India w/ Louis Katz | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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Hello, everybody.

This is my announcer voice.

Welcome to You Be Trippin', the podcast that takes you all over the world.

The only podcast in the history of recorded stand-up television that takes you all over the world.

Today, my guest is a true traveler, a hilarious comedian.

He's got a new special out on YouTube right now.

He's a true traveler among comedians, legitimately, one of the only guys in comedy that really fucking gets out there and gets lost.

And he'll be on this podcast multiple times.

But today's the first.

Please help me welcome my guest at home.

Literally, clap at home.

For Louis Katz, everybody.

Hello, thank you.

Thank you.

Or Ronin.

Thank you.

As David Tell calls it, one of my favorite David Tell.

Yeah, that is nice.

He has no master.

I have no master.

I just

roam through the comedy dungeons.

Where are we going today, Louie?

This is so, no, Louie.

Louis right.

Yeah, you got it right.

You got it right the first three times.

So I thought we would talk about this trip I took after I graduated from college.

Over 20 years ago, me and a couple buddies spent a month in India.

India.

Ah, very nice.

Let's see what we got.

Right here.

India right there.

You're watching on TV.

Yes.

Northern India is where most of the people went.

It's a huge country.

It's huge.

It's crazy how long it would take to actually see.

I mean, to see all of it would take a year at least.

But even we saw a good part of just the north while we were there.

Now, you'll be interested to know this because I looked it up.

You said, I want to, like, you know, let's go to India, my first one.

We'll do other ones, too.

But India is still there.

20 years later, still a country.

So a lot of this will still be relevant.

Well, the funny thing is, I'm actually, the weird thing that made me think India with all this is that I'm reading that book, the Salman Rushdie book, Midnight's Children.

Okay.

Is that the one that got him like death?

death?

No, that's Satanic Verses.

This is one

is about, it's like a story, but it's also about the birth of India.

So like, India's still there.

India's only been a country since 1940, whatever.

Really?

An independent country.

Does it predate the Jews?

Before that?

Well, how did they get such a big one?

Well, it's been there.

It just hasn't been a unified country.

You know what I mean?

Like, it's been a unified, independent country since 1940-something.

So that's like actually kind of recent when you think about it.

Because there's it's

there's people living there, was living there by the way.

People have been living there for thousands and thousands and thousands of years.

Oh no, I remember like scouting out where the British are and trying to like, they needed us to plant bombs and like to see what's what

that kind of thing.

She goes, yeah, it was 12, but this wasn't Israel.

Yeah.

I'm like, you predate Israel?

Yeah, it's crazy.

It's crazy to think.

It's a lot of people in India, now.

Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, there's people that predate it for sure.

I mean, it's just,

well, when I went there, it was honestly, it was like the most intense

hardcore traveling I've ever done.

Had you been there before?

Never been before since.

Never been there before since.

And I know being a

colonizing place is wrong, evil.

But honestly, in the year 2001, just as a tourist, it was hard for me for four weeks.

Props to the British for coming there and taking over the whole country.

Because I don't know how you could do that.

It is a intense, wild place.

What do you mean?

You're talking about smells?

Let's start with smells, I guess.

Let's start with smells.

It's just

I mean, like, I mean, there's just, I would say not start with smells, just on top of everything I'm saying, add potential smells on top of that.

I mean, it's just like, I don't even know where to start.

It was part of the reason I wanted to go there was I,

when I was, you know, I studied abroad in Brazil.

Okay.

And it was between Brazil and India, not because I knew a lot about them, because I knew nothing about them.

They sounded exotic to me.

They sounded crazy to me.

I just didn't know shit about them.

I love that.

And in the end, I went with Brazil, and then I was like, you know, Brazil's really cool, but Brazil.

For your study abroad?

Yes.

Okay.

It's like kind of like a weird, bizarro United States.

You know what I mean?

It's still kind of similar in a lot of ways.

In what ways?

What are you talking about?

Like big cities, McDonald's?

Well, it's the New World.

It's very,

there's a mix of different kinds of people there.

It's not one homogeneous people.

So right there, there's a lot of similarities.

That's what I say about Australia and Canada.

I'm like, it's all, they're all the same.

Called the United States, called just a group of whatever.

It's just like the animals are a little different, but like, you're not going to be like, what is this?

Well, Brazil is

for the Brazil episode.

It's way different than that.

It's like, what I mean, Bizarro.

It's like, you know, they have like, um, they have like three times as many slaves were brought there, and they kept going with slavery like 30 years later than that.

Brazil?

Yes.

So just as an example.

Okay.

But we'll talk about that another time.

We'll talk about another time.

Yeah.

Let's get it off this power-saving mode.

Let's turn this on all the time.

Yeah.

There we go.

69.

69.

Do you know that's a sexual move?

What?

69.

Teach me.

I'll show you afterwards, but it's like it's a reversal of fortune, and that's all I'll say for now.

Reversal?

I don't want a surprise for you, but let's just say, I haven't showered today.

Exciting.

So how old are you when you go there?

I'm 21.

21 years old.

Yeah, I'm with two of my buddies.

We're 22.

We just graduated from college.

It's four weeks in India.

How much hair did you have?

And then two weeks, so much hair.

Although, while I was there, someone was like, you think too much.

You're going to go bald.

And they predicted it.

That's what happened.

Do you think that's why Jews go bald?

Yeah, probably.

It's all thinking.

I don't know if you know this.

I'm also Jewish.

I also think too much.

You got to keep it long just to differentiate between the two of us.

Yeah.

We should have a pact where we have to keep different hair.

You're bizarre.

Bizarre.

Bizarre cats.

Different hair, different facial hair, and head hair at all times.

But

it was just.

You went with your buddies.

So we went with our buddies, and I'm just going there to see something.

I want to see something really different, right?

And we actually connected through maybe Thailand first, and then went to India from Thailand.

Interesting, okay.

Right?

Which was,

I think that's, I don't know why we did it that way, but I think that's what it was.

I'm in Bangkok for a night.

I'm like, this is just like, you know, this isn't that different.

As soon as we.

You come from the west coast, you're in San Francisco, right?

Yeah, we're in LA.

Yeah, I could see stopping there.

I think what it was was that because we wanted to end up in Thailand, we bought like a six-week round trip and then a cheaper local trip.

I don't interested in that, if I remember correctly.

Okay.

We get to India and it's like automatically just like

it's so different, dude.

It's so different.

Like, what do you mean?

Like, what hits you?

Well, first of all, I plan the whole trip.

By the way, the pillow is up to you.

Yeah, I know.

I'm deciding what's comfortable and I'm moving around.

Okay.

They're a little itchy, you know?

They're a little itchy.

That's why they're not in the fucking

room.

I get it.

I thought they were relegated.

Yeah, man.

I get it.

You don't want to.

You rub up against that.

You're like, ooh, it's a little burlap-y.

But

I plan the whole trip.

My friends don't plan it at all.

We're like, what are we?

We're four weeks in India.

We have no plans.

Literally, I have.

That's the best way to.

Well, I mean, go ahead.

Yeah, but we only have four weeks.

We don't have months and months.

You know what I mean?

You gotta, we don't even know what we want to see.

We just have a ticket.

We don't even know what's there.

You know what I mean?

Like, you have to at least know what's there.

So, this is pre-internet, so I'm just Lonely Planet style.

You know what I mean?

I'm just going through the book on the way there.

I'm like, I guess we do this, this, and that.

It is fun to research something on the plane to the planet.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy.

Like, I guess we should, like, because I didn't know anything.

I knew the Taj Mahal.

Taj Mahal.

That's it.

I knew the Taj Mahal.

I didn't even know that wasn't in Delhi.

You know, I don't know shit.

I don't know anything.

So I'm figuring it all out on the way there.

And part of the...

Is Delhi the same as New Delhi?

I said it.

I just made it.

I would say it.

That's a cool way.

I said it, Delhi, because I'd be like, you should know.

I guess you didn't know.

Not that cool.

But

so...

In the book, they're like, these are the scams you got to watch out for.

And they warn you about the scams.

Wow, they have a section of the book about about

scams.

That's how much they are.

Yeah, but here's the thing about the crazy thing about the scams is they tell you to watch out for them, but once you're in them, you're just like, oh, this is that scam I read about.

And it's just happening to you.

And you don't know how to do it.

Like, what kind of scams are there?

So we get there.

There's this whole thing about like, you got to take the right taxi from the airport.

They give you a receipt.

Don't give them the receipt unless they take you where they want to, where you're supposed to go.

They're going to try and take you to another hotel.

Dude, we land there.

We get the right taxi.

They try to take us to another hotel.

They won't take, they say our hotel burned down.

They drive us somewhere else.

So we're like, we're, you know, this is ridiculous.

We feel like we're in the scam.

Yeah, yeah, we're now.

Oh, this is, oh, this is that thing I read about.

Cool, it's happening to us.

So we're like, this is ridiculous.

We want to go to our hotel.

And they're like, fine, you can get out right here.

And now we're like, we're not getting scammed.

We're just standing with our bags in the middle of New Delhi, dude.

Here's the problem with the stand your ground against the scams in some foreign place.

One, you're scamming probably in some places for about $3.

Yes.

And two, there is a cost-sum analysis of I'm not going to go for this, but I am fucked right now.

Where the fuck am I?

How do I even get a cab?

Yeah.

Well, there's also like, I've since changed my philosophy on traveling to places like this, and I was battling it in Italy.

Sorry, in India, it was different.

I just was always like constantly like, I'm not trying to get, I don't want to be ripped off because I'm a tourist.

