, right?

And he's like, oh, fucking.

So the guy then gets in the car and then like the two cars, like they take the taxi, they take his car, and he just like walks on the side of the road.

He's just like, just has to walk towards and just hopes that, like, someone will, you know, be nice at the airport.

He doesn't have his passport.

About two hours later, a car comes in this direction and two guys get out of the car.

And they go, gives your wallet, gives your passport, gives your phone.

And he goes, Matt, lads, you're fucking kidding me.

This has just happened.

And they're like, what?

And he goes, I've just, like, two hours ago, I've just been robbed.

And they were like, on this road?

You were robbed on this road.

And he was like, yeah.

And they were like, stay here.

Right?

And they get in the car and they fucking drive, right?

All this way.

He's like, oh, I don't want to start a turf war.

Man,

he just sits at the side of the fucking road.

It like starts getting darker and darker.

Like five hours pass, and then there's like two car lights coming up the road.

And it's the second two guys.

They get out, right?

And it's the taxi.

And they get them.

And they open up the boot.

And it's the two guys that robbed him the first time.

And they went,

are these the guys?

And he went, yeah, that's them.

And they give him his passport.

They give him his wallet, they give him his phone, and they go,

fuck off.

Like, here's the keys to go to the airport, leave it there, and don't tell anyone about this.

What?

And that was just like, yeah, man.

So you got, wait, hold on.

You got mugged on our road?

You got mugged on our phone.

Hold on, hold on.

Like, that's a way bigger problem now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hold on, give us all your money.

But, man,

something cool about that is like, they're like, okay, you've had a rough day, and something worse happened to us.

We just wanted your.

We've taken their all their money all of their stuff and we get to do our favorite thing which is to bash people's fucking heads in.

Oh, yeah, it's like this you've actually serviced me quite quite nicely today.

So is it like petty crimey?

I think so.

I mean I

were like worried walking around.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I think, I mean, there'll be pickpockets, I imagine, but it wasn't something I was worried about.

Like, not in the fucking Kremlin, man.

Like, there's, like, there's armed guards everywhere, and that's the political bet.

Like, that's the, the you know they they keep that yeah damn yeah yeah i guess when you go more out of town and man they're so fucking religious over there christian yeah well yeah like a type of christianity yeah yeah but there's also heaps there's moment there's russian muslims there's russian

man it's like so big there's but like yeah

i don't know if it's what it's i don't know what catholicism but it's it's no no no it's an ortho it's orthodox is that a thing russian orthodox yeah russian orthodox what are they what's their difference i always wonder the little differences between all the Jesuses.

Yeah, yeah.

There's so many little nothing thing.

Well, we just we're just like that, but we do divorce.

Like, okay.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just different.

Fairy tales, buddy.

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Um, people are religious, religious?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, it's I I would say, like, doing atheist jokes over there is like edgy.

Like, so I what was the line there?

So, well, well, I was doing my show about man, I was talking about fucking like rape and sexual assault, so, like, that was there.

But they it was I I always thought that was the contentious bit of of the show, but you can tell what you're in a weird place when sex education is like a contentious bit.

Because I'm like, at what age do you get sex education in Russia?

And they all just laughed.

And I went, well, and they're like, we don't get so you don't get sex education in Russia like at all.

Like that's that's not school mandated.

No, no.

That's because they're so fucking religious.

If you teach it to kids, then they'll start to do it.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because the only reason people fuck is because they were taught.

Oh, right.

They had some classes before they get married.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know me.

I didn't start jerking off until somebody taught me how to jerk off.

Yeah.

I think they'll figure it out.

I thank you again.

They're going to figure it out.

Yeah.

Oh, that's interesting.

They're all religious.

Yeah, real.

So I think, like, if you were to do atheist jokes over there, that's like...

That's the edge.

That's fucking edgy.

They're like, oh.

So, this is so funny.

