Spain w/ John Feitelberg | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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Check out what I got yesterday.

What is that?

I saw the scan

here.

Yankee seat.

Oh, it just kids right off.

Really?

Yeah, I was like, right in my friend's bag and then gone.

You were up there for what?

Subway series?

No, Ranger game, Piece of Yankee Stadium.

Oh,

I think you got it yesterday.

Yeah, I did.

I went to a Ranger game yesterday.

They put the Rangers.

Subway series was before.

That's right.

Time keeps on

taking into the future.

You always forget that.

I know.

You think it's dug in.

And the future keeps coming.

Where you been and where are you going?

This is our Reese Travel Show.

yeah.

We're gonna talk about travel today.

It's you be trippin', yeah.

Hi, everybody.

Welcome to UB Trippin'.

It's a travel podcast.

Every week, me and a guest go to some place they've been.

It's not a travel blog.

It's an experiential, see what they did.

It's the only travel podcast that has never been responsible for over 100 deaths in the Holocaust.

Only one that can claim that, not responsible for over 100 Holocaust deaths.

Today, my guest

has a namesake of a non-Holocaust survivor,

John Feidelberg.

Thank you very much for having me.

I'm very happy to be here.

I named my closer after you.

That's to this day, one of the great honors of my life.

It really is.

Got the shirt hanging up in the studio still.

I remember when you had told me, no, no, no, someone DM me about it.

And I was like, what do you mean Ari's doing like a joke about Feidelberg?

And then you explained it.

You're like, no, no, it's not actually you.

It's definitely not you.

But that is, that's a real honor.

It feels, it feels nice.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know if it's intended to be, but it feels good.

No, it is.

I'm going to get up with this guy.

Did ask his phone.

Feel bad.

Should give something back.

I think I still have the new phone from then.

From then?

Yeah.

Okay.

It still felt bad about that.

I honestly could not care less.

Okay, that's good.

Where do you want to go today?

I'm glad you're in here.

I'm very glad to be here.

I was thinking, let's head to Salamanca, Spain.

Ooh, okay.

nice

when did you go here what was your trip tell me i was here this was i was here for salamanca studying abroad however i was in high school oh what yeah so i went to a boarding school and we got to study abroad when we were in between our junior and senior year of high school what yeah it was

nuts In between your junior and senior year of high school.

So what do you mean?

Summer?

Summer of 05, it must have been.

Summer of 05.

We had like the opportunity

some of the Spanish kids got to go with I went to a boarding school in Rhode Island and

it was like in conjunction with URI University Rhode Island so we got to go with them and their college kids me and like four of my friends badass yeah badass

and four of your friends yeah

like like honestly more than four but like four of my really good friends wow

Hey, could you do me a favor?

Yeah.

Just because of the banner, could you twist that one light and make it face me?

Yes, of course

um but but okay great perfect nailed it

dude i'm so lo-fire the ymh people are just like what come on i am doing one this week with yannis and it was like so just yannis wasn't in focus the entire time and i'm like whose fault is that like what do you mean that was obviously yours 10 minutes ago you were like it's pretty easy

yeah you learned stuff So that's so cool.

So what did you choose with your friends and just go, do you guys all want to do this?

Yeah, it was, there were a couple of different options, obviously, for different, like, um, different languages.

I think some kids went to France, some kids went to Italy, dorks, losers, homosexuals, but we were not only

was it me and my best friend, it was me, my best friend, another friend, and the girl who was like my white whale in high school.

No, you know, like the girl, we were like, there'solation stayed in hotter guys than me.

She was, she was way hotter than me, but I was like, isolate insulamancoms.

Yeah, I'm the guy.

It's going to be spiritual.

Yeah.

That's your chance.

Yeah.

Get him alone.

Didn't hit for a long time.

Didn't close.

Damn, but

did close on the trip, and it was my virginity.

So, because I was 16, I think, something like that.

And then I was.

You're part Spanish now, then.

What's that?

You're part Spanish now.

She was a URI girl.

She was an American.

But you fucked in Spanish.

Yeah, I lost my virginity in Spain.

You know the thing where if you're used to have to come, I don't know if it ever happened, but these pregnant Mexicans would swim around the border and have their baby just on U.S.

soil before they got deported.

Like,

my baby is American.

Yeah.

And so they can't send the parents back.

Now, I don't know who's trying to change, whatever, but like that idea.

You fucked for the first time in Spain.

You're part Spanish.

I will gladly.

Gracias, I should say.

No pasanado.

But the

yeah, it was, but the caveat of that is that I was so drunk when I did it that I didn't really remember.

And then for most of my life, I've said I lost my virginity at 19 because I didn't have sex again for three years.

And then I think on KFC Radio one time, we were talking about it, and it just like flashed in my mind me having sex in a bathroom.

You know, it was a bathroom.

And I was like, oh, wait, I had sex in Spain once when I was 16.

So that's where I lost my Virginia on this trip.

You stuck it in.

Suck it.

Oh, I know.

Full fuck.

No condom or no condom.

No condom.

Then it counts.

No condom.

Did it count?

No condom, dude.

Come on.

I've been, I've been no condom since I came out.

But the

um,

the, it was, it was in her,

bathroom.

They were staying in like a hotel because the weird thing with the studying abroad, because we were so young, I lived with like a Billet family.

What's a Billet family?

Like Billet Bourbon?

Like

the,

it's just a family like you state, like they're just, I don't know where they put in their name as like, hey, we're willing to take it from people.

And so I just lived with, me and my buddy lived with this woman and her husband for the whole time.

But the college-aged girls could live in hotels or dorms.

And so it was like a bat, like a dorm bathroom.

And I just have one clear image of her bent over the sink and my penis going in.

So I'm counting that as full sex.

Wow.

Statutory on her part.

Say statutory on her part for sure.

Although, I don't know, maybe not in Spain.

Because she didn't bring you there.

So trying to do the lawyer here now.

She didn't transfer you to an international.

That's some kind of a crime, right?

To get someone into a place where they are legal.

That would be sex.

That's sex trafficking.

Sex trafficking, right?

Yeah, but you were just there.

I was just there.

I was there on my own accord.

I guess she's kind of like a Roman Polanski type.

She's to my mom, Tombien.

She actually did fuck my mom, you're right.

I mean, you got, by the way, side note, to have 16-year-old boys in your house with your wife, you got to be so trusting of your relationship.

Well, to be like, no chance.

They're not anymore.

We were, we weren't even, I'm going to say this.

We weren't bad people.

I believe the trip, the school canceled the trip after us.

i think it's back

i do think it's being offered again but i heard after us they were like we got to take a timeout we can't keep having too wild we we were too it was me and my buddy me and my friend were in particular out of control in like we didn't talk to our parents the whole time there like i think 2006 2005 we were no cell phones didn't we we were everyone else on the trip bought cell phones to call their parents except me and my best friend and we're like we're using that money oh yes cell phones Yeah, they were cell phones.

They were like,

not smartphones, not international.

And also, the calling plans were retarded back then.

Yeah, people, people, everyone, like, that was honestly the first event when we got there.

Was like everyone getting a group, and our teacher was like, okay, we're going to buy

SIM cards or cell phones.

I think it was full-on cell phones

for people.

And me and my buddy were just in there, like, well, we're just spending our money on booze.

We're not doing this.

Wow.

So I think we spent like, we sent one email to our parents when we were like 16 years old

living across the ocean.

But with the family, they really didn't like us because one, we weren't used to siestas.

So and we didn't realize how

real people are about siestas.

So like explain it.

What is it?

Just like they like at 2 p.m.

from 2 to 5, like everything's shut down.

Bars are shut down.

This was our experience.

And this is Salamanca, too.

So this is not really one of the main

touristy spots.

No, no, this was, we were at La Universidad de Salamanca.

Nice.

You did the THE So we were at the college.

Wow.

I don't think it's necessarily like a big tourist spot.

It was a really fun town, but

I think it's pretty based on the university.

Okay.

But the parents, so in our learning of what siestas is, like, you know, a lot of date, when you're fucking traveling the country, 16 years old for the first time, like, you want to go out, you want to have fun, all that shit.

And everything would be closed in town during Siesta time.

So we would be like, so we realized, okay, we have to take the naps as Siesta's.

Yeah, you're taking a nap.

I mean, what do you do?

Do you just walk around or are you supposed to sleep?

We would go home into our, we'd get into our bedroom, and we had bought a bottle of whiskey, and we would just get shit for us until we passed it.

And then that pissed off the family to the point where they would beat us.

And we didn't, like, not hard or anything like that, but they hit us.

I've been hit more often by this mom in spain than i was ever hit by my own mother what

what

and you know it was kind of funny she's like an older not older but you know at the time she was probably in her 50s and you know you're kind of getting whacked and you're kind of giggling a little bit but they would they they i got hit with a spatula in the face once because at dinner she was trying to say she was she was feeding us food very kind and they wouldn't they wouldn't turn off the simpsons during dinner so like we would be eating here and like right close to us, just The Simpsons would be on full volume.

And at one time, she was trying to explain to me that this was a meal she invented that she was serving to us.

And it was sausage and potatoes.

And I just made a kind of a comment, kind of a joke, like, pretty sure the Polish invented this, or whatever country you choose to believe invented sausage and potatoes.

That's not a high, it's not a high-level confusion-y meal.

And I was like, nah, someone else made this.

And she just went, she was scooping it, and she just went,

and she she had they had like lawns.

A used spatula, too.

It wasn't even like a beating spatula.

You're like, all right, all right.

What?

They were people who, if they had children, they definitely abused them.

Yeah, I mean, that, listen, that's part of it.

Yeah, that's just part of it.

Wow.

Spatula.

That's the flat one.

Flat one.

Yeah, yeah.

It makes a good pop.

And it's got lines in it to let stuff go.

So you're like, oh, damn.

So what did you do all day?

Class?

All day, we would would drink.

I honestly don't even have memories of going to class.

I don't know how.

It's summertime.

How are you going to go to class?

It doesn't even count anywhere, does it?

It's honestly, it's probably the only valid college credits I have right now.

But

we would drink.

I guess we would go to class.

I remember some nights we would go out and we would sleep on the steps to call to school.

So the two girls who we were there with would know to wake us up to go in.

Because we were just out like

La Chupitaria, which is a bar where they was just called the shop bar, where they had absinthe, and we would be there.

Dude, how cool is absinthe?

Absinthe is

where they put like the sugar cube on there and light it up.

Yeah, but this bar,

I don't think they were doing the official absinthe, but they had at the time they had two versions of absinthe they would sell La Tapaturia, La Chuputaria, C-H-U-P.

Yeah, right there.

Whoa, it's still here.

Cool bar.

I don't know.

I'm sure it's just a very standard bar, but in my head, this is like this bar is the mecca.

I mean, no, absinthe, forget, it's not the Dumbo absinthe anymore.

It never has been since I've been alive.

It's always the rumor of like, this will make you hallucinate.

But, like, hey, everybody, Aries, Fear here to break in and tell you a little bit about the guest, John Feidelberg.

Oh, I don't have a Feidelberg shirt.

Oh, I should have brought my Feidelberg shirt.