And then you realize,

It's a couple more bucks to them.

It's nothing to you.

Get ripped off.

That's now my my philosophy.

Because also it's like, how much time am I going to spend and discomfort am I going to take to not get ripped off?

It's time, it's discomfort.

It's nothing.

If it's a simple thing of like, if like, let's just say water's here are a dollar and Sal Volcano will not pay more than a dollar for a water.

Oh, obviously, I'm by that.

I'm a billionaire.

Yeah.

And he's like, they're like, $1.50.

He goes, no, it's a dollar.

And they're like, sorry, $1.50.

It's a Central Park, man.

It's $1.50.

And he goes, then I'll move on.

And they're like, here's a millionaire who will go thirsty because it's a dollar.

But the thing about, I mean, just specifically in New York, if you say, if you start putting it back, 90% of the time they'll say, fine, it's a dollar.

So there is a moment where you could go, where they're like, hey, let's say water costs a dollar somewhere, and they go $2.

And now you're on vacation.

Even if every single time they charge you $2, it's going to add another $12 to your trip.

But just go, there's a moment where you can go, no, no, no, one.

And they go, okay, you can take that moment.

It's not like if they just give into every scam.

Sure.

You don't go super hard.

They're like, two or nothing.

But it's just.

It's India, so it's like, this should be 30 cents, not 70 cents.

It's like, what?

Like, who cares, man?

Like,

that's maybe not exactly.

I don't know the exchange rate, but my friend did say today, I was asking him about it.

According to his memory or what he remembers, besides flights,

he spent $500 in our month in India, which I don't know if that's right, but that's what he remembers, which is pretty crazy.

Yeah.

Do you think it's just a Jewish thing or everybody?

When you're like, guess how much this meal costs?

I don't know, but it's definitely a Jewish thing.

I mean, this is my cheapest Jewish friend.

I feel like it's not just Jewish.

Oh, he's also Jewish?

Yeah, he's also Jewish.

I feel like it's not just Jewish because other people, like,

when we had those Dola Muerzas in

Ecuador, they have them other places, I guess, a prefix lunch.

Yeah.

Fresh juice.

Nice.

Main, two sides, sometimes dessert.

And you're like, how much was it?

You know, like $250.

And you're like, no fucking way.

But you're both like, no way.

It's crazy.

Maybe I'm more because I'm Jewish, but it's interesting.

That got me so hyped right now.

Back to India.

Back to India.

So anyway, then they take us to the

for the month.

Yeah, and this is, now granted, like, in retrospect, I think, honestly, like, it took, I felt like going to India was kind of like what you hear about women when they're pregnant.

They have to forget about how bad it was to then say, I kind of want to be pregnant again.

Like, it was a hardcore month.

Yeah.

And only a few years later was I like, I would, I want to go back.

Because it really is the most interesting place I've ever been.

But like, so that first scam.

So luckily another taxi comes by, they take us to the hotel.

But then I'm just telling you, like, 10 minutes out in the streets in delhi or anywhere else in india is like you like walk around for like 10 minutes and then you come back to your hotel you close the doors and you're like fuck that was so intense it's overwhelming dude it's so loud there's so much noise there's so many people it's so chaotic everyone's trying to sell things to you or like they sell things by like grabbing your hand that's that's the things they will grab your hand

yeah dude like all right so i actually found it do it do it so i'm just what i mean what am i just walking or am i I reaching?

Just like my, like, my, like, friend, or maybe they'll put something on you, or something like that.

They're like, in their,

the sale is halfway done by the time you can say no.

So, the first,

I read this in my notes today, and I forgot this happened the very first day.

We're walking around New Delhi.

We pass through a park.

A guy walks out from behind a bush, and he's like, My name is Muhammad Ali.

I'm an ear cleaner.

Would you like your ears cleaned in the park?

Do you see what I'm saying?

Like, I don't know how to respond to that.

I don't know the right price.

I don't know how to, I don't know know if I need to get this park.

It's like, get away from me.

Yes.

Get away.

He was, he had, it was like, it was funny.

The cool thing is that they were like,

this is pre-internet, but they were already like ahead of time with reviews because he had a book of testimonials of people saying like, Muhammad Ali is the greatest of all time.

He cleaned my ears.

So one guy, I remember one guy wrote, he wrote, Muhammad Ali gave me an ear abortion, like they were saying.

And dude, you're like, how are you going to clean my ears?

It's a fucking kebab skewer.

It's a metal spear that you're just going to let some dude in the park just go to town.

He doesn't have to go by any sort of like FCC laws.

No.

Right.

Isn't the FCC for broadcasting?

Whatever it is.

You know what I mean?

ADA, whatever.

The American Dental Association.

It has nothing to do with this guy's ear cleaning.

It's like the tuk-tokes or whatever.

They're like,

get my motorcycle and I'll drive you somewhere.

It's like, these aren't regulated by the government.

It's some guy.

Well, you just got to assume that people, it's bad business to fuck people up and you don't want to get in trouble with the law or anything.

So there's that.

But I'm just saying.

Most people don't want to just deafen someone.

Yes, but I'm just not letting a dude in the park go to town on my ears.

I'm not like, no.

It's like, I was like, I was like, third generation.

Dude, you'd think by third generation, you'd get a kiosk at the mall or something besides a bush in the park to sell your ear cleaning wares.

I'm just saying that.

Hey, everybody.

Ari Shafir here to wish you a happy July 4th.

Don't blow your fucking finger off this year, how about?

You're down two already from the last two years.

I get it.

It's a birthday, but why do you got to blow your fucking finger off?

Anyway, I'm here to tell you about Louis Katz.

He's a great comedian, and maybe you've never heard of him.

His new special is out right now on YouTube called The Best Comedian You've Never Heard Of, and it might be true.

He's one of the top 20 underrated comedians list.

Yeah, him, Soder.

God damn, there's a lot.

Sean Patton, maybe a tell.

He's rated, but he's underrated too.

I don't know, man.

Doug, there's a bunch of people.

He's also going to be performing in Edinburgh this year.

I won't be there, but he will be.

I know you're going to be looking for a show, and I'm telling you for a fact, that's a fucking winner.

If you're going to Edinburgh, you should check out Louis Katz at the Counting House at 8:30 p.m.

every day.

Stay sober just long enough to see Louis Katz.

Finish off getting drunk.

Start with the two at the show, and then keep it going and get fucking throw-up drunk like you were meant to at the Edinburgh Fringe Comedy Festival.

It's his first time there.

Wish him good luck.

Bring him some weed.

I don't think he smokes anymore.

Put some fucking money in his bucket.

God, just check out the show.

Counting House, 8.30 p.m.

Guaranteed.

It's going to be a fucking good time.

I don't deliver that much.

I don't deliver that message much.

He's also going to be doing Edinburgh preview shows in Eau Claire, Wisconsin.

Brea at the Improv, July 10th, July 25th, and 26th

at the Brooklyn Comedy Club in Brooklyn, New York.

Check out all his tour dates at Louiscatz.com.

For myself, I just want to wish you a happy July 4th and don't do mushrooms.

You know why?

Because we got Shroom Fest coming up July 20th, 21st, and 22nd.

I'm going to fucking burn.

Yeah, get those.

Get on that, guys.

Just take some mushrooms and do them during that day and join us.

There's also, I got Shroom Fest shirts available, not for me, my own profit, but for the profit of the universe.

The guy, the artist, all the proceeds go to the artist at Abercadaver.

Really cool fucking designs on that shroom fest shirt this year.

Get them at ari shafir.com/slash merch, where you can also find a link to the Patreon, patreon.com/slash slash uh ari shafir and also grinders vinyls and so forth and so on and sign up for the mailing list guys let's get back to the fucking episode i'm burning out here i can't break in anymore subscribe before i do wherever you're watching or listening hit subscribe now let's get back to the fucking episode there's like um there's it's a city but there's animals i can't remember there was cows in deli or not but there's cows there's monkeys dude i mean you've traveled enough to know that monkeys very cute but very evil you don't know how to deal with them do you ever see them steal anything oh fuck yeah dude they go and everywhere had different monkey advice some of them like you got to stare them down other ones are like never look at them in the eye that's why i've heard both don't take their picture like they hate them right there if you look them in the eye they're like what the fuck do you want you want me to use

so you have to like look away and they're coming right here and they're a crew it's a bunch of monkeys i mean in hong kong they said they said oh better put your uh don't take any plastic bags like out you have to keep them in your

okay non-visible okay

plastic bags as foods in there just grab it sure and they're like and then monkeys know once you put your loops on something, the whites are just like, take it.

I don't want it anymore.

So if they just touch the straw of a Starbucks thing, that Starbucks thing is theirs.

Yeah, yeah.

All they got to do is touch it.

I mean, that's the thing.

It's like, you don't want to get, I mean, a touch from a monkey, you're like, what disease did I just get?

You know what I mean?

Monkeypox.

So, yeah, monkeypox, the new aids.

Who knows what it is?

I'm not saying that monkeypox is the new age.

I'm saying they could also give you the new aids.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Yeah.

It's all on the table with monkeys.

Like, here's an example of.

And gouging your eyes out.

It's always a possibility with monkeys.

They're super strong.

Yeah.

But, like, here's a, this is an India thing.

This didn't happen while I was there, but this is a story that

kind of encapsulates what going to India was like.

They had a monkey problem.

I forget if it was in Delhi or in a city in

India.

Their answer to the monkey problem, bigger guard monkeys.

Do you see what I'm saying?