Sometimes you get a walkout and they're like, oh, they didn't like the whatever school shooting jokes.

And they're like, no, no, no, no.

They were gone before that.

Or no, they love that.

It was this other thing.

You're like, what?

That?

Yeah, they're like, that's.

Oh, man.

When people get upset by the thing that just affects them, like,

they'll laugh at jokes about 9-11, and then you do one joke about diabetes, and they're like, but my uncle is diabetes.

It's not even diabetes.

It's so funny.

Like, it's not a show every day.

It's every other day, you asshole.

Oh, God.

Yeah, I'd like to see what the lines were for people in Russia where they're like, whoa, whoa.

I said one thing about Mao in China and the crowd was like, stop.

I could feel.

They were like, just don't.

Why?

Are they not allowed to...

to?

Yeah, no government shit.

But it was thought it was like pro-mao, so I was like, it's fine.

But they were like, just, it's not even funny.

I did, I did Hong Kong, and when I did Hong Kong, it was like

when

all heaps of the protests were going on, and they just made it illegal to wear masks.

Yeah.

And I was there.

And so I put a mask on at the end of the show, being like, look at me.

Look at me bravely putting on a mask.

Oh, no, not even tomorrow.

That night.

Like, I got in a taxi taxi after the show straight to Australia.

What a brave, brave ally.

You ever honor the picture of like Black Lives Matter?

The people picked up a drill and was like, took a picture and then just gave the drill back and like left

helping the community.

And it's like,

that was 100% me.

Yeah.

I never really wanted to go to Russia.

Why?

What?

Did you ever have a pull to go there, or was it just like...

No, no, it was just a tour.

No, it was not something I ever wanted to do, but

they,

oh man, I think it was even genuinely like, I didn't even want to do it for the audience.

It was a money thing.

Like,

they just said a number, and I was like, oh, I mean, for that, I'll absolutely, you know, I'll die on my hole.

Yeah.

Because they were like, we can sell 3,000 tickets.

I'm like, there's no way you're getting 3,000 people in fucking Russia.

Yeah.

Like in Moscow.

That's an insane thing to say.

You got 3,000 people to see you in Moscow.

In fucking Moscow.

In a non-English-speaking.

Yeah.

Wow.

And then I I turned up and I was there and it was great gig and I was like, oh my gosh.

And then it turned into, oh my god.

That's what I was saying, the degenerates of the people that are coming out.

Yeah, like the fun fucking people.

And, you know, they stood outside in the cold afterwards, then, you know, went to a comedy club and had a Russian McDonald's and got absolutely fucking drunk.

3,000 people in fucking Moscow.

Damn, fuck, dude.

Yeah.

It was so good.

Yeah.

Do the locals come out?

Yeah.

They're all locals.

You know what I mean?

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I don't think there would have been too many fucking people from the the sticks but you know what maybe there were i didn't you know i still didn't see much but man like what a fucking like the architecture out so like it is just is it like that everywhere cool with those little tips no no no they learned how to make like stock up the cheapest way to make an apartment building copy paste copy paste copy paste like very Chernobyl

yeah yeah yeah Factorian yeah yeah yeah you're like oh yeah like when you look at it you're like yeah I could have guessed this was Russia.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I've never really.

I don't have any desire to go to Russia.

No, not even like...

Not even like even after this.

Not even after the war.

Like the war.

That's like I would.

Yeah.

Especially if you tell me they could sell 3,000 tickets there.

Oh, man.

Like, you could do it.

You would definitely be able to do it.

Because, again, like, this is a part of the world where people got this younger generation.

They consumed the same media that we all consumed.

They might have consumed it at different times in their life but thanks to fucking youtube you know they watched conan they watched late night they watched you know fucking jackass and stuff yeah

you know they listen to the same fucking podcasts um because you know there is russian art but why not

do the better ones yeah why not do the better it's like canadians when they're like do you watch canadian tv like no we're 40 miles from nbc yeah of course you watch the office and not our fucking dumb like whatever our version of it is

yeah oh that's interesting No, I still don't want to go.