Damn.

Oh, I have Feidelberg.

Anyway, let me tell you about John first.

He's a really funny podcaster, and

he's a one-time standout.

He's gone up on fucking Burt shows before.

But he does sketches.

And he has a sketch show called Out of Order.

And this new season airs tonight.

I

am on the first episode.

I do some acting.

First acting I've done since a movie I don't really want to tell you about because it was so bad.

I'm embarrassed to have been on it.

And it was starring like big stars, John Hamm, Galfanakis, the fucking Wonder Woman.

And I'm so embarrassed by how terrible it was that I don't really tell anyone about it.

It's disgusting.

And I quit acting over it.

Quit acting for a long time.

And John Feidelberg has pulled me out of my retirement into the new episode of Out of Order coming out today.

It's a sketch show with Feidelberg, KB, no swag, Lil Sass, and Nick Tarani.

They're making good, fun stuff.

And it was a fun project to be on.

Project.

Look at me.

I'm talking like talent now.

But he has also got two other episodes, two other seasons of it, and it's fucking great.

Feidelberg, dude, the sketch shit you do is like, that's focus on that.

You got to leave KFC.

He's on KFC Radio.

You got to leave KFC behind.

And when I say leave him behind, Feidelberg, I hope you understand what I mean:

cut his brakes.

Do you understand what that means?

That doesn't mean like undercut him on jokes and stuff like that.

I mean, like, find his car, cut his brakes.

Something bad happens to him.

His kids are orphans.

It's not your responsibility.

Let fucking,

who's the guy who runs Barstool

Portnoy.

Dave Portnoy.

That's his responsibility to take care of the fucking orphan kids of KFC.

You just cut the brakes.

Now, first episode back on KFC Radio, you're going to keep the name.

You're going to keep the name out of respect.

You're going to have to work on some tears.

So you might have to do a few takes of this.

But first episode back is going to be very well watched.

Very well watched.

You've seen most of the LA comedy scene when any of their friends get accused of

that they go right to like selling him out as fast as they can.

And that's on a bad circumstance.

Now we're talking about KFC died.

Don't mention the breaks.

Just say he died in a car accident.

It's I as a as people who come from lawyers, Feidelberg, don't mention the brakes.

Don't call attention to yourself on that.

You just cut the brakes.

Then you take over the show.

So sure, I'm not talking about that.

Obviously do that.

Obviously be the number one guy there.

Get rid of the competition.

Get over the other guys that they start to suspect.

Cut break, cut, break.

But what we're talking about right now is your sketch show out of order.

And I think you really should commit more to that because I think your sketches are fucking great.

Everybody, go check them out right now on YouTube.

YouTube.com/slash out of order

with three R's.

What is that right?

Yep.

Out of order with three R's.

Well, it's four R's, I guess, total.

In China, you can see it.

YouTube.com/slash out of order

three else

It's a comedy sketch show out of order.

Check it out right now

and

I named my closer in my special America sweetheart after John Feidelberg.

Yeah, Yoni Feidelberg.

John, Yoni is Jewish for John.

Yoni Feidelberg, the harshest joke in my last special, if you made it to the end, Netflix said nobody's going to make it to the end because you made it over 70 minutes.

The algorithm does not show it as much to people if you go over 70 minutes.

I'm like, you should fix the algorithm.

But they're like, yeah, it doesn't really work that way.

So you might not have seen it, but go, if you want, go to my special, America Sweet Art Right Now, rewind, 15 minutes, press play, and it'll play from there.

And you'll see a whole bit about John Feidelberg.

And I have about 11 Feidelberg shirts left in my store, Ari Shafir, where you can also get Ubi Chippen shirts and go for hike shirts and stuff.

But you want that Feidelberg shirt.

You want one of those last Feidelberg shirts.

Yoni Feidelberg, true legend in the game.

Cut those breaks, bro.

All right.

Check them out.

I've also done a lot of episodes of KFC Radio.

You can see me on those too if you want a place to start on that show.

But go see the little sass and fucking

Feidelberg sketch show out of order.

All right.

Let's get back to Spain.

I remember one time I had a hockey tournament when I was probably the year before this when I was in Spain.

I had a hockey tournament when I was 15 in Prague.

In Prague, and I had smuggled back absinthe in my hockey equipment and was so scared.

I was like, I'm so getting arrested for

national, dude.

Like, literally, I had a nip in a hockey skate, and I was like, they are going to send me to Guantanamo.

I mean, cool-looking bar.

It was a very cool bar.

So, they let you in at 16?

They wouldn't care?

No, they didn't give a fuck.

They didn't care about anything.

What the fuck are all these fucking

sex on the beak shots?

Anyway, yeah.

Yeah, and then then like over there we met like a bunch of french kids who we hung out with our for the rest of the trip who were

were they in college too i think so in the school they would do this thing that i i to this day it's the coolest it's so dumb but at that time of my life i think of it as the coolest thing they would keep their cigarette that they weren't smoking above like a mustache so they kind of like get the like the and i i think part of it is that we were so young we had no facial hair or anything like that but i think they'd like wet it a little bit, and then they could stick it to the top of their lip, and they'd just walk around the bar all night.

And for some reason, I thought it was fucking awesome.

It's funny when somebody's two years older than you, you're like, that's the guy's the coolest guy.

Yay.

Yeah, exactly.

Adults swim.

You're like, that was so big.

Like 17.

They're fucking children.

But like,

that's lame.

The cigarette thing?

100% lame.

It's so lame.

But at the time, I was.

Dude, I was in Chicago at whatever, at

Barstool, and I was doing their fucking stupid fucking whatever challenge, sports challenge, the gauntlet.

Yeah, and I fucked up pretty bad first one.

So I was like, I'm coming back before I have to go out to Sean Bar.

So I did it again.

I was like, I'm going to smoke this time.

And Kat's like, okay, you can.

So I did, but I was like rolling a cigarette.

And he goes, you roll cigarettes?

I'm like, yeah.

He goes, don't you find that kind of try-hard?

And I was like, yeah.

Yeah.

It's cool and lame.

I understand this.

It slows me down.

Yeah, it's cool and lame.

Yeah.

Yeah, that is a cool thing to do, but also like, so you're just going to walk around with like a cigarette cigarette right here?

Here, I get it, yeah.

There, it's really cool.

That's cool.

How do you keep that in?

I've lost so many cigarettes, haven't they?

I try and do it all the time with fucking.

I smoke like the little dog walkers for weed, yeah, and I lose them.

You lose them, you lose them all the time.

There needs to be like a flap in your hat or something like that to really hold it in there.

I so you can just pull it out.

I had the idea, I swear to God, I think Bieber has had it as well.

Fuck Bieber, but Haley Bieber

put out this thing,

it's like a phone case that has like whatever her,

she has some kind of cosmetic company.

Okay.

And it perfectly fits like the lip bomb on the phone case.

And I remember seeing that and going, that would work with a joint or a lighter.

And then

I think Bieber is now selling the joint one.

All you would need is something to not make the joint.

break in your pocket.

Yeah.

So just a little bit of case where it's completely encased.

The side opens up

It could be like a one of those pen things you know those phone those computer pens yeah yeah yeah like the stylus um stylus yeah yeah like something like that we pop it and it comes up but or i don't know but you can make it let's see what they got so

this is what her phone case looks like which is this here plug this in um

no not wrong phone what wrong phone oh right right right right right

but it looks like that

And so he kind of, because she patented it, he was able to add like a top to it.

And so he made it for that?

He at least put on it.

I don't know.

Everything I say, please take with a grain of salt.

But

it was at least in the zeitgeist that Bieber's connected to it.

Yes.

Wow, that's it.

That's it.

Yes.

It's just like hers.

Oh, yeah, it says, Justin Bieber begs wife Haley's approval for this.

And I was like, yeah, that's

wife Haley's approval.

Tell you what, they share my, like, yeah, I think he I think he like jokingly was like, hey, babe, we should do this or something like that.

Do you think there's any, like, there's got to be some level of real to these people, but how much of a percentage is it?

See,

my line of thinking on all this has changed completely in the years, like, since we've gotten to know people.

Okay.

Right?

Because, like, where, so if you think Bieber is completely fake and not a real person and all that stuff, which is a valid opinion, where do you draw the line with the people we know now?

Well, I know a lot of them are products.

Oh, really?

Yeah, a lot of them have become products, but I see what you're saying.

So, this is just for the public.

You're saying, hey, publicist, say I begged her to do whatever.

I think it has nothing to do with our real shit.

I think that's all actually.

She doesn't even know we're doing it.

I think he just put it on Instagram and had made a jokey comment.

Yeah.

And now the aggregation gets to like, oh, he had to beg her.

He's like, I made a post joking around my wife.

Like, it's not that serious.

But I always think about that now.

My wife Haley's, yeah.

When people are like, well, celebrities aren't real.

I'm like, I don't, at this stage, like, I know some pretty celebrities.

When you do meet them in their quiet moments, it's like, well, this isn't for anything.

It's like, oh, hey, I like your stuff.

I'm like, oh, thanks.

Yeah, right.

And you're like, oh, you're not this.

Yeah, maybe I'm, maybe you're right.

Maybe it's just the public side of them.

Yeah, the public side.

But

I've...

I talk about

hundreds of people and never have, like, literally zero.

Maybe it's one or two.

have I been like ah, you're a fake piece of shit.

They're usually pretty good dudes.

Not fake, but they're just always on and they're trying to be something at all times.

Yeah.

But I also noticed that with just like anyone who wants attention.

Like there are there are lower level comics and lower level like podcasters who they've come on and I'm like, you're really landed on thick here, dude.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, there is that too.

Yeah, like you're trying to, but also, I guess we did that in college too.

I'm like, I want to be the guy who's into this.

Yeah.

I want to be the guy with a cigarette on top of my lips.

Yeah, right, exactly.

Exactly.

So they're fake too, but like they're not.

Okay, I get what you're saying.

You might be right.

Anyway, bottom line is this is a great invention.

One note, it's sticking up too far.

That part's going to break.

Yep.

You're right about that.

It's going to pull out or it's going to break, right?

That's that part right there.

This area here.

It's going to 100% break.

And then if it's a dog walker, you're going to get it lost in there.

You'd have to be able to like, you need a top on it.

That's all.

Yeah.

Something you can flip up.

You have a little pop top.

Yeah.

Flip up and take out.

All right, Justin, reach out to us.

We've made it better.

Beebs.

Yeah.

you do you think there's anyone who's a complete fake a complete product not complete but like you know hella

it's it's hard not to throw katy perry in there after all this hullabaloo swift i feel like swift will break up with boyfriends because the the the media wants her to i think that's what people say she broke up with that guy who made an ice bike joke

who her ex-boyfriend oh matt healy is that who it was 1979 guy yeah matt healy yeah and it was like clearly it was just a joke about a made-up name.

But do you think it was from that?

It's right after.

Ice Spice is on tour with her or something like that.

And it's like, what is all that?

Maybe it's just the public-leaning persona.

Yeah, I always thought of that one, but that one in particular, like, that was never a real relationship.

That's it, too.