Like, this is what's going on in certain parts of this country.

Like, it's intense, dude.

And, like, all right, think of the craziest homeless person you ever seen in New York.

Uh-huh.

Saw him today.

All right, cool.

Now, think of him covered in boils, wearing a diaper, holding a trident.

Do you see what I'm saying?

Everything is next level.

It's next level.

It's like a super villain.

You know what I mean?

It's just, it's just, it's just, everything was just

super, super intense.

How long until you got over...

The like the what the fuckness of it all

never never it was just like like you're getting ready to leave for the airport so

we're like going around so that's one scam that happens to me then like i'm walking around one day how'd you at your hotel uh then we another taxi happened to be driving by we're like take us to the hotel and they took us so thank god that happened so we got the hotels

yeah well you know what was what was dumb was we didn't follow it the whole thing this is also like we're also like

21 and not sure how to really assert ourselves properly like the whole key with it was that you don't give them the receipt until they take you where you want to go and i think we'd already given them the receipts yeah

I thought we weren't supposed to.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

You're right.

You're not going to be able to do it.

Well, you have to get every all three people.

In New York, it's like, put the meter on.

Yeah.

And because it's like, oh, he just forgot.

It's like, he forgot on purpose.

Oh, dude, my guy at the airport the other day was like banging on the meter, pretending like it was broken.

He's like, this thing, it doesn't work.

How much would you pay me?

I'm like, I'm like, hey, no big deal, man.

I'll just write down your medallion number and I'll call it in.

Like, no, hold on, it'll work.

And then it works.

It was magic.

So I just didn't know how to be like a little bit more as far as giving.

Oh, my god, what?

I don't know.

Jesus, dude.

I'm not, I live here.

Yeah, I know.

But

I would be giving with the money and then more, a little more forceful with like that tactic.

Not forceful, just like it's just all three dudes have to be on the same page.

You know what I mean?

So it was like hard to communicate.

So then I'm walking around

or walking around Delhi, and a guy saddles up next to me, points down at my shoe.

I look down at my shoe.

There's a piece of shit.

Say that.

Okay.

I just want to make sure you're still on.

Yeah.

There's a piece of shit perfectly centered on my shoe.

Another one of the scams that I read about.

So what they do is they shit shoe you.

You never heard.

This never happened to you?

You got shit shoeing, man.

It's a real scam.

They walk up.

Somehow they have perfect aim with this shit.

It's like a pile of shit right on your shoe.

Then they happen to be

shoe cleaners.

They happen to be shoe cleaners.

So they're like, hey, man, looks like you need your shoes cleaned.

And you do.

Oh, no.

I read about this scam.

So now I'm.

But it's too late.

You already got me.

There's shit on my shoe.

I do.

I clean this.

Hey, dude, I didn't.

I'm like, I'll clean it myself.

I'm not falling for this.

There's no way out of it once you got shit shooed.

I mean, dude, and I'm a germaphobe.

So I'm like, I clean off the shoe.

I had to, like, I marinated the shoe in, like, in hand sanitizer.

You know what I mean?

Like, I was like, I have to wear this.

This is the beginning of my time.

like a high-level shit.

It's not a Wall Street shit.

No, it's like a New Delhi fucking recycled shit.

It's a perfect, but their aim is like, it's a perfect dollop right there.

Like, perfect.

Like, there's none on your pants.

There's not anywhere else.

Oh, my God.

So, like, I'm like, wow, every scam that they warned us about is happening, right?

So, by now, I'm like, paranoid about it.

Now, the last scam that they read about was

a hotel restaurant will poison your food.

Poison your food.

Then they call the paramedics.

They got to deal with the hospital.

they get in on the medical bill, and you got to go to the hospital and you come back.

So now I'm fucking paranoid about that, right?

I go to, yeah, right?

So I'm like, this is going to happen to me.

And I'm reading about that and I go, after these tooth scams have happened, I'm like, I got to be on the lookout for scams.

I go to a restaurant.

They just keep giving me rice.

They keep giving me rice.

I'm like, this rice is poisoned.

They're trying to poison me.

Only afterwards did I realize I'm in India.

Of course they're giving me rice.

No one is poisoning me with the rice.

Like, I know I'm just, I'm just saying the level of paranoia I'm at.

Yeah, because you've already been scammed twice.

I've already been scammed twice.

These are all coming true.

Both my friends got

crazy sick.

I'm the only one who didn't get sick.

I want to talk about that.

That seems like a rite of passage in India specifically.

Well, dude, it's like, so, you know, their toilets are Asian-style toilets with just, like, the hole and the two foot marks on either side.

That's another thing I want to talk about.

And it's like...

Had you ever seen these before?

It might have been new to me then.

I mean, I knew about it going into it, but I wasn't sure how.

So my friend, my one friend's got a big S.

So his center center of gravity's fucked up.

He's a tall dude with a big S, you know?

So it was very difficult for him to do this.

If you were properly

fibered up

and you got the thigh muscles, it's actually, it is a cleaner.

They say that.

They say that.

It is.

They say that.

Dude, the fact that your cheeks are coming together and creating a Warshock test out of your dookie is disgusting.

It's bad.

Yeah, when you're squatting,

you're wide open.

It's just like a

direct shot.

Now, whether I then want to afterwards

wash my asshole with my bare hand in water.

Just dump it.

It's from a water bucket that someone else has dipped their hand in after touching their shit.

Exactly.

The water's not like a running water.

Sometimes it is.

But it's just like, where is this water from even?

I don't even want to touch my hand.

And then put that in, and you got it kind of

and then right back in the water.

I'm bringing paper everywhere I go.

I roll a paper, toilet paper everywhere.

But then where do you put the toilet paper afterwards?

There's a trash can usually in there, also.

You know what I mean?

How bad does that trash can smell?

Well, that's I was used to that from Brazil because Brazil also has the same.

It's not that.

Their plumbing is bad, so they say to not flush the paper.

So I'm used to there being a tiny, stinky trash can.

The United States is in the minority.

Yes.

With garbage disposals.

Toilets.

All that shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

So

anyway, I'm just like, my friends, I don't know what made me.

You never got diarrhea?

Someone told me to take garlic pills every day, a garlic supplement.

I don't know if that's what did it, but my friends got so sick that by the end, I was just so not trying to be sick that I was only eating non, like just bread, like just the bread, nothing else.

My friends looked like Freddie Mercury at the end of Buying the Music.

You know what I mean?

Did they stay sick?

No, they got better.

It was funny when they were sick.

One guy gave us advice.

He was like, eat yogurt.

Poison kills poison.

We're like, whoa.

It was such crazy advice.

But

they both got like, I mean, it's also because you're like that sick and there's not a toilet to aim it down, sometimes these shits would just be like pollocked.

The bathroom would be...

pollocked, dude.

It was bad news.

They both lost so much weight.

But before all, so there's like, that's all happening.

So they both get sick and I'm getting nervous about it.

You could also always get an English breakfast, which is like, you know, toast, eggs.

Would you get those?

Yeah, in the morning, yeah.

I mean, that's the thing is everywhere I go, I'm like, I want to eat like the locals do.

You know what?

After two weeks, a month of that, it's like, I don't eat like this.

It's not about eating American food.

It's about eating a variety of foods.

Like, I don't eat any kind of one.

Like,

what did you eat?

Where did you eat there?

Like, street stalls, restaurants, places, all kinds of restaurants.

You know, we tried to ask the people what they liked.

And I mean, it's real, strangely enough, I can't remember the food as much.

But one thing I did do was

I tried

this thing called Bang Lassie.

Do you know about Bang Lassie?

I know Lassie is like the milkshakey.

That's the yogurt drink.

Bang Lassie is when they mix up a hashish and you get fucked up.

So, yeah, so supposedly you can order these bang lassies.

And the weird thing about India is there's parts that are like, there's like a Muslim state where you can't even drink.

And then some states you can buy opium from a government store.

That's the range within India, right?

Wow.

So in some places, I don't think this...

I had Bang Lassi.

So Banglassi is hashish mixed with water.

So these dudes are showing us around,

I think, Jaipur, which is in Rajasthan.

It's like this red city.

Rashid's like the state.

Rajasthan's the state, yeah.

It's kind of like if you make, there's like a triangle of like common tourist places in Goa is a big one.

Well, see where Delhi is up there?

Uh-huh.

This map is very old.

But

Delhi, and then if you go left, there's Jaipur, and if you go right, there's Agra, which is where the Taj Mahal is.

So that's a very common tourist thing to do.

It's very small.

That would be only like

this much of it.

And we saw more than that.

We also ended up going like all the way to, not to Calcutta, but we went like we went through the north, through here.

So anyway, we go to this place, Jaipur.

These people are showing us around the...

They just glommed onto us.

By uh they'll just glommed.

Which people?

Just like a dude in the street will like try and be your tour guide, and they'll just like make something up and be like, How come?

I remember what he said.

He was like, How come Americans hate us so much?

They'll put something on you that will make you want to say, like, why don't you be defensive and be friendly to them?

And then you got to be nice to them.

Do you see what I mean?

Like, it's a whole thing.

It's like these scammers, not the scammers, but the ones that just want you to sign their fucking,

you know, be kind to animals or vote, whatever.

They go, hi, nice day today, isn't it?

And you're like, oh, yeah.

It's like, hey, were you voting this year?

And you're like, oh, you motherfucker.

You fake nice to me.

No, no.

So that's what they do.

They figure out a way just to get in.

Yeah.

Well, so they're showing us around.