I mean, even though it sounds like they'd be cool hipsters and stuff, but would you go to Ukraine?

I would go to both.

If I got a gig, I would go to both.

And I would hang for a while.

Yeah.

I wasn't even thinking about being worried about Russia until you mentioned it.

I guess now it's like.

Like, I would, like, Alia, if I found out you were going to Russia before Ukraine, I would phone you up.

Not if I want to, out of spite to the Ukrainian people.

No,

man, this is worse than

that.

Plus, there's a lot of Ukrainian rapists.

That's never mentioned.

And some of them have been hurt by the war.

Are you not against hurting rapists?

You know, I think, you know, I think you're spending less.

What?

That sounds like pretty pro-rape to me.

Come see me in Moscow and St.

Petersburg on the 19th and 20th.

And I'll not go to that rape factory, Kiev.

Oh, yeah, people like Kiev too?

They must.

Yeah, I think it's, but I imagine it's.

You know what I'd want to go to?

Siberia.

That's so Russia, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want to see that.

Well, you can go to Siberia if you go to Russia and do any of your normal material.

Can you imagine being in that cold-ass place?

And they go, we're going to send you where it's colder.

And you're like, jail sentence.

But I thought this was the cold place.

Just leave me.

It's awful.

Yeah.

Oh, God, yeah.

I mean, it's one of the places where I wouldn't even like to fucking like Siberia.

I wouldn't even like to visit to know.

I just, I'm like, I've experienced Icelandic cold.

I believe you that there's colder.

I don't need to feel it.

Yeah.

Up here, this is Siberia.

Damn, it's so high up.

Yeah, man.

That's the place where, like, if it's fucking nighttime and you crack an egg, like, the egg will freeze before that.

I can't just go, bing, bing!

Shatter the fucking bull.

Fuck that.

You put noodles to your mouth, they freeze there.

Like, the chopsticks just float.

Fuck it.

Not a chance.

Yeah.

We were in Canada somewhere with Rogan, and they were like, he was like, he's always like, how cold does it get?

And the guy was like, minus 40.

And he goes, Celsius or Fahrenheit.

And the guy was like, what does it matter?

He's like, yeah, all right.

Yeah, no, I have no, I don't really have much desire to go.

I'm trying to think, even if I was like,

it would be nice to see a gulag, but they don't have tours of that.

Like the fucking killing fields and shit.

They're not going to show you a gulag.

Yeah, because I feel like, yeah, Russia doesn't really own its history

in the same way.

I mean, not that America does a great job.

What do you mean?

We've never done anything wrong.

Maybe we've done something wrong whatsoever.

But they haven't.

We don't up to it as soon as we did.

These people want to rewrite history.

Yeah, well, man, same in the UK.

Some people keep pointing out that heaps of our streets are named after all of these slave masters, but they neglect to mention what good sailors they all were.

Dude, we have you gotta start noticing the fucking names of cities, especially in the east coast, of just native tribes we wiped out, like Poughkeepsie, things like that.

They're all just like tribes, dead tribes.

And oh man, parts of like, even in Glasgow and like Liverpool and like the more liberal parts of the the UK, like there are streets that are named after.

Yeah, you got a street.

Yeah, well, because that's why

he had lots of money.

And I'm sure it was for an evil thing.

Oh, yeah.

Back in the past, we just liked people with heaps of money.

Haven't things changed?

Yeah, they really ate everywhere with money.

Wait,

yeah, I guess I have no interest in going to Russia after this.

Is there any place?

Not like fuck off, but like just still same way where I was.

Just like, I don't know.

Like, it's,

you know, there are more entertaining countries, places.

Too cold.

You're too cold.

Dude, I like hype, but then when they talk about going up to where it's, like, no oxygen, I was like, this isn't fun.