But also, like, they're going out with the people that they're supposed to do with.

But

is there a sense of like, I've been in relationships where I'm like, this isn't a real relationship.

I'm not doing it for the public, but I'm like, this is quick little fuck, and we'll have a good time.

But, like, I don't I heard, yeah, I think we both understand that this is not a re like, right, there's bad things.

We're not working bad once in a while.

Yeah, yeah, we're just having fun.

And then, and then, like, six months later, it's like, are we doing anything?

Like, come on, you know, we're not.

Yeah, you know, we're not.

If you're asking, you know, and I've been the one to ask.

I've been like, are we doing anything?

And they're like, nah, son.

Come on.

Okay.

I just want to know what this is.

Like, you don't just want to know.

Yeah.

Because if you just want to know, you'd be fine with the answer.

Like, no, we're just hanging.

That's a good point.

Yeah.

You just want to.

I heard,

let's get back to Salamanca.

Okay.

But I heard Vince Vaughn when he was dating Jennifer Anderson.

He was like hanging out at the store at the time, so he knew some of my friends, and they were like, he goes, it's just weird.

Like, you go on a date with a girl, and then you need to make a statement about it.

Yeah.

Are you guys seeing each other?

Like, I don't know, man.

I've been on, I've seen her twice.

And now I have to make a public statement declaring my intentions.

Yeah, like, this is wild.

I don't know.

I might just want to bang.

I might not.

This is way too early for this.

It's not even a fuck date yet.

We don't even know each other yet.

Yeah.

And I literally mean that.

Like, we're both putting forth images of who we are rather than who we actually are, and then they have to like make it a thing, so it's like you got no chance, really, at a real thing, yeah, you have to really hide it.

And then, how's that a relationship?

Like, let's meet in private at a bar where there's no cameras allowed, and then we'll talk, like, and then we'll figure out who we are.

All right, let's go back to Salamanca.

Okay, so you're there, 16.

So fucking cool, dude.

It's it's insane.

When I think back, and like, like I said, the year, the summer before, I was in Prague for a hockey tournament.

This summer, I was in Salamanca for,

I'm like, what the fuck were my parents thinking?

Letting me go do this shit.

But I ultimately think it was a good thing.

Yeah, what'd you get out of it?

I got college credits.

Okay, I mean, in life.

Lost my virginity.

That's huge.

Huge.

That's huge.

Forgot about it, but still.

And that's pretty much it.

Did you like get more world?

You'd already been to Prague.

So you'd already been out of the country.

I've been a traveler.

Okay.

But you know what?

That's actually a weird thing, too.

Like, I've actually stopped saying

I like to travel, or I've stopped thinking of myself as a traveler, because in this world now, I know people like you.

I know people like Wanton Don.

And I'm like, those are travelers.

I like to take trips.

You guys are fucking travelers.

I think I'm the same way as you.

And then Wanton Don is like, oh, well, you'll go live somewhere for a while.

Like, he'll just disappear.

And, like,

he'll disappear.

He'll have no plan for where he's staying.

Well, I'll do that too, but no plan doesn't make you a traveler.

Man, plan just make you irresponsible.

That's true.

I did the no plan once to London.

yeah and that was it was great it was a fun weekend but that's probably the last time i was in greece i did a show in athens and i was going to stay for another week or 10 days end of a european tour and so i did the gig and then i'm like all right that was great and was walking home like where are you going like i'm walking home it's only like it's 35 minutes and it's nice out like no it's kind of dangerous and i was like buddy i get it but i'm like a pretty seasoned traveler and he goes okay well then you would know you're walking through the heroin district if you walk home he goes i can drive you 30 minutes away from your place on that side and let you off there but like, that's, and I was like, oh, yeah, I didn't do any research.

I'm pretty bad at it.

Dude, when I did the London one,

it was because me and my buddy were going to a Liverpool game.

Nice.

At, excuse me, at Anfield.

Yeah.

And Wednesday night, he called me.

Game was Saturday.

It was Liverpool, Man City, Eden Holland's first year.

It was like.

Game was in November.

I think Liverpool had sucked to start the year.

It was a massive game.

And he called me Wednesday night and he's like, what are you doing?

I said, nothing.

He goes, what are you doing this weekend?

I said, nothing.

he goes i got two tickets liverpool men said you want to go i was like yeah 100

he goes okay so where should we stay and i said let's let's just stay in london and then let's fly into london we'll stay there for the night we'll check out the game saturday morning because you got to find london anyway and he's like yeah that's perfect that makes a lot of sense okay we woke up saturday morning luckily because of the time change we woke up at like 4 a.m 5 a.m whatever But I was like, all right, I'll figure out how to get to Anfield from here.

Threw it in the Google.

Liverpool's four hours from London.

I did not know that.

It seems so small look how small it is so we were like because that that was my thought i was like how big can the uk be or how big can england be and i was like i had to wake him up i was like dude liverpool's four hours away

so you made the game made the game good luck you woke up that early time change yeah you got to get going it's a noon game right it was i think it was a 2 p.m game or maybe a four wow i forget exactly what it was but it was we had time like we ended up we took a train but at that time because everything was sold out so we had to take the commuter rail we We basically took the metro north from London to Liverpool.

It was stopping non-stop.

We were standing the whole time.

I was so fucking hungover.

We actually ended up getting to somewhere in the midway point.

I think it's Birmingham.

It's like a midway point.

And then after two hours, you have to switch trains.

And then the next two-hour train takes to Liverpool.

And at that one, I was like, dude, I can't do it.

I can't do another one.

So

we ended up paying a cab, which was pretty pricey, but not insane.

But that was my like, all right, I got to start doing research.

It's so funny when you go from like, oh, let's get some, let's get a nice English breakfast first, and then we'll like kind of get our way.

Maybe we'll walk around up there.

So let's like get going.

So looking at the stuff, like, hey, we got to go now.

Yeah, like,

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Forget brushing your teeth.

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So, what else did you do in Salamanca?

So, you're 16, you get there.

It must have been so fucking freeing.

It was, it was, but you know what?

Honestly, as I think back, I guess it wasn't that freeing because I was at boarding school.

I'd been to Prague.

Like

we, the drinking was the main difference.

It wasn't the freedom.

It was like...

When I got to Israel, it's like second semester of senior year, the school I went to, Jerry.

So like, it's such a waste.

Second semester of senior year.

You're already in college.

So it's like people fuck it off.

So like, why don't we do double semesters of English and math in the first, like double classes, get that main credit, and then go to Israel for like six credits total.

Um,

so it's not, it's like a waste.

That's all.

That's what you did in four months, the last you know, semester.

And so, yeah, we did, but it's like drunk, like you, you're going to places where like you can go to bars, and you're like, oh, we don't have responsibility, though.

They didn't get that in us.

So, like, we're throwing up on the streets, and like, our parents are finding out about it.

There was one morning I woke up with just bloody knuckles, and I was like, what the fuck happened?

And they're like, we got in a fight.

Dude, we got in a fight that was,

it was straight up fucking uh

jets and sharks like it was it was it was in that if you if you go to the yeah you're still at tripoderia yeah so tripoderia was like right by a plaza obviously it's europe there's 10 million plazas okay and it was like us and our boys lined up them and their boys lined up and they we marched at each other like braveheart style plaza this one

where is this Plaza de Monterey?

That must be it.

Wow, you fought here.

What?

No, no, no, no, because it was one of those plazas.

Like it was a, it was like a

fucking um you know like uh what's the word i'm looking for cobblestone so it was a cobblestone type plaza right right in la chupiteria like the chupiteria is there if you walked past chupataria to the left whatever i don't know okay okay directions but it was like kids walk marching towards each other throwing shit each other and then you know what they did europeans didn't have have a plan for it went with kicks first no went with kicks a kick to the gut first

that's not how i learned how to fight fight.

That's not

at all.

And also, it's not fair.

It's like when you fight a hockey guy and he starts pulling your shirt up.

I don't understand what you're doing.

What are you doing?

You can't comprehend that they'd be doing something to you.

Yeah, yeah.

And then you get that shirt over and you're like, what the fuck?

And they just wail on you.

But that was a big fight we got in there.

But fuck, what was I just going to say?

God damn.

We did some traveling.

Where'd you go?

We went to Madrid, Barcelona.

Okay.

Sevilla.

Oh, dude.

In Sevilla,

we got bombed by Eta.

What is it?

No, I'm sorry.

This wasn't in Sevilla.

This was in, like, Santiago, something like that.

It was an S.

It must have been Santiago.

That's it.

It was

the Eta, which is the ETA, which is the, like, kind of like the IRA of the BOS country, which is the Bosque Bosque country is like separatists in the northeastern corner of the country, I believe.

Okay.

And, but what they'll do is IRA-like, is that they'll plant a bomb, but then they will call and say, evacuate.

Let you know it's coming.

Yeah.

And they're like, evacuate that bank.

There's a bomb in it.

And we were in the bank and we got evacuated.

That's cool.

Yeah, it was awesome.

Did you see the separatist shit?

Because they have like three countries there in Spain.

Basque,

Spanish, and then like there's another one.

I don't know the third one.

There's like three regions that are one out.

Is Spain a mess?

Are you aware of this because you travel more?

I hear people like referencing Spain

becoming a borderline dictatorship.

Basque and

Catalonia.

Catalonia.

Yeah.

Catalonia, I have heard of now that we see it.

I don't know what their issue is, but I have.

A lot of its language, which is so fucking weird.

Maybe it's because I'm in a language that's never been challenged in my country.

Maybe it's because I have the primary language.

Yeah, I think Franco was like, hey,

you can't speak Bosque anymore.

You can't speak Catalonia anymore.

Franco.

Yeah.

And they go, if you do, we'll kill you.

And they go, okay, well, we're going to teach it to him in private.

I'd be like, all right, well, if everyone's speaking Spanish, then we'll just do that.

We'll figure it out.

Yeah.

Dude, they hate Franco there.

Hate him.

I remember one morning we were in the Plaza Mayor, and there was some shit-faced guy.

And around the Plaza Mayor, they had like the

busts of all the foreign presidents.

And they were up high.

Hammered guy just taking his shoes off and just throwing it at Franco.

And then his shoe would fall and he'd pick it up and he'd throw it back at Franco.

It was probably like 9 a.m.

Guy was plastered and it was just like,

as long as I saw that man, he kept just picking up his shoe and throwing it back.

For all I know, he's still doing it right now.

But I walked through the plaza, you know, probably took three minutes.

He'd throw the shoe, he'd pick it up, throw the shoe again.

Wow.

Imagine hating an old leader that much.

Not even a current one.

What did you eat when you were there?

Did you eat like spanish food or did you just kind of like well i eat you know obviously the meal that my mother invented i you know what's

you know what's funny 16 too you don't really have options to go out whatever you want like honestly i can't tell you the food that much because it was you know what we ate a lot of what burger king because they sold beer there

and hot dogs i mean up with beer down with burger king but yeah and hot dogs dude they they would gazpacho um

but the they would make these hot dogs it was just from a street cart yeah and they would get a big nice roll, like a, like a, it wasn't quite a bag yet, but it was something like that.