They're like going to take us to, I'm like, do you know where to get Bang Lassie?

They're like, okay, we know a place.

Take us to this little hole in the wall, please.

And when I say little hole in the wall, I mean literally hole in the middle of a wall, dude.

This dude is sitting there.

I don't know how he got in the hole in the wall.

It's a hole in a wall.

There's a single light bulb.

He's like, the bang lassie, it's Hashi, so it looks like mud.

He's about to mix it up.

I'm like, please use my bottle of water.

Like, he's just mixing mud into my water.

Like, what?

And I drink it and I get like really high.

I got, I got super high.

It was, it was, it was kind of off.

It was good.

Yeah, it was good.

So we did that once.

Like, can you just?

I get the hash part.

Yeah, water's disgusting.

Yeah, yeah, please.

But the, I mean, it was just, it was mixing.

Do I want his slurry mixed with his water or my water?

It was all gross.

Um, so we did that there.

I'm trying to think what else.

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Oh, man.

And the place with the opium, that was like, that was awesome.

You took opium?

Yes.

It came in these little balls, rubber balls.

How much was it?

Do you remember?

Everything was cheap.

Nothing, pretty much.

Yeah.

Okay.

And

you put it in this tea and then you just kind of drink it.

And you're like, dude, that opium, it's like, you're like, I get why they fought a war over this.

This shit is great.

Oh, it feels so good.

It feels like...

Like you're sinking into velvet, man.

It feels so good.

You know all those hair?

It's like stoned, but warmer and deeper.

You have weird dreams a little bit on it.

Oh, also,

we're all on anti-malaria pills.

So we're having crazy anti-malaria dreams.

Not

actually dreams, vivid dreams.

Very vivid dreams.

Yeah, the malaria pills.

That mixed with sometimes, I don't know, if you had this quitting weed, which right about the eight-day mark anyway, if you quit weed, then you're like, the dream starts.

The malaria and that,

it's nuts.

Vivid, it's weird they were like always like violent dreams.

And like, I had, I had very violent dreams.

I had very violent dreams.

I remember one, I had, um, there was, you know, that Dali,

Salvador Dali painting where there's like the spindly elephants?

Uh-huh.

I had like a spindly elephant like come at me and my family and like gore one of us in my dreams.

It like seems so real.

Well, it's just I can remember it.

I mean, like,

and then I had one where like, um, you remember Baron Munchausen?

There's like, uh, there's like an angel of death who's like a black feathered wings and like a skeleton.

And it was like him, the angel of death, like holding me in a headlock and like repeatedly shooting me in the head with a gun.

It was intense, anyway.

So, those are the dreams I would have.

But

let me think what else.

Oh, so we go to Agra where we see the Taj Mahal.

It's beautiful.

This is the craziest thing.

So, one of my friends is this redhead, dude.

Instead of looking at the Taj Mahal, all the because there's India's so big, they're mostly mostly it's Indian tourists.

They're looking at him because they never seen a redhead before.

They're like, they want to take pictures with him.

Wow.

It was like they were just so blown away to see a redhead before they're going to be a little bit more like their Indian tourists.

Go, let's go to the big, like the Smithsonian.

We go to the Smithsonian.

Yeah, dude.

And it's like foreigners, too, but it's an American thing to go to.

Yes.

Wow.

So the Taj Mahal is all people from small town India.

Yeah.

I mean, it's just like, why not go see the Taj Mahal?

Oh, yeah.

They were blown away.

They wanted to touch it.

They were just like, what is this?

Isn't that the craziest thing?

Yeah.

You feel like a celebrity.

Yeah.

Oh, and the other thing that's funny is that, like, Indian dudes, you've probably seen it sometimes here, will sometimes they'll like dye their hair henna red.

Like, it looks really funny.

Oh, yeah.

It's like not a realistic red, but like they would always like they'd like give him props like hey what's up

dude i had a monk in myanmar throw it to me bald monk i had shaved my head before i moved out there and he's like hey

like

we're the same and i was like sweet i was like a foot and a half taller than him

um wow yeah they take pictures of you that we had that in in in somewhere outside a big temple and it was like all these blonde chicks from canada and they were like lined up and it was like yeah people have never seen that yeah it's incredible it's incredible dude and i mean um oh then we like so for a big part of this trip we just hired our own driver we had our own driver it was that affordable i mean dude we had we had a pedicab at one point you know a bicycle um tucked i forget what they're called or tucked up there whatever they call maybe they call something different there probably something different we asked them we said like my friend was just around he's like how much to go to nepal like and he like quoted us a price he would have taken us by bike to another country dude

all right well he was like i mean which is kind of rude to set to ask because because clearly the guy needed the money.

And he's like, no, he goes, okay, fine, half price.

No, no, I actually,

I'm sorry.

They're so desperate.

How about I just give you a dollar?

I'll name my son after you then.

Oh, we also got like

this guy that my friend worked for was like, you gotta get their native clothes.

I forget the name of the men's clothes.

Maybe they even call them pajamas, but they look like pajamas.

You know what I mean?

Like, it's like.

It's like pajama being an Indian word.

It is an Indian word.

It is an Indian word.

Pajama.

There's a few other words that are like that.

It's the thing where it's like,

like a t-shirt collar, but buttoned down here.

Do you know what I mean?

And then, like, flowy pants.

So we got tailor-made outfits like that.

Like, so, like,

are we going to fit in?

Like, no, we don't fit in more.

Like, we look ridiculous.

It's this theory that my friend told me he didn't want to take his camera around.

He was a photographer guy because he didn't want to seem like a tourist.

And they're like, well, man, what do you think you're going to seem like as a six-foot-white guy in Indonesia?

Do you think you're not going to seem like a tourist?

And he was like, yeah, what am I doing?

Just lean into it.

Yeah, it is what it is.

So we finally.

I love that feeling, though, of like, I don't want to seem like a tourist.

What is that?

Well, everyone hates tourists.

But

you are a tourist.

You are.

You can't not be a tourist.

You just got to be the most tried and be the most respectful tourist.

So, oh, and then we go to another temple in Kajarao where it's like this ancient temple, and then carved in the side of the temple are all the Kama Sutra moves.

So it's like this like

Ages and Temple of Porn.

It's incredible.

Yeah, it's awesome.

Wow.

And but then they're so conservative.

They're like, dude, like we never saw any women, like hardly any women in the streets.

Well, first of all, when you see a woman, like the saris are so beautiful, like from the rich to the poor, like you see them kind of parties sometimes or Indian restaurants when they're dressed up, and you're like, damn, you guys look nice.

But this isn't even dressed up.

It's like the average, average, like working class, like farmer lady is wearing the most magnificent, like beautiful outfit.

And also, so you never see women, and it's like, after not seeing women for that long, at some point we saw a movie, which I'll get into in a second.

Like,

yeah, someone shows an ankle, and you're like, damn, look at that ankle.

Like, you haven't seen women.

I'm a young dude.

They call it golf course syndrome.

What?

Golf course syndrome.

Because women don't really play golf.

So when you're on the golf course, you're just around men, old Asian guys, young white guys, whatever.

And then you see a woman, 44-year-old fucking mother of two, two fairways over.

Within an hour, you already got golf course in.

We're like, ooh, she's showing some knee.

It's not even like taken.

You really are like now turned on because.

100%, dude.

That ankle was fucking

doing it.

But anyway, so we rent the car.

We see that the Kama Sutra temple.

And then they drive us all the way to Varanasi, which is the city on the Ganges

where they take the dead.

Wow.

Yeah, you saw that.

Dude, Varanasi was my favorite place.

It's so trippy, man.

It's so crazy.

You saw them putting out the dead bodies.

We could smell them.

You could smell them because they burned them and they put them out there.

And not only that, so what happens is.

The River Ganges.

Yeah, yeah.

And then they got temples up and down it.

And it has this really,

it's weird, man.

Certain places have this weird, like, ancient, like, kind of haunted feeling.

New Orleans kind of feels that way a little bit.

And this is weird to compare those two because they're very different.

But it just had this very ancient...

weird vibe there because and also gods of america says new orleans in the book gods of america says new new orleans is actually not part of america by the gods oh i could say it's just like it's in the borders but it's not it's actually a different place than america yeah it's a yeah it is on it's like it's actually the only one of the few place that really has maintained their own culture within america but that's a whole nother thing shit we could do you could do new orleans story as a new orleans yeah but um uh so what happens is if you're poor

and you want to be buried there if you die in front of someone's storefront they got to pay for your funeral so there's all these people that are trying to like, that are going there to die so they can have this kind of burial where they get.

And so the storefront cows are like, get out of here.

Yeah.

Well, it's like, get out of here.

Yeah.

And then it's like, you know, I mean, just like you're in an internet cafe.

Oh, and the cows that are walking around free, dude, these cows, I mean, I don't know if they're, it felt like the Asian cows are like bigger than American cows.

Dude, and they're so big.

It's like a dinosaur.

I mean, it's like a tank, man.

They're huge.

So there's that.

What was the smell of the dead bodies?

It's just like burnt, like burning.

What's burning?

Barbecue?

Yes.

Like a burning, ashy smell.

Did you see them?

I think so.

Yeah, I mean, no, I don't know if I saw a pile of bodies or anything like that.

It wasn't like

one by one, they take it out of a pile, chuck it on the

ship.

Is it like one of those things where there's a boat and they set the boat on fire?

No, no, that's Vikings.

That's Vikings.

That's another shit.

I think they just burn them up, ash them up, and then throw the ashes in there.

So maybe there's an incinerator.