They're not going to speak English well.

They're not going to speak English.

They're not going to speak English well.

So, yeah, it's tough to get by.

I mean,

there are obviously enough people that do.

Again, the youth will speak fucking English.

Yeah, but if you go to a restaurant, do you have to learn how to like.

No, but they do get it, and they've got the English-speaking waiter.

But again, that city center, fucking Moscow, I read, and you know, they're not Spanish about it.

Like, the Spanish fucking hate when your non-Spanish ass turns up to their restaurant and doesn't try, doesn't try, yeah.

Whereas, you know, why are we going through the charade?

Eastern Europeans, like, oh, you thank you so much for even attending our thing.

We will do our best to, you know, well, guess what you're saying?

That's hey, we're just happy to.

Whereas the Spanish are like, if this motherfucker does not speak fluent fucking Spanish to me, I'm going to spit on all his potty up.

I'm just fucking hate these tourists.

Do people stink in Russia?

Or not really?

I legit could see this go either way.

It could be a body order place or not.

I don't think so.

Okay.

I don't think so.

Now I know.

But they were wearing many layers when I was there.

So do Hasidic people.

They stink.

Is that true?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's bad.

Those layers, it just swamps.

It swamps.

Yeah, layers is actually a bad sign, first thing.

Really?

Unless you just put on a new layer on top of an old layer to hold it in control.

But

what are the ladies doing during the day?

They're not washing all those clothes.

They're not doing.

They're not going to school.

I guess not the layers.

They do other stuff.

No, they're not going to school.

They're not doing many job jobs.

They're around the house.

Yeah, ladies of fucking sidism.

What the fuck have you been doing?

You're fucking bitching about how your life's hard.

You're not equal.

Wash some fucking clothes.

You're not even doing the shit you're supposed to do.

That's not the angle I was going to do.

Sloss is right, you fucking dumb bitches, the Hasidic Jewish community.

Daniel Sloss is correct about you and your fucking lazy bitch fucking ways.

Well, no, I am just saying.

Learn the kitchen first, Daniel Sloss says, and then maybe we'll teach you about the diamond trade.

I'm just saying it is all dull that time in the day.

Yeah, yeah.

Daniel, before we leave, you got pictures to send me later of you in Russia?

Oh, I'll ask Kai.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

So you went with Kai?

Yeah, yeah.

That's fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's fun.

Yeah, it was.

Does Kai ever make you do, like, just the presence of him make you like, oh, let's do something?

Oh, 100%.

The only reason I saw Russia that day was because Kai was there.

I promise you, had he not been there, I would have just drank vodka in a bathtub until the show.

But he was like, nah, like, come on.

Yeah.

Like, this is.

And he was right.

He He was like, he was like, man, this might be like once in a lifetime.

Yeah.

The opportunity to get that.

You got to force yourself.

And we did.

And

I'm glad we did.

I ended up having a fucking, you know, the day I was still a miserable bastard.

But at the night, it was good.

The gig was fucking great hanging out after.

I think we stayed out till like four or five in the morning.

And I was.

Really?

Oh,

nice.

I was blind drunk.

I was so vodka drunk.

Man, I kissed a man.

I was fucking steaming.

I kissed the game where it's illegal.

It's not your normal thing, you better.

I was like, you know, that was my act of fucking defiance.

Could have smoked a spliff, could have gone outside and said Putin's.

What are you going to do about it?

That's a grab interjection.

They've done a video saying Putin's a cunt.

Could have done any other thing.

I was like, no, no.

Bleeding heart lib.

I'll kiss a bloke.

I have no interest in fucking around with that.

Yeah.

I'm like, nope.

Dude, I got to get Kai Humphreys on this fucking podcast.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

For sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we'll get him to tell you about the fuck.

Oh, no, we've done the bull run on the podcast.

The bull run was great.

Yeah.