And they chop the top off and they dig a hole out.

And they stuff, they'd squirt ketchup in it, mustard,

mayonnaise, all this shit.

And then they'd insert the dog.

And it'd be long ways.

To this day, the best hot dog I've ever had in my life.

Instead of opening up this way, open it up that way.

Open it up that way.

And they would squirt it in.

So it would all kind of, once they shoved the dog in, it would kind of come, end up come out the top.

It was.

Like displaced, water displaced.

Yeah.

Wow.

To this day, the best hot dog I've ever had in my life is a Spanish hot dog.

It pains me to say it, but by far.

I wouldn't.

I'm okay with that.

I don't think we stand by it.

It's not American, though.

It is, right?

I mean, it's not.

It's from like

Frankfurt.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's, yeah, it's for sure Frankfurt.

I hadn't thought of that when I said it, but now.

Yeah, it is for sure from Frankfurt.

But the...

When I was at that London game, that Liverpool game, and when we finally got to Liverpool, I was so hungry.

and I thought,

what's a meal?

I was so hungover, you know, like, I was like, I can't stomach anything.

Yeah.

I'll just, I'll whack a hot dog real quick.

Yeah.

And I ended up throwing that up.

It's the worst hot dog I've ever had.

It's from Liverpool, England.

I was with a Liverpoolian, Kyle Legacy, and I was like on an asset in Edinburgh.

And I was like, Yep, you know, you do drugs.

You're like, I'm hungry.

I got to get something.

I got this like savory crepe.

It was all fair food then.

And I was like, oh, all right.

Cook a

I was like, I'm done.

Liverpool, Carl Luggage.

Give me that.

I'm like, okay.

That was probably the issue in Liverpool, too, is the drugs.

Because.

What's the issue?

Well, that's probably why I wasn't very

receptive to food.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

But, dude, we were at the bar right across the street from Anfield.

I don't know what its name is, but it was right across the street.

And I went to take a piss.

The one thing I noticed there was a lot of, they were like, it's just piss on the wall.

You know what I mean?

Like it was a tiled wall, and there was a thing on the bottom with

like a grate on the bottom, but like there was no delineation of like, here's a urinal or anything.

It was just like, just pee on the wall.

But so there was by like 50 of us in there, whatever, taking a piss.

And I'd take a piss and I'd turn to walk out the door.

And someone is just standing by the door, just giving bumps like child soldiers.

Anyone?

Anyone walking out?

He's just like, here you go.

Here you go.

For the soccer game.

To the soccer game.

That's why.

Not just random.

It's like we're all gonna tune up, yeah.

He was like, Let's get loose, awesome, yeah, it was great.

That's awesome, it didn't make you very hungry for a hot dog, but did you guys do drugs in college in uh in your school here in Salamanca?

No, I didn't, I didn't do drugs really until college.

Yeah, I mean, um, so I, this was this was just strictly a booze trip, Salamanca, why, why there, but uh, I think just the college in Madrid, I went to a bullfight, and that was the most depressing thing I've ever done.

No, really, it was Ari, it was awful.

Why?

I'm 100% like you.

i thought i'd really want to go somebody from the new york comic club said he's going he's gonna do that i'm like i'm jealous it's it i i like i want it was i wasn't dragged to it i very much wanted to go i wanted to experience the culture i wanted to feel all that and then you get in there and it gets pretty sad pretty fucking why it's like uh

just when when the bull is dying so it's after he's gotten stabbed a bunch of times

It's really like he so he becomes incontinent.

So he's kind of just like stumbling around the fucking ring

and shitting and like it's just he's clearly

like put him out of his misery he's dead dude and like this guy's just kind of dancing around him still i only watched one and i was like all right let's get the fuck out of here it was it was it was not my favorite way to see an animal get killed not that i have one but

damn

i saw rooster fights once and it was like that thing you know they tie a fucking razor to you yeah yeah go like this but they don't know they have a razor on them they're just like it's weighted but they're still like trying to slash you with their with their claws.

Not to the death.

They think they're just like scratching at another rooster.

And they slice them, but there's almost no, sometimes it's blood, but sometimes there's no blood.

It's just a clean whatever.

And you see the other rooster going back.

And then at some point he just goes, oh, I'm getting lightheaded here.

Because he's just lost a shitload of blood.

Right.

And that's what, that's what happens to the bull.

He's mowing.

And think about like if

it looks like a real fucking animal.

A ton or whatever the fuck a bull weighs.

And it's just kind of like lumbering around.

And I did not like.

and typically I like doing that stuff.

I like doing, you know, if I'm going to someone's culture, I don't want to go and be in America.

Dog fights seem like it'd be the worst.

What's that?

Dog fights seem like it'd be the worst.

Dog fights

pretty tough.

But if Mike Vick invites you to won, you're like,

who do you go to?

A Mike Vick party or a P.

Diddy party in their prime?

Ooh, great question.

Let me hit you with some information before you answer.

Okay.

You go to a P.

Diddy party.

You go to Michael Vick party.

You know which side of the party you're on on the Michael Vick party.

So I know I'm.

They're not going to pit you against me.

Okay.

At the P.

Diddy party, you're not positive how you're going to be treated in that party as a aggressor or as an aggressed.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

That's not 100% like, hey, come to a P.

Diddy, but I'm not getting attacked, am I?

Like, I can't tell you for sure.

I think for some reason, that makes me say Diddy party.

You would rather go to a Diddy party.

Take the risk.

I don't know why.

Like, whoa, I might be a victim.

Yeah, throw my name in that ring.

But,

yeah, I don't know.

Like,

yeah, I think a dog party would be worse.

I think a dog party is.

Oh, they're going to hang it.

Yeah, right.

Are they going to drown it?

It is.

It is not.

You know what really turns me off to the Vic thing?

What?

Aside from the

come on, dude.

Cut that out.

Cut that out.

You can't put that on him.

No, the

stand or whatever it's called.

They had like a.

I I remember reading about this back in the Vic time.

It was like

some kind of mechanism that a dog could not get away.

And so then they would have one of the aggressive pit bulls just get out of it, have sex with that dog who couldn't get away.

And then they would raise that.

They'd breed that dog.

They'd be like, this is a fucking aggressive dog.

That, I don't know if you can.

Right.

That's how they breed dogs.

They make like whatever the trade is to like carry on more.

Yeah.

So they get two friendly dogs, breed them.

This dog will be super friendly.

Breed those other two friendly dogs.

They will breed the very aggressive ones.

And I was like, I don't know if I.

That doesn't.

I mean, nobody's into it except the people that are into it.

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Anyway, so the spec, so a bullfight was like not like that.

Was there food there?

Food at the bullfight.

Great question.

I don't remember it being a massive deal if there was.

Was it like a ball game?

Yeah, yeah.

It was

the big

things.

It was like a coliseum.

Okay.

Dirt ground.

And then

really, there wasn't much fanfare.

Going to a sporting event in a different country, even if it's as little as that,

they don't like it like we like them.

Like, I noticed that even going to that soccer game.

Even soccer?

Even soccer was like, this is,

the fans are crazy, but the production value is not the same.

So the fans, I would go so far as to say care more, but the

event itself does not feel like an event.

Like, like, going to that Liverpool game was cool, but like, you know, there's no big anthem, there's no big fucking replays, scoreboards, fucking

teletron.

There's no stoppage in play, so there are no replays.

There's like, it would be a lot of fun.

Replays would really ruin bullfighting.

I thought it was pause, hold on, let's see if you made that.

I think it's cool to make like the event, but it's like, we just, we're just sportsmen.

We just like fucking sports.

So it's like, okay, that's cool.

But the, you know, it works with soccer.

It doesn't work so much with bull because then they got to drag the thing out, Ari.

Oh, you got to get the one is dead.

How the fuck you you think they do that?

More bulls?

What?

They get bulls?

To tie it up and draw.

I would assume so.

I guess they could use like a fork clip or something.

Yeah, but it was.

I don't know how they did it because it was, again, as soon as the last bull was dead, I was like, I'm out of here.

How'd your friends like it?

We were all in unison.

Everyone thought that was a lot.

Remember when you were when you saw the something Epstein?

There was a reporter who got taken by the Taliban in like 2002, 2001, Epstein or something like that.

They beheaded him on camera.

Oh, the guy in the orange jumper?

I think so.

Yeah.

Something Stein, maybe.

I don't know.

But like

Jewish and an American.

So they're like, but it was like they chopped him with like a machete, but it didn't go all the way through.

And I remember going, like, well, I can take anything, whatever.

And he watched, like, ha ha, like, I'm indifferent to it.

And then, like, watch it.

And midway through the second one, I was like, I just felt it.

Yeah.

I felt the like

attachment to it, and I'm just like, I'm nauseous.

Were you a live leak guy?

Oh, yeah, dude.

I was live leak.

I actually, dude, I saw this guy on the train yesterday

in a t-shirt that just said

live leak scarring minds alike since 2006.

Scarring what?

Scarring minds alike since 2006.

That's about right.

And I remember early bar school days when Kevin sent, I was an intern, Kevin sent me a link.

Yeah, oh, yeah, back in like 2010.

What?

That's how you started, yeah.

Um, I got a question about Barstool for you.

The uh, this guy's this guy, this guy's shirt and his face also looks like he is currently looking at something on live leak.

Um,

why is this not going wild?

But I remember watching Russians stab themselves with screwdrivers on that website.

This guy does look like he's a live leak guy.

Wow, weird.

Why don't I work?

Fucking lame.

There you go.

Yeah.

Starry minds alike since 2006.

I remember when I started, Kevin sent me a link.

That's a nice, that's a nice, like, on-the-slide take.

Yeah, right?

Live link.

It was so that just meet.com.

Were you at rotten.com?

A little bit.

Bro, I had a babysitter.

Yeah.

Because I was probably like 12 when Rotten was really hit running.

I had a babysitter who used to just make me watch Rotten with her.

And would, she would show me anything from like she was crazy.

It was like, you remember back in when you had like the family computer room, uh-huh.

And she'd be like, John, come on in here.

I got something to show you.

And it would be like, Mother Teresa's autopsy.

Is it still available, do you think?

Rotten?

Yeah.

I'm going to enter it right now.

I'm going to guess yes.

I think Rotten's still kicking.

It's got to have an IP that's worth something.

Yeah.

Even if it's a redirect to a porn thing.

I mean, Rotten was

Rotten was the one.

But she, she had, I remember she had that one.

She showed me Mother Teresa's autopsy ones.

And then the one that sticks out in my head for some reason is a kind of a tug-of-war contest with two black, I'm sorry, not black, blue-collar workers, both white guys.

And they both had hard hats on, but they were completely naked aside from that.

And their dicks were tied together with chains, and they were having a tug-of-war contest.

And that just sounds like the worst thing in the world.

Okay, so Rodden is not there.

That shocks me.

LiveLeak redirects to item flick, and just meat is just not there.

It's just available.

Just meat was huge.

Just meat.

No.

Is it just me or are you thinking of meat spin?

I thought just meat.

I thought it was a real thing.

Just meat.