I didn't see the exact workings of that.

So then I'm walking around around this ancient city, like, like, and there's all these, like, all these different temples on the side of this river.

And this guy comes up to us.

He's like, you want to see pictures of Goldie Han?

And we're like, fuck yeah, we do.

And this is this guy's sales pitch is that Goldie Han goes to this dude Papu's silk shop.

He's got all these pictures with Goldie Han, and that's how he gets to you to go to the silk shop.

And then we went to the silk shop and bought all this silk from Papua because he's down with Goldie Han.

Wow.

Yeah, it was a that was a trip.

And it was just, oh, so that's where we go to see this movie, Ghidar, which is the number one top-grossing film in India that year, I believe.

Okay.

It's in the theater there.

Bollywood, like a Bollywood movie?

Dude, movie theaters in general in foreign countries are a great way to show the difference between your culture and someone else's.

The way people do movies.

Sitting down to watch this movie was the most physically difficult thing I've ever done in my life.

Why?

We got seats upstairs.

There's no air conditioning.

It's hot.

That's number one.

Three hours long.

Dude, just sitting there was like unbearable.

What snacks do they have?

Dude, it was just a hard.

It was hard to get in.

This movie was hot, man.

It was hard to get a ticket.

We're getting in there.

It's like Titanic Week One.

Yeah, man.

So it's about, it's like this action drama that takes place during the partition when Pakistan split from India.

When there's all this like um violence stuff like that dude you think gun violence is movie is as bad try sword violence it's so hardcore they're just going through this train just hacking fools man

it's like crazy and then there's a song you know

yeah man i mean just that a weird part of bollywood that it's like you gotta dance they love the musical they love this and they love the long i haven't seen that rrr movie yet have you seen that this year new yeah People love it.

They say it's amazing.

You haven't heard about this?

You got to see it.

From what I hear, I haven't seen it, but people are just going nuts why let's turn that air back on um it's supposed to be really good it's supposed to be like a bollywood one that's like very entertaining that's like long but like the action is dope and it's it's you just got to get it off this like uh cool yeah there we go

oh my god no get it off the eco the eco the eco no nope not that one no no there we go there it is

um

So let me think what else.

Wait, wait, wait.

Okay, so hot in there.

Were people like talking during the movie?

I don't remember.

It was tough 20 years ago.

I just remember it being like so draining.

Maybe there was nowhere to even cut the bottom.

How was the food?

Was this food spicy?

Was the food?

Dude, the food, I tell you, the spiciest food I had was just on the airline getting there.

It was the spiciest food I've ever had.

It was like, I can't even eat this.

This hurts.

It's painful.

Yeah, this food was so spicy.

I remember it being very good.

I wish I was like, I just kind of got, I got scared.

I'll be honest, I got scared after my friends got so sick.

I got scared to eat, to be more adventurous.

Like, I I just didn't want it.

It seems so bad.

I mean,

you don't want to get that food poisoning.

Foreign food poisoning just sucks.

Diarrhea, barfing combined.

Yes.

Yes, exactly.

Both holes exploding.

And then you're like, I need to take this pill, but I'm like, I got to hold this pill down at least 20 minutes to get into my system.

That means I can't have any water with it because a sip of water.

Got to follow it right from a barf to quickly eat it.

Yeah, man.

It was, it was.

Because you don't want to be picking a half-barfed pill out of a shit squat toilet in India.

Were there any chicks there?

Did you hook up with anybody?

No.

There was no women, any, dude.

There was no women.

Did you stay?

Hostels?

Yeah, we stay like it levels up from hostels, you know what I mean?

So it's all like, we always had our own room and our own bathroom.

Did you meet other travelers?

Not really, man.

I mean, on the way back,

this is like...

So then, so then we take the train to our last stop, which is Puri, where they have this Jagannath festival, which is where the word juggernaut comes from.

Jagannath.

They pull basically these like giant like

towers on wheels and they pull these things through the streets and it's like a crazy parade so there's all these like Hare Krishnas but like white Hare Krishnas I think are I don't know if all Hare Krishna are white anyway but we would think of as like Hare Krishna's there to see that festival so we go there you know you ride in these trains you you reserve a seat

you reserve a bed so they're like beds that fold down and fold up but if you don't like occupy the whole bed someone will just come and sit down next to you and just put their shit on your bed.

Wait, wait, what are you talking about?

A train from one city or another?

So you take these long-ass trains, you know, this crazy train system in India.

So, you know, they have, what it is, is like, it's three levels of cots.

And you don't get the room?

No.

No.

There's three on one side, three on the other side.

We couldn't get our own.

We just didn't get our own room.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, you know, you fold those top ones up during the day.

You three sit down, and then you can lie on them.

But if we did not,

if you didn't, if you like, brought your knees up while you were sleeping, bag or person at the end of your bed when you woke up.

No, like you had to like take up.

What, really?

Yes, yes.

Seriously.

What?

Because some people don't get a seat.

It's just like

a tracker.

They're like, oh, shut.

They're just like, oh, fuck it.

I'm, this is a good space.

Boom.

Like, you're not taking it up.

What are you going to do?

You're not taking it up.

Like, what am I going to do?

I'm not going to do anything.

I didn't do shit.

So

we take that the whole way there.

Then we do the...

This is where we do the opium.

I remember the book, the guidebook said people get a

puri paralysis.

And I think think it's due to the opium where they don't go somewhere else.

It's like on a beach.

It's Keys disease.

What?

You ever hear of Keys disease?

No.

From the Florida Keys?

Oh, yes.

Just drink all day, dude.

Why not?

It's Keys disease.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, except it's opium.

So we're like, you did opium.

That's so cool.

So this is like.

I never thought you were cool before now.

Oh, well, thank you.

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uh the so we're walking on like this is just like a memory i have like we're walking on the beach there's like pigs there's beach pigs and this lady comes up to us has a small hammerhead shark tries to sell it to us.

I don't know how much, again, I don't know a good price for a hammerhead shark.

I don't know what I'm going to do with a hammerhead shark.

It's like, this is what I'm saying.

Like, just these old memories of it.

It's always.

It's non-stop, just like sell, sell, sell.

I can't handle it.

It's too overwhelming.

It's a bit much.

My biggest problem in tourist cities is that once it's become a tourist city for a reason, probably.

Yeah.

Whatever.

It's cheap, arid, or whatever, or like some cool shit to see there.

But once it become a tourist city, then the market around tourism starts, and then they don't leave you alone.

Well, I think it's just...

Paris was great.

Nobody's bugging you.

I think it's a balance of realizing there's just so many people in need, so many poor people there that they're just trying to find a hustle, and they don't understand that the over-hustle is going to hurt the business.

It hurts the business, but they will sell more.

Hey, if we're going to market where you just look and they're like, oh, yeah, look, I have this, I have this, I have this.

I'm like, I know you have this.

That's your table full of, I assume everything here is for sale.

Oh, oh,

those are only for sale, not the rest?

Well,

every time you go anywhere.

You can't even look.

You just got to glance out of the corner of your eye as you walk by.

Go across the street and look at shit.

Anytime you go anywhere, you realize how much better at capitalism America is.

Even you go other places in America,

New York and L.A.

are better at it.

Like, in Brazil, they had a dude who'd sell popcorn out of his stand out front of the movie theater.

No one's letting you do that in America.

Get the fuck out of here.

You know what I mean?

We're selling the popcorn.

And get the fuck off of our property.

You know what I mean?

Like,

I'm just saying, like, little examples of that.

That's a Brazilian example, but like, that's everywhere.

Like, there's just a certain way of the hustle that American capitalism is like really honed in on.

But my point is, if they do bother you.

They will make per capita per hour more sales than if they just allow you to slowly look.

Yeah.

Like, all right, I'll take this.

So, like, they don't care about it.

It's also another tactic.

It's like, how do I get these people to leave me alone?

Is a sales technique, right?

Right, exactly.

Like, I'm bugging.

Yes, I know I'm bugging the shit out of you.

Want me to stop?

Buy something.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Exactly.

So then on the way back, we didn't even have his nice

train.

So now

we're on the three tiers.

I'm like, on my bed on top of me is one of these fucking Hari Krishna's dudes.

His feet are all fucked up.

They're leaking like a foot juice down off the side of the bed.

Yeah, yes.

And it was so gross.

It was so nasty.

It was so nasty.

How did you deal with it?

I mean, dude, I suffer.

I'm just like,

by the end of the trip, we're just like, we got to get to Thailand.

We just want to get to Thailand.

Imagine I have to step up.

Yeah, dude.

And then we're just like, Thailand, we were just like...

Like, just like, like, like, just relax, like, just recovering, basically.

And Thailand's also that in Bangkok anyway, but not nearly like that.

Yeah, man.

It was just so next level the whole time.

I'm trying to think if there's any other things that I, that I'm, that I'm forgetting that was all.

Were there hookers?

Were there...

There were no women.

And you know what else?

When you see a woman, also, this is a, I don't know, there's a theory or what, like, it's almost if when you do see a woman, it's like, are they eating all their husband's food?

Because the dudes are so skinny and the women are so big.

Really?

Yeah.

It's like, it just feels like they're hoarding up all the food, is what I remember.

And then you really wouldn't see that many women at all.

Like, we really didn't see that.

Are they just at home?

You don't know?

I don't know.

It was like there were no women there.

There were no women at all.

Oh, here's another thing.

Dudes there, this is the thing you have to get used to.

Straight dudes hold hands with their buddies.

And this is,

it's just okay.

You hold, your friends, you hold hands.