Some of these are like, oh, get him to tell you the story about why we thought he was going to be banned from Slovakia.

Okay, that's a good one.

That's a good end.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, Kai, do Slovakia.

Um,

hey, I do a travel tip at the end.

Like, what's your travel tip?

But that one reminded me another one I'll just say of like, just go out.

You'll feel too tired, but just do it anyway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're gonna regret not doing it.

I would, I mean, my fucking travel

tip, um,

fucking don't go to Spain.

They're all

they're all bastards if you want

if you want to go to Spain just go to Portugal just go to Portugal You don't know enough of a fucking difference between Spain and Portugal you'll have as you'll have the time you want in Portugal and you'll not I fucking despise the Spanish I fucking

because they're all fucking wankers man like I blacklisted it I'll never I'll never I'll not go there on holiday

I've done gigs there.

They're an awful fucking I hate them all Wow

wow real just bastards every last one of them oh my god never heard this take on spain man they're not i love it they hate they hate the brits for very valid reasons why well because all the brits that go to spain are working class uneducated pieces of shit who hate ex hate people doing in britain what exactly what they do yeah oh they come over here they don't learn the fucking language and then these cunts go to spain and don't learn the language and they buy second homes out there okay but can i answer for you?

Yeah.

Then bring out the fucking paella.

And then I wouldn't have to talk to you.

Just bring it out.

They go over there.

So they're just rudes to the Spanish.

So the Spanish now hate all Brits, which is fair.

But not all Brits are the same.

So when I go over there and I'm a nice person, they're still, oh, oh, and

they couldn't be less helpful.

There's nothing a Spanish person loves more than throwing a fucking roadblock up during your day.

It's so hot.

I love this so much.

They have siestas because they're just in the house.

Oh, they're not in a rush.

They are not in a rush.

They are just inherently lazy people.

Oh my gosh.

It's just part of their culture.

And they have dinner too late.

Like they're like 10, 11 p.m.

Like if you were to do a show.

Yep.

Like if you do a show in Spain, they will arrive one and a half.

The audience will arrive an hour and a half late and be so bewildered as to why the show is over.

Just a real show.

And I can say all these things because I'm never going back.

I'm never going back.

I've been there enough.

I've been there enough times to go and fucking hate this place.

Damn.

I love it.

I love some fucking vitriol.

All right, good travel tip.

Yep.

Stay with your space.

Portugal.

It's way better.

It's way better.

We got to start doing like a bing with the travel tip.

Portugal is the Spain you're looking for.

Yeah, Portugal.

Yeah, it's way better.

Wow.

Yeah.

It's like Scotland and England, man.

You know, if you're going to go to England, just go to Scotland.

It's the same.

All right.

Sloss, where can people find you online?

Just Daniel Sloss.

Three S's.

Yeah.

Watch.

Two at the end, one at the beginning.

Watch your special on Netflix.

Two specials on Netflix.

One special on Netflix.

One on HBO, and then later on in the year, I'll be releasing

two other ones on my website.

On DanielSloss.com.

Yeah.

I pissed, I'm just remembering now, me and DeRosa near here, one of your billboards, HBO, is notorious for leaving billboards up for months and months and months.

And there was scaffolding in front of it.

We pissed on it.

Oh, great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I felt that.

I think.

Yeah, we were like, oh, oh, yeah, just

like, let's be honest.

I felt like somebody walking over my grave.

Yeah.

Are my ears burning?

I think we videoed it.

Yeah, I think you sent it to me.

Yeah, which, you know, include it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it would have been spiteful had you just done it and not told me about it.

Yeah, fuck this guy.

Like, don't tell him.

Yeah, I think I graffiti one of Soder's.

Yeah.

They got to bring those back.

Anyway, Daniel Sloss, guys, a fucking great comedian.

Check him out.

Netflix.

HBO.

His own website.

Where is he not?

It's king of all media.

Yep.

That's me.