Just meats.

maybe meat spin maybe i'm maybe i'm getting meat spin where it's just like

i think it's a guy the guy you know what i i would be curious to see meet spin again because i always pictured it as a transgender person

because the tan lines on the person with the dick getting fucked yeah were that of a bikini so i was always just like

people like no it's a gay video i'm like i don't know yeah i mean look it's gay but is is it two gay men?

I'm not positive.

On your website, Only Memories of Maine of the Last.

Faces of Death.

Sure.

Damn, no, it's not here.

I can see you back in the day going nuts with this.

I went nuts because I didn't feel any of it.

I had a waiter just like compartmentalize.

You don't feel that.

And now that you get older, you're just like, I'm letting this in now.

I just can't do it anymore.

I'm just feeling it.

Like you're feeling.

A connection to it where you're like, I feel bad now.

Yes.

Yes.

Where before it was like, it's just some idea of a thing.

It's not a real person.

Dude, my dad used to, like, when I was younger, watching movies or TV shows, my dad would get squeamish at stuff.

And I'd be like, you're such a pussy.

Like, it's just blood or whatever.

I'm getting there now where I'm like, ugh, I don't really want to see that.

Yeah.

It's gross, dude.

Yeah.

And it's just like special effects.

It's like, yeah, I don't know what it is.

Anyway, so I could see bullfighting me the same way.

Yeah.

That one was not fun.

Barcelona, I fucking loved.

So you would go all over.

Yeah, it was just, we would have

week our weekends were our own time.

So we would go to

some people went to Lisbon.

We skipped that trip, but we'd go around to like other places.

But Salamanca was fucking sick.

I really like Spain.

I really, and at the time, it was because I spoke the language.

I don't really speak it anymore.

You have the TH.

It's set in there.

I can still do the accent well, and I could still survive.

Yeah.

But I can't.

At that time, I was

pretty close to fluent.

Wow.

Oh, so you could really get around.

I could get, yeah.

Did you meet locals and stuff?

Yeah, fuck you.

We'd be

at a bar.

Out of the bars every night.

But they were like locals in the sense that

I was at college.

They'd be at college.

So it's like they weren't Salamanca locals.

They were Spaniards.

Yeah, if you're at college, Park, Maryland, like, yeah, I mean, I've been here for two years.

What are you guys doing here?

We got drunk so often there that we ended up thinking.

Me and my best friend, we were like, dude, when we're drunk, we're so good at Spanish.

And so when we got home,

we got, and I actually, I honestly do think that there is something to it.

There's something to it.

Because you're out of your own head.

You're not worrying about our committee.

Are you nailing everything perfectly?

You're just kind of fucking flowing.

And we were like, we speak Spanish really well when we're drunk.

So when we got home our senior year, SAT2s

took Spanish.

Yeah.

And we were like, dude, we got to get fucked up for this.

So for the SAT2s, we were in the back of the lecture hall cheersing.

Remember Gatorade All-Stars?

they're these min little bottles they were terrible Gatorade okay but they're these little mini like I don't know smaller kid size bottles and they're called Gatorade all-stars but we had filled them with vodka because we wanted to be drunk for the sat2s because we're better when we're drunk

and we were in the back anything but the study we were in the back of the we know we didn't we didn't study drunk we were just taking the test drunk yeah so we were in the back of the lecture hall cheersing each other when we thought we were doing well.

We were like 16 years old, 17 years old, whatever we were at the point that the SAT2s came out, but we'd cheers and we'd be like, we're Gatorade All-Stars.

And the proctor had to be like, can you be quiet?

Sorry, we're fucking hammered, dude.

Trying to do well on this test, idiot.

There is something that you're just like nor natural when you're drunk.

You're like, I'm going to go for it.

I pretty much know what you're doing.

I think I honestly believe that we were better when we were drunk.

We were good.

I'm so worried about saying the wrong word that you're not going.

This is pretty much it.

Yeah, this is, you'll get what I'm fucking saying here.

it was there there is a no doubt in my mind that our

that's a standard thing have two beers and then you'll be way better way way better so we tried that with the sat didn't work out didn't work out so well but that was our our logic how did you get fluent they just taught it to you growing up i don't know dude i was just really good like i honestly i i didn't like take special classes i didn't i i was just very and like fluent i don't know what the literal definition is i don't know if i could tell a joke in the language, which is what I think the literal definition is.

I think the military doesn't consider you fluent until you can tell a joke in the language.

Any joke?

My first joke in Spanish, I was in Ecuador and I was on a tour group in Via Cabamba.

It's like this blue zone.

It's real rainy, whatever, just like real lush.

And

there's Via Coroma, coffee place, Via Cabamba.

And he's like, you know, it's a mixture of

Via Cobama and Aroma, via Caroma.

And someone's like, oh my God, already you know that?

I was like, Esolvio, Esovio.

And the guy just started laughing.

And I'm like, yeah, all right.

But that's two words.

That's two words.

So I wouldn't say I'm fluent, but I was good enough in that moment.

You got him with the Esolbio.

That's very funny.

Yeah.

Have you been to Spain?

So you've been to Spain.

I've been to Barcelona once, and then I went up from there to like this, like about an hour and a half north to this like

fortressy like beach town.

Did you like Barcelona?

Yeah, I mean, but I wasn't, it's different when you're somewhere for like five days, four days, but I loved it.

The, the, the gaudy-esque architecture.

I felt like I

get I was young, I was obviously, but I was, I was walking around going, the architecture's here insane, right?

And everyone was making fun of me.

Like, you look at the architecture, I don't know what to tell you.

You notice that everything's fucking different, right?

Like, no, it's one of the highest-level architects of all time that designed the city.

That it reeks of that guy's like footprint, yeah, and that building is insane.

Sagara, it's the Sagrada Familia, yeah, Sagrada, Sagrada Familia, Sagrada Familia is that of

crazy of all the and I'm fairly well traveled, of all the places I've been that were like a tourist attraction, that might be number one.

So it might be the one that lived the Vatican as well.

The Vatican

that really hit for me, um, but the the Sagrada Familia was unreal.

There are some that are like, okay, I guess I saw it.

And others.

I guess I'm just Catholic.

I'm like, the Vatican was great.

This big church was great.

I also love this church.

Well, some of the temples in Southeast Asia are like, cool, cool, for sure.

And others are like, oh, my God.

Yeah.

The Catholic Church, you do have to give it to them.

They are

not going to have a lot of problems.

It's like you wait in line.

I have this theory I talked to some people about where it's like about tourism and stuff.

You don't have to do the expected thing all the time.

You actually get boggled down, bogged down if you do that.

Like, I always try to say, like, what if you're going to New York for the first time?

We're New Yorkers.

So, like, I understand.

So, like, do I have to go to the Empire State Building?

I'm like, not really.

I've never, I might have gone up there once.

I don't really even know.

I'll tell you some cool bars to go to.

That's the more New York experience.

Like, which is a pizza shop?

Like, it's not about which one.

Every neighborhood has like two or three good ones.

Yeah.

So find one of the good ones and find it for yourself.

I think that's part of traveling as a whole.

I just got back from Ireland and I was in Kinsale and I loved Kinsale.

It was unbelievable.

I never heard of it, yeah.

It's like, it's actually, so where I'm from in Rhode Island, or I'm from Massachusetts, but

Newport, Rhode Island is its sister city.

So it's kind of like, that's why we went.

But

it's just a great, great town.

And I kind of had the same conversation with a bartender there where I was like, where's like, you know, what do I got to see?

And he's like, you don't have to see anything, but you do have to stay here.

And I was like, oh, that's a cool way to, because he's like, he's like, so many people come like you.

And he was right with what I was doing that trip trip where I was in Kinsale for two days.

And then I was in Galway for two days.

And then I was in Dublin for two days.

What's the thing you're supposed to do?

He's like, you're supposed to stay here for a week and then

absorb.

Yeah, on the Great Ocean Road in Australia, there's like one spot where Nick Cody was like, get a

something, like a conch, I don't know, some pastry they have full of like some, some, some like, I can't even remember what it said, but like full of some seafood.

I was like, okay, and it's like, it's only there.

Get it on your way.

Yeah.

You know, but it's not like you're going to wait in the line for two hours for it.

Right.

So, like, an occasional thing like that.

But, like, I saw some Belgian couple in the East Village, like, kind of looking around, looking at this, and just like, and you know, when they asked her directly, what are you going?

Like, where's like the East Village?

I'm like, oh, you're in it.

And they're like, I'm like, oh, it's just walk around.

Yeah.

Come across a record store.

Come across a coffee shop.

Do cocaine on a Tuesday.

Yeah, that's the vibe.

There's nothing specific to cross-off.

It's a cool place to hang.

It is very, I don't spend much time over here.

It's really awesome.

I like these villages.

Didn't used to live here?

No, I lived in Murray Hill, and I lived on the upper east.

You would just come down from Murray Hill to hear at a party.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It got weirder after COVID.

But like, um,

but then also on top of that, it's, but don't be an asshole.

So, like, you don't have to go to the Empire State Building.

Sure, sure, sure.

But if you're in New York and go, I'm not going to try the pizza.

I'm like, are you an idiot?

What the fuck are you here for?

Why?

Yeah.

And if you're right there in Barcelona, go to that one.

Go to the Sagrada Familia.

It's so crazy.

I don't get the people like that who you're explaining, like, like who traveling, like, I'm not going to eat the pizza or something like that.

Like, I always think of that with when I, you know, if I go to the Caribbean

and particularly in the Caribbean, people like to stay at resorts and stuff like that.

And I'm like, why the fuck are we in Jamaica to sit next to a guy who lives in Connecticut?

This sucks.

This is not fun for me to like hang out at a beach with a bunch of people from America.

That's, I don't, I don't see any appeal to that.

Yeah, but also, like, right, right.

And you don't want to go like, listen, the weed we get here in all accounts is better than Jamaican weed.

Jamaica just kind of like was started or was kind of known as being more open about it or something.

Like, I don't really know if it was legal, but it's like, yeah, my weeds here is better.

And I've been to Denmark and I've been to Amsterdam and I've been to Cleveland, I mean, Cleveland, Denver, and Vancouver.

I'm sure there's better weed.

But, like, if somebody's like, You want to hit?

I'm like, I'm not going to come back from Jamaica having not smoked a single hit of weed.

Right.

That's like, don't be an asshole.

You know, so that's the one in

Spain that I'm like, do it.

Yes.

And also, it takes your breath away.

Like, go up the fucking steeples.

Like, it is in.

I like was like fully crying.

I was kind of inconsolable.

Have you been crying?

What?

You've been crying?

There at that church.

Really?

I was just like, it was just overwhelming.

How many times in your life do you have a cry like that where you're like, where did this even come from?

A lot.

To be honest, I'm a crier.

I've become a crier.

Really?

Yeah.

Like, probably like the last two, three years.

You smoke weed?

I smoke weed.

And I and I cry more.

I didn't used to smoke weed.

Yeah.

And I...

get your emotions going.

It's crazy.

I cry all the time.

Movies and stuff.

Movies, insurance commercials, doesn't matter.

That's the best.

Dude, they were even, I went to a Liberty game, and there's some new, something cloud, some new player.