This is, we're friends, we hold hands.

And this is where my theory came up.

And I think this is a theory where places where you're not allowed to be gay,

you can actually be even gayer.

Because

I'm definitely not.

It doesn't exist.

Like, you'll hear these stories.

When I was in high school, if you held your hand like that, if you're just randomly held your hand like that, limp wrist,

it would be like, you'd see it.

You're like, oh, fuck.

And then too late, you saw it.

I'm like, oh, yeah, limp wrist.

Get him, get him, get him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But

if the assumption is no one's gay, then it's like, just my literature.

That's not even a thing.

But I'm saying it's next level.

Like,

I've heard the stories from certain troops.

That's why I heard some comic went to

Edinburgh.

Edinburgh, okay.

Edinburgh.

How do you say it?

Edinburgh.

I say Edinburgh.

You've gone to the bottom of the bed.

No, I said you should know better than me.

You're saying it wrong.

I'm like, no, Edinburgh is to say it wrong.

That's definitely wrong.

Edinburgh.

Edinburgh.

Edinburgh.

Whatever.

I think the second way, Burrough.

Burrough.

Anyway, there was some black comics.

The racist wouldn't let me in.

I'm like, no, dude, they don't have racists against black here.

because there's no blacks.

You're way off.

They're racist against maybe some Muslim immigrants or some fucking Glaswegians.

They're not enough of you to fucking care about you.

I don't know if that's true.

You'd be surprised how racist people.

Racism.

But also blacks suck.

It's weird.

Dude, it's in popular culture.

Shit leaks out to different places.

It sucks.

Well, I mean, that's the interesting thing about India because I do think they have classism based on skin color, some of it.

I believe the Untouchables are generally darker.

I think so.

I'm not sure about this.

So if I'm wrong about this, my apologies.

But they are like, you know, you'll find that like skin tone racism, I think, in different countries to different degrees, you know?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I'll tell you who the comic was later, but I asked the, I'm like, did you not let this guy in?

Like, yeah, he was screaming coming in.

He was pass out drunk.

No, we're not going to let a guy like that in.

And I was like, oh, he's claiming it's because he's black.

Like, what?

Wow.

You don't think we've dealt with drunks before?

And they were like, what are you talking about?

Well, that's the distorting thing in one of the white privileges is to know that it's probably that

our problems are probably we suck

if it's almost mad at us.

White chicks never get it.

Yeah, I did nothing.

And they just started yelling at me.

Nobody does more nothings than white chicks.

Oh, yeah.

Or

the classic comedy club.

We were just laughing.

We were just laughing.

We just never ever laughed.

Okay, okay.

Back to the idea.

Oh, wait, what the fuck was that?

What were we talking about?

I was talking.

Oh, so, so, like, like,

so,

and if, so, if it's not gay, so it's like, yeah, I'm fucking him in the ass.

That's not gay.

Wait, they have that.

I'm not saying that, but this is my theory.

Is that if there's no gay that allows you to be even gayer?

Like, yeah, we're holding hands.

We're not gay.

Let's make it out.

It's not gay.

We wouldn't be gay.

Who's gay?

You know what I mean?

So it's like, I've heard that about Afghanistan, where they're like, something about there is like women for duty, men for pleasure, or boys for pleasure, or something like that.

Have you heard this before?

I don't know if this is a rumor that's been profagated by the troops that go over there or if there's like a true.

I do believe there's some kind of boy love culture in Afghanistan to some extent.

You never heard that before?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So anyway, once I.

Boys.

Yes.

Which is a different.

Oh, but once in India, they do have this thing where they have young boys kind of dress up like girls, like with makeup on, and like dance around for you, which we did see at one place.

For money?

It was just like a performance, like a culture performance, like little boys dancing, dressing up like girls and dancing around.

With makeup on.

It was weird.

It was definitely a trip.

Did you take a lot of pictures?

Yeah, I mean, hopefully I can find them for you

somewhere.

Again, yeah, this is all film.

It's like, we definitely have pictures.

Did you, what was I going to say?

Did you get drunk?

Did you booze it there?

Yeah,

we were all into like, we would drink the

Taj Mahal and all their beers there.

You know, they have those lager beers and we would drink their...

The 20 ouncers.

Yeah, the big ones, yeah.

Yeah, they always have big ones in places.

The 20-ounce beers.

It's like a standard.

We're like, yeah.

Well, I think they're more to be shared.

They're more like a bottle of wine, you know?

Oh, yeah, that's it.

Yeah.

it's all fucking.

Yeah, we're, let's, you want to get a you want to get some beer?

Yeah, let's get a beer, and then right, but you're not going to get a 60-ounce beer, you're going to be like, keep getting to it.

Well, the other thing about those places, well, this is another thing, like in Brazil, for example, they do that, and then they give they have little cups, and so the whole thing is that when it's really hot, you got it, you can't get a 60-ounce because it's going to get hot, it's going to warm up the beer.

You got to keep it that level, pour out those cups, and then keep it in a cooler.

You know what I mean?

And that's how you do it.

And so, you're only drinking instead of a pint glass of beer, by the time you get to halfway through it, it's shitty beer.

In Vietnam and Cambodia,

they put it over ice.

There you go.

Put it over ice.

Yeah.

Standard.

In Thailand, I saw someone,

I saw an old lady at a Muay Thai fight drinking a bag of beer, like a straw in a plastic bag.

It was awesome.

She was so hardcore.

She offered me a sip.

It was pretty cool.

And you're like, yes, no.

Do you want to say like, yes, but also my mom would be upset.

I'm trying to think of what you're saying.

Was it dangerous?

Did you feel danger there?

I mean, I get

a scam thing going on.

But, like, how about physical

good men danger?

No.

What is that?

Like, a missile strike?

No, where he goes with a B-moving system.

Like, danger of dying?

Is there any other kind?

You know what I mean?

I mean, generally, I mean, oh, and they have these big buses.

Like, people, oh, people do their trucks up in this, like, they decorate the shit out of their trucks.

And it's, like, really beautiful.

And it's really cool to see

their long-haul trucks so that was cool to see but definitely like the roads there are dangerous it just felt a little bit like chaotic and hectic uh in general what did you do day to day like what was your day life there well we were like going to another place and seeing what there was there you know and having some food and seeing the sights yeah man and you know you get you get you'll find like um you get like templed out kind of you know you see a few temples and you're like all right i've seen a lot of temples now especially in india where they have different religions you know there's like this is the jain temple this is a hindu temple this is a muslim you know what i mean it's like there's all sorts of things unless unless you're in the habit of studying the differences of being temples, really, you're just like, show me something old.

And Taj Mahal is a top five temple.

That's dope.

So, like, after you go to Taj Mahal, the rest must go like, dude.

Yeah, well, it's also like you get, you get, it's like getting churched out in Europe.

It's like, I've seen it.

Like,

and every once in a while, there's, like, there's one that'll really stand out and like blow your mind.

And then after that, you know what I mean?

It just doesn't really do it for you.

So then what else do you see?

I mean, man, it's just like, I'm telling you, just being like,

a 20-minute walk outside of our place made you just want to go back and like just take a minute and soak it up.

I mean, Delhi's also the first time I experienced that thing where

you blow your nose and it comes out black at the end of the day.

Oh, pollution?

Yeah, it's that polluted.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you clean your ears and it comes out black.

You know, it's like pretty intense like that as well.

I mean, it was also very hot.

Were there any weird foods?

Was it like monkey brewing?

No, no.

That is from Indiana Jones, and it's very

fake, like fake.

It's super fake, all the things they're doing about

India in that one.

So, and they get it, they get a lot of pushback on that.

It's pretty racist, actually, when you watch it.

But there is still weird shit there, but I don't think it's.

There's Teamwork, and they're like, we just stopped eating monkey.

This kid was like, Yeah, we used to have when I was little, but I'm like 25 now, and now it's like proven to be like it's bad for you.

Yeah.

But, like,

I didn't think you had it.

It's a lot of vegetarian.

Oh, one place, though.

Oh, yeah, because of the Hindu.

They can't eat it.

Yeah,

some people don't eat pig and some people don't eat cow.

You know what I mean?

I remember one place, I forget where we were, but like, they just kind of like

strung up a whole cow carcass and it barbecued it.

I'm like, I want to try that.

It was horrible.

It was like the chewiest, most old, like, disgusting beef I'd ever had.

It was no good.

That was no good.

It was just, yeah, it was, was it cow?

I believe it was cow.

Yeah, it was just, it was weird to see a full cow, you you know, just kind of strung out.

I wish I could remember more about the food stuff.

All I really remember is that, like, oh, like, oh, when you're on the train, so the food is that, like, you stop by a stop, and the vendors come up to the window, and that's where you get the food.

That's where we get the snacks for the training.

Reach out the window and just like, they'll give you a meal, man.

They'll say straight up.

In a little box.

Yeah, yeah.

You buy whatever snacks you can get, like, samosas.

They're like, yeah, you got to do it quick because the train's going.

Like, you want to stop.

So it stops for like two minutes?

Yeah, it stops.

They're glad.

They all run up.

Can I get a samosa?

Do they come on the train or just through the window?

Through the window.

It's really crazy.

Yeah.

And what is it like in styrofoam?

Dude, I can't remember if it's foil, styrofoam, or what, but I definitely know there were samosas through the window on the train.

Samosas.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Did people, what did you do with your, did people just chuck the shit out the window?

Was it like littery?

I don't remember that, but I definitely know.

I assume that it wasn't the cleanest, just out of my memory.