Thanks, buddy.

Thanks, buddy.

Well, that's the episode, everybody.

Thank you very much for Daniel Sloss for coming in and telling us about that country.

I got to be honest.

It doesn't make me want to go to Russia more.

I've just never had it in me.

I know some of you probably have.

Leave it in the comments.

If you've had a good time in Russia, leave it in the comments if you're watching it on YouTube.

I do love reading those comments and about your own stuff there.

Last time on Ian Lara's,

somebody was mentioning about how they love the rum there.

It reminded me of the fucking rum in Dominican Republic.

They're like little travel tips.

It's like if you're going to one of these places, or if anybody's going to one of these places, what they're going to do is, you know, what they're going to do, they're going to fucking look at the comments on this thing.

Give somebody some fucking travel tips.

Someone who might be maybe 10 years from now going to a place you've been.

Give them some tips.

That's a comment on YouTube.

Don't forget to check out Daniel's Lost October 5th at the Palladium in London.

Not the Canadian one.

There's another London.

Yeah, Russia.

I don't know.

I don't worry about them fucking spying on me or

like, you know, all this stuff like poisoning your door.

I'm not really worried about that at all.

Interesting, though, that the guy couldn't fucking say he's gay.

That's

tough for a comic to not be able to say that they're gay.

We don't really deal with that.

Everyone's like, you can't say anything anymore.

American comedy.

Like, well, you can say that you're gay.

And literally, in the gay comedy scene, you don't even have to be funny.

No, Emma Will was great.

Patel's great.

A lot of great gay comedians.

But the fucking gay scene,

shaky.

Shaky's not a fucking sexual move for when you're in somebody's car.

All right.

Just fucking be hybrid for once.

Anyway, fucking thanks, Daniel Sloss, for coming in.

I appreciate it.

Check out his specials: Dark X,

Sokio, Socio.

How did I say that shit?

Subscribe and wherever you're watching.

Shroom Fest, I hope you have a great time.

Don't forget this year is July 20th, 21st, and 22nd.

People go, all right,

how do you decide on Shroomfest when the dates will be?

Well, here it is.

We figured out a long time ago.

It's the longest weekend

of moonlight in the normal hemisphere during the summer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And we don't really count September much unless it's like the first week.

But so this year is July 20th, 21st.

If the full moon is on Sunday night, then that's going to be that weekend.

Yeah.

Sunday night in that range.

Anytime July, August.

Yeah.

Friday night, it's like this.

So it's a chance for you guys to do mushrooms whatever you want.

Saturday, Sunday, or Monday.

If you've got shit to do, if you're a comedian, that's how Monday started.

Yeah, you're working Saturday, Sunday.

Monday's your day.

Don't worry.

Don't not participate.

Monday is your day.

Some kids asked me, we just did it randomly in June.

They're like, can you wait till after finals?

Yes, we can.

I want everyone to participate.

Shroom Fest.

All you got to do to participate is fucking eat mushrooms, everybody.

What am I in here?

What shrubbery am I in?

I don't want to break shit.

So, if you want to get a t-shirt to commemorate this year's holiday, every year we do a different t-shirt.

I don't make any of the money off it.

I make none of the money off it.

The artists made it.

They're fucking badass shirts at Abracadaver on Instagram.

If you want to reach out and tell them, thank you.

Or if you want to have them build your website or do some fucking graphic work at Abracadaver.

Look at those fucking shirts, everybody.

They're fucking great.

Great design.

Three different colors.

Purple, green, gray.

I forget now.

I guess you would call it gray stone.

I love when they call something gold.

It's like fucking yellow.

Shut up.

It's fucking yellow.

Anyway, you can get those shirts at arieshair.com slash merch, along with the vinyl for my special Jew on sale now, almost sold out.

Sign up for the mailing list for a chance to win a signed copy of the test pressing of Jew.

If you don't know the test pressing is, you're not a fucking vinyl head.