And then they were like, it was their opening day.

And so they gave her a big cheer when they showed her.

And she was like,

you know, she's playing in New York now.

I think she's already been an all-star.

I don't follow.

But like,

I was like, oh, my God, we've been so nice to her.

She made it, sweetheart.

Yeah, and then I really tears.

She's like, oh, this crowd is so nice.

Thank you for welcoming me.

And I was like, just a little tear up, but that's the crowd of familiar.

I'm like, ball, it's just so beautiful and grand.

It's great.

It's

honestly, I hadn't said, I hadn't really given it.

I didn't want to show pictures because I'm like, you really just have to go.

You got to be.

I hadn't given it real thought until right now.

And I'm putting it.

And I said it.

I really think it's the best place I've ever been in my life.

I didn't come on the show playing to say that.

This kid on a ruined former from New York Comedy Club, he's like going to Spain.

He goes from Barcelona and then Madrid.

He's like, What should I do?

Whatever.

And I told him a couple things,

suggestions.

And then I try to give that to people.

And I don't know if they've been to somewhere.

If you ever, somebody asked you, hey, I'm going to a place you've been.

What should I do?

There's try these sort of things, get to some of them, but this one's a must.

This is what you have to.

And I was like, oh, he goes, Can I just go to the outside?

I'm like, no, buddy.

You got to wait in line.

It's going to be like an hour and a half or two hours in line.

It's going to be worth it.

You really have to do it.

It's going to be worth it.

It's insane.

But yeah, that was that was Barcelona was one that I was that was a place where I was walking around going, I'm going to come back here.

Like most places I go,

I never think it's my last time there.

I'm never like, I got to get it all in.

I always think like, I'll be back one day.

But to you.

But rarely, very rarely.

Because you've already crossed it off, right?

Yeah.

But Barcelona was one that, and I haven't.

Have you been back?

I have not, but I think I actually might this summer.

It rules.

I have a plan.

And there's less siesta.

Everything closes, but there's some stuff that's over, just rarer.

So if you're like, I'm not quite hungry yet, and it's like 1.30, I'm like, buddy, sit down and eat.

Yeah.

The, the, uh, fuck.

I forgot I was just going to say, fuck.

You have the tapas or the pinches or anything?

I hate tapas.

Hate them.

Wow.

Hate tapas.

Hot take.

Yeah, I.

I like a meal.

I don't like doing a bunch of small things.

And I, because what if I fucking like it, dude?

That's what pisses me off.

Get more.

What do you mean, what if you like it?

Get more.

That's all.

I want to order my food and have my food.

Hey, bring seven more of those Hamon things, please.

I guess I don't do Tapas enough, but I did actually on the Irish trip when I was in Galway.

I went to a Tapas restaurant there, Spanish Tapas, Michelin Star.

I forget what it was called, but I'm sure you can look it up.

There couldn't have been many of them in Galway.

And

I was like,

they had great meatballs, and I never got more because I was like,

I don't know.

I don't think you're supposed to keep talking to the waitress like that.

That's not my experience in going out, and it's hard to get onto it.

Let's see.

Cava bodega?

Nope, that one.

What?

Up top.

A-N-I-I-I-A-N-I-A-R.

Where are you looking?

Oh, that.

No, I guess that's not it.

Because I thought for sure.

One of the most best Michelin star meets we've ever had.

I'm going to text my mom.

Sangria, Toppas Restaurant.

Cava Bodega?

Bodega?

She's going to have no idea.

She's going to have...

You went with her?

Yeah.

Wow.

You went with your mom?

Yeah, I traveled with my parents all the time.

Did you guys fuck?

No, I just watch.

Oh.

Wow.

There is something, but how long total did you stay in Spain?

Did you go hiking at all?

There's a massive park right by there.

Dude, we were drunk from the moment I landed.

I was drunk before I got to Spain.

I remember the flight there getting put in timeout because I was drinking.

We flew Air France and I was drinking those Cronenbergs.

Those are good.

Dude, there's something that hits harder with a beer that you can find here, but you just don't.

Yeah.

The 1664s or whatever.

I was going to call it 1776, but whatever they are.

Whatever they are.

And I'm like, oh, is that French?

I don't even know where it's from.

I don't know either, but it was.

So from the moment that flight took off

until the moment I got home, I was drunk.

I did.

What?

I never did close with my white whale.

You didn't.

So you tried.

But there was one night.

This was in Santiago.

This was the night after we had been,

what do you call it?

The Etah bomb had happened earlier that day.

Etah bomb?

The one where the ETR.

Everyone's got to evacuate.

So that night,

we got put on a bit of a hold.

Okay.

Our teacher was like, no one's leaving the hotel hotel tonight everyone stick stays in we're like fine so we go to a um

convenience because they're worried about this up yeah they were like we're going home at least they tell you there's a bomb yeah i thought i thought that was very polite of that is really flyover

like beat it um but he was like so no one can leave and we're like okay fine and we go to a liquor store or whatever wherever we find beer and in europe they don't put it in fridges there's no it's just out on a fucking shelf wow so we get a 12 or or 16, whatever the fuck we got.

And they drink it warm, drink it.

I don't know, but we we were going back to our hotel.

Okay, okay, so we didn't have

fridges in there, 16, too.

So we had a bunch of warm Amstels, not Amstel lights, just Amstels.

And we were playing Kings.

And

the

I ended up, I don't, I guess it was make a rule or whatever, but somehow I ended up with I had to be naked.

But

the caveat was because it was two men, there was only four of us playing.

It was two men, two women.

And the caveat, because we were 16, I don't know, it wasn't, they were like, you can't be naked, naked

hanging this hat on your dick.

Oh, so I was like, okay, hey, easier said than done.

You 16-year-old girls, you just made this task much harder.

So I went into the bathroom and I was trying to get my dick hard.

Why were you naked?

Because I lost some.

It was like every time you say this word, you have to medical clothes off or whatever it was.

You're trying to get hard to hang.

I'm trying to get hard in the bathroom.

And then the girl who, my white whale, she's like, I'll help you out.

She starts moaning from the other side of the door, and it made it even harder.

And I never got a hard dick, and I never fucked her.

Because you think because of that?

I think because of that, yeah.

You can't even get hard.

You can't even get hard for me.

Plus, also, you're 16, you should be able to get hard at like a breath.

But I was so fucking drunk.

And you're nervous.

Nervous.

Pressures on you.

i'd never been hard with intention before i'd been i guess hard intention to masturbate but i've never been hard with intention to use it

to show it off

to just

also once you start thinking hey look what i'm doing with the hat it immediately goes away yeah yeah because you're not thinking

you're thinking about the hanging hat which is not a sexual thing and then i walked out holding the hat with a soft dick with the sad news to deliver that hey this isn't gonna work out guys and i have this awful looking dick right now and then the other woman started puking warm am Stella light everywhere.

The moment I was inside your fucking softcock.

Just like,

and then I didn't.

Wait,

that's probably why I didn't have sex for three more years.

I was like, never mind.

I repulse people.

That was your why well.

That was your chance.

You could have played it right.

No, I don't know.

Cause you were 16.

Maybe she was like 19.

She was, no, she was my, she was in my grade, but she was, I was young for my grade.

she was old for our grade, so she was probably 17, I was probably 16.

So you definitely could have.

Yeah.

Oh, oh, if you, you would have had to play it like, get in here and stop saying, and then just go.

But

this is not a totally sad story.

Because about 15 years later, she came to New York for a business trip.

Divorced at this point?

Divorced at this point, baby.

Oh,

that divorce replay.

That divorce fucking.

Oh, dude, I was jacked up.

Oh, you know, I always liked you in high school.

what?

I had sexual power once?

You sure did.

That was, and you know what?

Off the market, not for good, though.

Just for a while.

After we had sex, she rolled over to me.

Why did we take so long to do that?

And I went, I've been trying for 15 years, guys.

Wow.

It could have been like CCC.

Wow, congratulations.

Thanks.

That was a big one.

That was a big one.

Legitimately happy for you.

Yeah, I'm legitimately happy.

It was.

Better friend used to go out on Facebook and find you know it's like there's like an age where everyone in your class starts getting married you know yeah yeah yeah it's like i don't know 24 to 29

i don't know whatever that range is and it just starts happening and then like uh 27 to 30 whatever it is but then the divorces come three to six years after that um

but then he'd like reach out you hear about somebody getting divorced and he would always go he'd just oh hey just you came up with my feed and go you know i always had a thing for you that was his thing yeah and then they go, oh, because they're feeling unattractive.

You're like, I'm already in my 30s now.

I'm older.

And it's like, oh, this guy remembers me when I was a cheerleader.

And it reminds me of when I had power.

And I want that back.

So he just, you know, I always had a thing for you, even if he didn't.

No way.

I always had a thing for you in high school.

What?

I didn't know that.

Cause it's a lie.

That's weird.

Because I'm duping you.

Yeah, he'd fuck everybody in his class.

That's really fucking smart.

Yeah.

You know what I was saying?

Congratulations on this white whale.

Thanks.

She came out of a business ship to to fuck, or it was just like, I want to hang.

I don't know.

I know she's remarried, so we don't talk anymore.

Yeah, great.

But it was a great little window there.

At your place, you fucked?

No, her hotel.

Yeah.

God damn.

Nice.

What would you do?

Fuck.

Yeah, okay.

Great.

I mean, that's just great.

Well,

what would you do?

No, I was going to change the subject, but I realized I should stay on this.

What's the longest you've ever had?

Like, you've pined for a while?

Wanting somebody?

Yeah, pine-free woman.

Or man.

This girl, Sarah, from my college, that we just always.

I had a girlfriend when she was single.

She had a boyfriend when I was single.

Just never quite worked out.

And then it's done now.

But it was always like a thing.

And in fact, I was she was

in the crowd at the Denver Comedy Works.

And I kept looking at her.

I was like, it's really thrown off my game.

And then the show ended.

I was like, then you're good night.

And then I went out there.

I was like, I waited like a minute because she was like in a row, so she couldn't get out.

And then I kind of waited.

I was like, hey, Sarah.

She goes, what?

I'm like, just looked like her.

Oh, it wasn't her.

Yeah, so much that it was like, oh, my God.

Yeah.

And then I was just like, what a bad show I put on because I kept looking at her and getting nervous.

Like, it had to be good for this.

Is it someone you, have you consummated?

Nope.

No,

I never will.

Yeah.

Maybe when we're 80.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's one chick from high school that I did, and it was like, it was bad.

It was like, but also I grew up in a religious school where I'm like no one's

no one's like uh educated on sex there yeah so that I'm like I'm the one who has to I don't want some fucking virgin-y person like I learned dawn live league yeah put your legs somewhere just sit there yeah don't just sit there

I yeah I mean it is nice when you get one when you've been wanting some for a while honestly it's probably my only one where it was just like I was obsessed with this girl not obsessed in like a weird way but like I loved her and like I was really all about her um And then, and I was like, I think because you got kicked out of school, badass.

Yeah, drinking.

Badass.

If you went back to Spain, where would you go?

Are there any things you like wanted to do that you didn't?

Well, there's so much I want to do that.