But neither is New York.

The other day, I was looking out of the window by my gym, and I'm like, this looks like

it's just

garbage everywhere.

It's like

wrappers.

Yeah, it's crazy how it works.

Looks like my hotel room on a fucking night

on a Saturday afternoon.

On the second night.

Yeah.

Yeah, Adrian would always come in and be like, what are you doing to this place?

I'm like, oh, she goes, throw it away.

It's crazy how quickly you can blow up a room.

Yeah, you can blow it up quick.

Wow.

So now you want to go back.

I would want to see the parts that I haven't seen.

I haven't been to the south, which is also.

Goa.

The Goa is supposed to be a little bit more.

Well, there's Goa.

There's Bangalore, which is supposed to be very advanced.

There's Mumbai, Bombay,

all those places.

India's massive.

Huge.

It's a continent.

It's a subcontinent.

I mean, literally.

When people go, I went to India, that's like, oh, dude, that's.

I went to North America almost.

It is.

I wear.

It is.

Or people say the same thing about Toronto.

Well, at least it's a country.

People say this thing about Africa, which is literally a continent.

Oh, I got to show you this article about Africa, how to write about Africa.

What do they say?

By this African writer.

I mean, I got to show it to you.

It's just the most demeaning stuff.

This is what everyone writes about Africa.

And it's so dead on.

Really?

Always have a mother figure, a fat mother figure that you're going to call mama or mama.

Refer to it as one country, even though it's not, even though it's massive differences.

You always try to help them.

Conservation is big.

The people are pure, unless they're going against the animals, and in which case they're not pure.

I'm trying to help them.

I'm not sure they are.

I've been to a

couple different countries in Africa, and I can do a whole Africa episode on that, too.

But Africa is a trip.

But I mean, India is, like I said, it's just, I mean, there's Kerala, which is like a tropical, supposed to be beautiful tropical paradise in the south.

No, there's the Himalayas.

I mean, there's so many parts.

Okay, so before we wrap up here,

and people can, where can people find you?

Louis Katz comes.

It's a Louis Katz comedy on Instagram, TikTok.

Louis L-O-U-I-S.

K-A-T-Z.

Look up that new special.

Maybe it's on YouTube.

Maybe it's somewhere else.

We'll see if I've sold it.

It's out now.

Yeah, it's out there.

I'll save this.

I'll try to save it.

Unless it's going to be out never, but I'll save it still.

It's out

this week, right now.

It's out on YouTube.

Yes, look up Louis Katz.

He's hilarious.

He's a legitimately hilarious comedy.

His story on this not happening,

which we talked about before I was

exited from that.

I'll still consider my booking.

Yeah, you did book me.

Yeah, yeah.

And we worked on it together.

Yeah, you did.

You helped me.

It was great.

One of your tags is definitely in there.

He's funny as shit.

So go look him up.

But when somebody says, did you go to India?

Go, yeah, like what comes to mind?

The picture, the smell, like immediately of like, oh, my trip to India was, I know there's so much you did a month.

It's crazy.

it's not a specific thing it's like i keep saying it's the most different most intense place like here's it here's what i say for example is like

you know like the remember the wild boys travel show with the guys from jackass yeah and most of the time they'd look for like the craziest thing to do there but like somehow their india episode like reminded me of India because it's just that crazy.

Like they found, they found a guy with, they did a jackass album.

Here's another thing is that that you find in India is that like there's more also more people with like crazy birth defects because they don't have the best hospitals there.

So you still see, still, or they're, or they're malnourished in ways that we don't even have to deal with anymore here.

So I remember once in Wild Boys, they like they found a guy with like elephantiasis of his foot and he walked around because he can't wear shoes because his foot's so damn big.

And they like lick the bottom of his foot.

Now, I would never lick the bottom of the foot, but I definitely saw the foot.

Do you know what I mean?

So it's like, it's like and then you're like, yep, yes.

It's just like a very, it's just really cool because I think traveling at its best gives you a reset.

You get used to your environment and you kind of take things for granted.

And when you're in a place where you see things differently,

you can start noticing everything again, kind of like a baby or a kid, you know what I mean?

And once you travel a lot of places, it doesn't do, it's, you know, you can't, you're chasing a high.

You can't get anymore.

You want to get that high again?

Go to India, man.

It's the most different, most intense.

cool place that I've ever went to.

I'm going to Denmark for the first time.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

Yes.

You go to India, it's like, it's going to be different and

it's very, very cool and very mind-opening to see something so different.

Plus, you know, all this people, a lot of people speak English,

and that's kind of, it makes it easy to get around in some weird ways.

The weird thing was, India, so it was India and Thailand, sorry, now I'm jumping back.

That was kind of a good wrap-up, but now I'm jumping back into it.

India, everyone speaks English, but Thailand, very developed tourism industry.

So it's actually easier to get around in Thailand where people don't speak English than it is in India where everyone does speak English, but they're not used to having as many tourists.

Wow.

Which is strange.

But I'm just saying, I still think in India, it's like, you want to see something truly different, go to India.

I like the way he said that.

The differences show, like, it almost says something about your own culture almost.

Yeah, well, you just notice things.

You just notice day-to-day stuff, man.

And you're like, oh, they do that different here.

I read an article recently.

I got to find out who it is because I'm going to keep quoting it.

It's like when he got off the plane, he noticed that the sign,

it wasn't English first,

Spanish second, Mandarin third.

It was, let's say it was China.

I'm making this up.

Then it'd be Mandarin first,

and then English second, which was like, oh, that's weird.

And then Spanish, not at all.

But he goes, the font was different than I have

in the fonts of signs in American airports.

You know, just little, oh, the cabs here are white instead of yellow.

Yeah.

It's just like these little things that immediately like, I've never noticed the color of cabs before.

Dude, it's that, I mean, speaking of that, the car we rented was one of these ambassadors, which is this old British car that's basically like the car in India.

And they have this old, big, beautiful car that you drive around in these ambassadors.

That's what they're called.

You can look them up.

That's another thing.

We see a lot of more Renaults.

Yeah, yeah.

And cars are like, what brand is this?

I've never heard of it.

And they're like, who's making this?

Some guy?

And you're like, no, they sold like 80 million last year.

Well, the worst will be, usually they're like,

how can you even live in a car that tiny?

But sometimes you're like, that's a cool car.

And it's from a brand that they have in America.

And they just don't sell it here.

And it pisses you off.

Yeah.

you know, yeah, but yeah, you are just just, you know, there's those little different every time you travel, you'll notice the little differences in India.

There's even more of them, and it's really cool like that.

Like, what do you have an idea about travel you can share?

Like, you have a lot.

Like, what Joe List said was, like, it's good to go with Louis Katz because, like, he

knows little things that I would take for granted that you're like, hey, don't take your passport with you, put that in the safe.

And you're like, oh, really?

Like, yeah, oh, my God.

Yeah, you just started traveling.

But little things like that, where it's like, the cultural differences, what you see, it's like it makes you good.

The way you said it was good.

But something like that from each person, like, I mean,

how would you travel that you could impart on anybody?

What I said before, and the thing, and the other thing about like, when you think someone's ripping you off, think about how much money is it really to you.

Like, don't.

Before you get that upset.

Yeah, before you get that upset, be like, is this...

Are you still getting a deal compared to what you spend in the stage?

We used to play

nickel, dime, quarter, poker, my friends.

And if you go on a real bad losing streak, you're like, fucking shit, you get upset.

But later, you're like, that was $12.

So, like, I don't, it's actually not going to affect me financially.

So, you can have the feeling of really losing.

Yeah, yeah.

But then it's not hurting you in the long run.

And even the wins, you're like, yeah, but it's not going to turn your life around.

But you do feel great.

Exactly.

You should be able to.

Something scammed.

Feel like, what the fuck?

But then also, like.

Chill, bro.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just be okay with it.

You know?

But yeah, I mean, I still recommend it.

And I guess what I would want to do is I want to do it like a level up instead of trying to do it so on the cheap.

I would like to also in general.

But it sounds like on the cheap, though, wasn't bad.

It sounds like it was bomb.

It was, it was just, it would be nice to make it just a little bit more comfortable.

Like, I think there was one night, there was one night where, like, we didn't find a place.

We just, like, shared a room with like three cops that were chilling, sleeping for the night.

And it was like, what a cool experience over, like, I know.

It sounds like we bonded and like played like Monopoly together.

It was weird, man.

Okay, fair.

It was not a, it was a weird vibe.

Well, also, the other thing is, like, I learned what got me from living in Brazil was that, like, I mean, as a white person, my privilege was to, like, somewhat trust the cops.

And in Brazil, I learned, like,

really, cops can get away with it.

If you want someone to get away with doing anything to you, it's a cop.

Like, they can do whatever they want.

You know what I mean?

And especially in countries where they're just kind of, where the police can be a little more corrupt, even more corrupt than they are here.

You know what I mean?

That seems like those are the things that are helpful to understand the black experience or something.

We're like, oh, I get it a little more.

Cause I have finally now had an experience where cops are not for directions.

Yes.

I know what what you're talking about, I think.

Yeah, I mean, I got to give you, see, I'm saving this, but I got a story from the Brazil one with some corrupt cops.

So I've had experiences with all that.

But yeah, man,

that would be my thing

about traveling in general is that

waking you up, that change of perspective, and the most hardcore change of perspective you'll ever get in my experience from traveling was India.

Wow.

Yeah.

It's something mystical about that place.

It's cool, man.

It's like there's a lot of different

size.