I just found out myself.

I'm not going to judge you.

We're going to got grinders, shirts, the shroomfest shirts, vinyl.

Something I'm forgetting.

The Aries Fear grinders are pretty fucking sweet too.

Get everything in one.

They make great gifts.

Guys, that's the episode.

Please subscribe wherever you're watching or listening.

To help me grow this fucking channel and this page.

I'm having a great time fucking doing it.

Hope you guys are too.

Check out D'Andreel Sloss.

Make sure to follow him on Instagram.

Get off Twitter.

It's a fucking incesspool of hatred and just

smud and horribleness.

Nothing to do with Elon Musk.

He didn't turn down the fucking, he didn't turn around.

He didn't turn around.

He didn't turn around the fucking vibe of the place.

It's a fucking shitty party when everyone's on Coke and you're ready to leave.

It's nothing's going to turn him around.

No guy going, let me change the music is going to turn that fucking party around.

Nice try, Elon Musk.

Great.

Free speech, but that speech is horrifying.

You can just walk out of the room.

But Instagram, go ahead and follow him.

Follow us at UB Trippin' Pod on Instagram.

We'll see every week we post that the guy has pictures, posts a series of the pictures all at once.

It's cool.

School follow.

School follow.

um

and then sometimes i post my favorite like uh travel tips about different places i don't know whatever check them out and me at ari shafir on instagram as well um

i think that's it today's episode was produced by your mom's house network is a network a podcast network owned by my friend who had liposuction surgery uh two years ago lost a bunch of weight he gained a bunch of weight last thanksgiving and now he's out of the country getting more liposuction from a fucking honduran illegal doctor.

Yeah, it's Tom Segura, so I'm talking about, in case you don't know, yeah, he had liposuction.

He doesn't tell you that.

He doesn't tell you that.

He goes, oh, just some Ozempic, he may or may not say.

I don't know.

So, but guy, by the way, anyone in Hollywood who loses a bunch of weight, it's Ozempic.

You don't have to ask.

I haven't asked.

I have asked some people, and they say no.

And I go, Great, I don't believe you.

Just sudden hard weight loss.

It's okay.

Be on a Zempic.

Just say it.

I literally have no idea what Tom did.

Sorry, let me back that up.

Illegal liposuction in Nicaragua.

Next week, it's either Simeon Goodson talking about his DJ days in Wuxi, China.

What a fucking wild one that was.

Or Louis Katz

on maybe possibly the oldest trip we've ever had from 20 something years ago.

Older than Sal's fucking Ibiza trip.

He went to India.

We're going to revisit India.

Maybe we'll do two.

Which one do you want?

I'll have decided without you.

Do you want Simeon Goodson to stay in the fucking,

you know, whatever, what's it called?

Communism route.

I know China's not communist, but you know, more or less they are.

They're known as that.

So two communists in a row, or do we go India and then China?

Leave in the comments your suggestions/slash guess, and we'll see.

Either one of those are going to be great.

Then maybe Norman the week after that.

Yeah, we'll see.

Also, and he suggests, guys, you suggest stuff in the YouTube.

It's great.

I've already got a couple.

I've already got a couple from your suggestions.

Keep doing it.

If there's some real good traveler that you know of, I'm interested.

Especially if they got only, not especially, only if they got great fucking stories.

Some celebrity that you would have bypassed because you're like, well, I don't know about it.

But if he's like, no, no, he fucking got crazy when he was 19.

You know, I want to hear about it.

So that's it.

Let's get back to the episode.

Okay.

Oh, Alan Caffey

edited it.

And I think that's all I have to tell you.

Thanks, Daniel Sloss.

Until next week, everybody.

Oh, wait, Asa La Vista, Sayonara.

I know this one.

Dosodaña.

God, it can't be right.

Dosodaña, everybody.

Let's just fucking assume it is.

Who cares?

I'm never going there.