Actually, no,

I want to do a lot.

I want to do it again.

But you know what the son of a bitch is?

I feel like I can't return to Spain until I'm good at Spanish again.

So actually, last year, I downloaded Duolingo and I was like, I'm going to get back on it.

And I actually got good again and then fell off again.

And now I'm like, well, God damn, I got to get back on Duolingo before I go.

I got a better one.

Duolingo helps for sure.

It gets you like slow, slow.

This is what I felt.

Slow, slow, nominal gains.

And you now have a word there.

Little things like, okay, conjunction words.

Like I can use that for lots of sentences.

You know, like words like, do you know?

Yes.

So I can play like, do you know where the bathroom is?

Do you know where the, do you know how to get to?

Do you know?

Yeah, yeah.

And so, nice.

And so, then it's like, um,

canosas.

No, that's to meet.

No, that's conocer.

Conocer is to know, right?

I thought it's saber.

Saber is to know.

Saber is to know.

So, tutsabes?

Tusabes.

I don't know.

Yeah.

But anyway, there's certain words you can use a lot.

It might be.

We don't have to.

No, we do.

You know.

You know.

Bam.

Bam.

Nailed it.

it.

Oh, okay.

And then verb saber, conocer, riconocer.

So saber is part of that, pensar.

Anyway, um,

it gets you a few words, but talking, then you're fucking you're, then it's like zooms.

Yeah, within two days, you're great.

What's the thing?

What the tip?

Yeah.

My friend Dragos said this.

We started dueling around the same time.

It was like this, and I just saw him.

It's only been two years.

He's there.

He said a little bit.

He's Romanian, so he already has a basis in it because he's Roman, whatever.

Love languages or whatever.

Chat GBT.

20 minutes.

He goes, speak to me.

I'll speak to you in Spanish.

When I'm wrong, correct me in English.

And so you just say, how was your day?

What did you do yesterday?

He has his coffee, speaks to him 10 or 20 minutes.

So it's not like a thing.

Unlimited patience.

They never get annoyed.

And then they go, that was really good.

And you're like, oh, thanks.

Dude, I've been.

And they go, that's great.

You could have also said saber for that, but Kenosaire is actually really good too.

Or they go, actually, you said sabes that's a different thing completely but i get what you were going for and so they correct you in english 20 minutes and it's like you get real go ahead i don't know no i i've i've been i'm not anti ai i'm not like one of those people who are like it's gonna kill humanity but i just don't see a need for it i don't use it it doesn't this is the first need i saw for it this is my first need that i go okay that was not algorithming you into a certain thing that's not like exactly what i want i want the idea.

I want you to hit me with like some metal music.

I'm not into metal.

Yeah, yeah.

But like, I'm open to it if my friend's into it.

With AI and stuff, like, you're not going to want that.

I'm like, well, I want the options.

Yeah, yeah.

I want my taste to be able to change.

This is one of those where it's like, has that nothing to do with that?

That one, that's, that's got my, my AI thing had been like, um,

I've used it, uh, the example of my aunt.

My aunt, when cell phones came out, she was like, No, thanks.

No, thanks.

She didn't hate cell phones.

She didn't refuse.

I feel like people with AI, people are so on one side or the other.

Yeah.

And she's like, she didn't think they were going to be the downfall of humanity, but she just didn't.

She's like, I don't need it in my life.

It's not something I need.

20 years later, she now needs a cell phone.

So she's got a cell phone.

And she doesn't really use it as we use cell phones, but she's by far my most well-adjusted elderly person in my life.

Wow.

And she's like the best.

I'm like, I think I'm going to do her thing now.

I got all I need.

I'll get to that when I need it.

Yeah, the AI thing is like, it might make it easier for me, but also, I don't know what it's going to do to me.

Yeah.

I don't know what it's like to not get directions from a friend.

Everything ideal.

Like,

what's the word where it's like the best way to get something it's like as a

the best of everything it's not idealized it's um it's um it's like what's the fastest way to get home what's the best website to use for flights what's the it's the i what i have in my head is as the crow flies but no no no it's not about that it's like the the idea that this is the best thing to do optimized optimized yeah yeah okay so everything's optimized but like sometimes i don't want optimized sometimes i want like i'll see a route this way i'm like oh well that goes by a national park actually let me let me get an extra 20 minutes on this five-hour drive and go take a nice drive.

I want to see both of them and decide instead of just going, this is the one for you.

Yeah.

I mean, that makes.

I don't know.

I just don't know what it's doing.

There's, you got to have like an open, and I think this actually kind of ties into traveling as well, where it's like, you guys have an open, nice, openness for life.

And you're like, I don't know what it's going to throw at me, but I'll fucking bounce with it and I'll roll with it and we'll see how it goes.

And when you're doing all that stuff, when everything's optimized and streamlined, and like, I don't know, I feel like I'm missing out on it.

Sure, it'll get better and make and make it optimized for you but like or like or like not optimized where it's like actually i know you like parks i know you're feeling this way today we should send you by but i don't i just don't know yeah i'm kind of like i don't know and i want to find out and i and the computer's not going to tell me how old are you i am 36.

do you were you in so in

high school everyone has cell phones uh yes pretty much i i got my first not quite i i was early i got a cell phone for eighth grade graduation and uh not a flip but not like

a smartphone, just like it had the keys on the iPhone.

I was the first.

LG Envy?

No,

it was a Envy Rule.

That Envy Rule full keyboard was like, wow.

I never had any cool phones

until a Blackberry.

But I was early, but by sophomore year, everyone had one.

Okay, so then there's like, we're just going to wrap this up.

So there's nominal changes in our social whatever.

So like with no cell phones, it's like, hey, I'll meet you at 2 p.m.

tomorrow at the park.

If you're going to be 240, we might not be there anymore.

Yeah.

And then we don't know, you don't know where we are.

And it's like, maybe they went to Avi's house, maybe they went to Tim's house.

I'll do the laps and try to find them.

But with just pre-smartphones, it's still like, where are you guys?

Right.

Or I'll call you, where are you?

Where Tim?

Okay, I'll bypass that.

Go to that.

With like the picture phones, there's no like moment of peace.

No.

And there's good stuff too, but I'm like, I kind of miss those times at like a house party where we're all just hanging out and none of this is is on the record other than rumor.

Oh, I heard Feidelberg threw up.

Oh, really?

But there's not evidence of it.

Yeah, yeah.

So we can get embarrassing.

I've very much become like you.

In

you probably the pioneer who led the way, and I just listened to you talking.

I'm like, I gotta live more like Ari.

But I've very much distanced myself from that.

Yeah, I'm about to say that.

And have

light phone.

What is that?

It's a light phone.

Light phone two.

There's a three now, but it's got like whatever.

It's got a...

I've just got to call them.

I don't know how to update my context on here, but it's got a Maps app

and a ride share app.

I don't quite know how it works, but you can find your way around.

And then full keyboard.

It's like a Kindle.

No way.

It's the light phone?

Yeah.

Is that the text you sent yesterday?

Do you send those?

No, I'm about to get rid of that smartphone, so I want to bring up.

If I do get this, I might lose everybody's contacts.

Yeah.

So like,

I've done it before, and I'm like, who is this?

For like a year, I'm like, who is this?

And then people think I'm ignoring them.

When I'm like, I just got a new phone number.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't want, I did that with like lots of people.

This guy fucking hates me now.

I'm like, oh, right, you got a new number.

You didn't get a new number.

It's not a crazy thing, but no one thinks that.

They just think this guy's being a dick to me.

You sent it, you're like, hi, getting a new phone.

I was like, all right, I didn't send this text.

Yeah, maybe I didn't phrase it right.

I just sent it to all my contacts.

She's like, it's going to lose it soon.

All right.

Well, here's what I ask people usually in the podcast.

Was there more about Spain that you didn't tell me?

No,

I don't think so.

And you didn't.

So you hate tapas.

What about pinches?

Pinches I like.

I have pinches I like.

What's the difference between pinches and tapas?

I don't fucking know.

It's like on bread or not on bread.

I think, yes.

I think a tapa comes on like those clay plates.

You know what I mean?

Like the really small ones like that.

But I don't know what I'm talking about.

So.

Yeah.

This podcast is not about accurate.

This podcast is about just what your experience was.

hold on

uh tapas and

pinchos

uh are both spanish words they have different tapas are generally smaller portions often served on a plate boom nailed it eaten the utensils pinchos are finger food wow interesting okay now we know now we know and there's some pictures okay so so

what was i gonna say what do we say what else you said it you said you questions you usually ask Okay, two questions.

I'll ask them both, and you tell me what country is calling you?

What place is calling you next?

Something new.

And then also any travel tip you have.

Okay.

Pack light.

Don't be an asshole.

Put your mushrooms in salad.

You know, anything.

And then where's calling you?

You know, travel, the tips, I don't.

Don't show up to the airport early.

That's my tip.

I love it.

Don't show up.

There's no reason to be there

an hour before your flight.

Like, no, it's a little different.

I have like clear and shit like that.

But

I get on my flight.

I get to the airport and I just walk on my plan.

I love it.

I borderline.

I have a private plan.

And it's like, they just start bordering.

I'm like, but they'll be boarding for 25 more minutes.

Yeah.

So it's okay.

My flight's boring.

I'm like, I know.

It just started boarding.

You have to save seat.

Fucking relax.

Relax.

Relax is my biggest travel tip.

Chill out.

Can I tell you how I want that?

I'm checking you in.

You're checking your bag, right?

Or checking in at the airport.

And I'm the travel agent, you know?

Okay.

I want you like, hey, here's my bag.

This is the look I want.

If you're me or you're you, I want this.

I'm not a traveler.

I want this look.

So you go, hey, here I'm here's my bag.

Hey, here's my bag.

All right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, buddy.

I'll buy the secondhand.

I'll let you in.

No waste of time.

You saying I'm checking you in reminded me, okay,

this is a tip and it's a real one.

Okay.

Find out what time you're getting to your hotel.

If you like, what time you land, this is particularly...

Why?

Interesting.

Because if Europe, I hate when I land at like 9 a.m.

and my hotel can't take me.

So it's worth,

if you're like me, and if you're like, when I get there, I need a nap.

Yeah.

Book for the night before.

Pay the extra 200 bucks, 300 bucks, 500, whatever the fuck it is.

Pay the extra night and be able to get into your room.

When you get there at 7, it's like, okay, I'll pay.

It's like when you get there at like 2 and you're like, come on, on, I don't want to pay an extra day for this.

No, yeah, those are crazy.

But there was one I went to the Azores in Portugal, which are like a great place to visit.

They call it the Hawaii of Europe.

But it's right, it's an easy four-hour flight from the city.

It's crazy from the latitude of Philadelphia.

And I got there, same type of deal, like 7 a.m., whatever the fuck it was.

Went to check into the hotel.

They said, can't let you in, but go, you know, go sit outside.

It's nice.

So I I went and sat by the pool on like a lounge chair.

I fell asleep.

I woke up three hours later.

You're not the guy for that.

They had put the fucking restaurant around me.

I thought you were going to say you were sunburned.

No.

So

I just woke up.