I don't, I don't, I'm not familiar.

You're not that guy.

I'm not that good, dude.

Because that is a thing there, right?

Well, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of, I think, the Buddha's from there, you know what I mean?

So there's a lot of, and a lot of religions are from there, and there's all that kind of thing.

But, like, I'm just not, I'm not on that vibe.

But I have, like, yeah, I don't know.

Maybe I probably would have been done better, like, knowing more about it before I went.

I really.

It's not your thing.

It's not your thing.

Well, no, nowadays I probably would want to research it more.

I was just like, what's that?

You know, like, it wasn't, I wasn't that ignorant about it.

You know, I knew I was familiar with Indian food.

I have some Indian American friends.

You know what I mean?

I wasn't, I wasn't that ignorant, but I also didn't like, wasn't like, I'm going here to like get in touch with some kind of thing.

Yeah, we're going to wrap it up.

But you got to do what you're into.

So like I went to the Dominican Republic.

I'm like, I want to go to some baseball games.

But if you're not into baseball, then that's not your thing.

Or I want to smoke cigars and

I think we tried to watch a cricket game and that is.

Oh, we didn't get to cricket.

Dude, there's nothing to get to.

That shit is horrible.

It fucking sucks.

I think actually they recently like

over over a few days dude it takes forever it's so boring i don't even i don't like any sports i don't like any sports and i and cricket is the most boring sport in the world it's so dull it was i think i'm pretty sure we went to one now i think they've shortened them to like a single day a single day but it's crazy how much they love they love uh crickets you sit there and picnic all day don't you is it like nasty i don't know what the fuck you do man it sucks but my friend the cool thing about my my friend who's uh his uh his mom is uh is uh british so he knows about cricket and stuff like that.

And

when we're on the beach with the pigs, some kid had a cricket mallet, and he was like, let me like, I think instead of pitch, they bowl at them.

So he kind of knew how to do it.

And that was kind of neat.

You know what I mean?

That he could, like,

he could communicate in the cricket kind of thing.

Whereas to me, like, it was boring about it.

Oh, man, I don't like, I mean, I don't like any sport, but this is the most boring of sports.

Horrible.

It's a more boring baseball, which is already the most boring sport.

Yes.

It's mostly not action.

Yes.

Baseball,

I actually enjoy, I like baseball and

being there with friends, but if you don't know baseball, you're like,

anything happened?

You're like, no, not a friend of a couple minutes.

Well, for me, because I'm not a sports guy, sports is like, I should.

Having a beer.

Yeah, I should get drunk and do something different than just getting drunk around a table.

What if we got drunk and looked at something?

That's all it is.

So baseball is cool because like, it's time for a snack.

Time for another drink.

You know, let's catch up.

You know what I mean?

And there's something to watch.

That's why I like strip clubs, too.

Something to watch is to talk talk to your friends.

Like, no, no, leave us alone.

We're just watching.

Yeah, yeah.

Here's a dollar go away.

Here's a dollar away.

That's honestly what it is.

Like, I'm just like, I prefer that much more to like, I hate bars full of TVs.

I like a bar full of naked ladies.

I like people playing some kind of game

out of their puss.

Yeah.

I mean, that's for the Thailand episode.

I just got the one.

All right, Louis, thank you.

Thank you.

Appreciate it.

India.

Now I really want to go to India.

Talking about this makes you go like, fuck, I want to go back.

I've always wanted to go back, but I just, I just like, it's the intensity.

It's the hardcoreness.

Like, honestly, like, my girlfriend kind of wanted, we're trying to plan a trip for next month, and we were talking about going to Morocco, and like, I just kind of had street hassle flashbacks, and I'm just like, man, I'm just not trying to get street hassled anymore.

Oh, part of my plan also was the way I was thinking about it.

So it was kind of an odd choice.

You know, usually...

If people are going to go to a place after college, sorry, you know, I'm supposed to wrap up.

They go to like Europe or they go to like a tropical beach place.

And my whole thing was also, was always like, I want to travel to developing countries because they're cheap and and they're difficult so right now I don't have money but I have a lot of stamina so I'm gonna instead of going to like Europe first so it took me like I've only been to Europe in the last few years before that I was mostly traveling in the developing world because it's so adventurous it's more affordable and it's like it's like I heard there's a waterfall in this town yeah and you're like what there's no google maps where you can just get right to it it's gonna be taking you there like where and you get some like what's the waterfall like i don't know like to learn the word for water and fall like oh

like over that hill and then like right Yeah, okay.

Well, you're still down for that stuff.

And to me, I'm like, I knew, actually, it's funny because I'm saying that I think that was for when I was younger.

And literally, that's how I planned it.

I was like, let me do this crazy shit while I'm young.

I can always go to Europe.

I can be 50 and go to Europe.

I'm not going to want to be 50 and be bumming it around India necessarily, you know?

Yeah.

But you will be.

Hopefully.

I think you should go.

India?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's never really been on my list.

But of course, it's like, well, of course I'll at some point go.

It's just never been on my, you know how you have these countries on your list, your mental list of like, I don't know, something about that country, I've always wanted to go.

Other countries are like, meh, like Russia, I'm like, no interest.

But not like I'm against them.

I just.

It doesn't interest you?

It doesn't.

Well, I got, well, you got to bring them back for the Russia episode.

But like, Iceland, so much.

Finland, not so much.

And then, like, Amsterdam, obviously more.

I've been to all these places now.

Yeah, but these are all the, this is all the ideas and like, some of them are ideas culturally.

Some of it's just like, I read some character in her story once when I was young said it was his favorite place.

And now it's like, I want to go there.

Yeah, well, that's pretty

much saying is that, like, Belize, not so much, and fucking, you know, where are we?

And, like,

you know, I don't know.

You know, some countries just are in your head of, like, some place I want to go.

But it's like, this pushes it higher.

Yeah.

I think it's.

It's also like when I'm in the middle of some place, I'll assume I always

would go at some point.

I just know I will go to India.

I just really think someone who's seen so many places, like I said, you get burned out.

You see

some things are kind of the same everywhere.

It's not that interesting.

You chase in that high.

You'll still get the high in India.

I guarantee it.

Great.

All right, buddy.

Thank you.

Thank you, man.

Guys, you'll be tripping.

Please subscribe.

If you're watching on YouTube, just throw a comment in.

Reach out to Louie at Louis Cat's Comedy.

Tell him you had a good time.

And,

yeah, tell your friend about it.

And fucking, I don't know.

Leave in the comments the places you want to go.

And if you've been to India, leave in the comments your fucking stories because when Kyla sees a good one, she tells me about them.

And they do make me feel like they entertain me.

So, all right.

Thank you, guys.

Thank you, Louis.

that's the episode everybody thank you very much louis cats for coming in what a disgusting country that is huh goddamn india fucking gross as shit sorry just took a puff of my fucking olemec cigar from foundation cigars

enjoying myself it's july 4th everybody Maybe you're watching this on this day.

Yeah, it's America's birthday, a place I have not covered yet in this podcast.

I may at some point do the national parks or certain places in America, but not yet.

Not yet, only international travel for me or possibly a foreigner coming here

on their vacations at Cody.

We were going to do a podcast, but then we both got too drunk

and said, let's not do that.

Let's just fucking get drunk at a fucking hotel bar, a shitty hotel bar in the worst area of Sydney.

Like the lamest, the business district.

Well, that's the episode.

Guys, don't forget, if you're going to Edinburgh, and you should, it's a fun fucking time, check out Louis Katz.

He's going to be at the counting house at 8:30.

Tell him I sent you.

Guaranteed, that's going to be a great fucking show.

He's at a fucking amazing comic.

Eau Claire, Wisconsin in July, as well as the Brea Improv, July 10th.

Brooklyn Comedy Club, July 25th and 26th, where if you're an American and can't get to Edinburgh, and all those places, you can see a preview of his Edinburgh show.

And it's going to be fucking amazing.

Louis Katz is smart, he's filthy,

and he's hilarious.

That's all you really want in a comic.

Happy July 4th, everybody.

Next week, Simeon Goodson.

We'll be done with America.

We'll be fucking done with this goddamn country.

We'll go into the country that's going to take it over next.

Yeah, China, the USSC.

Simeon Goodson is going to tell us about his days as a fucking DJ in Wuxi.

Wuhan?

No, Wuxi, China.

Running black knights for a country that had probably seven black people in it at the time.

Subscribe wherever you're watching or listening so you can be notified of new episodes.

They're all fucking bangers, guys.

I know you're enjoying this.

I know you are.

Read the comments.

Leave a comment with anybody you suggest.

And Shoom Fest, July 20th, 21st, 22nd.

Get your t-shirt at ari shafir.com/slash merch, as well as the final of my special Jew.

Only a thousand will be pressed.

You can sign up for the mailing list to get

on a

raffle to win one of the signed test pressings of that

vinyl.

Only five will be in existence.

That's it, I guess.

Thank you very much to YMH for producing this podcast.

Thank you very much for Alan Caffey for editing it.

We're having a blast.

YMH people are fucking good people.

Heather does not have elf ears, despite the way she wears her hair or the way her elfin ears come out of their hair.

That's not a reality.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the episode.

Subscribe, watch.

Next week, Simeon, I think I said everything.

I don't know how to say goodbye in fucking India.

I mean, it's like every week I get to this point and then I fucking don't research it.

Whatever.

Guys, there is something I'm forgetting.

But, you know, you got to live with shit.

You really just got to live with shit.

I'm Ari Shafir, and I forget a lot because I smoke other stuff.