It was just like,

as close as you are.

Really?

There's a family eating.

I was like, what the fuck is going on?

Not how you want to wake up.

But I actually, I think I've only done that once.

It's something I thought of recently.

I think it is so worth having your hotel room ready so you can put your bag down.

Yeah, for sure.

Take a shower if you need it.

You can tell them, too.

It's like, hey, I'm going to be landing here.

Can you save me a room?

Sometimes they can do it.

Sometimes it's like, we just don't.

And then you're like, all right, can't be two nights in.

That's the worst.

Again, particularly Europe, if you're doing a red eye or whatever, and you're like, I have nowhere to go.

I've been on a flight for nine hours.

You're tired or cranky.

And you're just like so sweaty.

At least you take your bag.

Yeah, I guess you could do like a Delta lounge or something like that, but I don't even know if they have those.

And then sleep, it's still not going to sleep.

No.

You want a nap.

I want a quick nap.

I'm going to nap for an hour, brush my teeth, nap, fall asleep, and then go out.

And then I'll wake up and then I can give you a full day, but just give me fucking sleep.

Get travel tip.

That's a good travel tip.

Thank you.

Yeah.

But as for what's calling me right now, not

because I want to go on a trip in July.

Just somewhere.

Are you off?

No, but we usually take like the week off, like what July.

And

I don't have a ton of time the rest of the year.

So I've been being like, I got to go somewhere in July.

And

this is kind of insane.

Because

nothing major is getting me.

Burkina Faso?

I was going to say Quebec City.

I heard Quebec City is great.

That's not insane.

I've never been.

No.

But

I've heard it's cool.

Yeah, I've heard it's really good.

I've never heard anything bad about Quebec City.

No, except I think they're a little tough with the languages.

The language.

Yeah, I think that's a little hard.

But also, like, I think it's like what america was for like spanish people like 20 years ago yeah speak the fuck but they know you're not from here so like all right i'm i'm gonna yell at them but i was like i can't get too worked up yeah

yeah i had a quebec city guy in montreal i ran into and he was like

and we're like in in front we're like oh we don't speak he goes why not i'm like oh we're from america and he goes oh no but still

yeah you still you should like oh i mean i'm what

no but still i'm gonna learn french for the second for half English city in weekend.

It wasn't even Quebec City.

It was in Montreal.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, yeah.

But Quebec City, they get serious.

That'd be cool, though.

Yeah, I think my, I think, uh, let me know how it is.

I want to do Europe, but they're also like, it just, I've been doing it.

You went for Amsterdam with Burton.

I've done Amsterdam.

I actually went back.

I liked Amsterdam so much I went back a month later with my mom and my brother.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

I really think you're family places.

We were supposed to go to Iceland, and I got back, and I was like, I don't know.

Amsterdam was amazing.

Because before the bird trip, I had always just thought of Amsterdam as the party city.

I didn't know it was beautiful.

I didn't know all its history.

And so we went, and I loved it.

And my mom was like, let's just fucking scrap Iceland and let's go there instead.

It's so funny.

They get another travel tip.

Icelandair and WoW will almost always let you do a multiple day layover on the way to anywhere in Europe.

Really?

You got to fly over.

And if you're like, landing there and changing planes and going on, they go, you can make that layover two hours or you can make it four days.

No shit, same price, and that's expensive as fuck to fly to Iceland, right?

Yeah, so it's just like they want you, like, hey, if you're flying right over here, stick around for a bit, just stay, spend some money here, yeah,

a little other two, but um,

yeah, I'm everybody in Amsterdam's like, do you go to the red light district?

I wonder if Amsterdam is like, guys, we're so much more than that,

dude.

When I was learning about how, like, they fucking invented the stock market, and oh, yeah, the Dutch

East India Trading Company invented the stock market.

Um, also, they used to only drink beer

because they had no potable water.

So, like, the kids drank beer all day.

Beer saved humanity.

The Rijks Museum in Amsterdam.

Very fucking cool.

I'm a big museum guy.

Love museums.

I went to a great modern art one in Amsterdam.

Yes, dude.

That's where I fell in love with museums because I was at, so it wasn't the modern art.

You know, they have that museum plaza where there's like five museums, the Van Gogh Museum's there.

Okay.

I think the Rijks Museum is close by,

but there was just their regular art museum.

And it made me fall in love with museums, and it made me fall in love with getting a tour because I learned so much that I wouldn't have gotten it.

I wouldn't have gotten it.

And it made it so much fun for me.

And the one example I, or the best example I have is: I was in a room about this size, all paintings of just a man.

Okay.

And he's holding a hat and a lot of them, you know, like the little boulder caps.

And I just kind of looked around, and they were all fine feignings, but whatever, no big deal.

And the docent then explained to me that

it was Max Brahmer, I believe his name is.

It's a German painter.

And he was a painter in the 40s.

Yeah.

And he

was invited to a art show for degenerates, a degenerate art show that was put on.

And that was Hitler was putting it on.

And Hitler, on top of the Jews and gay people and everyone, he also

gassed anyone he declared as a

degenerate.

So Max shows up to this event and sees it's all his own fucking art at this degenerate art event and is like, well, he's going to kill me.

So I got to get the fuck out of here.

So he goes on the run.

And then he goes and paints these paintings.

And the painting in the hats he had, like in one, it said London.

And he would paint where he was when he painted it in order to taunt Hitler.

Oh, like I'm on the run.

Yeah.

And I was like, okay, well, now these are the greatest pieces of art I've ever seen in my life.

Now that I know this.

Because you know the story.

These are the coolest fucking things I've ever seen.

Wow.

Interesting.

Little cues.

Yeah.

I love when you're at the Met and there's some docent giving some tour and you just kind of like walk by

for just a little bit.

You're kind of like, oh, let me tie my shoe.

They also have those.

Sometimes, like at the Dali Museum in St.

Pete,

those little headphones you can get.

And then then each every third one has a number, and it'll give you a history of that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're like, that's really good too, because it's up to you which one you want to go.

I want to find out more about this.

And you go 247, and then it gives you a two-year-old.

Yeah, you just go, all right, this spoke to me a little bit.

What's this deal?

I don't know.

I have a lot of fun with that now.

Not that I do it all the time, but when I do it, I have a good time.

No, it is cool to be able to have somebody go, let me tell you about this so you know the context of it.

Yeah, like that's so cool.

Like, hey, what's up?

Yeah, dude.

Again, when I heard that, I was like, oh, never mind.

This is fucking.

Like, it all clicked for me.

I was like, now I get it.

This is fucking.

Yeah, because before that, I was like, fucking dumbhat.

Who cares?

It's an

easy himself a piece of shit.

Wow, a taunt.

Yeah.

Trash talk.

He threw the most evil man alive through his art.

That's fucking awesome.

Yeah.

All right, Feidelberg.

That was great.

All right.

Thank you very much for having me.

I hope you did a good job.

No, it was great.

Make sure to check out KFC Every Week.

And I'll say all this later when I put stuff in, but like, what's your sketch stuff?

Out of order, but we actually, we wrote a show, and so it's going to come out this fall.

We wrote a sitcom, really?

Yeah.

On what?

I think we're just going to put it on YouTube.

On Barstall?

Yeah, we're about done filming.

Great.

So it's a sitcom.

A sitcom.

Yeah, called Le Mascots.

Me, Tommy Smokes, Lil Sass,

tons of people.

Oh, well, I'll put this episode out when this comes out.

I actually, I honestly, I think it's funny.

I hope it's as good as.

What's it called?

Le Mascots.

What is it?

So it's like

me and tommy are times square cookie monster and elmo okay and it's just like our lives outside of times square and like what we're regular really like is people yeah and

sass is dustin my uh nephew who is making a documentary on his uncle uh so he's the one kind of following us it's kind of like

the two things we've kind of been using it's like kind of like entourage if if Vinny never existed and mixed with Sonny.

I would guess are the two closest.

I love the

feel of always Sonny.

It's like, not Peaky Blinders, Peep Show.

It's like that same feel, like ridiculous, overboard.

Way over the top.

Yeah, it's ridiculous.

It's way over the top.

A lot of yelling.

That's great.

Kevin's always like, he should commit more to these sketches

and acting stuff.

I think we tried this year.

We'll see if it works.

And if not, we'll try something new next year.

Yeah, but it will work.

You did it.

We'll see.

You already made it.

We are about, we have, I would say, 85% is filmed.

Nice.

A few more mini shoots.

and then I hope it comes out.

Plan is to come out this fall.

Okay.

Lay mascots.

Well, it's out right now.

It's out right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Nice.

Buddy, thank you.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

All right.

Hell yeah.

Bye, everybody.

Thank you guys for tuning in.

That is the episode.

Sorry, I'm just taking off my UB Trippin' shirt that you can

buy online right now at arieshair.com.

Or if you're watching on YouTube, you can get it right at the bottom of the screen.

And I'm putting on

this other colored Ubi Tripping shirt that I took by mistake because I was trying to reach for a different one.

Also, get the Feidelberg shirt, get those until they're done so I can get them off the fucking

store.

Um,

guys, go check out uh the show right now, it's coming out tonight.

So, if you're watching this after the first few hours, it should be out.

But, um, go to out youtube.com/slash at

out of order

to see Feidelberg Show out of order, New episode with

the man, the Jew, the actor, Ari Shafir, in episode one.

And leave a comment.

Let them know that you came from this show.

Tell them I came here straight from Spain or you'll be tripping Sammy or any one of those sorts of things.

Or leave a comment on there.

And like, you know,

I don't want to ruin the fucking thing, but just say

sass is a loser.

I think they'll understand that.

Sass is a loser because he does play a fucking loser in this.

Sass is a loser is great.

That's it, everybody.

Thank you very much for tuning in.

Next week, we got Kevin Iso and Reggie Conquest talking about Carnival in London.

It's a great one with good pictures, good videos, a robbery, and London Carnival is coming up in a week and a half.

So we figured we'd put this one out right to time out with that.

Today's episode is produced by your mom's house network.

It's edited by Alan Caffey.

Did a great job.

Helped along by Niana.

Tune in wherever you're tuning in.

I mean, subscribe wherever you're tuning in.

Hit that subscribe button, guys.

Do me a favor.

And go get those last Feidelberg shirts.

I guess I should tell you that.

Fuck this Ubi Trippin' shirt and fuck these Ubi Trippin' six pack of stickers that are available right now.

Don't worry about that.

Or my Jew vinyl.

Don't worry about that.

Get one of those final 11 Feidelberg shirts and follow John Feidelberg.

Oh, on Instagram.

We forgot that.

At Feidelberg.

Really?

He got that.

Thank God Yoni Feidelberg is dead.

At Feidelberg.

F-E-I-T-E-L-B-E-R-G.

Follow him along, see his new sketch show, and wish him the strongest remorse for his friend Kevin Clancy dying in that horrible accident where his brakes somehow just gave out.

Shouldn't have bought a bought a Honda.

All right, guys, until next week, Asta Luego de España.

Suffs, the new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be home.

Winner, best score.

We demand to be seen.

Winner, best book.

We demand to be quality.

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs, playing the Orpheum Theater October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.